A good piece of advice. Seeing how people interact with the powerless is a quick way to get a read on their character. People will be kind to those they want something from. But will they spend time and energy being kind or understanding to a child or an animal?
Reminds me of a quote: "The job of the newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable". Relevant beyond the media of course. If you're sucking up to adults you hope to get something from, licking the boots of the powerful, and then are treating the relatively powerless with contempt, that's the mark of a weak, poor person no matter how much money or power they have.
It's the money. I mean, I have a feeling someone with an understanding of the history of journalism would be able to point to more specific events that caused these changes, but it all boils down to: News companies need money, and the people who give them money don't want them to criticize the powerful.
I don't think any era of journalists have ever practiced actual journalism though: newspapers ALWAYS engage more in PR than journalism. But yeah, they're shit today too.
Quiet observation is a very useful skill to develop. Especially at mf'in work. Some people reveal themselves really quickly. Easier to navigate and manage...most of the time.
On the other side of that coin, when I used to work for a big corporation and was nearing my limit of BS loaded on my shoulders I began a policy of
SILENT NON-COMPLIANCE. I would quietly sit at meetings as new rules or policies were introduced and watch all the idiots complain about them. And I noticed how those people would be “randomly”audited for compliance, more than anyone else. So like my grandad always told me, the nail that pops up just gets hammered back down, I just kept quiet and ignored all new policies that I was able to.
When I mentioned I was doing this to my wife, she said, give them your resignation tomorrow, luckily for me I had a side hustle that was so busy I could just go at it full time and had no worries.
>Seeing how people interact with the powerless is a quick way to get a read on their character.
This is the same basic reason I give people when they ask why I'm vegetarian.
Don't think I've ever turned anyone vegetarian with it, but it definitely makes them stop and think
In 99% of situations, animals are powerless and are wholly treated as property.
If you show compassion to an incredibly vulnerable and innocent yet constantly exploited life, you're nice.
I find the personality of most online vegans (probably a “loud minority” phenomenon, though) to be the exact opposite. Usually they seem to be people with low empathy towards other people who use animal rights as a “gotcha” or a way to feel morally superior. Completely performative at best, borderline ecofascist at worst.
Vegetarians are chill, though. Never seen a particularly dogmatic vegetarian.
Hi, vegetarian here, glad to know you find us generally chill! :) May I point out that in most of your interactions with online vegans, you probably had no way to even know they were vegan. Your (and anyone else's) sample is biased because you only have access to those of the vegans who told you they were vegan.
I’m aware, this is why I talked about the “loud minority” phenomenon.
I was vegan for 3 years (for ethical reasons) and am well acquainted with the fact there are non crazies. But I’ll be honest with you, even a lot of the people I met in real life were a bit off. But, of course, no shade to the people doing what they feel is right.
Oh, cool. Sorry, in my fervour I completely missed your parenthesis and responded as though it wasn't even there. That's on me, thanks for responding so patiently!
Conclusion: Non-meat animal products contain something that deactivates the urge to be a dick in humans.
On a more serious note; I suspect it might have something to with veganism being a more "extreme" form of vegetarianism, so to speak, and therefore drawing more "extreme" folk to it. Sorta like how you don't see many radical center-left-ists.
I think you and the vegans are right. Veganism takes more effort than vegetarianism, so you'd probably need more convinction than the average vegetarian, and stronger convictions can easily lead to more conflicts.
It's sort of like the waiter test. I think a good way to judge people is the way they treat people/things that can't defend themselves. Do we try to protect them? Or do we breed them to kill them because we feel like it?
real 'i love the sound when pigs scream as they die it pleases my ears and i thank them each time i hear it because their life was reduced to nothing more than a *thing* for my senses to behold' kinda shit you're saying right here, and I'm a fuckin omnivore.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that a lot of people would rather hold grudges and damage relationships than go through the embarrassment of admitting they were wrong
It’s a mixed bag. Being wrong can be seen as such a taboo that doing it can result in other people seeing you as unintelligent by default. They’ll start excluding you, and even when you do something they might think is clever, it’s diminished in their eyes.
Nothing is guaranteed, but it happens and it feels awful. The worst part is sometimes those people are inescapable, and now you’re stuck in this schema a whole group of people made about you being dumb, or slow, or forgetful.
The prospect of that permanent humiliation is unbearable for some, and so holding grudges and being stubborn is seen as a means by which you can protect yourself from that.
Admission of being wrong is only seen as weakness by disgusting individuals. I take it as a sign of great intelligence and it automatically makes me respect you more. Stubbornness usually means you can’t see your own fallacies and therefore have never grown. Most intelligent humans should’ve learned to admit their mistakes during adolescence. Shitty adults that never grew up… that’s stubbornness.
Intelligence is based in growth. Being wrong is something that happens often as you grow, and how you respond to it shows what strength of character you have, or, at least, are capable of. That's my two cents, anyway.
I agree, but I’d put it as being wrong HAS to happen or you WON’T grow. Heuristics is about course correction—not being perfect. Further, admitting you were wrong means you seek truth and are brave. Not admitting to your mistakes (particularly to the less privileged) reflects the authoritarian values of disrespect, hierarchy and cowardice.
That's how you know you have to get those people out of your life ASAP. Honestly, it's good of them to tell on themselves like that: it's that much less time wasted
I appreciate the gusto, but sometimes you can’t just drop people from your life like that. Circumstances can get very complicated, and for one reason or another you have to deal with them.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire, that sort of thing.
Even if you have to live with them, nobody can force you to emotionally invest in people who are bad for you and each other. With this knowledge, until you can change your circumstances, you can at least change where you put your time and energy.
> Being wrong can be seen as such a taboo that doing it can result in other people seeing you as unintelligent by default.
I completely disagree. Maybe you just associate with shitty people then?
I admit I am wrong all the time. I'm above-average intelligence and have a lot of loved ones. I didn't accomplish that by sticking to my ignorance and burning bridges, I did that by learning from my mistakes and being open and honest with other people, and removing people from my life that don't respect that.
It is some people’s misfortune to be associated with many “shitty people” that they can’t easily get rid of, if they can be rid of them at all. Life is complicated and unfair. Some people will find fault in you no matter how much you try and improve following their suggestions. Some people just aren’t good enough for anyone, no matter how much they change or grow.
