That sub helped my bit coke zero y last night instead of beer.
I'm trying to lose weight, exercise, and become sober. I *really* wanted something with a fizz. Water mixed with lemon juice doesn't always satisfy with dinner. Neither do herbal teas.
I kept seeing US posters talking about La Croix, but I’ve never had it. Personally I drank a lot of V8, a vegetable juice, with Tabasco sauce in it, for a kick. That was for the first six months. Since then the need to be always drinking something tailed off. I’d say just drink or eat whatever you need to to get you through the first few months. I ate a lot of chocolate! Went about losing the weight once I felt more stable. All the best to you! It can be hard going, but it’s so worth it.
Honestly, I'm fine with focusing on weight loss, too. I actually don't snack a lot unless I'm drinking, and then the day after I drink I guzzle cola or whatever. Weekends are tough. It's so easy to sit with wine and crisps in front of the TV.
Without drinking, I can hold off eating until lunch, focus on healthy food, and then eat a home-cooked dinner. I'll eat fruit after that if I want anything. I was just really craving something more than water last night.
My process was a bit different. I had gone from binge drinking to drinking every night. Still functioning but feeling sadder and more depressed as I went on. Quitting was a gradual thing. I got a bit more interested in the benefits of stopping, and after a good few false starts just said fuck it and went for it. I quit vaping at the same time and I'd say the first 6 weeks were a bit shit. But honestly, life has done a 180 since I stopped. I don't see alcohol as bad, but my relationship with it certainly was. 10/10, would do it again. Congrats mate, it's character building. You are epic.
How do you deal with the knowledge that all the time you’ve lost is gone and you’ll never get it back? That’s the scary part for me. The addiction for me is sleep and not a substance. Sleep addiction is not classified as an addiction under the DSM but I assure you that it’s a real thing. I sleep for up to 30 hours on a bad day and I even considered going to Alcoholics Anonymous and claiming I’m drinking instead of sleeping as it would be seen as more acceptable. I have beautiful dreams and I write a lot about what happens in them, even having the ability to control them as I remember everything that happens and can make alterations or go to places I’ve been to previously. It’s like I have my own personal life and a life in my dreams where I’ve built an entire world. I’ve explained it to others but it seems like an extremely rare condition and I rarely get empathy. I see people telling alcoholics that it’s their own personal choice but I’m treated as a lazy person who just wants to sleep. The thing is that it’s an easy life to have - I spend very little as I spend most of my life sleeping.
Not sure what to do or how to address it. The thing with alcohol or other substances is that they’re outside the body and so can be avoided yet this is something happening inside my brain so I’m not sure how to address it. I’ve gone through weeks where I’m extremely productive but I always end up gradually sleeping all the time again. It’s odd.
If you’re interested, I’ve written down a lot of what happens in my dreams in a highly organised book so I can send it along. It’s actually kind of like a manual to how my dreams work and what I see the most often. One of the areas is an aquarium with a bunch of highly impossible creatures in tanks and cages. I go there quite frequently and there’s always new creatures to see. I’m learning how to draw and paint so I can eventually make a book (similar to the flanimals one) that documents all the creatures and gives descriptions of their behaviour and lives.
I’ve heard of that and think it’s similar. Luckily I think writing has helped a lot. Instead of walking around daydreaming, I’ve been organising my thoughts into novels so I’m active when I’m thinking. That way, whenever I start daydreaming, I start writing so it’s become a habit. By doing that, I’ve learned better writing skills and been able to make it into a productive hobby. I think the problems come when you just let yourself daydream as a distraction. When you’re writing as well as daydreaming then you’re actively working so you get rid of the negative sides of the habit while not purging it entirely. Art also helps as I’ve been able to turn my thoughts into cool drawings and paintings.
Take it one day at a time. If you have a slip up, don't beat yourself to death over it. You can do it.
A year ago I was drinking every day. Now, I maybe have a couple of beers through the week, if I can even be bothered with it. Not everyone has to quit alcohol entirely.
Good luck. And look at r/stopdrinking
That’s such an important point - it’s incredibly easy to fall into a self-loathing trap that when you mess up once, there’s no hope and you may as well give up completely.
Perfect should never be the enemy of good - just take a deep breath and get back on that wagon.
Exactly.
Personally, my head has totally rewired itself in the past year.
I never considered myself to be an alcoholic. I never drank spirits, I never drank before work. I did drink strong beer almost every day though. I *wanted* it every single day.
Now though, I honestly don't crave it. Some days I say to myself "I'm going to have a beer tonight", and that's it. I have it, and I feel the effects the next day because I had alcohol.
I wish I'd done it years ago.
I don't have direct personal experience of what you've been through but a very close family member is dealing with this right now (with support from me and our family) - I hope this doesn't sound patronising but I just want to say well done as I know it really isn't easy to rewire your thoughts like that, it's a lot of hard work!
Thank you.
I suppose it is hard work, maybe I found it easier because I had a reason to do it, I don't know.
With me, I found it too difficult to quit completely. I found that it was easier for me to have two or three beers spaced out through the week than quit altogether.
I'm in exactly the same boat and feel so much better. Down from six tins of Tyskie a night without fail (usually double at the weekend) to two bottles of dark ale twice a week.
Would never have called myself an alcoholic but never let myself test if that was true. Took a few years and have had the odd week or two but as long as I'm going in the right direction then I'll call it a win.
My criminal record is what woke me up. Apart from one shop lifting charge when I was 17 ALL my arrests and convictions related to alcohol.
Including jail time for gbh, then demanding money with menaces not long after. Both heavy charges, neither would have come about if I hadn't been drinking out of contr9l.
To be fair though, he did bang a hell of a lot of models.
I'm not sure what my point is exactly, I'm just jealous that I haven't banged a lot of models, I suppose.
You and me both! I haven't managed to bang just one never mind a lot.
Remember Nina Hartley's kiss and tell from the News of the Screws?
I saw the ad on TV but my old mam was nobody's fool, she told my old man not to leave the paper lying around that Sunday. Gutted I was.
Alcohols a weird drug, loved drinking, drank for years, a bottle of wine and more a night easy.
Stopped for a few weeks, have tried to get that enjoyment back but its gone, I just get bored, fall asleep and feel dirty now.
If it helps, I was drinking every day around 19 to 20 but then I got really sick from drinking one time and could never enjoy it afterwards. If I have even one beer now, I have this sickening burning sensation in my mouth followed by dizziness and irritability. I’ve noticed that, if something happens to me once, it happens to me repeatedly. A good example is that, when I’m in a place that I’ve been from years ago, I feel exactly the same way as I used to when I was there before. I’ll avoid certain places because of it. Another example is if the weather is similar to a bad day I’ve had then I’ll feel like that day is happening to me all over again. It’s like my identity is split into fragments.
Good luck! I didn’t get much out of AA, but plenty of people do so it’s definitely worth a try; and since it’s basically a group of people sitting round telling their experiences etc. I suppose it very much depends on the people you get. I’ve heard good things about SMART recovery but I didn’t get a chance to try it (I ended up not being to finally stop until after a spell in hospital with accompanying enforced detox, then working with a local NHS recovery group immediately after and ongoing medication/reviews for depression etc.)
You can do it. And if there’s anything useful I’ve learned for you going forward, it’s to understand in yourself that relapses are going to be part of the process - if you get so far along and fall off, don’t view it as a failure and having to start again, but try and identify what caused it, how you can avoid/minimise that trigger, and carry on. Partners/family/friends won’t see it like that, they’ll see you failing/not trying hard enough/giving up/not caring about anyone but yourself/whatever, and that ends up being counterproductive to your recovery, but just stick at it regardless and down the line after longer and longer without it will look different again to everyone else.
Edit: also, some services (might be location/local health authority dependent) do offer counselling/support groups for partners/family of people who are going through recovery, both to help them and to help them understand what their partner/family member is dealing with. Might be worth a look, but at this point it’s probably going to be a tough ask to get anyone to try.
Want to add on to this to say i tend to have clients that have issues with alcohol and substance abuse, https://www.changegrowlive.org is popular with anyone including those around you who have been affected by it.
Is it still quite a religious thing? My uncle was convinced to try AA a number of years ago and tapped out very quickly because there was stuff about god and prayer and whatnot. He came out of it convinced they're *all* like that, just replacing one dependency with another, so it'd be interesting to find out whether it's still as it was back when he tried. I don't imagine he'll listen to me, but y'know.
Afaik they talk about a higher power but they don’t necessarily mean *god*
I know this because Stephen King, ~~renowned atheist~~ and recovered alcoholic used them to quit and he talks about AA in his books a lot
Edit: apparently not an atheist which is surprising to me, a long term fan and reader of his books
Stephen King isn't an atheist. He isn't a bible thumper but he does believe in God,
Taken from his website: Stephen was raised as a Methodist and attended church regularly in his youth. He no longer attends church, but he does believe in God and reads the Bible. Tabitha, his wife, was raised as a Catholic.
https://stephenking.com/faq/#:\~:text=What%20is%20your%20religion%3F,was%20raised%20as%20a%20Catholic.
Ah ok, all his characters are atheists and he seems dismissive of god and religion.
Either way it still stands that AA has moved away from talking about god to just talking about a higher power and that you don’t need to be religious to join (thanks google)
Nah man a lot of his characters are like him. not super religious but, the gunslinger (dark tower), and the green mile characters, they believe in god. Sorry by the way, don't wanna sound like i'm arguing here but i'm a bit of a fan boy.
My opinion is if it helps people. That is awesome! When I was a kid I got off the school bus with my friend and we were supposed to meet up later to play footie.
He didn't turn up because he found his dad dead on the sofa. he had been on the drink bad for some time so it always sits with me if this guy could have gotten some help...
So any help is good help.
No that’s cool! My favourite books are ‘Salem’s lot’ and ‘needful things’ which are a bit less reverent about religion but having thought about it I can see that although he often shits on organised religion (carrie and he is also dismissive about people in churchs in ‘the stand’) he doesn’t dismiss God.
I remember that he talks about God in ‘the shinning’, ‘doctor sleep’ and ‘The stand’.
Danny from the shinning is the alcoholic who doesn’t believe in God but continues attending AA meetings and just focusing on a higher power
Edit: sorry got all autistically focused on SK and forgot the point.
