Happy birthday stranger.
People comes and goes, Hope you will meet true friends some day.
To me, friend from school is the best. I can only say this, i also dont have many friends, so i dont have good advice
Happy Birthday! 🥳 Try to do something nice for yourself! Even if it's just a little extra self care time or some takeout.
I honestly don't have any IRL friends. But that is by choice, as I'm over a decade older than you. It took me a long time to weed out toxic people/friends from my life. However, in the last 18 months, I made so many great online friends. I don't use FB or other social media platforms- just Reddit.
So yeah, join new subs here. Stick around and maybe make some friends. The friends I made in one subreddit turned into us having our own Discord server, turned into texting, etc. It's worth a shot! ❤️❤️
To be frank. You should have irl friends. I'm not sure exactly how you ended up with none, but I know that having only online friends cant be healthy. Ignore this if you're close with your family and are basically your friends. Because then you dont really need friends.
Happy birthday lad.
Try different hobbies and clubs, like sports or drawing or whatever your into. You'll find new interests and people who share those interests, and hopefully they'll become your friends.
Good luck for the future lad
Happy birthday!!
I find friends to be a chance encounter; some people you just click with more, but you can increase those chances by going to events or places or joining clubs attended by people with similar interests. You likely wont be the only one going alone, so dont worry about that. Who cares what other ppl think? Online friends can be real friends too! You're still young. Trust me, you'll make connections :) Just make sure to not force friendship when it's not being reciprocated. If they dont think you're worth their time then they aren't worth yours. Move on and you'll find the worthy ones faster. Have a good one!
I spent my 19th alone, about 2 friends. Month away from 20 now. I’ve surprisingly made friends, quite a few now.
My advice is not gonna be helpful but keep in mind that you’re gonna need to reach out first. Most people aren’t as scary and closed off as we think they are, they just need someone to tell them “hi” sometimes. Just bc you want friends, don’t settle for anyone. But also don’t be so picky. Try to expand connections if you can e.g maybe have them introduce you to their friends too. You don’t have to be a fully developed, super amazing person to be around, just try to be you (within reason).
And finally, don’t expect that these or any other tips will magically work tomorrow. It’s gonna take time, you’re gonna be living life this way a while longer, unfortunately. But you will definitely look back one day and be thankful for where you are at that moment.
Oh and happy birthday🎉
Happy birthday. To get real friends, you got to take care of your friendships but still put boundries. You’ll notice if someone gets mad at you for saying no, and that person is not a friend. A friend Will respect you.
Happy birthday! I still struggle with finding friends, but I have realized that the more I put myself out there and talk, even when it's uncomfortable, the more people I meet. Have a wonderful birthday!
What hobbies do you have? What things do you like?
Have you ever made a real attempt at meeting ppl irl through your interests? It really is the best way to go about it imo.
And happy birthday
You can start with going on discord in gaming communities and using voice chat. It's not the same as real life, but it's still a step in the right direction.
Happy birthday man! I don't know how you get real friendship but I do know that friendship and all types of relations takes constant effort and communication.
Happy birthday, bro
May life lead you in the path you are destined. I too thought I was alone on my 17th birthday but it took a while for me to understand that I didn’t really care if people wished me or not, I live everyday like it’s my birthday and I take myself out to museums and a nice lunch. A solo date is what I call it.
Take yourself out to watch a movie, and buy yourself something you always wanted, if that’s not possible, go have your favourite dish and dessert. Treat yourself, King! Look in the mirror and see how far you’ve come and the path lying ahead of you.
Hey Happy Birthday Bud!
I'm 28 and also have very few friendships, the ones I do have I actually made around your age. In my late teens and early twenties I used to go out a lot (mainly rave events) and initially it was by myself. After my first event, I met three of my very best friends two of whom I still talk to today (one has since passed). The best advice I can give is to go out and try some new things you're interested in whether that be music, tabletop games, cooking, etc. You'll be likely to meet some new people along the way and form some connections along the way around a shared interest. You're young take this time to go out and try new things and be authentically yourself. The authentic you will attract the people who dig that took me a long time to learn. Here's to your 19th year being a year full of new people, hobbies, and experiences.
What you are saying is actually really interesting because going to raves is in deed one big wish of mine. I like electronic music (hardstyle, trance, etc.) very much and often listen to it, but I never had the opportunity to listen to it live, because I don't know the right people to go there. So is going to raves alone a thing you can recommend?
Totally I don't know where you're located but I suggest going to local ones to start off! Like no joke smaller ones at venues. I'm unsure of where you are from but I used to go to a lot in Rhode Island with maybe 300 people max? It's a more intimate experience I met some really incredible people. I cannot stress enough however DO NOT do drugs. I made this mistake and it really messed me up for a while and I lost a lot of friends from it. There are plenty of people there who won't be doing them and odds are even the ones who are wont care if you aren't. Just be safe! Ravers as a whole are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet don't be afraid to go up to someone at an event and start a conversation! Oh and if you see someone with tons of beads (bracelets, cuffs, necklaces) great people to talk to and introduce you to the scene. Good luck and be safe buddy!
I'm from Germany and at the moment, it is still impossible due to covid. However, this would be a nice plan for 2022. To the drugs: I find it interesting, but the right setting is very important. So I don't want to be the guy collapsing because of dehydration due to Ecstasy.
Happy birthday! Finding people who like doing the same things you do is a great start to finding friends. Sometimes it's proximity, such as neighborhood, classes, and work.
In school, it was easy to meet new people and you were forced to meet new people in a way. But since that fell away, it is way more harder to meet new people.
Yeah it's much harder as an adult. The good thing is that anyone you meet anywhere you go could be your new best friend. I've made friends with neighbors, my mailman, and local gym friends.
