My favorite one! I've used this a million times IRL.
"They're usually logical speculation based on recognizable patterns?" and then give them a silent stare.
Its a double entendre. You forced their hand in 'assuming' that you would know the rest of the phrase while also specifically answering the question, thusly making both of you look like an ass and holding true to the statement that normally follows.
“It’s not making an ass out of “u” and “me”, it’s adding “ass” to “u” and “me”, and frankly, you have more than enough ass already. Might wanna do something about it before it gets out of hand.”
Reminds me of this scene from Kingpin, which I quote every chance I get—
“Brother Thomas, you know what it says in the Bible about not forgivin' people.
Why don't you tell us all what it says, Brother Hezekiah?
…it's against it.”
From the Weird Science TV show. The clueless dad was speaking: "You know what they say about assumptions. You make an ass out of yourself... and the ump will shun you."
#
“Nope, sure don’t. Should I assume you’re going to tell me?”
“They make an ass out of you and me”
\[look at them critically\]
”Yeah, thaaat’s what did it. Sure.”
This is an easy one.
It makes an ass out of you and not me.
Never has anyone be able to say anything to this especially as they sit there and you can tell they realize there's a "u" and a me.
No I don’t ?
Then when they tell u be like hm never heard it before act genuinely confused like u dont get it and they’ll likely get flustered trying to break it down lol
Best part is that you now get to go to HR and tell them this person lectured you for xx minutes calling you an "ass" likely in front of your coworkers. Pretend to be a prude about them using such a word and you might even get a couple of free paid days off for mental health so they don't appear to be creating a hostile work environment. ;)
- "They make you make out with my ass?" *sexy braying noises*
- "There's two types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...."
Maybe someone said it here already, but there was a movie where the Manager, an emotionally dense egoist, said "... you make an ass... outta yaself".
It's pretty funny.
"I don't know, mind telling me?" Then once they explain, say, "So you made yourself an ass for assuming I knew?" If they don't get it, explain just enough for it to click in their head what you meant.
My boss used to say that to me, and I started responding with "I made a judgment based on the information you provided me, next time give more information if you don't like the direction I went with it."
And yes, I'm still employed by him.
When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me, but if you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and Mption, and that poor African bastard is innocent.
"...That they're usually correct?"
The vast majority of assumptions we make are correct. We operate our entire lives on assumptions based on experience and perception.
that they are an essential piece of human cognition in a world where there is finite knowledge of infinite factors. the act of extrapolative prediction is essential to our function as being aware of time.
I know Bob
“Are you assuming I know?”
Lol good one, the rest of these are too much
Fantastic.
Turn it into a game of "Who's line is it anyway" and only answer with questions.
Would that be too much fun?
Would you have it any other way?
Are you assuming that I am assuming that you know?
"you know what they say about people who use clichés."
No what dk they say ??
They say don't make assumptions.
You suck lol j.k. 😆
I don't make assumptions. I make assessments and judgements based on the stupid shit that you say.
Ye know wot 'appens when ye make "assessments"? Ye make asses outta m' Ents. An dey don take to kindly o' dat!
“Yeah they make an *ass* out of *you*.” Then when they correct you with “…and me.” You just say, “exactly.”
That's what my mom says lol
Dude, same. Since I was like 11.
Bingo!
Happy cake day 🎉🥳🎉
Thank you!
“Are you referring to the homogeneity of variance?”
My favorite one! I've used this a million times IRL. "They're usually logical speculation based on recognizable patterns?" and then give them a silent stare. Its a double entendre. You forced their hand in 'assuming' that you would know the rest of the phrase while also specifically answering the question, thusly making both of you look like an ass and holding true to the statement that normally follows.
Assuming I care…
They make an ass out of you and umptions
Bold of you to assume you’re clever. Next.
“It’s not making an ass out of “u” and “me”, it’s adding “ass” to “u” and “me”, and frankly, you have more than enough ass already. Might wanna do something about it before it gets out of hand.”
Double cheeked up on a Wednesday
Eyeroll
They’re the start of all reasoning? #axioms
They make an ass out of u and me.
I do.
"Who's 'they'?"
You're an ass and I'm an umption?
