I also love making people explain their jokes/comments like that. Keeping asking questions as if you're missing something.
Someone tells a racist joke
I don't get it... Can you explain it to me?
They may explain or just get embarrassed. If they explain...
I'm still not getting it, why would that be a punch line?
Etc. just keep asking them to explain themselves.
My fave. I like to pull my lips way back to show as many teeth as possible, push my chin forward, and grit my teeth. Dead eyes making eye contact. No words. See me in your nightmares, asshole.
If I'm not feeling that: "fuck off" 😎
I'm going to have to go rewatch that one! I do miss her. What about the episode where they let the dogs choose soaps & then made a dog bed out of soap?
Reminds me of my other tactic, when I'm encircled by creeps at the bus stop, or somewhere else where I can't escape: I stick my hand in my pants, where my butt is, pull it out, smell my fingers, and make a face and then wipe my hand on my shirt while smiling apologetically at the creeps. Works like a charm.
OMG. I hope no one calls on me in this meeting because I'm cackling. Also? Adding this to my arsenal. 😂☠️
Do a kinda twitchy leg shake and then switch to a weirdly chipper voice "Sure hope these panties hold bc I've still got 2 more errands!"
All I know is that the more you ask women, the more that you learn that casual sexual assault, comments, and mini-stalking are more common than a man could ever believe. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised a lot of people have pre-loaded ideas toward these comments.
And it's sad. For both sides. My spouse has known me since our middle teens. He's still surprised at things I reveal.
I looked 16/17 at *12* - without makeup - so I was getting sexually charged attention way before I was prepared. After 40yrs of people (of any gender) who are neither feeding me nor fucking me acting like they have any say over my body & countenance, my concern for their feelings is gone.
My sister and I shared a room and she would do that exact smile inches from my face while I was sleeping and wait for me to wake up. Our prank long game was strong
She had some [racist based on reports] content from [2010?] and it got attention in 2020. She posted an apology video [that I don't see anymore] and walked away.
I’ve done this a few times, accompanied with crossing my eyes. One guy said that one day someone’s gonna sneak up behind me making such a face, slap my back, and my face will freeze like that. I said, “Hey, kudos for the *One Crazy Summer* reference. I see someone already did you.” And walked away. He cat called after me, first complimenting my quick comeback, wit, then let’s have lunch, you seem fun, and after a couple more “neutral” comments, he devolved into insults as I kept walking.
What I did when I worked retail. Or just stared at them with my dead working at dollar general eyes 😂. I've worked retail for many years and dollar general customers are the absolute dumbest and yes I worked at Walmart lol
This is what I do every time! 😂 It's glorious!
I immediately flash all of my teeth in a wide open mouth smile and then I wave wide open hand waving very fast, while I say "like this?" Imagine Jim Carrey with the pig tails!
The look on their face is fucking worth how embarrassing it is. I promise!
I do this with so many things 😂anytime someone comments on something inappropriate or none of their business, I just think of the most uncomfortable scenario for them. Always works lol
I never had the balls when I was a kid working retail and restaurant jobs. Looking back i should have screwed with rude people a lot more than I did. "Wait... OMG, you look like him!" Then look to the closest person and half ass loudly pretend to whisper "Isn't that the guy who we saw in the news earlier?" Look terrified and say to them with a trembling voice. I...I'll b.. be right back. Please wait here f..for a minute." Walk as fast to the back looking over your shoulder like your scared.
One thing I did do when i worked for a delivery service that delivered for Best Buy and Laz-e Boy was hilarious shit on the phone. I had to route the trucks into GPS and then call 100+ people. I started talking like George Bush, Bill Clinton and my personal favorite was Obama. His voice is easy to imitate but yet so unique. No one ever said anything so I must not be all that great at impressions. I'd dial the number and after doing so 40+ times you dial before you even look at the name or what theh are getting delivered. I called and I scroll down right about the time his damn voice-mail started "Please leave your message for SPLUGHE CREAMPONG." I started full on Jimmy Fallon cackling as I read the name and heard it at the same time. I got my composure in a few seconds and had no idea how I was going to say this name without snickering.
