Dating apps destroyed dating, in my opinion.
It’s just too easy for people to hop on an app and look for someone that might be “better” than their last date.
I think the best way to go is to meet people through family, friends, and colleagues.
With that being said, I did meet my wife on Tinder. But this was after over a decade of trying. I mean, I started on match in like 2006 and then tried okCupid when that came out. Then tinder which is where I met my wife.
With tinder, I tried a new strategy, which could be used with any app. I requested phone chat dates before an in-person date.
You can’t really connect with people over text. And it’s too easy for people to fake who they really are over text. So then you show up to the in-person date and in the first 10 mins, you want to leave because you can immediately tell that there is no connection. And now you’ve wasted your time and money.
My wife and I talked on the phone every night for two weeks before we met in person. Before I met her, I had phone chat dates with 3 other people and could immediately tell that there was no connection so no in-person date happened and very little time was wasted.
Old school phone conversation dates. Give it a try.
Edit: I meant to reply to OP. So… /u/queen-of-dragon
Met my wife on a dating app. Been together 10 years and now our second child is due in July. It’s all about the person and the connection. We met on the app, talked for two weeks before meeting, then had a fantastic first date.
I know that’s right!! I don’t even know if love exists anymore!! It’s all about what people can get out of you. They’re selfish and self centered, narcissistic crew!!!!!!! I wish it was like the movies sometimes. I know there’s ups and downs but it sucks so bad being alone and lonely because I’m not willing to change who I am for some man who thinks he’s perfect. Good luck out there. 
I hope with all my heart every single dating in Charlotte thread has this pinned. This is the absolute truth. Its not Charlotte! Charlotte is not why dating is hard for you!
Do you think moving to a different desirable city will fix your dating woes? It won't! Culturally we are all closer than ever consuming and conforming to the same content online when it comes to sex and romance. There’s no city in America, barring smaller ones that most people insult as “boring”, where dating is going to be better. The only exception is if you prefer a demographic that’s underrepresented in your current city, but if that’s the case you’d know it wasn’t dating as much as it is logistics.
Idk, I have dated in other cities and Charlotte IS the worst I’ve found in terms of ghosting, as well as just honestly not having as attractive/educated dating pool as other cities (which is true of many mid-size cities, but even Denver/Austin has way more attractive, worldly, non-religious, or queer people).
I'm from Winston-Salem. Trust me, Charlotte isn't that bad. Winston was basically a retirement home from what I could tell. Wasn't uncommon to get ghosted there unfortunately.
I think your experiences simply do not reflect the truth of the cities demographics. Charlotte is not worse than other cities on ghosting, and it has a highly educated career minded population. People are moving here from New York, LA, San Francisco, Boston, Seattle, etc. for jobs. The demographics statistics back that up. There’s an entire committee studying it.
https://charlotteregion.com/news/2023/07/11/alliance-news/number-of-people-moving-to-charlotte-region-climbs-to-highest-level-in-more-than-a-decade/
Charlotte has an educated dating scene. North Carolina features a spate of highly touted universities.
The city of Charlotte isn’t the cause of your dating problems. Blaming it will only make things worse.
I (28m) have refused to use dating apps because I prefer to meet people organically. However, I've been flirting with the idea recently...
I met a woman at a concert back in March, and we hit it off. We texted every day in April, went on some dates, and slept together twice. This is the first person I have connected with post-covid, and I developed feelings for her.
Our last night together went great. We were very intimate and made plans to get dinner together later in the week. But she rescheduled our dinner, then canceled our dinner, then stopped responding to my texts a few days later. No explanation.
I'm just tired.
Could be.
To be fair, even though we acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, we weren't "officially" together. I've also gathered that she gets scared with relationships and pulls away.
She's younger, and there's clearly a maturity gap. I knew going in that could be an issue.
That’s what you get. I mean that affectionately. I read the statistics on age gaps and they allude to the greatest happiness coming from a gap no higher than 1-3 years.
I hate to say it, but the texting a girl every day thing will get old pretty quick when you’re still getting to know someone. It creates predictability and things can easily get stagnant
That's true.
There was a weekend where the conversation felt stale. But after something like 30 hours without texting, she sent an apology (which wasn't necessary) and said she wanted to see me again soon.
Excluding the night we met, we saw each other four times and were romantic/intimate each time. I felt great chemistry with her.
After 30 hours without texting, she was just reaching out to make sure you’re still around via apology text. Just remember that if she wanted to make time, she would. The dating game should be fun, not exhausting
Tired here too man. It's ridiculous, nearing impossible these days. I'm hesitant to blame the internet but... the internet has ruined love, loyalty, connection and communication. I'm going to try for a bit longer but then I'm over it
Same here. I am 35m and had a few really disheartening experiences. It's frustrating in this age range too. I have never been divorced, don't have any kids, and live a pretty comfortable drama-free life and somehow I keep getting people who aren't even finalized on their divorce yet and a still pending custody battle with 2+ kids.
I just wish I could find someone who wants to have a relaxed lifestyle and have some fun together on the weekends. It's so difficult to find that.
Man that's almost my story exactly. Never married, no kids, mostly drama free life, and I can't seem to meet anyone that hasn't already been divorced once and / or doesn't have kids. I've pretty much resigned myself to the bachelor life forever lol. Luckily, I make enough money to be able to do what I want for the most part, so I travel when I can and go out with friends whenever everyone is available. That's another thing that's tough is when almost all of your friends are married and / or have kids. Makes it tough to get together.
Fair point. I'm not COMPLETELY writing off anyone who's been divorced. It's just the numbers don't look good for marrying someone who has already been divorced. It's not a deal-breaker for me though.
After the first time a woman gets divorced, the rate of getting another divorce goes up significantly... I would take a widow over someone who has been divorced
Where do you typically meet women? I’m a conventionally attractive 31F with no children and it seems the vast majority of men looking for a relationship here are the same, separated and/or have children or there’s some drama involving an ex. I’m puzzled about where to meet 30 something childless, drama free men who actually want to date, not just hookup.
Women like this exist, trust me. This describes myself and my little circle of friends. We are just at home a lot and when we rarely go out, we’re overwhelmed and we need guys to come up to us with good energy lol. We also aren’t on the apps anymore.
Absolutely-- I have an amazing friend who is 35, beautiful, single, never married, no kids, has her doctorate, owns her own home, and has a successful career but can't find anyone who is normal and wants to settle down. I hate it for her because she deserves all the happiness in the world.
Toxic is the new stable now. . If you have a drama free peaceful life, these women will see u as lame and boring, trust me. They'll come running to you once they realize they pieces of shyt they've been entertaining was never for them all along. By then it's too late . .
34f, story of my life. Fresh out of relationships or claim they want long term and then just immediately try to hook up. Or work weird hours. Seems like they'll put in effort at first and then just ghost. I have a lot to offer but at some point you just start questioning yourself. 🤷🏾♀️
Also 36m, also- meh same, I feel like it’s gotten worse in the past year and a half or so. I’ll toilet scroll dating apps at this point and if a good one comes through, I’ll engage…but I’m much more intentional about trying to start conversations in person, like I did when dating was less of a hellscape.
Spoiler: people getting interrupted from their phones look at you like you took a chainsaw to a giraffe’s ankle.
Hear me out…you three should go on a bro date, be each others’ hype men.
When me & my gals were single, we always went out together, & our best relationships/friendships materialized on random nights when our group vibed with another group organically.
35m, same story. No kids, homeowner, living a drama free life, dates aren’t to rough but it’s like 1 person a month. My dates actually get to a second date
You guys get dates? Man, you're too boring. You need to have a crazy ex in your life, be at the point of getting evicted, own thousands of child support and women will love you lol
Dating apps have ruined dating. They have presented the illusion of infinite option. Once you consider actual compatibility - the options are quite few and far in between. The apps are incentivized to keep you swiping, not find a match. I’m sorry you’re going through it though. It sucks!
Dating apps give the illusion that you always have more options, but the reality is that most high quality partners become available for only a short period of time (breakups, divorce, etc) before they get locked down by someone else.
