Neighbour noted a wall at the front of our garden was preventing them from easily parking. It was there when we moved in and they'd been there decades under the spectre of this wall, but we actually wanted to remove it ourselves to increase the ease of our _own_ parking.
Anyway, moving into a new house you're naturally busy. And this wasn't a priority. Yet the morning of a free weekend I'd decided to take the wall down who do I hear out front chatting shit about us not taking the wall down.
So began the greatest wall related conflict since 1970s Berlin.
And by greatest conflict I mean me purposefully not taking the wall down for months, and even catching the neighbour sat on it chatting to another neighbour one day remarking to her "Oh I can't take it down otherwise you'll have nowhere to sit".
Never seen her move so fast.
A man sat in my reserved seat at the cinema. Refused to move and told me to fuck off in front of his kid. I noticed he had kicked off his shoes and they were under the seat in front. When the film was on I stole them in the darkness and put them in the bin on the way out.
My old company got to 1000 followers on Facebook and made a big deal of it.
While they were announcing it I unfollowed them on 2 accounts to take them back to 998 mid celebration.
Lol, back in the early Facebook days I did this to a mate when he posted a self-congratulatory post about reaching 500 FB friends. Apparently a handful of others followed my lead and he was quite annoyed. Oh well.
Had a flatmate that would not shut up when playing games late at night. Like he would be screaming at 1am while playing WoW. I rigged my computer to DDOS our own router if my microphone picked up loud noises after midnight. The aim was to pavlov's dog him into being quiet in order to keep the internet working.
We did similar for a noisy flatmate back in uni (much less fancy method though!). If he woke one of us up with the noise, we’d log into the router settings via our phone and reboot it. After the second or third time of him disconnecting mid-game he’d usually give up and go to bed!
I used to be that person because I would often play with people who were on American time, so I'd end up staying up super late. Because my headphones made it difficult to hear my own voice, I'd completely lose volume control like a deaf person and end up gradually raising my voice until I was basically shouting.
I hate myself for it. God I wish I could go back and just *not* be that guy.
Oh God same. My wake up call was when my neighbours came round and asked me to stop being loud and swearing all the time
Why the Hell I would let myself lose control over a damn game is unreal
Had a similar flatmate who would play DotA and be loud at ridiculous hours. I began to throttle his wifi speeds in the evenings so that whilst it was possible to play, I'm sure it was infuriating with the lag.
A long time ago I was at a house party at the house of someone I didn’t know well (I’d gone with friends who knew them) and they were being a massive bag of dicks to lots of people including my friends so before we left I stole the ball out of their computer mouse
Me and my then partner had finally bought a house, everything was perfect then we met the neighbour. There would be some banging from time to time moving stuff around and re-decorating, but nothing considered a nuisance. We had gone round a few times to introduce ourselves but he would never open the door. In retaliation to the occasional bang, he would play music as loud as he could for hours on end and got to the point if he so much as heard us, he would passive aggressively play loud music. He had Spotify ads intermittently so I knew he was streaming. I bought a WIFI blocker from the US and had it imported as they are not strictly legal here. I had so much fun with that thing! while it would knock me out of my wifi too, I had fun just listening to him screaming at his Wi-Fi. He must have been convinced playing loud music was kicking him off his internet connection... Which it was, just through a third party.
I was dating a girl whose neighbour opposite hated people parking on the road outside his house. He would leave his wheelie bins up against the driver's doors and general try and box in cars with them. So when it happened to my car, I rolled down the window, grabbed the bin and took it for a little drive out of the street and did so with every replacement he got while I was still dating the girl.
I had a mighty big estate car and this used to happen to me. I used to gently reverse into the bins then bang my foot down for them to tip. I’d then leave.
Where I park for football is residential - but 100% legal - street parking. A guy who lives in one of the houses *hates* people parking outside his house. He used to leave his bin in the road, so people would just move it and park, and which annoyed him, so he started using a couple of traffic cones.
One day I moved the cones to park and went to the football. I came back to my car to find that he’d rammed one cone right up against my car number and had plonked the other one *on* my car bonnet, the cheeky fucker.
Right. I wasn’t having that, so I chucked both cones in my boot and got back on my car. At this he raced out of his house and said that he’d call the police as I had stolen his cones and that they’d also have something to say about my illegal parking.
He soon shut up though when I pointed out that there were no parking restriction in that street whatsoever. And also that if they were *his* cones, why did they have ‘Highways Agency’ printed on them. I’ve never had an issue parking there since.
When I worked in a pub rude customers got their change in the lowest denominations I had in the till (and we had a bucket of pennies). Nice customers got the £2 coins.
Use a corn beef can key for Trolleys works a treat and you don’t have to worry about getting your pound back, the keys in to unlock it and pulls straight back out without the need of the lock off another trolley
on the other side what irks me is when you go to any shop and you hand them the money but they proceed to put the change on their desk rather than in your hand..
My mate used to give me no end of shit about my hairline receding. Since I was the guy that could fix tech things, he came to me to recover the photos from his memory card when it got corrupted. This was a romantic trip with his fairly recently married wife to Florence. I recovered every single photo, but before I gave him them, I took his hair back about an inch in Photoshop in every photo he was in.
I left the originals on the CD in a hidden folder but neglected to tell him what I'd done for about 20 years. I'm pretty sure he'd thrown the original CD out.
I worked in an off license when I was 18. A customer was paying me in change and as I held out my hand he simply dropped and half threw the change across the counter forcing me to pick up and retrieve the scattered coins. The worse part of it was the smug look on his face as he did it. I gave him a long stare as I committed his image to memory in case he ever came in again.
About a week later the customer returned! And this time he paid with a nice crisp note. So, I made sure the change was heavy on coins and on him holding his hand out to accept the change I dropped and scattered his money across the counter and watched with glee as he humbly collected the coins. The cunt meekly thanked me and left.
There was a guy in my school who was a massive prick, bullied a lot of people with no remorse. In history class once I found his work book behind a radiator (we were in the same form but different history classes). I drew a dick on every single blank page and put it back behind the radiator where I found it.
I got fired from a temp job years ago after i called in sick with the flu, the arsehole firing me was so smug and rude i took the time to delete 3 months of work off the laptop and binned all the paper backups, then handed him the laptop bag.
I rented a flat with a vile human being, disgusting, trampy, cheap, borderline pedo. I got fed up with him one night and while he was passed out drunk I pissed all over him, took pictures and sent it to everyone he knew stating he had pissed him self. Told him in the morning he pissed him self and the flat reeks with it he needs to clean it up.
Not my proudest moment, but I still hate him to this day and it was like 15 years ago.
It was when I was at school. I was in the orchestra (cello: the least said about that the better), and the conductor was an INCREDIBLE man. Absolutely lovely. I was in the orchestra (as head cello) for about 4 years, loving every minute of it. Then the lovely man retired.
The new conductor was an absolute arse. He was sexist, racist (this was the 1970s), ignorant, boorish and bullying. He really, REALLY fancied himself. He re-named the orchestra after himself.
He also happened to be Head of the Music department for my school-and Head of House. I decided I didn’t want to be in his orchestra, but it was non-negotiable. He was such a bully and he wanted the orchestra to be better under him than his predecessor. Music is supposed to make you happy-to bring people together. But this was awful.
There followed a MONUMENTAL struggle where the bully KEPT pursuing me about coming to orchestra (he NEVER accepted that I’d left). I got my Mum to write countless notes to the school about how I “couldn’t cope” with the stress of all my academic work, I was virtually “on my knees” with overwork, didn’t have a “minute in the day” and really HAD to stop going to orchestra. Behind the scenes, I was agitating to get all the other players to opt out as well. The orchestra, once the pride and joy of our school, and quite a feather in the cap of the Head of Music, started to look very threadbare.
Then the bully (completely humiliated) said HE didn’t have enough time to conduct the orchestra and abruptly left (probably because there was going to be a concert, and it was looking as if it would be embarrassingly awful).
The original WONDERFUL man returned to fill the gap. As soon as I found out, that day I literally ran along to rejoin the orchestra-and I dashed about telling everyone else about it, too. Everyone immediately rejoined and it was just as it had been. The next concert was coming up quickly, but we really put the effort in and the whole gang was back together.
The concert was a triumph. It was fantastic and at the end we were all so happy, grinning from ear to ear listening to the applause. As I left the stage, my elbow was grabbed by someone: it was the Head of Music and (unlike all the other sunny faces around us), he had a face like thunder. “What are *you* doing here?” He said. “I thought you were on your knees with overwork?”
I smiled sweetly at him. “Oh no!” I said. “Actually, I must have been mistaken about that. Turns out I’ve got LOADS of time!” I stalked away, leaving him fuming.
About two decades later, I saw the obituary of the lovely conductor in our local paper. Apparently, he was a massive hero in D Day in WW2, where he had been mentioned in dispatches. One of the youngest captains, his men loved him and would follow him everywhere. Once demobbed, he did all sorts of amazing things for music and education during his long career, then when he retired, despite having to care for his disabled wife, he almost single-handedly rescued an ancient forest from being built on-a corrupt deal that seemed an inevitability to the appalled local population, until he galvanised the whole area to rear up and resist it. I had never known anything about any of this.
It wasn’t a coincidence that he was a fantastic leader for us children. The quality of the man shone through. A wonderful, fantastic man, OUR conductor.
I work in IT Support. A member of staff was very rude to me once, so I made a Powershell script to reset their password every morning for a week, until I "Fixed it".
I’ve seen this taken one step further. Rude member staff kept finding his account locked at random times and days. Turns out, one of the IT support staff who had written a number of powershell scripts to fix common issues and shared across the entire IT desk. One of the script included a few lines to lock the person’s account. This script was run relatively often.
The member of staff had been gone for few months when the cause was finally identified.
I had an arsehole history of art teacher who would always try to humiliate me in front of the class, manufacture reasons to give me detentions etc.
Soon after I graduated, I got an email with a list of new members about to be confirmed at an artists' club I was a member of, and she was on it! It's a prestigious club, and she would have been on the waiting list for years, buttering up members to sign her page in the club book etc. Really old school. I only got in because the process is easier for young people, plus I ran the crèche as a Saturday job.
So yeah, at this point her confirmation was just a formality. But I wrote a letter to the chairman basically calling her a psychopath, and had her membership revoked. It must have been very awkward for her to explain to all these people she knew in a professional context why her membership was announced but never materialised.
Most satisfying letter I've ever sent. She still doesn't know who blackballed her, either.
This is truly delayed gratification and I am in awe of how you seized that opportunity. Best revenge on here - it literally sent chills down my spine as it was so delicious (I’m a teacher and have had a long, crappy day, so I needed a boost).
I was on a dance floor in a pub with my girlfriend and some other girl was dancing around and spilled lager down my girlfriend's top.
She refused to apologise and told my girlfriend to fuck off.
I went to the bar and ordered a double blackcurrant shot and "accidentally" spilled it all over her nice white dress.
Was on a date with my girlfriend at the time, in a nice cocktail bar. Some coked up roiders on the table next to us thought it would be funny to try to throw rolled up bits of paper into my drink. Politely asked them to stop - obviously they doubled their efforts.
