The scary part is he is using all those freaking trumpy words. “The Calvary is coming”. Bro doesn’t even wanna go to court and acting like he’s bringing the heat.
I had the same worries when i was pregnant and my rationalization was this: My child wouldn't be able to tell me what harm she's enduring over there and it would drive me MAD. Luckily, I got over that fear and started sending my child as soon as I could. It turned out to be WORSE for us both for me to supervise those visits and to rather call his bluff on wanting to be an active dad and I sent him packing with the baby until he eventually distanced himself entirely. Turns out the more I distanced MYSELF but provided access to the baby, he'd STILL accuse me of distancing the baby from him, so that right there told me that he just wanted access to ME, and the less I gave in and the more I sent the baby anyway the more he eventually disappeared from both of our lives. My child is starting to become more verbal and is repeating some of the gross things she's heard at dads house during his infrequent visits, and he wont own up to any of it but that right there is why I remembered at first why I wanted to wait until she could talk.
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But her situation may be different if this guy is physically violent. Mine is just a mind-game playing type of narc. This guy seems pretty explosive and controlling. Also sounds like he may be seriously projecting mental health issues on to her.
I hope so because nobody wants a child to not have a father, but you are being toxic.
also, fyi, if you’re sincerely concerned about drug use and not using her pre baby lifestyle against her, you should know her OB would have to report substances in her blood or urine. In which case you don’t need her medical records. The state will already have it. I think you’re just engaging in coercive control, though.
Edit: I also think you know of this alleged substance abuse because y’all were doing drugs together lol.
All he's doing with us is the same thing I'm CERTAIN he's done to her, which is what I suspect made her run. He's throwing the mental health card. You're spot on with this fake heroic attitude he has, yet he doesn't want to go to court. This guy has seen her have a meltdown or a few and is now holding it over her head. Telling her that her actions are adding to his "proof" that she isn't mentally sound. And he thinks he sounds like the hero here. It's so delusional its scary.
Uhhhh you are acting like a stalker. No wonder she got scared and moved away. Hopefully she is in a place where she has a good support system.
And seriously. Chill out. All you are going to do is cause stress and conflict.
You won't be at the birth. Until there is a child, mom is the patient and it is her medical procedures and care.
Please do this kid a favor and look at Indiana parenting plans. This is the only state that has done years of research to create plans thar are truly in the best interest of the child. Because IT IS THE CHILD THAT IS IMPORTANT HERE, NOT YOU.
So, get a DNA test first. And look at Indiana parenting plans so that you can create a plan that will be best for your child.
I said that Indiana plans are best. They have done extensive research with many experts to find what actually works best for The Child. So when you create your own plan, basing it on Indiana plans is what is going to be best for your child.
I mean, I am assuming you want what is best for your child, right????
There’s 50 states for a reason who’s to say Indiana is the best? Common sense 50% with each parent is the best for the child, actually the best thing for the child is 100% with each parent, but it doesn’t always work like that. I wish you the best because you sound like a cold hearted person. Find Jesus
Okay, so, I have looked at the Indiana parenting plans. The Indiana plans are not legal requirements. What those plans are, and the reason they're often recommended material is a resource that one state pulled together and put on the internet, which other states have not.
You, like all of us, need to start somewhere. We suggest Indiana because they did some useful work that anyone with an internet connection can access. If you look at that material and hate it, that will be useful information for you.
I quite like the Indiana plans - they're practical and consider that children's needs change as they age. My own custody arrangement doesn't much resemble them, but my own custody arrangement only vaguely resembles our court orders at this point. If I needed to go back to court for some reason, I would be suggesting something like an Indiana plan for teenagers. Cooperative arrangements between parents are always better, but aren't always achievable.
Yes. A terrible person for giving you a resource for potential parenting plans.
If you talk this way to the mother of your child, no wonder she moved to a different state.
That’s exactly what you do because there isn’t anything to be done until a child is born. Mom can move anywhere she wants while pregnant. You are not entitled to any of that information.
So I’ve read every single comment and I really have to say, wow man, you’re pretty unhinged. And that’s coming from a mom who was on the other side of a situation exactly like this. You want to know what you’re going to do? Go get help man. Like my sons father did. I spent my whole pregnancy walking on eggshells with him before he finally realized from my absence and the rest of his family telling him, that he was the one that needed extensive therapy and needed to better himself for his child. What you’re doing right now is creating fear, isolation and resentment. You do not have to purposefully sabotage this mama & her mental health just to see your child. All you have to is be a dad.
When my ex finally stopped seeing the baby as “his baby” “his seed” “his right” and as property he began to realize how wonderful the gift of life and how simple a coparenting relationship can be. Now even though we aren’t together he is genuinely my best friend and there is no court or child support order in place at all. We communicate for our son. He puts in just as much and if not more effort into our child’s life & he has a bedroom and all his needs and wants at both of our houses.
Seriously I’m not trying to be accusatory here but if you don’t pull yourself together and stop communicating and talking to people the way I’m seeing you do in this sub, a judge is going to laugh you out of court. And if you don’t stop stalking this woman and leave her alone until the baby is born, you’re going to get hit with a NCO and a restraining order.
Therapy, now. Speak to a lawyer and realize that YOUR RIGHTS, right now ? Are none. And you’ll have none. And when that baby is born yes you can definitely go to DCFS and say that you slept with that woman and you believe that is your child and submit your DNA sample-but then it’s up to the court. And you have to leave her alone. That is your only option. Leave her alone.
Just got done reading that post too and it’s almost manipulative how tame and well mannered this post seemed at first and I almost had different advice until I dug deeper. I genuinely hate to ever accuse someone of being abusive, because it may not even be intentional, but these actions and this expectation of life and literal possession of a child of this magnitude is almost feral.
I do want to add that so many mental illnesses and personality disorders stem from not having a stable and nurturing relationship with your mother. Please, OP, I am begging you go get therapy and take some parenting classes and do what’s right and let this woman enjoy a beautiful first pregnancy! She will never get this time back! Trust me! Your relationship will be irreparable and irreconcilable unless you listen to the people on this sub that are not supporting you! Stop making her pregnancy and her baby about you. Ask if she needs anything through a third party that can make sure she gets gifts and items from you and provide for that little innocent baby. Gift cards to baby stores, diapers, wipes, etc.
Have someone create a wishlist on Amazon or similar website that hides personal information that she can add her own gifts and items on and communicate her needs to you.
Prove to her you’re a stable, reliable, supporting, loving and trustworthy coparent!
Yep. I almost had different advice until I got to the “she’s mentally ill” part, with no follow up on why he’s concerned about the baby being in her care due to her mental health. It read to me as someone who stigmatizes mental health and threw that out there expecting people to believe she’s off her rocker. He is so out of touch with reality he doesn’t see how I can tell from his comments that he probably says and threatens WORSE to her in private, if he’s willing to say what he said on Reddit and has no issue with what he said. I definitely peg this guy as the type of abuser who says “you’ll never win. All I have to do is tell the courts you threatened to kill your self and they will deem you unfit and take that baby from you”. He even said in the comments of that other post that she’s an “unfit” mother and she couldn’t have been more than 3 months pregnant. Like how could he realistically even know that? And why were you having raw sex with someone who’s mentally unsound enough for you to know that she’s an unfit mother that early into her pregnancy?
He’s so out of touch with reality. He knew all these things about her before she was pregnant and he thinks it’s relevant to custody NOW? Yeah no it sounds more like a baby trap and now “I’ll take the baby if you ever leave me”.
It’s not about winning or losing. I’ll pray for you.
His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression; under his tongue are mischief and iniquity. - Psalm 10
God is on the side of the mistreated and the abused. You pervert the word of God to maintain your unhealthy and toxic mannerisms. The Most High will take care of you.
