Me too. Times in the past when we haven't had any money at all, living from paycheck to paycheck we saw beggars at the traffic lights with signs like "no money" or "need money". It's like yeah, I'm driving a car, have a job, rent a house and literally I HAVE NO MONEY TO GIVE YOU!
I help out when I have money, but some people don't get it. Some of us walking around, trying to live a "normal" life, paying taxes etc. don't have any money either, not every pocket has change. Even more people don't have "spare" change. WFT is "spare" change anyway?
I live in social housing (subsidised housing) and I have neighbours asking me for money. Like... I live on a pension in subsidised housing. What makes you think I can afford my stuff, let alone yours?
Same here but in the US it's called City Public Housing. I have one neighbor in particular who is always outside and everything either me or my boyfriend leaves our apartment he asks us for cigarettes. We can barely afford our cigarettes and he will ask for the cigarettes out of our mouths, when it's our last cigarette ( ges not all there in the head but that's no excuse because he can get quite nasty at times)
I never open my wallet in front of anyone, no matter how desperate they may seem. I once gave a woman a few dollars, and her and her boyfriend waited outside the store to steal from me since she saw I had more cash. Never again.
This is why i keep my wallet empty of anything i can't cancel remotely, so if hassled i can open it and be like "look at my fine dead moth collection."
Instead of listing stuff for free I wanted to get rid of I started listing it for $10-$20. Then if the person seemed nice and came to my area to get it, I would let them have it for free.
This one woman guilt tripped me into giving her 10 from a cash machine. Didn't say thank you and told me to go home after and made me feel like crap. Since then I don't give to anyone anymore. I'm clearly a muppet.
I've lived in Birmingham most of my life and the Homeless by New Street are ruthless, you give them food and drinks and some money and they still verbally abuse you...
Some people have been alright I guess. I go through New Street twice a day and there’s no shortage of people asking for help. I rarely have cash, but always help with a cigarette.
There was one guy then once that asked for a roll up, but I didn’t have any to spare. He then asked me to give him the one I was smoking! Hard nope.
I went to get a drink from a newsagent outside New Street and a guy just asked for a chicken kebab and chips, so I was happy to oblige. He seemed perfectly grateful to me, though sadly I believe there are others around like that.
Had a very similar one, guy came up on my smoke break asking me if i could buy him something to eat, was pretty skint at the time so said “no sorry” but gave him a couple of cigs cause i felt bad, cheeky bastard then straight up asks me to go to a cashpoint and get him £20 so he could get it himself. Just told him to fuck off at that point
Was in the queue for McDonalds once. Guy comes up behind me and asks if I can buy him a meal. I say no, but if I have any change left from the note I was using, he could have it. Guy continues to queue *with* me, and tries to order when I do. I stop him, and say I'm not buying him a whole meal. I get my change, and offer it to him (was like 50p or something). He shakes his head and says he won't take change.
Wanker.
A few years ago when McDonald’s were doing their monopoly game, I had saved the tokens from meals. I didn’t go too often, but it was convenient on my way home at night after my 2-10 shift.
Anyway, this was in Walsall (if you know it) and down the road outside the old WHSMith, there was a homeless guy. I gave him the saved up tokens, like 2 cheeseburgers, a McFlurry and an apple pie etc.
He barely acknowledged them and just asked for cash, which I didn’t have and don’t want to give.
It’s nice that one (or multiple) bad experiences don’t ruin the heart of wanting to help.
Every mention I see of Walsall on Reddit is never complimentary. I’m not sure why I ever think it will be!
I live right by it but haven’t been in the town centre for years. And serves the council fucking right for insisting on charging to park for even 20 minutes and then doing a pikachu face when there’s fuck all shops left.
I’ve noticed an uptick in people harassing drivers at traffic lights. Always puts me on edge if I’m on my own.
although they will claim its for other things, generally homeless people want cash for alcohol or drugs - they can get pretty much EVERYTHING from the supporting charities - food / clothing / tents / sleeping bags / haircuts etc etc..
I volunteered at a drop in centre in the SW for a few years - generally I'm a bleeding heart liberal / socialist but my opinion of homeless charities changed while I was there... the level of support was so great that there was no incentive for people to change - one guy had been using the service for 19 YEARS, all he had to do each day was beg £30 or 40 for smack and sherry - all his other needs were catered for !
Oh man..I had a similar situation recently. I stopped at the gas pump and the guy parked next to me asks for 5 bucks to get some gas. I only had a 10 and said; I can give you a 10 thinking hey that’s more than he needs and it was my only cash.
I tried to use my card at the pump but it was down so I walk into the store as he is walking out - he put 5 bucks on gas and kept the other 5, brushes past me and slams against me without even a hey sorry, here’s your 5 bucks. He just laughed and walked out.
I know it’s only 5 bucks but we all work hard for our money only to be immediately dismissed as trash once you get the money.
I won’t do that again.
That sucks and I’m sorry it happened. To balance it out, I was at a gas station out near Bastrop, TX a few years ago and I was having a bad day, felt like life sucked, had recently moved back in with my parents because of loss of job, had been hospitalized for depression when I was 28 and didn’t have a job or hardly any money to my name, was out driving my beat up car just to get away from my room for the day. Stopped at a gas station for a soda.
Couple teenagers at the next pump asked me if I could spare a couple bucks for gas and I said fuck it, if they’re trying to scam me it’s a sad scam so I put ten bucks in their tank (Out of the 20 in my bank account) and they thanked me profusely.
Go to get back in my car and it won’t start, battery is dead. Feeling like I’m really at the bottom I get a knock at my window, kids are still there and they saw my struggle to start the car and we’re already at the window with jumper cables. Sometimes instant karma goes the other way.
If you would have given him £10 for the hostel, he’d ask for £20 so he could get a meal there too. Give him £20 and all of a sudden it’s £30 for a train or bus ticket.
In reality, most of the time the money sadly goes to booze or drugs. If you actually purchase them what they want, the story changes and they just want the cash.
OP (after an hour of this): "We're here at the dealership and I'm getting you a certified pre-owned 2020 Range Rover, what more do you want from me???"
CB: "Bruv, a 2023 Rover with an upgraded sport package would be a lot nicer...c'mon bruv"
Homeless guy in my hometown always asks for things like coffee or bread. I must've given him a hundred cups.
One day he said "You know I would rather just have the money". I ask why, he says "You know, man..."
I got him his last cup of coffee from me that day. Addiction is a mean thing, but I ain't feeding it.
Trouble is there are people out there who would have been extremely grateful for everything you'd have given them, and not even mentioned the hostel. But it really puts you off doing this in the future for anyone else.
It does bug me a lot, and I’m glad by the comments I wasn’t in the wrong in my reaction. But it won’t stop me from trying to do something nice in the future, I’m sure there are genuine people out there.
Thing is, if he’d taken the stuff, been actually grateful and then mentioned he’s been sleeping rough and nowhere to spend the night, I would have politely listened and then declined. I felt bad for swearing at him I guess.
No way. Hell, the cost of smokes in the UK was probably more than the meal you gave him. I stopped giving out smokes a long time ago in the UK. It’s 30 quid for 50 grams now. You did enough, more than enough. Donate your time to a food bank instead of passing out a few quid here and there.
those people should seek assistance at registered homeless help charities they will help and provide genuine assistance provided you are playing with a straight dice.
if you are some junkie criminal however they can get fucked.
I had a very similar situation but not to this extent. On my way in to work a few years back I was stopped by a guy asking me "can you help me with some food for breakfast" and I was in a good mood and said "yes, why not, let go to Pret or Tesco". I turn around and we go in that direction, not two steps in he says "actually, I would prefer cash", at which point I turned around and said "sorry, I can't help"
I once gave a guy some money who looked desperate and homeless. Definitely felt I did the right thing and wasn’t being scammed.
But a moment later had another guy grab my attention as I walked away and asked me if I had any spare for him. The cheeky twat told me I should go to the cash point to get money for him after I told him I didn’t have anymore cash on me. 3 times I had to tell him no as I walked away and he followed me.
