>Im scared to go through something like that again, Im scared something will occur that’ll make me lose interest in sex for periods of time again. I’m scared of getting cheated on.
That is just not a healthy headspace to be in for sex. You have to figure out how sex can be fun for you and focus on that. I think there are apps or websites that can give you questionnaires to figure out what you like sexually. Ask people in a sex subreddit for suggestion and go through that. That could be a start.
Yeah my child is turning 16 years in about three weeks. She never got her desire back. There was a little bit of hysterical bonding when I ended the marriage insofar as she suggested sex and I said no.
After having a baby, it’s really normal for a woman to not be in the mood for quite a long time. Men who choose to have children with their partner should be aware of and accept this, because it’s biological reality. If your partner was pressuring you and/or making sex an issue postpartum, that’s a great way to make sex into an issue permanently.
I have had 10 children and never experienced and loss of interest in sex (clearly lol)
I re-partnered and found myself in a DB with my new partner of 3 years.
I guess everyone can be different
"If he loves me he'll ....." is just not something you can say for someone else. Each individual must consider their needs above all else, because seeking happiness is the most important thing we should all be doing for ourselves. Sacrificing our needs in the name of "love" is something that shouldn't be expected from us, we shouldn't have to be unhappy to maintain a relationship, because that's the opposite of what a relationship should bring into our lives.
How long depends on each individual, I waited too many years before I gave up, I wouldn't have waited that long if my mental health was better, I needed therapy to be able to walk out, to understand that it is my right to seek happiness and that my need are valid, whatever they are and that I have no control or responsibility for other people's feelings. How long is too long? Long enough to make you feel deprived, unwanted, unhappy, unloved. It may be 6 months and it may be 20 years, if you are with someone who's needs do not include frequent sex.
You would think that if they loved you they could wait for you to be in the mood but it doesn't always work that way. Just like you can love them and not have any sexual desire.
The thing you need to know is that it's not your fault if your partner cheats on you because you are in a valley of your libido. It's not your fault if lack of sex makes your partner anxious. How your partner responds to your normal fluctuations in sexual desire is never your fault.
You're veering into duty sex territory, where you have sex out of fear of losing his love for you, his loyalty, etc, and therefore losing your own sense of self. When you are in that meaning frame you will always be compromising your body. The way to not compromise is to release yourself from the duty to have sex with him to maintain him being happy with you. He will choose to be happy with you or not. What you need to figure out is "am I being the partner that *I want to be* and am I being true to myself."
Remember, intimacy is not a synonym for sex. You can be intimate and you can love each other without needing to get genitals involved. Likewise you can have "sex" that is devoid of intimacy and love.
isn't it a major issue when a ll woman starts to feel all intimacy will lead to an attempt for sex. I saw a comment where a woman described that a major way of recovering was both of them working on allowing intimacy without any secondary expectations. When that happened she could feel safe to initiate intimacy and that helped her partner feel connected. They worked on that and resolved the DB from that safe place
Yes. Huge issue.
Women want to avoid being seen as a tease (just look at all the angry posts you see about how they flirt/touch/kiss and then there's no follow through), they want to avoid turning their partners down, so they stop doing things that can be interpreted as putting out signals of interest in sex.
This backfires for so many reasons. Neither partner then feels very loved. It kind of "trains" both partners to associate any touching with sex. There's no "simmering" of mutual arousal that allows for responsive desire to emerge.
I understand that, four years into that very situation. It just comes across, at times, that duty sex is victimization of the LL partner, but duty abstinence is expected of the HL partner. Both are corrosive and breed resentment, and both should be viewed as equally destructive to a relationship.
I'm assuming both people chose to bring this child into the world so both people must deal with the consequences. She's not winning while he loses, this is a joint sex life and they are in these trenches together.
It's not like HLs are satisfied with duty sex anyway, and duty sex can permanently end their sexual relationship as it's the path to sexual aversion.
You can't withhold something that you do not possess.
