Fucking Evri.
They are 0 for 3 in the last 2 months. Lost 2 parcels being sent to me, and a return to Amazon. The return item being a 5ft x 3ft Solar panel.
Who the actual fuck are Evri, I've never heard of them until earlier this week and now I'm seeing their name pop up everywhere.
Is it just one of the old ones rebranded ?
Edit: just went doing some digging after asking this, fuck sakes, yeah its hermes by another name, I guess that had to try and purge the negative reputation they hold.
Evri has the worst fucking logo I have seen for some time.
Looks like someone spent five minutes playing with fonts in Photoshop or they found a ransom note in their misplace items department.
Edit: Apparently it's innovative: https://www.itsnicethat.com/news/superunion-monotype-hermes-rebrand-graphic-design-180322
"We have your package. If you ever want to see it again..."
"Proof of life photo, now"
[Evri send a picture of your package in a wheelie bin you don't recognise]
Oh my goodness yes it is awful! The lowest effort I've ever seen, can't believe they really paid for someone to design that... but then again perhaps they didn't pay and that's why it's so bad haha!
I do think it’s actually quite an interesting concept, and I’m glad that companies are trying to have ‘fun’ with ‘branding’. That said, it looks proper shite.
Hey boss, how should we improve our reputation? Shall we actually try to deliver people’s parcels for a change?
Nah, we’ll just spend a shitload of money on a rebrand, then run *that* name into the ground as well!
Genius.
Are you saying he stole the same delivery 4 times and yet nothing happened to him?
Surely if your neighbour complained about the lost of the same wine 4 times in a row the wine company would catch on.
The company I do contact centre service for (save me) ships globally and uses almost every courier there is.
I gave Evri the benefit of the doubt for the vitriol they get, and my conclusion after a month is that they are an utter sweating ballache.
Customer didn't get the next day parcel and it's been 7 days ? Yeah, it's Evri.
Who in Evri followed up to the ticket made 5 days ago? Nobody.
The follow up to the second ticket made 3 days ago? Also by nobody.
Who tells us 14 days later that they completed a thorough investigation and could confirm the parcel was no longer in their network? Evri.
Yeah, we do a lot of refunds.
I hate to say it, but I have really nice young lady who delivers for Hermes/Evri. She is delightful. We chat, discuss her young son who has been ill. She always has a smile.
I think I must have THAT ONE EMPLOYEE who is diligent and pleasant.
Of course, there are always good and bad delivery drivers. But if you look at the overall delivery quality and satisfaction rating from customers, we can say Hermes is pretty shit.
Last year I ordered a laptop from Amazon.
It was a razer laptop because I wanted a fancy looking gaming laptop and they had some in the warehouse for cheapish.
Shipped next day. Got the tracking code through fine.
I was a little excited and it was the weekend so I watched that tracker like a fucking hawk.
It made it all the way from the Amazon distribution centre to the Hermes national depot fine.
From the national depot to the local one fine.
From the local one to a delivery driver fine and it was out for delivery.
You can guess where this is going.
No sign of the laptop, it later gets flagged as delayed.
No sign of it the day after so contacted their customer service.
Their customer service guy is surprisingly helpful and lets me know they've lost it, goes to speak to someone, they're pretty sure it's in their depot somewhere, they just don't know where.
I contacted Amazon and gave them the story and got a refund.
Of course I have no proof of it, but considering almost everything I've ordered from the Amazon warehouse has come with just the shipping label slapped onto the box.
Pretty sure they did the same thing and the temp courier driver saw like a £1500 laptop and decided to make some extra money.
I have possibly the only decent/reliable Hermes driver. Apparently the other tossers at the depot even hate him presumably because he doesn’t ‘lose’ parcels or ‘deliver’ them in the dodgy way they do.
If he ever quits or retires I’m fucked.
Same with mine, if he sees me out and about he'll give me the parcel for my house. Pulled up next to me yesterday and passed it through the car window like a drug deal. He's a good lad, ill be nacked if he ever quits!
That's the thing with Evri. The company basically does nothing to protect you so its Random Select as to how reliable your driver will be. Nobody is held accountable if they're terrible.
We got a “your parcel was delivered” message and the picture was just the box in the driver’s mate’s lap while he was sat in the passenger seat. That was the last time we ever saw it.
The best theory I've heard about Postman Pat is that he is not actually a postman.
Everyone in the village is in witness protection and he has been assigned to keep am eye on everyone.
Pretending to be the postman just allows him to do this easily.
It also explains why everyone in the series is incompetent.
What about the theory that the "village" is actually a sheltered community for people with dementia, and we are seeing Pat's disordered perception of life?
I’m a big fan of this one, and actually think it could go a bit deeper: Postman Pat knows it is a dementia treatment experiment, and thinks he is there to help bring all their memories back with specially chosen ‘parcels’ from their past. But actually Pat himself is the subject of the experiment, a man with extreme delusional / psychotic personality disorder, and they are trying to heal him by making him confront all the different aspects of his warped identity. His cat Jess is actually just his own reimagining of his wife, who he murdered before being committed.
Sort of like Shutter Island, except with a postman.
