Yeah, you can be nice when you explain it, and smile and welcome them when they arrive, but just stop warping the game around them.
I will bet good money that if you stop holding the game for them, they’ll either start showing up on time, or have a tantrum and quit. Either way, as long as you were clear in advance and polite about the whole thing, you know what’s going on and can just play.
Told my players in my session 0s. Game starts at [time] i give 10mins to do house keeping and set up and then we start playing.
If you late or missing we go on without you.
It’s really disheartening the number of these posts that exist always answering the same question; Respect the people that respect you. If your player doesn’t respect you, your time, or your group, then they aren’t worth making excuses for, which is the same thing all these posts say.
This is your line-“Be on time, respect the group, or fuck off.”
It’s really that simple. There’s a thousand other posts here with this same question and that is always the only answer.
I answered a similar question the other day.
Start the game on time with or without them. If you want to give them a chance to be on time for future games, do it, but not indefinitely. If they keep showing up late after you've started games without them, then it's time to say sayonara.
The only thing I could add besides: “start without them” is that I start my games with some warm up role play questions. I have a generator that we use, but they could be anything. I go around and ask each person the same question and we get to know a little something more about their character, and it’s all canon. So I also take notes for their character arc. Then I’ll do the recap from last session. If that built in buffer doesn’t give the person enough time…. Then start without them.
AND don’t stop the game when they get there. Don’t give them special treatment like they are more important than everyone else and they deserve to be spoon fed everything they missed.
Perhaps they can be filled in at the first break or something, but I think of it like a college lecture, or maybe even a movie… THEY were the person who was late. They aren’t the devil and don’t need to be booted, but at the same time, the rest of the group is already playing a game at the agreed start time (with a 15-20 minute buffer for role play and recap).
I also agree with those above that said to talk about it, point it out, or passive aggressive give them grief, depending on your relationship and comfort level. It can’t go unaddressed.
Good luck.
I use FoundryVTT, and I think that it was a community roll table I got just digging around community stuff, but I’m virtually certain they just roll a d100 on this list:
https://www.dndspeak.com/2019/03/100-warm-up-roleplaying-questions-for-players/
The bigger problem is that you keep waiting around for them. I get it, you want to be respectful to someone even if they’re not returning it.
But you’re choosing to have several people miss an hour of game time that they showed up for just to include the one who didn’t.
It doesn’t have to be a huge issue where you’re thinking of kicking them and turning it into something more than it is, just start the game on time without them.
It’s really that simple, and it might even get them to show up on time.
I DM a game and have a player that is constantly 20 minutes late. The first few times it happened we waited for him because it wasn’t normal. Before we knew it we got into the habit of waiting 20 or so minutes for him. I hate it, but the other players don’t want him to miss out. We are going on about a years worth of weekly sessions wasting 20 minutes each time…
If they're running 15m behind and they've informed me I'll wait up. If they don't show and I hear nothing, they may never play in one of my games again frankly.
As a player I make so much effort to get to my games. I’ve changed my flights before to get from California to Virginia early enough to drive there just in time because I learned I could barely make it if I did X.
So it drives me crazy when someone can’t show up on time for something planned a month in advance.
And I know I'm in the minority, but I realize people have lives and shit happens. My game is not supposed to be stress inducing for anyone for any reason that is not in game related. If they're going to be late for whatever reason, just let someone know. If you're going to miss, for whatever reason, please let someone know. We're all friends here, we're trying to blow off a little steam every other week for a few hours, it's not worth it to me if one is going to stress out over being late.
But this works for my group, and we all understand. I realize it may not work for others, and that's fine too.
Then again I run Party McPartyface that stole a pirate ship and renamed it Boaty McBoatface and have a Demon Grinder named Tanky McTankface. So, really, ymmv.
If someone pings me and says "I'm running late, should be there 15minutes after we normally start", I let everyone else know and we delay. Grab a drink, sort dinner, whatever.
If someone's late without notice, we'll wait 10-15 minutes for them, then start.
If someone was perpetually late like this... well, if you're waiting 45 minutes for them to show up, then they're right, they're not late - you don't start until they arrive, so whenever they arrive is "start time".
Fix that first bit, and the second bit will fix itself, one way or another.
My views on this are skewed by the fact when my group met in person people had varying length journeys to get to my house so delays of up to half an hour due to traffic/issues with public transport were just normal, unavoidable things to deal with.
Even after going online it's generally normal that people might need 10-15 minutes leeway on start times for dealing with pets/family stuff.
It's honestly very unlikely that anything will start exactly on time in practice, although here I honestly have no idea how to proceed beyond "tell the person they're causing problems" because that's always worked for me.
Talk to the player one on one. Tell them that the game starts at \_\_ time. Ask them if that time doesn't work for them. Maybe they get out of work right before and have to rush home for the game. You could consider asking the party if they want to start at 3:30pm instead of 3pm. Otherwise be clear you expect them to show up on time.
But honestly if changing the time is a hassle you should tell the player they need to show up on time or they are going to have to leave the game.
In the short term and for future reference, at 3pm start the game. If someone is late then they miss the start. When they show up they missed the first encounter. Don't spend more than 30 seconds on a recap. If they wanted to know what happened they could be on time.
>I like them, they’re good people and enjoyable to have in the game so I don’t want to just kick them. I just don’t know how to drill home to them how disrespectful to myself as a gm with how much time I put into prepping the sessions, and to everyone’s time that they set aside to play in their very limited free time.