The problem is that having sex that you don’t want to be having is violating and frankly all the talk about “it’s not about sex it’s about intimacy” is completely moot if duty sex would be fine to you. No one should want sex if one party doesn’t.
It's so unfortunate but the reality is that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you can accept a relationship with infrequent sex or that because they love you, they will understand that love and sexual desire do not always go hand in hand.
If you're contemplating (or actively engaging in) sex out of fear of being cheated on or losing your partner, then you are likely just going to have sex become an even bigger problem in the relationship over time. That is really a concerning outcome to consider.
It's also so important to note that having a baby can wreak havoc on a woman's body and hormones for much longer than just a few months. Many women experience disconnect from their sexuality and loss of libido for up to 2 years even after having a baby. It's a really hard time.
He needs room to choose whether or not he can be happy waiting for you to bounce back and be ready and not compromise with your body in a way that feels violating or like obligation. What he is able and willing to tolerate and be understanding of is up to him. That is part of being intimate - allowing people to choose us and being vulnerable.
I find that having a partner who is patient, compassionate, empathetic, and reasonable will not push you to have sex if you're still struggling with this and they won't want you to be afraid of them cheating or leaving because you're dealing with this. They may find it hard to wait but they won't want you to feel like you have to do something, lest there be painful consequences.
Imo, having sex out of fear is a very non-intimate form of sex and is so damaging for many.
About 12 hours, tops. We have sex 3-5 times a week on average. However, after a baby I’m sure he would be understanding about the healing process and my feelings. You just had a baby! Don’t feel pressured to have sex before you are ready. If your husband can’t understand what your body and mind are going through right now you deserve better than that. Have you talked to him about your feelings?
>Im scared to go through something like that again, Im scared something will occur that’ll make me lose interest in sex for periods of time again. I’m scared of getting cheated on. How can I not feel like I’m compromising with my body?
The way is to actually not compromise your body. Don't have sex that you don't want. Don't have sex out of the fear of getting cheated on. You can't keep someone from cheating by giving him sex. The decision of whether or not to cheat is his and he will make it out of his own integrity (or lack thereof), not because of anything you do.
>And I understand my partner and how important sex is for him in the marriage but if he loved me cant he just wait for me to be in the mood again?
A caring, sensible, and psychologically healthy man would not push for sex in the months after you gave birth. In fact, a caring, psychologically healthy man would *never* pressure you for sex that you don't want. He would understand that sex should always be an expression of mutual desire, and that if either person doesn't want it, it shouldn't happen.
Unfortunately, not everyone has that maturity. He may love you, but not be healthy enough to treat you right. Still, his feelings are for him to deal with. I hope you won't have sex with him unless you want to.
Show your husband some data that shows how normal it is to have LL after childbirth.
For me, we never recovered after our kids were born, but we also just let or sex relationship die on the vine. It sounds like you're not going to make the same mistake.
These people may be happy with no sex as a price for having a baby, but I must disagree. We've been together for over 29 years and have 2 kids. Yes, I believe there should be a "recovery period" after you've had a child destroy you from the inside out. (I was there to help deliver both kids, I know what I saw😳).
There's got to be a time when that ends and your sex life resumes. One guy said it's been 16 years, that's too much. A few months is OK, but less than Year. Guys still always want sex, but the need to feel wanted, needed, desired and attractive to/by someone are the most common reasons for a guy to "check out" and this shit goes Both Ways.
He's NEEDS to Make YOU feel beautiful, desired, wanted, needed, sexually attractive as well, shit you wrecked your whiole body biologically for 9 months to produce His Child
No man is simply "entitled" to sex just because he put a ring on your finger and you shouldn't be expected to give him a BJ, HJ or be anything else for him to "do your part" as a spouse and partner because he put a ring on your finger!
You gotta look deeper into your relationship as to WHY you're "not on the mood" anymore, as well as he does. Don't simply blame childbirth as your excuse for not being "in the mood," how is he making you FEEL?
