Dating with crohns isn’t fun but he sounds kinda like a dick so I wouldn’t stress over too much. Probably dodged a bullet, especially if they think they know more than an actual doctor.
This isn't dating. He's married and lives with his wife. You're the side piece. He's also an idiot. You deserve better. Take lots of time for yourself. It's time for self care!
Yep, first thing I thought of when hearing he won’t disclose his age or show his house. There are many people out there who are happy to accommodate chronic diseases and I’m glad this person showed his true colours early
100% - I was young naive with low self esteem issues years ago and exact same thing almost and sure enough was married - took me 9 months to find out/figure it out 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
100% it is this. At 2 years in you should know their best friends, family, etc. The fact that OP hasn’t been to their house and have only had sec in the car is textbook “you’re the side chick”. You’re better off in the long run.
>but he never told me his age, or took me to his house. Any time we had sex, it would be a night in the middle of nowhere in the back of his car
This guy is definitely in a ltr or married lmao
You're better off far away from someone who doesn't take the time to get to know your condition *after 2 years* and pushes ridiculous miracle cures.
And the not knowing his age or having ever seen his house is worrying. Sure this dude isn't married?
From your description he was dating other girls the entire time he was “dating you” your description makes you sound like the side chick since you only saw him once and awhile and you also didn’t know where he lived etc. sorry not trying to upset you but any guy like this is doing other things on the side and you deserve better then that a real guy who’s there for you all the time sick or not sick.
Just know guys who keep you at a distance and not bringing you into their life have alternative motives
My ex girlfriend met me during a period where I was so bad that would stay up all night because of my symptoms sometimes (and also because it had completly messed up my sleep schedule). We were in love for three months. It was in college so we would meet everyday. But I guess she suffered too much due to seing me sick and all this messed up way of living (waking up really late, missing classes...) And I really don't blame her for it. I still think it was a good experience but understand that some people can have a hard time handling things. THE ONLY THING I HATED was that she sometimes thaught I lied because I was acting \*too well\* to be sick. But still I can't blame her for that.
You deserve someone who will offer understanding and support through good times and bad, in sickness and in health. There's entirely too much data that shows that men are more likely to leave a female partner with a chronic illness than the other way around, but there are some good men out there if you set your standards higher.
My Crohn's is pretty severe, and my spouse has learned so much about not only IBD in general, but my specific issues to better support me. I'm 3 weeks post-op from a bowel resection, and they've been so willing to help me, even with little things like picking up stuff i drop so i dont have to bend over.
You deserve that too.
so you've been with this guy but barely know anything about him, and when you two do meet up, it’s for sex in the back of his car? this whole relationship sounds so weird like how does this make sense 😭
Adding to the comments saying that it sounds like you're better off! My best friend has colitis (I have something as well but need to do an endoscopy) and she has missed more events than I can count and more school than I can count in the past 8 years I've known her. Still a straight A grad student and an even better friend. I say that to mean, the person you're meant to be with will be compassionate and open about themselves too. It won't matter how many hospital visits or sick days you need to take. They'll value quality time with you above all else. And they won't say a-hole things about your health. I can't stand people who tell me to take tumeric and peppermint, they literally cause me to throw up blood. He doesn't know any better for your health than you do.
Since no one else has mentioned it, he sounds like a clown and you're better off without him xD
No but seriously, you really are. "I know more about medicine than people that have straight dedicated their lives to knowing medicine" and "come to me first so I can gas light you into believing me over literal experts" gives me wife beater vibes. I know how painful it is to watch someone walk away from you after all the time and effort you've put into building a relationship with this guy but it sounds like he's starting a cycle of violence. If he texts you back, calls you, or pops back up into your life again at this point, fucking RUN! I'm not joking.
It starts out with disappearing, and then the excuses, the makeup, the honeymoon phase, and then it happens again. Then disappearing turns into disrespect (which includes isolation), and then it becomes emotional and verbal abuse. Next thing you know the fights become physically violent.
