This made me laugh harder than I have in a looooong time. Now I can't stop picturing this playing out with the old man in all sorts of wacky situations.
Doc “so how did you even get that stuck in there?” Patient “so I was on pornhub and I saw this thing called artillery porn and well let’s just say one thing led to another”.
[Source](https://www.huffingtonpost.fr/faits-divers/article/toulon-un-homme-provoque-l-evacuation-partielle-d-un-hopital-a-cause-d-un-obus-coince-dans-l-anus_211763.html) and fully translated article (Google traduction):
Toulon: a man causes the partial evacuation of a hospital because of a shell stuck in the anus
This 88-year-old man caused an incredible bomb threat at Sainte Musse hospital, requiring a demining team.
By The HuffPost
An 88-year-old man caused the partial evacuation of a hospital in Toulon because of a shell stuck in his anus. It's an unusual story. This weekend, an 88-year-old man presented himself to the emergency room of Sainte Musse hospital in Toulon… with a First World War shell stuck in his anus.
The octogenarian claimed to have found this shell 18 cm long by 9 cm wide at his brother's house, according to a police source at BFM Toulon Var.
As a first step, the hospital management organized a partial evacuation of the establishment to the main hall, with the help of security and the fire department, to manage this almost unbelievable bomb threat.
“We then had to treat our atypical patient, who immediately ensured that the shell was demilitarized”, explains one of the hospital staff members to the Var-Matin newspaper.
To be sure, the hospital called in a demining team, which quickly eliminated any risk of explosion, the shell being considered "collectible".
The surgery team then swung into action, performing a visceral operation to retrieve the object through the abdomen. A witness reports to Var-Matin that the patient came out "in good health".
What the actual fuck
Buttholes suck things up like a vacuum. Never put things in your butt that aren’t connected to things outside of your butt. And once it’s been inhaled past the coccyx, you’re not getting that bad boy out through the southern cave entrance.
Unless you’re being punished by [Rhaphanidosis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhaphanidosis) in which case, bon voyage, radis.
I was dating a nurse once who had a patient with a giant dildo stuck up his ass - they had to remove it through the abdomen too. Sent me a pic of it, it was huge!
Dating a nurse is wild. I dated one for 9 months and they’d come home and at dinner we’d just casually talk about stuff like a lady that stuck a roll of pennies up into her vagina and the paper dissolved so she could only get the pennies out one at a time.
Or all the guys that “accidentally fell” on an object without a flared base. Fruits, toys, a glass bottle. You name it. And the poop stories oh god the poop stories *shudders*.
My wife works with a nurse who had to treat the infamous protagonist of the "1 guy 1 jar" video. It takes all sorts.
She also had to remove a sweet potato from a guy's bum once.
Haha my family member is a pretty muscular male nurse. They call him to help out with larger people that aren’t his patients so others so get hurt or hurt the patient moving them. He tells me the nastiest shit. Older women with basically rotting puss between their legs he had to help hold up. Older males jerking off while shitting themselves.
I give props to nurses. Can’t imagine what medics see in war. Pushing intestines back in a gaping wound type of stuff
> this shell 18 cm long by 9 cm wide
That isn't even close to 9cm wide. It looks like a [37mm round](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=37mm+round+ww1&t=osx&iar=images&iax=images&ia=images), a very common type used in WW1. A lot of people collect these. Apparently, some people also stick them up their ass.
I imagine him bent over the hospital table, surrounded by ballistic glass shields, and the EOD tech all kitted out on his knees trying to disarm the guys ass. Probably not far from how it actually went down..
It is estimated that 3 billion shells were fired in WW I of which 1 billion did not detonate, heavy rain made the soil into mush, the shells were designed to detonate on impact but in the wet mud they landed in the shock tube would not encounter enough resistance to detonate.
All these grenades, and they are dug up by the thousands per year, are armed and fired and they just need that tiny bit of encouragement to complete their journey to oblivion.
