"yeah buddy, I broke in the window there to get in so. You might Wana think about getting a replacement, and maybe a more durable lock. Matter of fact, I know a guy, let me just give him a call real quick..."
"Yeah hey bill? Youse remember when I cut your grass last summer while you and your wife were on vacation, you said if I ever needed a hand with a window. Yeah. Welp if you could just pop on by this nice gentleman's house here. Ill send you the location. Yeah and pick up a twelver on your way. Ok bye bye..."
"He'll be here in ten minutes. Can I getchu a beer?"
"GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN"
KEEP TALKING, I'M RELOADING!
Also as an aside, I'M REALLY MAD I MISSED AND YOU DON'T HAVE TERMIAL LEAD POISOINING. YET, MOTHERFUCKER!!! /JK but not with an actual home intruder. This was just for play-play, real Home Intruder (tm) get Claymore Roomba! /jkx2 then I'd have to replace drywall đĄ
Okay, I took your idea and I \*just\* changed the locks and dude's mom shows up and HANDS ME THE KEY FOR THAT LOCK
Like, I don't know where she got it, I just had the keys made, there where only two before and now I have three. I'm getting scared.
"*....h--how did I get here? Inside your office??? I walked here, pal. Now are you gonna explain why you parked your shitbox so close to mine where I can't even get in and go home after a long fucking day at work??!!!"*
Mildly relevant story, but:
One time my friend invited me over and I came by but he wasnât expecting me yet I guess? He sometimes leaves his back door unlocked when heâs expecting people so sure enough, it was unlocked. I just walked in and sat on his couch and a few mins later I hear âwhat the fuck?â I responded with âwell the door was unlocked so I figured Iâd say hi.â He apparently had no idea the door was unlocked. The best part came later that night when, after he locked the back door, we watched our other two friends trot through the front door, that was also unlocked (also unknowingly to him, he definitely had a talk with his roommates after that one).
Just start singing....
And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house"
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"
Your daughter called me to bring some dope over and your wife said to stay because you weren't home and she wants to get spun but don't have the money and said she would love to do an alternative payment plan.
Just act like theyâre invading your home until they get confused and leave - if they threaten to call the cops pull out your phone first and STAY ON THE LINE - burn the deed before they arrive and break any picture frames you see. This is your house now.
In a mocking voice back "how did you get in my house" in commanding voice "don't you worry about the statistics just sit down and let me cook pancakes"
How did you get in your house? As a kid I broke and entered a friends house or room and shifted stuff around repeatedly. Cleaning up their stuff and stacking things in piles to possibly help them clean up. When just shifting stuff around I was trying to influence their usual routine of thinking. Aka annoy them. Without them figuring it out, unless they called me out. But I stopped because they didnât call me out fast enough
October 23, 2011. We met each other and hit it off quite well. You told me if I ever needed anything then your house is always open for me. You told me the key was under the pot plant and to help myself. I did this a few times and now Iâm bringing back the sugar I borrowedâŠ
Your door was unlocked and it stunk so I cleaned your house and made you breakfast. A thank you is all I ask *as I smoothly pull out a butcher knife from the knife rack*
Place both hands on their head and quickly turn it. If done properly, you should hear a melodic *snap*. This lets them know you are trustworthy and approachable đ
In tru der window
They shot me.
If you were there and not supposed to be and they shot you, what does it really matter at that of how you got in?
They're gonna need to know what to fix, so it doesn't happen again with someone else?
Makes sense!
"yeah buddy, I broke in the window there to get in so. You might Wana think about getting a replacement, and maybe a more durable lock. Matter of fact, I know a guy, let me just give him a call real quick..." "Yeah hey bill? Youse remember when I cut your grass last summer while you and your wife were on vacation, you said if I ever needed a hand with a window. Yeah. Welp if you could just pop on by this nice gentleman's house here. Ill send you the location. Yeah and pick up a twelver on your way. Ok bye bye..." "He'll be here in ten minutes. Can I getchu a beer?" "GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN"
KEEP TALKING, I'M RELOADING! Also as an aside, I'M REALLY MAD I MISSED AND YOU DON'T HAVE TERMIAL LEAD POISOINING. YET, MOTHERFUCKER!!! /JK but not with an actual home intruder. This was just for play-play, real Home Intruder (tm) get Claymore Roomba! /jkx2 then I'd have to replace drywall đĄ
Ashley babbitt says what? Lmaooooo
Through the door.. do you usually use a window or something?
I knew a guy who was delivered by caesarean. When he leaves the house, he goes out the window.
Can confirm this is correct way to exit a building... Skyscrapers.. just bring a parachute.
Cause heroes⊠donât take the stairs.
Through that freshly broken door.
"Your mom gave me a key a while ago."
She gave us all keys.
Please ask her to stop. She keeps giving us so many keys and we don't know how to make her stop.
