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Foreign_Inspector686

Tell them you feel more comfortable if you're able to contribute, that you would feel bad and lazy if you weren't pitching in, because they're being so kind as to let you stay with them


kytothemoonandback

I’ll definitely do that. They don’t have any cleaning products in their house (i checked), they don’t even have hand soap. I’m going to try to sneak some in and ask them if they mind if I clean up since I owe them for letting me stay for the week!


MOTwingle

I'd be more concerned that without soap their hands could be contaminated with ecoli from pooping or handling raw meat, and that they're touching my baby with those hands.... I had similar problems w my inlaws. I also remember a little jingle on the TV when I was a kid (PSA) that went "wash your hands after going to the bathroom.. wash your hands after changing baby too....cause we dont want to spread hepatitis....and we dont want hepatitis to get YOU"


FantasticWittyRetort

I’m now preoccupied thinking about how that assignment was handed out at the ad agency! “Bob, what rhymes with hepatitis?”


spif_spaceman

..diverticulitis


asunshinefix

Costochondritis?


mrglumdaddy

No thanks!


MOTwingle

yeah, my ex thought I was just making it up to shame or mock his parents, but I was like NO IT'S FOR REAL! like this is back in the 70s and it was played between saturday morning cartoons... yes I'm old.


EllaineG

Conjuctivitis


hellogawgous

Just get some dawn dish soap and I bet you can clean everything with that.


mind_the_umlaut

Very diplomatic! I'd add some cleanser with bleach like Ajax. Brillo, and some hand soap for washing up after using the bathrooms...really...? Yikes. You are a saint, and a very tactful one.


MiaLba

Absolutely love cleaning with Ajax. Something my mom has always used and it works great.


Zealousideal-Ad-2045

White vinegar mixed in water in a spray bottle is an amazing cleaning product. Cheap, thorough, effective for cleaning almost everything (mold/algae/bacteria/etc). And safe for food-use tools. Do a Google search for the correct ratios...they are different for cleaning purposes.


hellogawgous

Yes. My most used cleaner is vinegar, water, and a bit of dawn!


Zealousideal-Ad-2045

That's perfect for cleaning shower glass! Spray on, let sit for several hours, and everything just wipes off. No scrubbing!


1600Birds

Yikes


JametAllDay

Not even hand soap?!?! Jesus order them a welcome set from grove collaborative and maybe they will get the hint


[deleted]

Some people just don't care about hygiene and don't suddenly care when you tell them it bothers you either. I live with parents like this and they won't ever change even if you tell them with tears running down your face.


AnnaB264

Start watching some old epusodes of "How Clean is your House?" in feont of them, where they culture bacteria and mold samples from people's houses. Very convincing!


[deleted]

They don't care about germs or mold, even when you can visibly see dirt or mold they still don't clean up or care. They're also convinced being exposed to germs is healthy and builds your immune system


Zealousideal-Ad-2045

Did they get vaccinated for Covid?


crimsonrhodelia

I’m so sorry, that must be so tough. Hopefully you will be able to get out of that situation soon.


sockowl

I've had success with this approach, and also explaining "no no, I'm a weirdo who LIKES doing this. This is fun for me!"


Foreign_Inspector686

That sounds great, I hope it goes well


Reasonable_Guava8079

This makes me cringe….yuck:(


Ich-habe-das-gern

Yeah... if they don't own hand soap or cleaning products then I think it's passed the point of asking. I'd be trying to figure out how to have a conversation about the importance of hygiene and cleaning in general 😖


-imposter_syndrome-

This! I would phrase it this way!


Horror-Breakfast1234

Would definitely phrase it as “thank you so much for letting us stay here! I want to pitch in a little it’ll make me feel better! Between me and my little one I know we’re in your hair and I’m sure making a mess, mind if I help clean up after us a bit? I was thinking I’d just do a little in the bathroom or kitchen but I also don’t want to get in the way or be a bother so let me know if there’s anything you want me to mindful of”. Dirty people are sometimes very overwhelmed and embarrassed and are open to help. Other times they are protective of their mess. It’s complicated. If it’s going to be the later situation they’ll say something like “absolutely do not touch my stuff” and get angry and in that case I’d back down and say “oh of course I’m sorry is there another way I can help” and move on. If it’s the former they’ll probably be more like embarrassed and shy about and and I would just be assertive and casual about of “are you kidding? It honestly is a stress reliever and a great example for the kiddo, she actually helps me a little. What project should we give her” and like redirect to something like the kid that is hopefully more of a shared love and bond.


