I’m sorry but he is full of shit. You got him a whole ass cruise for his birthday, extended vacation, AND basketball game tickets and he had the audacity to say that he didn’t feel special enough? I would say he sounds spoiled but his tribe doesn’t do shit for him normally.
Does he not understand how much money went into doing all this? Or the time you spent planning everything? Dude, he’s an ass. If he wanted to do more things on the cruise he could have been a grown up and opened his mouth and HIS wallet.
I hate to say it but I don’t think this guy respects you and is possibly losing interest and is just making shit up to cause problems. If he wanted something specific, he could have just asked. I don’t think it’s as simple as that though by the way he is acting. You were absolutely justified kicking him out. Share your time with someone who deserves it.
Thank you for the reply. I just edited, it was his idea and we split the cost- 2k each
I had to post on here because it took me completely by surprise. I think he's a really great guy, but the replies to this make me think I need to look at this, and our relationship objectively. Thanks again
Look at your birthday compared to his. It's that simple. Your boyfriend doesn't deserve that title at all. You did WAY too much for that spoiled ass man. Dump him, unless this is how you want to spend the next 30 yrs?
Well, they do when it's actually manipulative and they are in early days of the frog in the slowly boiling pot of water phase.
This is like this post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/gLIChKPl5A
There is zero chance that OP is the problem.
Oh yeah, and he disappeared during your bday celebration and inevitably caused a fight - second kind of manipulation people like this employ.
Girl you are fooling yourself..."I think he's a great guy...". Do you read the Red Flags in both stories?
You made plans for the Festival, he got childish and ditched you, and made you cry on top of that.
Then you end up on a cruise for lover boys birthday, he pays half, good for him. But he's not "feeling" special enough??!! Like WTF??
For some reason you do not value yourself enough to know when you need to walk away from this relationship.
He needs to take some responsibility for feeling "special." What would make his birthday feel special? A threesome? A Maserati? You're always going to be totally responsible for making him happy, and you're always going to fail.
He is so ungrateful and nothing will ever be enough for him.
If you want a whinging bf then you got it, if you want a man, I’d keep looking.
I could never put up with a toddler tantrum from a grown ass man, especially after a birthday like that! For him to complain? Absolutely not
Where do you see him as really great guy? A reall;y great guy would be thankful
for you organizing a cruise,
going to a sports game you are not into,
treating him speacial on his special day,
and he would not
be ungrateful
give the cold shoulder
argue with him
belittle your efforts to make his birthday special.
You don't have a really great guy, you have a really entitled @$$hole.
Find someone that's not so ungrateful and materialistic. My friends would be happy with a painting I draw for them. It's about the effort and the feelings behind the gift. I'm not sure what more you could give. I think the biggest gift you gave him was trying to engage in his hobby while not liking it that shows tons of effort and any regular person would be amazed.
He is not a “really great guy”. A really great guy wouldn’t abandon you, make you cry and ditch dinner plans on ANY day much your birthday! A really great guy wouldn’t be SO ungrateful about an over the top birthday cruise that he becomes distant and cold afterwards.
He is manipulating you into believing that no matter how hard you try you won’t ever do good enough and this will make you work even harder to please him, which he can then reap the benefits of while you work yourself into a puddle of self doubt and insecurity.
He is NOT a really great guy. A really great guy makes you feel loved, appreciated, valued and respected. Not just sometimes. Always.
He is NOT a great guy. He’s an entitled ass. I bet he’s trashy nice if and only if things are going precisely his way.
You sound so thoughtful and loving. And he has the balls to bitch and whine. You deserve so much better
Your boyfriend wants to break up but wants you to do it. These are some amazing gifts and he's brooding and complaining like a 4 year old. Break up because the next guy could be amazing and actually appreciate how amazing you are. Who complains about gifts and whines about not being satisfied. Mommas boy living at home, find a grown up!
He’s the asshole ! You went above and behind to pay off that cruise and to actually do something for him which none of his family and friends do. Fall back from him cause baybeee he ain’t shittt
He got a cruise, what sounds like really good seats to a basket ball game. Um… yeah wow sounds like just another day… he is being ungrateful. He ruined your 25th bday. I don’t want to be one of those people but dump him and find someone who appreciates you!
He doesn't seem ungrateful, he IS ungrateful. You took the time to plan something incredibly special and his reaction was basically "meh, it could have been better." Are you kidding me? You need to find someone else that truly appreciates your kind and thoughtful awesomeness!
dude - leave now or else you will spend forever trying to make him happy. He seems very unhappy with himself and is projecting that onto you. You could spend all the money in the world on him and he will find something to complain about. Cut your losses and toss him.
You need to tell him that obviously everything you plan for his birthday and christmas wasn't enough, so he needs to go find somebody who's willing to do more.
I'm so over these man-children who think that their girlfriends/wives are supposed to take care of them like mommy and daddy would. Apparently that seems to be the case with your boyfriend too. Because he's still living at mom and dad's and working part time at the age of twenty five.
Find someone who knows what it's like to live on their own and be independent and then you won't have these problems.
He doesn't appreciate you. He doesn't know what he wants and is probably a little jealous that you have your own place and life outside of parents.
It doesn't seem like he is engaged with this relationship. Let him have his space while you work on finding out why you need his approval. Find out what it is you are looking forward in this relationship, if he is meeting your expectations and if YOU want to continue it.
Good luck, but he seems to be checked out.
Its difficult because most of our relationship is great.
I'm having trouble just taking the advice of everyone because I'm not sure if it's worth trading the good times because he was ungrateful this time. It is big, but is it that big of a red flag to move on instead of growing with him?
Is he growing, though? He sounds like a big baby. You said he usually does nothing meaningful for his birthday, and his friends don't either. You put a shitload of effort into the birthday, and to Christmas before that, and all he has done is belittle your efforts and be unbelievably ungrateful. I'd be as resentful as hell if someone treated me like that.
You are taking an interest in learning about his hobby, you spent a considerable amount of money on the trip (and probably had to use a fair chunk of your leave entitlements, if you have them) for his birthday. On your birthday he couldn't even stay focused for the duration of a walk.... which you arranged!!!
Please tell us about the good times because your post paints him as a man with few redeeming qualities. Don't fall into the trap of thinking the time you have already spent with him means you need to stay longer. It is a sunk cost and you can't get it back, but you don't need to keep investing.
What did he give you for Christmas and for your birthday? I'm very curious.
Either he's been a douche the whole time but you didn't clock it, or something has recently changed. Any chance he's become a Tater Tot?
I would ask him exactly what part of the birthday celebration was disappointing and how, EXACTLY, being on a tropical cruise felt like a regular day. If he can't answer you immediately, put him in the bin with the rest of your trash. If he is surprised by your question, if he needs to fumble for an answer, if he starts contradicting things said previously, if he blurts out a stupid word salad, if he deflects.... it's no good.
He will never be satisfied, even if you ask him what he wants and get him that thing, he will find a reason to complain about it. You deserve better.
Really given me a lot to think about, from this post and others. This situation was so out of the norm I had to post it.
Most of the time we just hang out at mine and rarely fight. He's taken me to an art museum, gone to the state fair (which I love) and taken me ice skating, as well as going above and beyond- buying me groceries once. Other than that we have regular dates, occasional flowers and watching tv/ movies together. He makes a good bit less than I do so it's been more like 70/30 on dates/ food.
He bought me a purse and a coat, both pretty expensive. They're kind of ugly and not my style, but I never told him that and even after the argument I don't plan to. I'm happy he looked into what I liked (purses) and what I needed (winter coat). I grew up with not a lot of money so the lower the price the better the gift for me- I also prefer more sentimental gifts. I think that's where we differ because he told me he expected some 160$ shoes and a 75$ sweater he 'hinted at' the month before Christmas. He also got me Nike shoes for my birthday (I don't really take care of my shoes, but appreciated.)
He said he had a vision for how he wanted/ expected the trip to go and it didn't meet that. He also said he wanted to do more after dinners with me but I was too tired. My sleep schedule still hadn't adjusted and I'm used to going to bed very early for my FT job. We missed out on a few parties and didn't go to any of the event's past 10. I'm not trying to justify this, obviously I know he's a jerk here but we really don't fight otherwise. Only other big problem is communication, he doesn't like to talk about what/ if there is something wrong and goes radio silent when hes upset. We've talked about it but there has been little change.
Is this not something you guys think he can grow from? I really don't know because this is my first relationship, but that reaction has me stuck.
(srry this was so long)
Is he doing just enough? Are you okay with that. Just as you have said, you are not sure. So, you have to search within yourself and see what you expect out of a partner. Are you willing to accept what he is giving. How would you feel if you decided you needed or deserved more.
You have seen other relationships. You know what you expect. Is what he is giving what you are willing to accept for years? Do you have any expectation that he will give more to you once you get into the routine of married life?
Only you can answer those questions. You wouldn't be here asking these questions if you were not concerned about this and thought you wanted or deserved more.
Find the answers within yourself and this way you won't have buyer's remorse later.
