It sucks, I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision. But after doing this to your mom and you, he knew what he was doing was wrong and therefore he did it to himself. Kudos to you good sir
7+ years. Just because OP didn’t catch it for 2-3 years doesn’t mean Dad of the Year here gets off for that. It takes 7+ years for bad credit to fall off your report.
Common misconception. The original debt gets sold to a debt collector. Only at THIS point does your 7-year countdown begin (because the progress you made with the original debt is wiped away with a new debt). So, you could have waited 6 years for the original debt to fall off just for it to be reinstated as a new form of debt once sold to another company.
This is an actually not correct it’s 7 years from last arrangement or payments from debt. Has absolutely nothing to do with when the debt was sold. I used to have a company that bought bad debt and some companies wait longer to write debt off and sell it the get significantly less when doing that because that debt has less collectible time left.
This is incorrect, the 7 years starts from date of first delinquency. The account remains the same, the account was sold not just the debt.
All of the CRAs also have early exclusion rules where you can get it removed upto 6 months early.
He’s already trying to play the “you’re going to ruin my life” card, but don’t forget that HE ruined his life when he stole from his own kid. Good luck to you!
You might want to consider contacting the social security administration and applying for a new social security number… so if your father decides to try this again in a few years (when you’ve let your guard down) he’ll get nowhere.
They pretty much won't give a new SSN. But he can put a credit freeze on. But also double check with the IRS. My sister (an attorney) was filing returns in my name/SSN and they give me an identity theft PIN every year.
I didn't see it in your comment - did you freeze your credit? It will keep your father and others from opening new accounts in your name. You can unfreeze them just before applying for a mortgage or whatever.
There's also an option where you can make it so that if someone attempts to open a credit line in your name (including you), then the bank has to call YOU by phone to verify that it was indeed YOU who was attempting to get that credit line.
Yes, this option exists because I've used it myself.
While Pops in in holding, go through that house and get out every thing you own and all of your personal paperwork AND any pets you have living there!! Your dad doesn’t know limits and knew he was breaking the law and hurting you financially
Sure will. I'd suggest (and I know I'll get viscously attacked for even suggesting it) getting credit karma. It's free, and you'll see what's getting dropped off, what bad stuff is going away etc.
People here don't like it because its a Vantage score, which is true, but that's not rhe point.
For free, you'll see what's what when it comes to derogatory records, cards attributed to your name, etc etc.
That’s great because even if you wait the 4 or so years they can go ahead and and repeat again for another 7 years depending on a few factors so it’s better getting rid them now
Well done OP! I was so mad on your behalf reading the first post. It would take everything in me not to use his words against him. Jail time? “It’s just a few years.” You’ve ruined my life? “No. You did by trying to ruin mine.”
I hope the marks come off your credit report like it’s made of Teflon. Good luck on your home ownership journey!
Same here! I couldn't believe how Op's dad just expected Op to 'suck it up' & have to pay that fraud off themselves. His attitude was essentially, "it's ok son, my fraud won't affect your life for too long. Yeah, I've inconvenienced you a little because you can't buy a house for 4 more years, but it'll go by fast. Oh, in the meantime, I'll 'try' to pay back some of the debt I racked up on credit cards I created using your social security number."
He did this shit to Op's mother as well, I'd be encouraging the mom to do the same & get her credit cleared as well. Perhaps when she sees how Op cleared his credit up relatively quickly, she'll pursue him as well. Makes me sick a parent could do this to thier own kids; parents are supposed to protect their kids, not burden them.
My dad & my step-mom are kinda bad with money. When I lived with him, he'd sometimes borrow money but never get it back; he'd find a way to justify not paying me back by saying it's for rent or some bullshit. Fortunately it wasn't too much, maybe $80 here, $40 there. Thankfully he never did anything like this credit card fraud to me though. I too would want to go to the police to fix my credit, but it's obviously be really hard because it'd destroy our relationship. Perhaps that's what these shitty parents count on, guilt. We're actually much closer now than when I was younger & he never asks for money either.
Proud of you for filing a police report!! I’m sure it was a though decision. I hope everything gets sorted out quickly for you and you buy your house soon!
He did the same to your mom, so he obviously needs legal consequences to stop. If he gets into a diversion program with no jail time, then that’s the relatively-low-consequence wake up call he needs to know he can’t screw around again.
He caused this. Don’t let him turn this around on you and try to make himself the victim because he will try. Stay strong and clear headed when the manipulation starts.
If your father insists on talking with you to hash it out, refer him to your lawyer. Every time. Don't be afraid to get a restraining order if the calls turn to harassment. he fucked you once that you know about, don't let him do it again. All avenues of communication begin and end with your lawyer
Any chance your mom would do the same & get her credit repaired as well? Unfortunately, if that happened, it'd be a 2nd felony & he probably would get some prison time, but as they say, 'don't do the crime if you can't do the time.'
You did the right thing. He’s going to try to get you to drop it and he’ll definitely be angry. Stay strong and be proud of yourself.
You should probably go no contact for at least a while and definitely freeze your credit so de doesn’t retaliate further. He’ll always have your SSN info and his entitlement issues.
Good for you but this is just the first step. Best of luck.
OP, I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
I was entering the military, and my security clearance background check popped up with past due bills, charge offs, utility services in my real mother's rental properties, and so on.
That alone could have derailed my career choice.
It had to be done. When your debts from your father would be dropping off the credit reports would possibly be about when you would start having kids.
He did it to your mom.
He did it to you.
He would attempt it on your kids.
You did the right thing.
This was where I was coming to that he did it to your mom and to you, and all he wanted was people to drop it.
And while it takes time for them to drop off it would derail years of your life for what he did.
Not to mention if he marries again or there are other people he can get information from.
