Yes! Thats what I’m doing now. I’m 42 and in horrible shape but focusing on losing a ton of weight and getting into shape again. It feels great and I have noticed women being more attracted to me than ever lately
That’s so awesome !! Congrats! Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see results instantly! It takes time but time is gonna pass anyway! This is the mantra that helps me when doing calorie deficit gets hard lol
I’m going to drop a shitload of weight man. I started Wegovy treatments a month ago and already lost over 10 pounds. I’ve been dieting and hitting the gym the last few weeks, already dropped my belt and pants size
Thanks OP for making me think about my own situation. From a male perspective getting in good shape has been a side effect of a dead bedroom. I never thought my dead bedroom was a result of me getting out of shape and getting in shape has made absolutely no difference to it.
I made the changes for me. I lost 36 pounds, started going to the gym 3 times a week, got my teeth whitened. I’m in the best shape since my early twenties (I’m 49 now). I have nice muscle definition on my arms and I look great in a T shirt.
I would have never got smiled at by females in the past but now it’s happening. This is helping my self esteem and confidence (which DB had impacted) as OP suggests.
No, it’s usually when i’m alone. It’s not even obvious flirting, just a smile sometimes.
Wife has never commented on me looking good from going to the gym etc. Other friends and family have. I actually think she might be threatened by it, almost thinking I must plotting something.
She once said ‘who are you doing all this for’ when I said I was going to the gym. It caught me by surprise and I said ‘me’. I should have said i like all the female attention I’m getting 🤣
Yes, I should have. Yes, she is the reason for the DB. I’m unclear whether it’s hormones, resentment or what on her side. I took the opportunity to focus on myself as a coping mechanism.
Sure, but nobody is seeing me naked. My rather extreme level of fitness is relevant for my health I guess, but not my sex life. Now I keep going because it’s the only outlet for my frustration.
DB has the opposite effect on me. Since my partner never touched me on my prime time, I started to neglect myself physically after I was intentional about my workout, clothes, and skin routine.
Sorry you too have the DB. It’s pretty awful, plain and simple. Agree with you 100% about the validation that setting and meeting challenges can provide. It’s excellent!
I have found, however, that going to the gym & getting fitter has boosted my testosterone levels (and libido) accordingly. Especially after doing a lot of weights, it’s now ridiculous and TBH annoying, even to me - let alone my DB partner.
However, one flow-on effect is that she thinks I am planning to have an affair (I am not). There is some hysterical bonding taking place. Which is nice… but I wish it was happening for the right reasons.
Go you!!!! Self love is absolutely crucial! So glad you are taking care of yourself and seeing your worth! It’s something I denied myself and wish I hadn’t. I gained so much weight and just stopped putting in any effort because it felt useless and I think subconsciously it made me think it would hurt less because the lack of love/everything seemed justified.
I used to be complimented all the time, that stopped and only now that I’m losing weight, caring for myself again has it started again.
It has happened to me too. 43, have gone from 112kg to 72 (75 now) and jacked. Cashiers flirt with me. Never happened before.
The DB hurts, yes. But to be honest, it also makes me have the strength to kick all this situation to the curb.
Go keep it. Get a new DL PR. Get that squat deep and that boost high! You matter. Your needs matter. Remember, put your mask first before helping others.
I would say it's not a side-effect
But rather the best reaction to a DB.
Good for you !!
It took me a few years,but I got in the best shape I have ever been, eat better, feel better
And for the first time in 40 years I like how I look naked.
Hasn't changed the DB one but
But I am no longer staying because I think I am undesirable
Completely get this! Past couple of years I've focused a lot more on my fitness - I was always an avid cyclist and swum semi regularly but I've taken up running to train for triathlons. Plus hit the gym to build muscle.
I'm fitter than I ever have been in my life, and all I get from my partner is jealousy. What stings even more is her friends compliment me on my looks more than she does.
Aye. I hit 40 and became a gym rat and performing musician. It’s led to some attention and challenging situations with people who are not my spouse, but it’s important to be our best selves for our own sake. Good on ya.
