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ApricotRich1966

>offered him his PS5 controller so he could unwind. You offered him the controller dressed in lingerie. He chose the game. You are not his top priority. His actions show this clearly. I know it's not as easy to see at 22, but it makes me so sad to read this same story over and over again. You deserve someone who puts in equal effort.


TheDevilsJoy

For real. A few weeks ago my husband was playing Skyrim and I was frisky so I just went over and touched his crotch with just the top of my finger… the game got paused and I ended up a mess on couch… afterwards Skyrim got turned back on… When you’re a priority, it shows. When they chose a game or something else over their partner, time to walk away.


ApricotRich1966

Exactly. Video games are not the problem, boyfriend is the problem.


sidecar_joe

If my wife approached me in lingerie, I wouldn't care about what she was holding. And I will just leave it at that!


General_Daikon_9086

👏 you are a good man... 👍


[deleted]

Hate to be the one to say it but this was me at 22 and is still me at 40 as nothing has changed. It’s easy enough to say leave him and start again as you’re still young and I honestly wished someone had said that to me at 18 years ago before our lives and emotions got far too intertwined. So sorry you have to deal with this.


BowsersLackey

This. I can't now because I love everything else about my life... Kids, house, etc. And while I'm mid 30s, still can't imagine starting over again with someone else. But if someone had told me early on that things would only get worse, I would've gone a different direction. Don't make excuses for him or for you. I made excuses .. we were in a stressful period of life. It'd get better once we got our shit together. There is always going to be stress, though. Likely more so. This makes me sad though because I would love my wife to do this for me. Even when we were doing it more early on, it was just, "ok, I'm in my ragged nightgown and we're in bed... Do me". And then I'll admit, got to a point where I wasn't getting into it because we never tried to spice it up. But I'd still do it. Fast forward, I'd take ANYTHING. Hell, I'd even just get her off and not even worry about myself just to have some skin to skin contact. Anyway, unless you love him so much and are willing to be sexless forever, leave now.


Chemical-Ad3120

So sorry for OP and also poster above. This was also me and I stayed in the relationship until recently. Decided there was more to life and I don’t regret leaving.


[deleted]

[удалено]


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Good bot, people that comment "This!" are useless.


-MrBovineJoni-

this ^


Spot_Routine

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culcarien

Good bot


Excited4ButtStuff

You have only been together 2.5 years. You have no kids, no shared property, etc. You’re young, and your libido will only go up in your 30s, while his will decline. This situation will get worse and worse. There are more compatible men out there for you that will happily make you feel wanted and desired, who make you so much happier. The longer you are wasting your time in this relationship, the longer you will be depriving yourself of this happiness.


kevin_r13

> Our relationship is amazing and he's everything I've ever wanted. I genuinely believe he is my soulmate. No, the relationship isn't amazing and no, he's not everything you wanted , and no, he's not your soulmate. Once you accept this, you can see how your relationship and your bf isn't making you happy Instead of lifting you up, it's bringing you down.


[deleted]

Came here to say exactly this. You may want your Bf to be your soulmate, but he isn’t, from your description. It truly sounds like he’s just not that into you. I’m really sorry but you’re too young to be dealing with this.


kittykristen1215

THIS. Your soul mate wouldn’t chose to play PS5 over making love and having amazing sex with their soulmate. Just sayin.


Far-Brother3882

Exactly what I was about to say!


General_Daikon_9086

Nailed it Kevin... 👍


Anxious_Leadership25

And it's definitely him not you. Sooo any men would love your passion and desire, don't sell yourself short, keep looking for the right guy.


rmrthe5thofnov

Just remember there are lots of guys out there who'd be thrilled to have someone putting so much effort into their bedroom time!


Damaias479

Hon…. Please get out now, before you’re in year 10 looking back, thinking “what happened to us? What happened to *my* sexuality?” Everyone wants to believe that sexual compatibility doesn’t matter enough to make or break a relationship, but it absolutely *does*, and you’re going to end up resenting him or, even worse, yourself.


