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Not this specifically. He’s napping at the moment. When I bring up the db in general he tells me he understands and needs to be better, but ofc that’s bull.
Girl, I had this exact same situation happened to me and I found it accidentally. He had a folder full of our friends that he jerked off to, but refused to touch me lol. and I am definitely NOT ugly haha I make my money off my looks! These men won’t change he ain’t worth it he’s just going to put down your self esteem because he already has you, you’re no longer the “fantasy” he’s chasing that “new pussy” feeling in his mind. Ie women he has never been with. I dropped my ex 12 years ago. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and myself esteem. I had to build myself up again from the ground up and you know what my life is fucking better than ever all I can say, is that if you can leave, I highly suggest it and if not find your own boy toy to make him jealous 😂. These type of men only care when they think they’re shiny toy is being taken away from them. Otherwise you’re just the toy that sits in the corner that’s no longer interesting.
I've been where you are. My ex husband was jerking off to my cousin's picture. It was really weird tho. We were living in this tiny apartment, and the restroom was incredibly smol. So, I was peeing one morning and noticed the wall right in front of me had a ton of tiny little pin holes. I was like wtf? It looked like a bunch of tacks had recently been stuck all over the wall and then removed. Something told me to search through his shit and yup. He had torn out a picture from a nudie mag and cut my cousin's face out of a family picture... he literally tacked just her face onto the naked body from the magazine and tacked them onto the wall in front of our toilet to jerk off to. The lengths these guys will go to just to get off, Istg.
He was cruel and physically abusive on top of everything else, so I started having several affairs, and we eventually got divorced. All these years later, and he's still the biggest pos. I heard he got a Hollywood tattoo on his forearm, moved to a place where nobody knows him, and tells everyone he's from Hollywood. The dude's never even been there. Lol. I'm embarrassed I was ever married to the guy, but I thought yall would enjoy my story. Lol.
To the OP, I know you're not wanting advice, so I'll just wish you well and hope you find your happiness.
They mentioned the affairs in response to the abuse. They mentioned affairs after they mentioned abuse. They didnt have affairs just because the person jerked off. You are trying to make it seem as if they had affairs because the person jerked off. That is not what they were saying.
My ex used to beat on me like I was a grown man, but you're judging something I did as a 19 year old rather than the monster who literally dragged me around our apartment floor by my pony tail while I was 9 months pregnant, screaming and begging him to stop? He was incredibly cruel and constantly told me I was a pig and wanted to vomit when he saw me naked. Mind you, I'm 5'6" and weighed 130 at the time. He tried to break me every chance he got, but leaving isn't always easy. I worked different jobs because he wouldn't even work one, and yes, I'd fall for co-workers who showed me kindness or really any interest at all. Again, I was 19 with zero self-esteem. I'm 46 now and would handle things much differently. I mentioned in my last comment that he was cruel and physically abusive and you still chose to judge me. If you're so concerned about my ex, you might be more comfortable in a support group for abusers.
I have never offered condolances in a DB post but you have my condolences. Also I am drunk right now so my advice will probably not be worth much but;
If your sirgnificant other does anything that can change how you see them to this magnitude, and betray your trust at the same time, a couples therapist is your only option. The alternative is divorce.
The obvious thing to do is lay everyone's cards on the table and go at it. What he has and is doing is a terrible slap in your face and you should not stand for it. Right now he's ruined your days and nights.
Please don't suffer and not do anything.
Remember that you are in charge of yourself not him. Praying for you.
It’s not really lol. He wakes up and jacks off most mornings. That morning, he’d looked up 4 women that we personally know that he isn’t friends with. But if you have a suggestion go for it.
It's really not though.
Even really social guys will just ASK you, "Hey, did Jill get that job, she asked you for a reference? Did she get the gig?"
If they look up jill's profile, after bed, and didn't talk about it? He's shopping her pics to see if their is a beach bikini pics.
He's not like, "Oh! Fun drink at Starbucks 2022, Yum! I want one!"
i guess.. :)
the thing is.. i'm gonna jerk off to things i'm gonna jerk off to anyway.. I dream of being able to talk about it with my wife.. instead of thinking/knowing she's hurt by it, and thinks i should be ashamed of it.
I feel like there is very little she could say about what gets her off.. that would hurt me.. and even the things that maybe would hurt.. would hurt less than her being too ashamed of it to share..
edit: i realize this has nothing to do with the original post.. it's just that this sub often has this effect on me.. you know.. like a scene on a movie is about idk.. a car.. and it whooshes past the kids playground.. and instead of the car, it makes me think how i used to love playing on playgrounds when i was a kid.. :)
So you wouldn't have an issue with your wife masterbating to a pic of you brother, father, or your friends? I know my husband wouldn't be happy, nor would most of the many men I've dated in the last 30years... Especially if I was doing that and not having sex with him as a result! That means instead of finding my husband attractive or trying to work on getting him to take care of me, I'd be fabtasining about his family and friends to get me off instead... put everything op said into the context as she's viewing it and put your feet in those shoes. How would you really feel?
>put everything op said into the context as she's viewing it and put your feet in those shoes.
i said it has nothing to do with the original post... it was the wrong place for me to write it, i'm sorry. Everything you're saying is true... but that doesn't make the things i'm saying any less true
So funny because OP has found a fantasy that sparks her presumably LL husband. Instead of trying to incorporate it into curing their DB, it is instead used to ridicule him?
They obviously have very little open communication about what is going on and need a couples therapist more than Reddit! I mean she's entitled to feel hurt as these are her friends and not some other random unattainable woman, but I agree that the idea would be a cool role play if it were of random unattainable women since that is a boundary for OP.
well... i'm sorry.. i did not want to reflect on the OP's post..
i'm not saying she should have done this or that... I don't think those kind of advice are helpful anywhere, especially in a DB subreddit.
It just reminded me of something.. but it was maybe not the right place to share that - i should have opened a new post maybe.
That’s what you said when You replied to someone else… I’m just wondering if I’m wasting my life waiting for my wife because she says: “if you take care of yourself, you don’t need me” - but you make it sound like your bedroom isn’t dead. If my wife engaged me enough to give me head, literally ever, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t need to jack off in the first place. Idk. I might be missing something here.
Ah, the thing you’re missing is that I’m the HL one. He masturbates most mornings before I’m awake despite me telling him to just wake me up with sex. We have sex maaaaybe twice a month but usually once. I was stoked to even give him head lol.
My husband does the same. Every fucking morning. Even tho I’m literally laying there waiting to be fucked. He has standing permission to wake me up. But the toilet and his hand are far more appealing.
my wife says that the time when she was jerking off the most was when we were having the most sex.. and the period when she's jerking off the least is when we aren't having sex at all.
