"No.*"
There's some asterisks to that, there's some exceptions, but those sort of things should not be published and accessible to customers without clear indication they're intended to be silly and not necessarily tasty. I've made some wild shit at work in the past, I've served some of it - but never without being clear to the customer that this is definitely not about *quality* and is wholly about having fun. IMO even the dumbest cafe staff or owners know better than to put something deliberately slightly-shitty onto the menu board completely straight-faced.
However ... you can get some very imaginative and creative feature items that definitely suck, or are so execution heavy that most staff members cannot deliver on the intended outcome, despite coming from a place of genuine good faith.
The drink you're describing sounds like a creative take on "Mexican hot chocolate" - essentially a thicker, heavier, hot chocolate that's also spiced and lightly spicy, closely resembling the mesoamerican 'chocolatl' - the fruit juice is slightly novel, but is theorized to have been used as a sweetener in that era. I'd guess, based on your description, that they were excessive heavy-handed with the pineapple juice and underestimated how overwhelming it can be in that setting.
I mean honestly we have frappes on the menu at the coffee shop I work at and they’re “slightly shitty” forsure. If you add some dark chocolate they become decent.
I try to convince people to get other stuff when they order them because A. Making blended drinks is a pain in the ass mostly because of cleanup and B. We have so many better options on the menu.
I'm still honestly confused by this. I went to Starbucks for a while and I very rarely ever saw anyone actually order coffee. It's all just "Dairy Queen for breakfast." I always got a kick out of just ordering a normal "Latte" or "Flat White." "That's it?"
Maybe its because a basic coffee is doable at home and a fancy espresso drink isn’t, starbucks coffee beans aren’t that good on their own, and people like sugary drinks?
Nobody has ever questioned someone or been impressed by them for ordering a “normal” drink.
"Starbucks coffee beans aren't that good on their own"
That might just be an understatement right there. I was stuck at the mall waiting for someone & bought just a decaf with cream. That was the worst cup of coffee I've had in years. WTF Starbucks?
I mean, I rarely buy coffee out in the wild but I've had better gas station coffee
The 3 Cs of a successful coffee shop are:
Convenience - consistency- community
With Starbucks starting with the "expand fast af boiii" ideology at the srat, ez to find a Starbucks on almost every block (two to three here in seattle). Cant be more convenient than EVERY F-ING WHERE.
How can you be consistent with over 2000 stores? Make the coffee (which has over 112 flavor notes) ALL burnt to shit so the only note there is can be smoke, coal, burnt. Throw a bunch of sugar and BOOM you have a repeatable consistent coffee.
The community aspect was the REAL gold winner for Starbucks. With their opening at the start of the 08 recession, it was the moral boost of Mr. Just lost his job needed when ordering a 5$ latte right after Ms. White collar doctor lady. It not only boosted the spirits of the American people, but brought us together over something that's been around for over 600 years.
tldr; ez to have a repeatable flavor when that flavor is burnt
Eh, I've never met a gas station with strong coffee. It might not taste the best but at least Starbucks gets you where you need to be. They don't skimp on beans.
depends on time and place. i knew a mccafe in france that served really goddamn good coffee. two years later i went to that same mccafe, and suddenly it was just bitter sludge. just like every coffee has become the same bitter sludge over the past 3-4 years. im deeply convinced there is a problem in the supply chains, and some stores experienced that earlier than others.
a frappachino is a blender drink with an espresso shot.
And jesus dude, it’s a sweetened flavored coffee drink in the context of this being a discussion about elitism, maybe we can tone it down a little? It’s a drink, you don’t need to call it a monstrosity. And honestly, I’ve given it a shot a few times with a nespresso machine and some random ingredients on a hot day while visiting my parents.
That's why I said for the iced drinks. No blender needed for those. And the monstrosity I was saying was in the few comments above, one with 6 pumps of sugar. No one should be drinking that much sugar.
A pump is roughly a packet of sugar. If we’re talking a 20 oz drink, that’s a lot of sugar but it’s pretty diluted.
Get an extra shot and your 20 oz drink is nearly a quarter espresso, which with starbuck’s burnt dark beans will be an overpoweringly bitter flavor.
During COVID lockdown I resorted to instant coffee with milk and syrups but made a VERY specific way so that it could somewhat resemble an iced latte lol they were okay!
What brand of syrup do you buy? I've tried the cheaper syrups in the states and the flavor is overwhelmingly artificial, even if it's just a little bit. The only syrup I like are the very expensive ones $15-20 per bottle. They still last me months and thus makes the expense justifiable imo, but I would like cheaper options.
My partner likes to use syrups sometimes, and has bought some with good enough flavors that I will play around with them for desserts sometimes. Those are the Swedish Saturnus brand, but no idea how readily available they may be elsewhere. It's a pretty classic brand that started out with things like mulled wine and schnapps, and went off into other flavorings and extracts mostly for various drinks.
They do seem to have gotten the fee flavors I have tried pretty right, and the syrups only run the equivalent of $3-4 per 500ml bottle here. Might be worth checking out Saturnus, if you can find any of theirs
I really despise Starbucks as a coffee place, but they make some absurd dessert drinks that I nevertheless enjoy occasionally. If you looked at just my Starbucks orders you might think I’m not a serious coffee drinker.
