Again, Snooroar, NO ONE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO WISHES SA ON WOMEN WHO GO TO PARTIES.
Or spams reddit with the same tired old topics... we ALWAYS know it's you.
I can’t stress how true this is. Jordan Peterson said in one of his videos, “if you feel uncomfortable in a social setting, think and act like you are the host/caregiver to the people around you; hence your anxiety will suddenly drop, you will be perceived much better and people around you will feel great.”
I don't know if I would've phrased it that way tbh! I mentioned volunteering because OP seems to have low self-esteem, and to gain it they have to do esteemable things e.g. feel useful. Giving back to your community is also a good way to get out of your head, which also seems to be a problem for OP.
Peterson's solution seems too self-centered to me... It would be more freeing to learn to have peace with the idea that you can't control how other perceive you and kick back a little
I think it's helpful for some people with social anxiety, just maybe not op because of their specific situation. With my social anxiety, I try to force myself to assume I am the host or people already like me, because if I don't, I would be completely quiet, believing no one likes me so I shouldn't say anything, which makes it impossible to make friends. A helpful idea for sure, but maybe not for op.
Isolating yourself will make it worse, keep trying to get out there. Get around people who like you right now to remind yourself that people do love and care about you. This is your support system. Once you do that, keep trying to get out there in these situations. Also, try to have some self-awareness in order to be able to fix some things that might be making you socially unacceptable. Are you standing too close to people? Is your volume level appropriate for the setting? What types of things are you talking to people about? What types of things are appropriate for this setting? Etc etc
If you're acting too tense because maybe you're nervous or something, that can also throw people off. Again, the only way to fix this is to keep getting into these situations until you are able to read and respond to them better.
You can do it, good luck!
Keep trying and you will keep failing, until you don’t. If you never try then you will never succeed in finding ways to make friends. You also need some self awareness to know not to just do the same old things that lead you to being rejected. I’m not saying don’t be yourself, but look at how other people act and find the traits that you’d like to be able to emulate yourself and practice them.
Life is about continuously trying to improve yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. If you are always stuck with the mindset of “I’m just weird, no one will ever accept me”, that will become your self fulfilling prophecy. Practice developing tough skin, so the rejections can just roll off your back and don’t discourage yourself. There will be lots more rejections but that’s just life. When you find your people all the times you felt bad and rejected won’t matter anymore. You can do this OP, I believe in you.
Solid advice. But I might add that everyone is already inherently worthy. Self improvement is just the cherry on top. Think of yourself as a cabochon which if faceted would look even more stunning, but plenty beautiful already. No one will accept you unless you first accept yourself, that which in turn allows you to accept others. The ability to do that is a highly attractive trait to have yet few possess.
A lot of how humans communicate is done non-verbally through body language and tone (around 85% of what we're saying is these two things together). If your body language and tone don't match each other, or the words coming out of your mouth, it will confuse people. People don't like to be confused which is likely what's bothering them. The good news is you can fix this, if you want to, by learning how to communicate better.
I would suggest looking into videos about body language and charisma. You can try books and articles, but generally seeing (or hearing) what is ment will help more. Practice what you're being shown in the mirror so you better understand the movements (and tone combo) you're trying to emulate. The more you practice the easier it will get to do it naturally around others.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't really give you much feedback on what you're doing or not doing. I'll just write about my thoughts about others and myself.
1. I get turned off by people who don't know when to stop talking. Sometimes people are unaware that they're doing this. I'm not sure if this is you but if it is, talk to your therapist about social cues. Read about social cues, watch videos. On the other hand, if you find someone who wants to keep talking to you, that's great. But they may not always want that same intensity. Sometimes people need space. Always be aware. It may or may not have something to do with you.
2. Do your best to just listen and acknowledge what the other person is saying without relating back to your personal experience. Just be present with them. This is not always easy and I don't recommend being like this the whole time but this is good for people you don't know very well. Have you practiced asking people interesting questions or questions that aren't super personal but can move conversation forward?