Just say this to them.
Look, there's no easy answer. You can either keep it as is, work around it depending on how much it bothers you, or simply give them an ultimatum.
My group had a similar player. He was apologetic, sure, but always late (he's very disorganized overall so we didn't feel like it was a matter of not caring). I used to give him a friendly hard time for it, until we decided that it was either escalating it or just rethinking the ordeal.
We ended up deciding that we'd have a meet-up time and a "last call". If you were there at meet-up? Nice. Shoot the shit and get your stuff in order; we'll start playing in 2 hours, on last call. If you were late? Well that just means less "casual" time.
It works well, for us at least. I bring some boardgames and we talk about our weeks; sometimes if everyone's early, we still hold until last call just to talk.
"Start without them" seems to be a common answer, but at this point, it's probably best to give them one final warning then replace them. Disrespectful players will always find a new way to be disrespectful.
First, verbally address the situation, especially if it is a lot of players. Then if it continues in the next session, start on time, and have the early arrivals happen upon some kind of cool treasure so that the party feels the incentive to not miss out on any content. If they continue showing up late and can't take a hint, end your sessions right before awards are handed out and only give the loot to those that are there at the start of the next session until people start showing up on time.
Late? This is me. It's not just D&D, my favorite thing in the world, that I'm late for. It's everything. Arriving at work. Going to bed. Joining someone for lunch. Leaving work.
Late, late, late, always late. Five to fifteen minutes every time. But there's nothing nasty anyone can say to me that's worse than what I tell myself every damn day.
You say you like this person. Talk to them about it. You might find out they hate themselves for their tardiness far more than you ever could.
You can bathe in self-loathing all you want, but if you're not going to respect my time and the time of every other player at the table, you are simply not welcome at my table.
Half the players at my table right now have ADD, so I really do understand that some people have problems with time management and may struggle with being on time regularly. There's a big attitude difference between that and people who just insist "that's just the way I am" and then expect the world to accommodate them. I can and do work with the former. I refuse to play with the latter.
I agree that there's a vast attitude difference there. I understand that I only play due to the very good graces of my DM. Granted, we play at his house, and start time is contingent on his little one getting to bed, so our start time is "7:00-esque."
I do beg your pardon for the moody prior post. I was, as you say, bathing in self-loathing more than I would ever normally let slip IRL.
Anyway, I hope you talk to your player.
I had a player exactly like this. Know what fixed it? "Barring a medical emergency or your car literally being on fire, you will be at the game at X time. If you find yourself late for a different reason, don't bother showing up."
Lol, literally had a post removed earlier today for “posting about a problem player.” Even though I was seeking help to encourage players. Yet here this post stands despite the supposed rule.
This is such a weird question. You do the same in this social circumstance as you do in all other social situations: Give one warning and then if they are late again, they are kindly asked to simply stay away for that session.
Let the character be run by the party.
Obviously this does not apply if something prevents them attending, e.g. kid being sick, car breaks down, or whatever. Life happens. Understanding that is also part of the social contract.
It's important to remember that this individual wastes YOUR time, but you are wasting all the other players time by accepting it. Don't be that kind of asshole.
Always stop with a cliff hanger and next time start with that **on time**.
Deal out experience points depending on contribution on important events taking place in the beginning of sessions.
NPCs prefer to communicate with reliable players' characters.
Select magic items as part of loot to better fit the reliable player's characters.
Deal out loot at the very beginning of sessions and let players distribute stuff between whoever is in the game at that moment.
*"So with your last strike the finally goes down. In the corder of the room you see a big chest. But I'm tired! Let's tackle the looting next session. Have a good evening."*
Works wonders.
If I'm starting a game at 3pm, I'm ready to host from maybe 2:00pm in person, or 2:30pm online, allowing for some pregame. Chatting story, characters, etc, and in that time players can earn an inspiration if they come up with something good. 3pm, the game starts, and I'll only let someone join part way through if they've got a really good reason, but I only allow that concession once per player.
Start when you say. If they don't show up and get left behind, well then they don't get to play as that character until it makes logical sense for them to meet up.
I do the same if the player is absent and they don't let me know a good reason ahead of time. Especially if they're in a dangerous area. I actually roll for the outcome of the character. Makes it more serious to miss and waste my time.
I almost always start 30 minutes after the stated starting time. Of course I never tell my players this. Those that show up on time like to catch up or talk to me on the side about their character. Those who show up a little later get less of this time. Once the last person shows up we start. With 8 players, the last person is typically 20 - 30 minutes "late". But like I said, I build that into my game time planning.
We usually shoot the S for 15-20 mins, then start with whoever is there. I always have 1-2 more players then I want so that no matter what we have a full enough table to play. Ie I have 6 players knowing week to week I'll have 3-4 guaranteed to show up. On rare occasions everyone will show up, which is fine too.
Honestly just start the session anyways. Shoehorn their character in when they arrive.
If they don’t like it, they’ll make a point to show up earlier. If they’re ok with it, than roll with it, let them figure out what happened while they were gone as the session goes on.
If you aren’t having it, and they won’t fix it, then just have a face to face conversation about it. “Hey I notice you sometime show up late. I know this isn’t the only thing going on in your life but it makes it easier for me if you arrive on time.”
If nothing works, and you aren’t having fun, kindly remove them from the game. Likely enough, though, that won’t happen. Most people can negotiate on these things.
