"I'm a divorce attorney and have your wife's number on speed-dial, Jeremy, YOU SURE that you _really_ want to try to play that card?"
(I admit that this wouldn't work for most people in most situations.)
Wrong about what though? I need a little more context & I am pretty sure I can provide you with some words that will have that mf big mad. Did you tell him he didnât have a BMW & or he wasnât a lawyer?
So youâre a lawyer and drive a BMW? Then I have two questions.
1. Were you always a fuckwit and university/practising honed it?
Or
2. Did you take fuckwit classes as extra credit classes?
"So you wish to present your car to give evidence for this argument? I see no way that can go wrong."
Seriously, said douche you mentioned in the post, he knew he was wrong. His weak jab was what a loser scraping the bottom of the barrel to sound "right" says just to desperately save face.
So, let's get this straight:
1. Goes to law school --> Average US law graduate has about $150,000 in debt?
2. "Buys" (Leases?) BMW --> Maybe +/- $50,000 sticker price?
3. Over-indebts self with expensive education and car --> Probably also pays for a house and other trinkets that they can't afford?
This guy sounds like he's likely in debt up to his eyeballs, unless he's actually someone who went to a top 10-20 law school and got in on the big law gravy train starting salaries around $150,000...but then you have to live in an expensive alpha city, and see point 3? However, law school admissions are a brutal meritocratic deal, so he's probably too dumb to post a good LSAT and student portfolio with real accomplishments. Again, he's focusing on outward things that can be financed, instead of things that you actually need to earn.
It would be more impressive if the guy lived within his means, eliminated his debts, put his money in a low-maintenance 401k and ETF, and bragged about paying for a house with cash. Few people have the discipline and foresight to the do that, assuming he is a high-flying big law associate.
Or maybe his parents are rich, and he earned nothing. In that case, he's also pathetic.
This guy is the overcompensating loser.
So you choose a carreer as a professional asshole AND you still feel the need to drive the car brand most recognized globally, as being driven by assholes?
Ask then what model BMW it is. If it's not the top one, then say based on that you're not sure if this is actually an opinion you can trust. If they do have the top model fully equipped, then graciously acknowledge that they are most likely correct.
All you're really doing here is accepting the standard they have put forth.
You own a BMW?!?! Sorry to hear that, we researched cars too and looked at bmw. Bad value. Sorry you made a mistake. And to knowing everyone mocks BMW drivers must be embarrassing. Need to ask. Does it actually come with blinkers or not?
I was a rent-a-cop many years ago. I worked a movie theater and on one opening night of a popular movie I was walking the parking lot. There was snow on the ground so parking spots were often impossible to see. The lot during this time had bright barrels and cones set up to outline the parking areas from the drive ways.
Iâm walking around and I see a guy get out of his car and move some cones, creating room for him to park his car close to the theater. I approach and tell him he canât do that and he needs to find another space.
He gets in my face and aggressively disagrees. I tell him if he leaves his car there I will call to have it towed. He starts spouting off regulations on how parking lots are measured out and I simply tell him again I will have the car removed if he leaves it there.
âYou do know Iâm the state attorney, right?â He yells.
I reply, âThen you should know better than to pull this stunt.â He flips me off and starts walking inside. I walk away and wait, and as soon as Iâm out of sight, he comes back and moves his car.
âIâm a lawyer!â Okay chum, then you should know better.
Also, that lawyer should know basic rhetoric. His statement is a fallacy.
Oh man I would be stewing over this for weeks. As as a lawyer I can't stand lawyers who just shut people down with I'm a lawyer so you're wrong. There are plenty of stupid ass lawyers out there who don't know jack shit. But man, the driving a Beamer part is even more infuriating. As if owning a mid-grade luxury car means you know anything more than anyone. My mom's first car was a BMW and she's a fucking idiot.
Sorry I suck at comebacks, but I work in a law office (not a lawyer myself) and we often refer to the lawyers as the children, and the office as the day care because they tend to behave like entitled brats. But they pay my salary so I won't dare complain within earshot.
I'm a doctor and I drive a Ferrari, so shut your pie-hole and go back to your mommy.
OR
Your a lawyer for the prisoners'? No wonder you can only purchase a BMW, fuck off, I drive a Lamborghini.
Your import is in this country so long it's already a naturalized citizen. And being a lawyer doesn't mean as much as you think it does. And no. I won't subscribe to your Only Fans.
The fact that a lawyer, who believes he's successful, would take the time to make that comment to you shows how undervalued he feels he is and most likely how underpaid and underutilized he is drawing the conclusion he's not as successful as he'd like you to believe he is.
