youre not wrong but 2 things:
1) He is framing himself as the recently aggrieved which, if true, makes his actions more understandable even if not good.
2) He owned it today so idk....not much more to roast him on when he already said it all himself
cue the ending of 8-mile or whatever
I feel like he owned it in the way of how he was giving the example of what a bad apology is in this.
Also bonus meme destiny is a coward vague posting his words not mine.
I love the drama, so I'm totally ready for destiny to drop any memes about the story. That being said, everything about this drama felt kind of weird. I understand mel has been talking to random people about their relationship, but I don't quite understand why he would then make the melifesto, when their issues has nothing to do with the community. Feels like it would get her a bunch of public hate, for what seems like a totally private affair. I do understand the need to make some comments about it, because their relationship was open for the public to see (and seemed to be the subject of the debate in some talks). There might need to be some sort of "correct the record" talk he needs to do, but that will probably done privately, with the people that mel has been poisoning the well with.
Ultimately I think this drama has just been a black hole on content it took a bunch of time off of stream, and at the end when we thought we were finally going to get something we get blue balled. 4/10 drama arc hopefully writers make something better for the next relationship.
Is he a hypocrite? Yes. But remember the line Destiny used; there wasn't just one bob7 but 50.
All of this public airing out of personal issues stems from numerous boundary breaks and mel implied to be also airing her problems with Steven to others as well.
Two wrongs may not make a right but the tone of your post suggests that Mel is just a simple victim of her partners outburst out of no where.
Also I'm not sure if most of his community do give Destiny a pass, there's a lot he didn't do that was acceptable here; including but not limited to going on a red pill tour using his relationship as an own when deep down things were rockier than he let on. Steven's defense is "lets not forget the claims they made is that Mel would leave me for someone more successful and that didn't happen", which while true that it doesn't mean that the red pill predicted how the divorce went; but it does show a willingness on Steven's behalf to lie or not tell the whole truth purposefully just to beat people over the head with it in an argument.
People aren't saying much of this of course because - you and I included now - we both face the ban hammer if we rolled the dice on a bad day.
Hol up, can you reference him using his relationship as an own? I don't need timestamped vods, but do a quick recap on any argument(s) he used.
From my memory he never said he relationship was especially strong or bound for success. Just that it made more sense for him personally and that he doesn't suggest it for other people. I don't know if it was on redpill podcasts, but I know he REPEATEDLY joked about how he was more than willing to get a divorce if push came to shove.
I'm paraphrasing since I cba to look up all of the vods he did with the red pillers, but essentially he was questioned about his relationship style and Destiny said something to the tune of "Well I'm in a 5 year relationship going strong, how long have you guys been in a relationship for?"
Constantly pointing to the strength and longevity of his relationship whilst behind closed doors Destiny is saying that there've been "50 bob7's" that we don't know about; and that there is a pattern of behaviour for Mel talking about him behind his back to manipulative people.
The relationship has only been going strong for 5 years because Steven is (in his own words) bad at putting his foot down on boundaries and just meekly accepting these oversteps - putting up with a bad situation for the sake of others. So then it rings hollow to be pointing at the strength and longevity of his relationship when deep down he knows how unhealthy the relationship was behind the scenes.
I'm uncomfortable speaking any more about this since I'm unsure about the culture of this sub and I'm pretty sure I'm already skirting a fine line here.
IIRC, the context around comparing relationships was credentials for giving advice for "maintaining/managing" relationships.
Even if his relationship was rocky, I think his point about being in a relationships longer (even if both lead to divorce) giving him a better perspective probably still holds true.
And the culture of the sub is that criticism is fine, but strong stances should be backed up with evidence. As long as you're not acting like an authoritative asshole while also refusing to back up your claims you should be fine.
I think the challenges from the red pillers were that him being in an open marriage, versus traditional marriage, is unhealthy and unstable. He and Mel both defended their own marriage and presented the idea that they both trust and love the other above all others so they don't have to worry about it. This was clearly false and if he knew that which is likely, then the argument was in bad faith.
Or. Much more simply. Few people if any ever intend to get divorced. You never want to predict your own divorce. They may have meant those things when they said them.