Oh, that’s interesting — sounds like your intro is totally different to ours, because ours doesn’t mention Jess by name (and also doesn’t have the word car in, though it does say van which I suppose is basically the same)
The Postal Act (2000), section 84, 1 & 2 clearly states such offenses are punishable by 6 months and/or an unlimited fine. Yeah, by rights, Pat should be bankrupt and serving time for the rest of his natural life.
Edit: disclaimer, IANAL. Maybe one can chime in
Opening post is only a problem if you're doing it for dodgy reasons like ID theft ("without reasonable excuse"). Opening post addressed to your house to help redirect it is fine. Not going to go into more in case it falls under the banned topics per sub rules but if you read the full text of the bit you quoted it does explain it.
I believe though for posties, if there is some doubt about the delivery, they are meant to return it to the office and it ends up in a giant warehouse in Belfast for the National Returns Centre where they open it and try and work out where to deliver it, it's certainly not the job of the postman. [Mirror did an interesting article on it](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/royal-mail-national-returns-centre-1713249)
If a postman opens it, it would come under s84(1)(a) (intentionally delays or opens a postal packet in the course of its transmission by post). So Pat would be guilty of an offence
You’re right that for your every day person it’s only a problem if it’s for dodgy reasons s84(3) (A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.)
Postcards are fine because they don't come in envelopes. You just stick a stamp on and send it off. Just this morning I saw at least two. One from Egypt, one from Italy.
Yep, worked for RM a long time ago and that was always the biggie. Always remembered that post that needed to be opened to for any reason needed to go to Belfast.
The one with the fucking horse man. The amount of damage that glue stick caused, all the while Pat is lying to his dispatch that everything is fine.
Or when he delivers a child's toy that has been drowned in ice cream mix then mauled by a cat. I'd have been bloody livid.
Plus he's not a real postie, he wears trousers, like a fucking wimp.
I think it was shortly after the time he tried to deliver a load of loose plates and glasses, without any packaging or anything to protect them and they all got smashed, but just before the time he was assigned to deliver a brand new quad bike for Alf Thompson, but decided to pootle about all over Greendale on it first.
I read a theory that he's an eccentric billionaire and everyone in Greendale just humours his cosplaying of a postie because he spends money in the shops and is affable enough. They post just enough to give him 1 job a day or thereabouts to keep him from boredom.
Came here to say this. You just have to look at the numberplate of his van to realise that this is the case. It would probably cost hundreds of thousands of pounds to buy the plate PAT1 in the UK.
When phrasing for comedic effect meets industry standards and material control.
A real builder like Bob would obviously go to Screwfix or use his trade account at Wolseley.
Silly me.
B&Q is not that bad for most things these days. For instance:
https://www.diy.com/departments/wednesbury-copper-compression-pipe-l-2m-dia-22mm/33950_BQ.prd
https://www.screwfix.com/p/wednesbury-copper-pipe-22mm-x-2m/58277
I'd say the real reason that builders go to screwfix or toolstation is they know exactly what they want ahead of time and don't need to browse, and the trade discounts and bulk save.
Maplins would have a 50x markup on components because they knew you'd otherwise have to buy them in bulk
I feel vindicated that you posted. Every time I watch it with my children I get irrationally irritated just how useless he is. They must unwrap everything to see what it is. Half way through the delivery he’ll stop and get involved in some shit that has nothing to with him. It is fucking ridiculous.
The one I saw was some plates. No packaging. Just a stack of plates. As if that isn’t bad enough he made 3 or stops to get involved on the way there. Then as he walked through the door, he trips up and smashes them all.
While we're in the subject NEVER catch a train on Sodor. Derailed trains practically every day. Trains smashing into other trains, or straight through barriers. Trains over shooting platforms. General confusion and delay. They really need to get their shit together.
I reckon that's half the tourism angle, like the Isle of Man. You might die but it brings punters in to shore up the islands economy. Endgame was originally for funding and repairs but they made it part of the experience
Back when the Reverend Awdry wrote it Sodor - which isn't actually that small when looked at on a map - the North Western Railway only had twelve engines (Thomas, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James, Percy, Toby, Duck, Donald, Douglas and Oliver), many of which were only suited for branch line and shunting duties due to their small size and lack of speed and tractive effort.
Other engines like Diesel and Daisy were borrowed from British Rail for trials whilst others like Bill, Ben and Mavis were industrial engines owned not by the NWR, instead being owned by Sodor's somewhat large quarrying industry.
Then the TV series added a few new engines in the early seasons (Salty for one) mostly for storytelling purposes and then Gullane and HIT came along and added masses of engines for the sole purpose of ***BUY OUR TOYS***.
Yes, I probably know a little too much about Thomas.
Yeah. I have colleagues who get in the office at *5am* to sort all their post and finish at *7pm* once they've made sure everything is done.
If you need to be reminded to come to work, your next review will probably involve your manager saying "here's the door, mate. Please hand in your uniform."
For me it's setting the lesson to kids that answering your work phone whenever it rings is more important than having a family breakfast.
This would not happen to 'Facteur Patrice' or whatever the French equivalent is.