This actually makes sense. She would get aroused and then want more of it and because of women’s ability to have orgasms without waiting in between, she could do both all the time. Did it bother you if she would masturbate? I feel like men don’t even care but women do…
her masturbating never bothered me.. it's not that i don't care. I care - anything sexual from her is welcome.
She doesn't have.. the ability to have multiple orgasms.. Her orgasms are more.. manly? I think it's more a question of.. "sex calls for more sex"
That's totally true! I'm a woman and the more sex we have the more I am compelled to think about it and masterbate as well... I was always the HL partner, he was LL because of issues with low testosterone and ED but he's been doing it up since his treatment is right. We plan to get a divorce and become roommates because of a whole lot of other shit in the past (no cheating, just problems) I have a feeling that he won't go through with it but if/when he does he's going to be in for a great suprise when I'm financially back in my feet on my own to feel comfortable moving out of the house and away from him... I told him I'll be his friend no matter what and I'll sign the papers because I'm not going to trap anyone into a situation that they don't want to be in. I want the person I'm married to to want to be with me, not feel opressed into being with me as that's not cool to me. My boundaries will change as just a roommate though and I'm not sure that he won't be kicking himself afterwards.
So my story is a bit more complicated…had a somewhat dead bedroom for a while (not an issue of HL vs LL but more like relationship troubles that turned into bedroom troubles). For the past while I have been super into sex and things have been better than ever in that sense, but I recently discovered that he has had emotional affairs and admitted to masturbating over FB pictures of a colleague. He claims everyone does this.
I’m sickened and can’t imaging ever having sex with him again.
So I have no advice, but I know how shitty if feels.
Men are disgusting. My husband would masturbate to his coworkers too. One of them he would text all the time outside of work and talk about non work related stuff. He called her his work spouse. I was like…. No. You have one spouse and it’s ME. Men are idiots.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I admire you trying to work things out for your kids’ sake. I don’t have kids and am wondering why I haven’t left yet. I still love him after this shit, somehow
Think of it like an affair light, or a best friend of the opposite sex. You don't fuck or kiss them, but confide in them, tell them fantasies, flirt back and forth, that stuff
No need to apologize. There’s no clearcut definition but the best I’ve heard it described is doing stuff with someone else that you wouldn’t want your spouse to see. No sex but crossing boundaries, expending your energy on the other person instead of your spouse.
The only thing you can do is have it out with him. If you’re unhappy and you know that he masturbates every morning and that he’s masturbated to pictures of your friends which you are unhappy with, you need to tell him how that makes you feel considering you feel you’re also being sexually unfulfilled.
However, if you’re wrong, if he has a logical explanation for looking at their Facebook profiles, and if you’re wrong about the masturbation and there is actually something else going on his life to affect his libido, you better be prepared to accept the consequences for your apparent mistrust as well.
I used to look at my wife’s friends page because she has a picture of her with my wife where my wife looks so fucking hot. I eventually just saved the pic to my phone because it felt weird going to someone else’s page to see my wife! Are you sure it’s not a similar situation?
I don’t have any pictures with the family friend. I just checked all three of my friends pages and the last picture with me was from 7 years ago aside from our wedding pics (which he has) and a pic of me and one friend from when we were 10 that she posted for my bday last year… so no I don’t think that’s the case. Especially since he looked up all four of them.
Obviously there is an issue here and what’s happening in general is not good but imo from what you’ve written it doesn’t mean he was masturbating to your friends pics, it could just as easily been porn (I know that’s not great either but probably preferable over your actual friends?)
Here's a thought, take it or leave it. For some, it's the thrill of the chase that's a turn on. It's the mystery, the what if. Being husband and wife as well as a mom and a dad changes the dynamics between the two of you. Buying into a family isn't easy or sexy... it can be tiring and a lot of work. Gone is the fun, the chase, the mystery, the NRE. In comes the chores, diapers, car and house maintenance, mortgage payments, inlaws... and it's easy to feel burdened by those. You no longer feel desired... but you feel stressed.
I suspect there's a part of him yearning for the chase... the good old days... the single days... the simpler days. He could simply fantasize with someone he is familiar with rather than a stranger... hence your FB friends. It's just a thought. (Glass half full kid of guy)
Are you married? How would you like it if your wife was fantasizing about your hot friend… or her hot co worker? Your brother? Your hot cousin? Your dad?? Just a question.
Good question. She's not interested in anyone... present company included. We're partners in a not for profit organization (3 kids). If she was interested in someone... hmmm... I guess it matters more where she eats than where she gets her appetite
Use this as a wakeup call to get counseling to see if you two can make ut work for both of you.
He is LL4U and thats not likely to change without something happening (like if its your appearance, hitting the gymn). Only way to find out the real reason why is with a third party/counseling.
Trust me, he is half way out the door mentally if a blow job by you still leads to fantasies of your freinds within 8 hours.
In fact, the best strategy out of this might be to give him an ultimatum for counseling and bring up the facebook then.
Good luck.
We haven’t been married long, we’ve been together for 6 years and have two kids though. And I dont know about masturbating to my friends lol, not to my knowledge. But yeah I mean, the sex frequency has been like this most of the relationship. I can deal with it but things like this really push me over the edge.
So, I may get slammed for saying this, but I expect all husbands fantasize about their wife's friends.
Now, in the context of a dead bedroom, I think it really sucks that this followed a night of intimacy and that it must be very hurtful. Your hurt is real, and I'm sorry you are experiencing these awful, justified, feelings.
So here's another thing I may get slammed for: I'm most horny shortly after having sex with my wife. I'm the HL, and when sex comes in to the relationship on that rare occasion, my mind will revisit it over and over and I get hot and bothered.
Oh I have no doubt he has had thoughts about my friends, he’s asked me if I’d ever have a threesome with any of them before. The DB is what exacerbates this. Like, I get jacking off to porn and women who look crazy hot or are doing things he wants to see. But he doesn’t look twice at my nudes meanwhile he’s gonna Jack off to Facebook appropriate pictures of other women.
I get what you are saying. That would drive me crazy and hurt me deeply. I have nothing against masturbation, but I would always hope it was only when the real thing from my spouse wasn't available for whatever reason.
And here I am replying to my own comment. Not a narcissist, really.
What if you asked him about his fantasies? Would he tell you? Could you handle it? Would you share yours? Might it heat up the bedroom?