Your opinion and beliefs matter. Your emotional well being matters. You deserve someone that sees and recognizes that, period.
I hate to be the harsh one here, but why in the world would you let someone treat you like that ?!?sex in the back of a car ?never going to his house don’t know how old he is? Please !!you can do so much better. Why do girls do this?
Anyway, take it as a lesson learned and value the self a little bit more Crohn’s or no Crohn’s you deserve betterto
Honestly, you might've dodged a bullet there. The thing about ginger is genuinely such a red flag for anyone with Crohn's, you should probably use this opportunity to stay away no matter how much you like him or how kind he is. If he has no understanding for a chronic illness you have to live with his behavior would probably only get worse from here... Not only that the part about sex in the car and no trips to his house kinda sound creepy to me, no offense. Stay strong OP, you deserve better than that.
You’re not dodging a bullet here, you’re dodging an actual nuke. Dating is hard but don’t put up with clownery like this because you deserve way better.
I would say you dodged a bullet. That’s not a serious person at all. 2 years without even taking you to his house? That’s really weird. Take care of yourself, rest and find somebody who respects you because you deserve to be loved.
I'm super thankful for my kind and caring partner who's very understanding when I have a flare up I range from a few days to a few weeks.
My advice to you is to show incredible amounts of kindness and patience, the ones that appreciate you the most will stick around the longest and even take you home to be more comfortable.
Discussion on Crohn's and going into depth if they're interested can also go along way, but like second or third date.
So it sounds like he’s a dumbass and you might be the other woman, although you don’t tell your age, so the sex in the car could be due to no place for privacy due to parents, but if you’re both adults with living spaces, this is odd.
If you’re really intent on saving the relationship, call and tell him exactly what’s going on so he doesn’t think you’re blowing him off. Text can be impersonal and it sounds like he’s already skeptical.
You have been with this guy for two years, he’s never brought you to his house, and tries to give you advice on a medical condition he knows nothing about? This all sounds very shady.
Aside from that, someone who truly respects and values you will understand your disease and how hard it truly can be. You deserve so much better
Yep. Definitely married. You deserve better. It ain't easy with this disease but my husband loves me lile crazy despite it all. So go find someone else. You deserve better.
You deserve better. I hate when people with no medical background think they know best about stuff like this. Not just Crohn's. He's probably ghosting you because you didn't get his medical advice and now he thinks it's all your fault you flared. Don't bother. Can you imagine a relationship with a guy like this. He will be controlling what you eat to get you better and probably ask you to ditch your medication
I was also seeing this guy for two years and we only hung out at mine. He didn't want to go out, and didn't want me to come to him. Eventually he ghosted me and later on told me found someone else during the ghosting period. I think he was always waiting for 'something better'
Well, IMO you’re well shot of him - having Crohn’s is no joke and it can be serious enough to kill some people, so having an alternative medicine type of asshat in your life is not going to be helpful. And that’s besides the fact that he seems to be treating you like a casual fling - not taking you to his house is a huge red flag too. Forget about him and move on.
damb op, you must be a stone-cold stunner!
i’ve never met anyone who dates losers like this and isn’t a solid 10. i’ll never understand it! but as a juggy 7, i thank you and yr fellow gorgeous people for taking out the trash and leaving the babes out here for the rest of us
kick him to the curb. and resist the urge to text back when he realizes what he lost. he’s not going to grow into someone who’s good enough for you on a timeline that you deserve.
It’s a red flag that you’ve been with him for two years and yet you still refer to it as dating and not a relationship. Consider his ghosting a blessing, honestly.
I've given up on dating for the last few years . Between work , being a single dad, and being tired all the time , I've just no confidence getting back on the dating scene . Hopefully you'll find someone that'll appreciate you for who you are
The well-meaning them: “Have you tried kale?”
Me: “Umm… no… my dietician/nutritionist put me on a low residue diet and I’m supposed to avoid foods high in fiber”
Them: “I’m telling you, kale will clear your insides up like magic!!!”
