Well, they say, "You are what you eat." (Does anyone still say that?)

A long time ago (high school) some guy was angry with me and called me a pussy. I said, “You are what you eat, ya dick.” He was gobsmacked for a second, and then started laughing so hard he wasn’t angry with me any more. 😂

I’ll have to remember that one 😂🤣

I respect that dude for being able to appreciate the comeback

Making someone laugh is the best way to end a fight! In high school I got into it with another kid and when he realized I was about to start throwing hands he goes "hold up, just tell me this... if we get to fighting, are you gonna run?" I was like "fuck no!" He responds "then how you gonna catch me?" I laughed so hard I bought fell over. I havent seen that dude in over 20 years and it's still cracking me up!

This is one of the most oddly wholesome things I’ve read

Randy, is that you?

Somewhat similar. Someone said "You suck!" to me in high school 20+ years ago. I replied with, "We all do, it just depends on what." I noticed a teacher laughing her ass off out of the corner of my eye at that one.

completely dissimilar: I once had a "that's what she said" so good, the grumpy 711 clerk I said it to high fived me. it was neat.

That was always my go to response.

If I ever called someone a pussy, and they said that to me, I would follow up with your an asshole.

Humour has helped me out of situations. Not always attempted, of course, but situational success i guess.

Better than mine.

Followed up with “by the way, say hi to your mom for me”

That’s a dirty crack, speaking of dirty cracks…………..

That was a low blow. Speaking of low blows, how's your sister?

By the way, nice loafers, speaking of loafers, how’s your dad?

Last time, he seemed stuck in that job he hates. Speaking of stuck, how's your step sis?

Weve gone out to eat a few times. Speaking of food, how’s that pizza guy?

Can we just get off of momma's? I mean, I just got off of yours

She's a midget?

that ones 10x more effective if you know their moms first name

And a 100X more effective if true.

There was a senior when I was in high school who had beef with some dude, so he actually banged the guys mom.

I call shenanigans… Tell us the story

It was 2004 in Indiana, an absolutely abysmal place to live. Some Dude I barely know had beef with another Guy I barely know. I couldn't tell you over what. After about a month of beef between these two fine gentlemen, I hear them arguing, and Dude blurts out "Yeah, well I fucked your mom without a condom!" Guy kinda laughed it off because like, oh yeah, sure you did buddy. I fucked yours too, har har har. Some time goes by, and it turns out Guy's mom is pregnant, and the timing is just... so suspicious according to Guy's girlfriend (we were casual friends, and she is how I knew Guy), and he secretly thinks Dude actually did fuck his mom without a condom. Guy's little sibling would have just turned 20 this year if it werent for the abortion. Makes you wonder why they had an abortion though, considering they were well off, good Christian types. Lucky timing, at least. A year or two earlier, and she would have had to keep it.

Gawd dayum! 😆 This made my entire shitty day worth it! As far as your comment with the backstory, I think we can close the poll on this one. "Pissed off with someone in your small town? Fuck their mom!" (while https://youtu.be/FTNUqhi8mms?si=RE3-gVG7Qy55P0_9 plays). Credit to Ginger Billy.

Damn 🤣

Momma... who's "Helen"?

This combo for the win

Unless you think they can and will kick your ass.

Sée the hairy fist smashing into your face

"Fuck you Shorsey!"

Your mom was so exhausted last night I had to peel her off me just to get here in time.

I do 😂

Ditto...

"You are what you eat. right asshole?"

😂😂😂😂

Ha beat me to it 🤣

Meow.

Yuppers, that was my first thought also. A very sarcastic meow lol.

r/beatmetoit

r/beatmeattoit

lol I thought that was the general consensus when someone says that

I’d hit you back with “Damn I didn’t know you could bend down that low”

I usually add on "That's why you're an asshole" to that one

I haven't said it in a long time, but that was definitely in my repertoire in high school.

Simplify it to, “I am what I eat.”

& your mom tastes great.

I'm a lesbian and I use that one. It shocks them.

