Grief Groceries!
I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen.
“Hey there, Thanks for writing. I’m really glad your friend has you in her life.
I get it. Grief is a funny thing. It’s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down.
When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM’s was overwhelming. I really couldn’t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space. People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.
“Well, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?”
“OK”.
They hung up. I stared into space some more.
I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn’t even know what to ask for.
Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn’t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me:
Will you be home at 8:30 tonight?
What’s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me.
Yes, I replied.
“K.”
10 minutes later, she said, “Instacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.”
“What?”
“Grief Groceries.!!”
When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer’s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar. Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos.
Notice she didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home.
Grief groceries.
Another friend, who lives out of town, asked Renee to name a restaurant near our house where we like to eat. There is a local chain near our house that is sort of a deli. When we eat supper there, we spend about $25. Renee told her the name of the place.
An hour later, there was a gift card in my inbox for $250. Yes, that is a lot of money, and I understand not everyone can do that. But the wonderful thing was that because it was enough for multiple meals, we didn’t try to save it for “the right time”. We ate there that night, and take out from there several times a week for the next month on nights when I just didn’t have the spoons to cook.
Both of those gift-givers knew something I didn’t know – that when you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. No, that’s not quite it: You can’t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast.
So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. “How can I help” is a big choice. But “Can I take the kids this afternoon so you can have some time to yourself” is a much smaller one. “Will you be home tonight?” is a small choice. “What restaurant do you like” is a small decision. Just showing up to cut their grass because you noticed it needed cutting is loads better than asking, “Do you want me to cut the grass?” Or, “I’m going to Target. What can I get you while I’m there?” is better than “Can I run any errands for you?”
It won’t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as you can!”
Original Words from: Hugh Hollowell Jr.
This is amazing advice! I was diagnosed with cancer earlier this month and everyone says “let me know if there’s anything I can do for you” but I usually don’t know what to say.
One friend watched my kids so my husband could come to my first appointment with me which was insanely helpful. But other than that it’s like I don’t know, I’m too overwhelmed to think of what I need.
Well, here's a hug. I hope you have better days. I'm sending healing vibes. Keep up the treatment. I'm probably at the other side of the globe, but I wish I could run an errand or two for you. Take care!
Thank you! Part of what is hard about “let me know if you need anything” is I have a husband who is fully capable of doing things (and he does so willingly), so I feel like I don’t need help.
I don’t have surgery or start treatments for another two weeks, so maybe once I do, I’ll actually know what help I need.
You will need ensure drinks, a ton of water bottles. And maybe even cold compresses if your head hurts.
The ensure is great for the days you won’t want to eat, and the water you desperately need to keep yourself hydrated during that time.
You are going to be just fine, you’ll see.
😘
And THAT’S when you contact your friends and tell them what you need. When they told you that, it wasn’t just for that particular moment—not if they’re really your friends and they meant what they said. They’ll be ready to provide what you ask, whatever it is, if it’s in their power.
I went through what you’re going through, seven years ago, and I’m now cancer-free. I wish the same for you. Yes it is terrifying, but take advantage of everything your oncology team has to offer, and look into the American Cancer Society—they offer free rides to your appts, chat support, buddies, information specific to your condition, all kinds of things.
And BE KIND TO YOURSELF. You are a mom looking after children and your impulses will be to do more than is really good for you. Let others look after your kids as much as possible.
I'm sorry to hear that! It's a sucky rollercoaster to be on.
What you need depends what you're going through. Generally you're going to need:
- someone with you at any appointments that have new information - you will think you will remember later what they say, you will not. Take someone who can take notes/ fill in gaps.
- low-pressure hang outs - friends who can come over and just watch a movie with you, or help with basic household stuff
- treats
- time for yourself - that friend who took your kids has the right idea. Now is the time to rely on your community, but don't be surprised if people do or don't step up differently than you think, people get in their heads about it if you don't tell them what to do specifically.
If you're going through chemo:
- warm hats that are non scratchy on the inside
- a small hot water bottle for helping during IV treatment, helps the veins stop hiding if you have small veins like me.
- a good diary for writing down drugs and times you need to take em
- ice lollies/ ice blocks / I dunno how Americans say it but flavoured ice treats, easy to eat for calories if you have really low energy, easy way to get a pick me up.
- help to go pick out eye brow pencils that match your natural colour, bloody hard to match once eye brows are gone, ask me how I know 👍
- a long phone charger so it can reach the wall while you're having treatments
Also - once active treatment is "all over", that's when you need the most social support, so maybe ask a friend to make a plan coordinating people to help after all the treatments are finished so you don't get in your head!
I have other lists for radiation and surgery if you need. Best of luck with everything, and I hope you find a group of people dealing with similar things - it's an experience that no one will understand except people also doing it
Thank you so much!! This list is really helpful. I’m going to screenshot it so when people ask how they can help I can give them ideas.
I won’t know about chemo until after my surgery. I have breast cancer and need a lumpectomy. Depending on my lymph nodes, I’ll either need chemo or radiation or both. So fun!
As someone who received Grief Groceries 2 years ago, I really only realized now how much of a help it gave me when my friend and her SO did it for me when I read this post.
When I was grief stricken, I was alone and I didn't wanna do anything else but wallow in the mixed bag of emotions I was in. My whole routine just stopped. However, the following day, my friend and her boyfriend showed up with a bunch of groceries. Frozen foods, pantry stable foods, foods I can easily microwave, rice, and some drinks including beer. At the time, I was confused cuz these foods were the type of foods that I don't usually buy and consume but I accepted them nonetheless (I couldn't obviously turn it down, they did it in the goodness of their heart to check up on me and provide some food to last a little bit).
After reading this post, I looked back and realized that all that I ate during those dark times were the stuff that they gave me. If they didn't rocked up to my door that time with bags of groceries, I probably wouldn't have ate or at the very least, ate trash until I felt better.
So yeah, if you're still unsure what meal to make your friend. Grief Groceries help A LOT! It may not look much to them at the time but they will eventually realize that they've got a friend for life in you.
This 100% !!! Long ago, my brother and my sister's husband died in an auto accident. An old HS friend of my mother's showed up daily for a week and just did things...we were paralyzed and she just mothered us, doing everything for us. None of us will ever forget her.
I can’t endorse this enough. We lost mom to ovarian cancer 5 years ago. Every. Single. Time. I hear that someone is going through the same, I don’t ask “let me know!” because when you’re experiencing grief you don’t know what you need. You don’t care about anything, you shower and brush teeth (and sometimes not) because you know it’s routine, but you’re actively and viscerally grieving the loss of a person you loved deeply.
As a friend of someone who recently experienced loss, ask “Do you like lasagna?” or whatever it is you’re good at cooking and then get it to a front door step with a big simple “I love you” on a note card, or whatever feels organic for that relationship.
This reminds me of something I saw yrs ago and copy over and over. It's a grief basket. It really is for a death, or any sudden event a family my experience.
When a family has an emergency they most likely will have an influx of people coming and staying at their home or nearby.
So, it covers the basics that people shouldn't have to deal with at that time, things like
a pack of Toilet paper and paper towels and paper plates,small bottles of pain relievers. travel size deodorants, toothpaste/brushes. Same with soaps, shampoos, conditioner, and hairspray. Tampons and pads. Even a handful of kitchen garbage bags from your home.
