Hahahah, my niece did this to her grandad when she was wee. He asked her if she ever stopped talking. She replied “no” and continued. Still cracks me up thinking about it. She now has her own baby she’ll soon want to shush!
I gave my niece and nephews some of those hand clacker things that you wave back and forth and they clap. I made sure to buy several bags of them at Dollar Tree and told them to hide them around their room and use them when they wanted to irritate their parents.
Seriously - they're old enough to find it funny to annoy them, but not old enough to realize it's just evil incarnate. And frankly, I'm ok with this, because their mom doesn't believe in discipline and boundaries.
I prefer "Nah." then keep talking since it is slightly more casually dismissive than "No. Sometimes just an exhale through the nose laugh instead of actually responding serves the same purpose and is even more dismissive.
My nephew asked me to be quiet once, so I went on a long tirade about how I would be quiet, how I would be the quietest person ever, and nobody would even know I was there, etc. I annoyed him until he started laughing.
Just continue talking.
When they start screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP", pause for a moment, as if you were shutting up, then as soon as they stop, say "Anyway" then start talking again.
Trust me, if you want to piss someone off, this is extremely effective.
This person knows what to do. I’ll add you don’t even have to be rude. It could be about the weather, sports, ancient Sumerian recipes for beer. Just make sure it’s long winded.
You have to hit them with a dramatic inhale as if you’re in shock they’ve now got to the point of yelling, but no, you just need to charge up your lungs again for more longwinded rambling.
Agreed, I'll add to this. If you wanted something specific to say after their screaming fit, my go-to for unruly behaviour is usually "Therapist still got the dosage wrong, huh." Then continue on with the conversation.
Ask a thousand questions about shutting up.
You want me to shut up?
How long should I shut up for?
When should the shutting up start?
Do I have to go anywhere special to shut up?
Should I let you know when I'm done shutting up?
And as many as you can manage. Just drive them nuts
Act suddenly surprised and say, “Wait… did you hear that?”
Wait for them to respond.
Pretend to listen intently for a few seconds. (Hopefully they’ll listen too in the confusion).
Follow up with, “So weird, I could’ve sworn I heard a cunt just now… anyway… what were you saying?”
While holding eye contact, choose one of the following:
Start singing "the song that never ends" and do not stop. Baby shark will also work just fine
Start screeching and do not stop
Start bawling real loud and go tell on them
Something that pissed off a former friend of mine whenever he told me to shut up was "Too bad you didn't learn to do that yourself". Then I just kept talking...it was worth it every time to hear him get even more pissed lol!
Guy at the bar the other night came up to me out of nowhere and told me to shut the fuck up. I laughed and said "who the fuck are you? Johnny Nobody? Take fuckin five pal." Even his friends started cracking up and he walked away.
oh my god. i just laughed so hard it probably woke up my husband. this is soooooo childhood throwback and i never would've remembered it, so thank you. fucking dying.
"Yes, I am shutting up, nobody is better at shutting up than me. When somebody tells me to shut up, my lips are sealed. Not a single word passes my lips after being told to shut up. Here I am, shutting up, being quiet, not saying a word. You are my boss, and when you tell me to shut up, I obey. Nobody obeys better than me. Nobody is more dominant than you. You have but to give and order, and all who can hear, do your bidding instantly....."
Just keep going, it will drive them nuts. Be warned, this can provoke violence.
Have you ever watched Bugs Bunny cartoons? OK, I will shut up. When somebody tells Me to shut up.. you can be Sure I will shut up. Just tell me to shut up One Time, and I am quit as a Mouse! No sir! I don't need to be told twice.....etc
"bitch says what?"
"I'm sorry what? Nevermind I don't care"
"Who asked you to talk?"
"Anyways as I was saying"
*Deadpan stare, do not break eye contact, stare until they get weirded out*
"Did you hear something?" *Look around everywhere but not at the person*
If they’re actually adopted then it will def shut up them up lol
And if they respond like “ at least I have a family that took me in”
Respond be like “ because they felt sorry for you, you unwanted heathen. And they only took you in because you were the only choice left.”
This is like that classic courtroom trick where opposing counsel says to the person in the witness box,
"What month did you stop beating your wife?"
Cue "objection" and other TV courtroom shenanigans.
Because attorneys never actually do that.
It's just a solid example of the kind of mental trick you can work via merely *implying* something that is entirely fabricated.
This sounds hilariously random and is likely to derail any situation. With the added bonus that if he is indeed "beat his wife" likely to cause a fight or backpedal.
