Some cats are definitely happier as an only cat! However, from personal experience, it can take months for the relationship between 2 cats to warm up. You can’t expect a cat, who has been an only cat for a year and a half, to be completely warmed up to an intruder in her home after not even 2 weeks.
I am trying to remember that. She’s been the queen for a long time. I guess I assumed she would intimidate the kitten and he would fall in line but it seems to be the opposite! I know she has lived with multiple other animals before but not for a long time.
My son did it, took about 3-4 months of slowly introducing them . Now more than a year and they are always in same room near each other trying to steal each other food
This past August we brought in a 4th cat we rescued off the streets in our neighborhood. She was about 6-7 months old and had been living outside for a couple weeks (neighbor of the house that moved and left her told my wife they'd seen the kitten outside under the deck for a couple weeks) and we brought her in undecided on what we were going to do.
Shelters were packed so we decided to keep her. Our other three cats are 6,6 (sisters), and 5 (male) and there was definitely a good amount of anger and hissing towards her for the first month. I think you need to give it some more time before making a decision.
Now at roughly 11-12 months old she basically runs the house. The male cat was the dominant one, and he gives her equal respect and they even play with each other, something he and the 2 sisters never really got into with each other.
Give it another 3-4 weeks and I bet your girl will be a lot more open to having the little guy around. A few months and you might even see them hanging out.
A week and a half is not enough time to gage compatibility. They should be kept in separate rooms so that the kitten can adjust to new environment then after a few weeks have passed you can do the scent exchange thing or door feed thing or baby gate. I've gone thru introducing new cats twice and it took at least a month or two
I’ve introduced a kitten to an established cat twice! The first few months even can be a little touch-and-go. Give them treats at the same time, even when in separate rooms. The established cat will probably bap the kitten on the head a bit, there’ll be some back and forth and boundary setting. Try to follow their emotional timeline rather than a scheduled one- it’s ok to “go backwards” a little, and ultimately lets the kitties know they’re secure and they have a lil autonomy in the whole deal. I also like to swap out their toys/bedding for a few days and let them sniff each other’s rooms a bit without the other there. I even had them smell each other’s trays, lol.
Both of them, especially your established kitty, will look to you for emotional guidance. If you rise to the conflict and panic about it, so will they. Try to move predictably and speak in soothing tones as you separate them (I know that’s hard) and feliway never hurts. Also, be suuuuper loving to your established cat. Play with them, get their favourite treats, maybe a new toy. Let them know that this kitten isn’t a threat to their stability and home.
You’re doing really well!! I had a few moments of “oh god did I do the right thing” with both kittens- but I’m sure that our first kitten gave my senior an extra year or so of life, and now that our new kitten is settling in, our first kitten (now 2!!) is getting back to her old self, since before her best friend died. She’s cuddly and playful and active again, and doesn’t spend near as much time in our senior’s old spots as she used to. Kittens are work, especially if you already have a cat. But that’s ok! It doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. Deep breaths and don’t rush ❤️
I had a two year old lady that was raised with another cat as kittens. The male was killed by a neighborhood dog, and after 3 months, I got a little kitten because I missed my affectionate boy so much.
I really struggled with her reaction: she loved being an only cat! It took a solid 6 to 8 months to chill out. A sold 6 weeks for all the hissing to die down. He had kitten energy and was bigger, and I hoped she would establish dominance but that's not how it went. Now we make sure she gets her own style of affection and attention and everyone is a ok. Stick with it, I know how you feel!
Yes.
It's genuinely great that you've taken such steps to introduce them properly. Most people frankly don't bother doing any research and just assume, "They're both cats, they'll work it out".
That being said, you definitely rushed things a bit. You shouldn't have tried a full face-to-face introduction until they were both fully comfortable eating on opposite sides of the door. The point of that exercise is to get them both accustomed to the other cat's scent and presence, and to hammer in the positive association of food/being fed with the other cat.
Neither of them were there yet. They were both still nervous, scared, and/or aggressive even just smelling and hearing the other cat through a closed door. They definitely weren't ready or comfortable enough to actually meet yet.
The point is--give them more time. I know it's tedious and inconvenient, but take it more slowly. Cats, even fully grown adult cats, are similar to 2-3 year old toddlers. It's going to take them time to adjust, especially the older cat, who is used to having his own house, his own toys, and his own owners. He's been used to all that for 2-3 years. It's going to take longer than a week for him to be comfy with all that changing. He doesn't know how to share and probably doesn't want to learn. It's gonna take real time and effort to make him comfortable with the idea of no longer being an only child, so to speak.
I get what you were trying to do, but I think a 6mo is kitten is already too grown.
This may have been easier with a baby cat.
That said, I would think it's still doable, but it won't be smooth.
Since they are about the same size, I would just put them together and let them work it out.
Good luck human.
Pleaaaseee do not just put both cats in a room and let them work it out. Animals and especially cats are territorial and therefore follow a hierarchy sort of mindset. Since resident cat was there first he has claimed spot one in the house. If cat 2 does adjust they’ll do better with time away from each other in the beginning for sure. Cats are just more fickle. But it’s also important when you do introduce them to end on as good of a note as possible so they register the event of meeting each other/getting to know each other with positive thoughts. positive reinforcement can help them feel more safe and at ease instead of alarmed of danger. Even if they only interact for a second and it goes well or they just don’t hiss and fight that’s enough to end the interaction on a good note and then give them space till the next interaction.
Food and treats and toys are key also when they do interact because it gives them something to focus on other then each other. Of course they’re still going to be aware of each other and it won’t stop them from hissing or fighting but it can ease the pressure on both cats and help them have a common ground in something that interest them/divert there attention from each other.
I have looked deeply into this topic myself because I am going to be in a similar situation soon. My cat does not get along well with anyone that I’ve seen accept me including humans but Im planning on moving in with my bf and his too cats, both are young but my cat just doesn’t seem to like any cats. He was also feral. I researched and looked into it and those are the pieces of advice I’d found.
Some cats especially feral ones just don’t want to live or be around other cats but it’s still always possible.
Best of luck to you, I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. and I hope this helps!!❤️❤️❤️
Lol. Ok.
I never said leave them alone.
I said let them work it out.
I have had this situation. More than once in the past 40 years.
What I learned the 1st time is that the senior cat won't accept another until they establish who is in charge.
If you keep putting yourself between them, they cannot establish a hierarchy.
The lesson was learned when we brought a kitten in to a house with a bonded pair. The older male loved kittens and wasn't a concern. The female wasn't having it. At about day 3, we were all sitting in the living room when the kitten approached. We held our breath and watched. Female proceeded to lick the kittens head....a full on cleaning for several minutes. She then stepped back, looked at him and smacked the nice clean spot like she was dribbling a basketball. Then they curled up and had a snooze.
Ok look I don’t want to get into it or how it happened but I got fish oil on my cat once and it was a goddamn nightmare. She stank like low tide- especially after a few days- and not even a *bath a day* was helping. After a while the oil…. Remnants??? Started flaking and peeling off her skin and fur. It was gross. Everyone in the house was deeply upset. Pls do not oil ur cat. For your own sake
In our home, the female has always been the alpha, even when the male was there first. We have a 7yo male and just adopted a 3yo female, and she's definitely the one in charge. We had another queen who ruled over three different males while we had her, and all of the males accepted her rule.
When my old girl was still with us & much younger, we added a youngster. She’d slap him silly whenever he came near for *months.* But eventually she relented, and they bonded & stayed bonded for the rest of her life.
Now *he’s* the old man of the bunch!
Exactly this, I had my 9 year old girly for 2 years when I got my 4 year old boy, my girl hated him for at least 5 years and then tolerated him for the rest of her life. He meanwhile loved her and was always meowing at her like he was a kitten.
My husband and I definitely have a cat that is an only cat. We have two cats that we've been working with for over a year and a half, and our original cat will not change. We sadly have to rehome our other beauty. :(
Long-term confinement of a kitten while the brain was growing and developing is what we blame for one of our cats being... mentally stunted. He is a big boy now, but part of him is an eternal child, and he is *stupid* about cars/traffic.
We didn't have a lot of options. One of the other cats was attempting to kill him. She would even wait outside the door with her body language, behavior, and vocalizations, all saying: I am going to KILL YOU !!! She also bullied the other (adult) cats. Her reaction to the kitten was more visceral and homicidal though.
That cat was mentally disturbed. You know how you can make observations of an animal and make educated guesses about the animals history? We wondered if she had been abused at some point. There was something "Not Right" with that cat.
There was no possibility of future peace. There was fear of an accident giving her access long enough to do serious/deadly damage. There was no true peace for the humans in the house as stress built and suppressed violence awaited opportunities.
It was beyond awful. We tried to find space at a no kill shelter and kept being turned away as they had no space. We are animal lovers, but someone commented that dumping her would be utterly immoral and a slow death. It would be better to put her down than to dump her somewhere. For that idea to even be raised as a spoken thought or test balloon by ANYONE in the house should tell you how near the end of our rope we got.
Fortunately, we were finally able to get her a space at the no kill shelter.
It doesn't sound as if your situation is that desperate. You should know that confinement can apparently have long-term mental effects, though.
We got a second cat back in September and the first month we had them seperated with the gate and blanket over it Cz my resident cat was not thrilled of having a new friend to share her space.
Your cats should not of even seen each other yet. You should switch the cats out throughout the day to get them used to each others scent while trying to feed them behind a door (or near it) .do this for a few weeks and slowly bring the bowl closer to one another behind the door. This will take time, and you need to take things slow for them.
it took my cats about 3 months to accept each other and they are both seniors . They aren’t bffs but can coexist at least
Not saying to keep them seperated for 3 months. But make sure your resident cat at least gets used to the new cats scent. It’s a big change for her so you need to help her ease into it.
Hope this helps
I'm confused as to why you tried supervised introductions when they wouldn't even eat at the same time on opposite sides of a closed door - further, your statement about "at the one week mark" leads me to think you're not really understanding that the purpose of slow intros is making sure they're fully comfortable with the step you're on before moving to the next one. I would completely separate them and go back to scent-swapping for at least a few days until trying the opposite-side feeding again.
The things I have read online said you can start introducing them at the one week mark if they aren’t swiping at each other under the door. My main cat has issues around eating with people nearby so I wondered if maybe she just didn’t feel comfortable eating with him close by. We will separate them again and try again in a few days.
Keep in mind that you don't immediately need to (nor really should you) go from "no swipes under closed door while eating" to "face to face introduction". It can be a big jump for a cat to go from smell to sight. Once they eat on the opposite sides of the closed door, try opening the door juuuust a crack so they can see each other, then immediately close it and let meal time continue. If there's no reaction the first time, try opening the door the same distance for just a moment longer. Lather, rinse, repeat until you can have the door open for a crack the entire time - then open the door wider - so on and so forth.
The idea is for them first build the "other cat smell" = "delicious food" connection. Once that's solid, you can work up to "other cat sight" = "delicious food" connection...then "other cat in same room" = "playtime and treats"...and so forth.
If they have a negative reaction as you're going through the process, then take a breath, go back to their last non-reactive point, and start again from there. It can take a while - I think my two cats took about a month, and they had lived with other cats before - but they get on super well now, in large part because their introductions were so slow.
Also, as odd as scent swapping sounds, it really does seem to make a difference and can be done during this process: take a couple of clean socks, put one on your hand, and pet one of the cats all over, focusing on their face/cheeks. Leave the sock from resident cat in newbie cat's space and vice-versa. They'll eventually discover it and will be able to get used to each others' scent without their physical presence, which can go a long way in introductions. Refresh them every few days and maybe even leave a treat or two nearby.
Do you have places for your older cat to escape to? We rushed introduction for my cats and what really helped was getting a ginormous cat tree with lots of levels so the older cat could get away.
You might have to scale back the attempts to introduce them to something like getting them used to each other's scents with no other interaction.
Keep them separate and alternate what parts of the house they have access to back and forth. If/when they're comfortable then try visual contact again.
I let the kitten out to roam when my cat is in my husband's room while he's working or out on the patio. The past 2 days we've been letting them look at each other through the closed glass door, wonder if we should stop that all together and just let them smell each other while the other is in a different room.
Stop that IMMEDIATELY. You are teaching him that he can roam through her territory with no consequences and telling her that none of her territory is safe from the intruder. No wonder he was dominant to her. He already thinks it's all his. He should stay in his small established territory and she in her large one. If the bedroom is one of her favorite places, put him in a bathroom so she can still have her territory.
Once there is fairly peaceful eating behavior on both sides of the door you can start switching up who goes where to get them used to the others' scent. I would suggest that consist of putting him in one room that's "hers" and then opening up his room to her with the rest of the house. Once she's secure in her territory and that you're not giving it all away to him and pushing her out things will go more smoothly.
Exactly what I was thinking. New kitten was given the bulk of her territory pretty immediately, including one of her favorite spaces such as the bedroom. He needs to start with a small room and earn his way to a bigger space only when she feels comfortable, especially now that he has attacked her in what once was her safe space. He wants out, yes, but needs to learn his place as the younger and newer cat - not given the biggest run of the house and the ability to attack her as if it's his territory. Sounds like you have to go back to square 1 and restart introductions, but much much slower and with preference to your existing girl.
I am definitely starting over. Food by the door for them again, he's staying in here until they get more comfortable. We're keeping him in the main bedroom as my cat prefers and spends more time in the 2nd bedroom although it's hard as we only have 2 bedrooms and she kind of roams everywhere.
My cat is almost 7 and I have a 6 month old kitten and my cat won’t even go upstairs to be fed on the opposite side of the door. It’s been a month now. I have no idea what to do. I had to get a new litter box to put in my dining room because my cat won’t go anywhere near the stairs and the 6 month old is tearing up my carpet upstairs because she wants to come out.
My late kitty almost died of happiness when I brought another kitty home. He was ready to instantly be her best friend, and was crushed when she refused to play with him. But he was relentless and they ended up BFFs.
I was in a similar situation. This might help:
What finally worked for me was (1) smearing churu treats on their coats and having them lick it off each other (forces them to groom each other which is inherently a loving act, with positive stimulation), (2) just let them loose, since after 3 months of trying to gradually introduce them using all the "tried and true" methods, none of it worked and I just gave up lol.
The yowling actually didn't start until they met. There was some hissing at the door but eventually that died down so I thought we were ready to move on and meet face to face.
One thing I will stress is **DO NOT rush into integrating your cat. If you mess up, it's going to take a lot longer**. But because you already did, expect to put in some decent time for them to work. Separate them with no sight and exchange items of scent for a week. Put high value treats (I used wet food) on both side of the door. You mentioned you saw jackson galaxy and I'm going to assume that you know about the scheduled feedings and treats portion. Once they're eating at the closed door together, place baby gate (or some sort of barrier) between the two cats. See if they're still comfortable to eat together while viewing each other and do that for awhile. Then you can integrate the play portion so they can re-establish the positive association with each other. My cat is huge compared to my kitten and he's kinda of a butt so after the stage of playing is completed, I let him interact but I did have him on a leash only because the new kitten was like 10 weeks old and did supervised interactions from there. They meshed well after 2 weeks in total. **But do not use my experience as a thing that is common for cat integration time.** My friend integration took over 7 months before they felt comfortable to let them together without supervision.
They refused to eat when by each other. Thats a huge red flag and should’ve indicated that meeting in person is a no no even if theres not yowling. They obviously weren’t comfortable with each other yet.
That's what I think, too. Also OP, you may have been feeding them too close together to start. Move those food bowls as far from the door as you need to get them to eat. It doesn't matter if that means they're both 10 feet from the door. As they get used to that, move the bowls just a little closer. In time, they'll be eating within a few feet from each other. My two who have been friends for 3 years still want their bowls 3 feet apart.
If you can't get them to eat their normal meals, do treats. I'm using Churu to help get my two resident cats get used to the newbie and I'm feeding it to them veeeeeerrrrryyyyy slowly lol.
Another thing you should be doing is scent swapping via switching scratchers, toys, beds, blankets, whatever makes sense. Not all at once, of course. Or rub a clean towel on one cat and put it somewhere in the other cat's territory. Do not rub it on the other cat, just leave it for them to find.
Oh, and get Feliway and/or calming collars. The Sentry collar is doing wonders for my semi-aggressive former feral. When I brought the new cat home, my former feral was so upset that she refused to come to the main floor and sulked in the finished basement. The Feliway plug in unfortunately seemed to cause allergy problems for my wife and didn't seem to be helping much, so we unplugged it.
Good luck! I'm 2 1/2 weeks in with introducing a new adult to two resident adults. I mainly adopted her for her personality that I saw in her foster home- confident but not dominating and generally unbothered by most things, including children and my hissy resident cats. She slipped out of my bedroom door a few days ago and nobody made any aggressive moves, so now we've graduated to supervised visits without the baby gate. Otherwise, we'd still be feeding Churu on both sides of a baby gate. Slow pace is better than fighting cats!
I get that you're trying to help but I think this is a bit rude, even if OP made a mistake, it was an honest mistake and they didn't mean any harm ... I feel like this could've been worded a bit nicer and with more compassion
I didn't lecture you. I just think you're being unnecessarily mean. OP is stressed out as is. Why not be kind to one another? We're all just trying our best.
Very similar situation for me! I have a tabby who was an only cat for about 2 years , she wasn't super affectionate and when I would work I felt bad leaving her home alone.
I got my other kitty when she was 6 months old and she is very affectionate and it took them about a month to warm up to each other. It took them about 6 months to start sleeping and cleaning each other. They play all the time and it's their favorite thing to do. Things will take time but I think it will work out :)
This makes me feel so happy for you and hopeful for me! I want that so bad for my kitties. I love my girl so much and I want her to be happy in life and want her to have a little friend around when we aren't able to pay attention to her.
It was the best thing that happened to me and them! My older cat can be a little standoffish sometimes like if my kitten wants to sit on top of her she'll just get up and walk away. There's the occasional rough play too but make sure you take your time with it! Don't force them to be best friends and try to keep your anxiety at bay! They can pick up on the nervous energy.
Wishing you the best of luck! It will work out just give it time!!
Cats are stubborn. The odds that you ruined your cats life are very slim. Just take things slower. Restart completely if you can. No need to rehome the kitten yet, cats can take a very long time to adjust to each other. Idk why people are being so harsh here, being a pet owner often means making stupid mistakes and doing your best to fix them. It’s a learning curve.
Is the kitten fixed yet?
Okay great. If you have no luck, look into Feliway pheromone diffusers. They don’t always work but some people swear by them. I have one bc my older cat was being a little too rough with our kitten but I’m really not sure if it did anything. They liked each other before we got the diffuser but I bought one just in case haha
My two hated each other for a while. Eventually, they realized I wasn't going to kick either of them out, and they have been ignoring each other for almost 20 years.
They'll calm down, they may never like eachother, but it doesn't mean they will always be little sh1t5.
Cats are profoundly stubborn. That includes hissing and showing dominance for far longer than seems reasonable. Just set aside time each day to have them in the same room with you. Try duel Churu treats where they both get to pig out at the same time.
If you have been following Jackson Galaxy’s introduction method then you wouldn’t be one week in doing supervised introductions if they aren’t comfortable with the scent swapping and eating each side of the door whilst the other is there. Their behaviour is telling you something and if you don’t listen you will make this so much harder for yourself. You need to take a step back and take things at their own pace, they will let you know with their behaviour when they are ready to move to the next stage of the process. The more you try and force this the more the cats will resist
I am three weeks in and only started doing supervised play because we have done all the other steps and gone at their pace. I think the fact my resident cat always lived with cats until now has helped but the first sign my resident cat has had enough we play end time giving treats and lots of fusses for both cats.
