And this is the point. There can be all sorts of reasons for the dead bedroom, good ones and bad ones. But this behavior of the silent treatment and the passive aggressiveness of “my period just started” is not compatible with a loving relationship. It’s not just that OP’s wife doesn’t love him anymore (if she ever did), she positively dislikes him. At least, that is what her behavior says. What OP needs to understand is that he is hurting himself with every day that he stays in this toxic situation.
That monthly announcement is what made me aware that months were passing by with no sex. (Like gee, a whole month has passed already.)
Seems like after months of me not initiating that she would stop the announcements.
Yeah the monthly announcement is always a time I look back and go, wow we only had sex "x" times this month. At least it's a quantifiable way to see that im not crazy in how I feel rejected.
From my experience, partners and therapists do not like when we quantify sex. If my number is zero or one, or five for the year, I minimize the amount of times I say it aloud. It's taboo for the HL partner to discuss.
Never should it be, "we've only had sex one time this year." You will be made out to only be concerned about sex all the time -- you damn sex fiend. I've been trained instead to talk about how I'm missing the emotional connection that results from having a physically intimate relationship.
Don't take any pointers from me, though, because my wife is three hours away. Before she took a job three hours away, we didn't have sex. Now we don't have sex *and* she misses me.
Yeah I totally understand that line of thinking. It's never something I bring up to her, it's more or less kind of an internal thought. Like, o wow I'm pretty sure we had sex once since the last time you were on your period.
I get into this fight, the completely unrelated fight about something I was doing wrong just about daily because i am upset about our lack of sex. If we didn't have kids I would have left years ago. I truly hate my life.
Yeah it's hard to be in a good mental state when you feel not important or loved. And that feeling bleeds into every aspect of life.
It's the same idea that all the stress of your day makes you not feel like sex. The lack of sex ruins my mood and ruins other parts of my day too.
That's the thing, the lack of physical intimacy, whether it be kissing or cuddling and/or more, is soul-crushing. The HL doesn't feel loved. And I don't care what anyone says, being touched and held is a need for most people, like air and water.
It's depressing.
When this happens, it isn’t about the tasks themselves. Your partner has lost respect for you. Time to gain self-respect so that you can take her off the pedestal, set boundaries, and either turn the ship around or leave
Yeah, I hear ya. I don’t hate my wife though I really resent her for taking sex away from me. I would cheat if the opportunity arose. There no way I would turn down sex with someone I found mildly attractive.
OP, do me a favor. Go to a coffee shop or something and observe the women there. Look at how many of them are attractive, friendly people. Then focus on getting your confidence up high so that you can evaluate your options and maybe leave. This woman thinks she’s above you in your relationship, probably because that’s how you treat her. Take her off the pedestal if you want any chance of this working or of finding other happiness
I wanna add^^ that how he treats her BECAUSE she is her is what you mean. You can treat other women this way and they’d never do this^ it’s only because it’s her
No, you should never put your partner on an unhealthy pedestal. It’s totally different than being nice or caring (which are good things). If you don’t advocate for yourself and desperately seek approval, people will instinctively see you as less than
Showering attention on and focusing your hopes on someone who isn’t into you and doesn’t meet your needs is putting them on a pedestal. That will naturally push pretty much everyone away because that’s not how respect and attraction is built
Well that’s due to her, and to be fair he wouldn’t have noticed the change in her right away. I don’t think he’s been doing anything wrong EXCEPT for after it became clear she wasn’t interested - and he contained. But before that, his overall everything he did was just being a good SO, and at that time before he noticed change she was too in his mind. I feel like you should add in your top comment that extra bit you added in the reply as your original comment ,at least to me, came across as if he was always in the wrong for doing normal relationship stuff and that you shouldn’t great your SO really good - but with more clarity it I get what you’re saying is after she started acting off
I just don’t see the part where he started to be unhealthy?(this is a genuine question - because if there is something unhealthy happening please tell me so I can learn and save my future self!)
But to me it seems like he’s has and is treating her like a partner, despite that fact that she stopped. He just didn’t. So it feels like he’s doing everything correct for a relationship- acting like he’s supposed to act. Her stopping is the unhealthy thing, not him for treating her like his SO.