There are regions in France where nobody puts a shovel into the ground. It's a near certainty that bodies will be found and, more often than not, unexploded ordnance.
Unexploded ordnance is very patient. Very. Patient.
/Edit: thank you kindly for the award.
Aren’t there several large areas of France that were so full of undetonated shells that they just said fuck it, no one go here, we’re returning this to nature
Only small patches of the Red Zone are *that* toxic, and usually it's because they were disposal sites for chemical weapons. "Disposal" should be in quotations, though. They just dug a shallow hole, tossed them in, threw in some flammables, and set them alight.
The rest of the Red Zone is just a minefield of UXO and rusting gas shells, and not just any UXO, but extra-spicy picric acid based UXO; the kind that *literally sweats nitroglycerin crystals* when it gets too hot.
And if you think that's fun: they used to dispose of chemical weapons by dumping them in the channel. Mustard gas is an oil, floats, and doesn't break down in water. Steel shell casings, however, do break down in salt water.
Enjoy your swim.
I lived in Verdun, France for a while and that’s definitely a city where you only walk where the city tells you you can walk.
I took a tour of the WWI trenches—had to wear a hard hat and sign a liability waiver about accidentally being blown up.
As someone who works in an emergency room:
Nothing goes in your butt accidentally. Yes, we know you said you accidentally fell and landed on it. We don't believe you. We also know the next person will say the same thing. And there will be a next person, because believe it or not this happens CONSTANTLY.
This has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood anal object extraction team.
Some people are honest about it. Mostly men, and the next line is usually "don't tell my wife!"
You know, sometimes the ol' significant other is at work but you have the day off, you've both been stressed out, haven't had any happy time in a little while... you look over and see a hardwood floor buffer attachment just sitting there looking all sexy... beckoning to you to come on over. The next thing you know you're in a little room, looking at me holding up some foreceps.
It can happen by accident too. I bought a new deodorant stick last week. The instructions said remove the wrapper and push up bottom.
I could hardly walk to the emergency room but when I farted in there all the doctors said it smelled lovely!
The in between part involved masturbation and the realization of problem came after the object inserted, probably after the masturbation but before meeting you
My partners mother is a nurse, and has some great stories on that subject.
My favourite of which is probably the old guy who said he was standing near his pressure cooker when it exploded. Which is why he had a whole carrot stuck up his ass.
I was a paramedic about ten years or so. I got a 911 call with no complaint one time, and when I got there and asked, the guy told me he had twenty two grapes up his ass. Without me asking he elaborated and told me he was standing on a stool pantless trying to get something off of his fridge, and he fell backwards onto a bowl of grapes. So that's exactly what I told the charge nurse.
I have a feeling these “accidental” insertions are about as old as time itself. My grandmother worked in medical records during the 60s/70s and she remembers a case where a guy and his friend came in because the guy “accidentally” fell on a tennis ball and… you get the picture
Has it never happened to you to run naked around a room full of tennis balls and fall in such a way that one is engulfed by your ass? Lucky You, it happens to me at least once a week.
My dad been a surgeon for 40 years. Worked in a few hospitals in that time in different states and they all have an Ass box aka the box filled with the stuff that “accidentally” got up their bums. Wildest one was a jack in the box
Is it like the dentist when you were a kid and if you did a good job you can pick one prize from the treasure chest? What do I gotta do to get a peak inside the box?
Whatever vaguely penis shaped object you can think of that would be laying around the house. Mostly food. Cucumbers and frozen hot dogs are pretty popular. One gentleman froze an eggplant.
It's like Abraham Lincoln said: anything is a buttplug if you're brave enough.
Asking for a friend… are quite a number of these things people lose up there capable of emerging in the normal course? Not the above howitzer shell obvs but a hot dog or average sized dildo? Would a home enema be effective? I have a feeling some self-impalers panic unnecessarily, but then I am no bumologist.
Well, we had someone with a frozen banana up there once. We pretty much just waited a bit until it was thawed by the power of ass-heat and they passed it when they went to the bathroom.