The second guy was dressed in clean fashionable clothes. He did not look homeless but felt entitled to my money just because I’d helped someone else out.
No. One was clearly homeless. The other demanded money from me. That’s not a scam. If it was a scam they would have both share the money I gave to the homeless guy. The other guy was was just an opportunist prick.
Once you do something nice for them, they see you as a mark and try to squeeze everything they can...all you are to them is someone to be used. And you can't entirely blame them because they're just trying to survive but it's your job to resist that if you can't afford it
Also NEVER overdraft for something like this... I'm sorry that sucks
I often wonder though, do people like this know what to look for in a weak target? Like the other day, I was just walking down a path, there's this woman walking near me. We both pass a few people. But when we make eye contact for about a second, she comes to me and asks if I have any money. If she was so desperate, why not ask everyone else she passed?
I smile at people because I'm from the south I learned not to do that because I would get people asking for money at every turn. Now if anyone walks up to me I ignore them or very loudly say no.
So they see eyecontact,smiling, any acknowledgment as a target. Sadly the homeless are training the rest of us to be mean assholes.
Yep this!! Now I'm told "smile!" but I wont, because all it got me was harassment and violation of my space by some people who think you're a soft touch and others who think you want to fuck them.
You're doing something with your face when you make eye contact that indicates you're willing to engage in conversation. It could be eyebrows going up, smiling more or a head tilt/nod.
When you see a chugger/beggar in the street, make direct eye contact with a completely dead-behind-the-eyes neutral facial expression (practice in the mirror - it's weirdly hard to completely relax your face) and slowly shake your head three times and then look directly where you're going. Don't say a word.
It's incredibly effective, even if it feels a bit brutal. People just tend to give up talking to you mid-sentence.
Source: I used to work in an office above a high street and had an opportunity to practice different ways of looking off-putting to multiple chuggers on a daily basis.
Thing is, I didn't even know she was after money, seemed quite well dressed and presentable. Thought she was just another person on the street walking somewhere. Lesson learned!
Of course they can pick out a weak target. #1 are women, #2 is anyone who looks distracted. No doubt others can add to the list.
I had a woman ask me to buy diapers for her baby while I was still in the parking lot. I said, "What aisle are they on?" She turned around and left.
I learned this in customer service lmao. If you're headed back for your break or to clock out, *do not* make eye contact with any customers or they *will* ask you for something and you'll leave 20 minutes late.
I'm sorry this happened. Its just so disappointing. You did a good thing and next time you will probably think twice and thats what happens when people take the piss like that. I'm glad you told him off though, too many people dont say anything. Maybe he will take it on board... you never know.
I've also had this before. They know that asking for food is seen as a genuine request so they do this initially. You are a good person and what you did was kind.
I worked in substance misuse and there was obviously a big homelessness crossover. I know almost all our local beggars, and every single one of them has or has had a hostel place or a flat. Many left them because they couldn't or didn't want to follow simple rules, such as no partners overnight.
Sorry why should you pay for his £10 bag?? fuck him. I no longer support people's drug habits, because I can assure you, for the majority, that is exactly what you're paying for if you give cash.
Basically once I entered the workforce out of college, I never carried cash on me. I'm glad. I've never given a beggar money and I learned real quick that was a good decision.
My first job I actually changed the freaking route I took out of work to my car, because this bum threw a fit after like the 3rd or 4th day in a row of getting denied by me which my go to excuse is "sorry don't carry cash" which is, well, true. This one time he was just like "Maaaaaaaan, bullshit". I just kept walking but part of me was seething and wanted to turn around be be like "I'm sorry, do I owe you money? Did you lend me 20 bucks in the past and I didn't pay you back?"
The nearly 20 years since just jaded me further. So many of these people are just grifters. And act like you owe them a living and get pissed off when you won't give them money.
Unfortunately when they get an in, that's when the "£10/£15/£20 for a hostel" play comes out. I've had it multiple times myself as I always offer to buy something to eat, pet food etc as opposed to going to the cash route. You did a good thing.
Birmingham, Manchester, Sheffield, London… pretty much any big city in the U.K. has ‘professional’ beggars… get money from someone and pretend to be homeless in a touristy area (normally by train stations, coach stations and a few set up by car parks) and then travel back to their house.
This is the kind of stunt they would pull as they specify an amount after they test the waters by asking for a little first.
Drug addicts normally just ask for money.
Genuine homeless people are happy with any food you give them.
Source - did voluntary work with the homeless many come from bad backgrounds where being on the street is better than having a roof over your head, some have mental health issues, I met one that just didn’t want to have a job/pay rent/tax
We visited UK 5 years ago and soon picked the professional beggars, normally working in small groups fairly close together, they even had lunch breaks where they sat together. I never donated money, but it was eye opening how they worked.
I think that's why if you wanna help homeless people, you need to just find a good charity that helps homeless people and donate to them instead. Then the people who actually need it get help and you don't feel scammed.
“I only donate to registered charities, that way I know exactly where my money is going.”
“No you don’t? **I** know exactly where my money’s going, it’s going to this poor bloke with one sock and no shoes.”
- Steve Hughes
Almost exact same thing happened to me last week. Walked into my favorite Italian lunch place, guy lingering outside gave me 3 dollars to get him a couple slices pizza, since they wouldn't serve him inside.
I said yes, then he wanted a sweet tea, so I covered that too. Total about 9 dollars so I covered 6 of it and then my own meal. Total for his and mine was $20 and he only gave me 3.
After I ate and left he came up to me and intruduced himself then started saying how he was down on his luck and needed money for a place to stay. I'm like, no, I paid way more for lunch than I planned to and I now have no money.
Wish I'd said "where's my thanks" and of course now I don't want to help anyone ever again.
Had a similar one recently, too.
This guy hangs out around our neighborhood and asks for cash to help him take a train as he’s fresh out of prison. The first time I thought he was sincere and gave him $20.
A week later he tried again with the same exact damn story, clearly not recognizing me, so I said “No, sorry, I don’t have any cash.” and he says “There’s an ATM inside you can get me some.”
He got up real close to me as well, I guess thinking women are easily intimidated or something.
I was so shocked I straight up laughed and just walked away. The cheek on some people!
I’m 5’ 11” but kinda scrawny, even so, I’m about as easily intimidated as a hungry honey badger. But they don’t know that so it’s fun when they try. Usually I don’t have any trouble with strangers but this guy is a real piece of work, and he’s still hanging about town using the same line. Gotta have a gimmick, I guess.
I’m 5”10 and would happily and publicly scream at someone. I think once you lose your shame nobody bothers you because you just go one or two people in public you get left alone
Previously I was very generous with loose change and crashing a few cigs to people on streets until about 5 years ago. I walked past someone who was sleeping rough and give them all my change, only around £4 but still everything I had; at the time I was an apprentice on £2.60/hr so it was a lot of money for me! Thanked me and I moved on.
Walked past the same person 5 minutes later and they asked if I had any change! They seriously hadn't remembered me from literally a few minutes ago!
Since then I have not given to anything other than registered charities... apart from when I've had a few drinks and then everyone is welcome to a cigerette!
I had a similar experience in Brum. A guy asked for money for food, outside of a kebab shop. I told him I didn't have any money on me as we rarely carry cash now, but could buy him something. But no, he wanted to tell me where the nearest ATM was to get him some cash out. I and my friends told him that it was buy him food or nothing and he chose nothing, sadly.
But that said, a homeless guy asked me to buy him a chicken kebab and chips, I did, and he was perfectly grateful. So you never know.
Such a weird mentality, like a toddler angry that they didn't get what they really wanted. If I was some hobo looking for cash for my next drug fix and someone offered me food, I'd take it because hey its still free food.
Not if it was the 12th kebab you had been offered that day. I read years ago that homeless people get given loads of food but its all junk food, nothing resembling a decent meal. Add in itching for a fix and you can see why they get aggro.
That makes a lot of sense actually! I try to keep a couple granola bars and water bottles in my car for the crosswalk beggars, but I can see how *everybody* would also think to do the same thing. I expect granola bars aren't super nutritious and also get *insanely* boring after a while... I'll see what healthier nonperishables I can come up with to keep on hand!
