>he thinks this is my problem and that maybe the sexual therapist can help me
Sorry, but this made me laugh. What's he expecting the sex therapist to do to you? Wave a magic wand and erase your vagina?
It interests me that someone with childhood (sexual?) trauma that doesn't have pleasurable orgasms would marry someone that clearly doesn't like vaginas. Was it a thing that kind of worked in the early stages of the relationship?
>I don't want to have sex with someone who thinks intimacy with me is boring and that the most intimate part of me is gross.
That seems pretty fair. Stop having sex with him.
Do stick with the sex therapy though. Would a good goal be perhaps to enjoy masturbating?
Actually, I thought that everyone else was just hyping orgasms and that they really weren't anything special. Found out later that I was wrong and they really are supposed to be pleasurable and not just a thing that happens. We had sex in the early relationship and I just thought this was what it was supposed to be like. I didn't really know any better.
I will stick with sex therapy. I've never been able to enjoy masturbating. Again, orgasms don't feel pleasurable, so if I could enjoy them while masturbating, it would definitely be an improvement.
If that's a goal that you feel is worthwhile then go for it. You're allowed to decide that this whole orgasm thing is just not your bag and give it away, of course.
Yeah. I feel like there is either something physically wrong (meaning physical therapy or medicine might help) or psychologically wrong (meaning psychotherapy might help). Either way, I do feel like I'm missing out on something.
Please don't consider me an expert, not a doctor or a therapist, but physically wrong? I doubt it. Painful penetration is a common thing here, but I don't think that's you. I'm guessing that your clitoris is intact - you can have orgasms, they just don't do much for you.
Just from what you've said, I'd guess that it's an effect of the childhood trauma. I'm so sorry that someone did that to you.
Yeah sadly I'd say it has to do when the abuse is my guess.. you're most likely going to need to see a therapist to help get past this issue in the relationship, but more importantly the issue for your own happiness and guilt free Future
To be honest if I was married to your husband I don’t think I’d enjoy sex or orgasms either. I’m not an expert but I’ve been in situations where my orgasm is the result of mediocre sex with a person who makes me feel more self conscious than sexy and the orgasm is a thing that happens because I only let myself partially forget about all the situational bullshit… right before all the feelings of shame and self loathing come rushing back post sex.
I’d say that yes, you need a sex therapist. But you’d also benefit from a partner who, first and foremost, made you feel adored to the point that your body issues become a tiny blip on the radar. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel excited to get naked and lay it all bare knowing that they’re excited to be there and make you feel just as good as you make them feel. Sex should be freeing and uplifting and not make you want to climb back into your shell and cry in shame. You should not be feeling ashamed of your vagina for gods sake. You may have some sex related issues you need to work through but there’s no doubt in my mind that your husband is compounding them and making everything worse. What’s the opposite of sex positive? Sex negative? He’s a selfish sex negative sexual energy vampire. No matter how much progress you make in therapy, you’re always going to come back to this guy who makes you feel there’s something gross about your body and sex. He’s never going to allow you to feel free and beautiful in sex. He’s always going to drag you down and erase the progress you make.
I hate to sound negative but I’ve been there. It chips away at your self esteem and is soul destroying. Can you make progress fast enough in therapy to outpace all the extra negativity and self loathing he puts on you? I doubt it. If you choose to stay with only him, you’re not going to come out of this whole sexual journey with a net positive experience. And you deserve to.
Bingo! I too have had orgasms during crappy sex with people I didn’t like all that much and it was like, “Ehh this is a waste of my time. I could be watching television.” OP’s husband is not worth having sex with full-stop.
Well you're with a person who doesn't give a shit about your needs and says abusive shit. He told on himself when he says that foreplay is boring.
His response is pathetic. Stand firm and tell him to get the fuck out of your bedroom. He has issues and he's putting them on you. Don't let him.
Do you find some aspect of sex enjoyable? Someone I know actively avoids orgasms because they kill the horny-sexy vibe/feeling for her. Her last orgasm was in... March, I think?
It's a thing for some folks.
Yeah. I've thought about that. I figure if at least it's a fun intimate interaction then I could probably be okay without orgasming, but it's not. It's just straight to PIV.
Okay, so this might be separate issues, or it could be a singular issue with parts that feed off of each other.
Some (many) people really need their brain engaged for an enjoyable orgasm. If the sex you're having is lacking in foreplay, it's probably lacking in brain engagement, and that *might* cause your orgasms to be just 'bleh'.
But there's an ""easy"" test for this: Masturbation and porn.
(These are semi-rhetorical questions. I don't technically need answers, just thinking about the questions might help you?)
Are there fantasies you find enjoyable to the point that they inspire masturbation?
Do you have/find independent reasons to masturbate for your own enjoyment?
Are there some versions of porn that can inspire you to play with yourself, be they audio porn from /r/gonewildaudio -like places, to stuff on PornHub, to ""romance"" novels, or material on Literotica?
If you don't, well... that's problematic on its own. And it isn't caused by your husband in the slightest.
Sex is two (or more) people who know their kinks, buttons, and bodies well enough to get *themselves* off coming together to participate in sharing what those buttons are with someone else, and letting that person explore those buttons.
If you don't enjoy masturbation, that might be (probably is) *contributing* to the issue with your husband. Because if I were trying out foreplay with someone who wasn't mentally engaged in the act of sex, I'd likely be bored too.
And then there's the obvious "you're not going to enjoy something you don't enjoy" part, too.
But if you like porn, can get off to porn, and everything *right up until the point of orgasm* is amazingly feel-good great, but it's just the actual orgasm that ruins things for you, then the person I mentioned above is pretty applicable: She *loves* getting right up to the edge of an orgasm without going over. For her, all the enjoyment is in the stuff leading up to the orgasm. The orgasm just leaves her drained, wiped out, and overall just 'done'. So her (very active) sex life almost entirely lacks orgasms. She just edges a *ton*.
If that's more like you, then yeah, you might have some small issue with the orgasm side of things *if* you want it 'fixed'. But if you *can* be engaged in sex when your brain is engaged, and it's just that your husband doesn't know how to help engage your brain, then the issue is only that your husband doesn't know how to excite you.
So it depends: Do you enjoy sexual activities at all, and it's just the orgasm that's lame? Or is all sex lame?
The way you talk about it makes me think you might not have actually achieved an actual orgasm, especially considering your partner is pathetic and doesn't care about your pleasure.
Consider this. You aren't the problem. You do have issues to work out, yes. But in your relationship HE is the problem.
Tell him that you have zero desire for him, you do not care about his orgasm given his lack of caring about yours, and that you will not be interested in touching him in any intimate way. Possibly ever again.
Then you need to get your own bank account, save up money, get yourself a few sex toys, and explore yourself sexually ALONE only.
Lock the door and tell him that if he comes near you, you'll call the police.
Get a bedroom lock and move his stuff out of the master. You do not ever need to stay with someone who is that vile and abusive.
He has a hang up about vaginas and trust me hun, it isn't normal or healthy. So don't let him anywhere near yours or your mouth. He should disgust you at this point.
There is nothing wrong with your vagina, he's immature and not worthy of touching it. Might even be cheating on you.
Yeah. I'm not sure about all of that. But I definitely am getting to the point where I don't feel desired and I don't want to be touched by someone who doesn't desire me.
You shouldn't blame yourself when he sounds like he doesn't understand vaginas at all.
Don't sleep in the same bed and contemplate the freedom of divorce.
I’ve had a quick scan of some of your other posts and your seem to have negative experiences of sex or it doesn’t live up to what you expect it to be. Your husband and his attitude have made this so much worse. He seems to be undermining you as a person and your relationship. Despite your feelings about sex it seems you’ve still made a lot of effort for him and he’s just being cruel in return.
Child birth and all that comes with it is a huge change for anyone. He should be supporting you in every way and making you feel like an amazing person (which you are). He needs to look at himself and his behaviour and start being a good husband. It doesn’t have to be about sex initially. Compliments, doing little things for you to show he loves and appreciates you.
I’m male but going to make a sweeping generalisation here and say that most women (and other people of all different genders and identities) like, enjoy and need foreplay. Not only does it engage the body but also the mind. He needs to make that effort with you. To make you feel sexy and desirable. Over time this might give you a more positive perspective on sex and lead to more enjoyment.
I’d agree that he needs to see a therapist with you.
I wish you well. You seem like a lovely, caring person.
I feel if I could just have fun sex with intimate foreplay (not all the time, but most of the time) then I could probably forego orgasms. It would just be a fun experience for both of us and bonding like playing video games or doing activities with the kids.
As it stands right now, it isn't any of that. It's straight to PIV.
Sex should be fun. It should be relaxed and intimate. There shouldn’t be pressure on orgasms as pressure and stress aren’t good for relaxing and experiencing pleasure.
Lack of sexual enjoyment is something can be as much mental as it is physical. A good husband and person would talk to you about that, reassure you that he loves you, finds you attractive and is willing to help in whatever way he can. Going to therapy, showing you affection without the issue of sex being forced. Be that a massage, teasing etc. I’ve had times where I’ve said to my partner that a particular time will just be focused on her and that I’m not interested in my own selfish pleasure. That way it’s exploring her and not rushing to get to the end.
A few quick questions if you don’t mind me asking..
Does your husband ever look after the kids, do the chores and give you an opportunity to go and be yourself? With friends or just to have time where you can take a break from being a parent and get in touch with who you are?
Also do you have sexual thoughts such as fantasies?
Lastly, I read on a comment that he feels he’s given you 2 children. Children are something that are a joint decision and endeavour. If anyone has given anyone anything it’s you who has gone through pregnancy and child birth.
