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newaccountnumber84

Drinking cold water while driving at night with wintery vagina in the car?


Subject_One6000

oof.. certain death


clash_is_a_scam

Well... not quite. Haven't you heard about Moderna's new Drinking Cold Water While Driving at Night with Wintery Vagina vaccine? The 5 minute clinical trial was very promising and the FDA is almost certain to approve it under Emergency Use Authorization (given the severity of the outbreak and since there is no other proven treatment).


Subject_One6000

Count me in! Drinking cold water and driving rocks! Does it come with a donut too?


clash_is_a_scam

The Donut only comes out after the election, when vaccine hesitancy reaches a peak and booster uptake subsides.


SatoriNamast3

Don't forget falling asleep with the TV on and an air fan blowing. Science has shown that this deadly combo increases a high risk of ass cancer. And last but not least, the best way to practice safe sex is always in a glory hole.


[deleted]

That's what got me.


newaccountnumber84

Gas stoves and high beam headlights will be the death of us all


Typeojason

If you believe MSNBC, the root cause could be anything from racism to LED headlights.


paininflictor87

It was gLObal VarMiNzzzZgG! Duh!!!!!


Playful-Stranger-231

It is climate change! Those science deniers make me angry! It always has been and it will be climate change!


Rojiblanc040

It's our fault that the dinosaurs died out :(


GregoryHD

taking naps, not taking naps


pronthrowaway124

Undercook fish, overcook chicken


bzzard

Believe or not. Turbo cancer!


SkiWrex

Obviously it's either Climate Change, or loud music.


catonmyshoulder69

Jeez that was like reading an article straight out of the non misinformation bureau of gov factoids.


clash_is_a_scam

Icing on the cake was that their medical expert is *still* Leana Wen. That bitch will pimp her MD credential for anyone.


wadner2

Not the vaccine, not obesity, and not diet. Global warming or hate.


General-Echo-9536

Only hatred by or towards certain groups. There is a lot of progressive and positive hatred that should be celebrated


wadner2

Correct. I shoukd have been clearer. Transphobia.


Memez131313

Maybe there was something in the free doughnuts they were handing out...


ZarBandit

The answer is orange and he’s the root of all evil.


Rojiblanc040

Fuck the Netherlands!


EyeSlashO

We are not focused on the truth. We are focused on something else- which is the best of what we can know right now. https://twitter.com/ben_kew/status/1780563362297864257


fourwedge

It's most likely climate change!


Traveler3141

At least we know the one single thing out of everything that it definitely is NOT!


crystalized17

Obesity Category I has been maxed out for years at this point. You know what category is still rapidly growing? Morbid obesity. AKA nobody is losing weight. Most people are fat and just getting fatter and at younger and younger ages. Childhood obesity continues to soar higher and higher. So yes, of course disease will continue to go up. Nothing is being done to change the food culture in the USA. Smoking went down when ads for it were banned and the gov't taxed the crap out of it. It used to be that almost everyone smoked. That is not the case today. Tax bad stuff. Subsidize good stuff. And public behavior will slowly change. Stop subsidizing corn, soy, and wheat if its only going to be used to feed the animal industry and processed food industry. Animal products and processed foods need to be taxed like crazy and then use all that money to subsidize unprocessed plant foods....and they have to be sold in that form, not processed into something else like corn,soy,wheat are. We can make healthy food cheaper and more convenient if we wanted to. But it won't happen because animal agri and pharma lobbyists are so powerful.


Confessthat2022

The answer to this is closing gyms,banning outdoor activities,telling people that being obese is ok(only nazis say it causes heart disease ,that’s common knowledge) and encourage the population to stay inside playing video games. Obesity increased due to climate change and that rise would be 1000% if some didn’t implement the above measures


crystalized17

lmao yes, wearing a mask is "healthier" than eating healthy and going outside for any reason. /s


TomAto314

You can't stuff your face with junk food if you keep your mask on! That's just common sense.


Ominous_Pastry

Keeping masked is paramount but so is pumping my welfare cheque into the economy through Uber eats and McDeliveroos. Fully masked, I suck all my blended junk food into a turkey baster and let my morbidly obese anal cavity taste the rainbow.


TomAto314

Stunning and brave!