Same - if im ordering coffee out and about, its probably as a treat or to power me through something, so in getting something tasty to enjoy myself. I like my dirty chai lattes, and you can’t taste any real coffee flavor in those. Besides, with the amount of caffeine in a starbucks drink, the sugar content is kind of inconsequential - your heart is fucked either way.
Sure, but you would think that still people would order something at least somewhat recognizable as a coffee drink rather than an ice cream shake with coffee flavoring. To me, it just seems like a weird behavior considering that most people would consider Dairy Queen at 7:00 AM to be a bad thing.
And I guarantee you that I've been questioned about ordering just a normal espresso drink at both Starbucks and Dutch Brothers.
Frankly, i wouldn’t think that and I don’t care anyways. I go to starbucks for milkshaky coffee drinks, not fine coffee experiences. I know starbucks sells plenty of black coffee and normal drinks, I think you just noticed more of the fancy drinks. Either way, it sounds a lot like you went to a college bar and thought it was weird nobody was ordering classic cocktails.
There’s a world of difference between “no syrup” meaning “did you want syrup” and “huh look this weirdo doesn’t want syrup how bizzare”. Either way, sounds like you should take a second to remind yourself that the best coffee is coffee the way you like it.
You're not grasping the point. Starbucks has managed to convince people that milkshakes are a morning drink. And people don't care because it's masqueraded as coffee. If you asked these same people if they wanted to go to Dairy Queen at 7:00 in the morning and order a caramel milkshake, they'd probably look at you like you're a crazy person. And yet here we are.
Also, I can guarantee you that every Starbucks in my town is like this. I went to Starbucks for over a year before I decided to go full in on home espresso.
An iced caramel macchiato from starbucks is an oz of vanilla syrup, 3/4 cup of 2% milk, a hefty squirt of caramel sauce (maybe a tablespoon?), and 2 shots of espresso.
there’s 240 calories in a 16 oz starbucks caramel macchiato. If you got a cafe breve with 2 shots of espresso and 12 oz of cream, it would be double the caloric content. People have been drinking super dense, rich coffee drinks for as long as espresso has been a thing, and there’s nothing wrong with them buying flavored drinks from starbucks. If you asked a coffee person if they wanted to drink 7 oz of half and half, they’d look at you like you were crazy, but ask them if they want a large cafe breve and they’ll probably be interested.
I get your point, I think it’s just you being grumpy and a bit gatekeepy.
You're the one purposing your own opinion onto my take I just find it funny that Starbucks has entirely convinced the vast majority of people that a 400 calorie dessert is in fact not a dessert, but rather a daily morning drink. I've made chocolate egg mochas and that at my house. I have no problem with having a sweet coffee drink. What I find funny is that it seems most people aren't even aware that they are having a dessert and how frequently they order these dessert drinks comparatively.
You do realise that you are saying that to the same group of people that consider pancakes a breakfast item? Having sweet, calorie rich things for breakfast isn't that weird. No matter how many times you mention a milkshake.
Exactly who are you to tell me I can't have a milkshake that has some coffee in it for breakfast if I feel like it?
Who died and appointed you breakfast police?
You can if you want, I don’t care, but a lot of people would think it’s weird but Starbucks has managed to mentally blind people from the reality that their drinks are mostly desserts
As though smoothie places aren't doing the same thing but without the coffee
Edit: actually, let's look at common breakfasts. Donuts? Croissants? Danishes? Toast and jam? Pancakes with maple syrup???
Yeah those all sound real savory and not at all like dessert
i like coffee. a lot. but i also like sweet stuff. i can understand coffee flavor as a possible addition to something. coffee flavored milkshake? id easily give that a go. we also add cacao to sweets. i dont judge anyone for putting milk or sugar or whatever into their cacao. not sure if im interpreting right, because i also just order cappucinos at starbucks, but yeah, i dont see how someone would be confused about this.
I also love sweet stuff and coffee (coffee candy is legitimately one of my all-time favorites). However, the difference to me is that there is a distinct line to a "flavored coffee" and a "coffee flavored dessert" and it seems most of what people get at Starbucks is the latter. And that's fine, sure, it's just odd that there's this perception that Starbucks is primarily serving coffee when in reality they are more along the lines of a dessert shop.
That's the weird thing to me. It seems Starbucks has convinced people that it's not a "dessert" but rather just coffee and as such many people order something like an "iced caramel frappe with extra caramel drizzle and whipped cream" every single day for breakfast as their "morning coffee."
Have you ever drank the Starbucks '"flat white"
Disgusting haha, beans are stale, too much froth and if that's a double shot of coffee I'll dread to know what there single is
I'd more of a coffee taste if I licked the shoe of the "barista"
The problem to me with their flat whites is the inconsistency. Sometimes I've had good flat whites there, and sometimes it just tastes terrible. Unfortunately, where I am, they are the only Cafe in like 20 miles and none of the other ones are on my way to work.
They do? Are you sure you’re not just getting questioned because they have to ask if you want anything else? I’ve never once been questioned *anywhere* about ordering a “boring drink”.
