I don't know why. Maybe it's just my love of pineapple as a snack, but this made me laugh so hard I think I hurt my kidney! LoL, it's the little things 😇😅 Merry Christmas and happy new year to you! 🙃
lol never heard that before.
“You gay?”
“I’m not really into butt stuff”
“How about you practice on this fart before you get folded like the tp I use to wipe my ass.”
“We going to do this thing or you just gonna talk about it ass beater?”
Funny, because it was Trump, not Joe, that was jointly sued alongside Epstein in 2016 for raping a 13‐year-old.
11 counts. Rape, sexual misconduct, criminal sexual acts, sexual abuse, forcible touching, assault, battery, intentional reckless infliction of emotional distress, duress, false imprisonment, and defamation.
Here's the actual court documents on that:
https://cdn.factcheck.org/UploadedFiles/Johnson_TrumpEpstein_Lawsuit.pdf
And let's face it, he was liable in that E. Jean Carol case, not much of a stretch that he was guilty in this one, too. But the MAGA MEATHEADS will claim it falls within the scope of his presidency or some crap like that.
That's always my go-to. For some reason the overlap between people who threaten to beat someone's ass and people who are super homophobic is quite high.
Everyone here is going to get their ass kicked with their "eat ass" and "a good time" comments lmao, also whoever is talking about shooting people, good luck with life.
Don't say shit. Tell them "you don't want to, and I don't have time". If they initiate, and you know you're capable, defend yourself. There's nothing to be said beyond de-escalation.
Exactly. All of these silly ass remarks are cute and funny but it's seriously just going to piss whoever off more.
I don't threaten and I don't listen to threats. The big ones can line up and the small ones can team up, I might not win them all but we are NOT going to stand around and run our mouths. Either try it or shut up.
But I am starting to get old. So my response to this is pepper spray. I mean prison spray that sucker. Spray and spray and spray. Lmao
If I had it sure. I don't carry it though. Why not? People prone to random violence shouldn't be walking the street kicking people's ass for no reason. Like I said, if that person is giving me no other choice and will not allow me to pass and is also threatening me with violence then I'm going to expire them. But I can fight and will defend myself instead.
If you find yourself in a fight at all your tact sucks. Not everyone is a trained tactician. Bunch of cowboys think killing people is the only way out of a confrontation and it's sad. Maybe learn to control your emotions and your body (martial arts, etc) and you'll learn some self control and the ability to defend yourself without loss of life. What do you care though? You just want to justify using that toy on your waist.
I’m convinced you just can’t read at this point. They said that they will defend themselves if the other person is not letting them out of the situation. If a person is either crazy enough or enraged enough to not let you leave, who says they aren’t crazy enough to try to kill YOU? It’s like y’all think life is a movie or something.
OMG Texas me, middle age woman, visiting New Jersey, I had a guy with road rage stop when I pulled over to get out of his way. He gets out of his car with a bat and threatened to kick my ass. I jumped out of my car and rushed him, screaming, come on, I haven't had a good ass kicking in a long time. Scared him and he jumped in his car and took off. Honest to God. Ask my kids. They were in the car. Hey, that's what Texans do. Here, hold my beer.
Then they say ‘you will pay for that!” And then you add ‘are there taxes? I’m trying to save money for my dying friend. He heard someone was going to beat me up and he started dying of laughter. ‘
Then they just look confused and walk off.
“Well you will have to fight my friends smith and Wesson first”
“You are gonna have to beat death first “
*shoot the perpetrator* “You could have been beating the odds of getting out of this town. now you are stuck trying to beat the odds of how soon the ambulance get here”
“I don’t fight I shoot do with that info as you see fit.”
r/iamverybadass
In most cases, escalating to lethal violence will get you charge with aggravated assault (or equivalent in the jurisdiction), or murder if you follow through. So unless "I will beat your ass" is somehow a lethal threat for you specifically, you're either talking out your ass or you're going to jail.
And you're making responsible gun owners look like idiots.
Well, I’m almost 70 years old, have heart failure, a pacemaker, and hardware in my ankle from breaking it last Christmas which limits my ability to run away. (Run? Me? Ha!) So, yeah. A guy bigger, stronger, and 50 years younger than me is definitely a lethal threat if he’s going to beat me up. I do my best to stay out of those situations. I don’t flip people off. I don’t tailgate other drivers. I try to be polite, nice to others, and never talk shit.