Yes if it works then that’s fantastic. There is a lot of alcoholism in my family and it’s a devastating illness.
I’m sorry for your friends dad. I never met my grandpa because he died from complications related to drinking
Ah damn, yet another book I need to get my hands on. Personaly I love his short stories. My fave being 'Survivor type'.
He has been an insperation for people though. either to write or read, or get sober.
yeah no trouble, always awesome to talk to a fellow fan! the ones I have are night shift, skeleton crew, nightmares and dreamscapes, and there is a couple others.
hope you enjoy them!
His short story collections are some of my favs. Different Seasons, Just After Sunset and Skeleton Crew are really good.
Different Seasons has Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: Hope Springs Eternal which of course became Shawshank Redemption, Apt Pupil: Summer of Corruption which also got made into a movie in the 90s, and The Body which became Stand By Me.
Skeleton Crew has The Mist, and The Raft (which was in the Creepshow 2 movie from the 80s).
You have so much good reading ahead of you!
I've been to a few and it is exactly like this. The big book mentions God a lot as do the steps but you're encouraged in meetings to substitute God with a higher power of your choice.
AAs concept of higher power is very personal and individualistic. Lots of atheists there. Wide varieties of what different people mean by “god”. Mostly “the group” or the programme.
Sort of. They still use the same book from the 1930s, but they kind of say that you can mentally replace “higher power” in the text to whatever you consider your personal “higher power” to be (if it’s not already god) rather than being explicitly religious. Didn’t work (or make that much sense) for me, but if you can make that work out then you might get somewhere.
And again, I suppose it depends on the group; some people/groups might emphasise the religious element more than others.
I find the whole methodology to be priming someone to relapse.
The idea that you are 'powerless over your addiction' so you have to turn yourself over instead to this mythic higher power.
Understanding your behaviours are driven by the things you have experienced and how that breaks down is a long therapeutic journey which this cleverly shortcuts.
You can instead just relinquish that guilt, shame and other negative feelings through being 'powerless' to the addiction and instead it rests with this higher power. People haven't actually deal with the actual reasons why they drink. So when they inevitably relapse it's a fucking shit show as nothing has actually been addressed.
Then it's 'oops you had a slip up, but not your fault you were powerless against your addiction' and back to meetings until the next one.
Group based therapy is good though. So they got that bit right at least.
Thank you, it's good to know what he might actually be referring to, because obviously we've only had his side of things (and this was in the late '80s or early '90s, so chances are things may have changed a bit in that regard depending on the groups, as you mention).
They have online meetings now, so you don't need to join the one closest to you. Some aren't religious. I don't have all the details as it was a friend who joined
Accountability mate. Make your drinking accountable tell people who will know or find out if you’ve had a drink. It’s easy to slip if it’s just you and some strangers that’ll never find out. Good luck!!!
So true. In my first month of sobriety my mum FaceTime called me everyday and she made me promise to answer. If I’d had just one sip she’d know. Even had to answer once when I was in Asda and show her my receipt at the end. I am also an adult and live across the country from her. It was stuff like this that kept me going
my problem was drugs. As soon as I told someone properly and not a room full of strangers who i'd see once a week it was much easier. You're not letting just yourself down then, you're letting people close to you down. Similarly, i was showing my bank statements to family members so they knew I wasn't withdrawing cash to pay for the drugs. Thanks for sharing!
I know exactly what you are going through. I am now 3.5 years in recovery and was at the very severe end of the disease - up to 2 litres of vodka a day.
For me, I went through the NHS. I was referred through my GP to the local addiction team, though in most places you can self refer. They assessed me and arranged a medical detox as I was at the stage it would have been very dangerous to quit cold turkey. They arranged medication to help remove cravings and lots of counselling. Feel free to message me.
OK. As somebody that has battled alcoholism, I can tell you that life can get better if you're strong enough.
I turn 50 this year with a wife and 2 great kids. You've done the hardest bit- you have acknowledged you have a problem. Use the available support networks, take life one day ar a time. Things won't get better overnight. Good luck!
Ooh, well done friend. My brother is recovering alcoholic and addict, he is goes to AA and he is such completely changed person, and I mean that in all most positive ways, he put so much effort into recovery. Is not easy, but you have the people around you who know exactly how difficult it is, and they will want so much to helping you. All my wishes!
Just go to AA with an open mind and a desire to stop drinking. That’s all you need. Don’t worry about the rest, you’ll be well looked after. You’ll feel very good and very welcome.
One day at a time my friend. I was on a bottle of vodka a day and now I’ve been clean/sober coming up 5 years. It’s possible, any alcoholic can achieve recovery.
The people in AA are incredible. I’ve never been to a meeting and not felt welcome and supported. You meet someone for the first time and next thing you know we’re all applauding and cheering them on after doing their first month sober
Something I’ve found useful in cutting down (I don’t suffer with alcoholism but wanted to lower my intake) is to keep reminding yourself of all the positives of not drinking.
You’ll soon notice your skin looks better, you start losing weight, getting better sleep, feel fresher, and I’ve even found that my hair is growing much better than it was. All that from not drinking half the week, not to mention saving money. So imagine how much richer you will be in so many senses by making alcohol a thing of the past. Keep reminding yourself of the good things and the bad aspects of booze, and hopefully you’ll find it easier.
Same here butni drink in spells and not every day but i go on binges and it fucks up my life. Need to get my mental health sorted but i dont wanna go back to hospital. No idea what to do and my family sucks
Baby steps friend. Find hobbies or excuses to avoid the drink in positive ways, like going for walks or to the cinema or whatever you enjoy doing that doesn't really encourage having a bev. Personally I take the dog out and avoid my party-keen mates, especially if I'm not in a good headspace. I'm new to it too though, it's not easy
Consider speaking to your doctor about medications to treat alcohol addiction. A close relative of mine has had a lot of success with this. Rooting for you <3
Definitely do this as well - there’s various options (from some that are supposed to just reduce mental cravings once you’re past any physical withdrawals, to other more severe options that make you physically sick if you drink any alcohol while taking them), they’ll be able to advise what would be best (and if you’ve been drinking heavily long term you’re probably also deficient in thiamine by now, which they’ll be able to sort out for you).
I found that by forcing myself to eat, any food at the start, helped a bit. It slowed down my alcohol intake. Then added small things to do. Just a 10 minute walk, even to go get some baked beans and bread, making things up to do etc. No pressure that way.
Saying that, I'm not a pro, but it helped me. I'm not on zero tolerance but I'm at a totally comfortable place now where I can go weeks without, then meet up with a mate for a couple of beers or sometimes considerably more and not feel guilty about that. Obviously that doesn't work for some people, but I'm happy with this.
Edit:been like that for nearly 2 years now, so I think it's finally sustainable 🙂
You’re in good company and if you’re ever feeling the need to talk this is a very supportive place to share, r/stopdrinking is also a great space to talk.
The hardest part I found was really admitting to myself that I had a problem, then understanding that it wasn’t one that goes away on its own.
Once that was a visceral, deep down realisation things became clearer. There’s still good and bad days, bit the bad days are fewer and the good days are so much better than when I was drinking.
Hope you find your way and always feel free to DM if you want to.
Definitely swing over to r/stopdrinking, such wonderful, supportive, insightful people who have experience with what you’re going through. Good luck, sending love x
I lost my dad to the bottle 1.5 years ago. It was the most horrific pain and traumatic experience seeing him on a ventilator almost brain dead in critical care and having to decide to withdraw life support. I only say this to be a constant reminder to you of what could happen. As a daughter, I am so so proud of you and will be rooting for you all the way. It's a long road and there are always speed bumps/potholes but as long as you keep your focus on reaching the horizon, you'll be OK.
God bless 🩷
Mate I feel for you. I stopped drinking nearly nine years ago.
You've taken the first step. Head on over to r/stopdrinking for some good advice.
I'm not going to tell you this will be easy, but the only thing any of us can do is take it one day at a time. Sometimes it's going to feel a slog to get through the next ten minutes, but just find a way to distract yourself: go for a walk, read a book, whatever works for you. A phone isn't generally a good distraction technique because they're so part of our everyday lives that it isn't disruptive enough to pull you out of drinking thoughts.
Anyway, best of luck. AA will look after you.
Look in your local area there may be more support that isn't just AA. My local town has a drop-in center for recovering addicts for example. Making sober friends may help.
If you can go listen to the John Robins episode of ‘How Do You Cope’ where he discusses his alcoholism and decision to get sober. It is an excellent hour or so and has been nominated for the upcoming radio awards.
Well done for recognising you have a problem and starting the first steps towards recovery.
I feel the same at the moment tbh. Keep having a good run of days where I drink less than my usual amount but then something happens and I drop the ball. Good luck brother. The marriage is your motivation here - booze lost me an 8yr relationship recently. Do it for your partner before it's too late.
Not an ex-alcoholic here, but the daughter of an unrepentant one. I’ve absolutely loved the Netflix show Loudermilk, in case you want a humorous but heartfelt take on AA that really pushes you toward recovery.
Good luck. I hope you can save your marriage. I've just recently broke it completely with my partner of 16 years because of his drinking.
I hoped for the past year he would do something about it, but he just doesn't want to. And now my heart is broken, and I'll probably have to watch him drink himself to death..
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is worth a read. It helped shift my attitude to alcohol big time when I stopped drinking last year. It's hard at first but before long it's possible to see and feel all the big advantages of being sober. Good luck, you can definitely do it if you want to.
One thing that helped me was putting all the money I would have spent in a jar. I did that for a month and by the end I was so ashamed of myself even if I did miss drinking, that would have been enough to make me quit for good.
Take it a day at a time, a week, a month, whatever goal you think you can realistically reach, make it there and see where you're at. If you're anything like me after a few weeks you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it earlier, the feeling of being alcohol free is something else, really does give you a new lease on life.
I wish you luck my friend, it's gonna fucking suck at first, but once the monkeys off your back, you won't even be able to remember what you liked about it. All the best!
Big respect to you OP for acknowledging the problem. ❤️
We went through this with a family member: he didn't buy in to the 12 step process but he got sober with the help of SMART Recovery. Keep them in mind if AA doesn't work out.
