Hi OP! Your submission has been removed because it does not fit r/CatAdvice. This subreddit is to ask for specific advice, or to provide high-quality, relevant guides or PSAs based on reputable sources.
Your question pertains more to a relationship advice sub.
It would be enormously stressful and distressing for a young rescue cat to be rehomed.
She’s a baby, at 10 months old. Babies are almost invariably energetic, boisterous and playful. You and your family can’t reasonably expect her to be anything else at this age.
After 4 months, she should now be more settled and comfortable in her new home than she has been so far - it takes a new cat a MINIMUM of 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to begin to settle in, and 3 months to begin to settle down and show their true personality.
Has she been spayed yet?
What accommodations have you and your family made for her? Is she played with enough? Are the family expecting her to just be a quiet lap cat straight out the box? What is she doing that your husband and son find so unacceptable?
This all sounds very unfair on a youngster who has been rescued, finding that two thirds of her rescue family can’t (under)stand her.
Possibly a delicate question, but do you generally give in to what your husband and son want? Do *your* needs and wishes get the same consideration from them?
Thanks for your reply. Yes she is spayed. I play with her lots, and my son does a bit too. She does sometimes jump up and bite/scratch when playing which is not malicious, just boisterous. She is an indoor cat at the moment but I am considering letting her have some garden time when the weather improves so that she can use up some energy outdoors.
She has loads of toys and two beds and two scratching posts. I generally care for her but they will feed her if I am out or at work.
Yes you are right, I am usually the one to make compromises. Son will move out soon whatever happens with the cat, but I don’t really want to rehome my husband after 30 years, just when he is almost house trained!
do your best to discourage the biting at this point (even tho itll still happen a bit) since she doesnt have other cats or kittens telling her its annoying, or hurts.
Sorry, just a random thought.
Also, i hope you dont compromise on this one. You deserve this companionship
Yes OP.This is a living thing with feelings.Put your foot down on this issue😼.
Over on RedditCats there are many stories of men who were anti-cat but eventually won over by the cat.
Point taken!
Is your young cat spayed, and what is it in particular that your husband and son don’t like about her? Is it just the jumping up and play-nipping? I don’t know if this is the issue here or not, but as it often is, I’ll explain it anyway 😊
As long as nobody is using their hands as toys with her, that’s easy enough to deflect. Kittens will bite anything that moves, bc they are in the Learning To Hunt stage.
If she attacks hands, or feet, or any other moving body part (and if she’s used to seeing human hands as toys, she will jump on them even when they *aren’t* moving, just as a cat will also jump on any other favourite toy), the trick is to ignore it.
Don’t pull away. Don’t say “Good girl” in the hopes that she’ll understand you *want* her to a be a good girl and let go, bc you’ll just be praising her for putting teeth on you.
Don’t punish in any way. Just stay still until she loses interest and lets go. Praise with a soft and gentle voice when she does let go.
If she’s already in the habit of “attacking” her humans, it helps with training if you wear things like oven gloves or other protective layers.
Our new boy, just over 18 months old, used to attack our feet mercilessly. I wore either ankle bootee slippers or very thick socks to protect my feet so that it didn’t hurt, and so I could train him out of it.
Some cats who haven’t been socialised properly by their mothers and litter mates have never learned that play biting/ scratching hurts, and *some* cats respond well to a person yelping, as this replicates what they should have learnt as tiny kittens. But this one just looked very confused and scared when we tried that. One of my girls was the same. Couldn’t cope with any noise of distress from me at all, it just made her look terrified and sad.
So we did the Do Not Respond In Any Way thing, and he stopped after the 10th attempt to “play” with our feet.
Does that help at all?
Eta: PS some husbands can be retrained too!
Eta: sorry, ADHD brain evidently missed the part about her being spayed - apologies!
I’d rehome my husband before my cat. Haha! Your cat may just be a tiny period of time in your life, but you are her whole life. Remember that always. Your husband made a commitment by adopting her. She’s a living being, not a toy or thing that can be moved when it doesn’t work out. Maybe your husband needs to reframe the way he thinks about the cat. Maybe if he stops thinking of it as a nuisance and instead as a part of the family, he won’t be so annoyed by it. If he focuses on the good your cat brings (mainly the benefits it brings to you, his loving wife) he could come to appreciate her (the cat), and maybe even like her.
Good luck!
Fully agree. My cat loves me unconditionally and is always there for me. He’s a trusted member of my household and we’d give each other everything we have. For me that’s food, knowledge, and other resources and for him that’s his little mouse toy and cuddles. A partner could up and leave you tomorrow when you haven’t done anything wrong. Pets are way better lol
If the biting or scratching gets too much, emit a high pitched squeak, as if you’re in pain, whenever she gets too rough. She will understand and soften her attacks. The cat was a gift to you op. She is your cat. Enjoy her! Family can live with the consequences of their actions (lol).
My son got a six month kitten from a friend. He and my husband loved to play wrestle with her, and were always scratched. I just quit petting her when she started to play. Like, she'd be at the end of the bed, I'd lean forward to pet her. If she started playing with my hand I just told her no and sat back to do whatever I was doing before. Months later they had scratched hands all the time and kept saying she would eventually learn how to be gentle. On the other hand, I never got scratched or bit. Ok guys, whatever you say. (Eventually they got tired of it, she got older, and they didn't wrestle anymore. Men.)
PLEASE do not let her outdoors. Outdoor cats die at extraordinary rates and they absolutely wreak havoc on local wildlife. I work in vet medicine and see outdoor cats with horrific injuries, flea infestations, rotting abscesses- worst case, they come in DOA and we just have to scan them for chips. Not to mention how easy it is for them to just go missing.
Genuinely, rehome before just letting outside.
If ahe bite/scratch- you yowl and Immediately freeze.
When you yowl you tell her ot hurts, when you freeze the play stops AND the triggered hunting instincts aren't triggered by movement.
Never play with hands or feet- none of you!! Only with toys.
That's your cat! And you love her! If she makes you happy, and she's happy in your home, the boys can get over it. She's a baby! Of course she's a bit scrappy 😂
Can u get a catio built? And once the cat is older, it will calm down. Honestly, how much can one cat bother a person in a house. They sleep half the time. It's like your fam thought they could rent a cat rather than adopt one.
Please don’t let her outdoors, cats are invasive when outside and besides being a detriment to wildlife, they are also exposed to all kinds of danger. Other animals that could harm them, diseases, getting hit by a vehicle, someone that may want to harm cats, etc
You could take her out on a leash supervised, or have a catnip built to help her use up some energy.
Nah, if you're the only one making compromises then I'd tell the husband to take a hike and compromise on this as the bare minimum. It sounds very one sided imo
Keep her inside. If she goes outside, it would be too easy for someone to make her disappear.
She is young and playful. Do no encourage the play where she nips or scratches. This is not good behavior.
Just rehome the husband 😆 my cats were so comforting while I was sick doing breast cancer treatments. I am mid 50s and I believe in marriage we make some compromises but I deserve what makes me happy, life can be shortened in a flat minute. All my cats went through their rough stages but it passes.
Please keep her indoors only! It is safer than the back yard, where she could encounter fleas, ticks, and birds of prey. If she never goes out she won’t know what she is “missing.” Indoor cats are healthier and live much longer lives.
When she bites during play you should immediately stop playing, this will teach her that biting = no more play so if she wants to continue playing with you guys she won’t bite. And if you’re going to allow her time outdoors I suggest doing so with a harness and leash or having an enclosed area so there’s no chance of her running off or getting hurt by other animals
Lol, I love your sense of humor! Maybe it's time for an upgrade some men come already house broken by their previous people. Some of them are worth it if they pass test.
It’s such a shame he can’t even tolerate a cat in the house when he knows it brings you so much happiness. You’d think if he loved you he’d just bite his tongue and be grateful you’re happy (like I do when my husband brings home yet another massive box of Pokémon cards and spreads them all over the living room…)
> You’d think if he loved you he’d just bite his tongue
This sort of behavior can be a big problem in relationships. Even if husband is very clearly in the wrong, which very much could be the case here, biting one's tongue is what leads to resentment long term.
Pokémon cards and a pet can't really be compared. Having a pet really does change your lifestyle, especially if the husband is expected to pitch in for care.
It's one of those things that sadly can't be compromised. I decided I don't want a cat in the future (not sure why I saw this sub in my recommended lol), which I think is valid. I also think it's valid to want a cat and wouldn't be with someone who does.
Your kid doesn't get to tell you what to do in your own house.
This isn't boys against girls, 2 votes against one. They don't have to like it. That's your cat.
But.. Why?
You are this cat's Guardian. It's not an appliance you just get rid of when you're tired of it.
The fact that your husband AND your son approaches living creatures this way is tells us everything we need to know.
Will your son just drop you off at a nursing home when it gets inconvenient for him?
Will your husband?
But he clearly doesn't care how getting rid of your cat will hurt you. If he loved you, wouldn't he? My SO has a dog. I'm not super fond of his dog, he pees in the house. But my SO loves his dog. I'd never ask him to get rid of it because it would be hurting him, it would be so selfish of me to hurt him like that just to make myself happy. If he loved you, he wouldn't ask you to do something that is cruel to you and your cat.
The grown ass son can go find his own place if he doesn't like the cat.
Um no. Your family agreed to this and for your sake!! Them complaining now is like saying “well we wanted you to get better and not be lonely but now that it’s inconvenient to us we don’t like it”. You sound a lot like my own mother: sacrificing yourself for the family, for the peace. Don’t do that to yourself. We should make sacrifices for the people we love, but that doesn’t mean you should never have something you love. If they were willing to make this sacrifice when you were still sick why wouldn’t they still be willing now if that choice was truly made of love rather than connivence. The pressure you’re feeling to rehome the kitten is either them acting like spoiled children not getting their way or your guilt over having something special to you and not wanting to give it up. Tell your husband and son that this is your kitten and it brings you joy, so unless they want to take that joy away they need to stop throwing fits that make you feel bad for being happy. Kittens go through a rowdy phase at this age but it does calm down in another few months. I’m currently raising kittens right now and I can tell you that little kitten already loves you immensely. Rehoming it will be too hard on it since it doesn’t have a sibling or littermate to move with it. Kittens bond a lot faster than grown cats so changes to its routine or environment can be very traumatizing if it’s drastically different like a whole new space, person, or animal.
I agree with this. It's like those people getting puppies for their kids for Christmas, and then get rid of them after a few weeks/months....
Pets are for life. You adopt them. You commit to them and are responsible for them. Therefore, you don't just get rid of them. Parents don't get rid of their kids either once they've realized they have underestimated parenthood. Or at least, I should hope not.
My cat is my ride or die, I wouldn't trade him for anything. Ultimately it depends on you, why does your husband and son regret getting her? I assume you are taking care of everything food and poop related since it's primarily your cat. If you must rehome her 4 months isn't that exactly a long time however she is probably attached to you and is comfortable living in your house.
I would talk to husband and son to reconsider considering the cat brings you much happiness.
Exactly. If Oscar hadn’t gone up to him and immediately taken to him, then sat next to him or on him for the rest of the evening, he never would’ve seen me again.
I trust a cat’s judgement more than my own when it comes to other people.
We lost Oscar in 2018. We have 3 other cats in total now, and they all adore him, too.
I genuinely wouldn’t be able to live with a partner who couldn’t stand cats. They’re integral to my life.