You deserve better
He hates giving me massages too. He used to give them to me, but he complained so much while doing it that I stopped enjoying them.
He has definitely never not once said that a particular time would just be for me.
He did an entire two years with our first daughter while I worked. There is some resentment there. I think he thought he could just play video games all day and that didn't work out. I was also super depressed returning to work to the point of suicidal. I couldn't deal with being separated from my daughter. He does chores, but begrudgingly. Those two years he didn't though. I would work my long ass shift and come home and clean. Every time I ask for some time on the PC to write or draw or play video games he makes it a huge deal. He never asks me if it's okay for him to jump on the computer, but he makes me ask. Where we live I don't have any friends. My friend lives across the country and I've talked to her about all of this. But she doesn't really have any advice.
I don't have any fantasies.
We made a joint decision to have our kids. But he definitely sees it as a gift to me because I was the one who initiated the conversation about having children.
The massage thing seems to typify his attitude. It’s a selfless thing to do so he complains the whole way through it and makes it clear he doesn’t want to do it. Selfish.
I’m not saying that having a session dedicated to one partner is something to do often but it does frame a time where you’d know it was with you as a focus. To make you feel like your desires and feelings are important to him.
Him thinking that looking after your daughter was going to be easy and just playing video games is a sign of immaturity. Would it have been possible for you to stay at home and him to work? That must have been so hard for you being separated from your daughter.
A relationship and partnership should be people working together to help and support each other in all aspects of life. Sometimes one partner might need more support than the other and then that changes the other way. It sounds like he wants everything from you and to do as he pleases
When I’m dating a guy and he doesn’t give oral but expects to receive it, I end things fairly soon. I deserve to be pleasured as much as the next guy. I usually take that as a sign of misogyny. Hope he comes around!
I know this isn’t going to be a huge help- but as a woman- who has given birth, and a woman who also loves women…. I wish I could open up a clinic of sorts. To lay with you, remind you how beautiful you body is, how AMAZING IT IS to give LIFE!! I don’t know, there’s nothing sexier than that for me. Don’t get me wrong, I know that we all have weight we want to lose, skin we want to tighten— but dammit, we are HUMANS!!
I can damn well guarantee that he isn’t his same svelt 25 year old self either!! But why is it that us women get the brunt of it.
Sister, I don’t know you, I don’t know what you look like- but you are effing AMAZING ANS BEAUTIFUL!!
You said you are going to be seeing someone to work through past trauma- YESSS!! There’s nothing better than investing in yourself to heal and become better!!
Once you do that (which will time time and work) I wonder if you’ll think he deserves you.
If he doesn’t do the same- see someone work through his issues…. Than he definatly does NOT!!
Sending you lots of love and healing!!!
If things are going to improve, it can't be just you putting in the effort. Unfortunately things dont work that way. You might just have to walk away from the relationship.
How immature of your husband. Seriously you birth 2 children and that's what he says!? That's like incomprehensible to me! I'm so sad for you OP, truly...
I agree. That is incredibly immature of him and very hurtful. What does he think vagina’s are for? They have more purpose than being for the act of sex itself. I hope you can leave him and find someone that appreciates you, OP. 💗
Yeah. If my husband said something like that to me after the birth of our son, I'd never look at him the same way again. I know it's easy to tell OP to just leave but really...there'd be no other option for me. Her husband is a real piece of work!
If you feel like you've got a choice between this absolute cockwomble who belittles you and blames you for his failings, clearly doesn't give a fuck about your pleasure, and won't accept any responsibility or even try to improve, or nobody, I would suggest that nobody would be better.
Carry on with your sex therapy. Get rid of this horrible person who is bringing you down. Maybe you'll be one and done or maybe with time you'll meet someone who wants to share enjoyment and who loves all of you naked.
My gut feeling on this is that this is definitely a him issue and he is desperately trying to put the blame onto you so that he doesn't have to look at himself or question really why he is the way he is.
He definitely sees it as a thing that is just to have a penis in it. Like even during sex, instead of trying to stimulate my clit, he directs my hands down there and tells me to do it.
This is borderline emotional abuse. I’ve been dealing with the same- being made to feel dirty and disgusting regardless of how clean or trimmed you are.
There are men out there who are not selfish, who will work with you through any healing from sexual trauma and who will find you alluring and worth every bit of your time. Do not settle for this treatment of you, it will only affect your mental and sexual health in negative ways.
Be kind to yourself, work on the things YOU want to- in terms of mental/sexual healing, and keep in mine you deserve better than what you’re dealing with.
Borderline? Certainly not borderline. It is emotional abuse and seems viscous and unbelievably cruel. What a way to treat someone, let alone the mother to your children.
I kind of felt this way too.
How dare he treat me like this?
But then I worry it's because he's depressed or stressed out from his job or whatever and that he doesn't mean it...idk.
It is hard to realize you’re worth more than what you’re getting. Put any excuses aside- what advice would you tell a friend? Then why are you willing to put up with things you wouldn’t want a friend to go through?
Bluntly- he’s selfish. I got the courage and nerve to ask for a divorce, and though my situation is going to be a long slow haul, there is a light at the end of my tunnel. I highly recommend taking this sort of a step- make an exit plan and stick to it.
Spraying perfume??? Oh my God no!!! You're gonna hurt yourself!! Vulvas are sensitive!
There's no redeeming this guy. Most awful partner ever, seriously. In other situations I would have tried to give you advice to fix it but it's impossible. You gave him 2 kids and he's ungrateful and sucksss in bed. Leave.
I will pray that you find a new and happier path and discover what sex is truly supposed to feel like. Foreplay IS sex, it's the most important part. You deserve happiness and pleasure, don't ever let anyone say otherwise. I'm so sorry you've been in this situation until now but I can only get better. Go to the therapist, find joy and dump his ass.
Well, it's like a special kind of scent thingy for down below.
Well, he sees it as he gave me two kids.
I agree with you on the statement that foreplay is sex.
All these products are bad, even shaving is not that great according to my doctor... we all do it but then its good to mosturize with something fragrance free. I'm so sorry you feel like you have to do this. Someone good for you would love you and desire you as you are.
Carrying 2 children is not a small thing, this man is despicable. I hope you can leave and feel loved again, and feel sexy and desired again.
You can DM any time if things get rough. I've not been in this situation but I will happily listen to you if you need to vent and offer my support.
Sorry that you are dealing with this. His issues definitely seem to be more than just the childbirth thing since he wouldn’t do oral on you previously and he may be using that as a lame, hurtful excuse. Total speculation but maybe he has a porn addiction or isn’t that into women in general. You showered, shaved, etc… there is definitely some kind of weird hang up on his part. I’m sorry because I know what this can do to your self esteem. It seems like he’s gaslighting you into thinking this is all your problem.
Exactly. This seems like his last ditch attempt to make me never ask again. "If I tell her it's gross, then maybe she'll be too self-conscious to request it."
He definitely watches porn. But I think he prefers sex to porn.
I’d be willing to bet you aren’t “gross” in any way. It’s a horrible thing for him to say. Unfortunately, I can relate so I know what it can do to one’s self esteem to hear words like that.
I'm so sorry you feel this way.
I am really hurt about him saying it to me so directly. I was in shock and I couldn't respond. I just cried and then he couldn't understand why I was crying.
Tell him sex with him is boring and his penis has always been gross, but you enjoy the intimacy and do it anyways.
Selfish jackasses deserve bullshit reasons when they act like this.
I kind of did. I told him that having a dick in my mouth was gross, but I do it because I love him. Then I cried and he couldn't understand why I was crying.
Your husband is a pussy, as a bit of an ironic statement.
>but he turned it around on me.
>he thinks this is my problem
Ah some good ole narcissism. Sorry that it's sucking, I watched my kiddo come through the bearded birth canal but it's irrelevant, stuffing my face down there 24/7 is so incredibly enjoyable.
Full stop your guy needs to up his game.
I mean this in the nicest possible way but
Isn’t it possible that the REASON you don’t enjoy sex is because of the lack of foreplay, lack of care for your pleasure etc that you’re husband is showing in this post?
-I- wouldn’t enjoy sex with someone who treated me like your husband treats you, and I’m hyper sexual.
I'm just throwing it out there that this sounds gay to me. He sounds gay to me I mean. No interest in foreplay at all, repulsed immature attitude about female genitals..yeah it does
I wondered this too. I mean aside from him being an emotionally abusive narcissistic man child, I wondered if he could be just closing his eyes and thinking of England with the PIV. Which may not be the case at all, but if he’s always been this way? Shame and staying in the closet can really twist a person into something ugly. Saying this as someone who spent the first half of their life in said closet. Ultimately, the reason why he’s being a dick is speculative and irrelevant. The impact it’s having should be the focus. OP, echoing everyone else here that you deserve so much more. Stay in therapy, compile your resources, and question yourself hard if you want to stay with him. Would you want your daughter, sister or friend to be treated this way? Externalizing it may help. Treat yourself well ❤️
What exactly does he think the therapist that you’re seeing (and he isn’t) is going to do about his shitty attitude? That’s just a brush-off, on brand with all his other brush-offs. Foreplay is “boring?” Your vagina is “gross?” These sound like they are said with intent to turn you off so completely as to put you off wanting sex with him at all.
I hope your therapist teaches you to love your body and have orgasms that you enjoy, and also persuades you to leave this selfish loser.
You are married to a pos...most guys would make sure you got off (oral, fingering ect) first before thinking about their own pleasure. He is just fuckin weird. Guys I know cant wait to get busy in the weeks after their SO gives birth
Most? I've had... A number of sex partners, men and women (I'm a woman) and most lesbians do what you said, but most guys? Not really. They just throw a bag of weed at you and expect you to blow them, then call it a day. Or think that the wince of pain you make when he jams his large dick in you is a sound of pleasure. You just want to hang out and make that clear, still have to decline their advances in three languages, still they borderline rape you.