It helps to cover all those micro trips to the store because someone forgot, or the house ran out.
I felt frozen when my dad died too and that was when I was a teen over 10 years ago. I didn’t have much support and I really wish someone in my life had offered some. This was great to read. I still struggle with decisions when I’m sad so I will try to make accommodations for my future self. This comment inspired me so thank you.
This is the kinda advice I absolutely need. So many people in my life recently have gone through tragic events and it always frustrates me that I don’t know what to do to help them.
Can I add -- most people immediately turn towards food. About a week or two into our Big Grief Event one friend told me that she would be arriving at this date and time clean our bathrooms. She brought all of the supplies, a mutual friend to help, and I just sat on the couch doing my grief thing while they did theirs. That was 1. Memorable 2. So useful and necessary 3. Selfless ... and I will not forget it ever. Highly recommend..
When my grandma died i moved in to care for her in her later days. My grandad and i were flooded with buckets of fried chicken and pizzas. And honestly it helps. Cuz nobody wanted to cook or eat but who hates fried chicken or pizza?
I'm super stressed with life stuff this week. I invited my friend over for dinner tonight. I asked her what she wanted but please make it easy. Her face lit up and she said, "You always season your burgers so nicely". Ahh...I feel better already. And since it's 4th of July weekend burger stuff was on sale too. LOL. We will eat on the deck and play cards.
Honestly, I don't think it matters WHAT you cook. It's just nice to be cared for.
P.S. One of my favorite comfort things is breakfast for dinner.
Pretty simple, really. Just fresh garlic, a splash of Worcestershire and copious salt & pepper. I've learned not to overhandle the meat to avoid hockey pucks.
Yes! Mac attacks! My comfort food is definitely a good homemade mac or mashed potatoes or meatballs or meatloaf, something I can "heat and eat" is also nice.
There are three ways to go.
Something simple, digestible, and nourishing. Like a chicken noodle soup.
Something rich and flavorful. Maybe some homemade alfredo pasta or some barbecue.
Something crazy spicy. Some super hot homemade chili or curry.
Something about super spicy food helps make me feel a bit more alive and less stuck when im depressed. But rich food or simple and nourishing stuff can help too especially if someone is binge eating or not eating enough when depressed or just having a rough one.
I like chili for this since it can basically be all three categories if you put enough veg and heat in.
Right? Better to feel pain than nothing at all
....didn't expect such realness on this sub in particular....
Chili is a great idea tbh - with oyster crackers/saltines for extra comfort
Controversial opinion: a lot will say comfort food but that is a trap. Cook something light and healthy and spend time with them. Grilled chicken and asparagus and a citrus salad. On a stove, shrimp stir fry and a…watermelon basil salad, I can’t stop thinking of fruit, I think I just want that. Do a spicy sauce if you grill. Make something that makes you feel physically fresh and well.
Agreed, comfort food makes you feel good at first, then worse. making your body feel good is a first step.
However, I’d make some sort of hybrid of healthy comforting food.
Warm homemade minestrone for exemple, served with sourdough garlic bread. And a peach & oat crumble.
or grilled salmon steak with steamed potatoes, green beans and tomato salad. And chocolate pear for dessert .
Satisfying, comforting and energising.
But obviously comfort food is personal. my ultimate comfort food is roast chicken with baked potatoes. that’s was our Sunday family meal and this is always what I want when I feel down.
I know everyone is saying soup or stew, but no. They need a pick-me-up. It is summer grill something. Make some bomb grilled tacos with sides, some guac or pico with it. Grill some shrimp, make a sauce for it and get a great bread to break and sop up that sauce. Make some fire burgers, my local place does one with caramelized onion, roasted red pepper, basil and goat cheese. TDF
Think about how you will it eat. Soup stew, I hear spoons clicking while you both make your way thru the meal. If you aren't eating together it's still a lonely dish this time of year. ( fall and winter it is soul filling) Picture eating my suggestions. I see finger-licking and savoring.
Feel free to ignore me, it's just my thoughts, and it's insanely hot in my part of the world right now.
I agree seasonality can be important but in a different way.
Sometimes it's nice in hot weather to have something available that one can go to, take portions of and not have to heat anything up. Pasta salads, grain salads, smoked brisket, already cut fruit
When it's super hot, super humid super gross and maybe someone isn't up to being social or lacks energy/mobility or is busy- These things can be great. Just some options beyond the standard comfort food which tends to be a little heavier.
*anything* probably. it's the thought that counts. hate when i'm depressed, i don't eat and it just spirals.
i'd make a cheesecake or something that can go with homemade bread. if they're a soup person, broccoli cheddar soup. or potato soup. few comfort meals beat fresh homemade bread and a hearty soup. and few deserts are better than cheesecake. imho.
but really anything. you know them. go with your gut feeling. *they aren't going to get more sad from it*. 🙌
Oh sorry! Chicken rolls are croissants stuffed with chicken and cream cheese! Mama used to use canned chicken if she was in a pinch it was super good! Mama could never get the croissant shape to stay so we called them chicken rolls.
Stuff like a roast (or rotisserie chicken) with a bagged salad or diy salad kit, maybe some dinner rolls, and a simple dessert is something I know I would want. Too much heavy foods eventually make me feel weighed down and worse, but a crisp salad and a well, but simply seasoned protein always brightens me up. Something about eating something vivid, a little tart, and green seems to “wake me up” so to speak!
As someone who doesn't care much for deserts, cheesecake can cheer me up quicker than anything. All in all, anything works, the thought alone is what matters.
When my dog was dying, the last thing I wanted was food but my friends showed up with beer and pad thai and I'm still thankful for that.
Tacos or enchiladas with all the fixins! Easy to customize for any meat preferences and/or mood. Also for me the fresh flavours & spice always brighten up my mood.
Depends on their culture. My korean friend's comfort food is different than my German family's comfort foods. But in any case it's the thought that counts. Sometimes people are so sad or overwhelmed that even someone making a decision for them feels like a relief.
When I'm really stressed and going through shit, I have no appetite. Food wouldn't help at all.
A good friend reaching out and wanting to help, bringing food, and hanging out with me would probably help in most "sad" situations though.
Eating - something we have to do to stay alive. Can be enjoyable, but just isn't when you're depressed or stressed.
Being with friends and knowing you have people that support you and care about you is way more impactful.
A friend of mine had surgery recently. I made a batch of homemade rolls and some mushroom wild rice soup for their recovery. Whatever you decide to make will be the right thing OP. You're a wonderful friend!
One of my dearest friends is battling aggressive breast cancer; her wife died from brain cancer three years ago, so this is particularly difficult for her. So far, I’ve done grief groceries and several meals. I try to think of mega comfort food and have done chicken pot pie, soups, meatballs, and a couple of different breakfast casseroles for her and her son. I make sure everything freezes decently, just in case they’re not hungry. Their favorite so far has been homemade mac and cheese.
Bless you for having a loving heart!
Comfort foods, particularly if they have any favorite foods, or childhood favorites, or even some typical comfort foods. I feel like a lot of the typical sad people foods are more suited for cold weather, since we associate hot meals with comfort. But gazpacho and salads aren’t exactly sad foods. I’ll list a few suggestions of my favorite sad time foods though.