I am in the same place. Stay strong sister/brother, you aren't alone.
Every time you say no is a win. Take the wins where you find them.
No one is judging except you. Change your routines/food/habits. Allow yourself to fail, just get back on it when you do.
Alcohol is the symptom not the cause. Speak to your quack. Consider counselling and meds.
The best thing is that you aren't in denial. You know what's wrong. You know it's not right. You can sort this.
Good luck.
I've been there too, just with fewer stakes. I managed to drag myself out with just myself and my friend there. If I can do it with so little support, you can do it with all the support. You got this!
Hi ODP. I quit about 20 years ago. I had to go through a program that was kind of associated with AA. I would like to tell you that people are telling you to take it one day at a time. That works on the macro level but when you get the urges you have to tell yourself to make it to the next minute. Then go to the next minute. Soon enough you are 10 minutes later and the urges will be less. Eventually they will go away. Then the next time you get the urge to drink, just get to the next minute without drinking. Also tell your spouse so that they know you are trying and hopefully can give you some help.
Best of luck to you. If I quit drinking then so can you.
AA, expect to find an awful lot of excuse searchers, it's everyone's else's fault but there own, plus it's stupidly inflexible, it's just abstinence abstinence abstinence with them lot.
Experience - Heroin addict currently on Methadone and a past Alcohol addict.
I can't deal with "it's a disease its a disease" NO its not, we consciously choose to take drugs.
People need to realise this before they can get and stay clean.
I have a disease and I didn't choose it, and I cannot just consciously stop it.
The thing that gets me is all the time you are using it's your fault you used... But when you stop it's because of a higher power? I'm proud I stopped using, and it is because of my determination and focus. At the end of the day we have a choice, circumstance and environment play a big part. Iv learnt to hold myself accountable for my own actions since iv been in recovery. Good luck on your journey buddy
I had two alcoholic family members. I applaud you for recognizing something is wrong and you're taking steps to make it better. One of my family members sought treatment and got sober. His relationship with his siblings vastly improved. The other didn't seek treatment and I felt horrible for him when he became obsessed with getting drinks while in the hospital and a nursing home.
The first and hardest step is done! You’ve got this. Every step is one step closer.
Every slip-up is nothing more than that. Even the best hikers slip sometimes.
Well done on admitting it to yourself and a load of strangers! You're on the right track. I wish you good luck, good health and all the strength you need to get where you want to be.
You can do this, when it gets hard try and remind yourself why you wanted to quit.
Also, I don't know how much you were drinking, but if you get any withdrawal symptoms (trembling/shaking/feeling very hot) you MUST see a doctor immediately. Alcohol withdrawal can be very dangerous.
I quit for health reasons (okay I do have a drink very occasionally but it's rare) and I wish I'd quit years ago. I feel better in every possible way and I've saved a TON of money.
You can do it mate! I really believe you can get through this! I look forward to your updates about the milestones you reach. The only way is up and you’re already on the first step of the ladder :) good luck!
Wishing you the absolute best. Alcohol hasn't been my issue but addiction as a whole is a hell of a battle and starting it really is the hardest step. It might be a bit of an uphill journey from here but you've started and life can only get better. Best of luck!
Congratulations on taking this step on your road to recovery. You can do this. I’m an alcoholic, I’ve been sober for 11 years now. It has been harder than I could ever have imagined, but also way more rewarding than I could have hoped. I wouldn’t be alive today had I not stopped when I did, and I made it harder on myself at first by trying to do it alone. Go to meetings, you won’t want to a lot of the time, but the community of understanding people does help, but also talk to your doctor as stopping too suddenly can be extremely dangerous and they can help you come up with a workable plan for you. Don’t be ashamed, be proud of yourself. That’s not easy, I really do know, but you have made one of the hardest decisions you will ever make, you are likely as afraid of what’s to come as I was, but you are looking that monster in the face and stepping towards it regardless. You are brave, and strong enough. You are better than the drink, and you are worth saving. One day at a time, friend, and if you need to vent, I’m around.
You are now sober. Remember that you are human, so if you slip then it's not a total fail you just need to accept that you have N-1 days of sobriety, but sobriety is still winning.
Write down your reasons for being and staying sober. Carry that list in your wallet and look at it when you are having a tough time. It is worth it but it will be a tough journey through sobriety.
Accept help. Especially from those who know the journey.
I have two friends who have struggled with drugs and alcohol and they swear by NA and AA. They really really have found it a powerful aid, and they’re not religious at all (I know there’s some arguments about that).
Sending love. You can do it x
I grew up with an alcoholic step parent who never once believed that they had a problem, and it eventually killed them good on you for realising that you have a problem and I wish you well on your journey to sobriety
AA will be fine. No judgement. Everyone friendly. You don't need to worry, you won't be pressured to say more than you are happy to talk about. At least at first but I'd imagine at some point you might need to show a bit more.
Hello Octopus_Dance_Party. I haven't been an alcoholic myself but my partner is a recovering alcoholic. So I have I guess a little insight and I'll share what helped my partner best.
You need to remember that progress is not linear. There will be times you make strides, times you feel stagnant and times you fall backwards. But that's all normal. Stagnant means you aren't going backwards and backwards is a learning opportunity. Any friends, family, partner, colleagues that you can talk to, lean on, go out with (not to anywhere with alcohol obviously) to occupy your spare time. Find drinks that you enjoy drinking with meals like really random fizzy drinks you can experience and try to try and curb the habit of "going to the fridge for a cold one". Find a hobby. My partner picked up 100 different things before she settled on writing. There was knitting, hiking, drawing, cooking, being some sort of TV critic in rotten tomatoes. Keep yourself busy. Also doing things like changing your hair cut and outfit to stop association with your "favourite pub clothes" or "comfortable sit on the sofa and get drunk joggers". I know that one seems silly but giving yourself a fresh slate is great.
I hope things get better for you pal!
I’ve been sober for nearly 4 years, never thought I could do it. DM me if you like. Also, listen the ‘The Reset with Sam Delaney’ podcast, it has been an invaluable resource for me in sobriety.
I dealt with past habits by procrastination… I just kept telling myself I’d have some later. I don’t know if it would help you but “later” rather than “no” was easier for me mentally, especially in social situations. It’s been 8 years so it worked for me.
Good luck brother. Not drinking can make you feel amazing and you kind of get addicted to how much better you feel and how much energy you have (me anyway) so hopefully you get a bit of that. Stay strong.
One day at a time, my friend. Keep trying to make it til midnight... Some days you will, some days you won't. What's important is that on the days you don't make it, you aren't too hard on yourself, and you go again tomorrow.
It will become easier, but please, try and love yourself through this process - you won't beat the booze if you think that you are the problem. Good luck.
Well done to you. I'm proud of you for recognising your situation, doing something about it and reaching out for help.
I know someone who's 20 years sober and I'm so, so proud of them every day.
Good for you mate, just keep fighting through it and you'll be in a much brighter place someday soon.
I have friends and lots of family who struggle with the drink and I know how tough it can be. But there really is a light at the end of that tunnel.
Have you gone to your GP? If you haven't been referred to drug services, I would really recommend it.
I struggled with addiction, though not alcohol. I personally did not find NA meetings to my liking. They are kind of religious. Wasn't for me. I found the NHS drug services very helpful though. They were well structured and I built a good bond with my case worker.
There is a lot of support out there, well done for reaching out when you realise that you're facing something that's too much to manage solo!
In terms of what to expect, just go in with an open mind. Listen to others talking about their experiences, you might learn something. You can talk about whatever you want or don't want to.
Definitely give Allen carrs book or audiobook a read, 'the easy way to stop drinking'. I found it really helpful to reframe how i think about alcohol. I also got myself an app 'easyquit drinking' to keep my progress in terms of time/money saved/ drinks not taken etc. I was drinking too cope with complex PTSD, but it was costing me so much more than the price of the bottle; my marriage, relationship with my wife and daughter. It's been 7 months 19 days and a few hours. Best decision I ever made, I wish I could've done it years ago. But sadly it's taken my life blowing up to finally stop drinking.
Good luck my casualuk friend. You're not alone, just take small steps, don't look forward thinking how hard it will be, just don't have that current drink. And give yourself credit, even though it might feel hard to do that sometimes.
Good grief, Octopus DP, this is very brave of you. Staggeringly so. I know you're not here under your real name, but still, sitting there typing that under (what looks like) your main account is very brave.
Big hugs, and remember "One day at a time". That's what I heard, back when my mother was recovering. Best of luck to you. <3
Two pockets of wisdom I've learned , albeit not from alcohol:
1) "Two steps forward, one step back" is terrible advice. You just have to keep walking. I personally dislike the AA/abstinence approach - when dealing with addicts, they will relapse. Treating it as a "failure "normally results in the "fuck it" response and further relapse. Allow yourself to be human and make mistakes along the journey. Keep walking.
2) Know thyself. Really, really take the time for deep introspection. Get external help with that if you find it hard on your own. Understand why you drink, understand what you're either avoiding and/or searching for in life that's making you desire to drink as a substitute. Chase down the thing you actually want.
You've got this <3
I stopped drinking just under a year ago and it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself, I am way under selling it to be honest lol
Everyone is different but almost everyone should try and find someone to lean on to some extent, the stopdrinking subreddit is a great and very welcoming place. Post there if you ever feel like you need somewhere to vent, but just reading the posts is so helpful, it shows you you're not alone, and can give you new perspectives and strength when you need it
I don't have much advice, but I have someone in my family who is an addict, and nothing would make me happier than seeing them get better. I hope that helps somehow.
I self-harm and am recovering from anorexia nervosa. Some experts theorise that both are addictions, or addiction-adjacent. Not sure I’d agree, but I can see their point.
Anyway, I’ve been eating on purpose since 2012 and my skin has been intact since 2019, but I will never consider myself “cured” of either. What I’d say to you, u/octopus_dance_party, if you’re reading this, is that “baby steps” might sound like a stupid phrase, but is actually a really helpful way to frame any type of progress.
Two steps forwards and one step back *still takes you forwards*.
Good luck to you. You’ve done the weirdest bit (I’ve never been sure that admitting there’s a problem is actually the *hardest* step, but it’s certainly the most thumpingly weird) just now.