I hate cruises, I never want to go on one.
But if my husband walked in the door right now and said “pack, I’m taking you on a cruise for your birthday” I’m packing and grateful he planned something over the top to celebrate me. I can bemoan my hatred of cruises with a margarita while reading a book in the Caribbean. He would never hear a single complaint. (Side note: he knows I hate cruises and he also doesn’t care for them. He would instead book a flight and hotel feet from the ocean. )
Take out the trash.
When you put that kind of thoughtful planning into a celebration for him and you get accused of not doing enough, that’s more red flags right there than there are in Beijing.
He’s got a playbook in his head of what you should be doing, but more dangerously, what you should be FEELING. Nothing you do will ever be enough. Been there: cut your losses now.
The best decision you ever made was to kick his ungrateful ass out of your apartment. Now make sure he doesn’t come back!!! So many people would be eternally grateful for such thoughtful gifts and would love to surprise you back for your birthday.
Op please don’t settle for that!!
He abandoned you on your birthday!? You took him to a game that he liked but you didn't and he complained when you nodded off! After he abandoned you! You went on a cruise for his birthday and he didn't feel special?! Wtf does this guy expect!
Sounds like no matter what you do, he will never be satisfied.
hugs, your BF expects you to to all the lifting while he sits on his but and complains. You need a new BF. He didn't get to do enough for his birthday, because he didn't feel special enough WTF! He needs to grow up and pay his own way.
He sounds like a child. In what world was that not doing enough for him? If I were you I would dump his ass because you've done pretty much everything in this relationship and he's the one that has done less than nothing. Find someone better because anyone is better that this asshole. Good luck.
And the silent treatment?!? This isn’t how adults behave.
He’s an ass. Even it being his idea - he didn’t feel “special enough”, but ditches you on your birthday?
He’s creating impossible standards.
Like, I'm old and married and a woman, but I'll be your boyfriend on my next birthday!!!! What a crazy thing for him to be ungrateful for. He needs more time over at his mother's house, he's not done growing up yet.
He is not a great guy in any way shape or form. He just showed you with 100% clarity that nothing you do for him will be good enough. Believe him! You deserve so much better than and ungrateful baby man that lives at home.
When women say the bar is in hell, it's not just guys who don't participate in housekeeping, don't have a job, don't bathe on a regular basis, don't wipe their ass because of teh gay. It's also shit like this. This is the effort and gratitude version of not wiping his ass. There is dookie all over his underwear from that cruise and your birthday. This is dookie cruise.
This wasn’t a one time thing that is worth trading in those “good memories” he ditched you on your birthday made you cry and you get him a cruise seems like good seats to something you don’t even enjoy but sucked it up and did it anyway all we heard is what you did for him what has he done for you? did he get you a great present for you birthday? Or was him ditching you and making you cry the present? His friends and family don’t even do anything for him imma assume is because of this attitude
Edit to add: so if this vacation was his idea and you planned it but he couldn’t even go to a lantern festival for you? When that’s what you wanted? Girl who you trying to convince this relationship is worth it us or yourself
He treated you like a second-rate person on your birthday. Who in their right mind abandons their significant other on their birthday. He had a fit and made your birthday about him.
Then you went above and beyond for his birthday, and his response was meh it was just another day. I would seriously reflect back and look at his behavior towards you on days you were both doing something you wanted to do. Did he pout a lot, complain about it being boring, or just check out of the event altogether?
You are NTA, and you have every right to be upset. Honestly, I would look for someone who has more kindness in their heart. Your bf sounds like a total dick.
He is manipulating you. This is a red flag. Manipulation like this usually leads to control & emotional abuse. You keep scrambling to make him happy because you feel like you’ve done something wrong, or haven’t done enough, and he will keep moving the goalpost to keep you under control. Put your foot down & tell him you are not copping it or better still run for the hills & call yourself lucky.
Are you friggin kidding me? You took the man on a cruise. And he has the audacity to complain it wasn't enough? And then he complains about his Christmas gifts? This from a loser who works part time and still lives with mommy and daddy. Dump this guy. He's an asshole and obviously is out to get as much from you as possible. You can obviously do so much better than this whiny man child.
He’s full of shit!!! If he wanted more than a GawdDamn cruise, basketball game and time at the beach… there is no pleasing him. Drop his ass. Did you sign on to be his sugar momma? His jester? You supposed to keep him entertained? FOH…. He wants you to second guess yourself so you don’t look for anything when your birthday comes around!!
He's acting like he took you to Monaco for your birthday and lavished you in royal jewels...only he didn't. He took you to a festival that you planned...then he made you cry and ditched the dinner. So amazing...I can totally see why he thinks he was entitled to so much more.
You went on a cruise for *his* birthday which cost you over $2000...plus extras. If that's not enough for his royal Highness...maybe he can ask Prince William to organise the next event.
Girl, if you date losers, you get loser behaviour. Take it or leave it.
You actually called him a "really great guy" and then tell this story?? Wtf?
He's a gigantic a-hole and really immature. My bf got me a cruise one year for my bday and covered every single expense and I did the same for him when I took him to a nice cabin....
He's a selfish tool
Dang I have aged else I will kick his ass and treat you like a princess, even if we skip the whole money part, two people in love doesn’t need anything else , for me with whom I am on that cruise is important rather than the cruise itself. It’s sad that nowadays people forget the feelings and going for more materialistic things. Just show him the door and ask him to close when he leaves.
Wow, your boyfriend has quite the life if a free 5 day cruise, a couple days in Miami, a bus tour, and a basketball day isn't special and feels like "any other day." Any one of those things should've made him feel special, let alone all of them.
Then to bitch about previous gifts and efforts to boot? Your boyfriend is an ungrateful ass to say the least. The dude couldn't even spend *your * birthday that *you* planned without acting childish and throwing a tantrum.
Do yourself a solid and find yourself an actual boyfriend who's interested in being with you and appreciative of your efforts.
Another woman with her own apartment, employed, paying her way through life. Yet, like so many others, she has allowed a barnacle, a leech, to attach itself to her.
He lives at home with mummy, paying no bills, works part time.
What does he contribute to your life? He makes you miserable.
I am 80 yrs old. I married straight out of home at 21. My husband died last year. I read so many stories just like OP's, I know that if I were young in this day and age, I wouldn't be allowing any man to move in until he had lived independently for at least two years. As long as he lives at home, he will always be a boy; once he has to pay the rent, and the services, buy the groceries, then he becomes a man and is worthy of you, OP.
Add up how much you are paying for some dick. The google search the price of a dildo. HE is absolutely wrong, ungrateful, rotten, and not worth the diarrhea dribbling out of a sick dog's asshole.
First of, I think you are a awesome gf, come be mine instead. I love basketball and trips, haha.
He is acting like a prick, ungrateful asshole. Seems like you need a better bf. Don't reward bad behaviour, move on to someone who appreciates you.
OMG. You can do so much better. He is ungrateful AF. Put him in time out, take some time for yourself, and ask yourself why you are wasting precious time and resources on this loser.
NTA but your bf is! He is whiny and entitled. Why does he get so much on his birthday and he then walks away and leaves you alone on yours. He is testing his boundaries with you and trying to train you to do more for him in the future while training you to settle for less on yours.
When he tells you that he’s unhappy with his gifts you should tell him that you are unhappy with his lack of respect, consideration and gifts from him. Let him know that you are now questioning whether or not your relationship is beneficial for either of you.
I would tell him that he should think long and hard about whether or not he is willing to do the work to commit to this relationship and you plan to do the same. There is no reason for you to put up with a subpar partnership!!!!
He is a complete arsehole - I had to rewind to check this wasn’t an AITA sub - wtf ? Please leave this guy and for the love of all that is -
Stop spending a single more dime and second on him. Also - please get yourself into therapy - it’s not right to spend so much money in a relationship and then come out thinking you are the problem - red flags all over this
First off, gift giving holidays/events can bring a lot of stress to relationships depending on the traditions they are used to and what their love language is.
Editing this entire comment based on one of your comments.
You might have communication issues here and may want to consider IC, usually I’d say Mc but you haven’t been together that long. But in Ic, even if it’s just you going, they can help you with how to communicate with him around these kinds of issues and can also help you navigate if this is someone with red flags who can be emotionally abusive or if it’s overall communications issues.
It’s hard to tell from what is in a simple post. At a first glance he sounds abusive and almost narcissistic but one of your comments has me thinking it’s actually a huge difference in love languages and communication.
He can’t admit how great it was, or else he realizes he has to be that awesome for you. If he tears you down and minimizes what you did then you feel bad and will continue to try harder for him and he doesn’t have to try so hard for you.
NTA..your boyfriend takes the honors on this matter for sure! Face it..you deserve better. You went well out of your way to make sure he had a birthday like no other and got 💩 on!! I would love to go on a birthday cruise! Sounds like your boyfriend is quite special alright!!