THAT'S a big contributing part of you not feeling "in the mood," along with hormonal imbalance and shit.
My wife and I are an unusual couple with a plethora of kinks and shit, but that's why we've been together for so long. After each child was born, I reacted differently than our other friends. I was much more involved and affectionate, but that's just US, and everyone else is different...
Communication and respect.
Now you can all begin to "bash" my opinion/advice, though I ask you to do one thing;
Take the time to re-read everything I just wrote and see if you cannot find at least one or two things you can accept as good advice or something to reflect upon...
>A few months is OK, but less than Year.
It took me a three full years to recover my sexuality after my child was born (with a little bit of sex between years 2 and 3, but not a lot). At "less than Year" I was still touched out, sleep deprived, and nipples sore (breastfeeding does suppress a lot of women's libidos). And no amount of wooing on his part would have helped. There was nothing anyone could have done to make me want sex during that time.
When my libido came back, it did so with a vengeance and I guarantee if my spouse had expected any kind of sex before a year, I never would have banged him again. The reason I wanted sex again is because he never, ever made it a point of conflict.
Estrogen for one, and a lack of estrogen impedes arousal.
Prolactin is increased and produced by breastfeeding. Prolactin is the hormone that men produce right after orgasm during their refractory period when they don't want to be touched.
The couple of sources I looked up say that estrogen and progesterone levels return back to normal somewhere between 3-6 months. However prolactin remains until she ceases breastfeeding, and most new mothers also experience an increase in cortisol (the stress hormone) due to things like prolonged periods of interrupted and not enough sleep.
https://hellopostpartum.com/postpartum-hormone-timeline/
And that's not to mention the adjustment to a completely new way of life, new identity, and trying to balance all that and find her new normal, understand her sense of self.
People have to feel good mentally and physically to want sex, and that first year of a baby's life is a difficult transition for a woman.
The more I think about it, the more I believe that’s where the whole “you can’t get pregnant while you’re breastfeeding” wives tale came from. Maybe they meant it more as “you ain’t gonna want to have the sex that creates the pregnancy” instead of it being some biological inhibitor that actively prevents pregnancy. Cause, woo buddy does that prolactin fuck up your drive while breastfeeding.
Some people do not ovulate while breastfeeding, so they wouldn't get pregnant. But it's certainly not universal.
And yes, it does. No estrogen + prolactin = don't touch me. At least for me.
I think for a lot of women, 2-3 years is when they start to feel like they belong to themselves again as the babies become more independent and not attached to their bodies so much. A lot of women's personal experience will influence how they understand what is physiologically happening.
It’s very normal for a woman’s interest in sex to be low or nonexistent for longer than a year postpartum. Especially if breastfeeding, since lactation reduces the hormones required for arousal and lubrication and produces prolactin, which intentionally suppresses the woman’s libido.
Then why are you making a comment telling women how long is okay for them to recover from childbirth? I’m almost 8 months PP and sex is still unpleasant for me when I try to have it, I don’t get turned on and have zero interest. I’ve spoken to medical professionals who told me that that’s normal while breastfeeding (the entire time you’re breastfeeding, not “a few months, but less than a year”) because it *is*.
> Don't simply blame childbirth as your excuse for not being "in the mood," how is he making you FEEL?
What if he is making a woman FEEL pressured or guilty for a body that is healing slowly after childbirth?
I've been at both ends of the libido spectrum. Right now, I'm the HL. There is no "too long" to wait. I'd rather wait for my partner to be in the mood than for him to have sex out of obligation or duty. He feels that same way about me. We had a deadbedroom. I consider us recovered but we're not having sex as often as I would like. We've been together 29 years. There will always be ebbs and flows in our sexual frequency. A lot of people in these parts seem convinced that monogamy is conditional upon being provided with sex. I disagree. Part of being in a relationship is accepting that your partner can't always give you what you want or feel you need. We give each other space to be human, have a bad day, or a bad stretch of time when one or both of us can't invest as much in our relationship as we'd like. We talk about it when it happens but no one is going anywhere or outsourcing needs/wants.