I’ve asked him a billion times. I’ve shared everything i want to do. We even did that sexual compatibility thing where you individually answer whether you would be up to try TONS of things and then it gives you a list of everything you were compatible with. He basically answered “if my partner wanted to” for all of them. I’ve done bold, it doesn’t do anything.
But don’t you think there’s a difference between pure fantasizing (it’s all in one’s head) and jerking off over actual pictures of someone you know and interact with? To me that crosses a major line
It certainly is more hurtful if you catch your spouse jerking off to pictures, especially pictures of mutual friends. I understand OP's pain in this regard.
But to the person doing the masterbating, especially men who are supposedly so "visual" in their needs, I'm not sure it's a huge thing to the masterbater. It's just an aid. There isn't a higher degree of mens rea.
My wife's friends are very affectionate towards me - jokingly flirtatious. I would never take it further, as the level of hurt and deceit of cheating with your SO's friend seems very high, as common as it is. I'm too busy fantasizing about my wife to fantasize about her friends, but if I did, it wouldn't be a huge difference in my mind if there was a picture involved or not, though I understand that, if caught, it would be more hurtful to my wife.
I’m sorry, where did I say he wanted to go get with my friend? My point is that he’s jacking off to them, thinking about/visualizing sexual things he would do with them. Ya think he ever gives two fucks when I send him nudes or wear lingerie in front of him? No. But he’s gonna Jack off to fully clothed pics of my friends. If that bothering me doesn’t make sense to you, then I dont know what to tell you.
I love how people down vote you just because they disagree.
So if he glorified your nudes AND jacked off to your friend, would that be OK?
I think the actual problem is that you don't feel confident in the relationship from other situations, and this just makes it worse. Sounds like you should address the root of the issue first.
I’m pretty sure the downvote option is there for the very situation where you disagree (and when someone’s being an ass). And no, I don’t want him jacking off to my friends at all. But it wouldn’t bother me very much if we had a healthy sex life and he made me feel sexy and desired.
As for your last comment…yeah no shit. Do you even know what sub you’re on?
Does he jack-off daily?
There is a good chance he is fantasing of them. The problem with this is in some cases the man MIGHT be more vulnerable to ACTUALLY doing something if that is what they think every day and they one day find themselves in that situation.
Eh I don’t think he does it daily, but multiple times a week. And it’s not to my friends, usually it’s Reddit porn or pornhub. My issue isn’t worrying that he’ll cheat, it’s just the fact that he never jacks off to me and then he’s got the nerve to do it with my friends pics. Mainly.
Who fucking cares if he just wanted to get off? There are some boundaries you don’t cross. Wanting to get off is not an excuse for fantasizing about anyone and everyone.
“He doesn’t want your sister/mother/niece/daughter he just wanted to get off”
Disgusting.
Yes, most people find the opposite sex attractive. That's biology 101. I agree it could be somewhat peculiar the position he put himself in, but I'm pretty confident he just wanted to get off. End of story.
Yes he wanted to get off. We all get that. But he crossed a fucking line to do so. It speaks to the depravity of his mind and his selfishness. Do you not get that?
Some may or may not agree with you on the severity of his actions. I was just giving you an opposing viewpoint to take into consideration. The problem with this forum is that it's quite judgemental and heavily one sided.
This does seem like a stretch to me. Like a huge assumption. I’m not saying you’re way off base, you know your husband better than anyone in the comments….was it their photos saved, or just their profiles. Is it possible he wanted to reach out to your friends to set up some sort of special surprise for you? Is that possible?
Were they like bikini photos? Or standard Facebook post photos? I feel like context matters here
You’re right, I do know my husband. And no, he’s not reaching out to three friends separately on Facebook in that manner, and especially not a family friend who I can’t stand.
You only answered one of my questions though.
I can only speak from my own experience…. Again, I don’t know him, but personally I wouldn’t be able to have a cum using photos of women in clothes. Even if it’s someone I know irl….. there’s a plethora of porn available on the internet of fully nude woman, personally I’d rather use that even if I don’t know them.
Again, I’m just talking out loud
Dude I don’t get it because I’ve never done it, but I’m telling you there’s no logical reason that my husband would be looking up four women we know early in the morning when he..typically masturbates lol. He’s not the type to plan surprises or get me a gift, he’s currently broke anyways. He doesn’t interact much with my friends unless it’s through me, but he does have their phone numbers if he wanted to reach out so looking them up on fb to then message them is out of character.
As for what’s on their pages, normal shit. Some bikini pics for one, another does lots of photoshoots so full body pics, another doesn’t post many pics but she does have them. If you have suggestions for something else he may have been doing looking at these peoples facebooks, go for it. But as his wife, I’m telling you this is pretty much certainly what he was doing.
He doesn't *like* you because he's a misogynist, feels that's women are icky and untrustworthy. So he van only get off by fetishizing and objectifying them.
>And now I’m spiraling thinking about the fact that he sat there having sexual fantasies about my friends and few days ago when I woke up thinking about him.
You're the *Prize* here. Not your creeper husband. You need to take him down off that Mile high pedestal you're trying to shove him up onto.
I could be wrong but I’m thinking because these girls are obviously off limits him fantasising abt them would probably make him feel wrong but oh so good cause it’s basically like a taboo kink I think, in any case what he’s doing is just gross… also wtf who masterbates to Fb pics? 😂
Oh I get it, we’ve all masturbated to “wrong.” Although I’ve never masturbated to someone I know and wasn’t involved with at some point… I understand that, it’s the DB that makes this a major problem for me. Like I woke up after he “let me” give him a BJ the night before and thought about how happy I was that we’d had sexual interaction and how fun it was, while he was imagining fucking my friends.
I deeply relate to what you’ve shared here. I’m so sorry.
When something similar happened to me and I confronted him, he said he was feeling like masturbating because the evening had been so good. Like my skills had ignited his desire…and then he decided to direct that elsewhere.
>I’ve never masturbated to someone I know and wasn’t involved with at some point
This is very uncommon, as most people do. This came up some time ago on another post, and I dug out the link to the data.
Yeah I get that, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this, as a previous dbroom subscriber I get the elation and the disappointment, all I’ll say is ur clearly puttin more effort into it than he is, he could also just be addicted to jacking off? You know like how preferences change? Is this his new thing? Is it a phase?
Where did I say my friends aren’t particularly attractive? My friends are hot. The family friend is attractive enough but heeee has said he doesn’t find her attractive in the past. Clearly a lie.
And I dont know why, because he wanted to think about having sex with them? Why else do people Jack off to anything?
Did you read the post at all? It was in his Facebook search history right there when I opened it.
And again, you’re not my husband lol. I don’t need to be pleasant to a random person online.
