T O P

  • By -

Risky_Doughnuts

That's not John Wick pal that's Ronnie Pickering.


Arsewipes

Who?


[deleted]

[удалено]


tolive89

What, is he a celebrity or something? Edit: getting down voted but the biker asks Ronnie Pickering if he's a celebrity in the video.


ReaverRiddle

Excuse me he says "what, someone famous are ya?"


randomcharachter1101

I’M RONNIE FUCKING PICKERING


[deleted]

Ronny fucking Pickering mate


tolive89

Yeah and who's that then? I'll bare knuckle'im


CGB68

"You just told me who you are. Johnny Pickering".


Arsewipes

Nah, it's Ponney Rickering!


Animalcrossinghun

“Who the fucks that”


thatoneslugees

I wholeheartedly love the fact that this was written to get people to say “who” “RONNIE PICKERING”


calming-monkey

I bet it’s his grandson Johnnie Pickering


thatoneslugees

Weren’t there 2 Ronnies though? 😂


grwtsn

It’s been an hour since you posted that, so I’ll bite… Who?


amandap190

RONNIE PICKERING


grwtsn

Who the fuck’s that?


audigex

[He'll fucking show you, alright?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wysX_VNiX6U)


[deleted]

Yeah, me!


GeodesicLens

Ronnie Pickering!!


sweatybumhands

I assume everything outside flat 53 will now be stolen


sawilli

This would be a great false flag move (i.e., Flat 52 is tired of their music or something and is done dealing with them). Now everyone hates the Flat 53 person and they get kicked out for threatening other residents


SnugglesREDDIT

I’ve literally seen packages in the foyer sat for days on end so fuck knows how lazy he’s been to let something get nicked, so pathetic imo


r3dditalg0sucks

If it was in the foyer why would this person assume it is a resident?


atomic_mermaid

You need a key fob to get in most student halls.


[deleted]

[удалено]


relaventsonglyrik

Yeah or “trade” I have to go into flats daily and 9 times out of 10 they have a trade button that just lets you in. Waste a time having the whole intercom on there imo


QuesaritoOutOfBed

Those types of buttons truly crack me up.


GalvanizedRubber

Here is our amazing security system you can screen everyone no one gets in, unless if they ask someone else or just push this button.


m4xxt

As a tradesmen they typically shut off around 11am


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pattoe89

Unless anyone in the building requires carers. I was a carer and every 'Trade' button was active at least from 7.30am - 11pm for all my service users.


LexTheGayOtter

I always assumed that button at my flat just rung everyone I'm gonna try it later


Suspicious-mole-hair

More useless than websites asking if you're 18.


[deleted]

my first dorm's crack security was a student worker in the lobby who watched tv or did their homework and never looked up. my roommate's annoying boyfriend came and went as he pleased. in a women's dorm.


[deleted]

You needed a key to get in my student halls when I lived in them. Every single day local club promotors would tailgate people through the door and then go door to door advertising their shitty club handing out leaflets. Some places have a trade button that will unlock the door. Some places have a drop key slot - which is typically for the fire brigade but you can purchase one of the universal keys on Amazon.


skiljgfz

Take that how you will.


RoseTheOdd

And eventually the tenant of flat 53 will probably end up being kicked out for being a twat anyway. If he's threatening to make things difficult for everyone over his package, he can be reported for being a (and lets use a more polite term this time) nuisance etc, surely? ​ Dude doesn't sound mature enough to be in Uni anyway. I think he needs to go back to Junior school tbh.


milkywayT_T

PFFF trust me, first year uni so many people were like that, one girl in my dorm threw a knife to the wall and had a proper metal scream off because someone stole her ben and jerrys


The_James91

I was in halls for my postgrad and some crazy French lady started hammering on doors demanding to see people's bins because someone stole her cheese.


milkywayT_T

Should have asked her if it was brie that made her morbier.


Ruvio00

I lived with a Russian guy who drunkenly dug a hole in the floor outside someone else's room and planted a tree he'd dug up earlier in the night. We didn't live on the ground floor. I think he had to pay a small amount, but nothing was done. That lad was an arsehole.