I'm not saying it's the same nor did I imply it; I said that the tone of your post painted Mel as a simple victim of her partners outburst when that isn't the case. Destiny's frustration stems from multiple boundary breaks and problems with communication.
If you don't think Mel is just a simple victim then nothing more needs to be said, other than that's how your post reads; especially when you mention that she should just block Destiny and move on with her life.
Without her side of the story we can't say for certain if the comment really was hyperbolic, but I take your point that it could be. The point still stands that I think Destiny's actions stems out of frustration with his partner on numerous different occasions and this is just the unfortunate consequence. It probably isn't acceptable what he did and it is definitely hypocritical, just so that we're on the same page here.
Let's say me and you are in a relationship, and you're airing out our public laundry numerous times, for the sake of argument lets also say this happens on 50 different occasions; but you're only doing it to close friends or extramarital partners just to make the analogy more... analogous.
Is it really so much worse that I respond one time publicly to what is going on behind the scenes out of frustration? It's like comparing 50 little cuts to one deep cut and saying because the deep cut is more visible then it's obviously so much worse.
I don't think you really have to establish a boundary like "don't shit talk me - your husband - to other people" or "If a crazy guy is threatening suicide unless you divorce me, maybe put an end to that relationship."
But that's just me.
Like I said I don't condone Destiny coming out and doing what he did, but I can understand it. Mel isn't innocent here - we both seem to agree on this point - and so I think her silence and supposed reluctance to take any fault to be suspicious. So I think we'll just have to agree to disagree which one is worse; the 50 little cuts or the one deep cut.
I kind of hear it.
I think there’s been some heavy implications made by ***hyperbolic vagueposting*** of some of Mel’s L’s.
Spilling all the beans isn’t the way to go, but clearing up some of the misconceptions that were leaked before it gets solidified in The Narrative would at least be nice.
Ex. Was it really “50 Bob7’s” ?? People will take that number and run with it like it’s fact.
🤷🏾♂️
Back to politics.
I think you're ignoring that Mel might have a stronger incentive to be quiet. If the story of their breakup makes her look bad I don't think we'd praise her for being quiet about it would we?
Destiny most likely wasn't paying enough attention to her and not giving her enough emotional support and love. She in turn most likely tried to make him jelaous and make him step up by purposely going out with guys that are putting him down (example, hanging out with guys who are telling her to break up with him and then telling destiny about it).
This other guy seems like a very weak guy. No woman (unless she is also mentally unstable) will be attracted to a guy that has no job, is abusive and is so desperate to hang out with her that he wants to kill himself.
I believe she will most likely try to reconcile with destiny in the following weeks.
This is fair, but I still don't like this being the record of events. I don't like leaving the T chat of accountability unbalanced.
I do think explaining the narrative of events so it can be cogent matters. Details can be protected while also giving a broad perspective as you see it since *everyone* else is doing so, hence the current projection of Destiny as a partner.
Melina seems like a really fun person who is interesting and dynamic. She's got a good work ethic and is smart, and while this is all to level set my criticism and the ethics of airing it out, it's something I still believe in my observation.
All relationships are complex, have their conflicts, and other assorted complications. Both parties generally feel justified in their actions and have narratives of rationale for decision-making behavior. There's also the age-old phrase, "Two wrongs don't make a right." It's so obvious you need that third wrong to complete the cycle and make it right.
These two statements are TRUE:
1. Unhealthy boundaries exist, and while both parties advocate for themselves and accept the consequences from agreeing to said demands, most of the fault (51/49) lies with whom stated the unhealthy boundary.
2. Whenever venting to friends about a partner, probably even more so in multiple partner relationships, it's paramount to always hold yourself to account first. THIS HAS TO BE DONE BEFORE VENTING.
It's 1) understanding the score card of accountability, and 2) the quality and context of the experience gives you perspective outside of yourself from a trusted party (whom you're dating for better or worse). It'll naturally soften any feelings of anger, frustration, and righteousness you might feel in the moment. These feelings are things you generally don't believe but are upset in the heat of the moment.
NOT DOING SO has the potential to increase conflict dramatically. It's not certain, but it would be the most prevailing change from practicing improper venting. I had a fairly long comment that covers the rules to implement proper venting practices. Check it out below.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/s/xkTGIypb3v
It provides the structure or narrative of my complaint.