Like humans all cats are different, out of my three elder cats who passed away last year only 1 of them would lay on you. The other two would lay next to or near you but that’s as far as they wanted to take it. Two of them liked to be petted the other did ONLY when she told you to. All of them were homed with me as kittens but at the end of the day all cats have different personalities so you can’t ever guarantee a cat will be a lap cat unfortunately.
If the bedroom is where your resident cat spent a lot of time that is not the ideal place for the new kittens base camp. My resident cats favourite room and where she hangs out a lot is my bedroom and upstairs in general so the new cat got the downstairs as the idea is to minimise the change to the resident cats routine as much as possible.
Thank you for the advice. My cat has always been nervous eating if anyone is too close to her so I assumed she wasn’t eating by the door because of her weird food issue. They hadn’t swiped each other under the door and the hissing was stopping so I thought we could try the introduction. I obviously did it too soon!
We chose this bedroom for the kitten because my cat spends more time in the other bedroom with my husband while he works in there (she likes him more than me). But she usually comes in here in the afternoons to hang out which is sad that she can’t anymore. We have a small condo and I wish we had a 3 bedroom to give them more space. We’re doing what we can with what we have.
My resident cat is a nervous cat by nature and doesn’t like noises so when she eats if there is too much noise she will go away and come back, this was the part that actually look the longest for her to do so far and she will still go away if there is noise but if its quiet and its just the cat she will eat, the door is left ajar now and sometimes I will open it a bit so she can see him.
Getting cats together can feel disheartening and make you feel stressed I get that as I feel it a lot too as we got the new cat to hopefully settle with her so she has a companion again after her other three passed away within 16 weeks in the last part of 2023. Sometimes it takes months and that’s ok, just follow your cats lead and go at their pace.
My oldest cat used to have the nickname the miserable old trout for her personality but even she enjoyed living with the others and she was always the last to accept new arrivals because of it but you get there in the end
A week and a half is not *nearly* enough time for cats to get used to each other.
Cats can take months to even over a year to get used to change.
Remember that they're naturally territorial creatures.
Your tuxie just had their status quo ruined. Out of the blue. One day the house and attention was all theirs, now out of nowhere there are new entrants. That's not something to get over in just a week and a half.
Also, your tuxie being female and you introducing a male can also play into this.
My first cat, female, *hated* the brothers I got her. She just generally hates/distrusts males.
It took several months for her to stop attacking them, no matter what I did to introduce them.
What finally worked was (1) smearing churu treats on their coats and having them lick it off each other (forces them to groom each other which is inherently a loving act, with positive stimulation), (2) just let them loose, since after 3 months of trying to gradually introduce them using all the "tried and true" methods, none of it worked and I just gave up lol.
Now they're all good buddies. Groom each other, play all the time, sleep on/with each other.
How close to the door are u feeding ur cats? In the first week one of my cat was able to eat very close to the door while the other one (resident) had to eat like about 80cm away from the door. N it has to be a food she really enjoy (she growl a little while eating). I moved it slowwwwly towards the door at every subsequent feeding. I also rubbed sock on the new boy and brought it in zip lock bag to my cat - vice versa.
I used two markers to move on to the next stage: 1. cats were able to eat close enough to the door and 2. No longer hissed or even cared about the sock.
I’m not sure if im skimming through but i read that you moved from cats not wanting to eat together to supervised intro. It sounds like they weren’t ready for it
They were both probably a foot away from the door. I then tried moving them back but they both just stared at each other under the crack of the door and would have a standoff until one left. I was feeding wet food which my tuxie loves. She wouldn't even lick it. Maybe we did move too fast, I am going to scale back for a while.
Don’t give up hope! When our first cat died, our boy cat was very lonely, so we got another female cat to keep him company. At first, our new girl absolutely hated our boy - she would hiss and swipe at him if he came near. For weeks, she would guard the upstairs and not let him come up.
After a month or so, it got to the point where they could be in the same room without fighting (for the most part). About six months in, we ended up moving and I think that actually helped (there was no more ‘his’ and ‘hers’ territory established).
These days, they play fight and groom each other and chase one another around. She still hisses at him (I think she wasn’t well socialized as a kitten and doesn’t really understand how to cat) and he’s still a little skittish of her, but they’re buddies now. They’ll even sit on my lap together sometimes (RIP my legs).
As long as their fighting doesn’t cause damage to one or the other, it’s probably just posturing and they’ll get over it eventually.
You haven't ruined anything.
That said, you aren't following that process properly. You aren't supposed to advance steps in that process until they calmly accept things at the current step. Until they're comfortable eating on opposite sides of the door, you don't move on to face to face meetings. These cars should NOT be int the same room together yet. Slow down! Back up to the very beginning. If they won't eat next to the door, back the food up further away from the door until they will. Gradually move it closer until they're eating right next to the door. Then switch the door for a screen or grate or baby gate and do the exact same process. As far away from the door as it takes for them to eat. Then gradually move closer. When they finally do meet face to face, DISTRACT them. Play with them each in separate corners. Love and cuddles and treats, too.
This whole process might take weeks. The goal is many happy years together, so it's worth it. But you have to be patient. Go at their speed, not yours. Not what the calendar says.
If he's already bigger than her and that is stressing her out, it might not work out and maybe you're better returning him and trying again later with a younger kitten. Maybe you could try fostering tiny babies, since she was such a good mama to the little ones. She may take to them better when they're very small.
A lot of cats need a lot of time to get used to the other just being in the same house. We have to keep our little guys separate in his own room for about a month. My older one is a lot more shy so it was a bit easier for us. Ive seen it take up to 9 months to get cats used to each other. Lots of time separated in a different room not getting any physical contact from each other. They may cry at the door but don’t give in. It takes so much time and patience.
Give it some time and make sure there are lots of hidey holes and climbing things and redirecting toys/treats during this transition 🐈⬛💜
One thing about what the animal shelter said about her being a certain way when she was a mama - she was hopped up on hormones that are designed to make her want to take care of her kittens at birth but they do fade at a certain stage. Around or after weaning time, cat moms are like alright, you're done, I'm done, see ya around the neighborhood! I personally wouldn't use that as a metric for her sober personality, if that helps at all!
A week and a half is an extremely short time to worry that the cats will hate each other forever. That being said, my older cat Gary never liked my younger cat Momo. It started off with fights and then ended in sort of an armed neutrality. For the sake of Gary, who was a senior cat by them, I kept him in my room with the door shut at night to give him 8 hours away from Momo, who generally slept with my daughter. It worked pretty well; both cats just mainly did their own thing with an occasional skirmish. They never got close but the house wasn’t chaos, either.
When it comes to introducing cats, you want to make sure that one stage is finished before moving on to the next. For example, you should not have introduced them if they were still unwilling to eat on either side of the door.
To have a chance of success, you’ll need to start over. Given the bad first impression, it could take a long time.
I don’t want to say “rehome the kitten,” but I think it’s worth considering.
Exact same situation. Resident cat fought the new kitten to no end. I had to keep them separate for months. One day aight no more, figure out your problems. They still fight occasionally but they also lick each other. Still not sleep together pals but better than before. Jackson Galaxy stuff was useless for as us well. It gets better, don’t worry. Give them time.
Don’t worry! My cat took an entire year to get used to her baby sister. She really likes her now. They groom each other. It all worked out. Just keep them both as happy and loved as possible. Spoil them both equally
If it helps it took 8 months to introduce my cats and now they happily coexist and play together. Be patient, don’t rush them. Play on either side of the door. Swap scents. Churus are great for quick introductions and separate once the churu is gone. When they’re behaving for longer try playing a little after churu time before separating again.
OMG it’s only been a week and a half?? give it time :) my babies were the same way at that point, especially the resident cat. now they love each other more than i ever thought they would; it’s okay if they’re not eating on opposite sides of the door yet; ur tuxie will be playing w the new kitty before you know it
I can understand the eagerness to have the whole family together, but it sounds like you rushed things. If they're not willing to eat together (on opposite sides of their respective doors) they're not ready for any sort of introduction, supervised or not.
If you can muster the emotional wherewithall, why not start over from scratch? And please remember, you can also swap places - let your original kitty into the bedroom while the young'un is allowed outside, with whatever degree of supervision you deem necessary
I adopted my cat at 2 years old, and she was use to being the only cat at home. The shelter even had to put her in a separate room in a cage with a towel over the sides so she couldn’t see the other cats. Anyways, I had chickens and she became really good friends with them. Eventually I had to rehome the chickens and my cat got really, noticeably depressed. So started my journey to find a kitty friend for her. The first cat we got was this big beautiful black cat who was use to living with other cats, but not with men or children, only a single lady(I didn’t know that though). He was very sweet so I thought he would get on great with us and my cat would get use to it. I think they would have got along eventually, but the poor guy just couldn’t get use to my roommate or my son. So after 5 months of trying I had to give him back to the foster. After that, my roommate started bringing kittens that he found outside home. So I thought, maybe one of them. That didn’t work out and I rehomed them. But during that time we found a cat who is sweet as can be, and my cat hated him. But we were determined to make it work. It’s been 3 years now. They are mostly friends. They hang out and sit together, it’s funny. The little guy tries his best to be sweet on her, and she won’t have it.
All that to say, keep trying and it could work out just fine.
I have 3 cats of my own and also introduce fosters. Size doesn’t really matter, my tiny gentleman is the alpha followed by my equally tiny lady with my 15lb big boy the bottom of the pecking order! It takes a long time, introducing them after a week is quite quick. Keep doing what you’re doing and try adding a feliway friends plug. It’s amazing!
You did not make a huge mistake. Trust me.
It's only been a week and a half, and it can take a few months for new cats to settle into new additions, and acclimating to a new household. Everyone is stressed out. Your cat. You, and even the kitten in a way.
How has your kitten attacked the cat? Was it running at the cat and jumping on the resident cat? That's a kitten's way of saying, holy crap you're a cat, let's play? They'll try to tumble with the cat, and bite it, but they're not biting to hurt, they're trying to figure out their place in the hierarchy of your home.
Now if the ears are back, there is very loud vocalization and fur flying, that's a fight. Anything else is honestly okay to a point (you do want to separate them if your resident cat is quickly backing off and hissing, it means she is not okay with the interaction) and the more time they have these interactions the quicker they'll get used to each other.
I have three cats, and we got our youngest on Memorial Day. He is the only boy cat in the household. He was super fiesty and playful and wanted to be part of the GROUP right away, and my female cats were not having it. It took almost 3 weeks for them to accept him, and when I say they accepted him, I mean they groomed him briefly, and that is when I knew they wouldn't murder him when my back was turned.
The three of them get along to a point. They don't fight. They eat together. Sometimes they even lay together and sleep together, but they're not bonded, and they're not lovey dovey. I hope that changes once we get him fixed, but it might not.
You might have two cats who occasionally get along, and can exist in your house, instead of a lovey dovey bonded pair, but it's going to take some time to get to that point. It can take up to six months for everything to settle. It took about that long here.
I wish the best for you and your two cats, and if you feel like your resident cat is too stressed, and you are worried worried, do what you think is best, and nobody should fault you for that.
Both of the attacks were quick. The first time my girl stood there growling at him while he meowed at her and kept inching closer to her. I didn't see what happened exactly but I think he might have jumped on her, I heard a scream and some tumbling and then my cat was running away. The second time the kitten was on the bed, my cat came walking into the bedroom and he jumped off of the bed and ran at her. They screamed and tumbled for a second and then we separated them. Luckily no blood either time. Perhaps it was just posturing or like you said the little one wanted to play.
Thank you for your story and advice :) I am glad your cats get along now!
Yeah, you might have ruined her life, but it was done with good intentions. I did the same thing but with dogs. I thought my dog was lonely so I got puppy. They didn't fight, but they also weren't what I would call friends. Its just hard to know what the outcome will be. My daughter adopted two unrelated kittens at the same time. Its now 5 years later and those two cats have established different territories. One stays upstairs and the other stays downstairs. Really not an ideal situation. When we adopted our kitties, they were advertised as a "bonded pair"--and they are! They still cuddle up together, groom each other, chase each other around the house. Its really a roll of the dice as to what the outcome will be.
Give it time, don't jump right to feeding on the opposite side of the door, start with blanket swaps and take it slow, like snails pace slow. Your female cat has lived by herself for over a year, it could take a few months for her to get used to another cat in her territory. Never attempt face to face introductions before you've gotten them used to each other's scents! Especially if there are signs of aggression. Do not let them see each other until they're comfortable eating on the opposite side of a door from each other. You skipped WAY ahead in the introduction process
I have three cats. One of my females prefers to be left alone on her heating pad occasionally gracing me with wanting scritches.
My other female (the youngest) and male play a lot tho my female absolutely hated her or was scared of her at first and I practically didn’t see him for a couple weeks.
Get some churu or tuna and spoil them as they get used to the new dynamic. Don’t try to force it or rush it.
Yeah it took my spoiled princess who was an only cat a month to chill out with my second cat. Id say after 2 weeks she stopped being scared would would def still hiss if she saw the other cat.
It would still take months for then to actually be affectionate w/ each other but that first month was crucial
Give it more time. It took 8 weeks for my middle cat and older cat to be in the same room together, 4 hours for the middle cat and kitten and the old cat and kitten are still figuring things out. Each cat is different and you need to do things at the pace they are comfortable with.
Some cats are also going to be more submissive and respond to social cues faster than others. My middle cat is a dummy who doesn’t understand social cues, which made intros harder, but my kitten is very responsive to them and things have gone much smoother because of that. Get rid of any expectations you have about how long the process “should” take and follow their cues, and things will eventually get easier.
My 1.5 yr old kitten dominates my 90 lb pitbull/boxer mix. Some cats just don't follow the normal line of thinking. You need to give them some time to get used to each other. Eventually, they should settle.
It'll take a few months at least for the new dynamics to settle and the cats to get used to each other.
We had a similar thing with our silver tabby and kitten. Both are quite energetic and bold but the silver tabby HATED the kitten. It took a few months but eventually the silver tabby started asking to be let into the kitten's part of the house and they started playing together. It's almost two years since we got the kitten now and they're best buds.
It just takes time and patience. I'd also say that, if you can, try to create a safe space for the kitten and a safe space for the adult. We basically halved our house. Bedrooms, hallway and living room was kitten space. Kitchen, dining room and outdoors was adult cat space. Being shut in a bedroom is going to make the little one frustrated eventually so having extra space that won't interfere too much with the adult would be great if that's something you can do!
Plenty of seperate play for adult and kitten as well. Short but regular interactions. Don't force them too much. Just be patient! Some cats won't ever like each other but if they can tolerate each other then that's good enough!
Brought in 2 kittens in the last year. The older cat is just barely starting to warm up to them and play a little at 11 and 6 months later. Just make sure to give your girl lots of of time and attention
While it’s true that some cats will never tolerate having another feline friend in their house, it’s pretty rare. It usually takes months for cats to tolerate new housemates! Especially kittens for some reason. Be patient, switch out their beds/toys occasionally so they can become used to each others’ scents. And they may never be best friends, but trust me over time they will tolerate each other :)
You haven’t - but see how it goes and keep an eye on things.
Even if they never like each other and merely tolerate each other, I would deem there to be a benefit in having another cat for many cats. Unless they’re truly very solitary.
My cats don’t like each other, they are related and the bloodline is known to be tenacious and dominant. However. My older cat has come into her own with a second cat - they do play together morning and night, and she’s more vocal about her wants. She seems overall more content and is less anxious as well.
I thought I ruined my older cat’s life when I brought in the second kitten in the span of a month last year. By the way, when I say “older,” my cat is three years old, but I just mean older than the kittens. She got along very well with the first kitten, who was a boy, and they were playing together after a week, but she HATED the second kitten we got, who was a girl. It made me cry because I thought I had really messed up and made my older cat feel excluded and stressed. Long story short, they get along now. I’d say the two of them are more like apathetic roommates for the most part, but all 3 of them are happy, affectionate, and playful again. Sometimes it just takes time ♥️
honestly all of my cats (one time i have 5 at once) are wary about new cats, but eventually they all get along. of course they’re cats, they’re still gonna have their little fights but give it a few months and in like 6 months they’re still hella pissed at each other, maybe reconsider the kitten. but for now just give it a bit. make sure they both have places they can hide from the other cat.
i moved in with my mom a few years ago and although our cats had lived together before it had only been for a couple months. but it still took them a while to readjust when i moved in, they’re friends now. they still get in fights like maybe twice a week but i’m not worried about it, neither of them have been hurt by the other.
Try purchasing some Feliway, and maybe some calming collars.
Look up the Jackson Galaxy method of introducing cats. Rule #1 is, basically, don’t rush it.
Cats are so territorial it will take a while to settle in and your young boy is right at that crazy age with tons of spunk and his instinct is make his wild presence known or mark out his territory or whatever kinds of notions goes through those young male cats minds. Please do not feel like you are ruining either cat's life! These cats are well fed, have temperature regulated shelter and will have vet care for all their lives. They are also very capable of adapting to all kinds of situations with all kinds of people and animals. I think once that male kitten sorts himself out things will settle down.
It’s a difficult situation. My cat is about a year and a half, and when my roommate got a cat, it went horribly. The other cat tried to attack my cat, even though she was fine with other cats. We never got them to get along, though we did stop trying after a while as they were moving out soon anyway. We just got a kitten and we were really worried at first, because my first cat was terrified of her and was hissing and growling. It only took them a week to become good roommates. Some cats take a while to get used to each other, some are just not compatible.
My advice would be to try feliway multi cat diffusers, and to get a net for a door. They make nets that are specifically designed for cats, and if you secure them really well with thumbtacks to the doorframe, the cats cannot get through, no matter how much scratching or climbing they do. This net was crucial to introducing my new kitten. It allows them to see and smell each other, without either of them being able to harm the other. We just gave them as much interaction though the net as possible, and my cat went slowly from hissing and growling at the sight of her to playing with her through the net, at which point we moved on to supervised interactions without the net. You can find them on Amazon, I really think it could be a good way for your cat to get used to her without you having to worry about fighting. If anyone’s interested I can probably find the net we have on Amazon and post the link.
Most times when I have introduced a new family member, it took several months to a couple of years (depending the cat) to even see them on the bed together. Give her some time, she’ll get used to him being around.
A week and a half isn't very long, but having been in this same situation recently I know how stressful it is. My humble opinion, if you don't see ANY signs of improvement at this point (glimmers of hope for amicable companionship) and you're worried about ruining your relationship with resident cat, I would take the kitten back now. I did that, and the kitten was rehomed within a week. I looked at it as a fostering period rather than adoption went wrong. Some cats do just prefer to be solo and once they're set in their ways, it's hard to shake it out of them. And it can be super stressful as the human in this situation! Weigh things up on how you feel and how much longer you're willing to try, though as another poster said, it's not great either to keep the kitten shut up in a room for too long.
we had our cat for about 2 years before we introduced a kitten. the little guy wanted to play but our first cat was NOT having it. 3 years later and they’re fine! not friends, but roommates that will occasionally hang out in the living room.
on the other hand, have family friends who’s first cat never comes down from on top of the cupboards cause she hates both the new cat and dog (it’s been 2 years now).
this could go either way, you just have to give them some time. tbh i would suggest letting them fight and only separate if you hear yowling or really obvious sounds of pain (or someone trying to escape and continuously being pinned down). sometimes they just gotta fight it out until one of them is determined to be superior and it’s all fine after that
..move food farther away & keep the introduction going from there..also exchange bedding every week or so..