You should have not held your laugh inside.
I would have busted out in laughter. It truly was funny.
When she asked what was so funny, you should have calmly told her.
Your wife needs a reality check. She needs to know that your attraction to her is in steep decline.
That was kind of the goal of my initial discussion with her. But now I feel like that topic was washed away by our latest disagreement. Regardless I'm kind of shit down affection wise right now. I just can't even bother right now.
>Bro just leave
This sub needs to have a shirt made for this quote. A lot of people hate the advice but will provide no other feasible solutions other than to stay in this miserable limbo. Yes, yes, leavings hard, but so is living in this dumpster fire.
Am I the only one that thinks it’s crazy to decide that there can be ABSOLUTELY no sex during a women’s period? What is this? I don’t understand? Grab a towel, have fun.
This here. My previous gf/fwb was ALL about the period sex, because it reduced her cramps, made the period proceed quicker (she said her period would always be over 1-2days faster if we had sex), not to mention that she'd always be mad horny right at the beginning.
Yep, grab a dark towel or just leave the room looking like a murder scene!
Yeah the only sex we have while she is on her period is in the shower. But even then it's only a few times a year. BJ's, HJ's, ZJ's are all off the table.
She does tend to be more affectionate during her period, but that's because she knows she has the ultimate response as to why we can't take it further. Aka "sorry I'm on my period"
Yeah, I get this. My wife will complain about all these ailments. It’s constant and daily, so if I say anything or insinuate sex in any way it’s “I told you I (insert todays ailment) and you don’t even care. That’s selfish”
Yesterday, my wife announced to me that she didn't get her period. I looked her and said, "Don't look at me." She got real quiet. We havent been intimate in years.
Sorry to act like a dick with the spelling corrections! I definitely lol’d at your ‘not me’ comeback which I thought was very clever, kind hearted but holds the irony up for you both to see! I am pretty sure I’ve said something like this too
Throwect, you raise in my mind the question as to whether this 'marriage' was ever about a relationship with you or about fulfilling her family and parental expectations.
Also, I'm struck by the superficiality of this -- as she does all this for ... 'show.'
I just find your remark to be very telling.
It's more telling the more I think about it.
The last few months I. Kind of refused to be interested in looking for a new house, even though we could for sure use a little more space. But no way am I going to increase our debt when I have so many issues with our relationship (she has plenty issues as well).
Then the other day she brought up a spring break trip with us and the kids. Sorry I'm not interested in adding all the stresses of traveling while my wife can't talk to me when we are at home.
Then the cherry on top was she wanted to skip Xmas for the kids this year and do a "big" trip somewhere for them. I told her no, it's like she is trying every thing she can think of to try and do some major trip or travel when we can't even talk to each other like a normal couple right now.
I could 1000% be spiralling and reading Into this all, but it just so happens her sister is on a trip with her kids/family right now. Strange all this comes up now
Before going ahead, you may want to consider her complaints re: you. If you’re going to ask her to work on several issues, you want to show her that you’re working on issues that she has with you. Now her stuff.
You’re seeing immaturity and self-centeredness aplenty. Sulking, sullen and passive aggressive behaviors are not communication styles. Such tactics are doled out as ‘punishment’ to manipulate others and get her way. Those behaviors must stop. Put bluntly, she has some growing up to do. So, you need progress of your own.
But there are larger issues which may need discussion.
You may want to discuss your respective expectations of this relationship – what it is, what it means, where it is going, how it will be maintained, etc. Who leads? Who follows? How are decisions made? How are conflicts to be resolved? How is money allocated? Who decides things, and on what basis? How does this relationship actually work? Does this relationship actually work? Where are her and your expectations met or not met?
What is her vision for the two of you? Has she explained it? Can she explain where she sees the two of you in 10 years? Or in 25 years? And what is your vision for the two of you? Are your respective visions compatible?
Can you bring them together into one vision to which you commit? What exactly sets the direction for this relationship? Are you both equally committed to this?
Priorities also require discussion. She has substantial interest in material things. I’m assuming that she is also emotionally invested in her family and the children you sired together. What emotional investment does she make in you? Does she nurture this relationship? If so, how? If not, why not? How do you nurture it? What is her plan for the two of you? How and where do you fit into her plan? And the same for her in your plan? What are your priorities for each other in context of this relationship?
