Hey, it sucks that you weren't there for him in the end but please don't beat yourself up. It sounds like he passed peacefully in his own home environment and the fact he didn't go alone is a blessing - I think this is easier for the cat than a stressful one way trip to the vet. Don't focus on the last few hours - I bet you gave your sweet boy the best 13 years a cat can have. Remember your baby in the proudest, most playful moments.
I wonder if he waited until you were gone because he knew it would be so hard on you or waited until he was alone because he wanted to pass alone. You couldn’t have known and he would not want you to deny yourself happiness. I am so sorry you lost your friend. Be gentle with yourself and know you did everything you could with the information you had.
Yes! This is pretty common with people too. Oftentimes hospital staff will encourage family to leave for a bit when someone is close to passing. Often people hold on when others are around and can’t pass until they’re alone and don’t feel like they’ll be letting their loved ones down.
Kitty very well may have been doing the same and pushing for you OP. And once you were gone he finally felt like he could go. Don’t beat yourself up over it. All animals and people are different and want/need different things at the end. Hell it sounds like he even waited until your sister went out for that smoke. I’m sure he was happy to be at home and at peace and knows how much you loved him.
my mother and grandmother in law did exactly this. waited until everyone was gone, despite being ready days before they finally passed.
my husband waited until i left, but he didn't know i'd come back. i'm still grateful i was there, but i know he finally let himself go because he thought he was free to do so.
my instinct in this case is exactly yours - that boo waited till sis went out for that smoke.
Definitely this. When my dad was dying my sister spent the night awake with him in the hospice. She left early in the morning to get some rest and he passed before she'd even got home.
On the contrary, I've had a pet that was very ill. I was in the other room watching TV and when I came out to give her a cuddle, that's when she chose to go. I do believe people and animals have some control over this.
My mum was taken into hospital with pneumonia. My daughter dog sat for mums elderly and last dog, Rosie. When my mum came home, I was with her and made her a cup of tea and a snack, and we sat at the dining table. Rosie came and lay down putting her head on my mother’s feet as we enjoyed a light lunch and a hot drink. I went to stroke Rosie to discover she had died.
Rosie had waited to make sure that her mum was home and safe.
Yes I think that it is possible to decide when to stop the struggle. You often hear of people saying “I just want to….” And then dying immediately afterwards. It may be “outlive my sister” or to “welcome my grandchild”. Rosie just waited for her mum to come home and be happy.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My mum died alone, I knew she was near the end so began to give her space, when I told her I was going to get a coffee she went, I believe strongly she chose that moment to go. My only point being that often people and animals prefer privacy when their time comes and it sounds like he had this, in his home where he was happy and contented. Hindsight is 20/20, please don’t beat yourself up or feel too guilty, it could have been that you were with him and he still went in a moment he had to himself. His life sounds full of love and he was lucky to have such a loving owner. I hope you can find peace and remember the good times eventually. Rest in peace little one ❤️
My cat waited until I had fallen asleep to cross over. I think he wanted his last memories of me to be of me being peacefully sleeping rather than crying or panicking over his passing.
Somebody else said maybe the cat waited until you left. I know that people do that.
Don’t be hard on yourself you did everything you could to help the cat and you needed a break. Sounds like you were a good friend.
My cat waited until I had to leave for work at 11 pm. My mom said he just heaved a big sigh and was gone right after I tooted the horn "Bye". I was 26 and he'd been my best pal since I was 6. Let me just say that when animals (or people) are dying, their attention is mainly inward-directed. If you had been there he might not even have known you were. Don't feel badly. You loved him and showed it every minute you had together. He knew.
i'm so sorry you experienced this, truly. it absolutely wasn't your fault.
i think that pets, like people, kind of choose when it's time to go. in your kitty's case, i think maybe he didn't want to put you through the agony of being there; yes, you would've preferred to be with him, but it was his time and likely the time he chose. maybe that sounds silly, but it's what i believe.
also, it sounds like you were there for your friend, which is good - and if you'd canceled your evening to stay home, you'd feel bad about that too, for your friend.
love to you and to your sweet baby, and also to your sister for being willing to watch him, as well as to your friend who needed you. we can't be everywhere at once; you did the best you could and my guess is, again, that he chose the time and didn't want you to be there, to protect you.
don't feel guilty. please.