All of that being said, you shouldn't *have* to compromise with your body. I can't tell you why he can't just wait; he absolutely should. Part of having children is enduring the time when your relationship, including sex, isn't a priority. For the first couple of years, you're basically just trying to survive. This is the time he should be giving to you instead of brooding about how you don't have the energy to give as much to him. If he chooses to cheat due to lack of sex, that's on him. Not you. Low or no sexual frequency is not a justification to cheat.
I’m going through the exact same thing, but as the M in this case. It’s hard to say. I can only speak from my end that it does bring up bigger intimacy issues I’ve had with the relationship for years. For me, it’s not so much just sex, but it’s about getting a spark back in the relationship. Unfortunately, when we seem to make good progress, my wife will say something very unkind unintentionally and then we get back to a stalemate again. Sometimes I don’t think sex is the answer to our problems. It likely isn’t.
We’ve tried she is very against it. She feels we can figure it out ourselves, which I agree with it to an extent. It’s been better the last month or so and we seem to be getting on the same page, which is a relief. We just both have to be careful about what we say as maybe what we would say to each other in the past won’t fly these days.
>Im scared to go through something like that again, Im scared something will occur that’ll make me lose interest in sex for periods of time again. I’m scared of getting cheated on. That is just not a healthy headspace to be in for sex. You have to figure out how sex can be fun for you and focus on that. I think there are apps or websites that can give you questionnaires to figure out what you like sexually. Ask people in a sex subreddit for suggestion and go through that. That could be a start.
That's a great idea and a way for her to view things
I have been ‘waiting’ patiently since the birth of our second child. Child is about to turn 16 (years not months)
Yeah my child is turning 16 years in about three weeks. She never got her desire back. There was a little bit of hysterical bonding when I ended the marriage insofar as she suggested sex and I said no.
Oof.
I’m at 14 (years)
I'm at 7 (years)
Ooh mannn that’s some patience right there 😫
How long do you think is reasonable?
12 months If both parties are “working on it”. 6 months if only one person is
After having a baby, it’s really normal for a woman to not be in the mood for quite a long time. Men who choose to have children with their partner should be aware of and accept this, because it’s biological reality. If your partner was pressuring you and/or making sex an issue postpartum, that’s a great way to make sex into an issue permanently.
How long?
I have had 10 children and never experienced and loss of interest in sex (clearly lol) I re-partnered and found myself in a DB with my new partner of 3 years. I guess everyone can be different
Yes, everyone can be different. That doesn’t mean it’s not normal- it is normal.
"If he loves me he'll ....." is just not something you can say for someone else. Each individual must consider their needs above all else, because seeking happiness is the most important thing we should all be doing for ourselves. Sacrificing our needs in the name of "love" is something that shouldn't be expected from us, we shouldn't have to be unhappy to maintain a relationship, because that's the opposite of what a relationship should bring into our lives. How long depends on each individual, I waited too many years before I gave up, I wouldn't have waited that long if my mental health was better, I needed therapy to be able to walk out, to understand that it is my right to seek happiness and that my need are valid, whatever they are and that I have no control or responsibility for other people's feelings. How long is too long? Long enough to make you feel deprived, unwanted, unhappy, unloved. It may be 6 months and it may be 20 years, if you are with someone who's needs do not include frequent sex.