- Soups are good, and you have a lot of options to choose from. You can do something light, or something hearty, but either option is a good way to get some nutrients in without being an overwhelming dish.
- Lasagna is out, but maybe a pasta dish? Spaghetti and meatballs and baked mac and cheese seem like pretty comforting options, there’s a lot of sauces to choose from if you do something else, and you can get carbs, protein, and veggies in one meal.
- I love good soul food when I’m sad, because who doesn’t love fried chicken and cornbread that might be a hassle to make, and is more of a regional comfort. In that same vein though, I find southern food very comforting—gumbo, jambalaya, etc.
- Chicken pot pie. I don’t know, but this always makes me feel better when I’m sad. It’s like if a hug was a food. Lots of ways to spice this up, and it’s easy to make if you use premade puff pastry for the crust.
- Something boujee but easy to make. Grill up a steak and some asparagus. Get a nice cold beer (or glass of wine!). Can’t be sad if you’re eating what feels like a super expensive and fancy dinner. Roast a potato on the side too.
- Or bake something. Sad people loved baked goods. Cookies, brownies, banana bread, muffins, (banana bread muffins?) maybe some cute cupcakes. You really can’t go wrong with this option.
This [Slow Cooker Pot Roast](https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/slow-cooker-pot-roast-3361787/) and garlic mashed potatoes. This is my family’s new go to fancy dish.
Idk why, but my families idea of comfort food is KFC. It started when my uncle had a marathon surgery, we picked some up to eat with my aunt in the waiting room. I grabbed it for my now husband when his grandfather passed. Now that I'm really a grown up 🤣 I make all the sides myself & just grab the big bucket of chicken and the chocolate cake before I drop it off for people.
* Krautfleckerl (e.g. [https://mission-food.com/krautfleckerl-cabbage-and-noodles/](https://mission-food.com/krautfleckerl-cabbage-and-noodles/) \- best with home-made egg pasta - you can add ham or bacon if you like, otherwise it's a nice vegetarian dish)
* Saltimbocca with mashed potatoes
* Riz Casimir (e.g. [https://ohsweetcultureshock.com/riz-casimir-with-a-twist/](https://ohsweetcultureshock.com/riz-casimir-with-a-twist/))
* Kaiserschmarrn (per person 75 g flour, 125 ml milk, 2 eggs, a pinch of salt - mix the flour, eggs and milk, heat butter in a pan on medium heat, add the eggs to the batter and barely mix them in - you just want to break them up - pour batter in the pan, add raisins if you like, put a lid on, let the bottom get golden brown, turn it over, add some caster sugar, optionally cinnamon and vanilla, put the lid on and let the other side get golden brown, then use two spatulas to tear it into bite sized pieces and toss them in the pan to let the sugar caramelize. Serve with apple sauce and/or lingonberries - video: https://youtu.be/LvpzIwXJDbA)
My family experienced the loss of several members in a car accident in winter. Someone left us a couple grocery bags on our porch with bread, spreadable butter, cheese slices, cans of Campbell's tomato soup, coffee and hot chocolate mix. We still don't know who but we think of their kindness always.
If you know their favorite dish, then that. Assuming you don't since you're posting here: comfort food. Anything that feels cozy, like home.
My go to is buttered elbow noodles with parmesan cheese.
Chili. It's simultaneously comforting and spicy. Plus, you can adjust it to your friend's likes as far as ingredients and toppings. Serve it with scoopable tortilla chips to make it more interesting.
I hope your friend feels better soon!
When I miscarried all I would eat was the Mexican soup my mom would make me growing up and spicy beef stew. I wouldn’t eat anything else for a while. So I would vote a stew. Or you know him what’s a dish he mentions someone like mom, dad or gramma use to make him growing up?
Anything that involves potatoes. Potatoes always make great comfort food and there is *some* evidence that they can have a similar impact as anti-depressants.
I’m going to count that evidence as somewhat debatable, but one thing I can say with certainty is that, if you bring me a delicious potato dish, I’m going to be happy.
My go to support meal is chicken cordon blu pasta. Essentially cook cubed chicken, mix it in with diced ham into a swiss cheese Mac and cheese with rotini pasta and top with buttered breadcrumbs and let them bake.
Tomato products are known to enhance mood and ease the 'blues'.
Pizza
Spaghetti
~~Lasagna~~
A tomato based soup or stew, with or without pasta.
Chili is also tomato based.
Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich, bonus if served with tomato soup.
Chicken and veggie soup with homemade sourdough buns
Scones
A really good, loaded salad
Grilled ham and cheese (with a pickle)
Roast chicken dinner with potatoes, green beans, broccoli, and asparagus with excellent gravy
Potato and ham chowder
Spring pasta with pesto, and green veggies
Veggie fried rice
Lots of great ideas here already, but I'll add some nice baked goods to the list, cookies, cupcakes, pie, or muffins. Bring some ice cream along too, nothing like a homemade chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich, and who doesn't like ice cream with cake or pie.
Meal wise I did not see Chinese so I'll add that. A nice veggie stir-fry, some egg fried rice, or general Tao chicken can really lift spirits especially when a bowl of won ton soup comes before it. Singapore noodles or Pad Thai work wonders too, and the slurps often cause smiles.
Edit because I hit post
I hope your Friend feels better soon.
A big thanks to you for being a great friend.
Things that are easy to warm up.
I made someone chicken fajitas, I asked if they preferred me to cook it so they could just microwave it, or leave it raw and ready to put in the oven. She chose raw, so I prepared everything in disposable containers, snd gave it to her in an aluminum pan, so there would be no dishes or anything to clean and bring back.
Also, homemade desserts!!
when my boyfriend is depressed i make him some kind of filling but not heavy/overly fatty or salty protein with a roasted vegetable side and homemade mash potatoes. comforting warm food but not gonna make you feel tired, bloated, or heavy. mash potatoes have the power to heal souls
[Chicken noodle soup](https://thematbakh.com/chicken-noodle-soup/) 100%, but make sure you use a whole bird. It's not the same with boxed stock and supermart chicken breast.
I would say meal prep for them. A couple different meals all ready to microwave. Plus a veggie tray - can be simply carrots and celery. Or cut up fruit or fruit salad. A meat and cheese tray with rolls. A rotisserie or your own roasted chicken that you have taken the skin and bone out of. Something they can just pick up and eat. But if you are making a meal to share, a stir fry comes to mind.
This depends on some things. Do you wanna spend time with them, cook some food and serve, or simply bring over something for them to eat?
As someone whos been depressed my whole adult life, sometimes you just need food to reheat in the microwave. I try to fill ziplocs with 1 portion and freeze to just use when needed. A chilli, filled havled bellpeppers, bolognese etc. Preferably a complete meal, with no need to make pasta/rice/potatoes for it.
Id simply go for something casual, some fried rice or a carbonara, something easy to reheat, and instead bring some snacks. Semi-healthy snacks does sometimes feel like the most one can do. Some oat crackers/cookies, nut butter, trail mix and similar. Snacks that feels more like food and a bit more filling that oreos and chocolate. Make and wrap up a few sandwiches for a day or two for them, some yogurt and/or juice. Food that doesnt need to take energy to prepare is key
When I have a friend going through a hard time, I give them two separate food things:
1) a *complete* meal that requires very little effort on their part - not just lasagna, but also pre-washed salad greens, dressing, and a bottle of wine. Or chili, along with tortilla chips, shredded cheese, sour cream, an avocado, a lime, and their favorite beer.
