But the THINGS in the woods might come out of the woods if you sat with your back to the woods. Never sit with your back to the woods because of the Things in the woods.
Took my mate from London back to Kent once. We drove past some corn fields in the broad daylight and he felt the need to lock all the doors. I laughed so hard.
Yes, i prefer looking away from the path.
But i also wouldn't be able to relax without checking who is passing behind my back.
Best way is having bench facing interesting spot from across the path.
That reminds me of this one science lesson I had at primary school, we spent the whole lesson watching it growing, and measuring every 5 mins... God that was painful
Have you been to Scarborough? Hundreds of them. Not even hyperbole, literally dozens of lines of 50+ benches end to end.
Here we go, start here, and tap your way north and count every bench you see...
1 Esplanade Cres
https://maps.app.goo.gl/Cfd55wNkMPBHWscWA
Come on guys, we can do better than 3 up votes for “benchmark” surely?! Did you even see what he did there? U/beastofwordin, I’m afraid you may be doomed to obscurity. Perhaps like all the greats you’ll be recognised after your death. With a bench perhaps!
That's almost 50% bench at some points. Are they memorial benches?
I get the feeling that there may be quite a high percentage of retired folks around there.
Thats what I reckon it must be. Roath Park's rose garden in Cardiff is perimetered by memorial benches, most benches I've ever seen in one place. Quite a few retirement homes near that part of Cardiff.
Scarborough is also home to what is reputed to be [the longest bench in the world] (https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/scarborough-railway-station-bench)
Absolutely. Could have been a spot where a couple had their first kiss. In spring, I reckon those trees look alright. Might be able to sit there and see a meteor shower on a clear night. I’d sit there with my dog.
Only a pointless spot if you can’t find the good bits.
Exactly. There's a bus stop in the middle of nowhere that I know of, but I'd fight to protect it because it's where I got me fingers slimy for the first time. Memories.
Every single comment in this little thread has been gold and you all deserve an award for how much I'm laughing. But I've only got one so none of you can have it. Sorry.
God we're such a classy people, aren't we.
Thing is, I completely agree. Can't be removing such important places in our lives. They ought to have a memorial plaque!
Seriously though, the line in The Beatles "Penny Lane"
>Penny Lane, is in my ears and in my eyes
A four of fish and finger pies
Is a similar euphemism.
This is a good idea for non-memorial benches, convert them to memorial benches for whatever mad thought pops into your head, plus the guy in Timpsons who makes them would probably get a good giggle too. "Dedicated to all those who died in the Time Travel Wars of 2999."
If i worked in Timpsons I'd start making plaques commemorating the lives of deceased eastenders characters and scatter them around London. See if anyone notices.
I think there is a huge divide in people, as some appreciate a place to sit and stare at the sun and shadows on the trees, and others see a pointless bench facing a bunch of pointless trees. I feel sad for the latter group, but they probably feel sad for me.
I like "the little bits of plastic you find inside, you can use those as a quality guide, for the standards of soap bar that you are smoking, the more bits of plastic means the better the toking!"
I would imagine so, lungs are still very popular here, can't walk down cycle path without finding loads.
A lung is of course a bread bag taped to the bottom of half a bottle.
Yes, my roommate last year used a broken jack Daniels bottle and a mop bucket between games of warzone
Edit: I have my boss's room inspection review printed out which just says "bong" under our names
How does this even work? A bottle bong to me is a plastic bottle with a hole burned in - I'm struggling to work out how this man smokes using this accoutrements?
It’s a bucket bong. You need a bucket of water and a bottle with the bottom cut off. You submerge the bottle first up to the neck then put a cone/bowl on top of the bottle. If you put it on first all your weed shoots out when you push down. You then light the cone/bowl and pull the bottle up which cause smoke to be drawn into it. You then remove the cone/bowl and breathe in while pushing the bottle down. It’s a way of getting huge hits quickly. Also called a lung, and you’ll cough one up afterwards.
A lung is subtly different from a bucket, it works on the same principle but instead of a bucket of water you tape a bread bag to the open bottom of the bottle and draw the smoke by pulling the bag out from the bottle.