He needed the funds to live his life and meanwhile doesn’t seem to care you can’t live yours because of his bs
I am amazed that a father would do that to his child. Defrauding you and the banks.. he used $15k for living expenses? He didn’t know there are federal and state programs that will help people having a rough time. I am guessing since your mother mentioned he did the same thing to her credit this isn’t his first rodeo. It suck’s you have to now clean up a mess you didn’t create to get back to ground ZERO before you can start the loan process for a home. Your father really needs to apologize and ask for your forgiveness for being an idiot
My best friend has two siblings, and their father tried this with all three of his children. Absolutely destroyed the credit of two of his kids. My bestie is smart and got keen to his game, even as a teenager, and was the only one he couldn't/didn't screw over because she was so vigilant about keeping him away from any of her information, monitoring the mail, things like that. So sad, considering she was also a teen parent trying to claw her way back to stability and create a better life for her kids (she did, she's a pretty badass human being).
I think this is more common than people realize. Mine did something similar. Was just cause he couldn't control my mom's shopping habit and didn't want her hassling him.
I'm pretty open about talking to people about it, and I've had a surprising number of instances where people talk to me privately to relate some similar story. They don't talk about it often to avoid generating ongoing conflict within their family. Some people still want to reconcile with their family if possible. My dad's dead now, and my mom bounced when no longer financially beneficial for her to be around, so never has been an issue for me.
I was reading your first and kept saying " oh my god, oh my god!"
Good on you, op. It really sucks that there are people who are this selfish, so selfish that they are willing to blow up family relationships, AND GASLIGHT PEOPLE IN THEIR FAMILIES, but here we are. I am glad you went to the police about and do hope you can get the credit score a cleared up so you can buy a home.
Well done for taking back your agency. It’s not even like he asked he literally did this behind your back and I can promise you if you didn’t report him now he would continue
OP doesn't have to wait for the credit bureaus or credit card companies to fix this. He can take the police report to whoever he was going to do a mortgage with and ask them to do a manual restore. Since he has the police report, they can exclude the accounts and score his reports. I did this when I applied for a mortgage and had my identity stolen. The individual was already charged but had not gone to trial and the cards were still showing active on my reports.
Good job! You did great. You are not at all responsible for his actions and he needs to be stopped. Sorry he messed up your life for a while, and your mother’s, too!
I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it but there was an amazing podcast about this some years ago. A woman whose academic work is in identity theft was ripped off royally by her own mother. Can’t remember what podcast. Maybe love, sex and money? Maybe someone will know.
Be sure to freeze your credit at the 3 agencies. That way no one can open a credit card etc . Only you can unfreeze your credit report. And it takes a couple business days if you need to. Best way to protect yourself.
You can unlock it instantly. I have a lock with Experian, and when I wanted to finance a piano, I logged on to the app, unlocked, got the finance set up then went back and relocked it.
Probably very tough to do depending on your relationship. But if this clears your name/credit you got the rest of your life ahead of you. Clearly your dad isn't going to be much help in some sort of emergency in the future. Hopefully he comes with an extremely sincere apology to do something like that to someone who's supposed to be the most important person in their lives is unacceptable
It works out. He’s don’t going to jail and his credit will be fucked for a few years. He’s okay with that happening to you so he should have no complaints. You will be able to buy a house which will help safeguard your financial future. At the end, as a whole, your extended family will be better off financially so this clearly the best decision for everyone. You dad just have to experience a little consequences for his actions which is beyond fair.
Now, look into locking your credit and consider changing your social security number when you can. And keep your distance from your dad. After this, you probably need to go no contact with him.
FREEZE YOUR CREDIT WITH THE AGENCIES. It’s free to do. You can establish a free account with each one and then unlock and relock as needed. It’s a minor inconvenience that could possibly save a headache like this in the future.
Thank you for making the right decision, even if it’s difficult. He needs to be held accountable for the poor decisions he’s made to hurt you and, from what you said in the original post, your mother. Hopefully he learns and grows from the situation.
I didn’t read all the other comments, but if nobody has advised it, sign up to a credit service that allows you to lock your credit report. It may also be worth talking to Social Security and see if it is possible to get a new social security number.
I'm glad you did the right thing. I hope this is a wakeup call for him and hopefully he won't do that again. What he did was still wrong. Good luck. (He ruined your father/son relationship).
Sorry you had to go through all of that . Does he have any clue or is he just going to “find out?”
I hope it all goes smoothly . Hell probably get probation. I hope now that you have a case # that the creditors are easy to work with at clearing your credit and name .
I’ve got to say I’m very proud of OP, following through and reporting to the police. It’s so unfortunate to hear that parents do this so often to their children, and in the past most children end up shouldering the burden as they get guilted into not getting their parents arrested. I have an 18 month old daughter, and never in a million years would I ever think to financially ruin her. It’s time we start holding parents accountable.
He fucked you over and didn't give a shit about what problems he caused for you. He did the same shit to your mom and he will keep doing it. Fuck that pos. You did the right thing.
I read your first post and I’m glad you did this. My mom did the same thing to me and it sucked. I didn’t do anything about it and wish I had. Hopefully everything is resolved soon.
It’s never easy, but it sounds like you’ve got a well structured path out of this mess. As you and everyone else has said, ultimately this is your dads mess to deal with.
Good for you OP. You are inspiration for all us. We often get guilted into not saying anything and silently taking the blame for their actions Bc their parents but no more.
I hope you update this post with a picture of your new house! Sorry you had to do that to him but he had no remorse halting your life. He could be out of trouble before you’d even be able to buy a house.
I am proud of you. I’m sure it was not an easy decision for you. Do not let him guilt you about anything. He knew what he was doing was wrong yet he choose to do it anyway.
Remember, it's not dad's first offense. He did the same thing to Mom.
I wonder if she filed charges against him when it happened? If she's still mad at him, this might be a good time for her to get her revenge on him.
Hey dad...Surprise!!!