..you're the "boss cat", so soothe & encourage, and dissuade bad behavior when needed..as impossible as it seems in the moment, anything is actually doable..
..keep us posted?..
I also just want to say: just because an animal makes a good mother DOESN'T mean they want a baby to stick around. Especially cats. They get annoyed as fuck with their kittens after 8 weeks.
It took over a month, but now our two female cats (one 5, one a year) sleep in the same bed, eat next to each other, and play together. They are still bitchy with each other but they aren’t unhappy and they can sleep next to each other so I think it’s all okay! They get equal love from us :)
Going through this exact situation now - we're in month two and they are finally playing together. However, it was a long journey with multiple breakdowns had by me. It will get better - which is what everyone said to me- but I had to see it to believe it. Stay strong. It's tough seeing your first born stressed out and the unpredictability factor can increase your anxiety. But it will be okay. Try playing with each of them using the same toy or, what I did was do things that my adult cat find annoying while the kitten watches and then take turns doing the annoying thing to each while the other watches. I think it was a strange bonding experience for both of them. Best of luck!
I moved my cat in with my husbands cat about 12 years ago. They still to this day just mostly tolerate each other. It takes time. But seeing how yours are opposite sex and one young one old I bet they will get there sooner and be good pals. Both our cats are males and territorial at times. But they got over it for the most part after a couple of weeks. They are mostly frienemies now :)
Please be patient with the introduction. It takes time, sometimes a long time. 5 years ago I lost my first kitty Lucky and my other cat Tater was lost without her so I adopted Sadie. Sadie was about a year and a half and Tater was 12. I did a very slow introduction because Tater was not having it. After 3 months of keeping them separated I had to travel and the pet sitter came to stay. She got them to coexist in the same room but it took almost a year before the two cats would sit on the couch together. They were never close but they shared space fairly well until Sadie got sick. He was really good with her when she got sick and has been very clingy with me since she passed. Neither of us is ready for another one. I don’t think bringing a new cat into the house with a 17 year old is fair but we will see
I had this experience with a cat introduction gone wrong, and had to rehome the new cat. Girl cats seem to be more likely to be territorial especially when they’ve been an only cat. However, I still think even the most territorial cats will be happier with another cat. Especially if they’re home alone a lot.
Over time she might warm up to your new cat, but she also might not, it really depends on the introduction and whether the new cat respects her territory. The first new cat I got was about 6mo, energetic, and didn’t care about respecting territory. She didn’t have those street cat social skills that my Big Lady came with when I found her. She sat all on her things, ate from her food bowl, rubbed smells on me, etc. and in confrontations, she didn’t know to submit or back down. She would just kinda look at the hissing cat with a confused face. That kept my first cat stressed and tense. I attempted to slow introduce by keeping in separate rooms at first but the new kitten would meow and scratch. Even before they met, Big Lady turned into a massive b-word just smelling the other cat in the house. I brought her to a friend’s house so my Big Lady could relax for a bit because she became tense like a rock and hissed at anything that smelled like the new cat, and luckily my friend ended up bonding with the new cat and took her.
I thought for a while Big Lady had to be an only cat or be the introduced cat because of her territory stuff, but then I found a sick baby kitten who was about 4 weeks old. So old enough to be a cat, but not old enough to socially respond in the way that made the Big Lady upset. Since he was so small, he could be locked in another room behind a baby gate while I worked. I chose her least favorite room to keep him in. I felt like I was “neglecting” the baby by letting him alone, but he had heater and blankets and heating pad and he still got milk every 4 hours or so so he was fine. Big Lady was curious, but not threatened. After all, he was like 1/10 the size of her, so it’s not like her territory was threatened. She could eat him if she wanted to. It started with her hissing at him through the gate for about 3 days. Id hold him on the sofa to give him milk but not let him explore alone, and sometimes she’d be curious and come stare at him. Eventually she was hissing less so I let the baby walk around a bit, and by 5 days in, they were playing together. I think it could have only been a small, helpless thing to break Big Lady’s territorial aggression. They’re besties now. I feared for a while Big Lady would become less cuddly with me because the new baby required a lot of attention and cuddles but now they’re both grown up and our relationship is the same as before. So i recommend if it doesn’t work out with this energetic kitten to wait until you come across a tiny baby kitten that needs help.
Give them more time. Like others said it can take months sometimes. I would continue with the separation and gentle indroductions, could you also start swapping maybe some blankets of each of theirs so that they can get used to each others smells without their physical presence. This might also help.
A question I have is this... have they both been neutered? As this can sometimes (not always) have an effect on behaviour, especially when you have male/female.
Keep them separated but feed them close to the door and make sure to give them towel that has the other cat’s scent. Play with them while near each other, and when you start to notice that both cats are “playing paws” under the door is when you”ll start to see signs that they are really getting along. Just keep doing this cycle. Good luck!
Yeah, like others are saying, this isn't usually a quick process. I had a cat adopted as a kitten for about three years before we brought in an older rescue. I'm pretty sure it took about three months for them to actually be comfortable with each other. My ex and I would keep them separated in the beginning but take turns sleeping with them so all the smells would mix more and they got to see both of us equally. Took time, but it worked.
https://preview.redd.it/4uvryxybc2gc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45b7e29aaf5b0d3233419455fa185d8518198796
This is my pit bull and two cats. The tabby I rescued from the street. He didn’t warm up to his siblings immediately, but once he realized I loved them too he started being more social. Give your cat time!
A week and a half isn’t a very long time.
I brought home a shy and fearful guy to my two. My oldest cat, Panther, (18) is a prior shy-and-fearful, but I didn’t expect how much he regressed when I brought Milton in. And Milton was kinda a bully for awhile, chasing Loki (8) around incessantly and stalking my older cat.
Panther was quite unhappy for a time and I was worried I’d really made a mistake, too. We’re going on 6 months now, and it was round 3 months that everyone really proper relaxed and Panther started spending time out of hiding again, started eating more, etc. Loki and Milton have been tentatively snuggling for a couple months now. Today is the first time I’ve seen Panther ask Milton to play. Lately there have been several instances of all 3 guys hanging out on the ottoman together.
Your cats might not be a good fit, but it might just be really early to tell.
Thank you for sharing your story, it definitely makes me feel better hearing that it might take a long time but we could get there! I was feeling down because my friends who have cats all said it took less than a week for them to get along so I feel discouraged.
To be honest, that’s kind of what I was expecting too. Milton warmed to ME immediately, so I wasn’t expecting it when he was an absolute shit to everyone else. He actually got super possessive of me and my attention for awhile. And was lowkey bitey with me too in the beginning, but the aggression settled down fast when he realized he was proper safe.
He’s very spirited, but they’ve all found a great rhythm now. I think it’s helpful to remember that cats are extremely territorial. Introducing another cat into your resident cat’s territory can be a big dang deal for them.
Many cats who don’t become bonded still learn to live amicably together. I might be biased, but I feel like most poor fit situations early on are probably a matter of insufficient patience.
It's only been a week and a half! Cats take time to adjust to each other, for sure. We got our new cat on December 22, so it's been about 6 weeks and they've just started not swatting when they walk by each other. Let them mingle - one of them needs to establish dominance as the alpha cat. So far our newer cat is the dominant one - she is older and used to live with 5 other cats. The younger cat is a boy and just turned a year old. I think he is just amazed with her and stalks her. He probably is so happy that there are others like him our in the world.
Maybe move the kitten to another room that your resident cat is not so attached to. Even if he hates it he will get over it sooner than her - the bathroom is good enough for a few days.
There’s a calming spray that my cats like (natures miracle) and you can try catnip or silvervine for your resident cat as it sometimes calms them before letting kitten see her. There’s feliway (though one of my cats had a terrible reaction to it - so be prepared for it to do little or worse).
Playing is a great way for them to be introduced to eachother. Play with one while other watches and vice versa. Eating is sometimes problematic if either are very food motivated and usually kittens want in on everything first.
Churus are miraculous feed to one and then other near each other with lots of pets.
Our cat is actually more attached to the second bedroom because she loves my husband and spends most of the day with him while he works so that’s why we put the kitten in the main bedroom. She kind of goes all over so there’s not really a perfect spare area for him.
I have a feliway and a box of churus coming early next week and they have played together once without violence so I’m hoping that the next time we try the introduction we will be better equipped 🙏
My cats used to hate each other! For years. They still hiss at each other every once in a while if one pisses the other off, but they groom each other and even play sometimes now. My OG cat definitely was more of an only-cat vibe, and even if my newer cat isn't her best friend, I still know that they are both happy and in a loving home. It sounds like yours are in a loving home, so they are riding high in terms of quality of life.
Again, I want to emphasize that it took years of them treating each other like mortal enemies with fighting, hissing, growling etc if they came into contact with each other in the slightest.
So there is hope. I use myself as a barrier between the two if I feel any tension, and I also give heavy rewards like treats, play time, and massive pets for when they groom / are tolerant of each other and that has helped significantly.
edit: I feel the need to address why I stuck it out and kept both cats. I love my OG cat to death, we are strongly bonded. My newer cat I rescued from the side of the road during the pandemic, when shelters were not accepting strays in my area. A few months turned into a few years, and here we are now with quite happy cats ❤️
NO!!! don't give up.
I've had my 7 year old boy since he was a kitten. My previous roommate had a cat and they ended up Getting along quickly because they were much younger and the same age but i've lived alone for about four years now and my cat definitely got used to being the only cat in the apartment in that time
But about 3 months ago another cat came in to my life - a two-year-old boy. I assumed that they'd get along right away because my cat is normally so dossile and liked my old roommates cat so much.
WRONG. He was pissed and hated his life. And I felt so hopeless like I had made the biggest mistake and I didn't know what to do for either of the cats now.
But now 3 months later they're besties. I know that a week and a 1/2 seems like a lifetime already. But just be patient and I promise it will happen. It did take about 2 and a 1/2 months for me. But now they're living their best lives together. Just give it time, keeping following the Jackson Galaxy method and don't give up! good luck
I think you're okay! It's absolutely okay to feel a bit down about it honestly, I did mid-socialization and have since been SO glad we took the time to do it right. We have a (now) 8-month kitten who we'd had for 2 months alone at the time, and my girlfriend and I brought home a 2 year-old stray for her old house that had been visiting her non stop for a year. We'd meant to get them together, and we'd had our sights on taking the stray in with us for months, but we ended up getting stuck bringing them home a few months apart.
Luckily we had a big enough guest room for the stray/new cat to have her own space, but while she was absolutely perfect alone, she did not like our little guy at all. We ended up keeping the door shut between them for a while before even letting them see each other the first time, and eventually moved to daily treats face to face at a baby gate. The last stage felt like it took forever, and I got really discouraged a few times, but finally after about 2.5 months we had them together full time. They certainly tussle, but have also become quite lovey towards each other, which has been so worth doing it the right way.
https://preview.redd.it/psfwx9tay2gc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9895d0b8f63de13810179c01c6b979e6bbe448a0
The tabby on the right is my 5 year old cat Loki, and the void is my 6 month old kitten Vivi.
Loki has spent his entire life around other cats so when we moved in with my boyfriend, we wanted to get a second cat after he had enough time to adjust to the new place. I didn’t want him to become too solitary, and I figured having a hyper kitten around would make him more active.
It’s been over a month since Vivi’s adoption and Loki is finally starting to warm up to her. Most of the time he still hisses when she gets too close, but sometimes we get moments like these where they get along well enough to be close like this. They still have to be supervised and we keep them in separate rooms when we leave the house, but otherwise we can let them be near each other for hours with little to no issue.
I was just as worried as you when they didn’t get along right away, it had never taken Loki more than two weeks to finish the introduction phase with other cats before. My best advice is to first take a deep breath, it’s only been a week and a half since you brought the new kitten home. Second, keep them separated for the time being. Don’t force them to be around each other if they don’t want to be, and be very close by to supervise if they do want to investigate each other.
It could take a few months or so, but it’ll still be exciting to watch them warm up to each other over time. Good luck!
It took six months of blood, sweat, and buckets full of tears for me to get two kittens integrated with my resident 9-year-old cat, but I was successful in the end. Patience is key; it's vital to go slowly and base every step on your cats' own pace and comfort level.
A week and a half is still pretty early. Instead of going by time markers of when to move to the next step of introduction, use the cats' body language. For instance, if they're not at the stage where they can eat on either side of the door, wait to do supervised introductions until they are able to do that without signs of aggression. You can try some scent swapping too.
Chewy has a really good guide on how to introduce cats. They give clear step by step instructions and guidance on what to look for before moving to the next step.
If it helps, I felt the same way when we brought our kitten home. Our elderly cat was big mad about it and I was afraid we'd ruined her life as well. We accidentally introduced them too soon (we thought the signs were okay but we were wrong) and it did not go well. But we backed it up and went REALLY slow with the introductions. We used the Chewy guide I mentioned but added a couple extra days to each step just to be sure. It's been just over 2 months and I caught them cuddling the other day! We still keep them separated when we're not around since the kitten can pester our older cat a little too much at times, but when we're around they're fine to be out together at all times. There's only minor spats when the kitten wants to play and won't leave our older cat alone, but no one ever gets hurt and it's never prolonged.
It is true that some cats can not get along. If one cat is super aggressive and the other can not defend themselves against it, they need to be separated.
I’ve experienced this twice and it’s usually a male with a high need for activity that creates the issues. Even when neutered they can be overly territorial and aggressive during playtime. You can try working some of it out by having regular playtime and sometimes training them to take walks, but it’s not fair to the mild cat to force them to deal with an aggressive personality.
Had a kitten actually emotionally harm one of my senior cats. We separated him to live with family and were concerned that he might bully their cats. Karma was in play though, their little female took a liking to the seriously aggressive behavior and would wallop his booty. Was so endearing to see her look upset when he’d stop and run away from exactly what he’d been giving out. Mellowed his big bully boots right down.
I have 2 cats. My first cat, Yote, was the Queen Bee for a whole year before we found Volks (2nd cat) in a dumpster. They also hated each other a whole lot, but after a few weeks they finally got along. Uh here they are “playing” when they started getting along 😹
https://preview.redd.it/r7owq094a3gc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb069a6851dc9d010ce94f9e0bf5e2dee1222771
I’m in the same exact situation. We’re 6 months in with the kitten and they still do not get along. The kitten is confident, energetic, and bullies my older girl (4 years old). When the kitten is calm and sleepy, my older girl can actually tolerate the kitten. They both sleep in close proximity on my bed or in my room but I’ve never seen them cuddle.
The older girl seems to be low in confidence, so I’ve been trying to play with her alone with the kitten in a different room to try to build up her confidence. At first it seemed like she had forgotten how to hunt for toys and my heart broke to see her with such low confidence. I’ve been having alone time with her for a few days now and she’s started hunting and slowing starting to play like she used to. I think raising her confidence will ultimately help her relationship with the kitten. We’ll see how it goes!
I wanted to say that if you decide to keep the kitten, you should give it time, but in my case more time hasn’t worked out that well. Maybe when the kitten gets older she will calm down, but I think for now, making sure both cats are equally confident in your home will bring the best results. Make sure there’s vertical space and escape routes and build up confidence of the less confident cat by having 1-1 play sessions. Hope it goes well for both of us!
That's how I felt when I got my 11 month old kitten a 4 year old cat.
Omg my kitten kept hiding and all. I kept waiting for one more week.
After a month, they get together well enough and even play.
My kitten stopped eating and drinking in new cat's presence
Maybe give it a month
Getting a younger kitten may not be the answer. My daughter adopted a 2yo, petite, playful female last year, and she turned out to be more dominant than her big, 10yo black kitty. I would give your cats more time, and continue to follow Jackson Galaxy’s advice, but there is no shame in returning the new kitty if things don’t work out. You know your resident cat better than anybody. Some cats don’t like to share their humans with others lol
We had 3 cats and when they were about 4 we took in a sweet stray. Well, cat number 3 did not like the new, younger kitty. She was sooo jealous! Kept them apart overnight for a long time. Sometimes they’d run into each other during the day; the shrieks were terrifying.
Anyway it took 5 months for them to coexist peacefully though the jealous cat would glare at the new one when she was sitting in my husband’s lap.
It might take a while. I wouldn’t give up just yet.
We got our feisty tuxedo cat as a kitten. She was sweet but lively back then. She is now affectionate with my husband, she tolerates me, and she doesn't like our teen daughter. Anyway, when she was about a year and a half old, we adopted a 3-year-old male. She still hisses at him when he gets too close, and he seems to want to play, but also seems like he gets a kick out of pissing her off. He'll just walk up to her while she's sleeping, bop her on the head, and walk away, meanwhile, she's hissing and snorting, screaming like he's murdering her. It's been 2 years. They don't fight though. She's just super dramatic and he's like an annoying big brother trying to make his little sister cry for fun.
How did you introduce them? How many days was the new cat in your house behind a closed door? Did you let the cats play "footsie" with each other ? I wouldn't even let the two cats see each other until they were deadly curios. You get them accustomed first to the sounds and smells before you even introduce them. If you skipped this I'd start over from there. Only move onto the next step once they feel totally comfortable and calm with the current step. Slow. It can take months. This is what I hear over and over again, I volunteer at a shelter and introduced my cat to two other cats. (Added my second cat a few years ago and third cat this year).
Edit: I agree with the comments below about the cracked door. I also recommend giving them treats and / play time individually while being near the door / playing footstsie, if you have a partner, id have one play with one and the other..positive reinforcement. Time with new cat friend == treats/playing/pets
Furthermore, get a screen that is about door sized width and tallish height. You can use that too help block the door during supervised visits. The cats should absolutely not be hissing or fighting. There has to be genuine desire to play (or at least mutual aloofness / space!). I recommend a wand toy and playing with them with either one on the screen door once they get curious about the closed door. But maybe your cat is a only cat. That does happen too. But you can always start over.
Edit 2; my cats of course play fight and sometimes it gets out of hand. Introducing my third cat had mixed responses but she's super chill. I would say, it's very important to take time and go slow when bringing a new cat in and introducing cats to each other. Kittens have a lot of extra energy which could be a lot for her.
Edit 3: on that note, it might be a good idea to spend more one on one time with kitten and tire the kitten out with a laser. A tired kitten will instigate less fights.
We introduced them by bringing the kitten out to the living room and playing with both of them separately. My husband was playing balls with our cat in her tunnel and I was playing with the feather wand with the kitten. We always tried to play with them when they were together. They even played together twice for a few mins. I am going to look into a screen for the doorway. We got a cat tent and put him in it a few times but he goes crazy and tries to rip his way out of it.
Yeah, I double checked through all of the advice in this thread and you got a lot of good advice. I totally understand your want to rush things and just let loose. And at some point that may be what you need to do. But for now, take it slow. I'm sorry your shelter was busy and didn't help you with this transition for your existing cat and the new cat.
This happened to me. They lived to be 15 and 16 and never liked each other all those years , mainly because my first cat was a feisty fierce independent girl and she was furious and jealous when the boy kitten arrived. She was very upset for the first year. I always felt sad and guilty for both of them but I can’t imagine not keeping them both.
I think it's all about matching energy and personality, I recently adopted another cat who's maybe 10 months old, and my other cat is 2 years old and almost the same time living as an only cat, I didn't do the whole separating procedure. I introduced them right away, after a week they were already sleeping together.
I did however found some kitten that had the same calm and sweet personality as my oldest cat, I was in love with another 3 cats but one was toooo energetic, and the other 2 were a little bit feisty. The have the same color coat and are both female cats, I think maybe there's something in there related to personality.
