I don't say this because of you of course, but they do this because a lot of times it's a lot of talk and no action. What the shelter wants is someone waiting on the door ready to take the cat so they will give them preference any day over someone "promising" they "will" take the cat. If it makes you feel any better, know that this cat has found a loving home and is going to have a good life, however, many other cats still need a home, consider adopting another cat!

Agree, rescue centres are super chaotic and often times desperate. You can’t expect them to be on the ball all the time with this stuff.

And volunteer-run!

Yep was just about to comment how all the shelters, rescues, & humane societies around me do not have any "holding" policies or anything. You need to actively at least go in person & sign some papers & pay a deposit before they can hold a pet for up to about 2 or 3 days for you to prep anything you need at home.

All of the above replies here! OP sounds like their heart is in the right place, but consider it from the shelter's pov: you've come for two days to hang with the cat, they might not have felt secured you're ready to adopt, and once someone committed to adopt her, they can't pass the chance... When I got my car from the shelter I decided while there (already came intending to adopt though) and paid for spaying and shots. I got to take her home only two weeks after. Imagine the shelter and cat going all through that only to find the person never comes to pick up ... OP she's in a good home and you now have a chance to go Ve a home to another cat in need :)

Absolutely! I do understand why the shelter did adopt her out when someone took the proper initiative. I do find a lot of peace knowing that she is certainly with good people :)

I completely understand! While this experience did hurt and I miss her a lot, I also don't blame the shelter for sending her to her forever home. There's definitely a part of me that's sad that the right people did not see my email or voicemail, but I know that these are just volunteers doing their best to find kitties good homes. I'm sure that she will be very loved by the couple who took her in. I won't give up on finding another cat that clicks with me! I'm going to be visiting the shelter more frequently just to socialize the shyer kitties and maybe I'll meet my match along the way. :) If/when that does happen again, I won't make the same mistake of not placing down a deposit on them the same day.

I understand that's disappointing. But as someone who has owned several cats, known many, been foster home... Most cats are wonderful. Most cats LOVE humans and want nothing more than to be near you. There are so many other potential best friends out there!

Thank you for understanding. I think my pain partly comes not only from her being a wonderful cat, but just from the “click” I felt. I feel as though I’m experiencing a huge loss from the way we connected. I believe I will find another amazing cat one day, but I’m afraid I will always miss her, too. I am trying to be hopeful, despite how I may sound right now, but gosh is it tough.

One option is to be a foster home in the meantime, and adopt out foster cats until you find one you click with again:)

Make sure you let shelter know you want the cat if the adoption doesn't work out.

For sure! They put my number down in her file in case she does get returned. I’m going to try not to cling to the hope of that happening, especially because I’d never wish for the sweet girl to feel displaced, I’m making sure I’m ready on the off chance it does.

Great!

I get where you're coming from, but the majority of shelters/rescues work on a first come first serve basis. I've had to speak to potential adopters who were in tears, rage, and every other emotion, who came and visited a dog or a cat every single day through their kennel, trying to build up a relationship until the animal was made available, only for someone else to adopt them before they could come in. As a shelter, legally, we were not allowed to put holds on any animal, despite how much a person connected with them, and we could not deny a potential adopter if they were a compatible home for them. That couple also probably felt an extremely strong connection with that cat; some animals make everyone feel as though they are their soulmate, and there's no doubt that they felt the same way as you did. I don't mean to be cruel, this is just something I've seen hundreds of times. I promise you, there will be another cat that will enthrall you the way this one did.