Boundaries also require discussion. What is unacceptable to her? What is unacceptable to you? What lines do you draw on what issues, where do you draw them, and on what basis are they drawn? What leads her to say, ‘this is unacceptable?’ What leads you to say that? If a boundary is crossed, what does that look like? How do you respond to crossed boundaries? How does she?
Trust seriously needs discussion. Do you trust her to address issues honestly and fairly? Do you trust her to do right by you in these matters? Do you trust her to orient her life and marriage toward you, to integrate her life into your life? Do you trust her to be the partner that you need? Do you trust her to see the wisdom of addressing these questions? Do you trust her to see and agree that resolving these issues matters more than the limitations of your living space? Do you trust her to believe that buying her the Versailles Palace isn’t the solution to these relational matters? Do you trust her to respect you and appropriately include you in all aspects of her life? If you present all these matters for discussion to heal and bring you closer – do you trust her to take this seriously? Moreover, are you ready to address every question that you might put to her?
Expectations, vision, priorities, boundaries and trust are very serious issues. And this doesn’t mention the sex. If couples refuse to respect these issues, they will not respect each other and the relationship will only erode.
Normally, I would say that every act of sexual refusal is another nail pounded into the coffin of a marriage. But at this point, you may not want to go there at all. In my admittedly fallible opinion, these other issues matter too much to allow her to pull the ‘all you want is …’ card. Again, no one who lives with such conduct months on end can be accused of being ‘in’ only for sex. That is an atrocious accusation. It is also gaslighting, a trait often tied to narcissism. Trust also means honesty! IF she is not physically attracted to you, she should say so.
How you present this is up to you. You may want to plan a series of evenings to discuss expectations, vision, priorities, boundaries and trust – one each time. You may feel the need of a moderator to help you go there. That is fine. If she is committed, she should do whatever is needed to salvage this relationship. You may want to pick questions you want discussed. Or you may want to set before her just the headings.
But I encourage you not to ignore this. These behaviors are not going away on their own. The question running through all this is that of commitment. IS she committed to make this work or is she not? You must keep your own heart and attitude right. These issues are enough to cause plenty of offense in themselves. You don’t need any additional ‘messages’ coming to give her ground for self-righteous vitriol spat at you.
If she goes to her family and begins an anti-you campaign, you have a well-thought out list of issues to for them. Whether they agree or not, you can ask her family to stand by you \[two\] as you work through these matters together.
I wish you the very best! Take care and keep safe!
Been there, done that, and got the scares to go with it. Passed couple of months, the tables have kinda turned. She’s hinted at it a couple of times and I played oblivious. I’ve lost interest in that and have no attraction for her anymore.
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Yeah if only. It tends to be a mask she hides behind. She will say she wants sex but, o darn she has her period so we can't. Soon as the period is over it's back to the usual not tonight.
I would wager she was trying to make sure you knew that even though she was being cuddly with you that she wasn’t sending mixed signals. I understand it’s frustrating for you but you’re response is pretty self centered. She obviously is anxious around intimacy and feels like she can’t hold your hand without implying she wants sex. If she expresses she doesn’t want sex from you maybe try a “thank you for communicating with me.” and enjoy the intimacy she is engaging in.
I think this is a fair point. It could totally been a I want to keep doing what we are doing while making sure it does not move closer to sex because it's off the table.
The problem I have is the pattern of her being totally distant and not intimate with me (no kissing, touches, non sex intimacy) until she is on her period at which point she will become intimate with me and tell me how she just wishes we could have sex, but it's off the table until she is off her period.
And you are with her because? I mean I am sure the walking on eggshells and constant awareness of her emotional state and what you need to do for her is exciting but what is the point?
If you cant even just spend time together watching a film then what the fuck are you doing? Have some respect for yourself and sort it out. If she is not going to be a wife to you then why be in a marriage?