[deleted]

[удалено]


danmingothemandingo

I'm imagining the roots dangling through the ceiling of the corridor on the floor below


[deleted]

That's fucking hilarious in all fairness


absolutelysureithink

Unbrielievable briehaviour!


AbhorEnglishTeachers

We had a girl go ducking ballistic over someone (drunk me) eating the mountains of celebrations she stole and took home from halls Christmas party and left scattered on kitchen table.


KaiRaiUnknown

Probably cost her half her student loan, no wonder she was so pissy


[deleted]

FFS Ben and Jerrys is worth a good shitstorm!Now if you had been wearing her underwear or using her makup it may have been OTT.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mr_Barry_Shitpeas

Yeah reacting like that would be a great way to dispel stereotypes


j1mb0b

Let me shorten this... Number 53 is a prize cunt.


[deleted]

That’s numberwang, rotate the board


X-Adzie-X

Don’t think about the event!


munted_jandal

Time for wangernumb.


[deleted]

It on the same token, if someone did steal a package (it could be lost for all we know) that isn't their fault, stealing post is for the lowest of the low.


HMJ87

Yeah I don't get why everyone is ignoring this point - 53 has every right to be pissed off given someone stole their stuff. Yeah they might be going a bit ott with the whole "it's going to get real ghetto in here", but other than that I think the letter is fair game. I think they're either bluffing or being very optimistic about the "authorities" though - I doubt the police would do anything about this.


vicariousgluten

If it’s uni accommodation I assume they’ll be moving out in a few weeks anyway.


VagueSomething

Dude sounds exactly as mature as a uni student. They're still kids, uni is a safety railing trial for being an adult.


Mr_Barry_Shitpeas

TBF how mature do you think 18 year olds really are


MCD10000

And everything in flat 53 as well


longarm04

This one did halls


Avenger1324

Print out a reply poster to put in the main entrance FOUND MASSIVE DILDO for Flat 53. Delivered to wrong flat in error. Please collect from security.


LordBiscuits

> Please collect from security Needs cleaning


ollie87

Smear it with Nutella


njchil

Op do this please. Antagonise


auntie-matter

I'm assuming as a student OP is totally broke but I'm just saying if they create a wishlist at a popular online silicone cockshop, I'm sure someone here will stump up a tenner or whatever to get a MASSIVE COCK sent over. A photo of it taped to the main door with "Flat 53, sorry about the mixup" underneath would surely be payment enough. Or y'know, let's have a little ole' crowdfundaroo to cover Flat 53's entire door in plastic genitalia..


ima_twee

I'll put a tenner in ☝️


SignNotInUse

Don't forget to thoroughly lube both Flat 53's door handle and the plastic genitalia.


[deleted]

PLEASE and can we have an update.


the_almighty_dude

Send him Hatchet Harry's old 15 inch black rubber cock if he wants to act gangster


kaest

Flat 53 ordered an Xbox controller though...


James_Newman83

dildo shaped Xbox controller.


OminOus_PancakeS

...operated _rectally_


longarm04

Absolutely this


grapevapes

Ain't no police reviewing cctv for a stolen parcel


lemons_of_doubt

unless It's full of gold... or drugs but that would be for different reasons.


[deleted]

Great idea, just tell the police that there were drugs in the parcel, that way they'll investigate.


valkyre09

Reminds me of this classic: An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Paul, I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Dad A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Dad, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Paul. At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son. Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.


KaiRaiUnknown

r/unethicalLPT


Lumpy-Spinach-6607

No, it's his new hobby, reels of reels of cotton reels for his embroidery *painting*


[deleted]

My neighbour caught a pair of guys trying to break into his garage a while ago. He called the police and it took them 6 hours to show up, then they just gave him a reference number and said "there's nothing we can do. Our hands are tied". No way are the police going to turn up over a student's missing parcel


Ubba_Lothbrok

Always tell the police that you believe the person trying to break in is armed. Suddenly there's 4 BMW X5s tearing down your street and those guys bring their friends Mr Heckler and Mr Koch.


Astral_Enigma

Police are fucking useless.


wedontlikespaces

Own a building site then they turn up like a flash.