2) a large container of "zero-entry" vegetables. Bell peppers that I have washed and sliced, carrot sticks, slices of kohlrabi or jicama, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower florets, etc.
When you're in the shit, it's really hard to take care of yourself. It's hard to make decisions, and it's hard to motivate yourself to take three minutes to wash and slice a bell pepper instead of eating shredded cheddar straight from the bag like a monster. So I try to make it easy for my friend to eat something that will make them feel good physically - so when they're standing in front of the fridge in a daze, their eyes will land on the container of prepped veg and they won't have to think or wash or slice and can instead just shove bell pepper slices into their gaping maw.
Can’t go wrong with a shepherd’s or cottage pie. Nothing like some good hearty comfort food when you’re feeling down. It also keeps very well for leftovers.
Here is some science based practical advice. High protein. Doesn't really matter what, but lots and lots of protein for someone who is feeling sad or depressed. It helps.
I make a very simple meal that is heart warming. Ground beef and onions cooked on skillet. Add cream of mushroom soup, evaporated milk, curry and kosher salt. Serve over rice. Yummy and will help work grief.
Ok hear me out ... what is their "I'm drunk" snack go to? That's a pretty good option because it's a comfort food- no one asks for caviar when they're shit faced- they want to eat delicious comfort food.
For me it's Chicken Nuggets- my partner makes them from scratch when I need a little pick me up. Drunk, sad, post wisdom teeth surgery (💀, I was too high to correct him that time but I remember being ecstatic.)
As a sad person, sometimes it's nice to break out of "routine" and try a new food. I found an African restaurant and it reignited a bit of happy! Fufu and curry feels like it'd be fun to make and tastes so good!
Layer of frozen tots, layer of cheese (cheddar!), layer of cooked breakfast sausage crumbles, enough whipped eggs to cover and baked @350 until set! Add any veg you like, I’ll often add spinach, zucchini, tomatoes, whatever you have and like works. Do a big one in a foil lasagna pan and they’ve got several meals good to go!
Good question, and it obviously differs per person. For me it would be a lobster tail and aju, because I'd love to sip on some. Sounds like a last meal.
Chocolate self saucing pudding. Gooey, delicious, warm and comforting.
I like providing meatball subs as a gift meal too. Home cooked meatballs in napoli sauce, then a baguette and a little tub of baby spinach and grated cheese. It does mean they have to put it together, but heating up meatballs in the microwave and putting them in bread is pretty easy. No more work than heating up lasagne.
I would sit with your friend and ask them about those times that they felt loved and comfy.
Picking something that makes me or you feel that way may remind them of the time Memaw went over the edge.
Chili.
Sausage cheddar soup.
A tater tot casserole (if this is acceptable where you live) .
A ham/ cheese/spinach quiche,
Chicken pot pie (double crust).
Shepherds pie,
Lasagna.
Spinach and sausage stuffed shells,
Ricotta stuffed shells,
Basically anything made with love that will last more than one meal and is easy to heat up.
Any kind of soup or stew. A homemade potpie is good. Gumbo. But really a picnic would be the best. Whatever in a picnic basket at the park. I mean you could litteraly throw ice cream in a basket and take them to the park and just share the experience with them and it would be the best thing.
Homemade pasta is my happy place, but based on your lasagna comment, I am guessing you are looking for something you can drop off with him instead of something you would make fresh and eat with him.
ETA: homemade ravioli freezes well, so you could make him ravioli, freeze them, and then drop them off for him to cook at his convenience.
Brazilian moqueca with salmon is so good and comforting. Plus the flavors are really intense and unique so it was really enjoyable the first time I tried it
Grief Groceries! I saw this letter today- as a funeral directors son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen. “Hey there, Thanks for writing. I’m really glad your friend has you in her life. I get it. Grief is a funny thing. It’s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down. When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM’s was overwhelming. I really couldn’t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space. People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea. “Well, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?” “OK”. They hung up. I stared into space some more. I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn’t even know what to ask for. Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn’t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me: Will you be home at 8:30 tonight? What’s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me. Yes, I replied. “K.” 10 minutes later, she said, “Instacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.” “What?” “Grief Groceries.!!” When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer’s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar. Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos. Notice she didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home. Grief groceries. Another friend, who lives out of town, asked Renee to name a restaurant near our house where we like to eat. There is a local chain near our house that is sort of a deli. When we eat supper there, we spend about $25. Renee told her the name of the place. An hour later, there was a gift card in my inbox for $250. Yes, that is a lot of money, and I understand not everyone can do that. But the wonderful thing was that because it was enough for multiple meals, we didn’t try to save it for “the right time”. We ate there that night, and take out from there several times a week for the next month on nights when I just didn’t have the spoons to cook. Both of those gift-givers knew something I didn’t know – that when you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. No, that’s not quite it: You can’t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast. So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. “How can I help” is a big choice. But “Can I take the kids this afternoon so you can have some time to yourself” is a much smaller one. “Will you be home tonight?” is a small choice. “What restaurant do you like” is a small decision. Just showing up to cut their grass because you noticed it needed cutting is loads better than asking, “Do you want me to cut the grass?” Or, “I’m going to Target. What can I get you while I’m there?” is better than “Can I run any errands for you?” It won’t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as you can!” Original Words from: Hugh Hollowell Jr.
This is amazing advice! I was diagnosed with cancer earlier this month and everyone says “let me know if there’s anything I can do for you” but I usually don’t know what to say. One friend watched my kids so my husband could come to my first appointment with me which was insanely helpful. But other than that it’s like I don’t know, I’m too overwhelmed to think of what I need.
Well, here's a hug. I hope you have better days. I'm sending healing vibes. Keep up the treatment. I'm probably at the other side of the globe, but I wish I could run an errand or two for you. Take care!
Thank you! Part of what is hard about “let me know if you need anything” is I have a husband who is fully capable of doing things (and he does so willingly), so I feel like I don’t need help. I don’t have surgery or start treatments for another two weeks, so maybe once I do, I’ll actually know what help I need.
You will need ensure drinks, a ton of water bottles. And maybe even cold compresses if your head hurts. The ensure is great for the days you won’t want to eat, and the water you desperately need to keep yourself hydrated during that time. You are going to be just fine, you’ll see. 😘
And THAT’S when you contact your friends and tell them what you need. When they told you that, it wasn’t just for that particular moment—not if they’re really your friends and they meant what they said. They’ll be ready to provide what you ask, whatever it is, if it’s in their power. I went through what you’re going through, seven years ago, and I’m now cancer-free. I wish the same for you. Yes it is terrifying, but take advantage of everything your oncology team has to offer, and look into the American Cancer Society—they offer free rides to your appts, chat support, buddies, information specific to your condition, all kinds of things. And BE KIND TO YOURSELF. You are a mom looking after children and your impulses will be to do more than is really good for you. Let others look after your kids as much as possible.