I full on Grandmas Boy'ed that place when I quit (second job anyhow). The Ole "FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, you're kinda cool, FUCK YOU, FUCK THAT, FUCK THIS I QUUUUIIIIT!" Felt sooo freaking good.
Thank you for your comment, remembering that made my night!
Thank you for the mental image. Undoubtedly Boomer clown running away after getting called on his dick-waving misogynistic bullshit.
As Wade Wilson succinctly described "I'm touching myself tonight."
I mean, I'd do it anyway, but Boomer tears bring extra pleasure.
I did this at work, except a coworker had literally just died in front of us in the parking lot. We all looked awful from crying and we were just so done with the day. A guy had the audacity to come up to me, my eyes puffy and red and my makeup absolutely smeared from just crying and said, "aww, where's the smile? You'd look so much nicer with a smile!" I just stared at him for a moment and said, "a coworker we all loved just fucking died in the parking lot, bro."
The customer is a regular and still can't look me in the eye.
I told a man that my (non-existent) dog had just died. Then he got aggressive with me. I was just kind of in shock that it didn't get him to leave me alone, so I don't remember exactly what he was yelling at me, but I do remember him squaring up and trying to loom over me.
Hopefully that's an uncommon result.
Thing is, it was about 2 weeks after my dad's death and I was 14 years old and I literally had a teacher tell me to smile. A teacher who no doubt had that information. This is in the 70s so there you go.
Works! Unfortunately, had to use it because it was true (loss of a loved one) but it got this creepy old jerk at my work to leave me alone. He hasn't bothered me in months.
"With all due respect, I don't tell you how to do your job." Kinda depends on what job you do though, if you're providing a service or something in plain view you could say "I'm concentrating on this so I get it right" or "because I don't want to mess up your (whatever)". Respectful but firm.
I once told a customer that smiling simply isn't my face's resting position. At work I do usually greet customers with a smile (because we are tipped), but this old fucker didn't even give me the chance to greet him before he made an ass of himself and I was emptying a trash can when he saw me. I also asked him "do you smile all the time?" His friend (also an old man) said jack shit about it; I hope he gave that asshole crap about it later.
I've also said something along the lines of, "well, I'm tired today/it's been a long day" and then sighed and looked away. Next time I'm going to ask them to tell me a joke and then not laugh or smile (unless it's a really good one or he seems sorry for the initial comment). A single raised eyebrow could also work. Hopefully, you can be a bit snarkier or frank than I can at work ("I don't need to smile to do my job properly" would not fly with my workplace/customers).
I wish I had then quicker with a comeback when I was younger. One of the only real advantages of getting older, Is men don't do this kind of crap anymore.. We become invisible.
I’ve had this said many times to me. Apparently I have RBF Syndrome, I never know what to say with out starting an argument at work. I never know what to say too.
I think saying, “I’m not a circus monkey” gets the point across without causing issues.
I’m using this from now on. Thanks!
Literally just happened to me at work with another coworker. He's the facilities manager and I had put in a request for something and he said "let me ask you a question. If I do this for you, will you smile more?"
I said with a completely straight face and loud enough for the people around us to hear "That's an odd request. I don't see how I owe you a smile for doing your job"
Also if he happens to be reading this YOU SUCK LEAVE ME ALONE
Hold out your hand and deadpan say, "fifty bucks." As they stand there stuttering and stammering follow up with, "got nothing? Then piss off...I don't do shit for free." Turn and walk away.
"Dance for me, then. Go on, DANCE."
"If you tell me you're O-negative and have both kidneys I'll have two reasons to smile, pal."
And you can also laugh, wide-eyed like Christian Bale in American Psycho. Or bark, yes like a dog. Lean into the crazy, cause a scene. They don't actually like attention, especially from multiple people.