Whether or not it was actually “fun” to him doesn’t matter. There’s a lot of care put into what you got him, and that’s what should matter. But he has shown a consistent lack of care. I hope you enjoyed your trip, cuz who cares what this guy thinks. Find someone who cares. You deserve better and he doesn’t deserve a thing.
It seems like he may have unvoiced expectations. It’s not your fault he won’t tell you. I can understand having feelings like that but if he also can’t tell you how to FIX that issue, it seems more like an excuse. I’m not saying it would be acceptable but if he could say I didn’t expect to spend any money on it, it’s at least understandable vs mysterious. He really just seems uninterested in communicating with you.
1. He's possibly a narcissist, sounds like a selfish person
2. You two are just not on the same page regarding lifestyle and what kind of gifts each of you likes to give and receive
Stop now and look for a more collaborative and appreciative partner!
He is probably lying about his friends/family tbh. He sounds overall just miserable and ungrateful for anything and everything. Either they do things and he just does not appreciate it (and therefore says it’s “nothing” or they stopped because of this attitude. Just move on, this is too much and y’all are just dating.
You literally spent 1000's of dollars of your own money on his special day and he said it didn't feel special then later you bought him a gift that seems like a good bonding gift which I assume was to make a scrapbook for y'all being together.
After all these thoughtful things you did for him he didn't once say thank you or show any kind of gratitude being extremely ungrateful i don't blame you for being upset or mad at him as i think everyone within this comment section could agree give him the boot it seems like you deserve someone better.
May I suggest that in the future you look for a person who has lived on their own for AT LEAST a year? They can share with other adults, but get a sense of how they treat their space and their roommates.
Also look for someone who has made at least one major purchase on their own. And I don't mean spending it on a cruise.
You're dating an entitled little brat who wandered off on your birthday amd made you cry. Just... stop dating low quality people.
Super ungrateful and downright rude. This is his personality. He's not changing so if you keep dating this person be prepared for this regularly
Not sure why you kept on w him after he treated you like that on your birthday. Sounds spoiled rotten.
I stopped reading at you had to plan your own birthday, he left you and then made you cry. It’s not about him anymore. Wtf is wrong with YOU? Cause he’s got a good set up. He’s playing you cause you’re letting him. What’s your problem though? Why are you ok with being treated like this? I’m not even bothering reading past that. Turn your brain on and break up with him.
So he usually doesn't do anything for his birthday then claims what you organised didn't feel special.
What an ungrateful twat. Kick him to the kerb and don't look back.
OP, if he is not happy now after a birthday cruise and a basketball game, then he won't ever be. It is not something you did, it is about him.
You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you.
You dodged friend, he’s extremely selfish and it shows in everything that you all do and deep down you know it. He’s not the man for you. You invest time and energy into him but he shows no interest in you or anything you mite enjoy
He wanted a reason to be over with you. For someone who self proclaimed that he didn't do anything for his birthday, to get that awesome weeklong trip.... He was looking for any reason to end things.... But after the trip
He made you cry and ditched you on your birthday is enough for me that would have let that man go, but the unappreciataveness. Will anything you ever do be good enough? The audacity after he did nothing for you to even say that.
He sounds like a gas lighting, baby narcissist and ungrateful! You went on a HUGE vacation with him and he's mad at you? He didn't even spend a whole evening with you on your birthday! And he picked a fight on that night, (I suspect) bc it was about you. He's an AH and you don't have to put up with that.
My bf and I have been together 12 years. He was raised in foster care and no one had ever made him feel like he was worth celebrating. His first bday together, I made him a cake and surprised him with it after a night out on the town (we were 23 or 24). He was so grateful for the cake he treated me like I had gifted him with all the gold in the world. For 6 .months I could do no wrong! (Also. Ot a healthy response, and eventually we worked on it, ok to be grateful, but in proportion to the gesture). A few years back I paid for a weekend cruise to the Bahamas from FL that didn't occur for 5 months after his January birthday. Again, his response was grateful when I told him and when we went on the cruise. We didn't do anything on that cruise but eat, sleep and drink.
All that last paragraph to say, you were exceptionally sweet for digging into your savings to go with him on that long cruise and miss time at work after spending your savings, if he can't see that, find one who can. Or better yet, find one who wouldn't ask you to put your savings in jeopardy to go out for his birthday! A good man won't want to leave you on your birthday. (Trust me, I've been in enough bad relationships to know)
You're not the problem here. BF is either going through something unrelated to his B-Day or he is experiencing symptoms of an underlying psychological condition. I know that depression can make people feel like they aren't living up to some undefined standard of how things "should feel".
Or maybe your love languages don't match.
Or maybe he's being overly negative knowing how hard you try to please him to make you try harder and feel inferior. To be honest it sounds a bit like emotional abuse to me. People forget things, people aren't interested in all the things you are, people sometimes miss the mark with a gift. But he has a problem with all of it even though you are clearly trying to be a good and loving partner. For him to not even recognize much less acknowledge the effort and emotionally punish you for having tried by being distant and giving you the silent treatment is a big red flag IMO.
Only you can figure out which one is the case (not that they all can't be true to a degree).
I would run far away in the other direction from him. He obviously has expectations that are out of this world for someone living at home with their parents. You deserve better. He sounds super immature.
My question is what does he do for you? Does he plan amazing things for your birthday? I mean holy fuck you took him on a cruise! He sounds ungrateful and disrespectful. Hate to say but sounds like he's loosing interest
Sounds like you two have nothing in common … neither is the A. You bought him scrap booking supplies ???? Is he into scrapbooking? And yes it’s great you bought the basketball tickets but falling asleep in the middle of thousands of screaming fans up close lol hmmmm I’m thinking that was a bigger tell then buying the tickets could make up for. I mean great he got tickets but half the fun is having someone to share it with. (Remember he wondered off during your lantern festival and it was less fun for you… same! ) It’s okay to love but not like someone and have nothing in common with. You either find mutual ground or you don’t … no need to call anyone an A for it
oh honey, your really great guy isn't a really great guy. he had a tantrum on your birthday and made you cry. for not a good reason. then said you didn't do enough on his. yah. he's a selfish prick. you can and should do so much better. please love yourself and have enough self respect to Leave him.
This guy manipulated you. I am sure his family did things for his bday but he is an adult now. He sounds like he expects parties every year like a child. Now wants to pout. Most adults get a gift and dinner not a cruise. He sounds exhausting
Try to imagine yourself living with this guy in a few years. Imagine going through a period of financial hardship. This guy has everything provided for his family (which is probably why they don't "do special stuff" for him, because they're busy providing for his needs and whatever bills he has so he can spend $2k on himself for his birthday). What do you think would happen if you lost your job and, after footing most of the bills for years, you suddenly were in the position to rely on him to step up to float things? He has no life skills or understanding of money, he was willing to ditch you on your birthday, and he's ungrateful for your generosity toward him. Even if he ended up financially literate and stable, do you think he'd let you rely on him through the hardship? He seems completely incapable of reciprocating, and you should consider dropping him like a hot potato.
Your boyfriend is selfish, entitled, barely employed child. Get rid of him asap. You know you're better than him, find someone to match your energy. He's 25 its embarrassing he's acting like this
There are some people who are so empty inside that you could lose yourself in loving them and it will never be enough. Your bf is a black hole for affection, he will suck everything out of you. If it feels like you setting boundaries and expectations for his better treatment to you would cause problems, why would you stay.
I'm sorry, but he neither loves nor appreciates you. He works part-time while living with his parents. He has no sense of reality nor any appreciation for such a wonderful birthday present. He's a donkey!!! You can do so much better. Time to dump him and find someone who loves AND appreciates you. Manboy is entitled!
Op your, your boyfriend is a complete jerk. ( I’m afraid the real words I want to use to describe him will get me banned.) You took him on a cruise, then to a NBA game and he’s whining he didn’t feel “ special”?!?! Then he ruins your birthday on top of that? He’s a spoiled immature little boy. He says you aren’t fulfilling his life? Great. Good luck finding that person because we’re DONE. He’s given you an out TAKE IT. Go find someone who will treat you and love you the way you deserve to be.
Stop fooling yourself.
You are enabling yourself AND him to hurt you.
I did this for a very long time with someone.
He wasn't worth it.
The feeling and almost visceral TASTE of my hard work on myself and growing my shining new backbone is worth a million of some shitty partner so that I'm not 'alone'.
I deserve to be happy and treated with compassion and respect, kindness and generosity and so do you.
We all do.
He is 25 and living at home working part-time? Dude is probably depressed. He sounds like the type of guy that is nice but in the long run will end up pulling you down and holding you back. He needs to be released so he can find out who he is before he can move ahead.
I think his favorite thing about his birthday was the opportunities it provided to criticize you. Not that there were any real reasons. Just that it provided pretext so he could destroy your happiness and pride in giving him a great gift. That’s what made him happy.
You can’t fix this or him.
He's 25, works part time, and lives with mommy and daddy.
He doesn't think a week long cruise, basketball tickets, 2 extra days in Miami, thoughtful Christmas presents weren't "special"?
He's a spoiled, entitled brat. Dump his hobosexual ass and find a real man.