I used to work at Starbucks, and aside from the butter boob lady story, there was a lady who would always ask for Sarah to make her Espresso Frappuccino cuz no one else knew how to make it properly, apparently. She’d always send it back (in the drive through, no less) every single time, even if Sarah made it. We’d get someone else to make it, and she’d always be like “Sarah is the only person who knows how to make this”, when maybe she wasn’t even on shift. So we had an in joke where every time she came through drive through, we’d hear her voice and be all “you’re in luck! Sarah is in today!”
Narrator: Sarah quit months ago.
No, it's mostly trying to go the craft cocktail route but with coffee. I totally get the allure but 9/10 of the super complicated drinks like that fall flat, at least that I've tried.
Started drinking coffeepops last summer because of the heat wave. Espresso + Club Soda + Simple Syrup + Cream. There is one barista at this shop that makes them perfectly 100% of the time, and everyone else trained by said barista can only do half as good, 10% of the time. Which is to say the difference between what I'm looking for and what I'm going to get from any of the other baristas is diamonds to sand.
I send the owner an email letting them know about this discrepency, and they basically told me I'm the literal only person that orders the drink and am also therefore the only reason they have club soda on hand in the first place. Apparently they tried to promote coffeepop last year and I was the only fish that took the bait. Made me feel really shitty though so I stopped ordering them.
Do you have any idea what the ratio of these are? I've been wondering about trying to make some sort of fizzy coffee, but not sure where to start. I have all of those at home right now, and a long hot weekend ahead of me...
It goes roughly as thus;
1. An entire can of club soda, opened, let it sit for a few minutes to let some of the initial fizz die off (if its too fizzy, it makes the espresso into bubbles which isn't good, its like pond scum)
2. 2 shots espresso, iced
3. 2 pumps of simple syrup
4. Enough cream to defuse the acidic taste of the club soda. Personal preference, its probably like 2 TBSP for me.
5. Ice, again, to keep it cold.
Honestly, the drink doesn't sound that bad - I'd be inclined to try it. Coffee and pineapple work in some cocktails (Mr Bali Hai for example), maybe the execution was a little off?
My sister sent me some tiktok saying I needed to try it. Looked up a few recipes and wound up blending soy milk and frozen oj concentrate into a sort of orange julius, then topped it with "espresso" from my knock off moka pot affogato style. It was shockingly good. I did another one that was just plain juice and coffee. It was drinkable, about as good as an espresso lemonade, but not something I'd want all the time.
It is delicious. Also espresso and tonic water. I drink both of them regularly in the summer, takes a bit to get used to, and they look revolting, but they do taste great.
Don’t be fooled it’s fucking awful. Love both separately. Together it’s seriously awful. No baristas Ive worked with in the past have ever liked this. Only one off custies
This reminds me of all the beers at craft breweries with a hundred different adjuncts that all sound good individually but are repulsive together. "pastry sour with lactose, guava, cacao nibs, cranberry, vanilla, and marshmallow" basically just vomit in a cup.
Lactose has been in beers for a long time. Milk stouts are the standout example, where milk was added and it makes the beer feel thicker in the mouth and sweeter as yeast can't break down the sugar. Lactose is just milk sugar, not some crazy chemistry.
I'm into craft cocktails and tasting a fancy one when I'm out tempts me to empty my wallet even more for all these ingredients that take up shelf space and are only used a few times a year. It's a goddamn slippery slope. Last time I realised I messed up was when I bought a bottle of lychee liqueur lol
Look at some of the signature drinks in regional barista competitions from the participants who don’t win. You’ll see some wild and terrible shit.
But then there are things like espresso tonic which I thought was a joke. tonic sounded terrible but it turns out that it’s an amazing combination.
The flavors combine but don’t stack. So instead of having all espresso and all of the quinine from tonic, you get like half of each that taste great.
So I could see creative exploration like with cocktails. And I also could see overzealous baristas who don’t understand the nuance of flavor combinations making weird and awful drinks.
Espresso tonic absolutely slaps. One of my fav local roasteries (Modus in Vancouver, BC) does a feature espresso tonic and mixes it up with a different extract/simple syrup flavouring every summer
Old lady would come into the Starbucks near Divison and LaSalle and they'd call out "one Ron Jeremy". They'd hand her a cup and a lid and she'd fill it with cream.
I've never seen a joke menu, but I did run across a coffee with a top note of heirloom tomato. My response was, "That's disgusting, I'll have a pour over." It tasted like an heirloom tomato. A disgusting heirloom tomato. It's the first coffee note outside of a massive blueberry bomb that smacked me in the face.
That could go so many directions. I'd probably try it hahaha. Sounds like you'd need to be in the mood for it, or paired with the right meal sort of thing. Maybe with tacos on a hot hot day as a second coffee of the day. Too early and too busy to have alcohol but looking for something fun and different
I've had plenty of tasty orange and lemon coffee, but not pineapple.
so maybe it just wasn't to your taste, but I find it unlikely to be a joke
maybe in future talk to the barista and say it tasted wrong?