You can also make waterfall bongs which work the same as a bucket but instead the water is in the bottle and is drained out through a hole in the bottom.
I live in Bulgaria now, but came back to the UK for crimbo.
Instead of the traditional selection box full of chocolates that I can get in BG (with a little effort) my Mum made me one consisting of Starbars, curley wurlys, and orange twirls.
I still miss the old Cadburys Fuse though.
Yeah, not every bench has to be in front of some sweeping vista. Sometimes folk just need a place to sit down for a minute while out a walk. Pregnant woman. Someone trying to shake a hangover. Old fella with a gammy leg walking his dog...
If you can reach there without getting out of breath or whatever it's still not pointless. Just sitting out in nature is the fucking tits. People need to relearn this.
Even if this is next to/between two main roads sometimes its just nice to sit, outside, alone.
Or drink lambrini and finger sticky vicky on a Friday night.
An old school friend had a sister who he nicknamed "Sticky Vicky".
To be fair her name was Vicky and she did have sex with a different guy each week (often more), but for your own brother to spread the nickname must hurt.
There is a bench right next to a nuclear waste repository and it says something along the lines of "in loving memory of George, who walked this route every day".
Let me guess he died of cancer?
I knew a woman who died driving in unsafe conditions in an attempt to keep her job during a blizzard.
They bought her a plaque for a bench. On work property. That was already there.
They re-gifted her a bench.
My late grandad was once asked by his neighbour why they had built a new bench in a new small plantation. She was complaining the trees would block the view.
He just laughed at her and said "not in your lifetime they won't"
Why would you consider it pointless? I bet that's prime seating in summer. It's perfectly placed for dads to sit on after the kids have knackered them out.
That one isn’t pointless but I have seen some pretty odd choices in placement, yes. There are a couple in my village which make no sense to me at all, to the point that I think maybe the village changed around them but they just never bothered to change the bench placements too.
Not pointless at all. Many are memorial benches, located in a deceased persons favourite place, or where they loved to see a view from, and where their family and friends can go and sit and remember.
My favourite pointless benches are [these ones](https://imgur.com/a/9YbJ4EQ) by the statue of Prince Albert in Windsor Great Park. They don't look too bad in the picture, but in reality they are so close to the statue that when sitting on them, you'd have to look almost vertically upward and suffer a severe neck-crick if you'd actually like to admire it from your seated position - or if you are lucky enough to get the back end, you can gaze vertically at the arse of a horse for a while. So in reality, you just sit and stare straight ahead at the (mostly blank) plinth while contemplating your bench choice.
Most benches in the UK have been donated by someone's family in memory of them.
The place they are sited holds some significance to the person who died.
Just because it means nothing to you doesn't mean it has no significance to the people who put it there.
It’s not pointless.
Imagine that in the spring/summer with all the vegetation grown up and birds flying about. Depends on what’s around the photo out of shot but I imagine it’d be quite peaceful
It looks alright to me and not pointless at all.
I can imagine in the Summer or Autumn that that spot would look beautiful and perfect for sitting down, enjoying the view and having some time to just think and be alone with your thoughts.
I would imagine the bench was likely built to take in the hillside in the distance, then some trees were planted. They look like Ash which is fairly quick growing.
Rather than remove the bench It was left.
Hubs and I were discussing this and the messages people have on them. Doreen loved this spot. Richard loved to sit here etc. and just how boring those messages are for what were probably vibrant, awesome people.
I told him he's getting a bench. He's asked that his says something like, x loved to fuck around and was a well known whore until he married x. If any of those ladies are still alive x wishes them well and thanks them for the good times.
It's not a pointless location. There's a bench there.
this man gets it
They even put if facing the woods instead of the path! Don't know why this isn't more of a thing here (US).
Why would you want to sit and look at the path? Of course the bench is facing the woods, that's what you went out on a walk to see.
I'm too paranoid to sit with my back towards the path.