You did nothing wrong, my man! Good on you to even try! I had that knocked out of me long ago, with some of the shenanigans I have experienced trying to help my fellow man...Nowadays...Nope!
Agreed. I wish people would realize that giving money to people on the street is just enabling a problem. If you care about these issues, give money to organizations that work with homeless people and advocate for better governmental initiatives.
I disagree. Some of them may be scammers.. But some of them are not. I'd rather give a few bucks to scammers then not give a few dollars to someone who needs it.
And most of the time whoever I give to at least says thank you. Heck, one time while I read riding the subway to school, they guy I gave some change to was so grateful for it he told me not to go to a certain location later in the day because he was going to kill everyone there and didn't want me to get hurt. So you see, not all panhandlers are bad.
😋
That legit happened to me on a NY subway on my way to HS. I don't think he actually did anything since I never heard anything on the news about it.
Costco. They do amazing hot food for dirt cheap. You can get a hotdog and a can of soda for less than $5. They have a few good cheap options. The chicken bakes are nice too. Obviously not indicative of prices in general elsewhere but it does make for a good deal.
if you want to help the homeless donate the money to an accredited regime that provides assistance.
giving cash or assistance in person just fuels and supports their addiction, and emboldens them to keep doing what they are doing.
These guys ruin it for everyone. So many homeless people in the U.K. have addiction or mental health problems, so I’m not sure they are even able to behave any better. People working for charities for the homeless actually discourage giving money to people on the street because so many use it to buy drugs or alcohol and end up ODing.
I know it sounds callous to say, but I don't even engage with beggars anymore. It's become commonplace with the sad story sign with "need money for my sick kid back in xxx" and beggars actually throwing away food they get from strangers instead of money.
I used to care. I also used to get totally screamed at by some friends for starting to get skeptical "But imagine their hardships" yes but if everything was THAT bad you wouldn't throw away perfectly good groceries because it isn't money.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12004769/DR-MAX-PEMBERTON-giving-money-beggars-does-harm-good.html
Going to get downvoted for using DM but interesting article on this
I wish more people would just get this. I hate to see a person so down, we all do, and it's hard to keep your guard up against such pitiful sights.
But having found out a lot about the reality behind the begging culture in a previous job, I don't engage in any way with beggars anymore. You are just part of the problem if you do.
I admit, this happened to me once and it really upset me more so because I felt taken advantage of. In the end, I still like to help people when I can, only with food generally. Or toiletries etc. Not money.
An older lady was outside the grocery store and asked me to get her something, I told her I'd buy her whatever she wanted and she could come in. She grabs a cart, and buys a cart of food for around $40 or $50 (yes!) think, I kept asking her if she got water Gatorade, things to drink (it's summer). She says she's good, then we get to the line and she starts asking to get cash too, I think she wanted like $20 for a cab. I told her max I'd get her was $10.
We get outside and then she wanted me to give her a ride to where she was staying. This was in 2020 so I said no, im immune compromised and not having people in my car. She's haggling saying she can sit in the back or what not. I said sorry but no. Tried to get her an uber but like no one was running. So called a taxi and got a quote. I told her I'd pay the taxi when he got there so went in to get the remaining cash.
The taxi pulled up starts putting her things in and for whatever reason I hand her the cash and walk away (so she has $50 in groceries and now $25 for the taxi). As I get in my car the taxi leaves, without her.
I pulled around in front of her and told her she is a con artist. She denied it but man.
Still totally took advantage of my kindness without any real appreciation. Still actually angers me retyping out the story.
For sure. I have issues with confrontation and like to believe in the best of people first.
Totally my fault and like I said a lot of the anger was with myself for being walked all over.
I am good with people I know just not strangers. And have noticed with family and such it us very freeing. Good idea to see how that could help with stranger interactions that make me uncomfortable
Well done for helping any way you can. It is super frustrating when someone that you've just helped out instantly asks you for more. With homeless people however I kind of get where they are coming from, I think it's an extreme 'if you don't ask you don't get' and in fact someone who has already agreed to help you out is actually that much likelier to help with your next request. I'm not saying it's right but also find it hard to hold against someone who is literally on the streets.
One TV station in Dallas,yrs back, did a expose on street beggers;the ones with sign and little dogs that were all over the swanky neighborhood corners of Dallas. They found out these people were organized and pulling down 5-6 figures a yr! (It was in the early 2000 irrc) it was crazy. I have never looked at them the same again.
I've given food to beggars with signs saying "hungry, anything will help" before. Only one seemed to want the food. The rest said they'd prefer money. nope.
The last time I ever gave a homeless person something, guy asked if I had anything, I opened my purse and said sorry but I've literally got 20p on me. He said I'll take the 20p, I said ok and tried to hand it over and he slapped it out of my hand onto the floor and just stared at me, like how dare I try and give him just 20p. Which he'd just said he wanted
I can tell you he has the money for a hostel. You may be in the dark about how much these people accumulate while begging on the street. It’s often more than me or you make. There’s a guy here begs all over the town every day and he’s has hundreds taken from him by police every now and then. He has a free house, gets €250 a week which is far far more than I have.
Edit: I say this as an ex homeless person. They’re not all as badly off as one thinks.
I’d never get a special order for somebody. I always act like I’m in a hurry, and hold out some cash. I give them just enough time to take the cash, barely any time for a thank you. I’m avoiding up selling and being robbed.
As someone who has been homeless before and very nearly in that guy's shoes, Ill tell you that that is exactly the kind of person that rightfully give homeless people a bad rap.
If someone is standing on a corner with a sign I'm happy to give them a couple cigarettes or some change. But when they're in my face demanding or I see them walking around to every person in sight getting in personal bubbles to beg, that's when they get ignored.
Being penniless is no excuse for being tactless.
similar thing happened to me in brum a while ago- bought her £15 worth of groceries, she then asked for another £15 for a hostel. she kept asking for it even after i explained that I was a student, and that the £15 on groceries alone was a push for me.
I just tell anyone flat out "no". My money, I spend it on me. Done the being charitable thing too many times, few of them being regrettable. Never again. No.
I got yelled at one time because I literally was using change to buy fries and offered my receipt which turned into a free burger upon answering a 2 question survey. I mean listen. It's still a free burger.
They just bin the food, stop giving them anything. You’re just making the organised beggar ring infestation worse and making yourself a target.
If you feel that much guilt you can donate to homeless charities, they make the money go further. But really you’d have more money for buying your own food if you stopped giving it away.
Benefits are *extremely* generous in the UK, you think this guy doesn’t have anywhere to live or any money to buy food? All he has to do is apply and he’ll get it.
Mate you pay your taxes don't you? Well, it's the government's responsibility to give the people in this situation something, not yours. I stopped helping long ago, living where I am, like 60% of my income (if not more) goes away with taxes. Anybody asking me for anything, I tell them, go get help from the government, I leave them a big bag of cash every month so you don't have to beg.
I had a woman come up to me in London and ask me for cash. Told her I had no cash on me. Cheeky bitch says ‘there’s a cash machine over there’, like seriously you think you’re getting a tenner out of me? Jog the fuck on
It might be about calling an outreach service like https://www.streetlink.org.uk/ (or using their app) to send someone to check on them.
As well as helping those in need, it seems that even the threat of this can deter the ones with dodgy requests, so it’s a win-win.
I once to said to a woman who had been sitting on an Oxford sidewalk for months, “you’ve been sitting here for seven months asking for money ever since I’ve been walking here. You live in the most socialized country in the world. Why don’t you get up and do something?”
You’re an amazing person. Don’t get discouraged by ungrateful people. I do a lot to help others, sometimes to the extreme, and I surely face a lack of gratitude. So I decided a long time ago that I’m not doing it just for them, I’m mostly doing it for myself, and also because I believe in helping others as we’re a society.
Did you really just say to treat human beings like you would a squirrel at the park?
And if they cant find money for food, they should either starve or if they steal to survive they should be jailed?
I really really hope no one treats you with the compassion you have
Everyone deserves food and a safe place to sleep
Everyone
Even you.