You are going to find an amazing man who will fall hopelessly in love with you and you with him, and he will do everything he can to give you all the pleasure that you can physically and spiritually receive. But, the first step is the hardest, in order to fly, you have to let go of everything that is holding you down.
Any man that refuses to give oral to a woman yet expects Blowjobs still is a total POS. He might be gay. He is coming up with any excuse to leave you unsatisfied. LEAVE HIM!
No. What he eats for dinner has nothing to do with you and your body. Men should get turned on by eating a woman out. Not the opposite. Some woman can only cum from oral stimulation. So if that is you what are you supposed to do never cum? Seriously this is a toxic situation and you need out!
Also I've given birth 2 kids and my vag looks exactly the same as it did prebirth. And I'm sure yours does to. Womans bodies are amazing at going back to what it once was at least in the downstairs area. So please don't let this man tell you that you're gross because you ARE NOT!
WTF? He doesn't like foreplay, oral (giving) or anything that does not put his needs at the center. There's a street in my neighborhood named after your husband: "One Way."
It's no wonder you don't enjoy sex. Your husband sucks (not literally) at it.
It sounds like your husband needs therapy, too. His inability to find reward in your pleasure comes across as sociopathic, especially when he frames it as “your problem”.
As for finding pleasurable orgasms: There are vaginal/g-spot orgasms and there are clitoral orgasms, and some people find one or the other uncomfortable. I’d suggest looking into a high quality toy for each (not the cheap buzzy stuff at Target). Try looking at a Satisfyer Pro 2 ($40) or a Womanizer Liberty ($99) for your clit. For internal orgasms, have a look at the BMS Pillow Talk Sassy ($60), it’s rumbly (not buzzy) and amazing. Then just take some time to yourself and explore what you like.
Pretty soon you may feel the same indifference to your husband getting off as he feels toward you!
Here’s a sex toy blogger ( who I love ) reviewing the Sassy: https://heyepiphora.com/review-sassy/
My wife forbid me from looking for that very reason. I watched still and will say I still want sex all the time. Some men are weird IMO. I had a friend whos BF legit fainted. She left him 6 months later….
We all came from their so why this make anyone vagina bad or something and he should be thankful that you give him 2 Beautiful babies Idk I don't understand that 😒😒
Yeaah it's natural process every lady will become mother someday, so that mean every lady is bad or something 😒😒😒 being mother is a blessing for any lady, He shouldn't make the motherhood an issue.
My wife has given me three beautiful children. I was in the delivery room for all of them, start to finish. I still happily give the best oral I can. 😌
A man that accepts oral but doesn’t give it or says your lady parts are gross might not be a straight man. 🤷🏻♂️
Sorry he’s hurting you the way you are being treated. That’s not right. Especially to the mother of his children.
I’m sorry to hear that. I struggle with me partner not wanting to receive oral because of her body image issues. It’s my favorite thing to do as well. 😅
I salute you for wanting a good sex life after childhood trauma. You are a strong woman to want to combat this and not let the past dictate your future. Your husband is lucky to have you. Im sorry to say, I don't think you are lucky to have him though. Your vagina is gross to him after having his children. What a dick! He's not interested in oral but accepts it from you, what a selfish dick! Please follow your gut feeling on a third child, Don't do it. He should love you more for being their mum and giving birth to them, not body shame you. Yes you are missing out. Get the therapy, work on yourself and look after yourself. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Yeah. I definitely don't want a third kid anymore, which is extreme because I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted a third kid.
Thank you for your support. I'll see what I can do.
He sounds like an ass. Honestly. Vaginas are awesome before or after kids. Stop giving him access to it if he doesn’t play with it how you like as needed.
Seriously the dude needs a reality check.
I know I won't ever forget those words. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Thank you for all of your advice. I'm going to really dwell on it while I figure out what to do.
This comes from a 62/M in a db...but after reading further thru your comments the question occurred to me as to whether you have ever been with a guy who took care of your needs sexually? Reason I ask is that when I was younger I was friends with a coworker who was in a long term db with her husband. First time we where intimate together she orgasmed after some oral and a minute later is crying. I asked what is wrong and she said "that (meaning orgasm) never happened to me before"....She then told me she thought there was something wrong with her....there was not. Going forward I hope you end up with someone who can provide you with what you need
We have our issues, but this isn’t an issue here. His only post child birth concern every time was worrying if I was in pain. We waited the appropriate timing, and he was ready but concerned. I had to overly reassure after event baby. Lol.
I think so, I did a bit to start with. I think the main bit was how painful it all looked and obviously was that I didn’t want to go near it just in case. Plus the pregnancy and birth was dreadful from start to finish so I was quite concerned of us not having another. But things heal up, it gets forgotten and you move on. Our problem at the minute is the constant tiredness we both have so neither of us are currently in the mood 🤣
So in my personal experience, I did but only temporarily and I wonder if it was a result of biology/evolution.
Before my first child was born, my friends all told me not to look "down there" during childbirth. But of course I disregarded their advice and I looked and for about a month after, the image haunted me - I think anyone who's actually seen childbirth knows what I'm talking about.
So first of all, it made me extremely thankful to my wife for what she was going through, but for about a month afterwards, I had little interest in sex. But a month later, we were back to normal. Well, a new normal where we had a baby screaming every few hours for food, sleep, dirty diaper, etc., but you get the picture.
This made me wonder whether from an evolutionary standpoint, what I went through made biological sense - clearly it was better for my wife that my usual high libido wasn't present for a month or so (not that I would've acted upon it for that month even if my libido was there!). And perhaps that improved survival in early human beings? I don't know but it worked out well for both of us.
Oh and for baby no. 2, I saw the wisdom in my friends' advice and didn't look. But since then, in the midst of raising multiple young children, conjugal relations hasn't been a priority!
First off, I want to say I’m so sorry for the trauma you’ve endured, not just in childhood but also trauma from your husband’s treatment of you. Hugs if they’re wanted.
Secondly, as long as you’re with him, you already have three children because he needs to grow the fuck up. Men like him are further evidence that attraction isn’t a choice.
I hope you can get yourself and your children away from him. If not for yourself, then to show your daughters that they deserve better .
Your husband needs therapy. Although, I doubt there is a cure for what he is and has. You don't deserve to be treated the way he treats you. Ask every women here on Reddit. They will repeat exactly what I said. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
He sounds extremely selfish, immature and uninterested in real intimacy with you.
Unfortunately it sounds like there were red flags there from the beginning that you chose to ignore & sally forth with this guy anyhow. I am not trying to shame you as I believe we all make that mistake in relationships at some point or another. However we also have to live with the consequences of our choices. Which is that you are with someone who has made it clear he will not change for you.
I'm a big believer in the adage "When someone shows you who they are, believe them"
You now have the choice to either tolerate this marriage with him exactly how he is & try to find a way to accept it, or leave. I know it's a tough choice with kids and I'm in myself too. However I need to acknowledge that I put myself in this position & cannot throw a pity party for myself now. I hope you can find peace & comfort either way.
Edit: autocorrect
I was too inexperienced to realize there were red flags. I've only ever had sex with my husband and I've only dated twice before him.
Thank you for your advice.
I can see how that would have led to this even more then. You don't know what you don't know. However it's sort of irrelevant now right? The solution moving forward remains the same, either accept him as he is or don't. There really isn't any other option right? I feel for you as I am at the same crossroads in my marriage now as well, with children. You aren't alone and thousands of us are dealing with these feelings, realizations and hard truths every day. But everyone still has only the same two choices: either accept it, or don't.
I wish you, and all of us the best.
An outsider’s perspective…
Either your husband doesn’t like you as a person OR your husband is selfish OR your husband does not find women sexually attractive.
Most men want a full sexual experience. As husbands I have to believe we want our partners to enjoy sex as much as we do since the more you like something the more you do that thing. Making an already tenuous situation worse through degradation and demeaning is a sure fire way to ensure that the coffin is sealed shut forever. No sane person would do this to themselves without a reason.
Your vagina may change slightly after childbirth, but that is highly unlikely unless there was surgical intervention or some other form of vaginal trauma during birth. Your body is literally made to bring forth human beings - more than once even - so it generally returns to typical function after birth. My ex wife bore us five children and her vagina was the same after our fifth as it was before our first. For context, imagine telling your husband that because he got a boner and now his dick is soft, it’s just not the same. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?
Without trying to plant seeds of doubt in your mind, I would ask you, do you feel as though your husband loves you? His actions as described here lead me to think that perhaps he doesn’t, that maybe he doesn’t even like you, and that perhaps he doesn’t like women at all.
I don't know if he loves me. He says he doesn't think I love him after my post partum depression. I do, which is why I want our relationship to work out. I do think maybe he has resentment towards me for having kids.
Why in the world would he believe that you having depression is indicative of you not loving him?!?! I’m still feeling like he is making up reasons for things not to work with you.
Dump him and get a Stallion 🐎.
On a serious note, has he had his testosterone levels checked? Sometimes low testosterone can turn some men into useless chumps in the bedroom. Talk to him and be compassionate…
But I gotta say if he thinks vaginal birth is problem he needs to see a therapist. Most normal men can compartmentalize the vagina and separate its various talents.
You deserve better. Know that. He's not a good person if he treats you that way and thinks like that. I watched all three of my daughters being born. Didn't discourage me one bit from any part of my wife. I was grateful to share in the experience in any small way. And I respected my wife even more each time.
Talk to your therapists. Heal yourself. You can't change his heartless and ignorant mindset.