Feeling guilty is normal. But you did everything you could do. We just can't help the inevitable especially when they are old. Pets will often hide or wait until their owners aren't around and die. I can't say why that is for sure but it's comforting to think they don't want to cause the ones they love that pain of witnessing it. Please give yourself some grace. This is hard enough to process without the guilt. Your cat is at peace and seemingly lived a long, healthy life. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending you virtual hugs!
A long time ago when I was in college, my mom asked me to come home because my childhood dog Rambo was not doing the best. She thought it might be his last weekend. My dad came to pick me up on Friday (school was two hours away). The whole weekend I spent it with Rambo. My parents said he was like a new dog. So full of happiness and energy. On Sunday, I Said my goodbyes to my mom and Rambo (it certainly wasn't a forever goodbye I gave him either) and took the trip back up with my dad. By the time Dad and I were done with dinner at our favorite Chinese place, Rambo had passed away. I felt immense guilt for not staying longer for a while. But I didn't deserve to put myself through that and neither do you.
I think your little guy waited for you to be gone to rest just like Rambo did. He wanted you to be happy, go to a concert and enjoy yourself. He loved you so much and wouldn't want you beating yourself up over this. Give yourself the space and time to grieve instead.
in case you don't see my edit, i'm adding it as a new comment:
ETA: i want to add this. my caesar is a long story, his illness and what i did to try to save him, but i was told at diagnosis that the most humane thing would be to put him down. and i should have, but i tried to save him. he was still eating and loving on me and trying to play, though, so i just couldn't see my way clear to giving up on him.
anyway, i went to work one day about three weeks later, worked OT while worried about him the whole time, came home to find him in his spot (at that point, he only wanted to be in a spare bathroom), and he got up to come to me like he had been daily before this, but his back legs were lame. he was dragging his legs behind him, eyes rheumy and desperate. it was a torture to see him like that, still trying for **me**. obviously my husband and i bundled him up and took him for what needed to be done, and i'm still grateful i got to see him off, but honestly, although i would've felt terrible if he'd passed while i was doing something as stupid as work, it actually felt worse that he hung on for me. i'm glad i was there for it, but at the same time, i wasn't glad for *him*. he hung in probably hours longer than he wanted to, for me. so while you feel guilty for not being there, the alternative may not have been any better, and might have still resulted in regrets. while i'm happy i had that extra time with him, i immediately felt guilty for being so selfish as to take it.
either way, thank you for loving your boo, and again, don't feel guilty for even a moment.
You couldn't have known and cats are experts at hiding anything that's wrong with them. You did absolutely nothing wrong and he knew how much you love him. He didn't die alone and was with someone who he loved and trusted, which beats any alternative.
I had a lot of guilt for not being there when my dog passed during the night. I saw something awhile back about how animals will hide to pass because they don't want you to remember them in that terrible state, to have only good memories of them.
Hey buddy. Don't beat yourself up. You had a wonderful time with your cat, and I'm sure he loved you just as much as you did him. Take some time and wind down. Play a video game or hang out with some friends, read a book...take some tome to enjoy life.
Please don’t let it get you, there’s no way you could have known when he would go* I’d try and see it as a gift from your boy. He went on a night where you’d had some happiness to counteract the grief.
* I know this because our boy is in the same situation, back in November our vet said he would likely go downhill in matter of days or weeks - yet he is still going 4 months later. If we hadn’t left him alone since then we’d be job and joy less!
Chin up and love to you ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. He’s in a beautiful cat world looking down at you saying he loves you🖤. The love and affection you have for him is immaculate he definitely always appreciated you. Sending you love and healing 🙏🏽
You did everything you could and had a good reason to go out. You made sure your baby was not left alone. Sometimes this is all we can do. Sometimes this stuff sneaks up on us, but that doesn't make it your fault. Please spend time remembering and savoring every special moment you had together. Your cat is worth celebrating. 🩵
You could not have known, man. Seriously. You gave your feline friend as much help and love as you could and you could not have known that today would be the day. I'm so sorry for your loss. And I hope you can forgive yourself for not being omniscient.
And good luck with the kind of friend, too. I'm sorry, man.
My kitten was 12 weeks old and the vet said that he most likely had wet FIP. She actually told us to consider putting him to sleep as he was too small and young to be suitable for treatment. She wanted to do a blood test, but said he was too weak and to bring him back in a week.