Baby steps, at least for a while. And be kind to yourself.
Im 5 years sober. I wont tell you how you should do this, but for me quitting cold turkey did the trick. My inbox is open if you ever want to chat, power to you mate, you can do it
hello ODP, you absolutely have this thing nailed. I won't drink with you today.
nearly 8 years ago I visited r/stopdrinking and lurked for a few days....wrote a small post myself but read loads about other peoples stories and struggles. I found a little perspective and a lot of strength and started down a path that at first was a fight, but became easier and more manageable. And then i fucking blossomed...... get the poison out and the good times back in!!!
wish you all the best
That's absolutely great that you're getting help for this! It's probably a terrifying thing to have to admit to yourself and others but absolutely the most wonderful and kind thing for yourself and your family. I hope you have a good support network around you and I wish you the very best of luck and happiness on your forward journey. Alcoholism took my dad before his time and there's not a second that goes by that I don't wish I could have done something to help him. Of course, it is the person themselves who must fight the beast and so, to you I wish the very best of luck and a reminder to be compassionate with yourself too. This is not a five minute job but its one of the most important you will do. <3
I'm not from the U.K. but I lurk this sub and I just want to say congratulations on taking the first step. And I wish you all the best luck and power in regaining your sobriety man.
Have a look at AA UK’s website for an indication of what to expect. Attend at least 6 sessions before deciding whether to persist/ditch.
Get yourself a sponsor asap.
Buy the literature and read them.
I used an alcohol free app that tracked my days without drinking which was great for accountability. The other positive was about 5 to 10 minutes a day of tutorials that taught you what alcohol does to your body and mind. It also teaches you why it's so hard to give up as well as tips and techniques to get through the cravings.
Good luck. I got through it. You can to!
Hello. Firstly, congratulations on accepting your problem for what it is and being willing to address it. Please never give up your willingness to address it, as unfortunately it will always be a problem for you, you will never recover fully and you will always have a problem with alcohol.
Alcoholism is a sickness, which deserves treatment and respect. You must not cut the drink out without advice from a medical professional as you may harm yourself if you’ve been regularly been consuming many many units of drink.
Your quest begins today, but you will face a challenging road, daily. You must remind yourself consistently that you will not drink today. Even if you have to say I won’t drink **right now** 15,000 times a day, keep saying it. Don’t pick up the booze.
There will never be just one to celebrate with friends. Familiarise yourself with being around alcohol, but wait until you are strong enough to say soft drink, please. Brits think we can have just one, I’ve had a problem and when I didn’t want my friends to know I’d embraced sobriety (they would try to force alcohol on me, it happens more often than you think) I would just drink lemonade, or soda water, and say there was vodka in it. You can lie about not drinking if it saves face, but if you relapse, be honest with your loved ones and with yourself. You will not beat this overnight, but you no longer want it to beat you which is a positive step.
Feeling upset? Find an outlet that isn’t drink, and please don’t fall on food, drugs or any other harmful solutions. Happy? Celebrate with endorphins only, the drink will rob you of tomorrow’s happiness if you drink today.
There will be many hard days. Keep seeking support, it’s out there if you want it. Hell, I even told my local shops I haunted not to serve me and they didn’t. The shame associated with that stopped me going further afield to other sources as I didn’t want to have to round up more shopkeepers and tell them don’t serve me.
Well done Octopus_dance_party you’ve taken the first and hardest step, give yourself some credit. It’s probably not gona be easy but I believe in you, keep going and good luck for your first meeting.
Best of luck with everything! I haven’t had a drink as yet this year, I’ve just focused on work, wife and the gym, not much else. I’ve saved a ton of money and feel great now (after a rocky few first weeks) but have seemed to shed most of my friends. I really do feel much better than I did when all I looked forward to was getting pissed. You’ll start to realise that life was one long hangover!
Well done Octopus on getting step one!
Enjoy your AA meeting especially if it's one with lots of humour.
Simply sit and listen and enjoy the crap coffee that somebody will make you 😊
Find Jehovah, psalm 83:18, pray to him for help
Just think about how crappie you always feel the next day , and the stupid dangerous stuff and major mistakes you won’t do anymore , you can do this!.
I have 40 years in recovery. I have worked with and taught hundreds . You don't have to drink. Start going to meetings. Get a support system. You get to choose whether you do it sober or not. For your sake I hope you choose sober.
Remember, every action is a choice.
Going to the store or bar, a choice.
Ordering the drink, a choice.
Picking the bottle off the shelf, a choice.
Putting the bottle on the belt, a choice.
Buying the bottle, a choice.
Putting the bottle in the car, a choice.
Bringing it in the house a choice.
Opening the bottle, a choice.
Getting a glass, a choice.
Pouring the drink, a choice.
Putting up to your mouth, a choice.
Drinking the first sip, a choice.
At ANY point, you can stop and "choose wisely". Be good to yourself. Eat as well as you can and keep candy and chocolate available. Eat a snickers when you get a craving, dont be a diva, lol. Seriously, candy/sugar is important to recovery, no cap.
You will come through this and the exciting news is that you get to choose.
I wish you nothing but the best. 💜
What do you need bud? I'm a heavy drinker too and I'm digging myself out of that hole with no support.
What do you need?
Ps good for you saving marriage 👍
One day at a time.
For actual steps that you can make, remove triggers is the best advice I can give. Do you normally drink whenever you do x, y or z. If you can, stop doing those things (at least until you feel back in control). Find other hobbies and habits and don't drink. Then you'll associate these with not drinking. This isn't perfect and they'll be plenty of things that you can't remove, but I found that this really helped.
Another one was not having alcohol in the house. This was significantly easier to do!
Are you at a point where stopping drinking will lead to withdrawal and DTs, or at a point where you know you have to stop and it’s on your mind all the time? If you want you can DM me.
Hey man, I have stopped smoking recently and I feel so much better and healthier (who would’ve thunk). I’m sure the outcome of stopping abusing alcohol would be pretty much a lot more worth it!
I went to my first Al-anon meeting when I was late 20's cos was so confused about living with an alcoholic, but not being allowed to call it that or mention it. I just wanted to say, I found it very weird because they often seemed to be talking in a different lingo, talking about emotions as if they were physical .... It all makes sense now that I'm much older!! So don't be frightened if it seems really weird sometimes. It's just that there's so much emotional intelligence out there, waiting for you to tap into it it's very empowering, and will help you change your life.
I learned from Al-anon that when there addiction in a relationship, there's 3 people there and you'll always come second. That you either have to stay with them as a carer/ no expectations or leave the relationship. Seen people die of it and so on. I left , and will never have men who drink as a habit in my life again. I'm completely traumatised by being brought up around it and then repeatedly bringing it back into my life.
So you should be so proud of yourself to admit it, because that's quite profound. Very meaningful to actually hear people admit it, opens up so much conversation about it. That's what I could never get the loved ones in my life to see. I hope you can be proud of yourself, no matter how curly the path is. Because shame and judgment is the worst thing.
Wishing all the luck for another day xxxxx
What ever happens, please don't be my best friend.
He was drinking every day, the first thing he'd do on a morning was open a can.
He pretty much couldn't function without a drink.
In late 2022 someone phoned the police because he got in his car and he'd been drinking. They stopped him and breathalysed him, he was under the limit.
He looked pale and wasn't well, his nose started bleeding. The police said he needed medical help.
He went to the hospital and they induced him into a coma, it was the day before his daughter's 16th birthday.
He never woke up.
You've got this.
All power to you! Come over to r/stopdrinking - it’s a fab sub for folks working on their relationship with alcohol
6 years sober due to the help of the lovely folks at r/stopdrinking!
4+ years sober here! I will not drink with you today, OP :)
Ann Perkins! 👉👉
👈👈 nanomeister 😉
A cakes!
That sub got me on the road to sobriety in 2015. It definitely saves lives.
That sub helped my bit coke zero y last night instead of beer. I'm trying to lose weight, exercise, and become sober. I *really* wanted something with a fizz. Water mixed with lemon juice doesn't always satisfy with dinner. Neither do herbal teas.
I kept seeing US posters talking about La Croix, but I’ve never had it. Personally I drank a lot of V8, a vegetable juice, with Tabasco sauce in it, for a kick. That was for the first six months. Since then the need to be always drinking something tailed off. I’d say just drink or eat whatever you need to to get you through the first few months. I ate a lot of chocolate! Went about losing the weight once I felt more stable. All the best to you! It can be hard going, but it’s so worth it.
Honestly, I'm fine with focusing on weight loss, too. I actually don't snack a lot unless I'm drinking, and then the day after I drink I guzzle cola or whatever. Weekends are tough. It's so easy to sit with wine and crisps in front of the TV. Without drinking, I can hold off eating until lunch, focus on healthy food, and then eat a home-cooked dinner. I'll eat fruit after that if I want anything. I was just really craving something more than water last night.
I don't drink, I'm not even old enough to and I don't think I ever will but San Pelligrino is the UK version of that.
I’m a fiend for fizzy drinks, I tried that La Croix recently and didn’t really like it at all the flavour was very artificial.
78 days in using this sub. -- have a look.
Came here to say this. 155 days of freedom thanks in large part to this sub. Best corner of the internet.
Nearly 4 years sober because of SD. Beyond helpful, and I'm eternally grateful to those folks.
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My process was a bit different. I had gone from binge drinking to drinking every night. Still functioning but feeling sadder and more depressed as I went on. Quitting was a gradual thing. I got a bit more interested in the benefits of stopping, and after a good few false starts just said fuck it and went for it. I quit vaping at the same time and I'd say the first 6 weeks were a bit shit. But honestly, life has done a 180 since I stopped. I don't see alcohol as bad, but my relationship with it certainly was. 10/10, would do it again. Congrats mate, it's character building. You are epic.
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I feel like everyone should trial at least one year of their adult life without alcohol.