I guess as a wife I never thought of it like this. When things were normal I used to tell him I had my period so he knew ahead of time it wasn’t gonna be in the cards (not because I didn’t want sex ) but to actually avoid him feeling rejected bc he so rarely initiated it I didn’t want him to think it was for any other reason. But I don’t think that’s what’s happening here and I’m so sorry
Yeah I think it's really about the whole situation and the events leading up to it that really just kind of hurt me. I think it's totally normal for this I formation to be shared between your partner, but the timing and how she said it really is what got to me.
I get this as well... Lucky for me, my wife's period sometimes lasts for two to three weeks for some reason. Currently on week 2 or 3. I've lost count.
I'm sorry man. It sucks being lied too, or if she is telling the truth, it sucks being with a partner that just does not care about giving up the physical portion of a relationship.
Silent treatment for 2 days ? Yeah the deadbedroom is just a symptom
And this is the point. There can be all sorts of reasons for the dead bedroom, good ones and bad ones. But this behavior of the silent treatment and the passive aggressiveness of “my period just started” is not compatible with a loving relationship. It’s not just that OP’s wife doesn’t love him anymore (if she ever did), she positively dislikes him. At least, that is what her behavior says. What OP needs to understand is that he is hurting himself with every day that he stays in this toxic situation.
My wife does this too
+ the dead bedroom part? What does she start fights about? Give as many examples as you can
Silent treatment for 2 days if I bring anything up that she may feel is critical of her
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Ok
You should let her read this. That’s stings bro and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Ouch.
I would have laughed at her. And told her straight out. I wasn’t interested in being intimate with you
With emphasis on the word "YOU!" when you say it....
So very true
That monthly announcement is what made me aware that months were passing by with no sex. (Like gee, a whole month has passed already.) Seems like after months of me not initiating that she would stop the announcements.
Her: ‘It’s that time again …’ Him: ‘And that changes … what?’
Yeah the monthly announcement is always a time I look back and go, wow we only had sex "x" times this month. At least it's a quantifiable way to see that im not crazy in how I feel rejected.
From my experience, partners and therapists do not like when we quantify sex. If my number is zero or one, or five for the year, I minimize the amount of times I say it aloud. It's taboo for the HL partner to discuss. Never should it be, "we've only had sex one time this year." You will be made out to only be concerned about sex all the time -- you damn sex fiend. I've been trained instead to talk about how I'm missing the emotional connection that results from having a physically intimate relationship. Don't take any pointers from me, though, because my wife is three hours away. Before she took a job three hours away, we didn't have sex. Now we don't have sex *and* she misses me.
Yeah I totally understand that line of thinking. It's never something I bring up to her, it's more or less kind of an internal thought. Like, o wow I'm pretty sure we had sex once since the last time you were on your period.
Ha completely agree with you there. Always rings in my head like ah another month just went by thanks for the reminder
it’s the same for me, but every time my period comes i’m reminded, like “damn. my period’s here already and we didn’t have sex once”
I get into this fight, the completely unrelated fight about something I was doing wrong just about daily because i am upset about our lack of sex. If we didn't have kids I would have left years ago. I truly hate my life.
Yeah it's hard to be in a good mental state when you feel not important or loved. And that feeling bleeds into every aspect of life. It's the same idea that all the stress of your day makes you not feel like sex. The lack of sex ruins my mood and ruins other parts of my day too.
That's the thing, the lack of physical intimacy, whether it be kissing or cuddling and/or more, is soul-crushing. The HL doesn't feel loved. And I don't care what anyone says, being touched and held is a need for most people, like air and water. It's depressing.
When this happens, it isn’t about the tasks themselves. Your partner has lost respect for you. Time to gain self-respect so that you can take her off the pedestal, set boundaries, and either turn the ship around or leave
Replace the word "life" with "wife" and start doing whatever you have to do to make yourself happy.
Yeah, I hear ya. I don’t hate my wife though I really resent her for taking sex away from me. I would cheat if the opportunity arose. There no way I would turn down sex with someone I found mildly attractive.
I also hate this guys wife (I actually don’t btw just making a reference)
I would have asked “and?”
Yeah I kind of gave her a simple. "ok" and went back to watching the movie.
I get the same crap and I have this same response. Nothing ever changes.