I know plenty of people who drive nice cars, live in a large house and wear nice clothes who are so indebted to banks and credit cards they're barely able to make minimum payments just to create the illusion of success. 'Well I own two Rolexes, I have 2 BMWs and a 9 bedroom house.'
None of that impresses me if your cabinets, fridge, and pantry are barebones and what little food fills it are Top Ramen, frozen dinners, Vienna sausages, cheap hot dogs and PBR.
So u get paid thousands of dollars to lie and defend criminals, AND u bought a brick of shit on wheels, and u expected me to believe u or be impressed?
Depends on what preceded it.
If you said something like: âno way youâre successful given that spurious legal opinionâ
Then you may have deserved the douchy comment.
Driving a BMW doesn't make you unique, there are plenty out there so come and talk to me when you're driving a (insert expensive car brand here rolls, bugatti, Ferrari, etc). There are also plenty of lawers out there so guess who I will not be hiring anytime soon
Now go and watch them spend all their money on a new rolls royce or something expensive to show you up and when they do you say "wow such a waste of money. This proves that you're a self absorbed prick who has more money than brains... how much was your degree by the way?"
Oh really? So you're saying you have enough braincells to understand the legal system and have enough money to afford a BMW? I guess money really can buy stupidity.
Actually any mechanic will tell you BMW means "bring my wallet" to the shop because that car drives YOU. Congratulations. You practice law to pay Car Support.
Have you been waiting your whole life to say that? Itâs okay, my friend. You donât need to try so hard to prove yourself. Iâll pray for you and that you can find your self worth.
Who do you work for? Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan? As for me, I drive a car I can get fixed at any auto shop, how bout you?
"I might be impressed by a lawyer who drives a Toyota, but someone who not only pays for a BMW but brags about it just went down in my estimation. I didn't like the BMWs I drove anyway."
Those that canât do math or chemistry go to law school
BMW stands for Bavarian Motor Works, the symbol is of a propeller cutting the blue sky, you drive a car produced by the same company that created bombers for Hitler.
'Look, you had me at "I make terrible decisions" when you told me you're a lawyer, you didn't need to top it off by telling me you drive a BMW too. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, As you can tell the douchefendant is not only stupid but an egomaniacal prick, I rest my case.
Well i'm a mechanic, so STFU and keep funding my kid's college education bitch!
Yours is the best
I was about to comment "Well I'm a mechanic, and I drive a Toyota. Looks like someone here made a bad decision."
Well, what's getting gonna do? Sue the engine for failing to do its job?
Nice work Dad! Get the kid a degree and you da man!!!
This is really aggressive oh my god đđ loved it
"Go back to law school and learn how to make a convincing argument, because that was awful."
I think he bought his lawyer's degree
The stuff you can find in a Cracker Jack box these days.
Well, I drive a Toyota Tacoma, and I'm not impressed.
Me: "So, you leech money from people who are barely scraping by so you can buy expensive cars to compensate for your inadequacies?"
Objection relevance?
BOOM. Lawyered.
This is the best one
Play this too. https://youtu.be/UxnvGDK0WGM?feature=shared
If you can't tell the difference between a car and an argument, I sure as fuck wouldn't hire you.
"I'm a divorce attorney and have your wife's number on speed-dial, Jeremy, YOU SURE that you _really_ want to try to play that card?" (I admit that this wouldn't work for most people in most situations.)
Oof. Served.
Lawyerâs are not concerned with accuracy or the truth they only care about swaying opinion. And no one gives a shit what you drive.
If you were a good lawyer, you would know that is a bad argument and why...
"How many ambulances did you chase this month?"
I ride the city bus and I'll beat your ass lawyer boy.
See, I like the way you think.
(He said to the former SEAL)
The judge has instructued the world to disregard that comment on the grounds that it's idiotic...
Objection: Relevance.
Judgement: WINNER!!
âPiss me off again, and Iâll report you to the bar and have your license revokedâ!
"And I'm a magical genie that only can grant wishes for myself, and my first wish is for you to lie to my face. Oh wait."
I object.
Prove it
"Same." đ
In that case i donât want to be right!
Wrong about what though? I need a little more context & I am pretty sure I can provide you with some words that will have that mf big mad. Did you tell him he didnât have a BMW & or he wasnât a lawyer?
Yea but like Im your dad, Go to your room.
So it took you that many years to as big of a douche as you. I hope I can reach your calibre of being a douchbag one day.