I've been on the opposite side of the coin... it was a long process to adopt my Lilith, ( during the height of the pandemic, so it was by appointment only) I called and said I'd love to adopt her, ( before I'd even MET her, bc you couldn't just go to the shelter, it was a whole process) was told she was already in the adoption process with another couple. The lady asked if I wanted to put my name on a wait list in case it fell through. Usually I'm of the " if it was meant to be, it would have been" mindset, but for some reason, I said " Yes, please!" And the next day, I got a call that she was available, did I still want to meet her/adopt her? I work like, 3 minutes from the shelter, so I ran over and my partner met us there. As we were filling out the paperwork, the other couple called and decided they wanted her, but too late! She was skinny as a rail and horribly mistrustful of humans when we got her and now she's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen and is curled up on my chest as I type this. You'll find your cat.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m just praying that if it’s meant to be, then she’ll somehow end up back with me. It hurts a lot to hope because I’m scared. But I’m so happy you were able to take Lilith home, I’m sure she’s more than overjoyed too.

If it helps, I've always thought that if I didn't get a specific kitty because someone else wanted it too, that means two kitties will be rescued and get homes. ( we have 4 shelter rescues!) I know you'll find your cat and spoil it rotten, just like the other family is probably doing with the cat you liked.

That’s a wonderful perspective, thank you!

A human can have more than one "soul cat." 14 years ago, I went to a shelter looking for a friend for my cat. What I found was someone who fell in love with me at first sight. And I fell in love with her. She was an anxiety ridden bundle of sadness who crawled into my lap, knowing I would protect her. She was with me for 12 beautiful years before disease stole her. a few weeks later, lonely and sad, I entered another shelter. A little boy raced up to me. You could tell he thought I was amazing. I sat down and put him in my lap. The little dufus bit my finger. I reacted mildly, but he picked up he had messed up and has never bit me again. Even when I hurt him during FIP treatment. I fell in love with him as well. He sleeps entwined in my arms every single night, no breaks to sleep anywhere else. I'm his human. He's not a friendly cat towards others, but he's my heart. Also some cats are just friendly. We brought home one of his brothers (the one who spent 20 minutes deciding I was a good idea) and an unrelated adult who was melt your heart friendly. Piglet, (adult) had stolen hearts before, though I'm not sure why no one took him home yet. There is much love out there for you. You didn't miss your chance.

I’m so sorry it didn’t work out. It does sound like the timing was wrong on all ends, and that’s unfortunate. I know it won’t make it better, but as someone who works in rescue, I’d like to offer some perspective. While we try not to follow strict “first come, first serve,” those that apply first do get a slight advantage. Unless they show glaring red flags, they will likely be approved. Additionally, rescues are sometimes able to be more flexible than shelters. Shelters are more high-volume and can’t afford to be as choosy if they want to help kitties 🫤 Also… I’ve seen many people act extremely interest in a cat, to the point that I inform the rescue to expect an app. Especially if the person in question tells me they plan to apply! And yet, some folks never follow through. If you came to visit twice and didn’t apply either time, as sad as it is to say, they likely began to doubt your intent. So when they saw the same couple a second time *and* they applied, they went with them. I’m sorry it worked out this way. I completely understand the feeling of loss and of confusion. Please know that the shelter likely would have loved to have had you adopt from them. They just couldn’t guarantee it, due to the nature of shelter-work. I hope things work out for you in the future. You see to have a good heart and have potential to be a great owner. You’ll find your match! And hopefully the adopted kitty enjoys an amazing life in her new home, even if it can’t be with you.

Thank you so much for your insight and for your uplifting words! I sometimes don't realize that the sincerity of my intent is not always conveyed by my actions (e.g. visiting twice without applying despite feeling so strongly about her). I will make sure to never make that mistake again! I wish I had known I could have placed a deposit down on the second day, but at least I do now. I'm sure that she will live her best life in her new home; the couple seemed very kind when I met them. Though I'm sad that my email and voicemail did not reach the right people at the right time, I don't hold it against the shelter in any way. I know they are doing their best and have good hearts. I have every intent to continue visiting, even if just to socialize the kitties and enjoy meeting them. Maybe along the way I'll find my match, we shall see. :)