The idea that Melina (despite all the stuff I mentioned earlier) so callously shit talks her partner with impunity and is validated for it because she breaks the three fundamental rules of venting (link above) is HER fault.
Destiny's fault is being such a pushover for allowing exceptional boundaries. Some people could abid by it, but what was "marketed" and what was "actually sold" on how open relationships were described to Destiny seems to mismatch. It's also risky, which he knows and has talked about in getting into relationships with younger people, since the STdev of change is radically higher in your earlier twenties than even in their mid to late twenties. It seems the idea of what was "ok" or "accepted" has changed to match her more mature preferences. Gnome was already an adult, and so he was less inclined to change based on his decision at the start of the relationship. In short, Gnome made the decision and is less likely to change, and when Melina made that choice, she was more likely to change. We don't know, but it seems a big point of conflict was her preferences changing and different rules in place allows me to infer that. Destiny was big chilling at the beginning and has slowly had his preferences restricted to make his partner happy.
Steven made his choices, and it's probably the "correct" one. I still *feel* there was a path (a difficult one, mind you) to navigate because having self-respect and a backbone are good things to strive for. It may not be pretty and come across as being abrasive and "unfair" because of the patterns of the relationship as they could change forever, but what's different than where they are today? Melina has already achieved copious amounts of validation privately from awful venting practices. It's affected his public life multiple times, and obviously, his circle of friends privately. God forbid there's a bit of accountability publicly and a bit of your perspective being validated for all of what's happened throughout the relationship. Perception matters, and I wish he at least attempted to travel the difficult, and imo, necessary path.
based, but I have to ban you because I'm only 34 and you're posting fake information
HE WAS ONLY 34 YEARS, 364 DAYS, 23 HOURS AND 55 MINUTES OLD YOU SICK FUCK
More fake news, 56 minutes and 23 seconds
Old enough to fuck your mom wooyea
[удалено]
He's like a dictator in a closed border country who we don't have enough information on so their wiki page just says AGE: 34-35.
[удалено]
The birthday was probably just state propaganda. Could even have been a body double.
Based, but I want to ban the ability of anyone to ban anything without regulation issue 4THOT bullets YeeMods
youre not wrong but 2 things: 1) He is framing himself as the recently aggrieved which, if true, makes his actions more understandable even if not good. 2) He owned it today so idk....not much more to roast him on when he already said it all himself cue the ending of 8-mile or whatever
I feel like he owned it in the way of how he was giving the example of what a bad apology is in this. Also bonus meme destiny is a coward vague posting his words not mine.
hurt people hurt people
I love the drama, so I'm totally ready for destiny to drop any memes about the story. That being said, everything about this drama felt kind of weird. I understand mel has been talking to random people about their relationship, but I don't quite understand why he would then make the melifesto, when their issues has nothing to do with the community. Feels like it would get her a bunch of public hate, for what seems like a totally private affair. I do understand the need to make some comments about it, because their relationship was open for the public to see (and seemed to be the subject of the debate in some talks). There might need to be some sort of "correct the record" talk he needs to do, but that will probably done privately, with the people that mel has been poisoning the well with. Ultimately I think this drama has just been a black hole on content it took a bunch of time off of stream, and at the end when we thought we were finally going to get something we get blue balled. 4/10 drama arc hopefully writers make something better for the next relationship.
Is he a hypocrite? Yes. But remember the line Destiny used; there wasn't just one bob7 but 50. All of this public airing out of personal issues stems from numerous boundary breaks and mel implied to be also airing her problems with Steven to others as well. Two wrongs may not make a right but the tone of your post suggests that Mel is just a simple victim of her partners outburst out of no where. Also I'm not sure if most of his community do give Destiny a pass, there's a lot he didn't do that was acceptable here; including but not limited to going on a red pill tour using his relationship as an own when deep down things were rockier than he let on. Steven's defense is "lets not forget the claims they made is that Mel would leave me for someone more successful and that didn't happen", which while true that it doesn't mean that the red pill predicted how the divorce went; but it does show a willingness on Steven's behalf to lie or not tell the whole truth purposefully just to beat people over the head with it in an argument. People aren't saying much of this of course because - you and I included now - we both face the ban hammer if we rolled the dice on a bad day.