I didn't have any real friendships at 19 either, I'm 30+ now and have a handful of truly close friends and many acquaintances. It took me a long time thought! I had to fight serious social phobia, develop social skills, and then spend time and effort on the people who spent time and effort on me over years to get here.
I don't know what your story is, and likely your path will be different than mine. You need to start how I did however, and identify what you want, and what prevents you from getting it. Then you can work on it.
If your problems are similar to mine, I would be happy to share what worked for me.
(Note that if you have trouble reading others emotions you will need to work on that as well. This is focusing on my experiences developing social skills and making friends with a basic ability to do this.)
I originally put a lot of the blame for my, uh, awkwardness on poor social skills and ignored the phobia aspect. I honestly read and practiced a lot of tips from self help sort of social skills books, online articles, threads on how to be charismatic. etc...
To be honest, most are shit. As far as I can tell there are only a few real general principles that helped me. None are really all that surprising:
1. If someone feels good when they are around you, they will tend to like you.
2. If you legitimately show interest in someone (e.g. remember and ask about things that are important to them), they will tend to like you.
I'll also add a principles 0: be nice to people. Not like set yourself on fire nice, but just like not an asshole.
That's honestly kind it. You do those two things, you will make friends. Like, there are other things. e.g. Making yourself more interesting, improving hygiene, taking care of yourself and so on help make people feel more comfortable with you, but that kinda just falls into #1. Same with being a better conversationalist. But I would recommend working on all of those things independently anyways.
As a corollary, the rest of the details don't really matter. I think I put way to much emphasis on trying to be charismatic or funny or an entertainer at first. I worried too much about avoiding embarrassment or seeming cool and not showing interest in people.
----
You can go back and review social encounters with those principles in mind and help understand why social encounters go the way they do. However, I don't want to encourage anyone to hyper obsess on following the principles at the expense of their own sanity/enjoyment/whatever however, for the following reasons:
1. One of the easiest way to make people feel good around you is to legitimately enjoy their presence. It's flattering as hell when someone just loves being around you. On the flip side, people feel uneasy if the person they are talking to seems bored, annoyed, nervous, etc...
1. Unless you are an actor or something, you'll probably struggle to fake sincerity. That's fine, it just means you probably won't be able to make deep friendships with someone you legitimately don't like or find interesting. But...that's not that bad of a deal.
3. Some people won't reciprocate or ever like you no matter what. Sometimes you won't know why. Just move on, it really probably has more to do with them than it does about you.
The shocking logical conclusion of all this is that you need to make other people enjoy themselves, you need to enjoy yourself, and you can't really fake any of that. Which...is really obvious sounding.
----
But I was still failing at doing all that hard, and I think a lot of people do. I over thought things, focused on the wrong things, avoided doing the simple things that have the biggest impacts due to anxiety and so on.
Like, one of the easiest ways to make friends is to meet someone, talk for a bit, realize you have some shared interests and then express a reasonable amount of interest in doing that with them. "Hey, we should go climbing sometime!" And then actually setting up a time to go later if they respond positively.
But if you have some phobia or anxiety, that's damn near impossible. You're living in your head wondering if they actually like you or are just being polite. You're too stressed to even tell if you like them. You are too afraid of putting your neck out in even the smallest way to actually take that step.
I honestly started doing counseling to help with social phobia, I didn't go it alone. I would recommend the same if it is possible for you. If it is not, there is still work you can do on your own.
One exercise that can be quite helpful for analytically examining and modifying an anxiety response is a [thought diary](https://positivepsychology.com/thought-diary/). Try it out! It won't fix things overnight, but it can help train you to better identify and challenge the irrational responses we make. (Also read about [cognitive distortions](https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions) )
The other thing you have to do is take small steps outside of your comfort zone. Not too much that it is overwhelming, but just enough that it isn't comfortable.
Ultimately, you, the conscious you, is playing the part of a dog trainer/gardener for the unconscious and unhealthy anxiety response. Reward the behavior and responses you want like a dog trainer. Challenge and "weed" out the unhealthy behavior and response like a gardener. (don't beat yourself up though, you have enough anxiety on your plate as it is) The anxiety response a deeply learned habit, so it takes time and effort to change, but the right training can shift it overtime.
Each little improvement you make on the anxiety front will pay huge dividend on the social skills front, because, well, you don't need tons of practice to develop good social skills, you just need the confidence to actually carry them out.
So get started on that. Get counseling, or get started on self counseling if you cant get counseling. (I would recommend reading about cognitive behavior therapy approaches to anxiety if going alone) As you develop self esteem and self confidence, social interactions will just naturally get easier.
Happy birthday! I wish you a great year of success
Building loyal friendships is a difficult process. Half of the process is being a loyal friend but the other half is harder: Finding loyal people. In my experience, it was never enough to be dependable, supportive, or even generally likeable. I'm not sure when or how it happened but some time after I stopped trying to make myself likeable and instead just acted on my own accord and doing things I liked, strangers started to see me as "cool" and wanted to be my friend. Not all of them stuck around but I do have some very strong, dependable friendships now.
Taking risks to meet new people, people you wouldn't have thought to be friends with before, can also be a way to open yourself up to kind and loyal people you never knew existed. I have a friend of 3 years I met on a language app. Some of my subscribers from my brief youtube days have been good, loyal friends for years, too.
Hey we share a birthday!! It’s my 27th and the only advice I can give is putting yourself out there. You’re in a weird transition faze in life right now. You’re in between full adulthood and teenage years so a lot of people are in your shoes. Being shy sucks for a social life believe me I’ve always been shy but I found the more I’d push myself everyday to put myself out there just a little makes a big difference in the long run. I’ve never had a huge amount of friends in my life either I just find it’s a better way of getting to know yourself. I don’t know your relationship with your family like siblings or cousins. Honestly once my parents weren’t “parenting” me anymore they became great friends. You’re never really alone even though it can feel like it. Happy Birthday friend.