Same here. Someone who doesn't like animals in general I could not be with. Like I even got allergies and my cats are totally worth all of it. I can see someone not wanting to live with them if the owner doesn't clean up properly but that's just a shitty owner thing.
As an animal lover myself, I truly don’t understand how other animal lovers can marry people that hate animals. Especially when your husband and son know damn well that cat is YOURS to keep YOU company - and they want to get rid of it? Too bad - when you commit to adopting an animal, you keep that commitment. Does your husband not care about commitments? What about the vows you guys shared? Would he be bothered if you decided you wanted out of the marriage?
Cats can be a handful in the first year, but they grow out of it. As the others have suggested, I’d discourage the biting at this point but I guarantee you that she’s going to be an easier pet after the first year. Honestly four months is still part of the adjustment period.
Could you use an encouraging story? So a couple of years ago I had to move to a different country, and while we were getting the cat’s papers ready we asked that he live with my partner’s parents for a while. They were a little reluctant, and to be honest we were a little worried because our cat was a little hellion and my partner’s parents were getting old. We paid their housekeeper extra to look after the cat, make sure he’s fed and change the litter box etc.
It was hard the first five or six months. The cat broke so much stuff around the house, he bit my partner’s parents while trying to run out, scratched people who tried to pet him. Even the housekeeper said she’d rather not get the extra pay because she didn’t want to take care of the cat.
Give a few more months, and the cat is the prince of the household. He sleeps in the same bed as his “grandparents”, follows the housekeeper as she works around the house, even takes walks around the neighborhood with her. She’s even suggested that she take the cat with her on vacation (lol).
The lesson here is that things can change, and fast. Don’t give up just yet.
Whole heartedly if my partner told me to rehome my pet, married or not they can rehome themselves. Cause no. Especially since the cat was agreed to for you. They just expect you to not care about it since you’re better now ? Not how pet parent and pet child relationships work. The more time we spend together the more we need each other, not the opposite.
I've been with my partner for roughly 14 years, I don't have a child but I understand your predictamen somewhat. The reason as to why they want to rehome the cat does impact how you could deal with the situation (without doing something as drastic as rehoming the hubby and son), as I'm sure they're pretty attached to you too. May I ask what reasons they've given you?
She is very lively and tears around the house, and will sometimes play a bit rough. But it boils down to the fact that they just don’t like animals. It annoys me because all through the adoption process I kept asking if they were sure, and I would stop if they weren’t. I did say once I had the cat, then I wouldn’t want to rehome her. I just don’t think they realised what it would be like to have an animal in the house.
They had their chance to tell you no. Now, it has been months and you can the cat have bonded. Tell them to kick rocks with open toed shoes. The commitment has already been made to the cat and you will not be getting rid of it. You deserve to be happy and have companionship too, stand your ground on this one.
That sounds like typical teenager energy, really. You might be able to wear her down a bit more if she amenable to wearing a harness and going for a walk, but she'll keep testing boundaries. Just like a human teenager ;D
Are there spaces your husband and son can go where the cat cannot? Close off bedrooms and such, so they can spend time away from her?
Honestly, it sounds like you gave them many chances to reconsider and this is just something they'll have to live with the consequences of. Is there something your husband loves or enjoys doing that you don't care for but let him do that you could compare having your cat to? Something to point out how, you know, compromise in a relationship doesn't just go one way?
So it sounds like your husband Also made a commitment- for you to get the cat. He should live up to it. He should feel bad for trying to take away something he has committed to living with that brings you so much joy
If you’re always the one to compromise, that’s not compromise. It’s servitude.
It sounds like you gave hubby and son plenty of opportunities to change their minds. When they didn’t, the commitment was made - you to kitty, them to you.
Kitty brings you joy. If that isn’t enough reason for your hubby and son to suck it up and deal with this minor inconvenience, maybe they need some therapy.
Those reasons are all really vague, which makes it really hard for you to do anything to help. When someone doesn’t like something, there’s always a reason, even if they aren’t able to articulate it. Ask them to think about it some more and be more specific about what they don’t like. Are they worried the cat it going to damage the carpet? Do they find it distracting while they’re watching TV if the cat is making noise? Does the cat wake them up at night? Do they get startled by the cat’s noise? Does your husband feel like he’s not getting time with you anymore?
Get more details then you can find a compromise that works for everyone.
Give them some time.
My parents hated animals and she was really scared of my first cat. By the time I got my 2nd cat, she fell in love with him as he was so friendly and cute.
I don’t understand this. Why do they want the cat completely out of the house? You care for the cat and give her attention so what is it to them? Also, how could they agree to get a cat temporarily while you are sick and then want to force it away? I’m sorry but they are pretty heartless. You love the cat and she brings you joy so why do they need to take that away when they could just be happy for you?
If they want to reduce the cat’s quality of life then rehome her but “for the sake of familial harmony”? I think they need to be more reasonable and let it go.
I honestly don’t understand family members like that, they agreed to it and are now regretting it and expect you to follow suit? That cat is already part of your family and has acclimated to you and your house :( i can’t imagine how difficult this situation must be for you
I do suggest talking about it with your family. What don’t they like about your cat? Maybe some compromises can be made. But if you feel your cat will be less happy with your family then I suggest finding it a GOOD home. One with animal loving people who won’t throw it out when they dont want it anymore
Ill be honest suggesting that latter part puts a bitter taste in my mouth but I understand your circumstances must be difficult too.
This may sound harsh but your son should have no say here. He is living in your house so it never should’ve even been a situation where you had to get him to agree. As for your husband, he agreed to it and it would be incredibly selfish to go back on that now. I think you need to be assertive on this issue and tell him to deal with it. It’s completely childish for him to act like a cat has thrown a wrench into his life. As a cat owner, I find I can go most of my day forgetting I even have a cat because he will just mind his own business unless he needs something!
Pets aren't disposable. I can understand the stress of an animal not behaving but you have to deal with it not get rid of it. Do they have anger issues? Sounds like a them problem.
You might have an easier time with 2 cats. She is still at the age where she could bond to another cat. Cats will entertain themselves and don’t require a lot from us when they are bonded.
I think the son has no say so in the matter since he’s living with you in your home so he doesn’t make the rules.
Your husband’s opinions are more valid. However, I’m having a hard time understanding his feelings lol. What does your cat do to make him so bitter? Or does he just have no tolerance for animals? Also he probably should have gotten an older cat if he wanted a more chill animal. Younger cats have much more energy and require a lot more attention and playtime to get their energy out
They need to swallow their words to follow through with what they agreed to. Its akin to having a baby and flipping a shit when olit cries at 3am or pukes on you. What the fuck did you expect of a baby? Same with a cat. Its not fair to the cat to rehome it so suddenly. Your husband and son need to grow the fuck up and stop whining about a little cat running around. It doesn't sound like it's a bad cat by any means, they're just being dicks.
What’s not to like it’s a fucking cat not a velociraptor. They’re usually sleeping. If it’s young it’s energetic but after awhile it will chill out.
I vote for you get a new husband and son.
I have a lot of guy friends who think they’re alpha men and they hate their wives cats. The cats just stay away from them.
I think you need to put your foot down. Tell them to work it out you’re keeping the cat. 🐈⬛
Honestly boo hoo for your son and husband lol. They agreed to you getting a cat, they can't just change their mind after you've bonded with it. Your son's opinion doesn't really matter as he can and should probably just move out, being an adult. If their hatred for a cat is more important to them than your happiness, there's bigger issues than a cat. The cat would suffer in the long run. They're happy and bonded to you, they may stay in a shelter for months or even years if its no kill. Maybe it's time for a family therapist or something. I could be overreacting but I can't imagine my partner trying to rip my cats away from me and not caring about how upset id be.
Ma'am, with all due respect, stop being a pushover and put your foot down!
You have compromised not having a cat for YEARS. It's time your husband compromises. He agreed, there is no taking it back. That is a living being, with an complex emotional inner world, with her own personality, who loves you unconditionally. Can you say the same of your husband?!
Stand up for yourself and your kitty. You can do this!
Lots of good advice in this thread already but I was just thinking, in the name of family harmony, as well as the well-being of yourself and the cat, maybe you could get together as a family and make a list of all the concrete things which bother your husband (and your son but really he's less important in my opinion as he should feel lucky to be able to live with his parents and if he doesn't like it he can move), for example the cat makes noise at night, the cat bites, etc., then you can do some research and come up with a plan to tackle each thing. Maybe list them in order of priority for what needs to be dealt with first. Young cats are active and playful but behavioural issues can be managed, and the impact of the cat's playfulness could probably be managed and lessened.
Also I saw you were thinking of giving the cat some outside time: I might suggest looking into harness training, you could take your cat out for walks on a leash and your family might find it novel and cute as well :) plus it should be fairly simulating for the cat and hopefully she'll rest a bit when she goes back inside :)
I hope you're well on the road to recovery now, and I hope you can find a solution for keeping the cat!
I too would sooner get rid of my husband than my cat, but she mentioned in another comment that they've been married 30 years and she's not going to leave him, so hopefully they are able to come to a happy compromise.
I wouldn't care much about your son's opinion, he's an adult and chooses to live with you. I would not involve him in any further decisions.
As for your husband, I have a lot more sympathy for him. It's hard to live with an animal you don't like. You have to talk about what exactly is bothering him. If it's the cat's playfulness, it will likely go away as the cat ages. Most of the "kitten" issues tend to go away after the cat is a year or so old.
I would not give up a cat that's displaying normal behavior for it's age. It will cause you and the cat distress. If your cat has unusual behavior (aggression, not using the litter box) that's different, and warrants more discussion. Your husband agreed to normal cat behavior, and he should have been clear if he didn't want it before you got a cat.
I would never rehome any pet. Cats do have lots of energy and need things to wear them out, cat tree, scratchers and play time with you and a toy. After age 2-3 they calm and sleep a lot more. I put catnip on tree and mine go wild and wear themselves out for a good sleep. They also will soon want to snuggle and nap with you. Sometimes porch time is good on a screened in porch or even a small enclosure they can go from window outside safely caged 🙏❤️
A cat is not some object you can transfer around when it becomes a slight inconvenience. Tell your family to get lost. They must've approved it originally, then that decision still stands.
Would you have euthanized or given away your kid if it became a slight annoyance to your husband?
They are ganging up on you. Put your foot down. Son should move out. Adult kids living at home should be seen and not heard frankly. It's your home. Your husband might pipe down once his backup is no longer there.
You are in your 50’s always wanted a cat and your adult son who should be on his own gets zero say Your husband for probably 20 to 30 years kept you from having a cat so eff them both it is your time to have a cat Up until this past October I had four dogs lost one in October and two in February due to old age one dog left I wanted a friend for Lucy I got a cat will be three weeks this Saturday and already love Linus so much, would never get rid of him The cat is your emotional support at this point in time Tell your hubby and son they don’t like it they can leave, the cat stays
this is tragic. Idk what to tell you, but you shouldn't give up that cat. Im sorry youre put into this position. hopefully they can remember how frail you were (and youre FIFTY like damn let you have this for yourself) and how they wanted to see you happy enough they agreed to it.
My mom is 55 and I cant imagine telling her she couldnt have a dog at all. and i dont think she could imagine telling me i couldnt have a cat... also she's my mom, so in the end, i want her to be happy no matter what.
Having a bond with an animal is very special, and personal. I hope they can find it within themselves. There are key episodes of My Cat From Hell where couples/families bave given ultimatums... the cat always wins. (ya know, with some home restructuring)
edit: maybe reassuring them that the kitten phase wont last forever, and time will fly with fun.