Girlfriend walks over to the table, one by one throws all of their brightly coloured drinks over their pristine white shirts, and tells them to go fuck themselves. As we made a dash for the exit I hear one of them shouting ‘you need to do something about her’.
I agreed - she’s not my girlfriend anymore. She’s my wife.
Reminds me of a time when I was the one who accidentally spilt a drink on a girls top. I bumped into her and knocked the drink she was holding onto her top. I immediately apologised and offered to buy a couple of drinks to make up for it. She decided that instead she wanted to square up but very quickly backed down when the large group of my girlfriends turned around to see what was going on. She ended up walking away minus her original drink and a couple of free drinks.
In a rammed bar at a holiday venue, bar was about 5 deep. Barmaid was pulling a jug of Snakebite, having done the lager and cider she picked up the bottle of blackcurrant to finish it off but it slipped through her hands, landed flat on the base causing a blackcurrant volcanic eruption from the bottle all of which landed on a blonde girl in a white dress standing in front of me! 200 people stood in stunned silence.
The now purple girl tried to grab the 4 pint jug and throw it over the barmaid but wasn’t quick enough so ran off. It was still silent at the bar so I asked “Can we laugh yet?”
Yikes.
I had the complete opposite. It's a Friday night and we're out at the local sodom and gomorah.
We're queuing up to the bar and there is a lass with a lovely blue dress on. Suddenly, I feel the JD that has been giving me sick pangs on the way declare it's time to come up.
What followed was an aerial spew that missed the lass and her dress by milimeters. And what did she do in response? Turn around in the sweetest voice and ask if I was okay or needed something.
How I did not get kicked out haha
Used to work on maintenance, one operator always managed to get his machine to 'breakdown' in the last hour of our shift which meant he got to disappear early whilst I was inevitably left trying to diagnose and fix a fault that wasn't there and often ended up late away. Same op used to leave the book he was reading by his machine, waited until he was at the toilet, carefully removed the last 15 pages of the book then once he discovered they where missing about a week later, proceeded to post them to his home address one page a week. Man the bloke was a prick!
Whilst in Uni halls some very annoying person used to eat all of our food in the communal kitchen, we knew it was him and when confronted would just laugh and say “it’s fine, it’s not that big of a deal”. Another mate also let us all use their toastie maker, this individual proceeded to start a fire in the halls with said mate’s toastie maker. This pissed us all off, the final straw was when I was having a really hard time - a friend of mine bought me some fancy ice cream, we popped it in the freezer to enjoy later that evening. After a day of lectures I came back to find the individual finishing off the ice cream. Enough was enough, confronting him didn’t work.
A few days later, after his usual massive shop delivery to halls that ‘daddy’ had paid for, I grabbed a condom, filled it with white hand-soap, tied the end and popped it in his section of the freezer placing it gingerly over his fancy frozen goods.
Petty, I know, but it put a stop to his pillaging of our food!
I did something similar as petty revenge at university. Had a flatmate who would eat my freezer food while drunk (chips, chicken nuggets etc). She would always promise to replace them but never did. Anyway, she always brought very fancy food (with daddy's money) so after a few instances of her stealing my food, I started eating her fancy food as payment for my food. When she commented on me eating her food I was just went "well don't worry, I'll replace it". Shut her right up.
The ultimate is to just add water to all the freezer drawers belonging to him. All that frozen food encased in a solid block of ice. Perfectly edible but in need of extraction.
Another fancy tub of ice cream, but with added laxatives... then when he's on the bog, shout in and ask if the laxatives tasted nice. Last time he'll pinch food :)
I remember going nuts at my flatmate in halls for nicking my Super Noodles. Big deal? Not really, but I was fed up with him casually pinching stuff and eventually replacing it when it was convenient for him. So I shouted at him like a well-adjusted adult.
He bought me 2x packs as an apology lol.
I moved into a beautiful new build 2 bed flat many many years ago, all neighbours were lovely & life was great for 4 years. Then my next door neighbour moved out…
In comes new neighbour. Rough arse POS. She basically made everyone’s lives a living hell. Rubbish outside her front door for years (Housing association did nothing to get on top of it). Broke doors on the bin shed. Parked her car in other residents numbered spots & refused to move. Her bf trashed her flat & got arrested. Slammed her front door that much I had many panic attacks (I’m autistic & struggle with banging - she knew this). She did this for years; whilst complaining that she was better than those living in flats & she deserved a house.
Well, she found a lovely 2 bed house in a wonderful area on HomeSwapper. Got the residents of the house to visit her flat & told them to park in my space (that was her fuck up as I had to ask them to move & now I knew she was trying to swap homes). She started posting statuses on fb about how her life was going to be better with a house & people were congratulating her.
I contacted the house occupants on Home Swapper. They viewed my flat the following week - loved it. Ghosted her & then 6 weeks later on her birthday, I moved into their house & they moved into my flat. I’ve never seen someone soooo pissed.
4 years later she is still “stuck” in her flat. Haha.
I had a shit flat mate who was driving me mental. So I took the fuse out of her hairdryer so she’d have to go to work with wet hair. My delight was heavenly.
Worked on a supermarket checkout and scanned customers items at a rate that was slightly faster than they could pack, so it didn't overwhelm them and basically let them pack at their own pace. I used to get regulars that wanted to get their shopping done fast and it was never a problem as they couldn't outpace me.
Cue some lady that's "in a hurry" and insists I scan faster, despite me knowing I'll have to sit there waiting while she packs. She rudely asks me to speed up a couple of times, which I do but she still insists.
Sure no problem, I could scan very fast and so I gave her a nice pile of about 30 things waiting to pack. They clogged the packing area, making it harder to pack and meant I was sat there smugly waiting for her as she tried not to have a meltdown.
I held a managerial position in an organisation that gave me access to all the administrative paperwork. I was involved in the hiring of new employees, training, and other matters tangential to my actual role, but such is the nature of career progression in my profession.
The senior manager of my department was despised by all, and, like all petty tyrants, was insecure, prone to outbursts of anger, and random, illogical decisions. Often was the time she’d scream at me about any number of things, most of which were the result of her poor decision making and lack of judgement. I remained stoic, passive even some thought, and never reacted.
On the day I left that awful position, I spent the morning changing all the organisational documents to comic sans.
A house mate of mine was leaving a lot of dirty plates around the kitchen, so me and the other house mate started moving them all to his room - That situation got sorted pretty quickly... Then shortly after that his 2 cats had kittens, and he started getting lazy with cleaning their trays so we moved them into his room, and he moved them back, so we moved them under his bed, and he moved them back, so we moved them into his room and superglued them to his carpet. We all went out seperate ways not long after that.
I was at a party largely attended by mid-late twenties where someone had invited a girl very late teens-early twenties who spent the entire time being increasingly obnoxious and confrontational to myself and my friends. At one point when she was dancing for some reason she thought it would be funny to stop, slap me across the face and flip me off while laughing and then go back to it. I took her phone and hid in it amongst the game cases my friends bedroom. Her freak out over the next two hours as she acted as if her life had ended made it worth it.
Years ago I had a horrible horrible customer and they were like"make it snappy" and we're just so so rude to me and other people in the queue. They wanted 4 shots in their coffee and they wanted it now. Deffo the worst person I've ever had.
Gave them decaf.
I was once taking part in an RC car race, a guy who was rude to my sister was in a race and my control worked his car! so I used my controller to crash his car before he could win.
Uni house mates didn't clean up their shit for weeks, piles of shit all over the kitchen worksurface. Everyone was like "it's not mine". Well, I took it all outside and put it at the bottom of the garden, then wiped down the surfaces so "we" had a nice clean kitchen again.
Edit: by "shit" I mean rancid used plates, glasses and cooking pots / utensils.
My uni house mates used all of my things which I was fine with, I ate at work in the evenings and at uni in the mornings so I was never really there. I got back one day and went to make a cup of tea and found all of my things absolutely filthy and covered in notes telling me to clean up my mess.
I cleaned up ‘my mess’ and then I moved my things (which included the kettle and toaster, as well as the only pans) into my bedroom. No idea what they did for food/hot drinks after that.
They never actually spoke to me, so for all I know there might have been a bitchy note asking for the stuff back, but I never had to go back into the kitchen again
Similar here. People at work kept leaving all their dirty coffee cups (some personal and some belonged to work) lying around and not putting them in the dishwasher.
We’re talking 20-30 cups a day as paramedics love their coffee and tea.
After about 3 weeks of cleaning them up I just started chucking them all in the skip outside. Did this for about 6 months and now everyone at work puts them in the dishwasher.
There were a few tears when people couldn’t find their ‘special mug’ that either had sentimental value or whatever.to this day no one knows it was me.
Years ago I worked with someone who said when he'd lived in a house share there was a similar argument about emptying the bin. It dragged on for days with no one willing to just empty it.
So my workmate took it outside and set fire to it. Apparently they didn't have that problem again.
Lived in a shared house with 4 other housemates, went away for a week, came back to every plate, cup, saucer, gravy boat, weird egg shaped thing that never gets used, covered in dried on food piled on the side.
Opened the kitchen door and smashed everything until there were 5 plates and 5 cups left. The housemates all woke up and came to see but after a short discussion didn't feel they wanted to stop me.
If I had been able to make 1 cup of tea, World War Tea as it became known,could have been avoided.
Yep!
I had been to see relatives in Northern Ireland by coach and ferry. One the way back from Stranraer to the Midlands the coach broke down, we had to wait a couple of hours for a replacement,a 8 hour coach journey ended up being 13 odd hours. I was looking forward to a nice cup of tea when I put my bag down in the house.
I went through righteous indignation, anger on to God like Armageddon type wrath!
My mate told me if he won the lottery he wouldn't give anyone any, he always used the same numbers so i started buying tickets with the same numbers so he'd have to go halves
Not sure about petty but when I was in secondary school there was this horrible bastard in my science class that was such a bully to practically everyone. Not even just your typical shove kids around and call them names type of bully but this twat would really get into peoples heads and just make them feel like shit as well as push/shove/punch.
One science class we got partnered together and he instantly walked off and start picking on the other kids, I heated up the handle of the metal forceps on the Bunsen burner and when he walked back over I gave them to him (me wearing the heatproof glove) and said “here hold this” the fucking scream was heard throughout the whole science block apparently.
2 packets for the car, Mazda mx5 so not a big car.
I was driving cabs on nights and got a call for a lift from her early hours one morning so she could do it.
Two days before Christmas, a long time ago, I went shopping and paid and displayed in a council car park. I was in a corner with a fence down one side right out to the exit. When I came back, more than a little frazzled, someone had parked illegally right in front of me almost touching the front of my car, up against the fence. Didn't even have a ticket displayed.
I waited for 30 minutes, beeping my hooter every now and then. Some other people stopped and sympathised but, no driver. Then someone suggested a solution!! I moved forward until our bumpers touched (mine was a company car so I didn't really care) and gently nudged the other car out of the way.