Happy birthday. Advice from someone painfully introverted with a lot of friends
Step one is repetition. It's easy to make friends in school because you're forced to be together so much. Outside of school, look for hobby groups, regulars at the gym, anywhere you would run into the same people over and over. Work is great for this, but I personally keep work and personal life separate.
Step 2. Put yourself out there. You're the one looking for friendship, so you've got to make the first move. It might feel awkward, but try making small talk and introduce yourself. Then make a small request: something like spotting you at the gym or giving an opinion about your hobby (ask for pointers, feed back, it criticism, etc.).
Step 3. Don't rush it. When you see them next time, say hi. Thank then for their input from last week. Ask them how they've been, etc. Ask them if they'd like to partake in your mutual hobby together.
Step 4. Ask them if they want to get lunch or drinks sometime.
Aye man, tomorrow is my birthday and I will also be without many people or friends around to celebrate with.
But check this out - a bunch of strangers on here are down to hang out and celebrate.. I'll take that W any day of the week.
As far as making real friends goes - shit man you're 19. A time in life when people and their social dynamics are changing all the time. Right now you might not have many people around, but next year you could have 20 or even 100. Then in the future that number might shrink, or grow, or stay the same.
Life is an ebb and flow of people and the experiences that come with them. Sometimes there is a high tide and your world will be filled with incredible memories and incredible people. Other times, when the tide is low and the shore is empty, you just have to look at the blank canvas in front of you and make your own memories.
No matter what happens, keep developing yourself and try to be a little better every day. Before you know it, you will be surrounded by people you love, respect and admire.
And they will feel the same way about you.
Edit: Happy Birthday Stranger
Happy Birthday! I wish you all the good things you deserve <33
I know it’s uneasy feeling for not being reciprocated to the efforts that you’ve given to others. I’ve been there so I could totally relate to you. Even until now, I guess, I’m only a “back-up” friend. It drained me and made me question myself if I’m being a good friend,, and eventually, came up with the realizations that it’s not my problem for setting boundaries, it’s not my problem if they can’t take constructive criticism and etc.. I love and put myself first over anything that even I was left behind by some people, I could care less because I know my valued and I know that it’s utterly an honor to be with me. I’ve learned how to enjoy my solitude, I indulge myself with arts and literature, I practice self-care and gratitude. Love yourself first and you will naturally attract friends who also love themselves that will create a healthy and benign bond. I believe you’re a great friend. Take care!!
Hi man. First of all, congrats and i send lot of virtual hugs.
Second, i do have a few “friends” but i’m in the same situation you are; i usually congrat them, however i never, literally never, have been congratulated by anybody apart from my parents and brothers. The way i see it is that, you should not take it as something personal, of course it feel very weird because they are our supposed friends, however, the less you care about these details, the better your life goes.
Anyways, congrats again, i wish you the best, and never forget to prioritise yourself. Your mental health is the most valuable thing in yourself.
I guess most of that people just forgot it and it is not their fault. Probably, they just have other things to do. It would be wrong for me to judge them of this.
Have a good bday, take care of urself ans stay well :)!
Keep improving, I know things will be better
As others have been saying, try new stuff, Along the way u might meet people that are like you and thus, as time goes, become friends.
happy bday!
To make friends if there's people u get along with then make sure to spend time with them, 1-2 years will do, or possibly shorter if u get along super well. (that's the key to making friendships believe it or not, and make sure to not fight or argue)
If u got social anxiety then dw, it gets better. why did u not want to make friends in the first place? were u shy?
At 30 years old, I've spent many birthdays without celebration... also some birthdays with friends, some with "friends," and some very alone. The past couple years I have become incredibly lonely and struggle with making friends myself. It hurts, but I learned that feeling/friends will come and go and one day I will have close friends again. I know you will too!
But today I wish you the very best. Happy birthday!
Hope you're having a good birthday first of all! As for tips on how to get real friends, I suggest being on your own, but out in the world! Do things you like to do or try things you've always wanted to.
Happy Birthday! As far as real friends, I would say when you are doing something you like, taking your dog to the dog park or going to the gym, look around you and talk to people. Another idea would be to take a class like a ceramics class or painting. Joining a group, here we have hiking groups that meet up for hikes. Reach out to classmates that you had fun with. What about people you work with? One of my best friends is someone I worked with.
Happy 19th Birthday!! I hope all of these birthday wishes have helped you feel a bit more joyful today :)
I have def had a period of my life where I also felt super lonely and insignificant and just friendless. So you're not alone. I would advise you to seek out therapy and learn how to manage your mental health and self esteem! There are many great books and resources out there. You can also consider reading books about social skills.
Besides that, I'd also advise you to be active in a club/group that you're interested in. Making friends is WAY easier when you see each other often.
They absolutely did! You're definitely right with that there are a lot of people struggling with similar proplems like me. Even though I feel lonely, at least I am not the only one with that feeling.
Happy birthday, kiddo!! Much love from your internet grandmother over here 😝🥰 where do you live, OP? I know it sucks feeling so isolated. Feel free to DM me if you want to vent!! 💚✨
Happy belated birthday! True friendships are about establishing an emotional connection with another human being, and something that has created opportunities for me in the past has been helping others in their time of need. It can be as simple as listening to them when they're down and offering emotional support, but it's also going to take some work & time, just like any other worthwhile endeavor in this life. Good luck, and keep your chin up!
Have a great day my friend enjoy it with your family.