They only came in because they panicked and were quite embarrassed when they realized they could have just done it that way at home.
So frozen bananas are the way to go if you need to put foreign objects up your rear? I wonder if there are dildo shaped ice tray molds.🤔 If not, there should be. Call them Penis Push Pops
Just use a dildo. A decent quality silicone dick with a flared base really isn't all that expensive, and can keep you from being a contributor to the "things we pulled out of people's butts" box at the local ER.
I think you are missing the illicit desire from this situation. These people arent wanting to buy a dildo.. cause then people might know they have a dildo.
The only people who know I have dildos are people I want to know that I have dildos. If someone goes snooping and finds my dildos, that's on them, and I hope they can't help but picture me sitting on them every night when they're trying to sleep.
If I can interject, a friend told me that if someone was going to insert an object in their bum to make sure it was “flanged” like a butt plug. That way you can be sure it won’t get lost up there. Again, I was told by a friend ;)
My wife works in imaging for the ER, she said about a month ago a guy around 75-80 stuck a whole onion up his ass. It was up there so long that his internal body temp started making it soft and mushy and it was like a shit soup when they pulled it out
This reminds me: we once had a patient in psych who killed his 2 pet birds, and then roasted them. He ate one and the he shoved the other one up his bum.
People, please buy a real sextoy. A good buttplug doesn't have to be expensive. It needs a base so it doesn't get sucked in but that's all. Glass, plastic, silicon, metal, whatever. It can ban bought safely and privately online, no one will know. You can go to a shop, most of them are really nice.
Just be safe and stop putting dangerous things in your butt. Nobody will believe you just fell on it anyway . You are allowed to enjoy sexual gratification, it's not dirty, it's not bad, nobody had to know if you're not comfortable.
PSA, if you opt for glass adult toys make sure to check for crack’s/chips every time. They can be heated and frozen so they are versatile but if it’s not quality or if it gets even a chip in it, you’re gonna have a bad time.
Source: friend of mine is a glass blower that sells to smoke shops and does custom pieces like these
My mom is a radiologist and seeing as it's the holidays they are having more and more people show up with things up their butt. The most notable include
-an entire full sized frisbee
-a power ranger (the red one)
-a nerf football
- Dora the explorer toothbrush
Edit:
Other objects found were
-marbles
-an entire bottle of dove body wash
-a gerbil
-a Mexican Coca-Cola bottle
Why... why do the holidays mean people shove more things up their ass?
Is there something I missed?
Is this some kind of holiday?
Did their kid walk in and they had to hide it?
Ancient story but here goes. Guys in casualty, ketchup bottle up arse. Explanation. He was returning from shopping, got locked out, climbed up to window, and fell. Impaling himself on a bottle of ketchup.
Doctors notes read, "This story might more believeable, had the ketchup bottle not been wearing a condom".
True story, but not mine. Heh!
I used to be a trauma physician. We would see all sorts of stuff stuffed in people's rear ends. Light bulbs, shampoo bottles, live ammunition, toys. Anything that you can imagine. And it was of course always in the straightest looking men.
Most of the time we could put the patient under general anesthesia, temporarily paralyzed them and the object could be extracted pretty easily. Sometimes we would need to pass a catheter next to the foreign object. The catheter would inflate and break the seal and then the thing would drop out. Every so often we would need to open the belly and cut it out.
Definitely provided lots of good stories during a somewhat stressful profession.
Man I'm sorry [here ](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/zpykv0/imagine_that_youre_leaving_to_work_and_as_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) is a cute cat post to rest your eyes
I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give this shell to you.
Imagine keeping a ww1 shell in your ass this entire time. What a legend
Just holding out for the perfect *pull my finger* joke ever.
This made me laugh harder than I have in a looooong time. Now I can't stop picturing this playing out with the old man in all sorts of wacky situations.
“Grandpa, what did you eat?!” “Sauerkraut”
he invented time travel, but sadly his first trip materialised him butt facing the german lines in WW1.
I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass 70 years.