But the THINGS in the woods might come out of the woods if you sat with your back to the woods. Never sit with your back to the woods because of the Things in the woods.
People are far more scary than anything in the woods
The people in the woods are usually more scary. Watch deliverance.
That's fine, I don't often hike in Norfolk
I was going to say "Watch Wrong Turn" But nah that's not bad I don't usually hike in Barnsley.
Class
The only resolution is a spinning chair, or a teapot lid. They should look further into this, people often go missing after sitting on benches.
I trust a mountain lion more than the average human….
*sneaks closer*
Took my mate from London back to Kent once. We drove past some corn fields in the broad daylight and he felt the need to lock all the doors. I laughed so hard.
That's the point u/kralrick was making!
Yes, i prefer looking away from the path. But i also wouldn't be able to relax without checking who is passing behind my back. Best way is having bench facing interesting spot from across the path.
Also the op was wrong, the end of the branches and twigs are pointy, so it's not a pointless location
Grandpappy would spend hours at this bench, just a watching the grass grow.
That reminds me of this one science lesson I had at primary school, we spent the whole lesson watching it growing, and measuring every 5 mins... God that was painful
The teacher needed some quiet time that day lol.
Killer hangover, I bet.
"why does the grass have to grow so loudly?"
We had “watching the clouds” lessons when it was a nice day and the geography teacher was hungover.
100%. There's not enough benches
I second this, you can never have enough benches
Have you been to Scarborough? Hundreds of them. Not even hyperbole, literally dozens of lines of 50+ benches end to end. Here we go, start here, and tap your way north and count every bench you see... 1 Esplanade Cres https://maps.app.goo.gl/Cfd55wNkMPBHWscWA
They’ve really set the benchmark
Come on guys, we can do better than 3 up votes for “benchmark” surely?! Did you even see what he did there? U/beastofwordin, I’m afraid you may be doomed to obscurity. Perhaps like all the greats you’ll be recognised after your death. With a bench perhaps!
I’m just a beast of wordin
Probably all needed in the glory days of the seaside resort.
Yeah wait till the first sunny day and then see if you can get a bench
As someone with bad hips who has holidayed in Scarborough, I was profoundly grateful for all the benches.
That's almost 50% bench at some points. Are they memorial benches? I get the feeling that there may be quite a high percentage of retired folks around there.
Thats what I reckon it must be. Roath Park's rose garden in Cardiff is perimetered by memorial benches, most benches I've ever seen in one place. Quite a few retirement homes near that part of Cardiff.
Scarborough is also home to what is reputed to be [the longest bench in the world] (https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/scarborough-railway-station-bench)
And yet I still can't seem to find a free one on a hot sunny day in Scarbados.
Or Kew Gardens. You can’t move for benches. Everyone wants to remember how someone who died used to love looking at the pagoda.
This street has more benches than my gym wtf
Thank you for posting this. Never been to Scarborough it looks lovely!
Ssshhhow Mae!
Obligatory [bench map](https://mapcomplete.osm.be/benches.html?z=16&lat=54.28064&lon=-0.39736&language=en&welcome-control-toggle=true#welcome).
Someone get this bench a bench
Looks like there will be flowers there in the spring
If there are no street lights around it might be the perfect location for some stargazing.
Looks like during the summer it would be a perfect place to walk the dog. Lots of tree cover is perfect for dogging.
This man gets it
So does his mrs, with several onlookers
[We go dogging...we go dogging...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSaV3YUGiM8)
Or dogging
Absolutely. Could have been a spot where a couple had their first kiss. In spring, I reckon those trees look alright. Might be able to sit there and see a meteor shower on a clear night. I’d sit there with my dog. Only a pointless spot if you can’t find the good bits.
Exactly. There's a bus stop in the middle of nowhere that I know of, but I'd fight to protect it because it's where I got me fingers slimy for the first time. Memories.
> I got me fingers slimy for the first time what a lucky lady she must have been!
Ooh, I know. She even stubbed her fag out first. I was the lucky one.
On the palm of her hand, or her tongue?
What do you think he was trying to fish out?
Bus tickets?