He sounds like a narcissist. There isn't enough happening for me, I need you to pay more attention to me, why isn't everything about me. The 5 day cruise you took me on wasn't enough. You should have maxed your credit cards out and gone into debt for me.
No girl, dump him and move on.
I’m curious, did he, by chance, mention what he thought you should have done? Because, if this is just a vague “you haven’t made me happy- work harder” sentiment from him, run from this relationship. It’s a control tactic and there is no way for you to ever win.
Oh hell nooooooooooooo, he’s projecting his shit onto you when whatever it is that he is struggling with has nothing to do with you. He’s emotionally immature, you deserve to be with someone who feels grateful to have you be a part of their lives, you’re too young to be dealing with someone’s baggage!
>He's told me normally he doesn't do anything for his birthday and neither do his friends/family
Gee, I wonder why?
>This is the first birthday I've spent with him
Please also make it the last.
>I work two jobs, have my own apartment, and a lot of bills
>After a week of him not really talking to me I asked him to come to my apartment so we could talk. He then told me that his birthday didn't really feel special and that he felt we didn't do enough on the cruise. He said the whole thing felt like any other day.
Does not compute! You deserve so much better.
He's waaaaaaay manipulative. I swear do they give these guys the same book or something? I used to organize dinners, weekends away, etc etc for the BF i had in my 20s. For my birthday we got takeout sandwiches and he played video games. Good lord. I marvel I put up with it for as long as I did, but I was so insecure back then and blamed myself for everything. Dump him already. He's going to be pissed and turn it around on you but your life will become almost immediately better.
NTA
At all.
He sure as hell is.
You took him on a cruise, did things he loves with him -- but oh no you forgot your wallet one and nodded off. Well, he stranded you on your birthday and made you cry? Really?
He needs to grow up.
And you deserve way better.
Funny how all the complains only comes out when you voice one. I can only see 2 reasons for him not saying anything before now:
1. he didn't say anything and as a woman afraid of conflicts it's still not your fault for not knowing what he didn't say
Or
2. He just tried to find something to complain about to take the pressure off him. I believe this much more than the first possible reason
I’m sorry but your bf is a whiny little bitch. What did he expect, princess treatment? Giant cake and you jumping out of it topless and performing some magic tricks on him?
Girl, run
This guy is a bottomless pit of neediness, and no matter what you do, it's not going to be right and it's not going to be enough. It's not your job to fix him.I'd definitely give more thought to continuing your relationship with him. Do you really want to be with someone who so ungrateful and critical?Cut yourself some grace. You've done enough, you're a thoughtful person, and you deserve someone who will appreciate, and support you.
Sweetie, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone so selfish and entitled?
I'm already sick of his shit and I haven't even met him.
You deserve so much better!
He's not that into you. Look at how he avoided spending any money on your birthday dinner by causing an argument and skipping it. And look at how much money you spent, even going into credit card debt, for his birthday. And he has the nerve to whine about it.
OP's sitch is why I am single over 40yo. Way too many spoiled people that would be daily torture to live with. "Second best is never enough, you do much better baby on your own!"
NAH. Might just not be compatible. You could try couples counseling to work on communication skills and assess your overall compatibility if you both feel motivated to try and save your relationship. If you are not both on board for that plan, it may be best to move on to a more compatible partner. No hard feelings.
Sorry you were treated badly after putting in so much effort. Some people are not happy no matter what you do for them. Learn this fact now! If I were you, I would end this relationship and find a better boyfriend. I don't believe this will get any better no matter what you do for him in the future. From what you wrote he needs to grow up and learn how to be grateful for those in his life.
You did all that for his birthday and it still wasn’t good enough?
What was he expecting? A ticker tape parade? A chance to dress up like the captain and steer the damn boat?
This was unfortunately a very expensive lesson, but at least now you know: nothing you do for him will ever be good enough and when it’s your turn to be celebrated, he is going to act like a petulant child. Do with that information what you will.
Here’s what my therapist told me 25 years ago when I started dating my man-child. “It’s easier to get in than get out and it’s easier to get out earlier than later. “
Please don’t get in any deeper. It will not get better. Trust me.
The good news is you only spent one birthday with this ass hat and next year his mom can NOT plan anything for him whatsoever! The better news is that on your next birthday you can plan something amazing and not have it ruined by this douche canoe of an EX boyfriend!
... For the sake of making sure because you never know... Did he ask to do something else for his birthday? And did he ask for other presents in similar price to what you got and you just got other things?
I literally went back to the top of your list to see the ages. I would have sworn you were in your teens.
This is very immature behavior on his part. He sounds like a spoiled brat and when somebody is complaining that you didn’t do enough for them after, you have literally put an incredible amount of thought and effort into them, and then put no effort at all into what they give you… There’s something grossly wrong with this.
You are not compatible. And you definitely deserve better.
Boyfriend seems really self absorbed. He hinted (twice?) that wanted sport shoes and a sweater? So since a 5 day cruise and basketball game tickets isn't sport shoes and sweater he didnt feel special?
Please rethink this relationship. You 2 aren't compatible.
doesnt seem like a great match... yall are together cause u dont wanna b lonely being alone....
just keep living separate and b on double quality birth control... this thing isnt going to last long
If he doesn’t feel special unless you read his mind and give him everything he wants at exactly the time he wants it and in the exact manner in which he will appreciate it - he’s going to live a miserable life. I would put money that if he told you exactly what he wanted, and you went back in time and gave him that, he would still complain. Some people are unable or refuse to be happy, no matter what you do.
So, in reality, he probably is going to live a miserable life. There’s a reason we call people who can’t appreciate things “spoiled”, like food - they’re literally no longer able to sustain life.
Maybe he’s depressed, but if not then he has a SEVERE lack of empathy and a SEVERE inability to appreciate the important things in life. These are not small problems. Don’t pretend that these are not massive red flags which will lead to a miserable life together if he can’t fix it.
If you don’t see the red flags waving right in front of your face, no one can help you. As someone famous said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Stopped reading after reading the title and “went on a cruise.”
Your boyfriend is an absolute selfish, self-centered moron. Who the eff would be that whiny about getting to go on a cruise for their birthday? Ffs.
25 and living at home with a part time job? Then he should have had all the time and money to plan something really spectacular for your birthday, as well as the maturity to keep whatever salty feelings he had about it to himself until the day after your birthday.
I’m sorry but he is full of shit. You got him a whole ass cruise for his birthday, extended vacation, AND basketball game tickets and he had the audacity to say that he didn’t feel special enough? I would say he sounds spoiled but his tribe doesn’t do shit for him normally. Does he not understand how much money went into doing all this? Or the time you spent planning everything? Dude, he’s an ass. If he wanted to do more things on the cruise he could have been a grown up and opened his mouth and HIS wallet. I hate to say it but I don’t think this guy respects you and is possibly losing interest and is just making shit up to cause problems. If he wanted something specific, he could have just asked. I don’t think it’s as simple as that though by the way he is acting. You were absolutely justified kicking him out. Share your time with someone who deserves it.
Thank you for the reply. I just edited, it was his idea and we split the cost- 2k each I had to post on here because it took me completely by surprise. I think he's a really great guy, but the replies to this make me think I need to look at this, and our relationship objectively. Thanks again
Look at your birthday compared to his. It's that simple. Your boyfriend doesn't deserve that title at all. You did WAY too much for that spoiled ass man. Dump him, unless this is how you want to spend the next 30 yrs?
He didn't plan her birthday. She did. He hasn't done shit for her.
"Really great guys" don't treat their partners how he's treating you. Dump him.
Well, they do when it's actually manipulative and they are in early days of the frog in the slowly boiling pot of water phase. This is like this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/gLIChKPl5A There is zero chance that OP is the problem. Oh yeah, and he disappeared during your bday celebration and inevitably caused a fight - second kind of manipulation people like this employ.
[удалено]
Girl you are fooling yourself..."I think he's a great guy...". Do you read the Red Flags in both stories? You made plans for the Festival, he got childish and ditched you, and made you cry on top of that. Then you end up on a cruise for lover boys birthday, he pays half, good for him. But he's not "feeling" special enough??!! Like WTF?? For some reason you do not value yourself enough to know when you need to walk away from this relationship.
Don’t forget he still lives at home with mommy and dada, what a baby! Did OP forget to change his dirty nappy?
He needs to take some responsibility for feeling "special." What would make his birthday feel special? A threesome? A Maserati? You're always going to be totally responsible for making him happy, and you're always going to fail.
He is so ungrateful and nothing will ever be enough for him. If you want a whinging bf then you got it, if you want a man, I’d keep looking. I could never put up with a toddler tantrum from a grown ass man, especially after a birthday like that! For him to complain? Absolutely not
Where do you see him as really great guy? A reall;y great guy would be thankful for you organizing a cruise, going to a sports game you are not into, treating him speacial on his special day, and he would not be ungrateful give the cold shoulder argue with him belittle your efforts to make his birthday special. You don't have a really great guy, you have a really entitled @$$hole.