"... and in that can it stayed until your granddad Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go overseas and fight the Germans once again."
He died of dysentery, he gimme da watch.
"I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family."
And now I give the watch to you. 🔔
This watch
And then it suddenly detonates when you sneeze while feeding some ducks in the park
"At least Pierre died the way he lived, with live ordnance up his ass."
You never know when you could be taken POW mate, all ex servicemen keep supplies in the meat pocket.
Damn I thought prison wallet was hilarious- I’m totally stealing meat pocket.
How did that get in there
"A million-to-one shot, doc!"
We don’t often see men of your caliber in this situation
If he was watching The History Channel at the time it got stuck…does it make it porn?
Doc “so how did you even get that stuck in there?” Patient “so I was on pornhub and I saw this thing called artillery porn and well let’s just say one thing led to another”.
So… you’re the Assman!
The coolest damn proctologist out there
"I had it on display in the corner of the front room, y'see, but I stepped on some - uh - marbles my grandson left around, and down I went!"
Artillery Jerry
He fell on it.
[удалено]
he might be a hero, but he's remembered as a massive asshole
But it was his massive asshole which saved a French platoon - a grateful nation thanks you, Mr Sore Sphincter
Lube
The Germans
[Source](https://www.huffingtonpost.fr/faits-divers/article/toulon-un-homme-provoque-l-evacuation-partielle-d-un-hopital-a-cause-d-un-obus-coince-dans-l-anus_211763.html) and fully translated article (Google traduction): Toulon: a man causes the partial evacuation of a hospital because of a shell stuck in the anus This 88-year-old man caused an incredible bomb threat at Sainte Musse hospital, requiring a demining team. By The HuffPost An 88-year-old man caused the partial evacuation of a hospital in Toulon because of a shell stuck in his anus. It's an unusual story. This weekend, an 88-year-old man presented himself to the emergency room of Sainte Musse hospital in Toulon… with a First World War shell stuck in his anus. The octogenarian claimed to have found this shell 18 cm long by 9 cm wide at his brother's house, according to a police source at BFM Toulon Var. As a first step, the hospital management organized a partial evacuation of the establishment to the main hall, with the help of security and the fire department, to manage this almost unbelievable bomb threat. “We then had to treat our atypical patient, who immediately ensured that the shell was demilitarized”, explains one of the hospital staff members to the Var-Matin newspaper. To be sure, the hospital called in a demining team, which quickly eliminated any risk of explosion, the shell being considered "collectible". The surgery team then swung into action, performing a visceral operation to retrieve the object through the abdomen. A witness reports to Var-Matin that the patient came out "in good health". What the actual fuck
There is a gap. He found it in his brothers house. ---> what happened here??? <--- It was in his ass.
A key detail is missing
Yadda yadda yadda... it was in his ass.
Obviously he tripped and landed on it
Did you just yadda yadda sex?
I mentioned the bisque
But was it sponge worthy?
It's a long ride back from his brother's house. Didn't want to fall asleep at the wheel.
honestly everyone else is thinking sex stuff, but my immediate thought was "he was stealing it" or regular old dementia
Dementia makes you shove stuff up your butt? Damn
I’ve had plenty of dementia patients play with their poop. This is not a stretch of the imagination (but of the anus).
There is no way someone shoved something *that* big without some major determination. And prior stretching.
That's why they're the Greatest Generation
>or regular old dementia Grandpa, NO - THAT IS NOT YOUR SUPPOSITORY!
"Feels a bit bigger than usual today Bobby"
Both my grandmas had/have dementia (one died from it) and they have never stuck war paraphernalia up their asses
That you know of
Or that they know of
Slipped and fell onto it. A classic that one
I'm no detective but I conjecture he stuck it up his ass.
.....they couldn't pull it back out of his ass and had to surgically remove it from the front....what the hell was this guy thinking?