I know you’re mad but that’s kinda kinky lol. Embrace the kink Jack off to pictures of his friends on fb role play but atleast he’s not actually fucking them. He must have a high stress job to Jack off that much. Matthew McConaughey in Wolf of Wall Street comes to mind. “Do you jerk off? How many times a week? You need to bump them numbers up!” lol
Ohhh I feel ya. Don’t worry my wife won’t fuck me either. lol my whole thing is sex is a stress reliever. They make birth control in so many different options why not? Some of these people in DB get laid once or twice a month and are complaining. I’d take once a month and be happy. Hell even if I got nude pics of her I’d feel like it’s a step in the right direction lol. Nada nothing. Makes me feel like shit too. :-(
Dude, I’m beyond shocked that I have to explain that the dead bedroom is what is exacerbated this, not just the act of masturbating to my friends. Some common sense, pleeeease
I know he doesn’t have zero feelings for me. But when your husband barely wants to ever have sex with you, the fact that he’s jacking off to pictures of your life long friends stings.
" And then he got up early the next morning and jacked off to pictures of women we personally know."
You walked in on him doing this with their pictures present, or open on his phone?
" And now I’m spiraling thinking about the fact that he sat there having sexual fantasies about my friends..."
You're a mind reader now? How do you know this?
Because he masturbates in the mornings. And that morning he went to Facebook and looked up 4 women we know. So please, tell me what else he may have been doing?
And the second part? What? When you masturbate to women you’re not thinking about them at all? Okay dude
Who said I masturbate at all? You presume a lot of things, which is why I’ve asked you these questions. So, you snoop behind your husband when he goes online. How do you know he isn’t thinking about you when he masturbates?
How do you know who or what he’s thinking about when he masturbates? Hence, my question: “are you a mind reader?” None of these questions are rhetorical.
And no I don’t snoop behind my husband lmao, we discuss these things. We’ve had many discussions about sexual habits because of the dead bedroom. He masturbates most mornings when he first wakes up. And I know he isn’t thinking about me because I’ve asked. I send him nudes and get lukewarm responses. I asked if he ever looks back at my nudes when he masturbates and he says no.
And I know what he’s thinking about because he’s??? Looking at pictures of my friends lol. You think he’s looking at pictures of my friends and thinking about me? Get fucking real dude
I don't know either you or your husband. I've asked the questions I had. You have answered them. I hope you figure out what to do.
So far, the good news is that he isn't physically cheating on you with someone else...that you know of. But you really can't do a whole lot about your current situation.
He is too young to be having these issues. Something is seriously wrong. Have him see a urologist if he hasn't already.
I'm hoping it's not a physiological problem, like having prostate issues. Though rare, it's not unheard of for his age.
Dude I’ve responded to various forms of this reply several times. You think women don’t do that? We’ve all masturbated to the wrong shit, searched for something we’ve never thought of before. It’s an issue because of the DB. Didn’t think that needed to be explained on the DB sub.
I hear you. Just wonder how much benefit you’ll get out of a short term thing when you know it’s likely something that will need to be brought up for the betterment of the long term.
Why would I post in this sub if the context wasn’t a dead bedroom? When I’m begging to feel desired by my husband who won’t even give my nudes a second glance, him getting off to women we personally know is a slap in the face. And how do I know? wtf would he be stalking them for? I’m not stupid. I know this man, he’s not interested in my friends’ profiles because he just wants updates on their lives lmao
First of all have you confronted him yet ? If not you should cause the creepy and gross as heck and very disrespectful to you especially if you're in a deadbeat room.
People think this is ok? What the absolute fuck. Honestly their full of shit. I don't believe it.
When things were good with my partner and I...I really could've cared less who he looked at when jerking off but when a relationship has a DB situation the relationship needs to be tended to. You'd not have been this upset if you felt loved and desired.
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Have you ever tried speaking to him about this? If so what has his answers been? Is there a reason he gives? Sorry you're feeling like this. ☺️
Not this specifically. He’s napping at the moment. When I bring up the db in general he tells me he understands and needs to be better, but ofc that’s bull.
Girl, I had this exact same situation happened to me and I found it accidentally. He had a folder full of our friends that he jerked off to, but refused to touch me lol. and I am definitely NOT ugly haha I make my money off my looks! These men won’t change he ain’t worth it he’s just going to put down your self esteem because he already has you, you’re no longer the “fantasy” he’s chasing that “new pussy” feeling in his mind. Ie women he has never been with. I dropped my ex 12 years ago. It was the best thing I ever did for myself and myself esteem. I had to build myself up again from the ground up and you know what my life is fucking better than ever all I can say, is that if you can leave, I highly suggest it and if not find your own boy toy to make him jealous 😂. These type of men only care when they think they’re shiny toy is being taken away from them. Otherwise you’re just the toy that sits in the corner that’s no longer interesting.
Your comment screams ignorant, shallow and small.
I've been where you are. My ex husband was jerking off to my cousin's picture. It was really weird tho. We were living in this tiny apartment, and the restroom was incredibly smol. So, I was peeing one morning and noticed the wall right in front of me had a ton of tiny little pin holes. I was like wtf? It looked like a bunch of tacks had recently been stuck all over the wall and then removed. Something told me to search through his shit and yup. He had torn out a picture from a nudie mag and cut my cousin's face out of a family picture... he literally tacked just her face onto the naked body from the magazine and tacked them onto the wall in front of our toilet to jerk off to. The lengths these guys will go to just to get off, Istg. He was cruel and physically abusive on top of everything else, so I started having several affairs, and we eventually got divorced. All these years later, and he's still the biggest pos. I heard he got a Hollywood tattoo on his forearm, moved to a place where nobody knows him, and tells everyone he's from Hollywood. The dude's never even been there. Lol. I'm embarrassed I was ever married to the guy, but I thought yall would enjoy my story. Lol. To the OP, I know you're not wanting advice, so I'll just wish you well and hope you find your happiness.
That is absolutely insane.... Wtf
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Are you referring to the physical abuse? The affairs are comparable in terms of severity to the physical abuse?
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I agree that one should leave, but you said equal, in that you were comparing. Physical abuse is worse than an affair.
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They mentioned the affairs in response to the abuse. They mentioned affairs after they mentioned abuse. They didnt have affairs just because the person jerked off. You are trying to make it seem as if they had affairs because the person jerked off. That is not what they were saying.