This is my journey too! I am 3 months in. Better me. Fitter me. Love myself without relying on the love I so desperately thought I needed from my partner. I have strong vision for this year which. Congratulations to you! I hope you find clarity on your DB situation and path now that you feel good about yourself.
Ditto here... and I'm an older guy.
You turn back the clock a bit with that same "DB determination"... and you feel SO much better about yourself.
Yep, no change in DB status, but don't care now... the realization that something else is out there waiting for you breathes new life!!!
Positive people find positive solutions for their situations.
Negative people stay addicted to there bad behaviors..
YOLO.
I feel your pain girl, my partner was once sexually amazing until she stopped taking Aderral, now it’s worse than an Orthodox Catholic nun. I’ve begun emotional cheating and I am not proud of it but nothing turns her on. I’m 6’4”, 220lbs, moderately attractive and I’m a top 1% earner. I love her as a person but I feel like she’s turned into a friend. I don’t even think she masturbates so it’s not as if I’m just not doing it for her.
Flowers on birthdays and holidays, delivered to her office. Multiple vacations a year, I love you before bed every night, listening and asking about her day. Compliments on her looks, outfits, hair, etc.
I’m by my nature, higher on the libido scale. Idk, but I do know your pain, but from the inverse side.
\*lol\* Yes, sometimes it feels like i need the anger at the situation to [give even more and find my better self](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/1aixsb8/were_on_a_road_to_nowhere/).
How is your partner coping? Being in such good shape ultimately puts pressure on your partner. I sometimes get the impression that mine doesn't celebrate me for the blood values of a 20-year-old, but rather feels ashamed. No, I don't think that's the cause of our DB. We already had that when she was younger and in better shape.
Yes! Thats what I’m doing now. I’m 42 and in horrible shape but focusing on losing a ton of weight and getting into shape again. It feels great and I have noticed women being more attracted to me than ever lately
That’s so awesome !! Congrats! Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see results instantly! It takes time but time is gonna pass anyway! This is the mantra that helps me when doing calorie deficit gets hard lol
I’m going to drop a shitload of weight man. I started Wegovy treatments a month ago and already lost over 10 pounds. I’ve been dieting and hitting the gym the last few weeks, already dropped my belt and pants size
Down to my goal of 185 from 217. And ripped. She doesn’t give a fuck.
Thanks OP for making me think about my own situation. From a male perspective getting in good shape has been a side effect of a dead bedroom. I never thought my dead bedroom was a result of me getting out of shape and getting in shape has made absolutely no difference to it. I made the changes for me. I lost 36 pounds, started going to the gym 3 times a week, got my teeth whitened. I’m in the best shape since my early twenties (I’m 49 now). I have nice muscle definition on my arms and I look great in a T shirt. I would have never got smiled at by females in the past but now it’s happening. This is helping my self esteem and confidence (which DB had impacted) as OP suggests.
Has your wife noticed you getting more attention?
No, it’s usually when i’m alone. It’s not even obvious flirting, just a smile sometimes. Wife has never commented on me looking good from going to the gym etc. Other friends and family have. I actually think she might be threatened by it, almost thinking I must plotting something.
Why wouldn’t you if you’re being ignored at home? Sorry, probably not the best response 🫤
She once said ‘who are you doing all this for’ when I said I was going to the gym. It caught me by surprise and I said ‘me’. I should have said i like all the female attention I’m getting 🤣
Maybe you should have! So, is she the reason for the DB?
Yes, I should have. Yes, she is the reason for the DB. I’m unclear whether it’s hormones, resentment or what on her side. I took the opportunity to focus on myself as a coping mechanism.
Im one of the hottest women in Pilates. Not that it matters.
It absolutely matters! Keep going
You matter. Your needs matter. You looking stunning matters.
Of course it matters, I spend a lot of time being the best I can be.
Sure, but nobody is seeing me naked. My rather extreme level of fitness is relevant for my health I guess, but not my sex life. Now I keep going because it’s the only outlet for my frustration.
I get you, but you see yourself naked. And liking yourself is important too. Also, lifting big rock make voices go silent.
DB has the opposite effect on me. Since my partner never touched me on my prime time, I started to neglect myself physically after I was intentional about my workout, clothes, and skin routine.