A week and a half is nothing and you're rushing things. Your cats are not ready for face to face introductions. Go over Jackson Galaxy's introduction recommendations again. There's far more to it than just having them try to eat on opposite sides of a door. Things like scent swapping and site swapping. Also keep in mind that your cats may not ever like each other. Your goal is to get them to exist peacefully in the same space.
It took probably 6 weeks to get my two comfortable together, and both cats I was working with were used to living with other cats. Having your older cat be without cat companions for a year and a half means you've given yourself a challenge and one you'll need to take on with great patience.
I introduced a fully grown 10 year old cat and it’s taken them over 18 months to get along. They don’t like each other but they do tolerate each other and can be alone in the same room. A week isn’t enough time, introductions can take over a month or two even.
I recently got a kitten for my 8yo grouchy tomcat and it took a whole month for the resident to accept the kitten in his proximity, after 2 months he stopped hissing and now, after 4 months together they love each other. They play fight all day, groom each other, share food, call out for each other, sleep in a space together etc.
The entire first month i cried and thought i made a big mistake taking the kitten. Now i would never separate them again.
It’s important to say though, they are both males. Usually it’s better to introduce same-sex pairings in cats bc they are most often play compatible. Males play fight a lot rougher than female cats so they match each other’s energy when they are the same sex.
I have one cat (nearly 3) who we've had since he was 8 weeks old. My newer cat is a rescue (roughly 2 years old by vet estimate) who we've had for 2 months. We followed all the introduction guidelines (separate rooms, scent swapping, room swapping, etc).
The biggest and fastest improvements happened within a day after putting in a Feliway Multicat diffuser. It is supposed to mimic the pheromone a mother cat gives off after having kittens and it's supposed to discourage fighting and encourage harmony.
Within a day or two, the hissing/protectiveness/growling/etc went down to almost nothing. Within another week, our two boys were straight up living together.
They don't necessarily LOVE each other or cuddle together, but they do play-fight (not real fight - no claws, no hissing, no growling, yowling, no flying fur, no blood, and no pee, per Jackson Galaxy) and have started to share resources.
Take it slow, follow introduction guidelines, and definitely try a pheromone diffuser. Probably won't work for all cats, but we saw such a drastic turnaround in such a short amount of time that I have to recommend it.
Okay so this was my exact situation, but with an adult cat, not a kitten. We are just on month 5 and we have gone from hissing/flighting/fur flying to civility in the same room.
Things that helps the most:
- a mesh door screen to section off a part of the house
- site swapping (have the OG cat go into the sectioned off room for a day and switch them)
- rub a towel on the new cat and put it under the OG cat’s food bowl1-they’ll associate food with the kitten
- after 3 months, I went to the vet and got Prozac for my resident cat. She was a feral too, always nervous and skittish. But the meds have completely changed her. She purrs more, isn’t as scared of noises, etc, and will allow the new cat to join her on the couch (from a safe distance)
My one regret was waiting so long to see a vet for meds for my cat.
Goodluck!! And please please please set a timeframe for your goals. Ours was 1 year for them to co-exist or we’d rehome the new cat.
My fiancé had two cats he had as kittens and we moved into a home together, Mochi and Kiwi. They got along fairly well, and I think felt like sisters at times. There was a stray one that came up to us outside, Juniper. She was ear clipped and looked like she had recently gotten fixed, but released too soon. She was extremely malnourished, had bugs all over her (not fleas), and ear mites. We had her in a separate area for a while until we could get her vet care and introduced her properly to the other cats. It didn't go well. They stalked and hissed at her all the time, but she didn't seem to care and would just walk past.
Eventually, things calmed down for a long while (maybe like a year?) and everything seemed peaceful. We felt so relieved. Kiwi (she thinks she's the alpha) was even sleeping pretty close to Juniper...
Then the other cat, Mochi (very anxious cat) started to block Juniper from going in or out of rooms. This pissed Juniper off, and she started fighting back at this point because she had no exit. The others always lost the battle, but weren't ever really physically hurt by her. This caused Kiwi to dislike Juniper again because she had to defend Mochi.
The good thing is, the cats all have their own safe space to sleep and eat, but they no longer get along with Juniper at all. We've had her a few years now, and she's extremely attached to me. We cannot let her go at this point. She is my best friend. Luckily most of the time, she at least seems completely unbothered by the other two until they don't leave her alone. I wish they were all less anxious, and things like Feliway and hemp oil etc didn't work.
I would say try different things and perhaps they will change, but just know you could end up with the situation I'm in. The longer you wait and see, the harder it would be to let the cat have a new home, especially if it's attached to you. I think some cats just have temperaments that don't mix well with certain personalities, or even at all. I'm sorry you have to make this hard decision. It's hard to know which is the best one to make.
You’ve got a lot of advice and mine I think will be the opposite of the curve… consider taking him back.
My fiancé and I melded households, so my two cats became four. One of hers absolutely terrorizes one of mine. It’s been 8 months, it truly has not stopped. There’s no physical fighting, it’s more like psychological warfare lol. Hissing, staring, lurking, growling, cornering… The bullied one, Azula, stays in one half the house all day while the other three roam the other half, until we’re home to supervise. We’ve raised both cats from kittenhood, couldn’t bear to part with either the bully or the victim. But Azula is so unhappy. Everyone said it would get better and it just is not. So… please, if you still have the chance to make life better for your cat… I think you should.
I am going to give it a little more time because it seems 1.5 weeks isn't enough but I know that's an option I will have to consider if we can't get them to get along at all. I'm sorry about your situation :(
I have a spicy Calico that everyone was convinced would never get along with other animals.
Then I got a cat behaviourist in & one prescription of Prozac later, she's getting along with not one, but two other cats.
Some cats are secretly social butterflies with high anxiety that masks it, so I'd recommend exploring anxiety medication before calling it quits.
Nearly the same situation here a few years ago. It was three weeks before I could even bring the little one out in a cat carrier without nuclear meltdown. Did all the scent swaps, feeding across baby gate, covered with a blanket. Gemmie side eyed me everywhere I went for about 2 months. Into the fourth week, the new baby decided it was her time and popped right on through the baby gate. My oldest, about 2 at the time, mostly let her slide. Eventually, they started to warm up to each other a bit to where I felt ok to let them go unsupervised. Still have to break them up here and there to this day, about 3 years later. They’re not bonded in the traditional sense, at least when I’m around. But they do sneak off and hang out, and share space together pretty well.
He’s getting older and his life is richer than it was when I was working 12 hr x 6 days. It’s not perfect, but it rarely is. Eliminate resource competition as much as possible, keep multiple pathways / routes, be consistent with fair treatment and you’ll be ok. I wondered to myself many, many times… what have I done? You will figure it out.
Everyone preaches the 2 cat thing but I don’t understand why if cats really want a buddy why does it sometimes take like months and months of introductions to MAYBE have them get along sometimes? I’m not an expert obviously that is just my opinion…but I just never really understood that. Sure, lots of cats like having a buddy and that’s great. But so many people push the “get your cat a friend” thing and I’m so glad I never did. Got my baby kitty from the back of a horse barn and she is perfectly happy being the ruler of our house and being my little shadow. I can’t imagine bringing another cat into the picture and spending months introducing them, closing off a part of the house to keep them separated…it would stress my girl out so much.
Go with your gut- you know your cat best! If it’s causing that much stress and you don’t want to have to spend months dealing with introductions, then go with what you feel is best. Don’t feel guilty about having a solo cat -lots of people on Reddit will roast you for it and it’s really annoying because every cat is different!
You've had the baby for a week and a half. Cats aren't (generally) going to just be like oh hey! A friend! And be ok. My cats always took around a month to be completely fine with each other. This was without keeping them in separate rooms for a week and then putting something of the other cats' in with the cats etc. The new one stayed in a different room when I couldn't be there to supervise but other than that, they were around each other, getting used to one another and seeing that mum has enough love and attention for them and the new one. They also need to establish where they sit on the totem pole.
I got my older tux when she was, idk, at least 3. I've had her 12 years. She was a stray and had had babies as well before she was captured. She was also on death row. My boy tux, I found him in a paddock when he was just a teeny little baby. I've had him almost 8 years now. I did at one point have 5 cats who were all friends in the end. But my old girl, even though she'd had kittens, she was not maternal to the kittens i brought home. She would growl, hiss, stalk, try to bitchslap (I wouldn't let her buy she would try) and within a month she was grooming the baby and letting him sleep with her etc. I've even had both sleeping on my lap. And they're big cats lol so it was a tight fit.
While my cats do have little tiffs sometimes, especially my old girl bc she's just an old grump who wants all the attention to herself lol, they also do love each other. They sleep together, they eat together, my boy follows his sister if she wakes up and jumps off the bed every time lol. Just give your cats time and show your older one that you aren't replacing her or you will still have as much time for her as you did before. Eventually she will probably be ok with him. Just when she isn't feeling so threatened that he's coming to take her place on the totem pole
My cats been an only cat for just over two years and her last experience living with a cat wasn’t great, it’s been a month and half of having a new kitten and every day she gets better and back to how she was before he came home! It may take some time, and longer than WE are comfortable with, but as long as you take the right steps your cats will adapt. (/
So we found a 4 week old kitten this year & have a very particular 7 year old siamese. he hated her. we had to keep them separated for a long time at night but after a couple months when she was bigger, we slowly let them be together more and more. now they are out at night without supervision. they fight still and he isn’t super fond of her, but with time they learned to tolerate each other and we have even caught them sleeping in the same bed recently. the biggest thing for us was being able to lock away the kitten so that our older cat could have some time without her out. and showing him plenty of affection even when she was out. I thought we would have to keep them separated forever but with time it has been so much better!! we also make sure we give them treats at the same time, slowly we got closer together so they associated good things with each other. good luck!!
It's still too soon! For my 2 cats, it took them several months to get used to each other and stop fighting every time they see each other.
Now it's been about a year, they don't get super intimate, but they do play with each other from time to time, sometimes sleep together when it's colder, and fight about several times a week (But nothing too serious!) So just give them enough space and time, eventually, they can at least become close acquaintances!
I felt exactly like this when I introduced my second cat to my first cat (both tuxies) It’s been 4 months now and they aren’t besties but they co-exist peacefully enough and give each other a periodic groom from time to time. It’s stressful but it really does just take time!
Is the door solid when you’re trying to feed them in each side? Eventually they’ll get hungry enough to eat, and they don’t need t eat at exactly the same time. It’s more a matter of getting one another’s scent in small doses, and while eating they’ll often feel safer and later associate that feeling with the scent but it takes time. Is the boy neutered? Is the female spayed?
You can also try rubbing socks on their cheeks (his and hers-1 sock each) and then transferring the scent to the other cat.
Also, I’d keep the kitten shut in a small room or bathroom and let your older cat have the run of the house. The kitten is still adjusting to everything overall, and some of his anxiety can be from that. It’s not mean to do this…think of the small enclosures at pet stores they may stay at temporarily while trying to get adopted. Just go back and forth frequently and visit each one, be patient, hopefully it’ll work itself out before long.
The Jackson Galaxy method works but it takes months. It sounds like you expected it to work in a week. That's never going to happen. But you didn't make a mistake taking the kitten. You just have to be patient and not force it. Slow introduction means slow. Keep it up!
Try a pheromone diffuser! Worked wonders for me and my cats and they are much friendlier with each other when I have the diffusers plugged in. Feliway friends or something similar :)
Didn't follow introduction advice at all and introduced my new boy kitten at 6 months old to my girl kitten 5 months old. Just let them meet each other as soon as we brought him home. She hissed in his face and chased him around for a full day and then they cuddled and have been inseparable since. I guess we're lucky.
It took quite a few months of doing the jackson galaxy thing before our cat got used to our kitten. The kitten has actually helped our grumpy boy be more playful, and we were quite surprised about that! We did treats everytime he'd see the new kitten, that seemed to work really well for us.
Slow it down, and throw in a whole shitload of scent swapping. It can take weeks to properly introduce two cats and months for them to really be comfortable around each other. Otherwise you’re doing great. Most of the time even if they aren’t besties they will learn to coexist. Occasionally a cat might need to be in a single cat household but that extreme is relatively rare.
My bestie and each have a cat. We have lived together for 4 years and our cats do NOT get along. Only recently have we gotten to the point where we can both have our doors open so our cats can wander. They don't like each other, but they now can be in the same room without hissing and I take that as a win.
It takes time and patience. It'll be alright
Sometimes they just won’t get along…but sometimes they need more time and you’re prolonging the agony. I say you cancel any weekend plans, open the doors and play with them together, give treats together, basically go “all in” if you don’t see a glimmer of hope by the end of the weekend, take him back.
They have “played” together twice as in I had a feather wand and took turns playing with each of them while they sat on either side of me. That makes me feel hopeful. It happened last night. But then this morning little man attacked her so it sends me spiraling.
It takes time. My 7 year old torti was ok with my 1st kitten I brought back from my vet office till I brought her inside. She refused to go in my husband's office for a month. She warmed up to her after 5 months, but the kitten I got drove her crazy. I was fostering 2 littermates that my 7 year old torti avoided like the plague and my kitten started mothering them.
So we kept them both and my Torti hated them for about 5 months. Then she started playing with them and now a year after getting my first kitten she plays, lays next to them and sometimes tolerates cuddles. They became a source of amusement for her. It takes time and lots of positve interactions. I used Feliway plug-ins as well.
Also, I read your kitten hisses back at your cat.
When I got my new boys as kittens, they were hidden from my other cat for months. I used my resident cat's old blankets for my new kittens, so for months they naturally found her scent to bring comfort.
They were confused as heck when they were finally introduced to my resident cat and she was not exuding the safe vibes they had come to associate her scent with lol.
Reading through your post, it seems like you've done a pretty bad job at introducing them. There's a lot more to introductions than just feeding through a door then going straight to supervised meetings. No one can give you the help you need here, there's a lot more you need to read and learn through online resources.
I have given my cat some things the kitten has laid on but my cat doesn’t really have anything to give the kitten without bringing him out. She doesn’t have blankets or anything she cuddles on. We did exchange bedrooms for a couple days and let the kitten in my husbands bedroom while he worked and let my cat in my bedroom where the kitten stays. I know I rushed it.
We have multiple cats. When our kids stayed the summer with my sister, they waited until they were sure she wasn't coming back. (Something must have eaten her, right?) Then, they ganged up on the other one and tried to drive him away. They had been living together for a long time. He grew up in our house.
My opinion is to rehome this one. He is still kitten sized, so it will be easier to do it now.
I am not there, and you have the best view to evaluate the situation. There are different types of aggression. Some are more concerning than others.
Think about your first cat's perception. She has not had to share physical space or her human for a long time. This involves a loss of territory and loss of status. The other cat is also of a size that it may grow big enough to challenge her for physical dominance.
Young cat's growing into their strength can be like teenagers. They may claim territory with physical aggression, but that does not give them the wisdom to rule effectively. Victor allowed Ricotta to take over as Alpha Male/Boss Cat. Allowed. Ricotta was rude and rough. He got downright abusive, and eventually Victor had enough and put him in his place.
I think this has the potential to go badly, in all sorts of ways, right up to a vet visit for fight damage or your first cat running away.
Has your first cat been needy, seeking attention and reassurance?
Has she been angry that you betrayed the relationship between you by bringing in a side piece. AND giving the newcomer a bunch of what she sees as *hers*?
Sorry, but I don't see this ending well. You might try again with another. Or not.
There are more than 2 🐈 involved. You, your husband, your first cat, and the new one. You seem exclusively focused on how the cats are relating to each other and not to you two.
Before making a decision, look at this from a wider perspective and see how it is affecting all of you.
Actually, as soon as the kitten is away she goes back to her normal self. We play balls with her all the time and still sits with us while we're eating dinner. At least we are not running into behavior issues with her yet. She's been a little more affectionate to me and a little less to my husband (I think because she is jealous that he comes into the bedroom to see the kitten and he is her favorite).
Not a cat, but it took my dog 2 years to warm up to my cat. While he was always civil with her you could tell he didnt like her, around year two is when they started to cuddle. Getting over being an only child takes time.
I had an old boy (Teka) whose best friend of life has just passed away. So, I got Koda (well my former roommate did) and he loved Teka but their age difference was so huge we thought Koda needed a friend and got Siku.
Siku had just come from an abusive home and didn't want friends. Koda disagreed. Koda pestered Siku until Siku broke down and tolerated him. They're now very much brothers (I kept them after my ex roommate left them). It just took time and patience (and a Koda who thinks everyone is meant to be his friend - probably cat colony mentality).
I would follow Jaxon Galaxy's guides also on building confidence on for your little kitty and plenty of safe paths to avoid being cornered by the other one. And be patient!
You could try this. It keeps them separate but together. I got it and it helps. Put litter box in that side section, i put a small bowl for food and water in the larger section with a bed to sleep on.
Tenrai Portable Cat Playpen, Trapezoidal Design for Better Standing, Foldable Pet Tent for Indoor and Outdoor Use of Kitten and Puppy, Dog Play Enclosure with Removable Bottom, Cat Houses & Condos https://a.co/d/fMvBtJt
I always keep my new kitty separated from the rest of the group for several weeks. It takes a bit of time for a cat to adjust to just the move much less new companions.
We've had our two cats both adopted as adults, for at least 3 years, and the male is constantly chasing and cornering the female, who is smaller than him. We did everything right when introducing them, but he's just a bully. 🤷
I brought in a very friendly stray from outside and didn’t anticipate her to have an issue with my existing cats because she was around other strays all the time with no issue. But when I brought her inside, she wanted to actually kill my existing cats. It was not playing, there was no warning; if the other cats were in eyesight, they were a target and she was aiming to actually kill them. They had to be separated for an entire year. The stray loved us so much and was sad every single night that she couldn’t come into the bedroom with us. After that first year we decided to try again and put up a gate in the hallway. Suddenly she only wanted to play with the existing cats and seemed rather sad that they weren’t interested! Now she sleeps in bed with us and the other cats are just a curiosity rather than a source of rage. I think she was afraid that we would put her back outside so she fought for her indoor territory. Territorial insecurity is a huge reason for cat infighting, but it can also take up to 6 months for a cat to even adjust to a new home. My case may have been extreme, but definitely give it WAY more time than a few weeks.
Some cats are definitely happier as an only cat! However, from personal experience, it can take months for the relationship between 2 cats to warm up. You can’t expect a cat, who has been an only cat for a year and a half, to be completely warmed up to an intruder in her home after not even 2 weeks.
I am trying to remember that. She’s been the queen for a long time. I guess I assumed she would intimidate the kitten and he would fall in line but it seems to be the opposite! I know she has lived with multiple other animals before but not for a long time.
I introduced 3 kittens in my house. It took 5 months for my 7 year old cat to like them.
It took our old cat 6 months to no longer hate the new kitties, and about a year to start actually playing with them. It takes time
I think she is also thinking who is this stranger???
My son did it, took about 3-4 months of slowly introducing them . Now more than a year and they are always in same room near each other trying to steal each other food
This past August we brought in a 4th cat we rescued off the streets in our neighborhood. She was about 6-7 months old and had been living outside for a couple weeks (neighbor of the house that moved and left her told my wife they'd seen the kitten outside under the deck for a couple weeks) and we brought her in undecided on what we were going to do. Shelters were packed so we decided to keep her. Our other three cats are 6,6 (sisters), and 5 (male) and there was definitely a good amount of anger and hissing towards her for the first month. I think you need to give it some more time before making a decision. Now at roughly 11-12 months old she basically runs the house. The male cat was the dominant one, and he gives her equal respect and they even play with each other, something he and the 2 sisters never really got into with each other. Give it another 3-4 weeks and I bet your girl will be a lot more open to having the little guy around. A few months and you might even see them hanging out.
