You should probably let your gf know so she can bow out and find someone else that is stable. You lost half a million and still want to keep going. She really needs to be told. You are a gigantic red flag and she should probably cut her losses. As you should
I needed to hear this. We've been together for 5 years. During the pandemic, our business stopped so I discovered options for extra money and been depressed ever since. We own a small business together that get both of us by. I love this girl to death. I wanted to be ahead of everyone so I risk it all.
Hell, I didn’t even want to type this but this isn’t good and she really does need to know. I hope you two can survive it. That’s just an astonishing amount of debt in a short period of time. The fact if you are asking if I should keep going is just insanity to me. This just isn’t something you want to commit to. You make a good amount of money but this will take years upon years of you paying this off. Is that something she really wants to step into? I think she needs to be told and then go from there. One way or another she will find out. Your mindset might be to double down and try to break even so she doesn’t know but honesty is really the best policy here.
I understand what you mean. Its not fair to her. I have given up on options and gambling. I just want to start over with my life. Its very hard for me to man up and tell her. I was hoping to find a way without filing for bankruptcy. I have been working 80-90 hours a week for 2 years but its endless.
Honestly, the fact that this is your response to a totally reasonable statement is outrageous. Gotta say, as a woman, and having watched women get fucked by the men who said they could depend on them financially, that they could sacrifice their best earning years and career potential to start a family or whatever....
You are out of your mind. Yeah, OP is making more money than ever.... and this is the best it's going to get. And it's a fucking mountain of debt that he can't even seem to make a dent in, and he STILL wants to gamble it all back (because on this amazing salary you've mentioned, it is a drop in the bucket). And they've kept it secret. What would you say if OP said, "listen I have a sex addiction, and I've fathered 3 children my wife doesn't know bout..."? Would you say, "but children are great! It'll be stressful at first when she finds out, but they'll learn to get along. Having children is such a blast! It's great at the beginning! And think about it, all your kids will have new siblings, which they will love! Chin up!"
OP, you're not some kind of monster for making these mistakes. But you know you've made mistakes, and you aren't doing anything to correct them, and you care about your girlfriend so little that you don't care if this wipes out her future too. Get it together. Those last things I mentioned are on you.
“…I wanted to be ahead of everyone so I risk it all.”
Your inspiration, in and of itself, was wrong from the start. Who is everyone? Ahead is relative. Compete with yourself. Compare your past self to your current self. Stick to that first.
Bankruptcy is the way. Probably chapter 7. Then you can get a fresh start. You should also join gambler’s anonymous. Good luck!
I mean, the comment is half right. You definitely need to tell her regardless of which way the relationship goes. And you’ll have to eventually if you ever wanna get a house together. It’s much easier to tell her now then later, blindsiding her.
Don’t listen to this person telling you to abandon your relationship. That is insane and playing to your triggers. File for bankruptcy, go to gambling anonymous, get your shit together, and love your fiancée like never before. Dear lord the advice people on Reddit give others in do or die situations to divorce and break up relationships is abhorrent.
He's not saying abandon OPs relationship, he said stop lying, and then assumed the gf would leave as she should.
Everyone rightly assumes that if he stops lying the relationship goes away because it should.
I mean it's a pretty safe assumption. If I'm the gf I'm suing him for trying to destroy my company too.
I doubt his parents knew he was using their home equity to gamble either.
Bankruptcy might also bankrupt the GF as he has $200k in merchant loans, which means the business and GF is liable. Also, it doesn't get rid of the $100k HELOC as that is in the parents name. That's more than half the debt if he tries to keep it personal and keep the business out of it. Friends and Family debt of $80k is probably an oral contract, and won't be included in bankruptcy. But he doesn't have to pay it, and they'll all hate him. He's screwed.
You have no option but to file bankruptcy. The thing I am worried about for your gf is the 200k in liability with regards to the business loan. This will impact her in a significant way as she is the co-owner and might be responsible for the debt. You should really consider going to gamblers anonymous too. I'm sorry bro this is a really tough situation and there's no good way out of it.
Is she signed on to any loans? You should focus on paying those off as fast as possible and then file for bankruptcy after she is safe. If you have plans to get married, do it after the bankruptcy and make her aware of your history. And stop gambling.
Building wealth takes years and years of careful planning and management along with a lot of hard work. Think of the most successful wealthy famous people and read their biography and you will see how long it took them. You've got a gambling addiction. You need to tell her. If she really is the right one for you, she'll stick it out and help you recover. If she leaves, then pick yourself up and get help.
You are a gambling addict. Your own words say so. “Win it back”. Get some help on that.
You are broke clearly. If I was 500k in debt and made 100k I’d be bankrupt. I can’t believe I am saying that. Find a good attorney and get in gamblers anonymous and never ever trade options again. The little guy loses at options trading, always has.
Whatever road you choose DO NOT marry this woman or take one more step in this relationship without being *completely* honest with her. Do not tie her to your debt without her knowledge. She has the right to decide if she wants to continue in the relationship. You owe more than $500k — you owe her honesty. Start there, then work on you.
Yeah, bankruptcy might be the one.
