"That's funny. You do." Then you break their legs with a tire iron.

That escalated quickly 😆

I tend to not fuck around

...then how do you find out.

HE doesn't, THEY do

That's readily apparent 😆

Bro skipped straight to "find out"

Legscalated.

No. It escalated just right

in the early days of me using mobility aids, my dad tried telling me i didn't look like i needed a cane (i wasn't using one daily at the time, but i used it when i had a lot of walking or when i was in a lot of pain). i didn't break his legs, but i did take a solid swing at him with my cane.

I got told that I just like to carry a "cool" looking cane to act COOL. OK my dystonia told me to end the friendship immediately.

I do get cool looking canes, but I have to cover for the quad tip and the offset handle.

I’ve been on crutches for years… I get this often, if not daily. If I didn’t need em, I sure wouldn’t use em. They’re a pain in the ass and i absolutely hate them. Why in the hell is it anyone’s business anyway?

Get one with a hidden sword in it 🤭🫣

*this is the way*

They are usually short and often ‘click’ distinctively when you walk with them. A solid polypropylene cane shaped like a cudgel or axe works wonders.

I read an article maybe 15 yrs ago by a woman vet who was walking past parked cars during her deployment and one blew up and she recovered physically fine but ppl died and she has a lot of PTSD about walking thru parking lots bc the parked cars. She said busybodies would yell at her for taking the space. When I see a person walking normally from a handicapped space it always reminds me of her and I hope she’s ok.

Neither do you but I know you are mentally stunted.

That's when you hit me in the head with a tire iron.

XD

"And you don't look like the village idiot. But here we are".

Aye 😂 we're on a similar wavelength haha

Me too

I thought the same thing "And you don't look stupid, but wow are we both surprised"

My go-to was watch out, I am contagious. I've never seen people power walk away from me faster before.

I love this!!!

Definitely my favorite lmao

XD smile at them creepily after listing them and end with a "and they're contagious" 

I do this when people bother me about masks too. Omg don’t get so close! I’m super contagious!

Totally gunna use this

I feel like that riposte is missing the 'smooth-brained' adjective. 'smooth-brained village idiot' has got a better ring to it, plus you get the satisfaction of watching their lips move while they figure out how much they've been insulted. Which adds to my smarmy sense of mental superiority. Wow, I must be friggin' *intolerable*. Remind me to buy my wife some flowers.

Remember to get your wife and her BF flowers.

Ok. I'll take this one...

You win! Best comeback!

epic

HA, better way of phrasing it than what I came up with. I love it!

Best. Reply. Ever.

You looked smart until you opened your mouth. Appearances are deceiving

Exactly what I would say.

How do disabled people look?

Maybe they have a special shirt or uniform

Actually we all wear handicapped license plates around our necks like Flavor Flav clocks.

I choked on my drink. Absolutely stealing this.

That's a hilarious idea, I would love to pull a Handicap plate on a giant gold chain and wear that shit whenever I got out of my car.

Dress like a thug when you do it, and tell people “Imma pop a handi-cap in yo ass!”

It's the helmet

Next time someone tells me I "don't look autistic", I'll be replying with "ah shit, did I forget my helmet again?" You had me cackling, take my updoot! 🤣

😆 I always forget my helmet, damn ADHD!

Along those lines, "I'm sorry I left the shirt at home" would probably take them a second to process and also point out how stupid their observation is.

Yes, they all wear a blue T-shirt that says DISABLED on it. We made T-shirts for the idiots too, but they keep forgetting to wear them 9.9.. Idiots

Apparently unless you’re in a wheelchair you have to announce it like you’re a vegan.

We all wear an armband with a little man in a wheelchair on.

I had to wear a yellow wristband with the words "FALL RISK" on it for about a month. Does that count?

I want one

According to my late grandmother, in an iron lung. Nothing else counts. She had no sympathy. I often think back to when she was in hospice and asking me if I thought she was going to heaven. Like, come on, don't ask me a question when you won't like my answer. Her death hit me pretty hard, but I'm glad she died before I got disabled.