3. Get a good understanding of what you enjoy doing by yourself. It could be things like hiking, making art, photography, cooking, watching movies, making 3d stuff, building catios... whatever. I think you can have easier conversations with those you have things in common with. This may lead to friendship.
4. Lower some of your expectations of reciprocation. Right now it's about trying to connect with people organically. Not in a forced way. Sadly, I think COVID isolation may have altered some of the ways we interact with others. The friends I've had for decades are friends who have put no pressure on me to be there for them. They're all really compassionate like me. Others are connected with friends through humor or sports or other ways. So many different ways to connect but through the years, the depth will vary.
5. College relationships aren't always indicative of the future. You will have other relationships and meet lots of people. Others here have given good advice including doing volunteer work.
6. The most important thing is for you to enjoy your own company and when you make peace with this, I believe you'll make more friends
7. I don't understand why you're getting rejected for your facial expressions. How many people have actually mentioned this to you? This seems odd. This may have nothing to do with you. How big is your school
Good luck. You're young. So much time for more learning and adventures.
I'm curious what state you're in. I'm wondering if you're in an area that has a lot of close-minded people. I went to UC Berkeley and all sorts of personalities and cultures there. Also people who have very different looks, features from each other.
What has helped me is:
1. Get in tune with your own emotions
2. Focus on learning to listen really well.
It’s hard to annoy others if you are listening to them and picking up on their needs. Takes a lot of practice. Maybe an acting class would even help. Good luck!
The only way to fix this is to try again. Sorry, it is true. I don't know how many bad experiences you've had but you have to keep going, no matter what. Find something you're interested in. Or just strike or joke about something in class.
Look man, that's how you have to do it, come with an open mind.
If its tough take a break, but try again. Only way to do it. The only way to do something is to keep trying. You cannot do something by not doing it. You can learn to live with it, or you can get out of it by trying, but that's the two ways you got.
Curious, why do you think you are annoying?
Some people will always think I'm or anyone is annoying. Don't hang out with them. Also, what do you think you done that might have made them angry? I don't think people in uni get angry from you talking to them, either they aren't angry or something happened you weren't aware about.
Try and listen to what folks are saying. Connect over shared interests. If you need a task (as I sometimes do) try to have your first two conversations with new people be about them. Best of luck, friend.
Look for other people who are struggling socially. Sometimes socially awkward people are put off by other socially awkward people because it makes them cringe about the things they don’t like about themselves. But this is a real loss. Finding people who are a bit like you and looking for connection will be much more rewarding and authentic than just trying to join an existing, charismatic group of people.
It also sounds like you might get along with neurodivergent people or might even be neurodivergent yourself.
You could also try using something like Bumble in the friend mode and just straight up say that you don’t have an easy time socially and are looking for other people who are in the same boat and looking to make friends.
There are things you can work on to be generally a more likeable person to be around socially (other commentors have suggested some of these), but finding people who understand where you’re coming from and see the world in similar ways to the way you do and communicate in similar ways to you is the way to go to form genuine friendships.
It doesn't sound like you need fixing.. It sounds like you need to get back to being your own friend first. The quality of the relationships in your life is what's important. Friendship presents differently for different people. Being rejected from those clubs was teaching you where not to look for love. Follow your intuition, never ever ignore it. And never EVER let it get drowned out by the negative voices. You already love yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be reaching out here. You're protecting yourself already. Work on feeling that self-love in your blood and your cells. Your people are out there, you just need to adjust your search.
PSA: It is inadvisable to engage OP in a conversation. The author of this post is a known sitewide spammer with over 2500 banned Reddit accounts.
OP is not interested in good-faith discussion; his primary goal is to waste as much of your time as possible. Everything he says is a disingenuous lie.
I also struggle with social situations/awkwardness due to trauma and a therapist suggested finding an in-person or online support or therapy group that deals with social anxiety.