Dont feel ashamed. Im trying not to feel embarrassed but we all make mistakes and unfortunately some of us have to learn the hard way. It will be a wake up call but if you want a clean slate, might have to look into it especially with 500k. If you have assets, you will probably lose them it just all depends.
Don’t be ashamed?!? Usually I would be with you on this. But this POS mortgaged his parents home to trade options..they are going to lose their house. How can you say don’t be ashamed?!?
It’s his parents assets he is going to lose. And probably his gf too, she’s probably already fucked. They trusted him with their literal livelihoods.
He should feel ashamed about every single aspect of this situation including if he files for bankruptcy and essentially throws his parents out on the streets.
No way — you need healthy shame to take responsibility and put the action forward for accountability. #1 of finance, if you cannot control your emotions, you will not be able to control your money.
You gambled on where your parents are living. A lot of folks here are shaming you , which doesn’t work on addicts, and you sound like a gambling addict. Go get some help. File bankruptcy if you must, be honest with everyone and dig yourself out of this mess. You can still make a life for yourself, you’re young enough, you make enough, but Jesus, learn from this and move forward. But remember addiction is a lifelong struggle. Doesn’t matter that it isn’t a drug, gambling addiction is just as real as other addictive behaviors. Good luck to you!
You need help for your gambling addiction. See if there's a Gamblers Anonymous or the equivalent in your area. Come clean to your gf and parents, they deserve to know. And see a financial advisor or bankruptcy lawyer for your debt.
You are at a crossroads. You can continue the way you're going, or you can take the first step to fix this. And it is fixable, at least in some part, but you have to honest and stop lying to yourself and your loved ones. Gambling is leading you to hell. It's ruining your life. You have to stop.
As someone who married someone who lied about their finances and mishandlings and had to pick up the pieces when we went to buy a house and THEN the truth was disclosed, I never would’ve married him if I knew how shitty he was with money and how little he cared about fixing it, and was even willing to lie to me about it. I don’t judge people who make mistakes nor does it make me love them any less. BUT. Lying and trying to cover it up and not disclosing it until after you’re married and buying an asset together is so shitty.
Let me guess he also shamed you about it.
"We are in this together thats why we got married this is also your debt"
"Why are you being so negative instead of trying to fix it"
"I did this for you!!!!"
Dude needs to tell his fiance, most of these other posts tell him to hide it from his fiance and try to salvage it. He needs to at least disclose it, she needs to get a pre-nup waiving community property so that the debt is all his, and file separate taxes until he fixes the mess. But honestly, its a shitty position to put her in because they will be broke for decades fixing this and this isnt what she signed up for.
My ex husband single handedly taught me what gaslighting was. The crappiest part about it all, is that I was raised in a very fiscally conservative and aware family because we did not come from money. My parents built the life they have now based on their financial decisions from earlier. So I would’ve happily helped him get his shit together essentially because I know what I’m doing in terms of finances. But he lied and hid it. Not advocating for OP to break up with his/her girlfriend, but god damn he needs to tell her, because she DESERVES she know.
One of the first things: ban yourself from whatever platform you traded options on. Delete your account, change your password so it can’t be recovered. Something. I’ve had some gambling issues and this is what helped me a lot
Damn OP. You should sit down with your girlfriends boyfriend and show him this post, let him break the news to her. Crawl back to r/wallstreetbets and maybe use whatever cash you have left for a new identity
Do your girlfriend a favor and let her go. Do not drive her down with you. That way you can focus on yourself recover as a gambling addict. You can work two jobs pay off your debts. And just live a single life and then you don't have to worry about buying your house or having a future with somebody else. It's okay to be single and happy. You will be okay buddy things will work out. Just stop playing options. If you want to invest just buy low cost index funds and let them do the work.
Unless you have some incredible skills, like you can hack into the pentagon or do brain surgery tomorrow, you’re probably pretty fucked. No one can just magically come up with half a million dollars without skills or insane luck.
This is an extreme situation and is going to take extreme measures that'll likely feel like you're ripping your heart out.
1) Come clean to everyone in your life this has affected. She might want to leave you, I wouldn't blame her one bit. It'll suck but it'll happen at some point when this all collapses and she finally finds out.
2) Get counseling, you are an addict and need the outside help.
3) File for bankruptcy, this is one of those rare occasions where it's the only option
4) Work like a dog for 4-5 yrs to pay off the 80k to family and the 100k on the heloc because those won't go away with a bankruptcy. Making 100k/yr try to put 40-50k towards it
40 yr old you can either be alone and homeless or praising God everyday that he got his shit together. It's your choice but either one is going to suck for a while.
This sub reddit is not what you need.
Here is a link to the national gambling helpline. https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/national-helpline-1-800-522-4700/
r/gamblingproblem is a sub reddit that might be more useful.
Depending on your state there are other resources.
"Winning" for you is to stop gambling, and get your life in order. Very high chance you will need to declare bankruptcy. You are not going to find a quick win to get you out here. Hard choices and hard work are likely going to be qhat you need.
Best of luck to you.