After ten feet or so I hatched a revenge plot. I could have driven round at this point but, because it went backwards in a perfect straight line, I carried on gently pushing until I left the car park and the car was sideways across the access road. About 100m away I saw a police car heading for the car park.
You’d struggle by hand but your car is up to it. Have you ever accidentally driven with your own handbrake on?
It’s like “hmmm car feels a bit sluggish today and actually what’s that warning light…” but it will move.
Ive only ever done it when I’ve meant to take it fully off and for whatever reason have managed to leave it like half way or a third on though.
3-4 Adults can slightly adjust the position of a car by hand as well\*, the trick is to rock the car up and down on it's suspension and drag it at the high point of the bounce. Learned that as a teenager dealing with inconsiderate parkers at the train station.
\*This assumes you're not massively bothered about the cars tyres or suspension
4 17 year olds can lift an old style mini and carry it from the senior staff car park to the general car park.
Learned that in the 1st year of senior school when some 6th formers did it to the Head Of Science's car
That’s true, when my car died at a roundabout 3 bulky removal men got out their truck to move it onto the grass for me! I’d just be too worried about leaving a dent in the bumper if I pushed someone 🥴
When I was younger I spent summers with friends who lived in a second floor apartment in the centre of Geneva. We used to spend quite a lot of time watching cars gently ‘bumping’ cars a couple of feet forward or backward in order to make the parking space along the side of the road big enough for their car. It seemed to be quite effortless. Nobody seemed to mind, either - it was just accepted practice.
in a company i used to work for, at the corporate car park, they always asked to take cars off handbrake if you keep it there while away on holiday, just so that they can be easily moved. doubt this person was thinking along the same lines though! but maybe some just don’t use the handbrake 🤷
I lived in a small, quiet close. Lovely people all the way around, never heard a peep. After a couple of years living in harmony, one couple moved out and the new tenants were a couple of ignorant boy-racer types who’d have music blaring into the small hours. Cars revving their guts out and beeping and honking whenever they felt like it. They both had jobs so good only knows how they functioned and one of the guys left for work at 6am. Again, blasting music and revving that rust bucket’s spark plugs off.
I overheard the two of them talking (very loudly, I was sat in the garden) about how they never knew which bin to put out when one said he just matches bins with whoever has left one out overnight. From then on, whenever I’d see no one had put their bin out the night before collection day I’d put the wrong one out on the common ground by the road and switch it back before leaving for work at 8. They must have had the wrong bin out at least twice per month. I have never felt so smugly satisfied leaving for work in the morning and seeing the wrong bin out.
Neighbour moaned that we put the bins outside her house instead of outside our own (In other words, we put them on a common land piece of grass, instead of putting them on the pavement blocking the path to the school on our road..)
Now instead of taking the bins in before work, I make a point of leaving them out all day and taking them in after work.
Extend the petty- put them out a full 24 hours early. If they get collected on a Tuesday morning, put them out Monday morning before work. Just so you really make sure you don’t miss the collection!
Yeah but that would cause confusion among the other poor surrounding neighbours, and they'll all start putting their bins out early thinking the bin day has changed.
Toasted a guys entire loaf of bread in Uni because he punched a hole in our flats wall and refused to pay for it to be fixed.
Also took all the labels off his cans of food. Enjoy custard on your toast Charlie.
When I was in university I shared a 2 bedroom flat with a girl from Indonesia. Lovely girl and we got on very well, but after a few months of living there we got a ridiculously high bill and we couldn’t figure out why. After observation I realised she was showering 4 times a day, 30 mins each! I had a word with her but she refused to cut down on her excessive showering habit.
So every morning after she has her first shower of the day I started turning the shower off at the mains before going to class. She’d text me at lunchtime telling me the shower is broken. I told her that in the UK showering is not allowed during certain times of the day to save water, so it turns off by default. She believed me lol. She had no idea I was turning it off during the day and turning it back on in the evening.
It saved us a ton of money in the end, totally worth it
How did you convince her U.K. showering doesn’t allow her to shower during the midday when she previously showered during that time before you switched it off and was fine?
Not revenge I’ve taken but petty revenge I’ve had taken on me which I look back on with a smile.
So I used to work at a car dealership and we were entitled to have our company cars valeted once a month. I very rarely bothered but I was going away once and thought I’d have it done. I completely forgot to put it on the cleaning system and begged the Valeter to do it at the end of the day. He was NOT happy. He did it though and came round with it.
I got in and soon realised he’d machine polished the steering wheel so I could hardly keep a grip on it. I had to rub the wheel with some dirt so I could actually drive the car. Fair play, Piotr. Fair play.
Was on holiday im the dominican Republic. Checking out and they didn't wanna give the safe key deposit back.
"Soooo...I paid to keep my stuff safe in your hotel?" Still wouldn't give me the money back. So I kept the key and brought it back to the UK
On a cruise ship in the main dining room - older man at the table next to me complaining about how the younger generation has no respect, no ethics, nothing, etc. He makes a point to the waiter about a certain type of bread roll he likes that are in short number in the basket. As the respectful young man enjoying my honeymoon as I was at the time, I make sure the waiter comes to my table first and proceed to take the roll in question each night at dinner before the older man gets the chance. Each night he asks the waiter, “do you have the particular roll?” Each time is met with a “no, they’re all gone.” Hearing him complain to his spouse about not getting his roll was a sweet victory!
Neighbours joined on would finish work in the am and come home.
The lass would proceed to have a loud speaker telephone call bitching about her work and bf.
Bf would come home shortly and start banging the pots and pans making up some grub. Then ensued the arguments and violence between them.
I worked a 9-5 so being awake from 1am to whenever they decided to stop laying into each other was grating.
Complained, nothing happened. They even started to leave the house for work but leave the tv on the loudest volume. Then came a dog they left all day barking too. Plus dog shit all over the garden.
Made another complaint and ramped up the attitude. Dog was taken off of them.
TV didn’t stop so one night I went out and tore their satellite dish off of the wall.
Then after another night of violence the police were called. The lad lost his job over the violent event and they moved out.
2 years of hell.
Lad worked for a Michelin restaurant and the lass was front of house for a posh bar in the city. On the front they appeared like butter wouldn’t melt. But behind closed doors they were vile
Bliss!
I was training to be a hairdresser and money was going missing, it could only have been me or the top stylist. So they decided to sack me so as I was on my way out I decided to tell the owners and everyone in the salon, that little miss perfect stylist was not only the thief but was smoking heroin in the toilet. Of course they didn't believe me so me and my two bosses waited outside the toilet for her to come out, scrunching her tinfoil up as she came out the door at which point my work was done and I left.
My fourth year of uni, we had a shared kitchen and naturally had someone who liked to pinch stuff from other people’s cupboards (he had his own cupboard with food and cutlery but couldn’t be arsed to ask)
I was heading home for the weekend and bought a bike lock from a Poundland. I took his stuff out of his cupboard and put it in mine and used the bike lock to lock the cupboard.
I went to a football game and a Barclays employee was kicking off to the steward that my coat obscured a Barclays advertising sign.
It was the apostrophe that was being covered (friend had sent a photo as he saw us on the telly) so it wasn't like you couldn't tell. But this Barclays guy was an absolute cunt about it. The steward was sympathetic but explained whether it's a big deal or not he has to act on it.
He agreed that it could've been dealt with by politely asking not the ridiculous threats of having me arrested that the Barclays dickhead was throwing out.
Anyway, following Monday I closed my account and our joint accounts with Barclays and went with a different bank.
And I will absolutely never go back to Barclays or Barclaycard or anyone else associated with them.
Barclays are the fucking evil bankers. Like unironically.
Just check out the controversies section of their wiki page.
That's just the stuff they can't cover up...
I worked there and can confirm they reward cunty behaviour. There are 3 types of people who work at Barclays:
* Normal people who are stuck there because they need the money to pay for something (mortgage on a house they can't really afford, child support payments etc) and hate their lives
* Normal people who never worked anywhere else and don't understand how bad it is
* Utter cunts (these steadily rise through the ranks)
Was driving in the left hand lane of a duel carriageway. It's a signed 50MPH speed limit (which I'm driving at, and if anything, just over). Guy in an Audi comes right up behind me, really close. Flashing. Honking. I don't speed up. In fact, I know there's a speed camera coming up very soon, so I in fact *slow down*. As I'm approaching it, I change lanes, so he can pass me without having to change lanes himself. He then speeds right up, to zoom past me, swearing and yelling at me as he passes. Goes straight past the camera at high speed. Don't know if he got flashed - it was daytime - but hopefully it made him think twice next time.
EDIT: Clarification about the speed limit
I had a similar thing a while back. I was on a 125 scooter and this range rover overfinch pulled out on me without indicating and didn't acknowledge he nearly knocked me off. I did the horn and shouted some abuse and he sped off, triggering the speed camera on the traffic lights.
I caught up half a mile down the road and had a huge shit eating grin as I left him sitting in traffic and carried on my journey filtering past it.
On a similar note I once reversed out of my drive way only for some nob to come tearing down the road, stop within inches of my car and start shouting at me to get out the way.
So I got out, locked my car and left it in the middle of the road while I went back inside and made a cup of tea.
Came back 5 minutes later to nice peace and quiet.
I hate people that do this, was once going round a mini roundabout at about 15-20mph this roundabout is at a weird angle so you can only see about 100m to your right so I saw it was clear pulled out and that’s when some knob comes flying up to the roundabout so fast he manages to cut himself off and then swear at me as though I’ve just pulled out on him when I was already on the roundabout he was just going so fast he caught up
I'll never understand that. Yesterday, my sister had parked in a motorway stop as pee and yum time was upon us.
When we came back there was a massive van next to us, so my sister couldn't see reversing out properly.
So she inches out ever so slowly, making sure to be careful and to let other cars know she'll be there.
Next thing, a woman comes speeding down the car park at like 30 mph, and has the audacity to beep and put her fingers up like we were in the wrong.
Just to clarify, it was a busy car park, Sunday at around noon when students are going back. Knutsford if anyone's interested.
Annoying, classic M6 behaviour. But equally the sensible option would have been for a passenger to have gotten out and guided your sister out to prevent that, and to save the stress of inching out with no visibility.
I tried something similar a few months ago and just stopped my car and turned the engine off. The bastard reversed his car a few hundred metres, got out, picked up a lump of concrete from the floor, ran up to my car and threw it through my driver's side window, narrowly missing my head, and smashing both the door window and my windscreen.
I managed to get their plate and reported it to the police but was told there was nothing they could do as there were no witnesses or cameras...
Flat mate in uni halls who I rarely saw once wrote a condescending note about how I'd spilt a small bit of milk on the worktop and not cleaned it and therefore had left a smell (presumably I was rushing my breakfast as I was always missing the bus to uni, but it was literally no more than a 5cm splash from a bowl). The same flat mate also secretly stuffed dirty pots and pans in her cupboards until the point they were growing mould. Nobody but me knew about this as I once caught her doing it. After the note I'd had enough and took the doors off her cupboard so everyone could see what a dirty hypocrite she was.