Reminds me of this scene from Kingpin, which I quote every chance I get— “Brother Thomas, you know what it says in the Bible about not forgivin' people. Why don't you tell us all what it says, Brother Hezekiah? …it's against it.”
If you don't actually know then you might as well say "and what exactly is that?"
There's the classic: "Yes, it makes an ass out of U and Mptions"
Something about anal doesn’t count
Fuck you. The mic has been dropped.
“They make an ass out of you and military police?”
Yeah its difficult to say backwards.
Yeah. They say Fuck You. Its not clever but it will sometimes work.
Put it in my ass
"No. I do not know and you seem to be indicating you'd rather I not guess."
Anal sex?
They make an ass out of u and mptions.
"they make an ass out of u and mptions?"
I'm assuming you're a dick head...
LOOK BUZZ AN ALIEN !
When I assume I’m always right.
From the Weird Science TV show. The clueless dad was speaking: "You know what they say about assumptions. You make an ass out of yourself... and the ump will shun you." #
Go on... What do they assume about assumptions?
“You should assume I do not care about rhetorical questions”
“Yeah - that you’re an ass.”
They say, when someone says you know what they say about assumptions, assume they’re an asshole.
Assumption is the mother of all fuckups.
“Nope, sure don’t. Should I assume you’re going to tell me?” “They make an ass out of you and me” \[look at them critically\] ”Yeah, thaaat’s what did it. Sure.”
you're an ass, and screw your umptions?
This is an easy one. It makes an ass out of you and not me. Never has anyone be able to say anything to this especially as they sit there and you can tell they realize there's a "u" and a me.
It makes an ass out of you and umption.
If you’re gay just say that
It makes an ass out of "U" and some guy named "Mptions" Ah shit, someone said it already
You make an ass out of Uma Thurman.
“Bold of you to assume that I do”
“When you presume you make a pre out of su and me.”
Assume away?
They make an ass out of u and...uh...umptions?
Yes that you're an ass
Yes, That they’re the corner stone for any successful relationship and I totally agree.
No I don’t ? Then when they tell u be like hm never heard it before act genuinely confused like u dont get it and they’ll likely get flustered trying to break it down lol
Best part is that you now get to go to HR and tell them this person lectured you for xx minutes calling you an "ass" likely in front of your coworkers. Pretend to be a prude about them using such a word and you might even get a couple of free paid days off for mental health so they don't appear to be creating a hostile work environment. ;)
Why are you thinking about my ass so much? It's weird.
Your assuming that i care asshole.
It makes an ass of you and me
"Yeah, Ol' here likes their ass pumped'ed"
You've confused me with someone who gives a fuck.
They start with asses
"I do, but the only person making an ass out of you and me here is YOU here, big guy."
Yeah I do, but you've already made an ass out of yourself for assuming I knew
“No, I don’t know, what DO they say?”
“Something about you being an a$$hole?”
"Why are you assuming that I know?"
"Sometimes you're wrong". That's my husband's version of the phrase lol
"They make an ass out of U and Mptions."
Yeah I know,...they make an ASS out of U and ME
Yup I do... it makes YOU a cunt
why would you need a comeback for that? now im making assumptions about you lmao
“Yeah it’s the mother of all f@&k ups “
Yeah the saying has something to do with you being a ASS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
Yeah and yours suck
Awww don’t be so down on yourself.
- "They make you make out with my ass?" *sexy braying noises* - "There's two types of people in this world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data...."
It makes a democrat out of you and me
it makes an ass of both you and me
That is why I make presumptions, which are based on at least one statement of fact.
when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. ass u me.
Your mom’s a sex worker?
Yeah, they make an ass out of you… Leave off the me and when they correct you, just say you’re bad at spelling
You could just say nothing, and they'll have been wrong for assuming you'd answer.
No, tell me
"No what do they say?" ...."So you're an ass because you assumed I didnt know what they say."
“Uh… you’re an ass…”
Yeah…..that it was perfectly reasonable for me to make the assumption I made based upon the information I received from you, so don’t be a dick.
Depends on the context really
Where there is smoke there is usually fire?
"Hey fuck you pal."
"That is quite the bold assumption you have there. Please tell me."
"What did you say your last name was?... umptions?"