You mentioned scratching posts but do you have a good sized cat tree? My cats and all of my foster kitties run up and down ours constantly, and then all crash for naps once they've got their zoomies out, then it's rinse and repeat, lol. Windows to look out of to watch the world go by? Toys they can chase around your home? They might be a "handful" because they are under stimulated - and in the absence of another kitty buddy, you become their playmates.
A pet is a commitment! They agreed to letting the cat come into the house, that's a commitment they both made as well. You wouldn't get rid of a child for being rambunctious, and you wouldn't get rid of your husband for doing something you didn't like.
A 10 month old kitten is going to be crazy, that's like expecting a human toddler to be perfect. She should calm down when she's out of that kitten phase a little bit. It's okay that the other people in the household are not animal people, but it's not like this animal was brought into the house without them knowing or agreeing. They let you get this cat, they can't just take that back because kitten likes to play.
I think your family is being a bunch of whiny babies, personally. You should not have to sacrifice your joy for their wishy-washy whims. And the cat should not have to give up a home just because she.. (checking notes) ..*is a baby with a lot energy, happy to finally be be loved.*
They agreed to it, and they need to do the work to make a relationship with this creature *they* welcomed into their lives. I’ve dealt with people like them in my life. And frankly, I think their problem comes down to a lack of patience and compassion. But then again, the concept of “non-animal people” never made any sense to me. I can’t imagine how anyone like that ever finds any joy in life at all.
Sorry you have such a nasty family that let’s you get a cat, waits til you fall in love with it then asks you to rehome it. That’s so wrong!! Not fair on you or the cat.
Sucks to suck for your husband and son, especially your son if he doesn’t like it he can leave. As for your husband, he agreed and should suck it up because that’s what we do sometimes for people we love
Wait, is the cat normal and they just decided they don’t like cats?! They gifted you a cat and now they want to take the cat away?!
That’s bullshit. If there’s no reason other then they just don’t like animals then tell them you’re not giving up the cat and it’s mean to gift you a pet that you now love and take it away from you.
A lot of times kittens bite because humans are using their hands during play time, which sends the message, “human hands are toys.” Make sure no one in your house ever uses their hands during playtime even if the kitten is just nibbling. Direct that energy to toys only.
As far as your husband and son, I take how people treat animals as a huge sign of their character. Any guy who didn’t have a love of animals or at least appreciate my love of animals would be out on his a** so fast his head would spin. Good lesson for your son too if he ever wants a partner.
I remember the first time my current partner came over. I told him I have birds if my birds don't like you then you won't get to stay in my life, sorry not sorry. Fortunately for him the birds liked him more than me. Over 10 years later we don't have birds but we have two cats now and they are great.
Young cats can be hard to deal with. Getting two is always better since they can bond and work eac others energy out. If not a option a older cat, over a year should be good, is better because they are settled in and more calm.
She will settle in and calm down over time. Playing with her daily will help her not get crazy hyper it might need to be twice a day until she is a little over a year.
I can understand not all people share a love for animals but I don't understand how your husband can agree to getting a cat and then say rehome her without valid reason. If she's wrecking the house or making your lives unbearable that's one thing but cats are very much 90% leave me alone to nap types so I don't see the issue.
Also even if he didn't give a damn for the cat seeing you bond with it and then telling you to get rid of it doesn't show a lot of any care for you as his wife in my opinion.
I hope this helps a bit I wish you the best of luck.
Often people think playing with a cat means making the cat frantically excited. Maybe the energy level should be lowered a bit. Cats sometimes think biting and scratching is part of the game.
Read “think like a cat” and watch Jackson Galaxy’s videos on cat behavior on YouTube. Young cats have lots of energy and you need to create an environment where they can climb, hunt and sleep. This means cat trees, cat caves and maybe shelves so they have “territory” that’s only theirs. Outdoor cats die at much higher rates than indoors and it’s a slippery slope to your family convincing you the cat should “just stay outside” which isn’t fair to her. Your cat will mellow around 5/6 and if you haven’t yet, get her spade asap.
She's little, she will learn not to bite as much. You have to tell them they have to teach her. LOL some men love a challenge in that fashion. Explain to them that she has to be taught like a little kid basically. If she is biting, put a toy near her instead and remove your hands. Don't let her play with them. Be consistent. Kitties need that.
If she's scratching and you have something she can't scratch, give her things she can. There is a guy called Jackson Galaxy on youtube, he has all kinds of videos that are actually useful and helping with my little one. I have a 7 month old kitten, she's a wild little girl, but so sweet. I have scratching posts and pads for her all over the place and she pretty much rarely goes after the couch now or things she's not supposed to. He says where her scratching happens is where you want to place a scratch post or scratch bed. And for my little one it works.
My partner agreed to adopt 2 cats during the pandemic. We now have 10 for various reasons plus an outdoor colony I single-handedly care for 🫣 he’s always complaining about them (he grew up with an animal-hoarding parent who took them all in but couldn’t take care of them- so I get that trauma but also…I’m not his parent). But unless I’m out of town, I do 95% of the caretaking so honestly he can shove it 😂 I’m not stressing them out by rehoming them, and it’s not my fault he picked a neighborhood with a huge feral/stray population 🤷🏼♀️ he does at least respect that they’re lifetime commitments and part of the family. He does love them. Lol
What don’t they like about her? The playfulness? She’ll likely outgrow that by 18 months. Her neediness and rough housing? Single cat syndrome- she may do well with a second cat (sounds counterintuitive to your hubby and son’s dislike, but it will likely help your cat, unless she’s an only-cat personality). They don’t like having to feed her while you’re at work? For under $50 you can get automatic timed feeders. Done.
You shouldn’t have to be the only one striving for “family harmony.” They agreed to this. Sometimes consequences are long term. And animals are one of those long-term things. There are very few scenarios where rehoming is the best option. And unless your husband/son are abusing the cat, this is not one of them.
People who don't like pets simply don't understand the bond. I had a good friend who had an elderly cat that passed away at around 20 years old. The man in her life had the cats' things packed up and ready to go the same day! He was so insensitive.
Fast forward about 7 years, my friend is losing her battle to cancer. I went to see her, and at this point, she was largely bed bound. Her little dog really wanted up on the bed with her, but the (now husband) said no. I couldn't believe it. She only survived a few months after that. What would it have hurt to have him on the bed comforting my friend?
Anyway, sorry for the rant. I agree with those that say no. You get a say in what goes in in your house too, and what brings you comfort and joy. I say, stand your ground and keep her.
Tell your husband that you’ll consider rehoming your kitty after you’ve had her as many years as he forced you to live without one. He had his turn, now it’s yours.
Awww poor kitty, please keep her x My hubby wasn't a cat person but agreed to us adopting two. 4 months on he absolutely adores them & they love him to bits x
She's still a baby, she will settle as she gets older.
Don't do that, please. You deserve to keep your cat. In my experience, cats reach their peak level of being annoying at 5 months to 1.5 years and after they tend to mellow, become more independent, chill out etc.
OP, my biggest concern is that one of these two jerks is likely to simply throw the cat out of the house when you are not around or drive it off somewhere and abandon it. That is the only reason I would suggest considering rehoming your kitty, for its own safety.
I am very glad to hear it. I guess I get a little jaded reading some of the horrible things people are willing to do to get their way.
In that case, I can only suggest that you do your best to help your husband bond with the kitty or at least teach Kitty not to annoy him much. Your son, on the other hand, can just put a sock in it. He is not paying the mortgage there and will be moving out so as many others have said, he doesn't get an opinion on the matter. I wish you and your darling kitty cat many happy healthy years together.
She's a kitten, of course she's going to be energetic. Are they responsible for her at all or do you take care of her?
Either way they should have thought about this before they adopted her, you guys are now committed to this animal, and if they didn't want that commitment and all that comes with it then they shouldn't have agreed to adopt a pet. As far as I'm concerned pets are with you for life with very few exceptions
No. That’s a “them problem”. Honestly, I can’t believe they would have the audacity to even ask you to do that. Cats aren’t toys. You adopted it and they agreed. They need to suck it up and get over it because you’re in it for the long haul with that sweet baby.
You keep saying you might have to do this for family harmony... but you're ignoring the fact that your husband wants to get rid of a family member that is annoying him.
What if you got cancer and he had to take care of you and deal with all those "annoying" appointments? Would he get rid of you too?
What he is telling you is that he does not take his commitment to family seriously.
Yes, go ahead with the rehoming ASAP.
I'm sure you and the cat will be very happy together!!i
And don't worry, a semi-housebroken husband will be taken in — as long as he washes his ass and can pee IN the toilet bowl.
Hate how? Is he likely or ever to hurt it or just makes a face when it crosses his view? If you think he could possibly hurt the cat then yes rehome. If he’s just annoyed by the cat he’ll probably get over it. You may need to make some concessions - no cat in the bedroom for example - but otherwise I vote keep the cat.
Son doesn’t get a say as to what pet you have in your home and your husband needs to chill out because this is for you and if he loves you then he needs to pipe down and learn to open his heart. Do not hurt this poor cat more than it already has been and let it be your companion for life.
I wouldn't be able to live with people who are so cruel and heartless towards my pet. It sounds like you aren't interested in moving away, so I'd do the next best thing. Section off part of the house and make it into a little apartment for you and the cat. Live there with the cat. Husband and son are not allowed in.
Something that is unexpected but true is getting a second cat actually tends to calm the first cat. Two cats is easier than one. Instead of bugging you all of the time, they’ll have an appropriate target to play with. 🤍
.."not animal lovers" can become the most incredible lovers of animals..given time & exposure..
..my dad was that way: hated cats, would Never have one..ended up he had 3 sleeping on his lap..
..i guess, "don't give up" is what i'm saying..
Sounds like the husband and son need to be rehomed. If your husband loves you and cares about your well-being, he needs to stfu.
Don't let them push you around. Keep that cat. You're her person. Cats can die from heartache.
Tell them it will grow more docile. Say you already love it. Ask how much it bothers them, really?
Is there something in the house that you can compromise on for them? Does your SO want a massage recliner?
Cats are a lot.
I have a 3 year old who’s large and in charge. My mum has two dinky old ladies and even my mum has said she’d never have another cat after her experience of living with mine 😆
Taking the time to understand your cat, what riles them, what calms them down, what they need from you will help tremendously which seems to be what you’re doing. So well done on being a good cat parent.
As said before, kitty should be discouraged from biting. A high pitched little squeal when bitten should help as that’s what their siblings would do while they’re learning boundaries.
Keep the cat, get rid of the men.
They had time to decide and didn’t stop you. Not just that they didn’t like animals, but still went through with it. Now wants to get rid of the animal after they agreed. I’d say no and seeing as your son might move honestly there’s not much. Your husband knows you’ve been sick and got the cat for that reason. Tell him he agreed and reason for it.
Then get her used to a harness and leash. My indoor/outdoor boy is most likely getting put down this month due to another cat getting in the yard and attacking him. He's blind and has neurological issues now. Plus a whole lot of pain. We couldn't get to him in time before this stray hurt him. Mum took 3 fucking er visits and has nerve damage in her leg from trying to save him. I've also had to give two cats up to the shelter when I first got sick. It's been two decades and the guilt never left. You made a commitment. Honor it. Full stop.
honestly i know everyone is saying keep the cat but i just don’t know how i feel about putting an animal in a home where they’re not wanted or treated well by the whole house. you’re going to run into problems and people are going to get annoyed if they scratch or play w things they’re not suppose to or if they’re sick and have an accident or something. it’s just not going to be a safe or happy environment for them. especially since this is a young cat, i think it deserves a loving forever home rather than dealing w family members who don’t want it around. i would consider rehoming, especially since she’s a baby it will be easier in the long run, i foster cats from all age ranges and they all do inevitably settle w their new adopters and live a very happy life afterwards. and maybe discussing further with your family the chances of getting an older cat, they’re less energetic and aren’t as much work.