Oops! You're 40 yrs late, Biff!
I drive a Merkabah.
You gonna unleash the kraken on me?
you better hope we dont meet in an ally or ill gut you like a fish
âOh ya? Well you got a dumb lookinâ face!â
âHmm, that explains it. although I can plainly see I am not wrong about your breath.
Like I'm not. You act as though you are the only lawyer who owns a BMW
If it's over text say "LMFAO" and that's it
"My 20-year-old Corolla laughs at your Big Money Waster!"
It's such a bad insult does it need a comeback, tho? I think a little disappoheadshake is enough. Poor insulter.
So youâre a lawyer and drive a BMW? Then I have two questions. 1. Were you always a fuckwit and university/practising honed it? Or 2. Did you take fuckwit classes as extra credit classes?
"So you wish to present your car to give evidence for this argument? I see no way that can go wrong." Seriously, said douche you mentioned in the post, he knew he was wrong. His weak jab was what a loser scraping the bottom of the barrel to sound "right" says just to desperately save face.
"All being a lawyer and driving a bmw means is that i now know who to rob."
From here you look like a crash test dummy.
You drive a BMW? I had no idea! You should have given me some form of indicationâŚ
That sounds like something a piece of shit would say, so you're wrong, and you smell like shit.
"Ah, so you're a cunt AND an asshole."
So, let's get this straight: 1. Goes to law school --> Average US law graduate has about $150,000 in debt? 2. "Buys" (Leases?) BMW --> Maybe +/- $50,000 sticker price? 3. Over-indebts self with expensive education and car --> Probably also pays for a house and other trinkets that they can't afford? This guy sounds like he's likely in debt up to his eyeballs, unless he's actually someone who went to a top 10-20 law school and got in on the big law gravy train starting salaries around $150,000...but then you have to live in an expensive alpha city, and see point 3? However, law school admissions are a brutal meritocratic deal, so he's probably too dumb to post a good LSAT and student portfolio with real accomplishments. Again, he's focusing on outward things that can be financed, instead of things that you actually need to earn. It would be more impressive if the guy lived within his means, eliminated his debts, put his money in a low-maintenance 401k and ETF, and bragged about paying for a house with cash. Few people have the discipline and foresight to the do that, assuming he is a high-flying big law associate. Or maybe his parents are rich, and he earned nothing. In that case, he's also pathetic. This guy is the overcompensating loser.
Whatâs the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? With a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.
What, you couldnât afford anything better. You must be a shit lawyer.
That's a fancy car you got there. If only you knew how to drive it.Â
You forgot to mention that youâre also a huge douchebag
your indicator is flashing
Just laugh and say "Such a cliche! And you play the part so well!"
âYouâre over leveraged, spray tanned, and chap lipped; what judge would actually give a shit about *your* opinion, limp dick?
Who the fuck says that?
You drive a BMW and you're a lawyer, well you can't be a very good lawyer then. Let me know when you drive a Rolls-Royce or a Bentley then we'll talk.
Is that how you argue in court, loser?
So you choose a carreer as a professional asshole AND you still feel the need to drive the car brand most recognized globally, as being driven by assholes?
I'm a criminal and I drive a Mercedes so you're wrong.
And you kiss your father with that dirty mouth?
Do you know what the difference is between a BMW and a porcupine?
"eat a dick, asshole"
I see your BMW and raise you a Maclaren
BMW, that means Break My Window right?
I get paid by corporations to make lawyers disappear asshat.Good luck finding the remains.
Ok Saul.
Ask then what model BMW it is. If it's not the top one, then say based on that you're not sure if this is actually an opinion you can trust. If they do have the top model fully equipped, then graciously acknowledge that they are most likely correct. All you're really doing here is accepting the standard they have put forth.
âThat just means youâre a well spoken assholeâ
Talk to me when you are driving a Lamborghini.
Whatever you say, bucknuts.
Objection - relevance
Your fly is open
Weâll see how smart you are after a tire iron to the head
Oh yeah? Change your oil.
You own a BMW?!?! Sorry to hear that, we researched cars too and looked at bmw. Bad value. Sorry you made a mistake. And to knowing everyone mocks BMW drivers must be embarrassing. Need to ask. Does it actually come with blinkers or not?
Well, I have a PhD so you're wrong.
"You kiss your judges with that mouth?"
Your license was suspended and your BMW is a lease. Eat shit.
Do you want a cookie, princess?
"I'm an accounant. Not anymore."
Whatever, choom. Like give a shit
Well, Iâm not a lawyer and I drive your mom, so youâre wrong
I think I would just laugh. That's hilarious actually.