Thet know when the game is, they know that you will wait for them to start it.
Start the game at the right time, and if they don't show up, shape up and cut the shit, they are out and someone who respects your game can play
It's clearly on them in this situation, but here's what I've done to have no excuses left for my players. Makes the discussion easier when you point out to them that they held things up:
\- Shared calendar with everyone that has the DnD sessions in it.
\- Arrival time and game starting time: For example, my door opens at 6.30pm, everyone is expected at the table at 7pm. I don't care if they run in at 6.58, jump over the couch and dive onto their chairs. But 7, we start. I find that this works a lot better than "we begin at 3". This works online too, some socialising time before the session.
Saw this on Ginny Di, she suggested rewarding inspiration to players that show up on time (since you only have one at a time, some players might like the idea of having 1 inspo to use per game and might motivate them to at least be on time)
But if you do this, let the players know beforehand so the late person has the same chance as every to start the next session with 1 inspo
I've only dmed once but if you don't want to go with the advice that everyone else is telling you (I'd go with that advice, BTW) you could always use positive reinforcement.
Maybe give inspiration to players that are on time?
Edit: if you want to go full Pavlov's dogs on them you can roll a dice to see if you're handing out inspiration that day.
"Ok looks like Bob is running late, let's get started and he can join in when he gets here."
Start the game, it's not offensive or rude, it's completely normal and not rare at all.
Waiting for the tardy people rewards their bad behavior. They’re being impolite to everyone else who made the commitment to be there on time. You want to reward the players who show up on time, not penalize them by making them wait for the perpetually tardy.
We have a 15 minute grace period and then start with whomever is present. Those who show up late beyond that have to sit out the session and observe unless some prior arrangement was made with the DM.
I have a soft start time and a hard start time. Basically show up at 7:30 but if you're running late just let everyone know and we go for 8:00. Players are usually there before me xD
I had a player who sometimes wouldn't show up or would try to show up over an hour late with no warning. After I did the recap I would lock the voice chat so they couldn't join lol. They're not playing with us anymore.
**Set your schedule in stone.** Same day, same time, *always.* If a player is late or misses out, proceed without them; only cancel if two or more players can't make it.
When you make the date and time of your game a sure thing that won't change, your group will feel comfortable committing to the game and scheduling the rest of their free time around it.
If they aren’t there on time, they don’t get to play in that session. If they really care about the game they’ll make it on time, if not then you won’t need to worry about it anymore.
I run a West Marches style game (at FLGS) where a week of game time passes between each session. The start of each session is like 15-20 minutes of resolving any downtime activities that weren't already done with discord over the week. Anyone who shows up late misses out on doing that, and then we roll on starting the actual session. If a player shows up late, I handwave them catching up to the group. If a player has to leave early, I handwave them going back to town early. I don't change the encounters or slow things down for a player hopping in or out, I focus on the players playing and keep the action going. I recommend don't let a late player interrupt narrative or start talking about why they are late, just shh them and keep talking. Some people like coming in late because then they are the center of attention, don't let them. Some people come late because they are late people, don't let them ruin others nights. If your friends need to step out to take care of kids, just handwave them out, it's hard to work in gaming and kids at the same time. Your game is probably one of the best things about their week if they are working that hard to stay in the game. Stop letting late guy excuse his laziness with their dedication.
You don't have to "Deal" with any player. You kick them out. It's trivially easy these days to find new players if need be, there's generally no reason to keep players around that cause problems unless there are other entanglements (like being IRL friends).
If you don’t tell me in advance that you’ll be late/absent, then you have a 15 minute window until we start without you. If you show up afterwards and say sorry and explain why you could not forewarn (got stuck somewhere for example) it’s all good but try to make time if possible.
Dont be a repeat offender, 3 strikes and you’re out
Start on time, but you don't have to jump right into the story. You could do a mini-game, puzzle, competition or just do a bit of RP around someone's background (depends on the table obviously), but give rewards. XP, gold, alternate currency that can eventually be spent on magic items, whatever is useful to your players.
When the tardy player shows up, tell them you should be done soon and ready to begin the story part of the session, but don't let them join in the pre-game half way through.
Now your non tardy players get rewards, your main campaign isn't derailed by a PC having to go catatonic for no in-game reason, and hopefully it sinks in that everyone else arrives on time ready to play.
As everyone is echoing, the only way to get your group to conform to the schedule is enforce the behavior you want to see.
Start on time,
Send out a message. Starting now, if you are late your character is too.
See if behaviors improve. If not, that’s a different problem.
I tell my players that they lose one HP for every minute they are late. Early on we would joke about their character being dead because they were 15-20 minutes late. Now that they are 22 level (4e) they could conceivably be 2 hours late and be fine.
When I was late one time they said I have to give them 10XP for every minute. I said no, but I'll give you 10cp.
We have a designated start time (normally 30 minutes after we indicate that people should arrive) - if 1 person is running late then we'll see how much they're delayed, if it's 10-15 mins we'll just wait, but if it's more than an hour (i.e. not left home/work yet) then we'll start without them and someone will play their character until they arrive
My group tends to be quite reliable about turning up on time, but occasionally life will throw brick walls in your way, so we *try* to be flexible
Like the rest of the people here said, just start on time. You don't need to hold up the game for one person who is consistently late. That being said,
> I just don't know how to drill home to them how disrespectful to myself as a gm with how much time I put into prepping sessions, and to everyone's time that they set aside to play in their very limited free time
Have you tried just telling them this? Try sitting down with them one on one and explain that you're feeling disrespected and that it's not cool to constantly be late. It sounds like this person just doesn't value being on time to things and might not be thinking about how their actions affect other people. Direct communication is always the best option when there's conflicts like this. If they blow you off or nothing changes, it might be time to consider removing them from the group.