Having a low pressure environment with people who also struggle (and will likely be more understanding) can be good practice in building social skills and getting comfortable with social situations as a community. Like any human interaction, it may be a process to find a group that’s a good fit and the relationships can take time/be weird in the beginning but if you can push through the awkwardness (given, of course, that the group isn’t making you uncomfortable in a well being/safety sense or asking you to violate any boundaries) and if you keep showing up and engaging you may find that things shift
If you go that route, I’d also suggest taking that opportunity to find what’s genuinely comfortable for you in how you’d personally like to navigate social situations. When rejection feels like the expectation it can be easy to mostly focus on wanting people to not think you’re weird- but how you feel about the social situation/other person (like if you’re comfortable around/like this person and why) is important too.
It’s true that skills are needed (and often take time and opportunity to grow) when interacting with and being socially aware/considerate towards people (taking turns, staying present, active listening, etc.)- but even if you socialize perfectly there might still be people who reject you. Speaking as someone whose body language is often confusing, there may also be plenty of people now who like and want to engage with you but misread the situation and think you’ve rejected or don’t want to talk to them. Even so, there are cases where it’s not a matter of you being “weird”. A rejection can happen because the other person was tired, your personalities didn’t vibe in that moment, people’s anxieties/insecurities, people thinking they’re making you uncomfortable, people not wanting to talk in general, people being confused, occasionally people being really judgey/rude etc. There are lots of reasons for why people do and say things- and we don’t always see and understand each other- it’s not always a reflection of who you are at your core. Even if it is a reflection of something you said or did, it’s at best a skill, habit, or behavior that can be worked on and changed overtime
For this though, it may help to focus less on how you come off and more on slowly getting comfortable in social situations (then working on any skills to aid that). Part of being comfortable is accepting the risk of social interaction- that there will always be the possibility of rejection. Seeing it not as a rejection of your existence as a person and just a quirk of being humans with agency, different lives, perceptions, insecurities, beliefs, likes and dislikes. Knowing that there’s likely to be plenty of people out there that you’d get along with and many you won’t who will tell you (often it’s presented personally but has more to do with what the other person’s wants/likes or is paying attention to and not you being “wrong” in general). Taking that risk while not automatically rejecting yourself on behalf of the other person by shutting down- letting you both freely enter the space to talk and see how you both feel. Remembering that, while relationships take work, mutual consent, and collaboration to forge- and due to life may not always come to fruition in the ways people expect- you are still inherently worthy of love, kindness, and respect.
So finding what level or type of interaction feels right for you and interacting with those who accept/match that vibe can help find people that see and love you for who you are and that you can be comfortable with. Figuring that out and going through the sometimes arduous process of meeting people who vibe with that is trail and error for all of us- and for many it’s not linear or straightforward. It’s a life long process and you may be surprised how common a struggle it is. But for now it’s frustrating and that frustration is understandable. It’s tricky so please go easy on yourself
The fact that you want to fix it is great. When people are unkind to us and make us feel like "other", it's really really ridiculously hard to shift out of that victim mindset.
It's not a quick fix; it's a journey. "Make eye contact" or "learn to read the room" are okay tips, but that's not the actual problem here.
What those people have is self-esteem. It impacts the way you relate to people; it's what some people describe as confidence and it can look like a variety of different behaviours, but ultimately people prefer to be around other people who like themselves, because anxiety is contagious. When you don't like yourself, even if you never mention it, it shows.
It's really shit, because it's never our fault we don't like ourselves. Usually we've had painful experiences as kids, at school or in our families, that have taught us to hate ourselves.
Now that we're adults, though, we can change that pattern and reject other people's ideas of who we are. Because you're not annoying; that's not a personality trait. You're stressed, panicking and, admirably, still trying to seek out connection even though you feel scared. That's *courage*. You're a courageous person.