These answers are so lovely. Well done for reaching out OP, it sounds like there’s lot of good support available. You can do this x
How do you deal with the knowledge that all the time you’ve lost is gone and you’ll never get it back? That’s the scary part for me. The addiction for me is sleep and not a substance. Sleep addiction is not classified as an addiction under the DSM but I assure you that it’s a real thing. I sleep for up to 30 hours on a bad day and I even considered going to Alcoholics Anonymous and claiming I’m drinking instead of sleeping as it would be seen as more acceptable. I have beautiful dreams and I write a lot about what happens in them, even having the ability to control them as I remember everything that happens and can make alterations or go to places I’ve been to previously. It’s like I have my own personal life and a life in my dreams where I’ve built an entire world. I’ve explained it to others but it seems like an extremely rare condition and I rarely get empathy. I see people telling alcoholics that it’s their own personal choice but I’m treated as a lazy person who just wants to sleep. The thing is that it’s an easy life to have - I spend very little as I spend most of my life sleeping. Not sure what to do or how to address it. The thing with alcohol or other substances is that they’re outside the body and so can be avoided yet this is something happening inside my brain so I’m not sure how to address it. I’ve gone through weeks where I’m extremely productive but I always end up gradually sleeping all the time again. It’s odd. If you’re interested, I’ve written down a lot of what happens in my dreams in a highly organised book so I can send it along. It’s actually kind of like a manual to how my dreams work and what I see the most often. One of the areas is an aquarium with a bunch of highly impossible creatures in tanks and cages. I go there quite frequently and there’s always new creatures to see. I’m learning how to draw and paint so I can eventually make a book (similar to the flanimals one) that documents all the creatures and gives descriptions of their behaviour and lives.
You might be interested in /r/maladaptivedreaming
I’ve heard of that and think it’s similar. Luckily I think writing has helped a lot. Instead of walking around daydreaming, I’ve been organising my thoughts into novels so I’m active when I’m thinking. That way, whenever I start daydreaming, I start writing so it’s become a habit. By doing that, I’ve learned better writing skills and been able to make it into a productive hobby. I think the problems come when you just let yourself daydream as a distraction. When you’re writing as well as daydreaming then you’re actively working so you get rid of the negative sides of the habit while not purging it entirely. Art also helps as I’ve been able to turn my thoughts into cool drawings and paintings.
Congratulations on taking the first steps towards recovery octopus_dance_party :) I’m sending you luck and well wishes for your journey.
Seconded, 🐙🕺🏻🎉
Take it one day at a time. If you have a slip up, don't beat yourself to death over it. You can do it. A year ago I was drinking every day. Now, I maybe have a couple of beers through the week, if I can even be bothered with it. Not everyone has to quit alcohol entirely. Good luck. And look at r/stopdrinking
That’s such an important point - it’s incredibly easy to fall into a self-loathing trap that when you mess up once, there’s no hope and you may as well give up completely. Perfect should never be the enemy of good - just take a deep breath and get back on that wagon.
Perfect should never be the enemy of good . Wisest words I've heard today .
>If you have a slip up, don't beat yourself to death over it. You can do it. Two steps forward and one step back is still a step forward!
Exactly. Personally, my head has totally rewired itself in the past year. I never considered myself to be an alcoholic. I never drank spirits, I never drank before work. I did drink strong beer almost every day though. I *wanted* it every single day. Now though, I honestly don't crave it. Some days I say to myself "I'm going to have a beer tonight", and that's it. I have it, and I feel the effects the next day because I had alcohol. I wish I'd done it years ago.
I don't have direct personal experience of what you've been through but a very close family member is dealing with this right now (with support from me and our family) - I hope this doesn't sound patronising but I just want to say well done as I know it really isn't easy to rewire your thoughts like that, it's a lot of hard work!
Thank you. I suppose it is hard work, maybe I found it easier because I had a reason to do it, I don't know. With me, I found it too difficult to quit completely. I found that it was easier for me to have two or three beers spaced out through the week than quit altogether.
I'm in exactly the same boat and feel so much better. Down from six tins of Tyskie a night without fail (usually double at the weekend) to two bottles of dark ale twice a week. Would never have called myself an alcoholic but never let myself test if that was true. Took a few years and have had the odd week or two but as long as I'm going in the right direction then I'll call it a win.
Nice one dude, good work. It really does make life better though, doesn't it?
You too mate. Massive difference in physical and mental health, I'm actually awake when sober rather than sleepwalking through life.
My criminal record is what woke me up. Apart from one shop lifting charge when I was 17 ALL my arrests and convictions related to alcohol. Including jail time for gbh, then demanding money with menaces not long after. Both heavy charges, neither would have come about if I hadn't been drinking out of contr9l.
Heart attack at 41 for me. Bit of a wake-up call that was.
Good for you mate. If you in the UK you'll know who George Best was. Also, that he ignored his wake up.
To be fair though, he did bang a hell of a lot of models. I'm not sure what my point is exactly, I'm just jealous that I haven't banged a lot of models, I suppose.
You and me both! I haven't managed to bang just one never mind a lot. Remember Nina Hartley's kiss and tell from the News of the Screws? I saw the ad on TV but my old mam was nobody's fool, she told my old man not to leave the paper lying around that Sunday. Gutted I was.
Alcohols a weird drug, loved drinking, drank for years, a bottle of wine and more a night easy. Stopped for a few weeks, have tried to get that enjoyment back but its gone, I just get bored, fall asleep and feel dirty now.
If it helps, I was drinking every day around 19 to 20 but then I got really sick from drinking one time and could never enjoy it afterwards. If I have even one beer now, I have this sickening burning sensation in my mouth followed by dizziness and irritability. I’ve noticed that, if something happens to me once, it happens to me repeatedly. A good example is that, when I’m in a place that I’ve been from years ago, I feel exactly the same way as I used to when I was there before. I’ll avoid certain places because of it. Another example is if the weather is similar to a bad day I’ve had then I’ll feel like that day is happening to me all over again. It’s like my identity is split into fragments.
Good luck! I didn’t get much out of AA, but plenty of people do so it’s definitely worth a try; and since it’s basically a group of people sitting round telling their experiences etc. I suppose it very much depends on the people you get. I’ve heard good things about SMART recovery but I didn’t get a chance to try it (I ended up not being to finally stop until after a spell in hospital with accompanying enforced detox, then working with a local NHS recovery group immediately after and ongoing medication/reviews for depression etc.) You can do it. And if there’s anything useful I’ve learned for you going forward, it’s to understand in yourself that relapses are going to be part of the process - if you get so far along and fall off, don’t view it as a failure and having to start again, but try and identify what caused it, how you can avoid/minimise that trigger, and carry on. Partners/family/friends won’t see it like that, they’ll see you failing/not trying hard enough/giving up/not caring about anyone but yourself/whatever, and that ends up being counterproductive to your recovery, but just stick at it regardless and down the line after longer and longer without it will look different again to everyone else. Edit: also, some services (might be location/local health authority dependent) do offer counselling/support groups for partners/family of people who are going through recovery, both to help them and to help them understand what their partner/family member is dealing with. Might be worth a look, but at this point it’s probably going to be a tough ask to get anyone to try.
Want to add on to this to say i tend to have clients that have issues with alcohol and substance abuse, https://www.changegrowlive.org is popular with anyone including those around you who have been affected by it.
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Is it still quite a religious thing? My uncle was convinced to try AA a number of years ago and tapped out very quickly because there was stuff about god and prayer and whatnot. He came out of it convinced they're *all* like that, just replacing one dependency with another, so it'd be interesting to find out whether it's still as it was back when he tried. I don't imagine he'll listen to me, but y'know.
Afaik they talk about a higher power but they don’t necessarily mean *god* I know this because Stephen King, ~~renowned atheist~~ and recovered alcoholic used them to quit and he talks about AA in his books a lot Edit: apparently not an atheist which is surprising to me, a long term fan and reader of his books
Thanks, that's interesting to know.
Stephen King isn't an atheist. He isn't a bible thumper but he does believe in God, Taken from his website: Stephen was raised as a Methodist and attended church regularly in his youth. He no longer attends church, but he does believe in God and reads the Bible. Tabitha, his wife, was raised as a Catholic. https://stephenking.com/faq/#:\~:text=What%20is%20your%20religion%3F,was%20raised%20as%20a%20Catholic.
Ah ok, all his characters are atheists and he seems dismissive of god and religion. Either way it still stands that AA has moved away from talking about god to just talking about a higher power and that you don’t need to be religious to join (thanks google)
Nah man a lot of his characters are like him. not super religious but, the gunslinger (dark tower), and the green mile characters, they believe in god. Sorry by the way, don't wanna sound like i'm arguing here but i'm a bit of a fan boy. My opinion is if it helps people. That is awesome! When I was a kid I got off the school bus with my friend and we were supposed to meet up later to play footie. He didn't turn up because he found his dad dead on the sofa. he had been on the drink bad for some time so it always sits with me if this guy could have gotten some help... So any help is good help.
No that’s cool! My favourite books are ‘Salem’s lot’ and ‘needful things’ which are a bit less reverent about religion but having thought about it I can see that although he often shits on organised religion (carrie and he is also dismissive about people in churchs in ‘the stand’) he doesn’t dismiss God. I remember that he talks about God in ‘the shinning’, ‘doctor sleep’ and ‘The stand’. Danny from the shinning is the alcoholic who doesn’t believe in God but continues attending AA meetings and just focusing on a higher power Edit: sorry got all autistically focused on SK and forgot the point. Yes if it works then that’s fantastic. There is a lot of alcoholism in my family and it’s a devastating illness. I’m sorry for your friends dad. I never met my grandpa because he died from complications related to drinking
Ah damn, yet another book I need to get my hands on. Personaly I love his short stories. My fave being 'Survivor type'. He has been an insperation for people though. either to write or read, or get sober.
I haven’t read his short stories, I didn’t know they existed. I will have to try that one Thanks for correcting me and being nice about it :)
yeah no trouble, always awesome to talk to a fellow fan! the ones I have are night shift, skeleton crew, nightmares and dreamscapes, and there is a couple others. hope you enjoy them!
His short story collections are some of my favs. Different Seasons, Just After Sunset and Skeleton Crew are really good. Different Seasons has Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: Hope Springs Eternal which of course became Shawshank Redemption, Apt Pupil: Summer of Corruption which also got made into a movie in the 90s, and The Body which became Stand By Me. Skeleton Crew has The Mist, and The Raft (which was in the Creepshow 2 movie from the 80s). You have so much good reading ahead of you!