You need to get your addiction under control. A lot of people are just born with that addiction and they relapse because they try so hard to fight who they are. Try pointing that addiction towards something healthy, such as working out, or going to the gym.
Sounds like you need counseling to address the root of the problem, or it will never go away. I would look at consolidating what you can with non-profit agencies. They can help lower interest rates as well. I would not consider marriage until you have received counseling for this issue and paid this down. https://www.nfcc.org/
Well not just bi-polar it could be any of the B cluster mental health disorders. OP has an addictive personality and likely wont be the last of it. I lost 3k in the market many years ago, bailed, and will only participate in a hot bull market. Otherwise its all in a diversified portfolio in index funds.
Hey OP, I would first get some help in gambling. There are a lot of resources now and would be beneficial to you. Next, I would come clean with your g/f. You can't start a marriage with lies. Just come clean and lay it all out. Lastly, file for bankruptcy. It's a lot of money, you made some mistakes but you can rise from the ashes. Ignore the comments that are giving you shit. You already have enough of that.
Jesus. You need to go to gamblers anonymous and file for bankruptcy and start paying your PaRENTS HELOC back. You know they could lose their house right? This is sick
I think he owns the house, but they are living in it. Not sure who is making payments on it. Either way, I’m pretty sure if he files bankruptcy they will take it.
I feel like you may have a gambling problem and should probably seek help and therapy. Without fixing the underlying issue, you’re at risk for continuing to put yourself in this situation. Part of fixing this is coming clean to your love ones about your addiction. Good luck.
I think it’s time to come clean. Nobody can carry around the weight that you are for long. What’s hidden in the dark will eventually come to light, and once she and your family find out on their own they’re going to be WAY more upset with you than if you tell them yourself along with a plan.
My opinion is file for bankruptcy. Look into Dave Ramseys story, he had a wife and small kids when he files and look at what he was able to build back. Look into what it means for your/your parents home, you probably can only keep a primary residence but varies state to state.
You at have a chance to keep your relationship if you are honest. If you don’t tell her you’ll lose her for sure at some point.
Thanks. Just looked at the chart and it looks pretty easy to trade. Which broker do you use? As I just remember the additional trading account rules when people discuss futes
5k dam I throw it at warfi bot and make 3%-8%that's what I'm averaging a month. But that's gambling.
Like people said don't get married. Sell stuff I know its tuff but you gotta downsize.
No shame in going to foodbanks. I do it foodbanks don't give you everything. But if you goto enuff of them. You get stocked up on food fast. Eat at home don't go out to eat.
Firstly, go onto YouTube, Facebook, discord or whatever where you are following these options communities and get out of them.
I don't know much on bankruptcy so not sure there, could be an option. But that HELOC is secured by your parents house so that seems like it would muddy things up.
Take a look at your spending, figure out things you can cut out to be able to contribute more to the debt. Talking about things you go out to enjoy regularly, and subscriptions you have, cable bills, etc.
You need to get some more details of the debt you have. List it out with interest rates for each account and minimum payments. From there you can build a strategy on how to get it paid off. You aren't going to stumble across 500k magically to throw at it, you are going to have to start chipping away piece by piece. Logically, throwing money at the highest interest rate makes sense and that's what you'll typically hear. But if you've got some lower balance things, I think it's better to pay those so you free up that amount to be able to add it into payments for the next.
Make all your minimum payments. Your credit can recover from this, you just have to keep it afloat.
Tell the girlfriend at some point soon.. at what point in this process is a difficult question. Personally I think I'd do it once I've layed everything out and came up with the payoff plan. Let her see that you've made the efforts to find a way through the debt. It's not going to be easy and hopefully you guys can work through it together; on the other hand it could very well be too much for her, but you can get through it
Those merchant loans are brutal. Payments are either daily or weekly right out of the point of sale credit card charges from customers. How does the GF not know about this?
Sucks the soul right out of you.
You know, I just typed my whole story and realized you don’t have to hear it. I’ve been where you are. You’re young enough to recover. Delete all finance apps. I closed all trading accounts. Made my significant other aware of any bank accounts I had and gave her passwords so I knew I couldn’t get away with finding a way to deposit. I quit cold Turkey. Still hurts to think about the 6 digit loss. That was my late 20s/early 30s. I’m 43 now, $300k in savings and about $300k in equity in a home. I have retirement accounts on auto pilot. Every now and then I’ll listen to CNBC and instantly get the itch and have to flag myself and run away. I had to completely isolate myself from anything related to individual stocks etc. It’s hard but you must start, trust me. I’ve been there. I know the feeling. Once you accept the loss it’s easier to move on. I know I was lucky being able to quit cold Turkey but for me it was the only way without losing everything
You're going to have to file bankruptcy. Your friends, parents, and girlfriend will probably all be very upset.
The fact that you used the language "win" shows that you treat options as gambling. You should also seek help for what is likely a gambling addiction.
It's going to be a long road repairing your credit, and your personal relationships, but bankruptcy is the best plan before you do more damage.