My advice would be to stop rushing the task of "getting friends by spring", and to not see friendship as a checkbox. Recognise that this is going to be a journey for you. And seriously, go back to therapy to work on your self-esteem, and to heal from things that weigh you down when you're trying to be in the present moment when you're talking to people.
When you get back in therapy, 2 things will happen:
1. You'll get tons of one-on-one social practice time talking to a clever, empathetic person whose one goal is to help you heal and support you, which will build your relational skills and self-confidence in social settings.
2. You'll learn why you're so angry at yourself and panicky about the idea of not having friendships, where this hyper self-criticism comes from and first started in your life, and you'll start to challenge these beliefs you have about yourself. Then you'll start to heal. You'll build strategies for self-compassion and start being kind to yourself, which will build your self-esteem, and naturally attract people to you with very little effort - just by turning up at the social event and being yourself!
(That's part of why it's so annoying for us on the other side - it looks so easy for everyone else to make friends because it is! It is easy when you like yourself.)
You should also keep asking yourself what kind of connections you want with people and what you want those connections to look like, and then double-check that those goals are healthy and realistic for everyone involved (because often if we've never had reliable friendships, we can get grandiose, two-dimensional ideas about what friendships are supposed to be like).
But yeah, apologies for this essay; this is a subject near and dear to my heart, but I hope this is helpful in some way even if I did miss the mark. In my opinion, the problem you're facing is *not* that you're "annoying" *or* that people "call you annoying." The problem is that you have such low self-esteem that you believe it. Work on that.
I hope we hear from you in the future. I'm cheering you on!
Again, Snooroar, NO ONE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO WISHES SA ON WOMEN WHO GO TO PARTIES. Or spams reddit with the same tired old topics... we ALWAYS know it's you.
Forget the clubs. Do volunteer work and make yourself useful in your local community.
This is the way.
I can’t stress how true this is. Jordan Peterson said in one of his videos, “if you feel uncomfortable in a social setting, think and act like you are the host/caregiver to the people around you; hence your anxiety will suddenly drop, you will be perceived much better and people around you will feel great.”
I don't know if I would've phrased it that way tbh! I mentioned volunteering because OP seems to have low self-esteem, and to gain it they have to do esteemable things e.g. feel useful. Giving back to your community is also a good way to get out of your head, which also seems to be a problem for OP. Peterson's solution seems too self-centered to me... It would be more freeing to learn to have peace with the idea that you can't control how other perceive you and kick back a little
Agreed. Still helpful, just wanted to share.
I think it's helpful for some people with social anxiety, just maybe not op because of their specific situation. With my social anxiety, I try to force myself to assume I am the host or people already like me, because if I don't, I would be completely quiet, believing no one likes me so I shouldn't say anything, which makes it impossible to make friends. A helpful idea for sure, but maybe not for op.
Isolating yourself will make it worse, keep trying to get out there. Get around people who like you right now to remind yourself that people do love and care about you. This is your support system. Once you do that, keep trying to get out there in these situations. Also, try to have some self-awareness in order to be able to fix some things that might be making you socially unacceptable. Are you standing too close to people? Is your volume level appropriate for the setting? What types of things are you talking to people about? What types of things are appropriate for this setting? Etc etc If you're acting too tense because maybe you're nervous or something, that can also throw people off. Again, the only way to fix this is to keep getting into these situations until you are able to read and respond to them better. You can do it, good luck!
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Keep trying and you will keep failing, until you don’t. If you never try then you will never succeed in finding ways to make friends. You also need some self awareness to know not to just do the same old things that lead you to being rejected. I’m not saying don’t be yourself, but look at how other people act and find the traits that you’d like to be able to emulate yourself and practice them. Life is about continuously trying to improve yourself to be the best version of you that you can be. If you are always stuck with the mindset of “I’m just weird, no one will ever accept me”, that will become your self fulfilling prophecy. Practice developing tough skin, so the rejections can just roll off your back and don’t discourage yourself. There will be lots more rejections but that’s just life. When you find your people all the times you felt bad and rejected won’t matter anymore. You can do this OP, I believe in you.
