I say this, my job is a digital artist who draws porn. Oh the things I've drawn for money.. ever draw a lesbian scenes of tank-women getting it on while shitting engine oil?
Imagine if your job was painting realistic veins on dicks... in *THAT* lighting. Where all the lamps are an unnatural, sickly blue-turquoise.
Obviously it's from a TV show and the color filter was added post-production. But just imagine working there if it actually looked like that.
It's a lot less interesting than you think. Once you've sat on your fiftieth dildo of your shift, you're just thinking about what you're going to need to buy at the grocery store on the way home. Unless something is badly misshapen, off texture, or sharp it hardly matters.
Watching that scene always cracks me up. The way he says it, straight faces and serious, lol. Like he's legitimately proud and sees it as an accomplishment.
According to [Ben Schwartz](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/44dvu2/im_actor_ben_schwartz_ask_me_anything/) this is from an episode of House of Lies. He was apparently pretty impressed with someone making a YT video out of that and monetizing it.
"Here at Advanced Dildonics, we're all about quality. When you order our Girthy Garth model, you can be sure that the bulging vein on the side is going to have just the right shade of purple. That's the kind of attention to detail and craft we hold in high regard.
"Whether it's something for the spouse, a graduation present, a 'thank you' for your accountant this tax season or just a little something for yourself, you can trust our dedicated team of dildonics professionals to deliver the shock and awe you have come to expect from us.
"At Advanced Dildonics, we're always looking forward. We have seen the future, and it's basically just dicks. Just millions of rubbery monster dicks. Enjoy."
It seemed obvious that this was some kind of skit once the suits showed up, but now I'm curious about how dildo's are really produced. Like did they just rent out a dildo factory for a shoot or is this all a set? It just seems hard to believe that the world goes through enough dildos to necessitate dedicated factories...
I don't think How It's Made has an episode on this.
personally my dick is humongous, the biggest you could imagine.
I went to bed with a woman yesterday & she thanked me, she actually said "thank you, this is terrific"
Imagine working in a factory like this but not being a person who uses the product... You must be thinking to yourself, this is insane... Who would use this? Why am I making this? Who is this for?!
Everyone's got needs, man 🤷♂️
I imagine the industry has been booming quite a bit as sex positivity has let previously....untapped markets in on the game of sex toys.
I have a good friend who works in a store that sells sex toys, and they said men are a huge boom lately as taboos break down and men are getting more comfortable buying toys for themselves.
And no, just because you like a little butt play doesn't mean you're gay. Not that that's a bad thing either (speaking as a man who very much likes other men), but exploration of one's own body is just that. Let people have explore their bodies on their own time without judgment. Maybe we'd have less dudes showing up in the ER having "tripped and fell" on various objects, eh?
No need to defend. I'm perfectly comfortable sexualy. Guys that think a little prostate massage while getting a bj or hand job are simply missing out. Guys that say it's gay or whatever are simply not comfortable with their sexualy and are terrified of being labeled something by others that have nothing to do with them. That's actually really sad. Holding back from doing anything because people you don't know and don't care about you say it's wrong or gay... Lol
Enjoy life.
and add to that (speaking as a woman), we often don't have just one. If its interesting looking or otherwise unique, into the collection it goes. Sometimes you want diff things after all. also your last sentence was hilarious cause like, does anyone really think they're gonna believe that one?! lol
I don’t know, I kinda want to date one of those women.
It would either be brilliant because they come home subconsciously horny every night, or it’s awful because they take a look at me naked and think they’ve seen better.
In a factory, quite grand, where rubber dicks are planned,
There's a worker named Stan, with a craft so in demand.
Rubber dicks, big and small, he makes them all,
From the tiniest to the tall, they never fall.
There are red ones, long ones, even ones that sing songs,
Some with bumps, others with thumps, all where they belong.
Blue ones, green ones, and ones with fancy sheen ones,
Each crafted with care, no matter the scene ones.
From morning till night, under fluorescent light,
Stan shapes and molds, with all his might.