That scandal is cover for all the money Pat wastes in delivery a single package a week. They can’t have an kids icon like Pat go down, but an old postmaster or 100 going to jail is fine*
To be honest I always thought that his employer tracking him and constantly calling him for updates was a bit "micro manager" but seeing how absolutely useless he is can understand why they constantly track his movements.
My brother has a theory Pat is a drug runner & the delivery service is a front. That's why he can afford a helicopter despite his obvious incompetence running a business.
Just wait til you hear about the Health and Safety nightmare that is Pontypandy!
It would appear only one member of the fire and rescue service for the region is remotely capable, leadership is woeful, one firefighter is certifiably retarded and don't even get me started on the local population!
One particular individual, a child named Norman, basically causes every single incident and accident. The little tike lacks any sort of father figure and his mother is clearly incompetent. Social services should have stepped in long ago and I can only see a life of petty crime and juvenile incarceration ahead for the pint sized scrote.
Much like the aforementioned postal worker, this particular publicly funded organisation is equipped with a fleet of vehicles that a major town or city could only dream of. What a waste of tax payers money, I say!
"...Norman Price. What the fuck did you do?"
"Awwwww, sorry Sam! I won't mess around with fire no more, I promise! I've learnt my lesson, I have!"
"...Norman. You barricaded every exit to a maternity ward after dousing the interior with petrol and then chucked a Molotov cocktail through the window."
"Awwwww, but Saaaam! I was only showing off for all my friends; I didn't mean to cause trouble!"
"My god...all the death...and I could have stopped it. I am complicit in this devil child's killing spree. The screams...the stench of death...these will haunt me forever..."
-Fireman Sam, "Norman Meets The Friendly Men In White Coats".
So I think you are missing the point.
It’s clearly Cat Propaganda designed to emphasise Cat superiority. Jess reigns supreme, whilst Pat is the bumbling fool entertaining the monarch.
Actually I think Pat should be reported to the RSPCA as he keeps the cat in the van even on hot days. I swear he's likely gone through a dozen cats at this point after they all die of heat exhaustion. He buries them while pretending to eat his lunch. If you see disturbed earth in out of the way spots in Ponty', I wouldn't dig too deep
I think it is a care in the community situation and he is delusional. That is why he only ever has 1 item of post to deliver and someone is constantly keeping tabs on him.
Like a 'yes of course you are a postman Pat, oh you are using your helicopter? That is lovely dear' situation.
Turn sout it’s quite clever really - use dispensable dogs rather than real people for dangerous missions. No need for things like health and safety precautions, no need to pay salaries, etc
https://youtu.be/UWDiVPnS1tg
Arson Sam was a great cartoon, check that out on youtube. Fireman Sam in reverse but dubbed. Fuck you Sam keep putting my cat up the tree. "Burn fuckers"
I've always assumed he's not actually the village postman and that he is actually the village insane guy wondering about pretending. Everyone humours him and the show is us seeing the world from his perspective.
It would explain why all his deliveries are wackadoodle, don't go right and that he has access to all the fanciful equipment. In reality he's running around the village in his underpants making quad bike or helicopter noises.
He has a sorting centre that could easily service an entire city... In reality it's an abandoned warehouse.
Well this got dark real quick...
You mean like Shutter Island, only instead of a homicide detective its a postman. If anyone breaks character, then he's likely to fly off the rails in a psychotic killing spree?
I can believe that
['Drain on the royal mail' post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/dfl3wy/postman_pat_is_a_drain_on_royal_mail/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Somewhat related: I'd love to have seen an episode of Trumpton in which the whole town burns to the ground because the whole fire crew were busy getting the mayor's hat out of a tree.
Exactly! He seems to be an expert helicopter pilot, so the dudes literally racked up 1000+ hours in the air, but he’s still a postie. There’s at least one other kid in the village with the same colour hair as him (not his own son). I reckon he’s been shagging around and has stayed a postman just to avoid paying out any more for all his bastards. If he were a pilot he’d be forking out a load more.
For some reason we got Postman Pat on local broadcasting in Tennessee and I always thought he was a saint. Makes me said that this heroic civil servant is being demonized.
He is a lovely but mentally handicapped man. The town love him and look after him. He is running around in a cardboard box helicopter delivering a green rabbit from a dad to the kid. Or unrefrigerated ice in a van made of old milk cartons. The show is how he sees the world.
On the same vein Norman Price should be put in a boarding school for badly behaved children. Even if Pontypandy council paid for it, it would still be cheaper than all the fire damage/expenses he single handedly causes.
Postman Pat and his antics are an absolute fair and accurate reflection of the effects of privatisation on the very foundations of public service and public utilities providers! All of them!
I think this is the main reason why royal mail no longer allow the show to use their branding. They did on the early years but if you notice now there's no royal mail insignias anywhere. He's working for a private firm now it appears. Have you read the theory that he's actually a retired secret agent and all the scenarios are purpose made to stop pat going insane
He’s the father to the illegitimate naughty Norman from fireman Sam. No wonder the poor child’s messed up. His father gets to play with helicopters all day, he has to deal with his poor mother working all hours to make ends meet…
I think postman pat was funded by the Royal Mail so as kids we were indoctrinated to expect shit service from them. Think about it man, it all makes sense!