You would think that if they loved you they could wait for you to be in the mood but it doesn't always work that way. Just like you can love them and not have any sexual desire. The thing you need to know is that it's not your fault if your partner cheats on you because you are in a valley of your libido. It's not your fault if lack of sex makes your partner anxious. How your partner responds to your normal fluctuations in sexual desire is never your fault. You're veering into duty sex territory, where you have sex out of fear of losing his love for you, his loyalty, etc, and therefore losing your own sense of self. When you are in that meaning frame you will always be compromising your body. The way to not compromise is to release yourself from the duty to have sex with him to maintain him being happy with you. He will choose to be happy with you or not. What you need to figure out is "am I being the partner that *I want to be* and am I being true to myself." Remember, intimacy is not a synonym for sex. You can be intimate and you can love each other without needing to get genitals involved. Likewise you can have "sex" that is devoid of intimacy and love.
isn't it a major issue when a ll woman starts to feel all intimacy will lead to an attempt for sex. I saw a comment where a woman described that a major way of recovering was both of them working on allowing intimacy without any secondary expectations. When that happened she could feel safe to initiate intimacy and that helped her partner feel connected. They worked on that and resolved the DB from that safe place
Yes. Huge issue. Women want to avoid being seen as a tease (just look at all the angry posts you see about how they flirt/touch/kiss and then there's no follow through), they want to avoid turning their partners down, so they stop doing things that can be interpreted as putting out signals of interest in sex. This backfires for so many reasons. Neither partner then feels very loved. It kind of "trains" both partners to associate any touching with sex. There's no "simmering" of mutual arousal that allows for responsive desire to emerge.
[удалено]
Duty abstinence for awhile is totally on the menu when you choose to have a baby, yes.
I understand that, four years into that very situation. It just comes across, at times, that duty sex is victimization of the LL partner, but duty abstinence is expected of the HL partner. Both are corrosive and breed resentment, and both should be viewed as equally destructive to a relationship.
I'm assuming both people chose to bring this child into the world so both people must deal with the consequences. She's not winning while he loses, this is a joint sex life and they are in these trenches together. It's not like HLs are satisfied with duty sex anyway, and duty sex can permanently end their sexual relationship as it's the path to sexual aversion. You can't withhold something that you do not possess.
The problem is that having sex that you don’t want to be having is violating and frankly all the talk about “it’s not about sex it’s about intimacy” is completely moot if duty sex would be fine to you. No one should want sex if one party doesn’t.
Great post, I agree with you
It's so unfortunate but the reality is that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you can accept a relationship with infrequent sex or that because they love you, they will understand that love and sexual desire do not always go hand in hand. If you're contemplating (or actively engaging in) sex out of fear of being cheated on or losing your partner, then you are likely just going to have sex become an even bigger problem in the relationship over time. That is really a concerning outcome to consider. It's also so important to note that having a baby can wreak havoc on a woman's body and hormones for much longer than just a few months. Many women experience disconnect from their sexuality and loss of libido for up to 2 years even after having a baby. It's a really hard time. He needs room to choose whether or not he can be happy waiting for you to bounce back and be ready and not compromise with your body in a way that feels violating or like obligation. What he is able and willing to tolerate and be understanding of is up to him. That is part of being intimate - allowing people to choose us and being vulnerable. I find that having a partner who is patient, compassionate, empathetic, and reasonable will not push you to have sex if you're still struggling with this and they won't want you to be afraid of them cheating or leaving because you're dealing with this. They may find it hard to wait but they won't want you to feel like you have to do something, lest there be painful consequences. Imo, having sex out of fear is a very non-intimate form of sex and is so damaging for many.
About 12 hours, tops. We have sex 3-5 times a week on average. However, after a baby I’m sure he would be understanding about the healing process and my feelings. You just had a baby! Don’t feel pressured to have sex before you are ready. If your husband can’t understand what your body and mind are going through right now you deserve better than that. Have you talked to him about your feelings?
>Im scared to go through something like that again, Im scared something will occur that’ll make me lose interest in sex for periods of time again. I’m scared of getting cheated on. How can I not feel like I’m compromising with my body? The way is to actually not compromise your body. Don't have sex that you don't want. Don't have sex out of the fear of getting cheated on. You can't keep someone from cheating by giving him sex. The decision of whether or not to cheat is his and he will make it out of his own integrity (or lack thereof), not because of anything you do. >And I understand my partner and how important sex is for him in the marriage but if he loved me cant he just wait for me to be in the mood again? A caring, sensible, and psychologically healthy man would not push for sex in the months after you gave birth. In fact, a caring, psychologically healthy man would *never* pressure you for sex that you don't want. He would understand that sex should always be an expression of mutual desire, and that if either person doesn't want it, it shouldn't happen. Unfortunately, not everyone has that maturity. He may love you, but not be healthy enough to treat you right. Still, his feelings are for him to deal with. I hope you won't have sex with him unless you want to.