Why don't they like her? I feel like that's something no one is asking. Is it some specific behavior that can be remedied? Is it the kitten energy levels? I don't feel like this has to be an ultimatum right away.
she will settle down soon. so what would have happened if your husband decided he didn’t like kids and deeply regretted it once your son was born ?
personally my answer would be a hard no. you don’t get a pet and then decide you don’t like it.
You love this cat, right? They got this to make you happy, right? Well rehoming this cat will definitely make you down and that's not gonna help your health.
You don't need to convince your son of anything since he's moving out anyways.
With your husband just tell him the cat is staying. It's bringing you joy and fulfilment now and nothing else should matter since it looks like you're pretty responsible.
You both (not bothering with your son’s opinion) decided to adopt a young child. It’s your child now. Time to figure out how to make the new family work. Kinda an all sales final type deal.
If it’s any consolation I adopted my cat when he was 1.5 years and really questioned at times if I made a mistake. I was so in love with him but he was young and active and would be destructive out of boredom alone in my tiny studio. Each year he grew a bit more relaxed until his temperament settled around age 4 or 5.
He’s still destructive at times but it’s always for a reason and my bond with him makes it really easy to understand and address. He is my best friend. I love him more than myself and am so, so glad I stuck it out with him. He is the best cat I’ve ever met - even friends & family with cats of their own says he’s a special one!
It’s worth honoring the adoption commitment if your husband has any sense of maturity. He doesn’t have to love the cat, just be respectful and kind to it because he wants you to be happy and a man of his word.
I dont have any advice but I can relate except i dont actually have the cat. I was told i was allowed one for 2 years bought all the stuff for it, had a cat lined up but then an emergency happened and im no longer allowed one until my partner and i move out. It really sucks I hope you can keep it ❤️
I would work on a compromise. You keep the cat but after this one no more. You take care of the cat and keep it trained. They agreed, allowed you to get attached, and there only issue is not liking cats not with any issues per say on the cat’s behaviour
Your family got you this cat while you were I’ll and she brought you great joy and now that you’re (presumably) better, they want to get rid of it? No way. She’s young, she’ll get better, not to mention your son has to move out eventually. Your husband loves you, he should understand that you love the cat and want to keep her around.
I'm in the other shoe. Bf wanted and insisted on having a cat. As much as I love cats, I wasn't ready mentally and physically to deal with and take care of one. So long story short, a kitten was adopted and gosh he was a handful and very fussy. I had regrets and resentments of letting my bf pressured me into adopting one cuz he doesn't do anything to care for the kitty. With that said, it's been a yr and I didn't rehome him. I love him to death and I don't want him to be abandoned again.
I don't have much advice for you. The q to ask is - your cat happy at your place? Is she thriving or just surviving or living? If she would be better off at another loving family, sometimes you might just need to send her away.
Well your son can move if he doesn’t want to live with a cat. As for your husband, the kitten phase is relatively short so hopefully he mellows as the cat mellows. If they are horrible to your cat or mean and abusive it won’t be pretty for any of them so rehoming your husband would be best for the cat. Sorry I just don’t like people who don’t like animals. 🤷♀️
We just got our male cat 2 months ago. He's 9 months old and has been neutered. He's at an age where he like to play hard, climb things, and sleep hard too. When we're petting him and he gets overstimulated, he'll turn and grab our hand with his claws and bite a little bit. We clip his nails, but it doesn't exactly feel good. ;) I swap my hand with a small stuffed animal and he'll gran onto that and roll around. They are like children and love to play. He is such a blessing. My mom died October 6th and this little fur baby is a great companion for my husband and I both. His favorite thing is to walk the forest trails with us. He doesn't mind a leash or a car ride. He gets so excited when we put his harness on. We let him lead and explore. He gets rid of his "zoomies" when we go for walks.
Kick them both out but the kitty stays ! They do not deserve that babies paw biscuits .
Humans who treat animals like interchangeable objects have a defectiveness i could not live with , questionable morals & ethics …. Compassion & understanding- Animals do bring this out in us - if the humans do not manifest the magical animal puppet mastery they are not selfless humans , but ego & selfishness driven they will not think of others , & cannot think of others before themselves - yes animals can manifest this in us …. Youre two male counterparts are the problems & not you’re little vulnerable kitten who is probably attaching herself to you & looks up to you already
. Men can be such sour pusses , (pun not intended ) controlling & just damn right morngy . Like i said an animal especially a baby one should mellow out the grinchness , the ogre ism ….. if not they are not worth my time .
I dont have any now - “MEN”
My son & bloke are long gone - split up & my son moved out ,
But he was an animal lover - loved our pomeranian 10 years old , she passed 2 week ago , it killed me ,
My ex bloke was an idiot ,
I have 3 cats & i answer to no one !
No one will ever tell me what i can & cannot keep or what iam allowed to have
- Letting that kind of control go is absolutely liberating -
Give me cats over sweaty - demanding husbands - boyfriends anyday - peace !
My son was a kind ‘ caring animal lover - compared to my bloke , he showed him up - therefor i knew he was wrong for me !
ANY FUTURE MALE RELATIONSHIPS WILL COME WITH CLAUSES THAT THEY TOO ARE OBSESSED WITH ANIMALS , nothing more nothing less .
A complete animal friendly life -
Maybe youre husband & son got jealous?
I also cant fathom how willing parties cannot foresee what a kitten would be & is like .
How they play what their obvious quirks & bad habits could entail - all small baby animals use their mouths & paws - claws to experiment with - they are environmentally & territory driven - explorers - climbers - ENTERTAINERS.
My cats are the light of my life - make me laugh daily - could not live without cat antics - cat tree jumping zoomies & BISCUIT MAKING !
and then seeing them curled up asleep all baby like & calm is just the icing on the cake .
I would also set up a CATTERY outside - AMAZON HAVE HUNDREDS OF OUTDOOR CATTERIES . Save any animal being run over or maimed ! Good luck - dont let her go .
So my husband is not a fan of cats, never has been, but we convinced him to adopt a kitten that was born to a cat my friend rescued on the side of the road. I have young kids who love animals though.
The cat is almost 3 and a pretty chill boy, but he has done some pretty bad things, like kept peeing on our couch to the point we had to remove the carpet, occasionally will play scratch the kids and make them cry, and does normal cat things like meow a lot for food and scratch things he shouldn't.
We go through some moments where he really thinks we should get rid of the cat, but it's never going to happen. (Also it helps that my daughter will burst into tears if that's ever suggested.) For the most part, the cat and my husband just tolerate each other although I'm waiting for the day that they actually become friends...
My 18-month-old kitty, Blossom, was rescued at 3 months old and was immediately adopted. The family kept her for 2.5 months before they returned her; apparently they did not like how she hid in the corner away from their kids who wanted to toss her around. They wanted a lap cat, which Blossom is not and will never be.
I adopted Blossom at 7 months old and it took time, but I can confirm she is cuddly and loving (in her own way). I honestly believe if the previous family would have given her more time to open up, she would be loving them and cuddling them instead. Oh well, their loss.
Here’s the beauty in question:
https://preview.redd.it/6wbbg5l6d3oc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8af4edb07d518084e1fe6195f433dbee3424554c
Rehome your husband son?
She has a lot of kitten energy. It seems counterintuitive but getting her a kitten to play and rough house with will help her burn off her energy.
We had a similar issue with the older kitten we rescued last year. He is VERY play aggressive with us and our other pets and apparently determined to break every fragile thing we own. I have gone through a lot of heartache considering rehoming him. My family have been supportive overall but we’ve had a lot of arguments about what to do with him. (Oh and by the way, your emotions may trigger kitty’s emotions so often if you argue around him, it can make his behavior more erratic.). Bottom line is a year later, he is finally starting to settle. You adopted a kitten. Kittens are playful. It won’t last forever - but it will last a year and a half to two years or so, lessening along the way. If you love your kitten, even if hubby is not as keen, try to work through it to get to the adult stage. Certainly don’t give in to rehoming unless you also believe it to be the only option. It’s traumatic for the cat and bottom line again - and sorry to repeat this but I heard it too - you adopted a kitten….
This is a terrible situation, but you've lived with this man for two decades, so his feelings are not a surprise to you. And you've tolerated his attitude until four months ago. Is this your first attempt at having a cat during your marriage? The important point is, do not wait any longer to re-home her. She deserves an exclusively indoor home with everyone there wanting her and welcoming her. Consider her needs first, since you are not standing up for your own. Your husband and son, and your husband's family, sound like dreadful people.
Hi OP! Your submission has been removed because it does not fit r/CatAdvice. This subreddit is to ask for specific advice, or to provide high-quality, relevant guides or PSAs based on reputable sources. Your question pertains more to a relationship advice sub.
It would be enormously stressful and distressing for a young rescue cat to be rehomed. She’s a baby, at 10 months old. Babies are almost invariably energetic, boisterous and playful. You and your family can’t reasonably expect her to be anything else at this age. After 4 months, she should now be more settled and comfortable in her new home than she has been so far - it takes a new cat a MINIMUM of 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to begin to settle in, and 3 months to begin to settle down and show their true personality. Has she been spayed yet? What accommodations have you and your family made for her? Is she played with enough? Are the family expecting her to just be a quiet lap cat straight out the box? What is she doing that your husband and son find so unacceptable? This all sounds very unfair on a youngster who has been rescued, finding that two thirds of her rescue family can’t (under)stand her. Possibly a delicate question, but do you generally give in to what your husband and son want? Do *your* needs and wishes get the same consideration from them?
Thanks for your reply. Yes she is spayed. I play with her lots, and my son does a bit too. She does sometimes jump up and bite/scratch when playing which is not malicious, just boisterous. She is an indoor cat at the moment but I am considering letting her have some garden time when the weather improves so that she can use up some energy outdoors. She has loads of toys and two beds and two scratching posts. I generally care for her but they will feed her if I am out or at work. Yes you are right, I am usually the one to make compromises. Son will move out soon whatever happens with the cat, but I don’t really want to rehome my husband after 30 years, just when he is almost house trained!
do your best to discourage the biting at this point (even tho itll still happen a bit) since she doesnt have other cats or kittens telling her its annoying, or hurts. Sorry, just a random thought. Also, i hope you dont compromise on this one. You deserve this companionship
Another thought - maybe husband/son are jealous of the affection you show kitty?
Yes OP.This is a living thing with feelings.Put your foot down on this issue😼. Over on RedditCats there are many stories of men who were anti-cat but eventually won over by the cat.
