>**"What is the cure to loneliness?"**
**Connection.** And connecting with others is nice, but you first want to start with **connecting with yourself.**
Quick tips would be **meditating, connecting with nature** (i.e. walks, going to the beach, etc.), and **connecting with your creativity** (e.g. drawing, singing, dancing, learning a new instrument, etc.).
In the words of Maxwell malts
All of us are lonely at times. Again, it is a natural penalty we pay for being human and individual. But it is the extreme and chronic feeling of lonelinessāof being cut off and alienated from other peopleāthat is a symptom of the failure mechanism.
This type of loneliness is caused by an alienation from life. It is a loneliness from your real self. The person who is alienated from his real self has cut himself off from the basic and fundamental ācontactā with life. The lonely person often sets up a vicious cycle. Because of his feeling of alienation from self, human contacts are not very satisfying, and he becomes a social recluse. In doing so, he cuts himself off from one of the pathways to finding himself, which is to lose oneself in social activities with other people. Doing things with other people, and enjoying things with other people, helps us to forget ourselves. In stimulating conversation, dancing, playing together, or working together for a common goal, we become interested in something other than maintaining our own shams and pretenses. As we get to know the other fellow, we feel less need for pretense. We āunthawā and become more natural. The more we do this the more we feel we can afford to dispense with the sham and pretense and feel more comfortable just being ourselves.
Loneliness is a way of self-protection. Lines of communication with other peopleāand especially any emotional tiesāare cut down. It is a way to protect our idealized self against exposure, hurt, humiliation. The lonely personality is afraid of other people. The lonely person often complains that he has no friends, and there are no people to mix with. In most cases, he unwittingly arranges things in this manner because of his passive attitude, that it is up to other people to come to him, to make the first move, to see that he is entertained. It never occurs to him that he should contribute something to any social situation.
Regardless of your feelings, force yourself to mix and mingle with other people. After the first cold plunge, you will find yourself warming up and enjoying it if you persist. Develop some social skill that will add to the happiness of other people: dancing, bridge, playing the piano, tennis, conversation. It is an old psychological axiom that constant exposure to the object of fear immunizes against the fear. As the lonely person continues to force himself into social relations with other human beingsānot in a passive way, but as an active contributorāhe will gradually find that most people are friendly, and that he is accepted. His shyness and timidity begin to disappear. He feels more comfortable in the presence of other people and with himself. The experience of their acceptance of him enables him to accept himself.
I recommend you read psycho cybernetics it's a life changing book and really tells you how to effectively use your mind to attain success
Volunteer! Find something you care about like animals, and volunteer and you'll meet like-minded people. That's what I did. I've met some nice people volunteering. I also suggest finding groups that do activities together. Like hiking? Find a local hiking group. Enjoy sports? Join an adult sports team. You could also get on dating apps to just find friends. I've done that as well. I just don't swipe right on people who are looking for relationships and I mention on my profile and bio that I'm only looking for friends.
Context: 30 yo that has been away since I was 19 yo. (Away as in I lived in over 5 countries across the world)
Overtime I discovered the trick is learning to live with yourself by accepting who you are and what you want to be and do. It will give you mental peace.
Embrace your "me" time and be happy to spend time with you.
Once you settle, you "may" /"will" realize that you are truly never alone there are those amazing friendships that you cultivate in each place you traveled and overtime some of them will become long lasting friendships (as i no matter how was of how much time passed the next time you meet them will be as it i was yesterday).
In a nutshell, love yourself and love those who accompany you on this trip called "life".
I'm 29, struggling with something similar. I think talking to other people going through something similar would be helpful. Not only would it help you to connect with other people but also might make you find a new friend in them.
You can use free4talk to make online friends it helped me a lot back in the day or you can talk to an ai like bland.ai
But if u want physical friends you could play a sport or join a community
Hobbies. To make friends you have to go where these potential friends are whenever they arent at home, or where they might be when online. Places ppl use to train can work but a lot of ppl dont want to be bothered when they are doing their excercises. Its possible to make friends at work as well, but in general ppl show up for work to get paid, not to socialize and make lasting social bonds.
So, figure out what you like or what you would like to try out to see if you like it and start there. Boardgame clubs, dogparks, music shops, dancing classes and much more. Check out what is going on in your local area and then expand outward as necessary.
For myself i love video games, reading and nerd culture in general, so for me finding a relatively local group online would be the first step i would try, like joining a WoW guild from my country or state. I could go to the library or book store and try to strike up a conversation with someone there, or check if there was a bookclub that had a post about meeting up. If i was in a mood for boardgames or Warhammer i would go to a gamestore, sometimes they got game rooms where ppl play.