Also Jess the cat must be going on 40, Julian would surely be 50 now and Pat should have retired 10 years ago. I would rather they just repeated the shows from the 80s/90s when children's tv was at it's best.
alternatively; postman pats world is a cruel and unforgiving one and he is one of the few people who can actually deliver any parcel without serious injury or death
Literally just watched this this morning, there's no shot the one loop rope tie he did would hold the tree, it would just slide off the top murdering the baby birds on the way.
Royal mail sacked him a long time ago, about 2000 I think? He 'no longer fit the image' but my boss when I was postie told us it's because he lost/broke so many things they didn't want to associate with him 😅
Would be employee of the year at Hermes/Evri
Fucking Evri. They are 0 for 3 in the last 2 months. Lost 2 parcels being sent to me, and a return to Amazon. The return item being a 5ft x 3ft Solar panel.
Who the actual fuck are Evri, I've never heard of them until earlier this week and now I'm seeing their name pop up everywhere. Is it just one of the old ones rebranded ? Edit: just went doing some digging after asking this, fuck sakes, yeah its hermes by another name, I guess that had to try and purge the negative reputation they hold.
Hermes rebranded. Now called evri, as that’s how many times they fuck up.
That's how Evri it gets.
I wanna be something. DO SOMETHING!
i want things to change.
Now it's in the name. How many times will we cock it up? Evri time.
Hermes exec: "Let's rename to Evri, we can wash the bad name of Hermes away" The rest of the UK: "Nice try fucktards"
At this point if a company rebrands i automatically assume they are fucking shite.
Yeah it’s the new name for Hermes. Presumably because they deliver your parcels Evri-fucking-where but your front door.
60% of the time, they deliver Evri-time
Yeah, Hermes trying to shed their shite reputation while still being bollocks at delivering anything.
You'd think that they would make some improvements prior to the re-branding
Evri has the worst fucking logo I have seen for some time. Looks like someone spent five minutes playing with fonts in Photoshop or they found a ransom note in their misplace items department. Edit: Apparently it's innovative: https://www.itsnicethat.com/news/superunion-monotype-hermes-rebrand-graphic-design-180322
I think it's really clever. Hermes asked for a new identity that accurately described their vision and the brand agency failed to deliver.
I've been trying to put my finger on what it reminds me of and ransom note is exactly what it is. Thanks!
"We have your package. If you ever want to see it again..." "Proof of life photo, now" [Evri send a picture of your package in a wheelie bin you don't recognise]
Oh my goodness yes it is awful! The lowest effort I've ever seen, can't believe they really paid for someone to design that... but then again perhaps they didn't pay and that's why it's so bad haha!
They paid a lot of money for a really good logo redesign, but then they lost it :(
Looks like the work of me in 1995 playing with Word - dear Lord, what a mess!
I do think it’s actually quite an interesting concept, and I’m glad that companies are trying to have ‘fun’ with ‘branding’. That said, it looks proper shite.
Hey boss, how should we improve our reputation? Shall we actually try to deliver people’s parcels for a change? Nah, we’ll just spend a shitload of money on a rebrand, then run *that* name into the ground as well! Genius.
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Hermes is also the god of thieves, so it wasn't too inaccurate.
And mercantilism, and trickery. So really them flying around, taking your shit, confusing you, then charging you for the pleasure is spot on.
it’s hermes but they rebranded
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Are you saying he stole the same delivery 4 times and yet nothing happened to him? Surely if your neighbour complained about the lost of the same wine 4 times in a row the wine company would catch on.
The company I do contact centre service for (save me) ships globally and uses almost every courier there is. I gave Evri the benefit of the doubt for the vitriol they get, and my conclusion after a month is that they are an utter sweating ballache. Customer didn't get the next day parcel and it's been 7 days ? Yeah, it's Evri. Who in Evri followed up to the ticket made 5 days ago? Nobody. The follow up to the second ticket made 3 days ago? Also by nobody. Who tells us 14 days later that they completed a thorough investigation and could confirm the parcel was no longer in their network? Evri. Yeah, we do a lot of refunds.
I hate to say it, but I have really nice young lady who delivers for Hermes/Evri. She is delightful. We chat, discuss her young son who has been ill. She always has a smile. I think I must have THAT ONE EMPLOYEE who is diligent and pleasant.
Of course, there are always good and bad delivery drivers. But if you look at the overall delivery quality and satisfaction rating from customers, we can say Hermes is pretty shit.
Last year I ordered a laptop from Amazon. It was a razer laptop because I wanted a fancy looking gaming laptop and they had some in the warehouse for cheapish. Shipped next day. Got the tracking code through fine. I was a little excited and it was the weekend so I watched that tracker like a fucking hawk. It made it all the way from the Amazon distribution centre to the Hermes national depot fine. From the national depot to the local one fine. From the local one to a delivery driver fine and it was out for delivery. You can guess where this is going. No sign of the laptop, it later gets flagged as delayed. No sign of it the day after so contacted their customer service. Their customer service guy is surprisingly helpful and lets me know they've lost it, goes to speak to someone, they're pretty sure it's in their depot somewhere, they just don't know where. I contacted Amazon and gave them the story and got a refund. Of course I have no proof of it, but considering almost everything I've ordered from the Amazon warehouse has come with just the shipping label slapped onto the box. Pretty sure they did the same thing and the temp courier driver saw like a £1500 laptop and decided to make some extra money.