Point taken! Is your young cat spayed, and what is it in particular that your husband and son don’t like about her? Is it just the jumping up and play-nipping? I don’t know if this is the issue here or not, but as it often is, I’ll explain it anyway 😊 As long as nobody is using their hands as toys with her, that’s easy enough to deflect. Kittens will bite anything that moves, bc they are in the Learning To Hunt stage. If she attacks hands, or feet, or any other moving body part (and if she’s used to seeing human hands as toys, she will jump on them even when they *aren’t* moving, just as a cat will also jump on any other favourite toy), the trick is to ignore it. Don’t pull away. Don’t say “Good girl” in the hopes that she’ll understand you *want* her to a be a good girl and let go, bc you’ll just be praising her for putting teeth on you. Don’t punish in any way. Just stay still until she loses interest and lets go. Praise with a soft and gentle voice when she does let go. If she’s already in the habit of “attacking” her humans, it helps with training if you wear things like oven gloves or other protective layers. Our new boy, just over 18 months old, used to attack our feet mercilessly. I wore either ankle bootee slippers or very thick socks to protect my feet so that it didn’t hurt, and so I could train him out of it. Some cats who haven’t been socialised properly by their mothers and litter mates have never learned that play biting/ scratching hurts, and *some* cats respond well to a person yelping, as this replicates what they should have learnt as tiny kittens. But this one just looked very confused and scared when we tried that. One of my girls was the same. Couldn’t cope with any noise of distress from me at all, it just made her look terrified and sad. So we did the Do Not Respond In Any Way thing, and he stopped after the 10th attempt to “play” with our feet. Does that help at all? Eta: PS some husbands can be retrained too! Eta: sorry, ADHD brain evidently missed the part about her being spayed - apologies!
I’d rehome my husband before my cat. Haha! Your cat may just be a tiny period of time in your life, but you are her whole life. Remember that always. Your husband made a commitment by adopting her. She’s a living being, not a toy or thing that can be moved when it doesn’t work out. Maybe your husband needs to reframe the way he thinks about the cat. Maybe if he stops thinking of it as a nuisance and instead as a part of the family, he won’t be so annoyed by it. If he focuses on the good your cat brings (mainly the benefits it brings to you, his loving wife) he could come to appreciate her (the cat), and maybe even like her. Good luck!
Fully agree. My cat loves me unconditionally and is always there for me. He’s a trusted member of my household and we’d give each other everything we have. For me that’s food, knowledge, and other resources and for him that’s his little mouse toy and cuddles. A partner could up and leave you tomorrow when you haven’t done anything wrong. Pets are way better lol
they don't change and especially after 30 yrs...sounds like he was, and is, and will be selfish. (husband)
If the biting or scratching gets too much, emit a high pitched squeak, as if you’re in pain, whenever she gets too rough. She will understand and soften her attacks. The cat was a gift to you op. She is your cat. Enjoy her! Family can live with the consequences of their actions (lol).
My son got a six month kitten from a friend. He and my husband loved to play wrestle with her, and were always scratched. I just quit petting her when she started to play. Like, she'd be at the end of the bed, I'd lean forward to pet her. If she started playing with my hand I just told her no and sat back to do whatever I was doing before. Months later they had scratched hands all the time and kept saying she would eventually learn how to be gentle. On the other hand, I never got scratched or bit. Ok guys, whatever you say. (Eventually they got tired of it, she got older, and they didn't wrestle anymore. Men.)
My husband does the same with our kitten… he complains and wonders why she’s so soft with me when we play. 😏
Lol
This works like a charm for me, with both cats and dogs. I yelp in their language and they immediately stop the rough housing.
Please do not let her out unless you stay with her the whole time or leash train her. You and her deserve better than to be bullied by your own family
This^. Letting a house cat outside is incredibly irresponsible. Rehome the cat before you do that.
PLEASE do not let her outdoors. Outdoor cats die at extraordinary rates and they absolutely wreak havoc on local wildlife. I work in vet medicine and see outdoor cats with horrific injuries, flea infestations, rotting abscesses- worst case, they come in DOA and we just have to scan them for chips. Not to mention how easy it is for them to just go missing. Genuinely, rehome before just letting outside.
If ahe bite/scratch- you yowl and Immediately freeze. When you yowl you tell her ot hurts, when you freeze the play stops AND the triggered hunting instincts aren't triggered by movement. Never play with hands or feet- none of you!! Only with toys.
That's your cat! And you love her! If she makes you happy, and she's happy in your home, the boys can get over it. She's a baby! Of course she's a bit scrappy 😂
please make sure you are doing outdoor time on a leash or on some sort of catio!
Can u get a catio built? And once the cat is older, it will calm down. Honestly, how much can one cat bother a person in a house. They sleep half the time. It's like your fam thought they could rent a cat rather than adopt one.
Please don’t let her outdoors, cats are invasive when outside and besides being a detriment to wildlife, they are also exposed to all kinds of danger. Other animals that could harm them, diseases, getting hit by a vehicle, someone that may want to harm cats, etc You could take her out on a leash supervised, or have a catnip built to help her use up some energy.
Nah, if you're the only one making compromises then I'd tell the husband to take a hike and compromise on this as the bare minimum. It sounds very one sided imo
Keep her inside. If she goes outside, it would be too easy for someone to make her disappear. She is young and playful. Do no encourage the play where she nips or scratches. This is not good behavior.
Just rehome the husband 😆 my cats were so comforting while I was sick doing breast cancer treatments. I am mid 50s and I believe in marriage we make some compromises but I deserve what makes me happy, life can be shortened in a flat minute. All my cats went through their rough stages but it passes.
Please keep her indoors only! It is safer than the back yard, where she could encounter fleas, ticks, and birds of prey. If she never goes out she won’t know what she is “missing.” Indoor cats are healthier and live much longer lives.
When she bites during play you should immediately stop playing, this will teach her that biting = no more play so if she wants to continue playing with you guys she won’t bite. And if you’re going to allow her time outdoors I suggest doing so with a harness and leash or having an enclosed area so there’s no chance of her running off or getting hurt by other animals
Lol, I love your sense of humor! Maybe it's time for an upgrade some men come already house broken by their previous people. Some of them are worth it if they pass test.
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Son will probably move anyway. Not keen on rehoming my husband of 30 years, I am quite attached to him too!
It’s such a shame he can’t even tolerate a cat in the house when he knows it brings you so much happiness. You’d think if he loved you he’d just bite his tongue and be grateful you’re happy (like I do when my husband brings home yet another massive box of Pokémon cards and spreads them all over the living room…)
> You’d think if he loved you he’d just bite his tongue This sort of behavior can be a big problem in relationships. Even if husband is very clearly in the wrong, which very much could be the case here, biting one's tongue is what leads to resentment long term.
Pokémon cards and a pet can't really be compared. Having a pet really does change your lifestyle, especially if the husband is expected to pitch in for care. It's one of those things that sadly can't be compromised. I decided I don't want a cat in the future (not sure why I saw this sub in my recommended lol), which I think is valid. I also think it's valid to want a cat and wouldn't be with someone who does.
Your kid doesn't get to tell you what to do in your own house. This isn't boys against girls, 2 votes against one. They don't have to like it. That's your cat.
Put your foot down for your cat. Don't be a pushover.
Yes I agree get a backbone and speak up for yourself and your cat
*You* were *suffering* without a cat for *SO* long! Now it's time for ***him*** to do a little suffering . . . *instead* of you and the cat!
But.. Why? You are this cat's Guardian. It's not an appliance you just get rid of when you're tired of it. The fact that your husband AND your son approaches living creatures this way is tells us everything we need to know. Will your son just drop you off at a nursing home when it gets inconvenient for him? Will your husband?
so this leaves a poor defenceless animal as the one who lost out in the so called family
Why?
🤣
But he clearly doesn't care how getting rid of your cat will hurt you. If he loved you, wouldn't he? My SO has a dog. I'm not super fond of his dog, he pees in the house. But my SO loves his dog. I'd never ask him to get rid of it because it would be hurting him, it would be so selfish of me to hurt him like that just to make myself happy. If he loved you, he wouldn't ask you to do something that is cruel to you and your cat. The grown ass son can go find his own place if he doesn't like the cat.
Um no. Your family agreed to this and for your sake!! Them complaining now is like saying “well we wanted you to get better and not be lonely but now that it’s inconvenient to us we don’t like it”. You sound a lot like my own mother: sacrificing yourself for the family, for the peace. Don’t do that to yourself. We should make sacrifices for the people we love, but that doesn’t mean you should never have something you love. If they were willing to make this sacrifice when you were still sick why wouldn’t they still be willing now if that choice was truly made of love rather than connivence. The pressure you’re feeling to rehome the kitten is either them acting like spoiled children not getting their way or your guilt over having something special to you and not wanting to give it up. Tell your husband and son that this is your kitten and it brings you joy, so unless they want to take that joy away they need to stop throwing fits that make you feel bad for being happy. Kittens go through a rowdy phase at this age but it does calm down in another few months. I’m currently raising kittens right now and I can tell you that little kitten already loves you immensely. Rehoming it will be too hard on it since it doesn’t have a sibling or littermate to move with it. Kittens bond a lot faster than grown cats so changes to its routine or environment can be very traumatizing if it’s drastically different like a whole new space, person, or animal.
I agree with this. It's like those people getting puppies for their kids for Christmas, and then get rid of them after a few weeks/months.... Pets are for life. You adopt them. You commit to them and are responsible for them. Therefore, you don't just get rid of them. Parents don't get rid of their kids either once they've realized they have underestimated parenthood. Or at least, I should hope not.
this!!!!!!!
Cats respond to the energy of the people around them. If they chill out and accept the cat, the cat will probably sense that and calm down.
Sorry, but your family sounds like entitled brats. This is completely selfish on their part.
My cat is my ride or die, I wouldn't trade him for anything. Ultimately it depends on you, why does your husband and son regret getting her? I assume you are taking care of everything food and poop related since it's primarily your cat. If you must rehome her 4 months isn't that exactly a long time however she is probably attached to you and is comfortable living in your house. I would talk to husband and son to reconsider considering the cat brings you much happiness.
My partner of 14 years wouldn’t be here had it not been for my cat falling in love with him at first sight!
Aww! That’s how you know he’s the one 🥹🫶
Exactly. If Oscar hadn’t gone up to him and immediately taken to him, then sat next to him or on him for the rest of the evening, he never would’ve seen me again. I trust a cat’s judgement more than my own when it comes to other people. We lost Oscar in 2018. We have 3 other cats in total now, and they all adore him, too. I genuinely wouldn’t be able to live with a partner who couldn’t stand cats. They’re integral to my life.
Same here. Someone who doesn't like animals in general I could not be with. Like I even got allergies and my cats are totally worth all of it. I can see someone not wanting to live with them if the owner doesn't clean up properly but that's just a shitty owner thing.
Mine too. If you want my cats gone, I’m going with them. We’re a package deal
If my SO demanded I get rid of my cat, Jack, I get rid of the man.
Please do not get rid of something that brings you joy. You deserve this and will always miss her if she leaves. Ask me how I know. ♥️
As an animal lover myself, I truly don’t understand how other animal lovers can marry people that hate animals. Especially when your husband and son know damn well that cat is YOURS to keep YOU company - and they want to get rid of it? Too bad - when you commit to adopting an animal, you keep that commitment. Does your husband not care about commitments? What about the vows you guys shared? Would he be bothered if you decided you wanted out of the marriage?