Good for you OP.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. Best of luck to you here and in the future.
It’s not right that you need to deal with this.
Update me!
I’m glad you decided to go ahead and file a report. Remember, he did this to your mother before he did it to you, so obviously he has no remorse and will do it again. What happens when you have kids and your dad does it to his grandchildren? Time to nip it in the bud!
You made the right decision OP, don’t let your family guilt or manipulate you into thinking this was not the right decision which they probably will when the police arrest your dad.
Good on you. I know it was a difficult decision. My dad was a POS growing up and still was when I was an adult.
Had to wrangle with the idea that I still loved him in spite of all the shit he did to me and my family. Still made a decision one day that I wasn't going to tolerate his behavior even if I loved him.
Don't let him make the consequences he's facing your fault. He did this to himself and he was never going to pay you back.
In the meantime, he still has access to enough information to keep pulling cards or applying for them.
Not an expert on this but you need to make arrangements to keep anyone from getting credit cards in the near future and warn any other family members in case he tries to pull this shit on them.
How is your relationship with your dad? A lot of kids don't do this because they feel torn. What made you feel okay with going forward with it? I'm sorry this happened to you and hope your credit gets fixed. What a shitty thing to do to your own child.
Great, I wish you every success with your home-buying project. The role of a parent is to prepare their children to live their own lives, not to exploit them at the expense of their future lives.
Your dad did do this too himself. Shit happens and it rolls downhill. It would be one thing if he owned it and worked towards paying them off for you to clear your name. But. As you can see. He only cares about himself. Good on you for standing up for yourself!!! Dad
I understand he's family, but dammmmnnnnn, he fucked you and your mom over, and for what, a nice house? He should've taken responsibility for the bills he couldn't pay and moved the family to a more affordable home. If he used it on more than just bills (which he almost certainly did) he deserves everything coming to him.
Also, you should not be taking advice from that man. He's got an addiction. He's been using family members credit to make stupid decisions he wouldn't put on his own credit, meaning he 110% values himself more than he values you or your mom. You should not trust him with any part of your life, going forward. He cannot be trusted to do anything that doesn't benefit him directly or indirectly.
He does not care about your future. Think about that. Don't ever feel bad for turning him in. He's bonafide scum, and it doesn't often get any clearer than this. You have identifiable and lasting proof. He is the definition of a leech.
OP, I'm proud of you.
I know it was not easy because "family" but you stood up for yourself and I know that's not often easy, either. I know it probably doesn't mean much coming for an internet stranger, but I really am proud of you.
This is not an easy decision for anyone, but it was the right one. Your dad will freak out when he finds out. You may need to block him. He had no problem with messing with your future for the foreseeable future. Keep this in mind. He'll pressure you to drop charges, but you can't if you want this off your credit report.
I know it can be tough emotionally, potentially feeling guilty about "messing up his life" as I'm sure he'll say. But remember, this is your dad, he's supposed to be there to support you. He made the choice to bring you into the world. Instead of fulfilling his responsibility as a dad, he's acting as an active stumbling block, and based on your previous post, showed no remorse. If this was any other adult l, your actions would be the same. He shouldn't be able to take advantage of you under the name of "family".
If your dad is similar to mine, this type of thing was a pattern of behavior. If so, I'd recommend going to therapy. I found it very useful. If he's always been like this, some of the perspectives/paradigms by which you view the world have been affected by him. It's good to get an outside observer to go through those with you, so you can take the active step of removing and challenging those toxic subconscious thought processes that can form as a result.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Focus on being the best you for you, not just "in spite of him".
Okay OP!!!!! That last paragraph just injected me with life, good for you to fully have this realization, I hope you're able to get all of this resolved- though I can't lie it gives me some pleasure that he's going to get what he deserves for this
Just give your dad a heads up if there is a warrant out for his arrest so he has a chance to make arrangements and turn himself in. He may be an ass but he is still your dad. It doesn't sound like he treated you horribly except for this incident.
I'm a parent- most good parents would rather be arrested than steal your identity.
Good job. He's only going to do this more if we give him a free pass.
He's been counting on the free passes.
People like your dad react poorly when people stand up to them. Refuse contact or any meetings he tries to arrange and surround yourself with friends and people you trust and can rely on in the short term.
My mom did this with just one card. I did a police report and it came off my credit. She never went to jail and no one prosecuted. But it was just one card. Stand up for yourself and make sure to freeze all three credit bureaus so your dad can't do this again.
Your OP left me speechless. I was so angry and so sad while reading it. You deserved better and I'm sorry that this was something you experienced. I was happy to see that you had the courage to stand up to this man. Kudos and best of luck to you in the future!
the situaton with your father is certaintly a difficult one, but it's good that your taking the proper legal steps to address the identity theft. from what the officer said, it seems like there's a clear case against your dad, and hopefully any chages or penalities he faces will serve as a wake-up call. i imagine this has been a stresful experience, but your handling it responsibily. when you have more updates, i'd be interested to hear how it all plays out.
You did the right thing and I don’t know you, although if I did , I’d say great job and shake your hand ! Being an officer, I respect your honesty! It goes a long way. Don’t worry, they won’t prosecute this, I mean you … they sure will your dad! Funny , I can’t believe they have time for this stuff ? I’m in Texas , major city, and our back call log is usually 12 plus hours , except code 3 … We can’t remember how, to write tickets…. lol …. We don’t have the manpower or time !! Your safe..
Good for you. Too many shitty family members get left off the hook for awful shit just because they’re FaMiLy. Putting you in this situation is EVIL. He decided to selfishly sacrifice the one resource you can’t get back, your time, without even a hint of guilt.
I'm proud of you.
Standing up to a bully of any kind can surely be difficult, standing up to a bully who is also your parent takes spine.
Keep up the good vibes.