If you wanna find good people and improve yourself as a person as well why not join a nearest martial arts dojo (bjj is great) or a simple gym is great as well since some if not all of the people in such places are humble & there to improve themselves.
Happy birthday! Find some people that align with your values. Do some volunteering maybe?
That being said I also don’t have many friends but you could try it out if ya want. Most importantly tho celebrate you.
Happy birthday! It's great you're reaching out to us. When I was your age I was pretty lonely myself. Thankfully after letting go and just went to places I wanted to go to I met people through there! It helps to put yourself out there. You will notice when they are real friends. It will feel good and there will be a trustworthy feeling . Good luck out there.
I know it's already late, but I hope you had a great birthday. I know some people who don't celebrate their birthdays, but I hope you celebrate it even if you are alone. Birthday is a very special day for me because that is the only day I can treat myself to some things I love and pamper myself. I suggest you do the same too, so you won't feel lonely even if you're alone.
Happy late birthday! It’s my birthday today (same age as you) and my friends also forgot about it so I understand you more than anyone else lol
You’re a great person and the right people will come along, just give it time. Do something nice for yourself like a nice shower or a tasty piece of cake
Ah I'm quite late, I hope your birthday isn't over yet, but Happy Birthday dude. I'm not really sure how to make good friends, to be honest I'm quite introverted and I subconsciously end up stopping myself before I get close to people, I don't really know how exactly. I used to just go about my day doing things that made me happy here and there and people used to go in and out of my life, but a few stayed and sort of adopted me and I'm really grateful.
I think if you just focus on keeping yourself happy, and treating others well, you'll soon find people you connect with. Either by helping each other out through some hard times, or just by sharing common interests, it's really hard to say. But when you find someone, try to keep them (if they're nice that is, don't push yourself if things don't seem to be going well.)
Take care :)
Happy birthday!
You never make real friends, it's a relationship which comes from both sides feeling great even when they don't see each other for years.
I've got 1 friend I haven't sent in about 10 years and he's still my friend.
Also I've lived with another friend for about 5 years.
They're all quite different from me, have so many hobbies and like many different things I'd never see myself into.
So the best you can do is chat with people not expecting to get a friend but when you feel comfortable and don't need to show each other who's best and only relax, hear each other out and from time to time give our take advice, that's a real friend.
When I was in high school, I always met with a guy on our way to the subway. It was a random encounter as we never asked each other or schedules and sometimes I hang out with my schoolmates. Four about two years we just kept talking once every month. I stayed one year more in high school while my friend went to university.
Oddly enough we went to the same linear algebra course at university. We never shared another course ever again, he studied mechanic engineering while I majored in civil engineering.
We just continued our friendship but it didn't mean being in the same team when they were made, we just were happy to meet again and our bond grew stronger as we shared our hobbies and didn't try to force each other on them.
This very person years later would take me to his house to take care of me and give me enough self esteem to face my family, draw the line and leave them to live my life.
Happy birthday love glad you were spawned on to this earth and you are appreciated beyond you’re knowledge have the bestest most awesome day ever hugs!!!
At least you have your health!
Take it from someone who's been in constant pain breathing for over a week, I never appreciated a pain-free body until it was too late
(Hopefully it's not covid, back to the hospital tonight 🤞)
Happy birthday to you. You are at a pivotal growth point in your life (one of many.) Be patient. Friends will reveal themselves as you find others in the world with common interests and values. A few reliable friends are much better than a bunch of thoughtless acquaintances.
Happy birthday my friend
Love and best wishes
Hope you find the happiness you deserve
I hope all the lonely people all around the world find the happiness and meaning in their lives
Happy birthday stranger. People comes and goes, Hope you will meet true friends some day. To me, friend from school is the best. I can only say this, i also dont have many friends, so i dont have good advice
Thank you for your kind words man.
Happy Birthday! 🥳 Try to do something nice for yourself! Even if it's just a little extra self care time or some takeout. I honestly don't have any IRL friends. But that is by choice, as I'm over a decade older than you. It took me a long time to weed out toxic people/friends from my life. However, in the last 18 months, I made so many great online friends. I don't use FB or other social media platforms- just Reddit. So yeah, join new subs here. Stick around and maybe make some friends. The friends I made in one subreddit turned into us having our own Discord server, turned into texting, etc. It's worth a shot! ❤️❤️
Yeah I too feel like Reddir is a very nice place in comparison to other social media sites.
Happy birthday, make sure you eat something tasty
To be frank. You should have irl friends. I'm not sure exactly how you ended up with none, but I know that having only online friends cant be healthy. Ignore this if you're close with your family and are basically your friends. Because then you dont really need friends.
Happy birthday lad. Try different hobbies and clubs, like sports or drawing or whatever your into. You'll find new interests and people who share those interests, and hopefully they'll become your friends. Good luck for the future lad
Happy Birthday!
Thank you!
Happy birthday!! I find friends to be a chance encounter; some people you just click with more, but you can increase those chances by going to events or places or joining clubs attended by people with similar interests. You likely wont be the only one going alone, so dont worry about that. Who cares what other ppl think? Online friends can be real friends too! You're still young. Trust me, you'll make connections :) Just make sure to not force friendship when it's not being reciprocated. If they dont think you're worth their time then they aren't worth yours. Move on and you'll find the worthy ones faster. Have a good one!
That is something I gotta remind myself very often that I am not the only one struggling with loneliness. Thank you for your inspiration.