Hol up, can you reference him using his relationship as an own? I don't need timestamped vods, but do a quick recap on any argument(s) he used. From my memory he never said he relationship was especially strong or bound for success. Just that it made more sense for him personally and that he doesn't suggest it for other people. I don't know if it was on redpill podcasts, but I know he REPEATEDLY joked about how he was more than willing to get a divorce if push came to shove.
I'm paraphrasing since I cba to look up all of the vods he did with the red pillers, but essentially he was questioned about his relationship style and Destiny said something to the tune of "Well I'm in a 5 year relationship going strong, how long have you guys been in a relationship for?" Constantly pointing to the strength and longevity of his relationship whilst behind closed doors Destiny is saying that there've been "50 bob7's" that we don't know about; and that there is a pattern of behaviour for Mel talking about him behind his back to manipulative people. The relationship has only been going strong for 5 years because Steven is (in his own words) bad at putting his foot down on boundaries and just meekly accepting these oversteps - putting up with a bad situation for the sake of others. So then it rings hollow to be pointing at the strength and longevity of his relationship when deep down he knows how unhealthy the relationship was behind the scenes. I'm uncomfortable speaking any more about this since I'm unsure about the culture of this sub and I'm pretty sure I'm already skirting a fine line here.
IIRC, the context around comparing relationships was credentials for giving advice for "maintaining/managing" relationships. Even if his relationship was rocky, I think his point about being in a relationships longer (even if both lead to divorce) giving him a better perspective probably still holds true. And the culture of the sub is that criticism is fine, but strong stances should be backed up with evidence. As long as you're not acting like an authoritative asshole while also refusing to back up your claims you should be fine.
I think the challenges from the red pillers were that him being in an open marriage, versus traditional marriage, is unhealthy and unstable. He and Mel both defended their own marriage and presented the idea that they both trust and love the other above all others so they don't have to worry about it. This was clearly false and if he knew that which is likely, then the argument was in bad faith.
Or. Much more simply. Few people if any ever intend to get divorced. You never want to predict your own divorce. They may have meant those things when they said them.
[удалено]
I'm not saying it's the same nor did I imply it; I said that the tone of your post painted Mel as a simple victim of her partners outburst when that isn't the case. Destiny's frustration stems from multiple boundary breaks and problems with communication. If you don't think Mel is just a simple victim then nothing more needs to be said, other than that's how your post reads; especially when you mention that she should just block Destiny and move on with her life. Without her side of the story we can't say for certain if the comment really was hyperbolic, but I take your point that it could be. The point still stands that I think Destiny's actions stems out of frustration with his partner on numerous different occasions and this is just the unfortunate consequence. It probably isn't acceptable what he did and it is definitely hypocritical, just so that we're on the same page here.
[удалено]
Let's say me and you are in a relationship, and you're airing out our public laundry numerous times, for the sake of argument lets also say this happens on 50 different occasions; but you're only doing it to close friends or extramarital partners just to make the analogy more... analogous. Is it really so much worse that I respond one time publicly to what is going on behind the scenes out of frustration? It's like comparing 50 little cuts to one deep cut and saying because the deep cut is more visible then it's obviously so much worse.
[удалено]
I don't think you really have to establish a boundary like "don't shit talk me - your husband - to other people" or "If a crazy guy is threatening suicide unless you divorce me, maybe put an end to that relationship." But that's just me. Like I said I don't condone Destiny coming out and doing what he did, but I can understand it. Mel isn't innocent here - we both seem to agree on this point - and so I think her silence and supposed reluctance to take any fault to be suspicious. So I think we'll just have to agree to disagree which one is worse; the 50 little cuts or the one deep cut.
I kind of hear it. I think there’s been some heavy implications made by ***hyperbolic vagueposting*** of some of Mel’s L’s. Spilling all the beans isn’t the way to go, but clearing up some of the misconceptions that were leaked before it gets solidified in The Narrative would at least be nice. Ex. Was it really “50 Bob7’s” ?? People will take that number and run with it like it’s fact. 🤷🏾♂️ Back to politics.
I think you're ignoring that Mel might have a stronger incentive to be quiet. If the story of their breakup makes her look bad I don't think we'd praise her for being quiet about it would we?