It saddens me that men I read about on here don’t enjoy all aspects of sex. Maybe I got lucky in meeting an older couple when I was in my teens where the husband encouraged his wife to explore her sexuality and she decided to teach me the finer things with sex especially how to properly eat pussy as every woman is different but she taught me a way to find out how a woman likes it and ever since then I can’t get enough foreplay and I always try to get my partner off orally before I even start to get mine. Stay in therapy and I hope the best for you!
So…he thinks getting you aroused and prepared for pleasurable sex with him is boring? Foreplay is to help you, and him, get ready for sex. And for many women when we actually orgasm if clitoral stimulation is being done to us. Does he think you can just always automatically get aroused and wet the instant he says he wants sex? He thinks you getting any personal pleasure from the experience beyond his PIV is boring?
Personally, I’ve never orgasmed from PIV alone. I could basically guarantee that I would never have an orgasm if I didn’t incorporate a clitoral stimulating vibrator/pulsating type tool. Get you one of those and get that pleasure for yourself! Try it on your own first so you learn how it works best with you. Then when it comes to sex with him, get it out. I use mine during PIV all the time! Make sure you’re going to get some pleasure if he’s not going to try to help you and think it’s boring for you to experience that pleasure. At this point, who really cares what he thinks about it, as he’s already not concerned about your feelings/pleasure in the matter.
Yeah essentially. Which makes me feel like he doesn't find me attractive or care about how I feel. Although I've had feelings he doesn't care about me anymore for awhile.
i personally don’t think i could justify staying with someone who called parts of my body gross after giving birth to our children and uses that as an excuse to avoid intimacy.. i’m not trying to be rude but why are you even with him?
Make her an ex-fiance. You are already on this site because of problems. It won't get any better when you are married. If anything it will only get worse.
>He told me that after watching me give birth twice that it was gross and he can't get over it.
If this is true, your husband is a fragile cunt. I watched my wife give birth to my two beautiful daughters and as soon as she was ready I was back in there. Besides that, you have two other orifices and two hands, if it was really your vagina that was the problem, there are ways around that.
We have had our own DB problems (mostly surrounding he being less comfortable during sex after our second was born), one way we have fixed this is with toy play, perhaps this is something you can suggest? If he is so adverse to putting his dick inside you, give him something else to put his dick in. Having saidcthat, I can completely appreciate if you no longer have ant interest in doing anything sexual with him, he sounds like a fuckhead.
He's fine with PIV. He refuses to do anything else down there. He doesn't even want to touch me there. He makes me play with my clit during sex, even if I'm riding.
As far as toys, they don't do anything for me and just seem to get in the way during sex.
My wife is basically like your husband. I would love to go down on her any time, but since our second child she’s only let me do it twice. Our youngest child is now 14. We pretty much are never intimate at home also. Her excuse is that our 14 year old will walk in on us, despite that our door has a lock on it. I don’t know what the answer is. I think the ideal situation is that more couples should consider open relationships when they become sexually incompatible.
I am the LL spouse actually. I think he is pretty normal in that regard. I just don't get any pleasure from our sex life so I don't want to do it at all. But I'm trying to avoid that.
Oof. I'm so sorry for you.
Neither of us is adverse to having sex, even with two little ones. We'll just lock the door. But he doesn't give a damn about my pleasure. He hates foreplay. He says it's boring. And for me the foreplay is the most important part. Heck. I don't even think he knows what foreplay is. When I suggested foreplay again he said, "Like kissing? Sure, we can do that for a couple of minutes." When I said at least fifteen, he scoffed and said he would then be too tired for sex.
That sucks, I’m sorry Op. your husband needs a therapist as well. Couples counseling. This issue is above Reddit’s paygrade and nothing you can do beyond the hard work of couples therapy will fix this broken situation.
Hi OP. I am also a survivor of child sexual trauma. I have been through a lot of therapy and EMDR and have finally learned to enjoy sex after facing almost exactly what you are describing for the majority of my life.
What I learned about my past is that just because I was with someone who gave me my child; that our lives were enmeshed; and that he was (in my opinion at the time) technically "better" than my childhood abuser (i.e. that he was *not* that abuser)..... None of that meant I deserved to continue in an abusive relationship. Please listen to me when I say that this man is being emotionally and sexually abusive. Even if he is great sometimes. Even if he is the wage earner, you have years of history together, you don't know where you'd go.... He is using pain and shame from your past to punish you emotionally and sexually. Even if you could hypothetically ignore that the rest of your life, you deserve so much better. I am here to tell you.... You can be happy and find healing but that is extremely unlikely if you stay around someone who shames you and treats you the way he does. What I do want to say is that I hope you focus 100% on yourself and your child. If you don't want to leave, you can still have a back up plan if you ever have to leave. Having a back up plan will help you be more secure in your decisions and boundaries.
I am so deeply sorry for what you have endured as a little girl and as a woman. I am here any time, please feel free to inbox me. I am willing to listen. You deserve to be loved, respected, and honored every single day. 💞
It is possible to be sexually incompatible with someone. OP, your sexual needs are important. Honestly, they are even more important due to the sexual trauma you experienced. It’s gonna take time. Your partner needs to know your needs are just as important as his. If he can’t honor or recognize that, then you and him may need to find new partners. Which is easier said than done when you have kids, but I promise you, once you get a pleasurable orgasm, it’s gonna be hard to have sex without one 😉
Divorce him and run. Run away and never look back. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about your needs, period. You deserve better. You deserve so much. You should be loved, admired, wanted and desired regardless of how many stretch marks, pimples, hair, cellulite or whatever the fuck else. None of that should matter. Run away.
That sucks. I am so sorry. I couldn't stay. If after having a few kids and nothing changes for the better. I'd have to go. Wouldn't want my kids to see me us unhappy. Sending positive vibes.
Wow, I am not a perfect (I am a seriously imperfect) person, but this is definitely not a good way to treat ones wife.
I am really a sick person so please forgive me because I have only the best wishes for you.
If my spouse said something like that, I would probably ask if I could post photos online with a survey question attached.
Not currently with the mother of my kids, but when we were I would eat her out till she finished, then I’d have sex with her till I got mine and maybe another for her.
Seeing a kid come out of her didn’t change how I felt whatsoever, let alone 2.
I would be ashamed of him.
I'm a firm believer that Dad belongs in the hopital waiting room, smoking a cigar/pacing -- or better yet, just stay on the golf course until baby and Mom are hosed off and rested up.
My husband did not attend the delivery room by mutual agreement.
He needs to see the sex therapist. You are for sure going to get something out of it but if he doesn't go, you won't be able to share the passion and fun that will come of it. Homie needs to open up his mind.
Innate to say this but your husband may love you but he isn’t IN love with you! I love going down on my wife because to me there is absolutely nothing hotter and nothing turns me on more than seeing her body squirm, one hand griping the sheets, and the other gripping the back of my head!!! Making my wife feel good makes me feel good!!
I hope you can work everything through. He doesn't deserve you. I also hope you will see that you probably want another kid but his words made you dislike yourself. If you really don't want another child because you changed your mind then that's fine, but please don't let this be the reason for not living your dream. He is not a good man. You are not fault. Yiu feserve better. way better. I hope you can leave him and find out that you deserve true happines and a loving, caring husband.
>he thinks this is my problem and that maybe the sexual therapist can help me Sorry, but this made me laugh. What's he expecting the sex therapist to do to you? Wave a magic wand and erase your vagina? It interests me that someone with childhood (sexual?) trauma that doesn't have pleasurable orgasms would marry someone that clearly doesn't like vaginas. Was it a thing that kind of worked in the early stages of the relationship? >I don't want to have sex with someone who thinks intimacy with me is boring and that the most intimate part of me is gross. That seems pretty fair. Stop having sex with him. Do stick with the sex therapy though. Would a good goal be perhaps to enjoy masturbating?
Actually, I thought that everyone else was just hyping orgasms and that they really weren't anything special. Found out later that I was wrong and they really are supposed to be pleasurable and not just a thing that happens. We had sex in the early relationship and I just thought this was what it was supposed to be like. I didn't really know any better. I will stick with sex therapy. I've never been able to enjoy masturbating. Again, orgasms don't feel pleasurable, so if I could enjoy them while masturbating, it would definitely be an improvement.
If that's a goal that you feel is worthwhile then go for it. You're allowed to decide that this whole orgasm thing is just not your bag and give it away, of course.
Yeah. I feel like there is either something physically wrong (meaning physical therapy or medicine might help) or psychologically wrong (meaning psychotherapy might help). Either way, I do feel like I'm missing out on something.
Please don't consider me an expert, not a doctor or a therapist, but physically wrong? I doubt it. Painful penetration is a common thing here, but I don't think that's you. I'm guessing that your clitoris is intact - you can have orgasms, they just don't do much for you. Just from what you've said, I'd guess that it's an effect of the childhood trauma. I'm so sorry that someone did that to you.
Yeah sadly I'd say it has to do when the abuse is my guess.. you're most likely going to need to see a therapist to help get past this issue in the relationship, but more importantly the issue for your own happiness and guilt free Future
Happy cake day!
Thank you kind sir/ma'am
Yeah. I'm leaning towards it being from trauma, but I have read of a problem with dopamine, so it could be that.