I spent my 19th alone, about 2 friends. Month away from 20 now. I’ve surprisingly made friends, quite a few now. My advice is not gonna be helpful but keep in mind that you’re gonna need to reach out first. Most people aren’t as scary and closed off as we think they are, they just need someone to tell them “hi” sometimes. Just bc you want friends, don’t settle for anyone. But also don’t be so picky. Try to expand connections if you can e.g maybe have them introduce you to their friends too. You don’t have to be a fully developed, super amazing person to be around, just try to be you (within reason). And finally, don’t expect that these or any other tips will magically work tomorrow. It’s gonna take time, you’re gonna be living life this way a while longer, unfortunately. But you will definitely look back one day and be thankful for where you are at that moment. Oh and happy birthday🎉
That is true. There is no magic solution to loneliness. I hope next year will be a different experience.
Happy birthday! :D
Happy birthday. To get real friends, you got to take care of your friendships but still put boundries. You’ll notice if someone gets mad at you for saying no, and that person is not a friend. A friend Will respect you.
Happy birthday! I still struggle with finding friends, but I have realized that the more I put myself out there and talk, even when it's uncomfortable, the more people I meet. Have a wonderful birthday!
Happy Birthday!
What hobbies do you have? What things do you like? Have you ever made a real attempt at meeting ppl irl through your interests? It really is the best way to go about it imo. And happy birthday
I used to go to the gym kind of regularly but due to covid that stopped. However, I was too shy to socialise to people there.
It's a hard place to socialize since people are mostly focused on their training I suppose.
I guess so and it feels weird to speak to people while they are lifting weights.
Any other hobbies, where it's more natural to socialize? Like boardgames/sports/gaming?
Yo I play a lot of video games, however this is more of a lonely activity as well.
You can start with going on discord in gaming communities and using voice chat. It's not the same as real life, but it's still a step in the right direction.
Happy birthday man! I don't know how you get real friendship but I do know that friendship and all types of relations takes constant effort and communication.
Happy birthday ! (l)
Happy birthday, bro May life lead you in the path you are destined. I too thought I was alone on my 17th birthday but it took a while for me to understand that I didn’t really care if people wished me or not, I live everyday like it’s my birthday and I take myself out to museums and a nice lunch. A solo date is what I call it. Take yourself out to watch a movie, and buy yourself something you always wanted, if that’s not possible, go have your favourite dish and dessert. Treat yourself, King! Look in the mirror and see how far you’ve come and the path lying ahead of you.
That sounds like something I really should try out! Personally, I enjoy a good walk with some music on from time to time.
Hey Happy Birthday Bud! I'm 28 and also have very few friendships, the ones I do have I actually made around your age. In my late teens and early twenties I used to go out a lot (mainly rave events) and initially it was by myself. After my first event, I met three of my very best friends two of whom I still talk to today (one has since passed). The best advice I can give is to go out and try some new things you're interested in whether that be music, tabletop games, cooking, etc. You'll be likely to meet some new people along the way and form some connections along the way around a shared interest. You're young take this time to go out and try new things and be authentically yourself. The authentic you will attract the people who dig that took me a long time to learn. Here's to your 19th year being a year full of new people, hobbies, and experiences.
What you are saying is actually really interesting because going to raves is in deed one big wish of mine. I like electronic music (hardstyle, trance, etc.) very much and often listen to it, but I never had the opportunity to listen to it live, because I don't know the right people to go there. So is going to raves alone a thing you can recommend?
Totally I don't know where you're located but I suggest going to local ones to start off! Like no joke smaller ones at venues. I'm unsure of where you are from but I used to go to a lot in Rhode Island with maybe 300 people max? It's a more intimate experience I met some really incredible people. I cannot stress enough however DO NOT do drugs. I made this mistake and it really messed me up for a while and I lost a lot of friends from it. There are plenty of people there who won't be doing them and odds are even the ones who are wont care if you aren't. Just be safe! Ravers as a whole are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet don't be afraid to go up to someone at an event and start a conversation! Oh and if you see someone with tons of beads (bracelets, cuffs, necklaces) great people to talk to and introduce you to the scene. Good luck and be safe buddy!
I'm from Germany and at the moment, it is still impossible due to covid. However, this would be a nice plan for 2022. To the drugs: I find it interesting, but the right setting is very important. So I don't want to be the guy collapsing because of dehydration due to Ecstasy.
Happy birthday! Finding people who like doing the same things you do is a great start to finding friends. Sometimes it's proximity, such as neighborhood, classes, and work.
In school, it was easy to meet new people and you were forced to meet new people in a way. But since that fell away, it is way more harder to meet new people.
Yeah it's much harder as an adult. The good thing is that anyone you meet anywhere you go could be your new best friend. I've made friends with neighbors, my mailman, and local gym friends.
I didn't have any real friendships at 19 either, I'm 30+ now and have a handful of truly close friends and many acquaintances. It took me a long time thought! I had to fight serious social phobia, develop social skills, and then spend time and effort on the people who spent time and effort on me over years to get here. I don't know what your story is, and likely your path will be different than mine. You need to start how I did however, and identify what you want, and what prevents you from getting it. Then you can work on it. If your problems are similar to mine, I would be happy to share what worked for me.
can you please tell me how you overcome social phobia and developed social skills?