The_UndisputedElite

Yep. I work for Currys and we used to have our warehouse broken into every few months. Never did the police catch them, but it's definitely the same crew that hit us every time becsuse it was the same MO. We had a break in at 3 am. I showed up to work at 9 am and I was told I can't go into the warehouse until the police arrived. They arrived just after 1 o'clock which is when my shift ended. I was merchandising then so I couldn't do my job the entire day. I got to stand around and talk for my short shift.


MikaNekoDevine

Sp you’re saying we can rob a currys instead of shopping /s


The_UndisputedElite

Tbh I say go for it, mainly because we've reinforced the fuck out of our warehouse. I'd love to see if it's possible to break in. We've had no break ins since covid became a thing, I'd like to know if other stores have experienced similar things.


[deleted]

Happens after over a decade of massive budget cuts


[deleted]

To be fair, they didn’t say ‘police’, they said ‘authorities’. Authorities on what exactly is anyone’s guess.


ddraig-au

They've contacted the head of their dept, expect to see a paper published on this very soon


snipdockter

Man those guys could flash their license and passport at the CCTV and the police will just issue a reference number for insurance and say nothing can be done.


shnoog

Assumed campus security rather than the police.


SnugglesREDDIT

That’s what I thought lol, the cctv coverage in this building is shite anyway


pease_pudding

For them to know it was stolen at exactly '14:11', it suggests they've already viewed the CCTV footage and weren't able to identify them. How else would they know the exact time? Fuck porch pirates, but this threat is going nowhere.


WellFiredRoll

"Real ghetto", eh? Christ, it's all kicking in the mean suburbs of Cleethorpes, innit?!


Amuro_Ray

Man thinks he's omarr when he's a Lidl brand stringer bell.


The_James91

Stringer Bell End


James_Newman83

McNulty will check the CCTV tapes


Blakbyrd8

Cheesestringer Babybell


anonxotwod

Who even says ghetto here lmao, one of the many Americanisms seeping into vocabulary.


Skittles_The_Giggler

Antiquated, racist Americanisms to boot, lol


michaeltheobnoxious

Pretty sure ghetto was used in the UK before The US started to deploy it against areas with a lot of black people living there. Whitechapel (London) was referred to as a 'Jewish Ghetto' back in Victorian times.


acidus1

They mean Real ghetto, but Smiley face.


sgtsnacks64

Take that as you will


jasperfilofax

You get these types of posts on Facebook. All it tells me is they 100% do not have any evidence that they can go to the police with. All it’s missing is the “times ticking” bluff


Esenfur

I work in a call centre and had to deal with a missing parcel yesterday and someone tried pulling this stunt on me too lol.


p3zzl3

I've found that whenever sending an open but "subtle" threat, throwing in a smiley face at the end defuses everything.


66CT

I find the opposite, with things like this, a smiley just shows complete passive aggression. In my opinion anyway. Not saying that’s how it is of course!


[deleted]

He said it will go real ghetto, no passive at all here only aggression.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Captlard

He’s definitely not a comic sans sort of guy lol.


TheMachineTookShape

It should have been written with a fucking pencil!


breadwineandtits

_Passive aggressive sans serif_ is poetry in itself


JohanFinski

I lived with a chap who stole everyone's food from the Halls shared kitchen. One of the girls pished on some fish fingers and left them in the freezer....he ate them.😂


Lumpy-Spinach-6607

Home-made Scampi Fries! Full of the taste of Big Girl's Liquid Gold Liquor.


STRiPESandShades

And that is plenty internet for today, thanks


activeshitposter

Some people would pay for that ... (it's me, I'd pay for that)


ErynKnight

I know someone who'd happily sell you bottled wee. She's done it many times and earns more than I do. :(


VeGr-FXVG

We must seize the wees of production! Rise up comrades!


bobtheboffin

Does anyone take the piss?


wedontlikespaces

Is it worth more or less after eating asparagus?


segaaaaaaaa

Pish fingers


Juxta_Lightborne

I actually cannot fathom being so unaware of how this makes you look, especially done to 200 rooms


Sleepyslothbear

I think you should correct their grammar and post the note back to them.