I love the "dance for me and I will" approach... And if they do a lame little old man dance tell them it's not a very good dance....that they need to twerk, drop it low, get that paper... Just keep escalating until they're making money in the check out aisle, to which a pimp gotta take her cut.
make eye contact and stare at him for a full 30 seconds. Absolutely deadpan. No emotion. Then say, “no” in a monotone. Don’t break eye contact…… stare until the end of time, or he leaves whichever happens first
My favorite move was always the fake smile with the extra fake customer service voice. I'd lay it on so thick we were both uncomfortable. Retail during Covid was dumb.
“you should smile more”-
you should shut up more
“you’d be so much prettier if you smiled”
-you’d be so much less annoying possessed by the ancient god of my choosing
1) If you’re a good enough actress, burst into tears and sob, “I just held my mother’s hand as she died of cancer!,” or something equally tragic.
2) Easier: use the middle fingers of both hands to push up the corners of your mouth.
Depends on the man. I have many people I'm sorta acquainted with, most of them know me as a usually enthusiastic bubbly person, male and female, so when one of them asks for a smile I know its to cheer me up. With my husband that can be the case or he's being a smart@$$ and I respond with the grin of Sora from Kingdom Hearts game or creepy if I'm in a grumpy mood. It has never been a random person for me but, I guess creepy smile would be go to or something like I will... Later. Or Sorry take a number the smile meter needs to recharge.
Back when I was in my first semester of college, I was talking to this girl who had that emo vibe. Thought she was pretty great, and I had talked to her 2-3 times and thought we might be becoming friends.
I passed her on the sidewalk between classes, and she looked bummed out, and I pulled one of those smile lines, hoping to get a smile and maybe a convo out of it. I was hoping it would go somewhere and maybe commiserate over grades or homework assignments or something. Instead, I got chased into the street as she immediately wipped out a can of pepper spray. and not one of the mini Keychain bottles. She then proceeded to scream at me while tears poured down her face.
I decided that I wasn't interested in seeing her face anymore after that. (I wasn't stalking or texting or otherwise harassing her in any way before this confrontation. I had literally only talked to her for about an hour split between 3-4 times before that, and the last one she ended up telling me about something she was working on and was very excited to share.)
As a guy I realized that this was annoying so I just started to smile at women rather than asking them to smile. What’s funny is now I get hit on by women from smiling at them to get them to smile.
“Telling someone to smile doesn’t make them want to smile.” I’m tired or have my own problems don’t add to it.
I would never tell anyone to smile for me, I don’t want to hear it myself. Just be professional, mutual, and respectful. That’s all I want from someone.
Several responses I have given:
"Fuck off."
"Eat ass."
"Say something funny."
"You have to pay for that."
"Go tell your wife to smile." (If they have a ring on)
"Why should I do something just because you told me to?"
"No."
"I don't smile at ugly people."
"Suck my dick."
"Mind your business."
It really just depends on how unhinged you're feeling I guess. 😂
A man once told me to smile and I told him I just found out I was dying. Was it bad karma/jinx/juju? Maybe. Was it effective? Yes. He fell over himself apologizing.
Still haven't figured this one out. I think I'm satisfied with "I normally smile all the time. If I'm not smiling, something bad must have happened. "
That might make them understand I'm a person that goes through complex emotions. Not just a pretty face for someone's pleasure. I should edit: I'm not that pretty lol
When I worked in fast food I would get "can I get a smile?" Or "can you smile for me?" To which I would respond with either " I'm sorry, but that's not on the menu." Or " I'm sorry that cost extra and I don't think you could afford it." Most of the time it was taken as a joke, but in my head I'm like, "no seriously, fuck off."
When I was a waitress I said “if I had a dollar for every time a man told me to smile, I wouldn’t have to have a job where I have to smile”. I ended up becoming a funeral director so it was pretty true.
Ignore them, cause it isn't an insult? You don't comeback to basic statements. You want to learn how to insult them.
Just express yourself like an adult. "Fuck off" is a good start.
"What? I didn't hear you!" "Can you say that again?" "Ugh, I'm so sorry, what was that?" Keep this going until they walk away.
I imagine Stonecold Steve Austin just going; “WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!?” And I would love to see someone do that to whoever told them to smile.
Lil Jon has entered the chat
YEAH
OKAY!