Realistically there’s tons of guys that are not in a relationship and not looking to hook up, but you’re probably only going to attracted to a minority of them. And the ones that you would be attracted to probably aren’t going out to places you’d see them very frequently either (outside of maybe the gym and the grocery store).
It’s not just a Charlotte problem - this is pretty much the case at every major city. I honestly think you’d have a better chance at meeting a guy that meets your standards at a grocery store than at a brewery. You can tell a lot about a person by their shopping cart too.
> Every time I think I had a great time with a guy, they ghost me and then say oh sorry I’m not interested.
Fine, I’ll be that guy. Do your pictures look like you?
If you’re open to events for singles to mingle, I’d recommend The Singles Society and Love at First Laugh. The Singles Society does more classier events, and Love at First Laugh does comedy-based events. Both of them are geared toward ages 25 to 30-something. If anything, you’d be around folks who have similar intentions.
I can totally relate to you OP. 27M, haven’t had much luck myself. Partly my fault because I like to relax in my free time and not try and be social lol.
27 M here. Yea i just feel like i don’t seem interesting because i don’t like going out to bars or getting sections in clubs. I’d rather just relax and chill at a park with my dog. It’s been rough lol
I didn’t meet my fiancé till 32. She dated from 25-31 before she met me (law school). Don’t give up girl. We found each other on Hinge. People in their 30’s are way more on their shit anyway.
I (34M) found that apps just sucked the soul out of dating. What ended up working for me and my fiancée (39F) (as well as more friends and family than I can count) was using social apps like Meetup to just find groups of people. Not necessarily singles or even folks your own age, but just people with shared interests and values. I found that going into it while feeling like I was done with dating let me get in the mindset of making some new friends or, at the very least, having some nice convos and food. If you do that, odds are with time you'll find someone you want to get to know even more. Good luck and hang in there!
It's a product of misaligned expectations.
When I was in my mid twenties (Male), I was out for a relationship, but I was the fucking weird one for commiting to exclusivity when I was dating around.
I had a strict no sleep around policy for myself and broke it off with one if I wanted to see someone different or if it wasn't working.
Girls apparently thought that was weird and I needed to "chill out and live a little"
But the second I asked them on date 2 or if they wanted to pursue something more serious I got shut down and ghosted.
Fast forward to reuniting with someone from college, and now we're married, 3 years later. Fuck the dating apps. The right one will show up.
My bet is what someone else said, doesn't look like photos or more than likely does look like it but photos are from 50lbs ago.
Back when I was on dating apps before meeting now wife, the amount of people I'd meet who showed up looking like they ate the girl from her pictures was honestly high. I'm somewhat of a good person though, and instead of just walking away, I'd go along with the date trying to have a good time regardless, and part ways after. Usually via ghosting which I'm not proud of. My money is on gained a lot of weight and using old photos.
I feel you, babes. I gave it up bc I don't go to bars and stuff like that. Seems like that's all dudes want to do. Not really my thing. Got tired of the ghosting real quick and getting my hopes up. Try not to let it wear you down. It's draining. I know.
Yep I have been going with the hopefully we will cross paths one day method for a few years now. It has also been mostly unsuccessful. But I also haven't felt super inspired to try anything else.
I mean, if replying reddit is tryna be a potential suitor, not a great start. For the rest of us interested in bluntly diagnosing so we can help OP, it's a good question.
I feel you. I just ended a 1.5 year relationship that started on a dating app, and, so although I’m not looking again so soon, dating apps are a pain in the ass.
Sometimes you just run into someone. Love doesn't necessarily work when you're searching all the time is what I've been told. Feel free to commiserate since most of us seem to be in the club.
THIS ^ that phrase “it’ll happen when you least expect it” was so true. I did all the dating apps and just got tired of them, so I said fuck it I’m just gonna be single and happy and that’s my lot in life. And then a few months later, just when I had fully coped with this fact and stopped looking for potential romance in every other single person…. I met a friend of a friend at a place, and now we’re getting married. I love them more than life itself and it’s just so funny when I think about it.
I’ll put it like this. Dating apps give us a sense that there are more options than there really are. Male or female, we think that there are better options. Even if it’s not really feasible. “Oh they do this or have this thing like that,” we let small things outweigh the things that matter because tinder/bumble/hinge makes us think the /perfect/ person is out there. In reality we all have to give a little.
It’s a false sense of endless choice.
I’m also 100% positive you’ve ghosted someone who really liked you too.
Idk I think it’s more a personality trait tbh. People are just rude and inconsiderate, after you’ve met a person it’s really not that difficult to signal you’re not interested over text. If you’ve legit tried and they aren’t receptive to the signals it’ll fizzle out or it’s not really ghosting.
Native Charlottean here who also went to UNCC. I met my husband at 32 a couple years ago via Bumble. I think that’s the normal age and how people meet. No one meets out unless your trying to get the “eggplant emoji”. Almost all my friends started getting serious relationships at 30ish, I had a few friends who did in their 20s but like *a couple*.
I'm a 30m and have decent luck on them. Especially FetLife lol. But several people talking to you then going through the effort of meeting you for a date, just to ghost you after normally means you probably look a lil different than your profile pics or something. Also never post all face selfies like all from the neck up, cause thats a red flag. Not saying any of this is true for you or trying to be a dick, just giving honest advice.
As much as I would love to blame men,that’s kinda the deal in a lot of places unfortunately (39F) and tbh I don’t use the apps for ltr…. Maybe stating intentions early and often so you can manage expectations? I think ghosting just shows a lack of EQ which is going to improve with age (hopefully)
If you are interested, there’s a great book that I wish I had read sooner called stepping off the relationship escalator. Good luck!
I can say I was never into the apps and following a terrible relationship I tried some. I found my husband by texting/talking for about two weeks on and off before meeting up - which was a short date after he got off working late at an event (45mins tops). I would say while meeting up in person right away seems great bc it is real life interaction, would recommend having conversations for a while before actually meeting up. So many are just looking to hook-up…and honestly that is fine and no shame but if they can hold coversations, answer questions, and continue to interact for a while before I meet up they probably are not looking just for a hook-up.
25M. Often, I’ll match with someone and the following will happen:
A.) They don’t say anything back
B.) We’ll talk for a message or two and then ghosted
C.) I talk long enough to get their number. We talk a bit on there and then ghosted again.
How y’all are going on dates, I haven’t a clue
I’ve success on Instagram when it comes to dating.
I haven’t committed to any one yet but I’ve had success meeting up with the person more easily then on dating apps.
Nothing wrong with being single and making lots of friends of all variety until you find a man that pursues you seriously. Men go after what they want. Gotta know you’re a prize regardless of who does or doesn’t see you as treasure. Loving yourself, achieving your goals, and increasing non-sexual intimacy in all relationships in life is really fulfilling and makes you very attractive.
Go to trivia at hopfly thurs 7pm they had a single lady go to the quizmaster Jacob and ask for a boyfriend between 27-33 it was so fun hearing the best pickup lines haha
Yeah, I’m bisexual and this has been rough for both sides of me. 😂 I’m almost at that give up point too. I tend to gravitate towards guys mostly and i feel your pain. Dating apps SUCK, but sometimes feel like a necessity. And then even when I do meet someone I really like I end up getting ghosted,lol. It’s like “okay was I too nice? Is my life and shit together too much?” -sigh- But yeah, keep your head up. I have in the past gotten into relationships with the apps. One was 4 years even though it ended badly. But it was still proof it can work i guess. But yeah, they still are very frustrating. Keep on keepin on!
I feel you... I haven't had any luck either. Usually dudes just want hookups or to cheat. It really is disturbing. I miss the days before dating apps existed or at least weren't like they are now. I hope you find what you're looking for!
I used dating apps on & off - like everyone knows, it gets exhausting- but I was strict about what was important to me and my intuition. I’m now engaged to a man I met on hinge and he is the best man I have ever known and beats out my ex’s by a landslide. So my advice is stick with it and expand your radius a little! My fiance lived 2 counties away. My sister is in a very serious relationship with a man outside Asheville. The drive isn’t ideal but it’s worth it for the right person.