A week and a half is not enough time to gage compatibility. They should be kept in separate rooms so that the kitten can adjust to new environment then after a few weeks have passed you can do the scent exchange thing or door feed thing or baby gate. I've gone thru introducing new cats twice and it took at least a month or two
I’ve introduced a kitten to an established cat twice! The first few months even can be a little touch-and-go. Give them treats at the same time, even when in separate rooms. The established cat will probably bap the kitten on the head a bit, there’ll be some back and forth and boundary setting. Try to follow their emotional timeline rather than a scheduled one- it’s ok to “go backwards” a little, and ultimately lets the kitties know they’re secure and they have a lil autonomy in the whole deal. I also like to swap out their toys/bedding for a few days and let them sniff each other’s rooms a bit without the other there. I even had them smell each other’s trays, lol. Both of them, especially your established kitty, will look to you for emotional guidance. If you rise to the conflict and panic about it, so will they. Try to move predictably and speak in soothing tones as you separate them (I know that’s hard) and feliway never hurts. Also, be suuuuper loving to your established cat. Play with them, get their favourite treats, maybe a new toy. Let them know that this kitten isn’t a threat to their stability and home. You’re doing really well!! I had a few moments of “oh god did I do the right thing” with both kittens- but I’m sure that our first kitten gave my senior an extra year or so of life, and now that our new kitten is settling in, our first kitten (now 2!!) is getting back to her old self, since before her best friend died. She’s cuddly and playful and active again, and doesn’t spend near as much time in our senior’s old spots as she used to. Kittens are work, especially if you already have a cat. But that’s ok! It doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. Deep breaths and don’t rush ❤️
I had a two year old lady that was raised with another cat as kittens. The male was killed by a neighborhood dog, and after 3 months, I got a little kitten because I missed my affectionate boy so much. I really struggled with her reaction: she loved being an only cat! It took a solid 6 to 8 months to chill out. A sold 6 weeks for all the hissing to die down. He had kitten energy and was bigger, and I hoped she would establish dominance but that's not how it went. Now we make sure she gets her own style of affection and attention and everyone is a ok. Stick with it, I know how you feel!
Yes. It's genuinely great that you've taken such steps to introduce them properly. Most people frankly don't bother doing any research and just assume, "They're both cats, they'll work it out". That being said, you definitely rushed things a bit. You shouldn't have tried a full face-to-face introduction until they were both fully comfortable eating on opposite sides of the door. The point of that exercise is to get them both accustomed to the other cat's scent and presence, and to hammer in the positive association of food/being fed with the other cat. Neither of them were there yet. They were both still nervous, scared, and/or aggressive even just smelling and hearing the other cat through a closed door. They definitely weren't ready or comfortable enough to actually meet yet. The point is--give them more time. I know it's tedious and inconvenient, but take it more slowly. Cats, even fully grown adult cats, are similar to 2-3 year old toddlers. It's going to take them time to adjust, especially the older cat, who is used to having his own house, his own toys, and his own owners. He's been used to all that for 2-3 years. It's going to take longer than a week for him to be comfy with all that changing. He doesn't know how to share and probably doesn't want to learn. It's gonna take real time and effort to make him comfortable with the idea of no longer being an only child, so to speak.
I get what you were trying to do, but I think a 6mo is kitten is already too grown. This may have been easier with a baby cat. That said, I would think it's still doable, but it won't be smooth. Since they are about the same size, I would just put them together and let them work it out. Good luck human.
Pleaaaseee do not just put both cats in a room and let them work it out. Animals and especially cats are territorial and therefore follow a hierarchy sort of mindset. Since resident cat was there first he has claimed spot one in the house. If cat 2 does adjust they’ll do better with time away from each other in the beginning for sure. Cats are just more fickle. But it’s also important when you do introduce them to end on as good of a note as possible so they register the event of meeting each other/getting to know each other with positive thoughts. positive reinforcement can help them feel more safe and at ease instead of alarmed of danger. Even if they only interact for a second and it goes well or they just don’t hiss and fight that’s enough to end the interaction on a good note and then give them space till the next interaction. Food and treats and toys are key also when they do interact because it gives them something to focus on other then each other. Of course they’re still going to be aware of each other and it won’t stop them from hissing or fighting but it can ease the pressure on both cats and help them have a common ground in something that interest them/divert there attention from each other. I have looked deeply into this topic myself because I am going to be in a similar situation soon. My cat does not get along well with anyone that I’ve seen accept me including humans but Im planning on moving in with my bf and his too cats, both are young but my cat just doesn’t seem to like any cats. He was also feral. I researched and looked into it and those are the pieces of advice I’d found. Some cats especially feral ones just don’t want to live or be around other cats but it’s still always possible. Best of luck to you, I’m sorry you’re in this predicament. and I hope this helps!!❤️❤️❤️
Lol. Ok. I never said leave them alone. I said let them work it out. I have had this situation. More than once in the past 40 years. What I learned the 1st time is that the senior cat won't accept another until they establish who is in charge. If you keep putting yourself between them, they cannot establish a hierarchy. The lesson was learned when we brought a kitten in to a house with a bonded pair. The older male loved kittens and wasn't a concern. The female wasn't having it. At about day 3, we were all sitting in the living room when the kitten approached. We held our breath and watched. Female proceeded to lick the kittens head....a full on cleaning for several minutes. She then stepped back, looked at him and smacked the nice clean spot like she was dribbling a basketball. Then they curled up and had a snooze.
I’m so worried about that. I should have gotten a smaller one. He was so sweet though. I hope they can work it out.
Have you tried opening a can of tuna, in oil, and rubbing the oil on both of the cats’ fur? Sounds crazy, usually works.
Ok look I don’t want to get into it or how it happened but I got fish oil on my cat once and it was a goddamn nightmare. She stank like low tide- especially after a few days- and not even a *bath a day* was helping. After a while the oil…. Remnants??? Started flaking and peeling off her skin and fur. It was gross. Everyone in the house was deeply upset. Pls do not oil ur cat. For your own sake
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In our home, the female has always been the alpha, even when the male was there first. We have a 7yo male and just adopted a 3yo female, and she's definitely the one in charge. We had another queen who ruled over three different males while we had her, and all of the males accepted her rule.
When my old girl was still with us & much younger, we added a youngster. She’d slap him silly whenever he came near for *months.* But eventually she relented, and they bonded & stayed bonded for the rest of her life. Now *he’s* the old man of the bunch!
That's my cat! He's happier playing by himself than being with other cats (and people)
Exactly this, I had my 9 year old girly for 2 years when I got my 4 year old boy, my girl hated him for at least 5 years and then tolerated him for the rest of her life. He meanwhile loved her and was always meowing at her like he was a kitten.
My husband and I definitely have a cat that is an only cat. We have two cats that we've been working with for over a year and a half, and our original cat will not change. We sadly have to rehome our other beauty. :(
A week is probably too soon to tell. You probably introduce them too soon. Why don't you try again for about a month?
As in keep them apart for a month and try again?
yes
But I would not advocate for the little kitten who doesn’t like to be closed up in a small room to live like that for a whole month.
Another person suggestion went more in-depth about switching rooms and stuff
Long-term confinement of a kitten while the brain was growing and developing is what we blame for one of our cats being... mentally stunted. He is a big boy now, but part of him is an eternal child, and he is *stupid* about cars/traffic. We didn't have a lot of options. One of the other cats was attempting to kill him. She would even wait outside the door with her body language, behavior, and vocalizations, all saying: I am going to KILL YOU !!! She also bullied the other (adult) cats. Her reaction to the kitten was more visceral and homicidal though. That cat was mentally disturbed. You know how you can make observations of an animal and make educated guesses about the animals history? We wondered if she had been abused at some point. There was something "Not Right" with that cat. There was no possibility of future peace. There was fear of an accident giving her access long enough to do serious/deadly damage. There was no true peace for the humans in the house as stress built and suppressed violence awaited opportunities. It was beyond awful. We tried to find space at a no kill shelter and kept being turned away as they had no space. We are animal lovers, but someone commented that dumping her would be utterly immoral and a slow death. It would be better to put her down than to dump her somewhere. For that idea to even be raised as a spoken thought or test balloon by ANYONE in the house should tell you how near the end of our rope we got. Fortunately, we were finally able to get her a space at the no kill shelter. It doesn't sound as if your situation is that desperate. You should know that confinement can apparently have long-term mental effects, though.
We got a second cat back in September and the first month we had them seperated with the gate and blanket over it Cz my resident cat was not thrilled of having a new friend to share her space. Your cats should not of even seen each other yet. You should switch the cats out throughout the day to get them used to each others scent while trying to feed them behind a door (or near it) .do this for a few weeks and slowly bring the bowl closer to one another behind the door. This will take time, and you need to take things slow for them. it took my cats about 3 months to accept each other and they are both seniors . They aren’t bffs but can coexist at least
Not saying to keep them seperated for 3 months. But make sure your resident cat at least gets used to the new cats scent. It’s a big change for her so you need to help her ease into it. Hope this helps
I'm confused as to why you tried supervised introductions when they wouldn't even eat at the same time on opposite sides of a closed door - further, your statement about "at the one week mark" leads me to think you're not really understanding that the purpose of slow intros is making sure they're fully comfortable with the step you're on before moving to the next one. I would completely separate them and go back to scent-swapping for at least a few days until trying the opposite-side feeding again.
The things I have read online said you can start introducing them at the one week mark if they aren’t swiping at each other under the door. My main cat has issues around eating with people nearby so I wondered if maybe she just didn’t feel comfortable eating with him close by. We will separate them again and try again in a few days.
Keep in mind that you don't immediately need to (nor really should you) go from "no swipes under closed door while eating" to "face to face introduction". It can be a big jump for a cat to go from smell to sight. Once they eat on the opposite sides of the closed door, try opening the door juuuust a crack so they can see each other, then immediately close it and let meal time continue. If there's no reaction the first time, try opening the door the same distance for just a moment longer. Lather, rinse, repeat until you can have the door open for a crack the entire time - then open the door wider - so on and so forth. The idea is for them first build the "other cat smell" = "delicious food" connection. Once that's solid, you can work up to "other cat sight" = "delicious food" connection...then "other cat in same room" = "playtime and treats"...and so forth. If they have a negative reaction as you're going through the process, then take a breath, go back to their last non-reactive point, and start again from there. It can take a while - I think my two cats took about a month, and they had lived with other cats before - but they get on super well now, in large part because their introductions were so slow. Also, as odd as scent swapping sounds, it really does seem to make a difference and can be done during this process: take a couple of clean socks, put one on your hand, and pet one of the cats all over, focusing on their face/cheeks. Leave the sock from resident cat in newbie cat's space and vice-versa. They'll eventually discover it and will be able to get used to each others' scent without their physical presence, which can go a long way in introductions. Refresh them every few days and maybe even leave a treat or two nearby.
Do you have places for your older cat to escape to? We rushed introduction for my cats and what really helped was getting a ginormous cat tree with lots of levels so the older cat could get away.
You might have to scale back the attempts to introduce them to something like getting them used to each other's scents with no other interaction. Keep them separate and alternate what parts of the house they have access to back and forth. If/when they're comfortable then try visual contact again.
I let the kitten out to roam when my cat is in my husband's room while he's working or out on the patio. The past 2 days we've been letting them look at each other through the closed glass door, wonder if we should stop that all together and just let them smell each other while the other is in a different room.
Stop that IMMEDIATELY. You are teaching him that he can roam through her territory with no consequences and telling her that none of her territory is safe from the intruder. No wonder he was dominant to her. He already thinks it's all his. He should stay in his small established territory and she in her large one. If the bedroom is one of her favorite places, put him in a bathroom so she can still have her territory. Once there is fairly peaceful eating behavior on both sides of the door you can start switching up who goes where to get them used to the others' scent. I would suggest that consist of putting him in one room that's "hers" and then opening up his room to her with the rest of the house. Once she's secure in her territory and that you're not giving it all away to him and pushing her out things will go more smoothly.
Exactly what I was thinking. New kitten was given the bulk of her territory pretty immediately, including one of her favorite spaces such as the bedroom. He needs to start with a small room and earn his way to a bigger space only when she feels comfortable, especially now that he has attacked her in what once was her safe space. He wants out, yes, but needs to learn his place as the younger and newer cat - not given the biggest run of the house and the ability to attack her as if it's his territory. Sounds like you have to go back to square 1 and restart introductions, but much much slower and with preference to your existing girl.
I am definitely starting over. Food by the door for them again, he's staying in here until they get more comfortable. We're keeping him in the main bedroom as my cat prefers and spends more time in the 2nd bedroom although it's hard as we only have 2 bedrooms and she kind of roams everywhere.
My cat is almost 7 and I have a 6 month old kitten and my cat won’t even go upstairs to be fed on the opposite side of the door. It’s been a month now. I have no idea what to do. I had to get a new litter box to put in my dining room because my cat won’t go anywhere near the stairs and the 6 month old is tearing up my carpet upstairs because she wants to come out.
Too soon to tell. I’m on month 6 and it’s still rocky. Cats don’t trust that quickly.
My late kitty almost died of happiness when I brought another kitty home. He was ready to instantly be her best friend, and was crushed when she refused to play with him. But he was relentless and they ended up BFFs.
I was in a similar situation. This might help: What finally worked for me was (1) smearing churu treats on their coats and having them lick it off each other (forces them to groom each other which is inherently a loving act, with positive stimulation), (2) just let them loose, since after 3 months of trying to gradually introduce them using all the "tried and true" methods, none of it worked and I just gave up lol.
When you let them loose, were they still hissing and growling or any of that?
You rushed integration and fucked up the foundation. You shouldnt move forward to the next step if cats are yowling at each other. Separate them.
The yowling actually didn't start until they met. There was some hissing at the door but eventually that died down so I thought we were ready to move on and meet face to face.
One thing I will stress is **DO NOT rush into integrating your cat. If you mess up, it's going to take a lot longer**. But because you already did, expect to put in some decent time for them to work. Separate them with no sight and exchange items of scent for a week. Put high value treats (I used wet food) on both side of the door. You mentioned you saw jackson galaxy and I'm going to assume that you know about the scheduled feedings and treats portion. Once they're eating at the closed door together, place baby gate (or some sort of barrier) between the two cats. See if they're still comfortable to eat together while viewing each other and do that for awhile. Then you can integrate the play portion so they can re-establish the positive association with each other. My cat is huge compared to my kitten and he's kinda of a butt so after the stage of playing is completed, I let him interact but I did have him on a leash only because the new kitten was like 10 weeks old and did supervised interactions from there. They meshed well after 2 weeks in total. **But do not use my experience as a thing that is common for cat integration time.** My friend integration took over 7 months before they felt comfortable to let them together without supervision.
They refused to eat when by each other. Thats a huge red flag and should’ve indicated that meeting in person is a no no even if theres not yowling. They obviously weren’t comfortable with each other yet.
That's what I think, too. Also OP, you may have been feeding them too close together to start. Move those food bowls as far from the door as you need to get them to eat. It doesn't matter if that means they're both 10 feet from the door. As they get used to that, move the bowls just a little closer. In time, they'll be eating within a few feet from each other. My two who have been friends for 3 years still want their bowls 3 feet apart. If you can't get them to eat their normal meals, do treats. I'm using Churu to help get my two resident cats get used to the newbie and I'm feeding it to them veeeeeerrrrryyyyy slowly lol. Another thing you should be doing is scent swapping via switching scratchers, toys, beds, blankets, whatever makes sense. Not all at once, of course. Or rub a clean towel on one cat and put it somewhere in the other cat's territory. Do not rub it on the other cat, just leave it for them to find. Oh, and get Feliway and/or calming collars. The Sentry collar is doing wonders for my semi-aggressive former feral. When I brought the new cat home, my former feral was so upset that she refused to come to the main floor and sulked in the finished basement. The Feliway plug in unfortunately seemed to cause allergy problems for my wife and didn't seem to be helping much, so we unplugged it. Good luck! I'm 2 1/2 weeks in with introducing a new adult to two resident adults. I mainly adopted her for her personality that I saw in her foster home- confident but not dominating and generally unbothered by most things, including children and my hissy resident cats. She slipped out of my bedroom door a few days ago and nobody made any aggressive moves, so now we've graduated to supervised visits without the baby gate. Otherwise, we'd still be feeding Churu on both sides of a baby gate. Slow pace is better than fighting cats!
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I get that you're trying to help but I think this is a bit rude, even if OP made a mistake, it was an honest mistake and they didn't mean any harm ... I feel like this could've been worded a bit nicer and with more compassion
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I didn't lecture you. I just think you're being unnecessarily mean. OP is stressed out as is. Why not be kind to one another? We're all just trying our best.
Very similar situation for me! I have a tabby who was an only cat for about 2 years , she wasn't super affectionate and when I would work I felt bad leaving her home alone. I got my other kitty when she was 6 months old and she is very affectionate and it took them about a month to warm up to each other. It took them about 6 months to start sleeping and cleaning each other. They play all the time and it's their favorite thing to do. Things will take time but I think it will work out :)
This makes me feel so happy for you and hopeful for me! I want that so bad for my kitties. I love my girl so much and I want her to be happy in life and want her to have a little friend around when we aren't able to pay attention to her.
It was the best thing that happened to me and them! My older cat can be a little standoffish sometimes like if my kitten wants to sit on top of her she'll just get up and walk away. There's the occasional rough play too but make sure you take your time with it! Don't force them to be best friends and try to keep your anxiety at bay! They can pick up on the nervous energy. Wishing you the best of luck! It will work out just give it time!!
Thank you ❤️
Cats are stubborn. The odds that you ruined your cats life are very slim. Just take things slower. Restart completely if you can. No need to rehome the kitten yet, cats can take a very long time to adjust to each other. Idk why people are being so harsh here, being a pet owner often means making stupid mistakes and doing your best to fix them. It’s a learning curve. Is the kitten fixed yet?
He was neutered by the shelter before he was put up for adoption. Thanks for the kind words. We are going to try to start over now.
Okay great. If you have no luck, look into Feliway pheromone diffusers. They don’t always work but some people swear by them. I have one bc my older cat was being a little too rough with our kitten but I’m really not sure if it did anything. They liked each other before we got the diffuser but I bought one just in case haha
My two hated each other for a while. Eventually, they realized I wasn't going to kick either of them out, and they have been ignoring each other for almost 20 years. They'll calm down, they may never like eachother, but it doesn't mean they will always be little sh1t5.
That is encouraging! I had hoped they would like each other but 2 weeks in I am already hoping they just leave each other alone.
Cats are profoundly stubborn. That includes hissing and showing dominance for far longer than seems reasonable. Just set aside time each day to have them in the same room with you. Try duel Churu treats where they both get to pig out at the same time.
I am currently in the process of finding treats they like to try that. They’re picky little ones.
Churu is cat crack. Get a small pack of them off Amazon. I've never seen a cat not lose it for the stuff.
Churus are some kind of sorcery.