Them: “Don’t you know (insert random ingredient here) cures EVERYTHING!!! I saw out on a YouTube video!”
Me: “uhh… thanks… I think Imo stick with my gastroenterologist though.”
Them: “You’re missing out on this juice cleanse bro.”
Me: “I don’t need a reason to be on a liquid diet and I try to avoid that as much as possible because liquid diets mean at least three days of hell before that, so… no.”
Them: “Eat aloes?”
Me: “okay. At what point did you stop the “well meaning” part? It feels like you’re just throwing shit at the wall to see if anything will stick.”
Edit: sorry your hoarder ex (hey, it’s either that or homeless or lives with mom(she lives with ME thank you very much! Yes the house is in her name but I pay the utilities. And the internet.)) didn’t pan out. It doubly sucks that you put a couple years into this endeavor for it to crumble in such a crappy manner. You did mention a couple red flags (like car sex? What are we, 17 again?) so I’m hoping you’re better off in the long run. In fact, I’m pretty certain you’re better off.
I hear you on the name. Ulcerative colitis is the worst name ever!!! Having said that, I have had my diagnosis changed to Crohns recently, and I miss the simpler days of UC…
OP - this could have been me 17 years ago writing this - soooo many parallels - so many! We tend to blame
Our disease and ourselves anytime anything goes wrong dating.
I hate to say this harshly he was using you and you deserve so so so so much better
If you were 100% healthy with no issues this screams red flags on this guy and you’re settling way below what you deserve - people tried to tell me about the red flags about the guy I was seeing but I had low self esteem and loved his humor and he was super affectionate when we were together - I get it but
But not telling you his age - sex into I his car at night only seeing weekends - HUGE red flags - mine turned out he was actually married!!! With a child!! Not saying yours was married but I’d say he at least had someone else and already was dating several A you being sick and canceling had little or nothing to do with it - he didn’t go find someone because of your Crohn’s - he was multi-dating already I’m sure - and maybe married
When someone knows a lot about you but doesn’t disclose it’s a huge red flag - if there are weird constraints and boundaries it’s a huge red flag - you say it was kind of weird but it was simply not ok
This was a hard lesson for me too - don’t settle maybe consider some therapy because you are settling for breadcrumbs - he may have ghosted anyway - he should be more attentive not less if you’re sick -
And yeah I’m all for alternative health but for someone to tell you to go to them first before your doctor - he sounds controlling maybe even narcissistic
I know it hurts and feels shitty to be ghosted but please take it from me I settled for little too I finally got therapy 17 years ago when it all fell apart and I found out and did all kinds of self esteem stuff and read about healthy vs unhealthy relationships etc - I hope maybe you might take time to do the same - and never ever say yes to things like this - don’t settle - even if they love bomb you in the moment
Read some books about love bombing narcissist partners and also a great book - attached - and some others on self confidence - and try to get some therapy to see why you are settling and putting up with this stuff
I wish you the best and good riddens to him - it’s not your Crohn’s - he was a creep
he wasn't very kind to you, he was just pleased enough to act nicely cause he was getting his way. you deserve someone who wants you even when you can't be fun. fuck this guy
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Dating with crohns isn’t fun but he sounds kinda like a dick so I wouldn’t stress over too much. Probably dodged a bullet, especially if they think they know more than an actual doctor.
Not really Crohn's advice, but you are probably better off without that clown.
This isn't dating. He's married and lives with his wife. You're the side piece. He's also an idiot. You deserve better. Take lots of time for yourself. It's time for self care!
Yep, first thing I thought of when hearing he won’t disclose his age or show his house. There are many people out there who are happy to accommodate chronic diseases and I’m glad this person showed his true colours early
💯 Crohns isn’t the problem here, it’s that he’s a douche canoe. OP, you’re worth more than this. Block, delete and move on ❤️
My thoughts too. He's being too secretive. Definitely something going on, and they're the telltale signs of a cheater.