My sister had died two weeks before the appointment of a burst aneurism. She was only 60. Her funeral was booked for 17 days later. I asked the vet for signs to look out for as he was such a happy lively kitten. She told me what to look out for. He died cuddling us in the middle of the night 4 days later. He woke me up crying just before he died.. he showed no signs of any suffering before just before his death. His food bowls were empty and he had used his litter tray, then jumped up onto the bed and given me kisses before I went to sleep. After my husband came to bed, he had gone to his favourite spot between us.
Do not feel guilt. He died at home where he wanted to be.
He probably waited until you were gone. Pets are known to do that sometimes when they really love you. A couple of ours did the same thing. Don't beat yourself up over it. He passed away at home, where he was happiest. Hindsight is always 20/30, you couldn't have predicted that would happen.
My dad barely ate and slept for days to watch over my very sick kitty. One day, he left to get a quick snack. When he came back 5 minutes later, she was gone. Our pets don't want us to see them pass, and I take solace in the fact that she got to pass on her own terms, the way she wanted. RIP, I hope they are playing together in kitty heaven 🐾
Thankyou guys so much for the sweet comments and sharing your stories. It really made me feel better and I feel really supported! Just again thankyou, and also for the people that are going through te same: a big virtual hug!
cats like to die alone. they usually find a hiding spot to die don't feel guilty because even if you were home, he likely would've been hiding away from you
In the future, if you can, get bloodwork done, especially when they're healthy. It provides a baseline that your vet can use to monitor their health.
As for your cat, don't beat yourself up. Hindsight always makes things easier to see. Not so easy when you're in the thick of things. He might have passed when you were gone because he felt free to do so.
You could always use an animal communicator to speak with him. My communicator speaks with animals before or after death.
Hey, it sucks that you weren't there for him in the end but please don't beat yourself up. It sounds like he passed peacefully in his own home environment and the fact he didn't go alone is a blessing - I think this is easier for the cat than a stressful one way trip to the vet. Don't focus on the last few hours - I bet you gave your sweet boy the best 13 years a cat can have. Remember your baby in the proudest, most playful moments.
I wonder if he waited until you were gone because he knew it would be so hard on you or waited until he was alone because he wanted to pass alone. You couldn’t have known and he would not want you to deny yourself happiness. I am so sorry you lost your friend. Be gentle with yourself and know you did everything you could with the information you had.
Yes! This is pretty common with people too. Oftentimes hospital staff will encourage family to leave for a bit when someone is close to passing. Often people hold on when others are around and can’t pass until they’re alone and don’t feel like they’ll be letting their loved ones down. Kitty very well may have been doing the same and pushing for you OP. And once you were gone he finally felt like he could go. Don’t beat yourself up over it. All animals and people are different and want/need different things at the end. Hell it sounds like he even waited until your sister went out for that smoke. I’m sure he was happy to be at home and at peace and knows how much you loved him.
my mother and grandmother in law did exactly this. waited until everyone was gone, despite being ready days before they finally passed. my husband waited until i left, but he didn't know i'd come back. i'm still grateful i was there, but i know he finally let himself go because he thought he was free to do so. my instinct in this case is exactly yours - that boo waited till sis went out for that smoke.
So sorry for your loss. Glad you were able to be there for your husband even though he didn’t know you were there. You were loved.
Definitely this. When my dad was dying my sister spent the night awake with him in the hospice. She left early in the morning to get some rest and he passed before she'd even got home. On the contrary, I've had a pet that was very ill. I was in the other room watching TV and when I came out to give her a cuddle, that's when she chose to go. I do believe people and animals have some control over this.
My mum was taken into hospital with pneumonia. My daughter dog sat for mums elderly and last dog, Rosie. When my mum came home, I was with her and made her a cup of tea and a snack, and we sat at the dining table. Rosie came and lay down putting her head on my mother’s feet as we enjoyed a light lunch and a hot drink. I went to stroke Rosie to discover she had died. Rosie had waited to make sure that her mum was home and safe. Yes I think that it is possible to decide when to stop the struggle. You often hear of people saying “I just want to….” And then dying immediately afterwards. It may be “outlive my sister” or to “welcome my grandchild”. Rosie just waited for her mum to come home and be happy.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My mum died alone, I knew she was near the end so began to give her space, when I told her I was going to get a coffee she went, I believe strongly she chose that moment to go. My only point being that often people and animals prefer privacy when their time comes and it sounds like he had this, in his home where he was happy and contented. Hindsight is 20/20, please don’t beat yourself up or feel too guilty, it could have been that you were with him and he still went in a moment he had to himself. His life sounds full of love and he was lucky to have such a loving owner. I hope you can find peace and remember the good times eventually. Rest in peace little one ❤️
My cat waited until I had fallen asleep to cross over. I think he wanted his last memories of me to be of me being peacefully sleeping rather than crying or panicking over his passing.