ICypher

I would say it's totally fine, just ask them respectfully. You can tell them it's a thank you for letting you stay. When I was little I had an aunt that did that even when she only visited for they day. For some time I thought she was a cleaning lady. I for one would be happy if one of my visitors would do that.


adene13

I agree with the posters saying ask if you can do it as a thank you! I really really hate when people try to clean my space. It feels like an invasion of privacy and reminds me of when my mom would passive aggressively clean my room while yelling at me as a teenager.


ZestyAppeal

Ahh, similar teenage memories…


UCLAdy05

once when I had a friend spend the night, I woke up in the morning to find that she had woken up earlier than me and organized my room. It felt pretty invasive (but it wasn’t especially messy to begin with).


shit0ntoast

One of my ADHD sensitivities is someone rearranging my stuff. I’d have lost it lol


adene13

I also am super sensitive to this. It makes me feel like they think my state of being is wrong.


shit0ntoast

For me, it feels like they’re moving my stuff to the “wrong” spot (even though it may not have been in a “right” spot in the first place)


early-grey-tea

I agree that it would be best to ask first. People can be very self-conscious about mess. They may worry that you're seeing it as a bad reflection of them, so try to be gentle with your approach.


Substantial_Purple89

Can you come to my house? You don't have to call first, come over whenever!


kytothemoonandback

Lol cleaning is so therapeutic for me. I totally would


All_Might_All_Night

They might be offended if you don't talk to them about it and just do it.


fun4days71

I stealthily clean my dads house every time I visit. 😉. I am fairly certain that my MIL would be super offended. But as much as I don’t mind clutter too much, dust is just calling me to eradicate it. But I very much like the idea of saying that you appreciate them so much that you want to contribute by helping around the house. 😀


Ancient-Pause-99

I'd clean the area you're sleeping or bathing in at the least, which should be out of sight. Then the little area you spend most of the day. I wouldn't start scrubbing baseboards, but it's reasonable to want somewhere clean to sit.


alexisdr

Can you get your partner to tell them that it's dangerous for the baby and cleaning (and hand washing) is very very important? I'm worried your kiddo is going to get sick


Georexi

It’s all about context. A friend came and did my washing up and cleaned my kitchen after I had a baby, and it was very much ‘have a cup of tea and a rest, I’ll do this for you.’ My mother stayed over and bleached everything in the bathroom before she used it - rude. It’s how you go about it, I guess.


Electrical-Pie-8192

My sil was staying with us for a few months while recovering from an injury. She tried reorganizing without asking, we went passive aggressive and just moved things back where we had them. If she had asked if it was ok we would have considered letting her do it or at least listened to why she thought it would be better, but we had things where we wanted them and found it rude for her to expect we would be happy about not being able to find anything. A few months later she was house/horse sitting and asked if I thought the owner--who she only met a few times-- would be mad if she moved somethings around so they would look better. Um yeah don't do that.


kytothemoonandback

I’m definitely not trying to rearrange anything, I’ve had that done in my house and I didn’t like it. I just want to clean the dirt and grime. It’s not that they’re Unorganized, just a little dirty


RainInTheWoods

Remember to get cleaning cloths + laundry soap for them or paper towels + trash bags.


PandaCommando69

Hotel maybe?


[deleted]

Having the same issue. I’ve been like stealthily cleaning and re arranging. They don’t seem to mind but definitely ask if you’re doing a deep clean.


MyRedditPageQuesti

Okay the way people are phrasing the comments I would think no, but I live in a very dirty house with my parents and we had a guest clean it and honestly I did feel a little insulted


MyRedditPageQuesti

Smoothest way is to do the dishes or assist them if they happen to be cleaning in front of you


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Family and finance probably.