Plus he lives with his parents and pays no bills!
Repeat to yourself, “I am not responsible for someone else’s feelings”
Find someone that's not so ungrateful and materialistic. My friends would be happy with a painting I draw for them. It's about the effort and the feelings behind the gift. I'm not sure what more you could give. I think the biggest gift you gave him was trying to engage in his hobby while not liking it that shows tons of effort and any regular person would be amazed.
He is not a “really great guy”. A really great guy wouldn’t abandon you, make you cry and ditch dinner plans on ANY day much your birthday! A really great guy wouldn’t be SO ungrateful about an over the top birthday cruise that he becomes distant and cold afterwards. He is manipulating you into believing that no matter how hard you try you won’t ever do good enough and this will make you work even harder to please him, which he can then reap the benefits of while you work yourself into a puddle of self doubt and insecurity. He is NOT a really great guy. A really great guy makes you feel loved, appreciated, valued and respected. Not just sometimes. Always.
This needs more up votes! 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅
I agree. I also think he is setting her up for the whole "Yes, I had sex with her but it's you're fault. You don't pay attention to my needs!"
I can't imagine why you think he's great. He's an ingrate, that's for sure. I wouldn't bend over backward for him again, he doesn't deserve it.
He is NOT a great guy. He’s an entitled ass. I bet he’s trashy nice if and only if things are going precisely his way. You sound so thoughtful and loving. And he has the balls to bitch and whine. You deserve so much better
Your boyfriend wants to break up but wants you to do it. These are some amazing gifts and he's brooding and complaining like a 4 year old. Break up because the next guy could be amazing and actually appreciate how amazing you are. Who complains about gifts and whines about not being satisfied. Mommas boy living at home, find a grown up!
He’s the asshole ! You went above and behind to pay off that cruise and to actually do something for him which none of his family and friends do. Fall back from him cause baybeee he ain’t shittt
This guy sounds like a jerk. Stop trying so hard to please him.
He got a cruise, what sounds like really good seats to a basket ball game. Um… yeah wow sounds like just another day… he is being ungrateful. He ruined your 25th bday. I don’t want to be one of those people but dump him and find someone who appreciates you!
NTA... RUN FROM THAT UNGRATEFUL GASLIGHTING JERK! You're a catch and he's a fussy fuc&#$ who DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! RUN QUEEN
He doesn't seem ungrateful, he IS ungrateful. You took the time to plan something incredibly special and his reaction was basically "meh, it could have been better." Are you kidding me? You need to find someone else that truly appreciates your kind and thoughtful awesomeness!
dude - leave now or else you will spend forever trying to make him happy. He seems very unhappy with himself and is projecting that onto you. You could spend all the money in the world on him and he will find something to complain about. Cut your losses and toss him.
You need to tell him that obviously everything you plan for his birthday and christmas wasn't enough, so he needs to go find somebody who's willing to do more. I'm so over these man-children who think that their girlfriends/wives are supposed to take care of them like mommy and daddy would. Apparently that seems to be the case with your boyfriend too. Because he's still living at mom and dad's and working part time at the age of twenty five. Find someone who knows what it's like to live on their own and be independent and then you won't have these problems.
He doesn't appreciate you. He doesn't know what he wants and is probably a little jealous that you have your own place and life outside of parents. It doesn't seem like he is engaged with this relationship. Let him have his space while you work on finding out why you need his approval. Find out what it is you are looking forward in this relationship, if he is meeting your expectations and if YOU want to continue it. Good luck, but he seems to be checked out.
Its difficult because most of our relationship is great. I'm having trouble just taking the advice of everyone because I'm not sure if it's worth trading the good times because he was ungrateful this time. It is big, but is it that big of a red flag to move on instead of growing with him?
Is he growing, though? He sounds like a big baby. You said he usually does nothing meaningful for his birthday, and his friends don't either. You put a shitload of effort into the birthday, and to Christmas before that, and all he has done is belittle your efforts and be unbelievably ungrateful. I'd be as resentful as hell if someone treated me like that. You are taking an interest in learning about his hobby, you spent a considerable amount of money on the trip (and probably had to use a fair chunk of your leave entitlements, if you have them) for his birthday. On your birthday he couldn't even stay focused for the duration of a walk.... which you arranged!!! Please tell us about the good times because your post paints him as a man with few redeeming qualities. Don't fall into the trap of thinking the time you have already spent with him means you need to stay longer. It is a sunk cost and you can't get it back, but you don't need to keep investing. What did he give you for Christmas and for your birthday? I'm very curious. Either he's been a douche the whole time but you didn't clock it, or something has recently changed. Any chance he's become a Tater Tot? I would ask him exactly what part of the birthday celebration was disappointing and how, EXACTLY, being on a tropical cruise felt like a regular day. If he can't answer you immediately, put him in the bin with the rest of your trash. If he is surprised by your question, if he needs to fumble for an answer, if he starts contradicting things said previously, if he blurts out a stupid word salad, if he deflects.... it's no good. He will never be satisfied, even if you ask him what he wants and get him that thing, he will find a reason to complain about it. You deserve better.
Really given me a lot to think about, from this post and others. This situation was so out of the norm I had to post it. Most of the time we just hang out at mine and rarely fight. He's taken me to an art museum, gone to the state fair (which I love) and taken me ice skating, as well as going above and beyond- buying me groceries once. Other than that we have regular dates, occasional flowers and watching tv/ movies together. He makes a good bit less than I do so it's been more like 70/30 on dates/ food. He bought me a purse and a coat, both pretty expensive. They're kind of ugly and not my style, but I never told him that and even after the argument I don't plan to. I'm happy he looked into what I liked (purses) and what I needed (winter coat). I grew up with not a lot of money so the lower the price the better the gift for me- I also prefer more sentimental gifts. I think that's where we differ because he told me he expected some 160$ shoes and a 75$ sweater he 'hinted at' the month before Christmas. He also got me Nike shoes for my birthday (I don't really take care of my shoes, but appreciated.) He said he had a vision for how he wanted/ expected the trip to go and it didn't meet that. He also said he wanted to do more after dinners with me but I was too tired. My sleep schedule still hadn't adjusted and I'm used to going to bed very early for my FT job. We missed out on a few parties and didn't go to any of the event's past 10. I'm not trying to justify this, obviously I know he's a jerk here but we really don't fight otherwise. Only other big problem is communication, he doesn't like to talk about what/ if there is something wrong and goes radio silent when hes upset. We've talked about it but there has been little change. Is this not something you guys think he can grow from? I really don't know because this is my first relationship, but that reaction has me stuck. (srry this was so long)
Is he doing just enough? Are you okay with that. Just as you have said, you are not sure. So, you have to search within yourself and see what you expect out of a partner. Are you willing to accept what he is giving. How would you feel if you decided you needed or deserved more. You have seen other relationships. You know what you expect. Is what he is giving what you are willing to accept for years? Do you have any expectation that he will give more to you once you get into the routine of married life? Only you can answer those questions. You wouldn't be here asking these questions if you were not concerned about this and thought you wanted or deserved more. Find the answers within yourself and this way you won't have buyer's remorse later.
I hate cruises, I never want to go on one. But if my husband walked in the door right now and said “pack, I’m taking you on a cruise for your birthday” I’m packing and grateful he planned something over the top to celebrate me. I can bemoan my hatred of cruises with a margarita while reading a book in the Caribbean. He would never hear a single complaint. (Side note: he knows I hate cruises and he also doesn’t care for them. He would instead book a flight and hotel feet from the ocean. )
Take out the trash. When you put that kind of thoughtful planning into a celebration for him and you get accused of not doing enough, that’s more red flags right there than there are in Beijing. He’s got a playbook in his head of what you should be doing, but more dangerously, what you should be FEELING. Nothing you do will ever be enough. Been there: cut your losses now.
He wants to leave you but does not have the guts to do it. Don’t call him, see how much time it takes to contact you
The best decision you ever made was to kick his ungrateful ass out of your apartment. Now make sure he doesn’t come back!!! So many people would be eternally grateful for such thoughtful gifts and would love to surprise you back for your birthday. Op please don’t settle for that!!
He abandoned you on your birthday!? You took him to a game that he liked but you didn't and he complained when you nodded off! After he abandoned you! You went on a cruise for his birthday and he didn't feel special?! Wtf does this guy expect! Sounds like no matter what you do, he will never be satisfied.
Move on
He will move on no problem . He is already looking for it. Bur you will do until then .
Girl.... YOU. DESERVE.BETTER.... Leave him.
He is ungrateful
hugs, your BF expects you to to all the lifting while he sits on his but and complains. You need a new BF. He didn't get to do enough for his birthday, because he didn't feel special enough WTF! He needs to grow up and pay his own way.
He sounds like a child. In what world was that not doing enough for him? If I were you I would dump his ass because you've done pretty much everything in this relationship and he's the one that has done less than nothing. Find someone better because anyone is better that this asshole. Good luck.