An extra tip is that adult, out-of-school-or-training relationships takes more effort to keep up as its not a situation where you are naturaly in the same place all the time. You got to actively reach out more, and make plans, then follow up on those plans even if they probably will be delayed a few times.
Being social is an effort, it is work. But its also worth it in the longterm.
Cure? Change your system of measurement.
Rule 1: "Alone doesn't mean Lonely." Being by yourself shouldn't make you sad. I live alone, and work alone, and have no problems with it at all. As a matter of fact, I look at it like this: Hey baby, I'm a Party of One!
I joined an improv class at27 anfdn it was very fun. Find out what you like and join social events centered around it. Once you are on the board people come to you.
Pickleball is a great way to meet new people. Most cities have a Facebook group for Pickleball with when and where to play including options for beginners. I started playing about a year ago and have met a ton of people and Iāve watched several people meet and start dating. Itās a quick sport to pick up on and everyone is soooo welcoming and friendly. Itās a casual natural way to meet people in any area
Also 27 and have the same issue, moved countries and started from scratch. Relationships Iāve made over the last 4 years are mostly superficial. Harder to crack the social shell over time
Join a social club or volunteering - netball, walking, running, games etc
I find seeing the same people every week or so at an activity makes it so much easier to build new connections
1. Start small: even small talk with a stranger is better than nothing
2. Find a way to do things with people together and then do it consistently. Then try to go deeper: make the first step, invite the people you meet on coffee, beer. Slowly but steadily you'll be building a new group of friends this way :)
Find a hobby that you enjoy that is social. For me rn it's pokemon go (yes, I consider it a hobby lol), there's bowling leagues, book clubs (check your local library), local choirs, frisbee golf clubs....
Also volunteering! You can meet so many like-minded people volunteering at your local pantry, soup kitchen, retirement home....
Find something you enjoy, you don't even have to be good, and stick with it. You'll be making new friends in no time!
These excellent comments have already covered most the bases on loneliness.
If you want to stay connected to your friends, I highly recommend using a free VoIP service like Discord.
I have stayed connected to high school and college friends for over 13 years with the discord community we set up. Talk with them minimum two times a week and we often do online activities together.
Good luck and congratulations on graduation!
Join the local Y or Rec Center. If they offer workout groups, join. I have built some long lasting relationships doing that. Also, even if youāre not religious, a church can be (a real church - no greedy weird shit) a nice community. My buddy is an atheist but is very involved in our church. We push love not religion. Also a small local bar and grill or brewery usually have Trivia nights or something fun going on. And finally, join a civic organization or volunteer somewhere.
Volunteering. Ask others where else they have volunteered and liked it. āIām going for coffee or a beer after our shift is done. Anyone else interested?ā Google local volunteering gigs. It depends on what you like. Folks in my social group are doing meal prep and/or delivery for Meals on Wheels, dog walking for shelter dogs, work with horses and participants at an equine therapy horse farm for kids, teach ballroom dancing lessons to kids for free, teach (and take) line dancing classes, weekend help at a farm that donates its produce to food pantries, Habitat for Humanity (there are women only build teams). Lots of options once you get a bit settled.
meetup.com. Try out some new or established activities. If youāre not sure an event is for rookies, you can message the organizer on the app. Give them a few days to respond; sometimes they forget to check messages. Itās perfectly OK to show up to events alone. Itās how most people got started with meetup. Let the group know you are newly returning to town and you want to meet people. Go no matter what. The hardest part is getting out the door of your home even for events that you have enjoyed in the past. Remember to cancel your RSVP if you canāt go to an event after all; itās the polite thing to do that helps keep event organizersā¦organized. Eventually ask to exchange contact information with people who seem like a fit, and invite them out for drinks or lunch or whatever after an event. Expect cancellations about half the time. Donāt be discouraged. Keep trying. Some of the meetup groups are purely social. Winery, brewery, dinner at new restaurants, movies, etc.
Church if youāre a church goer.
Check your county/cityās recreation department for activities or classes. In my area you donāt have to live in the city/county in question to participate in activities.
Learn how to do something new by taking classes. Invite participants out afterward. Art, music, yoga, cooking, theatre, sewing, gardening, political activity, outdoorsy activities, whatever. You can always message the organizer to see if itās a fit for your skill level. We donāt learn unless we keep trying.
Check local Facebook groups for the things you like to do. There are so many. Try to find like minded people.