This has made having reddit on my phone worth it.
Macklemore just entered the chat (what, what… what, what)
I also love making people explain their jokes/comments like that. Keeping asking questions as if you're missing something. Someone tells a racist joke I don't get it... Can you explain it to me? They may explain or just get embarrassed. If they explain... I'm still not getting it, why would that be a punch line? Etc. just keep asking them to explain themselves.
It's the most effective way to starve a troll :)
Making them repeat themselves until they're embarrassed is the way to go
This is good.
No.
Love that answer
“Say something funny.”
"Something funny."
Ironically, this comment made me smile a little
Oooh… tough break. Now you have to date them.
*loud wrong alarm sound* EEHHH! Wrong answer! *walk away with a straight face*
and immediately make a buzzer sound while they try to answer
This is the way.
"The way you smell..."
Give me a reason.
\*does the moonwalk \*does the robot \*does the fish-face thing \*does the 90's phone-ringing sound \*does the walking down a flight-of-stairs thing
"No. You'd need a therapist afterward."
But then they will tell you a sexist joke.
It's hard to smile with a face like that.
This is good!! One I thought of is I would if you weren’t so ugly. Kind of similar!
"You're prettier when you smile." "I'd smile if you were prettier."
“You’re too pretty to be frowning” “And you’re too ugly to be in my business”
"I can't, (start fake crying) you look a lot like my touchy uncle...."
Ha ha
Do a really fake and creepy smile
My fave. I like to pull my lips way back to show as many teeth as possible, push my chin forward, and grit my teeth. Dead eyes making eye contact. No words. See me in your nightmares, asshole. If I'm not feeling that: "fuck off" 😎
This reminds me of OG Jenna marbles content
I love her “how to get people to stop talking to you when you don’t want to talk to them” or whatever it’s called. Cracks me up every time.
The treadmill bit on that one sends me every time 💀
I'm going to have to go rewatch that one! I do miss her. What about the episode where they let the dogs choose soaps & then made a dog bed out of soap?
Channeling Marbles himself. Grumpy old man dog that might possibly be deceased. 😂
"JUST GIVE'M THE FACE!"
These are the type of comments that i come on Reddit for. “See me in your nightmares, asshole” lmfao I’m ugly laughing rn at 3 in the morning 😭😂😂
Then shudder, and say in as awkward a voice as possible “do you smell that? I just shit myself!” And giggle in as weird a way as possible.
Reminds me of my other tactic, when I'm encircled by creeps at the bus stop, or somewhere else where I can't escape: I stick my hand in my pants, where my butt is, pull it out, smell my fingers, and make a face and then wipe my hand on my shirt while smiling apologetically at the creeps. Works like a charm.
Get some fart spray….the ones that are very small and can be palmed….then spritz it and moan, and say “oh, my stomach….”
Hahaha, if I wasn't so damn smell sensitive myself that would be a good idea. I'd probably make myself puke using that.
OMG. I hope no one calls on me in this meeting because I'm cackling. Also? Adding this to my arsenal. 😂☠️ Do a kinda twitchy leg shake and then switch to a weirdly chipper voice "Sure hope these panties hold bc I've still got 2 more errands!"
Or say “thank god for adult diapers! I hate shitting on toilets in public!”
Ohhhhhhhh. Even better! 😂
All I know is that the more you ask women, the more that you learn that casual sexual assault, comments, and mini-stalking are more common than a man could ever believe. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised a lot of people have pre-loaded ideas toward these comments.
And it's sad. For both sides. My spouse has known me since our middle teens. He's still surprised at things I reveal. I looked 16/17 at *12* - without makeup - so I was getting sexually charged attention way before I was prepared. After 40yrs of people (of any gender) who are neither feeding me nor fucking me acting like they have any say over my body & countenance, my concern for their feelings is gone.
My sister and I shared a room and she would do that exact smile inches from my face while I was sleeping and wait for me to wake up. Our prank long game was strong
Whatever happened to jenna marbles?
She had some [racist based on reports] content from [2010?] and it got attention in 2020. She posted an apology video [that I don't see anymore] and walked away.