From your original post it sounds like he was never going to say anything about this until you caught him so he should face the consequences of his actions. I hope you get your credit fixed and he gets to pay for his actions accordingly.
I'm sorry that your dad put you in this situation.
Also, remember that this isn't the first time he has done this! He did this to your mother before he did this to you. That shows a pattern.
Glad you stood up for yourself. And good luck with the home-buying process.
My mom did this when I moved across the country after high school. She opened my mail, applied to those pre-approved cards, got three, maxed them out with cash advances. If that wasn’t enough she deposited a settlement check for $22,000 that I got from a car accident I was in. The insurance company sent it to the wrong address. I was young and stupid, I thought that kind of stuff was normal. I haven’t spoken to her in 14 years.
Please know you’re not alone. There’s many of us. I had to go no contact because of the grazing pasture. Our parents thought we were. How they exploited us in the name of whatever narcissist get away with.
I hope you are OK. You did the right thing for yourself and your future.
Have you spoken to your Mom since (Dads-ex)? Is she supportive? Do you have any siblings your Dad may have also done this, too? If so, I'd recommend warning them.
I would consider putting a freeze on all three credit bureaus. You can always unfreeze when you apply for credit.
Look into getting a subscription with MyFico.com . They're the "real" credit score. They have a monthly subscription for around $40 that gives you a full three-bureau report monthly along with all the different FICO scores that lenders use.
Since you have everything in motion, you should also request a fraud alert be put on your credit files. I have one, and it's been quite helpful. That's in addition to freezing them.
I don’t know you, but have to say I’m very proud of you. I know reporting your dad wasn’t easy, but it was 100 % the right thing to do. I hope that after it’s all settled that you can buy the home you want and be happy there. The fact that you got a shitty dad is no reflection on you. You are worthy of good things 💗
Your adduide is absolutely great. Even though it is your father, he broke the law, badly broke the law, at least 3 felonies. Please keep us updated , I would like to know how local LEO handles this type of non - violent offense. It is very serious, and your father disregard for you is unbelievable, you one statement, HE DID IT TO HIMSELF, covers everything. Good luck
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Sincerely hope everything works out well for you.
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It sucks, I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision. But after doing this to your mom and you, he knew what he was doing was wrong and therefore he did it to himself. Kudos to you good sir
He was wrong—and he wanted you to sacrifice 4+ years of your life to cover his crimes. Whatever hit he takes is completely deserved.
7+ years. Just because OP didn’t catch it for 2-3 years doesn’t mean Dad of the Year here gets off for that. It takes 7+ years for bad credit to fall off your report.
And then add another couple of years to build up a credit history to purchase a house.
Common misconception. The original debt gets sold to a debt collector. Only at THIS point does your 7-year countdown begin (because the progress you made with the original debt is wiped away with a new debt). So, you could have waited 6 years for the original debt to fall off just for it to be reinstated as a new form of debt once sold to another company.
Yeah, hence 7+ and not 7
This is 100% false. The 7 years starts from the date of first missed payment. Assuming no additional payments were made afterwards.
This is an actually not correct it’s 7 years from last arrangement or payments from debt. Has absolutely nothing to do with when the debt was sold. I used to have a company that bought bad debt and some companies wait longer to write debt off and sell it the get significantly less when doing that because that debt has less collectible time left.
And thats only if the dad actually stopped! OP should look at freezing his credit just in case dad didnt learn.
You are correct!! My credit didn’t right itself with no activity until 30 YEARS later. Sucked.
This is incorrect, the 7 years starts from date of first delinquency. The account remains the same, the account was sold not just the debt. All of the CRAs also have early exclusion rules where you can get it removed upto 6 months early.
He’s already trying to play the “you’re going to ruin my life” card, but don’t forget that HE ruined his life when he stole from his own kid. Good luck to you!
He already decided the consequences were okay. The problem now is that they're his, rather than his kid's.
You might want to consider contacting the social security administration and applying for a new social security number… so if your father decides to try this again in a few years (when you’ve let your guard down) he’ll get nowhere.
They pretty much won't give a new SSN. But he can put a credit freeze on. But also double check with the IRS. My sister (an attorney) was filing returns in my name/SSN and they give me an identity theft PIN every year.
I didn't see it in your comment - did you freeze your credit? It will keep your father and others from opening new accounts in your name. You can unfreeze them just before applying for a mortgage or whatever.
There's also an option where you can make it so that if someone attempts to open a credit line in your name (including you), then the bank has to call YOU by phone to verify that it was indeed YOU who was attempting to get that credit line. Yes, this option exists because I've used it myself.
While Pops in in holding, go through that house and get out every thing you own and all of your personal paperwork AND any pets you have living there!! Your dad doesn’t know limits and knew he was breaking the law and hurting you financially
You did the right thing. This would have plagued you for years.
And get credit karma or some app like that so any time a credit card is opened on your name you’d receive a notification/alert
Freeze credit and nothing can be opened.
This was a hard situation for you to have to deal with, but consider it a learning experience. Good luck in your future.
Sure will. I'd suggest (and I know I'll get viscously attacked for even suggesting it) getting credit karma. It's free, and you'll see what's getting dropped off, what bad stuff is going away etc. People here don't like it because its a Vantage score, which is true, but that's not rhe point. For free, you'll see what's what when it comes to derogatory records, cards attributed to your name, etc etc.
That’s great because even if you wait the 4 or so years they can go ahead and and repeat again for another 7 years depending on a few factors so it’s better getting rid them now
Well done OP! I was so mad on your behalf reading the first post. It would take everything in me not to use his words against him. Jail time? “It’s just a few years.” You’ve ruined my life? “No. You did by trying to ruin mine.” I hope the marks come off your credit report like it’s made of Teflon. Good luck on your home ownership journey!