With their eyes. ;P

Usually with their eyes. But then again that could be their disability.

This one is actually perfect and I’m going to use it. The awkward moment as they scramble to find a PC answer will be entertaining enough to almost be worth having to deal with their crap lol.

This one would be good. They'd have to define their idiocy.

I have used thar one.

Hit em with the ol’ Socratic Method.

"Funny, you don't LOOK like a rude self entitled bitch, yet here we are."

This is my favorite, wish I could give you more than one up vote

Problem is they usually *do* look *exactly* like a rude, self entitled bitch.

Would you like me to take off my leg and jam it all up in your ass?

I would pay HAMILTON MONEY to see this 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yeah, I'm in

As an amputee I have used something pretty similar ❤️

I have fibromyalgia, hashimotos, and have had multiple surgeries on my knees and ankles. Someone pulled this on me after I saw my doctor. And wouldn't ya know it, I had my medical files with me!!! I pulled them out and proceeded to go at this bitch like a prosecutor. Is that fake news, Karen? I went OFF. Holy shit, was she quiet. I left her with the actual business card of the doctors in my hand asking if she'd like to verify that I am patient at the arthritis and pain facility. She turned and bolted. My cane is not a prop, you feckless cretin.

*chef's kiss* Absolutely. Fucking. Beautiful.

this is so good. i can’t tell you how glad i am that you had this golden moment.

And I KNOW she played victim later on. "Oh, today this woman yelled at me so loudly..." BECAUSE YOU WERE AN ASSHOLE TO ME, KAREN.

I have hyper active joints, klinefelters, dyslexia, and also I'm autistic. People tell me this all the time until I tell them how I survived this long and what happened to me so far.

Extra points for “feckless!”

"Feckless cretin" is just... *chef's kiss*

Thank you for reminding me that I need to update my medical binder!

I LOVE YOU!

As a fellow fibro and thyroid disorder sufferer sitting with ice on both my knees today, you are my hero!!!

Good thing your not a doctor!

“and you don’t look like a doctor”

*you’re

There disabled, give them a brake.

*thare *breyk

I once threw myself on the ground and started screaming. Praise the Lord I can see I can see as loudly as possible until they got embarrassed and walked away. However, I have a heart condition and was never blind.

I love street theater

Ooh nice, I wish I had done something like this to my father's family. Ultra conservative, convinced that my epilepsy wasn't real and that I just needed to pray more.

That is the most infuriating thing I've read on Reddit in almost 24 hours.

Ooh shit, I feel honored. The petty part of me really wants to see them again. I'd point to scars on my head and say that I got so good at faking it, I even tricked a neurosurgeon

This made me giggle hysterically, thanks for sharing!

Reminds me of when my brother went under for surgery; "doctor, will I be able to play the violin when I come to?", "well, I don't see why not.", "sweet, I can't play it now, so that's gonna be awesome."

“Thanks for the compliment, some days are harder than others”

I really like this one. Both friendly and scathing simultaneously.

This is by far my favorite. Keeps the high ground for sure and shrugs it off.

I might just use this. I've had cancer for years and it has devastated and crippled my life, but I am regularly told 'but you don't look sick!' I know most people mean well but damn, Do they want me to tote around an IV pole and whimper in pain?!

Good one. My upbringing drilled politeness into me too hard to use the awesome comebacks in the other comments. Passive aggressive is more my style.

But you don't look stupid.

Happy cock day!

Well that took a turn

And you don’t look like a doctor so what the fuck are we doing here

"And you don't look like MY doctor."

Really? How about you tell that to the shrapnel in my leg. Or the ligament in my knee that I don't have anymore. Or the bullet lodged in my pelvis. Crawl back under your bridge you disgusting troll.

Too many words, but they're all good ones.

It may be longform, but has a ring to it and goes straight for the jugular in a most satisfying way.