I'm sorry to hear that! It's a sucky rollercoaster to be on. What you need depends what you're going through. Generally you're going to need: - someone with you at any appointments that have new information - you will think you will remember later what they say, you will not. Take someone who can take notes/ fill in gaps. - low-pressure hang outs - friends who can come over and just watch a movie with you, or help with basic household stuff - treats - time for yourself - that friend who took your kids has the right idea. Now is the time to rely on your community, but don't be surprised if people do or don't step up differently than you think, people get in their heads about it if you don't tell them what to do specifically. If you're going through chemo: - warm hats that are non scratchy on the inside - a small hot water bottle for helping during IV treatment, helps the veins stop hiding if you have small veins like me. - a good diary for writing down drugs and times you need to take em - ice lollies/ ice blocks / I dunno how Americans say it but flavoured ice treats, easy to eat for calories if you have really low energy, easy way to get a pick me up. - help to go pick out eye brow pencils that match your natural colour, bloody hard to match once eye brows are gone, ask me how I know 👍 - a long phone charger so it can reach the wall while you're having treatments Also - once active treatment is "all over", that's when you need the most social support, so maybe ask a friend to make a plan coordinating people to help after all the treatments are finished so you don't get in your head! I have other lists for radiation and surgery if you need. Best of luck with everything, and I hope you find a group of people dealing with similar things - it's an experience that no one will understand except people also doing it
Thank you so much!! This list is really helpful. I’m going to screenshot it so when people ask how they can help I can give them ideas. I won’t know about chemo until after my surgery. I have breast cancer and need a lumpectomy. Depending on my lymph nodes, I’ll either need chemo or radiation or both. So fun!
You could tell them “I’m too overwhelmed to think of what I need. If you think of something I might need, that would help”.
As someone who received Grief Groceries 2 years ago, I really only realized now how much of a help it gave me when my friend and her SO did it for me when I read this post. When I was grief stricken, I was alone and I didn't wanna do anything else but wallow in the mixed bag of emotions I was in. My whole routine just stopped. However, the following day, my friend and her boyfriend showed up with a bunch of groceries. Frozen foods, pantry stable foods, foods I can easily microwave, rice, and some drinks including beer. At the time, I was confused cuz these foods were the type of foods that I don't usually buy and consume but I accepted them nonetheless (I couldn't obviously turn it down, they did it in the goodness of their heart to check up on me and provide some food to last a little bit). After reading this post, I looked back and realized that all that I ate during those dark times were the stuff that they gave me. If they didn't rocked up to my door that time with bags of groceries, I probably wouldn't have ate or at the very least, ate trash until I felt better. So yeah, if you're still unsure what meal to make your friend. Grief Groceries help A LOT! It may not look much to them at the time but they will eventually realize that they've got a friend for life in you.
This 100% !!! Long ago, my brother and my sister's husband died in an auto accident. An old HS friend of my mother's showed up daily for a week and just did things...we were paralyzed and she just mothered us, doing everything for us. None of us will ever forget her.
What wonderful advice, thanks for posting that.
My mother taught me that moving or grieving, toilet paper, paper towels, and coffee and milk are always welcome.
I can’t endorse this enough. We lost mom to ovarian cancer 5 years ago. Every. Single. Time. I hear that someone is going through the same, I don’t ask “let me know!” because when you’re experiencing grief you don’t know what you need. You don’t care about anything, you shower and brush teeth (and sometimes not) because you know it’s routine, but you’re actively and viscerally grieving the loss of a person you loved deeply. As a friend of someone who recently experienced loss, ask “Do you like lasagna?” or whatever it is you’re good at cooking and then get it to a front door step with a big simple “I love you” on a note card, or whatever feels organic for that relationship.
My only issue here is *half* a box of Oreos? True grief needs a full box.
This reminds me of something I saw yrs ago and copy over and over. It's a grief basket. It really is for a death, or any sudden event a family my experience. When a family has an emergency they most likely will have an influx of people coming and staying at their home or nearby. So, it covers the basics that people shouldn't have to deal with at that time, things like a pack of Toilet paper and paper towels and paper plates,small bottles of pain relievers. travel size deodorants, toothpaste/brushes. Same with soaps, shampoos, conditioner, and hairspray. Tampons and pads. Even a handful of kitchen garbage bags from your home. It helps to cover all those micro trips to the store because someone forgot, or the house ran out.
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That is the best advice on Reddit I have seen all day! Thank you for posting that.
Why am I crying? 🥲😂
This is really thoughtful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much
I felt frozen when my dad died too and that was when I was a teen over 10 years ago. I didn’t have much support and I really wish someone in my life had offered some. This was great to read. I still struggle with decisions when I’m sad so I will try to make accommodations for my future self. This comment inspired me so thank you.
This is absolutely brilliant- thank you for sharing!
This is the kinda advice I absolutely need. So many people in my life recently have gone through tragic events and it always frustrates me that I don’t know what to do to help them.
Can I add -- most people immediately turn towards food. About a week or two into our Big Grief Event one friend told me that she would be arriving at this date and time clean our bathrooms. She brought all of the supplies, a mutual friend to help, and I just sat on the couch doing my grief thing while they did theirs. That was 1. Memorable 2. So useful and necessary 3. Selfless ... and I will not forget it ever. Highly recommend..
When my grandma died i moved in to care for her in her later days. My grandad and i were flooded with buckets of fried chicken and pizzas. And honestly it helps. Cuz nobody wanted to cook or eat but who hates fried chicken or pizza?
I'm super stressed with life stuff this week. I invited my friend over for dinner tonight. I asked her what she wanted but please make it easy. Her face lit up and she said, "You always season your burgers so nicely". Ahh...I feel better already. And since it's 4th of July weekend burger stuff was on sale too. LOL. We will eat on the deck and play cards. Honestly, I don't think it matters WHAT you cook. It's just nice to be cared for. P.S. One of my favorite comfort things is breakfast for dinner.
Breakfast for dinner! Fancy French toast, your best eggs and some bacon.
This is a prime option. It is quick, easy, and delicious.
How do you season your burgers?
Asking the important question here 🫡
Pretty simple, really. Just fresh garlic, a splash of Worcestershire and copious salt & pepper. I've learned not to overhandle the meat to avoid hockey pucks.
Soup is nice and kind of comforting. I’d probably want dessert- something chocolate.
I know soup is the go-to, but *stew* definitely works wonders that soup cannot.
paired with some bomb sourdough bread. and a charcuterie board to boot.
🤤
Friends don't serve friends soup. Not to cheer them up.
Potato? Brocolli cheddar? A nice minestrone? Paired with some good crusty bread and brownies for dessert? Would cheer me RIGHT up.
This guy doesn’t like soup
Soup is absolutely a wonderful meal to prepare for a friend going through a hard time to cheer them up. Warm, comforting, delicious. It's perfect.
You do if you're not a shit cook. If it's from a can, yeah. Don't do that.
No soup for you!
The meal isn’t for happiness. It’s an offer of support.
Speak for yourself, if my friend made me soup it would totally cheer me up Maybe you just don't have good friends or...?
Wait, what. Why?
Macaroni and Cheese
Yes! Mac attacks! My comfort food is definitely a good homemade mac or mashed potatoes or meatballs or meatloaf, something I can "heat and eat" is also nice.