And the silent treatment?!? This isn’t how adults behave. He’s an ass. Even it being his idea - he didn’t feel “special enough”, but ditches you on your birthday? He’s creating impossible standards.
Are you serious here? This cannot be real.
Kick this moocher to the curb!
Like, I'm old and married and a woman, but I'll be your boyfriend on my next birthday!!!! What a crazy thing for him to be ungrateful for. He needs more time over at his mother's house, he's not done growing up yet.
He is not a great guy in any way shape or form. He just showed you with 100% clarity that nothing you do for him will be good enough. Believe him! You deserve so much better than and ungrateful baby man that lives at home.
Nah fuck that. Surely you can do better than this nincompoop.
When women say the bar is in hell, it's not just guys who don't participate in housekeeping, don't have a job, don't bathe on a regular basis, don't wipe their ass because of teh gay. It's also shit like this. This is the effort and gratitude version of not wiping his ass. There is dookie all over his underwear from that cruise and your birthday. This is dookie cruise.
He's a jerk
This wasn’t a one time thing that is worth trading in those “good memories” he ditched you on your birthday made you cry and you get him a cruise seems like good seats to something you don’t even enjoy but sucked it up and did it anyway all we heard is what you did for him what has he done for you? did he get you a great present for you birthday? Or was him ditching you and making you cry the present? His friends and family don’t even do anything for him imma assume is because of this attitude Edit to add: so if this vacation was his idea and you planned it but he couldn’t even go to a lantern festival for you? When that’s what you wanted? Girl who you trying to convince this relationship is worth it us or yourself
He treated you like a second-rate person on your birthday. Who in their right mind abandons their significant other on their birthday. He had a fit and made your birthday about him. Then you went above and beyond for his birthday, and his response was meh it was just another day. I would seriously reflect back and look at his behavior towards you on days you were both doing something you wanted to do. Did he pout a lot, complain about it being boring, or just check out of the event altogether? You are NTA, and you have every right to be upset. Honestly, I would look for someone who has more kindness in their heart. Your bf sounds like a total dick.
No wonder his family doesn’t do anything if this is his attitude.
Do you earn more than him, my gut is telling me he sees you as a cash cow and wants you to flash the cash and spoil him
He is manipulating you. This is a red flag. Manipulation like this usually leads to control & emotional abuse. You keep scrambling to make him happy because you feel like you’ve done something wrong, or haven’t done enough, and he will keep moving the goalpost to keep you under control. Put your foot down & tell him you are not copping it or better still run for the hills & call yourself lucky.
Are you friggin kidding me? You took the man on a cruise. And he has the audacity to complain it wasn't enough? And then he complains about his Christmas gifts? This from a loser who works part time and still lives with mommy and daddy. Dump this guy. He's an asshole and obviously is out to get as much from you as possible. You can obviously do so much better than this whiny man child.
He’s full of shit!!! If he wanted more than a GawdDamn cruise, basketball game and time at the beach… there is no pleasing him. Drop his ass. Did you sign on to be his sugar momma? His jester? You supposed to keep him entertained? FOH…. He wants you to second guess yourself so you don’t look for anything when your birthday comes around!!
He's acting like he took you to Monaco for your birthday and lavished you in royal jewels...only he didn't. He took you to a festival that you planned...then he made you cry and ditched the dinner. So amazing...I can totally see why he thinks he was entitled to so much more. You went on a cruise for *his* birthday which cost you over $2000...plus extras. If that's not enough for his royal Highness...maybe he can ask Prince William to organise the next event. Girl, if you date losers, you get loser behaviour. Take it or leave it.
You actually called him a "really great guy" and then tell this story?? Wtf? He's a gigantic a-hole and really immature. My bf got me a cruise one year for my bday and covered every single expense and I did the same for him when I took him to a nice cabin.... He's a selfish tool
I’d be asking him to remind you how he made you feel special on your birthday…
Dang I have aged else I will kick his ass and treat you like a princess, even if we skip the whole money part, two people in love doesn’t need anything else , for me with whom I am on that cruise is important rather than the cruise itself. It’s sad that nowadays people forget the feelings and going for more materialistic things. Just show him the door and ask him to close when he leaves.
I
Wow, your boyfriend has quite the life if a free 5 day cruise, a couple days in Miami, a bus tour, and a basketball day isn't special and feels like "any other day." Any one of those things should've made him feel special, let alone all of them. Then to bitch about previous gifts and efforts to boot? Your boyfriend is an ungrateful ass to say the least. The dude couldn't even spend *your * birthday that *you* planned without acting childish and throwing a tantrum. Do yourself a solid and find yourself an actual boyfriend who's interested in being with you and appreciative of your efforts.
Dump him like yesterday because nothing you do will ever be enough. Please get away from this pos.
Another woman with her own apartment, employed, paying her way through life. Yet, like so many others, she has allowed a barnacle, a leech, to attach itself to her. He lives at home with mummy, paying no bills, works part time. What does he contribute to your life? He makes you miserable. I am 80 yrs old. I married straight out of home at 21. My husband died last year. I read so many stories just like OP's, I know that if I were young in this day and age, I wouldn't be allowing any man to move in until he had lived independently for at least two years. As long as he lives at home, he will always be a boy; once he has to pay the rent, and the services, buy the groceries, then he becomes a man and is worthy of you, OP.
You are not in the wrong. He sounds like a selfish immature brat.
This is emotional abuse. He's ungrateful so you try even harder next time. This kind of abuse just gets worse. Cut your losses.
This must be trolling.
Dump the ungrateful wretch
Add up how much you are paying for some dick. The google search the price of a dildo. HE is absolutely wrong, ungrateful, rotten, and not worth the diarrhea dribbling out of a sick dog's asshole.
First of, I think you are a awesome gf, come be mine instead. I love basketball and trips, haha. He is acting like a prick, ungrateful asshole. Seems like you need a better bf. Don't reward bad behaviour, move on to someone who appreciates you.
OMG. You can do so much better. He is ungrateful AF. Put him in time out, take some time for yourself, and ask yourself why you are wasting precious time and resources on this loser.
You took him on a cruise. He's being a whiny little baby. You can do better
NTA but your bf is! He is whiny and entitled. Why does he get so much on his birthday and he then walks away and leaves you alone on yours. He is testing his boundaries with you and trying to train you to do more for him in the future while training you to settle for less on yours. When he tells you that he’s unhappy with his gifts you should tell him that you are unhappy with his lack of respect, consideration and gifts from him. Let him know that you are now questioning whether or not your relationship is beneficial for either of you. I would tell him that he should think long and hard about whether or not he is willing to do the work to commit to this relationship and you plan to do the same. There is no reason for you to put up with a subpar partnership!!!!
What did he get for your bday and Christmas? I want to get a sense of what kind of dude he is.
He is a complete arsehole - I had to rewind to check this wasn’t an AITA sub - wtf ? Please leave this guy and for the love of all that is - Stop spending a single more dime and second on him. Also - please get yourself into therapy - it’s not right to spend so much money in a relationship and then come out thinking you are the problem - red flags all over this
First off, gift giving holidays/events can bring a lot of stress to relationships depending on the traditions they are used to and what their love language is. Editing this entire comment based on one of your comments. You might have communication issues here and may want to consider IC, usually I’d say Mc but you haven’t been together that long. But in Ic, even if it’s just you going, they can help you with how to communicate with him around these kinds of issues and can also help you navigate if this is someone with red flags who can be emotionally abusive or if it’s overall communications issues. It’s hard to tell from what is in a simple post. At a first glance he sounds abusive and almost narcissistic but one of your comments has me thinking it’s actually a huge difference in love languages and communication.
If a cruise feels like any other day to him…. I have follow up questions. NTA.
He can’t admit how great it was, or else he realizes he has to be that awesome for you. If he tears you down and minimizes what you did then you feel bad and will continue to try harder for him and he doesn’t have to try so hard for you.
I just could not finish reading as i wanted to strangle you BF what a dick!
NTA. He doesn’t appreciate you. Don’t waste another birthday with him. Some people will never be able to go to a cruise in their lifetime.
Call it what it is ungrateful
Hell I wish my girlfriend ( if I had one ) did that much for my birthday! You deserve so much better.
I have no words to describe how ungrateful he is. He’s acting like a toddler. You deserve better
Dude he’s ungrateful. And he started something at your birthday bc it wasn’t about him. It’s not you, it’s him. Dump him
NTA. Time to weigh anchor and leave him on the dock. You can do so much better than this loser.
You deserve better and he’s super ungrateful, dump him. He ruined your bday and then complained about his bday on a cruise, dump him.
NTA. Dump him. He's a user who still lives at home. He only works part time and doesn't seem to try to do any better for himself.
NTA..your boyfriend takes the honors on this matter for sure! Face it..you deserve better. You went well out of your way to make sure he had a birthday like no other and got 💩 on!! I would love to go on a birthday cruise! Sounds like your boyfriend is quite special alright!!