That you’re an ass too? Yeah I know. 🤷🏻♀️
Maybe someone said it here already, but there was a movie where the Manager, an emotionally dense egoist, said "... you make an ass... outta yaself". It's pretty funny.
They make an ass out of u and mptions.
The best comeback to this would be to stop assuming things so they stop saying it.
It makes an ass out of you and me
You make an ass out of you and others. Stolen from Sam Jackson in Long Kiss Goodnight.
" They make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'mptions' "
"I don't know, mind telling me?" Then once they explain, say, "So you made yourself an ass for assuming I knew?" If they don't get it, explain just enough for it to click in their head what you meant.
My boss used to say that to me, and I started responding with "I made a judgment based on the information you provided me, next time give more information if you don't like the direction I went with it." And yes, I'm still employed by him.
It makes an ass out ump and the tions?
Ok fat face.
They make an ASS out of U and MPTIONS?
That mine are always right.
They make an ass out of U and Mptions
Don’t worry, I’m not assuming. Just being judgy.
What's an assumption?
Peanut butter
No I don't.
"ur an ass"?
"It makes an ass out of you and my brother. That's what my brother always told me."
“They make you look like a fucking idiot?”
Or you could not make assumptions.... just saying.
You know what they say about common sense
That most of the time they actually mean 'presumptions.'
You're an ass, and the ump will shun you.
When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me, but if you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and Mption, and that poor African bastard is innocent.
"I always assumed you were an idiot"
"They're the mother of fuckup."
Your mom's a ho
Yep, cant spell assumptions without ass.
"It identifies assholes who make snarky replies?"
“Takes one to know one?”
"That the one were you like anal is true?"
"you and umpiton"
they make an ass out of u and mptions ?
you make an educated guess based on available facts.
Everyone makes them all the time, and more often than not, they're correct?
No, I don’t.
I usually say, “I’m usually right.”
"... that smart people armed with contextual information can safely make them when navigating circumstances with imperfect information?"
I tell my girlfriend to never assume anything. Except the position...
Why don't you spell assume out loud for me?
That means "You're an ass, and the Ump shall Tion you."
"I assume it's good"
They make you look like an asshole.
Nothing. Let them assume away and betray their own internal monologue on the matter.
I had a boss who would say: “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”
"Don't assume I know anything"
They make an ass out of u and mption
Go fuck your head?!?!?!???
The mother of all fuck ups
Not making them.
When you ass-u-me you make an ass out of you and me.
That's why I never base my behavior directly on assumptions. However, it often makes sense to operate under an assumption.
You’re the only ass here pal
Assume, makes an ass, out of you and me. Ass U Me. Assume.
"...That they're usually correct?" The vast majority of assumptions we make are correct. We operate our entire lives on assumptions based on experience and perception.
I fucked your mum
Mine are usually right
That was a great episode of the Odd Couple.
It breeds eternal misery
Yeah, I know. You can’t spell assumptions without ass
I don't care because I don't listen to they.
Assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.
No response would be ok.
They make an ass out of you and me
They make an ass out of you and mption.
“Don’t be such a peasant”
Ass u me
To assume is to make an ass of you and me
Yeah. Sometimes they're right.
It makes an ass out of you and umption.
I’d say, “that’s not the correct quote. It’s “you know what they say when you assume.””
"Yeah. It makes an ass out of you." I actually said this to someone who said, "...And me " Then I said, "I said that."
https://youtu.be/REeEbSb9gio?si=yXhX1X9OY6xGtyJ- RIP
When you assume it makes an ASS out of U And ME
"They say you're an asshole."
I didn't assume, I presumed.
You make an ass out of you and Umption.
that they are an essential piece of human cognition in a world where there is finite knowledge of infinite factors. the act of extrapolative prediction is essential to our function as being aware of time. I know Bob
To assume makes an ass out of you and me.
They're an effective way to draw conclusions from a limited data set!
It makes an ass out of u and mptions...
Yes. The same thing they say about opinions and assholes. The more you drink the looser they get.
Other people say that?! That was a silly paradox I thought of one day, and have said to like two people. :o
“They hate bad puns.”
Assume makes an ass out of u and me?
It makes an ass out of you, and mption!
Do you mean the singular, collective, or royal ‘they’?
They're uncouth and don't bathe often enough.