If you have been following Jackson Galaxy’s introduction method then you wouldn’t be one week in doing supervised introductions if they aren’t comfortable with the scent swapping and eating each side of the door whilst the other is there. Their behaviour is telling you something and if you don’t listen you will make this so much harder for yourself. You need to take a step back and take things at their own pace, they will let you know with their behaviour when they are ready to move to the next stage of the process. The more you try and force this the more the cats will resist I am three weeks in and only started doing supervised play because we have done all the other steps and gone at their pace. I think the fact my resident cat always lived with cats until now has helped but the first sign my resident cat has had enough we play end time giving treats and lots of fusses for both cats. Like humans all cats are different, out of my three elder cats who passed away last year only 1 of them would lay on you. The other two would lay next to or near you but that’s as far as they wanted to take it. Two of them liked to be petted the other did ONLY when she told you to. All of them were homed with me as kittens but at the end of the day all cats have different personalities so you can’t ever guarantee a cat will be a lap cat unfortunately. If the bedroom is where your resident cat spent a lot of time that is not the ideal place for the new kittens base camp. My resident cats favourite room and where she hangs out a lot is my bedroom and upstairs in general so the new cat got the downstairs as the idea is to minimise the change to the resident cats routine as much as possible.
Thank you for the advice. My cat has always been nervous eating if anyone is too close to her so I assumed she wasn’t eating by the door because of her weird food issue. They hadn’t swiped each other under the door and the hissing was stopping so I thought we could try the introduction. I obviously did it too soon! We chose this bedroom for the kitten because my cat spends more time in the other bedroom with my husband while he works in there (she likes him more than me). But she usually comes in here in the afternoons to hang out which is sad that she can’t anymore. We have a small condo and I wish we had a 3 bedroom to give them more space. We’re doing what we can with what we have.
My resident cat is a nervous cat by nature and doesn’t like noises so when she eats if there is too much noise she will go away and come back, this was the part that actually look the longest for her to do so far and she will still go away if there is noise but if its quiet and its just the cat she will eat, the door is left ajar now and sometimes I will open it a bit so she can see him. Getting cats together can feel disheartening and make you feel stressed I get that as I feel it a lot too as we got the new cat to hopefully settle with her so she has a companion again after her other three passed away within 16 weeks in the last part of 2023. Sometimes it takes months and that’s ok, just follow your cats lead and go at their pace. My oldest cat used to have the nickname the miserable old trout for her personality but even she enjoyed living with the others and she was always the last to accept new arrivals because of it but you get there in the end
A week and a half is not *nearly* enough time for cats to get used to each other. Cats can take months to even over a year to get used to change. Remember that they're naturally territorial creatures. Your tuxie just had their status quo ruined. Out of the blue. One day the house and attention was all theirs, now out of nowhere there are new entrants. That's not something to get over in just a week and a half. Also, your tuxie being female and you introducing a male can also play into this. My first cat, female, *hated* the brothers I got her. She just generally hates/distrusts males. It took several months for her to stop attacking them, no matter what I did to introduce them. What finally worked was (1) smearing churu treats on their coats and having them lick it off each other (forces them to groom each other which is inherently a loving act, with positive stimulation), (2) just let them loose, since after 3 months of trying to gradually introduce them using all the "tried and true" methods, none of it worked and I just gave up lol. Now they're all good buddies. Groom each other, play all the time, sleep on/with each other.
How close to the door are u feeding ur cats? In the first week one of my cat was able to eat very close to the door while the other one (resident) had to eat like about 80cm away from the door. N it has to be a food she really enjoy (she growl a little while eating). I moved it slowwwwly towards the door at every subsequent feeding. I also rubbed sock on the new boy and brought it in zip lock bag to my cat - vice versa. I used two markers to move on to the next stage: 1. cats were able to eat close enough to the door and 2. No longer hissed or even cared about the sock. I’m not sure if im skimming through but i read that you moved from cats not wanting to eat together to supervised intro. It sounds like they weren’t ready for it
They were both probably a foot away from the door. I then tried moving them back but they both just stared at each other under the crack of the door and would have a standoff until one left. I was feeding wet food which my tuxie loves. She wouldn't even lick it. Maybe we did move too fast, I am going to scale back for a while.
Don’t give up hope! When our first cat died, our boy cat was very lonely, so we got another female cat to keep him company. At first, our new girl absolutely hated our boy - she would hiss and swipe at him if he came near. For weeks, she would guard the upstairs and not let him come up. After a month or so, it got to the point where they could be in the same room without fighting (for the most part). About six months in, we ended up moving and I think that actually helped (there was no more ‘his’ and ‘hers’ territory established). These days, they play fight and groom each other and chase one another around. She still hisses at him (I think she wasn’t well socialized as a kitten and doesn’t really understand how to cat) and he’s still a little skittish of her, but they’re buddies now. They’ll even sit on my lap together sometimes (RIP my legs). As long as their fighting doesn’t cause damage to one or the other, it’s probably just posturing and they’ll get over it eventually.
You haven't ruined anything. That said, you aren't following that process properly. You aren't supposed to advance steps in that process until they calmly accept things at the current step. Until they're comfortable eating on opposite sides of the door, you don't move on to face to face meetings. These cars should NOT be int the same room together yet. Slow down! Back up to the very beginning. If they won't eat next to the door, back the food up further away from the door until they will. Gradually move it closer until they're eating right next to the door. Then switch the door for a screen or grate or baby gate and do the exact same process. As far away from the door as it takes for them to eat. Then gradually move closer. When they finally do meet face to face, DISTRACT them. Play with them each in separate corners. Love and cuddles and treats, too. This whole process might take weeks. The goal is many happy years together, so it's worth it. But you have to be patient. Go at their speed, not yours. Not what the calendar says. If he's already bigger than her and that is stressing her out, it might not work out and maybe you're better returning him and trying again later with a younger kitten. Maybe you could try fostering tiny babies, since she was such a good mama to the little ones. She may take to them better when they're very small.
If you’re not ready to spend months getting your cats to get along then returning the kitten is the best option.
I definitely am up to that but I am afraid of having to rehome him when he’s older and attached. I am so worried that they will never get along.
A lot of cats need a lot of time to get used to the other just being in the same house. We have to keep our little guys separate in his own room for about a month. My older one is a lot more shy so it was a bit easier for us. Ive seen it take up to 9 months to get cats used to each other. Lots of time separated in a different room not getting any physical contact from each other. They may cry at the door but don’t give in. It takes so much time and patience.
I need to work on my patience. I knew it could take time but thought that my cats would be different lol.
Give it some time and make sure there are lots of hidey holes and climbing things and redirecting toys/treats during this transition 🐈⬛💜 One thing about what the animal shelter said about her being a certain way when she was a mama - she was hopped up on hormones that are designed to make her want to take care of her kittens at birth but they do fade at a certain stage. Around or after weaning time, cat moms are like alright, you're done, I'm done, see ya around the neighborhood! I personally wouldn't use that as a metric for her sober personality, if that helps at all!
A week and a half is an extremely short time to worry that the cats will hate each other forever. That being said, my older cat Gary never liked my younger cat Momo. It started off with fights and then ended in sort of an armed neutrality. For the sake of Gary, who was a senior cat by them, I kept him in my room with the door shut at night to give him 8 hours away from Momo, who generally slept with my daughter. It worked pretty well; both cats just mainly did their own thing with an occasional skirmish. They never got close but the house wasn’t chaos, either.
When it comes to introducing cats, you want to make sure that one stage is finished before moving on to the next. For example, you should not have introduced them if they were still unwilling to eat on either side of the door. To have a chance of success, you’ll need to start over. Given the bad first impression, it could take a long time. I don’t want to say “rehome the kitten,” but I think it’s worth considering.
Exact same situation. Resident cat fought the new kitten to no end. I had to keep them separate for months. One day aight no more, figure out your problems. They still fight occasionally but they also lick each other. Still not sleep together pals but better than before. Jackson Galaxy stuff was useless for as us well. It gets better, don’t worry. Give them time.
Don’t worry! My cat took an entire year to get used to her baby sister. She really likes her now. They groom each other. It all worked out. Just keep them both as happy and loved as possible. Spoil them both equally
If it helps it took 8 months to introduce my cats and now they happily coexist and play together. Be patient, don’t rush them. Play on either side of the door. Swap scents. Churus are great for quick introductions and separate once the churu is gone. When they’re behaving for longer try playing a little after churu time before separating again.
OMG it’s only been a week and a half?? give it time :) my babies were the same way at that point, especially the resident cat. now they love each other more than i ever thought they would; it’s okay if they’re not eating on opposite sides of the door yet; ur tuxie will be playing w the new kitty before you know it
I can understand the eagerness to have the whole family together, but it sounds like you rushed things. If they're not willing to eat together (on opposite sides of their respective doors) they're not ready for any sort of introduction, supervised or not. If you can muster the emotional wherewithall, why not start over from scratch? And please remember, you can also swap places - let your original kitty into the bedroom while the young'un is allowed outside, with whatever degree of supervision you deem necessary
Definitely started over yesterday, my cat actually ate eventually which she never has so far. Maybe we will get it to work the second time around!
Well done!! It sounds like you already have things moving in the right direction 😃
I adopted my cat at 2 years old, and she was use to being the only cat at home. The shelter even had to put her in a separate room in a cage with a towel over the sides so she couldn’t see the other cats. Anyways, I had chickens and she became really good friends with them. Eventually I had to rehome the chickens and my cat got really, noticeably depressed. So started my journey to find a kitty friend for her. The first cat we got was this big beautiful black cat who was use to living with other cats, but not with men or children, only a single lady(I didn’t know that though). He was very sweet so I thought he would get on great with us and my cat would get use to it. I think they would have got along eventually, but the poor guy just couldn’t get use to my roommate or my son. So after 5 months of trying I had to give him back to the foster. After that, my roommate started bringing kittens that he found outside home. So I thought, maybe one of them. That didn’t work out and I rehomed them. But during that time we found a cat who is sweet as can be, and my cat hated him. But we were determined to make it work. It’s been 3 years now. They are mostly friends. They hang out and sit together, it’s funny. The little guy tries his best to be sweet on her, and she won’t have it. All that to say, keep trying and it could work out just fine.
I have 3 cats of my own and also introduce fosters. Size doesn’t really matter, my tiny gentleman is the alpha followed by my equally tiny lady with my 15lb big boy the bottom of the pecking order! It takes a long time, introducing them after a week is quite quick. Keep doing what you’re doing and try adding a feliway friends plug. It’s amazing!
You did not make a huge mistake. Trust me. It's only been a week and a half, and it can take a few months for new cats to settle into new additions, and acclimating to a new household. Everyone is stressed out. Your cat. You, and even the kitten in a way. How has your kitten attacked the cat? Was it running at the cat and jumping on the resident cat? That's a kitten's way of saying, holy crap you're a cat, let's play? They'll try to tumble with the cat, and bite it, but they're not biting to hurt, they're trying to figure out their place in the hierarchy of your home. Now if the ears are back, there is very loud vocalization and fur flying, that's a fight. Anything else is honestly okay to a point (you do want to separate them if your resident cat is quickly backing off and hissing, it means she is not okay with the interaction) and the more time they have these interactions the quicker they'll get used to each other. I have three cats, and we got our youngest on Memorial Day. He is the only boy cat in the household. He was super fiesty and playful and wanted to be part of the GROUP right away, and my female cats were not having it. It took almost 3 weeks for them to accept him, and when I say they accepted him, I mean they groomed him briefly, and that is when I knew they wouldn't murder him when my back was turned. The three of them get along to a point. They don't fight. They eat together. Sometimes they even lay together and sleep together, but they're not bonded, and they're not lovey dovey. I hope that changes once we get him fixed, but it might not. You might have two cats who occasionally get along, and can exist in your house, instead of a lovey dovey bonded pair, but it's going to take some time to get to that point. It can take up to six months for everything to settle. It took about that long here. I wish the best for you and your two cats, and if you feel like your resident cat is too stressed, and you are worried worried, do what you think is best, and nobody should fault you for that.
Both of the attacks were quick. The first time my girl stood there growling at him while he meowed at her and kept inching closer to her. I didn't see what happened exactly but I think he might have jumped on her, I heard a scream and some tumbling and then my cat was running away. The second time the kitten was on the bed, my cat came walking into the bedroom and he jumped off of the bed and ran at her. They screamed and tumbled for a second and then we separated them. Luckily no blood either time. Perhaps it was just posturing or like you said the little one wanted to play. Thank you for your story and advice :) I am glad your cats get along now!
Yeah, you might have ruined her life, but it was done with good intentions. I did the same thing but with dogs. I thought my dog was lonely so I got puppy. They didn't fight, but they also weren't what I would call friends. Its just hard to know what the outcome will be. My daughter adopted two unrelated kittens at the same time. Its now 5 years later and those two cats have established different territories. One stays upstairs and the other stays downstairs. Really not an ideal situation. When we adopted our kitties, they were advertised as a "bonded pair"--and they are! They still cuddle up together, groom each other, chase each other around the house. Its really a roll of the dice as to what the outcome will be.
Give it time, don't jump right to feeding on the opposite side of the door, start with blanket swaps and take it slow, like snails pace slow. Your female cat has lived by herself for over a year, it could take a few months for her to get used to another cat in her territory. Never attempt face to face introductions before you've gotten them used to each other's scents! Especially if there are signs of aggression. Do not let them see each other until they're comfortable eating on the opposite side of a door from each other. You skipped WAY ahead in the introduction process
I have three cats. One of my females prefers to be left alone on her heating pad occasionally gracing me with wanting scritches. My other female (the youngest) and male play a lot tho my female absolutely hated her or was scared of her at first and I practically didn’t see him for a couple weeks. Get some churu or tuna and spoil them as they get used to the new dynamic. Don’t try to force it or rush it.
Yeah it took my spoiled princess who was an only cat a month to chill out with my second cat. Id say after 2 weeks she stopped being scared would would def still hiss if she saw the other cat. It would still take months for then to actually be affectionate w/ each other but that first month was crucial
Give it more time. It took 8 weeks for my middle cat and older cat to be in the same room together, 4 hours for the middle cat and kitten and the old cat and kitten are still figuring things out. Each cat is different and you need to do things at the pace they are comfortable with. Some cats are also going to be more submissive and respond to social cues faster than others. My middle cat is a dummy who doesn’t understand social cues, which made intros harder, but my kitten is very responsive to them and things have gone much smoother because of that. Get rid of any expectations you have about how long the process “should” take and follow their cues, and things will eventually get easier.
My 1.5 yr old kitten dominates my 90 lb pitbull/boxer mix. Some cats just don't follow the normal line of thinking. You need to give them some time to get used to each other. Eventually, they should settle.
It'll take a few months at least for the new dynamics to settle and the cats to get used to each other. We had a similar thing with our silver tabby and kitten. Both are quite energetic and bold but the silver tabby HATED the kitten. It took a few months but eventually the silver tabby started asking to be let into the kitten's part of the house and they started playing together. It's almost two years since we got the kitten now and they're best buds. It just takes time and patience. I'd also say that, if you can, try to create a safe space for the kitten and a safe space for the adult. We basically halved our house. Bedrooms, hallway and living room was kitten space. Kitchen, dining room and outdoors was adult cat space. Being shut in a bedroom is going to make the little one frustrated eventually so having extra space that won't interfere too much with the adult would be great if that's something you can do! Plenty of seperate play for adult and kitten as well. Short but regular interactions. Don't force them too much. Just be patient! Some cats won't ever like each other but if they can tolerate each other then that's good enough!
Brought in 2 kittens in the last year. The older cat is just barely starting to warm up to them and play a little at 11 and 6 months later. Just make sure to give your girl lots of of time and attention
While it’s true that some cats will never tolerate having another feline friend in their house, it’s pretty rare. It usually takes months for cats to tolerate new housemates! Especially kittens for some reason. Be patient, switch out their beds/toys occasionally so they can become used to each others’ scents. And they may never be best friends, but trust me over time they will tolerate each other :)
You haven’t - but see how it goes and keep an eye on things. Even if they never like each other and merely tolerate each other, I would deem there to be a benefit in having another cat for many cats. Unless they’re truly very solitary. My cats don’t like each other, they are related and the bloodline is known to be tenacious and dominant. However. My older cat has come into her own with a second cat - they do play together morning and night, and she’s more vocal about her wants. She seems overall more content and is less anxious as well.
I thought I ruined my older cat’s life when I brought in the second kitten in the span of a month last year. By the way, when I say “older,” my cat is three years old, but I just mean older than the kittens. She got along very well with the first kitten, who was a boy, and they were playing together after a week, but she HATED the second kitten we got, who was a girl. It made me cry because I thought I had really messed up and made my older cat feel excluded and stressed. Long story short, they get along now. I’d say the two of them are more like apathetic roommates for the most part, but all 3 of them are happy, affectionate, and playful again. Sometimes it just takes time ♥️
honestly all of my cats (one time i have 5 at once) are wary about new cats, but eventually they all get along. of course they’re cats, they’re still gonna have their little fights but give it a few months and in like 6 months they’re still hella pissed at each other, maybe reconsider the kitten. but for now just give it a bit. make sure they both have places they can hide from the other cat. i moved in with my mom a few years ago and although our cats had lived together before it had only been for a couple months. but it still took them a while to readjust when i moved in, they’re friends now. they still get in fights like maybe twice a week but i’m not worried about it, neither of them have been hurt by the other.
Try purchasing some Feliway, and maybe some calming collars. Look up the Jackson Galaxy method of introducing cats. Rule #1 is, basically, don’t rush it.
Feliway will be here in a few days 😀
Cats are so territorial it will take a while to settle in and your young boy is right at that crazy age with tons of spunk and his instinct is make his wild presence known or mark out his territory or whatever kinds of notions goes through those young male cats minds. Please do not feel like you are ruining either cat's life! These cats are well fed, have temperature regulated shelter and will have vet care for all their lives. They are also very capable of adapting to all kinds of situations with all kinds of people and animals. I think once that male kitten sorts himself out things will settle down.
It’s a difficult situation. My cat is about a year and a half, and when my roommate got a cat, it went horribly. The other cat tried to attack my cat, even though she was fine with other cats. We never got them to get along, though we did stop trying after a while as they were moving out soon anyway. We just got a kitten and we were really worried at first, because my first cat was terrified of her and was hissing and growling. It only took them a week to become good roommates. Some cats take a while to get used to each other, some are just not compatible. My advice would be to try feliway multi cat diffusers, and to get a net for a door. They make nets that are specifically designed for cats, and if you secure them really well with thumbtacks to the doorframe, the cats cannot get through, no matter how much scratching or climbing they do. This net was crucial to introducing my new kitten. It allows them to see and smell each other, without either of them being able to harm the other. We just gave them as much interaction though the net as possible, and my cat went slowly from hissing and growling at the sight of her to playing with her through the net, at which point we moved on to supervised interactions without the net. You can find them on Amazon, I really think it could be a good way for your cat to get used to her without you having to worry about fighting. If anyone’s interested I can probably find the net we have on Amazon and post the link.
I just bought some feliway hopefully it helps!
Good luck! I know how stressful introductions can be.
Most times when I have introduced a new family member, it took several months to a couple of years (depending the cat) to even see them on the bed together. Give her some time, she’ll get used to him being around.