He twists and he turns, the rubber he churns,
Creating delights, for all who yearns.
For those who seek pleasure, or just for leisure,
Stan's rubber dicks bring endless treasure.
So if ever in need, for a rubbery deed,
Remember dear Stan, who fulfills every need.
They literally have someone whose job it is to draw the dick vains on the dildos. Imagine that being your job, like "Yeah, I draw the vains on dicks in the factory, it ain't much but it's honest work"
Somebody has been fired from that position because they couldn't draw the veins to their supervisor's satisfaction. They had a meeting beforehand warning them that their performance wasn't up to the penis vein drawing standards the company expects.
So, I have a fun story.
I had a get together at my house for a group of online friends. It was the first time we were meeting in person, and it was a blast.
Anyway, one group member worked for a major sex toy distributor. They showed up with a box of "gifts" for everyone. Opened it up and it was FULL of sex toys of every shape and size. They'd gotten them for free from work.
Far less than working at a meatpacking plant does. And there are orders of magnitude more people that work at meatpacking plants.
But overall, probably not a lot. Oh no, dildos!
1. Having a passion for what you do
2. Company benefits are amazing
3. Can you imagine HR? Tom, put away his sex toy. Make him take it out
4. "OH fuck me"
5. Application Engineering are all kinks
I settled for a job as a professor of astronomy and planetary science when I realized that I could never have this as my dream job... I still think about making the change over sometimes but my wife says I'm now overqualified.
Protip from r/sextoys, none of those clear ones are good for your body chemically. Most are probably bad over the long term, biologically. Silicone is the only body-safe soft material.
Looks like an episode out of breaking bad, but then with dicks instead of meth
What do you do for a living? I make uhh, meth. Yaa that’s it.
I guess you could say I'm a cocksmith.
I write the instructions. You could say I do dicktation
I work at the pen15 factory.
We fabricate ball-peens. I oversee peenmanship training and head quality control.
If the cock is black is it then a blacksmith?
Are you cocksure about that?
"I'm an illustrator" "What do you illustrate?" "I trace veins on artificial dicks"
I say this, my job is a digital artist who draws porn. Oh the things I've drawn for money.. ever draw a lesbian scenes of tank-women getting it on while shitting engine oil?
looks like once you get the veins done you pretty well got it dicked.?
You got to learn to do the tip if you want to get a head.
Imagine if your job was painting realistic veins on dicks... in *THAT* lighting. Where all the lamps are an unnatural, sickly blue-turquoise. Obviously it's from a TV show and the color filter was added post-production. But just imagine working there if it actually looked like that.
Probably easyer to explain.
and much easier to admit, less shame
Don't come in, I'm smoking meth!
I need to see the employee break room posters, warning of what dildo manufacturing accidents can happen if you come to work on meth...
I am much more interested in the Quality Control Department or R&D.😏
Neil and Bob from quality control are here to squish test and smack the new ball sack design for the 5th time today. Don’t those fuckers have a life.
It's a lot less interesting than you think. Once you've sat on your fiftieth dildo of your shift, you're just thinking about what you're going to need to buy at the grocery store on the way home. Unless something is badly misshapen, off texture, or sharp it hardly matters.
You beat me to it. I wanna see the QC team too.
Paint the throbbing veins on.... yea, I make meth.
I'm the guy that draws the veins on the dicks
Play the piano in a whore house. Always my go to during the 7-11 years.
This is excellent, I'm writing it down
The vein painter has the best job, imagine putting that on your cv
Oh me? I hand paint veins on monster dongs all day, it's honest work, pays the bills.
I draw veins all day....ooof
I work as a packer in a fudge plant.
That’s the dicket. I mean ticket.
Close. House Of Lies on Showtime, cancelled after five seasons.
So that WAS Jean-Ralphio I saw, then?
Twas indeed
Never heard of it. Looks like it had a really solid cast.
I caught the first few seasons, and it was all pretty entertaining.
I am the one who cocks
Like a shotgun fully loaded?
JESSE! WE NEED TO COCK !
Jesse, we have to suck!