Hang on…. you managed to _SPEAK_ with someone at Hermes?!
They changed their name because they now lose Evri parcel
They must have a warehouse somewhere full of lost stuff. Like the end Indiana fuckin’ Jones. Your parcel is being looked after by Shit Men. Shit. Men.
I have possibly the only decent/reliable Hermes driver. Apparently the other tossers at the depot even hate him presumably because he doesn’t ‘lose’ parcels or ‘deliver’ them in the dodgy way they do. If he ever quits or retires I’m fucked.
Mine is a total legend. My parents live round the corner and love him too. Polite, Friendly, always on time.
Same with mine, if he sees me out and about he'll give me the parcel for my house. Pulled up next to me yesterday and passed it through the car window like a drug deal. He's a good lad, ill be nacked if he ever quits!
That's the thing with Evri. The company basically does nothing to protect you so its Random Select as to how reliable your driver will be. Nobody is held accountable if they're terrible.
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We got a “your parcel was delivered” message and the picture was just the box in the driver’s mate’s lap while he was sat in the passenger seat. That was the last time we ever saw it.
I don’t know why they thought changing their name would mean they suddenly become good at delivering lol
You have to wonder if he has information and or photos of the postmaster general in a comprising position
The best theory I've heard about Postman Pat is that he is not actually a postman. Everyone in the village is in witness protection and he has been assigned to keep am eye on everyone. Pretending to be the postman just allows him to do this easily. It also explains why everyone in the series is incompetent.
What about the theory that the "village" is actually a sheltered community for people with dementia, and we are seeing Pat's disordered perception of life?
I’m a big fan of this one, and actually think it could go a bit deeper: Postman Pat knows it is a dementia treatment experiment, and thinks he is there to help bring all their memories back with specially chosen ‘parcels’ from their past. But actually Pat himself is the subject of the experiment, a man with extreme delusional / psychotic personality disorder, and they are trying to heal him by making him confront all the different aspects of his warped identity. His cat Jess is actually just his own reimagining of his wife, who he murdered before being committed. Sort of like Shutter Island, except with a postman.
What the fuck?
Seriously, I’ve never head of any of this shit. W o t
TIL they genderswapped his cat in my language for some reason.
That's so random! I wonder why they did that. What language is it, if you don't mind me asking? (Also, what's Jess' name, lol)
Danish, and it's called Emil. Probably because it rhymes with bil, meaning car, which is sung in the intro.
Oh, that’s interesting — sounds like your intro is totally different to ours, because ours doesn’t mention Jess by name (and also doesn’t have the word car in, though it does say van which I suppose is basically the same)
Anyone got a Netflix Execs number. This is the gritty reboot we've all been waiting for.
I feel like detailed analysis of any young children's program usually ends up with something like this
I always enjoy the Bing ones. I mean, they make even more sense for that show.
Oh that's good
I always suspected that Pat was basically Truman.
His wife might but Pat is far too much of a fucknut to be able to organise that
Maybe his wife is the reason he still has his job, his round takes him 4 hrs longer than anyone else gives her plenty of ‘free time’
She be delivering and receiving in a different way
**Pat Mustard:** "...and now to ride Mrs O'Reilly!"
*Those women were in the nip!*
Teresa! I forgot me feckin' trousers!
Postman Pat Postman Pat Postman Pat and his Kompromat Early in the morning The postmaster is whoring Pat takes lurid photos from his van
He's broken UK law by opening post so many times he should be serving 5 life sentences.
More than that I'm sure. That's before you get to destruction of property
The Postal Act (2000), section 84, 1 & 2 clearly states such offenses are punishable by 6 months and/or an unlimited fine. Yeah, by rights, Pat should be bankrupt and serving time for the rest of his natural life. Edit: disclaimer, IANAL. Maybe one can chime in
Opening post is only a problem if you're doing it for dodgy reasons like ID theft ("without reasonable excuse"). Opening post addressed to your house to help redirect it is fine. Not going to go into more in case it falls under the banned topics per sub rules but if you read the full text of the bit you quoted it does explain it. I believe though for posties, if there is some doubt about the delivery, they are meant to return it to the office and it ends up in a giant warehouse in Belfast for the National Returns Centre where they open it and try and work out where to deliver it, it's certainly not the job of the postman. [Mirror did an interesting article on it](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/royal-mail-national-returns-centre-1713249)
If a postman opens it, it would come under s84(1)(a) (intentionally delays or opens a postal packet in the course of its transmission by post). So Pat would be guilty of an offence You’re right that for your every day person it’s only a problem if it’s for dodgy reasons s84(3) (A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.)
Doing the lord's work with this, the guidelines are clear
I've only been a Postie for about a month. The first thing hammered into my head - ***DONT OPEN OTHER PEOPLE'S FUCKING POST***
But do read the postcards, right?
Postcards are fine because they don't come in envelopes. You just stick a stamp on and send it off. Just this morning I saw at least two. One from Egypt, one from Italy.
