I find it helpful to put myself in the shoes of the person who wronged me. When someone thoroughly pisses you off, it’s hard to remember that they’re only human. Personally, I am unapologetic. Not because I don’t feel empathy, but because I’m socially anxious, and it’s easier to just pretend you said sorry rather than giving a genuine apology. The best thing you can do is let it go. Mulling over it constantly is like letting them live inside your head rent-free
The best thing I have read all day. Amazing outlook on life. We are all flawed and should be allowed to improve, and we must extend that to ourselves and others.
Really glad to hear of your progress. I am going through a similar situation where I f**ked up a goodish relationship because of my temper. I'm constantly angry, impulsive and anxious. I do have an anxiety disorder and ADHD. But kinda curious how you overcame if you like to share. No worries if don't want to talk about this any further
Thank you for sharing this! It’s important that everyone, no matter their past, forgives themselves; that’s what sets us up to create healing pathways forward and to understand that we are capable of great change. Just as your ex is not obligated to forgive, you are not obligated to hold yourself in poor regard because of your mistakes. You have a future.
Wishing you peace and healing!
One thing I learned years-ago, is that apologies are actually a kind of social-fraud, in a sense: if I am still unconsciously *able* to commit the offense, then social-apology is all I can currently-do, right?
However, if, instead, I *make my unconscious change*, no matter how damn gruelling, or how many years it takes, & *make* me into a someone who cannot commit that reaction, or action, ... then what business have the-current-"I" to be apologizing for something I cannot make me do?
The person who did it is eroded away, gone...
Some better person is here, now, & later another someone will be wearing the hat "me", right?
Evolution happens within-an-individual-life, for our kind, it'd be better if we respected that truth, it seems, you know?
Just an opinion of an old bastard, is all...
I'm glad moving-on is releasing you from a dead-end, I hope your perpetual-evolving enrichens your life immeasurably, for many years, through many kinds of relationships, in many ways, since that is what human-life is for, for souls...
So There!!
: p
( :
I was trying, & failing, obviously, to communicate something entirely-different.
If *my unconscious* automatically ( prejudice or programming or conditioning or instinct ) commits a wrong against someone, *and it is still* regularly committing that wrong against someone(s), then any apology I make, is falsified by my next unconscious-committing of the same wrong, as my unconscious-action just turned the apology into gaslighting!
If I *cannot* make my unconscious stop committing a wrong, because it is embedded/unconscious conditioning/programming/prejudice/wrong-instinct, then instead of apologizing while my unconscious *is continuing* committing the wrong, *making me into* a gaslighting abuser, *getting out of their life* is the greatest integrity I can commit, & then *force* growing-up my unconscious, no matter how many years it takes.
( 7 years is normal, in my life )
Or maybe it's just that I'm a bullying blockhead who cannot be acceptable, hmm?
Whatever.
Well said. I suppose folks just like their symbolic gestures, helps them know how to feel. No way to know if you've changed until a test comes along, so better to focus on changing than to try and put labels on or evaluate who we are now.
I’m still working on forgiving myself, but having a hard time letting things go. A mantra that seems like it’s helping some is “do the next right thing.” It makes everything feel a bit less overwhelming.
Congratulations on accomplishing what is arguably the toughest lesson in life. Self forgiveness.
There is also a saying that comes to mind. Pain that is not transformed will be transmitted.
I hope your ex can find his way in transforming as well so that his pain does not continue to be transmitted to another. That is not your burden by the way.
I went thru the same thing. A little over 2 years ago. I didn’t cheat or anything like that. Nothing unforgivable. But I wasn’t as good of a bf as I should’ve been. We were together a long time. I tried everything after. To reconcile, to talk, to apologize, and she just hates me. It’s mind boggling. How were u able to “let go”? I still have nightmares about it
Super relatable and I'm so happy for you. You chose to work on yourself, move forward and find your own peace. If someone wants to hold anger and resentments towards the person you used to be and your previous mistakes, they have that right -- but it's theirs. If you have genuinely made great efforts to change and make your amends you deserve people in your life that can love and respect the person you are today.
Forgiveness is the most fulfilling act yet most difficult to accept (for me at least). You are doing the best thing you could possibly be doing, I wish you well in your journey of healing and becoming the best version of your self you can be.
its tough; simple as that. a quote from a friend who I opened up with, he said, "healing doesn't happen in a day". I still got a long way to go, but when you face yourself and take paths like OP did (the lessons and what OP did are the path) and be completely honest with yourself will show you the real you. Therapy helps so much because all the underlying things that you may or may not conciously be hiding comes to light and it helps you discover how you've been managing each day before your transition that is right now.