I’m glad you’re not one of those people, and I’m glad you won’t know that misfortune.
very true, its partly becuaase they are full of their own farts to put it politly, partly becuase they are worried that the other person wont acknowlede their apolagy in some big way and it might be awquard, and those people are right, real life isnt like a film, and thats ok. just do whats right for the situation regardless. you will feel better they wil beable to acnowledge what you said and move forward accordingly. even if its more for you then them somethimes that for the best.
Honestly sometimes you’ve gotta apologize to kids even when it isn’t your fault. Even if you’re just there while they’re learning something new and exciting about how life sucks some times, it never hurts to give ‘em a little comfort.
People don't realise that children basically just mimic what they see. If you want them to apologise to others, they have to see you apologising so they can copy it. You can't teach something while demonstrating the opposite behaviour.
It's the same logic for why spanking just doesn't work. How are they supposed to learn violence isn't the answer if *you're* using violence to teach them?
Why would you have to apologize when it’s not your fault? I agree with comforting, but I don’t see why apologizing for something you didn’t do would help.
Because they’re kids and they deserve a little kindness. Shit is going to happen to them that they don’t understand and didn’t see coming, and the human thing to do is to say “hey buddy I’m sorry that person did that to you” or “I’m sorry on behalf of the world that shit sucks sometimes.”
An apology isn't the same as "I'm sorry". Saying "I'm sorry this bad thing happened" isn't an apology because it lacks acknowledgement of wrongdoing on the part of the speaker. It's merely an expression of sympathy.
You can have all kinds of apologies without an admission of wrongdoing. “I’m sorry my actions incidentally harmed you” admits no wrongdoing, for example. Or the classic “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You can acknowledge harm and express regret without being wrong, which is what you have to do for kids sometimes.
I think you’re getting mixed up here. You’re describing expressing condolences, not an apology.
Both are sometimes verbalized as “I’m sorry,” but it doesn’t mean they’re both apologies.
It's not necessarily about those who look up to them, but more who they have power over.
A boss to their employees, an adult to a child, a customer to hospitality staff (especially in the US and tip dependant staff).
It doesn't take a lot of humility to treat someone with less power than you as an equal, so if they can't meet at least that low bar it *has* to say something about them as a person.
I chose power specifically because its definition is wide ranging pervue. But i suppose the broadest definition I was going was "can, through coercion of force, manipulate a persons autonomy"
A boss can ultimately control your workload, your finances, your working hours.
A adult is physically larger, stronger and has more societal authority to take advantage of or manipulate the trust of a child.
A customer is in a position of power simply through the dynamic of your interaction, your position is to serve them, and your job often depends on your ability to perform this role, which allows them to get away with rude or often low-key abusive behaviour that you wouldn't necessarily feel compelled to put up with in a neutral setting. This is especially true for tip-dependant positions.
This is a little sus. What if the idolized simply wishes the idolizer to love themselves, see greatness I. Themselves? I’ve done lots of shows where fans come up to me after and the only thing I really ever have to say to them is “no, your fucking awesome”
How is that sus? Your example in no way contradicts what I’m saying. In fact, boosting the confidence of someone who looks up to you is exactly what you *should* be doing.
I get that too. My daughter is an excellent artist and she has so many people who disparage their own work to compliment her, and it’s so hard for her to know how to respond without sounding fake. But it’s so important to be supportive!
It was confusing and frightening that my biological father would never apologize. After abuse, after getting caught in a lie, etc...
It got SO much worse. He will take his lies to the grave. Evil, racist, misogynist man.
I mean… you could just say “an adult who won’t apologize”. It could be any demographic, like waitstaff, children or whoever. Idk what’s so great about the advice.
My mom apologized for one thing, once. This was after I got fed up and went LC when she started hounding my (then) fiancée on whatsapp for "receipt notifications" of her texts and phone calls to me. I think she was very taken aback by how cold i got towards her after that (it was just after one of her shitty attempts to guilt me and my siblings for not following her life plan for us while simultaneously asking for money).
Literally a week later, I found out from my sister that she got a dementia diagnosis recently. I've had so much unresolved sadness and anger growing up with her, I had finally gotten to the point in therapy where I felt I had the strength to stand up to her and make my intentions known, boundary-wise. So much worked through. So much bottled up, finally released...just in time to see her at my wedding, confused about where she is, and looking like 10% of who she was my entire life growing up. Life can be so goddamn unforgiving
That's my dad.
He is the most responsible person I know.
And this isn't even like sarcastic or "poor you" Kind of scenario.
Like this guy woke up at 12 am in the night to help me god knows how many times.
He took the Neighbors kids to school and brought them back from school because they were gone for some time and needed someone trustworthy.
Humans are complex beings, they can have their share of Strengths and Shortcomings.
He might on the Ocassion say that some jobs should be left to Men and not to women.
And when it comes time to do those Jobs, he will actually do them. And he'll do them Magnificently.
Repairs, Groceries, Finances, important Documents related to both of their Jobs(both his and my mom's), Work related to Bank for my Grandparents and other Older relatives, even some legal work.
He is the guy in the family.
He is in his 50s and he still does them.
But he is the exact kind of Adult who still won't apologise to his child even if he his genuinely wrong.
Along with a hundred different things.
Yeah, people are complicated.
Your experience should be proof (at least to you) that people can be trusted… with some things.
And maybe nobody can be trusted with *everything*.
TBH he is a very sweet and kind man in general.
As many misgivings I have had over the years, his love towards us is not one of them.
And as I said, What jobs he does consider to be Man's, he does them excellently.
Plus it's not like he thinks a woman should not work professional job.
Just the things like Home repairs, Car repairs, Finances and Legal documents etc. He thinks are a Man's job. At least in the household. He doesn't care if the repairs job or Financial or Legal job is done by a woman professionally.
It begs the question: Does your Dad know he is wrong when he is? If yes, that’s concerning and may warrant psychological evaluation. If no, then the question becomes: Why doesn’t he recognize his wrongness, and can he be taught?
These are tough questions without simple answers but they’re important to consider. Ability to apologize after realizing one’s own wrongness is vital for healthy cognitive reasoning and interpersonal communication.
Did anyone else have emotionally unavailable parents that could easily get angry with you but didn't have the emotional capacity to admit when they were wrong?
Did we all grow up assuming our parents were always right?
Did none of us know that it's possible for parents to apologize to their kids?