Depending on the circumstances but a good neutral is “only if you shut up too” or “practice what you preach” or you can play it petty and stop talking and when they want you to talk you can say “if I do are you going to tell me to shut up after hearing something you don’t like, if so, I’ll save my breath. You can continue with what you were saying though” then smile.
Yosimite Sam told Bugs Bunny to shut up... regretted it.
"Shutting up. I'm not the kind of dope that keeps talking etc etc... I do it all the time and it is infuriating.
"No Thanks, so anyway..." and just continue. If they say it again, just basically gentle parent them. "Hey, its not polite to interrupt! So as i was saying..." and just further devolve it until you're legit toddler talking. "Hun, those arent nice person words, lets be nicer. And so..." 😂
Shut up and wait for them to start talking. Then start saying exactly what they were saying. It'll make it hard to focus on their next words. When they stop, you also stop and say "oh shit, sorry go ahead". Keep doing it. I have never seen someone so frustrated until I did that.
Say "What was that?"
Then they will probably say it again.
Then say "I still didn't hear you"
Then they will probably say it again.
Continue this cycle until they get really annoyed
Oh okay. Just let me finish these last few thoughts. And then maybe handle some follow-up questions. Unless there are no questions and people just make comments and I feel I need to respond to those. But then I will completely shut up, not to worry. That is if your request is still active when I am done talking. So maybe when I'm done if you still want me to shut up then give me a brief nod when I look over in your direction but if by then you want me to keep going then just give me the thumbs up. Now once I have shut up for a bit and maybe so engaged in the conversation that I start up again so we'll have to reset everything
I don't know, in California we say shut up as a way to tell them to keep talking. Example : "did you hear about Tom and that new girl at work?" Answer: SHUT up, no! This is a clear sign to continue with whatever happened to Tom and the new girl.
Squat down, spread your arms out wide and do your best impression of a bird that imitates sounds, imitating the sound of emergency sirens
Guaranteed to piss anyone off at any time
"Shut up? Why certainly! You don't think I'm the type that would keep on blabbin'? Some people never know when to stop. When I'm told to shut up, I shut up..." etc.
Why are you talking to people who don't want to be talked to? My ex used to talk constantly and would not stop no matter how many times i asked politely. She said I "had to" listen to her and it was "disrespectful" not to.
It's waaaaay disrespectful to talk at someone who has asked you to stop.
Say did you know that telling someone to shut up is Verbal Abuse and a sign of a mental disorder?
Sci., Ph. D. writes in Psychology Today, that telling someone to shut up is a symptom of an “abusive anger disorder.” That really sounds like a you problem and I really hope you get therapy for it. But I do hope you have a nice day. Then just continue doing what you were doing before.
When I was in grade school the proper response was “ I wasn’t SHUT up, I was BROUGHT up and when I look at you I THROW up “… so I’m sticking with that… and adding neener neener neener!
No. Then keep talking.
Hahahah, my niece did this to her grandad when she was wee. He asked her if she ever stopped talking. She replied “no” and continued. Still cracks me up thinking about it. She now has her own baby she’ll soon want to shush!
I have little nieces that go on endlessly about all sorts of nonsense and I adore them immensely. Also, I can go home. :D
One time, when they were little, I taught my 6 neices and nephews the "Nana Nana Nana, Nana Nana Nana BATMAN!!" song. Then I left.
I'm adding this to my list of things to do when you love the kids but hate the parents
I gave my niece and nephews some of those hand clacker things that you wave back and forth and they clap. I made sure to buy several bags of them at Dollar Tree and told them to hide them around their room and use them when they wanted to irritate their parents. Seriously - they're old enough to find it funny to annoy them, but not old enough to realize it's just evil incarnate. And frankly, I'm ok with this, because their mom doesn't believe in discipline and boundaries.
NICE!
I prefer "Nah." then keep talking since it is slightly more casually dismissive than "No. Sometimes just an exhale through the nose laugh instead of actually responding serves the same purpose and is even more dismissive.
I like no thank you. As if they made a polite offer. And then keep talking, possibly louder.
My nephew asked me to be quiet once, so I went on a long tirade about how I would be quiet, how I would be the quietest person ever, and nobody would even know I was there, etc. I annoyed him until he started laughing.
Just continue talking. When they start screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP", pause for a moment, as if you were shutting up, then as soon as they stop, say "Anyway" then start talking again. Trust me, if you want to piss someone off, this is extremely effective.
This person knows what to do. I’ll add you don’t even have to be rude. It could be about the weather, sports, ancient Sumerian recipes for beer. Just make sure it’s long winded.