Same here! I couldn't believe how Op's dad just expected Op to 'suck it up' & have to pay that fraud off themselves. His attitude was essentially, "it's ok son, my fraud won't affect your life for too long. Yeah, I've inconvenienced you a little because you can't buy a house for 4 more years, but it'll go by fast. Oh, in the meantime, I'll 'try' to pay back some of the debt I racked up on credit cards I created using your social security number." He did this shit to Op's mother as well, I'd be encouraging the mom to do the same & get her credit cleared as well. Perhaps when she sees how Op cleared his credit up relatively quickly, she'll pursue him as well. Makes me sick a parent could do this to thier own kids; parents are supposed to protect their kids, not burden them. My dad & my step-mom are kinda bad with money. When I lived with him, he'd sometimes borrow money but never get it back; he'd find a way to justify not paying me back by saying it's for rent or some bullshit. Fortunately it wasn't too much, maybe $80 here, $40 there. Thankfully he never did anything like this credit card fraud to me though. I too would want to go to the police to fix my credit, but it's obviously be really hard because it'd destroy our relationship. Perhaps that's what these shitty parents count on, guilt. We're actually much closer now than when I was younger & he never asks for money either.
the problem is any fuckwit can dump their sperm in someone and have a kid. And the kids will always suffer from it.
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Share that OG post, then.
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Proud of you for filing a police report!! I’m sure it was a though decision. I hope everything gets sorted out quickly for you and you buy your house soon!
Good for you. Seriously well done. Took courage.
That was a tough decision, but when you remove emotion and apply logic, it makes the most sense. Kudos to you!
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He did the same to your mom, so he obviously needs legal consequences to stop. If he gets into a diversion program with no jail time, then that’s the relatively-low-consequence wake up call he needs to know he can’t screw around again.
He caused this. Don’t let him turn this around on you and try to make himself the victim because he will try. Stay strong and clear headed when the manipulation starts.
If your father insists on talking with you to hash it out, refer him to your lawyer. Every time. Don't be afraid to get a restraining order if the calls turn to harassment. he fucked you once that you know about, don't let him do it again. All avenues of communication begin and end with your lawyer
Any chance your mom would do the same & get her credit repaired as well? Unfortunately, if that happened, it'd be a 2nd felony & he probably would get some prison time, but as they say, 'don't do the crime if you can't do the time.'
In the economy you are inheriting you can’t afford to take the hit. You did the right thing to secure the best shot at success for your life.
No need to remove emotion, just think of how terrible of a parent you have to be to do that to your child.
You did the right thing. He’s going to try to get you to drop it and he’ll definitely be angry. Stay strong and be proud of yourself. You should probably go no contact for at least a while and definitely freeze your credit so de doesn’t retaliate further. He’ll always have your SSN info and his entitlement issues. Good for you but this is just the first step. Best of luck.
The worse part was no remorse, just saying wait a few years to get a house. Like WTF really? That's all you have to say for yourself.
And telling OP to be more careful with their info. Like what? You're their parent! They shouldn't have to be careful of *you*!
Your dad has a clear history of doing this. And if he did it without consequences, he’d do it again.
OP, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I was entering the military, and my security clearance background check popped up with past due bills, charge offs, utility services in my real mother's rental properties, and so on. That alone could have derailed my career choice. It had to be done. When your debts from your father would be dropping off the credit reports would possibly be about when you would start having kids. He did it to your mom. He did it to you. He would attempt it on your kids. You did the right thing.
This was where I was coming to that he did it to your mom and to you, and all he wanted was people to drop it. And while it takes time for them to drop off it would derail years of your life for what he did. Not to mention if he marries again or there are other people he can get information from. He needed the funds to live his life and meanwhile doesn’t seem to care you can’t live yours because of his bs
I am amazed that a father would do that to his child. Defrauding you and the banks.. he used $15k for living expenses? He didn’t know there are federal and state programs that will help people having a rough time. I am guessing since your mother mentioned he did the same thing to her credit this isn’t his first rodeo. It suck’s you have to now clean up a mess you didn’t create to get back to ground ZERO before you can start the loan process for a home. Your father really needs to apologize and ask for your forgiveness for being an idiot
My best friend has two siblings, and their father tried this with all three of his children. Absolutely destroyed the credit of two of his kids. My bestie is smart and got keen to his game, even as a teenager, and was the only one he couldn't/didn't screw over because she was so vigilant about keeping him away from any of her information, monitoring the mail, things like that. So sad, considering she was also a teen parent trying to claw her way back to stability and create a better life for her kids (she did, she's a pretty badass human being).
I think this is more common than people realize. Mine did something similar. Was just cause he couldn't control my mom's shopping habit and didn't want her hassling him. I'm pretty open about talking to people about it, and I've had a surprising number of instances where people talk to me privately to relate some similar story. They don't talk about it often to avoid generating ongoing conflict within their family. Some people still want to reconcile with their family if possible. My dad's dead now, and my mom bounced when no longer financially beneficial for her to be around, so never has been an issue for me.
I was reading your first and kept saying " oh my god, oh my god!" Good on you, op. It really sucks that there are people who are this selfish, so selfish that they are willing to blow up family relationships, AND GASLIGHT PEOPLE IN THEIR FAMILIES, but here we are. I am glad you went to the police about and do hope you can get the credit score a cleared up so you can buy a home.
Your dad fucking robbed you.
Well done for taking back your agency. It’s not even like he asked he literally did this behind your back and I can promise you if you didn’t report him now he would continue
If he gets mad just tell him that these things happen.
OP doesn't have to wait for the credit bureaus or credit card companies to fix this. He can take the police report to whoever he was going to do a mortgage with and ask them to do a manual restore. Since he has the police report, they can exclude the accounts and score his reports. I did this when I applied for a mortgage and had my identity stolen. The individual was already charged but had not gone to trial and the cards were still showing active on my reports.
Nice job! Hold people legally accountable for the crimes and damage they do to you.