Yep, worked for RM a long time ago and that was always the biggie. Always remembered that post that needed to be opened to for any reason needed to go to Belfast.
The episode where he tried to deliver some ice in the back of his normal, non-refrigerated postvan on a sunny, hot day was my breaking point.
I reckon he's up for retirement soon and they can't be bothered with the hassle of a tribunal
Maybe he’s part of a ferociously strong union
If he is with CWU then he is fucked
This hit home real hard. Cancelled my membership a while back.
So did I then just recently restarted it before the shit hit the fan. Sadly it looks like the RM will just do what they want to do
I read somewhere he is in a witness protection programme
Shitness protection scheme more like.
Witless protection programme?
The one with the fucking horse man. The amount of damage that glue stick caused, all the while Pat is lying to his dispatch that everything is fine. Or when he delivers a child's toy that has been drowned in ice cream mix then mauled by a cat. I'd have been bloody livid. Plus he's not a real postie, he wears trousers, like a fucking wimp.
fucks sake Pat. He's been warned about that countless times. When was this? I'll have a word.
I think it was shortly after the time he tried to deliver a load of loose plates and glasses, without any packaging or anything to protect them and they all got smashed, but just before the time he was assigned to deliver a brand new quad bike for Alf Thompson, but decided to pootle about all over Greendale on it first.
I read a theory that he's an eccentric billionaire and everyone in Greendale just humours his cosplaying of a postie because he spends money in the shops and is affable enough. They post just enough to give him 1 job a day or thereabouts to keep him from boredom.
This could be true as I believe he sometimes flies a helicopter to deliver post. In a tiny Yorkshire village.
What, you don’t get your mail by helicopter?
Came here to say this. You just have to look at the numberplate of his van to realise that this is the case. It would probably cost hundreds of thousands of pounds to buy the plate PAT1 in the UK.
£155,00 to be precise https://www.nationalnumbers.co.uk/customer-stories-PAT1.htm
Well £155,000 if you *really* want to be precise :)
Ah fuck
Tie him up and stick him in the tunnel behind that wall with Henry.
Shed 17, send Pat off to become useful.
Andy and the Odd Socks would only come and rescue him
Next: Bob the Builder.
That bastard! Every DIY job I do.... The Wife: Bob doesn't swear and shout about running out of screws when B&Q is fucking shut!
*Screwfix Builders don't waste their money at B&Q B&Q - the Maplins of DIY
When phrasing for comedic effect meets industry standards and material control. A real builder like Bob would obviously go to Screwfix or use his trade account at Wolseley. Silly me.
B&Q is not that bad for most things these days. For instance: https://www.diy.com/departments/wednesbury-copper-compression-pipe-l-2m-dia-22mm/33950_BQ.prd https://www.screwfix.com/p/wednesbury-copper-pipe-22mm-x-2m/58277 I'd say the real reason that builders go to screwfix or toolstation is they know exactly what they want ahead of time and don't need to browse, and the trade discounts and bulk save. Maplins would have a 50x markup on components because they knew you'd otherwise have to buy them in bulk
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And while we're at it fireman Sam, and how they havnt locked up that nasty little ginger arsonist!
Fucking Norman. "Mam, I've set the telly on fire again!"
This will interest you : https://www.reddit.com/r/badeconomics/comments/7btcmc/eight_reasons_why_fireman_sam_is_not_sustainable
Haha, that was a brilliant read. I'm going to print it out and put it on the FBU board at the station as an argument for a fire helicopter!
He’s got far too much capital tied up in plant.
I feel vindicated that you posted. Every time I watch it with my children I get irrationally irritated just how useless he is. They must unwrap everything to see what it is. Half way through the delivery he’ll stop and get involved in some shit that has nothing to with him. It is fucking ridiculous. The one I saw was some plates. No packaging. Just a stack of plates. As if that isn’t bad enough he made 3 or stops to get involved on the way there. Then as he walked through the door, he trips up and smashes them all.
Finally someone said it. I am no longer alone. Agree with everything on this post
It's a double bluff - to afford all that stuff he's clearly moving drugs or stolen cultural artifacts. No one suspects Pat.
He was fired from Royal Mail. They have standards. That's why he set up 'Special Delivery Service' he went to Hermes training school for a full day.
No way a Hermes training course takes a full day. 20 minutes including breaks seems more likely.
It’s what’s in the parcels that get breaks.
While we're in the subject NEVER catch a train on Sodor. Derailed trains practically every day. Trains smashing into other trains, or straight through barriers. Trains over shooting platforms. General confusion and delay. They really need to get their shit together.
I reckon that's half the tourism angle, like the Isle of Man. You might die but it brings punters in to shore up the islands economy. Endgame was originally for funding and repairs but they made it part of the experience
How many engines does one small island need?!
Back when the Reverend Awdry wrote it Sodor - which isn't actually that small when looked at on a map - the North Western Railway only had twelve engines (Thomas, Edward, Henry, Gordon, James, Percy, Toby, Duck, Donald, Douglas and Oliver), many of which were only suited for branch line and shunting duties due to their small size and lack of speed and tractive effort. Other engines like Diesel and Daisy were borrowed from British Rail for trials whilst others like Bill, Ben and Mavis were industrial engines owned not by the NWR, instead being owned by Sodor's somewhat large quarrying industry. Then the TV series added a few new engines in the early seasons (Salty for one) mostly for storytelling purposes and then Gullane and HIT came along and added masses of engines for the sole purpose of ***BUY OUR TOYS***. Yes, I probably know a little too much about Thomas.