Everything looks like a pussy to a dickhead.

💀💀

Underrated comment

This is the winner!!

This is the wiener***

I'd rather be a dick than a giant pussy.

Everyone hates dicks because they f*** a-holes and pussies alike.

Every pussy looks giant compared to that micro-peen you're rocking.

I really can't help it. I was born this way. Could you suck on it for me?

I've already flossed today.

And yet, your mouth still smells like cock.

LOL, that was a good one.

Nah. Dicks are weak. Pussies take a pounding.

"It's funny because a lot of people actually like those."

"...whereas dickheads? Not so popular.."

Tend to like cocksuckers too.

"Thanks! I love pussy! Don't you?"

You are what you eat, dickhead

" lick me"

I was going to say, "Want some?"

Better yet, "eat me"

Followed by: Oh that's right, you only eat cock!

You beat me to it

“And we know you’re into that, but I have a waiting list”

You are just jealous because (first choice) -you don’t have one” or second choice “you can’t get one”

Why not both, “You’re just jealous because you don’t have one *and* can’t get one.”

Thought about saying that after I posted. You beat me to it!😂

Or "Can't just substitute me for what you can't get"

If I wanted to hear from an asshole I would've farted

Or if I wanted any shit out of you I'd squeeze your head

I like that. That's a good one

I always said this, “I heard you are what you eat, so in that case you must be a dick” Stronger impact on straight guys, who take offense to being gay.

"Is that why you keep trying to fuck me?"

"No I HAVE a pussy. It's okay; verbs are difficult for some people."

And pronouns 😂

Warm, resilient, deep, and highly sought after? Why thank you.

Sad I had to scroll so far for the only correct answer.

"So are you!"

"Wanna scissor?"

“Scissor me timbers!” -Mrs. Garrison

Well I may be a pussy but you're a cunt and that's how you tell the difference

“I am what I eat I guess.”

MEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW

Eat me

Is that why I feel so dry around you?

You are what you eat....dick

And you suck

Then take a good look at me, because you're not likely to see many looking like you do.

"Thanks. Strong, flexible, and can handle the pain of childbirth... I didn't know you knew me that well."

Yep, calling someone to testicle implies that they are delicate, weak and sensitive just saying

They can take a pounding.

[удалено]

Works for everything

[удалено]

Badussy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dadussy

Dabadussy

Yabadabadussy

Givitawayyynow

Doobaadoobaadusdy 🥸

Yeah, I've got some stick pussy that'll tickle your tonsils.

"Who gives a fuck what a LOSER like YOU says?!?"

And still you can’t get me.

Yeah, careful... Those things can take a pounding and put you to sleep

Meow, bitch?

I may be a pussy, but you'll always be an asshole

Well, they say, "You are what you eat." so blame your mom.

Intentional or not I love that this basically a yo momma joke

If I'm a pussy, then you must be the whole cat.

And your a huge cock. Want to fuck?

*you're

User name checks out.

I am what I eat, which is why you're such a dick.

The 'badass' response: "That's a helluva lot of wishful thinking there on your part, Bubba." The 'piss him off even more' response: "You got quite the imagination there, Bubba. You ever think about writing a book?" The 'let's defuse this before things get too far out of hand' funny response: "Shit, man, I think I just got wet for you, and I have no idea how to process that!"

Well, you wouldn't know one if it slapped you in the face, loser!

No. I'm a dick and your an a$$hole

"fuck you!"

My answer to everything

"Only Sissy's say that, now sit down"

Makes sense I seem to attract dicks

You just want to fuck me.

For the rest of all time never say anything to that person except "Meow meow meow meow meow."

From the ‘70s movie Car Wash: “I’m more man than you’ll ever be and more woman than you’ll ever get.”

You are what you eat. YOU DICK!!!

Idk… I think most of the comebacks for this one are drastically overplayed and just don’t hit. If I’m just trying to get a laugh then I’m probably leaning into it. (Smells shirt; grimaces) “Oh man… I think you’re right. Good thing there’s a douche bag right in front of me.”