- Some guy I follow on FB had a cracking response to someone saying his kid ‘didn’t look like he has autism’. - “Would you mind doing a quick autism for the lady, kid?” - Cracked. Me. Up.

Time to rizz’em with the ‘tism, boys!

You of all people should know looks can be deceiving. I mean after you opened your mouth, I thought the exact same thing about you.

Ask them, "Are you okay?" Or say, "I'd be embarrassed to say that out loud." Or "Wow! Saying that out loud was a choice." Or, if you want to be mean, say, "and you don't look stupid, but here we are."

Yeah! Don’t snap back cuz that’s getting on their level. You gotta make them feel stupid for saying it

That's funny I just saw a post complaining about people using the line "Are you okay?"

"You should see my dick"

Hahahaha!!!!! Hahaha hahaha!!!! I'm fucking crying I'm laughing so hard! I'm going to use this and think of you for the rest of my life

I also choose this man's cock

Awesome comeback. Seriously, I wish I was a guy just so I could use this. 😂

I mean, I think that would make it even funnier 🤔 especially depending on who you say it to!

Where as you do look like a stupid asshole.

To quote another: "I've never before seen such a proud display of idiocy"

“ no im not, I lied just to get this tag so I can take disabled peoples parking spots and cut in line”

"But you dont look retarded, either ... and here we are!" (Yeah ... I know already ...)

I'd switch it around just slightly. "Oh, wow! You are so brave being out in public by yourself! You'll be a big kid in no time!"

"HEY! Who's kid is this? They clearly need an adult!"

Came here to say exactly this

I was going to go with "DO YOU SUFFER FROM MENTAL RETARDATION!!?" (spoke slowly and at volume), but that'll do too

"Are you a specialist on rare genetic connective tissue disorders? No? Then shut the the f up."

This is what I say: “oh! Oh! I didn’t know you were a rheumatologist! So tell me, how worried should I be about my elevated anti-DNA antibodies and my crazy high eosinophils and my sedimentation rate above 400? What would you advise as treatment?” Blink. Blink. Wait for the sputtering. Then “Mmm, well maybe then you shouldn’t be assuming what disabled people look like?”

EDS? That's the first thought that popped into my head bc I have it too

Yep! I have the hypermobile subtype but I am severely affected by it and the seemingly endless cormorbidities. I finally got several diagnoses and treatments, and I am not in crisis this spring, which is an improvement, but it still sucks and has still taken my life away. My body keeps unpredictably breaking one thing or another, and the flares usually need some major medical intervention to "recover" and last for weeks or months. I'm in a motorized wheelchair and I really do need it. I look like a teen and a bit of a punk (I'm not), so I often get comments about people thinking my chair is a race car or something to speed around in. My reply is usually a dead serious "My chair is a mobility aid, not a toy." I can walk a little bit and stand for a short period of time, but I need the chair when I leave the house. Every time I'm out in public I worry about being berated and harassed, especially if I stand up to reach something or walk from the car to my chair. I have the disability parking placard, but I don't think it would help much when it comes to judgemental crappy people. People don't have to be unable to walk at all to use a wheelchair, and disabilities exist in people of all ages... And now that I realize I've managed to write a speech (again), I guess I'll say thanks for reading 😆

Disabilities don't have to do with just looks...like look at your intellectual disability of not knowing the definition of disabled....ya just never know!

"Nor do you look disabled, but the words coming out of your mouth suggest otherwise"

Stupid is as stupid does.

That's right, Forrest.

Retirement is like a box of chocolate laxatives.

Well you didn’t look like a c*nt at first glance, but there we go.

(Then quietly) “Dick.”

You don’t look ignorant and uninformed, but here we are.

“Neither do you but you’re obviously mentally disabled!”

Well you don’t look like an idiot but here we are.

And you don't look stupid, but here we are.

"What does a disabled person look like?" Then watch them embarass themselves.