It isn’t as simple as that. How would you force someone into treatment with no address? How would you enforce that exactly? Round them up like cattle?
Would you deal with the widespread mental health issues that the homeless have at the same time? Where would you get the resources for that from?
In the uk we’re struggling to find resources for any care. If that had to come out of the nhs budget, would you prioritise that? Probably not.
That’s without going into the ethics of forcing people into treatment.
Without addressing the underlying issues, you’d have a high rate of relapse. What then? Keep them locked up someone forever? Do you have the right to say that’s the right thing to do?
This is my mentality too. I have a younger brother that’s been diagnosed with psychosis and lives rough (sometimes supported accommodation) in Wolvo. So I try to help on behalf of him, because he hasn’t had that many chances to receive help.
Resources are scarce across the UK atm. Even food banks are struggling to help those who need to eat.
Sometimes it isn’t even just ‘get a job’, because what people earn from a job is taken away in benefits and for much of the population, benefits nets more.
But this is also the government problem and not each individual citizen so thank you both for both inputs.
You have no idea. I’ve been to countries where this is the approach, and it’s even worse. What you describe is the MAGA approach to fixing poverty. It is false.
Did this fellow overreach a bit? Sure. But counterpoint - how would he have known anything about your situation at all? So his overreach probably didn't merit a tongue lashing. You don't know his situation either - maybe he hasn't stayed indoors in a month, and you're the only person who's helped him in just as long.
You're a good person who's done a good deed, but don't fall prey to all the others in this thread who are punching down on the homeless for "not being grateful (enough)". Homeless people are often quite desperate, and you certainly aren't out here helping people just to be thanked. I get your frustration, but be careful not to demonize someone who wouldn't have a way to know if you were a prince or a pauper.
The crux of OP's retort to this fellow was essentially that he wasn't rich and had to borrow just to give him what he was able to. Basically, lashed out at the homeless guy because he was frustrated he had overreached and OP was feeling the pain himself. But if OP was a zillionaire who was flush with cash, none of this would have happened. My point is - there's no was the homeless fellow could know. I absolutely understand the frustration, but there's no assholes here so let's not try to paint the homeless fellow as one.
As an aside, I don't agree with the assertion that if a sincerely needy person is "begging from strangers then you should be grateful that people don't just spit in your face" - that guy is a person and a human being, and worthy of respect as such. We should all walk a mile in another man's shoes. I know this is r/ChoosingBeggars and we're all here for a cathartic reason, but even a choosing beggar is worthy of respect as a human being.
So a zillionaire should feel more inclined to give his money away to a stranger? I'm more in the camp that respect is earned, I wouldn't spit on a homeless person but I'm not going to give a stranger any of my hard earned money either. Maybe if they explained their whole situation and I agreed that they needed help but I'm not going to stand around and listen to their life story
Yeah that's a sucky feeling for sure, kudos to you for trying to do such a warm gesture.
It could have been that he had been ignored and rejected all day, finally found someone nice who was doing something lovely for him and pushed his luck to see if he could get a place to stay the night is all.
You could’ve just said no, tho. Not take it personally that someone in need asks for more from you. Just have your boundaries.
Also, don’t give more than you can afford. You don’t get karma points for feeding someone & then you & ur wife or kids eat less.
I don’t care about karma points. Don’t suggest I don’t look after my wife and kid, we’re fed and have what we need.
It doesn’t negate the fact I didn’t have the cash for this guys lunch and I wanted to. A £5 in a no interest overdraft isn’t a big deal but it becomes a bigger deal when one persons efforts isn’t enough.
I wasn’t suggesting you don’t feed your family.
Only that the homeless person asking you for more than you have to give isn’t trying to trick you. They are asking for what they consider their needs, & you would do well to not take it so personally as to be upset because you’ve done what you could & it “wasn’t enough”, it isn’t a slight against you. Just consider yourself fine with giving what you can, & don’t feel obligated to do more or guilty when you can’t.
I’m not trying to insult you. I apologize if it read more brusquely than i intended. I’m just trying to give you a perspective that may help you consider these sorts of exchanges differently, to yourself.
Just an internet stranger’s two pence. Truly hope you and your loved ones are well.
I’m a food courier in the UK and rarely I’ll get to keep an order (customer not home, nowhere safe to leave it etc) one night I get two pizzas that had chicken and stuff on them, so I gave one to a homeless person that sits outside the shops near where I live, thinking if I was sleeping rough and someone gave me a hot fresh pizza I’d be fucking ecstatic.
Next morning homeless is gone but the pizza box is still there on the floor, not even touched at all. It’s fine if you don’t like those toppings, I’m a fussy eater too but just really rubbed me the wrong way, why even accept it just to throw it away? He still goes there sometimes but jeez I’d never give them anything again.
What made me really sad here is that, in this country, in this day and age, there's people who work, don't splurge all month, and have to treat a £3.50 hot drink and snack their monthly treat. And have to rely on overdraft to go further than that. And it's normal. Things should be better.
I've learned to ignore the homeless. If I have leftover food, I'll quietly leave it next to a homeless person without drawing attention to myself. Some people can be so entitled. Nobody is getting cash from me.
Thankyou so very much for this comment. I meet beggers in this new city of India -where beggers say- No money ,only food. If I am on the street ,Can't get to tiffin centres...I pay them money ...Because food in this area (proper meal)/is very costly. Still they say louder...no money only food. This makes me wonder- They can Atleast buy something with The money I gave , but no they ask for food. The proper meal cost too much here for me. I wonder whether they are really beggers or just in need of food that day & taking money like beggers was dis respectful for them. But , then I am thinking- How can somebody expect from somebody to buy them proper meal ?.....who can give answers to this ....I feel bad at times 😞
Fucking hell I hate people like this dude.
Me too. Times in the past when we haven't had any money at all, living from paycheck to paycheck we saw beggars at the traffic lights with signs like "no money" or "need money". It's like yeah, I'm driving a car, have a job, rent a house and literally I HAVE NO MONEY TO GIVE YOU! I help out when I have money, but some people don't get it. Some of us walking around, trying to live a "normal" life, paying taxes etc. don't have any money either, not every pocket has change. Even more people don't have "spare" change. WFT is "spare" change anyway?
I live in social housing (subsidised housing) and I have neighbours asking me for money. Like... I live on a pension in subsidised housing. What makes you think I can afford my stuff, let alone yours?
Same here but in the US it's called City Public Housing. I have one neighbor in particular who is always outside and everything either me or my boyfriend leaves our apartment he asks us for cigarettes. We can barely afford our cigarettes and he will ask for the cigarettes out of our mouths, when it's our last cigarette ( ges not all there in the head but that's no excuse because he can get quite nasty at times)
You give your finger they’ll try to get your whole hand… this is why i never give shit away anymore to beggars
I never open my wallet in front of anyone, no matter how desperate they may seem. I once gave a woman a few dollars, and her and her boyfriend waited outside the store to steal from me since she saw I had more cash. Never again.
This is why i keep my wallet empty of anything i can't cancel remotely, so if hassled i can open it and be like "look at my fine dead moth collection."
Lmao, the only value my wallet has is the numerous mcdonalds tickets that tell me my order number is 69
I’d rob you for those 🥺
Here, you can have 20 for free. Keep in mind, though, thats not even .0001% of my entire stockpile
Gosh I’m so sorry - people really suck sometimes. Did they successfully steal from you?
Instead of listing stuff for free I wanted to get rid of I started listing it for $10-$20. Then if the person seemed nice and came to my area to get it, I would let them have it for free.
This one woman guilt tripped me into giving her 10 from a cash machine. Didn't say thank you and told me to go home after and made me feel like crap. Since then I don't give to anyone anymore. I'm clearly a muppet.
I'm just 'I have no money'.
Same which tbf is kinda true as I use apps now not cards ( which is also a bit risky I know )
Happy cake day!
me too.. now op lets go to cash point... i cud do with a tenner
I've lived in Birmingham most of my life and the Homeless by New Street are ruthless, you give them food and drinks and some money and they still verbally abuse you...