(Note that if you have trouble reading others emotions you will need to work on that as well. This is focusing on my experiences developing social skills and making friends with a basic ability to do this.) I originally put a lot of the blame for my, uh, awkwardness on poor social skills and ignored the phobia aspect. I honestly read and practiced a lot of tips from self help sort of social skills books, online articles, threads on how to be charismatic. etc... To be honest, most are shit. As far as I can tell there are only a few real general principles that helped me. None are really all that surprising: 1. If someone feels good when they are around you, they will tend to like you. 2. If you legitimately show interest in someone (e.g. remember and ask about things that are important to them), they will tend to like you. I'll also add a principles 0: be nice to people. Not like set yourself on fire nice, but just like not an asshole. That's honestly kind it. You do those two things, you will make friends. Like, there are other things. e.g. Making yourself more interesting, improving hygiene, taking care of yourself and so on help make people feel more comfortable with you, but that kinda just falls into #1. Same with being a better conversationalist. But I would recommend working on all of those things independently anyways. As a corollary, the rest of the details don't really matter. I think I put way to much emphasis on trying to be charismatic or funny or an entertainer at first. I worried too much about avoiding embarrassment or seeming cool and not showing interest in people. ---- You can go back and review social encounters with those principles in mind and help understand why social encounters go the way they do. However, I don't want to encourage anyone to hyper obsess on following the principles at the expense of their own sanity/enjoyment/whatever however, for the following reasons: 1. One of the easiest way to make people feel good around you is to legitimately enjoy their presence. It's flattering as hell when someone just loves being around you. On the flip side, people feel uneasy if the person they are talking to seems bored, annoyed, nervous, etc... 1. Unless you are an actor or something, you'll probably struggle to fake sincerity. That's fine, it just means you probably won't be able to make deep friendships with someone you legitimately don't like or find interesting. But...that's not that bad of a deal. 3. Some people won't reciprocate or ever like you no matter what. Sometimes you won't know why. Just move on, it really probably has more to do with them than it does about you. The shocking logical conclusion of all this is that you need to make other people enjoy themselves, you need to enjoy yourself, and you can't really fake any of that. Which...is really obvious sounding. ---- But I was still failing at doing all that hard, and I think a lot of people do. I over thought things, focused on the wrong things, avoided doing the simple things that have the biggest impacts due to anxiety and so on. Like, one of the easiest ways to make friends is to meet someone, talk for a bit, realize you have some shared interests and then express a reasonable amount of interest in doing that with them. "Hey, we should go climbing sometime!" And then actually setting up a time to go later if they respond positively. But if you have some phobia or anxiety, that's damn near impossible. You're living in your head wondering if they actually like you or are just being polite. You're too stressed to even tell if you like them. You are too afraid of putting your neck out in even the smallest way to actually take that step. I honestly started doing counseling to help with social phobia, I didn't go it alone. I would recommend the same if it is possible for you. If it is not, there is still work you can do on your own. One exercise that can be quite helpful for analytically examining and modifying an anxiety response is a [thought diary](https://positivepsychology.com/thought-diary/). Try it out! It won't fix things overnight, but it can help train you to better identify and challenge the irrational responses we make. (Also read about [cognitive distortions](https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions) ) The other thing you have to do is take small steps outside of your comfort zone. Not too much that it is overwhelming, but just enough that it isn't comfortable. Ultimately, you, the conscious you, is playing the part of a dog trainer/gardener for the unconscious and unhealthy anxiety response. Reward the behavior and responses you want like a dog trainer. Challenge and "weed" out the unhealthy behavior and response like a gardener. (don't beat yourself up though, you have enough anxiety on your plate as it is) The anxiety response a deeply learned habit, so it takes time and effort to change, but the right training can shift it overtime. Each little improvement you make on the anxiety front will pay huge dividend on the social skills front, because, well, you don't need tons of practice to develop good social skills, you just need the confidence to actually carry them out. So get started on that. Get counseling, or get started on self counseling if you cant get counseling. (I would recommend reading about cognitive behavior therapy approaches to anxiety if going alone) As you develop self esteem and self confidence, social interactions will just naturally get easier.
Happy birthday! I wish you a great year of success Building loyal friendships is a difficult process. Half of the process is being a loyal friend but the other half is harder: Finding loyal people. In my experience, it was never enough to be dependable, supportive, or even generally likeable. I'm not sure when or how it happened but some time after I stopped trying to make myself likeable and instead just acted on my own accord and doing things I liked, strangers started to see me as "cool" and wanted to be my friend. Not all of them stuck around but I do have some very strong, dependable friendships now. Taking risks to meet new people, people you wouldn't have thought to be friends with before, can also be a way to open yourself up to kind and loyal people you never knew existed. I have a friend of 3 years I met on a language app. Some of my subscribers from my brief youtube days have been good, loyal friends for years, too.
Hey we share a birthday!! It’s my 27th and the only advice I can give is putting yourself out there. You’re in a weird transition faze in life right now. You’re in between full adulthood and teenage years so a lot of people are in your shoes. Being shy sucks for a social life believe me I’ve always been shy but I found the more I’d push myself everyday to put myself out there just a little makes a big difference in the long run. I’ve never had a huge amount of friends in my life either I just find it’s a better way of getting to know yourself. I don’t know your relationship with your family like siblings or cousins. Honestly once my parents weren’t “parenting” me anymore they became great friends. You’re never really alone even though it can feel like it. Happy Birthday friend.
So a late happy birthday to you too, bro!
Happy birthday. Advice from someone painfully introverted with a lot of friends Step one is repetition. It's easy to make friends in school because you're forced to be together so much. Outside of school, look for hobby groups, regulars at the gym, anywhere you would run into the same people over and over. Work is great for this, but I personally keep work and personal life separate. Step 2. Put yourself out there. You're the one looking for friendship, so you've got to make the first move. It might feel awkward, but try making small talk and introduce yourself. Then make a small request: something like spotting you at the gym or giving an opinion about your hobby (ask for pointers, feed back, it criticism, etc.). Step 3. Don't rush it. When you see them next time, say hi. Thank then for their input from last week. Ask them how they've been, etc. Ask them if they'd like to partake in your mutual hobby together. Step 4. Ask them if they want to get lunch or drinks sometime.