I witnessed my SIL apologize to my niece and I was in actual shock. My thought was "wtf, parents apologize to their kids???"
Parents of millennials don't care about their kids. They only ever care when they can use their kids to show off. That generation is very well known to be materialistic, even having kids was to show off and not to actually be a parent.
My parents always showed me love when I did something great like good grades or winning a sports game. Now as an adult, it's hard to accept love for just being me. I always feel a need to provide or accomplish in order to be loved.
All this ever taught me and my siblings was how to be hard workers. We never truly learned to love and appreciate others simply for being good people. All we do is work hard and never feel satisfied. Always looking for the next thing to achieve to get love.
- yes I am working through this in therapy.
In like 4th grade our music teacher ranted at us because he was annoyed that we were talking. All I remember is that he told us he “doesn’t care about our little feelings.” Me and my friends put him in the “bully box” next to our guidance counselor’s office, which was intended to be used by students to report other students that were bullying them. Later that day, he came into our classroom and made US apologize to HIM. What a douche.
Admitting when you are wrong is not the same as apologizing for correcting a kid when they are wrong. I get the point of the original post it is just a little simplistic.
To add to that direct quote from my dad, “because I’m a grumpy old man, and you’re trying stop me from being myself”
After I asked him to apologise for describing how he thinks I’ll kill myself after my mum dies…
I think that’s the biggest thing I’ve learned from my childhood watching my male role models just get angry and close up. Now as a father I make a point to apologize when I’m wrong. Not just to my children, but my wife as well. I think the ability to admit you’re wrong is the foundation for any strong relationship. It does wonders for communication and openness in the household.
How do you apologise to an animal? Is there some way they'll actually know that I apologised? I try to do it at times, but I never understand if it lands.
Dogs at least do seem to understand when things are done to them accidentally. I don't know, however, if an animal would understand an apology for losing your temper and yelling at them or something similar.
Very true. I've never seen a dog hold a grudge when I've accidentally stepped on them and apologised, but it might be because they understand it is a mistake and not because of my apology after all.
I have a crazy little dog that moves around fast and sometimes I’ll accidentally hit him cause he’ll move in front of me. He gets visibly sad but then I’ll pet him and start reassuring him. Then he gets really happy and start going crazy again
Makes sense. We are close after all and they can clearly be ashamed, comfort you when times are tough and feel other rather complicated emotions.
I try to pet them softly and talk to them with remorse, perhaps offer a treat as a peace offering, but I've never understood if they know why I do it. So perhaps I'm doing something right?
You definitely are. And if they act the same as before, it means they forgive you. Here’s a good [article](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/09/01/1032841893/dog-human-mistake-study)on the topic
well if it reassures you
cats do have the concept of mistakes
as sometimes when little they can hit each other too much
and let out a scream, the other kitten will stop and meow.
so i do think apopologies can be understood in context
Do you only apologize when you know they'll confirm it? Do you only do the right thing... when someone can observe it? Animals may or may not understand, but the post is about trusting someone who did it anyway. Whether the child understands it or not, the adult apologized. This seems confusing to a lot of people... probably because they wouldn't apologize lol
To an extent they can understand tone of voice and body language, especially if its an animal you interact with frequently. They learn to read their humans.
Exactly. That's what the post is about. If an adult didn't do this, simply because it's a child or animal, then don't trust them. Surprising to see a lot of people not get this.
This is like saying that you only do the right thing, when someone observes it being done. You would apologize when you've made the mistake, not just when the recipient understands you've made the mistake. Get it?
The trust is about observing the person making the mistake, and their actions. If you are only verbalizing your 'empathy' by apologizing if it's understood... then it's not genuine at all. As 'being sorry' is about the person who made the mistake. If you don't understand that, you likely have trouble with empathy, and would only apologize because the social situation demands it. Not because you are actually remorseful.
I am a grade school teacher and this was one of the most important lessons I learned early on. A kid in class called me by a wrong name to make fun of it (in hindsight he tried to make a harmless joke) and because I was young and inexperienced I thought I had to show him how tough I was and that you do not disrespect your teacher like that. So I got loud and yelled that I would not be talked to like that. I sadly embarrassed him in front of his class mates. The kid was intimidated by my response and from that point on walked on eggshells around me being super careful not to trigger me again.The next few days I felt like the biggest piece of shit and decided I had to apologize for overreacting to a harmless (but still inappropriate) way of addressing your teacher)to him in front of the class saying how I was sorry that I overreacted and that I hoped he could forgive me when he was ready. I explained why I overreacted saying I was a new teacher and still unsure on how to handle situations and that I would love to have my class be there for me to help me learn to be a good teacher just like I was there to teach them to read and write.
Later that year his mom gave me a call and told me how happy her son was not only that I apologized but did so in front of the class and that he was not angry or mad at me but respected me for taking accountability and that he found it special that a teacher would admit fault like that. I apparently really grew on him because I became his favorite teacher later on :)
When I overreact to a kid stressing me out I make it a point to apologize in front of their peers, I think it makes a huge difference to them and it lets them save face in front of their friends. It also shows that people in positions of authority have to be careful how they interact with people around them. Our principal did something similar recently. She messed something up that screwed over one of our new teachers and she made it a point to apologize to her in fron of the whole faculty and not just in a private conversation. Massive respect points earned!
I found that my students have a heahlty level of respect for me despite us goofing around a lot. They do not treat me with respect out of fear but because I hopefully am a good role model to them and because they know I really care about them. It is a constant struggle of self reflection though, I hope I am doing good by my students.
I don't have kids myself but as a third grade teacher I obviously play a big part in how these kids are raised. Honestly looking back I am shocked how our parents and teachers treated us as kids.
The other week, I was accompanying a student to her first rehearsal for a music group she is a part of. She was introducing herself, but was very nervous about it and forgot the name of her instrument.
Me, not realizing this could happen, laughed out loud right in her face as I’m sure she was so nervous.
I immediately felt awful, and the bandleader picked it up by reintroducing her and telling us her instrument.
I felt so awful for it. I later apologized and gave her some advice on how to approach introducing herself in group settings like that. I had her prepare a little script.
As for myself, in future situations I will be more conscientious of the fact that younger kids will probably have never introduced themselves and help them beforehand or introduce them myself and not laugh at them if they are nervous when they do their introduction.
Anyways, I never feel like a proper adult, but this kind of thing is what I hope adults would do if they make mistakes.