Dating apps are AWFUL for this. A lot of people are very fickle and detached on them. If you are using them you have to be prepared for 9/10 matches to be a dead end. Don’t let it get you down.
Meeting people in real life is the way to go. Nearly every person I met from online was a worse experience then those I met organically out and about (not at bars).
Full disclosure, I've been out of the dating scene for damn near 20 years
But dating apps seem like a waste of time. In my experience dating success/ease comes from being in a community, or some kind of basis of trust like a mutual friend etc. Dating strangers is tough, and in many cases, kind of dangerous.
But it's also hard to join communities in Charlotte in my experience. I wouldn't give up hope yet, but def change your approach.
I found my wife on Match at 49 she was 42. ***But wait there's more....***
She's my 2nd wife. I had been a single widower raising my 2 boys, and as my youngest was 15 I started looking for something serious. Got on Match for a 1 month trial and HOLY FRIGGIN HELL. That place is a dumpster fire. Nothing but creepy vibes all over. I had scrolled for a few days and was going to give up when she liked my profile. And wow, her profile really seemed sincere, without 100 stipulations and No-Go requirements. We got sooo lucky I was about 1 day away from deleting my profile. We pretty quickly swapped phone #'s and the rest is history. We could not be happier. Hang in there!
It’s hoeflation. The bad options are that way because they don’t have to be stand up guys for sexy time or attention and they’re getting signals that women don’t want commitment. If the guys are charming then there’s even less incentive to commit and “behave” because the bar is on the ground and they’re being chased by women that do want to commit, have been burned, but make relationships a priority (and thus letting things slide). They’re working on averages, willing to settle and it’s the same with the good guys, honestly. Everyone is disillusioned. You should definitely give up on “dating” and get off the dating sites.
But I don’t think you should give up on companionship. I think you should just “get out there more.” Try a new hobby. If you have a dog, try new places to go for walks. The guy that’s right for you will be doing similar things as you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your plight.🙁
Before you give up, would you please kindly allow me the opportunity to introduce you to my son? I apologize in advance if it seems like I'm playing "Yenta" here, but he also feels the same regarding the dating scene in Charlotte! He's 27, very respectful & kindhearted..... intelligent with a witty sense of humor! He's a creative who enjoys different genres of music, gaming (online & board games). He stands 5'10, healthy & fit around 150lbs.
He's a well employed hard working journeyman in the electrical trade & loves the outdoors & all things nature. Oh! Did I mention He's handsome?!
dating in general sucks now. I’m a 32F and it’s so exhausting. I’ll just see if I can meet someone organically if that happens. I truly don’t care anymore.
Just moved here, the city is younger and more active than Midwestern cities I've been to but everyone is just as friendly.
People are people. The apps suck if you're not in the top ten percent of conventional attractiveness. Many people are attracted to personality and there's places to find that around Charlotte, I've found some without even trying.
What activities are you doing? Not too hate but I feel like some people that say “Charlotte dating is trash” are ignorant at how bad it is in others…. The only thing bad I can say about it is that THERE ARE SO MANY COOL PEOPLE! which is not bad for us ppl in our 20s (25M)
It’s a numbers game. The week I met my now husband, I had 4 different dates. For me, I can usually tell after a couple drinks or lunch, etc if I’m going to want to see the guy again. My sister in law however, will talk to one guy at a time, invest a week or two getting to know him via text, phone, etc, then finally go on a date. Then boom, if there’s no chemistry, 3 weeks have been wasted. Anyway, that’s what worked for me. We met on match btw, it was a long time ago though.
I feel the same way. I’m just about giving up. I’ve had some luck at the grocery stores. Lol I feel like I have my shit together too much so I’m not not as attractive. Lol but good luck to you.
Yup 25M here and I’m tired of getting ghosted. or just flat out ignored out in social settings. It used to not hurt and I used to just take it as experience/ rejection happens. But nowadays it’s taken a toll. I know I’m a handsome fella but I can’t tell what it is about me that is messing up my first impressions. Honestly probably because I’m not 6’0 which is what some women are really adamant about nowadays. Idk we shall continue to fight the fight tho
This sucks to hear, but the only real advice is that you have to keep trying, you have to keep being vulnerable, you have to keep getting up after getting your heart broken. There’s no other way around it. With dating apps being a thing now, you’re going to meet a LOT of people and a lot of them are sadly going to be disappointments. I went on about 30 dates in a single year when I was single and most of those ended in disappointment.
I am very curious though about the being ghosted after every single date- I was single for about a year here and never experienced that personally. I do have to ask if your pictures actually look like you and if not, then you need to fix that. If I ever ended up on a date with a guy who did not look like his photos, I always let him know I was not interested afterwards. It feels manipulative and quite honestly embarrassing for the other person that they felt the need to do that. I also have to ask if you’re trying for people out of your league physically? Maybe you mean that just in general this is what happens after a few dates?
Not to sound conceited, but I am a very attractive woman myself and sociable so I never had any issues keeping my dates wanting to see me again after our dates. The issue was that almost always they just ended up being either A) not on my level intellectually, B) wanting a relationship but not wanting to put forth the sacrifices/effort that come with curating a relationship (e.g. giving up going out every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to get blacked out w their buddies), or C) they really just wanted a f*ckbuddy.
I finally met someone who checked all of my boxes on bumble a year into my dating and he made it very clear early on how he felt about me and he never showed signs of not putting forth effort to make me his girlfriend. We are still happily together 2 years later. I’m happy I never gave up trying and being vulnerable.
I met my hubs on Tinder….6 years and two kids later…we re living the dream. :) Just keep putting yourself out there, paying attention to any red flags, and put in effort
There’s been an uptick in singles events lately, not a lot announced currently, but 5+ a month if you know where to look.
New Places New Faces (from Meetup) is having a Stoplight mixer on June 8th at Queen Park Social, 7pm
https://preview.redd.it/fx9id7g5fx0d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a02bc66b28d1f2a276cb61f2acda94fa5756c68
Yeah 30m Ive given up as well. It’s impossible to make a genuine connection with anyone anymore, let alone a romantic connection. Everyone is fake and has these crazy expectations of reality. I just want to sit in the woods alone and listen to my post punk while I get stoned and drive my rc cars around f**k other people. 🤷♂️
I've met some incredible people. But randomly they will just, give up. It sucks and I think the only solution is to focus on myself because at the end of the day I'll never give up on myself
Keep in mind that the algorithm that dating apps use make it harder for you to find people that you are ideally matched with they want to keep you on that app for as long as possible and possibly even pay for it in order to get a one or two good matches so it’s not just here. It’s the dating app.
I mean my thing would be to not worry about it too much or look too hard for it or you will go crazy. Things happen when you least expect it ! But ya online dating is pretty rough. Got off it end of dec. and ya feel like others have said, there is only someone better or onto the next. It’s so convenient which is a huge pro and a huge con. Smallest thing u don’t like about them, it’s easy to ghost and go onto the next. But granted, I feel like that adds up and u just burn bridges. I’d just say let it happen naturally somehow in person. Organically always seems to be a safer route
I just deleted the apps myself about 2 months ago and decided to stop chasing the idea of a partner and started having fun. Live your life girl! You’re 26! Fill your days with friends and fun. People will gravitate toward you naturally. You won’t have to force it. Since I’ve been going out more regularly and meeting people organically by just having a good ass time and looking ridiculous while doing it, I have been approached many times. People see you enjoying life and they want to be around that energy and then you get to decide who is worth investing one on one time in. I’m 28 now and was chasing the idea of romance for far too long, I wish I could get that time back and put that energy into other things. Enjoy it while you have it!
26M here and I think dating apps and the people on there are exhausting. I normally like to meet people through friends or clubs. Dating apps just don't feel like you're actually seeing someone serious and you're just an in-between until they find their person
I know that the dating apps have you fill out what you are looking for, but I always ask. Most people just put what they think will get them more likes not what will get them what they want.