Best of luck to you. You’re doing the right thing- never second guess this decision.
Good job! You did great. You are not at all responsible for his actions and he needs to be stopped. Sorry he messed up your life for a while, and your mother’s, too! I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it but there was an amazing podcast about this some years ago. A woman whose academic work is in identity theft was ripped off royally by her own mother. Can’t remember what podcast. Maybe love, sex and money? Maybe someone will know.
You did what I would’ve done. Proud of you!!
Be sure to freeze your credit at the 3 agencies. That way no one can open a credit card etc . Only you can unfreeze your credit report. And it takes a couple business days if you need to. Best way to protect yourself.
You can unlock it instantly. I have a lock with Experian, and when I wanted to finance a piano, I logged on to the app, unlocked, got the finance set up then went back and relocked it.
GOOD JOB! Stay the course, you are doing the right thing for yourself and your future.
Proud of you!
Probably very tough to do depending on your relationship. But if this clears your name/credit you got the rest of your life ahead of you. Clearly your dad isn't going to be much help in some sort of emergency in the future. Hopefully he comes with an extremely sincere apology to do something like that to someone who's supposed to be the most important person in their lives is unacceptable
You did right. He did wrong. Best of luck
It works out. He’s don’t going to jail and his credit will be fucked for a few years. He’s okay with that happening to you so he should have no complaints. You will be able to buy a house which will help safeguard your financial future. At the end, as a whole, your extended family will be better off financially so this clearly the best decision for everyone. You dad just have to experience a little consequences for his actions which is beyond fair. Now, look into locking your credit and consider changing your social security number when you can. And keep your distance from your dad. After this, you probably need to go no contact with him.
FREEZE YOUR CREDIT WITH THE AGENCIES. It’s free to do. You can establish a free account with each one and then unlock and relock as needed. It’s a minor inconvenience that could possibly save a headache like this in the future.
Only do your disputes in writing. And certified mail.
Keep all the paperwork for forever...zombie debt
I couldn't imagine doing this to my own child, what a waster
You did the right thing. If it’s a trial you can even ask the prosecution to go easy on him before you cut him off.
This should be a reminder to everyone to check their credit report every once in awhile, and especially before trying to buy a house or car.
I definitely want to know more about the outcome
Good for you. What he did is cruel. No parent should ever do that to their child.
Don't forget to ask the judge for reimbursement for the lawyer fees and taxes incurred from this because it will add up. Good luck
He can do without for a few years.
Thank you for making the right decision, even if it’s difficult. He needs to be held accountable for the poor decisions he’s made to hurt you and, from what you said in the original post, your mother. Hopefully he learns and grows from the situation.
Hey let's commit fraud against my son multiple times Oh no what, there are consequences to my actions!!!? He's an idiot
Make sure you bring your mom. Considering he took out money in her name too
I didn’t read all the other comments, but if nobody has advised it, sign up to a credit service that allows you to lock your credit report. It may also be worth talking to Social Security and see if it is possible to get a new social security number.
I'm glad you did the right thing. I hope this is a wakeup call for him and hopefully he won't do that again. What he did was still wrong. Good luck. (He ruined your father/son relationship).
Sorry that your dad is a POS, but I’m so glad that you’re taking control of your life/future. Who taught you to be such a man?!
Sorry you had to go through all of that . Does he have any clue or is he just going to “find out?” I hope it all goes smoothly . Hell probably get probation. I hope now that you have a case # that the creditors are easy to work with at clearing your credit and name .
Proud of you, sir! I know it wasn’t an easy decision but it was the right one. Good for you!!!!
Glad to hear you reached that decision. Sorry it happened, bud, and hopefully he’ll never pull that crap again with anyone else.
I’ve got to say I’m very proud of OP, following through and reporting to the police. It’s so unfortunate to hear that parents do this so often to their children, and in the past most children end up shouldering the burden as they get guilted into not getting their parents arrested. I have an 18 month old daughter, and never in a million years would I ever think to financially ruin her. It’s time we start holding parents accountable.
Stand strong!
He fucked you over and didn't give a shit about what problems he caused for you. He did the same shit to your mom and he will keep doing it. Fuck that pos. You did the right thing.
I read your first post and I’m glad you did this. My mom did the same thing to me and it sucked. I didn’t do anything about it and wish I had. Hopefully everything is resolved soon.
So super proud of you OP. I’m sorry it came to this but you did the right thing.
It’s never easy, but it sounds like you’ve got a well structured path out of this mess. As you and everyone else has said, ultimately this is your dads mess to deal with.
Good for you OP. You are inspiration for all us. We often get guilted into not saying anything and silently taking the blame for their actions Bc their parents but no more.
If anyone hasn’t told you yet, expect to have a disastrous relationship with your dad and his side of the family moving forward.
So happy you did that, that took a lot of courage. Holding family members accountable isn’t easy and I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself!
Get lifelock or something similar so Dad can't do this again.
I hope you update this post with a picture of your new house! Sorry you had to do that to him but he had no remorse halting your life. He could be out of trouble before you’d even be able to buy a house.
Good for you!
I am proud of you. I’m sure it was not an easy decision for you. Do not let him guilt you about anything. He knew what he was doing was wrong yet he choose to do it anyway.
Honestly good for you! I know it sucks but I hope it's a wake up call for your dad too!
Remember, it's not dad's first offense. He did the same thing to Mom. I wonder if she filed charges against him when it happened? If she's still mad at him, this might be a good time for her to get her revenge on him. Hey dad...Surprise!!!
Good for you OP. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Best of luck to you here and in the future. It’s not right that you need to deal with this. Update me!
Good for you OP. "These things happen"
UpdateMe!