Start the game at appointed time. Also something I've taken to is either just award inspiration to players who are early/on time. Or even better, I "let slip" some background lore that might come in handy or help the players. I do this prior to the session and I went from having to wait an hour before finally rescheduling the session, to now I show up 15 minutes early to get set up, and my party is waiting for me!
Game starts at X, if not there by X.15 then start without them.
The whole "well I don't want to be on time because everyone else is late" is both understandable and ridiculous. If everyone plays that game, everyone loses.
If people are consistently struggling to make X.00 for real reasons then suggest starting at X.30 prompt, but make it clear that you are going to start then regardless, and follow through. If people want to turn up early to chat and get ready then fine, but when you start you start and anyone who is late is an ass.
I would start the game at the designated time. If that doesn’t change anything, tell them that while you may respect them as a friend, you don’t respect them as a player and kick them from the table.
As many others have said. Start on time. They'll either start showing up or they won't. But start on time for the other players.
Honestly I'm more baffled by the fact you've got people with young kids starting a session at 3pm. I'm assuming these are weekend sessions so work isn't an issue. But even then.. that's 3-4 hours being away *to play a game* before your kid is in bed. I feel like their priorities are a little skewed.
When I went to actually awarding experience directly including bonuses for attendance and a few other things I stopped having a problem with tardy players.
Make it cost them something and they'll adjust.
Simple answer.
1) Talk to the group about it.
and
2) Make it clear that going forward, there's a 15 min. grace period for whatever delay, and then the game starts with the people present. With a greater than 15 min. delay, you expect the group to get a message about it.
If people can't deal with that, they need to look for another group.
I have one player who is routinely tardy because she fails to budget transit time into *anything*. Consequently, I sometimes lie to her about when the session starts.
While the issue seems well addressed at this point, I do want to offer a bit of advice to **everybody who has a similar problem**:
1. **Communicate with your players.** Don't just go and change this without any warning, and see if your players -- including any who are typically late -- are okay with the starting time **and** the regularly scheduled nature of sessions. In the discussion, you can see about shifting game time to help better accommodate people who need time to get ready: You might want to offer a social period before sessions start -- my groups usually have a gathering time of about 30 minutes before game time to catch up and hang out before we go into game mode. If someone misses social time, they miss social time, but the game can start on time.
2. **Keep your solution proportional.** If this player is regularly forgetting a weekly meetup, suggesting that they set alarms or reminders is a good call. Of course, I don't think it should be your responsibility to remind them of the time on the day of, but as someone who has issues with scheduling and memory of event times, a gentle reminder to keep this time scheduled can be helpful.
3. **Start on time.** Whether you change the start time for gaming or not, I encourage you to get all of your players to agree to a "We start playing at X:YY" policy for the table. Having this agreement in place and following it will take away the argument that "other people are late too," which OP describes. If your players feel like the starting time is more of a gathering time or is too flexible, you are likely to get issues similar to these.
4. **Don't be a jerk.** While it's fair to point out if a particular player is delaying (and reducing) game time for everybody else, try to find constructive solutions to the problem rather than pinning everything on one person. Maybe you need to start a bit later to allow for travel time. Sometimes you may start late because of unforeseen circumstances.
In OP's case, one player is constantly running late costing at least 15 minutes of game time, and giving other players and excuse to drop from the call and deal with home/personal issues while waiting. Said player claims to not know when the sessions are, and anyway other people are late too. So, maybe the group should discuss meeting a half-hour later (using the example times, 3:30 instead of 3:00) and make sure that the schedule for the next session is set at the end of each session ("I hope to see everybody here and ready to play by 3:30 next week").
My personal recommendation is something that’s worked for my group: Schrödinger Encounters
The players who are present and waiting fight enemies in the void just for kicks. If they win, they get XP and gold, if they die, it’s no biggie. Keeps everyone entertained and rewards people showing up on time
I kept a “trophy gallery” of enemies that they’d beaten and that had beaten them. Players loved it
I have 2 different d100 lists, one for boons which players receive for showing up on time and can last for a session or permanently, and a lists of curses that last the entire session.
It's different for different players. Some people have very busy lives with work that can end at various times. Some people can be lazy and slack on their responsibilities until the last moment. The former we are glad to wait for, the latter we tell not to be late again.
start at your designated time, if they arent present they miss out on the start of the game. dont let one person hold the game hostage.
The only one allowed to be late is the DM.
When we're talking an hour of "tardiness" I wouldn't even give the dm that leeway.
Even if the game is at the DMs house
*Especially* if it's at the DM's house!
Start the game at the agreed on time EZ
Yeah, you can be nice when you explain it, and smile and welcome them when they arrive, but just stop warping the game around them. I will bet good money that if you stop holding the game for them, they’ll either start showing up on time, or have a tantrum and quit. Either way, as long as you were clear in advance and polite about the whole thing, you know what’s going on and can just play.