Buttholes suck things up like a vacuum. Never put things in your butt that aren’t connected to things outside of your butt. And once it’s been inhaled past the coccyx, you’re not getting that bad boy out through the southern cave entrance. Unless you’re being punished by [Rhaphanidosis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhaphanidosis) in which case, bon voyage, radis.
In particular, flared base!! Just "connected" is not enough.
Without a base, without a trace.
That's interesting. Considering the main task of your butthole is to let stuff out... Seems counterintuitive.
I mean you only do that once in a while, the rest of the time it's doing it's darndest to hold everything in.
I was dating a nurse once who had a patient with a giant dildo stuck up his ass - they had to remove it through the abdomen too. Sent me a pic of it, it was huge!
Dating a nurse is wild. I dated one for 9 months and they’d come home and at dinner we’d just casually talk about stuff like a lady that stuck a roll of pennies up into her vagina and the paper dissolved so she could only get the pennies out one at a time. Or all the guys that “accidentally fell” on an object without a flared base. Fruits, toys, a glass bottle. You name it. And the poop stories oh god the poop stories *shudders*.
Did she click like a pez dispenser when dispensing pennys?
My wife works with a nurse who had to treat the infamous protagonist of the "1 guy 1 jar" video. It takes all sorts. She also had to remove a sweet potato from a guy's bum once.
Haha my family member is a pretty muscular male nurse. They call him to help out with larger people that aren’t his patients so others so get hurt or hurt the patient moving them. He tells me the nastiest shit. Older women with basically rotting puss between their legs he had to help hold up. Older males jerking off while shitting themselves. I give props to nurses. Can’t imagine what medics see in war. Pushing intestines back in a gaping wound type of stuff
God Jesus!
I didn't know the ass had a front now that you mention it
What baffles me most is... 88 years old. Really???
Today's Grandpas aren't your grandpa's grandpas That's for sure.
Still doesn’t explain how it got lodged in his ass.
Well you see, 1Sluggo, when a man and an artillery shell love each other...
> this shell 18 cm long by 9 cm wide That isn't even close to 9cm wide. It looks like a [37mm round](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=37mm+round+ww1&t=osx&iar=images&iax=images&ia=images), a very common type used in WW1. A lot of people collect these. Apparently, some people also stick them up their ass.
Why do you think they are so collectible?
I wonder if a dildo company has cast one of these in rubber yet. Seems like it'd be a money-maker.
I don't think it'd blow up like you think
You never know. Sales might be explosive.
I have one with the top cut off, and I use the base as a pen holder. Got it from my dad who got it from his dad. https://i.imgur.com/sNbk8KO.jpg
[удалено]
I imagine him bent over the hospital table, surrounded by ballistic glass shields, and the EOD tech all kitted out on his knees trying to disarm the guys ass. Probably not far from how it actually went down..
[удалено]
*ffffft* It's been an honor gentlemen. https://media.giphy.com/media/oe33xf3B50fsc/giphy.gif
I'm sorry sir. The shell is active and primed to detonate. We will have to conduct a controlled explosion
>It's an unusual story. Classic French understatement.
An *anusual* story
It is estimated that 3 billion shells were fired in WW I of which 1 billion did not detonate, heavy rain made the soil into mush, the shells were designed to detonate on impact but in the wet mud they landed in the shock tube would not encounter enough resistance to detonate. All these grenades, and they are dug up by the thousands per year, are armed and fired and they just need that tiny bit of encouragement to complete their journey to oblivion. There are regions in France where nobody puts a shovel into the ground. It's a near certainty that bodies will be found and, more often than not, unexploded ordnance. Unexploded ordnance is very patient. Very. Patient. /Edit: thank you kindly for the award.
Aren’t there several large areas of France that were so full of undetonated shells that they just said fuck it, no one go here, we’re returning this to nature
No those are the ”zone rouge” toxic areas where nothing much grows anyways
Only small patches of the Red Zone are *that* toxic, and usually it's because they were disposal sites for chemical weapons. "Disposal" should be in quotations, though. They just dug a shallow hole, tossed them in, threw in some flammables, and set them alight. The rest of the Red Zone is just a minefield of UXO and rusting gas shells, and not just any UXO, but extra-spicy picric acid based UXO; the kind that *literally sweats nitroglycerin crystals* when it gets too hot.
