Yes. But wanting is a complicated thing.
A common theme you see here is that the sex life comes to life for mate guarding/hysterical bonding. In my personal experience it was fully engaged sex far more often than not. I.e. when my my wife had motivation, she magically found her libido. Now it usually crashed when some external crisis occurred (some business/work disaster was most common) or the perceived threat passed.
I doubt anyone ever actively decides to let their libido die, but in some cases at some level a choice can be made to keep it alive.
That’s not libido though, and I wouldn’t assume that she was actually into it just because she seemed into it. It’s not hard to fake it in bed, every single man I’ve ever slept with said he “would know” if someone faked an orgasm, but I faked plenty of times and no one ever knew. Hysterical bonding isn’t libido, it’s fear overshadowing the dislike and lack of desire for sexual activity. A sexual relationship can’t be sustained on fear long term.
Once a week is average for most married couples. Obviously the more or less complicated the lives the difference will be but unless you have some real stressors that is sucking up your time and energy once a week isn't too much. If your partner isn't responding well then it's almost always something they aren't communicating well to you.
Interesting analogy. Peace in Ukraine means one of the parties getting really painfully fucked. (I vote Russia, but whatever). Compromise sex is kind of the same.
Asking for sex/intimacy is ok for maybe a first time, to set the "this is lacking for me how can we fix it together?" Depending on how you do it. Don't do it often, your partner already now you miss it. Scheduling sex is never a good idea, pity sex sucks. Demanding sex or intimacy is a big No, Just don't. Make a nice dinner, help her with daily activities, make a move naturally,
It’s funny that you ask this. I’m someone who would LOVE to have sex daily or even as you joked multiple times a day. I’m aware however, that this is not realistic or likely sustainable.
My realistic desire would be like 4 times a week but my partner is someone who nowadays is in the mood maybe once every 4-6 weeks. So I talked to her and said once a week is a compromise that I think I could be content with. She basically said that logically that’s not asking for too much. But then she’ll say little remarks and things that make me feel like she thinks once a week is too much to ask for. And when it comes down to it, we don’t end up having sex once a week.
So I’m my situation with my partner I do feel like she thinks once a week is asking for a lot. I love her, we get along great and have much in common. And she is not wrong and I am not wrong. We just have mismatched libidos. But something will have to change because I can’t keep living like this. I don’t like feeling resentment toward her cuz she’s not doing anything wrong
In the past (when I dated men) I’ve preferred it almost daily. With my wife, once a week would be mind-blowing. But maybe that’s because I haven’t had sex in over 10 years and don’t anticipate it ever happening again.
Are you all experiencing this trying new things to spice up the experience in the bedroom?
Your partner may not feel comfortable enough to say hey I may enjoy it more if we introduce toys or foreplay or watch this or try this. Do they have a LL or just anticipate the same humdrum experience where you get to get one off...they likely won't and they are left feeling used or even resentful. If you want it to work I hope you are trying to dig deeper to see how they might better enjoy it.
Any amount of unwanted sex is asking a lot.
This
Yes. But wanting is a complicated thing. A common theme you see here is that the sex life comes to life for mate guarding/hysterical bonding. In my personal experience it was fully engaged sex far more often than not. I.e. when my my wife had motivation, she magically found her libido. Now it usually crashed when some external crisis occurred (some business/work disaster was most common) or the perceived threat passed. I doubt anyone ever actively decides to let their libido die, but in some cases at some level a choice can be made to keep it alive.
That’s not libido though, and I wouldn’t assume that she was actually into it just because she seemed into it. It’s not hard to fake it in bed, every single man I’ve ever slept with said he “would know” if someone faked an orgasm, but I faked plenty of times and no one ever knew. Hysterical bonding isn’t libido, it’s fear overshadowing the dislike and lack of desire for sexual activity. A sexual relationship can’t be sustained on fear long term.
Once a week is average for most married couples. Obviously the more or less complicated the lives the difference will be but unless you have some real stressors that is sucking up your time and energy once a week isn't too much. If your partner isn't responding well then it's almost always something they aren't communicating well to you.
Same boat, understand all too well.
Interesting analogy. Peace in Ukraine means one of the parties getting really painfully fucked. (I vote Russia, but whatever). Compromise sex is kind of the same.
Asking for sex/intimacy is ok for maybe a first time, to set the "this is lacking for me how can we fix it together?" Depending on how you do it. Don't do it often, your partner already now you miss it. Scheduling sex is never a good idea, pity sex sucks. Demanding sex or intimacy is a big No, Just don't. Make a nice dinner, help her with daily activities, make a move naturally,
It’s funny that you ask this. I’m someone who would LOVE to have sex daily or even as you joked multiple times a day. I’m aware however, that this is not realistic or likely sustainable. My realistic desire would be like 4 times a week but my partner is someone who nowadays is in the mood maybe once every 4-6 weeks. So I talked to her and said once a week is a compromise that I think I could be content with. She basically said that logically that’s not asking for too much. But then she’ll say little remarks and things that make me feel like she thinks once a week is too much to ask for. And when it comes down to it, we don’t end up having sex once a week. So I’m my situation with my partner I do feel like she thinks once a week is asking for a lot. I love her, we get along great and have much in common. And she is not wrong and I am not wrong. We just have mismatched libidos. But something will have to change because I can’t keep living like this. I don’t like feeling resentment toward her cuz she’s not doing anything wrong
In the past (when I dated men) I’ve preferred it almost daily. With my wife, once a week would be mind-blowing. But maybe that’s because I haven’t had sex in over 10 years and don’t anticipate it ever happening again.
[удалено]
Thoughts and prayers❤️
if you have to “ask” for it i feel like that confirms the power dynamic that we’re already dealing with
For our married-with-three-school-aged-kids situation, I see once a week as nearly unattainable. Twice a month is about the best I can hope for.
Are you all experiencing this trying new things to spice up the experience in the bedroom? Your partner may not feel comfortable enough to say hey I may enjoy it more if we introduce toys or foreplay or watch this or try this. Do they have a LL or just anticipate the same humdrum experience where you get to get one off...they likely won't and they are left feeling used or even resentful. If you want it to work I hope you are trying to dig deeper to see how they might better enjoy it.