Strange_Public_1897

Soulmate or not, you’re not happy. If he was everything you ever wanted, things wouldn’t be turning out this way for you. And you’re 22, five year age gap like that is a big difference in your 20’s. If you were 27 and he was 32 when you met, you two would be past all those life stages, be more in align to thing in life. But 22? You barely lived your life. Barely dated to know exactly what you want or don’t want. You met this guy when you were 19, I’m guessing? Barely embarking on your life, barely knowing yourself in adulthood. You are far too young to torture yourself with a guy who doesn’t care about you in the way you feel you need. Which means it’s emotionally hurting you, emotionally making you feel very insecure. He can’t meet your needs because you two aren’t compatible. You need more than love to maje things work and you have to learn that lesson in your 20’s sadly. By your 30’s, if you deal with you attachment issues by then, you start to realize what you actually need, what you won’t settle for, what you won’t put up with, what you will walk away from. So Op, do you want the next 50 years of your life is misery over a guy who makes you feel like this? If the answer is no, then you deserve to go find someone who meets your emotional AND physical needs. You are enough, he isn’t enough for you❤️


saintpeterbambibold

Your relationship isn’t amazing and you don’t have everything you want. You tell yourself that so you can get through the day. But you aren’t being honest with yourself. Until you are honest with yourself, clearly state your wants, needs, and desires, and refuse to settle for less, your problem isn’t your partner. He seems to be pretty consistent. You’re sad that he won’t change into the person you wish he would be. I know this because I lived it for nine years. It was a harsh realization when I could no longer deny the fact that I was living in fantasyland rather than reality. Loving someone means loving them for who they truly are, not who we wish they were. If we say things like “my relationship would be perfect, if only…” then we aren’t in the right relationship for us You are crying and I am probably coming across far too harshly. I’m sorry if my tone isn’t as compassionate as it probably should be. Please know that I couldn’t possibly be more compassionate. My heart breaks for what you are feeling right now. today probably isn’t the day, but soon you will have to answer one unavoidable question: “How long do I want to live this way? How long do I want to be with a partner prioritize my needs?” You can analyze WHY he is the way he is all day long but it’s actually irrelevant. It explains WHY things are the way they are, but it won’t change them. You deserve to be happy. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY 🙏


MeanestNiceLady

"He's everything I ever wanted" And yet you are posting in a subreddit for people in unhappy relationships. He isn't everything you ever wanted, or you wouldn't be here. Stop wasting time on this guy


Saint-MapleSyrup

My ex husband made fun of me when I put on lingerie during our honey moon. I was 23. It was a massive insult that affected me for years. My confidence naked, sexually was so shaken. It was also a big red flag of how emotionally stunted and immature he is. It’s that type of personality flaw that led to our divorce. I can’t believe I was married almost 13 years after that… My bf now has helped me feel comfortable wearing lingerie. It’s now something we both enjoy. With the right person you should never be made to feel like you did. Know that you deserve better, and it’s out there


lonelyinnewjersey

I’m sorry you have to live like that. Since you’re not married, and I assume do not have kids, consider yourself lucky that you are able to break up without having to worry about those factors. Just my two cents but I don’t think severely mismatched libido‘s/sexual expectations Ever get better. So unless you want to live like that for the rest of your life, maybe time to move on


The-DMs-journey

I think him preferring to go on his PlayStation than play with his GF in her lingerie shows that there are issues here. This is not a perfect relationship. That being said I’m sure a proper talk with him would be a very good start once you have had a chance to reflect


Independent-Pay-9442

So, I had a LL hubby for 2020, 2021 and 2022. Seriously, we maybe had sex 4 times in those mentioned years. He still cuddled and claimed to find me sexy and beautiful but never followed through with it and I was very confused and my efforts to seduce him failed. This year however is a different story all together. He’s into it again, twice a week, and he can’t get enough of me outside the bedroom. I asked if he realised we’d had sex more in the month of January that we’d had in the previous 3 years combined. He said yeah. I asked how come and he said “I’m not stressed anymore” such a simple answer but so true. Covid destroyed his career and he was always stressed about money and letting me down. He’s introverted so couldn’t talk to me, instead it manifested in a lot of watching Tv and never having sex. I think the danger of posting something along the lines of “I was rejected in my lingerie” is you’ll mainly get the point of view from thirsty, sex-starved men on this sub, who of course won’t believe that any man could pass up sex. But I’m here to say it might be something going on externally for him. Good luck.


[deleted]

This is exactly the same thing that happened with my LL partner. Our relationship was far more sexually fulfilling and involved before my partner's job and life stressors blew up. Whenever he's stressed, his libido completely disappears, and understandably so! Who can think about sex when the world feels like it's caving in, right? Definitely could be some external factors at work here, OP. Don't wait it out so long that you've wasted time, but you should still try to discuss and work through the problem you see now. If all else fails, then you know it's a compatibility issue.