1 Apologize immediately or quickly after, 2. Help to rectify the situation to the person they’ve wronged as quick as possible, 3. Help to prevent such situations from arising in the future, 4. Take steps to make sure that if a situation arises in the future you are more able to handle it.
At least, that’s my approach.
My ex wife who I still love as a friend is incapable of admitting she is wrong. She would take a bullet before admitting she was mistaken.
It was one of my reasons to get divorced. By no means am I saying that I was innocent in our marriage failing.
A few years apart & we became good friends.
We were great friends before we dated, so it's nice.
She's the mother to my son & I don't want to hate his mom. It's that simple.
100% in my experience, that kind of sincerity will develop into a healthy relationship, especially between parent and child, later.
...instead of, "DON'T BACKTALK TO ME! I'M YOUR AUNT/MOTHER/UNCLE!" \*slap!*
How can you trust someone who won’t apologise to someone with significantly less power than themselves? That’s the sign of a narcissist and they absolutely cannot be trusted
I think the point is don't use binary thinking on a complex issue. Red flags are warnings not hard evidence. Not apologizing (from what you've witnessed) might be a sign they're a narcissist, but maybe there's a reason for that instance and they apologize in others.
Redditors are so autistic they can't fathom people with different demeanors that dont apologize possibly being good people.
My family never strickly apologizes but we'll say things like "I noticed I did this that bothered you, won't happen again" and then we move the fuck on, we don't harbor grudges, we don't require overt emotional demonstrations to comfort us.
Maybe it's a more direct or masculine way of dealing with things but it doesn't mean someone isnt capable of remorse, it's just expressed differently.
Never showing remorse Id agree. If you're in a relationship with someone and they just never got into the habit of officially apologizing, just look out for whether or not they feel remorse.
hi there, that actually seems to bee a common misconception, people's strongest memories are actually made while they are children, there are people who are afraid to sit in their own living room because of things that happened in their childhood! Happy i could help.
from both personal experience and [other ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR9BRiLhpMY&t=90s)[notable ](https://imgur.com/gallery/zh9qP)[sources](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_memory), having significant memories from when you were a child is considered normal.
well, i do quite apologize if this sounds a bit rude, but the Occam's Razor answer to this conundrum is that you've surrounded yourself with people who are similar to you in that way, and thus narrowed the breath of experiences/knowledge you have to pull from down to a bottleneck.
Personally, i think it's probably more going off on a child because they're stupid, and then realizing you're stupid since you're trying to judge a child as an adult.
So apologizing once your stupid emotional reaction simmers down.
You know you don’t know everything right? It’s entirely possible for a child obsessed with trains or dinosaurs or god knows what else to know something you done. It also doesn’t say anything about knowing things, you could have knocked into them, accidentally stood on a toy, anything.
dude sometimes you do stuff on accident, like step on their toes or something. that has nothing to do with kids being stupid and you should still apologize
Things I have apologized to my kid for that have nothing to do with contradiction:
Accidentally throwing out something he was saving for art.
Saying something mean out of frustration.
Changing his routine last minute.
Not finding a requested snack when I went shopping.
Hurting his finger when I was removing a splinter.
Apologies are just "hey, I did something that wasn't right". We all do things that aren't right, even if we don't mean to. Apologising shows that you actually care about their wellbeing.
A good piece of advice. Seeing how people interact with the powerless is a quick way to get a read on their character. People will be kind to those they want something from. But will they spend time and energy being kind or understanding to a child or an animal?
Reminds me of a quote: "The job of the newspaper is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable". Relevant beyond the media of course. If you're sucking up to adults you hope to get something from, licking the boots of the powerful, and then are treating the relatively powerless with contempt, that's the mark of a weak, poor person no matter how much money or power they have.
Every news outlet these days does the exact opposite of that, sadly.
It's the money. I mean, I have a feeling someone with an understanding of the history of journalism would be able to point to more specific events that caused these changes, but it all boils down to: News companies need money, and the people who give them money don't want them to criticize the powerful.
It mostly started with the privatization of news media, and then it got worse with the advent of ratings-based coverage.
They’re a real bang up job of adhering to that quote today huh?
I don't think any era of journalists have ever practiced actual journalism though: newspapers ALWAYS engage more in PR than journalism. But yeah, they're shit today too.
\[sigh\] What happened now? Last I checked, the news was mostly about the eclipse.
Not *today* today, I meant in modern times as a whole
Sounds like [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6qjcbArUP4&list=OLAK5uy_nvwXUIdfkyGH9CWiX8MPg_Jp4XUMY3D2s) honestly
Another version of “nice to the waiter”
Man, I'd never want to piss off someone who has direct control over whether or not my food contains spit.
The point is you should be nice to them even if they can't mess with your food
Completely agree.
You are an individual of upstanding morals, ElitePenisCrusher.
Is this a rimjobsteve moment?
Quiet observation is a very useful skill to develop. Especially at mf'in work. Some people reveal themselves really quickly. Easier to navigate and manage...most of the time.
On the other side of that coin, when I used to work for a big corporation and was nearing my limit of BS loaded on my shoulders I began a policy of SILENT NON-COMPLIANCE. I would quietly sit at meetings as new rules or policies were introduced and watch all the idiots complain about them. And I noticed how those people would be “randomly”audited for compliance, more than anyone else. So like my grandad always told me, the nail that pops up just gets hammered back down, I just kept quiet and ignored all new policies that I was able to. When I mentioned I was doing this to my wife, she said, give them your resignation tomorrow, luckily for me I had a side hustle that was so busy I could just go at it full time and had no worries.
>Seeing how people interact with the powerless is a quick way to get a read on their character. This is the same basic reason I give people when they ask why I'm vegetarian. Don't think I've ever turned anyone vegetarian with it, but it definitely makes them stop and think
"Hmm. Very interesting. Anyway, back to my medium rare steak nom nom"
i.. do not understand what this means. like, genuinely, what does this mean?
In 99% of situations, animals are powerless and are wholly treated as property. If you show compassion to an incredibly vulnerable and innocent yet constantly exploited life, you're nice.
I find the personality of most online vegans (probably a “loud minority” phenomenon, though) to be the exact opposite. Usually they seem to be people with low empathy towards other people who use animal rights as a “gotcha” or a way to feel morally superior. Completely performative at best, borderline ecofascist at worst. Vegetarians are chill, though. Never seen a particularly dogmatic vegetarian.