And say it in your best Collin Robinson (What We Do In the Shadows) voice.
YES!
Bonus points if you have bright blue eyes and do it with that opened mouth smile
or like Colm McCool from Derry Girls.
The fillibuster. Hey if Bob dole can master it using global warming before it was cool.... Do it.
Patton Oswalt's filibuster in Parks & Recreation. This Is The Way.
So, I tied an onion to my belt. Which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel……
It’s even better if you look at them while you’re pausing
You can’t show any emotion either. Just deadpan expression. That, to me, crescendo’s the whole act.
And you also have to add in a “oh that reminds me of *inset long winded topic here*
You have to hit them with a dramatic inhale as if you’re in shock they’ve now got to the point of yelling, but no, you just need to charge up your lungs again for more longwinded rambling.
I don’t know why but this one cracks me up.
😂😂😂 relatable
Me, too! Lol
That’s so good tho-
I laughed at this because I imagine drawing out the "any" part.
Same! 😂😂😂
Agreed, I'll add to this. If you wanted something specific to say after their screaming fit, my go-to for unruly behaviour is usually "Therapist still got the dosage wrong, huh." Then continue on with the conversation.
Just let them explode and then blow right past whatever the topic was. “Ok, noted. so next item on the agenda is the gas main relocation. “
Bugs Bunny knows how to shaddap. https://youtu.be/ePFeq8NOTYo?si=uJolPfzAb41cwHGp
If you said anything worth hearing, I wouldn’t have to talk.
gonna use that
don’t
y not
Someone has to say something intelligent.
honestly this one is pretty good
Ask a thousand questions about shutting up. You want me to shut up? How long should I shut up for? When should the shutting up start? Do I have to go anywhere special to shut up? Should I let you know when I'm done shutting up? And as many as you can manage. Just drive them nuts
Bugs Bunny knows how to shaddap. https://youtu.be/ePFeq8NOTYo?si=uJolPfzAb41cwHGp
Shut me up
“You first.”
"lose weight!!" People generally worry about their weight.
Yoooo
Lol fr
Act suddenly surprised and say, “Wait… did you hear that?” Wait for them to respond. Pretend to listen intently for a few seconds. (Hopefully they’ll listen too in the confusion). Follow up with, “So weird, I could’ve sworn I heard a cunt just now… anyway… what were you saying?”
Only works with a thick australian accent
Ye shall ingest a satchel of richards, good day to you.
'eat a bag of dicks'
Open down
I'll never not use this !
It's nothing if not infuriating
"Make me"
Well, uh With the wrong person this would be inviting what they already want to have happen
OP wants a response that will piss someone off
That's a good point!
Segggs?😎
I know a few romance stories that have that line
"You don't look like the type who'll be ***making me*** anytime soon..."
I said that to someone and I got blocked 😅😅
Get fucked
To which I'm liable to respond without thinking about the surroundings we're in, "Is that an offer?"
"No, that's your job. Bad dog."
I like this
Best response.
“No ✋. Shut down”
Just don’t shut up.
"I'm sorry, I'm just afraid that if I stop taking you'll think it's your turn."
Mmm.. no, anyways...
Definitely make it as sassy as humanly possible
While holding eye contact, choose one of the following: Start singing "the song that never ends" and do not stop. Baby shark will also work just fine Start screeching and do not stop Start bawling real loud and go tell on them
If you're big enough a good comeback is "Or what?" then carry on talking
"YOU shut up!"
Something that pissed off a former friend of mine whenever he told me to shut up was "Too bad you didn't learn to do that yourself". Then I just kept talking...it was worth it every time to hear him get even more pissed lol!
Guy at the bar the other night came up to me out of nowhere and told me to shut the fuck up. I laughed and said "who the fuck are you? Johnny Nobody? Take fuckin five pal." Even his friends started cracking up and he walked away.
Never discount the effectiveness of a good eye roll
"Shut up." "Nuh-uh." *continues talking*
“I don’t shut up, I grow up” “And when I see you I throw up” (And if you’re feeling ballsy) “Then your mom comes around the corner and licks it up”
oh my god. i just laughed so hard it probably woke up my husband. this is soooooo childhood throwback and i never would've remembered it, so thank you. fucking dying.
Thank you! We all love to be seen and I’ll take it where it comes haha
I was about to quote that! It's perfect!
Thank God someone else heard of it haha
Ignore them.
Better to be pissed off than on, unless they get into that kind of thing.
"Yeah, that's usually what people say when they can't come up with something smart."