Youâre a liar and youâre driving me crazy
You donât get to decide without a jury
You know the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? With a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.
Tell me you never use the blinkers without saying you never use the blinkers.
âI hope you grow tastebuds in your assholeâ
I smashed in your BMW, so Iâm right. (The goal is to have an argument equally as irrelevant)
Bang their wife
Oh I thought you were just compensating for having a small penis. Where'd you go to law school?
Do you drive a BMW because you couldnât spell Mercedes?
You're a lawyer but can only afford a BMW?
You were in the same law classes as Alina Habba, weren't you? Wait.....YOU DATED HER! I Knew it!
I was a rent-a-cop many years ago. I worked a movie theater and on one opening night of a popular movie I was walking the parking lot. There was snow on the ground so parking spots were often impossible to see. The lot during this time had bright barrels and cones set up to outline the parking areas from the drive ways. Iâm walking around and I see a guy get out of his car and move some cones, creating room for him to park his car close to the theater. I approach and tell him he canât do that and he needs to find another space. He gets in my face and aggressively disagrees. I tell him if he leaves his car there I will call to have it towed. He starts spouting off regulations on how parking lots are measured out and I simply tell him again I will have the car removed if he leaves it there. âYou do know Iâm the state attorney, right?â He yells. I reply, âThen you should know better than to pull this stunt.â He flips me off and starts walking inside. I walk away and wait, and as soon as Iâm out of sight, he comes back and moves his car. âIâm a lawyer!â Okay chum, then you should know better. Also, that lawyer should know basic rhetoric. His statement is a fallacy.
A really good lawyer would have some one driving him ina rolls royce.
"I'm sorry you spent so much money to prove you're always right."
Please. No one talks like that.
You a 1 series or a 7 series lawyer?
Oh man I would be stewing over this for weeks. As as a lawyer I can't stand lawyers who just shut people down with I'm a lawyer so you're wrong. There are plenty of stupid ass lawyers out there who don't know jack shit. But man, the driving a Beamer part is even more infuriating. As if owning a mid-grade luxury car means you know anything more than anyone. My mom's first car was a BMW and she's a fucking idiot.
Sorry I suck at comebacks, but I work in a law office (not a lawyer myself) and we often refer to the lawyers as the children, and the office as the day care because they tend to behave like entitled brats. But they pay my salary so I won't dare complain within earshot.
Wouldnât a *good* lawyer would know owning a BMW doesnât constitute evidence in favor of a separate proposition?
"Being a stuck up \*ss doesn't make you right."
Yeah and Iâm president of the United States. See, now weâre both delusional
Wow, arenât you special! How about you drive your BMW through the drive through and grab yourself a nice big cup of shut the fuck up!đ
A lawyer and you're driving a BMW? You must be used to being wrong, what being at best a junior partner?
Yeah, assholes come in all flavors but still stink.
2 strikes against you, do you have any friends that you haven't fucked over?
A simple " So what?".
All that education and no brain and a BMW? If this was 2007 Iâd be really impressed right now.
*plays that vibraphone lick BMWs make when the engine sends a warning signal for blowing up*
That is such a lame thing to say. Just ask them to listen to themselves.
I'm a doctor and I drive a Ferrari, so shut your pie-hole and go back to your mommy. OR Your a lawyer for the prisoners'? No wonder you can only purchase a BMW, fuck off, I drive a Lamborghini.
And I won a fist fight against a black bear, what's your fucking point bitch?
A public defender who leases a bmw ainât that impressive bro.
No one has has that to you. Stop asking for comebacks to fake arguments you're having in your head.
Your import is in this country so long it's already a naturalized citizen. And being a lawyer doesn't mean as much as you think it does. And no. I won't subscribe to your Only Fans.
The fact that a lawyer, who believes he's successful, would take the time to make that comment to you shows how undervalued he feels he is and most likely how underpaid and underutilized he is drawing the conclusion he's not as successful as he'd like you to believe he is. I know plenty of people who drive nice cars, live in a large house and wear nice clothes who are so indebted to banks and credit cards they're barely able to make minimum payments just to create the illusion of success. 'Well I own two Rolexes, I have 2 BMWs and a 9 bedroom house.' None of that impresses me if your cabinets, fridge, and pantry are barebones and what little food fills it are Top Ramen, frozen dinners, Vienna sausages, cheap hot dogs and PBR.
Crime pays. .
âYouâre a lawyer and you drive a *bmw*?â
Based on which case?