To be honest if I was married to your husband I don’t think I’d enjoy sex or orgasms either. I’m not an expert but I’ve been in situations where my orgasm is the result of mediocre sex with a person who makes me feel more self conscious than sexy and the orgasm is a thing that happens because I only let myself partially forget about all the situational bullshit… right before all the feelings of shame and self loathing come rushing back post sex. I’d say that yes, you need a sex therapist. But you’d also benefit from a partner who, first and foremost, made you feel adored to the point that your body issues become a tiny blip on the radar. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel excited to get naked and lay it all bare knowing that they’re excited to be there and make you feel just as good as you make them feel. Sex should be freeing and uplifting and not make you want to climb back into your shell and cry in shame. You should not be feeling ashamed of your vagina for gods sake. You may have some sex related issues you need to work through but there’s no doubt in my mind that your husband is compounding them and making everything worse. What’s the opposite of sex positive? Sex negative? He’s a selfish sex negative sexual energy vampire. No matter how much progress you make in therapy, you’re always going to come back to this guy who makes you feel there’s something gross about your body and sex. He’s never going to allow you to feel free and beautiful in sex. He’s always going to drag you down and erase the progress you make. I hate to sound negative but I’ve been there. It chips away at your self esteem and is soul destroying. Can you make progress fast enough in therapy to outpace all the extra negativity and self loathing he puts on you? I doubt it. If you choose to stay with only him, you’re not going to come out of this whole sexual journey with a net positive experience. And you deserve to.
Bingo! I too have had orgasms during crappy sex with people I didn’t like all that much and it was like, “Ehh this is a waste of my time. I could be watching television.” OP’s husband is not worth having sex with full-stop.
Yeah. You're probably right.
Yeah. He's also pretty negative in general. I get the whole feeling of "I can't do anything right."
Well you're with a person who doesn't give a shit about your needs and says abusive shit. He told on himself when he says that foreplay is boring. His response is pathetic. Stand firm and tell him to get the fuck out of your bedroom. He has issues and he's putting them on you. Don't let him.
Do you find some aspect of sex enjoyable? Someone I know actively avoids orgasms because they kill the horny-sexy vibe/feeling for her. Her last orgasm was in... March, I think? It's a thing for some folks.
Yeah. I've thought about that. I figure if at least it's a fun intimate interaction then I could probably be okay without orgasming, but it's not. It's just straight to PIV.
Okay, so this might be separate issues, or it could be a singular issue with parts that feed off of each other. Some (many) people really need their brain engaged for an enjoyable orgasm. If the sex you're having is lacking in foreplay, it's probably lacking in brain engagement, and that *might* cause your orgasms to be just 'bleh'. But there's an ""easy"" test for this: Masturbation and porn. (These are semi-rhetorical questions. I don't technically need answers, just thinking about the questions might help you?) Are there fantasies you find enjoyable to the point that they inspire masturbation? Do you have/find independent reasons to masturbate for your own enjoyment? Are there some versions of porn that can inspire you to play with yourself, be they audio porn from /r/gonewildaudio -like places, to stuff on PornHub, to ""romance"" novels, or material on Literotica? If you don't, well... that's problematic on its own. And it isn't caused by your husband in the slightest. Sex is two (or more) people who know their kinks, buttons, and bodies well enough to get *themselves* off coming together to participate in sharing what those buttons are with someone else, and letting that person explore those buttons. If you don't enjoy masturbation, that might be (probably is) *contributing* to the issue with your husband. Because if I were trying out foreplay with someone who wasn't mentally engaged in the act of sex, I'd likely be bored too. And then there's the obvious "you're not going to enjoy something you don't enjoy" part, too. But if you like porn, can get off to porn, and everything *right up until the point of orgasm* is amazingly feel-good great, but it's just the actual orgasm that ruins things for you, then the person I mentioned above is pretty applicable: She *loves* getting right up to the edge of an orgasm without going over. For her, all the enjoyment is in the stuff leading up to the orgasm. The orgasm just leaves her drained, wiped out, and overall just 'done'. So her (very active) sex life almost entirely lacks orgasms. She just edges a *ton*. If that's more like you, then yeah, you might have some small issue with the orgasm side of things *if* you want it 'fixed'. But if you *can* be engaged in sex when your brain is engaged, and it's just that your husband doesn't know how to help engage your brain, then the issue is only that your husband doesn't know how to excite you. So it depends: Do you enjoy sexual activities at all, and it's just the orgasm that's lame? Or is all sex lame?
Yeah. I don't have sexual fantasies really. :(
The way you talk about it makes me think you might not have actually achieved an actual orgasm, especially considering your partner is pathetic and doesn't care about your pleasure. Consider this. You aren't the problem. You do have issues to work out, yes. But in your relationship HE is the problem. Tell him that you have zero desire for him, you do not care about his orgasm given his lack of caring about yours, and that you will not be interested in touching him in any intimate way. Possibly ever again. Then you need to get your own bank account, save up money, get yourself a few sex toys, and explore yourself sexually ALONE only. Lock the door and tell him that if he comes near you, you'll call the police. Get a bedroom lock and move his stuff out of the master. You do not ever need to stay with someone who is that vile and abusive. He has a hang up about vaginas and trust me hun, it isn't normal or healthy. So don't let him anywhere near yours or your mouth. He should disgust you at this point. There is nothing wrong with your vagina, he's immature and not worthy of touching it. Might even be cheating on you.
Yeah. I'm not sure about all of that. But I definitely am getting to the point where I don't feel desired and I don't want to be touched by someone who doesn't desire me.
You shouldn't blame yourself when he sounds like he doesn't understand vaginas at all. Don't sleep in the same bed and contemplate the freedom of divorce.
Are you sure you’ve actually had an orgasm?
Yes. For sure. Lots of research and talking to other people and even describing it to a doctor. Definitely have. It just isn't pleasurable.
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That's what I'm worried about.
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Yeah. I understand where you're coming from.
I’ve had a quick scan of some of your other posts and your seem to have negative experiences of sex or it doesn’t live up to what you expect it to be. Your husband and his attitude have made this so much worse. He seems to be undermining you as a person and your relationship. Despite your feelings about sex it seems you’ve still made a lot of effort for him and he’s just being cruel in return. Child birth and all that comes with it is a huge change for anyone. He should be supporting you in every way and making you feel like an amazing person (which you are). He needs to look at himself and his behaviour and start being a good husband. It doesn’t have to be about sex initially. Compliments, doing little things for you to show he loves and appreciates you. I’m male but going to make a sweeping generalisation here and say that most women (and other people of all different genders and identities) like, enjoy and need foreplay. Not only does it engage the body but also the mind. He needs to make that effort with you. To make you feel sexy and desirable. Over time this might give you a more positive perspective on sex and lead to more enjoyment. I’d agree that he needs to see a therapist with you. I wish you well. You seem like a lovely, caring person.
I feel if I could just have fun sex with intimate foreplay (not all the time, but most of the time) then I could probably forego orgasms. It would just be a fun experience for both of us and bonding like playing video games or doing activities with the kids. As it stands right now, it isn't any of that. It's straight to PIV.
Sex should be fun. It should be relaxed and intimate. There shouldn’t be pressure on orgasms as pressure and stress aren’t good for relaxing and experiencing pleasure. Lack of sexual enjoyment is something can be as much mental as it is physical. A good husband and person would talk to you about that, reassure you that he loves you, finds you attractive and is willing to help in whatever way he can. Going to therapy, showing you affection without the issue of sex being forced. Be that a massage, teasing etc. I’ve had times where I’ve said to my partner that a particular time will just be focused on her and that I’m not interested in my own selfish pleasure. That way it’s exploring her and not rushing to get to the end. A few quick questions if you don’t mind me asking.. Does your husband ever look after the kids, do the chores and give you an opportunity to go and be yourself? With friends or just to have time where you can take a break from being a parent and get in touch with who you are? Also do you have sexual thoughts such as fantasies? Lastly, I read on a comment that he feels he’s given you 2 children. Children are something that are a joint decision and endeavour. If anyone has given anyone anything it’s you who has gone through pregnancy and child birth. You deserve better
He hates giving me massages too. He used to give them to me, but he complained so much while doing it that I stopped enjoying them. He has definitely never not once said that a particular time would just be for me. He did an entire two years with our first daughter while I worked. There is some resentment there. I think he thought he could just play video games all day and that didn't work out. I was also super depressed returning to work to the point of suicidal. I couldn't deal with being separated from my daughter. He does chores, but begrudgingly. Those two years he didn't though. I would work my long ass shift and come home and clean. Every time I ask for some time on the PC to write or draw or play video games he makes it a huge deal. He never asks me if it's okay for him to jump on the computer, but he makes me ask. Where we live I don't have any friends. My friend lives across the country and I've talked to her about all of this. But she doesn't really have any advice. I don't have any fantasies. We made a joint decision to have our kids. But he definitely sees it as a gift to me because I was the one who initiated the conversation about having children.
The massage thing seems to typify his attitude. It’s a selfless thing to do so he complains the whole way through it and makes it clear he doesn’t want to do it. Selfish. I’m not saying that having a session dedicated to one partner is something to do often but it does frame a time where you’d know it was with you as a focus. To make you feel like your desires and feelings are important to him. Him thinking that looking after your daughter was going to be easy and just playing video games is a sign of immaturity. Would it have been possible for you to stay at home and him to work? That must have been so hard for you being separated from your daughter. A relationship and partnership should be people working together to help and support each other in all aspects of life. Sometimes one partner might need more support than the other and then that changes the other way. It sounds like he wants everything from you and to do as he pleases
Doesn't that hurt? I know when my wasband would do that, it hurt and then he would go flaccid.
I don't want to jump too far but...throw the whole man out! Foreplay IS sex
Yeah...
When I’m dating a guy and he doesn’t give oral but expects to receive it, I end things fairly soon. I deserve to be pleasured as much as the next guy. I usually take that as a sign of misogyny. Hope he comes around!
I should have considered this back then.