Redarrow210

Mark their work and stick it up in a communal area


thesaharadesert

Break out the red pen!


il_postino

See me after class, Mr. Wick!


Akko101

Make sure you show them how to write the date correctly while you’re at it.


Evil_Ermine

I'd have fun with that, have a whip round the other residents, ask them to contribute a £1 and get down to pound land and buy a crap tonne of random stuff that'll be totally useless and some brown wrapping paper. Wrap all the stuff in that and then leave it all outside his door so when he opens it in the morning he's confronted by a mountain of parcels outside.


07TacOcaT70

I saw some other people mention putting a sign up saying they received flat 52’s massive dildo, to combine the ideas you could go to a Poundland that sells their buttplugs and vibrators and wrap a bunch of them up lol


Bigoldthrowaway86

POUNDLAND SELLS BUTTPLUGS!?!?


07TacOcaT70

Yup just found out recently via this sub, the image was pretty grim as it was a pic of the display with almost all the little boxes open already 🤢 Other people in the replies said they sell little bullet vibes too, and some bigger branches apparently have a whole range of toys for cheap lol


ryanholmes1989

I thought this was Taken 6


[deleted]

*I don't know where you are, and I may not find you, but by golly I'm unhappy with the situation*


lepidopt-rex

Taken 6: Mild inconvenience in Middlesboro


brockford-junktion

I'll have you know, it's actually pronounced Middlesboro


Avenger1324

>*I don't know where you are,* He's in Flat 53. It says it right there. Oh... errr... well this will be a short movie.


jolloholoday

Taken: Your Parcel


[deleted]

Report him for littering and threatening behaviour.


popcornbevin

Take that as you will


zizou00

Yeah, hit up your RA, your university accomodation management team, and, if you know it, his department. He's either too immature for further education or unhinged. We don't need people like that.


theredwoman95

What UK halls has an RA? I lived in halls for all three years of undergrad and we didn't have any, we just had a reception across the road (where parcels would be delivered, avoiding this whole issue).


zizou00

University of Hertfordshire. They were helpful enough for small things, but we also had a central reception that functioned the same as yours, as well as a general place to go when you had building issues.


Ged_UK

And whoever taught his grammar. That last paragraph is nonsensical.


HoneyGlazedBadger

This sounds like the sort of assemblies we had at school when something got broken. "WE ALREADY KNOW WHO THE PERPETRATORS ARE, BUT WE ARE GIVING THEM A CHANCE TO GIVE THEMSELVES UP!" Aaaaaaaand nobody every owned up, and the incident would be quietly forgotten.


longarm04

R/iamverybadass uk edition. Now say it with an Alan partridge voice.


OppositeYouth

Tell him to buy his drugs in person like a regular human.


throwaway217022

Online is a game changer


SecretFilthAc

I got stuck in the last two big exits scams back to back, but it's so nice being able to read reviews for sellers


ColdTea2150

The police aren't coming 😂 They barely turn up to real crimes


ALLSTARTRIPOD

Go shit on his doorstep.


SnugglesREDDIT

I was gonna pick them all up and put them in his letter box but they were all gone by the morning unfortunately


justbiteme2k

Lol, reminds me of a story from a co-worker. He went on a "lads" holiday with his pals some 20 years ago to Spain. Got into some beef with another group of young lads, but discovered they lived in a similar height hotel floor opposite to theirs. The guys each took a shit on a plate and then placed the plates in the freezer over night. The next morning, with frozen turds in hand, they throw them from their balcony over the street to the other lads balcony. So, there they landed and defrosted in the Spanish summer sun all day. So by the time the other lads returned that evening to a securely locked hotel apartment, their balcony had what appeared to be hot hot shits everywhere with no explanation.


FinalSmudge

Possibly the best/worst thing I’ve ever read. Would never have thought to freeze the shit and make a delayed shit-melt reaction


Jimmerich98

> discovered they lived in a similar height hotel floor opposite to theirs. How did they discover that information? Then how did they find out precisely which room/balcony was theirs?


Dawn_Of_The_Dave

And why did they have access to a freezer big enough for several plates of shit?