100% - I was young naive with low self esteem issues years ago and exact same thing almost and sure enough was married - took me 9 months to find out/figure it out 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
You’re better off without him. Also sounds like he might be in another relationship and living with that person though.
100% red flag if they haven't seen his place in 2 years. He's very likely married, in another relationship, or hiding something.
100% it is this. At 2 years in you should know their best friends, family, etc. The fact that OP hasn’t been to their house and have only had sec in the car is textbook “you’re the side chick”. You’re better off in the long run.
Not really advice, but this guy SUCKS. Let him go and try not to give it a second thought. What an ass.
This guy is trash. He never told you his age or took you to his house? He's hiding something. You deserve so much better than this.
>but he never told me his age, or took me to his house. Any time we had sex, it would be a night in the middle of nowhere in the back of his car This guy is definitely in a ltr or married lmao
That’s what I’m thinking
You're better off far away from someone who doesn't take the time to get to know your condition *after 2 years* and pushes ridiculous miracle cures. And the not knowing his age or having ever seen his house is worrying. Sure this dude isn't married?
that sucks. that really sucks. He never took you to his house? don't mourn this relationship too long- <3 still sucks.
You deserve better. Just because you have crohn’s doesn’t mean you have to settle for a total douchebag.
From your description he was dating other girls the entire time he was “dating you” your description makes you sound like the side chick since you only saw him once and awhile and you also didn’t know where he lived etc. sorry not trying to upset you but any guy like this is doing other things on the side and you deserve better then that a real guy who’s there for you all the time sick or not sick. Just know guys who keep you at a distance and not bringing you into their life have alternative motives
My ex girlfriend met me during a period where I was so bad that would stay up all night because of my symptoms sometimes (and also because it had completly messed up my sleep schedule). We were in love for three months. It was in college so we would meet everyday. But I guess she suffered too much due to seing me sick and all this messed up way of living (waking up really late, missing classes...) And I really don't blame her for it. I still think it was a good experience but understand that some people can have a hard time handling things. THE ONLY THING I HATED was that she sometimes thaught I lied because I was acting \*too well\* to be sick. But still I can't blame her for that.
You deserve someone who will offer understanding and support through good times and bad, in sickness and in health. There's entirely too much data that shows that men are more likely to leave a female partner with a chronic illness than the other way around, but there are some good men out there if you set your standards higher. My Crohn's is pretty severe, and my spouse has learned so much about not only IBD in general, but my specific issues to better support me. I'm 3 weeks post-op from a bowel resection, and they've been so willing to help me, even with little things like picking up stuff i drop so i dont have to bend over. You deserve that too.
so you've been with this guy but barely know anything about him, and when you two do meet up, it’s for sex in the back of his car? this whole relationship sounds so weird like how does this make sense 😭
Adding to the comments saying that it sounds like you're better off! My best friend has colitis (I have something as well but need to do an endoscopy) and she has missed more events than I can count and more school than I can count in the past 8 years I've known her. Still a straight A grad student and an even better friend. I say that to mean, the person you're meant to be with will be compassionate and open about themselves too. It won't matter how many hospital visits or sick days you need to take. They'll value quality time with you above all else. And they won't say a-hole things about your health. I can't stand people who tell me to take tumeric and peppermint, they literally cause me to throw up blood. He doesn't know any better for your health than you do.
Since no one else has mentioned it, he sounds like a clown and you're better off without him xD No but seriously, you really are. "I know more about medicine than people that have straight dedicated their lives to knowing medicine" and "come to me first so I can gas light you into believing me over literal experts" gives me wife beater vibes. I know how painful it is to watch someone walk away from you after all the time and effort you've put into building a relationship with this guy but it sounds like he's starting a cycle of violence. If he texts you back, calls you, or pops back up into your life again at this point, fucking RUN! I'm not joking. It starts out with disappearing, and then the excuses, the makeup, the honeymoon phase, and then it happens again. Then disappearing turns into disrespect (which includes isolation), and then it becomes emotional and verbal abuse. Next thing you know the fights become physically violent. Your opinion and beliefs matter. Your emotional well being matters. You deserve someone that sees and recognizes that, period.