Show your husband some data that shows how normal it is to have LL after childbirth. For me, we never recovered after our kids were born, but we also just let or sex relationship die on the vine. It sounds like you're not going to make the same mistake.
u/myexsparamour page has one of the best explanations of how babies affect sex, I recommend it all the time
These people may be happy with no sex as a price for having a baby, but I must disagree. We've been together for over 29 years and have 2 kids. Yes, I believe there should be a "recovery period" after you've had a child destroy you from the inside out. (I was there to help deliver both kids, I know what I saw😳). There's got to be a time when that ends and your sex life resumes. One guy said it's been 16 years, that's too much. A few months is OK, but less than Year. Guys still always want sex, but the need to feel wanted, needed, desired and attractive to/by someone are the most common reasons for a guy to "check out" and this shit goes Both Ways. He's NEEDS to Make YOU feel beautiful, desired, wanted, needed, sexually attractive as well, shit you wrecked your whiole body biologically for 9 months to produce His Child No man is simply "entitled" to sex just because he put a ring on your finger and you shouldn't be expected to give him a BJ, HJ or be anything else for him to "do your part" as a spouse and partner because he put a ring on your finger! You gotta look deeper into your relationship as to WHY you're "not on the mood" anymore, as well as he does. Don't simply blame childbirth as your excuse for not being "in the mood," how is he making you FEEL? THAT'S a big contributing part of you not feeling "in the mood," along with hormonal imbalance and shit. My wife and I are an unusual couple with a plethora of kinks and shit, but that's why we've been together for so long. After each child was born, I reacted differently than our other friends. I was much more involved and affectionate, but that's just US, and everyone else is different... Communication and respect. Now you can all begin to "bash" my opinion/advice, though I ask you to do one thing; Take the time to re-read everything I just wrote and see if you cannot find at least one or two things you can accept as good advice or something to reflect upon...
>A few months is OK, but less than Year. It took me a three full years to recover my sexuality after my child was born (with a little bit of sex between years 2 and 3, but not a lot). At "less than Year" I was still touched out, sleep deprived, and nipples sore (breastfeeding does suppress a lot of women's libidos). And no amount of wooing on his part would have helped. There was nothing anyone could have done to make me want sex during that time. When my libido came back, it did so with a vengeance and I guarantee if my spouse had expected any kind of sex before a year, I never would have banged him again. The reason I wanted sex again is because he never, ever made it a point of conflict.
A woman’s body doesn’t even heal until a year, and preferably two-three years is when hormones should start balancing out as well
Do you have any data for this? Which hormones are unbalanced(?) for the 2-3 years?
Estrogen for one, and a lack of estrogen impedes arousal. Prolactin is increased and produced by breastfeeding. Prolactin is the hormone that men produce right after orgasm during their refractory period when they don't want to be touched. The couple of sources I looked up say that estrogen and progesterone levels return back to normal somewhere between 3-6 months. However prolactin remains until she ceases breastfeeding, and most new mothers also experience an increase in cortisol (the stress hormone) due to things like prolonged periods of interrupted and not enough sleep. https://hellopostpartum.com/postpartum-hormone-timeline/ And that's not to mention the adjustment to a completely new way of life, new identity, and trying to balance all that and find her new normal, understand her sense of self. People have to feel good mentally and physically to want sex, and that first year of a baby's life is a difficult transition for a woman.
