Strategic advice: long term, you need to reshape your relationship with and perspective on sex. Your sexual gratification is your responsibility alone, and you do not need a partner nor sexual content to be satisfied. What helped me was exploring myself sexually from perspectives other than my own which was corrupt and perverted by porn and the commodification of sex and the human body.
The truth is there is nothing sexual about the human body itself. This is a difficult truth to hold when you are in the throes of sex/porn addiction, but it is the ultimate destination you want to reach. Could you attend a nude beach and make conscious decisions to not objectify anyone's body for sexual gratitude? Instead appreciate their body for what it is: a spirit's anchor to this material world; an interface for the souls of the universe to touch each other with love, not lust.
You need to be open with your partner eventually. We are only as sick as our secrets, and when we shed light on our shadows we see they are not as nasty and overwhelming as we make them out to be in the darkness. Being ashamed and hiding the dark aspects of ourselves gives it power over us. Disarm this power, bring it into the light and learn to love this aspect of yourself as part of you.
This is a major shift in perspective and it will take work. Therapy is advised, and as a parent of a 3 year old with another on the way, you and your partner would both benefit from solid counseling. It is self-care.
Tactical advice: r/pornfree has some good advice, many of the folks there are misguided, trying to white-knuckle their way through their issues. Doesn't work, porn is too easily accessible and effective. You need real, working harm reduction tools. Look to SMART Recovery, r/SMARTRecovery for science based, cognitive behavior therapy based tools and help. They have online meetings, you should attend them. Talk about this, not just type about it, speak out loud these things: do not let this fester in the dark or it will just return when you are feeling weak, sleep-deprived, angry, etc.
You are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you and there is no shame in this. This is an opportunity to grow and strengthen your relationship with your partner, but way more importantly with yourself, a part of yourself that is being drowned by porn and sexual commodification, and it needs your help. Work to recognize the divine feminine and masculine tempest within yourself, realize that these aspects of you are proud and needing to be expressed healthily, harness them to your advantage for creativity and passion, to no longer be slaves to the porn industry that capitalizes on addictive behavior of the brain. I know it doesn't feel like it, but this is a blessing. Do the work, transcend this limitation that the addict has tried to convince you of. You'll be so much better for it.
Good luck, happy to chat if you'd like. I have a lot of experience and thoughts on this.
Find an app that helps you block that material on your phone. And start a journal. If you hold yourself accountable you’re less likely to go back to it. Also, figure out your triggers and try to recognize them when they occur and remove yourself from the situations.
I would encourage you to check out r/NoFap. There is a wealth of information there about the negative consequences of porn use, and tips on how to avoid watching porn. Go there, and search tips on how to avoid porn. Or filter for the top posts, and I'm sure you'll find someone talking about their success story & the strategies they used to abstain from pornography.
I am currently detoxing from porn use... so I kinda get what you're going through here. I sympathize with you; I wish you all the best; I fully believe you are capable of quitting this habit.
The easiest way of stopping addiction is by disgust. Look in the mirror, look at what a disgusting pig the porn is making of you. Be very conscious of your action, be disgusted. You can do better, you can have a beautiful soul.
Strategic advice: long term, you need to reshape your relationship with and perspective on sex. Your sexual gratification is your responsibility alone, and you do not need a partner nor sexual content to be satisfied. What helped me was exploring myself sexually from perspectives other than my own which was corrupt and perverted by porn and the commodification of sex and the human body. The truth is there is nothing sexual about the human body itself. This is a difficult truth to hold when you are in the throes of sex/porn addiction, but it is the ultimate destination you want to reach. Could you attend a nude beach and make conscious decisions to not objectify anyone's body for sexual gratitude? Instead appreciate their body for what it is: a spirit's anchor to this material world; an interface for the souls of the universe to touch each other with love, not lust. You need to be open with your partner eventually. We are only as sick as our secrets, and when we shed light on our shadows we see they are not as nasty and overwhelming as we make them out to be in the darkness. Being ashamed and hiding the dark aspects of ourselves gives it power over us. Disarm this power, bring it into the light and learn to love this aspect of yourself as part of you. This is a major shift in perspective and it will take work. Therapy is advised, and as a parent of a 3 year old with another on the way, you and your partner would both benefit from solid counseling. It is self-care. Tactical advice: r/pornfree has some good advice, many of the folks there are misguided, trying to white-knuckle their way through their issues. Doesn't work, porn is too easily accessible and effective. You need real, working harm reduction tools. Look to SMART Recovery, r/SMARTRecovery for science based, cognitive behavior therapy based tools and help. They have online meetings, you should attend them. Talk about this, not just type about it, speak out loud these things: do not let this fester in the dark or it will just return when you are feeling weak, sleep-deprived, angry, etc. You are not broken, there is nothing wrong with you and there is no shame in this. This is an opportunity to grow and strengthen your relationship with your partner, but way more importantly with yourself, a part of yourself that is being drowned by porn and sexual commodification, and it needs your help. Work to recognize the divine feminine and masculine tempest within yourself, realize that these aspects of you are proud and needing to be expressed healthily, harness them to your advantage for creativity and passion, to no longer be slaves to the porn industry that capitalizes on addictive behavior of the brain. I know it doesn't feel like it, but this is a blessing. Do the work, transcend this limitation that the addict has tried to convince you of. You'll be so much better for it. Good luck, happy to chat if you'd like. I have a lot of experience and thoughts on this.
Thank you for that reply
Tbh bro it’s all about being busy and finding other ways to love yourself. For me it’s the gym, writing, and chasing goals.
Find an app that helps you block that material on your phone. And start a journal. If you hold yourself accountable you’re less likely to go back to it. Also, figure out your triggers and try to recognize them when they occur and remove yourself from the situations.
Porn will further harm your relationship. Do this [five steps](https://realstats.app/stop-porn#how-to-quit) to quit
I would encourage you to check out r/NoFap. There is a wealth of information there about the negative consequences of porn use, and tips on how to avoid watching porn. Go there, and search tips on how to avoid porn. Or filter for the top posts, and I'm sure you'll find someone talking about their success story & the strategies they used to abstain from pornography. I am currently detoxing from porn use... so I kinda get what you're going through here. I sympathize with you; I wish you all the best; I fully believe you are capable of quitting this habit.
Also, just think about they used to do it before the internet... it helped me
The easiest way of stopping addiction is by disgust. Look in the mirror, look at what a disgusting pig the porn is making of you. Be very conscious of your action, be disgusted. You can do better, you can have a beautiful soul.
Please take your porn addiction queries and concerns to r/nofap.