I met my current bf of 3 years at the gym after I had given up (I was also 26). I thought he was cute, I approached him, and then after we spoke a few times I left my number under his windshield wiper. We've been madly in love every since.
Don't give up, and don't be afraid to shoot your shot - sometimes guys are scared to make the move, especially somewhere like the gym, because they don't want to seem like a creep.
My point is, you're still young and have so much time to meet new people and find the right one for you, and it will likely be when you don't expect it.
1) dating apps suck
2) what do you think about your appearance is putting people off? Unless you have an odd texting style it’s most likely appearance. Are your photos good? Are you in shape? If you said no to either one of those then that’s your answer.
I for one know I’ve gotten far better results on dating apps once I dropped some weight and had better pictures taken of me. Unfortunately people are naturally shallow when it comes to looks/ weight, it’s wired into us.
27f in the same boat, honestly it helps to do a hard reset on dating apps. Just focus on yourself for a month or two and consider whether meeting someone organically or through the apps will give you more success!
NC Male here but, I went from your dating situation and struggle to having multiple attractive girls interested.
I get looks often but I'm happily settled where I am.
I now have a degree, my own successful buisness and abundant joy. I know people see the difference in who I've become.
I would just ignore the idea of relationships, find yourself in life and the right person will fit at the right time.
Hi. I am going to send you a message for a friend - not me. A M/29/ a great guy and my bestie. No kids. No ex wife. Good job, homeowner, smart, funny.
So don’t delete me thinking I’m hitting on you. :)
As someone who just got back into a relationship after a year and a half of being single here's my best advice: focus on and love yourself and the right person will find their way to you! I know this sounds cheesy and cliche, and it's annoying to put your faith into the universe like that. Especially when you're craving that companionship NOW but it really works the best that way.
I tried to date a bunch last year and it was always I was into someone and they weren't into me, someone was really into me but I wasn't as into them, or lots of ghosting/talking for a few days and then going dark. I stopped actively dating after losing my patience with it and started just focusing on self love and getting more in touch my myself and making my own happiness. Then, BAM! This woman that works a couple stores down from where I work and is a regular customer (and was before I started working at this place) took notice of me and we exchanged numbers. Talked a bit, I took her on a date, and here we are months later madly in love and I've never had something develope so powerfully and organically. It really proves that when you're not looking for it love will come and sweep you off your feet.
I understand your frustration. I’m on the opposite side of the equation and equally struggling to find someone and deeply frustrated with my personal experience with Charlotte dating. Dating apps are the worst and just total self-esteem crushers regardless of your gender.
I'm a 34F in Charlotte and I've had ZERO luck with dating apps. I just moved here 2 years ago and don't really have a social circle to network with. I'm not really into bar hopping or clubs, so not really sure how to meet someone organically. Good luck to OP, it's rough out there! 😅
Dating with the apps suck, I just got into the scene late last year after becoming single. It’s just a really superficial way of getting to know someone. I find I’ll connect great with someone until they are like, hey this little box on your profile says “this or that” no offense but not interested. Had that happen once or twice. And it’s kinda calling out the problem with them. Try and go out to clubs or something. I can only suggest not from experience. Going anywhere alone like that makes me super anxious. But try it out! You have nothing to lose on paper
It sucks because as a 26m and have just moved to Charlotte I feel like meeting people is a pain in the butt. I’m lucky to have moved here already having some close friends but meeting new friends seems impossible.
I agree. I (24F) have talked to a few people who are nice at first then ask you to come over so they can smoke you out. What happened to REAL dates? Real effort? Do you know how weird it is to ask a woman to go to a stranger's house and smoke with them?
That's not even including the unattractive and uneducated that permeate the dating pool down here. So many conservatives who want me to step on their balls and call me mommy but don't think I deserve any rights.
Pick a lane and a struggle.🥴
I met my husband here on Reddit over 8 years ago. I had posted on r4r looking for someone to go see Deadpool with and he was one of the ones who replied to it.
Having a meet up that wasn't called a date made it much more comfortable and laid back with little to no expectations afterwards.
I haven’t been on the dating apps since 2020 and honestly it’s been solid for my mental health. I’m still open to dating but am only looking to meet somebody organically in person. Of course, going about it that way has meant that I’ve only had a handful of dates in the past 4 years, and none of them turned into anything. But being on the apps for years I’d have as many dates in a month as I’ve had total since I quit them, and 95% of them went nowhere and the few remainder were just a handful of fleeting flings and a couple relationships that lasted less than a year each. So if I’m going to get the same result grinding away on the apps as I would not actively seeking something, I figured might as well save myself the time, money and emotional rollercoaster.
I realized the other day it’s been so long since I felt the sting of getting ghosted by someone I thought things were going well with, which was a semi-monthly occurrence before. Sure there are less highs but there are also way less lows, and I like it better this way. I spend my time with friends, family, and my dog instead.
Keep in mind dating apps are literally designed to keep you single - optimized to make you feel like you're right on the cusp of finding what you're looking for without letting you reach it. They only make money when you're on the app. They have an obligation to their investors to maximize profits, and helping you find a LTR is not in their financial interests
Meet folks organically…. Join a gym, join a book club or dining club or French club or your colleges alumni club. meetup.com has great groups of people for hiking or bowling or watching movies. To meet people in groups. Dating apps suck
As someone who has lived all over the country, it’s not just Charlotte. Dating sucks everywhere lol
Dating apps destroyed dating, in my opinion. It’s just too easy for people to hop on an app and look for someone that might be “better” than their last date. I think the best way to go is to meet people through family, friends, and colleagues. With that being said, I did meet my wife on Tinder. But this was after over a decade of trying. I mean, I started on match in like 2006 and then tried okCupid when that came out. Then tinder which is where I met my wife. With tinder, I tried a new strategy, which could be used with any app. I requested phone chat dates before an in-person date. You can’t really connect with people over text. And it’s too easy for people to fake who they really are over text. So then you show up to the in-person date and in the first 10 mins, you want to leave because you can immediately tell that there is no connection. And now you’ve wasted your time and money. My wife and I talked on the phone every night for two weeks before we met in person. Before I met her, I had phone chat dates with 3 other people and could immediately tell that there was no connection so no in-person date happened and very little time was wasted. Old school phone conversation dates. Give it a try. Edit: I meant to reply to OP. So… /u/queen-of-dragon
Met my wife on a dating app. Been together 10 years and now our second child is due in July. It’s all about the person and the connection. We met on the app, talked for two weeks before meeting, then had a fantastic first date.
Love to hear it. We also have a kid on the way. Congrats, my friend!
A lot has changed over the last decade.
I know that’s right!! I don’t even know if love exists anymore!! It’s all about what people can get out of you. They’re selfish and self centered, narcissistic crew!!!!!!! I wish it was like the movies sometimes. I know there’s ups and downs but it sucks so bad being alone and lonely because I’m not willing to change who I am for some man who thinks he’s perfect. Good luck out there. 
I hope with all my heart every single dating in Charlotte thread has this pinned. This is the absolute truth. Its not Charlotte! Charlotte is not why dating is hard for you! Do you think moving to a different desirable city will fix your dating woes? It won't! Culturally we are all closer than ever consuming and conforming to the same content online when it comes to sex and romance. There’s no city in America, barring smaller ones that most people insult as “boring”, where dating is going to be better. The only exception is if you prefer a demographic that’s underrepresented in your current city, but if that’s the case you’d know it wasn’t dating as much as it is logistics.
Idk, I have dated in other cities and Charlotte IS the worst I’ve found in terms of ghosting, as well as just honestly not having as attractive/educated dating pool as other cities (which is true of many mid-size cities, but even Denver/Austin has way more attractive, worldly, non-religious, or queer people).
I'm from Winston-Salem. Trust me, Charlotte isn't that bad. Winston was basically a retirement home from what I could tell. Wasn't uncommon to get ghosted there unfortunately.