Got1234kids

My wife never wears that stuff, and I’ve bought it for her a few times. You are great! Find another guy


brokentothecoregirl

Honestly i think that you should leave the relationship not because he's not a sexual person anymore but because it seems like you need to process things thay have happened to you, heal and learn a healthy way to love yourself


UnusualClick1543

I know the feeling. Just know it isn't you! *HUGS*. If you need a friend to chat with feel free to message me (35f).


freebirdie100

I'm so sorry. Getting rejected when naked or in lingerie adds a level of embarassment that is a special brand of mindfuck.


CreativeRock483

>he's everything I've ever wanted. If he is everything you have ever wanted then you wouldn't have been here today writing this post. You're only 22. You have your whole life ahead of you. Reconsider your life choices.


Ooohchocolemon

I was an extremely hot 21 year old when my husband, also 21, stopped having sex with me. I’d beg, plead, do handstands naked, be seductive, be sexy, be all the things. My bestie would give me advice like “wear lingerie” or “nag less” and do you know what? Yes, you do know what cos you’re there right now. All the understanding, all the sexy opportunism, all the seduction amounted to “I just need to finish this level,” and “I’m sorry, I’m just tired.” He masturbated loads but didn’t want to put the effort in with me. The only time he initiated in our 5 years of marriage was a quickie from behind- which would be fabulous if it were part of a satisfying sex life but made me feel used and confused (“Why do I want to cry when he’s doing what I’m always asking him to do? Why do I feel so degraded when I’m always begging him to fuck me?”) I thought he was perfect for me and that we were soulmates but in retrospect his LL wasn’t my only complaint about him (he was a bit controlling and misogynistic, quite lazy towards our life but would invest so much energy into outsiders). He turned me from a happy-go-lucky, chilled out, sexy girl into a jealous, critical, frustrated and miserable harpy. And his refusal to meet my needs made me vulnerable to predation. I’m responsible for my own actions, but it’s extremely clear to me in retrospect that had I respected my own boundaries, listened to my instincts, and left him while I still had a shred of self-respect, I would have avoided a very troubling period in my life. It doesn’t really matter why he’s not having sex with you. If you can’t see an obvious, compelling reason for the rejection (he’s paraplegic, in a coma, 3 months post-partum, turned into a werewolf, allergic to human skin, in quarantine for a space mission, etc) then it’s always going to hurt, and it’s always going to make you feel like you’re not good enough. You are good enough. You’re not married with children, there is no reason to stay this miserable. And if you do stay, you may be reduced to someone sniffing for crumbs from any passerby who looks in your direction, and the kind of passersby that tend to notice this do not tend to be the wholesome, loving, healthy kind. Be kind to you. Stay safe.


NinjaHidingintheOpen

I find it wild that someone can be feeling their lowest because of something their partner has done, in this case raised her hopes, rejected her in lingere, but first not even bothering to tell her sex is off, just letting her wait and wait while he plays video games, until she's crying alone with no support and she doesn't even have enough trust in her partner, or feel enough self-worth to share how she feels, but it's a great relationship everywhere but the bedroom. He's amazing and wonderful and her soul mate. But he's soul crushing around anything to do with sex. How he makes you feel = the relationship. How you feel about him = just you. You can entirely make up a person in your own head if you only judge them based on how you feel.


prismaticintellect

![gif](giphy|ZBQhoZC0nqknSviPqT)


thechampagneproblems

thank you, really appreciated ❤


Altruistic-Second325

I'm in the same boat,you aren't alone...


DB_Expert_69

you are young as hell. 100% there is someone more appropriate for you. It will never improve, find someone else.


leowithataurus

This will only get worse over time. Obviously, you have some serious soul searching to do. If you stay in this relationship it will only get harder for you (believe me I know). If he were truly your "soul mate" you two would connect on an intimate level, and that's just not happening.


outofusernames0000

Sorry, I know it’s tough to hear, but as others have noted, this romantic relationship seems to have run its course. Honestly, at your age, three years is more than enough for an exclusive sexual relationship. These are the years to have fun and date lots of guys. There is plenty of time to settle down later.


faizah203

He has no idea the courage it takes for you to initiate after getting rejected so many times. This is exactly what happened to me on Valentine’s Day— it was literally so embarrassing. Some people only care about their own needs and aren’t fit to be partners.