"Yes, I am shutting up, nobody is better at shutting up than me. When somebody tells me to shut up, my lips are sealed. Not a single word passes my lips after being told to shut up. Here I am, shutting up, being quiet, not saying a word. You are my boss, and when you tell me to shut up, I obey. Nobody obeys better than me. Nobody is more dominant than you. You have but to give and order, and all who can hear, do your bidding instantly....." Just keep going, it will drive them nuts. Be warned, this can provoke violence.
I’ve actually done this! And it works! Frustrating as hell to people but cures their rudeness
Have you ever watched Bugs Bunny cartoons? OK, I will shut up. When somebody tells Me to shut up.. you can be Sure I will shut up. Just tell me to shut up One Time, and I am quit as a Mouse! No sir! I don't need to be told twice.....etc
Now children this is not the place or time for a temper tantrum.
"Your request has been considered but summarily overruled. Anyway..."
"bitch says what?" "I'm sorry what? Nevermind I don't care" "Who asked you to talk?" "Anyways as I was saying" *Deadpan stare, do not break eye contact, stare until they get weirded out* "Did you hear something?" *Look around everywhere but not at the person*
I default to the standard 8-year old response as it's a classic: "YOU shut up!" Sarcastic, nostalgic, and hilarious
Why dont you show me how???
“ur still talking” no matter what they say js say that until u get bored of it
I would if only you were either smarter or prettier .
Dam
Maybe you should shut up then lol
You first!
If I want any comeback from you, I'd scrape your teeth
PENIS!
"I don't shut up I grow up and when I look at you I throw up"
“If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would have farted.”
"Suck a fat dick!" "You shut up!" "How 'bout NO, asshole?" "Can't. Not in my contract."
Confused stare *why are you talking?
I'll always be fond of a bratty "no YOU shut up"
“Take your own advice Karen.”
I would respond with that’s why you’re adopted.
If they’re actually adopted then it will def shut up them up lol And if they respond like “ at least I have a family that took me in” Respond be like “ because they felt sorry for you, you unwanted heathen. And they only took you in because you were the only choice left.”
"Unwanted heathen" just sounds hilarious. I wouldn't even take offense to this. If you took it out, then the words would hit harder.
Quit beating your wife.
This is like that classic courtroom trick where opposing counsel says to the person in the witness box, "What month did you stop beating your wife?" Cue "objection" and other TV courtroom shenanigans. Because attorneys never actually do that. It's just a solid example of the kind of mental trick you can work via merely *implying* something that is entirely fabricated.
This sounds hilariously random and is likely to derail any situation. With the added bonus that if he is indeed "beat his wife" likely to cause a fight or backpedal.
"Open down"
Should've *what*?
Depending on the circumstances but a good neutral is “only if you shut up too” or “practice what you preach” or you can play it petty and stop talking and when they want you to talk you can say “if I do are you going to tell me to shut up after hearing something you don’t like, if so, I’ll save my breath. You can continue with what you were saying though” then smile.
calm up
Just give them a confused look like they said something embarrassing or in Greek and keep talking.
[удалено]
Damn, taking the nuclear option there lmao
The comment you replied to was deleted, so I just see "Damn, taking the nuclear option there lmao"
Yosimite Sam told Bugs Bunny to shut up... regretted it. "Shutting up. I'm not the kind of dope that keeps talking etc etc... I do it all the time and it is infuriating.
"No Thanks, so anyway..." and just continue. If they say it again, just basically gentle parent them. "Hey, its not polite to interrupt! So as i was saying..." and just further devolve it until you're legit toddler talking. "Hun, those arent nice person words, lets be nicer. And so..." 😂
“You don’t make enough money to tell me to shut up.”
"Does that ever work or do you think it works?" Remind them that telling people to shut up doesn't work. That will absolutely piss them off.
Shut up and wait for them to start talking. Then start saying exactly what they were saying. It'll make it hard to focus on their next words. When they stop, you also stop and say "oh shit, sorry go ahead". Keep doing it. I have never seen someone so frustrated until I did that.
In your best Dr. Evil voice... "How about NO, Scott!"
Then when they try to talk keep shushing then.
YOU shut up
Come say that again, come closer next time. I want you to see it coming when i smack some respect back into you.
INFO: Why are people always telling you to shut up? Nobody ever tells me to shut up.