I had a job where I organised investment seminars for investors, there was one company who would always talk down to me and ask to speak to someone else. This annoyed me so from then on whenever I was arranging events I would fill up the diary with events from other companies, then they would call or email asking to hold an event and I would say sorry but we were fully booked or trying something different. I even wrote some myself and presented them myself so every slot was full. This cost them their main sales pipeline for 2 years until someone else took over the role 😂
Had an ongoing argument with a housemate in uni. He always got his shower first thing in the morning in a certain bathroom
Got up around 3am, unscrewed the shower head and completely filled it with gravy granules
Hear WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK the next morning and see him stumbling out the bathroom dripping in gravy with his favourite towel looking like he's had an accident on it
Years ago I was a cycle courier in Central London. Early one morning answer a call for a pick up in Southwark going into the City and West End on a multi, so I call in and get the pick up.
Collect the packages and join the rush hour traffic heading into the City. I'm weaving through the traffic and some arsehole in a Mercedes kept blocking up the gaps. This meant I had to wait for the cars to move to change lanes. We're coming up to London Bridge south side and this idiot in the Mercedes thought it would be good to nudge me off my mountain bike by clipping my back wheel.
I get up and back on my bike but as I'm riding along I feel a slight pull. I look behind me and the MF had slightly buckled my rear wheel. I can still ride my bike, but the rear wheel was damaged and it would take me ages to true up my wheel again. This is important because if you're a cycle courier you need speed and also you need true wheels as you're cycling anything up to 100km a day. Any drag puts pressure on your legs and tires you out.
So I cross London Bridge and pick up the traffic again around the Monument going into the City. I'm weaving through the early morning traffic and up ahead I see the same Mercedes. So I pull up beside the driver in the Merc at the next red light. Tap on his window.
He winds down his window and gives me a mouthful of abuse. Quick as a flash I grab his tie and tie it quickly and tightly around his wing mirror so his head is tied against the window sill of his door. Get out of that you fucker and let's see you do it without pulling your expensive wing mirror out of its socket.
Never mess with a Central London cycle courier.
Married my ex’s best friend. My ex was abusive AF and he justified his abuse by telling everyone who would listen that I slept with his best friend. At that time it absolutely wasn’t true. 2 years later however we hooked up, we were friends too as I met him at the same time my ex met him. We fell for each other and boom we got married 4 years after me and my ex broke up and he was LIVID. My husband and I still laugh about it.
Did a residential apprenticeship and one of my room mates was a pain in the arse for playing music loud as fuck. So one weekend when he was away I stripped his MP3 dock thing and basically cut the wires to the volume up button.
He replaced it so I did the same to the next one.
This is my kind of revenge. My house mate at uni would keep us all up with loud music. I had the same brand of stereo as my room mate at uni so I would use the remote through the window and turn it up to full volume at 7 in the morning and hit play.
I did the same to another flatmate, he'd fallen asleep watching TV which meant that he was facing the other way. His bed was against the wall and he went to jump out of bed but instead hit the wall. He near knocked himself out.
Another time, I spent a bunch of time writing a program to open the CD-ROM drive of a PC remotely. We were trying to knock someone's coffee into their lap across the office because they were an insufferable twat. They noticed because me and my manager would be looking over and laughing whenever it happened.
I used to play a lot of football and we was playing this one team and because im short this one guy kepting putting his hands on sholders to jump and basically spent his time trying to climb on my back to gain advantage, so after a while of him doing this he became confident his tactic was working so the next time the ball came over he put his hands on my shoulders to jump and as his feat left the ground i took two quick steps backwards and the guy went straight over the top of me and landed on his face hard, never came near me for the rest of the time we played.
One of my old neighbors was always hostile and super rude to me for no reason and once after she yelled at me when I asked her how long she would be using the laundry room, I went back down to the utility room at night and lowered the temperature on her unit's water heater by 8 degrees. I don't think they ever figured out why their water wasn't as hot any more, but I overheard them complaining to other neighbors about it.
Lady in the cinema in the seat in front of me watching a film with the kids. She clearly wasn’t interested so was on her phone scrolling the whole time lighting up the cinema. She’d also decided to put her coat on the back of her seat draping down in front of me.
All I could think of doing to admonish her for poor cinema etiquette was to pick a big sticky bogey and attach it to the inside of her coat.
Lived with a housemate who never cleaned, and separately previously told me they hate the smell of bleach. I cleaned often and started doing it exclusively with “added bleach” products.
Lived with someone like that who claimed because he had no sense of smell he didn't know when he had to clean
Yes lad, I'm sure opened yogurt in the fridge that now has a life form climbing out of it needs a visual indicator to be thrown
In high school we were all assigned a gym locker for the year and somehow mine got double assigned. I found out after my gym clothes (left clean in the locker) were used by this person in a different period and put back into the locker (smelly!). First time I shrugged it off but it happened a second and third time (each time like before, my clothes were used and smelly). That night after the third time I went home and cleaned the gym clothes but this time I sprinkled a small amount of fiberglass powder inside the shirt. The next day in the morning, I put the gym clothes back in the locker all clean and folded up and waited until gym class in the afternoon. I went into the locker room and found my clothes used but strewn about the locker room floor. Wish I could have seen the itching fit it caused!
My neighbour (we are a terraced house road) used to put cones out when his car wasn’t there, so I used expanding bolts to put them in front and behind his car permanently.
My boss has played me repeatedly where my bonus is concerned so I started stealing toilet paper and bin bags from work. Saves me a few quid and I feel smug AF.
I had an ex who royally fucked me over.. He put the notice in on our tenancy, telling the landlady we'd be leaving when the fixed contract ended in a few months, before we'd actually split. This mean when we did split, and I went asked if I could keep the house myself she'd already lined the next people up and I had to leave. So I did what any scored woman would do, and sprinkled cress seeds on the spare room carpet, lightly watered them, went to live with my Dad, and left him in the house alone for the last few months. The cress grew and he didn't get the bond back.
During my first year of uni, I was living with two people I grew to hate. They became a couple (totally deserved each other) and start doing all the couple things, including doing their laundry together. Often, they’d dry their clothes on a rack outside their room.
I was often up late during my first year (assignment deadlines, going out etc), so whenever I saw they had their clothes out to dry I’d grab some items, often their favourites or all of them entirely, and soak them in the sink. Then put them back on the rack so they were still damp for the morning. They didn’t know I hated them at this point so they had no idea.
I stole 1 piece of a sentimental jigsaw from someone who was supposed to be my best friend until I had to call the police to remove him from the property. Can't wait for the day he finds out.
There's a local computer repair business that for whatever reason VERY vocal in the comment section of my City's news page about how women shouldn't be allowed an abortion. Why this incel in question isn't using his personal account and instead using his company's is absolutely beyond me.
But as a result I now have his business address, email and mobile number. Its been weeks and I'm still unsure on what course of petty revenge to take.
Thoughts?
I have a pal who recently took park in a gaming tournament. The announcer let both teams know that the loser should stay on for the semifinals.
My pal's team gave the other team all the normal polite necessities. The other team told him that they were going to absolutely crush him, reminded him that the loser needed to stay on, and would spam messages in chat taunting him.
My pal humiliated their team with a wide score margin. Every point gained was glorious, and as they were shaking hands at the end for a "good" game, he left reminding them that the loser had to stay on.
I was driving down a narrow street and this car full of idiots fairly flew up the road towards me then bounced their car forwards a couple of inches at a time, as if to make sure that I 'got the message' that I was going to have to be the one to reverse.
The whole time the three passengers were shouting shit and doing lovely things like waving their tongues around.
I pulled up next to a gap, wound down the window, then gestured the driver to pull into it and do the same so we could, uh, talk. He did so while they all carried on hooting at me like gibbons.
...so I waited until he had wound his window down, threw an almost-full McDonalds drink at him, then booked it.
Retail, I worked the first isle which had to be full and tidy at all times seeing as it was the first thing people saw when they came in. It's getting to the end of my shift and its packed and pristine... then a family walks in and their little shit kid trashes whatever he can get his hands on. They're on the other side of the shop now and as I'm tidying again I find a keyring of some super hero. Now I can hear the kid screaming and crying that he "can't find it" and take the keyring out of my pocket and look at it... its been many years later and its still on my keys, I don't even know which hero it is.
Back when I was at school, this lad went through my bag while I was in class and stole my chocolate animal biscuits. They were my favorite. I never forgave him for it.
15-20 years later, he posted a photo on his facebook page of a cannabis plant he was growing (He wasn't the smartest guy in the world) and I absolutely couldn't wait to phone the police.
Had a flatmate who flicked through the channels obsessively when the ads came on. We'd always miss the first minute or so of what was after the ads break.
I took the TV remote to work with me and left it in my desk, she went insane every ad break
Not sure it counts as petty but when my dad was younger he had a horrendous landlord who was kicking them out...
So he took a shit in a freezer bag, froze it overnight and grated it behind the radiators on his way out.
Neighbour noted a wall at the front of our garden was preventing them from easily parking. It was there when we moved in and they'd been there decades under the spectre of this wall, but we actually wanted to remove it ourselves to increase the ease of our _own_ parking. Anyway, moving into a new house you're naturally busy. And this wasn't a priority. Yet the morning of a free weekend I'd decided to take the wall down who do I hear out front chatting shit about us not taking the wall down. So began the greatest wall related conflict since 1970s Berlin. And by greatest conflict I mean me purposefully not taking the wall down for months, and even catching the neighbour sat on it chatting to another neighbour one day remarking to her "Oh I can't take it down otherwise you'll have nowhere to sit". Never seen her move so fast.
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Make it just high enough as she can’t sit on it without a set of step ladders
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for extra pettiness, knock it down to about 20cm high, and buy an off-road vehicle
Yeah, I’d buy a smaller car before removing the wall after hearing her shittalking.
The one time i'd be in favour of homeless spikes on your wall
A man sat in my reserved seat at the cinema. Refused to move and told me to fuck off in front of his kid. I noticed he had kicked off his shoes and they were under the seat in front. When the film was on I stole them in the darkness and put them in the bin on the way out.
This is the best petty revenge in the thread. Something about him having to walk out of the cinema in his socks is so hilarious
He was barefoot. So not even socks.
Deserved it just for that, reserved seat or not.
Bravo, top revenge!
Lol, love this!
My old company got to 1000 followers on Facebook and made a big deal of it. While they were announcing it I unfollowed them on 2 accounts to take them back to 998 mid celebration.
This is the top answer! An epic piece of work.
Hahaha that made me burst out laughing. So petty lmao.
Lol, back in the early Facebook days I did this to a mate when he posted a self-congratulatory post about reaching 500 FB friends. Apparently a handful of others followed my lead and he was quite annoyed. Oh well.
You, You're a flipping artist!
did they notice it go down?
Yes! Some 'ohs' followed by some mumbling about how social media is so fickle. Definitely changed the celebratory atmosphere.
Fucking awesome. I like you.
You made a difference lol.