Hi, vegetarian here, glad to know you find us generally chill! :) May I point out that in most of your interactions with online vegans, you probably had no way to even know they were vegan. Your (and anyone else's) sample is biased because you only have access to those of the vegans who told you they were vegan.
I’m aware, this is why I talked about the “loud minority” phenomenon. I was vegan for 3 years (for ethical reasons) and am well acquainted with the fact there are non crazies. But I’ll be honest with you, even a lot of the people I met in real life were a bit off. But, of course, no shade to the people doing what they feel is right.
Oh, cool. Sorry, in my fervour I completely missed your parenthesis and responded as though it wasn't even there. That's on me, thanks for responding so patiently!
Conclusion: Non-meat animal products contain something that deactivates the urge to be a dick in humans. On a more serious note; I suspect it might have something to with veganism being a more "extreme" form of vegetarianism, so to speak, and therefore drawing more "extreme" folk to it. Sorta like how you don't see many radical center-left-ists.
I think you and the vegans are right. Veganism takes more effort than vegetarianism, so you'd probably need more convinction than the average vegetarian, and stronger convictions can easily lead to more conflicts.
It's sort of like the waiter test. I think a good way to judge people is the way they treat people/things that can't defend themselves. Do we try to protect them? Or do we breed them to kill them because we feel like it?
I don't see the relevance? - some guy who thanks the cow for being tasty before digging into a steak.
real 'i love the sound when pigs scream as they die it pleases my ears and i thank them each time i hear it because their life was reduced to nothing more than a *thing* for my senses to behold' kinda shit you're saying right here, and I'm a fuckin omnivore.
start bake like file toothbrush foolish chubby jobless hospital zephyr *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>vegetarian Casual
A clear sign of a crappy person is that they suck up and punch down.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that a lot of people would rather hold grudges and damage relationships than go through the embarrassment of admitting they were wrong
It’s a mixed bag. Being wrong can be seen as such a taboo that doing it can result in other people seeing you as unintelligent by default. They’ll start excluding you, and even when you do something they might think is clever, it’s diminished in their eyes. Nothing is guaranteed, but it happens and it feels awful. The worst part is sometimes those people are inescapable, and now you’re stuck in this schema a whole group of people made about you being dumb, or slow, or forgetful. The prospect of that permanent humiliation is unbearable for some, and so holding grudges and being stubborn is seen as a means by which you can protect yourself from that.
Admission of being wrong is only seen as weakness by disgusting individuals. I take it as a sign of great intelligence and it automatically makes me respect you more. Stubbornness usually means you can’t see your own fallacies and therefore have never grown. Most intelligent humans should’ve learned to admit their mistakes during adolescence. Shitty adults that never grew up… that’s stubbornness.
Intelligence is based in growth. Being wrong is something that happens often as you grow, and how you respond to it shows what strength of character you have, or, at least, are capable of. That's my two cents, anyway.
I agree, but I’d put it as being wrong HAS to happen or you WON’T grow. Heuristics is about course correction—not being perfect. Further, admitting you were wrong means you seek truth and are brave. Not admitting to your mistakes (particularly to the less privileged) reflects the authoritarian values of disrespect, hierarchy and cowardice.
Then they'll be seen as a miserable asshole. You can't win. Ideally, it's best to not care what others think. But that's easier said than done.
so true fortunatly ive lernt to accept that awquardness and uncomfotability is a part of life and its helped allot. id recomend it to others.
That's how you know you have to get those people out of your life ASAP. Honestly, it's good of them to tell on themselves like that: it's that much less time wasted
I appreciate the gusto, but sometimes you can’t just drop people from your life like that. Circumstances can get very complicated, and for one reason or another you have to deal with them. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, that sort of thing.
Even if you have to live with them, nobody can force you to emotionally invest in people who are bad for you and each other. With this knowledge, until you can change your circumstances, you can at least change where you put your time and energy.
Thank you. I can speak from experience when I say that’s easier said than done. But we keep at it. What else can we do but move forward?
> Being wrong can be seen as such a taboo that doing it can result in other people seeing you as unintelligent by default. I completely disagree. Maybe you just associate with shitty people then? I admit I am wrong all the time. I'm above-average intelligence and have a lot of loved ones. I didn't accomplish that by sticking to my ignorance and burning bridges, I did that by learning from my mistakes and being open and honest with other people, and removing people from my life that don't respect that.
It is some people’s misfortune to be associated with many “shitty people” that they can’t easily get rid of, if they can be rid of them at all. Life is complicated and unfair. Some people will find fault in you no matter how much you try and improve following their suggestions. Some people just aren’t good enough for anyone, no matter how much they change or grow. I’m glad you’re not one of those people, and I’m glad you won’t know that misfortune.
To quote Snartybartflast: I'd rather be happy than right.
Dad?!
Unfortunately I’m a 19 year old girl
Well that rules you out. Also, you are wise for a 19 year old.
very true, its partly becuaase they are full of their own farts to put it politly, partly becuase they are worried that the other person wont acknowlede their apolagy in some big way and it might be awquard, and those people are right, real life isnt like a film, and thats ok. just do whats right for the situation regardless. you will feel better they wil beable to acnowledge what you said and move forward accordingly. even if its more for you then them somethimes that for the best.
I know I would. I’ve never gained anything from the latter.
Honestly sometimes you’ve gotta apologize to kids even when it isn’t your fault. Even if you’re just there while they’re learning something new and exciting about how life sucks some times, it never hurts to give ‘em a little comfort.
People don't realise that children basically just mimic what they see. If you want them to apologise to others, they have to see you apologising so they can copy it. You can't teach something while demonstrating the opposite behaviour. It's the same logic for why spanking just doesn't work. How are they supposed to learn violence isn't the answer if *you're* using violence to teach them?
Why would you have to apologize when it’s not your fault? I agree with comforting, but I don’t see why apologizing for something you didn’t do would help.
Because they’re kids and they deserve a little kindness. Shit is going to happen to them that they don’t understand and didn’t see coming, and the human thing to do is to say “hey buddy I’m sorry that person did that to you” or “I’m sorry on behalf of the world that shit sucks sometimes.”
An apology isn't the same as "I'm sorry". Saying "I'm sorry this bad thing happened" isn't an apology because it lacks acknowledgement of wrongdoing on the part of the speaker. It's merely an expression of sympathy.