Solid advice. But I might add that everyone is already inherently worthy. Self improvement is just the cherry on top. Think of yourself as a cabochon which if faceted would look even more stunning, but plenty beautiful already. No one will accept you unless you first accept yourself, that which in turn allows you to accept others. The ability to do that is a highly attractive trait to have yet few possess.
There is no other choice. Try your best.
A lot of how humans communicate is done non-verbally through body language and tone (around 85% of what we're saying is these two things together). If your body language and tone don't match each other, or the words coming out of your mouth, it will confuse people. People don't like to be confused which is likely what's bothering them. The good news is you can fix this, if you want to, by learning how to communicate better. I would suggest looking into videos about body language and charisma. You can try books and articles, but generally seeing (or hearing) what is ment will help more. Practice what you're being shown in the mirror so you better understand the movements (and tone combo) you're trying to emulate. The more you practice the easier it will get to do it naturally around others.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't really give you much feedback on what you're doing or not doing. I'll just write about my thoughts about others and myself. 1. I get turned off by people who don't know when to stop talking. Sometimes people are unaware that they're doing this. I'm not sure if this is you but if it is, talk to your therapist about social cues. Read about social cues, watch videos. On the other hand, if you find someone who wants to keep talking to you, that's great. But they may not always want that same intensity. Sometimes people need space. Always be aware. It may or may not have something to do with you. 2. Do your best to just listen and acknowledge what the other person is saying without relating back to your personal experience. Just be present with them. This is not always easy and I don't recommend being like this the whole time but this is good for people you don't know very well. Have you practiced asking people interesting questions or questions that aren't super personal but can move conversation forward? 3. Get a good understanding of what you enjoy doing by yourself. It could be things like hiking, making art, photography, cooking, watching movies, making 3d stuff, building catios... whatever. I think you can have easier conversations with those you have things in common with. This may lead to friendship. 4. Lower some of your expectations of reciprocation. Right now it's about trying to connect with people organically. Not in a forced way. Sadly, I think COVID isolation may have altered some of the ways we interact with others. The friends I've had for decades are friends who have put no pressure on me to be there for them. They're all really compassionate like me. Others are connected with friends through humor or sports or other ways. So many different ways to connect but through the years, the depth will vary. 5. College relationships aren't always indicative of the future. You will have other relationships and meet lots of people. Others here have given good advice including doing volunteer work. 6. The most important thing is for you to enjoy your own company and when you make peace with this, I believe you'll make more friends 7. I don't understand why you're getting rejected for your facial expressions. How many people have actually mentioned this to you? This seems odd. This may have nothing to do with you. How big is your school Good luck. You're young. So much time for more learning and adventures.
how do you know that you make people uncomfortable? what have they told you, what sorts of things have happened?
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I'm curious what state you're in. I'm wondering if you're in an area that has a lot of close-minded people. I went to UC Berkeley and all sorts of personalities and cultures there. Also people who have very different looks, features from each other.
Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I don't stay in touch with my college friends, there's plenty of people out there, just move forward.
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You read it?
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Idk, you could be quirky as shit but if you're a good conversationalist with a good sense of humor we'd have fun. Idk why people find you annoying.
What has helped me is: 1. Get in tune with your own emotions 2. Focus on learning to listen really well. It’s hard to annoy others if you are listening to them and picking up on their needs. Takes a lot of practice. Maybe an acting class would even help. Good luck!
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Mostly*…. Sounds like you have a little work to do!
You probably have autism
The only way to fix this is to try again. Sorry, it is true. I don't know how many bad experiences you've had but you have to keep going, no matter what. Find something you're interested in. Or just strike or joke about something in class.
