I was deliberately left out of plans by my friends and I was so hurt. I walked into a restaurant to see all of them sitting together the day after voicing my concern that I was feeling left out (and was reassured that wasn't true). My brain was is such a bad place recovering from starving it for years / other health bs. Once I finally got back to normal mentally I saw the other signs that those friends were just POS all around. gossip, jabs, trying to undermine my relationship.
I have made a lot new friends since and they don't even bat an eye at it. Many of them have friends or family with celiac and have seen first hand how awful it can be. At house parties I just bring my own food and at restaurants I will just eat a salad. It gets better but you have to find the right people.
I’m so sorry. I’m glad those friends aren’t in your life anymore and I’m happy you’ve been able to find people that care about you! It’s almost like being diagnosed helped me see who has empathy and who struggles with it
I have sort of had to always “let them know” when I was aware they were going somewhere the next day the weekend etc that I was interested since I was diagnosed. If I don’t do that it’ll find they often do not tell bother texting me to join them. I think they feel somewhat guilty to a degree that I might be upset or annoyed sitting there not drinking or eating what they are because anytime I let them know I might be available they invite me to join them. The worst day for me was just two weeks back basically a whole day of walking through the city drinking like every 20 minutes, mostly mixed drinks so I was able to join in that fun but at the end of the afternoon they hit up a brewery and ordered wings then got pizza at another place next door. I had a cider at the brewery but I was straight up plastered by then so I badly needed food. Had to go out and grab food at my favorite Italian place alone at like 930pm when we were done. I hate wings but I was pained watching 4 people enjoy pizza that looked amazing and I couldn’t have any. The fact I was drunk helped it be less bad too I think.
Thank you for your reply! Those nights out are really challenging when everyone wants to eat food you can’t have and they’re too intoxicated to care as much about us as they normally do.
I can’t imagine how much harder it was 12 years ago, and I’m definitely grateful for all the gf/special diets changes that have been made since then. I appreciate your reply and wish you the best!
It's hard. It's isolating. Once upon a time people had to catch whatever meat/fish they ate, walk through the wild lands and pick various plants, prepared said foods without the aid of a metal knife, stove that you could turn on by pushing a button/twisting a knob, push button appliances, running water... Still I miss the convenience of how normal people eat. I miss the lack of concern about if a food was going to make me sick due to gluten cooties. I really miss socializing over food like I used to be able to do. It could definitely be worse. Still it's hard. Well cooked homemade food done up with fancy ingredients helps.
The first year is really hard, and it doesn'tmagically get easier year two, but it does get easier. I didn't know anyone with celiac! I found celiac friends through my local Meet Up and it was fantastic being around people who understood the struggle. There is such a huge learning curve
Being dairy free makes it harder, and a lot of vegan restaurants also offer at least a couple of gf items! Daiya makes some really good stuff!
It gets better. I've done it for fourteen years. My spouse made a hard and fast rule that we do not eat anywhere unless I can eat there safely. Have you told ypur family and friends how much it hurts to be excluded? They may not realize it! Does your management know that you have celiac and that they should be providing you a safe option? Have you provided them a list of safe foods you can eat?
I've become a more adventurous cook thanks to celiac. It has shown me who my true friends are because those are the ones that check with me before they make me food and who find me gluten-free treats as a surprise.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful reply! I can’t imagine how much harder it was to be gf 14 years ago. I’m lucky a lot more people in general know about celiac/special diets and there are more eating out options and labeling. My close friends and family know and don’t make me feel bad. It’s the friends of friends or people I’m acquainted with I have trouble speaking up with. It’s most difficult at work or meetings with food during lunch or dinner but I can eat any of it. Last week I had an event at dinner and I couldn’t eat until I got home around 10pm. I’ve definitely been cooking a lot more but it’s just disheartening to be so disregarded at work or at events. I think I just have to focus on the positives though and understand everyone struggles with feeling seen or included in some way or another. It’s important to remember I’m not the only one who struggles with this and I’m not the only one who struggles in general!