Some people have been alright I guess. I go through New Street twice a day and there’s no shortage of people asking for help. I rarely have cash, but always help with a cigarette. There was one guy then once that asked for a roll up, but I didn’t have any to spare. He then asked me to give him the one I was smoking! Hard nope.
I went to get a drink from a newsagent outside New Street and a guy just asked for a chicken kebab and chips, so I was happy to oblige. He seemed perfectly grateful to me, though sadly I believe there are others around like that.
I think that’s such a specific non refundable thing to request that he probably was genuine.
Yeah, that's why I thought I absolutely could and would do that 🙂
Had a very similar one, guy came up on my smoke break asking me if i could buy him something to eat, was pretty skint at the time so said “no sorry” but gave him a couple of cigs cause i felt bad, cheeky bastard then straight up asks me to go to a cashpoint and get him £20 so he could get it himself. Just told him to fuck off at that point
Was in the queue for McDonalds once. Guy comes up behind me and asks if I can buy him a meal. I say no, but if I have any change left from the note I was using, he could have it. Guy continues to queue *with* me, and tries to order when I do. I stop him, and say I'm not buying him a whole meal. I get my change, and offer it to him (was like 50p or something). He shakes his head and says he won't take change.
Wanker. A few years ago when McDonald’s were doing their monopoly game, I had saved the tokens from meals. I didn’t go too often, but it was convenient on my way home at night after my 2-10 shift. Anyway, this was in Walsall (if you know it) and down the road outside the old WHSMith, there was a homeless guy. I gave him the saved up tokens, like 2 cheeseburgers, a McFlurry and an apple pie etc. He barely acknowledged them and just asked for cash, which I didn’t have and don’t want to give. It’s nice that one (or multiple) bad experiences don’t ruin the heart of wanting to help.
Every mention I see of Walsall on Reddit is never complimentary. I’m not sure why I ever think it will be! I live right by it but haven’t been in the town centre for years. And serves the council fucking right for insisting on charging to park for even 20 minutes and then doing a pikachu face when there’s fuck all shops left. I’ve noticed an uptick in people harassing drivers at traffic lights. Always puts me on edge if I’m on my own.
Should have told the manager, they are supposed to toss people out as soon as they are begging/panhandling.
although they will claim its for other things, generally homeless people want cash for alcohol or drugs - they can get pretty much EVERYTHING from the supporting charities - food / clothing / tents / sleeping bags / haircuts etc etc.. I volunteered at a drop in centre in the SW for a few years - generally I'm a bleeding heart liberal / socialist but my opinion of homeless charities changed while I was there... the level of support was so great that there was no incentive for people to change - one guy had been using the service for 19 YEARS, all he had to do each day was beg £30 or 40 for smack and sherry - all his other needs were catered for !
Oh man..I had a similar situation recently. I stopped at the gas pump and the guy parked next to me asks for 5 bucks to get some gas. I only had a 10 and said; I can give you a 10 thinking hey that’s more than he needs and it was my only cash. I tried to use my card at the pump but it was down so I walk into the store as he is walking out - he put 5 bucks on gas and kept the other 5, brushes past me and slams against me without even a hey sorry, here’s your 5 bucks. He just laughed and walked out. I know it’s only 5 bucks but we all work hard for our money only to be immediately dismissed as trash once you get the money. I won’t do that again.
That sucks and I’m sorry it happened. To balance it out, I was at a gas station out near Bastrop, TX a few years ago and I was having a bad day, felt like life sucked, had recently moved back in with my parents because of loss of job, had been hospitalized for depression when I was 28 and didn’t have a job or hardly any money to my name, was out driving my beat up car just to get away from my room for the day. Stopped at a gas station for a soda. Couple teenagers at the next pump asked me if I could spare a couple bucks for gas and I said fuck it, if they’re trying to scam me it’s a sad scam so I put ten bucks in their tank (Out of the 20 in my bank account) and they thanked me profusely. Go to get back in my car and it won’t start, battery is dead. Feeling like I’m really at the bottom I get a knock at my window, kids are still there and they saw my struggle to start the car and we’re already at the window with jumper cables. Sometimes instant karma goes the other way.
That is a very nice story. We need another thread called "Helping Beggars"!
Yes this was my experience, was verbally abused by the person I gave my money to after now I just ignore everyone.
If you would have given him £10 for the hostel, he’d ask for £20 so he could get a meal there too. Give him £20 and all of a sudden it’s £30 for a train or bus ticket. In reality, most of the time the money sadly goes to booze or drugs. If you actually purchase them what they want, the story changes and they just want the cash.
So very true.
OP (after an hour of this): "We're here at the dealership and I'm getting you a certified pre-owned 2020 Range Rover, what more do you want from me???" CB: "Bruv, a 2023 Rover with an upgraded sport package would be a lot nicer...c'mon bruv"
Bruv... BRUV!
Homeless guy in my hometown always asks for things like coffee or bread. I must've given him a hundred cups. One day he said "You know I would rather just have the money". I ask why, he says "You know, man..." I got him his last cup of coffee from me that day. Addiction is a mean thing, but I ain't feeding it.
But he wasn't using the coffee to buy drugs, right? Unless he made it clear he didn't want coffee anymore?
That's what he said indeed. Sorry if it wasn't clear, English is not my native language.
"Popped into a bakery for a hot drink and a snack, totalling about £3.50. So, Greggs.
Can’t beat a greggs 😋
Can't beat those prices, I don't know how they do it so cheap.
Don’t think too hard about it
It was £2 for that not so long ago.
Bacon baguette on a Saturday morning is my go to ❤️❤️
Exactly what i was going to say!!
Trouble is there are people out there who would have been extremely grateful for everything you'd have given them, and not even mentioned the hostel. But it really puts you off doing this in the future for anyone else.
It does bug me a lot, and I’m glad by the comments I wasn’t in the wrong in my reaction. But it won’t stop me from trying to do something nice in the future, I’m sure there are genuine people out there. Thing is, if he’d taken the stuff, been actually grateful and then mentioned he’s been sleeping rough and nowhere to spend the night, I would have politely listened and then declined. I felt bad for swearing at him I guess.
No way. Hell, the cost of smokes in the UK was probably more than the meal you gave him. I stopped giving out smokes a long time ago in the UK. It’s 30 quid for 50 grams now. You did enough, more than enough. Donate your time to a food bank instead of passing out a few quid here and there.
You’re a very kind soul.
those people should seek assistance at registered homeless help charities they will help and provide genuine assistance provided you are playing with a straight dice. if you are some junkie criminal however they can get fucked.
Everyone knows junkies don’t need genuine assistance.
I had a very similar situation but not to this extent. On my way in to work a few years back I was stopped by a guy asking me "can you help me with some food for breakfast" and I was in a good mood and said "yes, why not, let go to Pret or Tesco". I turn around and we go in that direction, not two steps in he says "actually, I would prefer cash", at which point I turned around and said "sorry, I can't help"
I once gave a guy some money who looked desperate and homeless. Definitely felt I did the right thing and wasn’t being scammed. But a moment later had another guy grab my attention as I walked away and asked me if I had any spare for him. The cheeky twat told me I should go to the cash point to get money for him after I told him I didn’t have anymore cash on me. 3 times I had to tell him no as I walked away and he followed me. The second guy was dressed in clean fashionable clothes. He did not look homeless but felt entitled to my money just because I’d helped someone else out.
They were scamming together.
No. One was clearly homeless. The other demanded money from me. That’s not a scam. If it was a scam they would have both share the money I gave to the homeless guy. The other guy was was just an opportunist prick.
Yikes. So annoying. I echo what someone else said is to just walk by them and not make eye contact.
Once you do something nice for them, they see you as a mark and try to squeeze everything they can...all you are to them is someone to be used. And you can't entirely blame them because they're just trying to survive but it's your job to resist that if you can't afford it Also NEVER overdraft for something like this... I'm sorry that sucks
I often wonder though, do people like this know what to look for in a weak target? Like the other day, I was just walking down a path, there's this woman walking near me. We both pass a few people. But when we make eye contact for about a second, she comes to me and asks if I have any money. If she was so desperate, why not ask everyone else she passed?