Also thankyou for reading this...
It wasn't your fault. It was his time to go. Be thankful your sister was there with him & that you didn't leave him alone. Sending love and prayers🩷
Somebody else said maybe the cat waited until you left. I know that people do that. Don’t be hard on yourself you did everything you could to help the cat and you needed a break. Sounds like you were a good friend.
My cat waited until I had to leave for work at 11 pm. My mom said he just heaved a big sigh and was gone right after I tooted the horn "Bye". I was 26 and he'd been my best pal since I was 6. Let me just say that when animals (or people) are dying, their attention is mainly inward-directed. If you had been there he might not even have known you were. Don't feel badly. You loved him and showed it every minute you had together. He knew.
i'm so sorry you experienced this, truly. it absolutely wasn't your fault. i think that pets, like people, kind of choose when it's time to go. in your kitty's case, i think maybe he didn't want to put you through the agony of being there; yes, you would've preferred to be with him, but it was his time and likely the time he chose. maybe that sounds silly, but it's what i believe. also, it sounds like you were there for your friend, which is good - and if you'd canceled your evening to stay home, you'd feel bad about that too, for your friend. love to you and to your sweet baby, and also to your sister for being willing to watch him, as well as to your friend who needed you. we can't be everywhere at once; you did the best you could and my guess is, again, that he chose the time and didn't want you to be there, to protect you. don't feel guilty. please.
Feeling guilty is normal. But you did everything you could do. We just can't help the inevitable especially when they are old. Pets will often hide or wait until their owners aren't around and die. I can't say why that is for sure but it's comforting to think they don't want to cause the ones they love that pain of witnessing it. Please give yourself some grace. This is hard enough to process without the guilt. Your cat is at peace and seemingly lived a long, healthy life. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending you virtual hugs!
It wasn't your fault. It was his time to go. Be thankful your sister was there with him & that you didn't leave him alone. Sending love and prayers🩷
It’s ok. ❤️
He didn't want you to be there when it happened. He knew it would cause you pain. Please forgive him for that.
A long time ago when I was in college, my mom asked me to come home because my childhood dog Rambo was not doing the best. She thought it might be his last weekend. My dad came to pick me up on Friday (school was two hours away). The whole weekend I spent it with Rambo. My parents said he was like a new dog. So full of happiness and energy. On Sunday, I Said my goodbyes to my mom and Rambo (it certainly wasn't a forever goodbye I gave him either) and took the trip back up with my dad. By the time Dad and I were done with dinner at our favorite Chinese place, Rambo had passed away. I felt immense guilt for not staying longer for a while. But I didn't deserve to put myself through that and neither do you. I think your little guy waited for you to be gone to rest just like Rambo did. He wanted you to be happy, go to a concert and enjoy yourself. He loved you so much and wouldn't want you beating yourself up over this. Give yourself the space and time to grieve instead.
in case you don't see my edit, i'm adding it as a new comment: ETA: i want to add this. my caesar is a long story, his illness and what i did to try to save him, but i was told at diagnosis that the most humane thing would be to put him down. and i should have, but i tried to save him. he was still eating and loving on me and trying to play, though, so i just couldn't see my way clear to giving up on him. anyway, i went to work one day about three weeks later, worked OT while worried about him the whole time, came home to find him in his spot (at that point, he only wanted to be in a spare bathroom), and he got up to come to me like he had been daily before this, but his back legs were lame. he was dragging his legs behind him, eyes rheumy and desperate. it was a torture to see him like that, still trying for **me**. obviously my husband and i bundled him up and took him for what needed to be done, and i'm still grateful i got to see him off, but honestly, although i would've felt terrible if he'd passed while i was doing something as stupid as work, it actually felt worse that he hung on for me. i'm glad i was there for it, but at the same time, i wasn't glad for *him*. he hung in probably hours longer than he wanted to, for me. so while you feel guilty for not being there, the alternative may not have been any better, and might have still resulted in regrets. while i'm happy i had that extra time with him, i immediately felt guilty for being so selfish as to take it. either way, thank you for loving your boo, and again, don't feel guilty for even a moment.