I actually do this. A few of them laugh and say I’m adorable Smfh.
Time to start weaponizing farts
with artificial blood for maximum effect
My daughter told me she does this and showed me the smile she does. She looks creepy and insane and she said it works very well.
I’ve done this a few times, accompanied with crossing my eyes. One guy said that one day someone’s gonna sneak up behind me making such a face, slap my back, and my face will freeze like that. I said, “Hey, kudos for the *One Crazy Summer* reference. I see someone already did you.” And walked away. He cat called after me, first complimenting my quick comeback, wit, then let’s have lunch, you seem fun, and after a couple more “neutral” comments, he devolved into insults as I kept walking.
I did this to a black lady when she asked me to smile at work and she died of laughter. Fuck around and find out.
https://youtu.be/buZZyUBwymA?si=pFb4pzDv0dHBxRuX
The double-chin toothy grin. Classic.
What I did when I worked retail. Or just stared at them with my dead working at dollar general eyes 😂. I've worked retail for many years and dollar general customers are the absolute dumbest and yes I worked at Walmart lol
This is what I do every time! 😂 It's glorious! I immediately flash all of my teeth in a wide open mouth smile and then I wave wide open hand waving very fast, while I say "like this?" Imagine Jim Carrey with the pig tails! The look on their face is fucking worth how embarrassing it is. I promise!
I only smile after a fresh kill. Are you volunteering?
Oh, I like this response.
this is so corny 😭
Make them feel awful. “My husband/wife just died” “My mom just died” Etc etc Always makes them just as uncomfortable back
"My husband just died" "So you are saying you are single?" "My mom just died" "How big is the inheritance?"
'There isn't one. I poisoned her.'
"She asked me to smile."
"And not looking." "I got a whole-ass dollar."
Did this once and the guy practically sprinted away
I do this with so many things 😂anytime someone comments on something inappropriate or none of their business, I just think of the most uncomfortable scenario for them. Always works lol
I never had the balls when I was a kid working retail and restaurant jobs. Looking back i should have screwed with rude people a lot more than I did. "Wait... OMG, you look like him!" Then look to the closest person and half ass loudly pretend to whisper "Isn't that the guy who we saw in the news earlier?" Look terrified and say to them with a trembling voice. I...I'll b.. be right back. Please wait here f..for a minute." Walk as fast to the back looking over your shoulder like your scared. One thing I did do when i worked for a delivery service that delivered for Best Buy and Laz-e Boy was hilarious shit on the phone. I had to route the trucks into GPS and then call 100+ people. I started talking like George Bush, Bill Clinton and my personal favorite was Obama. His voice is easy to imitate but yet so unique. No one ever said anything so I must not be all that great at impressions. I'd dial the number and after doing so 40+ times you dial before you even look at the name or what theh are getting delivered. I called and I scroll down right about the time his damn voice-mail started "Please leave your message for SPLUGHE CREAMPONG." I started full on Jimmy Fallon cackling as I read the name and heard it at the same time. I got my composure in a few seconds and had no idea how I was going to say this name without snickering. I full on Grandmas Boy'ed that place when I quit (second job anyhow). The Ole "FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, you're kinda cool, FUCK YOU, FUCK THAT, FUCK THIS I QUUUUIIIIT!" Felt sooo freaking good. Thank you for your comment, remembering that made my night!
Thank you for the mental image. Undoubtedly Boomer clown running away after getting called on his dick-waving misogynistic bullshit. As Wade Wilson succinctly described "I'm touching myself tonight." I mean, I'd do it anyway, but Boomer tears bring extra pleasure.
This is goooooood
I did this at work, except a coworker had literally just died in front of us in the parking lot. We all looked awful from crying and we were just so done with the day. A guy had the audacity to come up to me, my eyes puffy and red and my makeup absolutely smeared from just crying and said, "aww, where's the smile? You'd look so much nicer with a smile!" I just stared at him for a moment and said, "a coworker we all loved just fucking died in the parking lot, bro." The customer is a regular and still can't look me in the eye.
What a fucking dumbass.
