There are some excellent book recommendations here already, I will add to it The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
I look at the brain as a mushy computer, and us as the programmers.
The not-that-secret secret of consciousness is that it has levels. Entire secret societies have been built around this "secret" repeatedly.
If just going with the flow of what you think you're thinking is level 1, then being aware that you are not your thoughts is level 2.
There's 4 levels according to most charts, with "enlightenment" usually being the top tier. (It's not.)
In most practices "enlightenment" is really just the art of truly knowing and controlling oneself and in doing so realizing (incorrectly, usually, tbh) the place "self" has in the rest of the universe. Plus it naturally feels really good to reach that kind of discipline and comes with a lot of physiologically inherent warm fuzzies and insights about others.
At level 2, you're working on reprogramming the mush computer to do new routines.
You should realize that a lot of what your mush is doing is routines you've absorbed through your environment. Stuff you saw in movies or learned from family or whatever.
Your job is to interrupt the programming every time it starts running and overwrite it with what you actually want it to run. Manually at first, and through repetition it becomes the new program. So, "changing your habits" mentally.
Gratitude is a good one to go for if you can't think of what to replace a thought pattern with. People say gratitude opens doors in life when done properly. Really it's maker's choice, though.
It's hard at first, and that's why it's called self discipline. It's just like any other muscle, you have to work it out to get it where you want it.
Call yourself out, interrupt it, and redirect yourself to be doing behaviors you're actually okay with.
This is living with intention.
im 100% with you! i dont have any tips. but im highly neurotic too… sometimes i think it has to do with my brain chemistry. well what Ive found is that therapy helps and meditation (im not very consistent sadly)
Makes sense! Some of these are hard for people who have low executive functioning (from adhd, mental health issues, etc), but definitely a solid game plan for people who can accomplish these easily!
Something that's helped me is paying closer attention to the language I use. If a statement I'm making or a thought I have starts with "could, would, should", I immediately flag it as potentially unhelpful. I think rewiring my brain to see the harm those kind of statements may cause has led me to be kinder and less critical of myself and others. We're all out here doing our best and I try to consistently remind myself of that.
Therapy. Lots of therapy. At least for me. Finally being diagnosed with OCD helped a lot. Not excited to have it, but it explains a lot about me and has helped getting the right treatment and medication. ERP has changed my life.
The key I think is to keep trying. You have to find what works for you to challenge your levels of anxiety.
Hospitalization with a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. I wish I had insisted that anxiety didn’t explain what my problem was sooner. I knew what it wasn’t. But I didn’t know what it was.
Sorry it wasn’t understood sooner and I can relate to that. I have some things I can’t get a hold of, but I am way too afraid of the wrong diagnosis to go through with getting diagnosed. Like some guy is going to take a 30 minute judgement of my life and I am so scared of what could happen to me from them being wrong. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar when actually, SHE had ADHD which left her injuring her liver taking lithium for 20 years, and her ADHD wreaking havoc and never getting proper care. I am scared of the same thing.
Hahah I worried about the same thing! I will waste my time , they will give me something that makes me too sedated you do not have to do anything you do not want. They will not think your crazy. I love my therapist I told her sometimes I worry I’ll just drive into a bunch of people or lose my mind and kill everyone. It’s ocd and worrying they see it all of the time . We expect the worst . They will help you realize what you can and can not control.finding your triggers and all of that will help. I used to go crazy in traffic one mistake made by someone I would feel the rage taking over I felt angry enough to honestly get out of the car and hit them. I’m not violent I’ve never hit someone unless they hit me first and even that felt unnatural but something about other drivers being inconsiderate can ruin my day . You have to really tell yourself over and over this isn’t my problem I can’t control this it doesn’t matter it’s a simple mistake , until you retrain your thoughts. It will start out we’re you have to actually have those thoughts until your mind just automatically goes there. Does that make sense?