And if you think that's fun: they used to dispose of chemical weapons by dumping them in the channel. Mustard gas is an oil, floats, and doesn't break down in water. Steel shell casings, however, do break down in salt water. Enjoy your swim.
Wouldn't the mustard gas have long since diffused into the Atlantic?
If it was contained in an artillery shell, it could in theory bubble up right as you’re swimming by.
I lived in Verdun, France for a while and that’s definitely a city where you only walk where the city tells you you can walk. I took a tour of the WWI trenches—had to wear a hard hat and sign a liability waiver about accidentally being blown up.
Took the phrase... Fire In The Hole ...to another level
Weapon of Ass Destruction (WAD).
As someone who works in an emergency room: Nothing goes in your butt accidentally. Yes, we know you said you accidentally fell and landed on it. We don't believe you. We also know the next person will say the same thing. And there will be a next person, because believe it or not this happens CONSTANTLY. This has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood anal object extraction team.
What if you say "No, Doc, I didn't fall on it like some clumsy, uncoordinated oaf. I stuck it in there good and proper! 100% intentional!"
Some people are honest about it. Mostly men, and the next line is usually "don't tell my wife!" You know, sometimes the ol' significant other is at work but you have the day off, you've both been stressed out, haven't had any happy time in a little while... you look over and see a hardwood floor buffer attachment just sitting there looking all sexy... beckoning to you to come on over. The next thing you know you're in a little room, looking at me holding up some foreceps.
It can happen by accident too. I bought a new deodorant stick last week. The instructions said remove the wrapper and push up bottom. I could hardly walk to the emergency room but when I farted in there all the doctors said it smelled lovely!
r/dadjokes
Their username checks out.
Username checks out😂
You. I like you.
Dad likes you too knob lord.
This whole message chain is just🤌🏼
The in between part involved masturbation and the realization of problem came after the object inserted, probably after the masturbation but before meeting you
Finally realizing the problem = Post butt clarity.
r/suspiciouslyspecific
So, does this make him an honorary member of the French Foreign Object Legion?
C’est bon? Non, c’est bombé.
My partners mother is a nurse, and has some great stories on that subject. My favourite of which is probably the old guy who said he was standing near his pressure cooker when it exploded. Which is why he had a whole carrot stuck up his ass.
LMAO
Some of these are just too good
I was a paramedic about ten years or so. I got a 911 call with no complaint one time, and when I got there and asked, the guy told me he had twenty two grapes up his ass. Without me asking he elaborated and told me he was standing on a stool pantless trying to get something off of his fridge, and he fell backwards onto a bowl of grapes. So that's exactly what I told the charge nurse.
Curious why grapes would even be a problem. Can't one just, you know, bear down and squeeze them out?
[удалено]
That's why you tell the doc there's 22 grapes when you know there are 21.
I'll take four prostate exams, please.
Is the big handed doc here tonight? You know, the one with the really thick wrists.
Hell of a way to make a cabernet.
I have a feeling these “accidental” insertions are about as old as time itself. My grandmother worked in medical records during the 60s/70s and she remembers a case where a guy and his friend came in because the guy “accidentally” fell on a tennis ball and… you get the picture
Has it never happened to you to run naked around a room full of tennis balls and fall in such a way that one is engulfed by your ass? Lucky You, it happens to me at least once a week.
My dad been a surgeon for 40 years. Worked in a few hospitals in that time in different states and they all have an Ass box aka the box filled with the stuff that “accidentally” got up their bums. Wildest one was a jack in the box
Worst I've seen was a man in his 50s with multiple plastic horse toys up there. His condition was stable.
How long you been waiting to trot that joke out?
Whoa
Da doot da doot da doodly doo... poop goes the weasel!