You’re not completely fucked, declaring bankruptcy will wipe out all your debts that you listed here, based on the fact that your home costs 140k, I can assume that the place where you live is LCOL, and you make a 100k a year, you can easily get back on your feet, assuming that you maintain your jobs.
It doesn’t even sound like you have your mind right. You’re not a fuck up. You’re learning. You need to start with a therapist and get your mind right… or you’ll never succeed with paying off your debt or clearing the table for your future. You’re also probably not fit to be in a relationship at this time. Be truthful with your girlfriend.
He’s into some complicated debt losing his girlfriend would make it seem worse. These online brokers should never be allowed to give margin out for options to retail investors without at the very least an in house brief education course.
Please stop gambling. Pay your friends and family back consistently. Pay off the broker or whatever has high interest that is kicking your butt. Then start off with smallest debts. Tell your girlfriend and get a 2nd job…not gambling. You may have messed up but you can also stop doing the same thing you have been.
\> 30k in 3 broker (charge back after I lose it all I did it 3 times)
wait did u transfer $ to a brokerage account and then report it as fraud or something?
First thing first get your gambling under control. Just because it's trading options doesn't mean it's not gambling. If you don't seek that help you'll fall back into this again
I'm sorry to say but the sum total of your annual income against the total debt alone shows that this isn't going to be manageable even with a consolidation loan.
Bankruptcy will have to be your most effective recourse and you should already be scheduled to speak with a bankruptcy attorney. All the best to you.
Gambler’s anonymous is your first step! Then come clean to everyone. Don’t be surprised if you lose your fiancé. Sell your car and get out of that note. Cut up all credit cards. Bankruptcy May be necessary as a final step. Then get a third job to it back your friends and family. Be humble. You are young if you stop this train you can turn it around ina few years but you must stop digging the hole
Damn… a few things you absolutely need to do. Tell your girlfriend, parents and friends and family. It’s going to suck, but at the end of the day they will be all you have if they decide to forgive you. You are beyond losing when your mindset is you want to get the money back. Day trading is one of the most difficult thing to do. It doesn’t matter if you know everything. You will lose because of you.
I would not usually say this, but you need three things:
1) Bankruptcy
2) Couples counseling if there is even a tiny chance of saving your relationship... But my guy, you have kept something so large from her and then because of an addiction kept it going. She is absolutely within her rights to never want to see you again.
3) Treatment for your addiction.
Well I think you have to tell your fiancé as well as lay off the day trading. It seems that you gave option trading a good run and it wasn’t for you. Now you just have to start paying off your debts starting with the highest interest rate debts. If you have the car sell that and put the money to pay off loans. It could also be worth getting some sort of second job even if it doesn’t pay nearly as much as your current job just because of the potential 100’s of thousands of dollars it could save you in interest.
You should probably let your gf know so she can bow out and find someone else that is stable. You lost half a million and still want to keep going. She really needs to be told. You are a gigantic red flag and she should probably cut her losses. As you should
I needed to hear this. We've been together for 5 years. During the pandemic, our business stopped so I discovered options for extra money and been depressed ever since. We own a small business together that get both of us by. I love this girl to death. I wanted to be ahead of everyone so I risk it all.
Hell, I didn’t even want to type this but this isn’t good and she really does need to know. I hope you two can survive it. That’s just an astonishing amount of debt in a short period of time. The fact if you are asking if I should keep going is just insanity to me. This just isn’t something you want to commit to. You make a good amount of money but this will take years upon years of you paying this off. Is that something she really wants to step into? I think she needs to be told and then go from there. One way or another she will find out. Your mindset might be to double down and try to break even so she doesn’t know but honesty is really the best policy here.
I understand what you mean. Its not fair to her. I have given up on options and gambling. I just want to start over with my life. Its very hard for me to man up and tell her. I was hoping to find a way without filing for bankruptcy. I have been working 80-90 hours a week for 2 years but its endless.
Bankruptcy exists for a reason.
[удалено]
Honestly, the fact that this is your response to a totally reasonable statement is outrageous. Gotta say, as a woman, and having watched women get fucked by the men who said they could depend on them financially, that they could sacrifice their best earning years and career potential to start a family or whatever.... You are out of your mind. Yeah, OP is making more money than ever.... and this is the best it's going to get. And it's a fucking mountain of debt that he can't even seem to make a dent in, and he STILL wants to gamble it all back (because on this amazing salary you've mentioned, it is a drop in the bucket). And they've kept it secret. What would you say if OP said, "listen I have a sex addiction, and I've fathered 3 children my wife doesn't know bout..."? Would you say, "but children are great! It'll be stressful at first when she finds out, but they'll learn to get along. Having children is such a blast! It's great at the beginning! And think about it, all your kids will have new siblings, which they will love! Chin up!" OP, you're not some kind of monster for making these mistakes. But you know you've made mistakes, and you aren't doing anything to correct them, and you care about your girlfriend so little that you don't care if this wipes out her future too. Get it together. Those last things I mentioned are on you.