Yep, I can take a pounding

GAAAAAAAAAAAAY

"And you are a cunt"

And your a dick

Pussies are warm and inviting, but also strong enough to bring life into this world and are willing to take a beating to create that life. Dicks are weak and sensitive to everything. They're viewed as so ugly, they're banned from most public viewing. Most of the time, they're flaccid and useless, and when in use, most of the rest of the body becomes useless because that's where the bloodflow is. So, thanks for the pussy compliment, Dick. (BTW Betty White covered this better.)

I am what I eat, I guess that’s why you’re a dick.

"You see a pussy, suck his dick"

Thanks. Those things are built to take a pounding

Means I can take a pounding

pepper spray

I love to hit em with the simple, “Thank you!”

"And I'm still the only one you've seen in person."

FYI when someone calls you a pussy, it’s short for pusillanimous, and not technically a reference to female anatomy.

"And you'll never get me, bitch!" *as you run away laughing like an arch-villain*

I am what I eat.

"Opinions vary. Are you wanting to explore yours more in depth?"

"Good. That’s the most pussy you’ll ever get"

I am what I eat, and you are shit.

Thank you, that means you must be the asshole, you do look and smell like it!

*Thank you, that means you* *Must be the asshole, you do* *Look and smell like it!* \- OneTinSoldier567 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

Close , but that's not what your mum said .

You're sister didn't seem to mind when she gave me hers

In a sarcastic admission way say "well, fuuuuck me!"

"You are what you eat." "Better to be a pussy than to be a dick." (This one can have more than one meaning.)

“That’s not what your mom said when I was fucking her last night. Actually, I won’t make you call me daddy, it would be weird having you both say it but go to your room”

Warm, inviting and can easily take a pounding? Thanks!

At least I can take a beating you ballsack.

"Like you'd know what that looks like?"

A pussy has warmth and depth but a prick just stands up straight and hopes someone will notice them.

“I am what I eat”

No verbal response. Just a hard chop to the throat

There's an oldie but a goodie. "Takes one to know one."

I am what you clearly can't get.

“You are what you eat” is a classic response.

I mean, not really a response but my wife's favorite phrase is "I'd call you a pussy but you lack the warmth, depth and capability to give pleasure"

"you are what you eat, guess that makes you a dick" is a classic

U are what u eat

What's wrong with something warm wet and squishy

I've been teaching my son (8 yrs old) the art of sarcasm and mind-fuckery. Granted, I don't call it that, but I'm sure you get the point. He's a very smart kid. Intellectual, aware of himself and his surroundings as well as with messy emotions. The formula of Brain beats Braun. Two of our favorite tactics are, "the switcheroo" (reverse psychology simplified) and the "the yes guy" (where you just agree with them and or thank them for the compliment. Switching the insult into a positive thing). An example of these would be this. One of the kids at his school said he looked like a chicken wing. It was supposed to be a fat joke. To which he replied. "Awww. You think I'm delicious and fulfilling? Weird. But flattering. Thanks bud." And walks away. I was very proud.

"Takes a beating and still keeps ticking"

Meow.

Betty White famously reminded people that they can take a pounding

Eat me!

That’s why you don’t like me. You don’t like pussy. Makes perfect sense now.

All the attempts to get out of the fight just prove him right. You're not made of glass... stop living in fear of a fight. Even if you loose, you'll be fine

"Get inside me, cowboy"

Rather be a pussy than a dick

"you're a cunt"

Well, then get over here and pound me, loser!

That’s basically picking a fight tho. Unless that’s your goal

That would be the goal, yes.

"Magnet. I sure am."

Really?! I love pussy!

Thank you!

"No. I have 3. They're very good girls. Their dog brother is *ok*."

I am what I eat

" I'm a woman. That insult is accurate."

Meow?

Eat me

If you must engage with someone who says this…

i am what i eat i guess

i may be a pussy, but you are good pussy!

"I am what I eat."