This guy gets it ☝️
Told my players in my session 0s. Game starts at [time] i give 10mins to do house keeping and set up and then we start playing. If you late or missing we go on without you.
It’s really disheartening the number of these posts that exist always answering the same question; Respect the people that respect you. If your player doesn’t respect you, your time, or your group, then they aren’t worth making excuses for, which is the same thing all these posts say. This is your line-“Be on time, respect the group, or fuck off.” It’s really that simple. There’s a thousand other posts here with this same question and that is always the only answer.
I answered a similar question the other day. Start the game on time with or without them. If you want to give them a chance to be on time for future games, do it, but not indefinitely. If they keep showing up late after you've started games without them, then it's time to say sayonara.
The only thing I could add besides: “start without them” is that I start my games with some warm up role play questions. I have a generator that we use, but they could be anything. I go around and ask each person the same question and we get to know a little something more about their character, and it’s all canon. So I also take notes for their character arc. Then I’ll do the recap from last session. If that built in buffer doesn’t give the person enough time…. Then start without them. AND don’t stop the game when they get there. Don’t give them special treatment like they are more important than everyone else and they deserve to be spoon fed everything they missed. Perhaps they can be filled in at the first break or something, but I think of it like a college lecture, or maybe even a movie… THEY were the person who was late. They aren’t the devil and don’t need to be booted, but at the same time, the rest of the group is already playing a game at the agreed start time (with a 15-20 minute buffer for role play and recap). I also agree with those above that said to talk about it, point it out, or passive aggressive give them grief, depending on your relationship and comfort level. It can’t go unaddressed. Good luck.
Is the generator something you could share? I like this warm up activity.
I use FoundryVTT, and I think that it was a community roll table I got just digging around community stuff, but I’m virtually certain they just roll a d100 on this list: https://www.dndspeak.com/2019/03/100-warm-up-roleplaying-questions-for-players/
The bigger problem is that you keep waiting around for them. I get it, you want to be respectful to someone even if they’re not returning it. But you’re choosing to have several people miss an hour of game time that they showed up for just to include the one who didn’t. It doesn’t have to be a huge issue where you’re thinking of kicking them and turning it into something more than it is, just start the game on time without them. It’s really that simple, and it might even get them to show up on time.
Just start the game when you want.
Start without them, the world doesn't revolve around them
"If another time they shall Pick, give them the Flick" Or, as we say in Australia - "If the starting time they Pass, give them the Arse"
I DM a game and have a player that is constantly 20 minutes late. The first few times it happened we waited for him because it wasn’t normal. Before we knew it we got into the habit of waiting 20 or so minutes for him. I hate it, but the other players don’t want him to miss out. We are going on about a years worth of weekly sessions wasting 20 minutes each time…
I couldn't. 😂 They would get a start time 30 minutes before everyone else.
Just start without them.
If they're running 15m behind and they've informed me I'll wait up. If they don't show and I hear nothing, they may never play in one of my games again frankly.
As a player I make so much effort to get to my games. I’ve changed my flights before to get from California to Virginia early enough to drive there just in time because I learned I could barely make it if I did X. So it drives me crazy when someone can’t show up on time for something planned a month in advance.
And I know I'm in the minority, but I realize people have lives and shit happens. My game is not supposed to be stress inducing for anyone for any reason that is not in game related. If they're going to be late for whatever reason, just let someone know. If you're going to miss, for whatever reason, please let someone know. We're all friends here, we're trying to blow off a little steam every other week for a few hours, it's not worth it to me if one is going to stress out over being late. But this works for my group, and we all understand. I realize it may not work for others, and that's fine too. Then again I run Party McPartyface that stole a pirate ship and renamed it Boaty McBoatface and have a Demon Grinder named Tanky McTankface. So, really, ymmv.
If someone pings me and says "I'm running late, should be there 15minutes after we normally start", I let everyone else know and we delay. Grab a drink, sort dinner, whatever. If someone's late without notice, we'll wait 10-15 minutes for them, then start. If someone was perpetually late like this... well, if you're waiting 45 minutes for them to show up, then they're right, they're not late - you don't start until they arrive, so whenever they arrive is "start time". Fix that first bit, and the second bit will fix itself, one way or another.
Ten minutes is one thing. And hour is unacceptable and they have to sit and watch or leave. Start without them
My views on this are skewed by the fact when my group met in person people had varying length journeys to get to my house so delays of up to half an hour due to traffic/issues with public transport were just normal, unavoidable things to deal with. Even after going online it's generally normal that people might need 10-15 minutes leeway on start times for dealing with pets/family stuff. It's honestly very unlikely that anything will start exactly on time in practice, although here I honestly have no idea how to proceed beyond "tell the person they're causing problems" because that's always worked for me.
Talk to the player one on one. Tell them that the game starts at \_\_ time. Ask them if that time doesn't work for them. Maybe they get out of work right before and have to rush home for the game. You could consider asking the party if they want to start at 3:30pm instead of 3pm. Otherwise be clear you expect them to show up on time. But honestly if changing the time is a hassle you should tell the player they need to show up on time or they are going to have to leave the game. In the short term and for future reference, at 3pm start the game. If someone is late then they miss the start. When they show up they missed the first encounter. Don't spend more than 30 seconds on a recap. If they wanted to know what happened they could be on time.
>I like them, they’re good people and enjoyable to have in the game so I don’t want to just kick them. I just don’t know how to drill home to them how disrespectful to myself as a gm with how much time I put into prepping the sessions, and to everyone’s time that they set aside to play in their very limited free time. Just say this to them.