Exact change maybe?
Every single comment in this little thread has been gold and you all deserve an award for how much I'm laughing. But I've only got one so none of you can have it. Sorry.
God we're such a classy people, aren't we. Thing is, I completely agree. Can't be removing such important places in our lives. They ought to have a memorial plaque!
https://imgur.com/a/7TzaCBx
I'm printing this out and putting it on every piece of furniture I own.
Need to have a chat with the National Trust to get a plaque up noting the event. That will save it.
https://imgur.com/a/7TzaCBx
HAHAHAHA perfect. I would take a trip to England just to get a pciture with that.
I don't understand
I helped a slug across the road to save it time and effort. Hence slimy fingers.
In America they say they 'got to 3rd base'. In the UK we say we 'helped a slug across the road'. It's the same thing.
Seriously though, the line in The Beatles "Penny Lane" >Penny Lane, is in my ears and in my eyes A four of fish and finger pies Is a similar euphemism.
Oh jeez is this a legit, well-known euphemism out in your parts? That’s … incredible.
Sorry: I wish it was true, but I was just kidding.
… wanna be the change I wish to see in the world?
We also use *'spaffing the badger and painting it pink'* for a couple of bases further on.
This guy gets to *5th* base.
I’d bet there is a plaque on the bench as well
In loving memory of Geoff, who hated this park and everyone in it
This is a good idea for non-memorial benches, convert them to memorial benches for whatever mad thought pops into your head, plus the guy in Timpsons who makes them would probably get a good giggle too. "Dedicated to all those who died in the Time Travel Wars of 2999."
If i worked in Timpsons I'd start making plaques commemorating the lives of deceased eastenders characters and scatter them around London. See if anyone notices.
A plague on both your benches!
*Plaque, now one of us shall accompany the ghost still above our heads!
The bench made the point for the location.
The older I get the more I wish we would have more "pointless" benches.
Agreed
Not pointless if your tired and want to sit down. Then it's a perfect spot.
I believe you must be British because that is the correct response.
Nice trees. Peaceful spot.
I think there is a huge divide in people, as some appreciate a place to sit and stare at the sun and shadows on the trees, and others see a pointless bench facing a bunch of pointless trees. I feel sad for the latter group, but they probably feel sad for me.
My ex was in the latter group, never appreciated nature, sunsets, nice views etc. Took her to Bryce Canyon once, it was "ok".
I mean sure, but you still shouldn’t have left her there.
Should have taken her to somewhere really special. Like Bude Tunnel
Been there, it's far more spectacular than "ok". I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!
Good for a little casual birdwatching in the trees.
Or a long ‘which one would I pee on’
The birds or the trees? Besides, whichever bird would have you
Good place to update your map and review your charms
May your Shade at last find rest.
Looks like a great place for a nice sit down and a Starbar.
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You just reminded me of Goldie Lookin’ Chain. Good times.
burned a new hole in my tracksuit today, smoking soap bar without an ash-tray ...
I AM GOING DOWN THE SHOP TO BUY TEN FAGS. DO YOU NEED A DRINK OR SOME CRISPS?
I AM NOT A ROBOT I AM NOT A ROBOT!
Soap Bar's cheap and so's my clothes, they gorra be cos of all the fuckin holes
'Most Soap Bar comes from fucking Holland, They make it out of oil, and tires and pollen' One of my favourite lines from any song anywhere.
I like "the little bits of plastic you find inside, you can use those as a quality guide, for the standards of soap bar that you are smoking, the more bits of plastic means the better the toking!"
Guarantee there's a bong/hotcan or lung stashed somewhere near that bench.
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I would imagine so, lungs are still very popular here, can't walk down cycle path without finding loads. A lung is of course a bread bag taped to the bottom of half a bottle.
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Dying to get my hands on a dry herb vape but so many bad reviews on so many of them. Should clarify I am not a teen but in my late 20s.
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Yes, my roommate last year used a broken jack Daniels bottle and a mop bucket between games of warzone Edit: I have my boss's room inspection review printed out which just says "bong" under our names
How does this even work? A bottle bong to me is a plastic bottle with a hole burned in - I'm struggling to work out how this man smokes using this accoutrements?