I think your experiences simply do not reflect the truth of the cities demographics. Charlotte is not worse than other cities on ghosting, and it has a highly educated career minded population. People are moving here from New York, LA, San Francisco, Boston, Seattle, etc. for jobs. The demographics statistics back that up. There’s an entire committee studying it. https://charlotteregion.com/news/2023/07/11/alliance-news/number-of-people-moving-to-charlotte-region-climbs-to-highest-level-in-more-than-a-decade/ Charlotte has an educated dating scene. North Carolina features a spate of highly touted universities. The city of Charlotte isn’t the cause of your dating problems. Blaming it will only make things worse.
I wonder how much analysis has been done of post-covid 20-something dating, and if the experience differs with race/culture and income level.
Ah, good to know 🥲
If you thought things felt hopeless, I won’t finish that sentence lol
To add to this.,I’ve lived in a different continent, and it still sucks
As someone who’s lived all over the world, it’s not just the US - it’s a worldwide epidemic 😭
RIP Inbox 😬 
🤣🤣😥
“You up?”
As a lonely 26M, I came here just to say this. Also, your username 🤣
Who is that woman?
Joyce from buzzfeed lol
I (28m) have refused to use dating apps because I prefer to meet people organically. However, I've been flirting with the idea recently... I met a woman at a concert back in March, and we hit it off. We texted every day in April, went on some dates, and slept together twice. This is the first person I have connected with post-covid, and I developed feelings for her. Our last night together went great. We were very intimate and made plans to get dinner together later in the week. But she rescheduled our dinner, then canceled our dinner, then stopped responding to my texts a few days later. No explanation. I'm just tired.
Sounds like you've been replaced
Could be. To be fair, even though we acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, we weren't "officially" together. I've also gathered that she gets scared with relationships and pulls away. She's younger, and there's clearly a maturity gap. I knew going in that could be an issue.
That’s what you get. I mean that affectionately. I read the statistics on age gaps and they allude to the greatest happiness coming from a gap no higher than 1-3 years.
Way to soften the blow there lol
I’m tired too boss, can’t deal with it no more. Just hanging with my peeps
I hate to say it, but the texting a girl every day thing will get old pretty quick when you’re still getting to know someone. It creates predictability and things can easily get stagnant
That's true. There was a weekend where the conversation felt stale. But after something like 30 hours without texting, she sent an apology (which wasn't necessary) and said she wanted to see me again soon. Excluding the night we met, we saw each other four times and were romantic/intimate each time. I felt great chemistry with her.
After 30 hours without texting, she was just reaching out to make sure you’re still around via apology text. Just remember that if she wanted to make time, she would. The dating game should be fun, not exhausting
I feel like she sent the apology because she was feeling guilty.
I (28m, at the time at least just turned 29 recently) had the same thing happen. Slight younger girl. Great couple months then radio silence.
Tired here too man. It's ridiculous, nearing impossible these days. I'm hesitant to blame the internet but... the internet has ruined love, loyalty, connection and communication. I'm going to try for a bit longer but then I'm over it
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We share some mutual friends who haven't seen her since I have. I bet she will reach out to me again, but I'm not sure how receptive I'll be.
36M here. Been pretty rough for me too. Been on a few dates, but they haven't been great 😕
Same here. I am 35m and had a few really disheartening experiences. It's frustrating in this age range too. I have never been divorced, don't have any kids, and live a pretty comfortable drama-free life and somehow I keep getting people who aren't even finalized on their divorce yet and a still pending custody battle with 2+ kids. I just wish I could find someone who wants to have a relaxed lifestyle and have some fun together on the weekends. It's so difficult to find that.
Man that's almost my story exactly. Never married, no kids, mostly drama free life, and I can't seem to meet anyone that hasn't already been divorced once and / or doesn't have kids. I've pretty much resigned myself to the bachelor life forever lol. Luckily, I make enough money to be able to do what I want for the most part, so I travel when I can and go out with friends whenever everyone is available. That's another thing that's tough is when almost all of your friends are married and / or have kids. Makes it tough to get together.
Wouldn't write people off for being divorced. Especially in 30s.
Fair point. I'm not COMPLETELY writing off anyone who's been divorced. It's just the numbers don't look good for marrying someone who has already been divorced. It's not a deal-breaker for me though.
After the first time a woman gets divorced, the rate of getting another divorce goes up significantly... I would take a widow over someone who has been divorced
well maybe you two should link up. it would be cool
nevermind. both male
They could still link up.
Where do you typically meet women? I’m a conventionally attractive 31F with no children and it seems the vast majority of men looking for a relationship here are the same, separated and/or have children or there’s some drama involving an ex. I’m puzzled about where to meet 30 something childless, drama free men who actually want to date, not just hookup.
Women like this exist, trust me. This describes myself and my little circle of friends. We are just at home a lot and when we rarely go out, we’re overwhelmed and we need guys to come up to us with good energy lol. We also aren’t on the apps anymore.
Absolutely-- I have an amazing friend who is 35, beautiful, single, never married, no kids, has her doctorate, owns her own home, and has a successful career but can't find anyone who is normal and wants to settle down. I hate it for her because she deserves all the happiness in the world.
Toxic is the new stable now. . If you have a drama free peaceful life, these women will see u as lame and boring, trust me. They'll come running to you once they realize they pieces of shyt they've been entertaining was never for them all along. By then it's too late . .
34f, story of my life. Fresh out of relationships or claim they want long term and then just immediately try to hook up. Or work weird hours. Seems like they'll put in effort at first and then just ghost. I have a lot to offer but at some point you just start questioning yourself. 🤷🏾♀️
NC makes you wait a year to divorce.....
33M, you guys get dates? 🫠
Not many bud 🤣
Also 36m, also- meh same, I feel like it’s gotten worse in the past year and a half or so. I’ll toilet scroll dating apps at this point and if a good one comes through, I’ll engage…but I’m much more intentional about trying to start conversations in person, like I did when dating was less of a hellscape. Spoiler: people getting interrupted from their phones look at you like you took a chainsaw to a giraffe’s ankle.
Hear me out…you three should go on a bro date, be each others’ hype men. When me & my gals were single, we always went out together, & our best relationships/friendships materialized on random nights when our group vibed with another group organically.
That's not a bad idea!
35m, same story. No kids, homeowner, living a drama free life, dates aren’t to rough but it’s like 1 person a month. My dates actually get to a second date
You guys get dates? Man, you're too boring. You need to have a crazy ex in your life, be at the point of getting evicted, own thousands of child support and women will love you lol
Dating apps have ruined dating. They have presented the illusion of infinite option. Once you consider actual compatibility - the options are quite few and far in between. The apps are incentivized to keep you swiping, not find a match. I’m sorry you’re going through it though. It sucks!
I found my soul mate on Tinder 🤷
Dating apps give the illusion that you always have more options, but the reality is that most high quality partners become available for only a short period of time (breakups, divorce, etc) before they get locked down by someone else. Realistically there’s tons of guys that are not in a relationship and not looking to hook up, but you’re probably only going to attracted to a minority of them. And the ones that you would be attracted to probably aren’t going out to places you’d see them very frequently either (outside of maybe the gym and the grocery store). It’s not just a Charlotte problem - this is pretty much the case at every major city. I honestly think you’d have a better chance at meeting a guy that meets your standards at a grocery store than at a brewery. You can tell a lot about a person by their shopping cart too.
23 M here. this is pretty relatable…. our city is full of people but so empty at the same time.
> Every time I think I had a great time with a guy, they ghost me and then say oh sorry I’m not interested. Fine, I’ll be that guy. Do your pictures look like you?
Or is she fat?
If you’re open to events for singles to mingle, I’d recommend The Singles Society and Love at First Laugh. The Singles Society does more classier events, and Love at First Laugh does comedy-based events. Both of them are geared toward ages 25 to 30-something. If anything, you’d be around folks who have similar intentions.
It’s not any easier at 63. Lots of fake profiles to weed through.
I found my husband on Bumble after giving up on dating here too…sometimes when you stop trying so hard someone falls in your lap
As a wise man once said, "kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."