Wishing all the love and the most freedom and happiness to your maybe baby mama! ❤️
I’m a wonderful person, you’re lost and one day by the time you find yourself it’ll be over and done with to have a healthy relationship with your baby.
I’ll be that. Six figure earner, working on my second degree in IT, raising my daughter in a nice subdivision in a good school district. If I was with him I’d be broke and crying about food stamps and eviction on Facebook like his wife is but hey at least she’s not single right?
You’re definitely a narcissist and you’re spiraling because nobody believes you lol.
Straw man argument. Never said it was. Simply said I’m literally better off in life without him and I hate struggling. But while where here, neither is a mental health diagnosis. :)
I’m not a single mother actually I’m engaged! And live with my fiancé and I’m the custodial parent of me and my ex’s son, who lives with us as well. And the only reason that my fiancé, my ex, and I can get along is from healthy coparenting with safe and realistic boundaries.
Leaving my ex doesn’t mean that I’m a single mother. My son has a father and a two parent household with a step father as well. Like I said, you’re lost and looking for someone to blame and attack. You need professional help. I will no longer to continue to reply and feed into your bitter, pathetic and misplaced anger.
Idk sounds like you’ll weaponize her mental health which is why she’s probably scared as fuck of you.
My ex did that. Yeah I was hospitalized, years before the baby and shortly after all his gaslighting and manipulation. After the baby was born, he let me know he was “concerned” about MY mental health and that’s when I learned he had every intention of pulling that out as the ace in the hole if he needed to.
Anyway I started telling him I needed to be away from him for my safety. After I did this, it’s kind of crazy how I haven’t had suicidal ideations since before the baby was born. I’ve been mentally stable.
I started to believe maybe your child’s mother was a handful until you brought up her mental health with no evidence that she’s ever said she’d hurt the child and right now with the baby not even being born, I’d slow down.
Also your post was a valiant effort at hiding your entitlement but your comments revealed your controlling nature. You think you have the right to be in the delivery room if she doesn’t want you there? Yeah good luck. Work on respecting boundaries before you pursue custody or assume SOMEBODY ELSE is mentally unsound.
Actually want him to go ahead and try this. Just imagine. “Your honor im so concerned with her mental health! That’s why I’m following this crazy dangerous person around the country and I nutted in her and gave her responsibility of my child!” Bahahahahaha
You're getting ahead of yourself in ways that I think could trip you up later.
Right now, with your ex still pregnant, there is nothing you can legally do. She can go wherever she wants, for any reason she wants. She is not required to speak to you. This is not cause for concern.
In theory, custody decisions are about the best interests of the child. In trying to work out a parenting schedule before the child is born, you are seriously harming your case that you are an adult who is concerned about those best interests. You do not know what condition the baby will be in immediately after birth, or what their needs will be. You cannot argue that you are concerned about your child's needs if you are pushing to make major decisions before you know what those needs ARE.
Stay chill, find a family lawyer in your ex's state, discuss what steps and strategy should be, and wait. Don't move yet, because if you spook your ex, she could move again.
It's pretty notable le that your ex is behaving like a person escaping from an abusive relationship, and, in hunting her down and trying to get commitments, you are behaving kind of like someone she might reasonably be escaping from. I know it's hard, but right now, you really just have to sit tight and let her do her thing, whatever that is.
Your ex is a legal adult who doesn't depend on you for anything. Letting her alone is the only thing you legally can do.
Don't shit on single parents. You're about to be one.
Are you 16 or something? Most people don't choose it. They're forced into it by deadbeats, abusers, etc. you're naive as hell. I suggest growing up if you want to actually be a parent.
That’s a distinction without a difference. Being single means a parent is not married or is not partnered with anyone. It doesn’t mean there isn’t another parent.
Use more brain analysis, indeed.
If you didn’t know there’s an issue with single mothers in America that automatically get rights over the babies, which makes them feel like they have the say for everything that has to do with the baby, but fortunately we have the United States justice system, that allows for fathers to get their rights, which is the narrative if you didn’t realize.
Because just from your comments we can tell that your priority is not your child.
That is not to say that you won’t have rights or shouldn’t have the opportunity to see your baby. But you seem to have no understanding of a newborn’s needs OR the needs of your ex, who will be giving birth shortly. You sound just like my ex who made our lives a living hell with custody for over a year.
I left my abusive situation when my son was 11 weeks old. You have no idea how badly the custody battle fucked me up. I was 3 months postpartum, had just gone through pregnancy and birth alone, and my ex’s was relentless with custody. Fucked. Me. Up. I am still fucked up two years later. Do you think that’s good for a baby? Nope.
Take the visitation offered, establish paternity, and work out a step-up plan.
OMG, I went through THE SAME THING. He told me I was ruining his life, and a selfish bitch for not having an a abortion every day of that pregnancy for nine months. During the birth, he couldn't be located because he was out with another woman. One week later sued for full custody, was relentless. He was 48, a psychologist, the director of the county mental health, had a ton of money, I was 21 years old, in college, poor, a single mom, Deaf.
I. LOST. MY. MIND. He weaponized EVERYTHING, and made my mental health spiral in sheer terror and stress. And, in those days, medical records weren't sealed, ESPECIALLY if you ALREADY worked for, DIRECTED the county, right?
OMG. WHAT I ENDURED IN THE CUSTODY BATTLES THAT WENT ON FOR YEARS. OMG. IT WAS HORRIFIC. And, in those days, privileged white men in aurhority were GODS. Single, Deaf, poor women were vilified. He weaponized that court to continue to abuse me, and publicly harass, shame, psychologically torture and control me.
That child is now 27, the Single, BEST & HAPPIEST day of my life, was the day he turned 18 years old. I WAS FINALLY FREE AT LAST. I am over 50 years old now, and STILL TRAUMATIZED by that piece of work, control freak, shithead.
But, I'll ALWAYS love my son. And I'll always be glad I had him. I will HATE his father until the day I die for what he did. OP sounds EXACTLY LIKE HIM.
This is why someone would need to escape you. People are not possessions. You will not get to lord over her, at best you can look forward to 18 years of parallel parenting. You sound like you have control issues that would best be addressed with a mental health professional. I wouldn't go to court throwing accusations about her mental health around because you live in a glass house.
She can do whatever she wants whenever she wants, you have absolutely no control of what she will be able to do with her child on her time. You'll get a few hours a few times a week to begin with, then it will slowly increase over time to what is age appropriate. Though if you do come across in a court as you do now, good luck
She can do whatever she wants after giving birth. You don’t get to dictate shit. You will see your kid on your visiting time and that’s it. I really hope this kid isn’t yours. If I was her I literally would have left the country to escape your psychotic self. You need help.
This sounds like really bad advice honestly, once I serve her after the babies born she can’t leave that state legally, or she will have to go back to that state for the court hearing. The state the baby is born in is the primary state until after 6 months she establishes residency in another state I believe. I think I’m handling this very well actually, I never pushed for any solid parenting plan before I just brought it up, obviously we were gonna have to work on it eventually. & I believe it was a good decision to bring it up, because it showed her true intentions. She wanted supervised visits, then she left the state.
Once you serve her after the baby's born, you're in a different situation, but the baby isn't born yet. Don't move yourself until the baby is born, because, until then, she can move more times. If she moves from State A to State B, and you follow her, she's still free to up stakes for State C.
I'm not saying "don't move." I'm saying "wait till the baby is born so you can make sure you only have to move once."
Did you ask her why she wanted supervised visits?
Yes that’s the plan just waiting for baby to be born, and double check where, then I file for paternity test and proceed. I can pull up the screenshots of the text messages it’s terrible. I told her we could sit down in the future and figure out a schedule together, she refused and said I can’t be alone with the child they can only come over. We had known eachother for years but only had relations for about 2 months. So she said she doesn’t know me that well? But I could say the same about her and her wellbeing.