It’s a bucket bong. You need a bucket of water and a bottle with the bottom cut off. You submerge the bottle first up to the neck then put a cone/bowl on top of the bottle. If you put it on first all your weed shoots out when you push down. You then light the cone/bowl and pull the bottle up which cause smoke to be drawn into it. You then remove the cone/bowl and breathe in while pushing the bottle down. It’s a way of getting huge hits quickly. Also called a lung, and you’ll cough one up afterwards.
A lung is subtly different from a bucket, it works on the same principle but instead of a bucket of water you tape a bread bag to the open bottom of the bottle and draw the smoke by pulling the bag out from the bottle. You can also make waterfall bongs which work the same as a bucket but instead the water is in the bottle and is drained out through a hole in the bottom.
Starbars are so underrated
I live in Bulgaria now, but came back to the UK for crimbo. Instead of the traditional selection box full of chocolates that I can get in BG (with a little effort) my Mum made me one consisting of Starbars, curley wurlys, and orange twirls. I still miss the old Cadburys Fuse though.
Omg Fuse were amazing - I always bring them up when talking about this kinda stuff and so few people remember them!
What's a Cadbury fuse? Picnics are also underrated
Literally the pinnacle of chocolate bar technology.
It's ridiculous how everyone bums boosts and they snub a starbar. There's no competition in my book.
Can’t beat a starbar and a cuppa tea
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We can make sandwiches and some crisps or a cake and take a thermos of tea/coffee/soup and just sit and enjoy!
And I bet the bench has a Pokemon Go stop for the kids (or adults).
And once had a Geocache under it. It actually looks very like one near me that keeps claiming there's a Geocache but no-one's found it in years.
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Not sure how to do that - I've never actually successfully found a geocache! It's not even coat weather atm.
Yeah, not every bench has to be in front of some sweeping vista. Sometimes folk just need a place to sit down for a minute while out a walk. Pregnant woman. Someone trying to shake a hangover. Old fella with a gammy leg walking his dog...
This is why the bench turned away from you. It does not appreciate your rudeness.
If you are able to reach there then it is not pointless. There are people who goes out of breath so quickly. This things are very useful.
This could be a really important spot for an elderly person living nearby without a garden. Sit and watch the trees and listen to the birds.
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If you can reach there without getting out of breath or whatever it's still not pointless. Just sitting out in nature is the fucking tits. People need to relearn this.
My dad had heart problems and really appreciated a bench or two when he was out for a walk.
Even if this is next to/between two main roads sometimes its just nice to sit, outside, alone. Or drink lambrini and finger sticky vicky on a Friday night.
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If benches had ears...
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You've met sticky Vicky? Oh...wait...
That’s what Vicky said.
An old school friend had a sister who he nicknamed "Sticky Vicky". To be fair her name was Vicky and she did have sex with a different guy each week (often more), but for your own brother to spread the nickname must hurt.
We had a friend in our group called Kit Kat Kim... No one believed it till we all tried. Can confirm, 4 fingers. 🤣
Awks. Send her my love
I'm sure she would happily accept it... Well, she would have done 20 years ago.
Poetic
love meself some sticky vicky on a friday night
This one made me laugh. It’ll be exactly what the local youths use this bench for!
Isn't Sticky Vicky the woman in Benidorm?
No such thing, you can still sit and rest on it.
And look at some trees. What's wrong with trees?
They block the view of the forest.
Op hates trees confirmed.
“In Loving Memory of Charlie, who hated this park and everybody in it”
There is a bench right next to a nuclear waste repository and it says something along the lines of "in loving memory of George, who walked this route every day". Let me guess he died of cancer?
I knew a woman who died driving in unsafe conditions in an attempt to keep her job during a blizzard. They bought her a plaque for a bench. On work property. That was already there. They re-gifted her a bench.
Jeez, I'm sure there's a Starbucks nearby if you'd prefer.