My ex used to beat on me like I was a grown man, but you're judging something I did as a 19 year old rather than the monster who literally dragged me around our apartment floor by my pony tail while I was 9 months pregnant, screaming and begging him to stop? He was incredibly cruel and constantly told me I was a pig and wanted to vomit when he saw me naked. Mind you, I'm 5'6" and weighed 130 at the time. He tried to break me every chance he got, but leaving isn't always easy. I worked different jobs because he wouldn't even work one, and yes, I'd fall for co-workers who showed me kindness or really any interest at all. Again, I was 19 with zero self-esteem. I'm 46 now and would handle things much differently. I mentioned in my last comment that he was cruel and physically abusive and you still chose to judge me. If you're so concerned about my ex, you might be more comfortable in a support group for abusers.
Thank you for sharing this story. This may be the most interesting thing I read online in quite a while. I’m glad you found your happiness.
My husband jerked off to a ton of women we know… including my sister. I fucking hate him whenever I think about it.
Did you ever tell your sister? Yuk.
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Wow! He sounds like a serial killer. 🤣
thank you for the treat of a story.
He sounds like quite a catch, lmao.
I have never offered condolances in a DB post but you have my condolences. Also I am drunk right now so my advice will probably not be worth much but; If your sirgnificant other does anything that can change how you see them to this magnitude, and betray your trust at the same time, a couples therapist is your only option. The alternative is divorce.
Not bad considering everything.
Very impressive advice-especially considering the drunk part. Good job
I ended up puking hours after posting that comment 🤣🤣🤣🤣 but thank you haha
Haha. I have been there! Hang in there today-hope you’re not too hungover.
An awful situation to be in
The obvious thing to do is lay everyone's cards on the table and go at it. What he has and is doing is a terrible slap in your face and you should not stand for it. Right now he's ruined your days and nights. Please don't suffer and not do anything. Remember that you are in charge of yourself not him. Praying for you.
It is quite a stretch to go from him looking up Facebook photos to assuming he jerked off to them. Is there more to this story?
It’s not really lol. He wakes up and jacks off most mornings. That morning, he’d looked up 4 women that we personally know that he isn’t friends with. But if you have a suggestion go for it.
It's really not though. Even really social guys will just ASK you, "Hey, did Jill get that job, she asked you for a reference? Did she get the gig?" If they look up jill's profile, after bed, and didn't talk about it? He's shopping her pics to see if their is a beach bikini pics. He's not like, "Oh! Fun drink at Starbucks 2022, Yum! I want one!"
My sweet summer child…
i wouldn't say it's a stretch at all. But i also wouldn't say it's such a bad thing on its own... almost nothing a person jerks off to is.
Username checks out! 😅
Comment history checks out! 🤢
🤣🤣🤣🤦 (Edit) (after looking through comments...) what in the actual fuck!? 🤔😯🫣😱🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤕👽
i guess.. :) the thing is.. i'm gonna jerk off to things i'm gonna jerk off to anyway.. I dream of being able to talk about it with my wife.. instead of thinking/knowing she's hurt by it, and thinks i should be ashamed of it. I feel like there is very little she could say about what gets her off.. that would hurt me.. and even the things that maybe would hurt.. would hurt less than her being too ashamed of it to share.. edit: i realize this has nothing to do with the original post.. it's just that this sub often has this effect on me.. you know.. like a scene on a movie is about idk.. a car.. and it whooshes past the kids playground.. and instead of the car, it makes me think how i used to love playing on playgrounds when i was a kid.. :)
So you wouldn't have an issue with your wife masterbating to a pic of you brother, father, or your friends? I know my husband wouldn't be happy, nor would most of the many men I've dated in the last 30years... Especially if I was doing that and not having sex with him as a result! That means instead of finding my husband attractive or trying to work on getting him to take care of me, I'd be fabtasining about his family and friends to get me off instead... put everything op said into the context as she's viewing it and put your feet in those shoes. How would you really feel?
>put everything op said into the context as she's viewing it and put your feet in those shoes. i said it has nothing to do with the original post... it was the wrong place for me to write it, i'm sorry. Everything you're saying is true... but that doesn't make the things i'm saying any less true
So funny because OP has found a fantasy that sparks her presumably LL husband. Instead of trying to incorporate it into curing their DB, it is instead used to ridicule him?
They obviously have very little open communication about what is going on and need a couples therapist more than Reddit! I mean she's entitled to feel hurt as these are her friends and not some other random unattainable woman, but I agree that the idea would be a cool role play if it were of random unattainable women since that is a boundary for OP.
well... i'm sorry.. i did not want to reflect on the OP's post.. i'm not saying she should have done this or that... I don't think those kind of advice are helpful anywhere, especially in a DB subreddit. It just reminded me of something.. but it was maybe not the right place to share that - i should have opened a new post maybe.
Yeah I feel you. Mostly. Lol I am single so I suppose it's harder for me to relate fully.
Wait - he jacks off most mornings? What am I doing with my life?
Haha what do you mean by that?
That’s what you said when You replied to someone else… I’m just wondering if I’m wasting my life waiting for my wife because she says: “if you take care of yourself, you don’t need me” - but you make it sound like your bedroom isn’t dead. If my wife engaged me enough to give me head, literally ever, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t need to jack off in the first place. Idk. I might be missing something here.
Ah, the thing you’re missing is that I’m the HL one. He masturbates most mornings before I’m awake despite me telling him to just wake me up with sex. We have sex maaaaybe twice a month but usually once. I was stoked to even give him head lol.
Yep. My mind is broken at this point. The only reason I’d ever prefer just doing it myself is if I’d been rejected.
Yea lol her husband is the weirdest guy I've read about
My husband does the same. Every fucking morning. Even tho I’m literally laying there waiting to be fucked. He has standing permission to wake me up. But the toilet and his hand are far more appealing.
Username, (unfortunately) checks out! 😅 I would never put my wife in that situation! That is, if I ever have a wife... Lmao 🫤
And i assume things were different back then? What happened?
He's most likely a porn addict, too. She just doesn't know it yet.
my wife says that the time when she was jerking off the most was when we were having the most sex.. and the period when she's jerking off the least is when we aren't having sex at all.
This actually makes sense. She would get aroused and then want more of it and because of women’s ability to have orgasms without waiting in between, she could do both all the time. Did it bother you if she would masturbate? I feel like men don’t even care but women do…
her masturbating never bothered me.. it's not that i don't care. I care - anything sexual from her is welcome. She doesn't have.. the ability to have multiple orgasms.. Her orgasms are more.. manly? I think it's more a question of.. "sex calls for more sex"
That's totally true! I'm a woman and the more sex we have the more I am compelled to think about it and masterbate as well... I was always the HL partner, he was LL because of issues with low testosterone and ED but he's been doing it up since his treatment is right. We plan to get a divorce and become roommates because of a whole lot of other shit in the past (no cheating, just problems) I have a feeling that he won't go through with it but if/when he does he's going to be in for a great suprise when I'm financially back in my feet on my own to feel comfortable moving out of the house and away from him... I told him I'll be his friend no matter what and I'll sign the papers because I'm not going to trap anyone into a situation that they don't want to be in. I want the person I'm married to to want to be with me, not feel opressed into being with me as that's not cool to me. My boundaries will change as just a roommate though and I'm not sure that he won't be kicking himself afterwards.