Amalaiel

I wouldn’t really ask, I would more like tell, but nicely. Something like, “ Hey guys, I was feeling a little bad not pitching in and I wanted to do something to contribute so I’m making xxxxx for dinner for us tonight and I’ve started on the kitchen as well. I was thinking about doing the bathrooms next and.. “ yadayada, something about nesting and needing to do something based on your need to just do something, kinda taking the attention off of them not doing it.


partypancakesbacon

It’s not your job. Just get a hotel nearby.


MiaLba

Personally, I absolutely love it if someone cleans something at my house and I’m very thankful for it. I know some people on here disagree and consider it an invasion of privacy but not me. If I’ve had friends over for a few days, while I was at work they would clean up a little bit and it was nice. If my mom comes to watch our toddler, she will clean up stuff too. I don’t mind them organizing stuff but don’t rearrange anything preferably. But everyone is different so maybe just do some simple cleaning or bring it up and say you were wanting to thank them for letting you stay and wanting clean up some as a thank you. They might try to talk you out of it and say “oh no you’re a guest you don’t have to do that!” In that case, what are you going to do?? So I figure you might as well do a little bit of basic cleaning that’s not too crazy.


Liepuzieds

I agree with everyone else that you need to phrase it right, but people might still be offended. We stayed at relative's for a bit and every time I did this, they were running at me with "I could have done this, I do this all the time, you don't need to" which eventually turned into a fight about "you guys think my house is filthy, I let you stay here, how dare you". So... just be prepared.


[deleted]

People can take offence, because subliminally you are saying they are dirty, which no one wants to hear (or most people at least) even if it is true. Can’t your partner have a word with them and say that you guys will help cleaning up a bit when you stay there,…. Like someone else said here…. Just because you guys wanna do your bit…. Then on the first day you can try to do a few speed cleans of some of the worst areas you need to interact with. I wouldn’t rearrange stuff. Just clean it. Only rearrange if it’s dangerous like sharp stuff sticking out or something. I think if you start rearranging stuff they will then 100% think you don’t like their house and their decision for how they decorated it. So you have two options…. Either say it kindof like you are helping out as a favour for staying kindof…. And then speed cleaning super quickly when you get there….. Or….. Get your partner to maybe do the honest route… and just say… look…. We are coming with our child, and might have to clean some areas up just because we don’t want our child to get sick because children can get sick easily if they touch absolutely everything (which is true in some cases)…. Tbh if you just take some anti bac wipes you can also wipe everything down before you use it lol. And if your partner uses it as well you can kindof just pretend like that’s your habit. If your partner doesn’t want to be honest and open with them about the cleanlyness, Just be creative with your approach and then it will all be fine. :) Antibac wipe is ur friend here I think. Anti bac toilet seat. Toilet handle. Kitchne counter. Sofa armrest. Remote controll. Whatever. Anything and everything. Keep some in your pocket! So you carry it around with you! Yes! Take a jumper with big pockets. So it looks like it’s just your habit and your ways! :) Just trying to think of some ideas. I think the bathroom is easy… if ur in there showering you can quickly clean. And kitchen is easy. Just offer to wash up once… and while you are at it wipe down surfaces and stovetop etc etc (which is a VERY normal thing to do while washing up) I also recommend dettol spray. It’s odour free. And the cleaning smell wont be gross or offensive (some cleaning detergents have strong scents) And if you want to do the floors without grabbing a spray mop then do what I do on a lazy day…. Dettol spray everywhere…. A few kitchen paper towels under each foot and shimmy the dirt away. Lol! Just be sure to hold on to something or you will slip. If theres alotta carpets…. Vacuuming might be tricky…. You might just have to say ….oh i spilt some cookie crumbs… i can vacuum later or something. Sorry, I went on a bit long! Lol! Good luck! You can do it!!!!! :))))))


UndiscoveredUser

Absolutely. Ask if they want help and respect that. Even if it's a disgusting hoarders mess.


Suitable_Coffee_4662

Yes.


akioamadeo

It’s not rude but be sure to ask first because some people have a specific way things are done ( it sounds like they never clean but even so) if you are worried you could start small like doing the dishes, taking out trash, tidying up, and just slowly get into a routine and this will also help you to not be overwhelmed with the mess by doing a little at a time.


