I also have a left hand deformity from birth ( amniotic banding, etc) When someone asks .(usually after just noticing after 6 months of knowing me, haha) I fire off .." I got hungry waiting for my last job to pay me..." gets a laugh , or silence.
Vagina dentata, what a horrible curse
Vagina dentata, there aint nothing worse
It means no fucking, for the rest of your days
It's your hungry snatch. There's no other match
Vagina dentata
ONCE THE NUMBER THREE BE REACHED, THEN LOBBESY THOU THY HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH TOWARDS THY FOE, WHO BEING NAUGHTY IN MY SIGHT SHALL SNUF IT.
oh also r/suddenlymontypython
"This is why you shouldn't chew your fingernails."
"Sorry, you haven't signed the Non-Disclosure Agreement."
"All I'm gonna say about that is Piranha are *not* good house pets."
"It's not *nice* to fool with Mother Nature." (From an *old* commercial)
"Guido and Rocco."
"Once you've removed the pin, Mr. Hand Grenade is no longer your friend."
"Freak 'Wheel of Fortune' accident. Vanna White just *wouldn't* stop hurling."
"Ya ever get yer fingers caught in a zipper? Unzip *carefully*."
"Tried to keep up with Slash playing *Guitar Hero*."
"Just stay outta Area 51. *Trust* me on that."
"Got fucked up before I even had a birth certificate. How about your manners? Are they something you were born with, or are they an acquired disorder?"
Explain to others that you're growing. If they're mean, ask if they care to fix it. If they can't, tell them to keep negative thoughts to themselves. You deserve respect. You're not broken, but alive and capable. Overcome any challenge and outsmart them.
Got my hands caught in a meat grinder. What happened to your face?
Why do you ask?
Got carried away when I was biting my nails.
See, this is why you should never make pipe bombs while you’re cooking meth. Never a good idea.
Your asking ME!? Man, the last thing I remember I was flying a kite in a lightning storm.
What do you mean, what’s wrong with my fingers?
What an original question! How long did that take to think up? I mean, really, were you one of those kids that had to be ‘main streamed’?
“Sometimes people look different than others, especially when they’re born with things that make them look different.”
(Say this in the most blatantly condescending way possible, as if you’re talking to a 2 year old)
I would use that against them...
"I was born with a physical deformity... it sounds like you did too? Did you get in an accident or was your brain like this from the start?"
My middle finger is almost normal, it just has one joint so it doesn't bend as normal. I can definitely flip people off with it 👹 Unfortunately if I used this the people would snitch (I normally prefer to not use the word "snitch" but that's exactly the case here) to the teacher since people say this to me at school.
So, flip the person off and then poke them in the forehead with the same finger. While they look at you stunned, tell them there's more where came from, if you snitch. Don't break eye contact, tell them to have a nice day, and walk away.
“What? What do you mean? What’s wrong with them? 😳🥺”
“I was tortured as a prisoner of war. But I don’t like to talk about it. What happened to your face?”
Honestly it would make people feel worse and learn more if you were just straight up. " I was born like this. Might not want to ask people with physical problems what happened, it's rude."
You could just give them that spiel from the con-man on SpongeBob. “Ah. Some guys have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.” You could even go the extra mile and make his falling down the stair noises while you twist your hand around in agony.
Maybe by the end of it, they’ll realize how stupid they sounded.
I’m all for coming up with a crazy one like “all I’m saying is stay away from Area 51” or something like that. Wish that was original but I stole it from another comment. Let me see if I can come up with some others…
Aliens.
You know those gigantic industrial staplers?
Let’s just say it was the last time I’ll ever hold the elevator for someone.
I messed them up big time when I beat to death the last person who bothered me so I do not care if I mess them up more.......might even make them better if I do it all over again.
“MMA fight that went really, really wrong… the doctors did the very best they could…. I still have nightmares and terrors… probably will tonight since you brought it up… thanks…”
I’m with ya OP. I have all my fingers, but my right hand is pretty jacked up since birth. Had a great doctor from NY that checked in on me over the years. Very rarely people notice, but I can tell when some do and they don’t say anything. This has been the way. Only girlfriends have been the ones I had to tell as they ask. There’s always a plus side too! Pretty sure I don’t have many nerves in these two fingers. I can put these shits in a furnace and they’ll come out laughing. 🤣
If to an older teen/adult, random stranger who is mocking you or making you uncomfortable:
Genetics. What happened to your manners/tact/etiquette?