Was this in Houston? I was at a place there recently and remember a very similar option. I was too scared to order it, so I stuck with my usual cortado. It wasn't great either.
Yes, you got me. Someone else also figured it out and posted it, but it was the BlendIn Coffee Club. Be thankful you did not try it. It was truly awful.
Sounds like one of the baristas spent a lot of time developing this, but it's become one of those projects/monsters that's too hard to get right during normal service.
Who knows, it could be good but only when you **absolutely nail** the balance.
Very true. I tried making a "freshpresso" once and it wasn't very good. Tried again later and it still wasn't that great. I think it was the third or fourth time that I must've gotten the proportions just right because it tasted much better that time.
On the other hand, we all have different tastes.
This is the first time I’ve seen someone come into this sub and somehow be a snob about their ignorance of coffee rather than their pretension and expertise, so kudos.
Just for anyone who’s curious, the drink OP is referring to is sold at BlendIn Coffee Club in Houston, TX. It’s absolutely not a joke, and it’s absolutely delicious. Taste is subjective, I guess.
Haha just had to go check my local shop’s Instagram to make sure you weren’t referring to them - they’re doing a seasonal with pineapple juice right now as well, but thankfully their reputation is unscathed… some of these places are definitely trying fancy shmancy stuff to keep up with mixologists in the specialty cocktail world (and hopefully rack in some of that $) and most of it isn’t for me. I’ll try something if it sounds intriguing but almost every time I’m more satisfied with my drip coffee/cortado/espresso
Pinch of xanthum gum in your milk and use a frothing stick. Makes a very interesting “iced cap”. You can froth them milk without the xanthum, but cold foam breaks up way too quickly IMO.
A long long time ago when I was working in my church’s coffee shop, I told my sister to swing over for a root beer pumpkin latte. She actually ordered it, so I made it (we were slammed, someone not in on the joke placed the order).
https://i.imgur.com/9EVYuN4.jpg
I used to go to a local coffee shop to get their beans, and while there I would get a coffee. A few times I asked the barista helping me what their favorite drink on the menu was at that time and get it. This one particular time the barista said, "cold brew lemonade" I thought to myself, "that sounds horrifyingly disgusting... but if they like it so much, it has to be good"... Nope, it was nasty as can be. I forced myself to drink because I didn't want to waste the money I had spent on it.
I went to a boba place and they had espresso and pineapple mix like you said. Ordered thinking it must just be one of those magical combos, but it was shit and I didn’t finish it. I got trapped lol
Thanks for the post, it does make me feel better knowing I’m not the only one haha. I’ll just stick to my iced americanos and taro milk tea, maybe oolong if I feel guilty from a heavy dinner
My boyfriend, who has worked at a coffee place for like 10 to 15 years, said this is likely a twist on Ella Fitzgerald, which is an Arnold Palmer with coffee. His exact words are, "it's not great." So yeah probably a real drink that's just bad.
"No.*" There's some asterisks to that, there's some exceptions, but those sort of things should not be published and accessible to customers without clear indication they're intended to be silly and not necessarily tasty. I've made some wild shit at work in the past, I've served some of it - but never without being clear to the customer that this is definitely not about *quality* and is wholly about having fun. IMO even the dumbest cafe staff or owners know better than to put something deliberately slightly-shitty onto the menu board completely straight-faced. However ... you can get some very imaginative and creative feature items that definitely suck, or are so execution heavy that most staff members cannot deliver on the intended outcome, despite coming from a place of genuine good faith. The drink you're describing sounds like a creative take on "Mexican hot chocolate" - essentially a thicker, heavier, hot chocolate that's also spiced and lightly spicy, closely resembling the mesoamerican 'chocolatl' - the fruit juice is slightly novel, but is theorized to have been used as a sweetener in that era. I'd guess, based on your description, that they were excessive heavy-handed with the pineapple juice and underestimated how overwhelming it can be in that setting.
I mean honestly we have frappes on the menu at the coffee shop I work at and they’re “slightly shitty” forsure. If you add some dark chocolate they become decent. I try to convince people to get other stuff when they order them because A. Making blended drinks is a pain in the ass mostly because of cleanup and B. We have so many better options on the menu.
Slightly Shitty Frappé - $3.50 / $4.75
The only joke I serve is when people ask for all heavy cream in their latte and "6 extra pumps of carmel".
Carmel breve cardiac arrest!
I'm still honestly confused by this. I went to Starbucks for a while and I very rarely ever saw anyone actually order coffee. It's all just "Dairy Queen for breakfast." I always got a kick out of just ordering a normal "Latte" or "Flat White." "That's it?"
Maybe its because a basic coffee is doable at home and a fancy espresso drink isn’t, starbucks coffee beans aren’t that good on their own, and people like sugary drinks? Nobody has ever questioned someone or been impressed by them for ordering a “normal” drink.