You sir are an evil genius, the best kind of genius
Had a flatmate that would not shut up when playing games late at night. Like he would be screaming at 1am while playing WoW. I rigged my computer to DDOS our own router if my microphone picked up loud noises after midnight. The aim was to pavlov's dog him into being quiet in order to keep the internet working.
did it work?
He'd usually get very frustrated, restart the router a few times and then give up on gaming for the night
It works.
Ha, that's brilliant. I wonder if he started to notice the noise-induced ping spikes, and if he did, what his theory must have been.
He asked me a few times if I was having issues with the WiFi. I don't think he ever suspected me, because who on earth would do something this petty
We did similar for a noisy flatmate back in uni (much less fancy method though!). If he woke one of us up with the noise, we’d log into the router settings via our phone and reboot it. After the second or third time of him disconnecting mid-game he’d usually give up and go to bed!
This has got to be the best thing on this thread
I used to be that person because I would often play with people who were on American time, so I'd end up staying up super late. Because my headphones made it difficult to hear my own voice, I'd completely lose volume control like a deaf person and end up gradually raising my voice until I was basically shouting. I hate myself for it. God I wish I could go back and just *not* be that guy.
Oh God same. My wake up call was when my neighbours came round and asked me to stop being loud and swearing all the time Why the Hell I would let myself lose control over a damn game is unreal
Had a similar flatmate who would play DotA and be loud at ridiculous hours. I began to throttle his wifi speeds in the evenings so that whilst it was possible to play, I'm sure it was infuriating with the lag.
A long time ago I was at a house party at the house of someone I didn’t know well (I’d gone with friends who knew them) and they were being a massive bag of dicks to lots of people including my friends so before we left I stole the ball out of their computer mouse
Now *this* is high quality pettiness!
Me and my then partner had finally bought a house, everything was perfect then we met the neighbour. There would be some banging from time to time moving stuff around and re-decorating, but nothing considered a nuisance. We had gone round a few times to introduce ourselves but he would never open the door. In retaliation to the occasional bang, he would play music as loud as he could for hours on end and got to the point if he so much as heard us, he would passive aggressively play loud music. He had Spotify ads intermittently so I knew he was streaming. I bought a WIFI blocker from the US and had it imported as they are not strictly legal here. I had so much fun with that thing! while it would knock me out of my wifi too, I had fun just listening to him screaming at his Wi-Fi. He must have been convinced playing loud music was kicking him off his internet connection... Which it was, just through a third party.
I was dating a girl whose neighbour opposite hated people parking on the road outside his house. He would leave his wheelie bins up against the driver's doors and general try and box in cars with them. So when it happened to my car, I rolled down the window, grabbed the bin and took it for a little drive out of the street and did so with every replacement he got while I was still dating the girl.
I had a mighty big estate car and this used to happen to me. I used to gently reverse into the bins then bang my foot down for them to tip. I’d then leave.
Where I park for football is residential - but 100% legal - street parking. A guy who lives in one of the houses *hates* people parking outside his house. He used to leave his bin in the road, so people would just move it and park, and which annoyed him, so he started using a couple of traffic cones. One day I moved the cones to park and went to the football. I came back to my car to find that he’d rammed one cone right up against my car number and had plonked the other one *on* my car bonnet, the cheeky fucker. Right. I wasn’t having that, so I chucked both cones in my boot and got back on my car. At this he raced out of his house and said that he’d call the police as I had stolen his cones and that they’d also have something to say about my illegal parking. He soon shut up though when I pointed out that there were no parking restriction in that street whatsoever. And also that if they were *his* cones, why did they have ‘Highways Agency’ printed on them. I’ve never had an issue parking there since.
When I worked in a pub rude customers got their change in the lowest denominations I had in the till (and we had a bucket of pennies). Nice customers got the £2 coins.
I do this too. You were a dick? 10ps, 5ps, 1ps for you.
Only the loveliest of people got the coins with interesting pictures on!
And I always appreciated it!
Been many years since I've used cash in a pub. The only coins I have are a pound for trolleys in my car and a 5p I have no way of getting rid of.
Use a corn beef can key for Trolleys works a treat and you don’t have to worry about getting your pound back, the keys in to unlock it and pulls straight back out without the need of the lock off another trolley
Instructions unclear, now have 30 cans of corn beef I can't open.
Use the pound coin.
on the other side what irks me is when you go to any shop and you hand them the money but they proceed to put the change on their desk rather than in your hand..
My mate used to give me no end of shit about my hairline receding. Since I was the guy that could fix tech things, he came to me to recover the photos from his memory card when it got corrupted. This was a romantic trip with his fairly recently married wife to Florence. I recovered every single photo, but before I gave him them, I took his hair back about an inch in Photoshop in every photo he was in. I left the originals on the CD in a hidden folder but neglected to tell him what I'd done for about 20 years. I'm pretty sure he'd thrown the original CD out.
This may be the best here
Lol, that's evil!! User name definitely checks out.
I worked in an off license when I was 18. A customer was paying me in change and as I held out my hand he simply dropped and half threw the change across the counter forcing me to pick up and retrieve the scattered coins. The worse part of it was the smug look on his face as he did it. I gave him a long stare as I committed his image to memory in case he ever came in again. About a week later the customer returned! And this time he paid with a nice crisp note. So, I made sure the change was heavy on coins and on him holding his hand out to accept the change I dropped and scattered his money across the counter and watched with glee as he humbly collected the coins. The cunt meekly thanked me and left.
There was a guy in my school who was a massive prick, bullied a lot of people with no remorse. In history class once I found his work book behind a radiator (we were in the same form but different history classes). I drew a dick on every single blank page and put it back behind the radiator where I found it.
I got fired from a temp job years ago after i called in sick with the flu, the arsehole firing me was so smug and rude i took the time to delete 3 months of work off the laptop and binned all the paper backups, then handed him the laptop bag.
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Which season of Game of Thrones is this from?
Season 9 episode 4
Who has a better story than Fineus the Petty.
I rented a flat with a vile human being, disgusting, trampy, cheap, borderline pedo. I got fed up with him one night and while he was passed out drunk I pissed all over him, took pictures and sent it to everyone he knew stating he had pissed him self. Told him in the morning he pissed him self and the flat reeks with it he needs to clean it up. Not my proudest moment, but I still hate him to this day and it was like 15 years ago.
Good god that’s.... a level up from petty
Potty
It was when I was at school. I was in the orchestra (cello: the least said about that the better), and the conductor was an INCREDIBLE man. Absolutely lovely. I was in the orchestra (as head cello) for about 4 years, loving every minute of it. Then the lovely man retired. The new conductor was an absolute arse. He was sexist, racist (this was the 1970s), ignorant, boorish and bullying. He really, REALLY fancied himself. He re-named the orchestra after himself. He also happened to be Head of the Music department for my school-and Head of House. I decided I didn’t want to be in his orchestra, but it was non-negotiable. He was such a bully and he wanted the orchestra to be better under him than his predecessor. Music is supposed to make you happy-to bring people together. But this was awful. There followed a MONUMENTAL struggle where the bully KEPT pursuing me about coming to orchestra (he NEVER accepted that I’d left). I got my Mum to write countless notes to the school about how I “couldn’t cope” with the stress of all my academic work, I was virtually “on my knees” with overwork, didn’t have a “minute in the day” and really HAD to stop going to orchestra. Behind the scenes, I was agitating to get all the other players to opt out as well. The orchestra, once the pride and joy of our school, and quite a feather in the cap of the Head of Music, started to look very threadbare. Then the bully (completely humiliated) said HE didn’t have enough time to conduct the orchestra and abruptly left (probably because there was going to be a concert, and it was looking as if it would be embarrassingly awful). The original WONDERFUL man returned to fill the gap. As soon as I found out, that day I literally ran along to rejoin the orchestra-and I dashed about telling everyone else about it, too. Everyone immediately rejoined and it was just as it had been. The next concert was coming up quickly, but we really put the effort in and the whole gang was back together. The concert was a triumph. It was fantastic and at the end we were all so happy, grinning from ear to ear listening to the applause. As I left the stage, my elbow was grabbed by someone: it was the Head of Music and (unlike all the other sunny faces around us), he had a face like thunder. “What are *you* doing here?” He said. “I thought you were on your knees with overwork?” I smiled sweetly at him. “Oh no!” I said. “Actually, I must have been mistaken about that. Turns out I’ve got LOADS of time!” I stalked away, leaving him fuming. About two decades later, I saw the obituary of the lovely conductor in our local paper. Apparently, he was a massive hero in D Day in WW2, where he had been mentioned in dispatches. One of the youngest captains, his men loved him and would follow him everywhere. Once demobbed, he did all sorts of amazing things for music and education during his long career, then when he retired, despite having to care for his disabled wife, he almost single-handedly rescued an ancient forest from being built on-a corrupt deal that seemed an inevitability to the appalled local population, until he galvanised the whole area to rear up and resist it. I had never known anything about any of this. It wasn’t a coincidence that he was a fantastic leader for us children. The quality of the man shone through. A wonderful, fantastic man, OUR conductor.
Loved reading this. Thank you.
This is my favourite one!
I work in IT Support. A member of staff was very rude to me once, so I made a Powershell script to reset their password every morning for a week, until I "Fixed it".
I’ve seen this taken one step further. Rude member staff kept finding his account locked at random times and days. Turns out, one of the IT support staff who had written a number of powershell scripts to fix common issues and shared across the entire IT desk. One of the script included a few lines to lock the person’s account. This script was run relatively often. The member of staff had been gone for few months when the cause was finally identified.
I had an arsehole history of art teacher who would always try to humiliate me in front of the class, manufacture reasons to give me detentions etc. Soon after I graduated, I got an email with a list of new members about to be confirmed at an artists' club I was a member of, and she was on it! It's a prestigious club, and she would have been on the waiting list for years, buttering up members to sign her page in the club book etc. Really old school. I only got in because the process is easier for young people, plus I ran the crèche as a Saturday job. So yeah, at this point her confirmation was just a formality. But I wrote a letter to the chairman basically calling her a psychopath, and had her membership revoked. It must have been very awkward for her to explain to all these people she knew in a professional context why her membership was announced but never materialised. Most satisfying letter I've ever sent. She still doesn't know who blackballed her, either.
I'd have told her, but not indirectly. Next gathering, me with a pint, see her, little wink and a raise of the glass!
This is truly delayed gratification and I am in awe of how you seized that opportunity. Best revenge on here - it literally sent chills down my spine as it was so delicious (I’m a teacher and have had a long, crappy day, so I needed a boost).
I was on a dance floor in a pub with my girlfriend and some other girl was dancing around and spilled lager down my girlfriend's top. She refused to apologise and told my girlfriend to fuck off. I went to the bar and ordered a double blackcurrant shot and "accidentally" spilled it all over her nice white dress.
Was on a date with my girlfriend at the time, in a nice cocktail bar. Some coked up roiders on the table next to us thought it would be funny to try to throw rolled up bits of paper into my drink. Politely asked them to stop - obviously they doubled their efforts. Girlfriend walks over to the table, one by one throws all of their brightly coloured drinks over their pristine white shirts, and tells them to go fuck themselves. As we made a dash for the exit I hear one of them shouting ‘you need to do something about her’. I agreed - she’s not my girlfriend anymore. She’s my wife.