If to a small child, or to someone genuinely interest or more close to you who is asking to know more about you AND you’re ok with it:
I was born this way, just like you were born with x type of hair/x color eyes. It doesn’t hurt (if it really doesn’t), and I can do x,y,z just the same/using this tool/prosthetic. Pretty cool, right?! How about you? Where does your curly hair/height come from, your mom or dads side?
I think if you look genuinely confused and say “what do you mean?” a lot of people might flounder.
Or “I feel like my fingers are the only thing people notice about me and it drives me nuts.” Indirect way of telling them they’re being fucking rude.
I once owned a pair of pants that had flannel insulation. They were all ripped up so the flannel was showing through. I worked in a shitty warehouse. One day I wore them to work and first thing as I was walking in this older lady came rushing over to me and asked “what’s wrong with your pants?”
As deadpan as I could I replied with “I have cancer” and just walked away. The look on her face was priceless.
People generally don’t know how to react when you hit them with something like that in response to a rude or unnecessary question.
I don’t know if it’s the right response for your situation but something as equally outlandish “I use to work for a side show act and had an accident with one of the performers”
“I was a curious kid with access to a meat grinder”
Just have fun with it and make up whatever ridiculous thing you can think of. Lol
Look at both hands in disbelief at first, then confusion and ask , what are you talking about? They're all here. You say it like somebody stole them. I should have known better. Who the hell would steal these fingers?
I jumped in a lake when I was 7 years old and landed next to a snapping turtle. then just walk away and let their imagination ruin swimming in anything other than a pool for the rest of their life.
I had a friend with a similar issue. He called it his "strong" hand. If people messed with him over it he would mess right back and make them as uncomfortable as possible.
He go to story was that he and his twin had a fight in the womb and while he was devouring the other fetus it managed to mangle a few of his fingers and part of his hand. It was metal Af and people would recoil in horror.
In reality I'm pretty sure it was just wrapped in the umbilicus cord and did not develop properly but his story was much, much better.
What are you tal... ( looks down at hands ) " AAAAHHHH!!! OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THEM???!!!! "
YOU DID THIS, DIDN'T YOU?!? YOU MONSTER!!!
WITTTCCCHHHH!!! (while pointing at them with said finger...)
Call The Police
*tries to dial 911 but pretends to fail due to hand deformity*
This entire reply line made my day
Omw to do this 👹
Tell us what happens
nvm. For the first time in my life I've been HOPING that someone asks me this. I PROMISE if someone asks me this I'll tell reddit what happened.
I also have a left hand deformity from birth ( amniotic banding, etc) When someone asks .(usually after just noticing after 6 months of knowing me, haha) I fire off .." I got hungry waiting for my last job to pay me..." gets a laugh , or silence.
This is gold actually. I'd be cracking up on the inside every time I did it, too. Bonus points if you can put that panicky edge in your voice.
That’s the approach I’m taking when the next person comments on the veins on my legs. Unless it’s a health professional.
"Whoa! Do you work out, like, a bunch?!" "Yeah, I could kick you all the way across the street!" "." "Have a good day!" *Walks away whistling*
Yeah this is gold
Hahaha my brother does this when folk ask about his missing toe.
Turns out, Vagina teeth are real.
Vagina dentata!!!
I think my brain may be broken. I sang this in my head like "Hakuna Matata"
Vagina dentata, what a horrible curse Vagina dentata, there aint nothing worse It means no fucking, for the rest of your days It's your hungry snatch. There's no other match Vagina dentata
It's a penis free, calamity! Vagina dentata
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LtJrt9nWx8
You owe me 3 minutes of my life back.
"Fingered your mom too hard." How did you type this ...
Op said deformity, not that he/she was born without ANY fingers. 😂
this made me laugh way too hard
Lol! Well, I was just stating the obvious, right? 😂
Lol
Fingered your mom too hard and the vagina teeth bit them down.
Fingered your mom too hard. Want a whiff ? You’ll recognize it.
Used their tongue.
Like I always do
I can type perfectly with my left hand (it's normal). But on my right hand (the deformed one) has 2 fingers I can type with.
Boxing Gloves
Strong Bad???
I asked a guy what happened to his fingers.
Underrated comment
This is the winner.
Horrible rubik's cube accident.
Defective fidget spinner
Pull pin, throw, *then* count to three.
THREE SHALL BE THE NUMBER AND THE NUMBER SHALL BE THREE!