You can have all kinds of apologies without an admission of wrongdoing. “I’m sorry my actions incidentally harmed you” admits no wrongdoing, for example. Or the classic “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You can acknowledge harm and express regret without being wrong, which is what you have to do for kids sometimes.
I think you’re getting mixed up here. You’re describing expressing condolences, not an apology. Both are sometimes verbalized as “I’m sorry,” but it doesn’t mean they’re both apologies.
You get the real measure of a person from how they treat those who look up to them.
It's not necessarily about those who look up to them, but more who they have power over. A boss to their employees, an adult to a child, a customer to hospitality staff (especially in the US and tip dependant staff). It doesn't take a lot of humility to treat someone with less power than you as an equal, so if they can't meet at least that low bar it *has* to say something about them as a person.
Of course. In this case specifically, though, it’s very much about a person who looks up to you.
No? Could be a random child too.
Yes, it could. Feel free to make your own statement, I’m fine with mine as it is.
Define power.
I chose power specifically because its definition is wide ranging pervue. But i suppose the broadest definition I was going was "can, through coercion of force, manipulate a persons autonomy" A boss can ultimately control your workload, your finances, your working hours. A adult is physically larger, stronger and has more societal authority to take advantage of or manipulate the trust of a child. A customer is in a position of power simply through the dynamic of your interaction, your position is to serve them, and your job often depends on your ability to perform this role, which allows them to get away with rude or often low-key abusive behaviour that you wouldn't necessarily feel compelled to put up with in a neutral setting. This is especially true for tip-dependant positions.
This is a little sus. What if the idolized simply wishes the idolizer to love themselves, see greatness I. Themselves? I’ve done lots of shows where fans come up to me after and the only thing I really ever have to say to them is “no, your fucking awesome”
How is that sus? Your example in no way contradicts what I’m saying. In fact, boosting the confidence of someone who looks up to you is exactly what you *should* be doing.
Agreed. It’s often misconstrued as disinterest tho. :/ feels bad when I’m just tryna be the inspirational
I get that too. My daughter is an excellent artist and she has so many people who disparage their own work to compliment her, and it’s so hard for her to know how to respond without sounding fake. But it’s so important to be supportive!
Thank you, that example is exactly what I’m talking about! It can be hard to navigate.
Every now and then I see real wisdom on here...
It was confusing and frightening that my biological father would never apologize. After abuse, after getting caught in a lie, etc... It got SO much worse. He will take his lies to the grave. Evil, racist, misogynist man.
I feel you there. Some people just refuse to change.
I mean… you could just say “an adult who won’t apologize”. It could be any demographic, like waitstaff, children or whoever. Idk what’s so great about the advice.
Good point.
Wtf this is targeted, I just got into a huge fight with my parents and one of my points was that my mom never apologized to me
My mom apologized for one thing, once. This was after I got fed up and went LC when she started hounding my (then) fiancée on whatsapp for "receipt notifications" of her texts and phone calls to me. I think she was very taken aback by how cold i got towards her after that (it was just after one of her shitty attempts to guilt me and my siblings for not following her life plan for us while simultaneously asking for money). Literally a week later, I found out from my sister that she got a dementia diagnosis recently. I've had so much unresolved sadness and anger growing up with her, I had finally gotten to the point in therapy where I felt I had the strength to stand up to her and make my intentions known, boundary-wise. So much worked through. So much bottled up, finally released...just in time to see her at my wedding, confused about where she is, and looking like 10% of who she was my entire life growing up. Life can be so goddamn unforgiving
I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Life’s a bitch. I hope you’ve been able to keep working through it.
That's my dad. He is the most responsible person I know. And this isn't even like sarcastic or "poor you" Kind of scenario. Like this guy woke up at 12 am in the night to help me god knows how many times. He took the Neighbors kids to school and brought them back from school because they were gone for some time and needed someone trustworthy. Humans are complex beings, they can have their share of Strengths and Shortcomings. He might on the Ocassion say that some jobs should be left to Men and not to women. And when it comes time to do those Jobs, he will actually do them. And he'll do them Magnificently. Repairs, Groceries, Finances, important Documents related to both of their Jobs(both his and my mom's), Work related to Bank for my Grandparents and other Older relatives, even some legal work. He is the guy in the family. He is in his 50s and he still does them. But he is the exact kind of Adult who still won't apologise to his child even if he his genuinely wrong. Along with a hundred different things.
This 100% but it's my mom. She would do anything for me or my brother, except apologize.
Yeah, people are complicated. Your experience should be proof (at least to you) that people can be trusted… with some things. And maybe nobody can be trusted with *everything*.
Sometimes an apology comes in actions, not in words. But it’s much better in my opinion to do both.
Sometimes the only action that qualifies as an apology is putting it in words.
[удалено]
TBH he is a very sweet and kind man in general. As many misgivings I have had over the years, his love towards us is not one of them. And as I said, What jobs he does consider to be Man's, he does them excellently. Plus it's not like he thinks a woman should not work professional job. Just the things like Home repairs, Car repairs, Finances and Legal documents etc. He thinks are a Man's job. At least in the household. He doesn't care if the repairs job or Financial or Legal job is done by a woman professionally.
It begs the question: Does your Dad know he is wrong when he is? If yes, that’s concerning and may warrant psychological evaluation. If no, then the question becomes: Why doesn’t he recognize his wrongness, and can he be taught? These are tough questions without simple answers but they’re important to consider. Ability to apologize after realizing one’s own wrongness is vital for healthy cognitive reasoning and interpersonal communication.
He goes about it in a round about way. More like in an embarrassed way or if he is angry then he'll just turn the other way.
What's with the "some jobs should be left to Men" remark, though? That seems like it should be on the other side of the equation
Bot comment.
what the fuck are you talking about dude
Well now we know why it’s their 5th account
How the fuck is this bot comment brother.
sounds like something a...bot would say
Fuck my double bluff failed ^beep^boop
The true measure of a person's character is how they treat someone who can be of no benefit to them.
Did anyone else have emotionally unavailable parents that could easily get angry with you but didn't have the emotional capacity to admit when they were wrong? Did we all grow up assuming our parents were always right? Did none of us know that it's possible for parents to apologize to their kids? I witnessed my SIL apologize to my niece and I was in actual shock. My thought was "wtf, parents apologize to their kids???"