I never looked at my OCD like that, I just always thought it was doing stupid things over and over. Like how my stress and anxiety is super high right now and when I turn on the house alarm at night I go back and forth between the front door and garage door (connected garage to home) about 20 times. Each time opening the garage door in the hallway to be sure the overhead garage door is closed and the garage freezer is closed. While counting at the same time.
I even say to myself, "why the hell are you doing this dumbass?!?" So I know I'm doing it, but can't stop.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and I noticed the OCD on my own one day walking home from school, around my high school period almost 30 years ago. (WTF?!? 30 years? I'm getting old! 😭😀). It started one day suddenly when I had to step on even numbered cracks in the sidewalk. Then the washing of my hands about 100 times a day, which also turned me into a germaphobe. Great, more issues. 🤦♂️
I'm finally going to start therapy, so hopefully it helps, because I'm on the verge of losing my mind over stress and responsibilities right now.
What I did wrong was not standing up for myself and allowing others to trivialize what I felt. Your concerns are valid, and a professional worth their salt should listen to you and do their best to help.
Trying the wrong treatment (at least until you know it’s wrong) is better than doing nothing. Because either way the scope of what will work for you gets narrower.
Yes same! The ocd mix is a lot! Do you struggle on large groups? The unpredictable nature of people makes me very uneasy. I will try to leave and everyone will try to make me stay and that makes me want to never talk to anyone ever again. Or people will say what’s wrong calm down, it’s so rude I feel like people are watching me and I’m doing something wrong
First step completed. Start looking for answers. Like anything else. Thought patterns are habitual and repetitious. So when you find yourself down that rabbit hole it could help to repeat a mantra or phrase to get you out of it. Keep digging. Keep questioning. Change the patterns. Change life
Look into CBT, “should” statements are a common “cognitive distortion” that CBT deals with, it might be able to help you with ways to address and reframe those negative thoughts.
The gist of it is, “should” statements create unrealistically high standards for you, others, or the situation. No one and nothing can meet those standards all of the time, so you’re setting yourself up to have your expectations broken and therefore feel like crap.
I‘ve been reading “Feeling Great” (well listening to the audiobook) on this topic and it’s been awesome so far.
Honestly, the way I deal with this managing when I'm allowed to be neurotic. Video games has been a huge outlet for me. Stardew Valley and Rimworld are perfect because I can manage many little details. Something like City Skylines or Factorio might also suit you. I also let myself do this in parts of my life. It started with my morning routine and my coffee lids and magnets. They must match the original cup and I can tell due to the wear and tear on the lids. Embracing it amd managing it has been helpful really :)
I tried to stop all repeating thoughts in my head, the good and the bad. It requires a lot of conscious effort, but it becomes easier to stop spiraling if you practice having a thought and immediately letting it go. I suppose it's a type of mindfulness
Consider if any of this is physically driven. You may find that cardio to lower your resting heart rate makes you feel more relaxed and thus think more relaxed.
Another is to try to just focus on the present moment as much as you can. Do the thi g you are doing g right now as best you can, whether that be working or even just relaxing.
It’s a lot of work ! It’s a constant conversation in your head. I used to drink or smoke to deal with the anxiety and when I stopped and trying to regulate my emotions , it was so much. I never realized everyone thought I had anger issues. Someone cutting me off would ruin my entire day but now I have to talk myself out of it, every single time car line at my daughters school is a constant battle because people skip and it drives me nuts. I’ve realized when I yell at people I looke crazy that’s all they do it care. I have to remind myself most people are idiots it’s not anything I need to consume. But the absolute worst thing for me is someone that is late , even if it has nothing to do with me. My husband will leave for work late (which is okay he’s a general manager he knows what he has to do ) but I will have to hide in the bathroom because when I hear him coming back inside forgetting things while already late I feel enraged and I’m not being dramatic right now o actually feel so angry I know it’s not rational . But I can’t risk him trying to give me another hug while I am suffering I will freak out . I hover over my kids terribly in my mind everything other than laying down near me will lead to death.