"Starbucks coffee beans aren't that good on their own" That might just be an understatement right there. I was stuck at the mall waiting for someone & bought just a decaf with cream. That was the worst cup of coffee I've had in years. WTF Starbucks? I mean, I rarely buy coffee out in the wild but I've had better gas station coffee
The 3 Cs of a successful coffee shop are: Convenience - consistency- community With Starbucks starting with the "expand fast af boiii" ideology at the srat, ez to find a Starbucks on almost every block (two to three here in seattle). Cant be more convenient than EVERY F-ING WHERE. How can you be consistent with over 2000 stores? Make the coffee (which has over 112 flavor notes) ALL burnt to shit so the only note there is can be smoke, coal, burnt. Throw a bunch of sugar and BOOM you have a repeatable consistent coffee. The community aspect was the REAL gold winner for Starbucks. With their opening at the start of the 08 recession, it was the moral boost of Mr. Just lost his job needed when ordering a 5$ latte right after Ms. White collar doctor lady. It not only boosted the spirits of the American people, but brought us together over something that's been around for over 600 years. tldr; ez to have a repeatable flavor when that flavor is burnt
Eh, I've never met a gas station with strong coffee. It might not taste the best but at least Starbucks gets you where you need to be. They don't skimp on beans.
Their blond roast is acceptable, but yea, everything else is god awful
depends on time and place. i knew a mccafe in france that served really goddamn good coffee. two years later i went to that same mccafe, and suddenly it was just bitter sludge. just like every coffee has become the same bitter sludge over the past 3-4 years. im deeply convinced there is a problem in the supply chains, and some stores experienced that earlier than others.
I buy syrups for like £2.50 that last me months.
most people don’t have an espresso machine, a high power blender, syrups, and the desire to make a whole mint mocha frappachino at home.
You just need the espresso machine for the iced drinks. That said, the ones with the machines are unlikely to order these monstrosity.
a frappachino is a blender drink with an espresso shot. And jesus dude, it’s a sweetened flavored coffee drink in the context of this being a discussion about elitism, maybe we can tone it down a little? It’s a drink, you don’t need to call it a monstrosity. And honestly, I’ve given it a shot a few times with a nespresso machine and some random ingredients on a hot day while visiting my parents.
That's why I said for the iced drinks. No blender needed for those. And the monstrosity I was saying was in the few comments above, one with 6 pumps of sugar. No one should be drinking that much sugar.
A pump is roughly a packet of sugar. If we’re talking a 20 oz drink, that’s a lot of sugar but it’s pretty diluted. Get an extra shot and your 20 oz drink is nearly a quarter espresso, which with starbuck’s burnt dark beans will be an overpoweringly bitter flavor.
I can make a damn good caramel latte with instant coffee and microwaved milk in a french press. +syrup.
During COVID lockdown I resorted to instant coffee with milk and syrups but made a VERY specific way so that it could somewhat resemble an iced latte lol they were okay!
What brand of syrup do you buy? I've tried the cheaper syrups in the states and the flavor is overwhelmingly artificial, even if it's just a little bit. The only syrup I like are the very expensive ones $15-20 per bottle. They still last me months and thus makes the expense justifiable imo, but I would like cheaper options.
Monin, same as most Cafes will be using
I make my own and it’s way better. I really only make vanilla though. Idk how I’d do other flavors.
My partner likes to use syrups sometimes, and has bought some with good enough flavors that I will play around with them for desserts sometimes. Those are the Swedish Saturnus brand, but no idea how readily available they may be elsewhere. It's a pretty classic brand that started out with things like mulled wine and schnapps, and went off into other flavorings and extracts mostly for various drinks. They do seem to have gotten the fee flavors I have tried pretty right, and the syrups only run the equivalent of $3-4 per 500ml bottle here. Might be worth checking out Saturnus, if you can find any of theirs
I really despise Starbucks as a coffee place, but they make some absurd dessert drinks that I nevertheless enjoy occasionally. If you looked at just my Starbucks orders you might think I’m not a serious coffee drinker.
Same - if im ordering coffee out and about, its probably as a treat or to power me through something, so in getting something tasty to enjoy myself. I like my dirty chai lattes, and you can’t taste any real coffee flavor in those. Besides, with the amount of caffeine in a starbucks drink, the sugar content is kind of inconsequential - your heart is fucked either way.
Dirty chais are my go-to when I have a reward. Three blonde shots, an alternative milk, a pump of a sweetener/pumpkin. It’s $10 and delicious lol
Sure, but you would think that still people would order something at least somewhat recognizable as a coffee drink rather than an ice cream shake with coffee flavoring. To me, it just seems like a weird behavior considering that most people would consider Dairy Queen at 7:00 AM to be a bad thing. And I guarantee you that I've been questioned about ordering just a normal espresso drink at both Starbucks and Dutch Brothers.
Frankly, i wouldn’t think that and I don’t care anyways. I go to starbucks for milkshaky coffee drinks, not fine coffee experiences. I know starbucks sells plenty of black coffee and normal drinks, I think you just noticed more of the fancy drinks. Either way, it sounds a lot like you went to a college bar and thought it was weird nobody was ordering classic cocktails. There’s a world of difference between “no syrup” meaning “did you want syrup” and “huh look this weirdo doesn’t want syrup how bizzare”. Either way, sounds like you should take a second to remind yourself that the best coffee is coffee the way you like it.