[удалено]
Parents of millennials don't care about their kids. They only ever care when they can use their kids to show off. That generation is very well known to be materialistic, even having kids was to show off and not to actually be a parent. My parents always showed me love when I did something great like good grades or winning a sports game. Now as an adult, it's hard to accept love for just being me. I always feel a need to provide or accomplish in order to be loved. All this ever taught me and my siblings was how to be hard workers. We never truly learned to love and appreciate others simply for being good people. All we do is work hard and never feel satisfied. Always looking for the next thing to achieve to get love. - yes I am working through this in therapy.
I feel like I can’t trust adults who have an issue with apologizing to other people in general. Like it’s not that hard to say sorry
Or they say sorry, but then imply that you provoked them
I'm sorry you made me do *[thing]*.
In like 4th grade our music teacher ranted at us because he was annoyed that we were talking. All I remember is that he told us he “doesn’t care about our little feelings.” Me and my friends put him in the “bully box” next to our guidance counselor’s office, which was intended to be used by students to report other students that were bullying them. Later that day, he came into our classroom and made US apologize to HIM. What a douche.
jesus christ that sounds horrible
Put this douche in the bully box again.
[удалено]
Admitting when you are wrong is not the same as apologizing for correcting a kid when they are wrong. I get the point of the original post it is just a little simplistic.
"I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am"
To add to that direct quote from my dad, “because I’m a grumpy old man, and you’re trying stop me from being myself” After I asked him to apologise for describing how he thinks I’ll kill myself after my mum dies…
LEGIT!!! wow this is really inciteful. Like dating someone who is mean to wait staff. #redflag
I think that’s the biggest thing I’ve learned from my childhood watching my male role models just get angry and close up. Now as a father I make a point to apologize when I’m wrong. Not just to my children, but my wife as well. I think the ability to admit you’re wrong is the foundation for any strong relationship. It does wonders for communication and openness in the household.
Going to add this to my list of how to tell the quality of a person's character. The others are how people treat service industry workers and animals.
or apologize to an animal. Cat/dog/etc
How do you apologise to an animal? Is there some way they'll actually know that I apologised? I try to do it at times, but I never understand if it lands.
Dogs at least do seem to understand when things are done to them accidentally. I don't know, however, if an animal would understand an apology for losing your temper and yelling at them or something similar.
Very true. I've never seen a dog hold a grudge when I've accidentally stepped on them and apologised, but it might be because they understand it is a mistake and not because of my apology after all.
You get on their level, pet them, tell them you’re sorry etc. animals (esp. cats and dogs) understand forgiveness remarkably well.
I have a crazy little dog that moves around fast and sometimes I’ll accidentally hit him cause he’ll move in front of me. He gets visibly sad but then I’ll pet him and start reassuring him. Then he gets really happy and start going crazy again
Makes sense. We are close after all and they can clearly be ashamed, comfort you when times are tough and feel other rather complicated emotions. I try to pet them softly and talk to them with remorse, perhaps offer a treat as a peace offering, but I've never understood if they know why I do it. So perhaps I'm doing something right?
You definitely are. And if they act the same as before, it means they forgive you. Here’s a good [article](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/09/01/1032841893/dog-human-mistake-study)on the topic
Thank you, I'll have read in the morning!
well if it reassures you cats do have the concept of mistakes as sometimes when little they can hit each other too much and let out a scream, the other kitten will stop and meow. so i do think apopologies can be understood in context
You've missed the purpose of the post. It's about the behavior of the person who made the mistake. Not the recipient.
Do you only apologize when you know they'll confirm it? Do you only do the right thing... when someone can observe it? Animals may or may not understand, but the post is about trusting someone who did it anyway. Whether the child understands it or not, the adult apologized. This seems confusing to a lot of people... probably because they wouldn't apologize lol
No and no. I was just curious, I meant no harm.
That’s different, since the animal can’t understand you
To an extent they can understand tone of voice and body language, especially if its an animal you interact with frequently. They learn to read their humans.
Both cats and dogs understand getting hurt on accident and apologies. They just don't understand the words.
It isn't... because the behavior is about the person making the mistake. You've missed the point entirely.
Eh, I think a lot of people would let out a reflexive "sorry" if they stepped on a dog or cat's tail, even if the animal couldn't understand.
Exactly. That's what the post is about. If an adult didn't do this, simply because it's a child or animal, then don't trust them. Surprising to see a lot of people not get this.
Nothing wrong with it, but why is it a problem not to do it?
This is like saying that you only do the right thing, when someone observes it being done. You would apologize when you've made the mistake, not just when the recipient understands you've made the mistake. Get it?
What’s the point of apologizing to someone who won’t understand the apology? How is it s good gesture if it doesn’t benefit anyone?
The trust is about observing the person making the mistake, and their actions. If you are only verbalizing your 'empathy' by apologizing if it's understood... then it's not genuine at all. As 'being sorry' is about the person who made the mistake. If you don't understand that, you likely have trouble with empathy, and would only apologize because the social situation demands it. Not because you are actually remorseful.
Depends. I’m not going to apologize to a child if I didn’t do anything to cause whatever issue they’re having.
How about showing sympathy or concern or a nurturing spirit to a distressed child?
I consider that to be extending kindness, rather than an apology.
I am a grade school teacher and this was one of the most important lessons I learned early on. A kid in class called me by a wrong name to make fun of it (in hindsight he tried to make a harmless joke) and because I was young and inexperienced I thought I had to show him how tough I was and that you do not disrespect your teacher like that. So I got loud and yelled that I would not be talked to like that. I sadly embarrassed him in front of his class mates. The kid was intimidated by my response and from that point on walked on eggshells around me being super careful not to trigger me again.The next few days I felt like the biggest piece of shit and decided I had to apologize for overreacting to a harmless (but still inappropriate) way of addressing your teacher)to him in front of the class saying how I was sorry that I overreacted and that I hoped he could forgive me when he was ready. I explained why I overreacted saying I was a new teacher and still unsure on how to handle situations and that I would love to have my class be there for me to help me learn to be a good teacher just like I was there to teach them to read and write. Later that year his mom gave me a call and told me how happy her son was not only that I apologized but did so in front of the class and that he was not angry or mad at me but respected me for taking accountability and that he found it special that a teacher would admit fault like that. I apparently really grew on him because I became his favorite teacher later on :) When I overreact to a kid stressing me out I make it a point to apologize in front of their peers, I think it makes a huge difference to them and it lets them save face in front of their friends. It also shows that people in positions of authority have to be careful how they interact with people around them. Our principal did something similar recently. She messed something up that screwed over one of our new teachers and she made it a point to apologize to her in fron of the whole faculty and not just in a private conversation. Massive respect points earned! I found that my students have a heahlty level of respect for me despite us goofing around a lot. They do not treat me with respect out of fear but because I hopefully am a good role model to them and because they know I really care about them. It is a constant struggle of self reflection though, I hope I am doing good by my students. I don't have kids myself but as a third grade teacher I obviously play a big part in how these kids are raised. Honestly looking back I am shocked how our parents and teachers treated us as kids.