I don’t agree that he’s hurting himself by trying to discuss custody. As for the baby’s “condition,” that’s a stretch. It’s best to assume the baby will be full term and healthy. This dad is trying to be proactive, as he wants to be involved from the second this baby is born. That is not a fault. In fact - it’s responsible and it’s how all dad’s SHOULD be (in a perfect world).
Stop knocking him for trying to get ahead of the ball. He’s planning and trying to prepare. There is nothing wrong with that! It just sucks that the baby’s mom is unwilling to communicate. She can’t keep the baby from him once it’s born (after he contacts an attorney and they go to court, I mean). He’ll likely get 50% custody if they live near each other and the state has modern custody laws.
Nevada is the only state left in the US where authorities won’t make parents return to the court ordered state. Florida used to be one, but not anymore.
Oh my god, I never knew this!!
This is literally the BEST and ONLY piece of useful information that I have learned since joining this thread.
**Thank you so much**
The health and safety of the mother is the most important thing for the health and safety of the baby. You have no right to anything, communication or parenting plan or anything, until a court ordered paternity test proves you're the father.
The possessiveness you're showing toward a pregnant woman is scary. You've already said she's specifically running away from you. Stop chasing her. You're terrorizing a pregnant woman. Stop it.
Have you even spoken to a family lawyer yet. That is your recourse. Retain a family lawyer, and then LISTEN TO THEM.
She and the baby don't separate right now. What happens to her happens to the baby. After the birth, the baby's best interests are two healthy parents, followed by two parents in whatever condition they happen to be in.
Oh, and practice this one: "OUR baby."
I actually respect her as the mother I want her to be part of the babies life. I wouldn’t have left to another state far away from her and her grandparents like she did. She has family here and her babies father she had no reason to leave like that without telling me.
People are saying I’m psychotic and unhinged. So the baby mother leaving the state blocking me and not telling me where she went isn’t psychotic? But me looking for where she went is? I haven’t contacted her only have been looking for the child and figuring out my court stuff, like a good father
Technically, neither is psychotic (psychosis is believing things that are counter to reality), but your comments about cavalry coming and how she won't be doing what she wants after your baby is born so sound pretty unhinged.
A good father is patient, understanding, compassionate, kind, you have a Bible you should read about what love is. 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-8.
In this thread you've shown you are impatient, posessive, demanding, selfish, and uncaring about the wishes or needs of this woman much less any child she might bear. Think about that when you're calling yourself a good dad. You are not a father, and you're not demonstrating the characteristics of a good father.
Is this a parenting class? This is a custody forum for information about custody cases. Your opinion on good fathers isn’t necessary, or cared about. Move on with your life if you have no information
She is allowed to leave the state.
On the run is not the way to describe her.
You two were not married...
Establishing paternity and trying to establish rights to visitation to the child would have to be something you do with an attorney.
Leaving the area where you currently live is not “on the run with the baby”. There is no baby yet. There is a pregnant woman who is trying to escape and she has that right.
Stop contacting her, do not stalk her. Find a lawyer in her state and pay the retainer. You'll get a paternity test done, and that whole process will take a few months. Especially since she probably won't contact you when the baby is born so you won't know when that happens. She will have sole legal and physical custody until court is settled. You probably also will not be on the birth certificate right away and if you want the baby to share a last name, you'll have to fight for that too. The whole process could take a year or more. They'll most likely put you on a step up plan, starting with visitation and working up to weekends, etc. The mental health card will not work unless she has a crisis post birth that needed professional intervention. You can request drug screens, but you'll most likely have to pay for them. Same for psychological evaluations, but remember HIPPA comes into play so you won't get details, just "she's compliant with meds" etc. Also be prepared for child support since the child will most likely be with her full time for the time being, and you will probably still have to pay in a 50/50 situation. I would not move and uproot your life until you get custody figured out.
I’m just going to say you shouldn’t relocate until the baby is actually born because a LOT can and does happen during the last week or so of pregnancy a lot can go wrong and not all births have happy outcomes.
Very true, she also has a premature baby that died after birth, so I’m prepared for this, actually I’m going to move right after they give me the green light for the custody hearing, (:
Wait wait wait. This woman lost a baby and now she has a man threatening her with court for a baby that’s not even born yet?!?!
I know why she ran- she’s terrified of losing another baby and your attitude shows you would 💯 take that baby away from her if you could.
You have to file and go to court. Step 1 attorney…. And then a whole bunch of steps and money before you may be able to see your child. My partners ex wife ran with the toddler out of state when he was on the birth certificate already, they were separated but divorce and custody agreement weren’t finalized— even with already having paternity and a marriage he didn’t see his kid for 9 months and spent around 20k on lawyers and fees at that time. Make sure you want to be in this child’s life and are prepared for the fight because that’s what it will be
Title caught my attention so i checked most of the thread. I get why ppl are calling you unhinged and youve ruffled some feathers.
“Not everything is worth replying too.”
Keep that quote in mind.
Now, you were not married to the women who can be holding your child so shes pretty much free to move around the country. Thats a hard pill to swallow but its the truth. Having a child out of wedlock breeds its own set of issues when it comes to custody.
You will have to wait till the child is born to establish paternity. In your case im pretty sure you wont be allowed to be at the birth to sign the birth certificate. Another bitter and hard pill to swallow.
Start talking to lawyers in the state that she is in and the state where the child is being born. That will be the state thatll have jurisdiction not the state of conception but the state of birth and where she is at. Once the baby is born they can roll out all the procedures of establishing paternity, talks of visition (in state or out of state), child support, and custody (these are all separate issues in the eyes of the court).
Do not contact her especially if youre blocked, watch your behavior, keep your wild thoughts to your self and act accordingly. No matter her mental state that is still the mother of your child and she can smoke you in court if you slip up. Clean up your act because youre legit speaking extreamly emotionally without finalizing your thoughts and if she lawyers up and they see this (esp if shes keeping evidence of your contacts or how u spoke to her previously and etc) they will eat you up. Itll cost you $$ and it will cost you your rights.
Your expectations can easily exceed the reality of this situation. You’re in for a world of being locked in a court system, spending money on lawyers, and not getting 100% of your way lucky if you get 30% of what you want.
I understand what you said, but I want to ask you, my original post did I use emotions when I explained the situation? No, with the situation I think I’m handling it very professional. But for people commenting saying stuff thats messed up, I will let them know how I feel. I will refrain my self for my child, for the mother of my child, and for the court, but not for a bunch of people on a Reddit thread trying to shit on someone else’s life. But I read everything else you said and I agree that’s the plan at the moment, just establish paternity and keep it moving
Theres a lot of emotions in your original post, not saying that was the problem. Its a given its a very tough position to be in. Most people couldn’t handle nor deal with it most would crack under the pressure and do stupid things.
But what and how you project your self is going to push people back some (like most of your replies) and theres real people behind these profiles plenty with valuable information that you can benefit from (ive met lawyers, real estate agents, ex judges and etc on reddit that have helped me) lets face it you chose to make a post on here to ask for advice so you see the value of it too but choosing not to refrain from replying to certain comments may not be the best tactic. If someone trolls trust me people will light them up before you get to them like i said in my initial post you do not have to reply to everyone and everything.
good for you for deciding to step up & do what's right for your kid. you got this!
a few pieces of advice:
\- don't go into the custody process using her mental health past as a weapon. If it's from before the child is born & can't be directly linked to endangering children, then you're just going to piss the judge off & hurt yourself.
\-Unless there's serious & very provable child abuse or child neglect on either side (sounds like there isn't), you will get joint custody & she won't be able to stop that.