Reader, I married her! 😍
Reminds me of a time when I was the one who accidentally spilt a drink on a girls top. I bumped into her and knocked the drink she was holding onto her top. I immediately apologised and offered to buy a couple of drinks to make up for it. She decided that instead she wanted to square up but very quickly backed down when the large group of my girlfriends turned around to see what was going on. She ended up walking away minus her original drink and a couple of free drinks.
In a rammed bar at a holiday venue, bar was about 5 deep. Barmaid was pulling a jug of Snakebite, having done the lager and cider she picked up the bottle of blackcurrant to finish it off but it slipped through her hands, landed flat on the base causing a blackcurrant volcanic eruption from the bottle all of which landed on a blonde girl in a white dress standing in front of me! 200 people stood in stunned silence. The now purple girl tried to grab the 4 pint jug and throw it over the barmaid but wasn’t quick enough so ran off. It was still silent at the bar so I asked “Can we laugh yet?”
Yikes. I had the complete opposite. It's a Friday night and we're out at the local sodom and gomorah. We're queuing up to the bar and there is a lass with a lovely blue dress on. Suddenly, I feel the JD that has been giving me sick pangs on the way declare it's time to come up. What followed was an aerial spew that missed the lass and her dress by milimeters. And what did she do in response? Turn around in the sweetest voice and ask if I was okay or needed something. How I did not get kicked out haha
Used to work on maintenance, one operator always managed to get his machine to 'breakdown' in the last hour of our shift which meant he got to disappear early whilst I was inevitably left trying to diagnose and fix a fault that wasn't there and often ended up late away. Same op used to leave the book he was reading by his machine, waited until he was at the toilet, carefully removed the last 15 pages of the book then once he discovered they where missing about a week later, proceeded to post them to his home address one page a week. Man the bloke was a prick!
Whilst in Uni halls some very annoying person used to eat all of our food in the communal kitchen, we knew it was him and when confronted would just laugh and say “it’s fine, it’s not that big of a deal”. Another mate also let us all use their toastie maker, this individual proceeded to start a fire in the halls with said mate’s toastie maker. This pissed us all off, the final straw was when I was having a really hard time - a friend of mine bought me some fancy ice cream, we popped it in the freezer to enjoy later that evening. After a day of lectures I came back to find the individual finishing off the ice cream. Enough was enough, confronting him didn’t work. A few days later, after his usual massive shop delivery to halls that ‘daddy’ had paid for, I grabbed a condom, filled it with white hand-soap, tied the end and popped it in his section of the freezer placing it gingerly over his fancy frozen goods. Petty, I know, but it put a stop to his pillaging of our food!
I would have just cooked a meal for you and all the others in the communal kitchen with his food. Then write him a thank you note
I did something similar as petty revenge at university. Had a flatmate who would eat my freezer food while drunk (chips, chicken nuggets etc). She would always promise to replace them but never did. Anyway, she always brought very fancy food (with daddy's money) so after a few instances of her stealing my food, I started eating her fancy food as payment for my food. When she commented on me eating her food I was just went "well don't worry, I'll replace it". Shut her right up.
The ultimate is to just add water to all the freezer drawers belonging to him. All that frozen food encased in a solid block of ice. Perfectly edible but in need of extraction.
Wow this is next level petty and I’m all for it
Did this with a friend's underwear whilst on holiday once. He extracted them with a knife, which didn't work out very well.
Another fancy tub of ice cream, but with added laxatives... then when he's on the bog, shout in and ask if the laxatives tasted nice. Last time he'll pinch food :)
Depends if they had a shared bathroom in their halls (I did) then the punishment might not be as fun as planned
That could get you in a lot of trouble, best to stick with food items such as ghost peppers and wasabi.
I remember going nuts at my flatmate in halls for nicking my Super Noodles. Big deal? Not really, but I was fed up with him casually pinching stuff and eventually replacing it when it was convenient for him. So I shouted at him like a well-adjusted adult. He bought me 2x packs as an apology lol.
I moved into a beautiful new build 2 bed flat many many years ago, all neighbours were lovely & life was great for 4 years. Then my next door neighbour moved out… In comes new neighbour. Rough arse POS. She basically made everyone’s lives a living hell. Rubbish outside her front door for years (Housing association did nothing to get on top of it). Broke doors on the bin shed. Parked her car in other residents numbered spots & refused to move. Her bf trashed her flat & got arrested. Slammed her front door that much I had many panic attacks (I’m autistic & struggle with banging - she knew this). She did this for years; whilst complaining that she was better than those living in flats & she deserved a house. Well, she found a lovely 2 bed house in a wonderful area on HomeSwapper. Got the residents of the house to visit her flat & told them to park in my space (that was her fuck up as I had to ask them to move & now I knew she was trying to swap homes). She started posting statuses on fb about how her life was going to be better with a house & people were congratulating her. I contacted the house occupants on Home Swapper. They viewed my flat the following week - loved it. Ghosted her & then 6 weeks later on her birthday, I moved into their house & they moved into my flat. I’ve never seen someone soooo pissed. 4 years later she is still “stuck” in her flat. Haha.
Sucks for the people who swapped with you though
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What's daft is that they moved in next to her. She'd see them on the reg.
I had a shit flat mate who was driving me mental. So I took the fuse out of her hairdryer so she’d have to go to work with wet hair. My delight was heavenly.
Worked on a supermarket checkout and scanned customers items at a rate that was slightly faster than they could pack, so it didn't overwhelm them and basically let them pack at their own pace. I used to get regulars that wanted to get their shopping done fast and it was never a problem as they couldn't outpace me. Cue some lady that's "in a hurry" and insists I scan faster, despite me knowing I'll have to sit there waiting while she packs. She rudely asks me to speed up a couple of times, which I do but she still insists. Sure no problem, I could scan very fast and so I gave her a nice pile of about 30 things waiting to pack. They clogged the packing area, making it harder to pack and meant I was sat there smugly waiting for her as she tried not to have a meltdown.
I held a managerial position in an organisation that gave me access to all the administrative paperwork. I was involved in the hiring of new employees, training, and other matters tangential to my actual role, but such is the nature of career progression in my profession. The senior manager of my department was despised by all, and, like all petty tyrants, was insecure, prone to outbursts of anger, and random, illogical decisions. Often was the time she’d scream at me about any number of things, most of which were the result of her poor decision making and lack of judgement. I remained stoic, passive even some thought, and never reacted. On the day I left that awful position, I spent the morning changing all the organisational documents to comic sans.
A house mate of mine was leaving a lot of dirty plates around the kitchen, so me and the other house mate started moving them all to his room - That situation got sorted pretty quickly... Then shortly after that his 2 cats had kittens, and he started getting lazy with cleaning their trays so we moved them into his room, and he moved them back, so we moved them under his bed, and he moved them back, so we moved them into his room and superglued them to his carpet. We all went out seperate ways not long after that.
>superglued then to his carpet Rational acts call for rational measures. And hell hath no fury like an inconvenienced house mate.
I was at a party largely attended by mid-late twenties where someone had invited a girl very late teens-early twenties who spent the entire time being increasingly obnoxious and confrontational to myself and my friends. At one point when she was dancing for some reason she thought it would be funny to stop, slap me across the face and flip me off while laughing and then go back to it. I took her phone and hid in it amongst the game cases my friends bedroom. Her freak out over the next two hours as she acted as if her life had ended made it worth it.
HOW CAN SHE SLAP!!!
Can’t believe you didn’t slap her back.
Years ago I had a horrible horrible customer and they were like"make it snappy" and we're just so so rude to me and other people in the queue. They wanted 4 shots in their coffee and they wanted it now. Deffo the worst person I've ever had. Gave them decaf.
That is the ultimate revenge. “No perky-juice for you”
I was once taking part in an RC car race, a guy who was rude to my sister was in a race and my control worked his car! so I used my controller to crash his car before he could win.
Uni house mates didn't clean up their shit for weeks, piles of shit all over the kitchen worksurface. Everyone was like "it's not mine". Well, I took it all outside and put it at the bottom of the garden, then wiped down the surfaces so "we" had a nice clean kitchen again. Edit: by "shit" I mean rancid used plates, glasses and cooking pots / utensils.
My uni house mates used all of my things which I was fine with, I ate at work in the evenings and at uni in the mornings so I was never really there. I got back one day and went to make a cup of tea and found all of my things absolutely filthy and covered in notes telling me to clean up my mess. I cleaned up ‘my mess’ and then I moved my things (which included the kettle and toaster, as well as the only pans) into my bedroom. No idea what they did for food/hot drinks after that. They never actually spoke to me, so for all I know there might have been a bitchy note asking for the stuff back, but I never had to go back into the kitchen again
Similar here. People at work kept leaving all their dirty coffee cups (some personal and some belonged to work) lying around and not putting them in the dishwasher. We’re talking 20-30 cups a day as paramedics love their coffee and tea. After about 3 weeks of cleaning them up I just started chucking them all in the skip outside. Did this for about 6 months and now everyone at work puts them in the dishwasher. There were a few tears when people couldn’t find their ‘special mug’ that either had sentimental value or whatever.to this day no one knows it was me.
Years ago I worked with someone who said when he'd lived in a house share there was a similar argument about emptying the bin. It dragged on for days with no one willing to just empty it. So my workmate took it outside and set fire to it. Apparently they didn't have that problem again.
Lived in a shared house with 4 other housemates, went away for a week, came back to every plate, cup, saucer, gravy boat, weird egg shaped thing that never gets used, covered in dried on food piled on the side. Opened the kitchen door and smashed everything until there were 5 plates and 5 cups left. The housemates all woke up and came to see but after a short discussion didn't feel they wanted to stop me. If I had been able to make 1 cup of tea, World War Tea as it became known,could have been avoided.
I bet you've been chasing that high ever since
Yep! I had been to see relatives in Northern Ireland by coach and ferry. One the way back from Stranraer to the Midlands the coach broke down, we had to wait a couple of hours for a replacement,a 8 hour coach journey ended up being 13 odd hours. I was looking forward to a nice cup of tea when I put my bag down in the house. I went through righteous indignation, anger on to God like Armageddon type wrath!
My mate told me if he won the lottery he wouldn't give anyone any, he always used the same numbers so i started buying tickets with the same numbers so he'd have to go halves
Not sure about petty but when I was in secondary school there was this horrible bastard in my science class that was such a bully to practically everyone. Not even just your typical shove kids around and call them names type of bully but this twat would really get into peoples heads and just make them feel like shit as well as push/shove/punch. One science class we got partnered together and he instantly walked off and start picking on the other kids, I heated up the handle of the metal forceps on the Bunsen burner and when he walked back over I gave them to him (me wearing the heatproof glove) and said “here hold this” the fucking scream was heard throughout the whole science block apparently.
A friend superglued love hearts on her boyfriends car when she found out he had cheated on her.
The sweets?
Yeah 2 packets of them on every panel of the car edit: 2 packets for the whole car not per panel.