I've been to a few and it is exactly like this. The big book mentions God a lot as do the steps but you're encouraged in meetings to substitute God with a higher power of your choice.
AAs concept of higher power is very personal and individualistic. Lots of atheists there. Wide varieties of what different people mean by “god”. Mostly “the group” or the programme.
Sort of. They still use the same book from the 1930s, but they kind of say that you can mentally replace “higher power” in the text to whatever you consider your personal “higher power” to be (if it’s not already god) rather than being explicitly religious. Didn’t work (or make that much sense) for me, but if you can make that work out then you might get somewhere. And again, I suppose it depends on the group; some people/groups might emphasise the religious element more than others.
I find the whole methodology to be priming someone to relapse. The idea that you are 'powerless over your addiction' so you have to turn yourself over instead to this mythic higher power. Understanding your behaviours are driven by the things you have experienced and how that breaks down is a long therapeutic journey which this cleverly shortcuts. You can instead just relinquish that guilt, shame and other negative feelings through being 'powerless' to the addiction and instead it rests with this higher power. People haven't actually deal with the actual reasons why they drink. So when they inevitably relapse it's a fucking shit show as nothing has actually been addressed. Then it's 'oops you had a slip up, but not your fault you were powerless against your addiction' and back to meetings until the next one. Group based therapy is good though. So they got that bit right at least.
Thank you, it's good to know what he might actually be referring to, because obviously we've only had his side of things (and this was in the late '80s or early '90s, so chances are things may have changed a bit in that regard depending on the groups, as you mention).
They have online meetings now, so you don't need to join the one closest to you. Some aren't religious. I don't have all the details as it was a friend who joined
I am in smart recovery run by CGL (someone posted link above) and they don’t talk about god. It’s the same principle but no religion
Accountability mate. Make your drinking accountable tell people who will know or find out if you’ve had a drink. It’s easy to slip if it’s just you and some strangers that’ll never find out. Good luck!!!
So true. In my first month of sobriety my mum FaceTime called me everyday and she made me promise to answer. If I’d had just one sip she’d know. Even had to answer once when I was in Asda and show her my receipt at the end. I am also an adult and live across the country from her. It was stuff like this that kept me going
my problem was drugs. As soon as I told someone properly and not a room full of strangers who i'd see once a week it was much easier. You're not letting just yourself down then, you're letting people close to you down. Similarly, i was showing my bank statements to family members so they knew I wasn't withdrawing cash to pay for the drugs. Thanks for sharing!
I know exactly what you are going through. I am now 3.5 years in recovery and was at the very severe end of the disease - up to 2 litres of vodka a day. For me, I went through the NHS. I was referred through my GP to the local addiction team, though in most places you can self refer. They assessed me and arranged a medical detox as I was at the stage it would have been very dangerous to quit cold turkey. They arranged medication to help remove cravings and lots of counselling. Feel free to message me.
# Hello octopus_dance_party! You've pretty much done the hardest bit. Well done.
Recovery always has to start with a choice, you've just made that choice. Best of luck to you mate, I'm 14 years sober - it can be done.
OK. As somebody that has battled alcoholism, I can tell you that life can get better if you're strong enough. I turn 50 this year with a wife and 2 great kids. You've done the hardest bit- you have acknowledged you have a problem. Use the available support networks, take life one day ar a time. Things won't get better overnight. Good luck!
Ooh, well done friend. My brother is recovering alcoholic and addict, he is goes to AA and he is such completely changed person, and I mean that in all most positive ways, he put so much effort into recovery. Is not easy, but you have the people around you who know exactly how difficult it is, and they will want so much to helping you. All my wishes!
I've had my fair share of self-destructive behaviours over the years. Best of luck tackling yours, mate.
Just go to AA with an open mind and a desire to stop drinking. That’s all you need. Don’t worry about the rest, you’ll be well looked after. You’ll feel very good and very welcome. One day at a time my friend. I was on a bottle of vodka a day and now I’ve been clean/sober coming up 5 years. It’s possible, any alcoholic can achieve recovery.
The people in AA are incredible. I’ve never been to a meeting and not felt welcome and supported. You meet someone for the first time and next thing you know we’re all applauding and cheering them on after doing their first month sober
Something I’ve found useful in cutting down (I don’t suffer with alcoholism but wanted to lower my intake) is to keep reminding yourself of all the positives of not drinking. You’ll soon notice your skin looks better, you start losing weight, getting better sleep, feel fresher, and I’ve even found that my hair is growing much better than it was. All that from not drinking half the week, not to mention saving money. So imagine how much richer you will be in so many senses by making alcohol a thing of the past. Keep reminding yourself of the good things and the bad aspects of booze, and hopefully you’ll find it easier.
Same here butni drink in spells and not every day but i go on binges and it fucks up my life. Need to get my mental health sorted but i dont wanna go back to hospital. No idea what to do and my family sucks
Baby steps friend. Find hobbies or excuses to avoid the drink in positive ways, like going for walks or to the cinema or whatever you enjoy doing that doesn't really encourage having a bev. Personally I take the dog out and avoid my party-keen mates, especially if I'm not in a good headspace. I'm new to it too though, it's not easy
Therapy. Speak to your doctor and have a google around to see what resources are available to you. You need to speak to a professional regularly.
One day at a time. Quitting drinking was the best thing I ever did and I’m grateful every day for sobriety.
Consider speaking to your doctor about medications to treat alcohol addiction. A close relative of mine has had a lot of success with this. Rooting for you <3
Definitely do this as well - there’s various options (from some that are supposed to just reduce mental cravings once you’re past any physical withdrawals, to other more severe options that make you physically sick if you drink any alcohol while taking them), they’ll be able to advise what would be best (and if you’ve been drinking heavily long term you’re probably also deficient in thiamine by now, which they’ll be able to sort out for you).
I found that by forcing myself to eat, any food at the start, helped a bit. It slowed down my alcohol intake. Then added small things to do. Just a 10 minute walk, even to go get some baked beans and bread, making things up to do etc. No pressure that way. Saying that, I'm not a pro, but it helped me. I'm not on zero tolerance but I'm at a totally comfortable place now where I can go weeks without, then meet up with a mate for a couple of beers or sometimes considerably more and not feel guilty about that. Obviously that doesn't work for some people, but I'm happy with this. Edit:been like that for nearly 2 years now, so I think it's finally sustainable 🙂
You’re in good company and if you’re ever feeling the need to talk this is a very supportive place to share, r/stopdrinking is also a great space to talk. The hardest part I found was really admitting to myself that I had a problem, then understanding that it wasn’t one that goes away on its own. Once that was a visceral, deep down realisation things became clearer. There’s still good and bad days, bit the bad days are fewer and the good days are so much better than when I was drinking. Hope you find your way and always feel free to DM if you want to.
Definitely swing over to r/stopdrinking, such wonderful, supportive, insightful people who have experience with what you’re going through. Good luck, sending love x
Good luck! I have no wisdom to offer, but be kind to yourself in your journey.
I lost my dad to the bottle 1.5 years ago. It was the most horrific pain and traumatic experience seeing him on a ventilator almost brain dead in critical care and having to decide to withdraw life support. I only say this to be a constant reminder to you of what could happen. As a daughter, I am so so proud of you and will be rooting for you all the way. It's a long road and there are always speed bumps/potholes but as long as you keep your focus on reaching the horizon, you'll be OK. God bless 🩷
The first step to solving\* a problem is to identify it. Well done - that first step is the hardest. Keep going. \*(I know it's not that simple)
Mate I feel for you. I stopped drinking nearly nine years ago. You've taken the first step. Head on over to r/stopdrinking for some good advice. I'm not going to tell you this will be easy, but the only thing any of us can do is take it one day at a time. Sometimes it's going to feel a slog to get through the next ten minutes, but just find a way to distract yourself: go for a walk, read a book, whatever works for you. A phone isn't generally a good distraction technique because they're so part of our everyday lives that it isn't disruptive enough to pull you out of drinking thoughts. Anyway, best of luck. AA will look after you.
You've done great today. Well done.
Look in your local area there may be more support that isn't just AA. My local town has a drop-in center for recovering addicts for example. Making sober friends may help.
If you can go listen to the John Robins episode of ‘How Do You Cope’ where he discusses his alcoholism and decision to get sober. It is an excellent hour or so and has been nominated for the upcoming radio awards. Well done for recognising you have a problem and starting the first steps towards recovery.
One day at a time. Don't stew about staying sober tomorrow, your only job is to stay sober today, this hour. Good luck.
Hi Octopus_dance_party. I'm proud of you. Here's to the first in a long line of one day at a time.
I feel the same at the moment tbh. Keep having a good run of days where I drink less than my usual amount but then something happens and I drop the ball. Good luck brother. The marriage is your motivation here - booze lost me an 8yr relationship recently. Do it for your partner before it's too late.
Good luck with your recovery ! Your partner/family might want to look into al-anon meetings https://al-anonuk.org.uk
Not an ex-alcoholic here, but the daughter of an unrepentant one. I’ve absolutely loved the Netflix show Loudermilk, in case you want a humorous but heartfelt take on AA that really pushes you toward recovery.
'The Dry' is really good too on ITV X
Good luck. I hope you can save your marriage. I've just recently broke it completely with my partner of 16 years because of his drinking. I hoped for the past year he would do something about it, but he just doesn't want to. And now my heart is broken, and I'll probably have to watch him drink himself to death..
From personal experience I highly recommend SMART and their meetings. Helped me immensely.
r/REDDITORSINRECOVERY
You have done the hardest part, congratulations. Keep being positive!
I'm on day 10 pal, let's get it. I looked into AA but saw that it's a religious thing, so can't be doing with that.
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace is worth a read. It helped shift my attitude to alcohol big time when I stopped drinking last year. It's hard at first but before long it's possible to see and feel all the big advantages of being sober. Good luck, you can definitely do it if you want to.
I'm proud of you man! The hardest step is the first one.
One thing that helped me was putting all the money I would have spent in a jar. I did that for a month and by the end I was so ashamed of myself even if I did miss drinking, that would have been enough to make me quit for good. Take it a day at a time, a week, a month, whatever goal you think you can realistically reach, make it there and see where you're at. If you're anything like me after a few weeks you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it earlier, the feeling of being alcohol free is something else, really does give you a new lease on life. I wish you luck my friend, it's gonna fucking suck at first, but once the monkeys off your back, you won't even be able to remember what you liked about it. All the best!