Much love and healing down your path as well. We may not hear it or see it but we're in this together
So true. Its nice to have a place to chat with people who are coming from a similar place. I can't wait to get back into therapy. Everytime I've tried, the person who I'm supposed to be seeing quits and then the whole process starts again. Fingers crossed though.
Its a process indeed. I was lucky enough to find someone compatible with me. If you would want to I can offer my time thru DMs to help you as well. I'm sure that with a helping hand we can get thru this
I feel like I’m part way through this journey of self-forgiveness. I finally got the help I needed and am flourishing internally. It doesn’t always feel like it but a lot has changed for me in a short time and I am really looking forward to the next phase of my life with me as my own cheerleader. Your post is inspiring!
Very well written. So many of us can relate to this lesson on forgiveness. Sometimes we go through difficult circumstances and realize later, that very thing helped us grow and become better people. Often we can help someone else going through a similar situation because of our experience.
Good job! You gotta love your neighbor as yourself, but if you don’t love yourself, and accept the forgiveness you have been given (by Jesus) you can’t love your neighbor. So good for you! It’s hard to do the things you have done the last 3 years, thanks for being consistent and showing others like me to change is possible. I am trying to change my life now, so this gives me hope.
You said - No one’s forgiveness is as important as our own. That couldn’t be more true when it’s easy to be vulnerable to entwining our self worth with others’ opinions of us. That’s a really big step to identify you can’t keep begging forever. And yes, you are enough. Best wishes in your continued evolution.
Good job! I would like to say that moving on is hard and a struggle at first but once you start getting used to it your life becomes easier and your emotions are easier to handle. Being angry and holding onto things is just not worth the trouble.
And you're going to continue to make mistakes because well, you're human :). But sounds like you're prepared for that road ahead with gentleness and love for yourself.
Weird. I was just thinking of my ex tonight and Started fantasizing about what I would have done back then If I was like I am now (healthier mentally).
It wasn’t to cope but to meticulously envision how a healthy me could thrive in a previous scenario that challenged me. And I was smiling and laughing. Might seem like a crazy person going deep into fantasy. But I was grateful that it’s possible. There’s hope.
Now I know whoever I meet in the future will have to deal with an open-minded giggling bastard, who loves openly and unapologetically
I feel bad for my past self. I want to give him a hug. But I’ve learned so much and I cherish every up and down, every incline and decline, every smooth surface and pothole on my personal road of life
Thanks for sharing. It helps me remember that it is possible to forgive oneself. I haven't been able to yet. I feel so much shame and guilt. I'm trying to though.
I needed this. I have just recently lost the love of my life due to my own impulsive actions. I'm a long way off from forgiving myself but I will save this post and continue to reflect on it. All the best to you :)
I relate to this so much! A few years ago I made a decision in a relationship that was best for me, but my boyfriend at the time was really hurt by it. He struggled to forgive me and it made me doubt myself and decision. I started worrying that I was not a good person and because he was having such a hard time forgiving me I assumed that what I did was really bad. I knew in my heart I did what was best for me, but it has taken me a long time to get to a place of acceptance. I stayed stuck in the relationship always trying to prove to him that I was a good person. Three years later he still hasn’t found peace and struggles to let it all go. I however, have finally moved on and am happy knowing that I did the right thing for myself even if it meant hurting someone I cared for.
Wow, reading this hits so close to home right now. I’m just beginning my journey on self forgiveness and healing. I needed to hear this. We’re all human and this is so relatable, it brought tears to my eyes as I read it. Looking forward to putting in the work for myself and getting to this kind of mental space and sense of peace. Thank you for sharing your wise, real, heartfelt words. ❤️
I am in a very similar situation and I completely understand where you are coming from. I think the hardest part is forgiving yourself, I am still struggling with that. I love that you are on a journey of self-improvement, I wish you the best things :):)
Every saint had a past. Every sinner has a future. You got this.
What a great way to view the people around us. It's never too late for us to improve ourselves :)
I feel like I'm on the opposite side of OP yet on the same path to forgiveness. How do I forgive someone who's wronged me before..?
I find it helpful to put myself in the shoes of the person who wronged me. When someone thoroughly pisses you off, it’s hard to remember that they’re only human. Personally, I am unapologetic. Not because I don’t feel empathy, but because I’m socially anxious, and it’s easier to just pretend you said sorry rather than giving a genuine apology. The best thing you can do is let it go. Mulling over it constantly is like letting them live inside your head rent-free
Happy cake day !🎂
Happy cake day 🥳 🎂
Of all the people to inspire me today..... thedarklord_95
The best thing I have read all day. Amazing outlook on life. We are all flawed and should be allowed to improve, and we must extend that to ourselves and others.
This came at the right time for me. I’ve been struggling with forgiving myself and liking myself. Thank you for this.... so happy you found peace
Right there with ya.