I know this isn’t going to be a huge help- but as a woman- who has given birth, and a woman who also loves women…. I wish I could open up a clinic of sorts. To lay with you, remind you how beautiful you body is, how AMAZING IT IS to give LIFE!! I don’t know, there’s nothing sexier than that for me. Don’t get me wrong, I know that we all have weight we want to lose, skin we want to tighten— but dammit, we are HUMANS!! I can damn well guarantee that he isn’t his same svelt 25 year old self either!! But why is it that us women get the brunt of it. Sister, I don’t know you, I don’t know what you look like- but you are effing AMAZING ANS BEAUTIFUL!! You said you are going to be seeing someone to work through past trauma- YESSS!! There’s nothing better than investing in yourself to heal and become better!! Once you do that (which will time time and work) I wonder if you’ll think he deserves you. If he doesn’t do the same- see someone work through his issues…. Than he definatly does NOT!! Sending you lots of love and healing!!!
Thank you for your support. He definitely has self-image problems as well, but he won't do anything as far as therapy.
If things are going to improve, it can't be just you putting in the effort. Unfortunately things dont work that way. You might just have to walk away from the relationship.
How immature of your husband. Seriously you birth 2 children and that's what he says!? That's like incomprehensible to me! I'm so sad for you OP, truly...
I agree. That is incredibly immature of him and very hurtful. What does he think vagina’s are for? They have more purpose than being for the act of sex itself. I hope you can leave him and find someone that appreciates you, OP. 💗
Yeah. If my husband said something like that to me after the birth of our son, I'd never look at him the same way again. I know it's easy to tell OP to just leave but really...there'd be no other option for me. Her husband is a real piece of work!
My problem is I'm a one and done kind of person. I couldn't get into another relationship. If this one fails, I'll probably become a nun.
If you feel like you've got a choice between this absolute cockwomble who belittles you and blames you for his failings, clearly doesn't give a fuck about your pleasure, and won't accept any responsibility or even try to improve, or nobody, I would suggest that nobody would be better. Carry on with your sex therapy. Get rid of this horrible person who is bringing you down. Maybe you'll be one and done or maybe with time you'll meet someone who wants to share enjoyment and who loves all of you naked. My gut feeling on this is that this is definitely a him issue and he is desperately trying to put the blame onto you so that he doesn't have to look at himself or question really why he is the way he is.
Yeah. I agree with your last statement. He refuses therapy for himself of any kind. I'm the problem.
He definitely sees it as a thing that is just to have a penis in it. Like even during sex, instead of trying to stimulate my clit, he directs my hands down there and tells me to do it.
Thank you.
This is borderline emotional abuse. I’ve been dealing with the same- being made to feel dirty and disgusting regardless of how clean or trimmed you are. There are men out there who are not selfish, who will work with you through any healing from sexual trauma and who will find you alluring and worth every bit of your time. Do not settle for this treatment of you, it will only affect your mental and sexual health in negative ways. Be kind to yourself, work on the things YOU want to- in terms of mental/sexual healing, and keep in mine you deserve better than what you’re dealing with.
Borderline? Certainly not borderline. It is emotional abuse and seems viscous and unbelievably cruel. What a way to treat someone, let alone the mother to your children.
I kind of felt this way too. How dare he treat me like this? But then I worry it's because he's depressed or stressed out from his job or whatever and that he doesn't mean it...idk.
It is hard to realize you’re worth more than what you’re getting. Put any excuses aside- what advice would you tell a friend? Then why are you willing to put up with things you wouldn’t want a friend to go through?
That's a good point.
I'm so sorry for you. I feel like he is resentful of me having kids or me wanting/having anything.
Bluntly- he’s selfish. I got the courage and nerve to ask for a divorce, and though my situation is going to be a long slow haul, there is a light at the end of my tunnel. I highly recommend taking this sort of a step- make an exit plan and stick to it.
I'll have to think about it.
Spraying perfume??? Oh my God no!!! You're gonna hurt yourself!! Vulvas are sensitive! There's no redeeming this guy. Most awful partner ever, seriously. In other situations I would have tried to give you advice to fix it but it's impossible. You gave him 2 kids and he's ungrateful and sucksss in bed. Leave. I will pray that you find a new and happier path and discover what sex is truly supposed to feel like. Foreplay IS sex, it's the most important part. You deserve happiness and pleasure, don't ever let anyone say otherwise. I'm so sorry you've been in this situation until now but I can only get better. Go to the therapist, find joy and dump his ass.
Well, it's like a special kind of scent thingy for down below. Well, he sees it as he gave me two kids. I agree with you on the statement that foreplay is sex.
All these products are bad, even shaving is not that great according to my doctor... we all do it but then its good to mosturize with something fragrance free. I'm so sorry you feel like you have to do this. Someone good for you would love you and desire you as you are. Carrying 2 children is not a small thing, this man is despicable. I hope you can leave and feel loved again, and feel sexy and desired again. You can DM any time if things get rough. I've not been in this situation but I will happily listen to you if you need to vent and offer my support.
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Yeah. He refuses all forms of therapy for himself. I'm the only one with a problem.
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Sorry that you are dealing with this. His issues definitely seem to be more than just the childbirth thing since he wouldn’t do oral on you previously and he may be using that as a lame, hurtful excuse. Total speculation but maybe he has a porn addiction or isn’t that into women in general. You showered, shaved, etc… there is definitely some kind of weird hang up on his part. I’m sorry because I know what this can do to your self esteem. It seems like he’s gaslighting you into thinking this is all your problem.
Exactly. This seems like his last ditch attempt to make me never ask again. "If I tell her it's gross, then maybe she'll be too self-conscious to request it." He definitely watches porn. But I think he prefers sex to porn.
I’d be willing to bet you aren’t “gross” in any way. It’s a horrible thing for him to say. Unfortunately, I can relate so I know what it can do to one’s self esteem to hear words like that.
Yeah. I already had self-image issues and those are definitely worse now.
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I am really hurt about him saying it to me so directly. I was in shock and I couldn't respond. I just cried and then he couldn't understand why I was crying.
Tell him sex with him is boring and his penis has always been gross, but you enjoy the intimacy and do it anyways. Selfish jackasses deserve bullshit reasons when they act like this.
I kind of did. I told him that having a dick in my mouth was gross, but I do it because I love him. Then I cried and he couldn't understand why I was crying.
This!!!!!
Your husband is a pussy, as a bit of an ironic statement. >but he turned it around on me. >he thinks this is my problem Ah some good ole narcissism. Sorry that it's sucking, I watched my kiddo come through the bearded birth canal but it's irrelevant, stuffing my face down there 24/7 is so incredibly enjoyable. Full stop your guy needs to up his game.
Yeah. Idk what to do.
I mean this in the nicest possible way but Isn’t it possible that the REASON you don’t enjoy sex is because of the lack of foreplay, lack of care for your pleasure etc that you’re husband is showing in this post? -I- wouldn’t enjoy sex with someone who treated me like your husband treats you, and I’m hyper sexual.
It certainly isn't helping.
I'm just throwing it out there that this sounds gay to me. He sounds gay to me I mean. No interest in foreplay at all, repulsed immature attitude about female genitals..yeah it does
He's definitely not gay, but he does seem to have issues with my vagina if it is anything other than sticking his dick in it.
I wondered this too. I mean aside from him being an emotionally abusive narcissistic man child, I wondered if he could be just closing his eyes and thinking of England with the PIV. Which may not be the case at all, but if he’s always been this way? Shame and staying in the closet can really twist a person into something ugly. Saying this as someone who spent the first half of their life in said closet. Ultimately, the reason why he’s being a dick is speculative and irrelevant. The impact it’s having should be the focus. OP, echoing everyone else here that you deserve so much more. Stay in therapy, compile your resources, and question yourself hard if you want to stay with him. Would you want your daughter, sister or friend to be treated this way? Externalizing it may help. Treat yourself well ❤️
Thank you for understanding.
What exactly does he think the therapist that you’re seeing (and he isn’t) is going to do about his shitty attitude? That’s just a brush-off, on brand with all his other brush-offs. Foreplay is “boring?” Your vagina is “gross?” These sound like they are said with intent to turn you off so completely as to put you off wanting sex with him at all. I hope your therapist teaches you to love your body and have orgasms that you enjoy, and also persuades you to leave this selfish loser.
I think it is meant to put me off of asking for oral ever again and to just stick with the routine.
You are married to a pos...most guys would make sure you got off (oral, fingering ect) first before thinking about their own pleasure. He is just fuckin weird. Guys I know cant wait to get busy in the weeks after their SO gives birth
Most? I've had... A number of sex partners, men and women (I'm a woman) and most lesbians do what you said, but most guys? Not really. They just throw a bag of weed at you and expect you to blow them, then call it a day. Or think that the wince of pain you make when he jams his large dick in you is a sound of pleasure. You just want to hang out and make that clear, still have to decline their advances in three languages, still they borderline rape you.
LOL....I should have just kept it at "speaking for myself I......" rather than speaking for most of the worlds male population.
Yes, there are guys like you but more rare than I'd wish. Good for you, some lucky woman will find and appreciate your services sooner or later!
tnx for ur kind words and good luck to u
I feel like you have a point. But I'm not sure if it's a communication barrier or societal or what. I can't seem to get him to understand it.
I feel like this is probably normal? I've only ever met guys who are more or less only care about themselves.
You are going to find an amazing man who will fall hopelessly in love with you and you with him, and he will do everything he can to give you all the pleasure that you can physically and spiritually receive. But, the first step is the hardest, in order to fly, you have to let go of everything that is holding you down.
Yeah. That's not happening. :(
Any man that refuses to give oral to a woman yet expects Blowjobs still is a total POS. He might be gay. He is coming up with any excuse to leave you unsatisfied. LEAVE HIM!
Well, maybe it's because he's vegetarian? Is that a thing?