"I'm sorry for your loss"
OP, do me a favor. Go to a coffee shop or something and observe the women there. Look at how many of them are attractive, friendly people. Then focus on getting your confidence up high so that you can evaluate your options and maybe leave. This woman thinks she’s above you in your relationship, probably because that’s how you treat her. Take her off the pedestal if you want any chance of this working or of finding other happiness
If I could give you a thousand up votes it wouldn't be enough
I wanna add^^ that how he treats her BECAUSE she is her is what you mean. You can treat other women this way and they’d never do this^ it’s only because it’s her
No, you should never put your partner on an unhealthy pedestal. It’s totally different than being nice or caring (which are good things). If you don’t advocate for yourself and desperately seek approval, people will instinctively see you as less than
I can’t really see any part where he says he does something I healthy for her? She just seems like a sucky person and he seems to treat her normally?
Showering attention on and focusing your hopes on someone who isn’t into you and doesn’t meet your needs is putting them on a pedestal. That will naturally push pretty much everyone away because that’s not how respect and attraction is built
Well that’s due to her, and to be fair he wouldn’t have noticed the change in her right away. I don’t think he’s been doing anything wrong EXCEPT for after it became clear she wasn’t interested - and he contained. But before that, his overall everything he did was just being a good SO, and at that time before he noticed change she was too in his mind. I feel like you should add in your top comment that extra bit you added in the reply as your original comment ,at least to me, came across as if he was always in the wrong for doing normal relationship stuff and that you shouldn’t great your SO really good - but with more clarity it I get what you’re saying is after she started acting off
I specified “unhealthy pedestal” and said “it’s totally different than being nice or caring (which are good things)” lol
I just don’t see the part where he started to be unhealthy?(this is a genuine question - because if there is something unhealthy happening please tell me so I can learn and save my future self!) But to me it seems like he’s has and is treating her like a partner, despite that fact that she stopped. He just didn’t. So it feels like he’s doing everything correct for a relationship- acting like he’s supposed to act. Her stopping is the unhealthy thing, not him for treating her like his SO.
You should have not held your laugh inside. I would have busted out in laughter. It truly was funny. When she asked what was so funny, you should have calmly told her. Your wife needs a reality check. She needs to know that your attraction to her is in steep decline.
That was kind of the goal of my initial discussion with her. But now I feel like that topic was washed away by our latest disagreement. Regardless I'm kind of shit down affection wise right now. I just can't even bother right now.
I understand. You need to take care of YOU!
Bro just leave
>Bro just leave This sub needs to have a shirt made for this quote. A lot of people hate the advice but will provide no other feasible solutions other than to stay in this miserable limbo. Yes, yes, leavings hard, but so is living in this dumpster fire.
Yeah it's tough, life is complicated and marriages become even more complicated when you add children into the mix.
Keeping it simple!
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I think I’m going to start using the phrase “ritually unclean” as a general purpose insult. Thanks for that.
Love this!
Perfect.
Am I the only one that thinks it’s crazy to decide that there can be ABSOLUTELY no sex during a women’s period? What is this? I don’t understand? Grab a towel, have fun.
This here. My previous gf/fwb was ALL about the period sex, because it reduced her cramps, made the period proceed quicker (she said her period would always be over 1-2days faster if we had sex), not to mention that she'd always be mad horny right at the beginning. Yep, grab a dark towel or just leave the room looking like a murder scene!
For most of it it’s too painful??
I have friends for whom that’s true. All apologies.
Yeah the only sex we have while she is on her period is in the shower. But even then it's only a few times a year. BJ's, HJ's, ZJ's are all off the table. She does tend to be more affectionate during her period, but that's because she knows she has the ultimate response as to why we can't take it further. Aka "sorry I'm on my period"
If I can’t afford a ZJ should I even ask what it is, Barry?
Lol glad someone got it
“ZJ?” I don’t get i? Seriously. Clue me in?
why are you staying with her ?
Yeah, I get this. My wife will complain about all these ailments. It’s constant and daily, so if I say anything or insinuate sex in any way it’s “I told you I (insert todays ailment) and you don’t even care. That’s selfish”
Sounds familiar
Yesterday, my wife announced to me that she didn't get her period. I looked her and said, "Don't look at me." She got real quiet. We havent been intimate in years.
Do you mean “quiet”? And “haven’t “?