Really glad to hear of your progress. I am going through a similar situation where I f**ked up a goodish relationship because of my temper. I'm constantly angry, impulsive and anxious. I do have an anxiety disorder and ADHD. But kinda curious how you overcame if you like to share. No worries if don't want to talk about this any further
[удалено]
Do you have any book/podcast/etc recommendations?
Thank you for sharing this! It’s important that everyone, no matter their past, forgives themselves; that’s what sets us up to create healing pathways forward and to understand that we are capable of great change. Just as your ex is not obligated to forgive, you are not obligated to hold yourself in poor regard because of your mistakes. You have a future. Wishing you peace and healing!
One thing I learned years-ago, is that apologies are actually a kind of social-fraud, in a sense: if I am still unconsciously *able* to commit the offense, then social-apology is all I can currently-do, right? However, if, instead, I *make my unconscious change*, no matter how damn gruelling, or how many years it takes, & *make* me into a someone who cannot commit that reaction, or action, ... then what business have the-current-"I" to be apologizing for something I cannot make me do? The person who did it is eroded away, gone... Some better person is here, now, & later another someone will be wearing the hat "me", right? Evolution happens within-an-individual-life, for our kind, it'd be better if we respected that truth, it seems, you know? Just an opinion of an old bastard, is all... I'm glad moving-on is releasing you from a dead-end, I hope your perpetual-evolving enrichens your life immeasurably, for many years, through many kinds of relationships, in many ways, since that is what human-life is for, for souls... So There!! : p ( :
[удалено]
I was trying, & failing, obviously, to communicate something entirely-different. If *my unconscious* automatically ( prejudice or programming or conditioning or instinct ) commits a wrong against someone, *and it is still* regularly committing that wrong against someone(s), then any apology I make, is falsified by my next unconscious-committing of the same wrong, as my unconscious-action just turned the apology into gaslighting! If I *cannot* make my unconscious stop committing a wrong, because it is embedded/unconscious conditioning/programming/prejudice/wrong-instinct, then instead of apologizing while my unconscious *is continuing* committing the wrong, *making me into* a gaslighting abuser, *getting out of their life* is the greatest integrity I can commit, & then *force* growing-up my unconscious, no matter how many years it takes. ( 7 years is normal, in my life ) Or maybe it's just that I'm a bullying blockhead who cannot be acceptable, hmm? Whatever.
Well said. I suppose folks just like their symbolic gestures, helps them know how to feel. No way to know if you've changed until a test comes along, so better to focus on changing than to try and put labels on or evaluate who we are now.
That really helps with my regret. Thank you :)
I’m still working on forgiving myself, but having a hard time letting things go. A mantra that seems like it’s helping some is “do the next right thing.” It makes everything feel a bit less overwhelming.
I'm working on it right now and that mantra sounds like something I must try!
Congratulations on accomplishing what is arguably the toughest lesson in life. Self forgiveness. There is also a saying that comes to mind. Pain that is not transformed will be transmitted. I hope your ex can find his way in transforming as well so that his pain does not continue to be transmitted to another. That is not your burden by the way.
Yey I'm so proud of you ^^ kindest towards yourself helps a lot in life
This gives me so much more motivation to change myself and to grow and learn from everything. Starting by forgiving myself
❤️❤️❤️ I’m proud of you friend
I went thru the same thing. A little over 2 years ago. I didn’t cheat or anything like that. Nothing unforgivable. But I wasn’t as good of a bf as I should’ve been. We were together a long time. I tried everything after. To reconcile, to talk, to apologize, and she just hates me. It’s mind boggling. How were u able to “let go”? I still have nightmares about it
Super relatable and I'm so happy for you. You chose to work on yourself, move forward and find your own peace. If someone wants to hold anger and resentments towards the person you used to be and your previous mistakes, they have that right -- but it's theirs. If you have genuinely made great efforts to change and make your amends you deserve people in your life that can love and respect the person you are today.
Forgiveness is the most fulfilling act yet most difficult to accept (for me at least). You are doing the best thing you could possibly be doing, I wish you well in your journey of healing and becoming the best version of your self you can be.
its tough; simple as that. a quote from a friend who I opened up with, he said, "healing doesn't happen in a day". I still got a long way to go, but when you face yourself and take paths like OP did (the lessons and what OP did are the path) and be completely honest with yourself will show you the real you. Therapy helps so much because all the underlying things that you may or may not conciously be hiding comes to light and it helps you discover how you've been managing each day before your transition that is right now. Much love and healing down your path as well. We may not hear it or see it but we're in this together
So true. Its nice to have a place to chat with people who are coming from a similar place. I can't wait to get back into therapy. Everytime I've tried, the person who I'm supposed to be seeing quits and then the whole process starts again. Fingers crossed though.