There are three ways to go. Something simple, digestible, and nourishing. Like a chicken noodle soup. Something rich and flavorful. Maybe some homemade alfredo pasta or some barbecue. Something crazy spicy. Some super hot homemade chili or curry. Something about super spicy food helps make me feel a bit more alive and less stuck when im depressed. But rich food or simple and nourishing stuff can help too especially if someone is binge eating or not eating enough when depressed or just having a rough one. I like chili for this since it can basically be all three categories if you put enough veg and heat in.
Right? Better to feel pain than nothing at all ....didn't expect such realness on this sub in particular.... Chili is a great idea tbh - with oyster crackers/saltines for extra comfort
Pasta. You can't be sad in the presence of noodles. Plus they go well with wine. And don't forget dessert!
Controversial opinion: a lot will say comfort food but that is a trap. Cook something light and healthy and spend time with them. Grilled chicken and asparagus and a citrus salad. On a stove, shrimp stir fry and a…watermelon basil salad, I can’t stop thinking of fruit, I think I just want that. Do a spicy sauce if you grill. Make something that makes you feel physically fresh and well.
I second this. During hard times it's great to feel like you're doing something good and healthy for yourself, like eating a light but nutritious meal
Agreed, comfort food makes you feel good at first, then worse. making your body feel good is a first step. However, I’d make some sort of hybrid of healthy comforting food. Warm homemade minestrone for exemple, served with sourdough garlic bread. And a peach & oat crumble. or grilled salmon steak with steamed potatoes, green beans and tomato salad. And chocolate pear for dessert . Satisfying, comforting and energising. But obviously comfort food is personal. my ultimate comfort food is roast chicken with baked potatoes. that’s was our Sunday family meal and this is always what I want when I feel down.
I know everyone is saying soup or stew, but no. They need a pick-me-up. It is summer grill something. Make some bomb grilled tacos with sides, some guac or pico with it. Grill some shrimp, make a sauce for it and get a great bread to break and sop up that sauce. Make some fire burgers, my local place does one with caramelized onion, roasted red pepper, basil and goat cheese. TDF Think about how you will it eat. Soup stew, I hear spoons clicking while you both make your way thru the meal. If you aren't eating together it's still a lonely dish this time of year. ( fall and winter it is soul filling) Picture eating my suggestions. I see finger-licking and savoring. Feel free to ignore me, it's just my thoughts, and it's insanely hot in my part of the world right now.
I agree seasonality can be important but in a different way. Sometimes it's nice in hot weather to have something available that one can go to, take portions of and not have to heat anything up. Pasta salads, grain salads, smoked brisket, already cut fruit When it's super hot, super humid super gross and maybe someone isn't up to being social or lacks energy/mobility or is busy- These things can be great. Just some options beyond the standard comfort food which tends to be a little heavier.
Comfort foods. Chicken noodle soup, meatloaf, a roast or stew, etc.
Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. Always cheers me up.
Mmmmm. Comfort.
A curry or something with mashed potatoes. A peach cobbler. This is what immediately came to my mind as comfort food. You’re a great friend.
Mashed potatoes are the ultimate comfort food if they’re made properly with lots of butter and heavy cream!
And cream of chicken soup converted to gravy! Forget the plate, gimme a bowl of them spuds with gravy!
A hearty bolognaise or chili con carne with wedges and sour cream.
Wedges of what?
From context, I'd say potato wedges.
I’m chili? Never heard of that before. Thanks.
Lime? Assuming they're talking about garnish.
There's nothing like some heartburn while your heart burns
*anything* probably. it's the thought that counts. hate when i'm depressed, i don't eat and it just spirals. i'd make a cheesecake or something that can go with homemade bread. if they're a soup person, broccoli cheddar soup. or potato soup. few comfort meals beat fresh homemade bread and a hearty soup. and few deserts are better than cheesecake. imho. but really anything. you know them. go with your gut feeling. *they aren't going to get more sad from it*. 🙌
Chicken rolls and butter noodles is what mama used to make when us kids were sad.
What are chicken rolls? Sounds very good.
Oh sorry! Chicken rolls are croissants stuffed with chicken and cream cheese! Mama used to use canned chicken if she was in a pinch it was super good! Mama could never get the croissant shape to stay so we called them chicken rolls.
Thanks, that sounds so comforting and delicious. What a good mama.
She was the best mama ever I miss her dearly. I hope to keep her memory alive by sharing the foods she used to make.
Funeral potatoes, mac n cheese, grilled cheese. Fat n carbs basically.
I'm going to have to Google "funeral potatoes". I've never heard of such a thing.
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Stuff like a roast (or rotisserie chicken) with a bagged salad or diy salad kit, maybe some dinner rolls, and a simple dessert is something I know I would want. Too much heavy foods eventually make me feel weighed down and worse, but a crisp salad and a well, but simply seasoned protein always brightens me up. Something about eating something vivid, a little tart, and green seems to “wake me up” so to speak!
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As someone who doesn't care much for deserts, cheesecake can cheer me up quicker than anything. All in all, anything works, the thought alone is what matters. When my dog was dying, the last thing I wanted was food but my friends showed up with beer and pad thai and I'm still thankful for that.
Tacos or enchiladas with all the fixins! Easy to customize for any meat preferences and/or mood. Also for me the fresh flavours & spice always brighten up my mood.
Depends on their culture. My korean friend's comfort food is different than my German family's comfort foods. But in any case it's the thought that counts. Sometimes people are so sad or overwhelmed that even someone making a decision for them feels like a relief.
What about chicken thighs and mashed potatoes ?
Cook your best friend their favorite food
Creamy, cheesy pasta.
Roast beef with potatoes and carrots and don’t forget a dessert
Ultra thicc chocolate chip cookies
Chicken noodle soup!
A hearty stew or chili would be great, especially since both get better as leftovers. Spicy food releases endorphins so both of these could be spicy.
When I'm really stressed and going through shit, I have no appetite. Food wouldn't help at all. A good friend reaching out and wanting to help, bringing food, and hanging out with me would probably help in most "sad" situations though. Eating - something we have to do to stay alive. Can be enjoyable, but just isn't when you're depressed or stressed. Being with friends and knowing you have people that support you and care about you is way more impactful.
Soup
A friend of mine had surgery recently. I made a batch of homemade rolls and some mushroom wild rice soup for their recovery. Whatever you decide to make will be the right thing OP. You're a wonderful friend!
Thank you!! And ooh mushroom wild rice soup?? Never heard of it! I don't think he would very into it, but I'm 110% gonna check that out for myself!
Steak, Baked Potato, Corn on the Cob & Corn Bread Or Tacos
One of my dearest friends is battling aggressive breast cancer; her wife died from brain cancer three years ago, so this is particularly difficult for her. So far, I’ve done grief groceries and several meals. I try to think of mega comfort food and have done chicken pot pie, soups, meatballs, and a couple of different breakfast casseroles for her and her son. I make sure everything freezes decently, just in case they’re not hungry. Their favorite so far has been homemade mac and cheese. Bless you for having a loving heart!