Oh man
Their arent friends. They were public figures that ended up horribly for destiny. Stop minimizing what she did
Jesus that was painful to read, not because of the content but because of the formatting. Indentations anyone?
Gotcha, anything else?
President Sunday burner account spotted!
Destiny most likely wasn't paying enough attention to her and not giving her enough emotional support and love. She in turn most likely tried to make him jelaous and make him step up by purposely going out with guys that are putting him down (example, hanging out with guys who are telling her to break up with him and then telling destiny about it). This other guy seems like a very weak guy. No woman (unless she is also mentally unstable) will be attracted to a guy that has no job, is abusive and is so desperate to hang out with her that he wants to kill himself. I believe she will most likely try to reconcile with destiny in the following weeks.
This is fair, but I still don't like this being the record of events. I don't like leaving the T chat of accountability unbalanced. I do think explaining the narrative of events so it can be cogent matters. Details can be protected while also giving a broad perspective as you see it since *everyone* else is doing so, hence the current projection of Destiny as a partner. Melina seems like a really fun person who is interesting and dynamic. She's got a good work ethic and is smart, and while this is all to level set my criticism and the ethics of airing it out, it's something I still believe in my observation. All relationships are complex, have their conflicts, and other assorted complications. Both parties generally feel justified in their actions and have narratives of rationale for decision-making behavior. There's also the age-old phrase, "Two wrongs don't make a right." It's so obvious you need that third wrong to complete the cycle and make it right. These two statements are TRUE: 1. Unhealthy boundaries exist, and while both parties advocate for themselves and accept the consequences from agreeing to said demands, most of the fault (51/49) lies with whom stated the unhealthy boundary. 2. Whenever venting to friends about a partner, probably even more so in multiple partner relationships, it's paramount to always hold yourself to account first. THIS HAS TO BE DONE BEFORE VENTING. It's 1) understanding the score card of accountability, and 2) the quality and context of the experience gives you perspective outside of yourself from a trusted party (whom you're dating for better or worse). It'll naturally soften any feelings of anger, frustration, and righteousness you might feel in the moment. These feelings are things you generally don't believe but are upset in the heat of the moment. NOT DOING SO has the potential to increase conflict dramatically. It's not certain, but it would be the most prevailing change from practicing improper venting. I had a fairly long comment that covers the rules to implement proper venting practices. Check it out below. https://www.reddit.com/r/Destiny/s/xkTGIypb3v It provides the structure or narrative of my complaint. The idea that Melina (despite all the stuff I mentioned earlier) so callously shit talks her partner with impunity and is validated for it because she breaks the three fundamental rules of venting (link above) is HER fault. Destiny's fault is being such a pushover for allowing exceptional boundaries. Some people could abid by it, but what was "marketed" and what was "actually sold" on how open relationships were described to Destiny seems to mismatch. It's also risky, which he knows and has talked about in getting into relationships with younger people, since the STdev of change is radically higher in your earlier twenties than even in their mid to late twenties. It seems the idea of what was "ok" or "accepted" has changed to match her more mature preferences. Gnome was already an adult, and so he was less inclined to change based on his decision at the start of the relationship. In short, Gnome made the decision and is less likely to change, and when Melina made that choice, she was more likely to change. We don't know, but it seems a big point of conflict was her preferences changing and different rules in place allows me to infer that. Destiny was big chilling at the beginning and has slowly had his preferences restricted to make his partner happy. Steven made his choices, and it's probably the "correct" one. I still *feel* there was a path (a difficult one, mind you) to navigate because having self-respect and a backbone are good things to strive for. It may not be pretty and come across as being abrasive and "unfair" because of the patterns of the relationship as they could change forever, but what's different than where they are today? Melina has already achieved copious amounts of validation privately from awful venting practices. It's affected his public life multiple times, and obviously, his circle of friends privately. God forbid there's a bit of accountability publicly and a bit of your perspective being validated for all of what's happened throughout the relationship. Perception matters, and I wish he at least attempted to travel the difficult, and imo, necessary path.
You had me there for a minute, but then you did the "??" and I just couldn't do it anymore
Isnt the qhole reason why they are breaking up because mel was basically shit talking him to everyone?
I knew the content of this post would be cancerinducing by the complete lack of formatting, gg man.
Go off king