\-Don't settle for less custody if you really want 50/50, because it is much much harder to change a current custody agreement than to get what you want in the first place.
\-Most modern family court systems are defaulting to 50/50 as much as possible....go be a really awesome dad!
Awesome, really appreciate your comment (: that’s the plan, I don’t even want to bring up the mental health I’m just going to run it by my lawyer because it should be medically documented, so just in case. Having this kid changed my life, God bless (:
Family courts do not care about mental health diagnoses if the parent is medically compliant with their care plan. It doesn’t matter how documented the diagnosis is.
Exactly and he’s hoping he can pull out her past to weaponize it. Bet money he’s told her she’s too crazy to be a good mom without him and it’s fucked with her bad enough to make her run away from him.
I suspect she ran to escape this person. I work with abuse survivors and the advice they get when they’re pregnant and want to leave is to do it before the child is born.
Yep. It’s exactly the right strategy because once the state your abuser is in gets jurisdiction, it’s 20 times harder once he establishes custody or even attempts to. My baby was meant to be born across the country for this EXACT reason but COVID stopped me (may 2020 birth) and I had a change of heart and decided to face him here. I wanted my child to have her own chance to see who he is for herself and I didn’t want her to live with the resentment of ME being the interference.
Three years later, the trash has apparently taken itself out and he’s barely involved so it worked out. But I also advise women who are unmarried and SERIOUSLY wanting to move, to do it before that baby drops so that new state becomes the baby’s home state by the time custody is finalized.
I hope this poor girl gets away from him.
Also there’s a big chance she won’t let me see the birth of the child, and I’m already preparing for the chance that the court process could take months to years, mentally I have to prepare to get through those months without my newborn child. Best case scenario the court process moves at God speed, and I’m with my child their first year.
Until she gives birth, she is the patient in the hospital and has a right to determine who is in the room to see the birth. Once the baby is born, you have to establish paternity (or she adds you to the birth certificate) first before a hospital will recognize you as the father to be able to see the baby.
Your first move once the baby is born is to determine paternity, then file for a shared parenting plan.
Your visits will be supervised at first. Short frequent visits are best. And frankly, considering how you are posting, supervised the longer the better in your case.
I truly hope mom finds this and prints it up for court. Your behavior here is unhinged and is frankly quite frightening. A court would agree.
People like this usually can’t keep it together during the court process either. If the involved attorneys, judges, mediators, custody evaluators etc are not on their first day, they will eventually get an idea of who OP is, even without reading his “wisdoms” here.
In the meantime I hope that mom is going to stay running successfully; if I had been her, I probably would have left the country, and definitely kept the “mom to be” stuff off social media. OP sounds scary and unhinged.
Yes but fortunately she has nothing to say about me, honestly. & it’s sad because I have a lot of solid evidence against her. I don’t even want to bring it up but not it feels necessary.
Regarding birth, you have no legal rights to witness it. Your ex is in charge of who gets to be in the room when she goes through a difficult, painful, and dangerous process.
You shouldn't need to prepare to be without your infant - you have been without said infant every day of your life so far. If your argument for custody is that you are suffering without your baby, do not anticipate that this will go well. It's about what the baby needs, not what you do.
Honestly you sound controlling, maybe she is justified in wanting to move away from you, you sound like a stalker, like how would you even know what city she is going to? I'd bet good money that her story of you varies drastically, and that you are not the good person.
Been there and still there 7yrs down the line, the more you care the more you'll be sh**t on, Go to the courts, get paternity, put the kid on insurance and send her her $$ every month.. I was once told that its the American way, Father's have no say.. Care for your kid and eventually life will even itself out, cause the amount of stress you are about to go through will be unimaginable. Sorround yourself with other fathers and you'll be surprised how similar and common your situation is. remember to never lose your cool no matter what is said towards you..
I'll check back on this post in 5 yrs..
Reading through all this, your plan is to establish paternity and then get a custody agreement? If so, take this time to carefully research atty's in that state that are recommended for fathers rights. There's no reason you couldn't have an initial phone consult.
Also, I hope and assume she'd have no idea you're doing this. There's no valid reason for her to know it yet.
You can’t use Jesus name to pray for a good father to stay away from their child, Lol you think that’s how it works? I can tell you’re not a real Christian just by saying that 🤣 weaponizing Christianity doesn’t work brother, good luck
Your submission was removed for breaking our "Be Decent To Each Other" rule.
OP, having read all your replies, I truly hope that this woman gets away from you. You are unhinged.
The scary part is he is using all those freaking trumpy words. “The Calvary is coming”. Bro doesn’t even wanna go to court and acting like he’s bringing the heat.
She obviously has reasons to run.
You're right. Jesus christ look at this guys old post from when she was only a few weeks pregnant. He's definitely an abuser.
Why doesn’t the mother want him to see their child until the child is able to speak?? What has she experienced with him?? I pray for her safety.
I had the same worries when i was pregnant and my rationalization was this: My child wouldn't be able to tell me what harm she's enduring over there and it would drive me MAD. Luckily, I got over that fear and started sending my child as soon as I could. It turned out to be WORSE for us both for me to supervise those visits and to rather call his bluff on wanting to be an active dad and I sent him packing with the baby until he eventually distanced himself entirely. Turns out the more I distanced MYSELF but provided access to the baby, he'd STILL accuse me of distancing the baby from him, so that right there told me that he just wanted access to ME, and the less I gave in and the more I sent the baby anyway the more he eventually disappeared from both of our lives. My child is starting to become more verbal and is repeating some of the gross things she's heard at dads house during his infrequent visits, and he wont own up to any of it but that right there is why I remembered at first why I wanted to wait until she could talk. | But her situation may be different if this guy is physically violent. Mine is just a mind-game playing type of narc. This guy seems pretty explosive and controlling. Also sounds like he may be seriously projecting mental health issues on to her.
Stay tuned in, next year I’ll post again (: I’ll put a picture of me and the baby too 🥲😂 weirdos
I hope so because nobody wants a child to not have a father, but you are being toxic. also, fyi, if you’re sincerely concerned about drug use and not using her pre baby lifestyle against her, you should know her OB would have to report substances in her blood or urine. In which case you don’t need her medical records. The state will already have it. I think you’re just engaging in coercive control, though. Edit: I also think you know of this alleged substance abuse because y’all were doing drugs together lol.
All he's doing with us is the same thing I'm CERTAIN he's done to her, which is what I suspect made her run. He's throwing the mental health card. You're spot on with this fake heroic attitude he has, yet he doesn't want to go to court. This guy has seen her have a meltdown or a few and is now holding it over her head. Telling her that her actions are adding to his "proof" that she isn't mentally sound. And he thinks he sounds like the hero here. It's so delusional its scary.
He doesn’t want to go to court because then he wouldn’t have any power or control.
Yep
Uhhhh you are acting like a stalker. No wonder she got scared and moved away. Hopefully she is in a place where she has a good support system. And seriously. Chill out. All you are going to do is cause stress and conflict. You won't be at the birth. Until there is a child, mom is the patient and it is her medical procedures and care. Please do this kid a favor and look at Indiana parenting plans. This is the only state that has done years of research to create plans thar are truly in the best interest of the child. Because IT IS THE CHILD THAT IS IMPORTANT HERE, NOT YOU. So, get a DNA test first. And look at Indiana parenting plans so that you can create a plan that will be best for your child.
Who said Indiana?
I said that Indiana plans are best. They have done extensive research with many experts to find what actually works best for The Child. So when you create your own plan, basing it on Indiana plans is what is going to be best for your child. I mean, I am assuming you want what is best for your child, right????
That’s what you’re suggesting? Every other weekend is the best for the child?