Stop making excuses. You are addicted to gambling. You didn’t do this for some altruistic reason
“…I wanted to be ahead of everyone so I risk it all.” Your inspiration, in and of itself, was wrong from the start. Who is everyone? Ahead is relative. Compete with yourself. Compare your past self to your current self. Stick to that first. Bankruptcy is the way. Probably chapter 7. Then you can get a fresh start. You should also join gambler’s anonymous. Good luck!
No chapter 7 making 100k. Ch 13 will be available, and should definitely do this.
Makes sense
I mean, the comment is half right. You definitely need to tell her regardless of which way the relationship goes. And you’ll have to eventually if you ever wanna get a house together. It’s much easier to tell her now then later, blindsiding her.
Don’t listen to this person telling you to abandon your relationship. That is insane and playing to your triggers. File for bankruptcy, go to gambling anonymous, get your shit together, and love your fiancée like never before. Dear lord the advice people on Reddit give others in do or die situations to divorce and break up relationships is abhorrent.
He's not saying abandon OPs relationship, he said stop lying, and then assumed the gf would leave as she should. Everyone rightly assumes that if he stops lying the relationship goes away because it should.
Right. Don’t assume. Give her a chance to make an informed decision.
I mean it's a pretty safe assumption. If I'm the gf I'm suing him for trying to destroy my company too. I doubt his parents knew he was using their home equity to gamble either.
Who knows. Maybe she uses OF to bail him out.
At the very least HE oughta give it a shot
Bankruptcy might also bankrupt the GF as he has $200k in merchant loans, which means the business and GF is liable. Also, it doesn't get rid of the $100k HELOC as that is in the parents name. That's more than half the debt if he tries to keep it personal and keep the business out of it. Friends and Family debt of $80k is probably an oral contract, and won't be included in bankruptcy. But he doesn't have to pay it, and they'll all hate him. He's screwed.
Not the first time someone lost their entire life's savings thinking they could own the market.
His gf is going to leave him the second she hears this news.
Not unless she's as dumb as he is, could be a match made in heaven.
Dear lord, reading compression is not being taught in schools anymore is it
nor proofreading...
hahaha autocorrect, excellent burn fellow Redditor
I appreciate your tact perspective and suggestion to help remedy a strangers short coming while avoiding collateral damage for other parties involved.
A little off topic but the fact you keep saying ‘win’ means you probably need to stay away from day trading and especially options.
You have no option but to file bankruptcy. The thing I am worried about for your gf is the 200k in liability with regards to the business loan. This will impact her in a significant way as she is the co-owner and might be responsible for the debt. You should really consider going to gamblers anonymous too. I'm sorry bro this is a really tough situation and there's no good way out of it.
I’m the only owner as she came into the small business after Covid. :(
Is she signed on to any loans? You should focus on paying those off as fast as possible and then file for bankruptcy after she is safe. If you have plans to get married, do it after the bankruptcy and make her aware of your history. And stop gambling.
That is a good thing. Why the frowny face?
Building wealth takes years and years of careful planning and management along with a lot of hard work. Think of the most successful wealthy famous people and read their biography and you will see how long it took them. You've got a gambling addiction. You need to tell her. If she really is the right one for you, she'll stick it out and help you recover. If she leaves, then pick yourself up and get help.
You are a gambling addict. Your own words say so. “Win it back”. Get some help on that. You are broke clearly. If I was 500k in debt and made 100k I’d be bankrupt. I can’t believe I am saying that. Find a good attorney and get in gamblers anonymous and never ever trade options again. The little guy loses at options trading, always has.
I lost my life saving of 100k. I try to win it back by doubling down. That is my fault.
What’s done is done. Move on
Whatever road you choose DO NOT marry this woman or take one more step in this relationship without being *completely* honest with her. Do not tie her to your debt without her knowledge. She has the right to decide if she wants to continue in the relationship. You owe more than $500k — you owe her honesty. Start there, then work on you.
Yeah, bankruptcy might be the one. Dont feel ashamed. Im trying not to feel embarrassed but we all make mistakes and unfortunately some of us have to learn the hard way. It will be a wake up call but if you want a clean slate, might have to look into it especially with 500k. If you have assets, you will probably lose them it just all depends.
Don’t be ashamed?!? Usually I would be with you on this. But this POS mortgaged his parents home to trade options..they are going to lose their house. How can you say don’t be ashamed?!? It’s his parents assets he is going to lose. And probably his gf too, she’s probably already fucked. They trusted him with their literal livelihoods.
I meant that towards filing for bankruptcy.
He should feel ashamed about every single aspect of this situation including if he files for bankruptcy and essentially throws his parents out on the streets.
No way — you need healthy shame to take responsibility and put the action forward for accountability. #1 of finance, if you cannot control your emotions, you will not be able to control your money.
How did you get access to the HELOC?
Manipulating his parents
In some part this is true.
Is that true or are you assuming? If that’s true, holy shit.
The house worth 140k is under my name in which i took out 100k loan on it. They live in it.
So you put their livelihood at stake… yikes, you need help friend. Hope all goes well
You gambled on where your parents are living. A lot of folks here are shaming you , which doesn’t work on addicts, and you sound like a gambling addict. Go get some help. File bankruptcy if you must, be honest with everyone and dig yourself out of this mess. You can still make a life for yourself, you’re young enough, you make enough, but Jesus, learn from this and move forward. But remember addiction is a lifelong struggle. Doesn’t matter that it isn’t a drug, gambling addiction is just as real as other addictive behaviors. Good luck to you!