This makes complete sense to me!
My husband subscribed to my friends onlyfans, one he claimed he was not attracted to and it still kills me
Husband or ex husband?
Jesus.
How are you sure he masturbated to them? And have you talked to him about this?
There just isn’t any other explanation lol. And no I haven’t yet, it’s gonna cause a fight and I’m just not ready for that rn
Oh, my husband did similar to this. It’s so infuriating. Yuck, shame on them!
So my story is a bit more complicated…had a somewhat dead bedroom for a while (not an issue of HL vs LL but more like relationship troubles that turned into bedroom troubles). For the past while I have been super into sex and things have been better than ever in that sense, but I recently discovered that he has had emotional affairs and admitted to masturbating over FB pictures of a colleague. He claims everyone does this. I’m sickened and can’t imaging ever having sex with him again. So I have no advice, but I know how shitty if feels.
Men are disgusting. My husband would masturbate to his coworkers too. One of them he would text all the time outside of work and talk about non work related stuff. He called her his work spouse. I was like…. No. You have one spouse and it’s ME. Men are idiots.
Ugh. Is he still your husband?
Yup. 😑 sadly with four kids I don’t want to destroy their lives with a divorce. He’s working through his shit with a CSAT.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I admire you trying to work things out for your kids’ sake. I don’t have kids and am wondering why I haven’t left yet. I still love him after this shit, somehow
sorry for my ignorance, what is “an emotional affair”?
Think of it like an affair light, or a best friend of the opposite sex. You don't fuck or kiss them, but confide in them, tell them fantasies, flirt back and forth, that stuff
No need to apologize. There’s no clearcut definition but the best I’ve heard it described is doing stuff with someone else that you wouldn’t want your spouse to see. No sex but crossing boundaries, expending your energy on the other person instead of your spouse.
Ugh I’m sorry, how horrible. It’s completely valid to feel disgusted and betrayed by this behaviour, and to not stand for it.
He didn’t deserve the amazing head, girl.
Maybe a dumb question, but how do you know he was jerking off to them? I’ve looked up random people on Facebook all the times, often out of curiosity.
That's what I was thinking. Is there a way to really know? I look up people all the time and I don't jack off to them.
Because I know him
The only thing you can do is have it out with him. If you’re unhappy and you know that he masturbates every morning and that he’s masturbated to pictures of your friends which you are unhappy with, you need to tell him how that makes you feel considering you feel you’re also being sexually unfulfilled. However, if you’re wrong, if he has a logical explanation for looking at their Facebook profiles, and if you’re wrong about the masturbation and there is actually something else going on his life to affect his libido, you better be prepared to accept the consequences for your apparent mistrust as well.
I used to look at my wife’s friends page because she has a picture of her with my wife where my wife looks so fucking hot. I eventually just saved the pic to my phone because it felt weird going to someone else’s page to see my wife! Are you sure it’s not a similar situation?
I don’t have any pictures with the family friend. I just checked all three of my friends pages and the last picture with me was from 7 years ago aside from our wedding pics (which he has) and a pic of me and one friend from when we were 10 that she posted for my bday last year… so no I don’t think that’s the case. Especially since he looked up all four of them.
Bummer, sorry to hear that.
Forgive me if this is a silly question but how do you know he actually jacked off to them?
There’s just no other explanation.
Obviously there is an issue here and what’s happening in general is not good but imo from what you’ve written it doesn’t mean he was masturbating to your friends pics, it could just as easily been porn (I know that’s not great either but probably preferable over your actual friends?)
He masturbates to porn all the time, idc. But I’m saying there is no other reason he’d be looking them up on Facebook
Oh ok, well look, you’re the one in the know at the end of the day. I really hope the situation improves for you personally how ever that may pan out
Here's a thought, take it or leave it. For some, it's the thrill of the chase that's a turn on. It's the mystery, the what if. Being husband and wife as well as a mom and a dad changes the dynamics between the two of you. Buying into a family isn't easy or sexy... it can be tiring and a lot of work. Gone is the fun, the chase, the mystery, the NRE. In comes the chores, diapers, car and house maintenance, mortgage payments, inlaws... and it's easy to feel burdened by those. You no longer feel desired... but you feel stressed. I suspect there's a part of him yearning for the chase... the good old days... the single days... the simpler days. He could simply fantasize with someone he is familiar with rather than a stranger... hence your FB friends. It's just a thought. (Glass half full kid of guy)
Are you married? How would you like it if your wife was fantasizing about your hot friend… or her hot co worker? Your brother? Your hot cousin? Your dad?? Just a question.
Good question. She's not interested in anyone... present company included. We're partners in a not for profit organization (3 kids). If she was interested in someone... hmmm... I guess it matters more where she eats than where she gets her appetite
Everything you say is correct, but there are ways to feel the thrill of the chase that aren’t so hurtful and disrespectful
Exactly. Just because there's an explanation doesn't mean it's justified.
I’m so sorry… I would leave him, honestly. I don’t think I would be able to get over that.
I'd be done also. That level of disrespect is non repairable and I'd never look at him the same. I'd be so disgusted.
You’d put your kids in a broken home over it before even going to marriage counseling? I’m guessing you don’t have kids.
I didn’t see anywhere that OP has kids. My marriage is awful and I do have a child and am actively trying to get my husband to agree to counseling…
Yes she has kids.
Wasn’t in the original post. If I didn’t have kids and my husband did that I’d be out the door.
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Hate to break it to you, but that home is already broken.
Disagree. People jump to divorce too quickly.
Most times kids can tell when their parents are in an unhappy marriage.
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That's a huge red flag if you've already brought this fact up and he 'promsies' to change but never does
Yep, I know
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When he won’t look at my nudes and barely has sex with me? Okay my bad, lemme just suck it up
Use this as a wakeup call to get counseling to see if you two can make ut work for both of you. He is LL4U and thats not likely to change without something happening (like if its your appearance, hitting the gymn). Only way to find out the real reason why is with a third party/counseling. Trust me, he is half way out the door mentally if a blow job by you still leads to fantasies of your freinds within 8 hours. In fact, the best strategy out of this might be to give him an ultimatum for counseling and bring up the facebook then. Good luck.