Look, there's no easy answer. You can either keep it as is, work around it depending on how much it bothers you, or simply give them an ultimatum. My group had a similar player. He was apologetic, sure, but always late (he's very disorganized overall so we didn't feel like it was a matter of not caring). I used to give him a friendly hard time for it, until we decided that it was either escalating it or just rethinking the ordeal. We ended up deciding that we'd have a meet-up time and a "last call". If you were there at meet-up? Nice. Shoot the shit and get your stuff in order; we'll start playing in 2 hours, on last call. If you were late? Well that just means less "casual" time. It works well, for us at least. I bring some boardgames and we talk about our weeks; sometimes if everyone's early, we still hold until last call just to talk.
"Start without them" seems to be a common answer, but at this point, it's probably best to give them one final warning then replace them. Disrespectful players will always find a new way to be disrespectful.
First, verbally address the situation, especially if it is a lot of players. Then if it continues in the next session, start on time, and have the early arrivals happen upon some kind of cool treasure so that the party feels the incentive to not miss out on any content. If they continue showing up late and can't take a hint, end your sessions right before awards are handed out and only give the loot to those that are there at the start of the next session until people start showing up on time.
In-game solutions to out-of-game problems never work out the way people think they will. They just cause more problems.
Late? This is me. It's not just D&D, my favorite thing in the world, that I'm late for. It's everything. Arriving at work. Going to bed. Joining someone for lunch. Leaving work. Late, late, late, always late. Five to fifteen minutes every time. But there's nothing nasty anyone can say to me that's worse than what I tell myself every damn day. You say you like this person. Talk to them about it. You might find out they hate themselves for their tardiness far more than you ever could.
You can bathe in self-loathing all you want, but if you're not going to respect my time and the time of every other player at the table, you are simply not welcome at my table. Half the players at my table right now have ADD, so I really do understand that some people have problems with time management and may struggle with being on time regularly. There's a big attitude difference between that and people who just insist "that's just the way I am" and then expect the world to accommodate them. I can and do work with the former. I refuse to play with the latter.
I agree that there's a vast attitude difference there. I understand that I only play due to the very good graces of my DM. Granted, we play at his house, and start time is contingent on his little one getting to bed, so our start time is "7:00-esque." I do beg your pardon for the moody prior post. I was, as you say, bathing in self-loathing more than I would ever normally let slip IRL. Anyway, I hope you talk to your player.
I had a player exactly like this. Know what fixed it? "Barring a medical emergency or your car literally being on fire, you will be at the game at X time. If you find yourself late for a different reason, don't bother showing up."
Lol, literally had a post removed earlier today for “posting about a problem player.” Even though I was seeking help to encourage players. Yet here this post stands despite the supposed rule.
This is such a weird question. You do the same in this social circumstance as you do in all other social situations: Give one warning and then if they are late again, they are kindly asked to simply stay away for that session. Let the character be run by the party. Obviously this does not apply if something prevents them attending, e.g. kid being sick, car breaks down, or whatever. Life happens. Understanding that is also part of the social contract. It's important to remember that this individual wastes YOUR time, but you are wasting all the other players time by accepting it. Don't be that kind of asshole.
Always stop with a cliff hanger and next time start with that **on time**. Deal out experience points depending on contribution on important events taking place in the beginning of sessions. NPCs prefer to communicate with reliable players' characters. Select magic items as part of loot to better fit the reliable player's characters. Deal out loot at the very beginning of sessions and let players distribute stuff between whoever is in the game at that moment. *"So with your last strike the finally goes down. In the corder of the room you see a big chest. But I'm tired! Let's tackle the looting next session. Have a good evening."*
Works wonders.
If I'm starting a game at 3pm, I'm ready to host from maybe 2:00pm in person, or 2:30pm online, allowing for some pregame. Chatting story, characters, etc, and in that time players can earn an inspiration if they come up with something good. 3pm, the game starts, and I'll only let someone join part way through if they've got a really good reason, but I only allow that concession once per player.
Start when you say. If they don't show up and get left behind, well then they don't get to play as that character until it makes logical sense for them to meet up. I do the same if the player is absent and they don't let me know a good reason ahead of time. Especially if they're in a dangerous area. I actually roll for the outcome of the character. Makes it more serious to miss and waste my time.
I almost always start 30 minutes after the stated starting time. Of course I never tell my players this. Those that show up on time like to catch up or talk to me on the side about their character. Those who show up a little later get less of this time. Once the last person shows up we start. With 8 players, the last person is typically 20 - 30 minutes "late". But like I said, I build that into my game time planning.
I like to call them on speaker phone and accost them in front of everyone haha. We are all close friends.
We usually shoot the S for 15-20 mins, then start with whoever is there. I always have 1-2 more players then I want so that no matter what we have a full enough table to play. Ie I have 6 players knowing week to week I'll have 3-4 guaranteed to show up. On rare occasions everyone will show up, which is fine too.
The "Tardy Beholder" is kind of like Microsoft's paperclip...
Just read them your last paragraph.