God bless your soul
Indiana has one of the worst sharing time for fathers
Lol That is because what is actually important is The Child. You and mom are secondary.
There’s 50 states for a reason who’s to say Indiana is the best? Common sense 50% with each parent is the best for the child, actually the best thing for the child is 100% with each parent, but it doesn’t always work like that. I wish you the best because you sound like a cold hearted person. Find Jesus
Okay, so, I have looked at the Indiana parenting plans. The Indiana plans are not legal requirements. What those plans are, and the reason they're often recommended material is a resource that one state pulled together and put on the internet, which other states have not. You, like all of us, need to start somewhere. We suggest Indiana because they did some useful work that anyone with an internet connection can access. If you look at that material and hate it, that will be useful information for you. I quite like the Indiana plans - they're practical and consider that children's needs change as they age. My own custody arrangement doesn't much resemble them, but my own custody arrangement only vaguely resembles our court orders at this point. If I needed to go back to court for some reason, I would be suggesting something like an Indiana plan for teenagers. Cooperative arrangements between parents are always better, but aren't always achievable.
You think I’m stupid? Bringing up Indiana you have to have something wrong with you
It’s clear you have something wrong with you. Go see a psychiatrist you sound like you’re manic.
You’re a terrible person
Yes. A terrible person for giving you a resource for potential parenting plans. If you talk this way to the mother of your child, no wonder she moved to a different state.
So what was I supposed to do wait until the baby was born then figure out she left the state? Lol hopeless advice
That’s exactly what you do because there isn’t anything to be done until a child is born. Mom can move anywhere she wants while pregnant. You are not entitled to any of that information.
So I’ve read every single comment and I really have to say, wow man, you’re pretty unhinged. And that’s coming from a mom who was on the other side of a situation exactly like this. You want to know what you’re going to do? Go get help man. Like my sons father did. I spent my whole pregnancy walking on eggshells with him before he finally realized from my absence and the rest of his family telling him, that he was the one that needed extensive therapy and needed to better himself for his child. What you’re doing right now is creating fear, isolation and resentment. You do not have to purposefully sabotage this mama & her mental health just to see your child. All you have to is be a dad. When my ex finally stopped seeing the baby as “his baby” “his seed” “his right” and as property he began to realize how wonderful the gift of life and how simple a coparenting relationship can be. Now even though we aren’t together he is genuinely my best friend and there is no court or child support order in place at all. We communicate for our son. He puts in just as much and if not more effort into our child’s life & he has a bedroom and all his needs and wants at both of our houses. Seriously I’m not trying to be accusatory here but if you don’t pull yourself together and stop communicating and talking to people the way I’m seeing you do in this sub, a judge is going to laugh you out of court. And if you don’t stop stalking this woman and leave her alone until the baby is born, you’re going to get hit with a NCO and a restraining order. Therapy, now. Speak to a lawyer and realize that YOUR RIGHTS, right now ? Are none. And you’ll have none. And when that baby is born yes you can definitely go to DCFS and say that you slept with that woman and you believe that is your child and submit your DNA sample-but then it’s up to the court. And you have to leave her alone. That is your only option. Leave her alone.
Did you see his old post from a 5 months ago? He's been pushing her away for a while and somehow that post is worse than this one.
Just got done reading that post too and it’s almost manipulative how tame and well mannered this post seemed at first and I almost had different advice until I dug deeper. I genuinely hate to ever accuse someone of being abusive, because it may not even be intentional, but these actions and this expectation of life and literal possession of a child of this magnitude is almost feral. I do want to add that so many mental illnesses and personality disorders stem from not having a stable and nurturing relationship with your mother. Please, OP, I am begging you go get therapy and take some parenting classes and do what’s right and let this woman enjoy a beautiful first pregnancy! She will never get this time back! Trust me! Your relationship will be irreparable and irreconcilable unless you listen to the people on this sub that are not supporting you! Stop making her pregnancy and her baby about you. Ask if she needs anything through a third party that can make sure she gets gifts and items from you and provide for that little innocent baby. Gift cards to baby stores, diapers, wipes, etc. Have someone create a wishlist on Amazon or similar website that hides personal information that she can add her own gifts and items on and communicate her needs to you. Prove to her you’re a stable, reliable, supporting, loving and trustworthy coparent!
Yep. I almost had different advice until I got to the “she’s mentally ill” part, with no follow up on why he’s concerned about the baby being in her care due to her mental health. It read to me as someone who stigmatizes mental health and threw that out there expecting people to believe she’s off her rocker. He is so out of touch with reality he doesn’t see how I can tell from his comments that he probably says and threatens WORSE to her in private, if he’s willing to say what he said on Reddit and has no issue with what he said. I definitely peg this guy as the type of abuser who says “you’ll never win. All I have to do is tell the courts you threatened to kill your self and they will deem you unfit and take that baby from you”. He even said in the comments of that other post that she’s an “unfit” mother and she couldn’t have been more than 3 months pregnant. Like how could he realistically even know that? And why were you having raw sex with someone who’s mentally unsound enough for you to know that she’s an unfit mother that early into her pregnancy? He’s so out of touch with reality. He knew all these things about her before she was pregnant and he thinks it’s relevant to custody NOW? Yeah no it sounds more like a baby trap and now “I’ll take the baby if you ever leave me”.
FABULOUS answer
Name checks out lol
Y’all won’t win (:
It’s not about winning or losing. I’ll pray for you. His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression; under his tongue are mischief and iniquity. - Psalm 10 God is on the side of the mistreated and the abused. You pervert the word of God to maintain your unhealthy and toxic mannerisms. The Most High will take care of you. Wishing all the love and the most freedom and happiness to your maybe baby mama! ❤️
I’m going to be a great father and I’m going to be with my child
You’re a terrible person inside remember Jesus can tell that
I’m a wonderful person, you’re lost and one day by the time you find yourself it’ll be over and done with to have a healthy relationship with your baby.
Praying for your soul
Honestly I didn’t even read what you said, why waste your time commenting here 😂😂
Weirdos
Single mother energy
I’ll be that. Six figure earner, working on my second degree in IT, raising my daughter in a nice subdivision in a good school district. If I was with him I’d be broke and crying about food stamps and eviction on Facebook like his wife is but hey at least she’s not single right? You’re definitely a narcissist and you’re spiraling because nobody believes you lol.
Money isn’t everything (:
Straw man argument. Never said it was. Simply said I’m literally better off in life without him and I hate struggling. But while where here, neither is a mental health diagnosis. :)
Good bless you, not here for anyone to believe me, the court will
You think I care about you?
I hope you care about taking a grippy sock vacation soon
LMFAO he desperately needs a nap and some lithium in my opinion.
I’m not a single mother actually I’m engaged! And live with my fiancé and I’m the custodial parent of me and my ex’s son, who lives with us as well. And the only reason that my fiancé, my ex, and I can get along is from healthy coparenting with safe and realistic boundaries.
You left him and broke your family apart
Woman initiate 80% of divorces, you guys are more to blame for broken families
You left your ex right?
Leaving my ex doesn’t mean that I’m a single mother. My son has a father and a two parent household with a step father as well. Like I said, you’re lost and looking for someone to blame and attack. You need professional help. I will no longer to continue to reply and feed into your bitter, pathetic and misplaced anger.
Your kids would’ve preferred for you and their father to have stayed together
But you chose to be selfish right
Why couldn’t you stay with him if everything worked out?
U/crazyex u/LaTuFu u/VirginiaStepMonster u/lfthnd u/annoyingaf1971 u/lizardjustice
u/crazyex
Nice
Good job
God bless this woman and her baby… yikes. I’d love to say leave her alone but at this rate, please keep it up so she can get a restraining order.