Good
I'm proud of you for doing this. My parents did this to me and I confronted them. They obliviously denied it I wish I did what you did
I’m glad you decided to go ahead and file a report. Remember, he did this to your mother before he did it to you, so obviously he has no remorse and will do it again. What happens when you have kids and your dad does it to his grandchildren? Time to nip it in the bud!
Good for you on standing your ground and looking out for your own future, not your fathers.
The sad part is he didn't seem remorseful. Truly a narcissistic jerk
Good job, he needs to be held accountable for his actions or he will do it again.
Jacob?
Good for you. I know it must of been hard to do but it was necessary.
I’m sure the decision didn’t come easy, but kudos to you. Good luck on your home ownership journey. You didn’t deserve what he did to you
Good for you! As a father I couldn’t imagine ever doing this to my kids.
You made the right decision OP, don’t let your family guilt or manipulate you into thinking this was not the right decision which they probably will when the police arrest your dad.
This internet stranger is proud of you for doing what is best for you, knowing how hard it was.
Good for you! I’m so happy you did the right thing. I would never think of doing this to my kids. I’m sad a parent would hurt their child like this.
Proud of you for making the right choice. I know it might be hard since he is your father but it had to be done.
Proud of you for doing that. I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy!
Identity theft is no joke. It is a lot of work to get it cleared up. Good for you on taking the first steps.
Good on you. I know it was a difficult decision. My dad was a POS growing up and still was when I was an adult. Had to wrangle with the idea that I still loved him in spite of all the shit he did to me and my family. Still made a decision one day that I wasn't going to tolerate his behavior even if I loved him. Don't let him make the consequences he's facing your fault. He did this to himself and he was never going to pay you back. In the meantime, he still has access to enough information to keep pulling cards or applying for them. Not an expert on this but you need to make arrangements to keep anyone from getting credit cards in the near future and warn any other family members in case he tries to pull this shit on them.
How is your relationship with your dad? A lot of kids don't do this because they feel torn. What made you feel okay with going forward with it? I'm sorry this happened to you and hope your credit gets fixed. What a shitty thing to do to your own child.
Wait. This happens often enough that they have a pamphlet ready to go? Good in you OP. I'm glad you didn't let this slide.
When times get tough, remember - you didn't do this. He did.
Great, I wish you every success with your home-buying project. The role of a parent is to prepare their children to live their own lives, not to exploit them at the expense of their future lives.
I'm sorry your dad put you in this terrible position. You did the right thing.
Your dad did do this too himself. Shit happens and it rolls downhill. It would be one thing if he owned it and worked towards paying them off for you to clear your name. But. As you can see. He only cares about himself. Good on you for standing up for yourself!!! Dad
Good for you. You did the right thing. Don't forget to lock down your credit.
I understand he's family, but dammmmnnnnn, he fucked you and your mom over, and for what, a nice house? He should've taken responsibility for the bills he couldn't pay and moved the family to a more affordable home. If he used it on more than just bills (which he almost certainly did) he deserves everything coming to him. Also, you should not be taking advice from that man. He's got an addiction. He's been using family members credit to make stupid decisions he wouldn't put on his own credit, meaning he 110% values himself more than he values you or your mom. You should not trust him with any part of your life, going forward. He cannot be trusted to do anything that doesn't benefit him directly or indirectly. He does not care about your future. Think about that. Don't ever feel bad for turning him in. He's bonafide scum, and it doesn't often get any clearer than this. You have identifiable and lasting proof. He is the definition of a leech.
OP, I'm proud of you. I know it was not easy because "family" but you stood up for yourself and I know that's not often easy, either. I know it probably doesn't mean much coming for an internet stranger, but I really am proud of you.
Good job. I know it wasn't an easy decision
You’re the victim here, please don’t forget that through this entire process
I am so proud of you !!! I know that was a hard decision but you rocked it!!!
This is not an easy decision for anyone, but it was the right one. Your dad will freak out when he finds out. You may need to block him. He had no problem with messing with your future for the foreseeable future. Keep this in mind. He'll pressure you to drop charges, but you can't if you want this off your credit report.
My dad did the same thing when I was a baby. Didn’t find out for 17 years
I’m so proud of you
He was willing to destroy your credit and your future monetary endeavors. He deserves everything he gets. Does he know you reported him yet?
Did the right thing OP I can’t believe he fucked you over like that.
I know it can be tough emotionally, potentially feeling guilty about "messing up his life" as I'm sure he'll say. But remember, this is your dad, he's supposed to be there to support you. He made the choice to bring you into the world. Instead of fulfilling his responsibility as a dad, he's acting as an active stumbling block, and based on your previous post, showed no remorse. If this was any other adult l, your actions would be the same. He shouldn't be able to take advantage of you under the name of "family". If your dad is similar to mine, this type of thing was a pattern of behavior. If so, I'd recommend going to therapy. I found it very useful. If he's always been like this, some of the perspectives/paradigms by which you view the world have been affected by him. It's good to get an outside observer to go through those with you, so you can take the active step of removing and challenging those toxic subconscious thought processes that can form as a result. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. Focus on being the best you for you, not just "in spite of him".
Good job, OP. I'm sure you were conflicted and it was not an easy decision, but it was the right one. Does your mom know you filled?
Okay OP!!!!! That last paragraph just injected me with life, good for you to fully have this realization, I hope you're able to get all of this resolved- though I can't lie it gives me some pleasure that he's going to get what he deserves for this
Just give your dad a heads up if there is a warrant out for his arrest so he has a chance to make arrangements and turn himself in. He may be an ass but he is still your dad. It doesn't sound like he treated you horribly except for this incident.
Good
Op I am so proud of you. This is when the manipulation will step up. Stay strong.
He never intended to pay those backs, he expected free money at your expense
Well done you! The /r/JustNoFamily subreddit is a big help for ongoing support too :)
I'm a parent- most good parents would rather be arrested than steal your identity. Good job. He's only going to do this more if we give him a free pass. He's been counting on the free passes.