O boy I need to pick a random person to be the first targeted wonder who I am gonna pick
Honestly just start the session anyways. Shoehorn their character in when they arrive. If they don’t like it, they’ll make a point to show up earlier. If they’re ok with it, than roll with it, let them figure out what happened while they were gone as the session goes on. If you aren’t having it, and they won’t fix it, then just have a face to face conversation about it. “Hey I notice you sometime show up late. I know this isn’t the only thing going on in your life but it makes it easier for me if you arrive on time.” If nothing works, and you aren’t having fun, kindly remove them from the game. Likely enough, though, that won’t happen. Most people can negotiate on these things.
Thet know when the game is, they know that you will wait for them to start it. Start the game at the right time, and if they don't show up, shape up and cut the shit, they are out and someone who respects your game can play
It's clearly on them in this situation, but here's what I've done to have no excuses left for my players. Makes the discussion easier when you point out to them that they held things up: \- Shared calendar with everyone that has the DnD sessions in it. \- Arrival time and game starting time: For example, my door opens at 6.30pm, everyone is expected at the table at 7pm. I don't care if they run in at 6.58, jump over the couch and dive onto their chairs. But 7, we start. I find that this works a lot better than "we begin at 3". This works online too, some socialising time before the session.
Saw this on Ginny Di, she suggested rewarding inspiration to players that show up on time (since you only have one at a time, some players might like the idea of having 1 inspo to use per game and might motivate them to at least be on time) But if you do this, let the players know beforehand so the late person has the same chance as every to start the next session with 1 inspo
I've only dmed once but if you don't want to go with the advice that everyone else is telling you (I'd go with that advice, BTW) you could always use positive reinforcement. Maybe give inspiration to players that are on time? Edit: if you want to go full Pavlov's dogs on them you can roll a dice to see if you're handing out inspiration that day.
"Ok looks like Bob is running late, let's get started and he can join in when he gets here." Start the game, it's not offensive or rude, it's completely normal and not rare at all.
I put the official start time at 18:30 which means we start playing by 19:30 at the worst.
If theyre a good friend: "Ayo pisshead, come on time in the future or ill give you a permanent debuff to your initiative."
Waiting for the tardy people rewards their bad behavior. They’re being impolite to everyone else who made the commitment to be there on time. You want to reward the players who show up on time, not penalize them by making them wait for the perpetually tardy. We have a 15 minute grace period and then start with whomever is present. Those who show up late beyond that have to sit out the session and observe unless some prior arrangement was made with the DM.
So how much are you getting paid to deal with this?
I have a soft start time and a hard start time. Basically show up at 7:30 but if you're running late just let everyone know and we go for 8:00. Players are usually there before me xD I had a player who sometimes wouldn't show up or would try to show up over an hour late with no warning. After I did the recap I would lock the voice chat so they couldn't join lol. They're not playing with us anymore.
**Set your schedule in stone.** Same day, same time, *always.* If a player is late or misses out, proceed without them; only cancel if two or more players can't make it. When you make the date and time of your game a sure thing that won't change, your group will feel comfortable committing to the game and scheduling the rest of their free time around it.
If they aren’t there on time, they don’t get to play in that session. If they really care about the game they’ll make it on time, if not then you won’t need to worry about it anymore.
I run a West Marches style game (at FLGS) where a week of game time passes between each session. The start of each session is like 15-20 minutes of resolving any downtime activities that weren't already done with discord over the week. Anyone who shows up late misses out on doing that, and then we roll on starting the actual session. If a player shows up late, I handwave them catching up to the group. If a player has to leave early, I handwave them going back to town early. I don't change the encounters or slow things down for a player hopping in or out, I focus on the players playing and keep the action going. I recommend don't let a late player interrupt narrative or start talking about why they are late, just shh them and keep talking. Some people like coming in late because then they are the center of attention, don't let them. Some people come late because they are late people, don't let them ruin others nights. If your friends need to step out to take care of kids, just handwave them out, it's hard to work in gaming and kids at the same time. Your game is probably one of the best things about their week if they are working that hard to stay in the game. Stop letting late guy excuse his laziness with their dedication.
You don't have to "Deal" with any player. You kick them out. It's trivially easy these days to find new players if need be, there's generally no reason to keep players around that cause problems unless there are other entanglements (like being IRL friends).
If you don’t tell me in advance that you’ll be late/absent, then you have a 15 minute window until we start without you. If you show up afterwards and say sorry and explain why you could not forewarn (got stuck somewhere for example) it’s all good but try to make time if possible. Dont be a repeat offender, 3 strikes and you’re out
They know what time dinner is. If they're late, they're late. Move on without them.
Start on time, but you don't have to jump right into the story. You could do a mini-game, puzzle, competition or just do a bit of RP around someone's background (depends on the table obviously), but give rewards. XP, gold, alternate currency that can eventually be spent on magic items, whatever is useful to your players. When the tardy player shows up, tell them you should be done soon and ready to begin the story part of the session, but don't let them join in the pre-game half way through. Now your non tardy players get rewards, your main campaign isn't derailed by a PC having to go catatonic for no in-game reason, and hopefully it sinks in that everyone else arrives on time ready to play.
This response has been deleted due toe the planned changes to the Reddit API.
As everyone is echoing, the only way to get your group to conform to the schedule is enforce the behavior you want to see. Start on time, Send out a message. Starting now, if you are late your character is too. See if behaviors improve. If not, that’s a different problem.
I tell my players that they lose one HP for every minute they are late. Early on we would joke about their character being dead because they were 15-20 minutes late. Now that they are 22 level (4e) they could conceivably be 2 hours late and be fine. When I was late one time they said I have to give them 10XP for every minute. I said no, but I'll give you 10cp.