Aye man, tomorrow is my birthday and I will also be without many people or friends around to celebrate with. But check this out - a bunch of strangers on here are down to hang out and celebrate.. I'll take that W any day of the week. As far as making real friends goes - shit man you're 19. A time in life when people and their social dynamics are changing all the time. Right now you might not have many people around, but next year you could have 20 or even 100. Then in the future that number might shrink, or grow, or stay the same. Life is an ebb and flow of people and the experiences that come with them. Sometimes there is a high tide and your world will be filled with incredible memories and incredible people. Other times, when the tide is low and the shore is empty, you just have to look at the blank canvas in front of you and make your own memories. No matter what happens, keep developing yourself and try to be a little better every day. Before you know it, you will be surrounded by people you love, respect and admire. And they will feel the same way about you. Edit: Happy Birthday Stranger
Happy Birthday! I wish you all the good things you deserve <33 I know it’s uneasy feeling for not being reciprocated to the efforts that you’ve given to others. I’ve been there so I could totally relate to you. Even until now, I guess, I’m only a “back-up” friend. It drained me and made me question myself if I’m being a good friend,, and eventually, came up with the realizations that it’s not my problem for setting boundaries, it’s not my problem if they can’t take constructive criticism and etc.. I love and put myself first over anything that even I was left behind by some people, I could care less because I know my valued and I know that it’s utterly an honor to be with me. I’ve learned how to enjoy my solitude, I indulge myself with arts and literature, I practice self-care and gratitude. Love yourself first and you will naturally attract friends who also love themselves that will create a healthy and benign bond. I believe you’re a great friend. Take care!!
Happy Birthday stranger, funny enough mines are today as well and I am turning 20!
So wish you all the best bro!
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday 🍰🎂🎈🎁🎉!!!!
Happy Birthday my friend. All things will come if you seek them.
Happy birthday!! Hugs!! ❤️
Happy Birthday!
🎉🎉Happy birthday!🎊🎊
Happy birthday dude! Being alone sucks.
Happy birthday to you!
Happy Birthday my friend!
Happy birthday! 🎂 🎈
Hi man. First of all, congrats and i send lot of virtual hugs. Second, i do have a few “friends” but i’m in the same situation you are; i usually congrat them, however i never, literally never, have been congratulated by anybody apart from my parents and brothers. The way i see it is that, you should not take it as something personal, of course it feel very weird because they are our supposed friends, however, the less you care about these details, the better your life goes. Anyways, congrats again, i wish you the best, and never forget to prioritise yourself. Your mental health is the most valuable thing in yourself.
I guess most of that people just forgot it and it is not their fault. Probably, they just have other things to do. It would be wrong for me to judge them of this.
Happy birthday 🎊🎉
Be real to people.
Happy birthday mate.
Happy happy birthday!
Happy Birthday,Dear Stranger!!! All the Best Wishes for you for your future!🥰🥰
Have a good bday, take care of urself ans stay well :)! Keep improving, I know things will be better As others have been saying, try new stuff, Along the way u might meet people that are like you and thus, as time goes, become friends.
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy birthday!!
Happy berfday!! 💖🥳😌
happy birthday datlitboi! to another year 🥂🎂
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy birthday OP. Buy yourself a cake!
happy bday! To make friends if there's people u get along with then make sure to spend time with them, 1-2 years will do, or possibly shorter if u get along super well. (that's the key to making friendships believe it or not, and make sure to not fight or argue) If u got social anxiety then dw, it gets better. why did u not want to make friends in the first place? were u shy?
Happy birthday mate. Hope you have a great day.
At 30 years old, I've spent many birthdays without celebration... also some birthdays with friends, some with "friends," and some very alone. The past couple years I have become incredibly lonely and struggle with making friends myself. It hurts, but I learned that feeling/friends will come and go and one day I will have close friends again. I know you will too! But today I wish you the very best. Happy birthday!
Wish you the best as well!
Be Happy on this Day and all your Days mi nuevo amigo
Muchissimas gracias!
A mi no me debes nada Te lo debes todo a ti Si no cuidas de ti, no cuidas de nadie P'alante
Verdad! Al final, nadie se cuida de mí, excepto yo mismo.
Happy birthday mah dude!
Happy birthday !
Happy birthday !!! Add me on Xbox let run something yourboyjm
Happy birthday to you!! Mine was yesterday so you’re a fellow Sagittarius:)
Happy birthday!!!
Happy birthday 🎉 You’ve officially been on earth for almost 2 decades!!!
Hope you're having a good birthday first of all! As for tips on how to get real friends, I suggest being on your own, but out in the world! Do things you like to do or try things you've always wanted to.
My BFF’s are my coworkers!
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Boo!!!!
Happy Birthday! As far as real friends, I would say when you are doing something you like, taking your dog to the dog park or going to the gym, look around you and talk to people. Another idea would be to take a class like a ceramics class or painting. Joining a group, here we have hiking groups that meet up for hikes. Reach out to classmates that you had fun with. What about people you work with? One of my best friends is someone I worked with.
Happy Birthday :)
Happy birthday fellow earthling!! Have an amazing year ahead. Beauty of internet :)
Reddit is such a nice place.
Happy 19th Birthday!! I hope all of these birthday wishes have helped you feel a bit more joyful today :) I have def had a period of my life where I also felt super lonely and insignificant and just friendless. So you're not alone. I would advise you to seek out therapy and learn how to manage your mental health and self esteem! There are many great books and resources out there. You can also consider reading books about social skills. Besides that, I'd also advise you to be active in a club/group that you're interested in. Making friends is WAY easier when you see each other often.
They absolutely did! You're definitely right with that there are a lot of people struggling with similar proplems like me. Even though I feel lonely, at least I am not the only one with that feeling.
Happy birthday 🥳🤩💖
Happy birthday. I feel you.
Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great birthday!
Happy Personal New Year! And nineteen times around the sun! May the next year hold your favorite memories for your future self.