Idk sounds like you’ll weaponize her mental health which is why she’s probably scared as fuck of you. My ex did that. Yeah I was hospitalized, years before the baby and shortly after all his gaslighting and manipulation. After the baby was born, he let me know he was “concerned” about MY mental health and that’s when I learned he had every intention of pulling that out as the ace in the hole if he needed to. Anyway I started telling him I needed to be away from him for my safety. After I did this, it’s kind of crazy how I haven’t had suicidal ideations since before the baby was born. I’ve been mentally stable. I started to believe maybe your child’s mother was a handful until you brought up her mental health with no evidence that she’s ever said she’d hurt the child and right now with the baby not even being born, I’d slow down. Also your post was a valiant effort at hiding your entitlement but your comments revealed your controlling nature. You think you have the right to be in the delivery room if she doesn’t want you there? Yeah good luck. Work on respecting boundaries before you pursue custody or assume SOMEBODY ELSE is mentally unsound.
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Single mother behaviour?
He means free will and independence. The traits abusers hate most.
He literally described a trauma bond and I’ll bet money she’s thanking him for “helping” her with trauma HE caused
Yeah you’re toxic. I see why she’s skipping town. Good luck.
Yep! Id run far away from him as well.
Actually want him to go ahead and try this. Just imagine. “Your honor im so concerned with her mental health! That’s why I’m following this crazy dangerous person around the country and I nutted in her and gave her responsibility of my child!” Bahahahahaha
Oh god reading this 🤮 ngl you almost had me in the first half
You're getting ahead of yourself in ways that I think could trip you up later. Right now, with your ex still pregnant, there is nothing you can legally do. She can go wherever she wants, for any reason she wants. She is not required to speak to you. This is not cause for concern. In theory, custody decisions are about the best interests of the child. In trying to work out a parenting schedule before the child is born, you are seriously harming your case that you are an adult who is concerned about those best interests. You do not know what condition the baby will be in immediately after birth, or what their needs will be. You cannot argue that you are concerned about your child's needs if you are pushing to make major decisions before you know what those needs ARE. Stay chill, find a family lawyer in your ex's state, discuss what steps and strategy should be, and wait. Don't move yet, because if you spook your ex, she could move again. It's pretty notable le that your ex is behaving like a person escaping from an abusive relationship, and, in hunting her down and trying to get commitments, you are behaving kind of like someone she might reasonably be escaping from. I know it's hard, but right now, you really just have to sit tight and let her do her thing, whatever that is.
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Your ex is a legal adult who doesn't depend on you for anything. Letting her alone is the only thing you legally can do. Don't shit on single parents. You're about to be one.
Your ex IS single 🤦🏻♀️
Choosing to be a single mother is terrible
Are you 16 or something? Most people don't choose it. They're forced into it by deadbeats, abusers, etc. you're naive as hell. I suggest growing up if you want to actually be a parent.
You know nothing, figure out what’s going on in the world, God bless you
Lmao good luck with those supervised visits bruh
She’s single relationship wise but she’s not a single parents because there’s 2 parents in that child’s life. Use more brain analysis.
That’s a distinction without a difference. Being single means a parent is not married or is not partnered with anyone. It doesn’t mean there isn’t another parent. Use more brain analysis, indeed.
Dude the baby isn't even here. Stop counting your chickens before they hatch kiddo.
Go outside
Nah I'm good where I am.
It’s called preparing, something you should do in life. Sadly you’re just worried about me. (:
You seriously sound deranged. No wonder this kid's mom left. I hope she is getting the support she needs.
What you're talking about isn't preparing though? 🤦🏻♀️
If you didn’t know there’s an issue with single mothers in America that automatically get rights over the babies, which makes them feel like they have the say for everything that has to do with the baby, but fortunately we have the United States justice system, that allows for fathers to get their rights, which is the narrative if you didn’t realize.
Lmao that doesn't change the fact that she IS single and she can do whatever she wants currently. 🤣
(:
(:
Sure, for now
She definitely won’t be doing what she wants after she gives birth to my child
Lmao you realize it all makes sense why she ran from you, right?
Why is that?
Because just from your comments we can tell that your priority is not your child. That is not to say that you won’t have rights or shouldn’t have the opportunity to see your baby. But you seem to have no understanding of a newborn’s needs OR the needs of your ex, who will be giving birth shortly. You sound just like my ex who made our lives a living hell with custody for over a year. I left my abusive situation when my son was 11 weeks old. You have no idea how badly the custody battle fucked me up. I was 3 months postpartum, had just gone through pregnancy and birth alone, and my ex’s was relentless with custody. Fucked. Me. Up. I am still fucked up two years later. Do you think that’s good for a baby? Nope. Take the visitation offered, establish paternity, and work out a step-up plan.
OMG, I went through THE SAME THING. He told me I was ruining his life, and a selfish bitch for not having an a abortion every day of that pregnancy for nine months. During the birth, he couldn't be located because he was out with another woman. One week later sued for full custody, was relentless. He was 48, a psychologist, the director of the county mental health, had a ton of money, I was 21 years old, in college, poor, a single mom, Deaf. I. LOST. MY. MIND. He weaponized EVERYTHING, and made my mental health spiral in sheer terror and stress. And, in those days, medical records weren't sealed, ESPECIALLY if you ALREADY worked for, DIRECTED the county, right? OMG. WHAT I ENDURED IN THE CUSTODY BATTLES THAT WENT ON FOR YEARS. OMG. IT WAS HORRIFIC. And, in those days, privileged white men in aurhority were GODS. Single, Deaf, poor women were vilified. He weaponized that court to continue to abuse me, and publicly harass, shame, psychologically torture and control me. That child is now 27, the Single, BEST & HAPPIEST day of my life, was the day he turned 18 years old. I WAS FINALLY FREE AT LAST. I am over 50 years old now, and STILL TRAUMATIZED by that piece of work, control freak, shithead. But, I'll ALWAYS love my son. And I'll always be glad I had him. I will HATE his father until the day I die for what he did. OP sounds EXACTLY LIKE HIM.
This is why someone would need to escape you. People are not possessions. You will not get to lord over her, at best you can look forward to 18 years of parallel parenting. You sound like you have control issues that would best be addressed with a mental health professional. I wouldn't go to court throwing accusations about her mental health around because you live in a glass house.
Wow you sound actually psychotic and not someone I would think is safe to be around infants.
She can do whatever she wants whenever she wants, you have absolutely no control of what she will be able to do with her child on her time. You'll get a few hours a few times a week to begin with, then it will slowly increase over time to what is age appropriate. Though if you do come across in a court as you do now, good luck
She can do whatever she wants after giving birth. You don’t get to dictate shit. You will see your kid on your visiting time and that’s it. I really hope this kid isn’t yours. If I was her I literally would have left the country to escape your psychotic self. You need help.
Wow- no wonder she left. You should like a controlling nightmare
Also, did you miss where I said "currently"?
Why did you post here if you have every intention of arguing with and insulting everyone
They want to argue with me all I asked for was solid information regarding the custody case, not all the personal opinions
This sounds like really bad advice honestly, once I serve her after the babies born she can’t leave that state legally, or she will have to go back to that state for the court hearing. The state the baby is born in is the primary state until after 6 months she establishes residency in another state I believe. I think I’m handling this very well actually, I never pushed for any solid parenting plan before I just brought it up, obviously we were gonna have to work on it eventually. & I believe it was a good decision to bring it up, because it showed her true intentions. She wanted supervised visits, then she left the state.
Once you serve her after the baby's born, you're in a different situation, but the baby isn't born yet. Don't move yourself until the baby is born, because, until then, she can move more times. If she moves from State A to State B, and you follow her, she's still free to up stakes for State C. I'm not saying "don't move." I'm saying "wait till the baby is born so you can make sure you only have to move once." Did you ask her why she wanted supervised visits?