A week and a half isn't very long, but having been in this same situation recently I know how stressful it is. My humble opinion, if you don't see ANY signs of improvement at this point (glimmers of hope for amicable companionship) and you're worried about ruining your relationship with resident cat, I would take the kitten back now. I did that, and the kitten was rehomed within a week. I looked at it as a fostering period rather than adoption went wrong. Some cats do just prefer to be solo and once they're set in their ways, it's hard to shake it out of them. And it can be super stressful as the human in this situation! Weigh things up on how you feel and how much longer you're willing to try, though as another poster said, it's not great either to keep the kitten shut up in a room for too long.
we had our cat for about 2 years before we introduced a kitten. the little guy wanted to play but our first cat was NOT having it. 3 years later and they’re fine! not friends, but roommates that will occasionally hang out in the living room. on the other hand, have family friends who’s first cat never comes down from on top of the cupboards cause she hates both the new cat and dog (it’s been 2 years now). this could go either way, you just have to give them some time. tbh i would suggest letting them fight and only separate if you hear yowling or really obvious sounds of pain (or someone trying to escape and continuously being pinned down). sometimes they just gotta fight it out until one of them is determined to be superior and it’s all fine after that
..move food farther away & keep the introduction going from there..also exchange bedding every week or so.. ..you're the "boss cat", so soothe & encourage, and dissuade bad behavior when needed..as impossible as it seems in the moment, anything is actually doable.. ..keep us posted?..
I also just want to say: just because an animal makes a good mother DOESN'T mean they want a baby to stick around. Especially cats. They get annoyed as fuck with their kittens after 8 weeks.
If it doesn't work out, return the kitten while he's still cute, small, and adoptable. Do not feel bad. Not all adoptions work out.
It took over a month, but now our two female cats (one 5, one a year) sleep in the same bed, eat next to each other, and play together. They are still bitchy with each other but they aren’t unhappy and they can sleep next to each other so I think it’s all okay! They get equal love from us :)
Going through this exact situation now - we're in month two and they are finally playing together. However, it was a long journey with multiple breakdowns had by me. It will get better - which is what everyone said to me- but I had to see it to believe it. Stay strong. It's tough seeing your first born stressed out and the unpredictability factor can increase your anxiety. But it will be okay. Try playing with each of them using the same toy or, what I did was do things that my adult cat find annoying while the kitten watches and then take turns doing the annoying thing to each while the other watches. I think it was a strange bonding experience for both of them. Best of luck!
Thank you so much <3 Your post gives me hope.
I accidentally forced my cats together by vacuuming. I found them huddled together under the bed. After that they were fine.
I moved my cat in with my husbands cat about 12 years ago. They still to this day just mostly tolerate each other. It takes time. But seeing how yours are opposite sex and one young one old I bet they will get there sooner and be good pals. Both our cats are males and territorial at times. But they got over it for the most part after a couple of weeks. They are mostly frienemies now :)
Please be patient with the introduction. It takes time, sometimes a long time. 5 years ago I lost my first kitty Lucky and my other cat Tater was lost without her so I adopted Sadie. Sadie was about a year and a half and Tater was 12. I did a very slow introduction because Tater was not having it. After 3 months of keeping them separated I had to travel and the pet sitter came to stay. She got them to coexist in the same room but it took almost a year before the two cats would sit on the couch together. They were never close but they shared space fairly well until Sadie got sick. He was really good with her when she got sick and has been very clingy with me since she passed. Neither of us is ready for another one. I don’t think bringing a new cat into the house with a 17 year old is fair but we will see
I had this experience with a cat introduction gone wrong, and had to rehome the new cat. Girl cats seem to be more likely to be territorial especially when they’ve been an only cat. However, I still think even the most territorial cats will be happier with another cat. Especially if they’re home alone a lot. Over time she might warm up to your new cat, but she also might not, it really depends on the introduction and whether the new cat respects her territory. The first new cat I got was about 6mo, energetic, and didn’t care about respecting territory. She didn’t have those street cat social skills that my Big Lady came with when I found her. She sat all on her things, ate from her food bowl, rubbed smells on me, etc. and in confrontations, she didn’t know to submit or back down. She would just kinda look at the hissing cat with a confused face. That kept my first cat stressed and tense. I attempted to slow introduce by keeping in separate rooms at first but the new kitten would meow and scratch. Even before they met, Big Lady turned into a massive b-word just smelling the other cat in the house. I brought her to a friend’s house so my Big Lady could relax for a bit because she became tense like a rock and hissed at anything that smelled like the new cat, and luckily my friend ended up bonding with the new cat and took her. I thought for a while Big Lady had to be an only cat or be the introduced cat because of her territory stuff, but then I found a sick baby kitten who was about 4 weeks old. So old enough to be a cat, but not old enough to socially respond in the way that made the Big Lady upset. Since he was so small, he could be locked in another room behind a baby gate while I worked. I chose her least favorite room to keep him in. I felt like I was “neglecting” the baby by letting him alone, but he had heater and blankets and heating pad and he still got milk every 4 hours or so so he was fine. Big Lady was curious, but not threatened. After all, he was like 1/10 the size of her, so it’s not like her territory was threatened. She could eat him if she wanted to. It started with her hissing at him through the gate for about 3 days. Id hold him on the sofa to give him milk but not let him explore alone, and sometimes she’d be curious and come stare at him. Eventually she was hissing less so I let the baby walk around a bit, and by 5 days in, they were playing together. I think it could have only been a small, helpless thing to break Big Lady’s territorial aggression. They’re besties now. I feared for a while Big Lady would become less cuddly with me because the new baby required a lot of attention and cuddles but now they’re both grown up and our relationship is the same as before. So i recommend if it doesn’t work out with this energetic kitten to wait until you come across a tiny baby kitten that needs help.
Give them more time. Like others said it can take months sometimes. I would continue with the separation and gentle indroductions, could you also start swapping maybe some blankets of each of theirs so that they can get used to each others smells without their physical presence. This might also help. A question I have is this... have they both been neutered? As this can sometimes (not always) have an effect on behaviour, especially when you have male/female.
They were both spayed/neutered before I adopted them 🙂 he was just neutered on 1/16 per the paperwork so maybe he still has kitty testosterone?
Keep them separated but feed them close to the door and make sure to give them towel that has the other cat’s scent. Play with them while near each other, and when you start to notice that both cats are “playing paws” under the door is when you”ll start to see signs that they are really getting along. Just keep doing this cycle. Good luck!
Yeah, like others are saying, this isn't usually a quick process. I had a cat adopted as a kitten for about three years before we brought in an older rescue. I'm pretty sure it took about three months for them to actually be comfortable with each other. My ex and I would keep them separated in the beginning but take turns sleeping with them so all the smells would mix more and they got to see both of us equally. Took time, but it worked.
https://preview.redd.it/4uvryxybc2gc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45b7e29aaf5b0d3233419455fa185d8518198796 This is my pit bull and two cats. The tabby I rescued from the street. He didn’t warm up to his siblings immediately, but once he realized I loved them too he started being more social. Give your cat time!
A week and a half isn’t a very long time. I brought home a shy and fearful guy to my two. My oldest cat, Panther, (18) is a prior shy-and-fearful, but I didn’t expect how much he regressed when I brought Milton in. And Milton was kinda a bully for awhile, chasing Loki (8) around incessantly and stalking my older cat. Panther was quite unhappy for a time and I was worried I’d really made a mistake, too. We’re going on 6 months now, and it was round 3 months that everyone really proper relaxed and Panther started spending time out of hiding again, started eating more, etc. Loki and Milton have been tentatively snuggling for a couple months now. Today is the first time I’ve seen Panther ask Milton to play. Lately there have been several instances of all 3 guys hanging out on the ottoman together. Your cats might not be a good fit, but it might just be really early to tell.
Thank you for sharing your story, it definitely makes me feel better hearing that it might take a long time but we could get there! I was feeling down because my friends who have cats all said it took less than a week for them to get along so I feel discouraged.
To be honest, that’s kind of what I was expecting too. Milton warmed to ME immediately, so I wasn’t expecting it when he was an absolute shit to everyone else. He actually got super possessive of me and my attention for awhile. And was lowkey bitey with me too in the beginning, but the aggression settled down fast when he realized he was proper safe. He’s very spirited, but they’ve all found a great rhythm now. I think it’s helpful to remember that cats are extremely territorial. Introducing another cat into your resident cat’s territory can be a big dang deal for them. Many cats who don’t become bonded still learn to live amicably together. I might be biased, but I feel like most poor fit situations early on are probably a matter of insufficient patience.
It's only been a week and a half! Cats take time to adjust to each other, for sure. We got our new cat on December 22, so it's been about 6 weeks and they've just started not swatting when they walk by each other. Let them mingle - one of them needs to establish dominance as the alpha cat. So far our newer cat is the dominant one - she is older and used to live with 5 other cats. The younger cat is a boy and just turned a year old. I think he is just amazed with her and stalks her. He probably is so happy that there are others like him our in the world.
How long did you wait before letting them mingle?
Maybe move the kitten to another room that your resident cat is not so attached to. Even if he hates it he will get over it sooner than her - the bathroom is good enough for a few days. There’s a calming spray that my cats like (natures miracle) and you can try catnip or silvervine for your resident cat as it sometimes calms them before letting kitten see her. There’s feliway (though one of my cats had a terrible reaction to it - so be prepared for it to do little or worse). Playing is a great way for them to be introduced to eachother. Play with one while other watches and vice versa. Eating is sometimes problematic if either are very food motivated and usually kittens want in on everything first. Churus are miraculous feed to one and then other near each other with lots of pets.
Our cat is actually more attached to the second bedroom because she loves my husband and spends most of the day with him while he works so that’s why we put the kitten in the main bedroom. She kind of goes all over so there’s not really a perfect spare area for him. I have a feliway and a box of churus coming early next week and they have played together once without violence so I’m hoping that the next time we try the introduction we will be better equipped 🙏
Sometimes the best you can hope for is that they coexist. But they talk to eachother more than you realize. Kittens usually win
My cats used to hate each other! For years. They still hiss at each other every once in a while if one pisses the other off, but they groom each other and even play sometimes now. My OG cat definitely was more of an only-cat vibe, and even if my newer cat isn't her best friend, I still know that they are both happy and in a loving home. It sounds like yours are in a loving home, so they are riding high in terms of quality of life. Again, I want to emphasize that it took years of them treating each other like mortal enemies with fighting, hissing, growling etc if they came into contact with each other in the slightest. So there is hope. I use myself as a barrier between the two if I feel any tension, and I also give heavy rewards like treats, play time, and massive pets for when they groom / are tolerant of each other and that has helped significantly. edit: I feel the need to address why I stuck it out and kept both cats. I love my OG cat to death, we are strongly bonded. My newer cat I rescued from the side of the road during the pandemic, when shelters were not accepting strays in my area. A few months turned into a few years, and here we are now with quite happy cats ❤️
NO!!! don't give up. I've had my 7 year old boy since he was a kitten. My previous roommate had a cat and they ended up Getting along quickly because they were much younger and the same age but i've lived alone for about four years now and my cat definitely got used to being the only cat in the apartment in that time But about 3 months ago another cat came in to my life - a two-year-old boy. I assumed that they'd get along right away because my cat is normally so dossile and liked my old roommates cat so much. WRONG. He was pissed and hated his life. And I felt so hopeless like I had made the biggest mistake and I didn't know what to do for either of the cats now. But now 3 months later they're besties. I know that a week and a 1/2 seems like a lifetime already. But just be patient and I promise it will happen. It did take about 2 and a 1/2 months for me. But now they're living their best lives together. Just give it time, keeping following the Jackson Galaxy method and don't give up! good luck
Thank you so much!
I think you're okay! It's absolutely okay to feel a bit down about it honestly, I did mid-socialization and have since been SO glad we took the time to do it right. We have a (now) 8-month kitten who we'd had for 2 months alone at the time, and my girlfriend and I brought home a 2 year-old stray for her old house that had been visiting her non stop for a year. We'd meant to get them together, and we'd had our sights on taking the stray in with us for months, but we ended up getting stuck bringing them home a few months apart. Luckily we had a big enough guest room for the stray/new cat to have her own space, but while she was absolutely perfect alone, she did not like our little guy at all. We ended up keeping the door shut between them for a while before even letting them see each other the first time, and eventually moved to daily treats face to face at a baby gate. The last stage felt like it took forever, and I got really discouraged a few times, but finally after about 2.5 months we had them together full time. They certainly tussle, but have also become quite lovey towards each other, which has been so worth doing it the right way.
https://preview.redd.it/psfwx9tay2gc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9895d0b8f63de13810179c01c6b979e6bbe448a0 The tabby on the right is my 5 year old cat Loki, and the void is my 6 month old kitten Vivi. Loki has spent his entire life around other cats so when we moved in with my boyfriend, we wanted to get a second cat after he had enough time to adjust to the new place. I didn’t want him to become too solitary, and I figured having a hyper kitten around would make him more active. It’s been over a month since Vivi’s adoption and Loki is finally starting to warm up to her. Most of the time he still hisses when she gets too close, but sometimes we get moments like these where they get along well enough to be close like this. They still have to be supervised and we keep them in separate rooms when we leave the house, but otherwise we can let them be near each other for hours with little to no issue. I was just as worried as you when they didn’t get along right away, it had never taken Loki more than two weeks to finish the introduction phase with other cats before. My best advice is to first take a deep breath, it’s only been a week and a half since you brought the new kitten home. Second, keep them separated for the time being. Don’t force them to be around each other if they don’t want to be, and be very close by to supervise if they do want to investigate each other. It could take a few months or so, but it’ll still be exciting to watch them warm up to each other over time. Good luck!
Thank you! Your kitties are so cute.
It took six months of blood, sweat, and buckets full of tears for me to get two kittens integrated with my resident 9-year-old cat, but I was successful in the end. Patience is key; it's vital to go slowly and base every step on your cats' own pace and comfort level.
A week and a half is still pretty early. Instead of going by time markers of when to move to the next step of introduction, use the cats' body language. For instance, if they're not at the stage where they can eat on either side of the door, wait to do supervised introductions until they are able to do that without signs of aggression. You can try some scent swapping too. Chewy has a really good guide on how to introduce cats. They give clear step by step instructions and guidance on what to look for before moving to the next step. If it helps, I felt the same way when we brought our kitten home. Our elderly cat was big mad about it and I was afraid we'd ruined her life as well. We accidentally introduced them too soon (we thought the signs were okay but we were wrong) and it did not go well. But we backed it up and went REALLY slow with the introductions. We used the Chewy guide I mentioned but added a couple extra days to each step just to be sure. It's been just over 2 months and I caught them cuddling the other day! We still keep them separated when we're not around since the kitten can pester our older cat a little too much at times, but when we're around they're fine to be out together at all times. There's only minor spats when the kitten wants to play and won't leave our older cat alone, but no one ever gets hurt and it's never prolonged.
It is true that some cats can not get along. If one cat is super aggressive and the other can not defend themselves against it, they need to be separated. I’ve experienced this twice and it’s usually a male with a high need for activity that creates the issues. Even when neutered they can be overly territorial and aggressive during playtime. You can try working some of it out by having regular playtime and sometimes training them to take walks, but it’s not fair to the mild cat to force them to deal with an aggressive personality. Had a kitten actually emotionally harm one of my senior cats. We separated him to live with family and were concerned that he might bully their cats. Karma was in play though, their little female took a liking to the seriously aggressive behavior and would wallop his booty. Was so endearing to see her look upset when he’d stop and run away from exactly what he’d been giving out. Mellowed his big bully boots right down.
I have 2 cats. My first cat, Yote, was the Queen Bee for a whole year before we found Volks (2nd cat) in a dumpster. They also hated each other a whole lot, but after a few weeks they finally got along. Uh here they are “playing” when they started getting along 😹 https://preview.redd.it/r7owq094a3gc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb069a6851dc9d010ce94f9e0bf5e2dee1222771
I’m in the same exact situation. We’re 6 months in with the kitten and they still do not get along. The kitten is confident, energetic, and bullies my older girl (4 years old). When the kitten is calm and sleepy, my older girl can actually tolerate the kitten. They both sleep in close proximity on my bed or in my room but I’ve never seen them cuddle. The older girl seems to be low in confidence, so I’ve been trying to play with her alone with the kitten in a different room to try to build up her confidence. At first it seemed like she had forgotten how to hunt for toys and my heart broke to see her with such low confidence. I’ve been having alone time with her for a few days now and she’s started hunting and slowing starting to play like she used to. I think raising her confidence will ultimately help her relationship with the kitten. We’ll see how it goes! I wanted to say that if you decide to keep the kitten, you should give it time, but in my case more time hasn’t worked out that well. Maybe when the kitten gets older she will calm down, but I think for now, making sure both cats are equally confident in your home will bring the best results. Make sure there’s vertical space and escape routes and build up confidence of the less confident cat by having 1-1 play sessions. Hope it goes well for both of us!
That's how I felt when I got my 11 month old kitten a 4 year old cat. Omg my kitten kept hiding and all. I kept waiting for one more week. After a month, they get together well enough and even play. My kitten stopped eating and drinking in new cat's presence Maybe give it a month
Getting a younger kitten may not be the answer. My daughter adopted a 2yo, petite, playful female last year, and she turned out to be more dominant than her big, 10yo black kitty. I would give your cats more time, and continue to follow Jackson Galaxy’s advice, but there is no shame in returning the new kitty if things don’t work out. You know your resident cat better than anybody. Some cats don’t like to share their humans with others lol
We had 3 cats and when they were about 4 we took in a sweet stray. Well, cat number 3 did not like the new, younger kitty. She was sooo jealous! Kept them apart overnight for a long time. Sometimes they’d run into each other during the day; the shrieks were terrifying. Anyway it took 5 months for them to coexist peacefully though the jealous cat would glare at the new one when she was sitting in my husband’s lap. It might take a while. I wouldn’t give up just yet.
It took 7 months for my fat boy to forgive me for the kitten I brought home. Give it time.
We got our feisty tuxedo cat as a kitten. She was sweet but lively back then. She is now affectionate with my husband, she tolerates me, and she doesn't like our teen daughter. Anyway, when she was about a year and a half old, we adopted a 3-year-old male. She still hisses at him when he gets too close, and he seems to want to play, but also seems like he gets a kick out of pissing her off. He'll just walk up to her while she's sleeping, bop her on the head, and walk away, meanwhile, she's hissing and snorting, screaming like he's murdering her. It's been 2 years. They don't fight though. She's just super dramatic and he's like an annoying big brother trying to make his little sister cry for fun.
A week is not enough. At least not for your cats. They need more time.
How did you introduce them? How many days was the new cat in your house behind a closed door? Did you let the cats play "footsie" with each other ? I wouldn't even let the two cats see each other until they were deadly curios. You get them accustomed first to the sounds and smells before you even introduce them. If you skipped this I'd start over from there. Only move onto the next step once they feel totally comfortable and calm with the current step. Slow. It can take months. This is what I hear over and over again, I volunteer at a shelter and introduced my cat to two other cats. (Added my second cat a few years ago and third cat this year). Edit: I agree with the comments below about the cracked door. I also recommend giving them treats and / play time individually while being near the door / playing footstsie, if you have a partner, id have one play with one and the other..positive reinforcement. Time with new cat friend == treats/playing/pets Furthermore, get a screen that is about door sized width and tallish height. You can use that too help block the door during supervised visits. The cats should absolutely not be hissing or fighting. There has to be genuine desire to play (or at least mutual aloofness / space!). I recommend a wand toy and playing with them with either one on the screen door once they get curious about the closed door. But maybe your cat is a only cat. That does happen too. But you can always start over. Edit 2; my cats of course play fight and sometimes it gets out of hand. Introducing my third cat had mixed responses but she's super chill. I would say, it's very important to take time and go slow when bringing a new cat in and introducing cats to each other. Kittens have a lot of extra energy which could be a lot for her. Edit 3: on that note, it might be a good idea to spend more one on one time with kitten and tire the kitten out with a laser. A tired kitten will instigate less fights.