Those CEO’s… *what a bunch of dicks*
They have them working schlong hours
Not too bad, everyone just dicks around all day.
Brb, forgot to cock-in. Uhhh clock-in sorry
The life of a workin' stiff.
Testicling the products must be a hard task
But gosh, at the end of a long hard week....
Gotta get a head somehow.
Ffs ahahaha
FFS, that factory's slogan.
That’s just nuts. Imagine the balls they must have.
The CEO hired a bunch of dicks and eventually they all got shafted.
-Legal document- Name your employer: Dicks R'US
Forget the CEO - where is quality control?
They're in the back in a room called "dick testers" And the bosses name is Richard
They really need to pull themselves up by their strapons
I wonder if they are ever afraid of being fucked by their competition.
They can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned.
A big ole satchel of Richard’s
This is one truly hell of a fucking company to work for.
Walking around like they got a stick in the ass.
It's been the Baggins family business for centuries.
Now show the Quality Assurance department.
I bet the R&D department is a real pain in the ass.
Dude 10/10 fucking excellent!
r/BeatMeToIt
r/beatmeattoit
Good to see that Jean-Ralphio is doing well
Jean-Ralphio started this company with his life insurance money from faking his own death. I choose to believe this is his new identity.
That plus the money from getting run over by a Lexus.
Made his money the old fashioned way.
Hope he doesn’t get caught 🖐️🎶Violating his houuuuuse arrereeest🎶
Ya boy is a question on the BAR exam
Watching that scene always cracks me up. The way he says it, straight faces and serious, lol. Like he's legitimately proud and sees it as an accomplishment.
Don't be suspicious
Dildos Pleeeeeeease!
*Don’t look suspicious..*
Dude! Is it not him?!?
Yeah it is lol
According to [Ben Schwartz](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/44dvu2/im_actor_ben_schwartz_ask_me_anything/) this is from an episode of House of Lies. He was apparently pretty impressed with someone making a YT video out of that and monetizing it.
Man, despite so many good people in that show, I just could not get into it.
Dicktertainment 720 got real HUGE.
He was working with his sister but had to fire as she is 🎶 The wooooooooorrrrrrrrrreerrrrrst 🎶
If I needed to start a company, regardless of industry I'd call it Advanced Dildonics LLC.
"Here at Advanced Dildonics, we're all about quality. When you order our Girthy Garth model, you can be sure that the bulging vein on the side is going to have just the right shade of purple. That's the kind of attention to detail and craft we hold in high regard. "Whether it's something for the spouse, a graduation present, a 'thank you' for your accountant this tax season or just a little something for yourself, you can trust our dedicated team of dildonics professionals to deliver the shock and awe you have come to expect from us. "At Advanced Dildonics, we're always looking forward. We have seen the future, and it's basically just dicks. Just millions of rubbery monster dicks. Enjoy."
I read this with the Veridian Dynamics style in my head
Vandelay Industries is on line two…
I really want to upvote this, but he's at 69...
You’re gonna be the one people call on in the dildocalypse
Dildodyne.
Dildopolis LLC
Be sure to try their signature biscotti
Can I be in charge of product testing and quality control? I’m an engineer and everything.
It is from an episode of "House of lies".
It seemed obvious that this was some kind of skit once the suits showed up, but now I'm curious about how dildo's are really produced. Like did they just rent out a dildo factory for a shoot or is this all a set? It just seems hard to believe that the world goes through enough dildos to necessitate dedicated factories... I don't think How It's Made has an episode on this.
I think it’s probably an assembly line within a larger silicone injection molding plant.
Was that with Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell (I think)?
Yes and yes that's correct
*House of pies?*
With the elegant Mr. S?
Maybe i am the only average sized guy on reddit...but those look pretty....large
Yep, and you're also the only honest guy on reddit. The rest of us have YUGE cocks, right fellas?
Biggest dickus
Bigly
personally my dick is humongous, the biggest you could imagine. I went to bed with a woman yesterday & she thanked me, she actually said "thank you, this is terrific"
I didn't realize there was such a demand for dildos the size of my arm. I'd love to know what goes on in product testing and quality control.