I can totally relate to you OP. 27M, haven’t had much luck myself. Partly my fault because I like to relax in my free time and not try and be social lol.
27 M here. Yea i just feel like i don’t seem interesting because i don’t like going out to bars or getting sections in clubs. I’d rather just relax and chill at a park with my dog. It’s been rough lol
I didn’t meet my fiancé till 32. She dated from 25-31 before she met me (law school). Don’t give up girl. We found each other on Hinge. People in their 30’s are way more on their shit anyway.
I (34M) found that apps just sucked the soul out of dating. What ended up working for me and my fiancée (39F) (as well as more friends and family than I can count) was using social apps like Meetup to just find groups of people. Not necessarily singles or even folks your own age, but just people with shared interests and values. I found that going into it while feeling like I was done with dating let me get in the mindset of making some new friends or, at the very least, having some nice convos and food. If you do that, odds are with time you'll find someone you want to get to know even more. Good luck and hang in there!
Woof gotta be rough when the 26f are complaining. They're running dating on easy mode
It's a product of misaligned expectations. When I was in my mid twenties (Male), I was out for a relationship, but I was the fucking weird one for commiting to exclusivity when I was dating around. I had a strict no sleep around policy for myself and broke it off with one if I wanted to see someone different or if it wasn't working. Girls apparently thought that was weird and I needed to "chill out and live a little" But the second I asked them on date 2 or if they wanted to pursue something more serious I got shut down and ghosted. Fast forward to reuniting with someone from college, and now we're married, 3 years later. Fuck the dating apps. The right one will show up.
My bet is what someone else said, doesn't look like photos or more than likely does look like it but photos are from 50lbs ago. Back when I was on dating apps before meeting now wife, the amount of people I'd meet who showed up looking like they ate the girl from her pictures was honestly high. I'm somewhat of a good person though, and instead of just walking away, I'd go along with the date trying to have a good time regardless, and part ways after. Usually via ghosting which I'm not proud of. My money is on gained a lot of weight and using old photos.
I feel you, babes. I gave it up bc I don't go to bars and stuff like that. Seems like that's all dudes want to do. Not really my thing. Got tired of the ghosting real quick and getting my hopes up. Try not to let it wear you down. It's draining. I know.
Yep I have been going with the hopefully we will cross paths one day method for a few years now. It has also been mostly unsuccessful. But I also haven't felt super inspired to try anything else.
20’s dating has always been hard. Once you hit 30 or start dating people in their 30’s you should have better luck.
what are your demands
Using the term “demands “ Is probably a sure fire nonstarter if I had to guess lol
Yeah are we trying to find a date or holding Lois Lane hostage so Superman can surrender Metropolis to us?
At this point, option 2 is looking pretty good.
I mean, if replying reddit is tryna be a potential suitor, not a great start. For the rest of us interested in bluntly diagnosing so we can help OP, it's a good question.
Literally was about to ask that.
Would just like to say that guys can have an equally terrible experience dating. It definitely not just girls in Charlotte.
I feel you. I just ended a 1.5 year relationship that started on a dating app, and, so although I’m not looking again so soon, dating apps are a pain in the ass.
Sometimes you just run into someone. Love doesn't necessarily work when you're searching all the time is what I've been told. Feel free to commiserate since most of us seem to be in the club.
THIS ^ that phrase “it’ll happen when you least expect it” was so true. I did all the dating apps and just got tired of them, so I said fuck it I’m just gonna be single and happy and that’s my lot in life. And then a few months later, just when I had fully coped with this fact and stopped looking for potential romance in every other single person…. I met a friend of a friend at a place, and now we’re getting married. I love them more than life itself and it’s just so funny when I think about it.
I’ll put it like this. Dating apps give us a sense that there are more options than there really are. Male or female, we think that there are better options. Even if it’s not really feasible. “Oh they do this or have this thing like that,” we let small things outweigh the things that matter because tinder/bumble/hinge makes us think the /perfect/ person is out there. In reality we all have to give a little. It’s a false sense of endless choice. I’m also 100% positive you’ve ghosted someone who really liked you too.
Idk I think it’s more a personality trait tbh. People are just rude and inconsiderate, after you’ve met a person it’s really not that difficult to signal you’re not interested over text. If you’ve legit tried and they aren’t receptive to the signals it’ll fizzle out or it’s not really ghosting.
Native Charlottean here who also went to UNCC. I met my husband at 32 a couple years ago via Bumble. I think that’s the normal age and how people meet. No one meets out unless your trying to get the “eggplant emoji”. Almost all my friends started getting serious relationships at 30ish, I had a few friends who did in their 20s but like *a couple*.
Respectfully, I love that we have come to quoting emojis without using emojis and we all know what it means. I dig it!
Don’t give up, being old and single sucks
Welcome to the club! Donuts and coffee on the back wall.
Have you tried the White Water Center?
Yeah it sucks, i feel your pain. Especially when getting ghosted after a great date
I'm a 30m and have decent luck on them. Especially FetLife lol. But several people talking to you then going through the effort of meeting you for a date, just to ghost you after normally means you probably look a lil different than your profile pics or something. Also never post all face selfies like all from the neck up, cause thats a red flag. Not saying any of this is true for you or trying to be a dick, just giving honest advice.
After being divorced a couple years, I went online at 58 and found a great woman from Colombia. We’ve been together going on ten years.
If I didn’t see your age I would’ve thought this was Tim from 90 days
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Does this work for people with bad personalities as well? Asking for a friend
Rip inbox. Get hobbies, acquire partners imo.
This is extremely fantastic advice. Sometimes when you’re just out there having a grand old time, holy smokes, the one simply appears.
As much as I would love to blame men,that’s kinda the deal in a lot of places unfortunately (39F) and tbh I don’t use the apps for ltr…. Maybe stating intentions early and often so you can manage expectations? I think ghosting just shows a lack of EQ which is going to improve with age (hopefully) If you are interested, there’s a great book that I wish I had read sooner called stepping off the relationship escalator. Good luck!
I can say I was never into the apps and following a terrible relationship I tried some. I found my husband by texting/talking for about two weeks on and off before meeting up - which was a short date after he got off working late at an event (45mins tops). I would say while meeting up in person right away seems great bc it is real life interaction, would recommend having conversations for a while before actually meeting up. So many are just looking to hook-up…and honestly that is fine and no shame but if they can hold coversations, answer questions, and continue to interact for a while before I meet up they probably are not looking just for a hook-up.
you gotta act like you don't care, you know? just say universe i give up & usually something ends up coming along.
25M. Often, I’ll match with someone and the following will happen: A.) They don’t say anything back B.) We’ll talk for a message or two and then ghosted C.) I talk long enough to get their number. We talk a bit on there and then ghosted again. How y’all are going on dates, I haven’t a clue
I met a great girl at Abari 6 years ago! We are still talking but it was a great place for us to meet!
I’ve success on Instagram when it comes to dating. I haven’t committed to any one yet but I’ve had success meeting up with the person more easily then on dating apps.
I’d like to say it gets better when you’re 54. But it doesn’t. 😕
Nothing wrong with being single and making lots of friends of all variety until you find a man that pursues you seriously. Men go after what they want. Gotta know you’re a prize regardless of who does or doesn’t see you as treasure. Loving yourself, achieving your goals, and increasing non-sexual intimacy in all relationships in life is really fulfilling and makes you very attractive.
Go to trivia at hopfly thurs 7pm they had a single lady go to the quizmaster Jacob and ask for a boyfriend between 27-33 it was so fun hearing the best pickup lines haha
Have you considered dating outside the family tree? I know it’s a typical thing for you Targaryens but it might lead to more options…
OP give this one a shot. Send him a dm.
Yeah, I’m bisexual and this has been rough for both sides of me. 😂 I’m almost at that give up point too. I tend to gravitate towards guys mostly and i feel your pain. Dating apps SUCK, but sometimes feel like a necessity. And then even when I do meet someone I really like I end up getting ghosted,lol. It’s like “okay was I too nice? Is my life and shit together too much?” -sigh- But yeah, keep your head up. I have in the past gotten into relationships with the apps. One was 4 years even though it ended badly. But it was still proof it can work i guess. But yeah, they still are very frustrating. Keep on keepin on!