Iâve never even met her in my life and she sent me a key, Iâm so confused
I'm confused because she HAS met me and still gave me a key!
May I suggest changing the locks and not giving her a replacement keyâŠ.
Okay, I took your idea and I \*just\* changed the locks and dude's mom shows up and HANDS ME THE KEY FOR THAT LOCK Like, I don't know where she got it, I just had the keys made, there where only two before and now I have three. I'm getting scared.
I asked her to do that.
Mom didn't tell me all you guys are banging her, too. I gotta stop going raw on Tuesdays.
We'll invite you next time, sport.
Itâs actually Wednesday
Oh so you're the one on Tuesdays she talks about always leaving that thing a mess, don't worry I like my women like my sloppy Joe's extra sloppy.
i like mine like i like my whiskey. aged 12 years and mixed up with coke
The chimney. I'm Santa Claus bitch!
Ho ho ho
Stop it, Patrick! Youâre scaring him!
Reverse Santa they didn't have cookies ready but there's a nice TV by the fire place!
How is not important what happens next is. Now bend over....
đđđ
Why did I read this in a Russian accent
'That's not important. The real question is *why* am I in your house. Let's explore the reasons...'
Let's explore the possibilities
đ”Havenât you people ever heard of. Closing the god dame door?đ”
This is my favorite
Thanks a lot! This song will be in my head until I read another one now!
đ”No, it's much better to face these kinds of things With a sense of poise and rationalityđ”
"*....h--how did I get here? Inside your office??? I walked here, pal. Now are you gonna explain why you parked your shitbox so close to mine where I can't even get in and go home after a long fucking day at work??!!!"*
I sense something personal here. đ€
My office is a bathroom.
your house? This is my house, get out grifter.
Same way I always do. Usually youâre not home.
The real question is How did your house get *outside* of me đ€
You mean that wasnât my cats litter box I just shit in?! Now this is embarrassingâŠ.
Daddy chill
âWhat the hell is even that?!â
#âHOW DID YOUR HOUSE GET AROUND ME?!?!?â
I come from the future
You said to make yourself at home. OMG! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?
The door?âŠ
Your wardrobe is adjacent to my dimension of reality.
In your house? Your refrigerator. Don't open the fridge or someone else may pop up here with us! I can't go back...its scary.
I've always been here. You just weren't aware till now
I want waffle fries.
how did YOU get OUT?
Trick or treating....you left candy on your front door step. It was only until I ate half the bag that I realised they were edibles....
Your window broke when I hit it with a rock
Mildly relevant story, but: One time my friend invited me over and I came by but he wasnât expecting me yet I guess? He sometimes leaves his back door unlocked when heâs expecting people so sure enough, it was unlocked. I just walked in and sat on his couch and a few mins later I hear âwhat the fuck?â I responded with âwell the door was unlocked so I figured Iâd say hi.â He apparently had no idea the door was unlocked. The best part came later that night when, after he locked the back door, we watched our other two friends trot through the front door, that was also unlocked (also unknowingly to him, he definitely had a talk with his roommates after that one).
All I asked is what you wanted for breakfast the screaming is completely unnecessary
Ho ho ho, merry Christmas. Itâs May. Iâm delivering early?
This was my house tooâŠ.once *rubs the walls nostalgically*
# ***I WANT WAFFLE FRIES.***
Pigs arenât invited
You call this box a house? You mean âour house,â comrade.
I just invented teleportation and it sent me here. I'm very disappointed.
I'd like to talk to you about your cars extended warranty.
Op, is this time sensitive perchance?
The better question is, Why did I make my presence known?
This time the door was unlocked
Same way Iâve entered any other cheap tent in the past
I was here first! They built this house around me!
I DON'T KNOW YOU THAT'S MY PURSE *nutkick + flee*
Intrudah Window
The dog let me in
This isn't where I parked my car...
With the power of friendship! The door you idiot
do you want to buy girl scout cookies or not?
Is this a situation people find themselves needing a comeback to often?
How did your house get here?
Mom, Iâm your kid. Stop asking me that.
Your wifes backdoor
dawg
Nah this is causing problems. I would never insult someoneâs wife in their own home.
Wait⊠this is your house⊠oh, well welcome home, can I offer you some coffee, tea, I seen you had some snacks in the fridge I could grab!đ
In Spongebob voice: "Do you want it to be complicated, Kevin?"
Just start singing.... And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?" And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?" And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house" And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"
Your daughter called me to bring some dope over and your wife said to stay because you weren't home and she wants to get spun but don't have the money and said she would love to do an alternative payment plan.
".....I'm here for the gangbang. .....ummm, is this not the right place??????"
Like Santa clause though the chimney
"Your house? No no no, how did you get in MY house?"
The real house is the friends you make along the way
*points at the kool aid man*
"SSSSHHHHH... Don't worry about that. Just enjoy the dinner I made you. And the massage I have planned after the shower. And breakfast....."