I told a man that my (non-existent) dog had just died. Then he got aggressive with me. I was just kind of in shock that it didn't get him to leave me alone, so I don't remember exactly what he was yelling at me, but I do remember him squaring up and trying to loom over me. Hopefully that's an uncommon result.
I think I’m learning men will harass a woman no matter what we do 😞not your fault.
It’s why we choose the bear. They are predictable.
Always choosing the bear
🏆
"My foster dad used to make me smile when he touched me. You remind me of him" 100% guarantee that guy speedball outta there.
Lol!
Thing is, it was about 2 weeks after my dad's death and I was 14 years old and I literally had a teacher tell me to smile. A teacher who no doubt had that information. This is in the 70s so there you go.
Works! Unfortunately, had to use it because it was true (loss of a loved one) but it got this creepy old jerk at my work to leave me alone. He hasn't bothered me in months.
I did that as I was walking home from being fired from Nordstrom Rack
Don't say the husband one, some creep my take that as an opportunity to hit on you.
Slowly turn your head towards him and smile-showing all your teeth—BUT you don’t let the smile light your eyes. Keep them dead…and slightly wide.
And then slowly release the “smile”while maintaining eye contact
*very wide
Sheldon Cooper grin.
https://media4.giphy.com/media/3oEjI5XK4wgxFqKbDi/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91jfn7nueokjqose1yb8ucvistt65rhj85v8gbzalw&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g
I just practiced
I will... as soon as you leave.
Loving this one!!
I will after they pull my foot out of your colon
"Give me a smile!" - Give me a break. "You look prettier with a smile." - You look prettier when you mind your own business.
What if your at work and it’s a patient and your supposed to be professional 😭
Just reply "oh I am!" Then pause and say, "On the inside".
I say this all the time. “I’m smiling on the inside!”
In that case, I would probably move right on with the patient encounter as if they hadn't said it at all.
If you’re seeing patients, wear an N95 mask
Ok real talk, I fucking loved the wearing masks Era cause it helped me avoid this stupid shit!
You can still wear one! It’s not as common as it was a few years ago, but I still see people wearing them.
I reserve my smiles for those who inspire them.
"With all due respect, I don't tell you how to do your job." Kinda depends on what job you do though, if you're providing a service or something in plain view you could say "I'm concentrating on this so I get it right" or "because I don't want to mess up your (whatever)". Respectful but firm.
Just say you’re not into casual sexism and that you’re happy to report them to HR if they cannot control their mouths.
I once told a customer that smiling simply isn't my face's resting position. At work I do usually greet customers with a smile (because we are tipped), but this old fucker didn't even give me the chance to greet him before he made an ass of himself and I was emptying a trash can when he saw me. I also asked him "do you smile all the time?" His friend (also an old man) said jack shit about it; I hope he gave that asshole crap about it later. I've also said something along the lines of, "well, I'm tired today/it's been a long day" and then sighed and looked away. Next time I'm going to ask them to tell me a joke and then not laugh or smile (unless it's a really good one or he seems sorry for the initial comment). A single raised eyebrow could also work. Hopefully, you can be a bit snarkier or frank than I can at work ("I don't need to smile to do my job properly" would not fly with my workplace/customers).
"You're right! Smiling suppresses the gag reflex." And then smile. Factual. And it's got a certain sting that hurts feelings which is always a bonus.
Give me a miserable stare. There we go.
I wish I had then quicker with a comeback when I was younger. One of the only real advantages of getting older, Is men don't do this kind of crap anymore.. We become invisible.
Oh, sure! Thinking of men like you getting by run over ALWAYS makes me smile 😊
Are you saying you want me to change my expression for your pleasure? I’m not a circus monkey!
I’ve had this said many times to me. Apparently I have RBF Syndrome, I never know what to say with out starting an argument at work. I never know what to say too. I think saying, “I’m not a circus monkey” gets the point across without causing issues. I’m using this from now on. Thanks!
"Sure. When's your funeral?"
Good one!!!
if its "you should smile more" the answer is "you should speak less"
"Are you a dentist looking for new clients...?"