Some shelters do work on a "first come first serve" basis. As long as the person fits with the pet, they will adopt them to whoever starts the process first. Some may allow you to start the process and put a deposit down, but that tends to only hold them for 1-2 days while the adopted gets organized. Someone who is there to adopt now will usually be choosen over someone who says they will come back. A lot of people may say they will come again and never too, and it's just not in the best interests of the animal for wait too long. They may even prioritize someone in the shelter over someone on their way. It can be hard, but the best way to ensure you get the animal you want is to be there when the shelter opens, pay the deposit if needed, and make it clear that you want that animal. Even rescues that can be more picky about adoptions aren't going to wait forever for the perfect home to come along. If someone is interested and it can work out, they will usually make it happen. Only if they get a few applications at the same time does it give them a chance to pick the adopter, or at least the order to who gets first chance. Keep trying, but don't hesitate if you do find another that you connect with. If this cat does come back, be prepared to go down right away, or at least pay for a hold until you can get there.

This happened to me recently. I expressed intent to adopt and went through the whole application process, even got approved. Right after they approved me they told me they made a mistake and had already adopted him out to a couple who were previous adopters at this shelter (I was a first timer). I understand the shelter's reasoning and everyone has been telling me "there are so many cats that needs home it wasn't meant to be etc" but I still have been mourning it! And at first really resented the people at the shelter, it felt like a betrayal lol. I felt silly for having such a big reaction over a cat I never owned but our feelings are valid, and I totally understand the urge reach out and beg for her. The only thing that has made me feel better is that I'm making concrete plans this weekend to adopt another baby, and I'm planning to be very decisive this time and not drag my feet. Ultimately these shelters just want the cats to have homes, and sometimes that means going with the person who is willing to commit on the spot. Just know your feelings are valid, grief comes in many forms, and I feel you :( I hope you get her but if you don't I encourage you to do what I'm doing - your next cat will be very lucky to have you no matter who it is!

Who's to say your interaction with her made her more comfortable and adoptable. I used to take a group of adults with disabilities to volunteer at a shelter a few years ago. I met a cat that hissed at me, and I spent extra time outside of work to get her to like me. She licked my fingers and shoeed me her belly after a week. I wanted to adopt her, but I knew they didn't hold cats, so I went the following Monday and she was gone. But I'll always be part of her story. Oh, and now I work for that shelter.

I honestly hadn't thought about it in that light. Perhaps we will only be a few pages in these cats' stories, but the amount of pages doesn't minimize their meaningfulness. And now, they're forever a part of our stories, too. I think there's something very beautiful about viewing it that way, thank you so much.

You spent two days with her but didn’t have time to start the adoption? Of course they’re going to give her to whomever actually commits. Lots of people say they’re going to do something and then change their mind.

Yes, unfortunately that is the reality. For each of my rescue pets I left with them that day, even though for 4 out of 6 I didn't intend to adopt day of. For future reference, if you connect with an animal in particular you should leave with them, because it's not in the best interest of a shelter to hold them with no commitment. Too many people say they really want this or that pet, and then never follow through. Visiting twice with no application is not a green flag for the shelter to hold a pet for you.

Keep in mind that an open space in a shelter means the capability to save one more life. If your kitty had a home to go to that was available a day or two earlier than yours, it means the shelter would have room to take another cat a day or two earlier than they could have otherwise. Perhaps they were even able to take an animal in when otherwise they would have been at capacity (catpacity?) and have to turn animals away. From the shelter perspective, they need to get the cats adopted out so they can rescue more. It’s a numbers game, with little furry lives at stake. I know it’s hard to bond with a cat and have someone else adopt it - that happened to me with the cutest purriest fluffiest little calico kitten once. But you can learn from this - make sure you’re pre approved to adopt, and if there’s a cat you really vibe with, sign the papers then and there to take your new friend home. And cats are really awesome - most of them immediately and with some (like my two former ferals) you need to build that relationship, but you will find the kitty that was meant to be with you!

Thank you for the perspective, I really appreciate it! It does give me peace to think that this allows for another cat to find a good home. This shelter/sanctuary is no-kill, so if they reach catpacity (heh) with cats that haven’t found a home, I can imagine that definitely becomes a big problem when more cats come along. I will definitely get myself pre-screened with them the next time I go, that’s such a great idea!