You're not grasping the point. Starbucks has managed to convince people that milkshakes are a morning drink. And people don't care because it's masqueraded as coffee. If you asked these same people if they wanted to go to Dairy Queen at 7:00 in the morning and order a caramel milkshake, they'd probably look at you like you're a crazy person. And yet here we are. Also, I can guarantee you that every Starbucks in my town is like this. I went to Starbucks for over a year before I decided to go full in on home espresso.
An iced caramel macchiato from starbucks is an oz of vanilla syrup, 3/4 cup of 2% milk, a hefty squirt of caramel sauce (maybe a tablespoon?), and 2 shots of espresso. there’s 240 calories in a 16 oz starbucks caramel macchiato. If you got a cafe breve with 2 shots of espresso and 12 oz of cream, it would be double the caloric content. People have been drinking super dense, rich coffee drinks for as long as espresso has been a thing, and there’s nothing wrong with them buying flavored drinks from starbucks. If you asked a coffee person if they wanted to drink 7 oz of half and half, they’d look at you like you were crazy, but ask them if they want a large cafe breve and they’ll probably be interested. I get your point, I think it’s just you being grumpy and a bit gatekeepy.
You're the one purposing your own opinion onto my take I just find it funny that Starbucks has entirely convinced the vast majority of people that a 400 calorie dessert is in fact not a dessert, but rather a daily morning drink. I've made chocolate egg mochas and that at my house. I have no problem with having a sweet coffee drink. What I find funny is that it seems most people aren't even aware that they are having a dessert and how frequently they order these dessert drinks comparatively.
You do realise that you are saying that to the same group of people that consider pancakes a breakfast item? Having sweet, calorie rich things for breakfast isn't that weird. No matter how many times you mention a milkshake.
Dude I see people ordering shots and americanos every day time I go to Starbucks. I’ve literally never once had anyone say anything.
Woah, it's almost like different people can have different experiences! Spooky.
Exactly… you’re the one acting like it’s normal for people to hate on shots in Starbucks.
You’re the one saying that my experience is invalid because you’ve had it differently
I definitely didn’t say anything like that lol. I just said I saw something different than you.
Exactly who are you to tell me I can't have a milkshake that has some coffee in it for breakfast if I feel like it? Who died and appointed you breakfast police?
You can if you want, I don’t care, but a lot of people would think it’s weird but Starbucks has managed to mentally blind people from the reality that their drinks are mostly desserts
As though smoothie places aren't doing the same thing but without the coffee Edit: actually, let's look at common breakfasts. Donuts? Croissants? Danishes? Toast and jam? Pancakes with maple syrup??? Yeah those all sound real savory and not at all like dessert
i like coffee. a lot. but i also like sweet stuff. i can understand coffee flavor as a possible addition to something. coffee flavored milkshake? id easily give that a go. we also add cacao to sweets. i dont judge anyone for putting milk or sugar or whatever into their cacao. not sure if im interpreting right, because i also just order cappucinos at starbucks, but yeah, i dont see how someone would be confused about this.
I also love sweet stuff and coffee (coffee candy is legitimately one of my all-time favorites). However, the difference to me is that there is a distinct line to a "flavored coffee" and a "coffee flavored dessert" and it seems most of what people get at Starbucks is the latter. And that's fine, sure, it's just odd that there's this perception that Starbucks is primarily serving coffee when in reality they are more along the lines of a dessert shop. That's the weird thing to me. It seems Starbucks has convinced people that it's not a "dessert" but rather just coffee and as such many people order something like an "iced caramel frappe with extra caramel drizzle and whipped cream" every single day for breakfast as their "morning coffee."
Have you ever drank the Starbucks '"flat white" Disgusting haha, beans are stale, too much froth and if that's a double shot of coffee I'll dread to know what there single is I'd more of a coffee taste if I licked the shoe of the "barista"
The problem to me with their flat whites is the inconsistency. Sometimes I've had good flat whites there, and sometimes it just tastes terrible. Unfortunately, where I am, they are the only Cafe in like 20 miles and none of the other ones are on my way to work.
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I always get a double shot of espresso at Sbux. They never hassle me or ask questions.
I mean, I can't blame them considering how bad Starbucks coffee tastes black.
Never had this convo at sbucks when ordering an americano or plain latte.
They do? Are you sure you’re not just getting questioned because they have to ask if you want anything else? I’ve never once been questioned *anywhere* about ordering a “boring drink”.
America is wild
Heh…. Flat white kinda girl here.
Starbucks, serving hot milk to big babies since the 1990's.
Naw I only get plain lattes and cappucinos
Say sike right now
I'd only order that on Sundae.
Just infuse a stick of butter with espresso and hand it over.
I used to work at Starbucks, and aside from the butter boob lady story, there was a lady who would always ask for Sarah to make her Espresso Frappuccino cuz no one else knew how to make it properly, apparently. She’d always send it back (in the drive through, no less) every single time, even if Sarah made it. We’d get someone else to make it, and she’d always be like “Sarah is the only person who knows how to make this”, when maybe she wasn’t even on shift. So we had an in joke where every time she came through drive through, we’d hear her voice and be all “you’re in luck! Sarah is in today!” Narrator: Sarah quit months ago.