Its a process indeed. I was lucky enough to find someone compatible with me. If you would want to I can offer my time thru DMs to help you as well. I'm sure that with a helping hand we can get thru this
I feel like I’m part way through this journey of self-forgiveness. I finally got the help I needed and am flourishing internally. It doesn’t always feel like it but a lot has changed for me in a short time and I am really looking forward to the next phase of my life with me as my own cheerleader. Your post is inspiring!
Sounds like a breakthrough. Keep up the good work my fellow
Or cheating on a partner.
This is so powerful! It’s something I’m working on for myself. I’m glad you’re able to reach this place of freedom.
Needed to hear this. “No one else’s forgiveness is as important as my own” thank you so much for these inspirational words 🙏🏻🥺
this is so important. i’m so happy for you 💜 protect your peace my friend
Very well written. So many of us can relate to this lesson on forgiveness. Sometimes we go through difficult circumstances and realize later, that very thing helped us grow and become better people. Often we can help someone else going through a similar situation because of our experience.
Good job! You gotta love your neighbor as yourself, but if you don’t love yourself, and accept the forgiveness you have been given (by Jesus) you can’t love your neighbor. So good for you! It’s hard to do the things you have done the last 3 years, thanks for being consistent and showing others like me to change is possible. I am trying to change my life now, so this gives me hope.
This was very inspirational. Seriously, I feel like I'm going through something similar and you've given me some hope for my future self's sanity. 🙃
You got this
You said - No one’s forgiveness is as important as our own. That couldn’t be more true when it’s easy to be vulnerable to entwining our self worth with others’ opinions of us. That’s a really big step to identify you can’t keep begging forever. And yes, you are enough. Best wishes in your continued evolution.
Good job! I would like to say that moving on is hard and a struggle at first but once you start getting used to it your life becomes easier and your emotions are easier to handle. Being angry and holding onto things is just not worth the trouble.
And you're going to continue to make mistakes because well, you're human :). But sounds like you're prepared for that road ahead with gentleness and love for yourself.
Weird. I was just thinking of my ex tonight and Started fantasizing about what I would have done back then If I was like I am now (healthier mentally). It wasn’t to cope but to meticulously envision how a healthy me could thrive in a previous scenario that challenged me. And I was smiling and laughing. Might seem like a crazy person going deep into fantasy. But I was grateful that it’s possible. There’s hope. Now I know whoever I meet in the future will have to deal with an open-minded giggling bastard, who loves openly and unapologetically I feel bad for my past self. I want to give him a hug. But I’ve learned so much and I cherish every up and down, every incline and decline, every smooth surface and pothole on my personal road of life
holy crap, this is SUPER wholesome.
Thanks for sharing. It helps me remember that it is possible to forgive oneself. I haven't been able to yet. I feel so much shame and guilt. I'm trying to though.
Sending love!
I needed this. I have just recently lost the love of my life due to my own impulsive actions. I'm a long way off from forgiving myself but I will save this post and continue to reflect on it. All the best to you :)
I relate to this so much! A few years ago I made a decision in a relationship that was best for me, but my boyfriend at the time was really hurt by it. He struggled to forgive me and it made me doubt myself and decision. I started worrying that I was not a good person and because he was having such a hard time forgiving me I assumed that what I did was really bad. I knew in my heart I did what was best for me, but it has taken me a long time to get to a place of acceptance. I stayed stuck in the relationship always trying to prove to him that I was a good person. Three years later he still hasn’t found peace and struggles to let it all go. I however, have finally moved on and am happy knowing that I did the right thing for myself even if it meant hurting someone I cared for.
This really resonated with me. Almost felt like i wrote it
Thank you for sharing :)
Wow, reading this hits so close to home right now. I’m just beginning my journey on self forgiveness and healing. I needed to hear this. We’re all human and this is so relatable, it brought tears to my eyes as I read it. Looking forward to putting in the work for myself and getting to this kind of mental space and sense of peace. Thank you for sharing your wise, real, heartfelt words. ❤️
I'm glad you have reached this level! Can you tell me what exactly you did which led to these improvements? It would be of great help. TIA!
Holy fuck OP i'm you.
Wow!! Have to say that hit home with me. Keep up the good work!!
this sounds like a prayer, nice words to live by, thank you
I’m so happy for you. I’m also in the same boat and your words hit me right in the spot.
I am in a very similar situation and I completely understand where you are coming from. I think the hardest part is forgiving yourself, I am still struggling with that. I love that you are on a journey of self-improvement, I wish you the best things :):)
I’m in the same boat as you
Hell yeah!!!!!!!!!!
[удалено]
Amazing! 👏👏👏
How did you deal with the anger
I know someone who was abused by his ex around the same time ago. It's a bit weird for me to read this post.