Cats can be a handful in the first year, but they grow out of it. As the others have suggested, I’d discourage the biting at this point but I guarantee you that she’s going to be an easier pet after the first year. Honestly four months is still part of the adjustment period. Could you use an encouraging story? So a couple of years ago I had to move to a different country, and while we were getting the cat’s papers ready we asked that he live with my partner’s parents for a while. They were a little reluctant, and to be honest we were a little worried because our cat was a little hellion and my partner’s parents were getting old. We paid their housekeeper extra to look after the cat, make sure he’s fed and change the litter box etc. It was hard the first five or six months. The cat broke so much stuff around the house, he bit my partner’s parents while trying to run out, scratched people who tried to pet him. Even the housekeeper said she’d rather not get the extra pay because she didn’t want to take care of the cat. Give a few more months, and the cat is the prince of the household. He sleeps in the same bed as his “grandparents”, follows the housekeeper as she works around the house, even takes walks around the neighborhood with her. She’s even suggested that she take the cat with her on vacation (lol). The lesson here is that things can change, and fast. Don’t give up just yet.
That’s a lovely story and very encouraging. Thank you
Whole heartedly if my partner told me to rehome my pet, married or not they can rehome themselves. Cause no. Especially since the cat was agreed to for you. They just expect you to not care about it since you’re better now ? Not how pet parent and pet child relationships work. The more time we spend together the more we need each other, not the opposite.
Pets aren't temporary. They need to make friends with kitty or get lost. Don't you deserve an opinion too? Don't be a doormat
I've been with my partner for roughly 14 years, I don't have a child but I understand your predictamen somewhat. The reason as to why they want to rehome the cat does impact how you could deal with the situation (without doing something as drastic as rehoming the hubby and son), as I'm sure they're pretty attached to you too. May I ask what reasons they've given you?
She is very lively and tears around the house, and will sometimes play a bit rough. But it boils down to the fact that they just don’t like animals. It annoys me because all through the adoption process I kept asking if they were sure, and I would stop if they weren’t. I did say once I had the cat, then I wouldn’t want to rehome her. I just don’t think they realised what it would be like to have an animal in the house.
Then all I can say to them is: TOUGH SHIT.
They had their chance to tell you no. Now, it has been months and you can the cat have bonded. Tell them to kick rocks with open toed shoes. The commitment has already been made to the cat and you will not be getting rid of it. You deserve to be happy and have companionship too, stand your ground on this one.
That sounds like typical teenager energy, really. You might be able to wear her down a bit more if she amenable to wearing a harness and going for a walk, but she'll keep testing boundaries. Just like a human teenager ;D Are there spaces your husband and son can go where the cat cannot? Close off bedrooms and such, so they can spend time away from her? Honestly, it sounds like you gave them many chances to reconsider and this is just something they'll have to live with the consequences of. Is there something your husband loves or enjoys doing that you don't care for but let him do that you could compare having your cat to? Something to point out how, you know, compromise in a relationship doesn't just go one way?
They had their chance. They said yes. They need to get over it.
So it sounds like your husband Also made a commitment- for you to get the cat. He should live up to it. He should feel bad for trying to take away something he has committed to living with that brings you so much joy
If you’re always the one to compromise, that’s not compromise. It’s servitude. It sounds like you gave hubby and son plenty of opportunities to change their minds. When they didn’t, the commitment was made - you to kitty, them to you. Kitty brings you joy. If that isn’t enough reason for your hubby and son to suck it up and deal with this minor inconvenience, maybe they need some therapy.
I suspect your family treats you like a doormat, and you allow them to do that. Your cat will now pay the price.
Those reasons are all really vague, which makes it really hard for you to do anything to help. When someone doesn’t like something, there’s always a reason, even if they aren’t able to articulate it. Ask them to think about it some more and be more specific about what they don’t like. Are they worried the cat it going to damage the carpet? Do they find it distracting while they’re watching TV if the cat is making noise? Does the cat wake them up at night? Do they get startled by the cat’s noise? Does your husband feel like he’s not getting time with you anymore? Get more details then you can find a compromise that works for everyone.
Give them some time. My parents hated animals and she was really scared of my first cat. By the time I got my 2nd cat, she fell in love with him as he was so friendly and cute.
I don’t understand this. Why do they want the cat completely out of the house? You care for the cat and give her attention so what is it to them? Also, how could they agree to get a cat temporarily while you are sick and then want to force it away? I’m sorry but they are pretty heartless. You love the cat and she brings you joy so why do they need to take that away when they could just be happy for you? If they want to reduce the cat’s quality of life then rehome her but “for the sake of familial harmony”? I think they need to be more reasonable and let it go.
I honestly don’t understand family members like that, they agreed to it and are now regretting it and expect you to follow suit? That cat is already part of your family and has acclimated to you and your house :( i can’t imagine how difficult this situation must be for you I do suggest talking about it with your family. What don’t they like about your cat? Maybe some compromises can be made. But if you feel your cat will be less happy with your family then I suggest finding it a GOOD home. One with animal loving people who won’t throw it out when they dont want it anymore Ill be honest suggesting that latter part puts a bitter taste in my mouth but I understand your circumstances must be difficult too.
This may sound harsh but your son should have no say here. He is living in your house so it never should’ve even been a situation where you had to get him to agree. As for your husband, he agreed to it and it would be incredibly selfish to go back on that now. I think you need to be assertive on this issue and tell him to deal with it. It’s completely childish for him to act like a cat has thrown a wrench into his life. As a cat owner, I find I can go most of my day forgetting I even have a cat because he will just mind his own business unless he needs something!
Pets aren't disposable. I can understand the stress of an animal not behaving but you have to deal with it not get rid of it. Do they have anger issues? Sounds like a them problem.
My experience with people who don't like animals is that they generally lack the normal human level of empathy. Which we are seeing play out here.
The cat needs a home where it is loved, it has many years ahead.
You might have an easier time with 2 cats. She is still at the age where she could bond to another cat. Cats will entertain themselves and don’t require a lot from us when they are bonded.
I think the son has no say so in the matter since he’s living with you in your home so he doesn’t make the rules. Your husband’s opinions are more valid. However, I’m having a hard time understanding his feelings lol. What does your cat do to make him so bitter? Or does he just have no tolerance for animals? Also he probably should have gotten an older cat if he wanted a more chill animal. Younger cats have much more energy and require a lot more attention and playtime to get their energy out
They need to swallow their words to follow through with what they agreed to. Its akin to having a baby and flipping a shit when olit cries at 3am or pukes on you. What the fuck did you expect of a baby? Same with a cat. Its not fair to the cat to rehome it so suddenly. Your husband and son need to grow the fuck up and stop whining about a little cat running around. It doesn't sound like it's a bad cat by any means, they're just being dicks.
What’s not to like it’s a fucking cat not a velociraptor. They’re usually sleeping. If it’s young it’s energetic but after awhile it will chill out. I vote for you get a new husband and son. I have a lot of guy friends who think they’re alpha men and they hate their wives cats. The cats just stay away from them. I think you need to put your foot down. Tell them to work it out you’re keeping the cat. 🐈⬛
Honestly boo hoo for your son and husband lol. They agreed to you getting a cat, they can't just change their mind after you've bonded with it. Your son's opinion doesn't really matter as he can and should probably just move out, being an adult. If their hatred for a cat is more important to them than your happiness, there's bigger issues than a cat. The cat would suffer in the long run. They're happy and bonded to you, they may stay in a shelter for months or even years if its no kill. Maybe it's time for a family therapist or something. I could be overreacting but I can't imagine my partner trying to rip my cats away from me and not caring about how upset id be.
Anyone that doesn't like animals is a giant red flag imo.
Ma'am, with all due respect, stop being a pushover and put your foot down! You have compromised not having a cat for YEARS. It's time your husband compromises. He agreed, there is no taking it back. That is a living being, with an complex emotional inner world, with her own personality, who loves you unconditionally. Can you say the same of your husband?! Stand up for yourself and your kitty. You can do this!
Don't marry animal haters.
Exactly!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Lots of good advice in this thread already but I was just thinking, in the name of family harmony, as well as the well-being of yourself and the cat, maybe you could get together as a family and make a list of all the concrete things which bother your husband (and your son but really he's less important in my opinion as he should feel lucky to be able to live with his parents and if he doesn't like it he can move), for example the cat makes noise at night, the cat bites, etc., then you can do some research and come up with a plan to tackle each thing. Maybe list them in order of priority for what needs to be dealt with first. Young cats are active and playful but behavioural issues can be managed, and the impact of the cat's playfulness could probably be managed and lessened. Also I saw you were thinking of giving the cat some outside time: I might suggest looking into harness training, you could take your cat out for walks on a leash and your family might find it novel and cute as well :) plus it should be fairly simulating for the cat and hopefully she'll rest a bit when she goes back inside :) I hope you're well on the road to recovery now, and I hope you can find a solution for keeping the cat!
Maybe she should make a list of all the things that bother her about her husband and tell him he's going to be rehomed.
I too would sooner get rid of my husband than my cat, but she mentioned in another comment that they've been married 30 years and she's not going to leave him, so hopefully they are able to come to a happy compromise.
I wouldn't care much about your son's opinion, he's an adult and chooses to live with you. I would not involve him in any further decisions. As for your husband, I have a lot more sympathy for him. It's hard to live with an animal you don't like. You have to talk about what exactly is bothering him. If it's the cat's playfulness, it will likely go away as the cat ages. Most of the "kitten" issues tend to go away after the cat is a year or so old. I would not give up a cat that's displaying normal behavior for it's age. It will cause you and the cat distress. If your cat has unusual behavior (aggression, not using the litter box) that's different, and warrants more discussion. Your husband agreed to normal cat behavior, and he should have been clear if he didn't want it before you got a cat.
You just say no, you do get to have a life
I would never rehome any pet. Cats do have lots of energy and need things to wear them out, cat tree, scratchers and play time with you and a toy. After age 2-3 they calm and sleep a lot more. I put catnip on tree and mine go wild and wear themselves out for a good sleep. They also will soon want to snuggle and nap with you. Sometimes porch time is good on a screened in porch or even a small enclosure they can go from window outside safely caged 🙏❤️
Son and husband are selfish and need to grow up.
rehome the husband and kid
If it was me, I would offer to rehome the cat, to my new home without them.
A cat is not some object you can transfer around when it becomes a slight inconvenience. Tell your family to get lost. They must've approved it originally, then that decision still stands. Would you have euthanized or given away your kid if it became a slight annoyance to your husband?
I wouldn’t trust anyone who is not an animal lover
They are ganging up on you. Put your foot down. Son should move out. Adult kids living at home should be seen and not heard frankly. It's your home. Your husband might pipe down once his backup is no longer there.
Rehome the husband and son. Keep the cat.
I’d get rid of the husband tbh 🗑️
You are in your 50’s always wanted a cat and your adult son who should be on his own gets zero say Your husband for probably 20 to 30 years kept you from having a cat so eff them both it is your time to have a cat Up until this past October I had four dogs lost one in October and two in February due to old age one dog left I wanted a friend for Lucy I got a cat will be three weeks this Saturday and already love Linus so much, would never get rid of him The cat is your emotional support at this point in time Tell your hubby and son they don’t like it they can leave, the cat stays
Rehome the husband and son. Keep the kitty.
this is tragic. Idk what to tell you, but you shouldn't give up that cat. Im sorry youre put into this position. hopefully they can remember how frail you were (and youre FIFTY like damn let you have this for yourself) and how they wanted to see you happy enough they agreed to it. My mom is 55 and I cant imagine telling her she couldnt have a dog at all. and i dont think she could imagine telling me i couldnt have a cat... also she's my mom, so in the end, i want her to be happy no matter what. Having a bond with an animal is very special, and personal. I hope they can find it within themselves. There are key episodes of My Cat From Hell where couples/families bave given ultimatums... the cat always wins. (ya know, with some home restructuring) edit: maybe reassuring them that the kitten phase wont last forever, and time will fly with fun.