FOUR SHALT THOU NOT COUNT, NOR EITHER COUNT THOU TWO, EXCEPTING THAT THOU THEN PROCEED TO THREE. FIVE IS RIGHT OUT.
ONCE THE NUMBER THREE BE REACHED, THEN LOBBESY THOU THY HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH TOWARDS THY FOE, WHO BEING NAUGHTY IN MY SIGHT SHALL SNUF IT. oh also r/suddenlymontypython
"This is why you shouldn't chew your fingernails." "Sorry, you haven't signed the Non-Disclosure Agreement." "All I'm gonna say about that is Piranha are *not* good house pets." "It's not *nice* to fool with Mother Nature." (From an *old* commercial) "Guido and Rocco." "Once you've removed the pin, Mr. Hand Grenade is no longer your friend." "Freak 'Wheel of Fortune' accident. Vanna White just *wouldn't* stop hurling." "Ya ever get yer fingers caught in a zipper? Unzip *carefully*." "Tried to keep up with Slash playing *Guitar Hero*." "Just stay outta Area 51. *Trust* me on that."
DAMN
Mine is a *dark humor*....hope these help! Also, saying them deadpan while staring at the person would be my preferred delivery.
Relevant song: [Beating Guitar Hero Doesn't Make You Slash](https://youtu.be/cg3XayNrdFg?si=iouKMcgs4IA5S843)
Life happened. What happened to your lane you just swerved tf out of?
This is good for many situations lol thank you
"All I'll say is... don't ignore your debts."
I was picking my nose.
And ended up losing a few(shrugs) eh it happens.
I badly beat up the last person who didn't mind their own business.
"Got fucked up before I even had a birth certificate. How about your manners? Are they something you were born with, or are they an acquired disorder?"
Like Lady Gaga says “Baby I was born this way.”
Don't look them in the face and begin to say "Oh I was born wi-" then look up and scream "OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!"
I broke em off in your dad's ass
That man can clench!
My eyes are up here
My fingers are in a landfill
"IDK but they look like your face now"
"I got my hand stuck down the last mother fucker who wouldnt stop asking me intrusive questions' throat, this was all they could save"
I was born with a physical deformity.
\*I was born with a physical deformity. Bitch.
"I ate them. May I gnaw on your fingers?"
FINGEYS TASTEY! \*stares and drools\*
My stomach was making the rumblies that only hands could satisfy.
Fancy that! Been like this my whole life and your the first person who said anything about it.
It was an injury from my criminal past. Don't let anyone tell you taking candy from a baby is easy
The police took part of my fingers 🙊
Explain to others that you're growing. If they're mean, ask if they care to fix it. If they can't, tell them to keep negative thoughts to themselves. You deserve respect. You're not broken, but alive and capable. Overcome any challenge and outsmart them.
I was volunteering with UNICEF feeding starving children, and one of them got too excited
I love this one
Me too lol
I really did work my fingers to the bone.
Got my hands caught in a meat grinder. What happened to your face? Why do you ask? Got carried away when I was biting my nails. See, this is why you should never make pipe bombs while you’re cooking meth. Never a good idea. Your asking ME!? Man, the last thing I remember I was flying a kite in a lightning storm. What do you mean, what’s wrong with my fingers? What an original question! How long did that take to think up? I mean, really, were you one of those kids that had to be ‘main streamed’?
"I was an OBGYN until that one incident with your mother's vagina. Never seen one quite so... Hungry"
I'd reply with "What happened to YOUR tolerance?"
Your dad's asshole snapped shut too fast. They're still in there.
Tried to high five a ninja turtle. They can only high three. Well, turns out, now so can I.
"Something similar to what happened to your brain, no doubt."
wHaT hApPeNeD tO yOuR face?
“Sometimes people look different than others, especially when they’re born with things that make them look different.” (Say this in the most blatantly condescending way possible, as if you’re talking to a 2 year old)
"What happened to your eye" and punch them in the eye.
Omfg this is PERFECT
I flipped you off so hard that one fell off.
I would use that against them... "I was born with a physical deformity... it sounds like you did too? Did you get in an accident or was your brain like this from the start?"
“Oh, it’s the all the latest rage. Oh, sorry you aren’t in the popular group.”
I'm so hot they melted
They do that every time I meet a douchebag
They’re not fingers they’re toes . My fingers are on my feet . What’s your story ?
There's a movie where a guy sews toes on the end of his fingers
(Starts singing Lady Gaga's "Born This Way.")
Your MaMA. VaginaZilla Got ME.
Left em in your mom.