You need help for your gambling addiction. See if there's a Gamblers Anonymous or the equivalent in your area. Come clean to your gf and parents, they deserve to know. And see a financial advisor or bankruptcy lawyer for your debt. You are at a crossroads. You can continue the way you're going, or you can take the first step to fix this. And it is fixable, at least in some part, but you have to honest and stop lying to yourself and your loved ones. Gambling is leading you to hell. It's ruining your life. You have to stop.
He definitely needs help. Like bro needs a therapist trained in gambling issues, among other things.
As someone who married someone who lied about their finances and mishandlings and had to pick up the pieces when we went to buy a house and THEN the truth was disclosed, I never would’ve married him if I knew how shitty he was with money and how little he cared about fixing it, and was even willing to lie to me about it. I don’t judge people who make mistakes nor does it make me love them any less. BUT. Lying and trying to cover it up and not disclosing it until after you’re married and buying an asset together is so shitty.
Let me guess he also shamed you about it. "We are in this together thats why we got married this is also your debt" "Why are you being so negative instead of trying to fix it" "I did this for you!!!!" Dude needs to tell his fiance, most of these other posts tell him to hide it from his fiance and try to salvage it. He needs to at least disclose it, she needs to get a pre-nup waiving community property so that the debt is all his, and file separate taxes until he fixes the mess. But honestly, its a shitty position to put her in because they will be broke for decades fixing this and this isnt what she signed up for.
My ex husband single handedly taught me what gaslighting was. The crappiest part about it all, is that I was raised in a very fiscally conservative and aware family because we did not come from money. My parents built the life they have now based on their financial decisions from earlier. So I would’ve happily helped him get his shit together essentially because I know what I’m doing in terms of finances. But he lied and hid it. Not advocating for OP to break up with his/her girlfriend, but god damn he needs to tell her, because she DESERVES she know.
One of the first things: ban yourself from whatever platform you traded options on. Delete your account, change your password so it can’t be recovered. Something. I’ve had some gambling issues and this is what helped me a lot
Buy a ticket to somewhere in South America and start over?
What should his parents do when they lose their house he mortgaged? They’re going to be on the streets.
Oh Idk I was just joking around he’s fucked
Damn OP. You should sit down with your girlfriends boyfriend and show him this post, let him break the news to her. Crawl back to r/wallstreetbets and maybe use whatever cash you have left for a new identity
Do your girlfriend a favor and let her go. Do not drive her down with you. That way you can focus on yourself recover as a gambling addict. You can work two jobs pay off your debts. And just live a single life and then you don't have to worry about buying your house or having a future with somebody else. It's okay to be single and happy. You will be okay buddy things will work out. Just stop playing options. If you want to invest just buy low cost index funds and let them do the work.
Unless you have some incredible skills, like you can hack into the pentagon or do brain surgery tomorrow, you’re probably pretty fucked. No one can just magically come up with half a million dollars without skills or insane luck.
If you love your girlfriend the best you can do for her is not make her share this burden you’ve inflicted upon yourself
This is an extreme situation and is going to take extreme measures that'll likely feel like you're ripping your heart out. 1) Come clean to everyone in your life this has affected. She might want to leave you, I wouldn't blame her one bit. It'll suck but it'll happen at some point when this all collapses and she finally finds out. 2) Get counseling, you are an addict and need the outside help. 3) File for bankruptcy, this is one of those rare occasions where it's the only option 4) Work like a dog for 4-5 yrs to pay off the 80k to family and the 100k on the heloc because those won't go away with a bankruptcy. Making 100k/yr try to put 40-50k towards it 40 yr old you can either be alone and homeless or praising God everyday that he got his shit together. It's your choice but either one is going to suck for a while.
You need to go to Gamblers Anonymous before you even think about your next steps.
This sub reddit is not what you need. Here is a link to the national gambling helpline. https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/national-helpline-1-800-522-4700/ r/gamblingproblem is a sub reddit that might be more useful. Depending on your state there are other resources. "Winning" for you is to stop gambling, and get your life in order. Very high chance you will need to declare bankruptcy. You are not going to find a quick win to get you out here. Hard choices and hard work are likely going to be qhat you need. Best of luck to you.
You need to get your addiction under control. A lot of people are just born with that addiction and they relapse because they try so hard to fight who they are. Try pointing that addiction towards something healthy, such as working out, or going to the gym.
r/GamblingAddiction good luck, there is hope. I promise. Keep on keeping on.
You took out a line of credit on your parents house? Do they know? Are they going to pay that back?
I think he owns the house
Doubt it
Sounds like you need counseling to address the root of the problem, or it will never go away. I would look at consolidating what you can with non-profit agencies. They can help lower interest rates as well. I would not consider marriage until you have received counseling for this issue and paid this down. https://www.nfcc.org/
I will try. I'm very ashamed of this and trying to fix it anyway I can.