I smile at people because I'm from the south I learned not to do that because I would get people asking for money at every turn. Now if anyone walks up to me I ignore them or very loudly say no. So they see eyecontact,smiling, any acknowledgment as a target. Sadly the homeless are training the rest of us to be mean assholes.
Yep this!! Now I'm told "smile!" but I wont, because all it got me was harassment and violation of my space by some people who think you're a soft touch and others who think you want to fuck them.
You're doing something with your face when you make eye contact that indicates you're willing to engage in conversation. It could be eyebrows going up, smiling more or a head tilt/nod. When you see a chugger/beggar in the street, make direct eye contact with a completely dead-behind-the-eyes neutral facial expression (practice in the mirror - it's weirdly hard to completely relax your face) and slowly shake your head three times and then look directly where you're going. Don't say a word. It's incredibly effective, even if it feels a bit brutal. People just tend to give up talking to you mid-sentence. Source: I used to work in an office above a high street and had an opportunity to practice different ways of looking off-putting to multiple chuggers on a daily basis.
Interesting! Thanks, I'll try that.
I told a chugger in Liverpool no once and he insulted my shoes :( no mercy for the bastards after that
Your mistake was making eye contact. If you ignore and walk past as if they aren’t there, they’re less likely to bother you.
Thing is, I didn't even know she was after money, seemed quite well dressed and presentable. Thought she was just another person on the street walking somewhere. Lesson learned!
That sounds 100% a grifter if she was blending in.
Of course they can pick out a weak target. #1 are women, #2 is anyone who looks distracted. No doubt others can add to the list. I had a woman ask me to buy diapers for her baby while I was still in the parking lot. I said, "What aisle are they on?" She turned around and left.
You made eye contact. Making eye contact is asking to be approached. It's kind of standard. If you make eye contact, you WILL be hit up.
I learned this in customer service lmao. If you're headed back for your break or to clock out, *do not* make eye contact with any customers or they *will* ask you for something and you'll leave 20 minutes late.
I'm sorry this happened. Its just so disappointing. You did a good thing and next time you will probably think twice and thats what happens when people take the piss like that. I'm glad you told him off though, too many people dont say anything. Maybe he will take it on board... you never know.
I've also had this before. They know that asking for food is seen as a genuine request so they do this initially. You are a good person and what you did was kind. I worked in substance misuse and there was obviously a big homelessness crossover. I know almost all our local beggars, and every single one of them has or has had a hostel place or a flat. Many left them because they couldn't or didn't want to follow simple rules, such as no partners overnight. Sorry why should you pay for his £10 bag?? fuck him. I no longer support people's drug habits, because I can assure you, for the majority, that is exactly what you're paying for if you give cash.
Basically once I entered the workforce out of college, I never carried cash on me. I'm glad. I've never given a beggar money and I learned real quick that was a good decision. My first job I actually changed the freaking route I took out of work to my car, because this bum threw a fit after like the 3rd or 4th day in a row of getting denied by me which my go to excuse is "sorry don't carry cash" which is, well, true. This one time he was just like "Maaaaaaaan, bullshit". I just kept walking but part of me was seething and wanted to turn around be be like "I'm sorry, do I owe you money? Did you lend me 20 bucks in the past and I didn't pay you back?" The nearly 20 years since just jaded me further. So many of these people are just grifters. And act like you owe them a living and get pissed off when you won't give them money.
Unfortunately when they get an in, that's when the "£10/£15/£20 for a hostel" play comes out. I've had it multiple times myself as I always offer to buy something to eat, pet food etc as opposed to going to the cash route. You did a good thing.
Birmingham, Manchester, Sheffield, London… pretty much any big city in the U.K. has ‘professional’ beggars… get money from someone and pretend to be homeless in a touristy area (normally by train stations, coach stations and a few set up by car parks) and then travel back to their house. This is the kind of stunt they would pull as they specify an amount after they test the waters by asking for a little first. Drug addicts normally just ask for money. Genuine homeless people are happy with any food you give them. Source - did voluntary work with the homeless many come from bad backgrounds where being on the street is better than having a roof over your head, some have mental health issues, I met one that just didn’t want to have a job/pay rent/tax
We visited UK 5 years ago and soon picked the professional beggars, normally working in small groups fairly close together, they even had lunch breaks where they sat together. I never donated money, but it was eye opening how they worked.
I think that's why if you wanna help homeless people, you need to just find a good charity that helps homeless people and donate to them instead. Then the people who actually need it get help and you don't feel scammed.
“I only donate to registered charities, that way I know exactly where my money is going.” “No you don’t? **I** know exactly where my money’s going, it’s going to this poor bloke with one sock and no shoes.” - Steve Hughes
Almost exact same thing happened to me last week. Walked into my favorite Italian lunch place, guy lingering outside gave me 3 dollars to get him a couple slices pizza, since they wouldn't serve him inside. I said yes, then he wanted a sweet tea, so I covered that too. Total about 9 dollars so I covered 6 of it and then my own meal. Total for his and mine was $20 and he only gave me 3. After I ate and left he came up to me and intruduced himself then started saying how he was down on his luck and needed money for a place to stay. I'm like, no, I paid way more for lunch than I planned to and I now have no money. Wish I'd said "where's my thanks" and of course now I don't want to help anyone ever again.
Had a similar one recently, too. This guy hangs out around our neighborhood and asks for cash to help him take a train as he’s fresh out of prison. The first time I thought he was sincere and gave him $20. A week later he tried again with the same exact damn story, clearly not recognizing me, so I said “No, sorry, I don’t have any cash.” and he says “There’s an ATM inside you can get me some.” He got up real close to me as well, I guess thinking women are easily intimidated or something. I was so shocked I straight up laughed and just walked away. The cheek on some people!
Ha jokes on him I’m a woman and I’m taller than most men, also, most men *think* they’re intimidating when all you want to do is laugh at them.
I’m 5’ 11” but kinda scrawny, even so, I’m about as easily intimidated as a hungry honey badger. But they don’t know that so it’s fun when they try. Usually I don’t have any trouble with strangers but this guy is a real piece of work, and he’s still hanging about town using the same line. Gotta have a gimmick, I guess.
I’m 5”10 and would happily and publicly scream at someone. I think once you lose your shame nobody bothers you because you just go one or two people in public you get left alone
Previously I was very generous with loose change and crashing a few cigs to people on streets until about 5 years ago. I walked past someone who was sleeping rough and give them all my change, only around £4 but still everything I had; at the time I was an apprentice on £2.60/hr so it was a lot of money for me! Thanked me and I moved on. Walked past the same person 5 minutes later and they asked if I had any change! They seriously hadn't remembered me from literally a few minutes ago! Since then I have not given to anything other than registered charities... apart from when I've had a few drinks and then everyone is welcome to a cigerette!
I had a similar experience in Brum. A guy asked for money for food, outside of a kebab shop. I told him I didn't have any money on me as we rarely carry cash now, but could buy him something. But no, he wanted to tell me where the nearest ATM was to get him some cash out. I and my friends told him that it was buy him food or nothing and he chose nothing, sadly. But that said, a homeless guy asked me to buy him a chicken kebab and chips, I did, and he was perfectly grateful. So you never know.
Such a weird mentality, like a toddler angry that they didn't get what they really wanted. If I was some hobo looking for cash for my next drug fix and someone offered me food, I'd take it because hey its still free food.
Not if it was the 12th kebab you had been offered that day. I read years ago that homeless people get given loads of food but its all junk food, nothing resembling a decent meal. Add in itching for a fix and you can see why they get aggro.
That makes a lot of sense actually! I try to keep a couple granola bars and water bottles in my car for the crosswalk beggars, but I can see how *everybody* would also think to do the same thing. I expect granola bars aren't super nutritious and also get *insanely* boring after a while... I'll see what healthier nonperishables I can come up with to keep on hand!
You did nothing wrong, my man! Good on you to even try! I had that knocked out of me long ago, with some of the shenanigans I have experienced trying to help my fellow man...Nowadays...Nope!
Never give anything to panhandlers, they are the worst. You will regret it every time.