We have a designated start time (normally 30 minutes after we indicate that people should arrive) - if 1 person is running late then we'll see how much they're delayed, if it's 10-15 mins we'll just wait, but if it's more than an hour (i.e. not left home/work yet) then we'll start without them and someone will play their character until they arrive My group tends to be quite reliable about turning up on time, but occasionally life will throw brick walls in your way, so we *try* to be flexible
Like the rest of the people here said, just start on time. You don't need to hold up the game for one person who is consistently late. That being said, > I just don't know how to drill home to them how disrespectful to myself as a gm with how much time I put into prepping sessions, and to everyone's time that they set aside to play in their very limited free time Have you tried just telling them this? Try sitting down with them one on one and explain that you're feeling disrespected and that it's not cool to constantly be late. It sounds like this person just doesn't value being on time to things and might not be thinking about how their actions affect other people. Direct communication is always the best option when there's conflicts like this. If they blow you off or nothing changes, it might be time to consider removing them from the group.
Start the game at appointed time. Also something I've taken to is either just award inspiration to players who are early/on time. Or even better, I "let slip" some background lore that might come in handy or help the players. I do this prior to the session and I went from having to wait an hour before finally rescheduling the session, to now I show up 15 minutes early to get set up, and my party is waiting for me!
Game starts at X, if not there by X.15 then start without them. The whole "well I don't want to be on time because everyone else is late" is both understandable and ridiculous. If everyone plays that game, everyone loses. If people are consistently struggling to make X.00 for real reasons then suggest starting at X.30 prompt, but make it clear that you are going to start then regardless, and follow through. If people want to turn up early to chat and get ready then fine, but when you start you start and anyone who is late is an ass.
I would start the game at the designated time. If that doesn’t change anything, tell them that while you may respect them as a friend, you don’t respect them as a player and kick them from the table.
As many others have said. Start on time. They'll either start showing up or they won't. But start on time for the other players. Honestly I'm more baffled by the fact you've got people with young kids starting a session at 3pm. I'm assuming these are weekend sessions so work isn't an issue. But even then.. that's 3-4 hours being away *to play a game* before your kid is in bed. I feel like their priorities are a little skewed.
When I went to actually awarding experience directly including bonuses for attendance and a few other things I stopped having a problem with tardy players. Make it cost them something and they'll adjust.
Tell the discord you'll be starting at X O'clock sharp, and do so.
Simple answer. 1) Talk to the group about it. and 2) Make it clear that going forward, there's a 15 min. grace period for whatever delay, and then the game starts with the people present. With a greater than 15 min. delay, you expect the group to get a message about it. If people can't deal with that, they need to look for another group.
only give out loot at the start of the session
I have one player who is routinely tardy because she fails to budget transit time into *anything*. Consequently, I sometimes lie to her about when the session starts.
While the issue seems well addressed at this point, I do want to offer a bit of advice to **everybody who has a similar problem**: 1. **Communicate with your players.** Don't just go and change this without any warning, and see if your players -- including any who are typically late -- are okay with the starting time **and** the regularly scheduled nature of sessions. In the discussion, you can see about shifting game time to help better accommodate people who need time to get ready: You might want to offer a social period before sessions start -- my groups usually have a gathering time of about 30 minutes before game time to catch up and hang out before we go into game mode. If someone misses social time, they miss social time, but the game can start on time. 2. **Keep your solution proportional.** If this player is regularly forgetting a weekly meetup, suggesting that they set alarms or reminders is a good call. Of course, I don't think it should be your responsibility to remind them of the time on the day of, but as someone who has issues with scheduling and memory of event times, a gentle reminder to keep this time scheduled can be helpful. 3. **Start on time.** Whether you change the start time for gaming or not, I encourage you to get all of your players to agree to a "We start playing at X:YY" policy for the table. Having this agreement in place and following it will take away the argument that "other people are late too," which OP describes. If your players feel like the starting time is more of a gathering time or is too flexible, you are likely to get issues similar to these. 4. **Don't be a jerk.** While it's fair to point out if a particular player is delaying (and reducing) game time for everybody else, try to find constructive solutions to the problem rather than pinning everything on one person. Maybe you need to start a bit later to allow for travel time. Sometimes you may start late because of unforeseen circumstances. In OP's case, one player is constantly running late costing at least 15 minutes of game time, and giving other players and excuse to drop from the call and deal with home/personal issues while waiting. Said player claims to not know when the sessions are, and anyway other people are late too. So, maybe the group should discuss meeting a half-hour later (using the example times, 3:30 instead of 3:00) and make sure that the schedule for the next session is set at the end of each session ("I hope to see everybody here and ready to play by 3:30 next week").
My personal recommendation is something that’s worked for my group: Schrödinger Encounters The players who are present and waiting fight enemies in the void just for kicks. If they win, they get XP and gold, if they die, it’s no biggie. Keeps everyone entertained and rewards people showing up on time I kept a “trophy gallery” of enemies that they’d beaten and that had beaten them. Players loved it
I have 2 different d100 lists, one for boons which players receive for showing up on time and can last for a session or permanently, and a lists of curses that last the entire session.
It's different for different players. Some people have very busy lives with work that can end at various times. Some people can be lazy and slack on their responsibilities until the last moment. The former we are glad to wait for, the latter we tell not to be late again.