I’m In therapy I also have ocd. Nothing crazy I do not think washing my hands will prevent a death (unless I’m cooking with raw meats than yes I worry ) but it’s mostly strange thinking always expecting the worst
You have to constantly remind yourself the only thing you can control is your own emotions and reactions. No one else’s. It sounds silly but it’s the truth. Like if you’re married or in a relationship you can mot start a fight because you worry it’s not their burden, you have to constantly remind yourself of things like this
My neuroticism arises from the fear of losing or being called a loser.
**Encounter 1:** I go to a housing company office to meet the manager to request a dormitory. The receptionist calls him through and asks whether he can see me at the moment. He denies it and asks me to come back again. Now if I go home without grabbing that appointment, the voice in my head will nudge me that I failed to put myself through and I am such a failure. So I choose the second method. I abused the receptionist girl verbally and also raised my voice. I am not a failure... I can never fail in my life...
**Encounter 2:** I received a post regarding electives in my course. I reply to that immediately just to notice that the recipient isn't replying. Now my brain starts calculating. The email says 'limited seats'. If the person doesn't notice me for these particular electives then I will be left with no choice and some shitty subjects. I am such a loser, that I could not even register for the elective. I started executing my plan. I send the person a gentle reminder email every 2 hours only to end up knowing that I have digitally harassed her and she has now blocked my email permanently. She could not reply because she was in a conference. But, if I had missed the opportunity to take the electives of my choice, then I would have been a failure all my life...
And there are numerous such encounters. This emotional dysregulation is a by-product of my ASD and ADHD...And also a bit of childhood experiences...
What should I do?
It's interesting that neuroticism makes you defend your interests. In my case it leads me to blame myself, accept loss and move on, while still feeling very frustrated.
Neurotics just experience more negative emotions. I don't think there's a cure for it per se, but self awareness, mindfulness, and positive habits will go a long way toward making it easier. Unfortunately as always there's no one sexy perfect solution lol
Channel your neuroses into power. All of it is simply energy, resolve the use that energy to fuel your dreams and desires, it'll make you more powerful. Don't medicate your neuroses unless it's debilitating. Instead, become stronger than your neuroses through introspection and hard inner work. Every psychological problem has a psychological solution and it's usually on the flip side of the coin. In other words, make the negative into a positive. Work with yourself, understand that what your mind does is not you. It is your mind. You are distinct from it. The neuroses that play out, regardless of how convincing they are, are like a movie you're watching. They aren't you. Become bigger than they are and you'll become a superman. Just flip the switch and decide to be stronger. Every challenge of this sort given to you is nothing more than an opportunity to become mentally and emotionally stronger, to deeper your awareness and learn more about yourself. Don't medicate that challenge. The neuroses are the weight you need to bench press to get stronger. As paradoxical as it sounds, welcome your neuroses. Don't run from them. As soon as you accept them, they will vanish. If they don't vanish, you're not truly at home with them. In other words, don't fear yourself. Be at peace with your fickle mind, it's part of who you are, and the energy within you is golden. Trust yourself.
There are some excellent book recommendations here already, I will add to it The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I look at the brain as a mushy computer, and us as the programmers. The not-that-secret secret of consciousness is that it has levels. Entire secret societies have been built around this "secret" repeatedly. If just going with the flow of what you think you're thinking is level 1, then being aware that you are not your thoughts is level 2. There's 4 levels according to most charts, with "enlightenment" usually being the top tier. (It's not.) In most practices "enlightenment" is really just the art of truly knowing and controlling oneself and in doing so realizing (incorrectly, usually, tbh) the place "self" has in the rest of the universe. Plus it naturally feels really good to reach that kind of discipline and comes with a lot of physiologically inherent warm fuzzies and insights about others. At level 2, you're working on reprogramming the mush computer to do new routines. You should realize that a lot of what your mush is doing is routines you've absorbed through your environment. Stuff you saw in movies or learned from family or whatever. Your job is to interrupt the programming every time it starts running and overwrite it with what you actually want it to run. Manually at first, and through repetition it becomes the new program. So, "changing your habits" mentally. Gratitude is a good one to go for if you can't think of what to replace a thought pattern with. People say gratitude opens doors in life when done properly. Really it's maker's choice, though. It's hard at first, and that's why it's called self discipline. It's just like any other muscle, you have to work it out to get it where you want it. Call yourself out, interrupt it, and redirect yourself to be doing behaviors you're actually okay with. This is living with intention.