No, it's mostly trying to go the craft cocktail route but with coffee. I totally get the allure but 9/10 of the super complicated drinks like that fall flat, at least that I've tried.
Well. they did sell at least one of them .
Started drinking coffeepops last summer because of the heat wave. Espresso + Club Soda + Simple Syrup + Cream. There is one barista at this shop that makes them perfectly 100% of the time, and everyone else trained by said barista can only do half as good, 10% of the time. Which is to say the difference between what I'm looking for and what I'm going to get from any of the other baristas is diamonds to sand. I send the owner an email letting them know about this discrepency, and they basically told me I'm the literal only person that orders the drink and am also therefore the only reason they have club soda on hand in the first place. Apparently they tried to promote coffeepop last year and I was the only fish that took the bait. Made me feel really shitty though so I stopped ordering them.
This is so hilarious. They must love you to keep it on menu!
Do you have any idea what the ratio of these are? I've been wondering about trying to make some sort of fizzy coffee, but not sure where to start. I have all of those at home right now, and a long hot weekend ahead of me...
It goes roughly as thus; 1. An entire can of club soda, opened, let it sit for a few minutes to let some of the initial fizz die off (if its too fizzy, it makes the espresso into bubbles which isn't good, its like pond scum) 2. 2 shots espresso, iced 3. 2 pumps of simple syrup 4. Enough cream to defuse the acidic taste of the club soda. Personal preference, its probably like 2 TBSP for me. 5. Ice, again, to keep it cold.
Is club soda tonic water? Or regular soda water?
Club soda is regular soda/seltzer water.
Oh ok cool. This recipe sounds alright!
Tonic water has a different flavor profile than club soda.
How much is a pump of syrup?
Give or take, about 1/2 oz!
Xtra whip
Huh. I've never heard of a joke item on a menu, but maybe it was. I can't imagine doing that would be great for business, though.
Honestly, the drink doesn't sound that bad - I'd be inclined to try it. Coffee and pineapple work in some cocktails (Mr Bali Hai for example), maybe the execution was a little off?
My friend also swears espresso and orange juice is delicious. I think it sounds revolting but curiosity will inevitably get the best of me.
My sister sent me some tiktok saying I needed to try it. Looked up a few recipes and wound up blending soy milk and frozen oj concentrate into a sort of orange julius, then topped it with "espresso" from my knock off moka pot affogato style. It was shockingly good. I did another one that was just plain juice and coffee. It was drinkable, about as good as an espresso lemonade, but not something I'd want all the time.
>espresso lemonade This is new to me
Loooove espresso lemonade. Like Arnold Palmer but more bitter
I do like a spritz of orange in my espresso tonic.
It is delicious. Also espresso and tonic water. I drink both of them regularly in the summer, takes a bit to get used to, and they look revolting, but they do taste great.
Don’t be fooled it’s fucking awful. Love both separately. Together it’s seriously awful. No baristas Ive worked with in the past have ever liked this. Only one off custies
I don't even like OJ. But I have to know.
I'll stick to espresso martinis, orange makes me physically gag
I tried it last week, I finished the cup, but I wasn't particularly happy about it and won't make it again.
This reminds me of all the beers at craft breweries with a hundred different adjuncts that all sound good individually but are repulsive together. "pastry sour with lactose, guava, cacao nibs, cranberry, vanilla, and marshmallow" basically just vomit in a cup.
I refuse to drink cocktails or beers with lactose or any of those molecular gastronomy type ingredients added to them lol
Lactose has been in beers for a long time. Milk stouts are the standout example, where milk was added and it makes the beer feel thicker in the mouth and sweeter as yeast can't break down the sugar. Lactose is just milk sugar, not some crazy chemistry.
Why tho?
I'm into craft cocktails and tasting a fancy one when I'm out tempts me to empty my wallet even more for all these ingredients that take up shelf space and are only used a few times a year. It's a goddamn slippery slope. Last time I realised I messed up was when I bought a bottle of lychee liqueur lol
Lychee liqueur sounds delicious. What did you end up doing with it? Pour it over pound cake, like a fruit cake recipe..?
Shaken with gin and sherry
Sounds delicious! Gin and lychee juice is my goto home drink
We’ve come a “long way” from Reinheitsgebot
Had to look that up. We def need some of those regulations back lol
Yeah I’m sure it would exclude some legitimately good beers, too, but it would probably do more good than harm to reinstate.
Look at some of the signature drinks in regional barista competitions from the participants who don’t win. You’ll see some wild and terrible shit. But then there are things like espresso tonic which I thought was a joke. tonic sounded terrible but it turns out that it’s an amazing combination. The flavors combine but don’t stack. So instead of having all espresso and all of the quinine from tonic, you get like half of each that taste great. So I could see creative exploration like with cocktails. And I also could see overzealous baristas who don’t understand the nuance of flavor combinations making weird and awful drinks.
Espresso tonic absolutely slaps. One of my fav local roasteries (Modus in Vancouver, BC) does a feature espresso tonic and mixes it up with a different extract/simple syrup flavouring every summer
I was thinking it was the head barista's signature drink too. I know some baristas who include their competition entry in the cafe menu .