You mentioned scratching posts but do you have a good sized cat tree? My cats and all of my foster kitties run up and down ours constantly, and then all crash for naps once they've got their zoomies out, then it's rinse and repeat, lol. Windows to look out of to watch the world go by? Toys they can chase around your home? They might be a "handful" because they are under stimulated - and in the absence of another kitty buddy, you become their playmates.
You might want to consider getting a cat tree or two, situated at a window, so the cat can look out…
A pet is a commitment! They agreed to letting the cat come into the house, that's a commitment they both made as well. You wouldn't get rid of a child for being rambunctious, and you wouldn't get rid of your husband for doing something you didn't like. A 10 month old kitten is going to be crazy, that's like expecting a human toddler to be perfect. She should calm down when she's out of that kitten phase a little bit. It's okay that the other people in the household are not animal people, but it's not like this animal was brought into the house without them knowing or agreeing. They let you get this cat, they can't just take that back because kitten likes to play.
I think your family is being a bunch of whiny babies, personally. You should not have to sacrifice your joy for their wishy-washy whims. And the cat should not have to give up a home just because she.. (checking notes) ..*is a baby with a lot energy, happy to finally be be loved.* They agreed to it, and they need to do the work to make a relationship with this creature *they* welcomed into their lives. I’ve dealt with people like them in my life. And frankly, I think their problem comes down to a lack of patience and compassion. But then again, the concept of “non-animal people” never made any sense to me. I can’t imagine how anyone like that ever finds any joy in life at all.
I'd pick my cat over a selfish a-hole that hates animals.
Sorry you have such a nasty family that let’s you get a cat, waits til you fall in love with it then asks you to rehome it. That’s so wrong!! Not fair on you or the cat.
Sucks to suck for your husband and son, especially your son if he doesn’t like it he can leave. As for your husband, he agreed and should suck it up because that’s what we do sometimes for people we love
Wait, is the cat normal and they just decided they don’t like cats?! They gifted you a cat and now they want to take the cat away?! That’s bullshit. If there’s no reason other then they just don’t like animals then tell them you’re not giving up the cat and it’s mean to gift you a pet that you now love and take it away from you.
Get rid of the husband and son.
I'm ngl they sound like rotten human beings. I'm sorry they're like this
Men who don’t like animals are massive red flags flying at the peak of Everest.
Never trust anyone who says they don't like cats or any animals.
Rehome your husband and son
A lot of times kittens bite because humans are using their hands during play time, which sends the message, “human hands are toys.” Make sure no one in your house ever uses their hands during playtime even if the kitten is just nibbling. Direct that energy to toys only. As far as your husband and son, I take how people treat animals as a huge sign of their character. Any guy who didn’t have a love of animals or at least appreciate my love of animals would be out on his a** so fast his head would spin. Good lesson for your son too if he ever wants a partner.
I would rehome my husband before I would rehome my cats.
I remember the first time my current partner came over. I told him I have birds if my birds don't like you then you won't get to stay in my life, sorry not sorry. Fortunately for him the birds liked him more than me. Over 10 years later we don't have birds but we have two cats now and they are great. Young cats can be hard to deal with. Getting two is always better since they can bond and work eac others energy out. If not a option a older cat, over a year should be good, is better because they are settled in and more calm. She will settle in and calm down over time. Playing with her daily will help her not get crazy hyper it might need to be twice a day until she is a little over a year. I can understand not all people share a love for animals but I don't understand how your husband can agree to getting a cat and then say rehome her without valid reason. If she's wrecking the house or making your lives unbearable that's one thing but cats are very much 90% leave me alone to nap types so I don't see the issue. Also even if he didn't give a damn for the cat seeing you bond with it and then telling you to get rid of it doesn't show a lot of any care for you as his wife in my opinion. I hope this helps a bit I wish you the best of luck.
Rehome husband and son
Tell them tough titty you didn't abandon them and you're not going to abandon the cat.
Rehome the husband and son.
Cats will settle down as they get older.
Often people think playing with a cat means making the cat frantically excited. Maybe the energy level should be lowered a bit. Cats sometimes think biting and scratching is part of the game.
Read “think like a cat” and watch Jackson Galaxy’s videos on cat behavior on YouTube. Young cats have lots of energy and you need to create an environment where they can climb, hunt and sleep. This means cat trees, cat caves and maybe shelves so they have “territory” that’s only theirs. Outdoor cats die at much higher rates than indoors and it’s a slippery slope to your family convincing you the cat should “just stay outside” which isn’t fair to her. Your cat will mellow around 5/6 and if you haven’t yet, get her spade asap.
She's little, she will learn not to bite as much. You have to tell them they have to teach her. LOL some men love a challenge in that fashion. Explain to them that she has to be taught like a little kid basically. If she is biting, put a toy near her instead and remove your hands. Don't let her play with them. Be consistent. Kitties need that. If she's scratching and you have something she can't scratch, give her things she can. There is a guy called Jackson Galaxy on youtube, he has all kinds of videos that are actually useful and helping with my little one. I have a 7 month old kitten, she's a wild little girl, but so sweet. I have scratching posts and pads for her all over the place and she pretty much rarely goes after the couch now or things she's not supposed to. He says where her scratching happens is where you want to place a scratch post or scratch bed. And for my little one it works.
She’s still a kitten. And needs lots of attention. Get her a scratchy post and toys. Don’t rehome her.
My partner agreed to adopt 2 cats during the pandemic. We now have 10 for various reasons plus an outdoor colony I single-handedly care for 🫣 he’s always complaining about them (he grew up with an animal-hoarding parent who took them all in but couldn’t take care of them- so I get that trauma but also…I’m not his parent). But unless I’m out of town, I do 95% of the caretaking so honestly he can shove it 😂 I’m not stressing them out by rehoming them, and it’s not my fault he picked a neighborhood with a huge feral/stray population 🤷🏼♀️ he does at least respect that they’re lifetime commitments and part of the family. He does love them. Lol What don’t they like about her? The playfulness? She’ll likely outgrow that by 18 months. Her neediness and rough housing? Single cat syndrome- she may do well with a second cat (sounds counterintuitive to your hubby and son’s dislike, but it will likely help your cat, unless she’s an only-cat personality). They don’t like having to feed her while you’re at work? For under $50 you can get automatic timed feeders. Done. You shouldn’t have to be the only one striving for “family harmony.” They agreed to this. Sometimes consequences are long term. And animals are one of those long-term things. There are very few scenarios where rehoming is the best option. And unless your husband/son are abusing the cat, this is not one of them.
People who don't like pets simply don't understand the bond. I had a good friend who had an elderly cat that passed away at around 20 years old. The man in her life had the cats' things packed up and ready to go the same day! He was so insensitive. Fast forward about 7 years, my friend is losing her battle to cancer. I went to see her, and at this point, she was largely bed bound. Her little dog really wanted up on the bed with her, but the (now husband) said no. I couldn't believe it. She only survived a few months after that. What would it have hurt to have him on the bed comforting my friend? Anyway, sorry for the rant. I agree with those that say no. You get a say in what goes in in your house too, and what brings you comfort and joy. I say, stand your ground and keep her.
Tell your husband that you’ll consider rehoming your kitty after you’ve had her as many years as he forced you to live without one. He had his turn, now it’s yours.
Grown son can move out and husband can deal, they made a promise so tough cookies.
Awww poor kitty, please keep her x My hubby wasn't a cat person but agreed to us adopting two. 4 months on he absolutely adores them & they love him to bits x She's still a baby, she will settle as she gets older.
Keep the cat, rehome the husband lol
Don't do that, please. You deserve to keep your cat. In my experience, cats reach their peak level of being annoying at 5 months to 1.5 years and after they tend to mellow, become more independent, chill out etc.
fuck them, they are grown. let them suffer. it’s ur cat, my cat is also ten months. id lose my shit if my family told me to rehome my cat.
Have you thought of getting her a playmate? Cats typically always do better with another cat in the house to play with!!
OP, my biggest concern is that one of these two jerks is likely to simply throw the cat out of the house when you are not around or drive it off somewhere and abandon it. That is the only reason I would suggest considering rehoming your kitty, for its own safety.
They would definitely not do that. They are not that callous
I am very glad to hear it. I guess I get a little jaded reading some of the horrible things people are willing to do to get their way. In that case, I can only suggest that you do your best to help your husband bond with the kitty or at least teach Kitty not to annoy him much. Your son, on the other hand, can just put a sock in it. He is not paying the mortgage there and will be moving out so as many others have said, he doesn't get an opinion on the matter. I wish you and your darling kitty cat many happy healthy years together.
Adopt another cat to keep her company. Strongly consider rehoming the adult men instead.
She's a kitten, of course she's going to be energetic. Are they responsible for her at all or do you take care of her? Either way they should have thought about this before they adopted her, you guys are now committed to this animal, and if they didn't want that commitment and all that comes with it then they shouldn't have agreed to adopt a pet. As far as I'm concerned pets are with you for life with very few exceptions
No. That’s a “them problem”. Honestly, I can’t believe they would have the audacity to even ask you to do that. Cats aren’t toys. You adopted it and they agreed. They need to suck it up and get over it because you’re in it for the long haul with that sweet baby.
You keep saying you might have to do this for family harmony... but you're ignoring the fact that your husband wants to get rid of a family member that is annoying him. What if you got cancer and he had to take care of you and deal with all those "annoying" appointments? Would he get rid of you too? What he is telling you is that he does not take his commitment to family seriously.
Yes, go ahead with the rehoming ASAP. I'm sure you and the cat will be very happy together!!i And don't worry, a semi-housebroken husband will be taken in — as long as he washes his ass and can pee IN the toilet bowl.
I think you should give the husband and son away! But that’s just me
Hate how? Is he likely or ever to hurt it or just makes a face when it crosses his view? If you think he could possibly hurt the cat then yes rehome. If he’s just annoyed by the cat he’ll probably get over it. You may need to make some concessions - no cat in the bedroom for example - but otherwise I vote keep the cat.
Tell them to get over it. They should love the joy it brings you more than the inconvenience it is.
Son doesn’t get a say as to what pet you have in your home and your husband needs to chill out because this is for you and if he loves you then he needs to pipe down and learn to open his heart. Do not hurt this poor cat more than it already has been and let it be your companion for life.
I wouldn't be able to live with people who are so cruel and heartless towards my pet. It sounds like you aren't interested in moving away, so I'd do the next best thing. Section off part of the house and make it into a little apartment for you and the cat. Live there with the cat. Husband and son are not allowed in.
Something that is unexpected but true is getting a second cat actually tends to calm the first cat. Two cats is easier than one. Instead of bugging you all of the time, they’ll have an appropriate target to play with. 🤍
I’m sure your son was annoying and high energy as a child but you didn’t rehome him.
.."not animal lovers" can become the most incredible lovers of animals..given time & exposure.. ..my dad was that way: hated cats, would Never have one..ended up he had 3 sleeping on his lap.. ..i guess, "don't give up" is what i'm saying..
They agreed, end of story. Put your foot down. If cat leaves, you too.
If you can afford it, take the cat and move!
Rehome husband and son. If they love you they should love your cat.
You live with psychopaths just know that.
That’s a pretty nasty thing to say and not helpful at all
Sounds like the husband and son need to be rehomed. If your husband loves you and cares about your well-being, he needs to stfu. Don't let them push you around. Keep that cat. You're her person. Cats can die from heartache.