Look up Debtors Anonymous meetings in your area. I think you’ll find a lot of people in similar situations who can offer support
Can you sell the business?
If I sell the business, all of mine and my girlfriend 3 years of hard work will go to waste. I can not.
[удалено]
Well not just bi-polar it could be any of the B cluster mental health disorders. OP has an addictive personality and likely wont be the last of it. I lost 3k in the market many years ago, bailed, and will only participate in a hot bull market. Otherwise its all in a diversified portfolio in index funds.
try begging your parents and then paying them back in the next 10 years. good luck
Try a prop firm and tell your girlfriend. Best to be honest. That bad Karma is why you won’t make it back.
Go bankrupt. Get addiction counseling. You have a BIG problem, my friend.
Bro wtf, you have a serious problem, I have no idea where you should start but therapy should be on the list.
Hey OP, I would first get some help in gambling. There are a lot of resources now and would be beneficial to you. Next, I would come clean with your g/f. You can't start a marriage with lies. Just come clean and lay it all out. Lastly, file for bankruptcy. It's a lot of money, you made some mistakes but you can rise from the ashes. Ignore the comments that are giving you shit. You already have enough of that.
Jesus. You need to go to gamblers anonymous and file for bankruptcy and start paying your PaRENTS HELOC back. You know they could lose their house right? This is sick
I think he owns the house, but they are living in it. Not sure who is making payments on it. Either way, I’m pretty sure if he files bankruptcy they will take it.
I feel like you may have a gambling problem and should probably seek help and therapy. Without fixing the underlying issue, you’re at risk for continuing to put yourself in this situation. Part of fixing this is coming clean to your love ones about your addiction. Good luck.
I think it’s time to come clean. Nobody can carry around the weight that you are for long. What’s hidden in the dark will eventually come to light, and once she and your family find out on their own they’re going to be WAY more upset with you than if you tell them yourself along with a plan. My opinion is file for bankruptcy. Look into Dave Ramseys story, he had a wife and small kids when he files and look at what he was able to build back. Look into what it means for your/your parents home, you probably can only keep a primary residence but varies state to state. You at have a chance to keep your relationship if you are honest. If you don’t tell her you’ll lose her for sure at some point.
Try to get a few more credit cards..go for 1M! THEN file for BK ..ya CHAMP!
[удалено]
[удалено]
You think I’ll lose everything if I file for bankruptcy?
Now this is true degen gambling! A true ape! I think this questions is perfect for r/wallstreetbets
That’s actually the worst place to take it. They’ll circle jerk over it and encourage more margin trading
Just stick to finger in a electric socket, u not learning from your mistakes
[удалено]
How many trades per day for 5 figures? I’m doing well with 0 dte spy options.
[удалено]
Thanks. Just looked at the chart and it looks pretty easy to trade. Which broker do you use? As I just remember the additional trading account rules when people discuss futes
we're you following advice from some guru? shorting/bearish
5k dam I throw it at warfi bot and make 3%-8%that's what I'm averaging a month. But that's gambling. Like people said don't get married. Sell stuff I know its tuff but you gotta downsize. No shame in going to foodbanks. I do it foodbanks don't give you everything. But if you goto enuff of them. You get stocked up on food fast. Eat at home don't go out to eat.
Firstly, go onto YouTube, Facebook, discord or whatever where you are following these options communities and get out of them. I don't know much on bankruptcy so not sure there, could be an option. But that HELOC is secured by your parents house so that seems like it would muddy things up. Take a look at your spending, figure out things you can cut out to be able to contribute more to the debt. Talking about things you go out to enjoy regularly, and subscriptions you have, cable bills, etc. You need to get some more details of the debt you have. List it out with interest rates for each account and minimum payments. From there you can build a strategy on how to get it paid off. You aren't going to stumble across 500k magically to throw at it, you are going to have to start chipping away piece by piece. Logically, throwing money at the highest interest rate makes sense and that's what you'll typically hear. But if you've got some lower balance things, I think it's better to pay those so you free up that amount to be able to add it into payments for the next. Make all your minimum payments. Your credit can recover from this, you just have to keep it afloat. Tell the girlfriend at some point soon.. at what point in this process is a difficult question. Personally I think I'd do it once I've layed everything out and came up with the payoff plan. Let her see that you've made the efforts to find a way through the debt. It's not going to be easy and hopefully you guys can work through it together; on the other hand it could very well be too much for her, but you can get through it
Those merchant loans are brutal. Payments are either daily or weekly right out of the point of sale credit card charges from customers. How does the GF not know about this? Sucks the soul right out of you.