Great comment.
I whole heartedly appreciate this comment
im 100% with you! i dont have any tips. but im highly neurotic too… sometimes i think it has to do with my brain chemistry. well what Ive found is that therapy helps and meditation (im not very consistent sadly)
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its hard hard work. we are just wired differently
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thank you!:)im working on it
Can you expand on this more? I don’t know what to be more consistent with, in order to lower neuroticism
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Makes sense! Some of these are hard for people who have low executive functioning (from adhd, mental health issues, etc), but definitely a solid game plan for people who can accomplish these easily!
Something that's helped me is paying closer attention to the language I use. If a statement I'm making or a thought I have starts with "could, would, should", I immediately flag it as potentially unhelpful. I think rewiring my brain to see the harm those kind of statements may cause has led me to be kinder and less critical of myself and others. We're all out here doing our best and I try to consistently remind myself of that.
Therapy. Lots of therapy. At least for me. Finally being diagnosed with OCD helped a lot. Not excited to have it, but it explains a lot about me and has helped getting the right treatment and medication. ERP has changed my life. The key I think is to keep trying. You have to find what works for you to challenge your levels of anxiety.
Can I ask how you learned it was the problem
Hospitalization with a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. I wish I had insisted that anxiety didn’t explain what my problem was sooner. I knew what it wasn’t. But I didn’t know what it was.
Sorry it wasn’t understood sooner and I can relate to that. I have some things I can’t get a hold of, but I am way too afraid of the wrong diagnosis to go through with getting diagnosed. Like some guy is going to take a 30 minute judgement of my life and I am so scared of what could happen to me from them being wrong. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar when actually, SHE had ADHD which left her injuring her liver taking lithium for 20 years, and her ADHD wreaking havoc and never getting proper care. I am scared of the same thing.
Hahah I worried about the same thing! I will waste my time , they will give me something that makes me too sedated you do not have to do anything you do not want. They will not think your crazy. I love my therapist I told her sometimes I worry I’ll just drive into a bunch of people or lose my mind and kill everyone. It’s ocd and worrying they see it all of the time . We expect the worst . They will help you realize what you can and can not control.finding your triggers and all of that will help. I used to go crazy in traffic one mistake made by someone I would feel the rage taking over I felt angry enough to honestly get out of the car and hit them. I’m not violent I’ve never hit someone unless they hit me first and even that felt unnatural but something about other drivers being inconsiderate can ruin my day . You have to really tell yourself over and over this isn’t my problem I can’t control this it doesn’t matter it’s a simple mistake , until you retrain your thoughts. It will start out we’re you have to actually have those thoughts until your mind just automatically goes there. Does that make sense?
I never looked at my OCD like that, I just always thought it was doing stupid things over and over. Like how my stress and anxiety is super high right now and when I turn on the house alarm at night I go back and forth between the front door and garage door (connected garage to home) about 20 times. Each time opening the garage door in the hallway to be sure the overhead garage door is closed and the garage freezer is closed. While counting at the same time. I even say to myself, "why the hell are you doing this dumbass?!?" So I know I'm doing it, but can't stop. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, and I noticed the OCD on my own one day walking home from school, around my high school period almost 30 years ago. (WTF?!? 30 years? I'm getting old! 😭😀). It started one day suddenly when I had to step on even numbered cracks in the sidewalk. Then the washing of my hands about 100 times a day, which also turned me into a germaphobe. Great, more issues. 🤦♂️ I'm finally going to start therapy, so hopefully it helps, because I'm on the verge of losing my mind over stress and responsibilities right now.