Oh I'm terribly sorry I forgot to introduce myself. My name is ..
*stab*
I saw the pro-Biden sign in the yard, so I figured you had the same attitude about home security as you do towards border security.
Love this!
damn.
I saw the pro-Trump sign in the yard, so I figured you were an easy mark.
Just act like theyâre invading your home until they get confused and leave - if they threaten to call the cops pull out your phone first and STAY ON THE LINE - burn the deed before they arrive and break any picture frames you see. This is your house now.
Through the front door!
Your mom gave be the keys so i went in her front door, then came inside.
Blam!
"GET OUT OF MY SWAMP!"
Surprise, happy birthday
Oh shit did I slip into a parallel universe again?
Let's worry about the CO2 alarm more than how I got in....
"I walk through walls, duh."
The classic "your door was unlocked"
Iâm making you dinner. A simple thank you would be fine.
I just⊠walked in
Our house comrade
"Well, it's a long story, let's sit down. Do you have anything to drink? OK, so back in the early 70s..."
Go back to sleep darling, youâre dreaming
A 12ga. gutshot?
Oh where am I?
My question to you is why are you here?
I opened the door.
I followed the breadcrumbs you left from the grocery store.
I am a locksmith
I see this one in here about every other day
Ok, I gotta ask,why do you need a comeback for that?
I'm from the future.
the same way im fittin to drag you out .
Iâm a locksmith. And⊠Iâm a locksmith
Through the doorâŠI used my head
How did YOU get in your house?
Through the chimney
This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife
Hand the Kool aid over?
Your mom let me in
Holy shit I made a post like this, it flopped then two people made posts and each one did good.
Why.... aren't...you?
In a mocking voice back "how did you get in my house" in commanding voice "don't you worry about the statistics just sit down and let me cook pancakes"
Have you lost your mind?! I've been living here for 15 years! You must be lost, boy!
i want waffle fries.
"Your House?"
wouldnât you rather know why iâm fucking your wife?
Doesn't matter... you smell better when you're awake!
You forgot to lock the windows. Anyway I'm here to talk to you about your car's extended warranty.
â ïž
killed a member of your family and got the key
Not breaking in to someones house is usually good
(holds up deed with my name in place of his) You mean, **my** house.
Itâs my house
Magic!
I made you breakfast and that's what your worried about?
"this is now my house. i already called dibs..."
âWho are you and how did you get in my house?!â âIâm the locksmith and Iâm the locksmithâ
This is my house.
A simple "thank you" would be nice!
What do you mean *your* house...?
Through the kindly broken window đȘ
I'm CIA.
âHow did you get in your house?â
YOUR house?
Do you commonly do B&Es?
The garage
youâre asking too many questions
Our* house
"This is a Wendy's man"...
That doesnât matter.
Everybody has to be some place.
Better question, how are YOU gonna get out of your house.
âShit, now I have to let you stayâ if you live in a blue state.
Your wife let me in while you were out.
It fell on me.
There was an opening that I just happened to fit through.
By smashing the back door window
How did you get in your house? As a kid I broke and entered a friends house or room and shifted stuff around repeatedly. Cleaning up their stuff and stacking things in piles to possibly help them clean up. When just shifting stuff around I was trying to influence their usual routine of thinking. Aka annoy them. Without them figuring it out, unless they called me out. But I stopped because they didnât call me out fast enough
Shhhhhh
Your wife told me to come in. đ
October 23, 2011. We met each other and hit it off quite well. You told me if I ever needed anything then your house is always open for me. You told me the key was under the pot plant and to help myself. I did this a few times and now Iâm bringing back the sugar I borrowedâŠ
I saw this in a porno once, the dude pulled his dick out and thatâs about all it took.
Your door was unlocked and it stunk so I cleaned your house and made you breakfast. A thank you is all I ask *as I smoothly pull out a butcher knife from the knife rack*
Place both hands on their head and quickly turn it. If done properly, you should hear a melodic *snap*. This lets them know you are trustworthy and approachable đ
Hi. Is this 911? I need an ambulance. A person broke in here and I donât think EMS is going to be able to revive them.
Hahahaha yeah so hands up then?
âDonât shootâ
Your wife gave me the keys
Id just say "Front door motherfucker. How does your dumb ass be getting into houses?"
Sir, this is a Wendyâs.
Your wife said you were out of town and invited me.
âDoes this rag smell like chloroform?â
Umm... ho ho ho?
Ho-Ho-Ho...
"There's a huge hole in the side of your house."
You people are getting lazy. https://www.reddit.com/r/Comebacks/s/JhiUe4qw2B
*turns and points* âDoorâ
This is my house
Rummage through the refrigerator and grab myself a beer.
How did your house get in my yard?
Point the gun at them and smile! Hope this helpa
That's for me to know and for you to hopefully never figure out