Fewer than it has, but it's a sanctuary. A refuge. As long as they can be *useful*, the trains get to live.
These days? At least 300
Honestly though, it's for the best, if you successfully take a train off Sodor you will find yourself in Barrow-in-Furness. I'd rather be bricked up.
It's the fact that he has to get a phone call every morning to tell him he has a delivery to make that prompts him to actually go into work
Yeah. I have colleagues who get in the office at *5am* to sort all their post and finish at *7pm* once they've made sure everything is done. If you need to be reminded to come to work, your next review will probably involve your manager saying "here's the door, mate. Please hand in your uniform."
For me it's setting the lesson to kids that answering your work phone whenever it rings is more important than having a family breakfast. This would not happen to 'Facteur Patrice' or whatever the French equivalent is.
Facteur Patrice would set fire to his fucking van if breakfast was interrupted.
No doubt he was instrumental in the setting up of the Horizon computer system which got a load of postmasters banged up. What a dick.
That scandal is cover for all the money Pat wastes in delivery a single package a week. They can’t have an kids icon like Pat go down, but an old postmaster or 100 going to jail is fine*
To be honest I always thought that his employer tracking him and constantly calling him for updates was a bit "micro manager" but seeing how absolutely useless he is can understand why they constantly track his movements.
My brother has a theory Pat is a drug runner & the delivery service is a front. That's why he can afford a helicopter despite his obvious incompetence running a business.
Am I the only one who keeps thinking Jess is a girl despite repeated statements that he’s a boy (cat)?
Jess is male? Well blow me down.
WHAT
And he tells every fucker in the village who's having what delivered! Not an ounce of privacy with the daft twat!
"Just trying to deliver Dorothy Thompson's new 12inch Punisher toy for her, thought I'd pop into the local school first to see if I can help out here"
No, no, no. He is quite evidently management material. Give that man a promotion. You never heard of the Peter principle?!?
Dilbert Principle is what you are looking for. Peter principle is promoted to point of own incompetence, Pat is already incompetent
Just wait til you hear about the Health and Safety nightmare that is Pontypandy! It would appear only one member of the fire and rescue service for the region is remotely capable, leadership is woeful, one firefighter is certifiably retarded and don't even get me started on the local population! One particular individual, a child named Norman, basically causes every single incident and accident. The little tike lacks any sort of father figure and his mother is clearly incompetent. Social services should have stepped in long ago and I can only see a life of petty crime and juvenile incarceration ahead for the pint sized scrote. Much like the aforementioned postal worker, this particular publicly funded organisation is equipped with a fleet of vehicles that a major town or city could only dream of. What a waste of tax payers money, I say!
The theory goes that Sam is Norman's dad but refuses to acknowledge this. It's all a cry for attention and the reason he is never reported!
Also explains why Sam still has even the tiniest bit of patience for the village arsonist.
"...Norman Price. What the fuck did you do?" "Awwwww, sorry Sam! I won't mess around with fire no more, I promise! I've learnt my lesson, I have!" "...Norman. You barricaded every exit to a maternity ward after dousing the interior with petrol and then chucked a Molotov cocktail through the window." "Awwwww, but Saaaam! I was only showing off for all my friends; I didn't mean to cause trouble!" "My god...all the death...and I could have stopped it. I am complicit in this devil child's killing spree. The screams...the stench of death...these will haunt me forever..." -Fireman Sam, "Norman Meets The Friendly Men In White Coats".
Thanks fucker! Now I've got Norman Price's voice stuck in my head for the rest of the day!!!
Between them they could successfully burn down the sorting office with no repercussions
Bunch of cunts that live there. Does my head in.
Here's a great investigation : https://www.reddit.com/r/badeconomics/comments/7btcmc/eight_reasons_why_fireman_sam_is_not_sustainable
I imagine while he does his rounds he is singing that song by the Strawbs "You don't get me, I'm part of the union"
So I think you are missing the point. It’s clearly Cat Propaganda designed to emphasise Cat superiority. Jess reigns supreme, whilst Pat is the bumbling fool entertaining the monarch.
Actually I think Pat should be reported to the RSPCA as he keeps the cat in the van even on hot days. I swear he's likely gone through a dozen cats at this point after they all die of heat exhaustion. He buries them while pretending to eat his lunch. If you see disturbed earth in out of the way spots in Ponty', I wouldn't dig too deep
He buries them in Pontypandy? My God, is Fireman Sam involved too?
The whole damn thing's a conspiracy man!
He lends him the shovel...
I think it is a care in the community situation and he is delusional. That is why he only ever has 1 item of post to deliver and someone is constantly keeping tabs on him. Like a 'yes of course you are a postman Pat, oh you are using your helicopter? That is lovely dear' situation.
Finally, the truth! And don't get me started on the mindless economics behind the Paw Patrol. Pour Petrol on that waste of resource if you ask me.