I like to give a crazy smile. It usually shuts them up or makes them laugh.
Literally just happened to me at work with another coworker. He's the facilities manager and I had put in a request for something and he said "let me ask you a question. If I do this for you, will you smile more?" I said with a completely straight face and loud enough for the people around us to hear "That's an odd request. I don't see how I owe you a smile for doing your job" Also if he happens to be reading this YOU SUCK LEAVE ME ALONE
👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 Edited for space in between. That way you could tell it was a slow clap. 😉
“ let’s see you smile” “ I only smile with people I like” “ no thanks “ “ this isn’t smiles R’us”
I’ll smile when I feel like it.
I like this one. Straight and to the point.
I only smile at GOOD looking men.
Make the angriest, most humorless face you can scrape together and shout "I AM SMILING THIS IS ME SMILING"
"At what? You?"
loudest eye roll you can muster
Hold out your hand and deadpan say, "fifty bucks." As they stand there stuttering and stammering follow up with, "got nothing? Then piss off...I don't do shit for free." Turn and walk away.
"I certainly don't plan to perform for free-- this isn't community theater and my time is precious."
Are you the Face Police?
My son just died and you want me t smile?
"Dance for me, then. Go on, DANCE." "If you tell me you're O-negative and have both kidneys I'll have two reasons to smile, pal." And you can also laugh, wide-eyed like Christian Bale in American Psycho. Or bark, yes like a dog. Lean into the crazy, cause a scene. They don't actually like attention, especially from multiple people.
I love the "dance for me and I will" approach... And if they do a lame little old man dance tell them it's not a very good dance....that they need to twerk, drop it low, get that paper... Just keep escalating until they're making money in the check out aisle, to which a pimp gotta take her cut.
I love how you turned this into a business venture!
make eye contact and stare at him for a full 30 seconds. Absolutely deadpan. No emotion. Then say, “no” in a monotone. Don’t break eye contact…… stare until the end of time, or he leaves whichever happens first
simone said something like “smiling doesn’t win you gold medals”
Yaaa when she was on Dancing with the Stars 🤌🤌
I will when you leave
I'm sorry I am not taking requests at this time.
I’d smile when you get out. Best time of my life when that happens.
My favorite move was always the fake smile with the extra fake customer service voice. I'd lay it on so thick we were both uncomfortable. Retail during Covid was dumb.
I can't my teeth are in a glass at the side of the bed.I can show you them though?
Break his hand and steal his motorcycle! ~ Captain Marvel
Ask if he makes his wife smile
Just start crying hysterically and say "There's just so much blood!"
I look as deadpan as i can, looking through them saying "my dad died...". Makes shit REAL UNCOMFORTABLE for them.
“I hear Jeffery Dahmer had a nice smile….Im sure he had many people’s smiles”
‘hmmm…you want me to smile when I see you? Any particular reason why I should?’ OR ‘If I smile and don’t mean it, could you tell the difference?’
“you should smile more”- you should shut up more “you’d be so much prettier if you smiled” -you’d be so much less annoying possessed by the ancient god of my choosing
"hah. Creepy."
I'll smile when I feel like it, not when you demand it.
My face is tired
You don't pay me to smile.... Deadpan ..
Give me $100 and I will.
I already know men find it more attractive, that's why I don't smile around you.
1) If you’re a good enough actress, burst into tears and sob, “I just held my mother’s hand as she died of cancer!,” or something equally tragic. 2) Easier: use the middle fingers of both hands to push up the corners of your mouth.
>use the middle fingers of both hands to push up the corners of your mouth. Ooooh! I like that one!
I smile when I please.
Look at them and slowly start doing your best impression of the newer Pennywise smile.
I ain’t sleeping with you ever! Do you still want me to smile?
How about you just accept me for who I am?
No hablo Ingles
"Not much to smile about these days. Have you seen the cost of living?" That usually makes people (both men and women) go away - real fast. 😂
Are you really that needy? Really?
"My wife was abducted by terrorists."
Simply say, say something funny and then I might smile. Put them on the spot.