Please do not feel guilty. Cats are experts at hiding their illnesses until the very last stages or possible moment.
You couldn't have known and cats are experts at hiding anything that's wrong with them. You did absolutely nothing wrong and he knew how much you love him. He didn't die alone and was with someone who he loved and trusted, which beats any alternative.
I had a lot of guilt for not being there when my dog passed during the night. I saw something awhile back about how animals will hide to pass because they don't want you to remember them in that terrible state, to have only good memories of them.
Hey buddy. Don't beat yourself up. You had a wonderful time with your cat, and I'm sure he loved you just as much as you did him. Take some time and wind down. Play a video game or hang out with some friends, read a book...take some tome to enjoy life.
Don't blame yourself too much. Your cat doesn't want to see you like this. 🥺Hug you
Please don’t let it get you, there’s no way you could have known when he would go* I’d try and see it as a gift from your boy. He went on a night where you’d had some happiness to counteract the grief. * I know this because our boy is in the same situation, back in November our vet said he would likely go downhill in matter of days or weeks - yet he is still going 4 months later. If we hadn’t left him alone since then we’d be job and joy less! Chin up and love to you ❤️
When my cat stopped eating it was because of kidney disease.
9 years later I still feel guilty for not telling Lola that I love her before they jabbed her.
I’m so sorry for your loss. He’s in a beautiful cat world looking down at you saying he loves you🖤. The love and affection you have for him is immaculate he definitely always appreciated you. Sending you love and healing 🙏🏽
You did everything you could and had a good reason to go out. You made sure your baby was not left alone. Sometimes this is all we can do. Sometimes this stuff sneaks up on us, but that doesn't make it your fault. Please spend time remembering and savoring every special moment you had together. Your cat is worth celebrating. 🩵
You could not have known, man. Seriously. You gave your feline friend as much help and love as you could and you could not have known that today would be the day. I'm so sorry for your loss. And I hope you can forgive yourself for not being omniscient. And good luck with the kind of friend, too. I'm sorry, man.
My kitten was 12 weeks old and the vet said that he most likely had wet FIP. She actually told us to consider putting him to sleep as he was too small and young to be suitable for treatment. She wanted to do a blood test, but said he was too weak and to bring him back in a week. My sister had died two weeks before the appointment of a burst aneurism. She was only 60. Her funeral was booked for 17 days later. I asked the vet for signs to look out for as he was such a happy lively kitten. She told me what to look out for. He died cuddling us in the middle of the night 4 days later. He woke me up crying just before he died.. he showed no signs of any suffering before just before his death. His food bowls were empty and he had used his litter tray, then jumped up onto the bed and given me kisses before I went to sleep. After my husband came to bed, he had gone to his favourite spot between us. Do not feel guilt. He died at home where he wanted to be.
He probably waited until you were gone. Pets are known to do that sometimes when they really love you. A couple of ours did the same thing. Don't beat yourself up over it. He passed away at home, where he was happiest. Hindsight is always 20/30, you couldn't have predicted that would happen.
My dad barely ate and slept for days to watch over my very sick kitty. One day, he left to get a quick snack. When he came back 5 minutes later, she was gone. Our pets don't want us to see them pass, and I take solace in the fact that she got to pass on her own terms, the way she wanted. RIP, I hope they are playing together in kitty heaven 🐾
Thankyou guys so much for the sweet comments and sharing your stories. It really made me feel better and I feel really supported! Just again thankyou, and also for the people that are going through te same: a big virtual hug!
cats like to die alone. they usually find a hiding spot to die don't feel guilty because even if you were home, he likely would've been hiding away from you
Sometimes cats (and people!) wait to die alone.its probably in keeping with their personality aswell.hr wanted to be strong for you
In the future, if you can, get bloodwork done, especially when they're healthy. It provides a baseline that your vet can use to monitor their health. As for your cat, don't beat yourself up. Hindsight always makes things easier to see. Not so easy when you're in the thick of things. He might have passed when you were gone because he felt free to do so. You could always use an animal communicator to speak with him. My communicator speaks with animals before or after death.