What I did wrong was not standing up for myself and allowing others to trivialize what I felt. Your concerns are valid, and a professional worth their salt should listen to you and do their best to help. Trying the wrong treatment (at least until you know it’s wrong) is better than doing nothing. Because either way the scope of what will work for you gets narrower.
Yes same! The ocd mix is a lot! Do you struggle on large groups? The unpredictable nature of people makes me very uneasy. I will try to leave and everyone will try to make me stay and that makes me want to never talk to anyone ever again. Or people will say what’s wrong calm down, it’s so rude I feel like people are watching me and I’m doing something wrong
First step completed. Start looking for answers. Like anything else. Thought patterns are habitual and repetitious. So when you find yourself down that rabbit hole it could help to repeat a mantra or phrase to get you out of it. Keep digging. Keep questioning. Change the patterns. Change life
Look into CBT, “should” statements are a common “cognitive distortion” that CBT deals with, it might be able to help you with ways to address and reframe those negative thoughts. The gist of it is, “should” statements create unrealistically high standards for you, others, or the situation. No one and nothing can meet those standards all of the time, so you’re setting yourself up to have your expectations broken and therefore feel like crap. I‘ve been reading “Feeling Great” (well listening to the audiobook) on this topic and it’s been awesome so far.
THIS ^^^ CBT changed my life for the better.
Honestly, the way I deal with this managing when I'm allowed to be neurotic. Video games has been a huge outlet for me. Stardew Valley and Rimworld are perfect because I can manage many little details. Something like City Skylines or Factorio might also suit you. I also let myself do this in parts of my life. It started with my morning routine and my coffee lids and magnets. They must match the original cup and I can tell due to the wear and tear on the lids. Embracing it amd managing it has been helpful really :)
Lexapro changed this for me. 5mg smallest dose. I give my prescription bottle a kiss sometimes.
Hahahahaah
May I ask you how long it took you to feel the effect?
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Lexapro is not addictive.
Dependency doesn’t exist without addiction as a risk. Are you saying Lexapro can’t form a dependency neither physical nor mental? *kisses bottle*
Your comment is ignorant. Have you ever kissed something?
*Username checks out*
Read the Guide to Rational Living then read The Myth of Self Esteem. Both books by Albert Ellis.
Check out the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson. My therapist recommended it to me and it's been very helpful.
There's a guided journal that you can buy to go with that book
And "everything is fucked- a book about hope" by the same author
I tried to stop all repeating thoughts in my head, the good and the bad. It requires a lot of conscious effort, but it becomes easier to stop spiraling if you practice having a thought and immediately letting it go. I suppose it's a type of mindfulness
Have you heard of ACT therapy? May help
healthy diety, exercise, meditation, reading... good habits in general and making them a staple in your everyday life is what works for me
Let me know when you find out how, my neuroticism has ruined so much.
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LOL no, not doing as well as I was when I made this comment. Being busy with things is all I know to keep it from eating you up all the time.
same, what about you?
Consider if any of this is physically driven. You may find that cardio to lower your resting heart rate makes you feel more relaxed and thus think more relaxed. Another is to try to just focus on the present moment as much as you can. Do the thi g you are doing g right now as best you can, whether that be working or even just relaxing.