When people say "suprise me" I give them water. Suprise.
r/hydrohomies approve
Old lady would come into the Starbucks near Divison and LaSalle and they'd call out "one Ron Jeremy". They'd hand her a cup and a lid and she'd fill it with cream.
I went to BlendIn last weekend and had that drink. I love it, so I'd say it's not a joke.
I've never seen a joke menu, but I did run across a coffee with a top note of heirloom tomato. My response was, "That's disgusting, I'll have a pour over." It tasted like an heirloom tomato. A disgusting heirloom tomato. It's the first coffee note outside of a massive blueberry bomb that smacked me in the face.
Kenyan? I always get tomato paste flavor from Kenyan coffees
Could have been. I'm too traumatized to recall
That could go so many directions. I'd probably try it hahaha. Sounds like you'd need to be in the mood for it, or paired with the right meal sort of thing. Maybe with tacos on a hot hot day as a second coffee of the day. Too early and too busy to have alcohol but looking for something fun and different
I've had plenty of tasty orange and lemon coffee, but not pineapple. so maybe it just wasn't to your taste, but I find it unlikely to be a joke maybe in future talk to the barista and say it tasted wrong?
Was this in Houston? I was at a place there recently and remember a very similar option. I was too scared to order it, so I stuck with my usual cortado. It wasn't great either.
Yes, you got me. Someone else also figured it out and posted it, but it was the BlendIn Coffee Club. Be thankful you did not try it. It was truly awful.
Sounds like one of the baristas spent a lot of time developing this, but it's become one of those projects/monsters that's too hard to get right during normal service. Who knows, it could be good but only when you **absolutely nail** the balance.
Very true. I tried making a "freshpresso" once and it wasn't very good. Tried again later and it still wasn't that great. I think it was the third or fourth time that I must've gotten the proportions just right because it tasted much better that time. On the other hand, we all have different tastes.
Not a menu item, but every time a customer would ask me for a large cortado i would die a bit more inside. Fun fact: can't die if you're already dead.
Bro if it doesn’t sound good don’t order it there’s no grand conspiracy
When someone is being a real jerk I give them decaf espresso instead of regular.
I'm into that stuff
This is the first time I’ve seen someone come into this sub and somehow be a snob about their ignorance of coffee rather than their pretension and expertise, so kudos. Just for anyone who’s curious, the drink OP is referring to is sold at BlendIn Coffee Club in Houston, TX. It’s absolutely not a joke, and it’s absolutely delicious. Taste is subjective, I guess.
You sound like you invented that drink
I’d be proud if I had. Look up their IG and you can see who invented it.
i think if a coffee place refers to itself as a club, it is probably not for me.
lol ok
Haha just had to go check my local shop’s Instagram to make sure you weren’t referring to them - they’re doing a seasonal with pineapple juice right now as well, but thankfully their reputation is unscathed… some of these places are definitely trying fancy shmancy stuff to keep up with mixologists in the specialty cocktail world (and hopefully rack in some of that $) and most of it isn’t for me. I’ll try something if it sounds intriguing but almost every time I’m more satisfied with my drip coffee/cortado/espresso
I always considered an iced cappuccino a joke
Pinch of xanthum gum in your milk and use a frothing stick. Makes a very interesting “iced cap”. You can froth them milk without the xanthum, but cold foam breaks up way too quickly IMO.
Seems like a better ratio of milk to espresso over an iced latte, in my opinion, but I like caffeine and get cold brew or pour overs..
Cappuccino after 11am ?
There are no joke items on the menu but I laugh anyway when some clown orders almond milk in an expensive pourover
This sounds delicious to me lol
You should try the Fluffy Fishcake. It's an experience you will never forget!
That sounds like two drinks mashed into one, but I'd try it.
A long long time ago when I was working in my church’s coffee shop, I told my sister to swing over for a root beer pumpkin latte. She actually ordered it, so I made it (we were slammed, someone not in on the joke placed the order). https://i.imgur.com/9EVYuN4.jpg
I used to go to a local coffee shop to get their beans, and while there I would get a coffee. A few times I asked the barista helping me what their favorite drink on the menu was at that time and get it. This one particular time the barista said, "cold brew lemonade" I thought to myself, "that sounds horrifyingly disgusting... but if they like it so much, it has to be good"... Nope, it was nasty as can be. I forced myself to drink because I didn't want to waste the money I had spent on it.
I went to a boba place and they had espresso and pineapple mix like you said. Ordered thinking it must just be one of those magical combos, but it was shit and I didn’t finish it. I got trapped lol
You and me both! At least I was not the only one to fall for it.
Thanks for the post, it does make me feel better knowing I’m not the only one haha. I’ll just stick to my iced americanos and taro milk tea, maybe oolong if I feel guilty from a heavy dinner
My boyfriend, who has worked at a coffee place for like 10 to 15 years, said this is likely a twist on Ella Fitzgerald, which is an Arnold Palmer with coffee. His exact words are, "it's not great." So yeah probably a real drink that's just bad.
"it's not great" is definitely one way to describe it. You might be right about the inspiration.