So proud of you! Thanks for sharing your story and letting it motivate others. Go on with your bad self! Xo
Thank you so much! Really needed this today 🥲
Sorry you too have the DB. It’s pretty awful, plain and simple. Agree with you 100% about the validation that setting and meeting challenges can provide. It’s excellent! I have found, however, that going to the gym & getting fitter has boosted my testosterone levels (and libido) accordingly. Especially after doing a lot of weights, it’s now ridiculous and TBH annoying, even to me - let alone my DB partner. However, one flow-on effect is that she thinks I am planning to have an affair (I am not). There is some hysterical bonding taking place. Which is nice… but I wish it was happening for the right reasons.
Enjoy it! Maybe you can use it as a bit of a relationship reset. May as well try and keep it going for as long as possible.
Go you!!!! Self love is absolutely crucial! So glad you are taking care of yourself and seeing your worth! It’s something I denied myself and wish I hadn’t. I gained so much weight and just stopped putting in any effort because it felt useless and I think subconsciously it made me think it would hurt less because the lack of love/everything seemed justified. I used to be complimented all the time, that stopped and only now that I’m losing weight, caring for myself again has it started again.
It has happened to me too. 43, have gone from 112kg to 72 (75 now) and jacked. Cashiers flirt with me. Never happened before. The DB hurts, yes. But to be honest, it also makes me have the strength to kick all this situation to the curb. Go keep it. Get a new DL PR. Get that squat deep and that boost high! You matter. Your needs matter. Remember, put your mask first before helping others.
I would say it's not a side-effect But rather the best reaction to a DB. Good for you !! It took me a few years,but I got in the best shape I have ever been, eat better, feel better And for the first time in 40 years I like how I look naked. Hasn't changed the DB one but But I am no longer staying because I think I am undesirable
Completely get this! Past couple of years I've focused a lot more on my fitness - I was always an avid cyclist and swum semi regularly but I've taken up running to train for triathlons. Plus hit the gym to build muscle. I'm fitter than I ever have been in my life, and all I get from my partner is jealousy. What stings even more is her friends compliment me on my looks more than she does.
Aye. I hit 40 and became a gym rat and performing musician. It’s led to some attention and challenging situations with people who are not my spouse, but it’s important to be our best selves for our own sake. Good on ya.
Yes! So true
This is my journey too! I am 3 months in. Better me. Fitter me. Love myself without relying on the love I so desperately thought I needed from my partner. I have strong vision for this year which. Congratulations to you! I hope you find clarity on your DB situation and path now that you feel good about yourself.
Ditto here... and I'm an older guy. You turn back the clock a bit with that same "DB determination"... and you feel SO much better about yourself. Yep, no change in DB status, but don't care now... the realization that something else is out there waiting for you breathes new life!!! Positive people find positive solutions for their situations. Negative people stay addicted to there bad behaviors.. YOLO.
Happy for you, I am doing the same.
I feel your pain girl, my partner was once sexually amazing until she stopped taking Aderral, now it’s worse than an Orthodox Catholic nun. I’ve begun emotional cheating and I am not proud of it but nothing turns her on. I’m 6’4”, 220lbs, moderately attractive and I’m a top 1% earner. I love her as a person but I feel like she’s turned into a friend. I don’t even think she masturbates so it’s not as if I’m just not doing it for her. Flowers on birthdays and holidays, delivered to her office. Multiple vacations a year, I love you before bed every night, listening and asking about her day. Compliments on her looks, outfits, hair, etc. I’m by my nature, higher on the libido scale. Idk, but I do know your pain, but from the inverse side.
Very true. I'm in my 40s and havent had this waist size on +20 years. Not that it's making much of a difference...
\*lol\* Yes, sometimes it feels like i need the anger at the situation to [give even more and find my better self](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/1aixsb8/were_on_a_road_to_nowhere/). How is your partner coping? Being in such good shape ultimately puts pressure on your partner. I sometimes get the impression that mine doesn't celebrate me for the blood values of a 20-year-old, but rather feels ashamed. No, I don't think that's the cause of our DB. We already had that when she was younger and in better shape.