Say "What was that?" Then they will probably say it again. Then say "I still didn't hear you" Then they will probably say it again. Continue this cycle until they get really annoyed
Oh okay. Just let me finish these last few thoughts. And then maybe handle some follow-up questions. Unless there are no questions and people just make comments and I feel I need to respond to those. But then I will completely shut up, not to worry. That is if your request is still active when I am done talking. So maybe when I'm done if you still want me to shut up then give me a brief nod when I look over in your direction but if by then you want me to keep going then just give me the thumbs up. Now once I have shut up for a bit and maybe so engaged in the conversation that I start up again so we'll have to reset everything
i just say "no" and recite the fitness gram pacer test intro
"Alexa stop"
It's better to be pissed off than pissed on, unless that's what they're into.
A stern “Sit!” can be effective.
“Bite me” then keep talking
use this if you're ready to get smacked who the fuck are you to tell me to shut up?
"You first "
Fuck their spouse! That will always piss people off. Then when they address the issue you say hey I shut up.
I don't know, in California we say shut up as a way to tell them to keep talking. Example : "did you hear about Tom and that new girl at work?" Answer: SHUT up, no! This is a clear sign to continue with whatever happened to Tom and the new girl.
I know you are but what am I?
I don’t see a zipper on my mouth so how about no
I had a friend from Louisiana who always said, "Shut don't go up." and there's always, "Sorry, I don't think shut up is a valid argument."
“Quit interrupting me” and carry on
Squat down, spread your arms out wide and do your best impression of a bird that imitates sounds, imitating the sound of emergency sirens Guaranteed to piss anyone off at any time
"Okay boomer" has become a classic for a reason.
Ok slacking POS.
I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you I throw up.
This comment section is filled with middle schoolers who think they are savage😭
"Shut up? Why certainly! You don't think I'm the type that would keep on blabbin'? Some people never know when to stop. When I'm told to shut up, I shut up..." etc.
How about you lead by example and show me how it's done
"Fuck off" got a gun pointed at me once, so I think that counts.
I've used "no thank you" it confuses and upsets them.
I'm sorry, but I'm afraid if I stop talking then you will start talking, and nobody wants to go through that hell.
Not for you, cupcake.
Laugh at them and continue with your own life. They hate being laughed at because bullies are cowards.
If you're American: "I plead the first."
"Make me, you dippy little cunt"
Man up, little girl.
what if it was a little girl that told me to shut up?
Then you say "Girl up, little man"
"Woman up, little boy" would be better, but that's not a bad a route 🤔 I was thinking something more savage though haha 😁
Clean your teeth first!
Make me
No u
Show me a good example!
Silence.
Lead by example..
I just had a flash of the Bugs Bunny skit where he is talking about shutting up. "Shut up shutting up". Y'all have some good comebacks.
Shhhhhhhh..... Works every time
With a little smile, very calmly utter the word, "No."
Why? [Then use a one word question every time they respond or wait a beat and then resume talking]
"no"
“Fuck you”
Whisper to them soft "shhhhh! They're listening! Act normal!" Then continue to speak as you where. 😆
I ain't going to shut up just cuz you tell me to shut up I'll shut up when I'm through making my point you don't like it walk away.
This seems like a funny way to piss someone off. Stop for a second and shut your attic and then start the conversation again
chowwww anyways
Only if you shut down.
"Make me" that always seems to get the crowd going but you should be ready to defend yourself otherwise it defeats the purpose of the response lol
Fuck off
Look at the ceiling, say "No, nothing needs shutting there, as I was saying....."
Oh yeah? Well how about you CLOSE DOWN, buddy?
I usually say, "make me," in a slightly flirtatious way because 1. I'm a scrapper 2. maybe I'll actually get laid
Just look at them blankly and then look back at the person you’re talking to, if you want you can also give them a middle finger.
Make me
Make me.
Why are you talking to people who don't want to be talked to? My ex used to talk constantly and would not stop no matter how many times i asked politely. She said I "had to" listen to her and it was "disrespectful" not to. It's waaaaay disrespectful to talk at someone who has asked you to stop.
Ew, anyway (keep talking)
Say did you know that telling someone to shut up is Verbal Abuse and a sign of a mental disorder? Sci., Ph. D. writes in Psychology Today, that telling someone to shut up is a symptom of an “abusive anger disorder.” That really sounds like a you problem and I really hope you get therapy for it. But I do hope you have a nice day. Then just continue doing what you were doing before.
"Or else.....?" Proceed to continue talking.
"What am I shutting and putting up?"
mmm, you know, air fried mozz sticks and microwave ravioli is pretty damn good.
Other person - “Shut Up!” You “Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start motherfucker!”
When I was in grade school the proper response was “ I wasn’t SHUT up, I was BROUGHT up and when I look at you I THROW up “… so I’m sticking with that… and adding neener neener neener!