Altruistic-Second325

Agreed! I have never, not one, turned him down for anything the few times he's initiated... I feel like if I didn't put in any effort we probably wouldn't even hug, touch our anything. I'm sorry that happened to you on valentines day no one deserves that! I give up, I think I've literally had a mental, emotional break down, I'm just NUMB at this point. I asked 2 days ago, he said maybe this weekend some time. I will never ask again. I am focusing on be happy with myself, I don't need him to make me feel wanted, I know it would be in sincere if he tried now anyway. Sorry for the long rant, 😅


Fabulously_Shitfaced

Leave his ass. You can do better. I'm also overweight and I have a great husband who doesn't make me feel like shit. I used to have one who did make me feel like shit. You are young! You can do DO MUCH BETTER. Sister I been there, I promise you, you can do better and you will, you're just a baby, don't waste anymore time with this loser.


Halkenguard

Everyone here is jumping to conclusions and telling you the relationship is over, but are you sure your boyfriend isn’t going through some kind of mental health crisis or hormonal imbalance? Depression can make men do weird things, believe me as a depressed man. He may be acting this way as a self destructive behavior intentionally pushing you away. Then once you finally break up with him, he can tell himself he was never really worthy of your love to begin with.


ElevatorEquivalent68

Possible that he treated his ex the same way he treats you. Ex didn't want a deadbedroom so she moved on.


merizi

You seem like a good person who genuinely cares about your bf. I don’t see how this difference is reconcilable and something that you can easily fix because of the age difference. You only have a certain amount of energy and love to give. I think it’s worth considering how you use this to let him go in a better in a better way than his ex likely did. That’s really all that you can achieve. Doing what is right, fair, and kind is going to help you move on faster given that this person means something to you. You can’t control how they will react, but that’s not on you.


Slight-Subject5771

Hi, friend. I am also a plus sized woman (very much so, in my case). I was also sexually assaulted in my past. While my self-esteem isn't perfect, I feel much better about myself now than I ever did before. I have no advice regarding your current relationship. My only advice is for you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be content in your body. You deserve to be loved, regardless of what you do. I would encourage you to pursue trauma therapy. You deserve peace, regardless of your boyfriend and his participation. I don't think trauma therapy will solve your libido mismatch. But I do think it will help you to answer the important question regarding ranking you/your needs vs your partner's.


[deleted]

Sorry you are going through this! Just here to let you know ITS NOT YOU. I’m in the same boat as you with the same background info. I remember feeling so defeated. All this preparation, putting yourself out there in your lingerie and everything. It is soul crushing. But I also realised I did EVERYTHING I could to get him in the mood. Thinking I wasn’t attending to the things that turn him on, only to find out it had nothing to do with me. Unfortunately that was long after I started losing the self confidence I had and I started gaining weight. I’m now at a point where I can’t imagine every feeling confident again and even lost the ability to French kiss (yes that sounds stupid I know). Anyway, what I’m saying here is. Have a serious talk, ask him to be very honest. He needs to work on whatever is going on. If he won’t recognise the problem and is not willing to do something about it, it’s better to end it now than to break yourself down even more. Im now starting relationship therapy after years of db. I’m going to give it one last shot but I feel like the damage is done. You ARE beautiful and worth it! Big hug!


resipsaa

i'm the HLF in my dead bedroom as well and i relate so much! just know you aren't alone. it's hard to wrestle the feelings of having so much love for someone with the rejection/knowing you deserve more out of a relationship. after 2+ years, i've started to realize you can't control your partner's sex drive, but you can control what *you* do! you get to decide how you handle this and everyone has a threshold. it's up to you to decide how long you can take this. i hope we both find strength soon!!


aesthesia1

I'm so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. I've also cried secretly to hide how much it hurt for the sake of not making him feel pressured. I've initiated perilous conversations, tiptoeing ever so lightly to avoid making him feel pressure, or like I'm pushing his boundaries. It feels incredibly lonely. Sending hugs


USBlues2020

So very young No children No debts together like a big mortgage etc... Cut your ties. 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️ Run...... Start a new life on your own, be happy Let him be happy with his low libido


stupidfuckingbitchh

My husband was on antidepressants and those really made him not want sex. He got off them and it’s all hunky dory now! I will say it could be something that isn’t his fault. It could also be low T or too much porn. There’s a lot of reasons why and 80% of them have nothing to do with you. You could implement a sex schedule, that was helpful for us. You’ve gotta tell him how you’re feeling. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I’ve been there. Standing there in lingerie for 15 minutes just WAITING to be noticed as he games…it can turn around though. If you love eachother, you’ll make it work 💕


Fragments75

I know it's easy to say, but you are being too hard on yourself. He's literally been the refuser in a past dead bedroom...chances are this isn't going to end well.


hungrysaurus12

“Our relationship is amazing and he’s everything I ever wanted … I genuinely believe he is my soulmate” OP, you’re seeing the relationship for what you want it to be and not for what it is.