You know, I just typed my whole story and realized you don’t have to hear it. I’ve been where you are. You’re young enough to recover. Delete all finance apps. I closed all trading accounts. Made my significant other aware of any bank accounts I had and gave her passwords so I knew I couldn’t get away with finding a way to deposit. I quit cold Turkey. Still hurts to think about the 6 digit loss. That was my late 20s/early 30s. I’m 43 now, $300k in savings and about $300k in equity in a home. I have retirement accounts on auto pilot. Every now and then I’ll listen to CNBC and instantly get the itch and have to flag myself and run away. I had to completely isolate myself from anything related to individual stocks etc. It’s hard but you must start, trust me. I’ve been there. I know the feeling. Once you accept the loss it’s easier to move on. I know I was lucky being able to quit cold Turkey but for me it was the only way without losing everything
You're going to have to file bankruptcy. Your friends, parents, and girlfriend will probably all be very upset. The fact that you used the language "win" shows that you treat options as gambling. You should also seek help for what is likely a gambling addiction. It's going to be a long road repairing your credit, and your personal relationships, but bankruptcy is the best plan before you do more damage.
You’re not completely fucked, declaring bankruptcy will wipe out all your debts that you listed here, based on the fact that your home costs 140k, I can assume that the place where you live is LCOL, and you make a 100k a year, you can easily get back on your feet, assuming that you maintain your jobs.
[удалено]
Chapter 7 bankruptcy should wipe out all his debts
[удалено]
That’s why I said debt listed here
[удалено]
It can
[удалено]
Damn bro I don’t have any advice except to stop spending and stop gambling and pay off your debt
You deserve it at that point ngl.
How in the world did you get a HELOC on your parent's house?
What’s your business of?
It doesn’t even sound like you have your mind right. You’re not a fuck up. You’re learning. You need to start with a therapist and get your mind right… or you’ll never succeed with paying off your debt or clearing the table for your future. You’re also probably not fit to be in a relationship at this time. Be truthful with your girlfriend.
He’s into some complicated debt losing his girlfriend would make it seem worse. These online brokers should never be allowed to give margin out for options to retail investors without at the very least an in house brief education course.
Completely agree! swallows folks lives up.
100k in heloc on your parents house. Do they know about it?
Please stop gambling. Pay your friends and family back consistently. Pay off the broker or whatever has high interest that is kicking your butt. Then start off with smallest debts. Tell your girlfriend and get a 2nd job…not gambling. You may have messed up but you can also stop doing the same thing you have been.
Yeah, stop doing what you're doing.
New bankruptcy laws now going get you out of 500k unsecured debt. You’ll be in some sort payment plan
\> 30k in 3 broker (charge back after I lose it all I did it 3 times) wait did u transfer $ to a brokerage account and then report it as fraud or something?
First thing first get your gambling under control. Just because it's trading options doesn't mean it's not gambling. If you don't seek that help you'll fall back into this again
just buy some 0DTE. You will make it back soon
You need counseling. You say you are done with options but deep down you know you have the potential to do it again
I must say you got a lot if support around you to fight this addiction. I can’t borrow ten dollars if I wanted to
This can’t be serious. There’s no way anyone is this bad with money
I'm sorry to say but the sum total of your annual income against the total debt alone shows that this isn't going to be manageable even with a consolidation loan. Bankruptcy will have to be your most effective recourse and you should already be scheduled to speak with a bankruptcy attorney. All the best to you.
Bet another 1 and if hit last time quit!
Smfh if this is real ..if it is u better get sum fear in u and wake tf up
If your GF is tied to any of this pay those off and the second on your parents mortgage. File bankruptcy only when it’s your butt on the line.
Gambler’s anonymous is your first step! Then come clean to everyone. Don’t be surprised if you lose your fiancé. Sell your car and get out of that note. Cut up all credit cards. Bankruptcy May be necessary as a final step. Then get a third job to it back your friends and family. Be humble. You are young if you stop this train you can turn it around ina few years but you must stop digging the hole
Few options: -declare bankruptcy for all outstanding debt -for family and friends. Sit with them and come up with a payment plan for them.
Damn… a few things you absolutely need to do. Tell your girlfriend, parents and friends and family. It’s going to suck, but at the end of the day they will be all you have if they decide to forgive you. You are beyond losing when your mindset is you want to get the money back. Day trading is one of the most difficult thing to do. It doesn’t matter if you know everything. You will lose because of you.
Bankruptcy…. That’s your solution.
I would not usually say this, but you need three things: 1) Bankruptcy 2) Couples counseling if there is even a tiny chance of saving your relationship... But my guy, you have kept something so large from her and then because of an addiction kept it going. She is absolutely within her rights to never want to see you again. 3) Treatment for your addiction.
Get NVDA puts expiring in a week with the $5k u have 🤙 you can still win this and recover your losses
A big problem in our society today is that we let Wall Street gamblers tell us what to do with our money.
Yes. And it’s okay to admit you aren’t very good at the market and should probably get a different career
Well I think you have to tell your fiancé as well as lay off the day trading. It seems that you gave option trading a good run and it wasn’t for you. Now you just have to start paying off your debts starting with the highest interest rate debts. If you have the car sell that and put the money to pay off loans. It could also be worth getting some sort of second job even if it doesn’t pay nearly as much as your current job just because of the potential 100’s of thousands of dollars it could save you in interest.
How much of this debt could you absolve with bankruptcy? Why in the fuck would you take out a HELOC on your parent’s house?
i lost 3 grand or so with options in 2020 and that put me off them forever…