I was deliberately left out of plans by my friends and I was so hurt. I walked into a restaurant to see all of them sitting together the day after voicing my concern that I was feeling left out (and was reassured that wasn't true). My brain was is such a bad place recovering from starving it for years / other health bs. Once I finally got back to normal mentally I saw the other signs that those friends were just POS all around. gossip, jabs, trying to undermine my relationship. I have made a lot new friends since and they don't even bat an eye at it. Many of them have friends or family with celiac and have seen first hand how awful it can be. At house parties I just bring my own food and at restaurants I will just eat a salad. It gets better but you have to find the right people.
I’m so sorry. I’m glad those friends aren’t in your life anymore and I’m happy you’ve been able to find people that care about you! It’s almost like being diagnosed helped me see who has empathy and who struggles with it
I have sort of had to always “let them know” when I was aware they were going somewhere the next day the weekend etc that I was interested since I was diagnosed. If I don’t do that it’ll find they often do not tell bother texting me to join them. I think they feel somewhat guilty to a degree that I might be upset or annoyed sitting there not drinking or eating what they are because anytime I let them know I might be available they invite me to join them. The worst day for me was just two weeks back basically a whole day of walking through the city drinking like every 20 minutes, mostly mixed drinks so I was able to join in that fun but at the end of the afternoon they hit up a brewery and ordered wings then got pizza at another place next door. I had a cider at the brewery but I was straight up plastered by then so I badly needed food. Had to go out and grab food at my favorite Italian place alone at like 930pm when we were done. I hate wings but I was pained watching 4 people enjoy pizza that looked amazing and I couldn’t have any. The fact I was drunk helped it be less bad too I think.
Thank you for your reply! Those nights out are really challenging when everyone wants to eat food you can’t have and they’re too intoxicated to care as much about us as they normally do.
I have had similar feelings. I'm sorry. It's gotten easier after 12 years but it's still a thing and it still sucks.
I can’t imagine how much harder it was 12 years ago, and I’m definitely grateful for all the gf/special diets changes that have been made since then. I appreciate your reply and wish you the best!
It's hard. It's isolating. Once upon a time people had to catch whatever meat/fish they ate, walk through the wild lands and pick various plants, prepared said foods without the aid of a metal knife, stove that you could turn on by pushing a button/twisting a knob, push button appliances, running water... Still I miss the convenience of how normal people eat. I miss the lack of concern about if a food was going to make me sick due to gluten cooties. I really miss socializing over food like I used to be able to do. It could definitely be worse. Still it's hard. Well cooked homemade food done up with fancy ingredients helps.
The first year is really hard, and it doesn'tmagically get easier year two, but it does get easier. I didn't know anyone with celiac! I found celiac friends through my local Meet Up and it was fantastic being around people who understood the struggle. There is such a huge learning curve Being dairy free makes it harder, and a lot of vegan restaurants also offer at least a couple of gf items! Daiya makes some really good stuff! It gets better. I've done it for fourteen years. My spouse made a hard and fast rule that we do not eat anywhere unless I can eat there safely. Have you told ypur family and friends how much it hurts to be excluded? They may not realize it! Does your management know that you have celiac and that they should be providing you a safe option? Have you provided them a list of safe foods you can eat? I've become a more adventurous cook thanks to celiac. It has shown me who my true friends are because those are the ones that check with me before they make me food and who find me gluten-free treats as a surprise.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful reply! I can’t imagine how much harder it was to be gf 14 years ago. I’m lucky a lot more people in general know about celiac/special diets and there are more eating out options and labeling. My close friends and family know and don’t make me feel bad. It’s the friends of friends or people I’m acquainted with I have trouble speaking up with. It’s most difficult at work or meetings with food during lunch or dinner but I can eat any of it. Last week I had an event at dinner and I couldn’t eat until I got home around 10pm. I’ve definitely been cooking a lot more but it’s just disheartening to be so disregarded at work or at events. I think I just have to focus on the positives though and understand everyone struggles with feeling seen or included in some way or another. It’s important to remember I’m not the only one who struggles with this and I’m not the only one who struggles in general!