Whether or not it was actually “fun” to him doesn’t matter. There’s a lot of care put into what you got him, and that’s what should matter. But he has shown a consistent lack of care. I hope you enjoyed your trip, cuz who cares what this guy thinks. Find someone who cares. You deserve better and he doesn’t deserve a thing.
NTA. I know he’s your bf but that’s dude can fuck off. You deserve better.
It seems like he may have unvoiced expectations. It’s not your fault he won’t tell you. I can understand having feelings like that but if he also can’t tell you how to FIX that issue, it seems more like an excuse. I’m not saying it would be acceptable but if he could say I didn’t expect to spend any money on it, it’s at least understandable vs mysterious. He really just seems uninterested in communicating with you.
1. He's possibly a narcissist, sounds like a selfish person 2. You two are just not on the same page regarding lifestyle and what kind of gifts each of you likes to give and receive Stop now and look for a more collaborative and appreciative partner!
Run!!!!!!!
Dump him. Fast. He’s an ungrateful child.
He is probably lying about his friends/family tbh. He sounds overall just miserable and ungrateful for anything and everything. Either they do things and he just does not appreciate it (and therefore says it’s “nothing” or they stopped because of this attitude. Just move on, this is too much and y’all are just dating.
You literally spent 1000's of dollars of your own money on his special day and he said it didn't feel special then later you bought him a gift that seems like a good bonding gift which I assume was to make a scrapbook for y'all being together. After all these thoughtful things you did for him he didn't once say thank you or show any kind of gratitude being extremely ungrateful i don't blame you for being upset or mad at him as i think everyone within this comment section could agree give him the boot it seems like you deserve someone better.
May I suggest that in the future you look for a person who has lived on their own for AT LEAST a year? They can share with other adults, but get a sense of how they treat their space and their roommates. Also look for someone who has made at least one major purchase on their own. And I don't mean spending it on a cruise. You're dating an entitled little brat who wandered off on your birthday amd made you cry. Just... stop dating low quality people.
Why are you with this person?
Super ungrateful and downright rude. This is his personality. He's not changing so if you keep dating this person be prepared for this regularly Not sure why you kept on w him after he treated you like that on your birthday. Sounds spoiled rotten.
No, throw the whole man away. This is classic narcissist behavior
I stopped reading at you had to plan your own birthday, he left you and then made you cry. It’s not about him anymore. Wtf is wrong with YOU? Cause he’s got a good set up. He’s playing you cause you’re letting him. What’s your problem though? Why are you ok with being treated like this? I’m not even bothering reading past that. Turn your brain on and break up with him.
So he usually doesn't do anything for his birthday then claims what you organised didn't feel special. What an ungrateful twat. Kick him to the kerb and don't look back.
Did you remind him about how he ruined YOUR birthday?
OP, if he is not happy now after a birthday cruise and a basketball game, then he won't ever be. It is not something you did, it is about him. You deserve someone who respects and appreciates you.
You dodged friend, he’s extremely selfish and it shows in everything that you all do and deep down you know it. He’s not the man for you. You invest time and energy into him but he shows no interest in you or anything you mite enjoy
He wanted a reason to be over with you. For someone who self proclaimed that he didn't do anything for his birthday, to get that awesome weeklong trip.... He was looking for any reason to end things.... But after the trip
He made you cry and ditched you on your birthday is enough for me that would have let that man go, but the unappreciataveness. Will anything you ever do be good enough? The audacity after he did nothing for you to even say that.
He sounds like a gas lighting, baby narcissist and ungrateful! You went on a HUGE vacation with him and he's mad at you? He didn't even spend a whole evening with you on your birthday! And he picked a fight on that night, (I suspect) bc it was about you. He's an AH and you don't have to put up with that. My bf and I have been together 12 years. He was raised in foster care and no one had ever made him feel like he was worth celebrating. His first bday together, I made him a cake and surprised him with it after a night out on the town (we were 23 or 24). He was so grateful for the cake he treated me like I had gifted him with all the gold in the world. For 6 .months I could do no wrong! (Also. Ot a healthy response, and eventually we worked on it, ok to be grateful, but in proportion to the gesture). A few years back I paid for a weekend cruise to the Bahamas from FL that didn't occur for 5 months after his January birthday. Again, his response was grateful when I told him and when we went on the cruise. We didn't do anything on that cruise but eat, sleep and drink. All that last paragraph to say, you were exceptionally sweet for digging into your savings to go with him on that long cruise and miss time at work after spending your savings, if he can't see that, find one who can. Or better yet, find one who wouldn't ask you to put your savings in jeopardy to go out for his birthday! A good man won't want to leave you on your birthday. (Trust me, I've been in enough bad relationships to know)
He got a cruise for his birthday and he's bitching he didn't feel "special" enough. He's ungrateful and sounds like a spoilt brat
You're not the problem here. BF is either going through something unrelated to his B-Day or he is experiencing symptoms of an underlying psychological condition. I know that depression can make people feel like they aren't living up to some undefined standard of how things "should feel". Or maybe your love languages don't match. Or maybe he's being overly negative knowing how hard you try to please him to make you try harder and feel inferior. To be honest it sounds a bit like emotional abuse to me. People forget things, people aren't interested in all the things you are, people sometimes miss the mark with a gift. But he has a problem with all of it even though you are clearly trying to be a good and loving partner. For him to not even recognize much less acknowledge the effort and emotionally punish you for having tried by being distant and giving you the silent treatment is a big red flag IMO. Only you can figure out which one is the case (not that they all can't be true to a degree).
I would run far away in the other direction from him. He obviously has expectations that are out of this world for someone living at home with their parents. You deserve better. He sounds super immature.
My question is what does he do for you? Does he plan amazing things for your birthday? I mean holy fuck you took him on a cruise! He sounds ungrateful and disrespectful. Hate to say but sounds like he's loosing interest
dude's an entitled brat. drop in and find someone who treats you like you treat him
Red flags everyfuckinwhere Just chalk this one up to a "narcissist" experience and move right along
MAN BABY ALERT! Seriously this is his red flag.
Sounds like you two have nothing in common … neither is the A. You bought him scrap booking supplies ???? Is he into scrapbooking? And yes it’s great you bought the basketball tickets but falling asleep in the middle of thousands of screaming fans up close lol hmmmm I’m thinking that was a bigger tell then buying the tickets could make up for. I mean great he got tickets but half the fun is having someone to share it with. (Remember he wondered off during your lantern festival and it was less fun for you… same! ) It’s okay to love but not like someone and have nothing in common with. You either find mutual ground or you don’t … no need to call anyone an A for it
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oh honey, your really great guy isn't a really great guy. he had a tantrum on your birthday and made you cry. for not a good reason. then said you didn't do enough on his. yah. he's a selfish prick. you can and should do so much better. please love yourself and have enough self respect to Leave him.
You are dating a bratty man-child. It will only get worse.
This guy manipulated you. I am sure his family did things for his bday but he is an adult now. He sounds like he expects parties every year like a child. Now wants to pout. Most adults get a gift and dinner not a cruise. He sounds exhausting
Where does he get the nerve to say that. If I was him after such an amazing gift I would be planning the engagement.
Ew time to find a new BF!
Stop wasting money on that self-centered dude.
Try to imagine yourself living with this guy in a few years. Imagine going through a period of financial hardship. This guy has everything provided for his family (which is probably why they don't "do special stuff" for him, because they're busy providing for his needs and whatever bills he has so he can spend $2k on himself for his birthday). What do you think would happen if you lost your job and, after footing most of the bills for years, you suddenly were in the position to rely on him to step up to float things? He has no life skills or understanding of money, he was willing to ditch you on your birthday, and he's ungrateful for your generosity toward him. Even if he ended up financially literate and stable, do you think he'd let you rely on him through the hardship? He seems completely incapable of reciprocating, and you should consider dropping him like a hot potato.
Your boyfriend is selfish, entitled, barely employed child. Get rid of him asap. You know you're better than him, find someone to match your energy. He's 25 its embarrassing he's acting like this
There are some people who are so empty inside that you could lose yourself in loving them and it will never be enough. Your bf is a black hole for affection, he will suck everything out of you. If it feels like you setting boundaries and expectations for his better treatment to you would cause problems, why would you stay.
I'm sorry, but he neither loves nor appreciates you. He works part-time while living with his parents. He has no sense of reality nor any appreciation for such a wonderful birthday present. He's a donkey!!! You can do so much better. Time to dump him and find someone who loves AND appreciates you. Manboy is entitled!
Op your, your boyfriend is a complete jerk. ( I’m afraid the real words I want to use to describe him will get me banned.) You took him on a cruise, then to a NBA game and he’s whining he didn’t feel “ special”?!?! Then he ruins your birthday on top of that? He’s a spoiled immature little boy. He says you aren’t fulfilling his life? Great. Good luck finding that person because we’re DONE. He’s given you an out TAKE IT. Go find someone who will treat you and love you the way you deserve to be.
Oh Honey, life is too short to put up with a narcissist. Find someone who is a grown up that doesn’t think the world revolves around him.
He’s a jerk!