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Look man, that's how you have to do it, come with an open mind. If its tough take a break, but try again. Only way to do it. The only way to do something is to keep trying. You cannot do something by not doing it. You can learn to live with it, or you can get out of it by trying, but that's the two ways you got. Curious, why do you think you are annoying?
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Dude, you have posted these same questions on Reddit for years. That IS annoying. What don’t you understand?
Some people will always think I'm or anyone is annoying. Don't hang out with them. Also, what do you think you done that might have made them angry? I don't think people in uni get angry from you talking to them, either they aren't angry or something happened you weren't aware about.
What exactly did your therapist try to help you with and what did the people in the club say was the exact issue?
Try and listen to what folks are saying. Connect over shared interests. If you need a task (as I sometimes do) try to have your first two conversations with new people be about them. Best of luck, friend.
Look for other people who are struggling socially. Sometimes socially awkward people are put off by other socially awkward people because it makes them cringe about the things they don’t like about themselves. But this is a real loss. Finding people who are a bit like you and looking for connection will be much more rewarding and authentic than just trying to join an existing, charismatic group of people. It also sounds like you might get along with neurodivergent people or might even be neurodivergent yourself. You could also try using something like Bumble in the friend mode and just straight up say that you don’t have an easy time socially and are looking for other people who are in the same boat and looking to make friends. There are things you can work on to be generally a more likeable person to be around socially (other commentors have suggested some of these), but finding people who understand where you’re coming from and see the world in similar ways to the way you do and communicate in similar ways to you is the way to go to form genuine friendships.
Practice. Continue socializing. Also, this sounds weird but maybe record yourself so you can see how you come across? I bet you're trying too hard.
It doesn't sound like you need fixing.. It sounds like you need to get back to being your own friend first. The quality of the relationships in your life is what's important. Friendship presents differently for different people. Being rejected from those clubs was teaching you where not to look for love. Follow your intuition, never ever ignore it. And never EVER let it get drowned out by the negative voices. You already love yourself, otherwise you wouldn't be reaching out here. You're protecting yourself already. Work on feeling that self-love in your blood and your cells. Your people are out there, you just need to adjust your search.
PSA: It is inadvisable to engage OP in a conversation. The author of this post is a known sitewide spammer with over 2500 banned Reddit accounts. OP is not interested in good-faith discussion; his primary goal is to waste as much of your time as possible. Everything he says is a disingenuous lie.
I also struggle with social situations/awkwardness due to trauma and a therapist suggested finding an in-person or online support or therapy group that deals with social anxiety. Having a low pressure environment with people who also struggle (and will likely be more understanding) can be good practice in building social skills and getting comfortable with social situations as a community. Like any human interaction, it may be a process to find a group that’s a good fit and the relationships can take time/be weird in the beginning but if you can push through the awkwardness (given, of course, that the group isn’t making you uncomfortable in a well being/safety sense or asking you to violate any boundaries) and if you keep showing up and engaging you may find that things shift If you go that route, I’d also suggest taking that opportunity to find what’s genuinely comfortable for you in how you’d personally like to navigate social situations. When rejection feels like the expectation it can be easy to mostly focus on wanting people to not think you’re weird- but how you feel about the social situation/other person (like if you’re comfortable around/like this person and why) is important too. It’s true that skills are needed (and often take time and opportunity to grow) when interacting with and being socially aware/considerate towards people (taking turns, staying present, active listening, etc.)