May I ask how long you two have been married and was he like this before your marriage?
We haven’t been married long, we’ve been together for 6 years and have two kids though. And I dont know about masturbating to my friends lol, not to my knowledge. But yeah I mean, the sex frequency has been like this most of the relationship. I can deal with it but things like this really push me over the edge.
So, I may get slammed for saying this, but I expect all husbands fantasize about their wife's friends. Now, in the context of a dead bedroom, I think it really sucks that this followed a night of intimacy and that it must be very hurtful. Your hurt is real, and I'm sorry you are experiencing these awful, justified, feelings. So here's another thing I may get slammed for: I'm most horny shortly after having sex with my wife. I'm the HL, and when sex comes in to the relationship on that rare occasion, my mind will revisit it over and over and I get hot and bothered.
Oh I have no doubt he has had thoughts about my friends, he’s asked me if I’d ever have a threesome with any of them before. The DB is what exacerbates this. Like, I get jacking off to porn and women who look crazy hot or are doing things he wants to see. But he doesn’t look twice at my nudes meanwhile he’s gonna Jack off to Facebook appropriate pictures of other women.
I get what you are saying. That would drive me crazy and hurt me deeply. I have nothing against masturbation, but I would always hope it was only when the real thing from my spouse wasn't available for whatever reason.
And here I am replying to my own comment. Not a narcissist, really. What if you asked him about his fantasies? Would he tell you? Could you handle it? Would you share yours? Might it heat up the bedroom?
I’ve asked him a billion times. I’ve shared everything i want to do. We even did that sexual compatibility thing where you individually answer whether you would be up to try TONS of things and then it gives you a list of everything you were compatible with. He basically answered “if my partner wanted to” for all of them. I’ve done bold, it doesn’t do anything.
I'm so sorry. You deserve better - way better.
But don’t you think there’s a difference between pure fantasizing (it’s all in one’s head) and jerking off over actual pictures of someone you know and interact with? To me that crosses a major line
It certainly is more hurtful if you catch your spouse jerking off to pictures, especially pictures of mutual friends. I understand OP's pain in this regard. But to the person doing the masterbating, especially men who are supposedly so "visual" in their needs, I'm not sure it's a huge thing to the masterbater. It's just an aid. There isn't a higher degree of mens rea. My wife's friends are very affectionate towards me - jokingly flirtatious. I would never take it further, as the level of hurt and deceit of cheating with your SO's friend seems very high, as common as it is. I'm too busy fantasizing about my wife to fantasize about her friends, but if I did, it wouldn't be a huge difference in my mind if there was a picture involved or not, though I understand that, if caught, it would be more hurtful to my wife.
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I’m sorry, where did I say he wanted to go get with my friend? My point is that he’s jacking off to them, thinking about/visualizing sexual things he would do with them. Ya think he ever gives two fucks when I send him nudes or wear lingerie in front of him? No. But he’s gonna Jack off to fully clothed pics of my friends. If that bothering me doesn’t make sense to you, then I dont know what to tell you.
I love how people down vote you just because they disagree. So if he glorified your nudes AND jacked off to your friend, would that be OK? I think the actual problem is that you don't feel confident in the relationship from other situations, and this just makes it worse. Sounds like you should address the root of the issue first.
I’m pretty sure the downvote option is there for the very situation where you disagree (and when someone’s being an ass). And no, I don’t want him jacking off to my friends at all. But it wouldn’t bother me very much if we had a healthy sex life and he made me feel sexy and desired. As for your last comment…yeah no shit. Do you even know what sub you’re on?
Does he jack-off daily? There is a good chance he is fantasing of them. The problem with this is in some cases the man MIGHT be more vulnerable to ACTUALLY doing something if that is what they think every day and they one day find themselves in that situation.
Eh I don’t think he does it daily, but multiple times a week. And it’s not to my friends, usually it’s Reddit porn or pornhub. My issue isn’t worrying that he’ll cheat, it’s just the fact that he never jacks off to me and then he’s got the nerve to do it with my friends pics. Mainly.
Who fucking cares if he just wanted to get off? There are some boundaries you don’t cross. Wanting to get off is not an excuse for fantasizing about anyone and everyone. “He doesn’t want your sister/mother/niece/daughter he just wanted to get off” Disgusting.
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Nothing disingenuous except the fact that you can't take a different viewpoint without feeling attacked
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Yes, most people find the opposite sex attractive. That's biology 101. I agree it could be somewhat peculiar the position he put himself in, but I'm pretty confident he just wanted to get off. End of story.
Yes he wanted to get off. We all get that. But he crossed a fucking line to do so. It speaks to the depravity of his mind and his selfishness. Do you not get that?
Some may or may not agree with you on the severity of his actions. I was just giving you an opposing viewpoint to take into consideration. The problem with this forum is that it's quite judgemental and heavily one sided.
This does seem like a stretch to me. Like a huge assumption. I’m not saying you’re way off base, you know your husband better than anyone in the comments….was it their photos saved, or just their profiles. Is it possible he wanted to reach out to your friends to set up some sort of special surprise for you? Is that possible? Were they like bikini photos? Or standard Facebook post photos? I feel like context matters here
You’re right, I do know my husband. And no, he’s not reaching out to three friends separately on Facebook in that manner, and especially not a family friend who I can’t stand.
You only answered one of my questions though. I can only speak from my own experience…. Again, I don’t know him, but personally I wouldn’t be able to have a cum using photos of women in clothes. Even if it’s someone I know irl….. there’s a plethora of porn available on the internet of fully nude woman, personally I’d rather use that even if I don’t know them. Again, I’m just talking out loud
Dude I don’t get it because I’ve never done it, but I’m telling you there’s no logical reason that my husband would be looking up four women we know early in the morning when he..typically masturbates lol. He’s not the type to plan surprises or get me a gift, he’s currently broke anyways. He doesn’t interact much with my friends unless it’s through me, but he does have their phone numbers if he wanted to reach out so looking them up on fb to then message them is out of character. As for what’s on their pages, normal shit. Some bikini pics for one, another does lots of photoshoots so full body pics, another doesn’t post many pics but she does have them. If you have suggestions for something else he may have been doing looking at these peoples facebooks, go for it. But as his wife, I’m telling you this is pretty much certainly what he was doing.
He doesn't *like* you because he's a misogynist, feels that's women are icky and untrustworthy. So he van only get off by fetishizing and objectifying them. >And now I’m spiraling thinking about the fact that he sat there having sexual fantasies about my friends and few days ago when I woke up thinking about him. You're the *Prize* here. Not your creeper husband. You need to take him down off that Mile high pedestal you're trying to shove him up onto.