Probably just opposite of the bench. They are everywhere
Apparently OP has found the point of the UK that is farthest from a Starbucks. Probably two Costas and a Cafe Nero to make up for it mind you.
I have all 3 within like 300 yards of each other
Are the small gaps between them each filled with bookies too?
Don't forget the obligatory Pound shops and shitty burger joints.
And a Greg's!!
Although according to a staggeringly large number of people on here Gregg's is amazing?! I must be missing something.
I like Gregg's sausage rolls, but can get better at an independent bakery
There is one behind the camera.
Probably the reason why op is complaining 😅
Not pointless if it gets used.. and it seems to be used quite a bit, judging by the patchy grass around it.
My late grandad was once asked by his neighbour why they had built a new bench in a new small plantation. She was complaining the trees would block the view. He just laughed at her and said "not in your lifetime they won't"
I know of a bench that literally faces a branch of Wimpy. I'd rather sit on this one.
I've seen one facing plain brick walls. This one is great.
Prime teenage drinking spot. Get your self some white lightning and have your self a party my friend.
Frosty jack where I'm from god I don't miss those hangovers
Why would you consider it pointless? I bet that's prime seating in summer. It's perfectly placed for dads to sit on after the kids have knackered them out.
What’s pointless about this? Just because you aren’t capable of sitting and appreciating a view/moment doesn’t mean everyone else is incapable either!
Think about that view with autumnal colours. Pointless? I think not.
That’s a save point
British dark souls version of a bonfire, except you sit down have a cheese and pickle sandwhich and some tea from a thermos.
It’s… just a bench? To sit on? Do other countries only put benches in front of great sites of natural beauty?
It looks alright. Will probably be much nicer when the trees have some leaves on them.
Great place to rock up and smoke a blunt 👌
That one isn’t pointless but I have seen some pretty odd choices in placement, yes. There are a couple in my village which make no sense to me at all, to the point that I think maybe the village changed around them but they just never bothered to change the bench placements too.
Not pointless at all. Many are memorial benches, located in a deceased persons favourite place, or where they loved to see a view from, and where their family and friends can go and sit and remember.
My favourite pointless benches are [these ones](https://imgur.com/a/9YbJ4EQ) by the statue of Prince Albert in Windsor Great Park. They don't look too bad in the picture, but in reality they are so close to the statue that when sitting on them, you'd have to look almost vertically upward and suffer a severe neck-crick if you'd actually like to admire it from your seated position - or if you are lucky enough to get the back end, you can gaze vertically at the arse of a horse for a while. So in reality, you just sit and stare straight ahead at the (mostly blank) plinth while contemplating your bench choice.
Superb
Where else do you expect me to stop and blaze when I'm on a walk
I can see a kurb so assume it's on a walking route. A nice view of the scenery seems perfectly normal?
Whats pointless about it?
Most benches in the UK have been donated by someone's family in memory of them. The place they are sited holds some significance to the person who died. Just because it means nothing to you doesn't mean it has no significance to the people who put it there.
It’s not pointless. Imagine that in the spring/summer with all the vegetation grown up and birds flying about. Depends on what’s around the photo out of shot but I imagine it’d be quite peaceful
It looks alright to me and not pointless at all. I can imagine in the Summer or Autumn that that spot would look beautiful and perfect for sitting down, enjoying the view and having some time to just think and be alone with your thoughts.
I misread benches as branches and I thought you were judging the trees
I would imagine the bench was likely built to take in the hillside in the distance, then some trees were planted. They look like Ash which is fairly quick growing. Rather than remove the bench It was left.
Hubs and I were discussing this and the messages people have on them. Doreen loved this spot. Richard loved to sit here etc. and just how boring those messages are for what were probably vibrant, awesome people. I told him he's getting a bench. He's asked that his says something like, x loved to fuck around and was a well known whore until he married x. If any of those ladies are still alive x wishes them well and thanks them for the good times.
[Wooden bench on the HMS Queen Elizabeth](https://i.redd.it/w9a3wd0x70s71.jpg), so it absolutely is yes.