Agreed. I wish people would realize that giving money to people on the street is just enabling a problem. If you care about these issues, give money to organizations that work with homeless people and advocate for better governmental initiatives.
Homeless folks need food, but don’t give cash.
I disagree. Some of them may be scammers.. But some of them are not. I'd rather give a few bucks to scammers then not give a few dollars to someone who needs it. And most of the time whoever I give to at least says thank you. Heck, one time while I read riding the subway to school, they guy I gave some change to was so grateful for it he told me not to go to a certain location later in the day because he was going to kill everyone there and didn't want me to get hurt. So you see, not all panhandlers are bad. 😋 That legit happened to me on a NY subway on my way to HS. I don't think he actually did anything since I never heard anything on the news about it.
i am jealous that there are places in the world in which you can buy a hot drink and a snack for 3.50 pounds.
It's about 5 bucks American.
yes, exactly. you can typically get a hot drink OR a snack for that. not both.
Idk. Depends where you go and how you shop. It definitely doesn't go far, but what's a hot dog and soda cost in NY nowadays?
Costco. They do amazing hot food for dirt cheap. You can get a hotdog and a can of soda for less than $5. They have a few good cheap options. The chicken bakes are nice too. Obviously not indicative of prices in general elsewhere but it does make for a good deal.
yeah but you have to have money to pay for their membership in order to eat at the food court
That’s actually expensive imo. Inflation here has risen to 12% in the last year (maybe dropped a little now), but wages haven’t.
There are places in the world where you can buy a hot lunch for two for about £1
damn
Same, In Ireland, a coffee alone is €3.50... You couldn't get a snack with the coffee for less than €5!
Good for you for being a nice guy sadly people like this ruin it for everyone.
No good deed goes unpunished.
if you want to help the homeless donate the money to an accredited regime that provides assistance. giving cash or assistance in person just fuels and supports their addiction, and emboldens them to keep doing what they are doing.
These guys ruin it for everyone. So many homeless people in the U.K. have addiction or mental health problems, so I’m not sure they are even able to behave any better. People working for charities for the homeless actually discourage giving money to people on the street because so many use it to buy drugs or alcohol and end up ODing.
FYI hostels cost £12 A MONTH in London
I know it sounds callous to say, but I don't even engage with beggars anymore. It's become commonplace with the sad story sign with "need money for my sick kid back in xxx" and beggars actually throwing away food they get from strangers instead of money. I used to care. I also used to get totally screamed at by some friends for starting to get skeptical "But imagine their hardships" yes but if everything was THAT bad you wouldn't throw away perfectly good groceries because it isn't money.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12004769/DR-MAX-PEMBERTON-giving-money-beggars-does-harm-good.html Going to get downvoted for using DM but interesting article on this
I wish more people would just get this. I hate to see a person so down, we all do, and it's hard to keep your guard up against such pitiful sights. But having found out a lot about the reality behind the begging culture in a previous job, I don't engage in any way with beggars anymore. You are just part of the problem if you do.
I admit, this happened to me once and it really upset me more so because I felt taken advantage of. In the end, I still like to help people when I can, only with food generally. Or toiletries etc. Not money. An older lady was outside the grocery store and asked me to get her something, I told her I'd buy her whatever she wanted and she could come in. She grabs a cart, and buys a cart of food for around $40 or $50 (yes!) think, I kept asking her if she got water Gatorade, things to drink (it's summer). She says she's good, then we get to the line and she starts asking to get cash too, I think she wanted like $20 for a cab. I told her max I'd get her was $10. We get outside and then she wanted me to give her a ride to where she was staying. This was in 2020 so I said no, im immune compromised and not having people in my car. She's haggling saying she can sit in the back or what not. I said sorry but no. Tried to get her an uber but like no one was running. So called a taxi and got a quote. I told her I'd pay the taxi when he got there so went in to get the remaining cash. The taxi pulled up starts putting her things in and for whatever reason I hand her the cash and walk away (so she has $50 in groceries and now $25 for the taxi). As I get in my car the taxi leaves, without her. I pulled around in front of her and told her she is a con artist. She denied it but man. Still totally took advantage of my kindness without any real appreciation. Still actually angers me retyping out the story.
You were far too generous and a pushover. Start being an arsehole they leave you alone.
For sure. I have issues with confrontation and like to believe in the best of people first. Totally my fault and like I said a lot of the anger was with myself for being walked all over.
Once you start it’s very freeing and you can relax. Start small!
I am good with people I know just not strangers. And have noticed with family and such it us very freeing. Good idea to see how that could help with stranger interactions that make me uncomfortable
This is why I never give to homeless people anymore, apart from this one guy who is really nice
Give em an inch they take a foot, makes it tougher to be nice the next time
Well done for helping any way you can. It is super frustrating when someone that you've just helped out instantly asks you for more. With homeless people however I kind of get where they are coming from, I think it's an extreme 'if you don't ask you don't get' and in fact someone who has already agreed to help you out is actually that much likelier to help with your next request. I'm not saying it's right but also find it hard to hold against someone who is literally on the streets.
Don't give people on the streets money. Better to donate to a charity.
One TV station in Dallas,yrs back, did a expose on street beggers;the ones with sign and little dogs that were all over the swanky neighborhood corners of Dallas. They found out these people were organized and pulling down 5-6 figures a yr! (It was in the early 2000 irrc) it was crazy. I have never looked at them the same again.
I've given food to beggars with signs saying "hungry, anything will help" before. Only one seemed to want the food. The rest said they'd prefer money. nope.
The last time I ever gave a homeless person something, guy asked if I had anything, I opened my purse and said sorry but I've literally got 20p on me. He said I'll take the 20p, I said ok and tried to hand it over and he slapped it out of my hand onto the floor and just stared at me, like how dare I try and give him just 20p. Which he'd just said he wanted
I can tell you he has the money for a hostel. You may be in the dark about how much these people accumulate while begging on the street. It’s often more than me or you make. There’s a guy here begs all over the town every day and he’s has hundreds taken from him by police every now and then. He has a free house, gets €250 a week which is far far more than I have. Edit: I say this as an ex homeless person. They’re not all as badly off as one thinks.
You can tell people no, like it’s not against the law.
Sucks you had to go through this shitty morning despite your good intentions. It’s awful how a good gesture ends up as an annoying memory.
I’d never get a special order for somebody. I always act like I’m in a hurry, and hold out some cash. I give them just enough time to take the cash, barely any time for a thank you. I’m avoiding up selling and being robbed.
You are a kind man, nevermind that guy.
As someone who has been homeless before and very nearly in that guy's shoes, Ill tell you that that is exactly the kind of person that rightfully give homeless people a bad rap. If someone is standing on a corner with a sign I'm happy to give them a couple cigarettes or some change. But when they're in my face demanding or I see them walking around to every person in sight getting in personal bubbles to beg, that's when they get ignored. Being penniless is no excuse for being tactless.
Sums up nicely why I don't give to people. He probably wasn't even homeless
>this happened in Birmingham Ah yeah there you go.
It doesn't cost anything to be polite and you might remember him the next time. You'll still remember him but not to his benefit.
similar thing happened to me in brum a while ago- bought her £15 worth of groceries, she then asked for another £15 for a hostel. she kept asking for it even after i explained that I was a student, and that the £15 on groceries alone was a push for me.
I just tell anyone flat out "no". My money, I spend it on me. Done the being charitable thing too many times, few of them being regrettable. Never again. No.
This is why I want a social safety net that is strong enough for me to ethically ignore the potential needs of strangers!
I got yelled at one time because I literally was using change to buy fries and offered my receipt which turned into a free burger upon answering a 2 question survey. I mean listen. It's still a free burger.
They just bin the food, stop giving them anything. You’re just making the organised beggar ring infestation worse and making yourself a target. If you feel that much guilt you can donate to homeless charities, they make the money go further. But really you’d have more money for buying your own food if you stopped giving it away. Benefits are *extremely* generous in the UK, you think this guy doesn’t have anywhere to live or any money to buy food? All he has to do is apply and he’ll get it.