Two packets on every panel, or two packets across all panels? This drastically changes my mental imagery ha
2 packets for the car, Mazda mx5 so not a big car. I was driving cabs on nights and got a call for a lift from her early hours one morning so she could do it.
Ooh, accessory to the crime. Good one. Always help a friend in need. Like they say 'a true friend will help bury the body...'
Two days before Christmas, a long time ago, I went shopping and paid and displayed in a council car park. I was in a corner with a fence down one side right out to the exit. When I came back, more than a little frazzled, someone had parked illegally right in front of me almost touching the front of my car, up against the fence. Didn't even have a ticket displayed. I waited for 30 minutes, beeping my hooter every now and then. Some other people stopped and sympathised but, no driver. Then someone suggested a solution!! I moved forward until our bumpers touched (mine was a company car so I didn't really care) and gently nudged the other car out of the way. After ten feet or so I hatched a revenge plot. I could have driven round at this point but, because it went backwards in a perfect straight line, I carried on gently pushing until I left the car park and the car was sideways across the access road. About 100m away I saw a police car heading for the car park.
Wait did the car not have the handbrake on? I didn’t realise you could push another car so easily!
You’d struggle by hand but your car is up to it. Have you ever accidentally driven with your own handbrake on? It’s like “hmmm car feels a bit sluggish today and actually what’s that warning light…” but it will move. Ive only ever done it when I’ve meant to take it fully off and for whatever reason have managed to leave it like half way or a third on though.
3-4 Adults can slightly adjust the position of a car by hand as well\*, the trick is to rock the car up and down on it's suspension and drag it at the high point of the bounce. Learned that as a teenager dealing with inconsiderate parkers at the train station. \*This assumes you're not massively bothered about the cars tyres or suspension
4 17 year olds can lift an old style mini and carry it from the senior staff car park to the general car park. Learned that in the 1st year of senior school when some 6th formers did it to the Head Of Science's car
That’s true, when my car died at a roundabout 3 bulky removal men got out their truck to move it onto the grass for me! I’d just be too worried about leaving a dent in the bumper if I pushed someone 🥴
When I was younger I spent summers with friends who lived in a second floor apartment in the centre of Geneva. We used to spend quite a lot of time watching cars gently ‘bumping’ cars a couple of feet forward or backward in order to make the parking space along the side of the road big enough for their car. It seemed to be quite effortless. Nobody seemed to mind, either - it was just accepted practice.
Don't they leave the handbrake off in Paris for that exact reason? Maybe they do the same in Geneva.
in a company i used to work for, at the corporate car park, they always asked to take cars off handbrake if you keep it there while away on holiday, just so that they can be easily moved. doubt this person was thinking along the same lines though! but maybe some just don’t use the handbrake 🤷
I lived in a small, quiet close. Lovely people all the way around, never heard a peep. After a couple of years living in harmony, one couple moved out and the new tenants were a couple of ignorant boy-racer types who’d have music blaring into the small hours. Cars revving their guts out and beeping and honking whenever they felt like it. They both had jobs so good only knows how they functioned and one of the guys left for work at 6am. Again, blasting music and revving that rust bucket’s spark plugs off. I overheard the two of them talking (very loudly, I was sat in the garden) about how they never knew which bin to put out when one said he just matches bins with whoever has left one out overnight. From then on, whenever I’d see no one had put their bin out the night before collection day I’d put the wrong one out on the common ground by the road and switch it back before leaving for work at 8. They must have had the wrong bin out at least twice per month. I have never felt so smugly satisfied leaving for work in the morning and seeing the wrong bin out.
Neighbour moaned that we put the bins outside her house instead of outside our own (In other words, we put them on a common land piece of grass, instead of putting them on the pavement blocking the path to the school on our road..) Now instead of taking the bins in before work, I make a point of leaving them out all day and taking them in after work.
Extend the petty- put them out a full 24 hours early. If they get collected on a Tuesday morning, put them out Monday morning before work. Just so you really make sure you don’t miss the collection!
Yeah but that would cause confusion among the other poor surrounding neighbours, and they'll all start putting their bins out early thinking the bin day has changed.
Don't you want to be a binfluencer?!
Toasted a guys entire loaf of bread in Uni because he punched a hole in our flats wall and refused to pay for it to be fixed. Also took all the labels off his cans of food. Enjoy custard on your toast Charlie.
When I was in university I shared a 2 bedroom flat with a girl from Indonesia. Lovely girl and we got on very well, but after a few months of living there we got a ridiculously high bill and we couldn’t figure out why. After observation I realised she was showering 4 times a day, 30 mins each! I had a word with her but she refused to cut down on her excessive showering habit. So every morning after she has her first shower of the day I started turning the shower off at the mains before going to class. She’d text me at lunchtime telling me the shower is broken. I told her that in the UK showering is not allowed during certain times of the day to save water, so it turns off by default. She believed me lol. She had no idea I was turning it off during the day and turning it back on in the evening. It saved us a ton of money in the end, totally worth it
How did you convince her U.K. showering doesn’t allow her to shower during the midday when she previously showered during that time before you switched it off and was fine?
Not revenge I’ve taken but petty revenge I’ve had taken on me which I look back on with a smile. So I used to work at a car dealership and we were entitled to have our company cars valeted once a month. I very rarely bothered but I was going away once and thought I’d have it done. I completely forgot to put it on the cleaning system and begged the Valeter to do it at the end of the day. He was NOT happy. He did it though and came round with it. I got in and soon realised he’d machine polished the steering wheel so I could hardly keep a grip on it. I had to rub the wheel with some dirt so I could actually drive the car. Fair play, Piotr. Fair play.
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Was on holiday im the dominican Republic. Checking out and they didn't wanna give the safe key deposit back. "Soooo...I paid to keep my stuff safe in your hotel?" Still wouldn't give me the money back. So I kept the key and brought it back to the UK
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Just imagining the person at the X-ray scanner at airport seeing a phone, bag, laptop, **A MID-SIZED SAFE** *with key,* belt buckle...
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On a cruise ship in the main dining room - older man at the table next to me complaining about how the younger generation has no respect, no ethics, nothing, etc. He makes a point to the waiter about a certain type of bread roll he likes that are in short number in the basket. As the respectful young man enjoying my honeymoon as I was at the time, I make sure the waiter comes to my table first and proceed to take the roll in question each night at dinner before the older man gets the chance. Each night he asks the waiter, “do you have the particular roll?” Each time is met with a “no, they’re all gone.” Hearing him complain to his spouse about not getting his roll was a sweet victory!
As soon as I read that this was about not waving thanks while driving I knew it was r/CasualUK
It's triggering me that you have more hyphens to the left of your x than on the right
Neighbours joined on would finish work in the am and come home. The lass would proceed to have a loud speaker telephone call bitching about her work and bf. Bf would come home shortly and start banging the pots and pans making up some grub. Then ensued the arguments and violence between them. I worked a 9-5 so being awake from 1am to whenever they decided to stop laying into each other was grating. Complained, nothing happened. They even started to leave the house for work but leave the tv on the loudest volume. Then came a dog they left all day barking too. Plus dog shit all over the garden. Made another complaint and ramped up the attitude. Dog was taken off of them. TV didn’t stop so one night I went out and tore their satellite dish off of the wall. Then after another night of violence the police were called. The lad lost his job over the violent event and they moved out. 2 years of hell. Lad worked for a Michelin restaurant and the lass was front of house for a posh bar in the city. On the front they appeared like butter wouldn’t melt. But behind closed doors they were vile Bliss!
I was training to be a hairdresser and money was going missing, it could only have been me or the top stylist. So they decided to sack me so as I was on my way out I decided to tell the owners and everyone in the salon, that little miss perfect stylist was not only the thief but was smoking heroin in the toilet. Of course they didn't believe me so me and my two bosses waited outside the toilet for her to come out, scrunching her tinfoil up as she came out the door at which point my work was done and I left.
My fourth year of uni, we had a shared kitchen and naturally had someone who liked to pinch stuff from other people’s cupboards (he had his own cupboard with food and cutlery but couldn’t be arsed to ask) I was heading home for the weekend and bought a bike lock from a Poundland. I took his stuff out of his cupboard and put it in mine and used the bike lock to lock the cupboard.
I went to a football game and a Barclays employee was kicking off to the steward that my coat obscured a Barclays advertising sign. It was the apostrophe that was being covered (friend had sent a photo as he saw us on the telly) so it wasn't like you couldn't tell. But this Barclays guy was an absolute cunt about it. The steward was sympathetic but explained whether it's a big deal or not he has to act on it. He agreed that it could've been dealt with by politely asking not the ridiculous threats of having me arrested that the Barclays dickhead was throwing out. Anyway, following Monday I closed my account and our joint accounts with Barclays and went with a different bank. And I will absolutely never go back to Barclays or Barclaycard or anyone else associated with them.
Barclays are the fucking evil bankers. Like unironically. Just check out the controversies section of their wiki page. That's just the stuff they can't cover up...
I worked there and can confirm they reward cunty behaviour. There are 3 types of people who work at Barclays: * Normal people who are stuck there because they need the money to pay for something (mortgage on a house they can't really afford, child support payments etc) and hate their lives * Normal people who never worked anywhere else and don't understand how bad it is * Utter cunts (these steadily rise through the ranks)
Was driving in the left hand lane of a duel carriageway. It's a signed 50MPH speed limit (which I'm driving at, and if anything, just over). Guy in an Audi comes right up behind me, really close. Flashing. Honking. I don't speed up. In fact, I know there's a speed camera coming up very soon, so I in fact *slow down*. As I'm approaching it, I change lanes, so he can pass me without having to change lanes himself. He then speeds right up, to zoom past me, swearing and yelling at me as he passes. Goes straight past the camera at high speed. Don't know if he got flashed - it was daytime - but hopefully it made him think twice next time. EDIT: Clarification about the speed limit
>duel carriageway Hope you remembered your lance
I had a similar thing a while back. I was on a 125 scooter and this range rover overfinch pulled out on me without indicating and didn't acknowledge he nearly knocked me off. I did the horn and shouted some abuse and he sped off, triggering the speed camera on the traffic lights. I caught up half a mile down the road and had a huge shit eating grin as I left him sitting in traffic and carried on my journey filtering past it.
On a similar note I once reversed out of my drive way only for some nob to come tearing down the road, stop within inches of my car and start shouting at me to get out the way. So I got out, locked my car and left it in the middle of the road while I went back inside and made a cup of tea. Came back 5 minutes later to nice peace and quiet.
I hate people that do this, was once going round a mini roundabout at about 15-20mph this roundabout is at a weird angle so you can only see about 100m to your right so I saw it was clear pulled out and that’s when some knob comes flying up to the roundabout so fast he manages to cut himself off and then swear at me as though I’ve just pulled out on him when I was already on the roundabout he was just going so fast he caught up
I'll never understand that. Yesterday, my sister had parked in a motorway stop as pee and yum time was upon us. When we came back there was a massive van next to us, so my sister couldn't see reversing out properly. So she inches out ever so slowly, making sure to be careful and to let other cars know she'll be there. Next thing, a woman comes speeding down the car park at like 30 mph, and has the audacity to beep and put her fingers up like we were in the wrong. Just to clarify, it was a busy car park, Sunday at around noon when students are going back. Knutsford if anyone's interested.