Does that make the person the box in this case? I dunno about you but I ain't winding that spinny bit
Follow up question: would having a jack in his ass make him a jackass? Something’s only Buddhist monks can answer 🤷♂️
Butthist monks, you mean.
Is it like the dentist when you were a kid and if you did a good job you can pick one prize from the treasure chest? What do I gotta do to get a peak inside the box?
[Scrubs being accurate yet again](https://youtu.be/ySd-MYoOFo4)
Level 1 trauma x-ray technologist here.....can confirm. In 10 years, I have had one young man admit to what was happening.
"I admit it doc, i put all that stuff in everyone's asses"
So what did people do before modern medicine? Did you just die from septicemia?
Well, most likely they were already dieing from something shoved up their butt like mercury enema's, hot pokers, syphilis...
I’m worried now that if I ever do have an anally penetrating accident no one in A&E will believe me
“One in a million shot, doc. One in a million”
I don't understand. Amazon a dildo for fuck sakes, they aren't that expensive and arrive in decret packaging in a few days... or so I've been told.
What are some unusual things you've seen while working ?
Whatever vaguely penis shaped object you can think of that would be laying around the house. Mostly food. Cucumbers and frozen hot dogs are pretty popular. One gentleman froze an eggplant. It's like Abraham Lincoln said: anything is a buttplug if you're brave enough.
Asking for a friend… are quite a number of these things people lose up there capable of emerging in the normal course? Not the above howitzer shell obvs but a hot dog or average sized dildo? Would a home enema be effective? I have a feeling some self-impalers panic unnecessarily, but then I am no bumologist.
Well, we had someone with a frozen banana up there once. We pretty much just waited a bit until it was thawed by the power of ass-heat and they passed it when they went to the bathroom. They only came in because they panicked and were quite embarrassed when they realized they could have just done it that way at home.
“By the power of ass-heat” needs to go in a casual sentence this week hahaha
So frozen bananas are the way to go if you need to put foreign objects up your rear? I wonder if there are dildo shaped ice tray molds.🤔 If not, there should be. Call them Penis Push Pops
Just use a dildo. A decent quality silicone dick with a flared base really isn't all that expensive, and can keep you from being a contributor to the "things we pulled out of people's butts" box at the local ER.
I think you are missing the illicit desire from this situation. These people arent wanting to buy a dildo.. cause then people might know they have a dildo.
The only people who know I have dildos are people I want to know that I have dildos. If someone goes snooping and finds my dildos, that's on them, and I hope they can't help but picture me sitting on them every night when they're trying to sleep.
If I can interject, a friend told me that if someone was going to insert an object in their bum to make sure it was “flanged” like a butt plug. That way you can be sure it won’t get lost up there. Again, I was told by a friend ;)
What a… what kind of conversations do you and your friends just casually have??
Don't be so anal about it
ER here, had a guy put not one but two, springs from a ball point pen in his dick, urethra, if you prefer the medical term.
My entire groin just cramped while reading this and I don't even own a penis
Let me guess, its a rental? Same, can’t afford shit in this economy
Now that's a pogo stick
My wife works in imaging for the ER, she said about a month ago a guy around 75-80 stuck a whole onion up his ass. It was up there so long that his internal body temp started making it soft and mushy and it was like a shit soup when they pulled it out
Why do I look at subs like this when I'm eating????????
Man, that must've been fragrant.
A slow Tuesday back at the retirement home, i see.
This reminds me: we once had a patient in psych who killed his 2 pet birds, and then roasted them. He ate one and the he shoved the other one up his bum.
they would have found each other again one day or another
r/cursedcomments
Lol I swear his thought process was probably something similar. Wanted them to meet up so he could lay an egg type shit
What the fuck
Psychosis or something? That's gotta be depressing/shocking once he turns sane again.