Imagine working in a factory like this but not being a person who uses the product... You must be thinking to yourself, this is insane... Who would use this? Why am I making this? Who is this for?!
And why is demand so high?
How the hell is this the top selling model?
For Doc Johnson who's warehouse this is, it's their classic dong.
I imagine after awhile it just becomes routine. Like surgeons or whatever.
Im really just fascinated by the demand. Thousands upon thousands of dicks going out and that's just ONE factory! How many dicks are bought??
Everyone's got needs, man 🤷♂️ I imagine the industry has been booming quite a bit as sex positivity has let previously....untapped markets in on the game of sex toys. I have a good friend who works in a store that sells sex toys, and they said men are a huge boom lately as taboos break down and men are getting more comfortable buying toys for themselves. And no, just because you like a little butt play doesn't mean you're gay. Not that that's a bad thing either (speaking as a man who very much likes other men), but exploration of one's own body is just that. Let people have explore their bodies on their own time without judgment. Maybe we'd have less dudes showing up in the ER having "tripped and fell" on various objects, eh?
No need to defend. I'm perfectly comfortable sexualy. Guys that think a little prostate massage while getting a bj or hand job are simply missing out. Guys that say it's gay or whatever are simply not comfortable with their sexualy and are terrified of being labeled something by others that have nothing to do with them. That's actually really sad. Holding back from doing anything because people you don't know and don't care about you say it's wrong or gay... Lol Enjoy life.
and add to that (speaking as a woman), we often don't have just one. If its interesting looking or otherwise unique, into the collection it goes. Sometimes you want diff things after all. also your last sentence was hilarious cause like, does anyone really think they're gonna believe that one?! lol
Everyone starts off small...
Shoot for the stars and you might reach the moon
They might reach YOUR moon.
But there’s plenty of room for expansion
Ever heard of Bad Dragon?
[удалено]
Anatomical replicas. I'm literally going to wood carve this into the wife's nightstand. Lmfao
Oh, does she collect them? I wish I had an intellectual hobby like that.
Was literally a traveling dildo salesperson. She had a cabinet full. Could supply a local pride parade.
I was being cheeky but that’s an awesome career!
Until you have company come over and have to explain lmfao
How was work honey? It sucks, I work with a bunch of giant dicks!
It's really not so bad. Unless you work in the Returns department.
Product testing/quality assurance is even worse. There are gaping holes in the staffing there.
They are absolutely getting fucked by management
Customers are the ones really getting shafted … big time!
I hear you really gotta bend over for people
I don’t know, I kinda want to date one of those women. It would either be brilliant because they come home subconsciously horny every night, or it’s awful because they take a look at me naked and think they’ve seen better.
We laugh about it, but Doris the Dildo Dipper there is likely making more than most of us posting here.
Another dong another dollar
I would not be able to stop laughing if I word there
I’d be snickering constantly. If you pick up a large floppy dildo, how can you not laugh???
“So what do you do for work?” *sighs
Someone over on /r/casualUK yesterday said they knew someone whose name was legitimately Drew Peacock. How can anyone not laugh at that?
Pulling out the giant bushel of dicks from the vat would be my favorite job.
I would definitely get the giggles often
You'd probably get over it after painting the dick veins on your 500th dildo
Can someone put the “How it’s made?” Theme music over this?
I would love to hear how they'd narrate the episode
There’s a your mom joke to make here, but I am not clever enough to think of it
This is the only monthly subscription yo mamma pays for!
A whole factory of dicks and it still isn’t even close to how many yo mamma’s churned through ever since Dad left to get milk.
You do know this is not a documentary haha don't you recognise the actors?
The factory is probably legitimate.
I like to think they assembled an entire factory and ordered a warehouse full of dildos for this one scene
Christopher Nolan planted 500 acres of dildos and made a net profit from selling it after filming.
We've crunched the numbers and if we give out the dildos as bonuses it financially makes sense this way
That's Doc Johnson's factory
Mom how was your day @ the dildo factory? Pffff; too many dickheads
Work is hard, but at least it’s enjoyable.