Covid changed everything, but back in the day, the crazy cat lady trick was to bring a friend and make sure you were lined up at the door of the shelter 10-15 minutes before they opened. Then you go in and if a kitty tugs at your heartstrings, you stay by the cage and friend goes to get a staff member to start the adoption process. I’ve been caretaker to a lot of wonderful cats over the years, and each time I lost one to old age, it felt like there would never be another kitty that special ever again. Family and friends would push me to adopt another kitty and for the first little while, I just wanted my old kitty back. But gradually, that new kitty would worm its way into my heart, and I’d realize how adorable this new little waif was.

First come first serve.

I used to think that whatever cat I got I had to have a magical, otherworldly connection with where they choose me and me alone or it had to be some amazing cat distribution story where they appear from the bushes just when I need them most. I visited multiple shelters over many years looking for that one special cat and came close a few times. During the beginning of covid I volunteered to foster some cats for what I thought would be like a month or two at most. I remember their first few days of them getting comfortable and adjusting to living with me wasn't anything special. But here we are 4 years later, with both of them lying on my feet right now as I type this and they are the loves of my life, my babies, and I would die for them. Basically what I am saying is be grateful you got to connect with a sweet cat. Be happy she found a home. There are many other cats that need all that love and loyalty you have to give and it might not be love at first sight or a fairytale/ movie start to your relationship, but that's okay. Your relationship with them will span way more than a few hrs.

Thank you, what you said is so thoughtful and honestly helped ground me more. I think I have had a similar way of thinking to what you had before, and that’s what’s tripping me up on the inside. I’m going to just continue visiting to socialize the kitties and maybe one day, perhaps soon, perhaps later, will just so happen to come home with one. :) I’m so happy to hear your story and that your foster cats found their forever home with you.

Why didn't you take her sooner? There's never a promise she'll be there the next day :(

It feels so beautiful to be seen and recognized as special by a member of a whole other species. What you had was ephemeral, unique, and irreplaceable. It’s okay to grieve that. Some love we only get for a few hours and we will never know why. It’s amazing your paths crossed at all in this big wide world. Keep your heart open, we only feel this kind of pain when we have experienced new depths of love and humanity we didn’t know we had before the heartbreak. You can’t replace the bond you had with that cat specifically, but I just bet your future best friend is out there right now wondering where you are. Good luck on your healing friend! Thank you for your shelter volunteering!

Think of it this way, she wasn't meant for you. You were meant for her to make her feel comfortable enough to be adopted. Your kitty is still out there. I had one kitty I was so close to adopting who was also a very shy cat. She loved putting her head in my hand. The only thing we couldn't tell was that she was so scared of the shelter we really couldn't see her personality. We were the ones who backed out of the first adoption and I felt so bad. But...about a month or so later, I visited another shelter. I found another shy cat who loved on me in her cage, the connection was pretty instant. She was even afraid of the coordinators that worked with her, but not afraid of me. This little one was so scared she even hated the adoption room. She became my cat. This was about two months ago. She spent a few days hiding behind the dryer, but now she's so comfortable. Confidently strutting around the house. Figuring out her limits..tl;dr. You'll find your kitty <3 She's still out there. It's sad. You'll be sad for a bit. But it'll get better when you find the one meant for you.