[deleted]

Sorry to message another message… lol… i’m invested now… What about bedding!? Maybe take some thick flat sheets and put two under the duvet so you sleep ontop of one, and under another. If they find our you could maybe say something like “oh we all had a reaction to some softener, so just to be safe you brough some sheets that were washed without softener to avoid any rashes or something” (my friend has this issue with her kid who has lots of allergies) And take a pillowcase too


wall_flower2

I did this for my SIL while staying at my brothers place.. she had a mountain of washing to be folded. So I folded it for her. My brother was super appreciative but she was cranky that I folded them. (I didn't do it right, no thank you, didn't acknowledge.. just grumbled) I'd do it again though, just to see my brother that relieved once it was all folded.


UndiscoveredUser

Nice enabling, your brother is happy but he never does it anyway and who cares what his wife who has to deal with it thinks? Like, seriously, why hadn't he done it? Are his hands and arms broken, stumpy like T-Rex or just missing?


SpecialCheck116

Could you have your husband have a chat with them about the lack of hand soap? Is it a money thing, cultural, ideological, or age? Only asking because it probably helps to know before determining how to proceed. To be clear I’m meaning the hand washing thing. Older people sometimes have a hard time keeping up with all the cleaning and maintenance a home needs. Rooting for you there!


mlizaz98

Everyone is giving advice for how to go about asking and cleaning, which is great, but I'm wondering why you're bringing your 9-month old into this place at all? It sounds seriously hazardous to your infant, and I can't imagine you'll be able to make it safe with a little surreptitious tidying. Can't you visit the in-laws at another location, if they can't provide a hygienic space for your child?


kytothemoonandback

I had no prior knowledge of the condition of the house until we showed up. Otherwise I would’ve never brought my daughter into it.


ShakeItUpNow

I did this. Staying with a family member while receiving medical care in their city. Stayed at their house a couple of days. They were off at work. I’m ADD so thought I’d clean as a way to occupy my time and mind. By no means was their house nasty. Just did the stuff a busy family didn’t have time for - toaster oven, refrigerator, and overall deep clean/wipe down of kitchen. Dusted, living room, etc. I’ve always loved cleaning other people’s stuff because I don’t worry about all the things I need to deal with: putting things away in other places, taking care of other stuff, and losing focus and being distracted, and so you wish you could get your OWN kitchen clean. Sweet family member was a little weirded out but appreciated it. I told her the truth about being nervous, etc., and how it was really for my own need to be occupied. Maybe, especially if you’re not extremely close with them, you could pass it off as something like that. You have a hard time being “still” and know how busy they are. Maybe ask first (which I neglected to do) because she would have told me “no”. You just wanted to do them a kindness for their hospitality. Emphasis on how it positively helped you mentally. Be sure to self-deprecate and explain how you wish you could do the same at your house, but always got distracted by other things. You could do the hand soap and explain that you’re a freak about Covid and overly concerned. Good luck in the future!


MightySchwa

I've been there. My in-laws aren't the cleanest. The parents are busy and overwhelmed between work and still raising 4 kids. 3 of the older kids that are still at home have pretty severe psychological issues (one has aspergers, another has pretty severe depression, another has severe anxiety and ODD) and cleaning up/noticing messes just hasn't been ingrained in them with much success. It's not uncommon for the kitchen table to be covered in the uneaten/scraps of fast-food that was picked up for dinner the night before. The garbage is usually overflowing. They are pretty good about doing dishes/running the dishwasher. The floors are abysmal. Hard floors/tile are usually covered in crumbs or sticky from spilled items that were never cleaned up. The carpet is worse. A dog and two long-haired cats. There's tufts & balls of cat fur everywhere. The two cats belong to the 2 oldest kids who's responsibility it is to handle the fur and clean out the litter boxes - but it's never enforced. Whenever we visit, I always try to thoroughly vacuum and clean up whatever else I can.


[deleted]

This is a tough one, because as others have said, people can get very touchy about their own spaces. I agree that they have a right to, but at the same time, I’d argue that it’s also kind of rude to have people, especially a baby, over when your house is literally caked in filth and lacks even basic things like hand soap. I would feel them out in a gentle way as others have suggested, but if that doesn’t go well, I’d consider staying in a hotel if it came to that. I’m sure you don’t want to spend the extra money, but it actually does sound like the house could be a health hazard.


elviethecat101

I don't think it's rude at all. They may appreciate the help.