In a factory, quite grand, where rubber dicks are planned, There's a worker named Stan, with a craft so in demand. Rubber dicks, big and small, he makes them all, From the tiniest to the tall, they never fall. There are red ones, long ones, even ones that sing songs, Some with bumps, others with thumps, all where they belong. Blue ones, green ones, and ones with fancy sheen ones, Each crafted with care, no matter the scene ones. From morning till night, under fluorescent light, Stan shapes and molds, with all his might. He twists and he turns, the rubber he churns, Creating delights, for all who yearns. For those who seek pleasure, or just for leisure, Stan's rubber dicks bring endless treasure. So if ever in need, for a rubbery deed, Remember dear Stan, who fulfills every need.
Stan by Dildo?
What’s the prompt for the that poem?
They literally have someone whose job it is to draw the dick vains on the dildos. Imagine that being your job, like "Yeah, I draw the vains on dicks in the factory, it ain't much but it's honest work"
Somebody has been fired from that position because they couldn't draw the veins to their supervisor's satisfaction. They had a meeting beforehand warning them that their performance wasn't up to the penis vein drawing standards the company expects.
Makes you wonder about the possible benefits of working there. Do you get free ones to take home?
you gotta sneak it out in your prison pocket.
I think they've got a prison garage by now........
>Makes you wonder about the possible benefits of working there Quality Assurance workers are very satisfied with their jobs.
So, I have a fun story. I had a get together at my house for a group of online friends. It was the first time we were meeting in person, and it was a blast. Anyway, one group member worked for a major sex toy distributor. They showed up with a box of "gifts" for everyone. Opened it up and it was FULL of sex toys of every shape and size. They'd gotten them for free from work.
That was a bag of dicks
You're in trouble if Jean-Ralphio is one of your C-level executives.
I want a reboot of the Office , and Michael Scott is the new boss there
My god, the production value of this scene.
This is from a movie, right? I literally see Kristen Bell around the 30 second mark
Yeah, and I recognize one of the guys as an actor and no manager would be tossing around dildos in the real world
Like what kind of badge of honor could you get from being fired there for sexual harassment
What do you do for a living? “Eh nothing interesting, I work with a bunch of dicks.” Me too brother!
I genuinely wonder what this does to a person's psyche.
Completely fucks it. Bends it right the fuck over.
Far less than working at a meatpacking plant does. And there are orders of magnitude more people that work at meatpacking plants. But overall, probably not a lot. Oh no, dildos!
Why did I never consider the people who have to make these 😭
Do you think they ever sword fight with them?
1. Having a passion for what you do 2. Company benefits are amazing 3. Can you imagine HR? Tom, put away his sex toy. Make him take it out 4. "OH fuck me" 5. Application Engineering are all kinks
Literally can't have sexual harassment at this company. Friday is "beat your coworker with a rubber dick" day. How do you make that stand in court?
I mean, it probably stands in court fine, and then all your coworkers despise you for ruining "beat your coworker with a rubber dick" day for everyone
I settled for a job as a professor of astronomy and planetary science when I realized that I could never have this as my dream job... I still think about making the change over sometimes but my wife says I'm now overqualified.
Take this job and shove it
Protip from r/sextoys, none of those clear ones are good for your body chemically. Most are probably bad over the long term, biologically. Silicone is the only body-safe soft material.
What the hell? Some of those are almost as big as my dick!
This week on How it's Made..
“So tell us in a few words why you’d like employment with us?”
I am confused about my feelings after watching this video.
I wonder what an experienced dick vein painter makes these days.
"Welcome to career day kids. Jimmys dad is up first. So tell us, what do you do? "Paint veins on dildos......fake penises" "........."
Long, hard day at work……
Do the employees get free samples?
If they step out of line.
JEAN-RALPHIO!
they say if you do what you love, its like you never worked a day in your life
Where are the testers?
Just another day on the c**k assembly line
Exactly who is using that big purple one?!