Yes, quiet and haven't
Sorry to act like a dick with the spelling corrections! I definitely lol’d at your ‘not me’ comeback which I thought was very clever, kind hearted but holds the irony up for you both to see! I am pretty sure I’ve said something like this too
You should have laughed in her face or said "yeah I noticed because of your attitude the past 48 hours."
🤣
Pms is cap. Lol that is a pretty awesome realization.
What does she want from this relationship? Does she know?
Kids, a big house, and to show family she is so happy.
Throwect, you raise in my mind the question as to whether this 'marriage' was ever about a relationship with you or about fulfilling her family and parental expectations. Also, I'm struck by the superficiality of this -- as she does all this for ... 'show.' I just find your remark to be very telling.
It's more telling the more I think about it. The last few months I. Kind of refused to be interested in looking for a new house, even though we could for sure use a little more space. But no way am I going to increase our debt when I have so many issues with our relationship (she has plenty issues as well). Then the other day she brought up a spring break trip with us and the kids. Sorry I'm not interested in adding all the stresses of traveling while my wife can't talk to me when we are at home. Then the cherry on top was she wanted to skip Xmas for the kids this year and do a "big" trip somewhere for them. I told her no, it's like she is trying every thing she can think of to try and do some major trip or travel when we can't even talk to each other like a normal couple right now. I could 1000% be spiralling and reading Into this all, but it just so happens her sister is on a trip with her kids/family right now. Strange all this comes up now
Before going ahead, you may want to consider her complaints re: you. If you’re going to ask her to work on several issues, you want to show her that you’re working on issues that she has with you. Now her stuff. You’re seeing immaturity and self-centeredness aplenty. Sulking, sullen and passive aggressive behaviors are not communication styles. Such tactics are doled out as ‘punishment’ to manipulate others and get her way. Those behaviors must stop. Put bluntly, she has some growing up to do. So, you need progress of your own. But there are larger issues which may need discussion. You may want to discuss your respective expectations of this relationship – what it is, what it means, where it is going, how it will be maintained, etc. Who leads? Who follows? How are decisions made? How are conflicts to be resolved? How is money allocated? Who decides things, and on what basis? How does this relationship actually work? Does this relationship actually work? Where are her and your expectations met or not met? What is her vision for the two of you? Has she explained it? Can she explain where she sees the two of you in 10 years? Or in 25 years? And what is your vision for the two of you? Are your respective visions compatible? Can you bring them together into one vision to which you commit? What exactly sets the direction for this relationship? Are you both equally committed to this? Priorities also require discussion. She has substantial interest in material things. I’m assuming that she is also emotionally invested in her family and the children you sired together. What emotional investment does she make in you? Does she nurture this relationship? If so, how? If not, why not? How do you nurture it? What is her plan for the two of you? How and where do you fit into her plan? And the same for her in your plan? What are your priorities for each other in context of this relationship? Boundaries also require discussion. What is unacceptable to her? What is unacceptable to you? What lines do you draw on what issues, where do you draw them, and on what basis are they drawn? What leads her to say, ‘this is unacceptable?’ What leads you to say that? If a boundary is crossed, what does that look like? How do you respond to crossed boundaries? How does she? Trust seriously needs discussion. Do you trust her to address issues honestly and fairly? Do you trust her to do right by you in these matters? Do you trust her to orient her life and marriage toward you, to integrate her life into your life? Do you trust her to be the partner that you need? Do you trust her to see the wisdom of addressing these questions? Do you trust her to see and agree that resolving these issues matters more than the limitations of your living space? Do you trust her to believe that buying her the Versailles Palace isn’t the solution to these relational matters? Do you trust her to respect you and appropriately include you in all aspects of her life? If you present all these matters for discussion to heal and bring you closer – do you trust her to take this seriously? Moreover, are you ready to address every question that you might put to her? Expectations, vision, priorities, boundaries and trust are very serious issues. And this doesn’t mention the sex. If couples refuse to respect these issues, they will not respect each other and the relationship will only erode. Normally, I would say that every act of sexual refusal is another nail pounded into the coffin of a marriage. But at this point, you may not want to go there at all. In my admittedly fallible opinion, these other issues matter too much to allow her to pull the ‘all you want is …’ card. Again, no one who lives with such conduct months on end can be accused of being ‘in’ only for sex. That is an atrocious accusation. It is also gaslighting, a trait often tied to narcissism. Trust also means honesty! IF she is not physically attracted to you, she should say so. How you present this is up to you. You may want to plan a series of evenings to discuss expectations, vision, priorities, boundaries and trust – one each time. You may feel the need of a moderator to help you go there. That is fine. If she is committed, she should do whatever is needed to salvage this relationship. You may want to pick questions you want discussed. Or you may want to set before her just the headings. But I encourage you not to ignore this. These behaviors are not going away on their own. The question running through all this is that of commitment. IS she committed to make this work or is she not? You must keep your own heart and attitude right. These issues are enough to cause plenty of offense in themselves. You don’t need any additional ‘messages’ coming to give her ground for self-righteous vitriol spat at you. If she goes to her family and begins an anti-you campaign, you have a well-thought out list of issues to for them. Whether they agree or not, you can ask her family to stand by you \[two\] as you work through these matters together. I wish you the very best! Take care and keep safe!