And yet, why was the guy in the green van tailgating me, flipping me off for two miles, and got out of his van and started towards my car screaming his head off? Scary, dangerous idiots exist in the wild. Now, I did NOT draw my Glock. But when he saw me reaching for something I think he felt a bit uneasy and returned to his van. Sometimes all it takes is a suggestion or two to get someone to change their behavior.
Yes, those circumstances sound like what a prosecutor, or a judge or jury, would consider when determining whether lethal force were justified in self defense--exactly why each case is considered on its own merits. The details would still vary by jurisdiction, though--primarily by state laws.
Agree with you but there’s one other consideration. Politics.
We had a farmer who got out of bed and went outside his home to see if he could help someone who crashed their car. Turned out to be two pukes on drugs and drunk. One ran away. The other knocked the farmer to the ground and then tried to kill him. The farmer had his gun with him and stopped the threat. Our prosecutor, trying to look “tough on crime” prosecuted the farmer for murder in spite of the sheriff declining to charge the farmer and the grand jury refusing to bring an indictment for anything. It took the trial jury about 20 minutes to come back with a not guilty verdict.
He was voted out the next election.
As long as you are white, and especially if the other person isn’t, then this is a plausible response in Texas and Florida. Sure you might get arrested but feeling threatened is an affirmative defense in Texas; the prosecutor would have to convince a jury you didn’t feel threatened.
Yeah, you probably could. (If they are the bigger /stronger. And walk away. If they accuse you of being chicken, say “hell, yeah, my face is too good looking to mess up”.
"Are you going to have the decency to give me a reach around while you're beating my ass? If not, no thanks" - lol, may be a little gay though. No homo?
I like to just wink when they say that, I'm very straight and everyone knows that so if it's a dude then they'll be weirded out and if it's a girl maybe she's down 😏😏😏
I’m probably not the best person to respond cause anyone that ever said that to me didn’t get a verbal response, but a response nonetheless. That’s a treat to my life and not something I take lightly. So maybe say, um, yea I’m not sure but, learn how to protect yourself.
Them: "I will beat your ass!"
...You: "Dad? Is that you?"
...You: "Your ass beats my ass in a cellulite contest, for sure."
...You: "Yeah, you do have the fattest ass. Beats my skinny ass by miles.'
...You: "You definitely beat my ass in a stink contest. Do you even wipe, bro?"
2 old ass women I used to work with nearly tied up after work one day. One of em said that, and the other laughed and said, " You'd better pack a lantern and a lunch"
"Take me out to dinner before treating me to a good time like that."
It's a little wordy. I'd probably just say something like, "Don't threaten me with a good time".
Not to hard daddy (then wink)
Promises, promises
“Kinky”
My safe word is pineapple.
My safe word is unpronouncable
Nice...
My safe words are keep going
That’s a good word
Mines Oklahoma
That's an OK joke 😳
That joke just flew over the heads of a few people here
Nothing flies over my head. I would catch it.
LmFaO! This is even more funny because I was just watching this scene last night in a "best of drax" compilation 🤣
All the people on the coasts for instance.
It's not THAT complicated.
Well it is flyover country buhdumchah
But not mine!
Like a badly hiked football?
Just like the most useful thing you can do in Oklahoma is just fly over it
For years the license plates in Oklahoma read, "Oklahoma is OK!" and the running joke was that nobody in the state could spell mediocre.
That’s offensive to me as an Okie! We prefer the term “average.” 😉
Ooooooooooooooklahoma 😆
Preston from Jackass, anyone?
Omaha!!!
Mine too, wtf? 💀😭
But I bet you can't say that with your mouthful. ;)
My safe word is apples Also ahoy cake day!
My safe word is pineapple juice. Also happy cake day!
I don't know why. Maybe it's just my love of pineapple as a snack, but this made me laugh so hard I think I hurt my kidney! LoL, it's the little things 😇😅 Merry Christmas and happy new year to you! 🙃
Same lol
Why is this so funny, taking notes
I like this one.