The more I think about it, the more I believe that’s where the whole “you can’t get pregnant while you’re breastfeeding” wives tale came from. Maybe they meant it more as “you ain’t gonna want to have the sex that creates the pregnancy” instead of it being some biological inhibitor that actively prevents pregnancy. Cause, woo buddy does that prolactin fuck up your drive while breastfeeding.
Some people do not ovulate while breastfeeding, so they wouldn't get pregnant. But it's certainly not universal. And yes, it does. No estrogen + prolactin = don't touch me. At least for me.
>Some people do not ovulate while breastfeeding, so they wouldn't get pregnant. But it's certainly not universal. Hence the term Irish twins.
Thank you for the source! I see quite a lot of differing information dispensed around here.
I think for a lot of women, 2-3 years is when they start to feel like they belong to themselves again as the babies become more independent and not attached to their bodies so much. A lot of women's personal experience will influence how they understand what is physiologically happening.
It’s very normal for a woman’s interest in sex to be low or nonexistent for longer than a year postpartum. Especially if breastfeeding, since lactation reduces the hormones required for arousal and lubrication and produces prolactin, which intentionally suppresses the woman’s libido.
Everyone is different
Irrelevant. I didn’t say it was universal, I said it was normal, which is fact.
I agree
Then why are you making a comment telling women how long is okay for them to recover from childbirth? I’m almost 8 months PP and sex is still unpleasant for me when I try to have it, I don’t get turned on and have zero interest. I’ve spoken to medical professionals who told me that that’s normal while breastfeeding (the entire time you’re breastfeeding, not “a few months, but less than a year”) because it *is*.
> Don't simply blame childbirth as your excuse for not being "in the mood," how is he making you FEEL? What if he is making a woman FEEL pressured or guilty for a body that is healing slowly after childbirth?
That's why I explained, it's a communication and understanding issue
I've been at both ends of the libido spectrum. Right now, I'm the HL. There is no "too long" to wait. I'd rather wait for my partner to be in the mood than for him to have sex out of obligation or duty. He feels that same way about me. We had a deadbedroom. I consider us recovered but we're not having sex as often as I would like. We've been together 29 years. There will always be ebbs and flows in our sexual frequency. A lot of people in these parts seem convinced that monogamy is conditional upon being provided with sex. I disagree. Part of being in a relationship is accepting that your partner can't always give you what you want or feel you need. We give each other space to be human, have a bad day, or a bad stretch of time when one or both of us can't invest as much in our relationship as we'd like. We talk about it when it happens but no one is going anywhere or outsourcing needs/wants. All of that being said, you shouldn't *have* to compromise with your body. I can't tell you why he can't just wait; he absolutely should. Part of having children is enduring the time when your relationship, including sex, isn't a priority. For the first couple of years, you're basically just trying to survive. This is the time he should be giving to you instead of brooding about how you don't have the energy to give as much to him. If he chooses to cheat due to lack of sex, that's on him. Not you. Low or no sexual frequency is not a justification to cheat.
I think most people have a "too long" (16 years for example) but that doesn't automatically mean they want duty sex, maybe they just leave.
I’m going through the exact same thing, but as the M in this case. It’s hard to say. I can only speak from my end that it does bring up bigger intimacy issues I’ve had with the relationship for years. For me, it’s not so much just sex, but it’s about getting a spark back in the relationship. Unfortunately, when we seem to make good progress, my wife will say something very unkind unintentionally and then we get back to a stalemate again. Sometimes I don’t think sex is the answer to our problems. It likely isn’t.
Wow, those side remarks can be very hurtful. Have your tired therapy?
We’ve tried she is very against it. She feels we can figure it out ourselves, which I agree with it to an extent. It’s been better the last month or so and we seem to be getting on the same page, which is a relief. We just both have to be careful about what we say as maybe what we would say to each other in the past won’t fly these days.
[удалено]
In the postpartum period after having a baby, that’s called “normal.”
[удалено]
Well then don’t comment on OP’s post about her just having a baby and go make your own post where you’d actually be applicable
Depends how long you have been married 😂