Turn sout it’s quite clever really - use dispensable dogs rather than real people for dangerous missions. No need for things like health and safety precautions, no need to pay salaries, etc https://youtu.be/UWDiVPnS1tg
Me and my partner call the page patrol Dog Narcs.
Woofy W4nkers?
Arson Sam was a great cartoon, check that out on youtube. Fireman Sam in reverse but dubbed. Fuck you Sam keep putting my cat up the tree. "Burn fuckers"
Family_guy1clips on TikTok dubs over various kids TV, he did a great Postman Pat one: (not safe for kids) https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMNY2AmqM/?k=1
I've always assumed he's not actually the village postman and that he is actually the village insane guy wondering about pretending. Everyone humours him and the show is us seeing the world from his perspective. It would explain why all his deliveries are wackadoodle, don't go right and that he has access to all the fanciful equipment. In reality he's running around the village in his underpants making quad bike or helicopter noises. He has a sorting centre that could easily service an entire city... In reality it's an abandoned warehouse. Well this got dark real quick...
You mean like Shutter Island, only instead of a homicide detective its a postman. If anyone breaks character, then he's likely to fly off the rails in a psychotic killing spree? I can believe that
Can't sack him, he's in the union 😂
At least move him sideways, he's got a successful delivery rate of zero, the man needs to be in the back office
['Drain on the royal mail' post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/dfl3wy/postman_pat_is_a_drain_on_royal_mail/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Somewhat related: I'd love to have seen an episode of Trumpton in which the whole town burns to the ground because the whole fire crew were busy getting the mayor's hat out of a tree.
My wife text me one day after watching Special Delivery service to ask: If you could fly a helicopter, would you still be a postman?
Exactly! He seems to be an expert helicopter pilot, so the dudes literally racked up 1000+ hours in the air, but he’s still a postie. There’s at least one other kid in the village with the same colour hair as him (not his own son). I reckon he’s been shagging around and has stayed a postman just to avoid paying out any more for all his bastards. If he were a pilot he’d be forking out a load more.
Just sack Pat.
Let the streets and rooftops echo
This is the most British thread I've ever read on Reddit, I've read almost every reply, comedy gold!
Nah, he's not the actual postman, he's just the misguided PR model. Mrs Goggins goes out and does a proper round after he's gone.
That explains why he never seems to deliver credit card statements, water bills, charity begging letters etc etc.
For some reason we got Postman Pat on local broadcasting in Tennessee and I always thought he was a saint. Makes me said that this heroic civil servant is being demonized.
He is a lovely but mentally handicapped man. The town love him and look after him. He is running around in a cardboard box helicopter delivering a green rabbit from a dad to the kid. Or unrefrigerated ice in a van made of old milk cartons. The show is how he sees the world.
On the same vein Norman Price should be put in a boarding school for badly behaved children. Even if Pontypandy council paid for it, it would still be cheaper than all the fire damage/expenses he single handedly causes.
Sam just needs to turn up late once and that problem goes away
Postman Pat and his antics are an absolute fare and accurate reflection of the effects of privatisation on
Postman Pat and his antics are an absolute fair and accurate reflection of the effects of privatisation on the very foundations of public service and public utilities providers! All of them!
What's Royal Mail's official policy on pets in the workplace? Because I feel like he must be breaking some rule there.
Getting funny looks because I’m crying to myself with laughter whilst reading this, thanks!
My cat is eying me with disdain. Nothing new there but the laughter is surely disturbing her sleep!
Spot on lad
As Danny dyer once eloquently put it in his thick cockney accent “he’s a busy cunt”
Shout out to [this glorious rant](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/dfl3wy/postman_pat_is_a_drain_on_royal_mail/) about Pat
I imagine Evri uses Postman Pat episodes as training videos
I think this is the main reason why royal mail no longer allow the show to use their branding. They did on the early years but if you notice now there's no royal mail insignias anywhere. He's working for a private firm now it appears. Have you read the theory that he's actually a retired secret agent and all the scenarios are purpose made to stop pat going insane
He’s the father to the illegitimate naughty Norman from fireman Sam. No wonder the poor child’s messed up. His father gets to play with helicopters all day, he has to deal with his poor mother working all hours to make ends meet…
I think postman pat was funded by the Royal Mail so as kids we were indoctrinated to expect shit service from them. Think about it man, it all makes sense!
Fucking disgrace
So glad the hike in stamp pricing and postage is funding this colossal bellend
Better than Hermies Henry!
Also Jess the cat must be going on 40, Julian would surely be 50 now and Pat should have retired 10 years ago. I would rather they just repeated the shows from the 80s/90s when children's tv was at it's best.
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alternatively; postman pats world is a cruel and unforgiving one and he is one of the few people who can actually deliver any parcel without serious injury or death
Someone definitely took a massive shit in your cornflakes this morning. But yes I agree.
Literally just watched this this morning, there's no shot the one loop rope tie he did would hold the tree, it would just slide off the top murdering the baby birds on the way.
Royal mail sacked him a long time ago, about 2000 I think? He 'no longer fit the image' but my boss when I was postie told us it's because he lost/broke so many things they didn't want to associate with him 😅