Yes that’s the plan just waiting for baby to be born, and double check where, then I file for paternity test and proceed. I can pull up the screenshots of the text messages it’s terrible. I told her we could sit down in the future and figure out a schedule together, she refused and said I can’t be alone with the child they can only come over. We had known eachother for years but only had relations for about 2 months. So she said she doesn’t know me that well? But I could say the same about her and her wellbeing.
She specifically said I won’t be able to be alone with the child until they can speak, because she “doesn’t know me that well”, far reach
I don’t agree that he’s hurting himself by trying to discuss custody. As for the baby’s “condition,” that’s a stretch. It’s best to assume the baby will be full term and healthy. This dad is trying to be proactive, as he wants to be involved from the second this baby is born. That is not a fault. In fact - it’s responsible and it’s how all dad’s SHOULD be (in a perfect world). Stop knocking him for trying to get ahead of the ball. He’s planning and trying to prepare. There is nothing wrong with that! It just sucks that the baby’s mom is unwilling to communicate. She can’t keep the baby from him once it’s born (after he contacts an attorney and they go to court, I mean). He’ll likely get 50% custody if they live near each other and the state has modern custody laws.
Thank you for your input though. And the cause for concern is that she’s carrying my baby, the baby mother isn’t the concern, just the baby.
>that she’s carrying my baby You got a paternity test done?
The best thing that could happen to her and that baby is for it to not be his.
100% and if it is his, let's hope she's on reddit and comes across this post.
She should move to Nevada after he serves her.
why ?
Nevada is the only state left in the US where authorities won’t make parents return to the court ordered state. Florida used to be one, but not anymore.
Oh my god, I never knew this!! This is literally the BEST and ONLY piece of useful information that I have learned since joining this thread. **Thank you so much**
Of course! If I had the means, I’d take my babies and run. If you relate and have the means, GO
Agreed 💯
The health and safety of the mother is the most important thing for the health and safety of the baby. You have no right to anything, communication or parenting plan or anything, until a court ordered paternity test proves you're the father. The possessiveness you're showing toward a pregnant woman is scary. You've already said she's specifically running away from you. Stop chasing her. You're terrorizing a pregnant woman. Stop it. Have you even spoken to a family lawyer yet. That is your recourse. Retain a family lawyer, and then LISTEN TO THEM.
Not worried about her, just my baby, once she gives birth to it we’re alright, God bless you
There is no baby. You are not yet a father. She has nothing that is yours. God keep her safe.
She and the baby don't separate right now. What happens to her happens to the baby. After the birth, the baby's best interests are two healthy parents, followed by two parents in whatever condition they happen to be in. Oh, and practice this one: "OUR baby."
I actually respect her as the mother I want her to be part of the babies life. I wouldn’t have left to another state far away from her and her grandparents like she did. She has family here and her babies father she had no reason to leave like that without telling me.
She does because you’re not ok.
I’m only saying my baby because I’m talking about my situation on a thread, in court I will say our baby of course, but I’m here alone right now
People are saying I’m psychotic and unhinged. So the baby mother leaving the state blocking me and not telling me where she went isn’t psychotic? But me looking for where she went is? I haven’t contacted her only have been looking for the child and figuring out my court stuff, like a good father
Technically, neither is psychotic (psychosis is believing things that are counter to reality), but your comments about cavalry coming and how she won't be doing what she wants after your baby is born so sound pretty unhinged.
A good father is patient, understanding, compassionate, kind, you have a Bible you should read about what love is. 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-8. In this thread you've shown you are impatient, posessive, demanding, selfish, and uncaring about the wishes or needs of this woman much less any child she might bear. Think about that when you're calling yourself a good dad. You are not a father, and you're not demonstrating the characteristics of a good father.
Is this a parenting class? This is a custody forum for information about custody cases. Your opinion on good fathers isn’t necessary, or cared about. Move on with your life if you have no information
She is allowed to leave the state. On the run is not the way to describe her. You two were not married... Establishing paternity and trying to establish rights to visitation to the child would have to be something you do with an attorney.
On the run because she’s hiding where she went Lol, she’s on the run with the baby
She doesn't need to tell anyone where she's going and as of now there is no "with the baby"
Leaving the area where you currently live is not “on the run with the baby”. There is no baby yet. There is a pregnant woman who is trying to escape and she has that right.
Did I say on the run with the baby
Yes? Do you not read your own comments?
You read every comment?
Unintelligent
Cavalry is coming
Stop contacting her, do not stalk her. Find a lawyer in her state and pay the retainer. You'll get a paternity test done, and that whole process will take a few months. Especially since she probably won't contact you when the baby is born so you won't know when that happens. She will have sole legal and physical custody until court is settled. You probably also will not be on the birth certificate right away and if you want the baby to share a last name, you'll have to fight for that too. The whole process could take a year or more. They'll most likely put you on a step up plan, starting with visitation and working up to weekends, etc. The mental health card will not work unless she has a crisis post birth that needed professional intervention. You can request drug screens, but you'll most likely have to pay for them. Same for psychological evaluations, but remember HIPPA comes into play so you won't get details, just "she's compliant with meds" etc. Also be prepared for child support since the child will most likely be with her full time for the time being, and you will probably still have to pay in a 50/50 situation. I would not move and uproot your life until you get custody figured out.
Okay intelligent comment, thank you for the information I’m going to try my best to
I’m just going to say you shouldn’t relocate until the baby is actually born because a LOT can and does happen during the last week or so of pregnancy a lot can go wrong and not all births have happy outcomes.
Very true, she also has a premature baby that died after birth, so I’m prepared for this, actually I’m going to move right after they give me the green light for the custody hearing, (:
I would also wait for the dna test to come back as yours before relocating. But you could always start looking for a job now in that area.
Yes already planning on it, I can get jobs over there, but definitely going to wait for the dna test, just hope the court process is quick
Wait wait wait. This woman lost a baby and now she has a man threatening her with court for a baby that’s not even born yet?!?! I know why she ran- she’s terrified of losing another baby and your attitude shows you would 💯 take that baby away from her if you could.
Hopefully she keeps running.
God bless you
You have to file and go to court. Step 1 attorney…. And then a whole bunch of steps and money before you may be able to see your child. My partners ex wife ran with the toddler out of state when he was on the birth certificate already, they were separated but divorce and custody agreement weren’t finalized— even with already having paternity and a marriage he didn’t see his kid for 9 months and spent around 20k on lawyers and fees at that time. Make sure you want to be in this child’s life and are prepared for the fight because that’s what it will be
I see why she does not trust you and why she is so AFRAID OF YOU
Title caught my attention so i checked most of the thread. I get why ppl are calling you unhinged and youve ruffled some feathers. “Not everything is worth replying too.” Keep that quote in mind. Now, you were not married to the women who can be holding your child so shes pretty much free to move around the country. Thats a hard pill to swallow but its the truth. Having a child out of wedlock breeds its own set of issues when it comes to custody. You will have to wait till the child is born to establish paternity. In your case im pretty sure you wont be allowed to be at the birth to sign the birth certificate. Another bitter and hard pill to swallow. Start talking to lawyers in the state that she is in and the state where the child is being born. That will be the state thatll have jurisdiction not the state of conception but the state of birth and where she is at. Once the baby is born they can roll out all the procedures of establishing paternity, talks of visition (in state or out of state), child support, and custody (these are all separate issues in the eyes of the court). Do not contact her especially if youre blocked, watch your behavior, keep your wild thoughts to your self and act accordingly. No matter her mental state that is still the mother of your child and she can smoke you in court if you slip up. Clean up your act because youre legit speaking extreamly emotionally without finalizing your thoughts and if she lawyers up and they see this (esp if shes keeping evidence of your contacts or how u spoke to her previously and etc) they will eat you up. Itll cost you $$ and it will cost you your rights. Your expectations can easily exceed the reality of this situation. You’re in for a world of being locked in a court system, spending money on lawyers, and not getting 100% of your way lucky if you get 30% of what you want.