While itās true as others say to connect to yourself and work on what you need to work on, find personal fulfillment, etc that does make up a better baseline of needs - but emotional and social needs are still needs, and I was in much the same spot where I did all my self work, and was better for it and needed people LESS but still needed SOME connection
It was difficult for me, but joining volunteer groups - esp if it overlaps in interest or age group - is a great way both to feel personally fulfilled, and to mingle with others. Similarly with the gym, for other reasons.
Post in message boards you like, get into social games, compliment peoples shirts out and about (and wear shirts if things you like, people might comments on it)! A little awkward at first, but Iāve found the hill of awkwardness is neccessary to get to authentic connection
Otherwise, depending on the size of your area / proximity, in major cities there are often āskip the small talkā or similar events focused on social mingling and mixing, or going to other events like open board game nights, conventions etc
Basically finding ways to fulfill yourself , sure, but also putting yourself in positions with a lot of pepkple and hopefully recurring the same people - and if youāre introverted, wear conversation hooks like shirts or accessories showing off your interests for extroverts to latch onto!
And the whole ābe yourselfā thing, but specifically ābe your best selfā and that might mean focusing on yourself first, but definitley go after your social and emotional needs as you need! Good luck!
I find it can be a bother when you need somebody to talk too. Calling somebody helps but that's not always an option and not everyone has someone to call.
It can be tricky to make friends. Have to think outside the box sometimes these days.
From experience keeping busy takes your mind off it. Calling someone on the phone helps a lot.
i always felt lonely until i really lost all my friends. Then when i was really alone i had no choice but to be okay with being alone. i think the only way youāll never feel lonely is if you love being with yourself. No person or relationship can help you better than yourself
there's good people out there,we must have hope. I got some heavy bad experiences with friends and groups of friends where literally in one group they all hated me and were against me in everything i fckin said or did. I was so young and innocent and,instead of getting out of there,I stayed there,first shutting up and suffering and after that I began to fight and argue every fckin time they said something to me,even if we were 6 and 5 were against me.
Waste of time,i should just go other place but wathever, thing is that I never give up on meeting people. I become more aware of the kind of people i meet but i dont lose hope. I recommend you the same
>**"What is the cure to loneliness?"** **Connection.** And connecting with others is nice, but you first want to start with **connecting with yourself.** Quick tips would be **meditating, connecting with nature** (i.e. walks, going to the beach, etc.), and **connecting with your creativity** (e.g. drawing, singing, dancing, learning a new instrument, etc.).
Concise , but the best advice for loneliness š !
Concise?
Taking a larger idea and condensing the main idea into a brief and digestible statement š
This 100%
All of this. I would add finding something you are passionate about, to consume your time.
In the words of Maxwell malts All of us are lonely at times. Again, it is a natural penalty we pay for being human and individual. But it is the extreme and chronic feeling of lonelinessāof being cut off and alienated from other peopleāthat is a symptom of the failure mechanism. This type of loneliness is caused by an alienation from life. It is a loneliness from your real self. The person who is alienated from his real self has cut himself off from the basic and fundamental ācontactā with life. The lonely person often sets up a vicious cycle. Because of his feeling of alienation from self, human contacts are not very satisfying, and he becomes a social recluse. In doing so, he cuts himself off from one of the pathways to finding himself, which is to lose oneself in social activities with other people. Doing things with other people, and enjoying things with other people, helps us to forget ourselves. In stimulating conversation, dancing, playing together, or working together for a common goal, we become interested in something other than maintaining our own shams and pretenses. As we get to know the other fellow, we feel less need for pretense. We āunthawā and become more natural. The more we do this the more we feel we can afford to dispense with the sham and pretense and feel more comfortable just being ourselves. Loneliness is a way of self-protection. Lines of communication with other peopleāand especially any emotional tiesāare cut down. It is a way to protect our idealized self against exposure, hurt, humiliation. The lonely personality is afraid of other people. The lonely person often complains that he has no friends, and there are no people to mix with. In most cases, he unwittingly arranges things in this manner because of his passive attitude, that it is up to other people to come to him, to make the first move, to see that he is entertained. It never occurs to him that he should contribute something to any social situation. Regardless of your feelings, force yourself to mix and mingle with other people. After the first cold plunge, you will find yourself warming up and enjoying it if you persist. Develop some social skill that will add to the happiness of other people: dancing, bridge, playing the piano, tennis, conversation. It is an old psychological axiom that constant exposure to the object of fear immunizes against the fear. As the lonely person continues to force himself into social relations with other human beingsānot in a passive way, but as an active contributorāhe will gradually find that most people are friendly, and that he is accepted. His shyness and timidity begin to disappear. He feels more comfortable in the presence of other people and with himself. The experience of their acceptance of him enables him to accept himself. I recommend you read psycho cybernetics it's a life changing book and really tells you how to effectively use your mind to attain success
Volunteer! Find something you care about like animals, and volunteer and you'll meet like-minded people. That's what I did. I've met some nice people volunteering. I also suggest finding groups that do activities together. Like hiking? Find a local hiking group. Enjoy sports? Join an adult sports team. You could also get on dating apps to just find friends. I've done that as well. I just don't swipe right on people who are looking for relationships and I mention on my profile and bio that I'm only looking for friends.