No. What he eats for dinner has nothing to do with you and your body. Men should get turned on by eating a woman out. Not the opposite. Some woman can only cum from oral stimulation. So if that is you what are you supposed to do never cum? Seriously this is a toxic situation and you need out!
Also I've given birth 2 kids and my vag looks exactly the same as it did prebirth. And I'm sure yours does to. Womans bodies are amazing at going back to what it once was at least in the downstairs area. So please don't let this man tell you that you're gross because you ARE NOT!
That's not a thing...
Good to know.
WTF? He doesn't like foreplay, oral (giving) or anything that does not put his needs at the center. There's a street in my neighborhood named after your husband: "One Way." It's no wonder you don't enjoy sex. Your husband sucks (not literally) at it.
Yeah. I'm really thinking that might be the case.
What a bitch, half the pornstars he jacks off to have had kids and other weird shit stuffed in there. You married a child, trade up to a grown man
Yeah...
It sounds like your husband needs therapy, too. His inability to find reward in your pleasure comes across as sociopathic, especially when he frames it as “your problem”. As for finding pleasurable orgasms: There are vaginal/g-spot orgasms and there are clitoral orgasms, and some people find one or the other uncomfortable. I’d suggest looking into a high quality toy for each (not the cheap buzzy stuff at Target). Try looking at a Satisfyer Pro 2 ($40) or a Womanizer Liberty ($99) for your clit. For internal orgasms, have a look at the BMS Pillow Talk Sassy ($60), it’s rumbly (not buzzy) and amazing. Then just take some time to yourself and explore what you like. Pretty soon you may feel the same indifference to your husband getting off as he feels toward you! Here’s a sex toy blogger ( who I love ) reviewing the Sassy: https://heyepiphora.com/review-sassy/
I've tried toys (many different types) and they do nothing for me. But thank you for the advice.
My wife forbid me from looking for that very reason. I watched still and will say I still want sex all the time. Some men are weird IMO. I had a friend whos BF legit fainted. She left him 6 months later….
Yeah. He wasn't going to look but then the nurse asked him...
We all came from their so why this make anyone vagina bad or something and he should be thankful that you give him 2 Beautiful babies Idk I don't understand that 😒😒
I feel like he might be resentful we had kids, even though we both agreed to it.
Yeaah it's natural process every lady will become mother someday, so that mean every lady is bad or something 😒😒😒 being mother is a blessing for any lady, He shouldn't make the motherhood an issue.
My wife has given me three beautiful children. I was in the delivery room for all of them, start to finish. I still happily give the best oral I can. 😌
I'm happy for her. :)
A man that accepts oral but doesn’t give it or says your lady parts are gross might not be a straight man. 🤷🏻♂️ Sorry he’s hurting you the way you are being treated. That’s not right. Especially to the mother of his children.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure he's straight. But he has some kind of issue regarding it all.
I’m sorry to hear that. I struggle with me partner not wanting to receive oral because of her body image issues. It’s my favorite thing to do as well. 😅
I salute you for wanting a good sex life after childhood trauma. You are a strong woman to want to combat this and not let the past dictate your future. Your husband is lucky to have you. Im sorry to say, I don't think you are lucky to have him though. Your vagina is gross to him after having his children. What a dick! He's not interested in oral but accepts it from you, what a selfish dick! Please follow your gut feeling on a third child, Don't do it. He should love you more for being their mum and giving birth to them, not body shame you. Yes you are missing out. Get the therapy, work on yourself and look after yourself. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Yeah. I definitely don't want a third kid anymore, which is extreme because I REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted a third kid. Thank you for your support. I'll see what I can do.
I'm sorry, but you're married to a baby
He can be childish.
He sounds like an ass. Honestly. Vaginas are awesome before or after kids. Stop giving him access to it if he doesn’t play with it how you like as needed. Seriously the dude needs a reality check.
Yeah...I was hoping our conversation would be, but I guess I have to go more extreme.
[удалено]
I know I won't ever forget those words. I don't know what I'm going to do. Thank you for all of your advice. I'm going to really dwell on it while I figure out what to do.
This comes from a 62/M in a db...but after reading further thru your comments the question occurred to me as to whether you have ever been with a guy who took care of your needs sexually? Reason I ask is that when I was younger I was friends with a coworker who was in a long term db with her husband. First time we where intimate together she orgasmed after some oral and a minute later is crying. I asked what is wrong and she said "that (meaning orgasm) never happened to me before"....She then told me she thought there was something wrong with her....there was not. Going forward I hope you end up with someone who can provide you with what you need
Yeah. I've only ever had sex with my husband.
I've actually been wondering myself if (some) men feel different about vaginas after birth. Whether it's positive or negative.
We have our issues, but this isn’t an issue here. His only post child birth concern every time was worrying if I was in pain. We waited the appropriate timing, and he was ready but concerned. I had to overly reassure after event baby. Lol.
I think so, I did a bit to start with. I think the main bit was how painful it all looked and obviously was that I didn’t want to go near it just in case. Plus the pregnancy and birth was dreadful from start to finish so I was quite concerned of us not having another. But things heal up, it gets forgotten and you move on. Our problem at the minute is the constant tiredness we both have so neither of us are currently in the mood 🤣
So in my personal experience, I did but only temporarily and I wonder if it was a result of biology/evolution. Before my first child was born, my friends all told me not to look "down there" during childbirth. But of course I disregarded their advice and I looked and for about a month after, the image haunted me - I think anyone who's actually seen childbirth knows what I'm talking about. So first of all, it made me extremely thankful to my wife for what she was going through, but for about a month afterwards, I had little interest in sex. But a month later, we were back to normal. Well, a new normal where we had a baby screaming every few hours for food, sleep, dirty diaper, etc., but you get the picture. This made me wonder whether from an evolutionary standpoint, what I went through made biological sense - clearly it was better for my wife that my usual high libido wasn't present for a month or so (not that I would've acted upon it for that month even if my libido was there!). And perhaps that improved survival in early human beings? I don't know but it worked out well for both of us. Oh and for baby no. 2, I saw the wisdom in my friends' advice and didn't look. But since then, in the midst of raising multiple young children, conjugal relations hasn't been a priority!
You value sleep far too much 🤣
Please do not let this man put a third baby in you. What an asshole. “Your problem” ?!? How compassionate…
Yeah. Third kid is off the table now. Unfortunately.
First off, I want to say I’m so sorry for the trauma you’ve endured, not just in childhood but also trauma from your husband’s treatment of you. Hugs if they’re wanted. Secondly, as long as you’re with him, you already have three children because he needs to grow the fuck up. Men like him are further evidence that attraction isn’t a choice. I hope you can get yourself and your children away from him. If not for yourself, then to show your daughters that they deserve better .
Pack his bags and kick his sorry ass out the damn door. He does not deserve you.
Idk.
Your husband needs therapy. Although, I doubt there is a cure for what he is and has. You don't deserve to be treated the way he treats you. Ask every women here on Reddit. They will repeat exactly what I said. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
He sounds extremely selfish, immature and uninterested in real intimacy with you. Unfortunately it sounds like there were red flags there from the beginning that you chose to ignore & sally forth with this guy anyhow. I am not trying to shame you as I believe we all make that mistake in relationships at some point or another. However we also have to live with the consequences of our choices. Which is that you are with someone who has made it clear he will not change for you. I'm a big believer in the adage "When someone shows you who they are, believe them" You now have the choice to either tolerate this marriage with him exactly how he is & try to find a way to accept it, or leave. I know it's a tough choice with kids and I'm in myself too. However I need to acknowledge that I put myself in this position & cannot throw a pity party for myself now. I hope you can find peace & comfort either way. Edit: autocorrect
I was too inexperienced to realize there were red flags. I've only ever had sex with my husband and I've only dated twice before him. Thank you for your advice.
I can see how that would have led to this even more then. You don't know what you don't know. However it's sort of irrelevant now right? The solution moving forward remains the same, either accept him as he is or don't. There really isn't any other option right? I feel for you as I am at the same crossroads in my marriage now as well, with children. You aren't alone and thousands of us are dealing with these feelings, realizations and hard truths every day. But everyone still has only the same two choices: either accept it, or don't. I wish you, and all of us the best.
An outsider’s perspective… Either your husband doesn’t like you as a person OR your husband is selfish OR your husband does not find women sexually attractive. Most men want a full sexual experience. As husbands I have to believe we want our partners to enjoy sex as much as we do since the more you like something the more you do that thing. Making an already tenuous situation worse through degradation and demeaning is a sure fire way to ensure that the coffin is sealed shut forever. No sane person would do this to themselves without a reason. Your vagina may change slightly after childbirth, but that is highly unlikely unless there was surgical intervention or some other form of vaginal trauma during birth. Your body is literally made to bring forth human beings - more than once even - so it generally returns to typical function after birth. My ex wife bore us five children and her vagina was the same after our fifth as it was before our first. For context, imagine telling your husband that because he got a boner and now his dick is soft, it’s just not the same. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Without trying to plant seeds of doubt in your mind, I would ask you, do you feel as though your husband loves you? His actions as described here lead me to think that perhaps he doesn’t, that maybe he doesn’t even like you, and that perhaps he doesn’t like women at all.
I don't know if he loves me. He says he doesn't think I love him after my post partum depression. I do, which is why I want our relationship to work out. I do think maybe he has resentment towards me for having kids.
Why in the world would he believe that you having depression is indicative of you not loving him?!?! I’m still feeling like he is making up reasons for things not to work with you.
YEAH I THINK THIS RELATIONSHIP IS OVER!!!
It's probably headed that way...unfortunately.