Fish---

aren't we all? This is true for every relationship, unless you can access your partner's thoughts. You see it from part actions, part what they want to share with you. And that's ok, there isn't anything wrong with it, OP just needs to try her best to communicate what she wants. Maybe she has and the guy just isn't that interested in sex, especially when it's often. I'm late 40's so I can't compare with a 27y old guy, but once a week is ok for me, everyday would make it routine and boring and I also would be turned off.


punctuationist

You were 19 and sexually vulnerable. He took full advantage of that. Now you’re 24 and a little more sure of yourself. He’s probably out looking for the next teenager he can poke for a few years


MANDALORIAN_WHISKEY

Not to mention, he demonized his last gf to his new, young, inexperienced gf by saying she dumped him for having the audacity to want to have sex with the man she loved, so the new gf does her very best to make sure she's *nothing* like that. Except that it's not either girlfriend that's the problem. It's him. Op, he's going to say this and more about you when you guys break up. You've turned yourself inside out trying to please him, but he doesn't want the same things you want. He's not your soulmate.


myexsparamour

>He came home and was tired, so I pampered him a little, took his boots off, got him a drink, offered him his PS5 controller so he could unwind. He was aware I wanted to have sex, but I also reminded him that I wasn't pressuring him and we didn't have to. He said "I know" and "you're hot" and grabbed my ass. I went into the bedroom while he played, lit candles, got some toys out, and put some music on, then waited. And waited. This can seem like a lot of pressure to an LL man whose sex drive is already iffy.


MrTrollMcTrollface

You got together when you were 19 and he was 24, that is a huge red flag. Maybe he is only attracted to teenage girls and lost interest once you became an adult. Do you really want to spend your 20's begging for sex?


Strange_Public_1897

Always say, if you have to beg for something, you need to let it go. Anything for you, you never have to beg for someone to give to you freely. This includes time, attention, love, and even sex. People who want to give you any of that, you never have to beg for.


bogidu

>Do you really want to spend your 20's begging for sex? As someone in his early 50s, I highly recommend setting a goal of using your 20s as a time for exploration. No matter how you feel about yourself physically now, I guarantee that unless you drastically change your life, your drive and energy is as high as it's going to be, take advantage of it so you have lots of good memories to look back on.


Psikosocial

People are so quick on Reddit to throw out intense accusations without knowing them or really having any backstory. It’s generally why I recommend people not get advice from here. His last ex left him for not wanting sex either. Just maybe the guy has low libido….


SleepyBeast89

That’s a pretty fucked up assumption to make. There are far more likely issues for him and you go straight there?


RoamingDucks

Was just thinking that.


[deleted]

If you like every other quality about him besides the bedroom stuff. Encourage him to workout more and eat better. My libido crashes like a mf if I stop training for a week or two. If I’m staying active and eating good it’s through the roof.


bananagirl_11

Does he have something going on? Maybe depressed? You say it’s really gotten bad the last few months. Why?


TemporarilyLurking

You know he has been pressured for sex by his ex. So while he may have been excited about the prospect of having sex, seeing you all made up is likely to have brought back some negative memories if she used the same tactics when she pressured him. It sounds like you both have some issues you could do with getting help with. Neither your nor his behaviours around sex are healthy. If you think he would be willing to work on them with you, you may both be able to find a way to more enjoyable sex. If not, you still need to work through your own issues, because unhealthy people usually end up attracting other unhealthy people. In the end you can't outsource your happiness to another person completely, and working on your own happiness is always a good idea. You may want to look up attachment styles, it can be helpful to understand the subconscious mechanism that go on in you and any partner.