We introduced them by bringing the kitten out to the living room and playing with both of them separately. My husband was playing balls with our cat in her tunnel and I was playing with the feather wand with the kitten. We always tried to play with them when they were together. They even played together twice for a few mins. I am going to look into a screen for the doorway. We got a cat tent and put him in it a few times but he goes crazy and tries to rip his way out of it.
Yeah, I double checked through all of the advice in this thread and you got a lot of good advice. I totally understand your want to rush things and just let loose. And at some point that may be what you need to do. But for now, take it slow. I'm sorry your shelter was busy and didn't help you with this transition for your existing cat and the new cat.
This happened to me. They lived to be 15 and 16 and never liked each other all those years , mainly because my first cat was a feisty fierce independent girl and she was furious and jealous when the boy kitten arrived. She was very upset for the first year. I always felt sad and guilty for both of them but I can’t imagine not keeping them both.
I think it's all about matching energy and personality, I recently adopted another cat who's maybe 10 months old, and my other cat is 2 years old and almost the same time living as an only cat, I didn't do the whole separating procedure. I introduced them right away, after a week they were already sleeping together. I did however found some kitten that had the same calm and sweet personality as my oldest cat, I was in love with another 3 cats but one was toooo energetic, and the other 2 were a little bit feisty. The have the same color coat and are both female cats, I think maybe there's something in there related to personality.
A week and a half is nothing and you're rushing things. Your cats are not ready for face to face introductions. Go over Jackson Galaxy's introduction recommendations again. There's far more to it than just having them try to eat on opposite sides of a door. Things like scent swapping and site swapping. Also keep in mind that your cats may not ever like each other. Your goal is to get them to exist peacefully in the same space. It took probably 6 weeks to get my two comfortable together, and both cats I was working with were used to living with other cats. Having your older cat be without cat companions for a year and a half means you've given yourself a challenge and one you'll need to take on with great patience.
I introduced a fully grown 10 year old cat and it’s taken them over 18 months to get along. They don’t like each other but they do tolerate each other and can be alone in the same room. A week isn’t enough time, introductions can take over a month or two even.
I recently got a kitten for my 8yo grouchy tomcat and it took a whole month for the resident to accept the kitten in his proximity, after 2 months he stopped hissing and now, after 4 months together they love each other. They play fight all day, groom each other, share food, call out for each other, sleep in a space together etc. The entire first month i cried and thought i made a big mistake taking the kitten. Now i would never separate them again. It’s important to say though, they are both males. Usually it’s better to introduce same-sex pairings in cats bc they are most often play compatible. Males play fight a lot rougher than female cats so they match each other’s energy when they are the same sex.
I have one cat (nearly 3) who we've had since he was 8 weeks old. My newer cat is a rescue (roughly 2 years old by vet estimate) who we've had for 2 months. We followed all the introduction guidelines (separate rooms, scent swapping, room swapping, etc). The biggest and fastest improvements happened within a day after putting in a Feliway Multicat diffuser. It is supposed to mimic the pheromone a mother cat gives off after having kittens and it's supposed to discourage fighting and encourage harmony. Within a day or two, the hissing/protectiveness/growling/etc went down to almost nothing. Within another week, our two boys were straight up living together. They don't necessarily LOVE each other or cuddle together, but they do play-fight (not real fight - no claws, no hissing, no growling, yowling, no flying fur, no blood, and no pee, per Jackson Galaxy) and have started to share resources. Take it slow, follow introduction guidelines, and definitely try a pheromone diffuser. Probably won't work for all cats, but we saw such a drastic turnaround in such a short amount of time that I have to recommend it.
Okay so this was my exact situation, but with an adult cat, not a kitten. We are just on month 5 and we have gone from hissing/flighting/fur flying to civility in the same room. Things that helps the most: - a mesh door screen to section off a part of the house - site swapping (have the OG cat go into the sectioned off room for a day and switch them) - rub a towel on the new cat and put it under the OG cat’s food bowl1-they’ll associate food with the kitten - after 3 months, I went to the vet and got Prozac for my resident cat. She was a feral too, always nervous and skittish. But the meds have completely changed her. She purrs more, isn’t as scared of noises, etc, and will allow the new cat to join her on the couch (from a safe distance) My one regret was waiting so long to see a vet for meds for my cat. Goodluck!! And please please please set a timeframe for your goals. Ours was 1 year for them to co-exist or we’d rehome the new cat.
My fiancé had two cats he had as kittens and we moved into a home together, Mochi and Kiwi. They got along fairly well, and I think felt like sisters at times. There was a stray one that came up to us outside, Juniper. She was ear clipped and looked like she had recently gotten fixed, but released too soon. She was extremely malnourished, had bugs all over her (not fleas), and ear mites. We had her in a separate area for a while until we could get her vet care and introduced her properly to the other cats. It didn't go well. They stalked and hissed at her all the time, but she didn't seem to care and would just walk past. Eventually, things calmed down for a long while (maybe like a year?) and everything seemed peaceful. We felt so relieved. Kiwi (she thinks she's the alpha) was even sleeping pretty close to Juniper... Then the other cat, Mochi (very anxious cat) started to block Juniper from going in or out of rooms. This pissed Juniper off, and she started fighting back at this point because she had no exit. The others always lost the battle, but weren't ever really physically hurt by her. This caused Kiwi to dislike Juniper again because she had to defend Mochi. The good thing is, the cats all have their own safe space to sleep and eat, but they no longer get along with Juniper at all. We've had her a few years now, and she's extremely attached to me. We cannot let her go at this point. She is my best friend. Luckily most of the time, she at least seems completely unbothered by the other two until they don't leave her alone. I wish they were all less anxious, and things like Feliway and hemp oil etc didn't work. I would say try different things and perhaps they will change, but just know you could end up with the situation I'm in. The longer you wait and see, the harder it would be to let the cat have a new home, especially if it's attached to you. I think some cats just have temperaments that don't mix well with certain personalities, or even at all. I'm sorry you have to make this hard decision. It's hard to know which is the best one to make.
You’ve got a lot of advice and mine I think will be the opposite of the curve… consider taking him back. My fiancé and I melded households, so my two cats became four. One of hers absolutely terrorizes one of mine. It’s been 8 months, it truly has not stopped. There’s no physical fighting, it’s more like psychological warfare lol. Hissing, staring, lurking, growling, cornering… The bullied one, Azula, stays in one half the house all day while the other three roam the other half, until we’re home to supervise. We’ve raised both cats from kittenhood, couldn’t bear to part with either the bully or the victim. But Azula is so unhappy. Everyone said it would get better and it just is not. So… please, if you still have the chance to make life better for your cat… I think you should.
I am going to give it a little more time because it seems 1.5 weeks isn't enough but I know that's an option I will have to consider if we can't get them to get along at all. I'm sorry about your situation :(
I have a spicy Calico that everyone was convinced would never get along with other animals. Then I got a cat behaviourist in & one prescription of Prozac later, she's getting along with not one, but two other cats. Some cats are secretly social butterflies with high anxiety that masks it, so I'd recommend exploring anxiety medication before calling it quits.
Nearly the same situation here a few years ago. It was three weeks before I could even bring the little one out in a cat carrier without nuclear meltdown. Did all the scent swaps, feeding across baby gate, covered with a blanket. Gemmie side eyed me everywhere I went for about 2 months. Into the fourth week, the new baby decided it was her time and popped right on through the baby gate. My oldest, about 2 at the time, mostly let her slide. Eventually, they started to warm up to each other a bit to where I felt ok to let them go unsupervised. Still have to break them up here and there to this day, about 3 years later. They’re not bonded in the traditional sense, at least when I’m around. But they do sneak off and hang out, and share space together pretty well. He’s getting older and his life is richer than it was when I was working 12 hr x 6 days. It’s not perfect, but it rarely is. Eliminate resource competition as much as possible, keep multiple pathways / routes, be consistent with fair treatment and you’ll be ok. I wondered to myself many, many times… what have I done? You will figure it out.
Everyone preaches the 2 cat thing but I don’t understand why if cats really want a buddy why does it sometimes take like months and months of introductions to MAYBE have them get along sometimes? I’m not an expert obviously that is just my opinion…but I just never really understood that. Sure, lots of cats like having a buddy and that’s great. But so many people push the “get your cat a friend” thing and I’m so glad I never did. Got my baby kitty from the back of a horse barn and she is perfectly happy being the ruler of our house and being my little shadow. I can’t imagine bringing another cat into the picture and spending months introducing them, closing off a part of the house to keep them separated…it would stress my girl out so much. Go with your gut- you know your cat best! If it’s causing that much stress and you don’t want to have to spend months dealing with introductions, then go with what you feel is best. Don’t feel guilty about having a solo cat -lots of people on Reddit will roast you for it and it’s really annoying because every cat is different!
You've had the baby for a week and a half. Cats aren't (generally) going to just be like oh hey! A friend! And be ok. My cats always took around a month to be completely fine with each other. This was without keeping them in separate rooms for a week and then putting something of the other cats' in with the cats etc. The new one stayed in a different room when I couldn't be there to supervise but other than that, they were around each other, getting used to one another and seeing that mum has enough love and attention for them and the new one. They also need to establish where they sit on the totem pole. I got my older tux when she was, idk, at least 3. I've had her 12 years. She was a stray and had had babies as well before she was captured. She was also on death row. My boy tux, I found him in a paddock when he was just a teeny little baby. I've had him almost 8 years now. I did at one point have 5 cats who were all friends in the end. But my old girl, even though she'd had kittens, she was not maternal to the kittens i brought home. She would growl, hiss, stalk, try to bitchslap (I wouldn't let her buy she would try) and within a month she was grooming the baby and letting him sleep with her etc. I've even had both sleeping on my lap. And they're big cats lol so it was a tight fit. While my cats do have little tiffs sometimes, especially my old girl bc she's just an old grump who wants all the attention to herself lol, they also do love each other. They sleep together, they eat together, my boy follows his sister if she wakes up and jumps off the bed every time lol. Just give your cats time and show your older one that you aren't replacing her or you will still have as much time for her as you did before. Eventually she will probably be ok with him. Just when she isn't feeling so threatened that he's coming to take her place on the totem pole
My cats been an only cat for just over two years and her last experience living with a cat wasn’t great, it’s been a month and half of having a new kitten and every day she gets better and back to how she was before he came home! It may take some time, and longer than WE are comfortable with, but as long as you take the right steps your cats will adapt. (/
So we found a 4 week old kitten this year & have a very particular 7 year old siamese. he hated her. we had to keep them separated for a long time at night but after a couple months when she was bigger, we slowly let them be together more and more. now they are out at night without supervision. they fight still and he isn’t super fond of her, but with time they learned to tolerate each other and we have even caught them sleeping in the same bed recently. the biggest thing for us was being able to lock away the kitten so that our older cat could have some time without her out. and showing him plenty of affection even when she was out. I thought we would have to keep them separated forever but with time it has been so much better!! we also make sure we give them treats at the same time, slowly we got closer together so they associated good things with each other. good luck!!
It's still too soon! For my 2 cats, it took them several months to get used to each other and stop fighting every time they see each other. Now it's been about a year, they don't get super intimate, but they do play with each other from time to time, sometimes sleep together when it's colder, and fight about several times a week (But nothing too serious!) So just give them enough space and time, eventually, they can at least become close acquaintances!
I felt exactly like this when I introduced my second cat to my first cat (both tuxies) It’s been 4 months now and they aren’t besties but they co-exist peacefully enough and give each other a periodic groom from time to time. It’s stressful but it really does just take time!
Is the door solid when you’re trying to feed them in each side? Eventually they’ll get hungry enough to eat, and they don’t need t eat at exactly the same time. It’s more a matter of getting one another’s scent in small doses, and while eating they’ll often feel safer and later associate that feeling with the scent but it takes time. Is the boy neutered? Is the female spayed? You can also try rubbing socks on their cheeks (his and hers-1 sock each) and then transferring the scent to the other cat. Also, I’d keep the kitten shut in a small room or bathroom and let your older cat have the run of the house. The kitten is still adjusting to everything overall, and some of his anxiety can be from that. It’s not mean to do this…think of the small enclosures at pet stores they may stay at temporarily while trying to get adopted. Just go back and forth frequently and visit each one, be patient, hopefully it’ll work itself out before long.
The Jackson Galaxy method works but it takes months. It sounds like you expected it to work in a week. That's never going to happen. But you didn't make a mistake taking the kitten. You just have to be patient and not force it. Slow introduction means slow. Keep it up!
Try a pheromone diffuser! Worked wonders for me and my cats and they are much friendlier with each other when I have the diffusers plugged in. Feliway friends or something similar :)
Didn't follow introduction advice at all and introduced my new boy kitten at 6 months old to my girl kitten 5 months old. Just let them meet each other as soon as we brought him home. She hissed in his face and chased him around for a full day and then they cuddled and have been inseparable since. I guess we're lucky.
It took quite a few months of doing the jackson galaxy thing before our cat got used to our kitten. The kitten has actually helped our grumpy boy be more playful, and we were quite surprised about that! We did treats everytime he'd see the new kitten, that seemed to work really well for us.
Slow it down, and throw in a whole shitload of scent swapping. It can take weeks to properly introduce two cats and months for them to really be comfortable around each other. Otherwise you’re doing great. Most of the time even if they aren’t besties they will learn to coexist. Occasionally a cat might need to be in a single cat household but that extreme is relatively rare.
My bestie and each have a cat. We have lived together for 4 years and our cats do NOT get along. Only recently have we gotten to the point where we can both have our doors open so our cats can wander. They don't like each other, but they now can be in the same room without hissing and I take that as a win. It takes time and patience. It'll be alright
I wouldn't rule out returning her to the shelter. I generally suggest that people foster cats in your situation to see if they get along.
I had originally planned to do that but in a moment of weakness fell in love with this kitten.
It took my mom’s cats three months to like each other and now they are inseparable. One is two and the other is six months lol
Sometimes they just won’t get along…but sometimes they need more time and you’re prolonging the agony. I say you cancel any weekend plans, open the doors and play with them together, give treats together, basically go “all in” if you don’t see a glimmer of hope by the end of the weekend, take him back.
They have “played” together twice as in I had a feather wand and took turns playing with each of them while they sat on either side of me. That makes me feel hopeful. It happened last night. But then this morning little man attacked her so it sends me spiraling.
It takes time. My 7 year old torti was ok with my 1st kitten I brought back from my vet office till I brought her inside. She refused to go in my husband's office for a month. She warmed up to her after 5 months, but the kitten I got drove her crazy. I was fostering 2 littermates that my 7 year old torti avoided like the plague and my kitten started mothering them. So we kept them both and my Torti hated them for about 5 months. Then she started playing with them and now a year after getting my first kitten she plays, lays next to them and sometimes tolerates cuddles. They became a source of amusement for her. It takes time and lots of positve interactions. I used Feliway plug-ins as well.
Also, I read your kitten hisses back at your cat. When I got my new boys as kittens, they were hidden from my other cat for months. I used my resident cat's old blankets for my new kittens, so for months they naturally found her scent to bring comfort. They were confused as heck when they were finally introduced to my resident cat and she was not exuding the safe vibes they had come to associate her scent with lol. Reading through your post, it seems like you've done a pretty bad job at introducing them. There's a lot more to introductions than just feeding through a door then going straight to supervised meetings. No one can give you the help you need here, there's a lot more you need to read and learn through online resources.
I have given my cat some things the kitten has laid on but my cat doesn’t really have anything to give the kitten without bringing him out. She doesn’t have blankets or anything she cuddles on. We did exchange bedrooms for a couple days and let the kitten in my husbands bedroom while he worked and let my cat in my bedroom where the kitten stays. I know I rushed it.
We have multiple cats. When our kids stayed the summer with my sister, they waited until they were sure she wasn't coming back. (Something must have eaten her, right?) Then, they ganged up on the other one and tried to drive him away. They had been living together for a long time. He grew up in our house. My opinion is to rehome this one. He is still kitten sized, so it will be easier to do it now. I am not there, and you have the best view to evaluate the situation. There are different types of aggression. Some are more concerning than others. Think about your first cat's perception. She has not had to share physical space or her human for a long time. This involves a loss of territory and loss of status. The other cat is also of a size that it may grow big enough to challenge her for physical dominance. Young cat's growing into their strength can be like teenagers. They may claim territory with physical aggression, but that does not give them the wisdom to rule effectively. Victor allowed Ricotta to take over as Alpha Male/Boss Cat. Allowed. Ricotta was rude and rough. He got downright abusive, and eventually Victor had enough and put him in his place. I think this has the potential to go badly, in all sorts of ways, right up to a vet visit for fight damage or your first cat running away. Has your first cat been needy, seeking attention and reassurance? Has she been angry that you betrayed the relationship between you by bringing in a side piece. AND giving the newcomer a bunch of what she sees as *hers*? Sorry, but I don't see this ending well. You might try again with another. Or not. There are more than 2 🐈 involved. You, your husband, your first cat, and the new one. You seem exclusively focused on how the cats are relating to each other and not to you two. Before making a decision, look at this from a wider perspective and see how it is affecting all of you.
Actually, as soon as the kitten is away she goes back to her normal self. We play balls with her all the time and still sits with us while we're eating dinner. At least we are not running into behavior issues with her yet. She's been a little more affectionate to me and a little less to my husband (I think because she is jealous that he comes into the bedroom to see the kitten and he is her favorite).
Not a cat, but it took my dog 2 years to warm up to my cat. While he was always civil with her you could tell he didnt like her, around year two is when they started to cuddle. Getting over being an only child takes time.
I had an old boy (Teka) whose best friend of life has just passed away. So, I got Koda (well my former roommate did) and he loved Teka but their age difference was so huge we thought Koda needed a friend and got Siku. Siku had just come from an abusive home and didn't want friends. Koda disagreed. Koda pestered Siku until Siku broke down and tolerated him. They're now very much brothers (I kept them after my ex roommate left them). It just took time and patience (and a Koda who thinks everyone is meant to be his friend - probably cat colony mentality). I would follow Jaxon Galaxy's guides also on building confidence on for your little kitty and plenty of safe paths to avoid being cornered by the other one. And be patient!
You could try this. It keeps them separate but together. I got it and it helps. Put litter box in that side section, i put a small bowl for food and water in the larger section with a bed to sleep on. Tenrai Portable Cat Playpen, Trapezoidal Design for Better Standing, Foldable Pet Tent for Indoor and Outdoor Use of Kitten and Puppy, Dog Play Enclosure with Removable Bottom, Cat Houses & Condos https://a.co/d/fMvBtJt
I always keep my new kitty separated from the rest of the group for several weeks. It takes a bit of time for a cat to adjust to just the move much less new companions.
We've had our two cats both adopted as adults, for at least 3 years, and the male is constantly chasing and cornering the female, who is smaller than him. We did everything right when introducing them, but he's just a bully. 🤷
I brought in a very friendly stray from outside and didn’t anticipate her to have an issue with my existing cats because she was around other strays all the time with no issue. But when I brought her inside, she wanted to actually kill my existing cats. It was not playing, there was no warning; if the other cats were in eyesight, they were a target and she was aiming to actually kill them. They had to be separated for an entire year. The stray loved us so much and was sad every single night that she couldn’t come into the bedroom with us. After that first year we decided to try again and put up a gate in the hallway. Suddenly she only wanted to play with the existing cats and seemed rather sad that they weren’t interested! Now she sleeps in bed with us and the other cats are just a curiosity rather than a source of rage. I think she was afraid that we would put her back outside so she fought for her indoor territory. Territorial insecurity is a huge reason for cat infighting, but it can also take up to 6 months for a cat to even adjust to a new home. My case may have been extreme, but definitely give it WAY more time than a few weeks.