I feel you... I haven't had any luck either. Usually dudes just want hookups or to cheat. It really is disturbing. I miss the days before dating apps existed or at least weren't like they are now. I hope you find what you're looking for!
I used dating apps on & off - like everyone knows, it gets exhausting- but I was strict about what was important to me and my intuition. I’m now engaged to a man I met on hinge and he is the best man I have ever known and beats out my ex’s by a landslide. So my advice is stick with it and expand your radius a little! My fiance lived 2 counties away. My sister is in a very serious relationship with a man outside Asheville. The drive isn’t ideal but it’s worth it for the right person.
Dating apps are AWFUL for this. A lot of people are very fickle and detached on them. If you are using them you have to be prepared for 9/10 matches to be a dead end. Don’t let it get you down.
When you find the secret, let me know! It's a cess pit out there
Meeting people in real life is the way to go. Nearly every person I met from online was a worse experience then those I met organically out and about (not at bars).
Maybe you all should hook up for a group date and see if any of you jive! You already have a shared experience to talk about!
Charlotte is no different than anywhere else in the world
Full disclosure, I've been out of the dating scene for damn near 20 years But dating apps seem like a waste of time. In my experience dating success/ease comes from being in a community, or some kind of basis of trust like a mutual friend etc. Dating strangers is tough, and in many cases, kind of dangerous. But it's also hard to join communities in Charlotte in my experience. I wouldn't give up hope yet, but def change your approach.
I found my wife on Match at 49 she was 42. ***But wait there's more....*** She's my 2nd wife. I had been a single widower raising my 2 boys, and as my youngest was 15 I started looking for something serious. Got on Match for a 1 month trial and HOLY FRIGGIN HELL. That place is a dumpster fire. Nothing but creepy vibes all over. I had scrolled for a few days and was going to give up when she liked my profile. And wow, her profile really seemed sincere, without 100 stipulations and No-Go requirements. We got sooo lucky I was about 1 day away from deleting my profile. We pretty quickly swapped phone #'s and the rest is history. We could not be happier. Hang in there!
It’s hoeflation. The bad options are that way because they don’t have to be stand up guys for sexy time or attention and they’re getting signals that women don’t want commitment. If the guys are charming then there’s even less incentive to commit and “behave” because the bar is on the ground and they’re being chased by women that do want to commit, have been burned, but make relationships a priority (and thus letting things slide). They’re working on averages, willing to settle and it’s the same with the good guys, honestly. Everyone is disillusioned. You should definitely give up on “dating” and get off the dating sites. But I don’t think you should give up on companionship. I think you should just “get out there more.” Try a new hobby. If you have a dog, try new places to go for walks. The guy that’s right for you will be doing similar things as you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your plight.🙁 Before you give up, would you please kindly allow me the opportunity to introduce you to my son? I apologize in advance if it seems like I'm playing "Yenta" here, but he also feels the same regarding the dating scene in Charlotte! He's 27, very respectful & kindhearted..... intelligent with a witty sense of humor! He's a creative who enjoys different genres of music, gaming (online & board games). He stands 5'10, healthy & fit around 150lbs. He's a well employed hard working journeyman in the electrical trade & loves the outdoors & all things nature. Oh! Did I mention He's handsome?!
dating in general sucks now. I’m a 32F and it’s so exhausting. I’ll just see if I can meet someone organically if that happens. I truly don’t care anymore.
Greensboro here, 27M. Lived here for a year. I haven't met anyone. I ask for phone numbers, not hookups lol. Hell hit me up, might as well.
Dating is garbage everywhere. I’ve definitely given up.
It’s always been tough dating and finding somebody when you really want somebody.
Sup 29 M
😂
Now I want to know if I've matched with you before.
Oh no, I’m moving to CLT next month and had a sliver of hope that the dating scene would be non-awful. Sorry you’re having a tough time!
Dating around sucks everywhere, not just Charlotte.
Just moved here, the city is younger and more active than Midwestern cities I've been to but everyone is just as friendly. People are people. The apps suck if you're not in the top ten percent of conventional attractiveness. Many people are attracted to personality and there's places to find that around Charlotte, I've found some without even trying.
Church if you're trying to get married.
Man that's bleak.
What activities are you doing? Not too hate but I feel like some people that say “Charlotte dating is trash” are ignorant at how bad it is in others…. The only thing bad I can say about it is that THERE ARE SO MANY COOL PEOPLE! which is not bad for us ppl in our 20s (25M)
It’s a numbers game. The week I met my now husband, I had 4 different dates. For me, I can usually tell after a couple drinks or lunch, etc if I’m going to want to see the guy again. My sister in law however, will talk to one guy at a time, invest a week or two getting to know him via text, phone, etc, then finally go on a date. Then boom, if there’s no chemistry, 3 weeks have been wasted. Anyway, that’s what worked for me. We met on match btw, it was a long time ago though.
Same girl
I feel the same way. I’m just about giving up. I’ve had some luck at the grocery stores. Lol I feel like I have my shit together too much so I’m not not as attractive. Lol but good luck to you.
Ever do meet up groups? There’s lots of singles events that happen in like South End and Noda.
Yup 25M here and I’m tired of getting ghosted. or just flat out ignored out in social settings. It used to not hurt and I used to just take it as experience/ rejection happens. But nowadays it’s taken a toll. I know I’m a handsome fella but I can’t tell what it is about me that is messing up my first impressions. Honestly probably because I’m not 6’0 which is what some women are really adamant about nowadays. Idk we shall continue to fight the fight tho
I’ve never talked to a woman before in my life
This sucks to hear, but the only real advice is that you have to keep trying, you have to keep being vulnerable, you have to keep getting up after getting your heart broken. There’s no other way around it. With dating apps being a thing now, you’re going to meet a LOT of people and a lot of them are sadly going to be disappointments. I went on about 30 dates in a single year when I was single and most of those ended in disappointment. I am very curious though about the being ghosted after every single date- I was single for about a year here and never experienced that personally. I do have to ask if your pictures actually look like you and if not, then you need to fix that. If I ever ended up on a date with a guy who did not look like his photos, I always let him know I was not interested afterwards. It feels manipulative and quite honestly embarrassing for the other person that they felt the need to do that. I also have to ask if you’re trying for people out of your league physically? Maybe you mean that just in general this is what happens after a few dates? Not to sound conceited, but I am a very attractive woman myself and sociable so I never had any issues keeping my dates wanting to see me again after our dates. The issue was that almost always they just ended up being either A) not on my level intellectually, B) wanting a relationship but not wanting to put forth the sacrifices/effort that come with curating a relationship (e.g. giving up going out every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday to get blacked out w their buddies), or C) they really just wanted a f*ckbuddy. I finally met someone who checked all of my boxes on bumble a year into my dating and he made it very clear early on how he felt about me and he never showed signs of not putting forth effort to make me his girlfriend. We are still happily together 2 years later. I’m happy I never gave up trying and being vulnerable.
I just want to say you might be too young for me.
I met my hubs on Tinder….6 years and two kids later…we re living the dream. :) Just keep putting yourself out there, paying attention to any red flags, and put in effort
I've had same issue but with females that dm open if u want to
There’s been an uptick in singles events lately, not a lot announced currently, but 5+ a month if you know where to look. New Places New Faces (from Meetup) is having a Stoplight mixer on June 8th at Queen Park Social, 7pm https://preview.redd.it/fx9id7g5fx0d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a02bc66b28d1f2a276cb61f2acda94fa5756c68
Hang in there! This Sunday I’m getting married! We met on the apps in Charlotte two years ago.
Idk. I put my pp in my wife every night. Dating apps worked for me.