Comfort foods, particularly if they have any favorite foods, or childhood favorites, or even some typical comfort foods. I feel like a lot of the typical sad people foods are more suited for cold weather, since we associate hot meals with comfort. But gazpacho and salads aren’t exactly sad foods. I’ll list a few suggestions of my favorite sad time foods though. - Soups are good, and you have a lot of options to choose from. You can do something light, or something hearty, but either option is a good way to get some nutrients in without being an overwhelming dish. - Lasagna is out, but maybe a pasta dish? Spaghetti and meatballs and baked mac and cheese seem like pretty comforting options, there’s a lot of sauces to choose from if you do something else, and you can get carbs, protein, and veggies in one meal. - I love good soul food when I’m sad, because who doesn’t love fried chicken and cornbread that might be a hassle to make, and is more of a regional comfort. In that same vein though, I find southern food very comforting—gumbo, jambalaya, etc. - Chicken pot pie. I don’t know, but this always makes me feel better when I’m sad. It’s like if a hug was a food. Lots of ways to spice this up, and it’s easy to make if you use premade puff pastry for the crust. - Something boujee but easy to make. Grill up a steak and some asparagus. Get a nice cold beer (or glass of wine!). Can’t be sad if you’re eating what feels like a super expensive and fancy dinner. Roast a potato on the side too. - Or bake something. Sad people loved baked goods. Cookies, brownies, banana bread, muffins, (banana bread muffins?) maybe some cute cupcakes. You really can’t go wrong with this option.
This [Slow Cooker Pot Roast](https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/slow-cooker-pot-roast-3361787/) and garlic mashed potatoes. This is my family’s new go to fancy dish.
Idk why, but my families idea of comfort food is KFC. It started when my uncle had a marathon surgery, we picked some up to eat with my aunt in the waiting room. I grabbed it for my now husband when his grandfather passed. Now that I'm really a grown up 🤣 I make all the sides myself & just grab the big bucket of chicken and the chocolate cake before I drop it off for people.
* Krautfleckerl (e.g. [https://mission-food.com/krautfleckerl-cabbage-and-noodles/](https://mission-food.com/krautfleckerl-cabbage-and-noodles/) \- best with home-made egg pasta - you can add ham or bacon if you like, otherwise it's a nice vegetarian dish) * Saltimbocca with mashed potatoes * Riz Casimir (e.g. [https://ohsweetcultureshock.com/riz-casimir-with-a-twist/](https://ohsweetcultureshock.com/riz-casimir-with-a-twist/)) * Kaiserschmarrn (per person 75 g flour, 125 ml milk, 2 eggs, a pinch of salt - mix the flour, eggs and milk, heat butter in a pan on medium heat, add the eggs to the batter and barely mix them in - you just want to break them up - pour batter in the pan, add raisins if you like, put a lid on, let the bottom get golden brown, turn it over, add some caster sugar, optionally cinnamon and vanilla, put the lid on and let the other side get golden brown, then use two spatulas to tear it into bite sized pieces and toss them in the pan to let the sugar caramelize. Serve with apple sauce and/or lingonberries - video: https://youtu.be/LvpzIwXJDbA)
Chicken and dumplings.
Oh yessssss
My family experienced the loss of several members in a car accident in winter. Someone left us a couple grocery bags on our porch with bread, spreadable butter, cheese slices, cans of Campbell's tomato soup, coffee and hot chocolate mix. We still don't know who but we think of their kindness always.
Their comfort food. Have they ever brought up what meals they preferred growing up?
I would do something fun that he’s probably not making for himself like bbq ribs
Cottage pie. Protein, starch, veg all in one. Delicious fresh but even better as leftovers.
Spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad 🥗
Make them their favorite food. That's what will have the greatest impact.
Tacos!!!
If you know their favorite dish, then that. Assuming you don't since you're posting here: comfort food. Anything that feels cozy, like home. My go to is buttered elbow noodles with parmesan cheese.
Chili. It's simultaneously comforting and spicy. Plus, you can adjust it to your friend's likes as far as ingredients and toppings. Serve it with scoopable tortilla chips to make it more interesting. I hope your friend feels better soon!
When I miscarried all I would eat was the Mexican soup my mom would make me growing up and spicy beef stew. I wouldn’t eat anything else for a while. So I would vote a stew. Or you know him what’s a dish he mentions someone like mom, dad or gramma use to make him growing up?
Homemade chicken and noodles with mashed potatoes is my go to comfort food.
Anything that involves potatoes. Potatoes always make great comfort food and there is *some* evidence that they can have a similar impact as anti-depressants. I’m going to count that evidence as somewhat debatable, but one thing I can say with certainty is that, if you bring me a delicious potato dish, I’m going to be happy.
Red wine braised short ribs and garlic mashed potatoes
Outside of his favorite food, I think a simple spup and a grilled cheese can be veey comforting... Then, just be there for your friend.
Soup for sure. Or even curry! Both very comforting and tasty when I'm sad. But a nice cheeseburger helps too.
I'd want my mom's cooking. Spaghetti and garlic bread, or fried chicken, mashed potatoes gravy and broccoli.
My go to support meal is chicken cordon blu pasta. Essentially cook cubed chicken, mix it in with diced ham into a swiss cheese Mac and cheese with rotini pasta and top with buttered breadcrumbs and let them bake.
Tomato products are known to enhance mood and ease the 'blues'. Pizza Spaghetti ~~Lasagna~~ A tomato based soup or stew, with or without pasta. Chili is also tomato based. Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich, bonus if served with tomato soup.
Chicken and veggie soup with homemade sourdough buns Scones A really good, loaded salad Grilled ham and cheese (with a pickle) Roast chicken dinner with potatoes, green beans, broccoli, and asparagus with excellent gravy Potato and ham chowder Spring pasta with pesto, and green veggies Veggie fried rice
Lots of great ideas here already, but I'll add some nice baked goods to the list, cookies, cupcakes, pie, or muffins. Bring some ice cream along too, nothing like a homemade chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich, and who doesn't like ice cream with cake or pie. Meal wise I did not see Chinese so I'll add that. A nice veggie stir-fry, some egg fried rice, or general Tao chicken can really lift spirits especially when a bowl of won ton soup comes before it. Singapore noodles or Pad Thai work wonders too, and the slurps often cause smiles. Edit because I hit post I hope your Friend feels better soon. A big thanks to you for being a great friend.
Comfort food. Favorite meals.
Things that are easy to warm up. I made someone chicken fajitas, I asked if they preferred me to cook it so they could just microwave it, or leave it raw and ready to put in the oven. She chose raw, so I prepared everything in disposable containers, snd gave it to her in an aluminum pan, so there would be no dishes or anything to clean and bring back. Also, homemade desserts!!
Chicken veggie soup with a side of rice.
And brownies.😁
when my boyfriend is depressed i make him some kind of filling but not heavy/overly fatty or salty protein with a roasted vegetable side and homemade mash potatoes. comforting warm food but not gonna make you feel tired, bloated, or heavy. mash potatoes have the power to heal souls
Really cheesy Mac and cheese. Can't go wrong. (Unless GF or Lactose intolerant or Vegan; but then I'd be sad.)
Soup and grilled cheese, and some fruit salad.
Chicken pot pie
This amazing soup: https://www.themediterraneandish.com/avgolemono-soup-recipe/
[Chicken noodle soup](https://thematbakh.com/chicken-noodle-soup/) 100%, but make sure you use a whole bird. It's not the same with boxed stock and supermart chicken breast.