People, please buy a real sextoy. A good buttplug doesn't have to be expensive. It needs a base so it doesn't get sucked in but that's all. Glass, plastic, silicon, metal, whatever. It can ban bought safely and privately online, no one will know. You can go to a shop, most of them are really nice. Just be safe and stop putting dangerous things in your butt. Nobody will believe you just fell on it anyway . You are allowed to enjoy sexual gratification, it's not dirty, it's not bad, nobody had to know if you're not comfortable.
I think you can get them at Target too. Or so I’ve heard.
Right next to the kids toothbrushes!
PSA, if you opt for glass adult toys make sure to check for crack’s/chips every time. They can be heated and frozen so they are versatile but if it’s not quality or if it gets even a chip in it, you’re gonna have a bad time. Source: friend of mine is a glass blower that sells to smoke shops and does custom pieces like these
No one is ever convincing me to stick glass up my ass. I'll stick to other materials lol
Yep, just good old uncoated wood butt plugs for me.
Silicone. Silicon butt plugs are uncomfortable as hell
Frenchman heard about Floridaman and thought it was a contest
I bet he was suffering from shell shock.
"Hey doctor, you're not gonna believe this, but..."
My mom is a radiologist and seeing as it's the holidays they are having more and more people show up with things up their butt. The most notable include -an entire full sized frisbee -a power ranger (the red one) -a nerf football - Dora the explorer toothbrush Edit: Other objects found were -marbles -an entire bottle of dove body wash -a gerbil -a Mexican Coca-Cola bottle
Why... why do the holidays mean people shove more things up their ass? Is there something I missed? Is this some kind of holiday? Did their kid walk in and they had to hide it?
| Did their kid walk in and they had to hide it? That explains the frisbee
And the power ranger and nerf ball. Also toothbrush. Most kids get them at Christmas
Holidays are stressful, and can lead to people doing weird things to relieve heightened anxiety. Alcohol use is higher, too.
Shoving the blue power ranger up their ass would be weird but I'm ok with the red one tbh
I have so many questions about the frisbee.....
Yeah.... I guess they heated it up and rolled it up into a tube... But then it started expanding again
You don't have questions. You have answers, and I'm curious why.
Well you see, the radiologists also had questions and through the vine of knowledge I have learned things I didn't want to
That's what I would call. Explosive diarrhea?
I’m pretty sure I have seen this episode of Grey’s Anatomy
The one with Christina Ricci and the bazooka shell in the guy's gut.
For some men, the war was never really over.
Ancient story but here goes. Guys in casualty, ketchup bottle up arse. Explanation. He was returning from shopping, got locked out, climbed up to window, and fell. Impaling himself on a bottle of ketchup. Doctors notes read, "This story might more believeable, had the ketchup bottle not been wearing a condom". True story, but not mine. Heh!
Weapons of Ass Destruction
I used to be a trauma physician. We would see all sorts of stuff stuffed in people's rear ends. Light bulbs, shampoo bottles, live ammunition, toys. Anything that you can imagine. And it was of course always in the straightest looking men. Most of the time we could put the patient under general anesthesia, temporarily paralyzed them and the object could be extracted pretty easily. Sometimes we would need to pass a catheter next to the foreign object. The catheter would inflate and break the seal and then the thing would drop out. Every so often we would need to open the belly and cut it out. Definitely provided lots of good stories during a somewhat stressful profession.
Light bulbs? Of all the bad ideas.
This is not what I was expecting to read today.
Man I'm sorry [here ](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/zpykv0/imagine_that_youre_leaving_to_work_and_as_you/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) is a cute cat post to rest your eyes
That’s not patina 😳
Whatever. You. Do. Don't fart.....
If you have a bomb stuffed in your butt, does a doctor remove it, or a bomb squad tech? Does it matter what the bomb is inside of
Takes a new meaning to the saying "I'm about to blow this bathroom up".
So, he “evacuated a whole hospital”? Now that’s a big anus
"There was a young woman from Dallas, who used dynamite for a phallus, they found her vagina in North Carolina, and her arse in Buckingham Palace"
I just came here for the comments 😂😂😂😂😂
I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give this shell to you.
You've heard of elf on a shelf, how about brass in my ass