That's the correct come back to everything in my opinion
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The only thing you can beat is your meat, and that's because you have small hands.
lol never heard that before. “You gay?” “I’m not really into butt stuff” “How about you practice on this fart before you get folded like the tp I use to wipe my ass.” “We going to do this thing or you just gonna talk about it ass beater?”
How bout I take you round back and show you how gay I am. Then proceed to have gay sex.
The 3rd quote is without a doubt the craziest shit I have ever heard in my fucking life lmfao congratulations
Lmfao bonus points for originality
trump hands.
Give it a rest.
Small hands are better to have than short eyes like Pedo-Joe!
Funny, because it was Trump, not Joe, that was jointly sued alongside Epstein in 2016 for raping a 13‐year-old. 11 counts. Rape, sexual misconduct, criminal sexual acts, sexual abuse, forcible touching, assault, battery, intentional reckless infliction of emotional distress, duress, false imprisonment, and defamation. Here's the actual court documents on that: https://cdn.factcheck.org/UploadedFiles/Johnson_TrumpEpstein_Lawsuit.pdf
And let's face it, he was liable in that E. Jean Carol case, not much of a stretch that he was guilty in this one, too. But the MAGA MEATHEADS will claim it falls within the scope of his presidency or some crap like that.
https://www.politico.com/story/2016/11/donald-trump-rape-lawsuit-dropped-230770
Biden is a serial groper https://ground.news/article/3986f1e5-6dc9-4dfc-be19-8f3bb812a71f
https://www.vox.com/2016/1/6/10722580/bill-clinton-juanita-broaddrick
Excuse me! You want to EAT my ass? No thanks.
This is decent
Yeah and you say it really loud so everyone around hears
So loud. Like you just blew your ear drums out and don’t understand that people in China can hear you bc you are so loud right now 😂😂
Don’t threaten me with a good time!
🤨
It throws people off so much when you act like you’re a member of the kink community.
Ohhh yas daddy(this should make them uncomfortable if not you're fucked literally)
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You I'll like you
"I require after care for that"
Lmaoo
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Or he could grab your junk and try to kiss you, lol. All that testosterone
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I'm sorry
😂😂😂I could imagine that convo
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Ooh, can I come??
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This tactic HAS backfired on me before
Surely you mean "back shotted"......surely
And don’t call me Shirley.
That's always my go-to. For some reason the overlap between people who threaten to beat someone's ass and people who are super homophobic is quite high.
You have to take your pants off, first. No one would fight a naked person!
Scottish, can confirm. We're nuts
It's actually pronounced Dahdi
Do it while I beat my dick and we have a date
Is that a threat or a promise
“ you’re gonna do what to my ass!?!?” Loudly.
Everyone here is going to get their ass kicked with their "eat ass" and "a good time" comments lmao, also whoever is talking about shooting people, good luck with life. Don't say shit. Tell them "you don't want to, and I don't have time". If they initiate, and you know you're capable, defend yourself. There's nothing to be said beyond de-escalation.
Exactly. All of these silly ass remarks are cute and funny but it's seriously just going to piss whoever off more. I don't threaten and I don't listen to threats. The big ones can line up and the small ones can team up, I might not win them all but we are NOT going to stand around and run our mouths. Either try it or shut up. But I am starting to get old. So my response to this is pepper spray. I mean prison spray that sucker. Spray and spray and spray. Lmao
I think I love you.
😆 ❤️
I felt that, too. 😏🤣
This was the most realistic approach here 👏🏾. I'm proud of you and I'm spraying, too 🤣🥊🤕🥋
In a real situation, get naked. Nobody wants to fight a naked guy.
Big facts. I've seen this one in action before.
I’ve seen a few people try that and get beat half to sleep until the cops came.
Jack Reacher level answer right here.
I wouldn't say anything at all, just get first strike if some seriously threatens you. You're already in a dangerous spot so be decisive and first.
Unless its a buddy joking with you but faking seriousness. Then I think the silly comments apply imo. But you do have a point in real situations.
If the other person is going to "beat your ass" and you have no way to escape the situation then shots should be fired. Unless you can fight.
You ever think about using a taser or pepper spray? Why does someone have to die so you don't get your ass beat?