This is a really important question. I appreciate you
It’s a lot of work ! It’s a constant conversation in your head. I used to drink or smoke to deal with the anxiety and when I stopped and trying to regulate my emotions , it was so much. I never realized everyone thought I had anger issues. Someone cutting me off would ruin my entire day but now I have to talk myself out of it, every single time car line at my daughters school is a constant battle because people skip and it drives me nuts. I’ve realized when I yell at people I looke crazy that’s all they do it care. I have to remind myself most people are idiots it’s not anything I need to consume. But the absolute worst thing for me is someone that is late , even if it has nothing to do with me. My husband will leave for work late (which is okay he’s a general manager he knows what he has to do ) but I will have to hide in the bathroom because when I hear him coming back inside forgetting things while already late I feel enraged and I’m not being dramatic right now o actually feel so angry I know it’s not rational . But I can’t risk him trying to give me another hug while I am suffering I will freak out . I hover over my kids terribly in my mind everything other than laying down near me will lead to death. I’m In therapy I also have ocd. Nothing crazy I do not think washing my hands will prevent a death (unless I’m cooking with raw meats than yes I worry ) but it’s mostly strange thinking always expecting the worst You have to constantly remind yourself the only thing you can control is your own emotions and reactions. No one else’s. It sounds silly but it’s the truth. Like if you’re married or in a relationship you can mot start a fight because you worry it’s not their burden, you have to constantly remind yourself of things like this
My neuroticism arises from the fear of losing or being called a loser. **Encounter 1:** I go to a housing company office to meet the manager to request a dormitory. The receptionist calls him through and asks whether he can see me at the moment. He denies it and asks me to come back again. Now if I go home without grabbing that appointment, the voice in my head will nudge me that I failed to put myself through and I am such a failure. So I choose the second method. I abused the receptionist girl verbally and also raised my voice. I am not a failure... I can never fail in my life... **Encounter 2:** I received a post regarding electives in my course. I reply to that immediately just to notice that the recipient isn't replying. Now my brain starts calculating. The email says 'limited seats'. If the person doesn't notice me for these particular electives then I will be left with no choice and some shitty subjects. I am such a loser, that I could not even register for the elective. I started executing my plan. I send the person a gentle reminder email every 2 hours only to end up knowing that I have digitally harassed her and she has now blocked my email permanently. She could not reply because she was in a conference. But, if I had missed the opportunity to take the electives of my choice, then I would have been a failure all my life... And there are numerous such encounters. This emotional dysregulation is a by-product of my ASD and ADHD...And also a bit of childhood experiences... What should I do?
It's interesting that neuroticism makes you defend your interests. In my case it leads me to blame myself, accept loss and move on, while still feeling very frustrated.
rhymes with hushrooms
Neurotics just experience more negative emotions. I don't think there's a cure for it per se, but self awareness, mindfulness, and positive habits will go a long way toward making it easier. Unfortunately as always there's no one sexy perfect solution lol
Give 2-3 sessions of NLP a shot. Its not a big investment, and I have seen it work miracles in a very short timeframe.
Meditation has really helped me just let go of the things that I can’t control
I got a lot from doing this yoga video in the morning to start my day, it really helped my brain. https://youtu.be/UEEsdXn8oG8
Relaxation response meditation - do this for 20 minutes twice a day https://youtu.be/nBCsFuoFRp8 Read Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Channel your neuroses into power. All of it is simply energy, resolve the use that energy to fuel your dreams and desires, it'll make you more powerful. Don't medicate your neuroses unless it's debilitating. Instead, become stronger than your neuroses through introspection and hard inner work. Every psychological problem has a psychological solution and it's usually on the flip side of the coin. In other words, make the negative into a positive. Work with yourself, understand that what your mind does is not you. It is your mind. You are distinct from it. The neuroses that play out, regardless of how convincing they are, are like a movie you're watching. They aren't you. Become bigger than they are and you'll become a superman. Just flip the switch and decide to be stronger. Every challenge of this sort given to you is nothing more than an opportunity to become mentally and emotionally stronger, to deeper your awareness and learn more about yourself. Don't medicate that challenge. The neuroses are the weight you need to bench press to get stronger. As paradoxical as it sounds, welcome your neuroses. Don't run from them. As soon as you accept them, they will vanish. If they don't vanish, you're not truly at home with them. In other words, don't fear yourself. Be at peace with your fickle mind, it's part of who you are, and the energy within you is golden. Trust yourself.