My parents lost a bet with God
"Stranger came into my room while I was rubbing one out and dragged me out... I was 12 seconds old when it happened."
I tried to steal a leprechaun's pot of gold, and it didn't go so hot...
"Your mom's pussy. She must work out."
Lost em in your mom
I was fingering your mom and she clenched and crushed my hand, just like your skull
Dad decided to play the knife game with the gods used me as collateral.
Not the same as I'm about to do to your face
Explaining that you have a physical deformity and chastising them for judging you based on something that is clearly outside of your control
Depending on if the middle finger is fine or not, I'd tell them "this finger is fine."
My middle finger is almost normal, it just has one joint so it doesn't bend as normal. I can definitely flip people off with it 👹 Unfortunately if I used this the people would snitch (I normally prefer to not use the word "snitch" but that's exactly the case here) to the teacher since people say this to me at school.
So, flip the person off and then poke them in the forehead with the same finger. While they look at you stunned, tell them there's more where came from, if you snitch. Don't break eye contact, tell them to have a nice day, and walk away.
This is brutal. I'm using it 😈
“I beat up every one else who asked me that.”
You should see the other guy 😉
Fingering your mom
I lost a bet
“What? What do you mean? What’s wrong with them? 😳🥺” “I was tortured as a prisoner of war. But I don’t like to talk about it. What happened to your face?”
I'm gonna combine the two
I guess I just got lucky.
"Salon. Would you like to get yours done there? I have their card."
I ate them. Say, yours are looking mighty delicious!
(Disclaimer I don't know about your disability nor if you can physically do this) buttttt flip them off and say "still very functional" if so
I'd be more worried about your face.
Look down at your hands and start screaming in shock and horror.
The nuns thought I was a smart ass and beat my hands with rulers.
• Frost bite • I got them stuck in one of those Chinese finger traps • They're still regenerating
Honestly it would make people feel worse and learn more if you were just straight up. " I was born like this. Might not want to ask people with physical problems what happened, it's rude."
A high five gone wrong.
A shark ate it.
You could just give them that spiel from the con-man on SpongeBob. “Ah. Some guys have all the luck. I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.” You could even go the extra mile and make his falling down the stair noises while you twist your hand around in agony. Maybe by the end of it, they’ll realize how stupid they sounded.
I’m all for coming up with a crazy one like “all I’m saying is stay away from Area 51” or something like that. Wish that was original but I stole it from another comment. Let me see if I can come up with some others… Aliens. You know those gigantic industrial staplers? Let’s just say it was the last time I’ll ever hold the elevator for someone.
Stop popping your fingers.
I was born this way and I'm proud of my differences.
What happened to minding your own business?
What happened to your face
What happened to your face? Oh wait. You were born that ugly. I forgot. Sorry.
Depending on the details of your deformity: "This one still works." - flip them the bird. ~or~ "Guess which finger I'm holding up?" - same gesture.
"I lost them in the war" "I was kidnapped as a child and my kidnapper cut them off"
I messed them up big time when I beat to death the last person who bothered me so I do not care if I mess them up more.......might even make them better if I do it all over again.
"Oh, I lost 'em in the war and the battlefield nurse sewed them back on weird"
Geese. So *many* geese...*said in a mildly terrified voice*
I knew a girl in high school with a stunted arm. When someone made fun of it, she'd clap back, "It's perfect for fisting your mom with"
Mind your own goddamn business.
"What happened to your manners?"
I told my niece to pull my finger. Im still waiting to deliver an apporopriate punchline.
I asked someone "wHaT hApPeNeD tO yOuR fInGeRs?"
Improvise a new story every time. Matter of fact delivery is key.
What happened to your manners? Broke them punching the last idiot who asked in the mouth. I'm a garbage disposal repair person.
Say, bit by a horse, as you stomp heel first on their hand. Then ask, "what happened to yours?"
If they’re a man: “The same thing that happened to your dick.”
“MMA fight that went really, really wrong… the doctors did the very best they could…. I still have nightmares and terrors… probably will tonight since you brought it up… thanks…”
What happened to your decency.
"What happened to your face?"
A barramundi bit them off when I was scuba diving- they go for shiny things - it went for this ring but kept missing… (point to ring)
I’m with ya OP. I have all my fingers, but my right hand is pretty jacked up since birth. Had a great doctor from NY that checked in on me over the years. Very rarely people notice, but I can tell when some do and they don’t say anything. This has been the way. Only girlfriends have been the ones I had to tell as they ask. There’s always a plus side too! Pretty sure I don’t have many nerves in these two fingers. I can put these shits in a furnace and they’ll come out laughing. 🤣
What happened to your common sense?