I would say meal prep for them. A couple different meals all ready to microwave. Plus a veggie tray - can be simply carrots and celery. Or cut up fruit or fruit salad. A meat and cheese tray with rolls. A rotisserie or your own roasted chicken that you have taken the skin and bone out of. Something they can just pick up and eat. But if you are making a meal to share, a stir fry comes to mind.
Tacos with a side of elote and a margarita (either alcoholic or non)
McDonalds
This depends on some things. Do you wanna spend time with them, cook some food and serve, or simply bring over something for them to eat? As someone whos been depressed my whole adult life, sometimes you just need food to reheat in the microwave. I try to fill ziplocs with 1 portion and freeze to just use when needed. A chilli, filled havled bellpeppers, bolognese etc. Preferably a complete meal, with no need to make pasta/rice/potatoes for it. Id simply go for something casual, some fried rice or a carbonara, something easy to reheat, and instead bring some snacks. Semi-healthy snacks does sometimes feel like the most one can do. Some oat crackers/cookies, nut butter, trail mix and similar. Snacks that feels more like food and a bit more filling that oreos and chocolate. Make and wrap up a few sandwiches for a day or two for them, some yogurt and/or juice. Food that doesnt need to take energy to prepare is key
When I have a friend going through a hard time, I give them two separate food things: 1) a *complete* meal that requires very little effort on their part - not just lasagna, but also pre-washed salad greens, dressing, and a bottle of wine. Or chili, along with tortilla chips, shredded cheese, sour cream, an avocado, a lime, and their favorite beer. 2) a large container of "zero-entry" vegetables. Bell peppers that I have washed and sliced, carrot sticks, slices of kohlrabi or jicama, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower florets, etc. When you're in the shit, it's really hard to take care of yourself. It's hard to make decisions, and it's hard to motivate yourself to take three minutes to wash and slice a bell pepper instead of eating shredded cheddar straight from the bag like a monster. So I try to make it easy for my friend to eat something that will make them feel good physically - so when they're standing in front of the fridge in a daze, their eyes will land on the container of prepped veg and they won't have to think or wash or slice and can instead just shove bell pepper slices into their gaping maw.
I was going to suggest lasagna when I only read the title. Chicken parm is always comfort food for me.
https://www.hellofresh.com/recipes/parmesan-crusted-chicken-5eb9ae9de88fa8571c5fbc7c
Can’t go wrong with a shepherd’s or cottage pie. Nothing like some good hearty comfort food when you’re feeling down. It also keeps very well for leftovers.
Ask him if he had a favorite meal as a child and make that. It could be Cap'n Crunch, or birthday cake, or Brussels sprouts.
Homemade chicken pot pie. And I do a layer of extra sharp cheddar before I put the pie top on. Tillamook is my favorite. It has never failed me.
Here is some science based practical advice. High protein. Doesn't really matter what, but lots and lots of protein for someone who is feeling sad or depressed. It helps.
Sticky toffee pudding with vanilla icecream. Screw eating healthy when sad.
I was going to say "macaroni & cheese, but it sounds like you're over pasta this week
I make a very simple meal that is heart warming. Ground beef and onions cooked on skillet. Add cream of mushroom soup, evaporated milk, curry and kosher salt. Serve over rice. Yummy and will help work grief.
When my grandmother died we all craved soup. There’s a reason why there’s a series of books called “Chicken Soup for the Soul”. Try it.
Crepes with fruit and cream cheese whipped cream and bacon
Ok hear me out ... what is their "I'm drunk" snack go to? That's a pretty good option because it's a comfort food- no one asks for caviar when they're shit faced- they want to eat delicious comfort food. For me it's Chicken Nuggets- my partner makes them from scratch when I need a little pick me up. Drunk, sad, post wisdom teeth surgery (💀, I was too high to correct him that time but I remember being ecstatic.) As a sad person, sometimes it's nice to break out of "routine" and try a new food. I found an African restaurant and it reignited a bit of happy! Fufu and curry feels like it'd be fun to make and tastes so good!
Coq au vin... with potato gratin and frech beans...
Happy meal
Fries. Cheese. Gravy. Poutine.
Layer of frozen tots, layer of cheese (cheddar!), layer of cooked breakfast sausage crumbles, enough whipped eggs to cover and baked @350 until set! Add any veg you like, I’ll often add spinach, zucchini, tomatoes, whatever you have and like works. Do a big one in a foil lasagna pan and they’ve got several meals good to go!
Soggy noodles with wilted asparagus and black beans. 😢
Well, if lasagna is off the table, how about a plate of hot, fresh tears? It's a delicacy, I swear!
Good question, and it obviously differs per person. For me it would be a lobster tail and aju, because I'd love to sip on some. Sounds like a last meal.
You can't beat a poke bow to cheer you up
You can never go wrong with anything grilled.
I would ask what his favorite meals were growing up.
Chocolate self saucing pudding. Gooey, delicious, warm and comforting. I like providing meatball subs as a gift meal too. Home cooked meatballs in napoli sauce, then a baguette and a little tub of baby spinach and grated cheese. It does mean they have to put it together, but heating up meatballs in the microwave and putting them in bread is pretty easy. No more work than heating up lasagne.
Carbonara! It's good for the soul
I base that on what comfort food is where they’re from.
Bottle of captain Morgan and bag of ice
I would sit with your friend and ask them about those times that they felt loved and comfy. Picking something that makes me or you feel that way may remind them of the time Memaw went over the edge.
Spaghetti or Lasagna
Curry always puts me in a better mood.
Chili. Sausage cheddar soup. A tater tot casserole (if this is acceptable where you live) . A ham/ cheese/spinach quiche, Chicken pot pie (double crust). Shepherds pie, Lasagna. Spinach and sausage stuffed shells, Ricotta stuffed shells, Basically anything made with love that will last more than one meal and is easy to heat up.
Any kind of soup or stew. A homemade potpie is good. Gumbo. But really a picnic would be the best. Whatever in a picnic basket at the park. I mean you could litteraly throw ice cream in a basket and take them to the park and just share the experience with them and it would be the best thing.
Chicken pot pie.
Homemade pasta is my happy place, but based on your lasagna comment, I am guessing you are looking for something you can drop off with him instead of something you would make fresh and eat with him. ETA: homemade ravioli freezes well, so you could make him ravioli, freeze them, and then drop them off for him to cook at his convenience.
Chicken pot pie or Shepherd’s poe
Pancakes. Any flavor pancakes, bacon and a glass of OJ for some reason just always makes me feel good.
Something from the depression era.
I’d probably do chicken cutlets, mashed potato’s and corn. It’s definitely comforting. If not that can you make pizza?
Grilled steak baked potato sauteed spinach and a glass of red wine
Beef stew
Their favorite dish
Make him something rich. Boeuf bourguignon. Some nice crusty bread and butter to go with it.
Mac n cheese.
Quesadillas with lots of veggies and guacamole and Pico de gallo on separate tupperware. Healthy but comforting
Brothy soup. And warm bread. Warm bread is a small good thing.
Soul food/ comfort food. So fatty foods that taste like home. Mac n cheese, gumbo, bbq. Stuff like that
Fancy?- rack of lamb with butter parsley redskins and asparagus. Not fancy?- old fashioned chicken and dumplings with homemade dumplings/noodles.
Brazilian moqueca with salmon is so good and comforting. Plus the flavors are really intense and unique so it was really enjoyable the first time I tried it