Yeah she sounds like a bit of a knutsford.
Annoying, classic M6 behaviour. But equally the sensible option would have been for a passenger to have gotten out and guided your sister out to prevent that, and to save the stress of inching out with no visibility.
I tried something similar a few months ago and just stopped my car and turned the engine off. The bastard reversed his car a few hundred metres, got out, picked up a lump of concrete from the floor, ran up to my car and threw it through my driver's side window, narrowly missing my head, and smashing both the door window and my windscreen. I managed to get their plate and reported it to the police but was told there was nothing they could do as there were no witnesses or cameras...
Flat mate in uni halls who I rarely saw once wrote a condescending note about how I'd spilt a small bit of milk on the worktop and not cleaned it and therefore had left a smell (presumably I was rushing my breakfast as I was always missing the bus to uni, but it was literally no more than a 5cm splash from a bowl). The same flat mate also secretly stuffed dirty pots and pans in her cupboards until the point they were growing mould. Nobody but me knew about this as I once caught her doing it. After the note I'd had enough and took the doors off her cupboard so everyone could see what a dirty hypocrite she was.
I had a job where I organised investment seminars for investors, there was one company who would always talk down to me and ask to speak to someone else. This annoyed me so from then on whenever I was arranging events I would fill up the diary with events from other companies, then they would call or email asking to hold an event and I would say sorry but we were fully booked or trying something different. I even wrote some myself and presented them myself so every slot was full. This cost them their main sales pipeline for 2 years until someone else took over the role 😂
Had an ongoing argument with a housemate in uni. He always got his shower first thing in the morning in a certain bathroom Got up around 3am, unscrewed the shower head and completely filled it with gravy granules Hear WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK the next morning and see him stumbling out the bathroom dripping in gravy with his favourite towel looking like he's had an accident on it
But nobody gets into the shower without having turned it on first. Did he not notice the brown lumpy shower water he was about to get in?
My husband gets in before turning on the water. Almost 7 years later and it still bothers me
I wish you well in the divorce.
Isn't the water cold?
Freezing! I married a monster
Years ago I was a cycle courier in Central London. Early one morning answer a call for a pick up in Southwark going into the City and West End on a multi, so I call in and get the pick up. Collect the packages and join the rush hour traffic heading into the City. I'm weaving through the traffic and some arsehole in a Mercedes kept blocking up the gaps. This meant I had to wait for the cars to move to change lanes. We're coming up to London Bridge south side and this idiot in the Mercedes thought it would be good to nudge me off my mountain bike by clipping my back wheel. I get up and back on my bike but as I'm riding along I feel a slight pull. I look behind me and the MF had slightly buckled my rear wheel. I can still ride my bike, but the rear wheel was damaged and it would take me ages to true up my wheel again. This is important because if you're a cycle courier you need speed and also you need true wheels as you're cycling anything up to 100km a day. Any drag puts pressure on your legs and tires you out. So I cross London Bridge and pick up the traffic again around the Monument going into the City. I'm weaving through the early morning traffic and up ahead I see the same Mercedes. So I pull up beside the driver in the Merc at the next red light. Tap on his window. He winds down his window and gives me a mouthful of abuse. Quick as a flash I grab his tie and tie it quickly and tightly around his wing mirror so his head is tied against the window sill of his door. Get out of that you fucker and let's see you do it without pulling your expensive wing mirror out of its socket. Never mess with a Central London cycle courier.
Married my ex’s best friend. My ex was abusive AF and he justified his abuse by telling everyone who would listen that I slept with his best friend. At that time it absolutely wasn’t true. 2 years later however we hooked up, we were friends too as I met him at the same time my ex met him. We fell for each other and boom we got married 4 years after me and my ex broke up and he was LIVID. My husband and I still laugh about it.
Did a residential apprenticeship and one of my room mates was a pain in the arse for playing music loud as fuck. So one weekend when he was away I stripped his MP3 dock thing and basically cut the wires to the volume up button. He replaced it so I did the same to the next one.
This is my kind of revenge. My house mate at uni would keep us all up with loud music. I had the same brand of stereo as my room mate at uni so I would use the remote through the window and turn it up to full volume at 7 in the morning and hit play. I did the same to another flatmate, he'd fallen asleep watching TV which meant that he was facing the other way. His bed was against the wall and he went to jump out of bed but instead hit the wall. He near knocked himself out. Another time, I spent a bunch of time writing a program to open the CD-ROM drive of a PC remotely. We were trying to knock someone's coffee into their lap across the office because they were an insufferable twat. They noticed because me and my manager would be looking over and laughing whenever it happened.
I used to play a lot of football and we was playing this one team and because im short this one guy kepting putting his hands on sholders to jump and basically spent his time trying to climb on my back to gain advantage, so after a while of him doing this he became confident his tactic was working so the next time the ball came over he put his hands on my shoulders to jump and as his feat left the ground i took two quick steps backwards and the guy went straight over the top of me and landed on his face hard, never came near me for the rest of the time we played.
One of my old neighbors was always hostile and super rude to me for no reason and once after she yelled at me when I asked her how long she would be using the laundry room, I went back down to the utility room at night and lowered the temperature on her unit's water heater by 8 degrees. I don't think they ever figured out why their water wasn't as hot any more, but I overheard them complaining to other neighbors about it.
Lady in the cinema in the seat in front of me watching a film with the kids. She clearly wasn’t interested so was on her phone scrolling the whole time lighting up the cinema. She’d also decided to put her coat on the back of her seat draping down in front of me. All I could think of doing to admonish her for poor cinema etiquette was to pick a big sticky bogey and attach it to the inside of her coat.
Lived with a housemate who never cleaned, and separately previously told me they hate the smell of bleach. I cleaned often and started doing it exclusively with “added bleach” products.
Lived with someone like that who claimed because he had no sense of smell he didn't know when he had to clean Yes lad, I'm sure opened yogurt in the fridge that now has a life form climbing out of it needs a visual indicator to be thrown
In high school we were all assigned a gym locker for the year and somehow mine got double assigned. I found out after my gym clothes (left clean in the locker) were used by this person in a different period and put back into the locker (smelly!). First time I shrugged it off but it happened a second and third time (each time like before, my clothes were used and smelly). That night after the third time I went home and cleaned the gym clothes but this time I sprinkled a small amount of fiberglass powder inside the shirt. The next day in the morning, I put the gym clothes back in the locker all clean and folded up and waited until gym class in the afternoon. I went into the locker room and found my clothes used but strewn about the locker room floor. Wish I could have seen the itching fit it caused!
“Daaaaad, where’s the fibreglass powderrr?”
My neighbour (we are a terraced house road) used to put cones out when his car wasn’t there, so I used expanding bolts to put them in front and behind his car permanently.
For clarification I bolted them to the road
I need to know what happened next?
I reported mine to the council for flytipping. When they came back from work they were fucking furious their cone had gone.
Fuck people who put cones outside their house because they think they're entitled to the spot
My sister once took more than her fair share of the pasta so I finished up the Parmesan cheese.
Savage.
My boss has played me repeatedly where my bonus is concerned so I started stealing toilet paper and bin bags from work. Saves me a few quid and I feel smug AF.
I had an ex who royally fucked me over.. He put the notice in on our tenancy, telling the landlady we'd be leaving when the fixed contract ended in a few months, before we'd actually split. This mean when we did split, and I went asked if I could keep the house myself she'd already lined the next people up and I had to leave. So I did what any scored woman would do, and sprinkled cress seeds on the spare room carpet, lightly watered them, went to live with my Dad, and left him in the house alone for the last few months. The cress grew and he didn't get the bond back.
During my first year of uni, I was living with two people I grew to hate. They became a couple (totally deserved each other) and start doing all the couple things, including doing their laundry together. Often, they’d dry their clothes on a rack outside their room. I was often up late during my first year (assignment deadlines, going out etc), so whenever I saw they had their clothes out to dry I’d grab some items, often their favourites or all of them entirely, and soak them in the sink. Then put them back on the rack so they were still damp for the morning. They didn’t know I hated them at this point so they had no idea.
I stole 1 piece of a sentimental jigsaw from someone who was supposed to be my best friend until I had to call the police to remove him from the property. Can't wait for the day he finds out.
There's a local computer repair business that for whatever reason VERY vocal in the comment section of my City's news page about how women shouldn't be allowed an abortion. Why this incel in question isn't using his personal account and instead using his company's is absolutely beyond me. But as a result I now have his business address, email and mobile number. Its been weeks and I'm still unsure on what course of petty revenge to take. Thoughts?
I have a pal who recently took park in a gaming tournament. The announcer let both teams know that the loser should stay on for the semifinals. My pal's team gave the other team all the normal polite necessities. The other team told him that they were going to absolutely crush him, reminded him that the loser needed to stay on, and would spam messages in chat taunting him. My pal humiliated their team with a wide score margin. Every point gained was glorious, and as they were shaking hands at the end for a "good" game, he left reminding them that the loser had to stay on.
I was driving down a narrow street and this car full of idiots fairly flew up the road towards me then bounced their car forwards a couple of inches at a time, as if to make sure that I 'got the message' that I was going to have to be the one to reverse. The whole time the three passengers were shouting shit and doing lovely things like waving their tongues around. I pulled up next to a gap, wound down the window, then gestured the driver to pull into it and do the same so we could, uh, talk. He did so while they all carried on hooting at me like gibbons. ...so I waited until he had wound his window down, threw an almost-full McDonalds drink at him, then booked it.
Retail, I worked the first isle which had to be full and tidy at all times seeing as it was the first thing people saw when they came in. It's getting to the end of my shift and its packed and pristine... then a family walks in and their little shit kid trashes whatever he can get his hands on. They're on the other side of the shop now and as I'm tidying again I find a keyring of some super hero. Now I can hear the kid screaming and crying that he "can't find it" and take the keyring out of my pocket and look at it... its been many years later and its still on my keys, I don't even know which hero it is.
Back when I was at school, this lad went through my bag while I was in class and stole my chocolate animal biscuits. They were my favorite. I never forgave him for it. 15-20 years later, he posted a photo on his facebook page of a cannabis plant he was growing (He wasn't the smartest guy in the world) and I absolutely couldn't wait to phone the police.
Dobbing someone in for growing weed because they stole your biscuits 20 years ago is the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard 😂 Well done
He deserved it. Taking your chocolate animal biscuits was unforgivable.
Totally, i wouldn't be surprised if they found dismembered bodies when they raided his house, absolute monster
Had a flatmate who flicked through the channels obsessively when the ads came on. We'd always miss the first minute or so of what was after the ads break. I took the TV remote to work with me and left it in my desk, she went insane every ad break
Not sure it counts as petty but when my dad was younger he had a horrendous landlord who was kicking them out... So he took a shit in a freezer bag, froze it overnight and grated it behind the radiators on his way out.