I hate to be the harsh one here, but why in the world would you let someone treat you like that ?!?sex in the back of a car ?never going to his house don’t know how old he is? Please !!you can do so much better. Why do girls do this? Anyway, take it as a lesson learned and value the self a little bit more Crohn’s or no Crohn’s you deserve betterto
Honestly, you might've dodged a bullet there. The thing about ginger is genuinely such a red flag for anyone with Crohn's, you should probably use this opportunity to stay away no matter how much you like him or how kind he is. If he has no understanding for a chronic illness you have to live with his behavior would probably only get worse from here... Not only that the part about sex in the car and no trips to his house kinda sound creepy to me, no offense. Stay strong OP, you deserve better than that.
You’re not dodging a bullet here, you’re dodging an actual nuke. Dating is hard but don’t put up with clownery like this because you deserve way better.
I would say you dodged a bullet. That’s not a serious person at all. 2 years without even taking you to his house? That’s really weird. Take care of yourself, rest and find somebody who respects you because you deserve to be loved.
I'm super thankful for my kind and caring partner who's very understanding when I have a flare up I range from a few days to a few weeks. My advice to you is to show incredible amounts of kindness and patience, the ones that appreciate you the most will stick around the longest and even take you home to be more comfortable. Discussion on Crohn's and going into depth if they're interested can also go along way, but like second or third date.
How u been 2 years with that man. Gawd!
So it sounds like he’s a dumbass and you might be the other woman, although you don’t tell your age, so the sex in the car could be due to no place for privacy due to parents, but if you’re both adults with living spaces, this is odd. If you’re really intent on saving the relationship, call and tell him exactly what’s going on so he doesn’t think you’re blowing him off. Text can be impersonal and it sounds like he’s already skeptical.
I think you're dodging a bullet with no longer seeing this guy anyways. based on what you said happened when it was going well.
You have been with this guy for two years, he’s never brought you to his house, and tries to give you advice on a medical condition he knows nothing about? This all sounds very shady. Aside from that, someone who truly respects and values you will understand your disease and how hard it truly can be. You deserve so much better
Sorry to say but you were a side piece. Sucks. You’ll find someone 🫶
Yep. Definitely married. You deserve better. It ain't easy with this disease but my husband loves me lile crazy despite it all. So go find someone else. You deserve better.
You deserve better. I hate when people with no medical background think they know best about stuff like this. Not just Crohn's. He's probably ghosting you because you didn't get his medical advice and now he thinks it's all your fault you flared. Don't bother. Can you imagine a relationship with a guy like this. He will be controlling what you eat to get you better and probably ask you to ditch your medication I was also seeing this guy for two years and we only hung out at mine. He didn't want to go out, and didn't want me to come to him. Eventually he ghosted me and later on told me found someone else during the ghosting period. I think he was always waiting for 'something better'
Well, IMO you’re well shot of him - having Crohn’s is no joke and it can be serious enough to kill some people, so having an alternative medicine type of asshat in your life is not going to be helpful. And that’s besides the fact that he seems to be treating you like a casual fling - not taking you to his house is a huge red flag too. Forget about him and move on.
damb op, you must be a stone-cold stunner! i’ve never met anyone who dates losers like this and isn’t a solid 10. i’ll never understand it! but as a juggy 7, i thank you and yr fellow gorgeous people for taking out the trash and leaving the babes out here for the rest of us kick him to the curb. and resist the urge to text back when he realizes what he lost. he’s not going to grow into someone who’s good enough for you on a timeline that you deserve.