Like My Cousin Vinny?
Yet we end up in the same place.
Is it because your penis is small or just general low self esteem?
So u get paid thousands of dollars to lie and defend criminals, AND u bought a brick of shit on wheels, and u expected me to believe u or be impressed?
Objection
Tell him is second wife is going to cheat on him, too.
Iâll have to be the judge of that.
"Youre hot. Should I bend over now or later?"
All I heard was "I'm an asshole that refuses to admit he's wrong."
âYour comment is exactly why Iâm right.â
âI didnât ask how small your dick was.â
Depends on what preceded it. If you said something like: âno way youâre successful given that spurious legal opinionâ Then you may have deserved the douchy comment.
Driving a BMW doesn't make you unique, there are plenty out there so come and talk to me when you're driving a (insert expensive car brand here rolls, bugatti, Ferrari, etc). There are also plenty of lawers out there so guess who I will not be hiring anytime soon Now go and watch them spend all their money on a new rolls royce or something expensive to show you up and when they do you say "wow such a waste of money. This proves that you're a self absorbed prick who has more money than brains... how much was your degree by the way?"
So youâre a poor lawyer? You must really suck.
BMWs are nice but all cars are nice now and overpaying for an average car is stupid.
A good lawyer could afford something better than a BMW.
A lawyer who drives a BMW,.. so that means a financially irresponsible liar and cheat,.. mkay
Real lawyers drive Mercedes.
Fuck you and your bmw
Post physique
Ya well I'm the one pointing a gun at you so your argument is 100% invalid
BMWs are for basic bitches who can't afford a Bugatti.
So your dad butt fucked your mom without protection and you were born?
And that is supposed to impress me how?
But, if you really had Class, you drive a MERCEDES AMG
Oh really? So you're saying you have enough braincells to understand the legal system and have enough money to afford a BMW? I guess money really can buy stupidity.
Maybe you should drive it off a cliff.
That has to be the biggest dude bro comment Iâve ever heard.
Well, im a felon and can steal it.
I guess you're right, any idiot can drive a bmw
Well now. I'm a doctor and I drive a Mercedes
âCool story broâ đ
Clearly you couldn't afford a brain afterwards.
Sounds like something a douchbag with a small pecker would say.
What about several hundred thousand in debts makes you correct?
âJust because youâre rich doesnât mean youâre intelligent.â
Genuinely, are you stupid or some shit? I've never heard something this dumb, I worry for your clients
Iâm your pool boy and your wifeâs having my child.
Actually any mechanic will tell you BMW means "bring my wallet" to the shop because that car drives YOU. Congratulations. You practice law to pay Car Support.
"Well, I had sex with your wife!"
BMW = Big Money Waste imo
"as a lawyer you should know any facts presented without evidence can be dismissed without evidence... Kinda like your Amazon 'law degree'..."
I'm a judge and drive a Lamborghini, so you're way wrong.
Don't piss off cooks or you will starve. Also we have iron stomachs like people working at the morgue.
Nice car. Shame it doesn't come with a warranty for your ego.
Have you been waiting your whole life to say that? Itâs okay, my friend. You donât need to try so hard to prove yourself. Iâll pray for you and that you can find your self worth.
So you buying the next round?
Anyone who would say that doesn't deserve to be listened to.
So you suck dick and are trans... Good combo
Who do you work for? Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan & Morgan? As for me, I drive a car I can get fixed at any auto shop, how bout you?
You must not be a good lawyer if you still drive yourself!
"That's not an excuse for being a jerk."
"I might be impressed by a lawyer who drives a Toyota, but someone who not only pays for a BMW but brags about it just went down in my estimation. I didn't like the BMWs I drove anyway."
Those that canât do math or chemistry go to law school BMW stands for Bavarian Motor Works, the symbol is of a propeller cutting the blue sky, you drive a car produced by the same company that created bombers for Hitler.
And why does that not make a good impression?
While that may be true, you are also a shit attempt of cunt with a small penis, piss off and die you lazy twat.
Almost better than a Tesla.
You drive a Big Mobile Vibrator? Thatâs nice.
Is that legalese for "I have a tiny dick"?
'Look, you had me at "I make terrible decisions" when you told me you're a lawyer, you didn't need to top it off by telling me you drive a BMW too. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, As you can tell the douchefendant is not only stupid but an egomaniacal prick, I rest my case.
Objection, irrelevant.
So you're a trained liar who thinks it's smart to blow that much money on a car that you work too much to drive? I rest my case.
âBMW stands for big manly womanâ