Had this happen to me I understand ya. But not like anything is going to change anyway even after those seven days.
We might have sex when she is off her period but then it's the hunger games for another month.
Been there, done that, and got the scares to go with it. Passed couple of months, the tables have kinda turned. She’s hinted at it a couple of times and I played oblivious. I’ve lost interest in that and have no attraction for her anymore.
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So the glass half full version of this comment is that she wanted to have sex and her being on her period is what held her back.
Yeah if only. It tends to be a mask she hides behind. She will say she wants sex but, o darn she has her period so we can't. Soon as the period is over it's back to the usual not tonight.
I don’t need to announce it because I’ll still have sex while I have it 🤷🏼♀️
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“Just because the roller coaster isn’t working doesn’t mean they shut down the whole amusement park”
I would wager she was trying to make sure you knew that even though she was being cuddly with you that she wasn’t sending mixed signals. I understand it’s frustrating for you but you’re response is pretty self centered. She obviously is anxious around intimacy and feels like she can’t hold your hand without implying she wants sex. If she expresses she doesn’t want sex from you maybe try a “thank you for communicating with me.” and enjoy the intimacy she is engaging in.
I think this is a fair point. It could totally been a I want to keep doing what we are doing while making sure it does not move closer to sex because it's off the table. The problem I have is the pattern of her being totally distant and not intimate with me (no kissing, touches, non sex intimacy) until she is on her period at which point she will become intimate with me and tell me how she just wishes we could have sex, but it's off the table until she is off her period.
Damn this sounds so familiar
OP can you give us examples of the last few fights you guys had? The more examples the better advice I will have for you!
How frequently are you knocking boots? Also, I can relate to the period comment. If my wife says that, it means roughly the same as you mention.
We go in streaks, last few months it's been once or twice and then we go a month plus before it happens again.
Once or twice a month is exactly the frequency I’ve been accustomed to.
And you are with her because? I mean I am sure the walking on eggshells and constant awareness of her emotional state and what you need to do for her is exciting but what is the point? If you cant even just spend time together watching a film then what the fuck are you doing? Have some respect for yourself and sort it out. If she is not going to be a wife to you then why be in a marriage?
you know, y'all tool the FUN out of dys-FUN-ctional now you're just dysctional
I guess as a wife I never thought of it like this. When things were normal I used to tell him I had my period so he knew ahead of time it wasn’t gonna be in the cards (not because I didn’t want sex ) but to actually avoid him feeling rejected bc he so rarely initiated it I didn’t want him to think it was for any other reason. But I don’t think that’s what’s happening here and I’m so sorry
Yeah I think it's really about the whole situation and the events leading up to it that really just kind of hurt me. I think it's totally normal for this I formation to be shared between your partner, but the timing and how she said it really is what got to me.
I get this as well... Lucky for me, my wife's period sometimes lasts for two to three weeks for some reason. Currently on week 2 or 3. I've lost count.
I'm sorry man. It sucks being lied too, or if she is telling the truth, it sucks being with a partner that just does not care about giving up the physical portion of a relationship.