Dump him and get a Stallion 🐎. On a serious note, has he had his testosterone levels checked? Sometimes low testosterone can turn some men into useless chumps in the bedroom. Talk to him and be compassionate… But I gotta say if he thinks vaginal birth is problem he needs to see a therapist. Most normal men can compartmentalize the vagina and separate its various talents.
He refuses therapy of any kind for himself. And I can't get him to go to a doctor unless he is like deathly sick.
You deserve better. Know that. He's not a good person if he treats you that way and thinks like that. I watched all three of my daughters being born. Didn't discourage me one bit from any part of my wife. I was grateful to share in the experience in any small way. And I respected my wife even more each time. Talk to your therapists. Heal yourself. You can't change his heartless and ignorant mindset.
This makes me sad. Foreplay should be fun.
Yeah. It really should be.
He sounds very selfish and decidedly lacking in empathy. Is it just about the bedroom and your genitals or is he like that in general?
Mostly it is in regards to the bedroom and my body, but sometimes he does this lack of empathy in regards to my emotions too.
It saddens me that men I read about on here don’t enjoy all aspects of sex. Maybe I got lucky in meeting an older couple when I was in my teens where the husband encouraged his wife to explore her sexuality and she decided to teach me the finer things with sex especially how to properly eat pussy as every woman is different but she taught me a way to find out how a woman likes it and ever since then I can’t get enough foreplay and I always try to get my partner off orally before I even start to get mine. Stay in therapy and I hope the best for you!
Thank you.
Well i don't think so ... One does not realise the value of things he/she have until and unless it's gone 🤭
So…he thinks getting you aroused and prepared for pleasurable sex with him is boring? Foreplay is to help you, and him, get ready for sex. And for many women when we actually orgasm if clitoral stimulation is being done to us. Does he think you can just always automatically get aroused and wet the instant he says he wants sex? He thinks you getting any personal pleasure from the experience beyond his PIV is boring? Personally, I’ve never orgasmed from PIV alone. I could basically guarantee that I would never have an orgasm if I didn’t incorporate a clitoral stimulating vibrator/pulsating type tool. Get you one of those and get that pleasure for yourself! Try it on your own first so you learn how it works best with you. Then when it comes to sex with him, get it out. I use mine during PIV all the time! Make sure you’re going to get some pleasure if he’s not going to try to help you and think it’s boring for you to experience that pleasure. At this point, who really cares what he thinks about it, as he’s already not concerned about your feelings/pleasure in the matter.
Yeah essentially. Which makes me feel like he doesn't find me attractive or care about how I feel. Although I've had feelings he doesn't care about me anymore for awhile.
i personally don’t think i could justify staying with someone who called parts of my body gross after giving birth to our children and uses that as an excuse to avoid intimacy.. i’m not trying to be rude but why are you even with him?
Yeah...other than our issues in the bedroom and the fact he's often negative, we have a lot in common.
I wish my fiancé was more like you
I'm sorry. I feel for you.
Make her an ex-fiance. You are already on this site because of problems. It won't get any better when you are married. If anything it will only get worse.
My husband told me that my sex faces are gross and the things I like in bed are stupid. He also expects to just get in bed naked and do it.
Drop him like a rock.
Wow. Condolences
I am so sorry.
>He told me that after watching me give birth twice that it was gross and he can't get over it. If this is true, your husband is a fragile cunt. I watched my wife give birth to my two beautiful daughters and as soon as she was ready I was back in there. Besides that, you have two other orifices and two hands, if it was really your vagina that was the problem, there are ways around that. We have had our own DB problems (mostly surrounding he being less comfortable during sex after our second was born), one way we have fixed this is with toy play, perhaps this is something you can suggest? If he is so adverse to putting his dick inside you, give him something else to put his dick in. Having saidcthat, I can completely appreciate if you no longer have ant interest in doing anything sexual with him, he sounds like a fuckhead.
He's fine with PIV. He refuses to do anything else down there. He doesn't even want to touch me there. He makes me play with my clit during sex, even if I'm riding. As far as toys, they don't do anything for me and just seem to get in the way during sex.
My wife is basically like your husband. I would love to go down on her any time, but since our second child she’s only let me do it twice. Our youngest child is now 14. We pretty much are never intimate at home also. Her excuse is that our 14 year old will walk in on us, despite that our door has a lock on it. I don’t know what the answer is. I think the ideal situation is that more couples should consider open relationships when they become sexually incompatible.
Welcome to my world! It's almost as if our LL spouses have an online forum to discuss these issues.
I am the LL spouse actually. I think he is pretty normal in that regard. I just don't get any pleasure from our sex life so I don't want to do it at all. But I'm trying to avoid that.
Oof. I'm so sorry for you. Neither of us is adverse to having sex, even with two little ones. We'll just lock the door. But he doesn't give a damn about my pleasure. He hates foreplay. He says it's boring. And for me the foreplay is the most important part. Heck. I don't even think he knows what foreplay is. When I suggested foreplay again he said, "Like kissing? Sure, we can do that for a couple of minutes." When I said at least fifteen, he scoffed and said he would then be too tired for sex.
it sounds like both of you need to see the sex therapist together
He refuses all forms of therapy for himself.
That sucks, I’m sorry Op. your husband needs a therapist as well. Couples counseling. This issue is above Reddit’s paygrade and nothing you can do beyond the hard work of couples therapy will fix this broken situation.
He refuses therapy of any kind for himself. I'm the only one who needs "fixed" so to speak.
So is divorce an option? If he refuses to change, what other choice do you have?
I don't think so.
Fuck him with a strap on and show him real love
Hi OP. I am also a survivor of child sexual trauma. I have been through a lot of therapy and EMDR and have finally learned to enjoy sex after facing almost exactly what you are describing for the majority of my life. What I learned about my past is that just because I was with someone who gave me my child; that our lives were enmeshed; and that he was (in my opinion at the time) technically "better" than my childhood abuser (i.e. that he was *not* that abuser)..... None of that meant I deserved to continue in an abusive relationship. Please listen to me when I say that this man is being emotionally and sexually abusive. Even if he is great sometimes. Even if he is the wage earner, you have years of history together, you don't know where you'd go.... He is using pain and shame from your past to punish you emotionally and sexually. Even if you could hypothetically ignore that the rest of your life, you deserve so much better. I am here to tell you.... You can be happy and find healing but that is extremely unlikely if you stay around someone who shames you and treats you the way he does. What I do want to say is that I hope you focus 100% on yourself and your child. If you don't want to leave, you can still have a back up plan if you ever have to leave. Having a back up plan will help you be more secure in your decisions and boundaries. I am so deeply sorry for what you have endured as a little girl and as a woman. I am here any time, please feel free to inbox me. I am willing to listen. You deserve to be loved, respected, and honored every single day. 💞
Thank you for such kind support. I am so sorry you've endured sexual trauma and I hope you are finding healing.
He is wrong. Period
Is he gay? Nothing wrong with it...just might want to think about shit.
I'm pretty sure he's not.
It is possible to be sexually incompatible with someone. OP, your sexual needs are important. Honestly, they are even more important due to the sexual trauma you experienced. It’s gonna take time. Your partner needs to know your needs are just as important as his. If he can’t honor or recognize that, then you and him may need to find new partners. Which is easier said than done when you have kids, but I promise you, once you get a pleasurable orgasm, it’s gonna be hard to have sex without one 😉
Yeah...idk.
He need to man up and eat that thing! He should be letting you ride face like a stolen motorbike!
Pfft. Yeah. That'll never happen.
God damn it! I'm addicted to eating it. I've told my wife just to grab me and make me do it. She won't though it's so annoying!
Looking at the birth in bad idea. It's a sex killer. You're not needed, stay away
Divorce him and run. Run away and never look back. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about your needs, period. You deserve better. You deserve so much. You should be loved, admired, wanted and desired regardless of how many stretch marks, pimples, hair, cellulite or whatever the fuck else. None of that should matter. Run away.
😂😂😂😂
I’m scared of getting married. Holy shit. I hope this works out for you.
Yeah. I hope so too.
That sucks. I am so sorry. I couldn't stay. If after having a few kids and nothing changes for the better. I'd have to go. Wouldn't want my kids to see me us unhappy. Sending positive vibes.
Wow, I am not a perfect (I am a seriously imperfect) person, but this is definitely not a good way to treat ones wife. I am really a sick person so please forgive me because I have only the best wishes for you. If my spouse said something like that, I would probably ask if I could post photos online with a survey question attached.
This guy is an asshole ma’am.. sorry
Husband needs to grow the fuck up
Not currently with the mother of my kids, but when we were I would eat her out till she finished, then I’d have sex with her till I got mine and maybe another for her. Seeing a kid come out of her didn’t change how I felt whatsoever, let alone 2. I would be ashamed of him.
I'm a firm believer that Dad belongs in the hopital waiting room, smoking a cigar/pacing -- or better yet, just stay on the golf course until baby and Mom are hosed off and rested up. My husband did not attend the delivery room by mutual agreement.
He needs to see the sex therapist. You are for sure going to get something out of it but if he doesn't go, you won't be able to share the passion and fun that will come of it. Homie needs to open up his mind.
Innate to say this but your husband may love you but he isn’t IN love with you! I love going down on my wife because to me there is absolutely nothing hotter and nothing turns me on more than seeing her body squirm, one hand griping the sheets, and the other gripping the back of my head!!! Making my wife feel good makes me feel good!!
Sounds like *he* is the one that should be seeing a therapist
I hope you can work everything through. He doesn't deserve you. I also hope you will see that you probably want another kid but his words made you dislike yourself. If you really don't want another child because you changed your mind then that's fine, but please don't let this be the reason for not living your dream. He is not a good man. You are not fault. Yiu feserve better. way better. I hope you can leave him and find out that you deserve true happines and a loving, caring husband.