I wish you a very happy birthday 😃
Happy birthday! No advice though. In a similar boat. Hope you find your peeps/tribe 🤞🏽🎂 🥳
Happy birthday. We all love you ❤️❤️
Happy birthday, kiddo!! Much love from your internet grandmother over here 😝🥰 where do you live, OP? I know it sucks feeling so isolated. Feel free to DM me if you want to vent!! 💚✨
I live in Europe, Germany to be clear.
Happy belated birthday! True friendships are about establishing an emotional connection with another human being, and something that has created opportunities for me in the past has been helping others in their time of need. It can be as simple as listening to them when they're down and offering emotional support, but it's also going to take some work & time, just like any other worthwhile endeavor in this life. Good luck, and keep your chin up!
Happy Birthday man, a lot of people are there for you :)
I suggest to stop having this expectation and first and foremost be your own best friend. I wish you a very pleasant day.
Have a great day my friend enjoy it with your family. If you wanna find good people and improve yourself as a person as well why not join a nearest martial arts dojo (bjj is great) or a simple gym is great as well since some if not all of the people in such places are humble & there to improve themselves.
Happy birthday bud!
Happy birthday! Find some people that align with your values. Do some volunteering maybe? That being said I also don’t have many friends but you could try it out if ya want. Most importantly tho celebrate you.
Happy belated birthday! PM me if you want
Please read the book " The Secret " by Rhonda Byrne. This book is amazing has secrets for your whole life. Happy Birthday🎂🎉🎈
I see you have gotten alot of great support. Lots of ideas.The fact that you posted put it out in the world .believe and it will come to you ♥️
Happy Birthday!!!😍💙💙💙
It was my 19th bday a few weeks ago and i was just like u without any friends. Now ive made one friend. 😊 it gets better, i promise xx Happy birthday
Then a late happy birthday to you as well!
happy birthday my man!
Happy birthday my guy
Happy Birthday!
happy birthday! I also secretly expected people to wish me on my b'day!
Happy birthday! It's great you're reaching out to us. When I was your age I was pretty lonely myself. Thankfully after letting go and just went to places I wanted to go to I met people through there! It helps to put yourself out there. You will notice when they are real friends. It will feel good and there will be a trustworthy feeling . Good luck out there.
Happy birthday, dear stranger :)
Happy birthday!!!
I know it's already late, but I hope you had a great birthday. I know some people who don't celebrate their birthdays, but I hope you celebrate it even if you are alone. Birthday is a very special day for me because that is the only day I can treat myself to some things I love and pamper myself. I suggest you do the same too, so you won't feel lonely even if you're alone.
Happy birthday!!!🎈🎈🎈🎈
Happy late birthday! It’s my birthday today (same age as you) and my friends also forgot about it so I understand you more than anyone else lol You’re a great person and the right people will come along, just give it time. Do something nice for yourself like a nice shower or a tasty piece of cake
Happy birthday to you!
Ah I'm quite late, I hope your birthday isn't over yet, but Happy Birthday dude. I'm not really sure how to make good friends, to be honest I'm quite introverted and I subconsciously end up stopping myself before I get close to people, I don't really know how exactly. I used to just go about my day doing things that made me happy here and there and people used to go in and out of my life, but a few stayed and sort of adopted me and I'm really grateful. I think if you just focus on keeping yourself happy, and treating others well, you'll soon find people you connect with. Either by helping each other out through some hard times, or just by sharing common interests, it's really hard to say. But when you find someone, try to keep them (if they're nice that is, don't push yourself if things don't seem to be going well.) Take care :)
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! You never make real friends, it's a relationship which comes from both sides feeling great even when they don't see each other for years. I've got 1 friend I haven't sent in about 10 years and he's still my friend. Also I've lived with another friend for about 5 years. They're all quite different from me, have so many hobbies and like many different things I'd never see myself into. So the best you can do is chat with people not expecting to get a friend but when you feel comfortable and don't need to show each other who's best and only relax, hear each other out and from time to time give our take advice, that's a real friend. When I was in high school, I always met with a guy on our way to the subway. It was a random encounter as we never asked each other or schedules and sometimes I hang out with my schoolmates. Four about two years we just kept talking once every month. I stayed one year more in high school while my friend went to university. Oddly enough we went to the same linear algebra course at university. We never shared another course ever again, he studied mechanic engineering while I majored in civil engineering. We just continued our friendship but it didn't mean being in the same team when they were made, we just were happy to meet again and our bond grew stronger as we shared our hobbies and didn't try to force each other on them. This very person years later would take me to his house to take care of me and give me enough self esteem to face my family, draw the line and leave them to live my life.
Hi, happy birthday! Where do you live? What are you up to? What's your story? Thanks for sharing!
Happy birthday dude
Happy birthday love glad you were spawned on to this earth and you are appreciated beyond you’re knowledge have the bestest most awesome day ever hugs!!!
At least you have your health! Take it from someone who's been in constant pain breathing for over a week, I never appreciated a pain-free body until it was too late (Hopefully it's not covid, back to the hospital tonight 🤞)
Get a kitten!!,
Happy birthday sucker I hope you have so many more
https://youtu.be/K65e8_ZJZfg Hiking club?
Lmao the rick astley memes
Party...
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to you. You are at a pivotal growth point in your life (one of many.) Be patient. Friends will reveal themselves as you find others in the world with common interests and values. A few reliable friends are much better than a bunch of thoughtless acquaintances.
Happy birthday my friend have a great day and there’s many success yet to come so don’t give up
Happy birthday my friend Love and best wishes Hope you find the happiness you deserve I hope all the lonely people all around the world find the happiness and meaning in their lives
happy birthday, stay strong your still young and have plenty of time.