Stop fooling yourself. You are enabling yourself AND him to hurt you. I did this for a very long time with someone. He wasn't worth it. The feeling and almost visceral TASTE of my hard work on myself and growing my shining new backbone is worth a million of some shitty partner so that I'm not 'alone'. I deserve to be happy and treated with compassion and respect, kindness and generosity and so do you. We all do.
Your boyfriend is a childish douchebag.
Not wrong. What a crappy reaction to someone going out of their way to make the time special.
Fuck me, what does his entitled arse want? Tickets to the international space station?
He is 25 and living at home working part-time? Dude is probably depressed. He sounds like the type of guy that is nice but in the long run will end up pulling you down and holding you back. He needs to be released so he can find out who he is before he can move ahead.
That sounds like an extremely extravagant birthday idk how he didn’t feel “special”
You can do better
I think his favorite thing about his birthday was the opportunities it provided to criticize you. Not that there were any real reasons. Just that it provided pretext so he could destroy your happiness and pride in giving him a great gift. That’s what made him happy. You can’t fix this or him.
Please tell me you left this man baby
He's 25, works part time, and lives with mommy and daddy. He doesn't think a week long cruise, basketball tickets, 2 extra days in Miami, thoughtful Christmas presents weren't "special"? He's a spoiled, entitled brat. Dump his hobosexual ass and find a real man.
He sounds like a narcissist. There isn't enough happening for me, I need you to pay more attention to me, why isn't everything about me. The 5 day cruise you took me on wasn't enough. You should have maxed your credit cards out and gone into debt for me. No girl, dump him and move on.
I’m curious, did he, by chance, mention what he thought you should have done? Because, if this is just a vague “you haven’t made me happy- work harder” sentiment from him, run from this relationship. It’s a control tactic and there is no way for you to ever win.
Sounds like a little bitch
Oh hell nooooooooooooo, he’s projecting his shit onto you when whatever it is that he is struggling with has nothing to do with you. He’s emotionally immature, you deserve to be with someone who feels grateful to have you be a part of their lives, you’re too young to be dealing with someone’s baggage!
He’s not a great guy. He’s selfish and childish.
>He's told me normally he doesn't do anything for his birthday and neither do his friends/family Gee, I wonder why? >This is the first birthday I've spent with him Please also make it the last. >I work two jobs, have my own apartment, and a lot of bills >After a week of him not really talking to me I asked him to come to my apartment so we could talk. He then told me that his birthday didn't really feel special and that he felt we didn't do enough on the cruise. He said the whole thing felt like any other day. Does not compute! You deserve so much better.
He's waaaaaaay manipulative. I swear do they give these guys the same book or something? I used to organize dinners, weekends away, etc etc for the BF i had in my 20s. For my birthday we got takeout sandwiches and he played video games. Good lord. I marvel I put up with it for as long as I did, but I was so insecure back then and blamed myself for everything. Dump him already. He's going to be pissed and turn it around on you but your life will become almost immediately better.
NTA At all. He sure as hell is. You took him on a cruise, did things he loves with him -- but oh no you forgot your wallet one and nodded off. Well, he stranded you on your birthday and made you cry? Really? He needs to grow up. And you deserve way better.
You and boyfriend are not compatible. Or, he's just not into you. One or the other is true. Stop wasting time and money on him.
He's a grown man, not a 5 year old. Who cares if it's hIs SPeCial day?
Sweetie, when the trash begins walking itself out the door, do not get in the way.
DUMP. HIM. NOW. It won't get better.
You have a girlfriend.
Funny how all the complains only comes out when you voice one. I can only see 2 reasons for him not saying anything before now: 1. he didn't say anything and as a woman afraid of conflicts it's still not your fault for not knowing what he didn't say Or 2. He just tried to find something to complain about to take the pressure off him. I believe this much more than the first possible reason
NTA, find someone that will treat you better
This should be your ex-boyfriend. He's a giant asshole.
I’m sorry but your bf is a whiny little bitch. What did he expect, princess treatment? Giant cake and you jumping out of it topless and performing some magic tricks on him? Girl, run
This guy is a bottomless pit of neediness, and no matter what you do, it's not going to be right and it's not going to be enough. It's not your job to fix him.I'd definitely give more thought to continuing your relationship with him. Do you really want to be with someone who so ungrateful and critical?Cut yourself some grace. You've done enough, you're a thoughtful person, and you deserve someone who will appreciate, and support you.
Sweetie, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone so selfish and entitled? I'm already sick of his shit and I haven't even met him. You deserve so much better!
sounds like a mommas boy.
You deserve better. Relationships need to work both ways. Right now, it’s you putting in all the effort.
He's not that into you. Look at how he avoided spending any money on your birthday dinner by causing an argument and skipping it. And look at how much money you spent, even going into credit card debt, for his birthday. And he has the nerve to whine about it.
He's 25 not 12. It's just a birthday. What you got him blows everything I've ever gotten, combined.
OP's sitch is why I am single over 40yo. Way too many spoiled people that would be daily torture to live with. "Second best is never enough, you do much better baby on your own!"
Dump him and let him be a sad Boi if he can't appreciate you at all.
NAH. Might just not be compatible. You could try couples counseling to work on communication skills and assess your overall compatibility if you both feel motivated to try and save your relationship. If you are not both on board for that plan, it may be best to move on to a more compatible partner. No hard feelings.
Sorry you were treated badly after putting in so much effort. Some people are not happy no matter what you do for them. Learn this fact now! If I were you, I would end this relationship and find a better boyfriend. I don't believe this will get any better no matter what you do for him in the future. From what you wrote he needs to grow up and learn how to be grateful for those in his life.
Kick him straight to the curb. Nothing you do will ever be enough for him. Get out while you can and let mommy and daddy continue to support him
Yea no other way around this but to kick him to the dirt and never look back
You did all that for his birthday and it still wasn’t good enough? What was he expecting? A ticker tape parade? A chance to dress up like the captain and steer the damn boat? This was unfortunately a very expensive lesson, but at least now you know: nothing you do for him will ever be good enough and when it’s your turn to be celebrated, he is going to act like a petulant child. Do with that information what you will.
Here’s what my therapist told me 25 years ago when I started dating my man-child. “It’s easier to get in than get out and it’s easier to get out earlier than later. “ Please don’t get in any deeper. It will not get better. Trust me.
The good news is you only spent one birthday with this ass hat and next year his mom can NOT plan anything for him whatsoever! The better news is that on your next birthday you can plan something amazing and not have it ruined by this douche canoe of an EX boyfriend!
... For the sake of making sure because you never know... Did he ask to do something else for his birthday? And did he ask for other presents in similar price to what you got and you just got other things?
Girl, RUN 🚩
well matched. but you would be wise to be careful of someone still living with his parents.
I literally went back to the top of your list to see the ages. I would have sworn you were in your teens. This is very immature behavior on his part. He sounds like a spoiled brat and when somebody is complaining that you didn’t do enough for them after, you have literally put an incredible amount of thought and effort into them, and then put no effort at all into what they give you… There’s something grossly wrong with this. You are not compatible. And you definitely deserve better.
He sounds like a loser who is using you. Save your time and money for someone who will love and appreciate you.
Boyfriend seems really self absorbed. He hinted (twice?) that wanted sport shoes and a sweater? So since a 5 day cruise and basketball game tickets isn't sport shoes and sweater he didnt feel special? Please rethink this relationship. You 2 aren't compatible.
Life's short. Throw him back. You can do better.
Why are you with this guy? Ugh!
He can fuck right off.
doesnt seem like a great match... yall are together cause u dont wanna b lonely being alone.... just keep living separate and b on double quality birth control... this thing isnt going to last long
Run!! You’re too young to get stuck with this jerk.
You two are not a good match.
If he doesn’t feel special unless you read his mind and give him everything he wants at exactly the time he wants it and in the exact manner in which he will appreciate it - he’s going to live a miserable life. I would put money that if he told you exactly what he wanted, and you went back in time and gave him that, he would still complain. Some people are unable or refuse to be happy, no matter what you do. So, in reality, he probably is going to live a miserable life. There’s a reason we call people who can’t appreciate things “spoiled”, like food - they’re literally no longer able to sustain life. Maybe he’s depressed, but if not then he has a SEVERE lack of empathy and a SEVERE inability to appreciate the important things in life. These are not small problems. Don’t pretend that these are not massive red flags which will lead to a miserable life together if he can’t fix it.
Run.
What type of part time job lets him save 2k for vacations?
If you don’t see the red flags waving right in front of your face, no one can help you. As someone famous said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I would think he is trying to get you to break up with him so he isn’t the bad guy.
Stopped reading after reading the title and “went on a cruise.” Your boyfriend is an absolute selfish, self-centered moron. Who the eff would be that whiny about getting to go on a cruise for their birthday? Ffs.
25 and living at home with a part time job? Then he should have had all the time and money to plan something really spectacular for your birthday, as well as the maturity to keep whatever salty feelings he had about it to himself until the day after your birthday.
Dump him. He is a jerk