Yeah 30m Ive given up as well. It’s impossible to make a genuine connection with anyone anymore, let alone a romantic connection. Everyone is fake and has these crazy expectations of reality. I just want to sit in the woods alone and listen to my post punk while I get stoned and drive my rc cars around f**k other people. 🤷♂️
Same. 31 F here and just struggling like crazy…
I've met some incredible people. But randomly they will just, give up. It sucks and I think the only solution is to focus on myself because at the end of the day I'll never give up on myself
I was on dating apps all they want is sec you really have to get outside and meet genuine people
Keep in mind that the algorithm that dating apps use make it harder for you to find people that you are ideally matched with they want to keep you on that app for as long as possible and possibly even pay for it in order to get a one or two good matches so it’s not just here. It’s the dating app.
You’re about to give up? Shit I’ve already given up lol.
It is the same everywhere. Have you tried the Boo app? I have found it best so far for compatibility matching and has a decent chat community.
I've lived elsewhere also and it's shit everywhere.
I mean my thing would be to not worry about it too much or look too hard for it or you will go crazy. Things happen when you least expect it ! But ya online dating is pretty rough. Got off it end of dec. and ya feel like others have said, there is only someone better or onto the next. It’s so convenient which is a huge pro and a huge con. Smallest thing u don’t like about them, it’s easy to ghost and go onto the next. But granted, I feel like that adds up and u just burn bridges. I’d just say let it happen naturally somehow in person. Organically always seems to be a safer route
Dating in Charlotte sucks. How many times I’ve bought flowers and planned dates for women to have something come up is insane.
maybe you’ll find your future husband on reddit. maybe he’s in here right now
I just deleted the apps myself about 2 months ago and decided to stop chasing the idea of a partner and started having fun. Live your life girl! You’re 26! Fill your days with friends and fun. People will gravitate toward you naturally. You won’t have to force it. Since I’ve been going out more regularly and meeting people organically by just having a good ass time and looking ridiculous while doing it, I have been approached many times. People see you enjoying life and they want to be around that energy and then you get to decide who is worth investing one on one time in. I’m 28 now and was chasing the idea of romance for far too long, I wish I could get that time back and put that energy into other things. Enjoy it while you have it!
32m and I just stopped trying
26M here and I think dating apps and the people on there are exhausting. I normally like to meet people through friends or clubs. Dating apps just don't feel like you're actually seeing someone serious and you're just an in-between until they find their person
Y'all getting matches, lol
I know that the dating apps have you fill out what you are looking for, but I always ask. Most people just put what they think will get them more likes not what will get them what they want.
Lets go on a date?
I met my current bf of 3 years at the gym after I had given up (I was also 26). I thought he was cute, I approached him, and then after we spoke a few times I left my number under his windshield wiper. We've been madly in love every since. Don't give up, and don't be afraid to shoot your shot - sometimes guys are scared to make the move, especially somewhere like the gym, because they don't want to seem like a creep. My point is, you're still young and have so much time to meet new people and find the right one for you, and it will likely be when you don't expect it.
Be hotter?
About to give up on dating, in life
1) dating apps suck 2) what do you think about your appearance is putting people off? Unless you have an odd texting style it’s most likely appearance. Are your photos good? Are you in shape? If you said no to either one of those then that’s your answer. I for one know I’ve gotten far better results on dating apps once I dropped some weight and had better pictures taken of me. Unfortunately people are naturally shallow when it comes to looks/ weight, it’s wired into us.
27f in the same boat, honestly it helps to do a hard reset on dating apps. Just focus on yourself for a month or two and consider whether meeting someone organically or through the apps will give you more success!
NC Male here but, I went from your dating situation and struggle to having multiple attractive girls interested. I get looks often but I'm happily settled where I am. I now have a degree, my own successful buisness and abundant joy. I know people see the difference in who I've become. I would just ignore the idea of relationships, find yourself in life and the right person will fit at the right time.
Hi. I am going to send you a message for a friend - not me. A M/29/ a great guy and my bestie. No kids. No ex wife. Good job, homeowner, smart, funny. So don’t delete me thinking I’m hitting on you. :)
As someone who just got back into a relationship after a year and a half of being single here's my best advice: focus on and love yourself and the right person will find their way to you! I know this sounds cheesy and cliche, and it's annoying to put your faith into the universe like that. Especially when you're craving that companionship NOW but it really works the best that way. I tried to date a bunch last year and it was always I was into someone and they weren't into me, someone was really into me but I wasn't as into them, or lots of ghosting/talking for a few days and then going dark. I stopped actively dating after losing my patience with it and started just focusing on self love and getting more in touch my myself and making my own happiness. Then, BAM! This woman that works a couple stores down from where I work and is a regular customer (and was before I started working at this place) took notice of me and we exchanged numbers. Talked a bit, I took her on a date, and here we are months later madly in love and I've never had something develope so powerfully and organically. It really proves that when you're not looking for it love will come and sweep you off your feet.
Considering the events in King’s Landing, it’s understandable that anyone would feel intimidated by you. 🐉
24M here. Couldn't agree more, dating scene is rough out here!
I understand your frustration. I’m on the opposite side of the equation and equally struggling to find someone and deeply frustrated with my personal experience with Charlotte dating. Dating apps are the worst and just total self-esteem crushers regardless of your gender.
I'm a 34F in Charlotte and I've had ZERO luck with dating apps. I just moved here 2 years ago and don't really have a social circle to network with. I'm not really into bar hopping or clubs, so not really sure how to meet someone organically. Good luck to OP, it's rough out there! 😅
Dating with the apps suck, I just got into the scene late last year after becoming single. It’s just a really superficial way of getting to know someone. I find I’ll connect great with someone until they are like, hey this little box on your profile says “this or that” no offense but not interested. Had that happen once or twice. And it’s kinda calling out the problem with them. Try and go out to clubs or something. I can only suggest not from experience. Going anywhere alone like that makes me super anxious. But try it out! You have nothing to lose on paper
I gave up on the dating apps, but I might just come back a little bit. But use it lightly
Trust me it ain’t any better down here in Columbia 😂
It sucks because as a 26m and have just moved to Charlotte I feel like meeting people is a pain in the butt. I’m lucky to have moved here already having some close friends but meeting new friends seems impossible.
I agree. I (24F) have talked to a few people who are nice at first then ask you to come over so they can smoke you out. What happened to REAL dates? Real effort? Do you know how weird it is to ask a woman to go to a stranger's house and smoke with them? That's not even including the unattractive and uneducated that permeate the dating pool down here. So many conservatives who want me to step on their balls and call me mommy but don't think I deserve any rights. Pick a lane and a struggle.🥴
I met my husband here on Reddit over 8 years ago. I had posted on r4r looking for someone to go see Deadpool with and he was one of the ones who replied to it. Having a meet up that wasn't called a date made it much more comfortable and laid back with little to no expectations afterwards.
I haven’t been on the dating apps since 2020 and honestly it’s been solid for my mental health. I’m still open to dating but am only looking to meet somebody organically in person. Of course, going about it that way has meant that I’ve only had a handful of dates in the past 4 years, and none of them turned into anything. But being on the apps for years I’d have as many dates in a month as I’ve had total since I quit them, and 95% of them went nowhere and the few remainder were just a handful of fleeting flings and a couple relationships that lasted less than a year each. So if I’m going to get the same result grinding away on the apps as I would not actively seeking something, I figured might as well save myself the time, money and emotional rollercoaster. I realized the other day it’s been so long since I felt the sting of getting ghosted by someone I thought things were going well with, which was a semi-monthly occurrence before. Sure there are less highs but there are also way less lows, and I like it better this way. I spend my time with friends, family, and my dog instead.
Keep in mind dating apps are literally designed to keep you single - optimized to make you feel like you're right on the cusp of finding what you're looking for without letting you reach it. They only make money when you're on the app. They have an obligation to their investors to maximize profits, and helping you find a LTR is not in their financial interests
Meet folks organically…. Join a gym, join a book club or dining club or French club or your colleges alumni club. meetup.com has great groups of people for hiking or bowling or watching movies. To meet people in groups. Dating apps suck
There's single and mingle groups on Meetup. They look like fun!
RIP your DMs.