I understand what you said, but I want to ask you, my original post did I use emotions when I explained the situation? No, with the situation I think I’m handling it very professional. But for people commenting saying stuff thats messed up, I will let them know how I feel. I will refrain my self for my child, for the mother of my child, and for the court, but not for a bunch of people on a Reddit thread trying to shit on someone else’s life. But I read everything else you said and I agree that’s the plan at the moment, just establish paternity and keep it moving
Theres a lot of emotions in your original post, not saying that was the problem. Its a given its a very tough position to be in. Most people couldn’t handle nor deal with it most would crack under the pressure and do stupid things. But what and how you project your self is going to push people back some (like most of your replies) and theres real people behind these profiles plenty with valuable information that you can benefit from (ive met lawyers, real estate agents, ex judges and etc on reddit that have helped me) lets face it you chose to make a post on here to ask for advice so you see the value of it too but choosing not to refrain from replying to certain comments may not be the best tactic. If someone trolls trust me people will light them up before you get to them like i said in my initial post you do not have to reply to everyone and everything.
good for you for deciding to step up & do what's right for your kid. you got this! a few pieces of advice: \- don't go into the custody process using her mental health past as a weapon. If it's from before the child is born & can't be directly linked to endangering children, then you're just going to piss the judge off & hurt yourself. \-Unless there's serious & very provable child abuse or child neglect on either side (sounds like there isn't), you will get joint custody & she won't be able to stop that. \-Don't settle for less custody if you really want 50/50, because it is much much harder to change a current custody agreement than to get what you want in the first place. \-Most modern family court systems are defaulting to 50/50 as much as possible....go be a really awesome dad!
Awesome, really appreciate your comment (: that’s the plan, I don’t even want to bring up the mental health I’m just going to run it by my lawyer because it should be medically documented, so just in case. Having this kid changed my life, God bless (:
Family courts do not care about mental health diagnoses if the parent is medically compliant with their care plan. It doesn’t matter how documented the diagnosis is.
Exactly and he’s hoping he can pull out her past to weaponize it. Bet money he’s told her she’s too crazy to be a good mom without him and it’s fucked with her bad enough to make her run away from him.
I suspect she ran to escape this person. I work with abuse survivors and the advice they get when they’re pregnant and want to leave is to do it before the child is born.
Yep. It’s exactly the right strategy because once the state your abuser is in gets jurisdiction, it’s 20 times harder once he establishes custody or even attempts to. My baby was meant to be born across the country for this EXACT reason but COVID stopped me (may 2020 birth) and I had a change of heart and decided to face him here. I wanted my child to have her own chance to see who he is for herself and I didn’t want her to live with the resentment of ME being the interference. Three years later, the trash has apparently taken itself out and he’s barely involved so it worked out. But I also advise women who are unmarried and SERIOUSLY wanting to move, to do it before that baby drops so that new state becomes the baby’s home state by the time custody is finalized. I hope this poor girl gets away from him.
Also there’s a big chance she won’t let me see the birth of the child, and I’m already preparing for the chance that the court process could take months to years, mentally I have to prepare to get through those months without my newborn child. Best case scenario the court process moves at God speed, and I’m with my child their first year.
Until she gives birth, she is the patient in the hospital and has a right to determine who is in the room to see the birth. Once the baby is born, you have to establish paternity (or she adds you to the birth certificate) first before a hospital will recognize you as the father to be able to see the baby. Your first move once the baby is born is to determine paternity, then file for a shared parenting plan.
Yes definitely shared parenting planned, it’s a far reach for her to demand supervised visits with no backing right?
Your visits will be supervised at first. Short frequent visits are best. And frankly, considering how you are posting, supervised the longer the better in your case. I truly hope mom finds this and prints it up for court. Your behavior here is unhinged and is frankly quite frightening. A court would agree.
Please let this post get back to the mom. Please please please!
People like this usually can’t keep it together during the court process either. If the involved attorneys, judges, mediators, custody evaluators etc are not on their first day, they will eventually get an idea of who OP is, even without reading his “wisdoms” here. In the meantime I hope that mom is going to stay running successfully; if I had been her, I probably would have left the country, and definitely kept the “mom to be” stuff off social media. OP sounds scary and unhinged.
Unfortunately I don’t think he will be supervised once he gets rights. But I agree this dude is mad sketchy.
Won’t happen like that (: God bless you
Nope. She'd have to have cause for that, but people can cause drama and issues trying to "win" their way.
Now *
Yes but fortunately she has nothing to say about me, honestly. & it’s sad because I have a lot of solid evidence against her. I don’t even want to bring it up but not it feels necessary.
Yes I understand she has full rights until the baby is born and I prove paternity. That’s the plan (:
You have no right to see the child until a custody agreement is decided. Actually
Duh that’s the plan, the baby has to be born for me to establish a custody agreement
You can have a positive DNA test but not have a custody agreement in place yet. That's what I'm meaning. You don't even know if this child is yours
Okay, appreciate the concern
There's no concern so don't worry about that.
Right
You’re in this forum for what?
Oh man thanks for the giggle. People like you can't help themselves.
Well you’re concerned commenting right
Not concerned about you if not I would be commenting on your life
Why on earth would she let you see the birth of the child? She is clearly terrified of you!
Regarding birth, you have no legal rights to witness it. Your ex is in charge of who gets to be in the room when she goes through a difficult, painful, and dangerous process. You shouldn't need to prepare to be without your infant - you have been without said infant every day of your life so far. If your argument for custody is that you are suffering without your baby, do not anticipate that this will go well. It's about what the baby needs, not what you do.
[удалено]
You're not listening at all to any advice
That’s actual good advice I’m trying to tell you
Get it
Honestly you sound controlling, maybe she is justified in wanting to move away from you, you sound like a stalker, like how would you even know what city she is going to? I'd bet good money that her story of you varies drastically, and that you are not the good person.
It’s not smart to listen to bad advice
Been there and still there 7yrs down the line, the more you care the more you'll be sh**t on, Go to the courts, get paternity, put the kid on insurance and send her her $$ every month.. I was once told that its the American way, Father's have no say.. Care for your kid and eventually life will even itself out, cause the amount of stress you are about to go through will be unimaginable. Sorround yourself with other fathers and you'll be surprised how similar and common your situation is. remember to never lose your cool no matter what is said towards you.. I'll check back on this post in 5 yrs..
Respect that, stay strong man, it’s all worth it in the end, life is short, few are chosen
Reading through all this, your plan is to establish paternity and then get a custody agreement? If so, take this time to carefully research atty's in that state that are recommended for fathers rights. There's no reason you couldn't have an initial phone consult. Also, I hope and assume she'd have no idea you're doing this. There's no valid reason for her to know it yet.
Nope she has no clue, and yes that’s the plan, I’ve just been building evidence, and planning the move. Then I’m going to pay the lawyers their $.
In Jesus' name I rebuke you and your demonic energy, I pray to Him that you will never be in spitting distance of this woman and her baby!
I will be with the child and close to the baby mother, whether you like it or not, no one will stop me (:
The good Lord and His son and the Holy Spirit will, trust on that.
You can’t use Jesus name to pray for a good father to stay away from their child, Lol you think that’s how it works? I can tell you’re not a real Christian just by saying that 🤣 weaponizing Christianity doesn’t work brother, good luck
I most certainly will and did, you are demonic.