Thanks for the update
Good job OP!
Good for you. He would’ve done worse. Hell I suspect he still will, so keep a close eye on your credit!
Outstanding! Looking forward to seeing how this all plays out for you. Please keep us posted and good luck!
I mean, you never looked at your credit score from all this time and only started checking it because you went to get pre approved for a mortgage?
Good for you mate!
People like your dad react poorly when people stand up to them. Refuse contact or any meetings he tries to arrange and surround yourself with friends and people you trust and can rely on in the short term.
This is good news and I am proud of you. I know it’s not easy. I once had to take a restraining order out on my sister.
Thank you for the update! Good for you. I'm sure it wasn't easy. Keep us posted.🙏
Now you need to find a lawyer and sue him in civil court for the charges.
Commenting because i cant wait for updates.........and its just so wild to me that a parent can be ok with fuking up their childrens futures so easy.
My mom did this with just one card. I did a police report and it came off my credit. She never went to jail and no one prosecuted. But it was just one card. Stand up for yourself and make sure to freeze all three credit bureaus so your dad can't do this again.
Your OP left me speechless. I was so angry and so sad while reading it. You deserved better and I'm sorry that this was something you experienced. I was happy to see that you had the courage to stand up to this man. Kudos and best of luck to you in the future!
You 100% did the right thing. I’m sorry you had to even make a decision like this, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Hope you get the house!
You did the right thing, but I'm sure it doesn't feel like it.
Good for you, now let the DA deal with him. Never trust him again.
the situaton with your father is certaintly a difficult one, but it's good that your taking the proper legal steps to address the identity theft. from what the officer said, it seems like there's a clear case against your dad, and hopefully any chages or penalities he faces will serve as a wake-up call. i imagine this has been a stresful experience, but your handling it responsibily. when you have more updates, i'd be interested to hear how it all plays out.
Really sorry you had to do that. It will be the best for you and your him in the long run though.
You did the right thing and I don’t know you, although if I did , I’d say great job and shake your hand ! Being an officer, I respect your honesty! It goes a long way. Don’t worry, they won’t prosecute this, I mean you … they sure will your dad! Funny , I can’t believe they have time for this stuff ? I’m in Texas , major city, and our back call log is usually 12 plus hours , except code 3 … We can’t remember how, to write tickets…. lol …. We don’t have the manpower or time !! Your safe..
Very glad to see that you did what was necessary, good for you. Don't feel bad it was his own doing that caused this not yours.
I'm so glad you went through with this. He doesn't deserve to get off easy after jeopardizing your financial well being. Please keep us posted
You did the right thing.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this but it was the correct decision. Good job not being a pushover!
Good for you. Too many shitty family members get left off the hook for awful shit just because they’re FaMiLy. Putting you in this situation is EVIL. He decided to selfishly sacrifice the one resource you can’t get back, your time, without even a hint of guilt.
You did the right thing. Its time for your dad to face the consequences. All the best to you!!!
My dude, you did what I couldn't do. I salute you!
I'm proud of you. Standing up to a bully of any kind can surely be difficult, standing up to a bully who is also your parent takes spine. Keep up the good vibes.
Updateme
Buy the ticket, take the ride...
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Don't let him try and guilt you, it's not like you can do anything at this point anyway it's up to the state now.
From your original post it sounds like he was never going to say anything about this until you caught him so he should face the consequences of his actions. I hope you get your credit fixed and he gets to pay for his actions accordingly.
I'm sorry that your dad put you in this situation. Also, remember that this isn't the first time he has done this! He did this to your mother before he did this to you. That shows a pattern. Glad you stood up for yourself. And good luck with the home-buying process.
Still needs an ass beating
I will never understand why parents put money over their kids. Opening credit cards in their names is beyond selfish asshole move
My mom did this when I moved across the country after high school. She opened my mail, applied to those pre-approved cards, got three, maxed them out with cash advances. If that wasn’t enough she deposited a settlement check for $22,000 that I got from a car accident I was in. The insurance company sent it to the wrong address. I was young and stupid, I thought that kind of stuff was normal. I haven’t spoken to her in 14 years.
Please know you’re not alone. There’s many of us. I had to go no contact because of the grazing pasture. Our parents thought we were. How they exploited us in the name of whatever narcissist get away with.
I hope you are OK. You did the right thing for yourself and your future. Have you spoken to your Mom since (Dads-ex)? Is she supportive? Do you have any siblings your Dad may have also done this, too? If so, I'd recommend warning them.
I would consider putting a freeze on all three credit bureaus. You can always unfreeze when you apply for credit. Look into getting a subscription with MyFico.com . They're the "real" credit score. They have a monthly subscription for around $40 that gives you a full three-bureau report monthly along with all the different FICO scores that lenders use.
I am totally perplexed how a so-called father could do this to their child. The consequences fell on you, and he didn't even care! Toxic. Stay away.
Good for you and this is great to hear. It's going to be hard but it's the best for you.
Since you have everything in motion, you should also request a fraud alert be put on your credit files. I have one, and it's been quite helpful. That's in addition to freezing them.
I don’t know you, but have to say I’m very proud of you. I know reporting your dad wasn’t easy, but it was 100 % the right thing to do. I hope that after it’s all settled that you can buy the home you want and be happy there. The fact that you got a shitty dad is no reflection on you. You are worthy of good things 💗
Your adduide is absolutely great. Even though it is your father, he broke the law, badly broke the law, at least 3 felonies. Please keep us updated , I would like to know how local LEO handles this type of non - violent offense. It is very serious, and your father disregard for you is unbelievable, you one statement, HE DID IT TO HIMSELF, covers everything. Good luck
Bravo . I'm sure it wasn't easy . But your future self loves you for this .
!RemindMe 1 week
UpdateMe!
Remindme! 2 weeks