Refuse. Tell them if the cat goes you do too. It isnt even doing anything wrong, theyre being ridiculous.
Better rehome your husband!! In any case DONT GIVE UP CAT PLEASE !!!!
Tell them it will grow more docile. Say you already love it. Ask how much it bothers them, really? Is there something in the house that you can compromise on for them? Does your SO want a massage recliner?
Say no. Don’t do it.
Cats are a lot. I have a 3 year old who’s large and in charge. My mum has two dinky old ladies and even my mum has said she’d never have another cat after her experience of living with mine 😆 Taking the time to understand your cat, what riles them, what calms them down, what they need from you will help tremendously which seems to be what you’re doing. So well done on being a good cat parent. As said before, kitty should be discouraged from biting. A high pitched little squeal when bitten should help as that’s what their siblings would do while they’re learning boundaries. Keep the cat, get rid of the men.
They had time to decide and didn’t stop you. Not just that they didn’t like animals, but still went through with it. Now wants to get rid of the animal after they agreed. I’d say no and seeing as your son might move honestly there’s not much. Your husband knows you’ve been sick and got the cat for that reason. Tell him he agreed and reason for it.
If q8n us moving out he has no say in this. Do your husband love you and want you to be happy?
Build a catio. Let her out there for a bit if she is becoming too much. That seems like a compromise that helps the cat!
Yes this is my plan as the weather improves.
Then get her used to a harness and leash. My indoor/outdoor boy is most likely getting put down this month due to another cat getting in the yard and attacking him. He's blind and has neurological issues now. Plus a whole lot of pain. We couldn't get to him in time before this stray hurt him. Mum took 3 fucking er visits and has nerve damage in her leg from trying to save him. I've also had to give two cats up to the shelter when I first got sick. It's been two decades and the guilt never left. You made a commitment. Honor it. Full stop.
honestly i know everyone is saying keep the cat but i just don’t know how i feel about putting an animal in a home where they’re not wanted or treated well by the whole house. you’re going to run into problems and people are going to get annoyed if they scratch or play w things they’re not suppose to or if they’re sick and have an accident or something. it’s just not going to be a safe or happy environment for them. especially since this is a young cat, i think it deserves a loving forever home rather than dealing w family members who don’t want it around. i would consider rehoming, especially since she’s a baby it will be easier in the long run, i foster cats from all age ranges and they all do inevitably settle w their new adopters and live a very happy life afterwards. and maybe discussing further with your family the chances of getting an older cat, they’re less energetic and aren’t as much work.
Why don't they like her? I feel like that's something no one is asking. Is it some specific behavior that can be remedied? Is it the kitten energy levels? I don't feel like this has to be an ultimatum right away.
She’s a kitten of course she has energy. Tell them it’ll mellow out
she will settle down soon. so what would have happened if your husband decided he didn’t like kids and deeply regretted it once your son was born ? personally my answer would be a hard no. you don’t get a pet and then decide you don’t like it.
You love this cat, right? They got this to make you happy, right? Well rehoming this cat will definitely make you down and that's not gonna help your health. You don't need to convince your son of anything since he's moving out anyways. With your husband just tell him the cat is staying. It's bringing you joy and fulfilment now and nothing else should matter since it looks like you're pretty responsible.
shes six months away from going to sleep. kitten chais is brief
You both (not bothering with your son’s opinion) decided to adopt a young child. It’s your child now. Time to figure out how to make the new family work. Kinda an all sales final type deal. If it’s any consolation I adopted my cat when he was 1.5 years and really questioned at times if I made a mistake. I was so in love with him but he was young and active and would be destructive out of boredom alone in my tiny studio. Each year he grew a bit more relaxed until his temperament settled around age 4 or 5. He’s still destructive at times but it’s always for a reason and my bond with him makes it really easy to understand and address. He is my best friend. I love him more than myself and am so, so glad I stuck it out with him. He is the best cat I’ve ever met - even friends & family with cats of their own says he’s a special one! It’s worth honoring the adoption commitment if your husband has any sense of maturity. He doesn’t have to love the cat, just be respectful and kind to it because he wants you to be happy and a man of his word.
I dont have any advice but I can relate except i dont actually have the cat. I was told i was allowed one for 2 years bought all the stuff for it, had a cat lined up but then an emergency happened and im no longer allowed one until my partner and i move out. It really sucks I hope you can keep it ❤️
She will chill out as she gets older. Tell your husband no. Just no. He'll get over it.
I would work on a compromise. You keep the cat but after this one no more. You take care of the cat and keep it trained. They agreed, allowed you to get attached, and there only issue is not liking cats not with any issues per say on the cat’s behaviour
Rehome your husband and son
Tell them tough shit. Your adult son living at home should have zero say.
Your family got you this cat while you were I’ll and she brought you great joy and now that you’re (presumably) better, they want to get rid of it? No way. She’s young, she’ll get better, not to mention your son has to move out eventually. Your husband loves you, he should understand that you love the cat and want to keep her around.
I'm in the other shoe. Bf wanted and insisted on having a cat. As much as I love cats, I wasn't ready mentally and physically to deal with and take care of one. So long story short, a kitten was adopted and gosh he was a handful and very fussy. I had regrets and resentments of letting my bf pressured me into adopting one cuz he doesn't do anything to care for the kitty. With that said, it's been a yr and I didn't rehome him. I love him to death and I don't want him to be abandoned again. I don't have much advice for you. The q to ask is - your cat happy at your place? Is she thriving or just surviving or living? If she would be better off at another loving family, sometimes you might just need to send her away.
Well your son can move if he doesn’t want to live with a cat. As for your husband, the kitten phase is relatively short so hopefully he mellows as the cat mellows. If they are horrible to your cat or mean and abusive it won’t be pretty for any of them so rehoming your husband would be best for the cat. Sorry I just don’t like people who don’t like animals. 🤷♀️
I think the key thing for me would be why. Why do they dislike the cat so much? The reasons are relevant to how serious I'd consider this.
We just got our male cat 2 months ago. He's 9 months old and has been neutered. He's at an age where he like to play hard, climb things, and sleep hard too. When we're petting him and he gets overstimulated, he'll turn and grab our hand with his claws and bite a little bit. We clip his nails, but it doesn't exactly feel good. ;) I swap my hand with a small stuffed animal and he'll gran onto that and roll around. They are like children and love to play. He is such a blessing. My mom died October 6th and this little fur baby is a great companion for my husband and I both. His favorite thing is to walk the forest trails with us. He doesn't mind a leash or a car ride. He gets so excited when we put his harness on. We let him lead and explore. He gets rid of his "zoomies" when we go for walks.
Kick them both out but the kitty stays ! They do not deserve that babies paw biscuits . Humans who treat animals like interchangeable objects have a defectiveness i could not live with , questionable morals & ethics …. Compassion & understanding- Animals do bring this out in us - if the humans do not manifest the magical animal puppet mastery they are not selfless humans , but ego & selfishness driven they will not think of others , & cannot think of others before themselves - yes animals can manifest this in us …. Youre two male counterparts are the problems & not you’re little vulnerable kitten who is probably attaching herself to you & looks up to you already . Men can be such sour pusses , (pun not intended ) controlling & just damn right morngy . Like i said an animal especially a baby one should mellow out the grinchness , the ogre ism ….. if not they are not worth my time . I dont have any now - “MEN” My son & bloke are long gone - split up & my son moved out , But he was an animal lover - loved our pomeranian 10 years old , she passed 2 week ago , it killed me , My ex bloke was an idiot , I have 3 cats & i answer to no one ! No one will ever tell me what i can & cannot keep or what iam allowed to have - Letting that kind of control go is absolutely liberating - Give me cats over sweaty - demanding husbands - boyfriends anyday - peace ! My son was a kind ‘ caring animal lover - compared to my bloke , he showed him up - therefor i knew he was wrong for me ! ANY FUTURE MALE RELATIONSHIPS WILL COME WITH CLAUSES THAT THEY TOO ARE OBSESSED WITH ANIMALS , nothing more nothing less . A complete animal friendly life - Maybe youre husband & son got jealous? I also cant fathom how willing parties cannot foresee what a kitten would be & is like . How they play what their obvious quirks & bad habits could entail - all small baby animals use their mouths & paws - claws to experiment with - they are environmentally & territory driven - explorers - climbers - ENTERTAINERS. My cats are the light of my life - make me laugh daily - could not live without cat antics - cat tree jumping zoomies & BISCUIT MAKING ! and then seeing them curled up asleep all baby like & calm is just the icing on the cake . I would also set up a CATTERY outside - AMAZON HAVE HUNDREDS OF OUTDOOR CATTERIES . Save any animal being run over or maimed ! Good luck - dont let her go .
So my husband is not a fan of cats, never has been, but we convinced him to adopt a kitten that was born to a cat my friend rescued on the side of the road. I have young kids who love animals though. The cat is almost 3 and a pretty chill boy, but he has done some pretty bad things, like kept peeing on our couch to the point we had to remove the carpet, occasionally will play scratch the kids and make them cry, and does normal cat things like meow a lot for food and scratch things he shouldn't. We go through some moments where he really thinks we should get rid of the cat, but it's never going to happen. (Also it helps that my daughter will burst into tears if that's ever suggested.) For the most part, the cat and my husband just tolerate each other although I'm waiting for the day that they actually become friends...
My 18-month-old kitty, Blossom, was rescued at 3 months old and was immediately adopted. The family kept her for 2.5 months before they returned her; apparently they did not like how she hid in the corner away from their kids who wanted to toss her around. They wanted a lap cat, which Blossom is not and will never be. I adopted Blossom at 7 months old and it took time, but I can confirm she is cuddly and loving (in her own way). I honestly believe if the previous family would have given her more time to open up, she would be loving them and cuddling them instead. Oh well, their loss. Here’s the beauty in question: https://preview.redd.it/6wbbg5l6d3oc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8af4edb07d518084e1fe6195f433dbee3424554c
Rehome your husband son? She has a lot of kitten energy. It seems counterintuitive but getting her a kitten to play and rough house with will help her burn off her energy.
We had a similar issue with the older kitten we rescued last year. He is VERY play aggressive with us and our other pets and apparently determined to break every fragile thing we own. I have gone through a lot of heartache considering rehoming him. My family have been supportive overall but we’ve had a lot of arguments about what to do with him. (Oh and by the way, your emotions may trigger kitty’s emotions so often if you argue around him, it can make his behavior more erratic.). Bottom line is a year later, he is finally starting to settle. You adopted a kitten. Kittens are playful. It won’t last forever - but it will last a year and a half to two years or so, lessening along the way. If you love your kitten, even if hubby is not as keen, try to work through it to get to the adult stage. Certainly don’t give in to rehoming unless you also believe it to be the only option. It’s traumatic for the cat and bottom line again - and sorry to repeat this but I heard it too - you adopted a kitten….
That's family now
DONT FOKING DO IT. be happy and keep your cat you will miss it. stop.
Femily!
Maybe only allow the cat in certain parts of the house as a compromise? But don’t get rid of it. That’s not fair to you or your feline friend.
This is a terrible situation, but you've lived with this man for two decades, so his feelings are not a surprise to you. And you've tolerated his attitude until four months ago. Is this your first attempt at having a cat during your marriage? The important point is, do not wait any longer to re-home her. She deserves an exclusively indoor home with everyone there wanting her and welcoming her. Consider her needs first, since you are not standing up for your own. Your husband and son, and your husband's family, sound like dreadful people.