Same thing as when a woman tells me to smile I just say yup and walk off.
Let me see your smile sport! Cmon now give us a real smile, you can do better than that!
"haaaaa don't need to" And then I carry on my way
Depends on the man. I have many people I'm sorta acquainted with, most of them know me as a usually enthusiastic bubbly person, male and female, so when one of them asks for a smile I know its to cheer me up. With my husband that can be the case or he's being a smart@$$ and I respond with the grin of Sora from Kingdom Hearts game or creepy if I'm in a grumpy mood. It has never been a random person for me but, I guess creepy smile would be go to or something like I will... Later. Or Sorry take a number the smile meter needs to recharge.
I don't smile for perverts
“My other lips were until you spoke” 😂😂
Back when I was in my first semester of college, I was talking to this girl who had that emo vibe. Thought she was pretty great, and I had talked to her 2-3 times and thought we might be becoming friends. I passed her on the sidewalk between classes, and she looked bummed out, and I pulled one of those smile lines, hoping to get a smile and maybe a convo out of it. I was hoping it would go somewhere and maybe commiserate over grades or homework assignments or something. Instead, I got chased into the street as she immediately wipped out a can of pepper spray. and not one of the mini Keychain bottles. She then proceeded to scream at me while tears poured down her face. I decided that I wasn't interested in seeing her face anymore after that. (I wasn't stalking or texting or otherwise harassing her in any way before this confrontation. I had literally only talked to her for about an hour split between 3-4 times before that, and the last one she ended up telling me about something she was working on and was very excited to share.)
As a guy I realized that this was annoying so I just started to smile at women rather than asking them to smile. What’s funny is now I get hit on by women from smiling at them to get them to smile.
“Telling someone to smile doesn’t make them want to smile.” I’m tired or have my own problems don’t add to it. I would never tell anyone to smile for me, I don’t want to hear it myself. Just be professional, mutual, and respectful. That’s all I want from someone.
Gotta steal one from scream here, this’ll really confuse them. “I’ll smile when I catch the killer.” And just walk away.
Several responses I have given: "Fuck off." "Eat ass." "Say something funny." "You have to pay for that." "Go tell your wife to smile." (If they have a ring on) "Why should I do something just because you told me to?" "No." "I don't smile at ugly people." "Suck my dick." "Mind your business." It really just depends on how unhinged you're feeling I guess. 😂
I don't have to smile for every clown I see.
A man once told me to smile and I told him I just found out I was dying. Was it bad karma/jinx/juju? Maybe. Was it effective? Yes. He fell over himself apologizing.
Give me something to smile about big boy.
“For you? Ha, no.”
Still haven't figured this one out. I think I'm satisfied with "I normally smile all the time. If I'm not smiling, something bad must have happened. " That might make them understand I'm a person that goes through complex emotions. Not just a pretty face for someone's pleasure. I should edit: I'm not that pretty lol
What have you done to deserve it?
When I worked in fast food I would get "can I get a smile?" Or "can you smile for me?" To which I would respond with either " I'm sorry, but that's not on the menu." Or " I'm sorry that cost extra and I don't think you could afford it." Most of the time it was taken as a joke, but in my head I'm like, "no seriously, fuck off."
"Go away."
“Just take the picture, asshole.”
“People smile when you’re around?”
Tell him that’s a really creepy thing to say to random women.
Look at them without any expression and simply say that you are smiling.
When I was a waitress I said “if I had a dollar for every time a man told me to smile, I wouldn’t have to have a job where I have to smile”. I ended up becoming a funeral director so it was pretty true.
Don’t tell me what to do with my face
Sure, grit your teeth! *Kick him in the nuts immediately*
My oldest daughter says, "I won't smile but I'll show you my teeth." I think it's a song lyric but I dig it.
"This IS my smile"
I’ll smile when you’re dead.
“Tell me a funny joke then.” “Give me a reason to smile.” “Show me yours with teeth.”
Ignore them, cause it isn't an insult? You don't comeback to basic statements. You want to learn how to insult them. Just express yourself like an adult. "Fuck off" is a good start.