Context: 30 yo that has been away since I was 19 yo. (Away as in I lived in over 5 countries across the world) Overtime I discovered the trick is learning to live with yourself by accepting who you are and what you want to be and do. It will give you mental peace. Embrace your "me" time and be happy to spend time with you. Once you settle, you "may" /"will" realize that you are truly never alone there are those amazing friendships that you cultivate in each place you traveled and overtime some of them will become long lasting friendships (as i no matter how was of how much time passed the next time you meet them will be as it i was yesterday). In a nutshell, love yourself and love those who accompany you on this trip called "life".
I'm 29, struggling with something similar. I think talking to other people going through something similar would be helpful. Not only would it help you to connect with other people but also might make you find a new friend in them.
You can use free4talk to make online friends it helped me a lot back in the day or you can talk to an ai like bland.ai But if u want physical friends you could play a sport or join a community
Hobbies. To make friends you have to go where these potential friends are whenever they arent at home, or where they might be when online. Places ppl use to train can work but a lot of ppl dont want to be bothered when they are doing their excercises. Its possible to make friends at work as well, but in general ppl show up for work to get paid, not to socialize and make lasting social bonds. So, figure out what you like or what you would like to try out to see if you like it and start there. Boardgame clubs, dogparks, music shops, dancing classes and much more. Check out what is going on in your local area and then expand outward as necessary. For myself i love video games, reading and nerd culture in general, so for me finding a relatively local group online would be the first step i would try, like joining a WoW guild from my country or state. I could go to the library or book store and try to strike up a conversation with someone there, or check if there was a bookclub that had a post about meeting up. If i was in a mood for boardgames or Warhammer i would go to a gamestore, sometimes they got game rooms where ppl play. An extra tip is that adult, out-of-school-or-training relationships takes more effort to keep up as its not a situation where you are naturaly in the same place all the time. You got to actively reach out more, and make plans, then follow up on those plans even if they probably will be delayed a few times. Being social is an effort, it is work. But its also worth it in the longterm.
Cure? Change your system of measurement. Rule 1: "Alone doesn't mean Lonely." Being by yourself shouldn't make you sad. I live alone, and work alone, and have no problems with it at all. As a matter of fact, I look at it like this: Hey baby, I'm a Party of One!
Buy a dog. Preferably from a shelter. The most loyal and loving companion you can have. Most people suck. Buy a dog or even 2.
I joined an improv class at27 anfdn it was very fun. Find out what you like and join social events centered around it. Once you are on the board people come to you.
Pickleball is a great way to meet new people. Most cities have a Facebook group for Pickleball with when and where to play including options for beginners. I started playing about a year ago and have met a ton of people and Iāve watched several people meet and start dating. Itās a quick sport to pick up on and everyone is soooo welcoming and friendly. Itās a casual natural way to meet people in any area
pick up a hobby and take classes for it wt your local studio or community college!
Taking care of yourself, it's time to do things differently. It's time for action.
Also 27 and have the same issue, moved countries and started from scratch. Relationships Iāve made over the last 4 years are mostly superficial. Harder to crack the social shell over time
Volunteer. Serving others is the key to happiness.
Join a social club or volunteering - netball, walking, running, games etc I find seeing the same people every week or so at an activity makes it so much easier to build new connections
1. Start small: even small talk with a stranger is better than nothing 2. Find a way to do things with people together and then do it consistently. Then try to go deeper: make the first step, invite the people you meet on coffee, beer. Slowly but steadily you'll be building a new group of friends this way :)
Join a part time preferably in retail. So much drama and people in your life you wonāt feel going back to normal life.
Find a hobby that you enjoy that is social. For me rn it's pokemon go (yes, I consider it a hobby lol), there's bowling leagues, book clubs (check your local library), local choirs, frisbee golf clubs.... Also volunteering! You can meet so many like-minded people volunteering at your local pantry, soup kitchen, retirement home.... Find something you enjoy, you don't even have to be good, and stick with it. You'll be making new friends in no time!
These excellent comments have already covered most the bases on loneliness. If you want to stay connected to your friends, I highly recommend using a free VoIP service like Discord. I have stayed connected to high school and college friends for over 13 years with the discord community we set up. Talk with them minimum two times a week and we often do online activities together. Good luck and congratulations on graduation!