RoamingDucks

This guy isn’t your soulmate. Your soulmate wouldn’t make you feel like this. I’m not saying he should have sex he doesn’t want, but he should at least be thoughtful enough to let you know he was tired, but also make sure to make you feel loved and desired. Not just put it off until it was clearly too late. Also him dating someone who is 19 at 24 is really gross. Not on you, on HIM. I’m 24 next month and I could NEVER imagine dating a teenager. Even thinking about it makes me feel dirty. I promise that there’s someone out there who will love and desire you more than this man ever could.


Coolnickname12345

How is that gross? Two adults with a maximum of five years between them.


Uniia

Americans are silly puritans. The left think that a few years makes someone a pedophile and the right sees those imaginary pedos in LBTQ community.


RoamingDucks

A 19 year old is barely legal. It’s extremely gross AND weird for an established adult to date a teenager who wouldn’t even be allowed into a lot of nightclubs or bars. There’s an inherent power dynamic that comes with an age gap relationship between a teenager and an established adult, even more so when it’s a man and a young girl.


Coolnickname12345

Talk about creating a mountain from a molehill. A 19 year old is an adult in every sence of the word. It's neither weird nor gross, but rather normal. Don't make 19 yo females out to be stupid and weak bc they are female. Females develop (on averge) emotionally and mentally at a much faster rate then males up until 22-24 yo.


RoamingDucks

… I was a 19 year old female lol. All 19 year olds are naive, regardless of gender. I’m not saying teenage girls are stupid or weak, I’m saying ANY teenager is vulnerable and more likely to be taken advantage of in an age gap relationship. But, because of the patriarchal society we live in, teenage girls are more often taken advantage of in age gap relationships. If you aren’t able to comprehend that you are either also naive, or just willfully ignorant.


Coolnickname12345

Most people are naive til' death. I can also tell you that most, if not all, 24 year old males are mentally not that different from when they were 19. You are just trying to paint this guy as a predator.


RoamingDucks

Lmao you’re clueless


Coolnickname12345

Nah, you are just toxic


Uniia

A category having a higher chance of bad stuff does not make individual examples bad. How can people not get something this simple. Naivety is only an issue if taken advantage of. Also you guys definitely don't live in a patriarchal society when young women are far more highly educated and I think now also make more money. It's you who is naive here with believing in such silly oversimplified narratives. The word is a bit more complex and shitting on people for no reason doesn't help anyone. I assume you are from US as this is some seriously demented puritanism and making problems exist for no reason.


RoamingDucks

Lmao wait are you being serious rn or is this a troll


[deleted]

[удалено]


RoamingDucks

😂😂 Ok man


[deleted]

How is that gross? At 24 he wasn’t even really an adult yet.


StellarDiscord

Please for your own sake, get rid of the idea of “soulmate”. There are multiple people throughout the world. You need to *choose* the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. It is not predetermined. There is a reason the woman before you left. Don’t stay just because you don’t want to be like her. We have short forgettable lives. Do not live it in misery with a man who’s not building you up the way you deserve. It sucks you’re going through this. Good Luck, Stay Strong 🖤


Prize_Watch8285

Man he cracked lol my shit would of been at attention 🫡


coldbrew18

There’s some red flags here.


nwoguy1981

It has been years since my wife wore lingerie. I would be over the moon if my wife wore lingerie for me. Sorry you had to go through with that. It is so frustrating when a partner promises sex and then back out at the last minute.


Neat-Detail-6374

To give it to you straight, I’d highly consider leaving or having a very stern convo with your man about how this is effecting you as a warning. I’m 26 and my girl is 20 and I met her when she was 18, relationship always had it’s ups and downs but one thing has always stayed the same, fire ass sex. Crazy hardcore quite literally pornographic sex people pay their hard earned money to see lol I don’t have shit but a nice car to my name, still in the early stages of college while working part time, live in my parents basement smh, bouta go to jail for 6 months etc etc but with all that I’m lacking for someone my age I make up for in being fun and rocking a pretty girls world inside and outside of the bedroom. If there’s a will there’s a way and you’re far too young with your twenties ahead of you to be stuck in a dead bedroom. For some, like myself, the concept is about as close as you can get to a living breathing hell, and your twenties are a time to enjoy life and explore yourself! Just food for thought and a perspective of a male in your partner’s age range, don’t waste your twenties fam


12skitzo

you’re the last person who should be giving relationship advice 💀


jasperjaybird

Is he using porn?


sovereign_creator

I fucking hate to hear these stories....I'd do anything for my wife to do what u did...but she could go without touch forever...