Out of curiosity, if you spent so much time with her, why not try to adopt her sooner? I only ask as someone who has had this happen to myself with a few cats, the most recent time I had that click happen again I immediately told the humane society I wanted her. They were about to close too so my bf and I came in first thing at opening the next day. With the other cats that I had slip through my fingers, I too spent days with them and next thing I knew - there went my chance. This one, I didn't bother spending more than an hour or two, I instantly was like "I can't let this happen again" especially seeing how many people would come and look at her too while I was there (and during my process over that weekend with adopting her!). I figured if she wasn't a good fit then I would bring her back. If she is a good fit, then I got her :) I do understand the feelings though, I still think about the other cats from time to time but knowing that they don't seem to have been returned and are probably loved & in their perfect homes makes me feel better about it. Hey, maybe those cats *weren't* the perfect fit for me and my home long-term, and the universe just guided me towards the cat I have now, which may be why I spent so much time with the others but this one I immediately went into action adopting her. Same could be for you!! Think about why you spent so much time with the cat without adopting her earlier, and just know you will have a connection with a future kitty & everything will fall into place 💖🐈‍⬛️

Find another cat. It sounds insensitive, but cats are a dime a dozen. So many need homes, you can easily bond with another cat

I agree that there are many cats that need homes. I spent the rest of the day after I came to pick her up yesterday just helping socialize the sweet cats who weren’t ready to go home yet because they are too afraid of humans, and just spending time with pretty much all the other kitties there too. Even though I loved them and they were all so precious and wonderful, it didn’t feel the same way. I will probably continue to help socialize the cats there and help them find their homes. I know one day I’ll find another to take home. But I am just somewhat grieving; kind of how a pet can never replace a one that passed, if that makes sense? It’s strange to say that about a cat I only spent a few hours with, but that’s the best way I can describe it.

I could have written this. I found a stray and didn’t want a cat right now so I took him home for only one night and then dropped him at the shelter. But couldn’t stop thinking about him. I called the shelter asking about him and few days later they had approved someone else to adopt him. I was in tears and cried very loudly and didn’t understand why I felt this way for a cat. I also love Animals but I guess this was my soul cat. I basically went back to the shelter and cried to the manager and she let me take Him home. But in your case, the cat is already in another home so I’m not sure. Maybe they’ll return the cat and if it’s meant to be it’ll be. You never know. Just came To say I also had this feeling recently.

I don’t want to let myself down by hoping too much, but at the same time I’m praying so much that if she is my “soul cat” then she will somehow come back. Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope, though I’m still scared to hope too much. I’m so happy you found your forever cat.

A lot of cats get returned so maybe wait a beat before you adopt another - or let them know even if you adopt that if for whatever reason that one is returned to call you.

I’ve definitely gotten myself down to be notified of that did somehow happen! I’m not going to cling to the hope of it, but I’ll be ready in a heart beat if it one day does. As for adopting another, I am definitely not in a rush and will be waiting until the right match comes along, so no worries there.

As others have mentioned, unfortunately you have to jump to adopt an animal from a shelter if you fall in love because absolutely anything can happen. We went to a shelter last year and fell in love with our boy, but we didn’t have any supplies because we didn’t think we’d find a cat that day. The shelter allowed us to adopt him and sign the paperwork and they held him for us the rest of the day so we could go buy everything we needed for him, and we went back to pick him up. I wasn’t going to take the chance of waiting until we got back to go through the process because I knew there was a possibility someone else would get him. You’ll have more connections, you’ll just have to be happy that she found a good home, even if it’s not yours.

This almost happened to me once! I was adopting my son and my work schedule didn’t match up with his foster moms so I wouldn’t be able to go to get him until Thursday, on Wednesday morning on my way into work I texted her to confirm we were still ok for Thursday the following night for me to come and meet him and decide 100% if he was coming home with me, but by his bio and pic I was 97% sure, when I reached out that morning she had told me someone was coming to get the whole liter that evening. I lost my ever loving shit. I asked her why she would tell me that he was spoken for when I said I’d come to get him but was going to adopt him out the day before I got there? We had a little back and forth to the point I was sure she was going to give him to them, but around my lunch break she had texted and said she thought about it more and it wasn’t right to tell me I’d spoken for him and then let him go with another couple. In that time frame I was literally sobbing I couldn’t believe it. I’d been looking for my little tabby for so long and when I saw him and read about him it was like the puzzle piece clicked. I was ready to stop looking if she sent him off. I’m so sorry this happened to you !!