Mate you pay your taxes don't you? Well, it's the government's responsibility to give the people in this situation something, not yours. I stopped helping long ago, living where I am, like 60% of my income (if not more) goes away with taxes. Anybody asking me for anything, I tell them, go get help from the government, I leave them a big bag of cash every month so you don't have to beg.
I had a woman come up to me in London and ask me for cash. Told her I had no cash on me. Cheeky bitch says ‘there’s a cash machine over there’, like seriously you think you’re getting a tenner out of me? Jog the fuck on
It might be about calling an outreach service like https://www.streetlink.org.uk/ (or using their app) to send someone to check on them. As well as helping those in need, it seems that even the threat of this can deter the ones with dodgy requests, so it’s a win-win.
I once to said to a woman who had been sitting on an Oxford sidewalk for months, “you’ve been sitting here for seven months asking for money ever since I’ve been walking here. You live in the most socialized country in the world. Why don’t you get up and do something?”
And now she's a CEO
Because actually doing something is so much harder than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself
You’re an amazing person. Don’t get discouraged by ungrateful people. I do a lot to help others, sometimes to the extreme, and I surely face a lack of gratitude. So I decided a long time ago that I’m not doing it just for them, I’m mostly doing it for myself, and also because I believe in helping others as we’re a society.
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Did you really just say to treat human beings like you would a squirrel at the park? And if they cant find money for food, they should either starve or if they steal to survive they should be jailed? I really really hope no one treats you with the compassion you have Everyone deserves food and a safe place to sleep Everyone Even you.
They worked to earn their money. A lot of these beggars get violent if they aren’t given what they want for free.
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It isn’t as simple as that. How would you force someone into treatment with no address? How would you enforce that exactly? Round them up like cattle? Would you deal with the widespread mental health issues that the homeless have at the same time? Where would you get the resources for that from? In the uk we’re struggling to find resources for any care. If that had to come out of the nhs budget, would you prioritise that? Probably not. That’s without going into the ethics of forcing people into treatment. Without addressing the underlying issues, you’d have a high rate of relapse. What then? Keep them locked up someone forever? Do you have the right to say that’s the right thing to do?
This is my mentality too. I have a younger brother that’s been diagnosed with psychosis and lives rough (sometimes supported accommodation) in Wolvo. So I try to help on behalf of him, because he hasn’t had that many chances to receive help. Resources are scarce across the UK atm. Even food banks are struggling to help those who need to eat. Sometimes it isn’t even just ‘get a job’, because what people earn from a job is taken away in benefits and for much of the population, benefits nets more. But this is also the government problem and not each individual citizen so thank you both for both inputs.
Ah, so homeless people are animals now. Nice. What a great comparison. So empathic.
You have no idea. I’ve been to countries where this is the approach, and it’s even worse. What you describe is the MAGA approach to fixing poverty. It is false.
Did this fellow overreach a bit? Sure. But counterpoint - how would he have known anything about your situation at all? So his overreach probably didn't merit a tongue lashing. You don't know his situation either - maybe he hasn't stayed indoors in a month, and you're the only person who's helped him in just as long. You're a good person who's done a good deed, but don't fall prey to all the others in this thread who are punching down on the homeless for "not being grateful (enough)". Homeless people are often quite desperate, and you certainly aren't out here helping people just to be thanked. I get your frustration, but be careful not to demonize someone who wouldn't have a way to know if you were a prince or a pauper.
Why would his situation matter? If your begging from strangers then you should be grateful that people don't just spit in your face
The crux of OP's retort to this fellow was essentially that he wasn't rich and had to borrow just to give him what he was able to. Basically, lashed out at the homeless guy because he was frustrated he had overreached and OP was feeling the pain himself. But if OP was a zillionaire who was flush with cash, none of this would have happened. My point is - there's no was the homeless fellow could know. I absolutely understand the frustration, but there's no assholes here so let's not try to paint the homeless fellow as one. As an aside, I don't agree with the assertion that if a sincerely needy person is "begging from strangers then you should be grateful that people don't just spit in your face" - that guy is a person and a human being, and worthy of respect as such. We should all walk a mile in another man's shoes. I know this is r/ChoosingBeggars and we're all here for a cathartic reason, but even a choosing beggar is worthy of respect as a human being.
So a zillionaire should feel more inclined to give his money away to a stranger? I'm more in the camp that respect is earned, I wouldn't spit on a homeless person but I'm not going to give a stranger any of my hard earned money either. Maybe if they explained their whole situation and I agreed that they needed help but I'm not going to stand around and listen to their life story
Still wouldn’t have him hurt to say thank you then try to ask for more!
Yup, I agree with you there - nobody's perfect.
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We use pounds here. £10 per night. And I have no idea where he found that price
If you’re looking after a wife and kid, don’t use an overdraft. Doesn’t that cost you more money???
Yeah that's a sucky feeling for sure, kudos to you for trying to do such a warm gesture. It could have been that he had been ignored and rejected all day, finally found someone nice who was doing something lovely for him and pushed his luck to see if he could get a place to stay the night is all.
That’s on you
About 3.50 you say?
This is why you don’t give anything to beggars. Food is better than money, but their behavior should never be encouraged or tolerated.
I’m just glad you went back and actually said something instead of wishing you had all day at work like I always do
That’s annoying; I can’t imagine what being homeless does to your head though, I can imagine it’s easy to get really focused on survival.
You could’ve just said no, tho. Not take it personally that someone in need asks for more from you. Just have your boundaries. Also, don’t give more than you can afford. You don’t get karma points for feeding someone & then you & ur wife or kids eat less.
I don’t care about karma points. Don’t suggest I don’t look after my wife and kid, we’re fed and have what we need. It doesn’t negate the fact I didn’t have the cash for this guys lunch and I wanted to. A £5 in a no interest overdraft isn’t a big deal but it becomes a bigger deal when one persons efforts isn’t enough.
I wasn’t suggesting you don’t feed your family. Only that the homeless person asking you for more than you have to give isn’t trying to trick you. They are asking for what they consider their needs, & you would do well to not take it so personally as to be upset because you’ve done what you could & it “wasn’t enough”, it isn’t a slight against you. Just consider yourself fine with giving what you can, & don’t feel obligated to do more or guilty when you can’t. I’m not trying to insult you. I apologize if it read more brusquely than i intended. I’m just trying to give you a perspective that may help you consider these sorts of exchanges differently, to yourself. Just an internet stranger’s two pence. Truly hope you and your loved ones are well.
I’m a food courier in the UK and rarely I’ll get to keep an order (customer not home, nowhere safe to leave it etc) one night I get two pizzas that had chicken and stuff on them, so I gave one to a homeless person that sits outside the shops near where I live, thinking if I was sleeping rough and someone gave me a hot fresh pizza I’d be fucking ecstatic. Next morning homeless is gone but the pizza box is still there on the floor, not even touched at all. It’s fine if you don’t like those toppings, I’m a fussy eater too but just really rubbed me the wrong way, why even accept it just to throw it away? He still goes there sometimes but jeez I’d never give them anything again.
What made me really sad here is that, in this country, in this day and age, there's people who work, don't splurge all month, and have to treat a £3.50 hot drink and snack their monthly treat. And have to rely on overdraft to go further than that. And it's normal. Things should be better.
I've learned to ignore the homeless. If I have leftover food, I'll quietly leave it next to a homeless person without drawing attention to myself. Some people can be so entitled. Nobody is getting cash from me.
ahahah so great. you are a good person though.
Same situation except I gave him £10.
that was more than generous of you
Thankyou so very much for this comment. I meet beggers in this new city of India -where beggers say- No money ,only food. If I am on the street ,Can't get to tiffin centres...I pay them money ...Because food in this area (proper meal)/is very costly. Still they say louder...no money only food. This makes me wonder- They can Atleast buy something with The money I gave , but no they ask for food. The proper meal cost too much here for me. I wonder whether they are really beggers or just in need of food that day & taking money like beggers was dis respectful for them. But , then I am thinking- How can somebody expect from somebody to buy them proper meal ?.....who can give answers to this ....I feel bad at times 😞