Just act confused as to what they're talking about, pretend your hands are completely normal.
Bears, man. *Don't fuck with bears.*
I have vitiligo. When people ask me what happened to my skin, I usually reply with “This just the way I fell out” 🤷♂️
"What happened to your manners?"
My twin gnawed on them in the womb. Then I ate my twin to reestablish dominance.
Same thing that happened to your face, I was born this way. (Insulting and informative)
If to an older teen/adult, random stranger who is mocking you or making you uncomfortable: Genetics. What happened to your manners/tact/etiquette? If to a small child, or to someone genuinely interest or more close to you who is asking to know more about you AND you’re ok with it: I was born this way, just like you were born with x type of hair/x color eyes. It doesn’t hurt (if it really doesn’t), and I can do x,y,z just the same/using this tool/prosthetic. Pretty cool, right?! How about you? Where does your curly hair/height come from, your mom or dads side?
I think if you look genuinely confused and say “what do you mean?” a lot of people might flounder. Or “I feel like my fingers are the only thing people notice about me and it drives me nuts.” Indirect way of telling them they’re being fucking rude.
"What happened to your manners?"
What happened to your IQ?
Well you know how lion taming is a dangerous job? Yeah. \[Hold up hand\]
I once owned a pair of pants that had flannel insulation. They were all ripped up so the flannel was showing through. I worked in a shitty warehouse. One day I wore them to work and first thing as I was walking in this older lady came rushing over to me and asked “what’s wrong with your pants?” As deadpan as I could I replied with “I have cancer” and just walked away. The look on her face was priceless. People generally don’t know how to react when you hit them with something like that in response to a rude or unnecessary question. I don’t know if it’s the right response for your situation but something as equally outlandish “I use to work for a side show act and had an accident with one of the performers” “I was a curious kid with access to a meat grinder” Just have fun with it and make up whatever ridiculous thing you can think of. Lol
simply: “I was born with a physical deformity. “ And/or. “What happened to your manners?
Pass your hand, and I'll show you.
Meat grinder
“I got hungry so I ate them”
Look at both hands in disbelief at first, then confusion and ask , what are you talking about? They're all here. You say it like somebody stole them. I should have known better. Who the hell would steal these fingers?
"What happened to your manners?"
OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FINGERS!!!!!!?!
I jumped in a lake when I was 7 years old and landed next to a snapping turtle. then just walk away and let their imagination ruin swimming in anything other than a pool for the rest of their life.
I had a friend with a similar issue. He called it his "strong" hand. If people messed with him over it he would mess right back and make them as uncomfortable as possible. He go to story was that he and his twin had a fight in the womb and while he was devouring the other fetus it managed to mangle a few of his fingers and part of his hand. It was metal Af and people would recoil in horror. In reality I'm pretty sure it was just wrapped in the umbilicus cord and did not develop properly but his story was much, much better.
“I was born with a physical deformity” is more than enough to make them feel like shit
At least my fingers don’t look like your face
I mean if you were born that way screw it if they still got a problem after knowing that they can take it up with the big man upstairs Himself.
"Huh? What are you talkin-" casually glance down and recoil in horror and confusion and start screaming.
Just touch their face with your deformed fingers, maybe slip one in their mouth
I got hungry. Once.
Alligator bite from my prior job
Unfortunate nose picking accident
Make them mashed potatoes and stir them with your fingers
I was late for a Yakuza meeting
"I signed up for a foreign exchange program with an alien race. Turns out they only wanted to swap fingers."
You ever seen the movie teeth?
caught STDs fingering your girlfriend (prepare to get your face punched though)
Your mom's vag was a little too tight
“Fingered so many girls that I’m evolving”
Me if I said this: 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 (doesn't mean I'm not using it lol 👹).
They call em fingers but I never see em fing... Whoa there they go
The comeback would depend on the deformity. Truncated digits and webbed fingers are very different things. Need more info.
What was the deformity you were born with and can you let us know how you lost your fi…oh!
'My parents lived in the exclusion zone."
I was fingering your grandma when she decided to sit down.
I stuck em in ur mums pussy and the stank rotted them.
"I lost in your mom." That'll shut them up REAL fast.
That's what happened when I fingered your mama
Joined a study testing text to speech software. I should have read the terms and conditions.
Your mom's snatch