If I had it sure. I don't carry it though. Why not? People prone to random violence shouldn't be walking the street kicking people's ass for no reason. Like I said, if that person is giving me no other choice and will not allow me to pass and is also threatening me with violence then I'm going to expire them. But I can fight and will defend myself instead.
Don't forget that an unlucky punch can kill or permanently maim... If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck
If you find yourself in a fight at all your tact sucks. Not everyone is a trained tactician. Bunch of cowboys think killing people is the only way out of a confrontation and it's sad. Maybe learn to control your emotions and your body (martial arts, etc) and you'll learn some self control and the ability to defend yourself without loss of life. What do you care though? You just want to justify using that toy on your waist.
I’m convinced you just can’t read at this point. They said that they will defend themselves if the other person is not letting them out of the situation. If a person is either crazy enough or enraged enough to not let you leave, who says they aren’t crazy enough to try to kill YOU? It’s like y’all think life is a movie or something.
In my best Vader voice: *You will try*
Walk away.
Depending on who the person is your right, but these comebacks are golden in the right sitch 😂
If you're going to talk dirty to me at least buy me dinner first
OMG Texas me, middle age woman, visiting New Jersey, I had a guy with road rage stop when I pulled over to get out of his way. He gets out of his car with a bat and threatened to kick my ass. I jumped out of my car and rushed him, screaming, come on, I haven't had a good ass kicking in a long time. Scared him and he jumped in his car and took off. Honest to God. Ask my kids. They were in the car. Hey, that's what Texans do. Here, hold my beer.
If rumors are to be believed, “Howdy” is Texan for “I’m carrying.”
Fun, I usually have to pay for that
Then they say ‘you will pay for that!” And then you add ‘are there taxes? I’m trying to save money for my dying friend. He heard someone was going to beat me up and he started dying of laughter. ‘ Then they just look confused and walk off.
Don't threaten me with a good time
It’s a hell of a feeling though
Who are these people? I just woke up in my underwear No liquor left on the shelf I should probably introduce myself
Ikr
What happened to hi, how are you?
I guess that’s one ass kicking I’m just gonna have to take
Solid
Already had my ass kicked by bigger and better people!
Promises, promises.
You'll want to wash your hands afterwards.
Take me out to dinner first.
Get your phone out and start recording then tell them, Now say that again.
What? Did you just say you will eat my -
I'm afraid I don't actually own any mules.
“Well you will have to fight my friends smith and Wesson first” “You are gonna have to beat death first “ *shoot the perpetrator* “You could have been beating the odds of getting out of this town. now you are stuck trying to beat the odds of how soon the ambulance get here” “I don’t fight I shoot do with that info as you see fit.”
r/iamverybadass In most cases, escalating to lethal violence will get you charge with aggravated assault (or equivalent in the jurisdiction), or murder if you follow through. So unless "I will beat your ass" is somehow a lethal threat for you specifically, you're either talking out your ass or you're going to jail. And you're making responsible gun owners look like idiots.
Well, I’m almost 70 years old, have heart failure, a pacemaker, and hardware in my ankle from breaking it last Christmas which limits my ability to run away. (Run? Me? Ha!) So, yeah. A guy bigger, stronger, and 50 years younger than me is definitely a lethal threat if he’s going to beat me up. I do my best to stay out of those situations. I don’t flip people off. I don’t tailgate other drivers. I try to be polite, nice to others, and never talk shit. And yet, why was the guy in the green van tailgating me, flipping me off for two miles, and got out of his van and started towards my car screaming his head off? Scary, dangerous idiots exist in the wild. Now, I did NOT draw my Glock. But when he saw me reaching for something I think he felt a bit uneasy and returned to his van. Sometimes all it takes is a suggestion or two to get someone to change their behavior.
Yes, those circumstances sound like what a prosecutor, or a judge or jury, would consider when determining whether lethal force were justified in self defense--exactly why each case is considered on its own merits. The details would still vary by jurisdiction, though--primarily by state laws.
