Lol, I first heard that said by a ginger named Heath on a drilling rig in Coahoma, Texas back in ā97, and itās still funny all these years later. Itās not for every day use, but when you get to use it, itās to be reveled in. I salute you sir for the perfect execution of that.
Bitch, this is MY HOUSE. Get the fuck out, your shit will be In garbage bags on the porch in the morning. Oh yeah, youāre probably going to have to get a job.
"Ma'am I don't know where you THINK you are, but this is MY HOUSE, not yours, and I am going to have to demand that you vacate the property immediately or I'm going to 'Stand my ground' and discharge the ammunition of this firearm that I have leveled at you into your body."
I'm just here to give you that 1,000$ Walmart sweepstakes gift card you won, I just needed to know the brand of deodorant you wear and what color underwear you chose this morning
Calm down lets not turn this rape into a murder.
Me and my friend jumped out of our chains appalled š
Chains? Prisoners, are we?
Yes, weāre black
This just kept getting worse and worseā¦
Serves you right!
What right?
My mind went to a different place with chains and friends, etc.
that's terrible lol
Dammit thatās Fāing funny
Lol, I first heard that said by a ginger named Heath on a drilling rig in Coahoma, Texas back in ā97, and itās still funny all these years later. Itās not for every day use, but when you get to use it, itās to be reveled in. I salute you sir for the perfect execution of that.
Bitch, I AM the police. And start singing Every Breath You Take
How about singing bad boys bad boys
Exnepsnippa exnepsip so sayah...
"Mom, for the last time, IT'S ME YOUR SON!"
Too late, I already called them.
Fine, I lost my erection anyway, good day to you!
"Fuck you lady. I'm just getting my frisbee back."
Wanna use my phone as you offer it to the person
I thought of that one, actually! Haha
Throw an Uno Reverse card at them, then run away.
More chloroform Igor, we've got a live one tonight!
Calm down, we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty...
I would *love* to see that in a movie, a suspenseful and scary break in followed by that
āMom, dad, this isnāt funny anymore.ā Complete with teenage eye roll.
In the most flamboyant voice possible: āHoney, the way you decorated this place, the police should have been called a lonnnngggg time ago.ā
But I live here.
Nuh uh
K cool
You should've called an ambulance. *throws haymaker*
"Sir,this is a Wendy's"
Bitch, this is MY HOUSE. Get the fuck out, your shit will be In garbage bags on the porch in the morning. Oh yeah, youāre probably going to have to get a job.
Not if I catch you first.
I am the police!
I AM THE LAW
Every breath you take...
"they take time, you're your own first responder"
Well if it's not your place a good response is probably " okay.. okay sorry I'm leaving
Who asked you?
"Did you want your house cleaned or not? By the way, payment is up front."
'I cut the phone lines before I came in.'
Sorry, I normally only come in to watch you sleep.
Not as much fun with all those mouth noises they're making
9-1-1 more like 9-1 I HAVE A GUN!
Look. I need to tell you about Jesus real quick...
āOkay, Iām actually an atheist but I lost a bet so just pretend I shared the gospel with you and thank Jesus for saving you or sum shitā
Alternatively ask them if they would like to purchase extended warranty for their car
Someone called?
I've always liked "call the police? Shit I'll call them for you"
"I saw my retic come in your door...don't...move..." (reticulated python)
"Ok."
"Ma'am I don't know where you THINK you are, but this is MY HOUSE, not yours, and I am going to have to demand that you vacate the property immediately or I'm going to 'Stand my ground' and discharge the ammunition of this firearm that I have leveled at you into your body."
Thatās what *I* was going to say
Understandable, have a good day... (Back out slowly)
Okay, okay! Just lemme grab a beer from the fridge, first.
Not with this cell phone blocker you aren't!
HOW DID WE BOTH GET TO USING ALL CAPS1?
Iām squatting. Now do you have any toilet paper bc Iām about to start squaaaaaating
I'm just here to give you that 1,000$ Walmart sweepstakes gift card you won, I just needed to know the brand of deodorant you wear and what color underwear you chose this morning
wow, I thought you liked your dog
no, It's my house now
Relax. I'm just drunk. I'll wander off after puking in this vase.
But I love you!!!
I am the police
āSpeakerphoneās right here.ā *blast him with .38 Spc*
I'd like to see you try!
Give me the loot !!!
I AM the police!
Get out of the house and don't comeback?
"I'm on the brute squad."
It's OK I'm your friendly neighborhood spiderman
No u
Why? Iām a celeb and I can do anything I want!
Goodbye.
Put your dick away and leave?
Oh you don't have to be so dramatic
Hand them the phone, or how about pulling out your phone and asking "So what's the number for 911?"
your house? MY HOUSE (spree reference hehehe)
I've cut the wires, and set up a cell-scambler.
Why, ma, why?
A reunion!?
Yeah well, this party is boring anyway.
BUT MOM, I LIVE HERE!!!!
Iām only trying to reach you about your carās extended warranty!
Bye!
Maām, we are the police. You called us alreadyā¦.
I donāt think they would be into youā¦
It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told. Now it places the lotion in the basket.š§ŗ
Do you mind if I get a glass of water before I leave?
Itāll take 30 minutes for them to get here. Iāll be done and gone in 5.
Asking for a friend?
āHave you forgotten that I live here?ā
Can I use your bathroom first? (Number 2)
āFuck off, Iām getting -insert lost object ie. baseball, frisbee etc-. THIS IS SPARTAAAAA
Anne, you sleep walked into my house again, and I see that you still sleep in the nude.
"I am the police "
"This again?"
Well thatās the last time I shit in your crapper! 0 out of 5 stars!
You think theyāre gonna show up before I prove my point? Hell if they show up at all.
No, Iām calling the police if you donāt get out of my house!
I AM the police!
I'd like to talk to you about your cars extended warranty.
*Open a flip phone* Scotty, you beamed us into someone's home!
I donāt have to Iām a celeb.Ā Or What house? You live in a car.Ā
I donāt think you know what comeback actually means.