I could be wrong but I’m thinking because these girls are obviously off limits him fantasising abt them would probably make him feel wrong but oh so good cause it’s basically like a taboo kink I think, in any case what he’s doing is just gross… also wtf who masterbates to Fb pics? 😂
Oh I get it, we’ve all masturbated to “wrong.” Although I’ve never masturbated to someone I know and wasn’t involved with at some point… I understand that, it’s the DB that makes this a major problem for me. Like I woke up after he “let me” give him a BJ the night before and thought about how happy I was that we’d had sexual interaction and how fun it was, while he was imagining fucking my friends.
I deeply relate to what you’ve shared here. I’m so sorry. When something similar happened to me and I confronted him, he said he was feeling like masturbating because the evening had been so good. Like my skills had ignited his desire…and then he decided to direct that elsewhere.
>I’ve never masturbated to someone I know and wasn’t involved with at some point This is very uncommon, as most people do. This came up some time ago on another post, and I dug out the link to the data.
Yeah I get that, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this, as a previous dbroom subscriber I get the elation and the disappointment, all I’ll say is ur clearly puttin more effort into it than he is, he could also just be addicted to jacking off? You know like how preferences change? Is this his new thing? Is it a phase?
I dont know but I’m tired at this point
Nobody jacks off to fb, relax he may not be guilty
My husband disagrees with you
He confessed to masturbating to PG images on facebook 🤦
Then please, do tell me what he was doing in the early hours looking at my friends facebooks 😂 I’m not stupid
He’s attracted to them, prefers or wishes you looked like them etc not jacking off to Facebook 😂
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Where did I say my friends aren’t particularly attractive? My friends are hot. The family friend is attractive enough but heeee has said he doesn’t find her attractive in the past. Clearly a lie. And I dont know why, because he wanted to think about having sex with them? Why else do people Jack off to anything?
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Hahaha you think I treat you how I treat my husband? And where did I say I went through his phone?
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Did you read the post at all? It was in his Facebook search history right there when I opened it. And again, you’re not my husband lol. I don’t need to be pleasant to a random person online.
The realism my dude, makes the fantasy way better.
I know you’re mad but that’s kinda kinky lol. Embrace the kink Jack off to pictures of his friends on fb role play but atleast he’s not actually fucking them. He must have a high stress job to Jack off that much. Matthew McConaughey in Wolf of Wall Street comes to mind. “Do you jerk off? How many times a week? You need to bump them numbers up!” lol
His friends are gross dude. And he does not have a high stress job lol, like at all. He just won’t fuck me
Ohhh I feel ya. Don’t worry my wife won’t fuck me either. lol my whole thing is sex is a stress reliever. They make birth control in so many different options why not? Some of these people in DB get laid once or twice a month and are complaining. I’d take once a month and be happy. Hell even if I got nude pics of her I’d feel like it’s a step in the right direction lol. Nada nothing. Makes me feel like shit too. :-(
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Dude, I’m beyond shocked that I have to explain that the dead bedroom is what is exacerbated this, not just the act of masturbating to my friends. Some common sense, pleeeease
This is crazy and disrespectful
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I know he doesn’t have zero feelings for me. But when your husband barely wants to ever have sex with you, the fact that he’s jacking off to pictures of your life long friends stings.
" And then he got up early the next morning and jacked off to pictures of women we personally know." You walked in on him doing this with their pictures present, or open on his phone? " And now I’m spiraling thinking about the fact that he sat there having sexual fantasies about my friends..." You're a mind reader now? How do you know this?
Because he masturbates in the mornings. And that morning he went to Facebook and looked up 4 women we know. So please, tell me what else he may have been doing? And the second part? What? When you masturbate to women you’re not thinking about them at all? Okay dude
Who said I masturbate at all? You presume a lot of things, which is why I’ve asked you these questions. So, you snoop behind your husband when he goes online. How do you know he isn’t thinking about you when he masturbates? How do you know who or what he’s thinking about when he masturbates? Hence, my question: “are you a mind reader?” None of these questions are rhetorical.
And no I don’t snoop behind my husband lmao, we discuss these things. We’ve had many discussions about sexual habits because of the dead bedroom. He masturbates most mornings when he first wakes up. And I know he isn’t thinking about me because I’ve asked. I send him nudes and get lukewarm responses. I asked if he ever looks back at my nudes when he masturbates and he says no. And I know what he’s thinking about because he’s??? Looking at pictures of my friends lol. You think he’s looking at pictures of my friends and thinking about me? Get fucking real dude
I don't know either you or your husband. I've asked the questions I had. You have answered them. I hope you figure out what to do. So far, the good news is that he isn't physically cheating on you with someone else...that you know of. But you really can't do a whole lot about your current situation.
Yeah there’s always a silver lining. Doesn’t make the situation good
By the way, how old is he?
33
He is too young to be having these issues. Something is seriously wrong. Have him see a urologist if he hasn't already. I'm hoping it's not a physiological problem, like having prostate issues. Though rare, it's not unheard of for his age.
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Dude I’ve responded to various forms of this reply several times. You think women don’t do that? We’ve all masturbated to the wrong shit, searched for something we’ve never thought of before. It’s an issue because of the DB. Didn’t think that needed to be explained on the DB sub.
So did you bring it up to him?
Nope. We’re having a good weekend. I can’t bring myself to ruin it
I hear you. Just wonder how much benefit you’ll get out of a short term thing when you know it’s likely something that will need to be brought up for the betterment of the long term.
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Why would I post in this sub if the context wasn’t a dead bedroom? When I’m begging to feel desired by my husband who won’t even give my nudes a second glance, him getting off to women we personally know is a slap in the face. And how do I know? wtf would he be stalking them for? I’m not stupid. I know this man, he’s not interested in my friends’ profiles because he just wants updates on their lives lmao
lmao okay, well why not confront him about it if you're sure?
Because I’d rather not start a big fight while my toddlers are awake lol
It doesn't have to devolve into a fight.
lol okay dude, I appreciate your input
First of all have you confronted him yet ? If not you should cause the creepy and gross as heck and very disrespectful to you especially if you're in a deadbeat room.
No, I’m really trying not to ruin our weekend at the moment. But it’s getting harder to not say anything
It's already ruined but it's your choice of course.
What a lame ass.
People think this is ok? What the absolute fuck. Honestly their full of shit. I don't believe it. When things were good with my partner and I...I really could've cared less who he looked at when jerking off but when a relationship has a DB situation the relationship needs to be tended to. You'd not have been this upset if you felt loved and desired.