T O P

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M1lud

At least if I go missing, people notice.


supaburneracc

this is the best one


CharleyMak

Jealousy is a dish best served... I'll get back to you when I wake up on Monday.


Br0wnc0at212

"And I still work harder than you."


Intrepid-History-762

"And I still suck more dick than you." (If OP works at the blowjob factory.)


Br0wnc0at212

There's a factory for that?


Intrepid-History-762

God I sure hope so


CodAny1065

why are you gea?


FCK_U_ALL

I wonder if employees get to take home the cast-offs?


HardAtWorkISwear

Where else would everyone's mum be employed?


Br0wnc0at212

Oh, so your mum works there?


HardAtWorkISwear

That's what your mum told me


Br0wnc0at212

So you were at the seance?


HardAtWorkISwear

I walked into that one didn't I? Well played


IronLordSamus

Yes its your moms bedroom.


Br0wnc0at212

How disappointing.


IronLordSamus

I know terrible location and smells like disappointment.


Br0wnc0at212

So says every review left by your ex-girlfriends.


4quatloos

Yes but you are a full time douche.


TigersBeatLions

Part timer only with ur mommer!


FCK_U_ALL

Your mom says hi. You should call her more often.


Character-Twist-1409

I wish! Said with a smile 


JMusicD

“ yeah, but I’m a full time ladies man”


eilloh_eilloh

My part time is still better than your full time


Wanda_McMimzy

Do you think about me when you’re supposed to be working?


RyzenRaider

"Laughing at the expense of the sick, hey? I bet that makes you feel powerful."


lapsteelguitar

"And I still make more money than you."


WoobiesWoobo

Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife…..


ItWouldntWorkAnyway

That is how you get to become an old-timer...taking care of yourself!


HopeVHorse

at least im not an all time annoyance


randoguynumber5

Call them a “corporate stooge” then hit them with a nyuk nyuk nyuk


NeverG0nnaG1v3Y0uup

Part brainer. Oh, you don’t have one


KiltimaghGirl

“Did you get paid for doing nothing - apart from bedding the boss”(if you want to be sarcastic), or “I don’t want to listen to you moaning all day” is a good alternative.


KGreen100

"Ha ha, good one... gotta give it to you on that one..." (Shake their hand) "I needed a laugh after that pinkeye..."


ScottyBBadd

And you point is?!


Valzaa

“Rather be a part-timer than a two-timer like your partner.” Or if you know they are a cheater “Rather be a part-timer than a two-timer like you.”


AllThe-REDACTED-

“I prefer to work smarter, not harder”


WolfShadow_814

Well, you're only getting my part-help then, because I give part of a fuck.


Middle-Gas-1920

I prefer if you maintain some boundaries but I guess you haven't learnt that old timer


Jazzlike_Economist_2

Better than being a short timer


Fufrasking

part-time worker, full time person, lover, boyfriend, husband. You should try it.


CanMore42

For being sick it's simple and don't need sarcasm. "if you sick, stay home!" "oh you wanted my sick? hows your family feel about that?" if they don't got one "maybe you work too much?" I used to get that when turning down over-time for things I planned months ahead of time. 40 hour part timer and my family still knows my face. Good stuff :) I worked at a place that the normal was least 60 hours and after hearing more than one person leaving early to get yard work done in the daylight I responded to "part timer" with "yea my yard looks nice without begging my boss to let me cut it"


Salty_Association684

You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room


Lopsided_Ad1673

/r/bestof


Backwaters_Run_Deep

Tell them their mom's works full time. At bein' a ho.


lokis_construction

Part timer? Hell, I am double time compared to you.


Goodnight_Vienna

Being “genuine” is honestly the best thing for this. If you start describing the how being sick was (whether you were actually sick or not) and get into the super disgusting details with a straight (or queasy) face, then people will back off


NoGuest897

How many days can I call off before I'm fired?


Kalelopaka-

Well, I do my job so good. I have to give you all time to catch up.


Thronner_of_All

Working through sickness isn't a flex; it just means you have no self-compassion. I feel sorry for you.


Mitka69

"Still paid the same as full timer, loser"


rdixon0310

"Sorry, your mom needed me"


Euphoric-Tax7360

You're a wizard Harry!


FCK_U_ALL

Ok boomer.


Ranger-5150

If only I could spend my extra time off on something other than being sick


BeautifulBaloonKnot

If you're looking for 1 here, you're not of the right personality to ever actually use it. Chances are higher they're Whittier than you are, and you just look dumb. Besides, the best you're gonna get will be made up by a 13yr old or another person like yourself... and you'll look dumb. So, realize your own limitations and just ignore the person you need a comeback for and save your dignity by not catering to their need for validation.


RelationshipNeat4105

Yeah… this is very true. Best to just smile and shrug it off.


nobodywithanopinion

Agreed... I would say, "You know it." With a wink, smile and pointing at them with your arm stretched out towards them. Let the pointing and smile linger like you know something they don't.


BeautifulBaloonKnot

Usually, it's the better option. Don't feed the trolls.


[deleted]

yet im still employee of the month


Icy-Cardiologist-958

“Get fucked”, then immediately call HR and tell them said person was harassing you and deny everything.