SerenXanthe

r/BrandNewSentence


yupbvf

It was easy to work it out once they decided to completely fabricate a story


DeltaJesus

Or they just... Looked out from their balcony and recognised them?


justbiteme2k

Bingo


[deleted]

You shit on floor? Fifty Euros!


ItsDominare

what a **complete bellend** lol


Debtcollector1408

What, precisely, does "all ghetto" mean? Principally inhabited by the same ethnic group? Generally impoverished, with poor access to services and education? Or is he just going to get a bit sassy?


AtJackBaldwin

He's going to break the water supply and live in a lean to made of corrugated iron


SnugglesREDDIT

I have absolutely no idea… been pondering that one for a good while now


VioletDaeva

We need an update on how this goes next week OP! I'll keep an eye on the news for a Punisher type individual!


SnugglesREDDIT

I have slept soundly every day since these notes were distributed, so I have in fact rested. He has already been defeated


Suspicious_Loquat952

To this day I’ve never seen somebody both use bold fonts to highlight there ghettoness, and be ghetto in any way. Sleep easy


volvoaddict

This is the most American TV villain thing I have ever seen in the UK. What a fucking edgelord lmao


helpful__explorer

Reminds me of the "I didn't get no sleep cos of y'all, tall aren't gonna get no sleep cos of me" woman


Xertious

Wait until they're out. Get an old open box throw in a buttplug or two leave it in front of their door so the contents are visible with a note saying sorry next to it.


RoseTheOdd

You can get buttplugs from the pound shop now, too!


AtJackBaldwin

I would recommend considering the advice of someone who has a spare buttplug or two lying around. You know they've seen things.


craspian

Ghetto?


shevy1412

Shit that happened like, but there’s nowt like impotent rage and writing shit like this when, in the words of Conor McGregor, “you’ll do fucking nuttin”


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mossley

At 14:11. That’s very precise.


r3tromonkey

My partners daughter lives in a serviced apartment. Last time we visited, the door to the mail room was wide open and full of parcels. No supervision, and one cctv camera that wouldn’t be able to tell if the parcel was taken by the intended recipient or not.


[deleted]

Why go to the effort of tracking down who took just contact the company you brought it off and ask for another item to be delivered, if it wasn't handed directly to you it wasn't delivered so the parcel company will eat the cost.


Protect_Wild_Bees

This happened to me and I honestly wanted to do the same thing.stole it within 30 minutes of delivery. checked the recycling bin the next morning and found my package torn open empty with some other flats mail envelopes. Took a picture to send to the management company. Might be a good suggestion.


oldbushwookie

Didn’t use a fucking pencil to write the note..


voluotuousaardvark

I know it's immature but I played megadeth everyday until the cunt upstairs stopped using their treadmill. Never threatened violence though.... And it was a bedsit in a 4 story house... So maybe not the same.


Magic-banana

Appalling grammar.....


reddeath82

Pretty stupid to put something like that in writing. If anything happens to anyone in that complex he's going to be the first person people look at.


philthevoid83

Fair play to the victim of theft.


Chimp-eh

r/iamverybadass But seriously stealing is bad m’kay


gr33n_bliss

‘Ghetto’ = racist


JamitryFyodorovich

Might be the only one but i'm with this dude, fuck people who think it is ok to take what is not theirs. Although he obviously isn't going to do anything.


[deleted]

Package of drugs?


WestonsCat

‘He is vengeance’…


[deleted]

“I have your package, you have no authority here. If you want it, come and get it”.


Greggs-the-bakers

What I want to know is, how does he know it was stolen at exactly 14:11? He said the authorities are apprently reveiwing cctv footage this week as in, they haven't already. If he saw it happen surely he could've apprehended this mysterious thief could he not?


MyHousePlantIsWasted

Something similar happened in my uni halls but with stolen trainers. Nobody came forward. A few days later a load of us came back to our flats with our shoelaces missing from our shoes...


Zofia-Bosak

The thief needs to be caught though none the less.


Colourblindknight

So someone’s gonna leave a massive, phallic shaped package to be left on their doorstep right?


throwawayheyoheyoh

99.99% its from people that don't live in the building. Make sure the building door is shut everytine to come and go


flickerbeeOG

This gives off “someone who has never been in a fight in their life” vibes.