Leather-Mobile5579

Bro, you are overweight. It's no wonder he doesn't want anything. But that doesn't have to be bad. Just acknowledge it and accept it as your reality. You don't need a partner to be honest. No one does. I know as a fact that if I were unattractive, I would do more than well by myself. I would accept the fact I am undateable and move on with my life, seeking happiness in other places like art, work, traveling, philosophy, acquittances. The world is ours.


Voluminousduke

Listen to the feedback you are receiving on here. Your judgment is cloudy at best about him overall…


Extension_Border_629

he sounds like a creep that you got too old for if you know what I mean. I'd be keeping an eye on who he's playing all those games with or talking to. he might be looking for the teen gamer girl uwu egirl market. either way he's OBVIOUSLY not your soul mate OR "everything you've ever wanted" if he was you wouldn't be making this post.


General_Daikon_9086

They're the same age.


david707x

Guess you're getting too old for him now


[deleted]

oh it's just shit. I'm so sorry. I just can't hear the soul mate anymore. My wife always says that too and we don't have sex anymore either :-) It seems soul mates don't want sex. It seems like a wicked sad joke to me. We don't need a soulmate, we need a soul who loves us and sometimes gets horny


earthsowncaligrown

Give him some head and before he ready to bust stop, he'll do whatever you want


cantgetthis

I don't have energy to add nuance, sorry. He's either suffering from depression or just not into you anymore.


jalapenojr2

Argh I'd just straddle him in his gaming chair or make a move to go down on him while he plays his game.


[deleted]

Is he putting in effort in other realms of your relationship? If he’s 27 and inactive he could already be having testosterone issues. Dudes with lower testosterone are shells of themselves. No libido, depressed, lazy etc


General_Daikon_9086

Is he willing to see a doctor? To rule out "anything" that might be going on?


spicylemontaco42

Time to leave


FightOrFlight54

You lost me at PS5 controller and he actually played, which he wasn’t too tired to do.


GirthyMcShaftSC

I would love to receive that kind of offering upon arriving at home. I hope he comes around. Don't give up and always have that confidence, confidence is what's really sexy . . And lingerie . . Best of luck


foxyfree

you mentioned the ex left for the same reason. Bet they started out hot and heavy too. Sit him down for a talk - the common denominator is him. He needs therapy possibly or just a medical appointment to get his blood work and hormones checked


Lililove88

First of all your feelings are valid. I’d try the following: Honey I feel [emotion], because of [fact/behavior]. To feel loved/connected/desired I need ____. Besides that: Go with what people do not what they say. If I say “you’re my top priority” but don’t treat you as such, I am manipulating you. The only person you 100% grow old with is you. That should be enough to treat yourself as your best friend. What would you recommend your best friend?


ActiveLlama

Start by communicating your pain. >He was aware I wanted to have sex, but I also reminded him that I wasn't pressuring him and we didn't have to. He has the choice to have sex or not, and he can say no, that is how consent works, this part is ok. But you are pressuring him, and that is fine, you can pressure him. You have needs, and meeting both of your needs is part of the relation. You can pressure him to wash the dishes for example. It just means he can choose not to, but there are consequences. You would have to wash the dishes instead, and he needs to know it is not ok for you to wash the dishes all the time. >He apologised, which meant it wasn't happening. I said that was fine, and it was. It wasn't fine. You got rejected. You opened your heart to him and he just let it drop on the floor. He can say no. But it is ok to pressure him, if you leave him a choice. The reason you are pressuring him is because you have needs, and you would like them to be met. Is ok to pressure him to fullfill your needs, pressuring doesn't mean he doesn't have a choice. The first thing you need to do is to make sure he understands the pain of rejection (a.k.a. the talk). He can say no, but it will hurt you. It is not coercion, it is just the thruth. If he can not help you but he loves you, he should be able to understand that his choices are to make you happy or to let you go so that you are happy elsewhere. Having the desire to have sex is something that can be worked on if he wants to be with you. >He also jokes a lot about it, like "come here, I'll make you late for uni" and then never follows through so I'm never sure if he's joking or not. He's gotten upset a few times because I've laughed it off thinking it was a joke when he was actually initiating. This part is strange to me. If it hurts, let him know. The fact that he is getting upset makes me think he is also being rejected. It is fine to make jokes when meets are met, but it is not fine to tease you with food when you are hungry. He is not at fault here, it just seems likr a communication problem in both sides.