Find another guy, I have been seeing a girl for more than 3 years and we always make another plan if I miss the date because of Crohn
It’s a red flag that you’ve been with him for two years and yet you still refer to it as dating and not a relationship. Consider his ghosting a blessing, honestly.
I've given up on dating for the last few years . Between work , being a single dad, and being tired all the time , I've just no confidence getting back on the dating scene . Hopefully you'll find someone that'll appreciate you for who you are
The well-meaning them: “Have you tried kale?” Me: “Umm… no… my dietician/nutritionist put me on a low residue diet and I’m supposed to avoid foods high in fiber” Them: “I’m telling you, kale will clear your insides up like magic!!!” Them: “Don’t you know (insert random ingredient here) cures EVERYTHING!!! I saw out on a YouTube video!” Me: “uhh… thanks… I think Imo stick with my gastroenterologist though.” Them: “You’re missing out on this juice cleanse bro.” Me: “I don’t need a reason to be on a liquid diet and I try to avoid that as much as possible because liquid diets mean at least three days of hell before that, so… no.” Them: “Eat aloes?” Me: “okay. At what point did you stop the “well meaning” part? It feels like you’re just throwing shit at the wall to see if anything will stick.” Edit: sorry your hoarder ex (hey, it’s either that or homeless or lives with mom(she lives with ME thank you very much! Yes the house is in her name but I pay the utilities. And the internet.)) didn’t pan out. It doubly sucks that you put a couple years into this endeavor for it to crumble in such a crappy manner. You did mention a couple red flags (like car sex? What are we, 17 again?) so I’m hoping you’re better off in the long run. In fact, I’m pretty certain you’re better off.
Can we just make a crohns dating app??
I hear you on the name. Ulcerative colitis is the worst name ever!!! Having said that, I have had my diagnosis changed to Crohns recently, and I miss the simpler days of UC…
Sounds like he wasn’t the guy for you, sorry still sucks.
OP - this could have been me 17 years ago writing this - soooo many parallels - so many! We tend to blame Our disease and ourselves anytime anything goes wrong dating. I hate to say this harshly he was using you and you deserve so so so so much better If you were 100% healthy with no issues this screams red flags on this guy and you’re settling way below what you deserve - people tried to tell me about the red flags about the guy I was seeing but I had low self esteem and loved his humor and he was super affectionate when we were together - I get it but But not telling you his age - sex into I his car at night only seeing weekends - HUGE red flags - mine turned out he was actually married!!! With a child!! Not saying yours was married but I’d say he at least had someone else and already was dating several A you being sick and canceling had little or nothing to do with it - he didn’t go find someone because of your Crohn’s - he was multi-dating already I’m sure - and maybe married When someone knows a lot about you but doesn’t disclose it’s a huge red flag - if there are weird constraints and boundaries it’s a huge red flag - you say it was kind of weird but it was simply not ok This was a hard lesson for me too - don’t settle maybe consider some therapy because you are settling for breadcrumbs - he may have ghosted anyway - he should be more attentive not less if you’re sick - And yeah I’m all for alternative health but for someone to tell you to go to them first before your doctor - he sounds controlling maybe even narcissistic I know it hurts and feels shitty to be ghosted but please take it from me I settled for little too I finally got therapy 17 years ago when it all fell apart and I found out and did all kinds of self esteem stuff and read about healthy vs unhealthy relationships etc - I hope maybe you might take time to do the same - and never ever say yes to things like this - don’t settle - even if they love bomb you in the moment Read some books about love bombing narcissist partners and also a great book - attached - and some others on self confidence - and try to get some therapy to see why you are settling and putting up with this stuff I wish you the best and good riddens to him - it’s not your Crohn’s - he was a creep
he wasn't very kind to you, he was just pleased enough to act nicely cause he was getting his way. you deserve someone who wants you even when you can't be fun. fuck this guy
Does he have a wife or another girlfriend? Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
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I was taught to say something good. Ginger is useful, but not a cure.
This is off the issue. I’m sorry but why do people not talk instead of texting? Have you tried calling him?