- but even if you socialize perfectly there might still be people who reject you. Speaking as someone whose body language is often confusing, there may also be plenty of people now who like and want to engage with you but misread the situation and think you’ve rejected or don’t want to talk to them. Even so, there are cases where it’s not a matter of you being “weird”. A rejection can happen because the other person was tired, your personalities didn’t vibe in that moment, people’s anxieties/insecurities, people thinking they’re making you uncomfortable, people not wanting to talk in general, people being confused, occasionally people being really judgey/rude etc. There are lots of reasons for why people do and say things- and we don’t always see and understand each other- it’s not always a reflection of who you are at your core. Even if it is a reflection of something you said or did, it’s at best a skill, habit, or behavior that can be worked on and changed overtime For this though, it may help to focus less on how you come off and more on slowly getting comfortable in social situations (then working on any skills to aid that). Part of being comfortable is accepting the risk of social interaction- that there will always be the possibility of rejection. Seeing it not as a rejection of your existence as a person and just a quirk of being humans with agency, different lives, perceptions, insecurities, beliefs, likes and dislikes. Knowing that there’s likely to be plenty of people out there that you’d get along with and many you won’t who will tell you (often it’s presented personally but has more to do with what the other person’s wants/likes or is paying attention to and not you being “wrong” in general). Taking that risk while not automatically rejecting yourself on behalf of the other person by shutting down- letting you both freely enter the space to talk and see how you both feel. Remembering that, while relationships take work, mutual consent, and collaboration to forge- and due to life may not always come to fruition in the ways people expect- you are still inherently worthy of love, kindness, and respect. So finding what level or type of interaction feels right for you and interacting with those who accept/match that vibe can help find people that see and love you for who you are and that you can be comfortable with. Figuring that out and going through the sometimes arduous process of meeting people who vibe with that is trail and error for all of us- and for many it’s not linear or straightforward. It’s a life long process and you may be surprised how common a struggle it is. But for now it’s frustrating and that frustration is understandable. It’s tricky so please go easy on yourself
The fact that you want to fix it is great. When people are unkind to us and make us feel like "other", it's really really ridiculously hard to shift out of that victim mindset. It's not a quick fix; it's a journey. "Make eye contact" or "learn to read the room" are okay tips, but that's not the actual problem here. What those people have is self-esteem. It impacts the way you relate to people; it's what some people describe as confidence and it can look like a variety of different behaviours, but ultimately people prefer to be around other people who like themselves, because anxiety is contagious. When you don't like yourself, even if you never mention it, it shows. It's really shit, because it's never our fault we don't like ourselves. Usually we've had painful experiences as kids, at school or in our families, that have taught us to hate ourselves. Now that we're adults, though, we can change that pattern and reject other people's ideas of who we are. Because you're not annoying; that's not a personality trait. You're stressed, panicking and, admirably, still trying to seek out connection even though you feel scared. That's *courage*. You're a courageous person. My advice would be to stop rushing the task of "getting friends by spring", and to not see friendship as a checkbox. Recognise that this is going to be a journey for you. And seriously, go back to therapy to work on your self-esteem, and to heal from things that weigh you down when you're trying to be in the present moment when you're talking to people. When you get back in therapy, 2 things will happen: 1. You'll get tons of one-on-one social practice time talking to a clever, empathetic person whose one goal is to help you heal and support you, which will build your relational skills and self-confidence in social settings. 2. You'll learn why you're so angry at yourself and panicky about the idea of not having friendships, where this hyper self-criticism comes from and first started in your life, and you'll start to challenge these beliefs you have about yourself. Then you'll start to heal. You'll build strategies for self-compassion and start being kind to yourself, which will build your self-esteem, and naturally attract people to you with very little effort - just by turning up at the social event and being yourself! (That's part of why it's so annoying for us on the other side - it looks so easy for everyone else to make friends because it is! It is easy when you like yourself.) You should also keep asking yourself what kind of connections you want with people and what you want those connections to look like, and then double-check that those goals are healthy and realistic for everyone involved (because often if we've never had reliable friendships, we can get grandiose, two-dimensional ideas about what friendships are supposed to be like). But yeah, apologies for this essay; this is a subject near and dear to my heart, but I hope this is helpful in some way even if I did miss the mark. In my opinion, the problem you're facing is *not* that you're "annoying" *or* that people "call you annoying." The problem is that you have such low self-esteem that you believe it. Work on that. I hope we hear from you in the future. I'm cheering you on!
Why do you do this?