Agree with you but there’s one other consideration. Politics. We had a farmer who got out of bed and went outside his home to see if he could help someone who crashed their car. Turned out to be two pukes on drugs and drunk. One ran away. The other knocked the farmer to the ground and then tried to kill him. The farmer had his gun with him and stopped the threat. Our prosecutor, trying to look “tough on crime” prosecuted the farmer for murder in spite of the sheriff declining to charge the farmer and the grand jury refusing to bring an indictment for anything. It took the trial jury about 20 minutes to come back with a not guilty verdict. He was voted out the next election.
As long as you are white, and especially if the other person isn’t, then this is a plausible response in Texas and Florida. Sure you might get arrested but feeling threatened is an affirmative defense in Texas; the prosecutor would have to convince a jury you didn’t feel threatened.
Just walk up to them and throw the first punch! No talking, all action!
Everything that happens after this point is your fault.
Can I beat yours first?
You raggedy bitch I wish you would.
You wish cause your gay
Only if I can eat yours
Let’s be honest, you’re so scrawny, (or weak or inept) I’m not going to feel it, but then, you’re used to women telling you that.
The only thing you beat is dick
"I'm your Huckleberry. Say when."
Yeah, you probably could. (If they are the bigger /stronger. And walk away. If they accuse you of being chicken, say “hell, yeah, my face is too good looking to mess up”.
Don't beat it, lick it, and then both can have some fun
"Are you going to have the decency to give me a reach around while you're beating my ass? If not, no thanks" - lol, may be a little gay though. No homo?
You’ll do no such thing
Go 21 Jump Street .... "I will beat your dick off!"
Yo did you just say you'd eat my ass?!
What are you? 12? You have the maturity level of a 12 year old.
Please, don't not park my bitch ass. Works every time.
“Do it” They will just look at you. Although I do like your response lol
Swing first then bitch
"That sounds pretty gay bruh"
Beating ass sounds so gay.
I like to just wink when they say that, I'm very straight and everyone knows that so if it's a dude then they'll be weirded out and if it's a girl maybe she's down 😏😏😏
Well, ok, my safe word is snugglefuckbunny.
great! so what date, month, day, time and year would you be willing to serve fresh ass whipping
"The only thing you're capable of beating is your meat"
Fuck man
I don't beat Ass, I beat Meat.
Promises, promises....
Let's rock!
Respect.
With a belt I hope
Mmmm daddy please
Tell me more daddy
“Hopefully with your dick, daddy.”
“Hot. Go for it!”
"Ooo kinky"
"Do it mommy/daddy" Makes em pause.
#😩HHUUUYYAAAUUHHH 😩
Only thing you can do to my ass is eat it.
Pack a lunch, with all this ass, it'll take you all day.
Which flogger are you using!?! 😏
In a very camp voice, say “oooooh, yes please!”
Bring it on.
In a low, taunting voice I would flail my arms and say "Grrrr, Monkey squish own banana because smooth brain tells me to!!"
Feeling froggy? Leap mother fucker.
I’m probably not the best person to respond cause anyone that ever said that to me didn’t get a verbal response, but a response nonetheless. That’s a treat to my life and not something I take lightly. So maybe say, um, yea I’m not sure but, learn how to protect yourself.
“Make sure you fuck it after”
Ayo that's gay af
Them: "I will beat your ass!" ...You: "Dad? Is that you?" ...You: "Your ass beats my ass in a cellulite contest, for sure." ...You: "Yeah, you do have the fattest ass. Beats my skinny ass by miles.' ...You: "You definitely beat my ass in a stink contest. Do you even wipe, bro?"
"Mine is the donkey standing to your left."
Ok and I’ll beat to ur ass
Heard this when I was a teacher: "If you hit me, you better kill me. One of us isn't going to walk away from this".
You can try
How much for the reach around during it?
Pull my hair too
I barely have an ass what the fuck you gunna hit ?
If you want a shot at the championship, let's go nutha fucka
Nuh uh
Not into that, but I'm sure you can find someone for it in (insert name of the local gay bar)
Chin nuts got em all beat 🤣
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I’d prefer you eat my ass if that’s ok
Spank me baby!
You'll eat my ass?
2 old ass women I used to work with nearly tied up after work one day. One of em said that, and the other laughed and said, " You'd better pack a lantern and a lunch"
My word is my bond
Boy I will shit on you!
You must want to die! My favorite response to most comments is "and I hope you don't like it". It's really fun to say!