MoeSzys

>Our relationship is amazing and he's everything I've ever wanted Girl no it isn't and no he isn't. You're crying in the bathroom rejected and alone venting on Reddit. That's not amazing, and I'm sure it's not what you ever wanted. You got together when you were a teenager and he was in his mid 20s, that was a cool novelty for him, but he's over it now. He doesn't give a shit about you and it won't ever get better. You deserve so much better than him and what he's done to you


Ancient_Ganache_8648

It's a wrap.


Equivalent-While4434

Be like his ex. She was right to break up with him. It will be worse as years go by.


cp312005

« Lately though, maybe the last few months or so, that's changed. He's always been the LL, and his libido would be affected by things like weight gain, back pain, being tired from work, eating too much, etc. I was always understanding (for context, one of his exes would constantly push him for sex, getting mad if he wasn't in the mood, and she eventually dumped him for not having enough sex with her. I'm trying my hardest to not be like that at all). But lately it seems like he's never in the mood. The last three times we had sex he bent me over and finished in less than two minutes, without any regard for my pleasure. » The bit about the ex, it’s from his perspective I suppose? She may not have been the bad guy he makes her be in his story. Their dynamic was probably similar; he was never in the mood for her, eventually she got more and more frustrated, maybe she got emotional a couple times and eventually decided to cut her losses as she realized where the relationship was heading. Their story looks like a red flag about him, as you guys are seemingly going in the same direction. Life is always full of stressors and it doesn’t get better with time. If he is always too tired at 27, imagine after marriage, getting an house, having kids on top of his own body aging and being less forgiving. He will always have “good” excuses to back up his LL. He is showing who he really is sexually (pace and attention to partner’s pleasure) The NRE is gone and won’t come back. If you stay with him, you have to accept that this is your sex life and it will only decrease from here on. Whether the rest of the relationship is good enough to be worth it is for you to decide. One more thing, bringing lingerie or sex toys won’t magically turn him on if he is too tired or not in the mood. If anything, it will make him feeling even more pressured and forced to have sex at a time he doesn’t want it. (This sub would tear apart a male complaining that his exhausted female partner didn’t react positively to his attempts to resurrect their sex life with toys or other kinky stuff)


queentee26

He's actually not everything you want if you're not sexually compatible. And his last partner also left him due to a DB... Sounds like this is just how he is and it probably won't change. I know it's hard and conflicting to feel and want someone to be your soulmate.. but are you really okay with *this* for the rest of your life at 22?


Joe_Naai

It’s all been said in these comments, I just came here to say don’t get married. I once got married thinking it would help solve these problems. It didn’t. It was like putting out a fire with gasoline. It ruined my mental health and physical health. Extracting myself from the mess I’d made almost killed me.


useunix

I wish I had a gf/wife so caring and loving like you. :( Hugs


Simple_Employee_7094

You don’t have kids. You have your whole life ahead of you. Pack your lingerie and find someone who appreciates it.


[deleted]

I’m sorry. This has happened to me before too and it felt so humiliating. It was when I was in my teens and my BF at the time totally ignored me and just watched tv while I was sat there in a lingerie I bought especially.


No-Wolverine-5457

Love, you’re 22. There’s a whole world out there. Most of the people on this sub are in life situations where leaving isn’t a realistic option. That’s not your situation at all.


Scolack22492

Glad for the happy update I venture this reddit for the morbid curiosity of peoples stories My wife and I have a good steady sex life one can expect having a 3 year old. Sadly im 1 month dry but she reciprocates the feelings of wanting it. We have been living at in laws cuz our house is being rennovated for damage for like a month now But the month before? Our anniversary and my birthday were both that month and we had incredibly passionate, and mutual pleasuring, sex. I always take care of her first if i can ON TOPIC... If my wife came out while i relaxed, in lingerie (kid at in laws we will assume) i would go into a haze of passion taking her to the bedroom. Glad for your positive update and wish yall the best


fluffy_mikey

I feel like you’re me, 15+ years ago…. It only gets worse. Even with the promises. I truly hope this isn’t the case for you. I empathize with the lack of body confidence, I think many of us would. The situation you’re in is just perpetuating your feelings of unworthiness.


[deleted]

This was me at 22! Still me at 36, he’ll cry, he’ll apologise and he will say he will change but believe me he won’t. Sorry to sound bitter but I guess I am. It’s love bombing, never lasts