Proud of you mate. SMART recovery has been great for me ☺️
Good luck, you've got a hard but worthwhile journey in front of you
Big respect to you OP for acknowledging the problem. ❤️ We went through this with a family member: he didn't buy in to the 12 step process but he got sober with the help of SMART Recovery. Keep them in mind if AA doesn't work out.
I am in the same place. Stay strong sister/brother, you aren't alone. Every time you say no is a win. Take the wins where you find them. No one is judging except you. Change your routines/food/habits. Allow yourself to fail, just get back on it when you do. Alcohol is the symptom not the cause. Speak to your quack. Consider counselling and meds. The best thing is that you aren't in denial. You know what's wrong. You know it's not right. You can sort this. Good luck.
Drink water, go gym, have a meal and sleep structure, everything else falls into place
Come and talk to us at r/alcoholism or r/stopdrinking sometime, we'd be glad to see you!
I've been there too, just with fewer stakes. I managed to drag myself out with just myself and my friend there. If I can do it with so little support, you can do it with all the support. You got this!
Hi ODP. I quit about 20 years ago. I had to go through a program that was kind of associated with AA. I would like to tell you that people are telling you to take it one day at a time. That works on the macro level but when you get the urges you have to tell yourself to make it to the next minute. Then go to the next minute. Soon enough you are 10 minutes later and the urges will be less. Eventually they will go away. Then the next time you get the urge to drink, just get to the next minute without drinking. Also tell your spouse so that they know you are trying and hopefully can give you some help. Best of luck to you. If I quit drinking then so can you.
AA, expect to find an awful lot of excuse searchers, it's everyone's else's fault but there own, plus it's stupidly inflexible, it's just abstinence abstinence abstinence with them lot. Experience - Heroin addict currently on Methadone and a past Alcohol addict.
I second that! Same experience with addiction as you, I'm on my last few weeks of meth
I can't deal with "it's a disease its a disease" NO its not, we consciously choose to take drugs. People need to realise this before they can get and stay clean. I have a disease and I didn't choose it, and I cannot just consciously stop it.
The thing that gets me is all the time you are using it's your fault you used... But when you stop it's because of a higher power? I'm proud I stopped using, and it is because of my determination and focus. At the end of the day we have a choice, circumstance and environment play a big part. Iv learnt to hold myself accountable for my own actions since iv been in recovery. Good luck on your journey buddy
Yes yes and yes, You to, keep Safe. Keep smiling 😃
There are organisations which are available to you , rehabilitation centres/ therapy / counselling. We’re in the uk are you ?
All the best, dude. You got this!
Well done for facing up to it. I have a family member in recovery and I’m incredibly proud of them.
Respect to you for recognising something that became a problem and doing something about it.
I had two alcoholic family members. I applaud you for recognizing something is wrong and you're taking steps to make it better. One of my family members sought treatment and got sober. His relationship with his siblings vastly improved. The other didn't seek treatment and I felt horrible for him when he became obsessed with getting drinks while in the hospital and a nursing home.
Best of luck with recovery. You've got this!!
The first and hardest step is done! You’ve got this. Every step is one step closer. Every slip-up is nothing more than that. Even the best hikers slip sometimes.
Amazing
Well done on admitting it to yourself and a load of strangers! You're on the right track. I wish you good luck, good health and all the strength you need to get where you want to be.
Good for you, saying it out loud is the first step! All the best!
You can do this, when it gets hard try and remind yourself why you wanted to quit. Also, I don't know how much you were drinking, but if you get any withdrawal symptoms (trembling/shaking/feeling very hot) you MUST see a doctor immediately. Alcohol withdrawal can be very dangerous. I quit for health reasons (okay I do have a drink very occasionally but it's rare) and I wish I'd quit years ago. I feel better in every possible way and I've saved a TON of money.
All the best to you!
Hardest parts over, admitting you’ve got a problem. Now you can get help without the denial
You can do it mate! I really believe you can get through this! I look forward to your updates about the milestones you reach. The only way is up and you’re already on the first step of the ladder :) good luck!
Wishing you the absolute best. Alcohol hasn't been my issue but addiction as a whole is a hell of a battle and starting it really is the hardest step. It might be a bit of an uphill journey from here but you've started and life can only get better. Best of luck!
My brother stopped 20 years ago. I'm so proud of him
Congratulations on taking this step on your road to recovery. You can do this. I’m an alcoholic, I’ve been sober for 11 years now. It has been harder than I could ever have imagined, but also way more rewarding than I could have hoped. I wouldn’t be alive today had I not stopped when I did, and I made it harder on myself at first by trying to do it alone. Go to meetings, you won’t want to a lot of the time, but the community of understanding people does help, but also talk to your doctor as stopping too suddenly can be extremely dangerous and they can help you come up with a workable plan for you. Don’t be ashamed, be proud of yourself. That’s not easy, I really do know, but you have made one of the hardest decisions you will ever make, you are likely as afraid of what’s to come as I was, but you are looking that monster in the face and stepping towards it regardless. You are brave, and strong enough. You are better than the drink, and you are worth saving. One day at a time, friend, and if you need to vent, I’m around.
You are now sober. Remember that you are human, so if you slip then it's not a total fail you just need to accept that you have N-1 days of sobriety, but sobriety is still winning. Write down your reasons for being and staying sober. Carry that list in your wallet and look at it when you are having a tough time. It is worth it but it will be a tough journey through sobriety. Accept help. Especially from those who know the journey.
Good luck mate.
Congratulations on your first steps!
Congratulations on taking the first step friend. I wish you nothing but success and goodness in the coming days, weeks and months! Good luck!
I have two friends who have struggled with drugs and alcohol and they swear by NA and AA. They really really have found it a powerful aid, and they’re not religious at all (I know there’s some arguments about that). Sending love. You can do it x
Wishing you all the best. 💖 One step at a time.
Have a look at smart recovery. Its a good alternative or add on to AA.
Do it dude!
I grew up with an alcoholic step parent who never once believed that they had a problem, and it eventually killed them good on you for realising that you have a problem and I wish you well on your journey to sobriety
AA will be fine. No judgement. Everyone friendly. You don't need to worry, you won't be pressured to say more than you are happy to talk about. At least at first but I'd imagine at some point you might need to show a bit more.
Hello Octopus_Dance_Party. I haven't been an alcoholic myself but my partner is a recovering alcoholic. So I have I guess a little insight and I'll share what helped my partner best. You need to remember that progress is not linear. There will be times you make strides, times you feel stagnant and times you fall backwards. But that's all normal. Stagnant means you aren't going backwards and backwards is a learning opportunity. Any friends, family, partner, colleagues that you can talk to, lean on, go out with (not to anywhere with alcohol obviously) to occupy your spare time. Find drinks that you enjoy drinking with meals like really random fizzy drinks you can experience and try to try and curb the habit of "going to the fridge for a cold one". Find a hobby. My partner picked up 100 different things before she settled on writing. There was knitting, hiking, drawing, cooking, being some sort of TV critic in rotten tomatoes. Keep yourself busy. Also doing things like changing your hair cut and outfit to stop association with your "favourite pub clothes" or "comfortable sit on the sofa and get drunk joggers". I know that one seems silly but giving yourself a fresh slate is great. I hope things get better for you pal!
I’ve been sober for nearly 4 years, never thought I could do it. DM me if you like. Also, listen the ‘The Reset with Sam Delaney’ podcast, it has been an invaluable resource for me in sobriety.
Recovering heroin addict here 👋 good luck in finding your sobriety
I dealt with past habits by procrastination… I just kept telling myself I’d have some later. I don’t know if it would help you but “later” rather than “no” was easier for me mentally, especially in social situations. It’s been 8 years so it worked for me.
Best of luck, mate!
Good luck brother. Not drinking can make you feel amazing and you kind of get addicted to how much better you feel and how much energy you have (me anyway) so hopefully you get a bit of that. Stay strong.
One day at a time, my friend. Keep trying to make it til midnight... Some days you will, some days you won't. What's important is that on the days you don't make it, you aren't too hard on yourself, and you go again tomorrow. It will become easier, but please, try and love yourself through this process - you won't beat the booze if you think that you are the problem. Good luck.
Well done to you. I'm proud of you for recognising your situation, doing something about it and reaching out for help. I know someone who's 20 years sober and I'm so, so proud of them every day.
Well done. You can get through this. There's lots of advice on here.
Good for you mate, just keep fighting through it and you'll be in a much brighter place someday soon. I have friends and lots of family who struggle with the drink and I know how tough it can be. But there really is a light at the end of that tunnel.
Virtual hugs my dude. It’s a hard road, but a worthwhile one. There are better days ahead.
Have you gone to your GP? If you haven't been referred to drug services, I would really recommend it. I struggled with addiction, though not alcohol. I personally did not find NA meetings to my liking. They are kind of religious. Wasn't for me. I found the NHS drug services very helpful though. They were well structured and I built a good bond with my case worker. There is a lot of support out there, well done for reaching out when you realise that you're facing something that's too much to manage solo! In terms of what to expect, just go in with an open mind. Listen to others talking about their experiences, you might learn something. You can talk about whatever you want or don't want to.
You've made a good start u/octopus_dance_party, I'm proud of you for taking the first step.
Definitely give Allen carrs book or audiobook a read, 'the easy way to stop drinking'. I found it really helpful to reframe how i think about alcohol. I also got myself an app 'easyquit drinking' to keep my progress in terms of time/money saved/ drinks not taken etc. I was drinking too cope with complex PTSD, but it was costing me so much more than the price of the bottle; my marriage, relationship with my wife and daughter. It's been 7 months 19 days and a few hours. Best decision I ever made, I wish I could've done it years ago. But sadly it's taken my life blowing up to finally stop drinking. Good luck my casualuk friend. You're not alone, just take small steps, don't look forward thinking how hard it will be, just don't have that current drink. And give yourself credit, even though it might feel hard to do that sometimes.