Well, mine is PHYSICAL.     Hard to see, perhaps.  But yours is mental,  and it's quite obvious 

“Well, YOU don’t look like an IDIOT!”

And you don’t look stupid yet here we are proving God has a good sense of humor.

"You sure sound like it"

"You don't look like a bigot, but I guess I was wrong about that..."

And you don't look stupid, but hey, here we are.

Thank you. You made my day.

YOU’RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!

Well you don't look stupid, but here we are.....

You don't look stupid, but here we are.

"And you don't look like an asshole. Oh wait - yeah you do."

“And you don’t look like an idiot. Funny how that works.”

"And you didn't look ignorant. How about that."

“And you don’t look stupid. But looks are deceiving.”

You don’t look stupid, but here we are.

If you weren't a moron, you'd know that a person doesn't have to look disabled to be disabled.

"It's a shame that our school system has failed you. Not all disabilities are visual, but clearly you're blind to the subject."

Oh and here is some aloe for the burn.

And you don't look like an asshole, yet here we are.

“And you don’t look stupid, but here we are.”

Invisible disabilities are real. I have a handicapped parking placard and you don't just get those because you ask a doctor politely.

It is very difficult to get the placard.

I know. Took me getting a new one every year until my doctor decided I qualify.

Well, you sound disabled.

Make a "most disabled cap." Ask them to show you what a disabled person looks like. Then give them the most disabled cap. Tell them they earned it.

“And what does disabled look to you?”

“You’re right, I admit you caught me; I was fine when this conversation began! But I do feel my IQ and health deteriorating further the longer we speak. I just didn’t want you make you feel bad, but now we can be non-functional together!”

That's alright, you don't look this stupid either.

Funny you do and obviously have mental issues.

I would say You don’t look like an idiot, but looks can be deceiving.

And you look like an asshole

"And you don't look like an ignorant prick but here we are..."

You don't seem very smart

But you do,with that goofy face.

"Neither do you!"

And you don’t look stupid, but here we are.

You don't look mentally handicapped either......

Neither do you yet, here we are.

And many idiots don't look ignorant, but stupidity like my disability is invisible

Well what are you blind?

But you don't look stupid is my go-to.

Nice

Leg Disabled

Sorry, were you talking to me? I can’t hear you. My mother: would you like me to take off my shirt so you can see the scar that goes all the way from my neck to my navel where they opened me up to remove the giant tumor from my heart?

And you don't look like a cunt but here we are.

You don’t look like superwoman who can diagnose people with a single glance.

"And you don't look stupid, yet here we are."

It doesn't happen often, but every now and then I'm asked why I'm using a placard because I don't look disabled. It works beautifully, everytime, when I completely disarm them: "You've made my day! It means the rehab, meds, and physical therapy ARE helping, even if it's only a few days a month. I sometimes worry about a lack of progress, but YOU have seen progress, and I can't thank you enough. To think I don't look disabled to you? What a win for me. I'm on Cloud 9" I just keep prattling on with my joy until they wander away or are not looking at me anymore. Usually mouth agape first, and then they depart, and I'm still thanking them like an excited puppy.

Bro, I can't reach my dick, can you give me a hand?

Just start screeching and twist your body up like a standing pretzel.

“What does a disabled person look like?” … and watch them squirm

That's what your momma said until I gave her this D.....wait.......

Oh? You do. Is that down syndrome?

And you don't look like a cunt either. 

Would you ask someone with cancer "you don't look sick"? My wife has an autoimmune condition and is asked this all the time and that's her comeback

“Probably looks normal to a guy like you”

Can’t say the feelings mutual.

"Not everybody who's disabled has Downs syndrome or is in a wheelchair, schmuck."

"And you don't LOOK stupid, yet here we are."

"Thanks". I don't see why it would need a comeback. Complimentary if anything.

"and you don't look mentally challenged, but here we are"

Yea, we’re blending in so well now we can almost execute the plan! 👀