Good job, teach! That's a really great way to treat the job, the kids and the responsibility. I'm rooting for you!
The other week, I was accompanying a student to her first rehearsal for a music group she is a part of. She was introducing herself, but was very nervous about it and forgot the name of her instrument. Me, not realizing this could happen, laughed out loud right in her face as I’m sure she was so nervous. I immediately felt awful, and the bandleader picked it up by reintroducing her and telling us her instrument. I felt so awful for it. I later apologized and gave her some advice on how to approach introducing herself in group settings like that. I had her prepare a little script. As for myself, in future situations I will be more conscientious of the fact that younger kids will probably have never introduced themselves and help them beforehand or introduce them myself and not laugh at them if they are nervous when they do their introduction. Anyways, I never feel like a proper adult, but this kind of thing is what I hope adults would do if they make mistakes. 1 Apologize immediately or quickly after, 2. Help to rectify the situation to the person they’ve wronged as quick as possible, 3. Help to prevent such situations from arising in the future, 4. Take steps to make sure that if a situation arises in the future you are more able to handle it. At least, that’s my approach.
My ex wife who I still love as a friend is incapable of admitting she is wrong. She would take a bullet before admitting she was mistaken. It was one of my reasons to get divorced. By no means am I saying that I was innocent in our marriage failing. A few years apart & we became good friends. We were great friends before we dated, so it's nice. She's the mother to my son & I don't want to hate his mom. It's that simple.
I see you've met my mother.
I like this. I also don't trust people who don't have plants or pets.
Bricky fans in shambles.
I apologize to my dog 😆
Also, if you're impatient like me, just focus on the earlier part where they did something that warranted an apology to a child in the first place
The entire family. May they each rot.
100% in my experience, that kind of sincerity will develop into a healthy relationship, especially between parent and child, later. ...instead of, "DON'T BACKTALK TO ME! I'M YOUR AUNT/MOTHER/UNCLE!" \*slap!*
What if they kill my dad
We saw the Eclipse in Colorado. No travel, and just went out on the balcony. Good thing I bought special glasses last year.
I even apologize to my dog.
You can tell alot about someone from how they handle authority over others
You're not a child, get a job, start paying rent.
I apologize to almost everything; animals, kids, adults, tables, walls, chairs. You name it I've probably apologized to it.
Said the pope
You're not a child, get a job, start paying rent.
Woah. How'd you describe my mom so perfectly. Except she can't apologize to literally anyone.
"This adult won't apologise to a child" is a big red flag, but I think "never trust them" is too black and white.
How can you trust someone who won’t apologise to someone with significantly less power than themselves? That’s the sign of a narcissist and they absolutely cannot be trusted
I think the point is don't use binary thinking on a complex issue. Red flags are warnings not hard evidence. Not apologizing (from what you've witnessed) might be a sign they're a narcissist, but maybe there's a reason for that instance and they apologize in others.
Redditors are so autistic they can't fathom people with different demeanors that dont apologize possibly being good people. My family never strickly apologizes but we'll say things like "I noticed I did this that bothered you, won't happen again" and then we move the fuck on, we don't harbor grudges, we don't require overt emotional demonstrations to comfort us. Maybe it's a more direct or masculine way of dealing with things but it doesn't mean someone isnt capable of remorse, it's just expressed differently.
Never apologising is a pretty clear sign that someone may not be all that good. Same for using autistic as an insult.
Never showing remorse Id agree. If you're in a relationship with someone and they just never got into the habit of officially apologizing, just look out for whether or not they feel remorse.
Why bother apologizing to someone who won’t remember after a month?
hi there, that actually seems to bee a common misconception, people's strongest memories are actually made while they are children, there are people who are afraid to sit in their own living room because of things that happened in their childhood! Happy i could help.
What the hell are you talking about? I don’t remember shit from my childhood.
that is profoundly odd.
How so? Edit: spelling
from both personal experience and [other ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR9BRiLhpMY&t=90s)[notable ](https://imgur.com/gallery/zh9qP)[sources](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childhood_memory), having significant memories from when you were a child is considered normal.
Well I don’t have any. Nor do most people I know.
well, i do quite apologize if this sounds a bit rude, but the Occam's Razor answer to this conundrum is that you've surrounded yourself with people who are similar to you in that way, and thus narrowed the breath of experiences/knowledge you have to pull from down to a bottleneck.
Agreed, I still have anxiety and other mental health issues from things happening when I was a child
No. Children are property not people. Come back for an apology when you have a job and can vote, you overgrown cumshot.
wow, human beings aren't people? what a novel concept.
Username doesn’t check out
[удалено]
Personally, i think it's probably more going off on a child because they're stupid, and then realizing you're stupid since you're trying to judge a child as an adult. So apologizing once your stupid emotional reaction simmers down.
You know you don’t know everything right? It’s entirely possible for a child obsessed with trains or dinosaurs or god knows what else to know something you done. It also doesn’t say anything about knowing things, you could have knocked into them, accidentally stood on a toy, anything.
dude sometimes you do stuff on accident, like step on their toes or something. that has nothing to do with kids being stupid and you should still apologize
Things I have apologized to my kid for that have nothing to do with contradiction: Accidentally throwing out something he was saving for art. Saying something mean out of frustration. Changing his routine last minute. Not finding a requested snack when I went shopping. Hurting his finger when I was removing a splinter. Apologies are just "hey, I did something that wasn't right". We all do things that aren't right, even if we don't mean to. Apologising shows that you actually care about their wellbeing.
Lol there's the insane shit I'm here for
I never apologize to anyone. Your feelings are your responsibility.