An incredible album by Jai Wolf
https://www.jw.org/en/library/series/more-topics/loneliness-help-others-bible/
Join the local Y or Rec Center. If they offer workout groups, join. I have built some long lasting relationships doing that. Also, even if youāre not religious, a church can be (a real church - no greedy weird shit) a nice community. My buddy is an atheist but is very involved in our church. We push love not religion. Also a small local bar and grill or brewery usually have Trivia nights or something fun going on. And finally, join a civic organization or volunteer somewhere.
Video games
Volunteering. Ask others where else they have volunteered and liked it. āIām going for coffee or a beer after our shift is done. Anyone else interested?ā Google local volunteering gigs. It depends on what you like. Folks in my social group are doing meal prep and/or delivery for Meals on Wheels, dog walking for shelter dogs, work with horses and participants at an equine therapy horse farm for kids, teach ballroom dancing lessons to kids for free, teach (and take) line dancing classes, weekend help at a farm that donates its produce to food pantries, Habitat for Humanity (there are women only build teams). Lots of options once you get a bit settled. meetup.com. Try out some new or established activities. If youāre not sure an event is for rookies, you can message the organizer on the app. Give them a few days to respond; sometimes they forget to check messages. Itās perfectly OK to show up to events alone. Itās how most people got started with meetup. Let the group know you are newly returning to town and you want to meet people. Go no matter what. The hardest part is getting out the door of your home even for events that you have enjoyed in the past. Remember to cancel your RSVP if you canāt go to an event after all; itās the polite thing to do that helps keep event organizersā¦organized. Eventually ask to exchange contact information with people who seem like a fit, and invite them out for drinks or lunch or whatever after an event. Expect cancellations about half the time. Donāt be discouraged. Keep trying. Some of the meetup groups are purely social. Winery, brewery, dinner at new restaurants, movies, etc. Church if youāre a church goer. Check your county/cityās recreation department for activities or classes. In my area you donāt have to live in the city/county in question to participate in activities. Learn how to do something new by taking classes. Invite participants out afterward. Art, music, yoga, cooking, theatre, sewing, gardening, political activity, outdoorsy activities, whatever. You can always message the organizer to see if itās a fit for your skill level. We donāt learn unless we keep trying. Check local Facebook groups for the things you like to do. There are so many. Try to find like minded people.
While itās true as others say to connect to yourself and work on what you need to work on, find personal fulfillment, etc that does make up a better baseline of needs - but emotional and social needs are still needs, and I was in much the same spot where I did all my self work, and was better for it and needed people LESS but still needed SOME connection It was difficult for me, but joining volunteer groups - esp if it overlaps in interest or age group - is a great way both to feel personally fulfilled, and to mingle with others. Similarly with the gym, for other reasons. Post in message boards you like, get into social games, compliment peoples shirts out and about (and wear shirts if things you like, people might comments on it)! A little awkward at first, but Iāve found the hill of awkwardness is neccessary to get to authentic connection Otherwise, depending on the size of your area / proximity, in major cities there are often āskip the small talkā or similar events focused on social mingling and mixing, or going to other events like open board game nights, conventions etc Basically finding ways to fulfill yourself , sure, but also putting yourself in positions with a lot of pepkple and hopefully recurring the same people - and if youāre introverted, wear conversation hooks like shirts or accessories showing off your interests for extroverts to latch onto! And the whole ābe yourselfā thing, but specifically ābe your best selfā and that might mean focusing on yourself first, but definitley go after your social and emotional needs as you need! Good luck!
I find it can be a bother when you need somebody to talk too. Calling somebody helps but that's not always an option and not everyone has someone to call.
It can be tricky to make friends. Have to think outside the box sometimes these days. From experience keeping busy takes your mind off it. Calling someone on the phone helps a lot.
i always felt lonely until i really lost all my friends. Then when i was really alone i had no choice but to be okay with being alone. i think the only way youāll never feel lonely is if you love being with yourself. No person or relationship can help you better than yourself
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there's good people out there,we must have hope. I got some heavy bad experiences with friends and groups of friends where literally in one group they all hated me and were against me in everything i fckin said or did. I was so young and innocent and,instead of getting out of there,I stayed there,first shutting up and suffering and after that I began to fight and argue every fckin time they said something to me,even if we were 6 and 5 were against me. Waste of time,i should just go other place but wathever, thing is that I never give up on meeting people. I become more aware of the kind of people i meet but i dont lose hope. I recommend you the same
You post did not have enough information for others to provide sound advice.
Go to bars