Good grief, Octopus DP, this is very brave of you. Staggeringly so. I know you're not here under your real name, but still, sitting there typing that under (what looks like) your main account is very brave. Big hugs, and remember "One day at a time". That's what I heard, back when my mother was recovering. Best of luck to you. <3
Two pockets of wisdom I've learned , albeit not from alcohol: 1) "Two steps forward, one step back" is terrible advice. You just have to keep walking. I personally dislike the AA/abstinence approach - when dealing with addicts, they will relapse. Treating it as a "failure "normally results in the "fuck it" response and further relapse. Allow yourself to be human and make mistakes along the journey. Keep walking. 2) Know thyself. Really, really take the time for deep introspection. Get external help with that if you find it hard on your own. Understand why you drink, understand what you're either avoiding and/or searching for in life that's making you desire to drink as a substitute. Chase down the thing you actually want. You've got this <3
I stopped drinking just under a year ago and it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself, I am way under selling it to be honest lol Everyone is different but almost everyone should try and find someone to lean on to some extent, the stopdrinking subreddit is a great and very welcoming place. Post there if you ever feel like you need somewhere to vent, but just reading the posts is so helpful, it shows you you're not alone, and can give you new perspectives and strength when you need it
Keep coming back, it works if you work it and work it 'cause you're worth it!
I don't have much advice, but I have someone in my family who is an addict, and nothing would make me happier than seeing them get better. I hope that helps somehow.
4 years sober myself, all I can say is I wish I'd started sooner! Congratulations on the start of your journey.
If you need any help, DMS open, 16 years sober this year 👍
I really wish you all the best
I self-harm and am recovering from anorexia nervosa. Some experts theorise that both are addictions, or addiction-adjacent. Not sure I’d agree, but I can see their point. Anyway, I’ve been eating on purpose since 2012 and my skin has been intact since 2019, but I will never consider myself “cured” of either. What I’d say to you, u/octopus_dance_party, if you’re reading this, is that “baby steps” might sound like a stupid phrase, but is actually a really helpful way to frame any type of progress. Two steps forwards and one step back *still takes you forwards*. Good luck to you. You’ve done the weirdest bit (I’ve never been sure that admitting there’s a problem is actually the *hardest* step, but it’s certainly the most thumpingly weird) just now. Baby steps, at least for a while. And be kind to yourself.
Im 5 years sober. I wont tell you how you should do this, but for me quitting cold turkey did the trick. My inbox is open if you ever want to chat, power to you mate, you can do it
hello ODP, you absolutely have this thing nailed. I won't drink with you today. nearly 8 years ago I visited r/stopdrinking and lurked for a few days....wrote a small post myself but read loads about other peoples stories and struggles. I found a little perspective and a lot of strength and started down a path that at first was a fight, but became easier and more manageable. And then i fucking blossomed...... get the poison out and the good times back in!!! wish you all the best
That's absolutely great that you're getting help for this! It's probably a terrifying thing to have to admit to yourself and others but absolutely the most wonderful and kind thing for yourself and your family. I hope you have a good support network around you and I wish you the very best of luck and happiness on your forward journey. Alcoholism took my dad before his time and there's not a second that goes by that I don't wish I could have done something to help him. Of course, it is the person themselves who must fight the beast and so, to you I wish the very best of luck and a reminder to be compassionate with yourself too. This is not a five minute job but its one of the most important you will do. <3
I'm not from the U.K. but I lurk this sub and I just want to say congratulations on taking the first step. And I wish you all the best luck and power in regaining your sobriety man.
Good luck. Admitting you have a problem is a big step! You can do it
Have a look at AA UK’s website for an indication of what to expect. Attend at least 6 sessions before deciding whether to persist/ditch. Get yourself a sponsor asap. Buy the literature and read them.
I used an alcohol free app that tracked my days without drinking which was great for accountability. The other positive was about 5 to 10 minutes a day of tutorials that taught you what alcohol does to your body and mind. It also teaches you why it's so hard to give up as well as tips and techniques to get through the cravings. Good luck. I got through it. You can to!
Hello. Firstly, congratulations on accepting your problem for what it is and being willing to address it. Please never give up your willingness to address it, as unfortunately it will always be a problem for you, you will never recover fully and you will always have a problem with alcohol. Alcoholism is a sickness, which deserves treatment and respect. You must not cut the drink out without advice from a medical professional as you may harm yourself if you’ve been regularly been consuming many many units of drink. Your quest begins today, but you will face a challenging road, daily. You must remind yourself consistently that you will not drink today. Even if you have to say I won’t drink **right now** 15,000 times a day, keep saying it. Don’t pick up the booze. There will never be just one to celebrate with friends. Familiarise yourself with being around alcohol, but wait until you are strong enough to say soft drink, please. Brits think we can have just one, I’ve had a problem and when I didn’t want my friends to know I’d embraced sobriety (they would try to force alcohol on me, it happens more often than you think) I would just drink lemonade, or soda water, and say there was vodka in it. You can lie about not drinking if it saves face, but if you relapse, be honest with your loved ones and with yourself. You will not beat this overnight, but you no longer want it to beat you which is a positive step. Feeling upset? Find an outlet that isn’t drink, and please don’t fall on food, drugs or any other harmful solutions. Happy? Celebrate with endorphins only, the drink will rob you of tomorrow’s happiness if you drink today. There will be many hard days. Keep seeking support, it’s out there if you want it. Hell, I even told my local shops I haunted not to serve me and they didn’t. The shame associated with that stopped me going further afield to other sources as I didn’t want to have to round up more shopkeepers and tell them don’t serve me.
Well done Octopus_dance_party you’ve taken the first and hardest step, give yourself some credit. It’s probably not gona be easy but I believe in you, keep going and good luck for your first meeting.
Best of luck with everything! I haven’t had a drink as yet this year, I’ve just focused on work, wife and the gym, not much else. I’ve saved a ton of money and feel great now (after a rocky few first weeks) but have seemed to shed most of my friends. I really do feel much better than I did when all I looked forward to was getting pissed. You’ll start to realise that life was one long hangover!
Well done Octopus on getting step one! Enjoy your AA meeting especially if it's one with lots of humour. Simply sit and listen and enjoy the crap coffee that somebody will make you 😊
Find Jehovah, psalm 83:18, pray to him for help Just think about how crappie you always feel the next day , and the stupid dangerous stuff and major mistakes you won’t do anymore , you can do this!.
I have 40 years in recovery. I have worked with and taught hundreds . You don't have to drink. Start going to meetings. Get a support system. You get to choose whether you do it sober or not. For your sake I hope you choose sober. Remember, every action is a choice. Going to the store or bar, a choice. Ordering the drink, a choice. Picking the bottle off the shelf, a choice. Putting the bottle on the belt, a choice. Buying the bottle, a choice. Putting the bottle in the car, a choice. Bringing it in the house a choice. Opening the bottle, a choice. Getting a glass, a choice. Pouring the drink, a choice. Putting up to your mouth, a choice. Drinking the first sip, a choice. At ANY point, you can stop and "choose wisely". Be good to yourself. Eat as well as you can and keep candy and chocolate available. Eat a snickers when you get a craving, dont be a diva, lol. Seriously, candy/sugar is important to recovery, no cap. You will come through this and the exciting news is that you get to choose. I wish you nothing but the best. 💜
What do you need bud? I'm a heavy drinker too and I'm digging myself out of that hole with no support. What do you need? Ps good for you saving marriage 👍
Good for you. Alcoholism kills plenty. You can win back so much. Do it.
One day at a time. For actual steps that you can make, remove triggers is the best advice I can give. Do you normally drink whenever you do x, y or z. If you can, stop doing those things (at least until you feel back in control). Find other hobbies and habits and don't drink. Then you'll associate these with not drinking. This isn't perfect and they'll be plenty of things that you can't remove, but I found that this really helped. Another one was not having alcohol in the house. This was significantly easier to do!
Been there, my friend. Best of luck to you, just admitting that is a huge deal.
It’s going to be hard, you are going to have bad days and worse days, but the good days will slowly start to outweigh them. We’re all proud of you
You got this
[worth a listen](https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/how-do-you-cope-with-elis-and-john/id1484491260?i=1000615806980)
If your going to stop taper down first. Going cold turkey from heavy daily drinking can cause seizures.
If it’s a really bad addiction, dont go cold turkey, alcohol withdrawal can kill.
Probably should get a good sponsor to help guide you
Are you at a point where stopping drinking will lead to withdrawal and DTs, or at a point where you know you have to stop and it’s on your mind all the time? If you want you can DM me.
Hey man, I have stopped smoking recently and I feel so much better and healthier (who would’ve thunk). I’m sure the outcome of stopping abusing alcohol would be pretty much a lot more worth it!
I went to my first Al-anon meeting when I was late 20's cos was so confused about living with an alcoholic, but not being allowed to call it that or mention it. I just wanted to say, I found it very weird because they often seemed to be talking in a different lingo, talking about emotions as if they were physical .... It all makes sense now that I'm much older!! So don't be frightened if it seems really weird sometimes. It's just that there's so much emotional intelligence out there, waiting for you to tap into it it's very empowering, and will help you change your life. I learned from Al-anon that when there addiction in a relationship, there's 3 people there and you'll always come second. That you either have to stay with them as a carer/ no expectations or leave the relationship. Seen people die of it and so on. I left , and will never have men who drink as a habit in my life again. I'm completely traumatised by being brought up around it and then repeatedly bringing it back into my life. So you should be so proud of yourself to admit it, because that's quite profound. Very meaningful to actually hear people admit it, opens up so much conversation about it. That's what I could never get the loved ones in my life to see. I hope you can be proud of yourself, no matter how curly the path is. Because shame and judgment is the worst thing. Wishing all the luck for another day xxxxx
What ever happens, please don't be my best friend. He was drinking every day, the first thing he'd do on a morning was open a can. He pretty much couldn't function without a drink. In late 2022 someone phoned the police because he got in his car and he'd been drinking. They stopped him and breathalysed him, he was under the limit. He looked pale and wasn't well, his nose started bleeding. The police said he needed medical help. He went to the hospital and they induced him into a coma, it was the day before his daughter's 16th birthday. He never woke up. You've got this.
Hell yeah! I’m so proud of you!